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pinazee · 21 hours

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If you’re so smart, then why are you dead?

To start, heres a list of scientists that some characters were named after:

Lisa Meitner (physicist, bad bitch)

Otto Hahn (physicist)

Kurt Gödel (mathematician) (shawn was sort of correct with the pronunciation)

Robert Goddard (physicist)

William Shockley (racist)

I thought this was an accident because James seems to snicker after but apparently it was planned by Dulé’s stand in Gyle (Gile?)

Gus really should have known this was Avogadros number if he took any kind of chemistry.

Were they originally going to have Shawns mom a cop too and thats why he said he was born with “an extra normal amount [of paranormalevolance]. Two cops to be exact.” I have a vague memory of someone mentioning it on a commentary.

I wish they had let Juliet have a little more participation in the solve and therefore the victory. Or better yet, gave her a separate case to solve on her own so we saw her really get a win under her belt. She could still ask Shawn for advice, or maybe while he’s doing his whole psychic episode bit to give her a clue she solves it without him, and Shawns left standing impressed. But also, you’re telling me that she wasn’t the primary when she went undercover at the sorority??

The way Dulé says “i never got carsick a day in my life!” ABSOLUTELY SENDS ME

But what really made the Gusters keep him from going? Was it just their overprotectiveness? Was shawn really his only friend? Are they still trying to protect him from the truth?

Somehow i got it in my brain that Shawn was responsible for Gus not getting in. I think i headcanoned that so hard i made it feel true lol i thought Shawn knew the whole time (i mean he must have seen Gus practicing and being extra anxious about something) and he somehow convinced his parents that Gus wouldn’t have been happy there. maybe part of that was true, but little Shawn just didn’t want him to go.

Either way, if the Gusters were actually concerned about quality of life, then they chose Gus’s happiness over his success which is such a juxtaposition to Shawn and his dad.

Or maybe they visited the school and saw a kid getting shocked and said fuck that.

Here’s another instance of Gus looking for where he went wrong in life. If only he’d spelt aggiornamento correctly, if only he’d gone to Meitner. Gus seems so unhappy with himself, and theres this underlying narrative happening that Gus might actually be depressed. Like in 9 lives when he’s convincing himself he’s happy, or in down the stretch when Shawn says Gus needed a victory more than him at the moment. This poor guy spent so much of his life being told he would go far, that he could do anything, so when he didn’t, he felt like a failure. And I don’t think that was his parents fault necessarily, i think he put that pressure on himself, simply because it was expected. He was the gifted kid who burned out, and now he’s settled into something safe, reliable, and unfulfilling.

Then you have this chess match with Shawn and Henry and we see Shawn demonstrate his own genius. But the juxtaposition here is that shawns pressure was external. Shawn also had the potential to go far but that ultimately isn’t what he strives for. Shawn just wants to have a good, fun life. Probably because his dad sucked the fun out of everything (let the kid call the knight Dwight, jesus henry).

Sidenote: I’m obsessed with finding this blonde guy in the background now haha

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zer0s-g0re-f1lled-gr4ve · 4 months

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#OH MY FUCKING GOD #TW ED??#I HAVENT FUCKING TRACKED CALORIES OR MY WEIGHT FOR ALMOST A YEAR NOW?#JUST GOT WEIGHED AT TGE DOCTORS OFFICE AND NOW IM LABELED AS OVERWEIGHT ACCORDING TO BMI #FIRST FUCKING TIME IN MY LIFE IM SICK TO MY STOMACH #I THOUGHT I WAS A FUCKING PIECE OF SHUT LARD BEFORE #ohh my fucking god im gna puke im so nauseous #i hate fucking being weighed at appointments but its the only time ill allow myself to since im trying not worry #AND YET IM STILL INCREDIBLY CURIOS #BECAUSE I WANT TO KNOW IF IVE LOST #BUT THATS NOT BEEN THE CASE FOR A WHILE NOW #ohh my god #ohh my godddd #how do i get motivation to lose weight in a healthy way with all these health problems????#THATS WHY I FUCKING STARVED IN THE FIRST PLACE #AND NOW I WEIGH MORE THAN I EVER HAVE IN MY ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE #why am i supposed to do????#WHY do i have to look the way i do???#half my fucking clothes dont fit me anymore. i know this already #everything hurts #why cant i just be normal? healthy? please #please #god what is wrong with me

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doodleodds · 1 year

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Happy Valentines, Akira. Happy Valentines, Asshole.

