#BSD FANS CANNOT BE HAPPY.
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something i made bc of bsd chap. 110
(the big words read "what the fuck" and the small words behind it read "i'm fine")
#bsd chapter 110#BSD FANS CANNOT BE HAPPY.#bungou stray dogs#NOOOO NOOOO PLEASE YOU CAN'T SO THIS ASAGIRI#WHAT THE FUCK.
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A Much Needed Overview
I’ve been brought to a point of feeling the need to discuss the abuse depicted in Bungou Stray Dogs. This isn’t the brightest topic to speak about and I understand why people are reluctant to speak in detail about something as serious as this. It’s not easy, so I’ll be the brave face today because I feel disappointed about the lack of deep discussion beyond the popular topic of “The Abuse Cycle”.
I’m happy that it’s at least brought up amongst everyone as something that exists, I’m happy that people feel as though it’s something to talk about, but I don’t think most understand how to act about it. It’s never as cut and dry as how it’s depicted in most other pieces of media or how people speak about it in general. That is why I am thankful for its depiction here. Not saying that nobody speaks about it with clarity, but it’s not the majority, unfortunately.
I especially felt this was a good time to address this because of the reaction towards Asagiri’s thoughts on Dazai and Akutagawa’s relationship in the recent magazine interview. The outrage is not from nowhere, I was also taken aback at first, but to claim Asagiri “doesn’t even know his own story” is incredibly self-entitled considering the story isn’t done, nor are you the one writing this. If you read the story, no way is Asagiri justifying anything that happened. Please look at the question that is being asked, does it say “Do you think what Dazai did is morally right?” Of course, it isn’t.
Not to be rude but before you start questioning the writer himself if he’s read his own story, have you read it? Please keep in mind the fact this is only a magazine interview and doesn't reflect every nuance. Asagiri doesn't need to go “Oh yeah, this thing that’s bad is bad” every two seconds to explain himself. Asagiri’s writing decisions can be questionable and cannot be uncritiqued, but I’m going to have to defend him on this account.
I’m not sure if any warnings are needed concerning the subject matter considering most BSD fans know what I’m about to go over, but to be clear, please only read this when you’re in a well enough headspace for heavy matters such as this. I am not going to be talking lightly in any of this or dance around what’s happened between any of the characters, abuse is harder to talk about compared to other acts of violence that are objectively worse because it’s a more personal act that too many can find themselves in.
Finally, I do not want to speak about my own experiences online because I’ve only come to terms recently with it and they do not reflect everyone’s response to depictions of abuse in all media. Some things are very uncomfortable to admit about me that I haven’t told anyone, that no one would be able to take well even if they were my closest friend. This isn’t about me at all and there is no point in saying more about my reality, but I think my perspective might help people enlighten themselves on how truly complicated situations like this are.
What is Abuse?
Surprise, we need to go over this before any discussion about BSD happens because a lot misunderstand what abuse is. It's disheartening that the term has been so simplified that nobody knows what it means anymore. Don't substitute words for abuse or use abuse as a substitute for other terms. Abuse as a concept is quite hard to pin down with words and there are many ways to describe it, but by definition in the context that it’s directed to another person, abuse is:
To target and mistreat someone, causing them harm or distress in a repetitive manner
This by itself does not describe the grand scope of everything and probably might make you more confused, but it’s a great place to start and does describe what is directed to the victim. Many sources will use varied wording, but it’s the general knowledge that someone is being hurt to a fundamental level that makes it abuse.
Does the abuser need to intentionally hurt someone for it to be abused? Yes, but not in the way you think. Most abusers are not hurting their victims for the sake of just hurting them, that’s illogical, they’re doing it for something. Some examples include either for themselves in some way or what they think is for their victim’s “own benefit”. Even worse is when they genuinely believe it because they’ve also grown up in an environment that has that same mentality and reflects on themselves.
So yes, it’s intentional in that they’re doing it for a purpose. No matter their intention though, “selfless” or not, it’s still a selfish act in itself that they think that imposing their own will through harmful methods is what the victim needs. The abuse doesn’t need to be physically harming another for it to be abuse. As long as it’s harming you emotionally or otherwise and making you raise flags in your head, it’s abuse.
It sounds strange, but I'm saying it’s intentional because you’re still an intended target of their abuse whether they realize it themself or not. Abuse needs to repeat a form of distress in you to be abuse. For example, does one instance of physical violence against you count as abuse when it never happens again? Well, you need to think about the context. Usually, this would just be assault and that’s it, but is it left hanging in the air to happen again when you interact with them? Do you feel afraid for your well-being, even though it doesn’t happen again?
That’s still abuse, the psychological kind. Typically when abusers resort to physical means, it’s gonna happen again eventually. In this hypothetical instance, however, the point is that repeated distress does not mean repeated actions. It does not need to happen the same way for you to feel unsafe, it just needs to have power over you. Manipulation does not always equal abuse either. It’s a tactic used by abusers, but unless paired up with other actions, it doesn’t fit the criteria of abuse. Context matters when you examine what abuse is.
Here comes the tricky parts that are acknowledged less: When the abuser is someone you’ve relied on in your childhood, in a detrimental part of your life, or someone you care about that you put importance in, and it makes it hard to fully hate that person. What the abuser has done to the victim does not entirely reflect them as people, even if it’s still an important part of them that needs to be addressed.
Abusive people are not only defined by their awful actions, they’re not pure monsters like most love to pretend they are. It’s just easier to think that because accepting that they’re just a multifaceted human being hurts too much when you’re on the receiving end of their worse behavior. But what happens when you’re on the receiving end of both? You try to justify it the way the abuser is because you can’t accept that what’s happening is bad and not something everyone goes through. After all, they treat you decent enough sometimes.
Something so many people need to get into their heads already is that abusers can be victims and vice versa, but just because your abuser went through something themselves or is important to you, doesn’t mean you have to forgive them. Abuse is not forgivable just like that, you can rebuild a relationship beyond that if you’re able to, It’s not a “forgive-and-forget” thing.
Not everyone experiences and responds to abuse the same way, some hate their abusers fully, some can’t bring themselves to, and some don’t even know what to think, but there are so many who don’t feel one way that regarding all abusers as heartless monsters completely invalidates so many stories and their difficult experiences. I have a huge grudge against people like this who restrict abusive situations to just looking like one thing, this is why so many don’t even know that their situations are abusive.
Portrait of a Father
Chapter 39 reflects my points the most, and at the same time, it also turns out to be one of the most controversial chapters. It surprised me that it is, but maybe I shouldn’t be considering how most people on the internet act about abuse. It’s a lovely chapter to me personally and one of my favorites.
If you need a refresher, this is the chapter the Orphanage Director died in and leaves Atsushi in an emotional frenzy about what to think and believe. I know that the underlying message of this chapter is confusing to some, but it hit me in the face point blank on how this is about facing your abuser’s death without any personal conclusion with them.
Being sent on an investigation, Atsushi, after finding out the body was the Director, is stunned and scared because he knows nothing of the director other than his cruelty. He immediately assumes the worst and that he was coming after him again. Atsushi’s thoughts against him are entirely… on purpose in the director’s intentions because we find out that he has gone through so much violence and loss himself that he’s projecting his own will onto Atsushi and making sure he’d “survive in the real world”. So he became his first figure of hate and violence earlier in his life so he’d be “prepared for what comes next”.
I know so many take the backstory for the director as a way to justify what he did to Atsushi in the narrative, but it was just to put into context why he was so cruel. Abusers are never cruel for no reason, that never makes it right, but it’s reality. Atsushi was not the only one in the orphanage who was treated badly, he was singled out by the director most likely for an ability he couldn't control because the headmaster knew he’d get the most trouble for it, and unfortunately… he was right.
Akutagawa being his informant in this chapter makes perfect sense. He can see that what the director was for Atsushi is what Dazai is for him. No matter how terrible their actions were, it’s what kept them alive for so long. It’s not pleasant to confront, is it? Atsushi agrees because when he gets the information that the Director was going to congratulate him with the flowers he was going to buy by selling the gun he had on him, he freaks out. No way the guy he was raised so long to hate, the guy who put him through so much suffering, was going to congratulate him.
I know to some, Dazai’s talk with Atsushi sounded like he was justifying what happened because “it made him a good person in the end”, but that’s not what’s being said. This conclusion I’ve seen some people come to about this conversation confuses me. Dazai is just saying the obvious, you guys get all shocked and it weirds me out how easily it’s been glossed over that the reason Atsushi is so self-sacrificial and trying to do the good thing is because of the director. The reason he puts himself so much on the front lines is because he needs that worth in being good to live and prove the director wrong, he was raised to see that type of person is the most ideal person to live in this world.
After everything that’s been dumped onto him in such a short time, so much inner conflict of what to think of a dead man he no longer can have any personal closure with, he asks Dazai what face he should make, what he should think at this moment. Dazai tells him that they’re his emotions and he can think however he’d like, but commonly someone cries when their father dies. So he cries, because ultimately no matter his treatment, no matter the intent and its effects, it’s still the man who raised him. It’s flawed, but that’s what a father is stripped bare at its core definition and that won’t change no matter your feelings.
Now that I’m done summarizing this chapter and making sure you guys understood the point and how it spells out their relationship, I can finally talk freely about what was happening between them. When it comes to familial abuse, generational trauma is so prevalent it’s hard not to talk about. The director is quite reflective of so many parents who were raised to grow up too early in harsh environments, that they think they need to prepare their children for it too, even though it’s no longer needed.
You don’t need to like someone for them to be important to you, especially if it’s a parent in your life or someone close to that. That’s why Atsushi cries. He cries for the director, he cries for himself, he cries that it’s finally over, he cries for the kindness he could’ve gotten even if it wouldn’t have fixed anything, he cries for the father that never was, he cries because his father is dead. It’s perfectly normal to keep someone close in your heart that wasn’t perfect and to grieve their death.
Was the director successful in what he was aiming for? I want to say no, but he did. He succeeded in making Atsushi think of others in a good light and do good for them, making Atsushi resent him, and giving him the ability to keep going. Hell raised him right, but it was still hell. The problem is that his teachings were based on degrading Atsushi into being nothing but a life he should put aside in favor of others. Even if he continued hating the director like he wanted, he would still degrade himself for being a coward who didn’t hold himself to those standards. The result is not perfect because the director is not perfect, but in his position, this is a success.
The director for a while was his shadow of negative encouragement when he joined the agency, what kept him going in those moments, because he was what defined good, bad, and justice for him in his entire childhood. Even if he was dead, he’d still linger in his mind. I can’t parse out what to think about these hallucinations forming Akutagawa and Dazai to guide him later on, all it tells me is that he still can’t rely on or trust himself and he needs more development in his self-image issues.
I see why fans are confused, hell raising us right is a bizarre thing to say to a victim, so let me show you a perspective you're not seeing. Let's imagine you have an abusive mother who only wants you to be prepared for the things you're undoubtedly going to experience because of what you can't control. What she did does help you, but all that goes through your head is “Why couldn't she have done it differently without my own suffering?” The only thoughts that come rushing back when you think of those memories are the unnecessary pains. It takes a lot for a victim to acknowledge this on their own, they want to push back at the past so they don't have to see this plain reality.
Like anyone else that I’m going to bring up in this post, just because the abuse made them who they are or affected who they became, even when it keeps us going through life and benefits us in some way, does not make the abuse justified. Abuse is still abuse, I addressed this already and I hope not to address this again. I needed to detail an explanation because it’s quite easy to hate a man you know nothing about and has been painted in nothing but a bad light. The anger against the director is undebatable because abuse is not debatable, but to pretend the cruelty was nothing but for cruelty’s sake is mischaracterizing both him and Atsushi.