If you can’t read what Akechi’s secondary inner-dialogue says cause I obscured it too much behind his regular dialogue, here’s a transcription in panel order: Hello, you fucking- Ah- Hello, Akira! Fuck off, why should I tell you- Just a soda- there’s a new flavor.

I don’t want your shitty gift. Oh- haha! You’re so sweet.

I hope I choke. They’re lovely, thank you.

Like hell. Likewise. There’s no way it’s just a coincidence. Still though, it’s a funny coincidence.

#p5 #akeshu #akechi goro #kurusu akira #wow- me?? posting a valentines comic... actually on?? valentines????? wack. absolutely wack #it's a short one! I purposefully tried to keep it short. it was a challenge and it still ended up being 3 pages. but i blame my canvas size #also in case u can't see what akira is holding out to akechi: theyre chocolate covered strawberries on sticks!#i saw them irl and was like oh god i want those. i am going to project that feeling on my favorite characters so help me god #and now! here we are! but my shitty-ass coloring & line quality make it hard to discern them so. sorry about that lmaooooo #ANYWAY i don't do enough post-maruki stuff so. i made this one a little bittersweet. :)#why did i put akechi's scarf in a bow? honestly i dont know! i think i saw some art a while ago that did that too and i thought it was cute #well. plus i guess there's the symbolism of 'akechi being alive and reciprocating your feelings (however involuntarily) IS a gift' part #hence that hes wrapped up in a bow. like a present. :)#also god. the first panel is supposed to be akechi's reflection in a vending machine window. I could NOT get it to look right #so for reference!!! just so you guys understand!!!!!! thats what that panel is supposed to be!!! he is NOT in fact a ghost. (sigh)#hope you enjoyed and had a lovely valentines!! for my part i have eaten nothing but sweets today and hoo boy will that have been a mistake #ALSO in terms of the audience-participation comic...hopefully coming soon. if i can ever gain the will to draw it.#but at least tumblr has polls now so i can do the audience-choose-y bit without needing to use a separate website! so thats good i guess #anyway anyway anway thanks for listening to me ramble if you made it this far! have a lovely rest of your day and hopefully see u again soon

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firefly464 · 6 months

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Two souls. Both given a second chance. Both waiting for a third.

Some bonus versions under the cut :D

also shoutout to @fishcop for listening to me ramble about this idea and then showing up with a beautiful drawing like. an hour later :D

#HIIIIIIIIIIII SO GUESS WHOS BEEN INSANE ABOUT PD EVER SINCE THE S2 FINALE CAME OUT #THATS RIGHT #ITS MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE #anyways this was something i thought up while listening to the finale and now here we are a month later #I've been challenging myself to make sure my drawings look good unlined lately #and i really love how its forcing me to pay more attention to detail #in this case i honestly think i prefer the unlined version #hence why its above the cut :D #the second bonus was literally just because i was doing the rim lighting and i accidentally hid the characters #and the result kinda took my breath away #like. yeah. Theyre both dead. both ghosts. but you can still see the impressions they left behind. they're both still there #anyways #Prime Defenders #Jrwi pd #jrwi prime defenders #william wisp #jrwi pd spoilers #mcyt #qsmp #juanaflippa #qsmp juanaflippa #fire draws

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wander-wren · 1 month

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small things to stop doing in your fics

(or any kind of writing, but i live on ao3. we begin with flat-out crimes and then slowly start moving into things that just bug me personally but aren’t wrong)

epithets. if i’ve said it once, i’ve said it a thousand times. you should only be using epithets for characters whose names we do not know. they can also be used VERY rarely to break up the repetition of names/pronouns or to emphasize characters’ relationships/viewpoints, ie “his boyfriend” or “the asshole.”

writing out accents. please stop. you can include a couple of small things, like “somethin’” or “ya” (for “you”), but even keep that to a minimum. specific turns of phrase/references go way farther imo to establish a character’s culture/background/etc. a little goes a long way, and doing it repeatedly can make sentences hard to parse. this also! applies! to children and babytalk! have you ever listened to a child speak? toddlers can enunciate pretty well!

not enough commas. put commas before names and titles. it’s not “Hey John” or “I’m on it captain,” it’s “Hey, John” and “I’m on it, captain.” also, put them after discourse markers/interjections such as “well,” “so,” and “now.” you should be writing “So, how are the kids?” not “So how are the kids?” even if your character is speaking quickly, you still want the commas because of grammar. it can occasionally be acceptable to omit them if you want to indicate extreme excitement/panic/anger/etc, but use it sparingly.