You can’t pick and choose what’s been told to you in the text just because you don’t like a character and lack the maturity for it. It gets quite hard to do that sort of thing when it’s a character you‘ve grown to care about, it’s no wonder Dazai is divided between so many. Speaking of Dazai, his involvement in this makes as much sense as Akutagawa’s. He’s currently in a mentor position for Atsushi, no matter what Akutagawa says, and shows interest in his development. So of course he’s going to purposely stick his head into something that would affect Atsushi greatly. Both Akutagawa and Dazai are viewing this through their lenses as people who grew up in the darkness of society, and it’s not that Dazai thinks what happened to him wasn’t terrible, you should have eyes to read the panels provided, but he’s generally unfazed and able to sound neutral because he’s used to that cruelty.
The Port Mafia’s Environment
(Aka: is it really “all Mori’s fault” or is it just the product of being literally in The Mafia™?)
I’ll go over the “Cycle of Abuse” in a second, but please keep in mind that you can’t just blame everything on Mori. Just like the Director, it’s so easy to pin the guy who’s just been the worst for every problem there, but it decimates the other characters involved as well and makes what they’ve gone through go flat because you’re restricting it to a misinformed presumption.
To make a bold statement, I need you to completely throw away your idea of what the abuse cycle is. The Mori to Kyouka pipeline being the singular “Abuse Cycle”? Garbage, needs to go away too. I've seen many fans use the term “Cycle of Abuse” too carelessly, and while from afar the way they're using it is not technically wrong, they have the wrong thought process behind it.
The Cycle of Abuse is simply the patterns of what keeps us in an abusive dynamic and negative mental state, either with an individual or environment, and makes it incredibly hard for anyone to leave. It’s not the actions you take that make it the Cycle of Abuse, and it's not just one straight line of people going through similar motions. You don’t have to be someone’s abuser to be the one who keeps them there, if you feed into it you’re still a problem. Even if you don't actively add to it yourself, just staying there as a bystander and not trying to do anything to change it or speak up for the victim when you clearly could also still make you responsible. Just with your presence, it validates what they've gone through as normal.
If you need more of an explanation, two opposite examples include Higuchi & Akutagawa and Beast Kyouka & Atsushi. Higuchi is a traditional example in that she stays in the mafia because of her relationship with Akutagawa, and stays by his side for reasons unknown. What we do know is that she’s incredibly indebted to him enough to care for him to an extreme extent, but their relationship is abusive all the same. Beast Atsushi and Kyouka sounds strange for me to bring up, but this is an example of a non-abusive person contributing to the Cycle of Abuse. Instead of taking her out of an abusive situation, he brings her back in.
Many characters are a part of this main narrative of abuse in BSD, so it's not inaccurate to say Mori, Dazai, Akutagawa, and Kyouka are a part of it as well using this definition as all of them are the reason or contributed to why someone was stuck in a negative, abusive situation or the victim themselves. I’m guessing none of you are genuinely referring to this though and are referring to intergenerational abuse, a repeating cycle of younger generations taking after their abusers when they're older, which is a completely different phenomenon. Both are referred to as cycles and have many commonalities, but it’s not the same. Not to sound like a total dick, but this barely even applies to them.
Not because the concept is based on familial relationships, it can happen with older figures in your life too, but because our oh-so-famous Abuse Cycle gang does not have that commonality to make that claim. They have narrative parallels, but that’s pretty much it. I will save what I have to say in their sections, but Mori and Akutagawa did not abuse Dazai and Kyouka respectively for this type of claim to have any legitimacy. Kyouka certainly broke a cycle, but not that kind since that would need her to continue it in the first place and then prevent her own experiences from even affecting the next child.
What do all Mori, Dazai, Akutagawa, and Kyouka actually have in common? They are/were in the mafia, using their natural talents of cruelty for the underworld.
The Port Mafia resembles something of an abusive household or community that sees so much of what’s done to others there as normal, and constantly compares it to how it was with their old boss and thinks, “At least it wasn’t as bad as that.” It’s quite like the Orphanage Director’s thinking but on a larger scale. Does that make everyone in the Port Mafia abused? Nope, unlike most abusive communities, the Port Mafia is quite literally the mafia. Everyone is there for different reasons, at different ages, and different experiences. Everyone is taken advantage of in these situations, no matter the circumstances, but it doesn’t make them abused automatically.
So it’s hard to have a stance on anything about them being abusive other than the mentor situations in the Port Mafia don’t see abuse as abuse and just another way to teach their subordinates to survive in their world if they deem it necessary. Was Chuuya abused, either by Mori or Kouyou then? I’m going to have to say I can’t tell you that. We don’t have enough information on either of his dynamics with them to say that they’ve directly had any repetitive behaviors of direct harm against him specifically, and there's no reason for them to do so either. I’m not going to use the argument that “Chuuya doesn’t hate or fear them, so that must mean he wasn’t” because again, that type of response does not reflect so many situations.
Chuuya was still harmed by being in the Port Mafia as a teenager because nobody should have been surrounded by this much cruelty at that age. It doesn’t matter if he shows visible distress or not about the Port Mafia, he was just desensitized to it since his sheep days. So was he an abuse victim under the idea that being a child in the Port Mafia is abuse? That depends on who we’re speaking of, but in Chuuya’s situation, I'm going to have to say no as he's already internalized their mindset from his own experiences separate from the mafia. Keep in mind that it also still holds true that you can find family in situations like this, it’s not mutually exclusive. Some just find more comfort in what they’re used to than what would be better for them. Kyouka is a better example of someone being a victim of an abusive community.
A false claim I've seen made many times are the ones where they have it as if Mori is the mafia itself or that he made the mafia what it was. It shouldn’t be too surprising, but it’s the opposite. Mori already held flawed, heartless, calculative methods when in situations he thought required them. We’ve seen him as a soldier and an underground doctor, but we know nothing else about him outside of his cruelty, just like the headmaster. What he does is never for what he thinks is for his benefit, but for the sake of something larger. Whether it’s for the city, the country, or eventually, the Port Mafia.
The mafia is the first time he’s been put into a position of absolute leadership and is not yet accustomed to that at the beginning of Dazai, Chuuya, Age Fifteen. He’s able to quickly fit the mold of a mafia boss, but there’s that bit of honesty that peaks through in this light novel in the first and last sections that’s ignored too quickly. First Mori complains about nothing going immediately right, questions himself about Dazai, and becomes genuinely stressed if it was the right decision to involve him, then confesses that he sees himself in Dazai to him (and him and Fukuzawa in Soukoku in private), and finally gives his honest take of leadership to Chuuya.
I already go over Mori as a character in one of my other posts and will speak more of him later on, so I don’t want to reiterate the same points, but here we have proof he has (albeit poor) humanity. He did not become the Port Mafia boss for his own selfish gain of power if you’ve forgotten, but because Natsume introduced him to becoming part of the Tripartite Framework to protect the city he loves, it’s where he’d excel best in this plan. The Port Mafia was already a shithole, Mori just made it livable again by becoming what an organized crime group needs.
It’s what makes the dynamic between Kouyou and him so intriguing because you have an abuse victim who has embraced the environment she was forced back into, but won’t let go of someone who’s proven to be more of a decent leader than her tormentor and can be relied on. For victims who couldn’t get help or realize they needed help, the easier path is to accept this is your life through some justification. While I said the Port Mafia resembles an abusive community, communities as such aren’t purely terrible and that’s what keeps them justifying it in their head. The family you have for yourself, whether it's a made one or the one you're born with, is what sticks for you.
Like it or not, Mori isn’t stupid. He takes risky gambles that backfire on him sometimes, but he’s good at his job. He’s brutal enough to prove his own against the people who didn’t think he should’ve been boss and outsiders who want to go against the Port Mafia, but he’s considerate enough towards his people and shows enough competency to be perfect for the job. He’s not a great human being, but what did you expect? He no longer had any room to express that humanity, he never had; there was no benefit from being a good person in his line of work.
The Heartless Cur
That looked like a great segue to talk about Dazai and Mori’s dynamic, but it’d benefit to go over Akutagawa first. For those who do acknowledge it as an abusive situation, Thank you for at least taking that step. Numerous don’t and it worries me at the state of what’s considered abuse vs. training. It may be both at times but don't excuse one for the other. Training needs formal consent and communication at some point during a session. Akutagawa is learning, but it’s the same as getting yelled at as a child for not doing your homework right, when again, you’re still just learning.
It might’ve been easier to see for those who do acknowledge it because of the visible physical abuse that happens, but let's not undermine the psychological abuse happening as well. Dazai has messed with his psyche on an abhorrent level through his degrading and threats, making him reliant to hear a single word of acknowledgment from his mouth. What happened to Akutagawa is beyond the mafia’s environment.
Akutagawa does not hate or want Dazai dead for what he’s done to him, but he does hold anger at the seeming abandonment he’s been put through… and at himself as well. Anger that he couldn't get to what Dazai wanted him to be before he suddenly left. So he proves himself by climbing the ranks and becoming someone feared. Spectacles of violence not because he enjoys the feeling of other’s suffering or the power over them, but to show Dazai that see? He's still worth looking at!
He stays in the mafia because he’s found a place there. Even if he could, there was no point in leaving the mafia after he disappeared because what would be left for him if he did? He will always be an unchangeable, horrific hound of the dark and there's no changing that in his mind. From an inference of his actions in the dungeon when they finally reunite one-on-one, he wanted to believe that he was above Dazai after all those years, but Dazai doesn't act impressed or scared or anything. After all that effort, he gets nothing but ridicule and mockery like he's back to being that little kid with an oversized coat too big for his body.
Worse is that he gets told that some new kid Dazai picked up, who didn't train to the extent he did to refine his abilities, is better than him somehow. He gets riled up and at first, takes out on Dazai, but all those threats about killing him and how he went against the mafia were empty. Even now he can't bring himself to hate Dazai, he needs his mentor to acknowledge him no matter what side he's on. He never let go of Dazai, his coat is proof enough of that. So he takes it out on the party that isn't responsible and is convinced he needs to overcome Atsushi to prove something to Dazai.
He doesn't hate Atsushi, not genuinely. He does the same when he’s told he’ll never compare to Odasaku, someone who objectively should’ve been the weakest member due to his status. He gets angry at Dazai’s words, gets angry at himself, then takes it out on the person mentioned, rinse and repeat. I’m not sure if I’m the only one to notice, but he genuinely believed that the meaningful life Dazai gave him laid in the mafia and being useful to its cause. He has no reason to be as loyal to the mafia if he didn't think this.
Dazai’s acknowledgment means more than just appreciation for his skills and strength, it means his life meant something by striving for being the strongest. It’s not about the acknowledgment at all. Whenever he critiques and shames Atsushi for how he lives his life, it just feels like he’s unknowingly shaming himself through him without having to acknowledge his wrongs. It makes me curious about how much the acknowledgment itself even matters to him and the validation it gives him to strive for this is an excuse to keep living so what he’s doing in the mafia even matters in the end. What counts as acknowledgment to him?
He's convinced his faults are what made Dazai turn away, he just doesn’t know how to do anything to fix it and can't fix it this late into the game. What does Dazai want from him other than being stronger? When Dazai directly asks him to do something important involving Atsushi, he’s confused. He has no reason to trust him to do these missions. He’ll take the chance to prove himself once and for all, but to be included means he's being acknowledged, so what gives? The number of times he visibly self-reflects can be counted on one hand because as soon as it shows, he goes back to justify his violence and ignores his faults.
As someone whose favorite character is Akutagawa, I’m disgusted that all people can take away from him is “Akutagawa is an obsessive fanboy that deserves no sympathy because of what he did to Kyouka” or “Akutagawa is a poor, miserable man that didn’t deserve what Dazai made him into and should be absolved of responsibility because it’s all Dazai’s fault”. Both are very shallow and very harmful to perpetrate as they continue the idea that a person can only be the abused or abuser. He's both and it's okay to admit that.
Quickly let’s clear up this: He is not the way he is because of Dazai.