too many commas. i’m a comma fiend like the rest of you so i’m guilty here too, but we gotta at least stop with the comma splices. commas split and independent and dependent clause, meaning that one part of the sentence cannot grammatically stand alone. if all parts are complete sentences on their own, that’s a comma splice. try splitting it into two sentences, using a semicolon, or rewriting. this is usually fine in dialogue, though, that’s just how people talk.

also, using a lot of commas to denote panic is something i used to be HUGELY guilty of and now i hate it. instead of, “I, I, I don’t, I don’t know,” you can try, “I-I…I don’t—I don’t know!” probably not that much punctuation that close together, but for the sake of example. emdashes and ellipses, my beloveds 🫶

roleplay speak. i don’t know what else to succinctly call this? i’m referring to the tendency to be redundant and over-explain, especially in dialogue. it’s a phenomenon i see constantly in rp circles, usually because of post length requirements (and i have little issue with it there, it’s just the culture). things like:

“Surprise!” Adam shouted, popping out from behind the door.

“Oh my god!” Scott screamed, having been completely startled and not expecting Adam to be home yet.

yeah, we can guess that Scott is startled, right? because of the screaming? and clearly if Adam is surprising Scott it stands to reason his presence is unexpected? why are we stating this twice?

i believe this also comes from the mistaken idea that every line of dialogue needs a tag attached, which is….horrible. you can let the dialogue exist on its own sometimes, friends. you can also include an action beat without a tag. like above, i could have just said “Adam popped out from behind the door” and omitted the shouting altogether. we can assume he is being loud because that’s usually how people do surprises. anyway. moving on.

condescending to readers. this isn’t so much about writing as it is author’s notes and the like, and “condescending” may be a strong word, but i’m trying to be succinct. at any rate, please stop telling your audience to not read your fic? “do not read if sensitive to [blank]” or “if you have [disorder] skip this fic!” is a horrible way to trigger warn. people know their own boundaries. tell them what the work actually contains and let them self-select.

i also find “rest stop/check-in” type notes condescending, like “if you are reading this between the hours of 10pm-4am, go to sleep” and “STOP! have you eaten/drank/walked around in the past few hours? go do that!” again, we know ourselves. i’m not your kid, don’t tell me what to do. i don’t mind a polite, casual little “thanks for reading, remember to drink water and take your meds, bye” note, though.

the others in this category? i will straight up not read the fic over that on some days. ESPECIALLY because, in my experience, the people who are most intense about warning for every little thing are the ones with the mildest fics, and that’s not what i’m here for.

complaining about your own wrong tags. this is, admittedly, such a nitpick, and it definitely is more common in certain communities than others. but as longtime followers may know, i’m a bit obsessed with ao3’s tagging system and it drives me BONKERS when people use the wrong tags and follow it with “not actually but there’s no tag for xyz.” here’s the thing: you can still look at all the works that have ANY tag, just the non-canonized ones can’t be filtered on. and the best way to get a tag canonized is, guess what, to USE it! imagine that. also, if you’re using the wrong tag, you’re just going to clog the filter results and get people who don’t actually want to read your fic. just stop.

#writing advice #fanfiction #wren writes #writeblr #this has been in my drafts for a while getting things added to it as i come across them #i think it’s good now #feel free to add your own grievances as long as they’re small #last addition was the commas bc i just dnf’d a fic for having like no commas ever #why is every character talking at warp speed i cant focus #also yes i’m a hypocrite bc you can probably find at least most of these in my fics. ik i have the rp speak one very recently. but thats bc #its a rp turned fic and i’m lazy about editing #i dont mind it in that case i think rp fics are fun its when its clearly Not a rp fic that i get annoyed by it

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anxiously-sidequesting · 6 months

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To me personally malistaire is the funniest and most pathetic villain wizard101 has ever had AND I MEAN THAT SINCERELY!!! Between doomed children who have been manipulated, groomed, and isolated into becoming products of their environments, someone scorned who has been punished unfairly by having your biological heart torn out your chest and turning your children and all of reality against you to satiate their own ego, a nonhuman entity so powerful and so clueless they unintentionally threaten the lives of everyone around them, Malistaire FELL DOWN BRO. Like yeah you're bitchless now. You and me both. Get in line. Everyone in this room is bitchless. We are ALL living that ✨💅🏾💃🕺 Single Life™. You are a middle-aged man. Cope