What Dazai IS responsible for:
Akutagawa’s need for his constant approval and recognition
Akutagawa learning to hone his ability
Akutagawa’s toxic views of being useful
The reason Akutagawa’s still alive
The reason Akutagawa is the Mafia’s dog
What Dazai is NOT responsible for:
Everything else
Akutagawa’s lean toward violence, his one-track stubborn mindset, and his lone-wolf attitude are not a product of Dazai’s treatment, he’s always been that way because of his time in the slums. He got beaten down by adults frightened of his empty gaze, had to learn to protect himself and find something to eat to survive, helped take care of his sister Gin and his friends by himself, and everyone constantly dying around him. That’s the real reason his personality is like that. He is a victim of his circumstances in a society that deemed him worthless, so he also thinks of his life as worthless. That’s why Dazai means so much to him.
Dazai did not trick him into joining the mafia, Dazai expressed what he was going to go through was worse than what happened in the slums and gave Akutagawa an out that he could live a normal life with enough money, but he knew Akutagawa would not refuse because he still needed meaning in living, just like him. Gaining enough money to get by so he and his sister could get out of the slums would do nothing for him, he already felt that his life was worthless. He has no problem throwing it away at any time, he was gonna die young regardless because of his lung disease. It has manipulative undertones, but that's how Dazai usually is with even the people he cares about.
Akutagawa knows too well that a person needs a sign, someone to tell them it’s okay to keep going, and so does Dazai. Part of Dazai’s goal is to save Akutagawa from dying and give him a reason to live like he promised that day because he sees the potential that could come from his development. I don't want to sound like a dick again, but you’d have to be dense to think Akutagawa would still be dead by the end of this arc. He isn’t sending him off to his death, Dazai doesn’t know everything.
Even if he knew Akutagawa might die there, it's better than both Atsushi and Akutagawa dying at that moment. If Akutagawa didn’t want to die for him, he wouldn’t have, he chose to save Atsushi’s life. This is why I have to defend Asagiri. Let’s reread the interview together, to make it get across already.
(Twt link)
Q: Just like how Akutagawa and Atsushi's relationship has changed, I could feel the relationship between Dazai and Akutagawa moving forward too. Is it like what Akutagawa has said in Episode 3 of Season 5, that every order he has received from Dazai so far has been "a trial", "a part of a meaningfull life"?
First, the question being asked. They’re asking Asagiri about their relationship in the present, and how it’s developed. Akutagawa is no longer thinking he was abandoned by Dazai for a new, better student like he was made him believe, that was just to rile him up and interact with Atsushi more. Instead, he realizes that he’s not supposed to work against Atsushi, he’s supposed to work with him. How he decides to go about that battle with Fukuchi and whether or not he works with Atsushi like a partner is his trial. If this was Akutagawa before he met Atsushi, he would’ve no doubt escaped or might’ve thought defeating Fukuchi would prove himself to Dazai. He's not an obstacle to his meaningful life, his quest for a meaningful life lies with Atsushi.
Asagiri responds with:
Asagiri: Needless to say, Dazai is the most qualified person in this world to help Akutagawa grow. Dazai has a vision for Akutagawa's development, and he completely understands what it takes to achieve it. We, as obsevers, can only see bits and pieces of that vision. But I can at least say that Dazai's training plan has never been wrong.
Many find this answer questionable, I was stunned reading it myself. Asagiri is not wrong at all here though, Dazai is objectively the only person in this series who can find a way to help him. Atsushi is the endpoint, but Dazai has been guiding him to this point. Dazai himself said that he was planning to team them up the moment he met Atsushi, he was still thinking of him even after all these years. There are much scarier implications than thinking that Asagiri was wrong. It's that Dazai was doing everything intentionally to get Akutagawa’s mindset where it was. He didn't mess up with Akutagawa, he just couldn't personally teach him the skills he needed and chose a different route until he found something that could.
Asagiri is not saying the abuse was morally justified, but the intention behind it was not wrong in an objective stance. Dazai would know what to do the most because of his understanding of wanting to find meaning in living. Teenage Dazai couldn’t have achieved much by himself, even if he could understand since he also could not find meaning in life. That’s why he made him hang on to his every breath of validation so he would keep his faith in Dazai long enough for him to find a solution to this dilemma. The moment in life when he found Akutagawa was not ideal and he still did what he thought he had to do for him to survive in the mafia. Without his ability, he's incredibly weak and needs to be able to defend himself. A violent person could not have made another violent person unlearn their violence.
You could say he just wanted a weapon, but that’s not it, not even close. Many of you are stuck on the part that it was a suicidal teenager that picked Akutagawa up from the slums and that no way someone like that could teach another suicidal teenager anything, so it’s “comical that Asagiri thinks as though he’s the most qualified”. You’re not wrong in some sense, but this is still incredibly intelligent, “Black Wrath of the Port Mafia”, Osamu Dazai, and not just some suicidal teenager.
He’s also no longer a teenager. Right now we’re talking of Dazai in the present who’s grown and no longer needs to be how he was in the mafia, he has Atsushi now, someone who can help Akutagawa see what’s wrong in his outlook. The only thing he could’ve done back then was to shelter Akutagawa so he wouldn’t kill himself. It's horrible, but Dazai validating where he is now would do no good for either of them and fix nothing.
Q: What kind of person is Dazai to Akutagawa?
Asagiri: Actually, at the time of "The Dark Era", Dazai already spoke very highly of Akutagawa, as someone who would "become the Mafia's strongest skill user in the not-so-distant future". He just doesn't say that in front of Akutagawa himself. The reason he doesn't say it is that Dazai has to be "the presence that continues to give meaning to life" to Akutagawa. So far, that trial has been completely successful.
None of what Asagiri brings up is new information. He doesn’t say it in front of Akutagawa not to spite him, but if he gives these praises out too freely, he loses his distant, almost god-like presence in Akutagawa and will go back to being just a lone wolf with no exceptions that will carelessly get himself killed. Without any goal, he’s lost. Just like Atsushi and the headmaster and how Atsushi hinges on proving he can do a good thing to motivate his life, Akutagawa similarly hinges on the fact that if he fails, he won’t get Dazai’s approval.
However, his death was not fully about Dazai’s approval in the way he's been preaching. In chapter 87, he mentions Dazai’s approval like always, and when they fail the first time even after trusting and working with each other as Shin Soukoku should, It hits him. What came into his head I cannot parse out at the moment, but his actions speak so much louder than any explanation we could've gotten. Of course, he's helping Atsushi escape, but what does he do for that? He used his ability on his shirt, and not just on the coat like he typically does.
It doesn't seem like a big deal at first, he could've always done that, but when was the last time he used it on something that wasn't the coat Dazai gave him? The coat means many things. His new beginning, his path in being Dazai’s student and successor (as that was also Mori’s coat), but it also conveys Dazai’s will that keeps him alive and that he's only strong with his coat. Without it, he's defenseless, so he clings to this coat the exact way he clings to those orders. It's his encouragement to keep going when Dazai isn't there. This overwhelming, suffocating responsibility, an oversized coat, is a lot to give to a kid but it's comfortable and he’ll grow into it eventually.
It was already a huge step in his development that he gave Atsushi his coat, but to use his ability not on his coat means he's making an effort to overcome his fixation and do an action unrelated to Dazai for the sake of Atsushi’s life. His whole life after the slums, everything he's ever done was with Dazai in mind. Him saving Atsushi’s life was not because he was doing what Dazai wanted him to do, that he'd finally get approval for doing It, and in turn give his life meaning before he died. When he saved Atsushi, it would give his life meaning in just that. He shouldn't let himself be defined by the past the way he criticizes Atsushi for, so he’s going to choose his meaning. I wouldn't say he's moved past Dazai yet, but he's getting there.
Dazai and Akutagawa’s relationship is not healthy in the slightest, and Dazai’s crueler actions and words against him are not right, but they’re still growing and not stagnant characters. Atsushi and Akutagawa learn from each other and that's what's pushing them to change. Nobody will pretend those past means weren’t just abuse, they were, but there's so much more to it. Like I asked with the director, was he successful? Well from what I’ve said, yes it so far has gone the way Dazai hoped for in the best-case scenario.
In the main universe at least, this is one of the better ways it could’ve gone. Beast is a different story. Teenage Dazai of the main universe was unsure of Akutagawa’s future and did only what he could’ve done at that time, but Beast Dazai does have that knowledge and he decided that it would be best for Akutagawa to not be in the mafia, instead bringing in Atsushi. It wouldn’t have been good to let him pursue his violent tendencies more than necessary in the mafia in this universe when he knew there was a better option, especially with someone like Oda, who would take the time to care for him properly.
Even if he didn’t bring him in, he still gave him the motivation to keep living for something. The prologue of Beast is a mirror to The Heartless Cur, with instead it’s a distant relationship of hate Akutagawa has for him for taking his sister. For those who argue that since Beast exists, that means Asagiri was somehow “wrong about Dazai”, but it’s still Dazai from the beginning that’s the source of this motivation. Dazai, who's still guiding him. If we’re gonna be honest, Dazai was putting their development/capabilities in speed run mode with the logic and future information he had access to prepare them for a timeline he won’t be alive for. There are many factors for what he did in Besst, but that’s not the conversation.
What does he get from helping him? Who knows, Asagiri wasn’t being cheeky when he said we only see bits and pieces of his vision. We barely have any clue what’s going through that man’s head, so don’t act like you do. He wasn’t always planning for the next Soukoku. Maybe it was a thought that came up sometimes, but he’s only met Atsushi recently. What about Akutagawa was so different from any other powerful ability-wielding orphan? Well, we’re not gonna know any time soon.
The point is that Dazai is thinking about their future, even if the abuse or manipulation makes that hard to see. Please do remember that abuse is still selfish no matter the intention, but non-selfish intentions make it all the more complicated to process. Their relationship is not misunderstood by Asagiri himself, it’s just clear to me most don’t want to face the unpleasant truth that there is more to their dynamic. When I first realized what was going on, I couldn’t help but get unnerved and awkward when someone would ask me about these two. These are both characters in the spotlight that you’re supposed to care about, but what happened between them is rotten.
You’re not supposed to pretend it didn’t happen because Dazai still contributed to who he is and it shows whenever it’s on screen. Abuse doesn’t make us stronger, don’t make it as if that’s a message that Asagiri is spreading. What happened to him motivated his development, but with Atsushi, that’s the opposite. Their circumstances are different and victims process what's happened to them in various ways. Depicting it in a form less common than usual doesn't mean the author thinks in the same way the victim does, it's just nuance at work.
I did not add Akutagawa’s attitude towards his subordinates and newer members as Dazai’s responsibility because Dazai is not the one controlling his hands when he hits Higuchi. Dazai’s mentoring contributed to his toxic views of being useful, but it’s only Akutagawa’s responsibility once he raises his hand. Instead of thinking of this in the context of the most typical abusive situation you can think of, how about this:
Your parent was raised in an abusive household, but they think they came out of it just fine and that there was nothing wrong with how they were treated. They treat you almost the same way, and all you can take away from that when you find out is, “At least it’s not as bad as it could’ve been”. You still hold anger at the standards they’re forcing you to reach, but if that’s what it takes to get that approval, then you’ll keep going anyway. Even if you get yelled at and you know you shouldn’t be treated like this, it’ll feel nice when you finally get on their good graces, right?
Then you get a new sibling, and all of that comes crumbling down. They don’t treat your sibling anywhere near the same when you were that age. Years go by and you get angrier and angrier. Why is it only you that was put to that standard? Even worse is that they treat you differently now too. You finally got to those standards, but now what is it worth? They’re so much nicer now and you want to curse them out for only changing now. Why couldn’t have had that parent from the beginning? It’s so unfair, but you can’t take it out on them because you still need them, they mean so much to you. As angry as you were, they were doing it because they cared about you in their way, you think. It was what your grandparents did to them at least. So you start treating your sibling similarly to how you were treated because you can’t take it that they didn’t experience that hardship without destroying yourself first.
Question: Are you right in what you did? Was the parent responsible for what you did to your sibling?
Nobody in their right mind would say yes to that first question. It makes sense why it happened, but continuing abuse will never be the correct answer. You’re doing the same thing your parent did. The second question needs more exposition to answer, however. How responsible is responsible?
In the end, even if it was the parent who influenced it, you’re only responsible for what you’ve done on your own accord. The parent did not tell you to take it out on your sibling, you decided that yourself. The parent is still responsible for what they’ve done to you, never get that wrong, but if you say that your guilt is absolved because it’s all their fault, you sound no different from any other abuser in denial. Are you saying now that the parent is also absolved from guilt because it’s all their parent’s fault too? Listen to yourself, You hurt someone but it’s not your fault, but the person who hurt you is also somehow not at fault? If someone came up to you and said that, you’d be fed up.
For those who do the same thing with Mori, rethink what you’re saying. Is it that painful to admit your favorite characters are at fault and that they’re changing? This comparison isn’t perfect and ignores some key factors: Dazai isn’t Akutagawa’s or Atsushi’s father and is not much older than them, the Port Mafia is a violent workplace environment and requires you to be able to navigate it a certain way, and all three of them at adults in present time. I used this comparison to be more real to earth and something a larger audience could process themselves to truly get that the emotions here are not straightforward even in a realistic situation.
Re: Portrait of a Father
Just like the prologue, in chapter 3 of the Beast light novel, Portrait of a Father is mirrored and retold in brutal upset that does not hold the hopeful bittersweetness at the end of it unlike its original. Before the present day, against all orders Dazai gave him, Atsushi attacked the orphanage on the day of his birthday. On his birthday, he would be reborn from the ashes of his past being burnt away, and kill the director inside to release himself from the fear of those memories.
It’s what he says at least.
Playing out, the director was expecting him. There might have only been one person in his mind who would’ve attacked a rundown orphanage on this scale. It frightens Atsushi after all that planning and fear of losing to the director, he could still see through him, but confusion takes hold when he’s told that he was late for his graduation.
Graduation? Atsushi is in fight or flight mode, why is he approaching him with this box? He can’t imagine it being anything other than a weapon, nothing else would make sense for this cruel monster. The director won’t give him any straight answer, just repeating words he’s heard over and over growing up here. He uses his tiger hearing to glean what could be inside.
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.
There’s the proof, it had to be a bomb. He needs to protect himself before anything happens or he’ll die. He’s scared, he can’t move, but he has to fight. The director opens his arms for the embrace of his child… and death, plummeted into a bloody mess on the floor. Only out of the corner of his eye, only when Atsushi stopped, he saw what was in the box. It was a watch, brand new and high-end. Happy Birthday was what was written on a sheet of paper next to it.
His last words, whispered into his ear, were words of encouragement: “Yes… just like that.”
I was not kidding when I said this was brutal. Just like in the main universe, Atsushi learns why he did what he did and can’t place any of his feelings, but overwhelmingly guilt crushes him to keep protecting people with his life rather than just fear because he killed him. He finds out much earlier about what happened with Shibusawa, and how the director protected his identity as the tiger.
The director’s intentions are draining when you let your mind wander. As we’ve established, the headmaster as a figure of hate for Atsushi is intentional on his part. He doesn’t explain anything on purpose here to probe him into killing him. He bought that watch for Atsushi as a congratulations for growing up and becoming a new independent individual.
In the split minute before Atsushi took the first swing, he said his usual, “Those who fail to protect others do not deserve to live.” I have to question now if he was so willing to die there, even encouraging him to kill him, then has it been this whole time he still can’t live with himself for what happened to his friends… or is it because he couldn’t protect Atsushi anymore? Maybe I’m overthinking it and it was just that the headmaster thought Atsushi needed to kill him to remove an obstacle in his growth as an individual, to be a necessary sacrifice for his benefit.
It's too flawed though. The director will never leave him, not after all that he's engraved into Atsushi. The watch has become not a symbol of a person who's found himself, but a child that's latched himself onto his father's cold corpse that won't ever respond, but that child would do anything to have him wake up and say "Good job, Atsushi". The director also has a clock, but can he call himself a strong individual when he hasn't let go of the past either?
Time stopped for Beast Atsushi when he picked up that watch. If he had just followed orders, none of this would’ve happened. If he isn’t his father’s child, if he doesn’t uphold his last wish, then who is he? When he’s no longer in the mafia and has time for himself to think, he wanders.
He failed in becoming someone he could be proud of, he deserved to die for that but doesn't want to be dead… because It wasn't truly about the Director, just like how it wasn't truly about Dazai’s acknowledgment or saving his sister for Akutagawa. At first, that was the motivation, it's the reasoning they keep going with, but in the end, it was to save their own life and give it purpose to validate why they're still around. If they can die like this, then it's all the same. If they have their own life in someone else’s hands, then they no longer have to be responsible for their own heavy-hearted weight.
Beast Atsushi is given neither and is taken of his reasoning, but he keeps going. Aimlessly.
Luckily, it’s not where his story ends.
He wakes up in his old orphanage, and it’s no longer the dreary place it was when he was younger. Kids laughing outside, no chains on the walls or bars blocking off the windows, and the new Orphanage Director greets him. He tells him that he will go back to being a student of the orphanage until he can become independent again, under one of Dazai’s last requests before he died.
Still, there’s one thing he needs to do. The new director takes out the watch and tells him to break it. Atsushi is distraught by this notion, but he won’t let Atsushi leave if he doesn’t. The new director has good reason, there is no point in becoming someone the past director was proud of and this is what’s holding him back. Atsushi, eventually, tells him he will not break the watch. He can’t move on just yet and this watch is still proof he’s himself, yet…
He’ll keep going and move forward, just like Akutagawa told him after he spared his life. The new director finds those words to be enough, saying he can’t leave until he finds something else to define himself with, but he can keep living here as his son. He went there to burn away his past and came out of it not able to let go of the past, but now he can redo and process it healthily with someone willing to hold him like a father should.
The Man Who Raised Dazai
Everyone who’s read Beast has questioned it: Why did Dazai in his right mind have Mori take care of an orphanage? Why did he save his life? Better yet, why is he so nice?! I have come up with some speculation on why Dazai would.
“Beast Dazai recognized this potential of change either from the multitude of universes he was able to witness or recognized it in his own considering canonverse Dazai never does anything against Mori (even if he visibly dislikes him).”
“Possibility is one thing, the why is another. It was either that he saw potential and good that could come out of this in the long run, Mori’s intelligence and expertise still proves usefulness, less dangerous for Oda in the long run if he let Mori stay there instead of the Mafia, or all three.”
(Didn’t feel like rephrase them)
We can’t know anything for sure about his decision, but I do know Mori is the type of character to sacrifice his feelings for what he thinks would logically benefit the sum, and there’s no better way to release yourself from that too-calculative responsibility than to remove yourself from it and to be in a place where you’re allowed to care for others and express yourself when there is no greater purpose than to just grow.
What happened with Yosano is undoubtedly wrong, but Mori had put away any sympathy in those situations because he needed her to do what he brought her in for. I was confused by his declaration that violence should never be used to educate children when I read it, especially out of his mouth, but now I understand. He would know with certainty that it’s not the right way to educate children, particularly because this is a Mori that hasn’t been in the dark for these past years and has grown to care for these children at the orphanage without any greater intention for them.
He’s not like the Old Director because he has no reason to think these kids would end up the way he did. They’re just kids that need someone to raise them with kindness, kindness will be what gets them through life as functional adults. Abuse has too many drawbacks to be called an optimal solution here. Is it surprising that all it took to change Mori was the kindness and salvation Dazai offered to him when he took over? Can you believe it was that simple to treat someone like a human being instead of a figure of hate?
What sticks out to me like a sore thumb is that when he’s introduced in Beast, he’s referred to as the man who raised Dazai. He is, regardless of what you think, the closest thing Dazai has to a father figure. In regards to how the fanbase speaks of their relationship, it’s hard to think that he cared about Dazai, but he did and the extent of how bad it got between them is grossly exaggerated.
As many comparisons Dazai gets with Yosano, their relationship with Mori is very different. Unlike Yosano, he did not need to be forced to do anything with psychological abuse and he did not need to be torn down to do what Mori asked him to. We don’t know what happened to him to become like this, but it wasn’t because of Mori. Yosano had light in her and a motivation to do the right thing, but Dazai didn’t. Dazai is no stranger to any violence or using violence himself even before Mori if he's this desensitized.
It’s useful that Dazai is like that when he meets him, up until it isn’t. He’s moody and actively looking to die. Mori can’t predict him that easily and Dazai can see right through him. There’s another huge difference between them though: Mori sees himself in Dazai. We don’t have enough insight in his head to make conclusive statements, but I think this is why he cared for Dazai. It’s not because he saw a child struggling that he cared, but grew some fondness because he saw a little mini-him. When he drove Dazai out of the Port Mafia, he expected him to come back and take back his vacant seat.
Eventually, Dazai will come back and realize that petty anger about someone dying is illogical in somewhere like the mafia. But because of him not being able to see through Dazai and seeing himself in him, he also expected him to eventually usurp his seat if he stayed any longer. That is why he had invited Mimic at the time he did and manipulated the situation so Oda, someone he knew Dazai cared for, would go and take care of the situation flawlessly. He’d be sacrificed and Mori could get something out of it, a Skilled Business Permit. A perfect plan… in theory, but Mori was wrong and miscalculated on many levels because of how many assumptions he made about Dazai.
First, he wouldn’t have known that it was Oda who held the words that would convince him to leave the mafia and go into the world of light. Dazai will never come back to his own volition. Second, as those panels quite literally tell you, Dazai was never planning on killing him. He saw his place in the mafia and saw that he was needed there. When Mori finally realizes his mistake with Dazai 4 years later during the Guild Arc, he can’t go back. His plan was still perfectly sound and he still got what he wanted out of it. He shouldn’t regret it, but…
Now that’s been paved out, where does wanting to save Dazai fit into this? If I had to assume, it’s the same reason he didn’t shoot Dazai for leaving his office during Dark Era. He cared about that boy, for 4 whole years he left him and his seat alone when the logical thing he should be doing was replacing him, but as much as he might’ve cared, he needed to put the mafia first. He didn’t let him die because of his use, but also because of their so-called “common destiny” in his eyes, a diamond in a rough he might’ve disposed of otherwise if he didn’t see his potential. There’s not much he could’ve done for Dazai here except keep him healthy and alive. Mori gets tons of flack for not trying to help him, but there's nothing he could've done, not in their position.
He can't cultivate his potential if there is abuse involved because there is no logical reason for him to do anything to Dazai. You guys have to stop assuming the worst when it comes to Mori, you’re missing huge character details that are right in front of you. The difference between Mori, the Boss of the Port Mafia, and Mori, the Orphanage Director is that he had time to rekindle his humanity so he’s able to care about him like a normal human being, feel guilt, and admit regret after Beast Dazai has died. Mori at most was responsible for ingraining tactical strategies and theories and molding him into the perfect Mafioso and right-hand man.
Not to say any of those aren’t a bad thing. He’s still a child and having him use his desensitized, intelligent mind to build the potential in what he could do for the mafia, it’s just that he’s responsible for very little in Dazai’s personality. The only answer I could give about Dazai being abused by Mori or being abused under the credentials that he’s a child in a violent, unsafe place is the same answer given earlier for Chuuya: in his case, not really.