#this post is lighthearted btw JELAJWODJTU i aint actually mad #but like...... malistaire as a villain is kinda mid though im sorry. IM SORRY ill take the L opinion if i have to #its one thing if he lost his wife to unfair systematic negligence or thru someone else's doings or smth but. no she just got sick bro 😐#HWMSNFLEKSDIDOA EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE I WILL GIVW A BAD OPINION AND THIS IS ONE OF THEM. i cant be right ALL the time /j #like if i dont focus on malistaire's motives and just his ACTIONS he seems super metal #but then he does ALLLLL of that heinous shit because his wife died. like thats absolutely very sad but damn get a grip #(fandom starts breaking in my windows and drags me out into the street) IM SORRY IM SORRY LOOK ITS JUST NOT MY CUP OF TEA #ive never been invested in those Mr. Freeze types of villains where a person they love dies due to normal circumstances-#and they go fucking BERSERK. they LOSE IT. they go like “well okay fuck the entire world i guess nothing matters” and then kill people #LIKE IF IT'S DONE IN A CERTAIN WAY I CAN BE INVESTED but more often than not to me? its just kind of funny #like “okay damn there was only ONE person keeping you from being a national criminal? okay”#and you know what? thats a mood actually. thats a mood #without my cat i probanly would have become the president by now #for some reason its a little diff for me if its like a child you lost and idk why #like if malistaire lost a kid instead of his wife id probably be more inclined to feel bad and thats terribly fucked up JSLSJSJSJ #you know what its also bias because in some shape or form i relate to all the other villains. morganthe and duncan especially #whereas in malitsaire's case i have never been married. which i mean doesnt stop me from tryna be more synpathetic i guess but im just not #ONCE AGAIN FEEL VERY BAD FOR HIM AND SULVIA. like losing someone to sickness or any reason really is a serious thing #but in terms of a fictional setting with fictional characters where one of them decides to commit genocide over it? 🧍 like okay boo u do u #i will gladly give up my mantle for the “most reasonable opinions” guy in the fandom foe this one. i deserve it #wizard101 #w101 #wiz101 #text posts #malistaire drake

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always-a-joyful-note · 6 months

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I think the reason I like the 5 Eccentrics so much is that it's just such a good depiction of the….variety of friendship. Because it was a group literally created to be destroyed. It was, in other words, a forced union of 5 people who might have never or barely interacted. Yet even with that, even knowing that, they all chose to have a meaningful friendship with each other - they chose to be friends and remain friends even if their union was forced, even if the very reason that they met was to be taken down. It's almost the arranged marriage trope but it wouldn't work as well like marriage because it really isn't that. It's like the family system (brought together by chance and a common identity) but it's still different. Because they didn't HAVE to be friends even if sharing the same label, because they didn't have to keep sticking around each other and become a real family. They chose to be friends in spite of all odds, chose to be grateful even amidst their destruction, and forged a precious bond that not even their predetermined fall could break and in this essay I will -

#fandom spamdom #enstars #ensemble stars #stuff i say #welcome to the inevitable five eccentrics post that i finally made you may move along now #BUT NO FOR REAL YOU GUYS IM SO OUGH OVER THE FRIENDSHIPS IN ENSTARS #for all the crazy that goes on in the story the friendships and the brotherhood (or siblinghood in some cases) is just so -#i dont even know the characters that well but i could go on forever about the amagis or sakumas or aoi twins #and maybe add a dash of the tsukasa-oukawa cousinhood while we're at it #and thats not even mentioning himeru and his brother #but the eccentrics have had me in a chokehold ever since the anime and the element miniseries and they havent let me go #its about connections that were forced but bonds that were forged instead #its about being thrust into the fire together and deciding to be the cooling water for each other instead of keeping a distance from them #its about friendship and family and realising theyre human because they found people like their own selves #and it messes me up how they also found people to establish their humanity with asides from each other #idk how to explain it because they always talk about how they werent very human before while im shaking them....#...because you guys WERE human. you ARE human. you have always been human but never treated as such...#....andfjaisojr eifowjifjsof eive lost coherence #i swear enstars hasnt made me go on about the human condition and the philosophy of humanity #i was already like this before the game #also i just find it so fascinating how the stories establish each of the idol boys' humanity....#....but at the same time the art and the very nature of the industry theyre participating in also kind of forces them to keep it under wrap #(like come on. even the name idols is so compelling...things made by man but revered as gods and potentially more fallible than man etc)#anyway disclaimer that these are all my opinions etc..

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aquilamage · 1 year

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I haven’t been insane about Vi enough lately so time to pour out some random thoughts. free association thinking time:

been thinking about her “It's my savings. I wanna be rich, okay? So I can travel, eat well, buy cool stuff… So no one can say I can't do something!” And none of the following will really be insightful or revelatory because it’s just what she says here but. yeah! that’s vi! the main reason she’s so big on money is because she has to be to get what she wants out of life! it’s what lets her say no to people telling her what to do, and that’s important to her because she has no choice but to be independent and support herself. because no one else will. No one at the Hive had anything positive or supportive to say about her being an explorer until she went out and did it (to a ridiculously successful degree, too. I have to wonder if/how it might’ve differed if she was on a regular accomplishment level team. not the one leading them all to the mission to the Hive). she never had a choice not to be. I could also see that being a little part of why she starts out not really being a teamwork person. past experiences have taught her she can’t rely on anyone else for support. (does make me wonder about what if she’d met Chubee before leaving the Hive. obviously she still would’ve left, but how might even a bit of support have changed other things?)

I feel like we don’t talk about the fact that The Beemerang Is Also Knives enough

ok so at one point there was this post talking about people with money and how it affects their life like. if you can afford to get a nanny then you can only do the fun parts of childcare and when you stop feeling like taking care of the kid you can just hand them to someone else to take them away. and again likely not especially revelatory but I would guess that’s the kind of way queen bianca handled the bees as her daughters (she does care about them. absolutely. but not in the same hands-on attached way as we usually associate with parents) and thinking about how that kind of treatment would then apply to vi....hm

in universes where discussions of Gender and Pronouns etc happen I think she has moments where she gets frustrated with the everything of Being Referred To and Having Complicated Identity She Hasn’t Quite Figured Yet and is like. gender is cancelled how dare you refer to me. but especially anyone else calls me a girl ever i will be stabbing them

also I think a lot about what circumstances she finds out about gayness/Gender being things. and whether she’s thought about it in herself before and whether she’d been dismissed on it/told it wasn’t a thing etc. most circumstances she ends up angry about the finding out times because of (un)consicious internal conflict stuff

underground tavern stuff implies she was definitely doing quests and stuff for money with them precanon. would kill to know what specifically it was. but also the first talk with utter implies that she was doing stuff off that questboard as well which is even more intriguing. utter’s spy also implies you don’t have to be an explorer to do them but otherwise you would think you did I feel. so again very curious what was up there

#inspired by that girl blorbos post and also me trying to think about where in the game they drop facts and such about precanon stuff w her #the urge to try and fic about the stuff between her leaving the hive and showing up at the association....strong again #'the hive didn't do anything' my ass. vi might have also been a jerk but it's just that she was the more obvious #easily labeled incident version of it. she was active while her treatment was the subtle passive neglect type of bad treatment #complex situation and also. yeah #an aquila original #vi bug fables #bug fables #also featuring funky gender lesbian stuff because thats not even headcanon. to me #hopefully the reasoning out stuff doesn't just come out like a load of nonsense #vi's one of those characters where I definitely feel comfortable in writing her on a basic level but some parts I'm super insecure about #and the part with her is in really capturing the complexities of her backstory and family issues #and the thing is it's like. I have to remind myself that some parts of how canon did her on that are actually decent #and I should pay attention to those complexities. but then also canon definitely did some of their 'this hasn't really been earned'#resolution stuff on her. mostly thinking about the postcanon dialogue with Bianca. it's jsut too much of a jump for that for me #and it's not even that I necessarily think bianca's dialogue is out of character. it's that I'm contemplating whether it would've #made more sense for vi to get angry about it. like.#ok so. sometimes i think about what coming out to my family might be like. and I've come to the conclusion that if they were just accepting #despite the fact that it would be best case scenario I'd be angry about it. because they've said some shitty stuff in the past. in general #they've made me feel unsafe about myself. so no actually you don't get to just suddenly be chill about it now fuck you.#it doesn't change the past hurts #and I could see Vi being like that too. even if part of her is happy about getting what she wanted to start with she's pissed about #only getting it now. with a side helping of also wondering if the approval /now/ is only because she's been so successful about it #what if she hadn't been so specially favored by elizant? what if she hadn't been on the team that saved the world? why did she (maybe) have #to earn the approval she should've had from the start?#also not gonna get into this one right now but tweaking her story with jaune to acknowledge that theyre both at fault in different ways #(again). would be nice #but now I'm definitely veering into repeating myself type rambling territory so

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phantomrose96 · 1 year

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So I know this isn't anything that like actually needs an apology but it'll make me feel a bit better to say it. Oof whoops this ABoT chapter is super late. Timing kinda sucks since I wanted to have some updates out while s3 was airing but

Been kinda mega busy and stressed since October with the whole condo buying thing which rolled right into immediate day 0 plumbing and boiler issues I had to get fixed and general moving hassle and financial commitment stress and I kinda just fried myself hard. Plus then acclimating to a new place without my familiar street or familiar grocery store or familiar room or any of that. Like there's no "just go home and take your mind off it" to this cuz home is the "it". So I'm just kinda enduring until I can calm the hell down.