Regarding this, I retract my statement about anything I’ve said about Beast Atsushi not being a victim in his time in the mafia, but I still hold my stance that he’s not the victim of the port mafia. I want to say the same thing about Beast Dazai and Atsushi that I do here, but considering he picked him up and trained him like how he trained Akutagawa, there’s a great chance Dazai emotionally abused him when you read their interactions. Not physically as that would make him too much like the headmaster, but just enough emotional distress in bringing up traumatic moments to manipulate him into doing what he needs of him.
It’s not a good relationship, but Mori wasn’t targeting Dazai in any real way like the Director and Atsushi or Dazai and Akutagawa. Unlike every other section, I have to conclude that he didn’t do anything to Dazai in that regard other than treating him like another adult when he shouldn't have. I don’t have much to say negatively about their dynamic otherwise. Just a weird, terrible son with his weird, terrible father. It’s more like someone who's taking after their mentor’s teaching and methods rather than an abuse victim echoing their abuser. This is why I don't accept the “Cycle of Abuse” as how the fandom understands it. It tells me a lot that people resort to the blame game.
I wonder what Dazai and Mori’s relationship would've looked like without any of this in the middle. Maybe something in cadence with Ranpo and Fukuzawa, but I can't help thinking that accepting Atsushi as his son in Beast instead of a student wasn't just for Atsushi’s sake. He was about to call him his student too, but immediately changed his mind. He already admitted he was helping him because of what happened to Dazai, so it can’t be a huge jump to think that in the same way this is Atsushi’s redo in building a relationship with a father figure, this is Mori’s redo to give him some atonement for the boy he failed.
A Mother’s Love
Kyouka, when we first meet her, appears as a force to be reckoned with. With skills a young girl shouldn’t have, and a demon shadowing behind, she’s a terrifying opponent. Quickly though, that appearance falls short in tragedy when the bomb Atsushi’s after is found on her own body and when he asks if she truly wants to kill... She has no answer, but her actions speak clearly. She gives him the defuser because she doesn’t want any more people to die, but the man behind the phone will not let it defuse.
So Kyouka does the next best thing to save more from dying: falling off the train with the bomb that’s about to go off. As long as she dies with it, nobody can use her and her abilities to massacre the people on the train when the bomb eventually fails to do what is necessary. Because that’s when Atsushi realizes that she cannot control her ability herself. No matter what she genuinely wants, she will never have the ability to obtain it because of this one fact. She can only be what people tell her she is.
We all know this story well, she gets saved by Atsushi and the man behind the phone is Akutagawa. Atsushi offers her the same kindness Dazai extended to him regardless of his reputation and destruction because it’d only be the right thing to do. He knows her incoming fate of eventual death for her crimes, he can’t do much, but she should at least experience normalcy this one time.
When she’s about to turn herself in, Akutagawa stops her and tells her she did her job well as a decoy for him to capture Atsushi. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but there’s a peculiar oddness about Akutagawa here in his attitude towards Kyouka. In all logic, even though she is a strong tool to the mafia, she’s a low-level member, a disobedient one at that, and should’ve been killed on sight for her betrayal considering how quick he is to violence, but he talks as if nothing even happened. He brushes off any thought of her dying as she’s spouting nonsense and that she’s going to go back to the mafia as normal.
But then he spouts off about how she’s better off dead on the ship if she stops killing. What’s up with that? It’s not completely obvious at first, but he’s projecting his own experiences in the slums and beliefs formed from Dazai’s mentoring onto her. From his time when he wasn’t in the mafia, he tells her there’s nothing left out there for people like them, there’s only rock bottom. He can confidently say that there is nowhere that would accept her for her ability, demon snow, because it’s the same for him.
The only way her life can have value is to kill to be useful, just like any good mafia member. It’s exactly why that flashback with Dazai happens here. He’s the one who fed him these thoughts he’s lived with for these past 6 years, and what she’s been believing for 6 months. He doesn’t loathe her, he sees it as doing a favor for her. What else can a little girl who can kill be use of except to kill in her circumstances?
Contrary to popular belief, he is not her abuser and is not the same thing Dazai was to him. He neither trained her nor did we have information on their relationship to come to that conclusion. The only thing we know is that he was the one sent to pick her up by the Port Mafia. We can prove she is not the way she is because Akutagawa since Beast, well, exists. She is one of the few characters I can confidently say was a victim of the Port Mafia itself and not just a person of the Port Mafia specifically.
Akutagawa was trying to be what Dazai was to him, but he is selling a bastardized version of it to her. The person who was her Dazai was Atsushi, the same person who was given Dazai’s act of kindness. Someone who has experienced the same things Akutagawa has and is living proof that she can hope for something better.
He could see that the same revenge and lack of regard for her life in her eye was the same kind he met Dazai with. Despite that, these lessons he’s internalized have helped no one, not even himself. She can’t find meaning in something that is the root cause of her suicidal ideation. This life is unfulfilling for people like them who need meaning in life. Akutagawa doesn't realize this because he still has Dazai to be his motivational goal. That’s why he failed to help Kyouka, Dazai’s efforts would’ve been considered an utmost failure too if he wasn’t actively trying to fix that misunderstanding. Kindness is what actively saves us and helps us grow, the harm in abusive environments will only stunt us. But what happens when kindness is offered to us, but nothing comes out of it except proving us right that we’re unsavable? Then you have Kouyou.
Kouyou is the second person I could say was a victim of the Port Mafia. She has the same belief Akutagawa had about people like them being unable to be saved, so the only thing they can do is embrace it. I can’t claim she was Kyouka’s abuser either as we again don’t know enough, but that doesn’t change that her behavior is emotionally abusive, and is a much better contender than he is.
She’s doing the same thing Akutagawa was doing himself. Seeing themselves in this child and doing what she “needs” instead of what she wants. Just like him, she views this as saving her from the hands of light that will never make room for them and will ignore everything else she says. When Akutagawa is faced with her “disillusionment”, he… accepts it when she refuses his will and chooses another path, but almost kills her to spare her from that decision that would “doom” her.
Kouyou is much less accepting, opting to kill the root source of this hope itself, Atsushi, because her fondness for Kyouka prevents her from leaving her for dead. In contrast to Akutagawa’s attempt at being what gives her life meaning, Kouyou wants to stop Atsushi from being like the same man who also gave her hope that they could escape to the world of light. She can’t bear to see Kyouka go through the same realization she did far too late.
I can see what you're thinking, why am I reluctant to call either of them Kyouka’s abuser? Even if Akutagawa doesn't count, shouldn't Kouyou count because she seems to have an actual relationship with her and her effects are prevalent in Beast, the same points I mentioned to debunk accusations against him? Sure actually, but think about it like this. What the Port Mafia does have in common with real situations is that this is a community that is full of victims who refuse to process their traumatic experiences for any reason, and bring down others to their level when they don’t fit in their narrative to justify what’s happened to them.
There isn’t just one abuser weighing over you, there's this collective pressure from so many who aren't your abuser but they still contribute to your abuse with their presence itself. If Dazai wasn’t there in the mafia, would Akutagawa's situation have changed? Yes. Now if Akutagawa or Kouyou weren’t in the mafia, would Kyouka's situation have changed? Not at all. She’d have fewer examples to refer to, but she’d still be abused. If it’s easier to imagine, think of it similarly to cult mentality and how they keep you in cults. That is the reason I emphasized being a victim of the Port Mafia instead of an individual. Kouyou, Q, and Kyouka, while you can pin their main perpetrators on certain people, their overall situation doesn't change.
Now why doesn’t she just use the phone herself instead of letting people call Demon Snow for her? Wouldn’t she have more agency that way? Atsushi proposes this, but she rejects it instantly. It’s a very simple answer, it’s the same reason she can’t bear to look at it outside of when she’s forced to use it in combat. It’s her ability that killed her parents and why she was forced into this position.
It’s not hard for a little girl to believe she’s nothing more than a killing machine when she sees that night her ability would mercilessly kill her parents. She eventually caves when Kouyou points out how quick she is to vindicate violence to protect that hope she desperately wants a part of, and how she will never change. Her first mission with the Armed Detective Agency is proof in itself. Was Atsushi going to keep extending his kindness after hearing what she could only blame herself for?
Kouyou is a character I’ve seen that gets a lot of double standards compared to all of the other characters I’ve mentioned with abusive tendencies and is almost purely liked. She’s not seen as an absolute monster (The director, Mori) or controversial with one side containing pure dislike and another pure love (Akutagawa, Dazai), it’s only that she’s a well-written, sympathetic badass girl boss. It’s either because she’s a woman, that she doesn’t use an overt intimidation style, that her motives are more obvious in their emotional influences, or all of the above that she’s not treated the same.
Kouyou’s motivations are not special, as I’ve said. The only thing that differentiates them from the others is that they’re not covered by a mask of indifference. As fond as she is for her, she’s not much different from anyone else who holds the mafia up in high regard. She weaponizes her words in where they’d hurt the most so Kyouka would come with her. The entire last section of their battle sums up with her saying, “Kyouka come with me, they’ll only use you for your Ability when they get a hold of it. Even if the mafia did the same thing, at least they’ll accept you for who you truly are: a natural-born killer. You don’t have to fight anymore, I’ll protect you.”
When Atsushi finds Kyouka once again subsequently in her disappearance, she chooses to embrace her violence to help the Armed Detective Agency in this fight with the Guild. After her walk in where she used to reside, she comes the the conclusion she no longer belongs there. Against Kouyou’s wishes, she will brandish her blade for a home. That blows up in her face the moment she starts. Atsushi gets taken, and it’s just as Kouyou said would happen. If even her violence doesn’t get her wish, then what can she do besides leave herself to her fate?
As someone who’s seen another with a talent for killing walk the path of good and is on that same path himself, Dazai talks to her. He tells her about how she hasn’t gone through her entrance exam yet, how she isn’t an official member because she hasn’t proven her will or life on the line to help people she doesn’t necessarily know. Kyouka doesn’t believe she could’ve passed if that’s what it takes, but Dazai doesn’t agree with the points she’s brought up. So what if she’s killed or considered dangerous? That doesn’t make her less qualified to be a part of the Detective Agency, everyone there is from different backgrounds.
She can’t know everything, not even about herself. Nobody does, but it takes others to see more of yourself. Excelling in one area doesn’t prevent you from nurturing your potential in another. What would that make someone like Atsushi, a person who’s been her guiding figure throughout—but was never seen as anything more than a threat or a beast because of his ability before he joined them? The truth is, our lives aren’t defined by one purpose the moment we’re born, it’s only something you can make for yourself. We’re not the places we’ve been raised in, not the ideas people apply to us, and we’re especially not defined by the traumatic experiences we had no control over.
All of it accumulates the person we are today, and we can’t change that no matter how much we resent parts of our image that don’t hold up to what society deems as right, but it shouldn’t take control over what we want for ourselves. It isn’t fair for the victims who were forced into a life where they had to fend for themselves, the children who had to navigate an adult’s messed up world that didn’t have room for them to grow as kids should. Forced into a box where they stay unaware that they’ve ever left their mother’s womb, break out in fury with eyes that grew up too early—only to become lost and thrown away, or rot in that box without a single person knowing they were a breathing, living human being.
I deem abuse selfish for this very reason. Kouyou is wrong for this very reason. If she finds comfort in her reasoning, then I can’t critique her for her own choices and will have to respect her for choosing to stay in the mafia even when the old boss is dead, every abuse victim is different, but not a single person is born evil or good, in the dark or light. Not a soul has to stay in one place because they started there. It’s going to be a hard journey to truly achieve what you long for, results aren’t immediate and not everyone gets there no matter their effort, but still try. Try because it’s still worth trying, because you’re still worth more than you think.
In parallel, you can only get there as long as you’re seeking it. Too many see the Armed Detective Agency as something that will automatically save characters just by working there, but the only way it can help them is if they seek out their help themselves. The ADA is not the right place for every character, but Kyouka does want a place there. After her conversation with Dazai, she knows what she wants to do now. She will smash the drone she’s in into Moby Dick so nobody will have to die, but sacrifice her own life in the process. She’s chained to this place, but her choices aren’t.