And anyway I definitely have progress on ch47, like 7000-ish words of it, but it's the kind of like "there is writing there" and hasn't exactly hit the "there is substance there" that I want ABoT chapters to be. Like this in particular is a chapter I want to be good, not just be done. So it's taking time to get my brain somewhere that can do that.

#anyway #i mean just in case anyone was like wondering if its discontinued to anything #its still going i just can't make it Good quite yet #(plus i need to get furniture cuz as it stands the place is really quite empty and bare except for like my room and the kitchen)#(also the bank had my address wrong so they havent been able to send me any of the mortgage information which was technically due already)#(ive been in contact with them but it's a whole thing)#(plus im still not quite finished with all the utility switching. i still need to get water in my name)#(and the boiler issue fucked up my gas bill so now ive got a crazy high gas bill i just need to... pay)#(i have actually started seeing a therapist but thats a whole other Thing now figuring out insurance and deductables and using my HSA #account and just... it's a lot)#(oh also my homeowner's insurance policy number doesn't actually work for getting me into the online portal. and the geico guy said he was #looking into it but I havent heard anything in a while)#(its a lot im just gonna melt for a while i guess)#(plus all the upfront stress has made it really hard to associate the new place as 'home' instead of 'place of great many plumbing evils')#(i sat on like 4 million couches this week and the only one i really really like probably doesn't quite fit in my living room)#(the downstairs neighbors tv is too loud and i need to talk to her about it in a way which isn't 'hey im holding on by a thread and this #one small inconvenience is the thing which is making me turn into ash')#(oh thats right i have to go pay my january HOA dues...)#(oh also I need to file for the owner-occupied tax exemption thing now that its 2023)#anyway......... ill be normal eventually. im just not normal right now.#chrissy speaks

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luvrbunni · 5 months

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ik ive not been active at all anyways sort of explanation/me complaining in tags

#i have gotten progressively worse lately in terms of physical health and its just taken a lot out of me tbh #over the past few months ive developed chronic pain and fatigue drs still arent sure if its fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue but whatev #in any case ive been in tremendous pain everywhere it's not been fun at all #i also have this new thing where i get a tremor if i hold things too hard and while it is relatively painless it still is making life harde #esp since i am an art student so im kind of stuck not rly knowing what to do atp #ive just not been in the best mindset and while i recognise that disability is not ugly in any way i do just feel harder to love now #like i dont think my personality is fun enough to make up for all this idk if that makes any real sense #ive also been temporarily put on birth control its a long story but it's only until i get scheduled for a minor surgery most probably #but yanno birth control has unfun side effects and i feel like im going crazy most days #ik this all probably sounds pretty silly but idk. its been hard to feel genuinely attractive lately.#forgot to add this but there was some other stuff that happened thats definitely effecting just my self image and libido and stuff lately #long story short someone i trusted ended up crossing multiple physical boundaries and passed uncomfortable comments abt me and similar shit #its not been fun to deal with in any way yk?

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the-gayest-sky-kid · 7 months

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You can in fact do whatever you want forever!! If it's not as convincing when you say it to yourself, here I am saying it to you as well. And it's cute to see you expressing yourself comfortably, even if you were contradictory, who cares. Kill the identity police inside your head or whatever

you guys are going to have me crying like for real

#i say like it is not happening already i mean what no its just. allergies #I KNOW AND I TALK ABT IT FOR OTHER PEOPLE ALL THE TIME BUT IM THE WORLDS BIGGEST HYPOCRITE #its just. idk #it feels like im lying to people #being a pretty 'typical' asexual was such a big and stable part of my identity for a while and when it wasnt actually the case anymore idk #it feels like im lying to people and im going back on things #but really im just changing and i know thats okay and even expected but aughthwhskgkg #head in hands #you guys have been really helpful though and i love you all a lot #i mean its what got me to this point anyway. i remember i used to get so embarrassed to the point i couldn't even admit i wanted to kiss a #character (cough cough venti) but now i CAN even if im still embarrassed abt it #and i need to keep it in mind for stuff like this too but woeifjghfnd #anyway the point is. thank you all. a lot #aethers asks #personal posts and stuff #aethers rants

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early-october-skies · 18 days