She doesn’t have to die with regret, with this she can pass the entrance exam and become an agency member like she wanted. She made a difference for herself just by this act. It’d be a pretty melancholy arc if it ended like that, thank god we know it doesn’t end like this. When you become a full agency member, you gain more control over your ability, meaning—
She’s fine.
The exposition is over, let’s talk about Kyouka. Her arc is beautiful and the neglect to talk about her when it comes to her abuse story besides saying, “She’s the one who stopped the abuse cycle” and then nothing else is heartbreakingly superficial. She didn’t stop it, it’s impossible to, but she did break out of it. Kyouka’s section has more exposition than the others but I expected that. I wanted to save her for last because she’s the only one whose arc has come to a peaceful conclusion and not unfinished, and the lighter message felt nice to leave off on.
I shouldn’t berate Kouyou too much, the only reason she stayed in that room after being captured by the ADA is because she did want Kyouka to experience what she never had, and speaking with Dazai helped reassure her that Kyouka would be able to achieve her dreams. It’s no longer the age of the old boss. As well as her shedding the truth about her parent’s death so she wouldn’t have to resent her ability as not an avatar of massacre, but a product of her parents’ love that will always stay with her. She didn’t let go of the phone she’s had this entire time because her mother told her not to let it go.
Me going over Kouyou in this fashion is not me saying you shouldn’t love her character, I like her too. It’s just that it’s passed over so fast what she did, but somehow Akutagawa is more at fault here is mind-boggling. I’d get it a little more if this is because she redeemed herself by wanting the best for Kyouka over what was best for the mafia, but I doubt that’s the case when that moment is talked about so little as well.
I genuinely need you all to understand that not every character is going to have a satisfying, clean conclusion like this. Akutagawa’s story is most likely not going to have a conclusion that satisfies everyone and you should respect it when it comes. There’s no perfect way of writing abuse, but there’s no correct way of doing it either. I don’t think Dazai is going to have the repercussions you want him to have any time soon. If you got the message from Beast, getting revenge on an abuser doesn’t make us feel better or let us process what happened to us. Total resentment keeps us stuck.
The only thing that will heal us is the kindness so many offer in this series. You in no way need to extend that kindness to an abuser, you don’t need to forgive them or let them into your life again, but be kind to yourself and don’t let resentment prevent you from focusing on yourself. Forgiveness and reconnection are not the same thing. Don’t be angry when a victim does want those things. Unless it’s character inconsistent, that’s not something we shouldn’t have any opinion on as the right or wrong way to go about their lives. What if later they do change their mind and want something different from what they originally planned? That’s fine too. Everyone is different. Don’t give unsolicited advice to people who do not want it, let them decide for themselves. It is the best thing you can do.
The worst abusers are the ones who refuse to change and see wrong in what they’re doing, but what about the ones who do want that? Then also let them heal. They did something awful, why isn’t it a good thing they want to stop it now? You don’t have to let them in just because they changed though. Apologies don’t fix the damage already done, but to some victims, it feels nice to feel that what’s been done to them is acknowledged. You don’t want them to hurt others the way they’ve done to you, and neither do they. It hurts to let them forgive themselves when you haven’t and never will, you want to see them suffer, but that’s the only way things can change.
Dazai has changed, is he a good person even after what he’s done? I despise this question for any character of this series. He’s grown so much, and if you don’t think so, reread his conversation with Kyouka I beg of you. It is a far cry from his mindset in the mafia. A better person for sure, but a good person is hard to define for anyone in this series. The mafia is still the mafia, do any of them qualify as good people? The government, even if it’s the position of the right in society, is still an unjust system.
What a good person is cannot be an objective answer, people think there is but it’s not. A good person is how much we know about them and where our position in life affects our viewpoint. Prejudice values don’t make you correct in what you think a good person is, being convicted of a crime, one you might not even have committed, doesn’t automatically make you a bad person, being associated with a group doesn’t mean anything about who you are, etc. It’s all subjective in the end.
Meaning someone like Odasaku is essential in a story like this. He still has a presence in this narrative, even if he died in a light novel, because his existence pushes the boundaries of a “good person” in the fact his contradictory existence establishes itself. He failed in walking the path he wanted, but he doesn’t regret it even in his dying moments trying to.
Afterthoughts
The themes of morality and humanity go hand in hand with the abuse present in Bungou Stray Dogs, so it was hard avoiding talking about this when it was necessary. I don’t think it’s right of us to judge a character’s path that isn’t finished, in a story that’s nowhere near done. Ultimately, I’m only talking in a place of experience but never will it make me exempt from any personal bias. I tried to be as objective and nuanced as I could about this, and I hope it shows.
Abuse isn’t one of those things that I can analyze from any logical stand point or take resources to back my statements up about abuse. Of course everything I say can be backed up, but abuse is a personal, human matter and we’re just human being trying to figure out more than we can handle. I just couldn’t be comfortable with how people are now choosing to talk about Asagiri and needed to shed some light in what you’re missing.
Now I could’ve gone over Higuchi or Lucy because their stories also involve abuse, but I don’t think I could say anything new about them without repeating points I’ve already said. We know very little about Higuchi and what made her so devoted to Akutagawa, and Lucy is pretty quick to summarize considering her story is just like Atsushi’s. Q is also a character to be brought up but I don’t have enough information on them to say much about any abuse itself that happened.
Yosano was also an option but I don’t think anyone had any trouble understanding her backstory. Well I was only really aiming to speak about what’s not been spoken enough. Thank you for reading haha, god this thing is monstrous. Already got to 14k words by the time I was officially done…. I didn’t know if I wanted to lean into character analysis or just exposition, I hope it’s a good enough mix of both. This took way longer than the 4 days I was planning to write this in.
I was later reminded that I could do a post on how their abilities functioned and reflect on their abuse/traumatic events, but I didn’t think I’d have enough room for that here. It could be a bonus post eventually? I don’t think I did Kyouka enough justice in that aspect, but i’d just be beating myself up again about not making this perfect.
I hope I don’t come off scary or a very serious person? I’m very open to requests or discussions people want to engage in. Oh jeez, I’ll just embarrass myself if I keep talking. Writing this was a bit much, never really liked writing stuff myself. Sorry if glossed over anything, I wanted to stay on topic and not detail into something unnecessary.
The message BSD has is a pretty normal one, but there’s something very special about how it’s written here and I’m happy it exists. Maybe I shouldn’t have made this so long? But there’s so much to express sigh……
#bsd#bsd spoilers#bsd manga#bsd meta#bsd analysis#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#atsushi nakajima#dazai osamu#meta#analysis#akutagawa ryuunosuke#kyouka izumi#mori ougai#bsd beast#beast atsushi#ozaki kouyou#chuuya nakahara#SIGHHH I NEED A NAP#THIS WAS TOO MUCH EFFORT FOR ME
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HAI RUE i’m here to request smth for you 😈😈 can you do bsd (or ur choice !!) w an s/o who is superr busy w sports (literally me) like its everyday mon - sat and …. for almost the whole day !!
have fun and go wild !
WITH A READER WHOS INTO SPORTS― dazai, chuuya, atsushi x reader
warnings: lowercase writing!!
lets all forget that the icons are from haikyuu, bc it's a sports anime and it works well with the theme. bonus!! uhm; atlas!!! tysm for requesting and i'm so sorry it's coming out later then you asked!!
dazai
goes to all of your games
he is your number one fan; n matter what your family says he is your number. one. fan
no matter what sport you play he will pretend he knows so much about it, but he doesn't even know what he's talking about.
he gets a tad bit upset when you tell him you cannot hang out'; you have practice.
"but-but i had the entire afternoon planned, 'donna!!"
"dazai; let go of my leg- dazai no- don't bite- DAZAI!!"
pouts when you kiss him goodbye, trying to manipulate you into staying.
it doesn't work.
cuddles you so much when you get home, no matter how late it is.
"dazai, i have two more praticaes, tomorrow morning and tuesday after 5-"
"can i come with you?"
"last time i brought you a soccer ball hit you in the face!"
"...that sounds like only a once in a lifetime situation."
chuuya
is happy you got a hobby of your own.
he doesn't show how much he gets upsets when you have to go to practice when he wants to be with you.
"again?"
"i told you, it's one monday to saterday! i'll be free all day on sundays, so we can go to wherever you want then?"
you gave him a sad smile as you kissed him goodbye.
has offered to come with you to one of your games, and even packed water and snacks.
"don't nee my girl starving during her big game!"
"you sound like a dad, dude-"
"don't say that when i'm literally dating you!"
celebrates with you after every victory you've won, of course after you've had your victory with your teammates.
atsushi
he is curious and wants to know more about your sport that you play.
sure, he knows soccer.
you kick a ball and boom, goal!
uhm. yeah, your just missing a goalie who stops the goals.
"okay, this is a birdie-"
"it doesn't look like a bird. did nikolai ive you that? why are you talking to-"
"and that ends todays lesson, i've got to go, love you!"
he wants to play with you sometimes, and it usually ends with him again asking many questions.
he cheers for you on the sidelines, and he gets sideeyed so damn hard.
"what mean you have practice, you just did yesterday!"
"it's all week, babe, but i promise to hang out with you as soon as i get home!!"
#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bsd x reader#bungo stray dogs x reader#bsd x y/n#bsd dazai#bsd chuuya#bsd atsushi#dazai x reader#chuuya x reader#atsushi x reader#dazai osamu#chuuya nakahara#atsushi nakajima#bsd x you#x reader#bsd headcanons#bsd fluff#my writing#๋࣭ ⭑ rue writes 🖋
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From recent discussions about Danny as reader, I had a thought...
What if reader doesn't like a charecter?
Anyone that has watched Danny Motta's reaction videos on BSD knows that Danny dislikes Fyodor and strongly hate Nathaniel Hawthorne.
A lot of people in the fandom also dislike Teruko.
How do the BSD cast react?
There is a mix between "We acsept and understand it" and "We kinda feel hurt about it".
On one hand, they understand, that, for now, they are fictional character for Reader. And Reader aren't obliged to love every single character. BSD Cast themselves read books from the real world, while they still in their world. And BSD Cast also have characters they dislike. They will be a hypocrites, if they will be angry at Reader for disliking a character, while they dislike other characters.
On the other hand, disliked characters feel sad. They knew from others, that positive emotions from GL felt nice (warm and safe). They also want to make GL feel happy about them! But, disliked characters don't feel to sad. They can be more, than manga/anime/LN shows about them! They will talk to GL in the Real World. They will find a way to be at least on nice terms, if not friends.
_____
I do think that GL's feelings about disliked characters can be changed. In Real World there is no script, and BSD Cast's actions cannot be predicted. Who knows, maybe, disliked characters can surprise GL and make them change their mind.
Danny wasn't immideatly became Ranpo's fan.
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anywyas guys
i know my platform is SMALL ASF. but i wanna start writing just for fun yk!! will not write smut cuz i just don’t know how to sadly,, but i will write suggestive stuff along w short smut drabbles i just cannot go into detail w smut,, i will also share my personal headcanons for a lottt of these fandoms
this will also have my dni list!!
here are the fandoms i’ll write for -
genshin
tears of themis
honka star rail
bsd
assassination classroom
danganronpa
hunter x hunter
saiki k
ouran highschool host club
black butler
demon slayer
tokyo rev
toilet bound hanako kun
the promise neverland
obey me
arcane
camp camp (this fandom is SO DEAD)
spiderverse
haikyuu
dni -
racist
homophobs
transphobs
dsmp fans
anti shifters
basically the average dni criteria
if ur uncomfy w teens writing smut then js feel free to block me bro 🙏🙏
i cannot do male/amab reader becuz 1. men r NOT my target audience if i’m posting but y’all r totally welcome 2. this is very very self indulgent, so this will be made to cater to the requester and MYSELF. i am a bisexual (w female lean) woman w bpd nd extremely delulu u best believe imma be making shit for myself
there ofc will we gn reader where gender and body anatomy aren’t mentioned at all, but i js cant do male anatomy and i simply don’t wish too 😙😙
anyways please send in req!! i’m happy to write literally anything and if you DONT see a fandom on here that you’re interested in, request a character and i’ll do my best to research them if i can!