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Me when we don't speak anymore by bears in trees

#lizzierants #had a sudden unplanned job interview today. i wanted to cry the whole time but managed to keep it together and now the anxiety has suddenly #caught up to me and it feels BAD the sudden thought of that what if my friends just dont actually like me and they like me purely because #theyre worried for what would become of me if they stopped being friends with me when purely of course id be fine eventually but i worry #that cause im on antidepressants people just think im automatically suicidal when something bad goes wrong which is not the case im doing #good i dont want to die but what if all my friends hate me what if this whole time i have loved them so so much and they just tolerate me #someday my friends will die and i had that i hate that someday we wont be friends even if its decades in the future i love all of them with #my heart that sometimes i feel it is overfilling i love them i love them and what am i without them i am everything i have ever loved i am #overthinking however i cannot stop this what if my own best friend is avoiding me? why am i thinking this? what evidence do i have to back #this up? nothing only for the fact my own brain feels as though i love people too much and they are uncomfortable with it i feel awful wtf #i have learned to keep my emotions from people because i dont want them to worry. i dont want people to do something or not do something bec #ause they think it will upset me i want people do do as they please i want to be open for my friends to share their issues i want to help #and im sitting here wirrying if they hate me so i turn here to shout in the void because the only person i know irl who follows me on here #most likely doesnt read these tags and if you are please ingore this i misjudged your terrible attention span also i love you very much #anyway a few weeks ago i realised my worst fear is no longer death. but the death of my friendship with my beloved friend. and thats fucking #terrifying prospect however if they were to be like yo i dont like you anymore id respect that decision and id be okay because their happine #is the most important thing to me and thats okay but i couldnt bare with the fact that they feel like they had to be ffiends with me because #they have to. i hate the prospect of them feeling trapped in a friendship theh dont want to be in. all the while i feel i cannot communicate #this to anyone because how would i go about it im very anxious i am shaking i am having a bad time very bad time actually im going to start #crying but its okay <3 crying is good for stress and health and its been a while since ive cried so maybe this will help me feel better <3 #i will heal and ill be okay <3

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firebuug · 6 months

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the stupid thing about anxiety that leans into straight up paranoia territory is that you can be weirdly paranoid and expectant of something terrible, worst case scenario ever to happen like, all the time, but since it's never happened to you you know it's unreasonable. but the moment one of the things you're crazy about actually happens, all those other extremely way more unreasonable things suddenly become plausible in your head by association, so now you're just on guard ALL the time. it's like throwing your anxiety a bone and because it was good that time and did a good job of preparing you for it now it's like ok! I will do this for everything else too and i will do a good job. but really it just needs to be put down

#in my case its like. i was highly paranoid of car incidents happening. but i was able to like. nap in a car comfortably cuz it never hapened #but i was ALSO unreasonably so paranoid about likr. inexplicably suddenly just getting a bullet to the skull. like out of nowhere anytime #so now that a terrifying car incident HAS happened to me now im like okay #im super high guard about that now and can barely close an eye in a vehicle without shaking. but. now that thats plausible.#whats saying im not gonna be sniped any moment any time while in public . who says.#i as a perosn know its exteemely unreasonable and sily especially considering where i live. but now that my anxiety has been fed #it's basically all gone downhill into insanity #anyways i need therapy but i dont have time energy or transportation. SLAYYYY!!!!!!!❗❗❗❗🫡#txt #to detract this from myself therefore cancelling out any vulnerability on main: if i give an oc anxiety please know #it is this level of crawling up walls 'my head is going to blow off in five seconds and you need to shield me' bullshit and not 'oh no ppl.

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comet-wire · 1 month

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Ngl I've been having a gender crisis again on top of all the stuff that's happened with my dad, I think I still identify as male/masculine idk 🗿