#atsv x reader#bsd fluff#bsd smut#bsd x reader#atsv fluff#atsv smut#camp camp fluff#black butler fluff#black butler smut#genshin fluff#genshin smut#genshin impact#genshin imagines#genshin headcanons#arcane fluff#arcane smut#hsr smut#hsr fluff#honkai star rail#honkai star rail x reader#genshin x reader#genshin impact fluff#genshin impact smut#haikyuu fluff#haikyu smut#haikyu x reader#tokyo rev#tokyo rev fluff#tokyo rev headcanons#tokyo rev smut
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Long post with some BSD manga spoilers------
Seen some people get on other fans for fixating on Sigma being 3 years old.
And I can respect where they are coming from because Sigma is an adult with a fully developed adult body. He ran a casino all by himself for 8 days.
I also cannot let go of the fact that he is 3 years old.
I can't let go of that detail because being an adult is more than just being in a fully mature body. You can't form a fully mature person based on nature and biology alone. Nurture also plays a big factor in a persons development and personality.
A lot of what makes someone mature is lived experience.
And Sigma only has 3 years of that total.
There's just so much that Sigma is probably behind in development wise because he just hasn't been alive long enough to gain the lived experiences necessary for it. He doesn't have pre-made memories from the book to contribute to his personality.
I think that it absolutely affects him on an emotional level. Because emotions are something that's developed with time and experience, not just biology.
Sure, Sigma can run a casino and remember the profiles of thousands of people but he also has to mask his emotions so that people don't notice he's struggling with lack of lived experience.
Because he does struggle with the knowledge that he's been thrust straight into life with no real clue of what to do.
- I can tell you from experience that being thrown into the real world after not being taught how to do any kind of adulting is scary as hell. And that terror only gets worse when you look back at the people that were supposed to teach you and they just tell ya to figure it out on your own. You are an adult. They won't tell you what to do and you don't know what to do but everyone just expects you to do something because you are an adult now. -
So someone like Sigma, with no prior memories or experience to fall back on and no one to ask, ends up having anxiety and panic attacks when he finds himself in situations he doesn't know how to handle.
It's easy for other people to manipulate him because at least if someone is giving him some directions then that's better than no direction at all.
He's an easy target because of his lack of experience and emotional insecurity.
That is a direct result of his age.
Sigma is an adult biologically. But he is also 3 years old. He never had a childhood and that has to affect him. How he sees and interacts with the world.
When he plays rock, paper, scissors with Dazai, I really can't ignore how he gets frustrated when he can't win a game. And when he wins one time, he does a little happy dance while Dazai dramatically pretends to be beaten. It never occurs to him that Dazai was probably just humoring him. He finally won a game against Dazai! And he's happy!
And Dazai playing up his defeat right there just tips me off that Dazai also can tell that Sigma is affected by his chronological age. That Sigma could use some kind of help to catch up with where most adults are at.
That's why I think Dazai tries to engage Sigma in silly antics that come off more like playing together instead of just harassing Sigma like he does with Chuuya or Kunikida. It feels more genuine to me.
He probably knows that Sigma will not only benefit from some playing around. But he can also probably tell that while playing, Sigma will grow to trust Dazai and listen when he encourages Sigma to think and make decisions for himself; instead of just passively falling back in the cycle of abuse where other people control him till they have what they want and throw him away.
Dazai is giving him a safe relationship where he can be free to learn and grow and make his own choices.
There's nothing wrong with needing more time to mature past the physical developments of life. A lot of people that grew up in abusive and/or neglectful homes miss out on having full childhoods and many absolutely can benefit from making time to just indulge in their inner child as adults.
I'm one of them.
And I feel like Sigma, having zero past at all, would 100% need some time to be a kid in order to fully grow into himself.
So yeah.
Sigma is an adult.
And he'd be a kick ass detective with the ADA and solve all the crimes.
But after work hours he still deserves some time just have fun, eat cookies, and settle into safe place he can call home surrounded by people that care about him.
Maybe this doesn't make sense if you never found yourself behind other kids, development wise?
Maybe someone else could explain it better.
But I really haven't seen anyone try and talk about why Sigma being 3 is actually an important detail for his character development so I wanted to try at least.
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its always so funny to me when bsd fans whine abt "xyz is not fat!!!" like honest to god all these characters are built like twigs and considering the fighting 99% of them do they absolutely should not look like that.
this is intentional too bc melville IS big. and even so they fucked up his weight and he weighs less than fitzgerald LMFAO ... by no means am i suggesting bsd needs any realism but it makes me happy soooo
LITERALLY. LITERALLLLY. its so funny to me because a lot of these characters are described as strong and large, and yet the way theyre animated or portrayed is just. theyre so SKINNY. you’ll see it in the manga and described in light novels even that certain characters are depicted to be larger or thicker — such as nikolai, kunikida, and melville to give some specific examples — only for the animated depictions to intentionally slim them down to being fucking twigs instead, and that typically becomes the common perception of the characters rather than their original depictions. this is a show where these people are fighting for their fucking lives 24/7. none of these bitches get a break. and if im being fucking honest with you, your average person isnt going to be stick thin and slim as a board. people do this to characters in media because the general audience finds skinny people more digestible and attractive than anything else. theres no good excuse for it ever. i like drawing bsd characters realistically to some degree because its FUN. its SATISFYING. i enjoy depictions of my favourite characters that make them feel like real people i’d see on the street instead of your average anime character. thats what brings me joy with my art. if you cannot handle that people do not perceive your favourite characters in the way that you find attractive or prefer, don’t consume fan media. at the very least, don’t consume fan media that you know will tick you off. check yourself. learn to keep your comments to yourself. it’s as simple as that.
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fuck it
meet the system
hello im the host, Matt. i go by matt/matthew with my close friends despite looking very cisgendered cause the balance of a feminine image and masculine name help me feel better about the genderfluidity of switching. idk who i am. "im managing" is probably the best description of myself.
Everyone, say hello to Dazai. I used to call him Cynical!Matt till i realized he is a fictive. Yes... a fictive of dazai osamu from bsd... but not in a delusional way (like someone else in this post...) thats why i didnt make it look exactly like dazai. Dazai can snatch control from anyone in the system, except CatMatt for some reason lol? They are our protector but also to be frank: they are mental illness personified (i mean... look at him... also look at his source character....)
CatMatt >:3 im not happy with how this image came out but i wanted to keep it consistant and this is the best i could do with this picrew. CatMatt cannot be serious even when we REALLY NEED TO BE SERIOUS. empathy: 0.
so in short: fun when its time to be fun, but not when its not.
time to meet the little! she really liked the picrew wants us to include both versions. happy happy comfy kid. about 7 or younger. loves the barbie movies most of all. LOVES our friend john but john doesnt know we are little so the others try our best to keep them safe and alone for now. LittleLou or Madzies isnt a trauma holder at all, just a kid<3 if we have a trauma holder for that age no one has noticed yet
Annabeth Chase! Fictive /delusion
in middle school i had a "constant ongoing maladaptive daydream" that i was actually Annabeth Chase from the percy jackson series and now that im looking back on it im pretty sure thats just called a delusion but im not sure. anyways shes come back<3 girlboss and way too prideful. She and LittleLou go hand in hand so maybe shes a caregiver alter cause she makes sure to do Big tasks when we are little.
... as my friend calls it "DoorMatt"... aka: the Mikan Response. but they dont like either of those names at all, they prefer Madoka. they think that they are doing great. the rest of us know that they are actually really embarrassing and the opposite of helpful.
no name for her yet but this is Sex-Pos-Matt. pretty self explanatitory. i think she may also be Not!Matt. very cisgendered and very sex positive. also prone to drugs and alcohol and self harm, so! !!!
and lastly, we have The Dude. he is so not in to all this system crap and thinks we are dumb. everytime hes thrown to front he spends the whole time like "what the actual fuck am i doing here" and dissing on all our music taste (hes a classic rock fan). he/him with no room for error. maybe this is Matthew. i dont remember much from when we were contemplating being a transman but its possible he was the influence.
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Analysis - The Chain of Salvation (Dark Era)
I personally is not a hardcore Dark Era fans because I genuinely like exciting and joyful stories, but it is undeniable that the Dark Era is incredibly important to the whole BSD plot. Asagiri, together with Bones really nailed the Dark Era. The final product of the animation really brings a ‘Dark Era vibe’ that none of us can escape after watching it. There are few reasons that I consider why the Dark Era is important.
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①It brings out the theme of salvation.
We all know that salvation is a core theme of BSD, and mainly portrayed via the relationship of Dazai, Atsushi and Kyouka in canon. In fact, the ‘chain of salvation’ was started by Odasaku, and I consider this man the perfect candidate to start with this chain because he had a tough story. In Novel Vol. 3 (yes, the founding of ADA), Odasaku killed as if Dazai. Odasaku assassinated aimlessly in accordance to orders without soul, which he had no idea of what his reasons of living were. But he was lucky enough to meet Natsume-sensei, and able to realise his ‘guilt’ of his previous actions. Such realisation finally led him to the side of kindness.
I think the reason why Odasaku told Dazai to go to the bright side is that, not only Dazai was his friend, but perhaps Odasaku saw his old self in Dazai, which he hoped Dazai would acquire the same realisation as he did in the future. It shows that regardless of how tough and sorrowful that Odasaku had been through, he was able to realise the importance of saving others, and managed to insist his morale through his uncrushable determination and discipline by fulfilling ‘not to kill’. It portrays that everyone was able find a reasons of living through countless struggle and strong will.
Switching from killing to helping others, Odasaku first senses the happiness and satisfaction of helping others, especially through the five orphans that he adopted. The ‘compensation’ of his previous guilt allow Odasaku spread the good deeds of saving others to his best friend Dazai, whom had a similar past as he did. The whole process of inheriting the will of Odasaku to Dazai, then to Atsushi and Kyouka is as if ‘a lantern of salvation’, where they pass the good deeds and belief to others. That’s why by putting Odasaku as the ‘founder of salvation society’, it gives a bigger picture of the story, and further consolidate the theme of salvation by telling readers about the origin of it.
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② Dark Era further introduces Dazai’s character.
Do you realise that Asagiri actually never directly describe the thoughts within Dazai? I remember Asagiri once wrote in twitter that even himself, as the author, doesn’t know what Dazai is thinking in his mind. So I think the alternative way in portraying Dazai’s personality is through an indie text way.
By describing how other characters think, see and perceive Dazai, we know what kind of person is. Such indirect portrayal makes Dazai a special character. It also adds a sense of mystery of him (as Mamo said). Let me give you some example: in canon, we mostly understand Dazai through the perspective of Atsushi and Kunikida, because these two are the one who have most interactions with Dazai. They together portray the happy, silly, disorganised Dazai that we know (sort of).
Likewise in Dark Era, we know the dark side of Dazai through Odasaku and Ango’s impression. So, we seldom get a direct description of Dazai’s personality, but only via other’s impression and comment. Dazai is a sophisticated person. None of us, even Asagiri don’t know how to correctly portray Dazai’s thought. Hence, by creating a story that is completely different from the canon line, Dark Era brings a completely different Dazai that we know in canon, and I think it further reveals the mystery of him.
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③ It lays down a foundation of the future story.
Ango is now the communicator of Dazai in the prison, and this role is crucial to the plot in recent chapters.