Same with my ace/aro spectrum placement ☝️🗿

#comet rambles #putting in queue to deploy later #parent loss tw #just in case by association n implications ☝️🗿/nm+gen #when i get stuff set up with my checking account i was already thinking of getting a new chest binder once our personal issues with finance #has been figured out definitely #i dont wanna say much n jinx stuff so ill leave it at that #personal #gender shit is hard n i really think i may be a he/they or he/him still #or if not then closeted butch lesbian idk #most signs point to male gender identity leaning though 😔👍#also my social battery is outta wack but i needed to get this out so i apologize to anyone who i have yet to respond to/gen+nm 🥹#like i genuinely still feel as though ive been born in the wrong body and i tried to accept my feminity and it went well!!#like i started embracing my femininity the past few years and now i think im over it because it feels like i just attempted to try #and be something i wasn't if that makes any sense #i hate being referred to as she/her or as a girl even if i understand some people will still see me as fem despite my personal identity etc #its not that i hate my femininity its just i feel anything but female while still enjoying traditionally fem stuff at times #hope this makes sense #🗿👍#still ace/aro though just cant figure out if i only enjoy the thought of romance (cupiosexual/romantic) or if i feel comfy in one #i know im sex repulsed though thats for certain #as of lately chris Redfield and Albert Wesker have become two of my transition goals and idk what to do about this lmfao #i wish i was kidding #but im not 😭#sitting here like EVA shinji with his head in his hands in the damn chair image/lh #also wanna be a rootin tootin goth cowboy 🥰#if it turns out im like a comphet butch/nb lesbian im gonna shit myself though/lh+nm

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widevibratobitch · 1 month

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#havent really been active on tumblr the last few days but now i came back to post another vent and fuck off again lol hiiiiii #i havent cried in way too long. ngl sobbing hysterically in your bed does hit different lol #anyway. what a great time to remind myself of every single bad thing anyone has ever said about my body and my face <3 #anyway i finished the sobbing till i cant breathe session and now my one eye hurts like there's sth stuck in it but there's nothing #but while i was digging in it trying to find sth under my eyelid that could explain the pain i really really looked at it #my friend once said my eyes are the colour of a swamp and by god she was right.#and like damn. i was never insecure about my eyes but maybe i should add that to the list.#but like whatever. like obv im not gonna start being actually insecure about mu stupid eyes but it did hit me that there is really #not a single thing about my body that i can with all confidence say is nice/pretty/whatever. not a single thing that i genuinely like.#like at best case it's 'not as bad as it could be'. like i have nothing lol. cant even honestly say something as silly as 'i like my eyes'#cause no. they look like a swamp.#idk im just so tired of trying my best all the time and still looking like a rotting leaking bag of garbage.#i try to remind myself that i dress funny and do fun make up and that is what people will notice about me but the truth is #everyone will still always see that under all that bs im just plain ugly and just generally unattractive #and ill never be able to distract anyone from that not really #like ik people who like me dont care about that but thats the thing.#im just tired of being one of the people that will always be liked/loved/whatever 'despite' sth.#like there is nothing of value in me that is NATURAL. its all fucking fake.#anyway. wish i were dead same old same old.

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todayisafridaynight · 1 year

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Okay stream over and as such no one is safe anymore from my RGGJoposting (sorry in advance), HOWEVER I did want to say...

Of course Mine Himself At Present is the furthest thing from punk, but I believe the reason he has that belt is a nod to Nakamura, who is credited with bringing punk influences to the kabuki scene. (This particular photo was taken years after Y3, but...)

By the way, Nakamura is how I found out there's a lot of stigma against sons of kabuki actors who choose to play roles of a different gender than their fathers. He comes from an established line of onnagata, so it was a big deal for him to choose to play male roles.

Arakawa was a taishu engeki actor rather than a kabuki actor, which is less steeped in tradition than kabuki, so I don't know if it would've been the same for him doing the opposite to Nakamura. But it's Neat to think of it as a concerted choice for him in terms of feeling that strong of a connection to femininity.

oh fuck yeah punk in the kabuki world WORD UP TO THE LEGEND.....

#snap chats #tumblr told me to suck a dick and deleted my response THANKS ASSHOLE #i feel suddenly feel like really sick and tired like oh god what the fuck was in teh chicken my bro got me for lunch heeUGUH #i will muster up my strength to respond tho. god no i feel really sick i gotta hurl but i wont #in any case... i love learning #i wish i could say more but thats all i can say ive always been more of a listener than a speaker #what the ufck was in that shicken oh my fucking god #great to have yo in the inbox. ALWAYS happy to see yo in teh inbox even if im a dumbass soemtimes and words fail me #like right now like how my organs are failing me jesus lord #i will try to speak.. i can see peop #ok no i cant i dont hve the brain capacity right now forgive me #the enviroment surrounding 'cross dressing' in theater is. a topic #a topic im too stupid and sick for BUT IT IS ONE.#i know men would play as women in western plays since women werent allowed to act for a long ass while #uhhh wht am i tryig to say #oh like. like the role is 'necessary' like men would need to play women cause we aint got women #but that doesnt mean its a 'respectable' position #do we get what im sayig ?? good god i hope so. im dying.#first it was too cold now im too warm but i cant tell if thats from shame my house or the hoodie i put on #ok my head hurt BYE #soryr im stupid

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