Even in previous era with guild, the relationship of Dazai and Ango also serves as a lubricant to the story as their personal relationship facilitates a cooperation between the agency and the government. Having a personnel in the government brings the story into a wider perspective. So their relationship is really helpful in moving the plot forward.
You may now hate me for viewing Dazai-Ango relationship as a mere ‘story-moving machine’, but please allow me to continue. I think Ango also helps to portray a bright side of Dazai. Because Ango used to think that Dazai doesn’t forgive him but actually Dazai already does long time ago, it shows the humbleness of Dazai. The willingness of Ango to return Dazai’s favour and assist him in recent chapters also demonstrate the kindness and loyalty of Ango.
In addition, such actions of Ango is also crucial in recent chapters because he is able to demonstrate an independent thinking despite the whole government are against the ADA. Therefore the motivation of Ango helps to further strengthen the core themes of the Sky Casino Era - The Truth (see my previous analysis). You may think that the cooperation between Dazai and Ango, as well as the smoothness of recent chapters as granted, but it actually cannot be demonstrated without the existence of Dark Era. Dazai and Ango in fact have a similar motivation, where they wanted to compensate their past. It thus nurtures the collaboration between them, and hence they can help each other in fulfilling their own aims.
That’s why I think Dark Era is really really important to BSD because the Dark Era effect is still affecting the story nowadays. Without Dark Era, we will never come across the story that we know today.
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Another little thoughts about Dark Era is actually the portrayal of Lupin Bar.
As you can see from previous post, that the personnel in Lupin Bar changes, where there was three, two, and now only one person in the bar. I think the venue of Lupin Bar symbolises Dazai’s heart in certain extent, where he had his two best friends initially, and the ‘betrayal’ of Ango made Odasaku left on Dazai’s heart. With now, where time and circumstances changes, only Dazai was left alone in his heart again. It was indeed devastating to see that two of Dazai’s important friends leave ‘his heart’ in a short period, and now Dazai is left alone again, but I also consider this as another potential in Dazai’s character development. Lupin Bar may not only symbolises Dazai’s own heart, but also symbolises his memory and thoughts about his past. It is because in Dead Apple, you actually sees Dazai leave the bar, and determined to confront against Shibusawa’s evil plan (where the camera literally captures Dazai ‘leaving’ the bar). I consider this as an important moment because I think even though his friends had left him, Dazai has found a new aim - saving people. That’s why the scene of Dazai leaving Lupin Bar in Dead Apple may actually says that Dazai could have let go (but not forget, because Dazai has left a drink with Odasaku’s birthday flower. So I am sure that Dazai never forgets his friends) of the past, and able to move on with the new purpose in living - saving the city.
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Bungo Stray Dogs Season 3 [Fifteen Arc] Theater Screening
Talk show with Bones Producer Suzuki, Kadokawa Producer Kurakane, Kadokawa Manga Editor Katou
2019 May 7
Cinema Sunshine, Ikebukuro
Sharing some bullet points that the staff talked about in the event:
Talks of having season 3 started around the time of the post-recording of Dead Apple. At that time, Fifteen had not been released so ofc it was not under consideration yet.
As has been revealed before, Asagiri-sensei was tasked to do only a 50-page bonus for the Dead Apple movie. He finished Fifteen first, and it ended up three times longer than what was asked, and though was really sorry about it, cannot make it shorter and turns out he is not actually good with writing short stories. BEAST even got longer than Fifteen, but in the end as the stories were really good, the bonuses were still given away as they are, now thick as books.
They started considering animating Fifteen when the 'higher-ups' (as in sensei, producers, scriptwriter, etc.) had a meeting together. In the end, scriptwriter Enokido wrote a draft which everybody liked.
The main point of animating Fifteen is that it helps build the world of Bungo Stray Dogs. By connecting the past and the present, it develops a deeper understanding of the characters, and also shows how the beloved city that Atsushi and the characters are now protecting came to be. Fifteen also showed the connection with the other canon material with Suribachi City, and Mukurotoride (Shibusawa’s base) in the background.
Animating Fifteen was planned to be a surprise to the fans, though a few days before the airing they learned that the information got leaked over twitter. This also happened back then with Dark Era, and Producer Kurakane shares that she was called by her boss regarding the incident. It went like, “This is the second time it failed, don’t you think there is no point in making it a surprise?” She said this just gave her the motivation to try harder to prevent the secret from getting spoiled next time.
The staff was really impressed with the voice acting, saying praises to Miyano, Taniyama, and Uchida-san. They thought it would be difficult but when they heard Mamo and Kishou doing the recording, it really gave them the feeling of how young Dazai and Chuuya were, and that these two really had a history. Furthermore, Randou only appeared in this arc but Uchida-san's acting was really memorable to them.
They think 15 yr old Dazai is different from today's Dazai, with 15 Dazai being really dark, and wanting to die for real.
From 15 to his present height, Chuuya only grows 5 cm 😅😅 He kept on saying, "I'll still grow!" but everybody (staff and fans alike) couldn't resist saying, "No, you won't" deep inside. (lol Chuuya we love you)
The staff was particularly glad seeing the last scene getting animated, as it came from the original manga. The art, especially with the stained glass, was also remarkable.
They also talked about the 3rd season’s OP and ED. Unlike the 1st and 2nd seasons’, the OP and ED for the 3rd season were specifically made to serve as a message of thanks to the fans. Instead of appealing to new fans of BSD, these OP and ED were made to express gratitude to the fans who have been here together with BSD’s journey. The scenes were meaningfully chosen and show what the characters have been through.
Producer Kurakane was particularly emotional with the ED and says that she tends to tear up watching it. She also pointed out that Atsushi and Akutagawa were singing in the ED.
Producer Suzuki adds that Dead Apple ended with the Armed Detective Agency door closing, while the season 3 ED ends with that door opening.
The staff is really grateful to the fans’ love and support, and they are really happy that BSD did not only end with one season of 12 episodes, but is now continuing with the 3rd season, and even extending to other platforms such as the movie and the stage play. Just like Dead Apple, treat season 3 as their present.
Once again, I felt the staff’s love and dedication to BSD, which makes you appreciate it more knowing that this is a work made by the staff and fans’ love. 😭😭
ANNOUNCEMENTS:
The full version of the Fifteen light novel will be released on August 1, featuring the cover, frontispiece, and other illustrations such as the character sheets by Harukawa-sensei.
Sequel for the Fifteen light novel entitled, "Bungo Stray Dogs: STORM BRINGER" is currently on the works and is to be released in 2020. "Dazai Osamu and Nakahara Chuuya. What will their chance meeting lead to?"
Everyone, please keep supporting Bungo Stray Dogs in any legal way you can!! And ofc spread the LOVE!! 💖💖
#thank you bsd for my life#i love you so much bsd staff#bungou stray dogs#soukoku#dazai osamu#nakahara chuuya#bsd fifteen#my original content
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For your ask meme, Fyodor and Dazai?
OWO MY (Problematic) FAVS
Fyodor Dostoyevsexy:
favorite thing about them: honestly, the fact that I’ve projected so much into him. I feel he has a lotta potential as a villain!!! But the writing is withholding so much from us, blease Asagiri he can’t just stand there evilly forever c’mon. I don’t want him to be perfect I want everything to crumble before him and to get emotional and to see how everyone around him has suffered- the whole reasons (I hc) he did it in the first place
least favorite thing about them: honestly the fact that my hc’s probably aren’t even realistic- usjktozkohr also, to be honest I don’t really like the constant back and forth he has with dazai, like it’s cool but I want to see more of his relationships within the Rats…
favorite line: “The rules cannot be changed.” The shilouettes he has are amazing and just, so cool- and it’s the first glimpse we get at just how powerful he is as a villain. Also his version of ‘To acquire happiness there must be an equal amount of pain’ I don’t remember it right now but that’s a quality ivan linevan
brOTP- Honestly I wish he didn’t kill Topaz so soon- it was some good banter and we got to see Fyodor’s more humorous side. This is more as a lowkey dad son thing though bc Topaz deserved better my dudes
OTP- (barring Pushkin bc they stuffed him up) pretty much in a poly relationship with everyone from the Rats and Nikolai
nOTP- honestly… Chuuya. I feel like Fyodor’s closest relationships would be within the rats. (Also the fucking ginger root fic makes me want to die sorry whoever wrote that)
random headcanon- He’s autistic!!! Comfort objects are fluff and that’s why he bites his fingers (same buddy) Also, he feels a lot of regret over giving Ivan a lobotomy, though he won’t admit it. I have a lot of Headcanons regarding all the rats especially Fyodor PLEASE ASK ME
unpopular opinion- he is not some Machiavellian sex god- he is a nerd who has no idea how to flirt. He also cares a lot about his allies, but tries not to because he knows he has to kill them. Though I will say he gives the good D(ostovesky)
song i associate with them- Dead Apple because I’m touhou trash who still lives in 2010
favorite picture of them- any fuckign picture, I’m on mobile but I’ll give them when I’m on laptop.
The Dazzmatazz:
favorite thing about them- honestly basically everything??? As someone who was severely depressed when I got into bsd he helped me (albeit somewhat unhealthily) cope. I really like his mix of comic and depressed. Also when he’s just a total nerd.
least favorite thing about them- honestly I feel in the recent chapters he’s lost that edge? I mean I get it’s because shits hit the fan but like, calm down edgelord. I feel like sometimes he’s a bit /too/ perfect recently like there goes Dazai the ONLY dude that knows what that dastardly Dostoevsky is thinking
favorite line- I have no such tastes in men- YEAH RIGHT YOU FUCKING FURRY. Nah but honestly basically anything from no longer human bc that book is my favourite thing in the universe. ‘People are stupid, and is that so wrong?’ I like that too- I like a lotta daz things.
brOTP- Daranpo, quality shit. I also like the idea of him mentoring Kyouka in the art of intimidation and comedy. Dazatsu adopts Kyouka when Asagiri? Also Kenji because I brOTP everyone with the kenj no one escapes.
OTP- Dazatsu!!! It’s how I got into the fandom and is still my favourite dazai ship. They’re really mutually beneficial and it’s fantastic!!! Also Daranpo is good, kunikidazai, odazai, all good stuff.
nOTP- tbh akutagawa bc abuse and power imbalance, and soukoku…WHEN ITS DONE POORLY OKAY DONT HATE ME. Some people (like your girl @fraink5) pull it off well without gross Damsel Uke Chuuya syndrome but yes.
random headcanon- Dazai feels less suicidal after being with Atsushi, (notice how he slowly stops his double suicide gag? 🤔) he feels like he has a decent reason to live besides Odasaku and actually starts branching out and having more friends.
unpopular opinion- no Gary Stuzai in this house thanks
song i associate with them- No longer human the vocaloid song (which was covered amazingly by Rachie), Eien Misui ni Goodbye (which I made GREAT English lyrics for which no one with a better voice used ;v;) and Yobanashi Decieve
favorite picture of them- any picture where he’s a happy boy :) I’ll edit later
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Theories on BSD manga current arc
I know, I know, Dead Apple spoilers are the hot topic now, but I've got some thoughts on Bungou Stray Dogs manga that I’d like to share.
Spoilers for anime-only fans, spoilers for manga chapters 46+ (and even bigger ones for chapters 54+).
It is quite a long post, sorry!
First of all I have to admit, that I am losing a track of the plot. Too many new characters (shown and hinted), organizations, too many mysteries. Still BSD is rather conventional in terms of storytelling, so one can be sure, that ‘good guys’ will win. I.e. even though ADA is in dire situation now, they will find a solution somehow.
The question is how many chapters/volumes they will need and where do they find a solution.
Take Cannibalism arc (chapters 46-53). It had very strict time limit, so it was evident, that the conflict will be resolved fast, rather than dragged for 4-5 volumes. The outcome was easy to guess: either one of the bosses dies or the ADA and Mafia capture virus ability user. As you know, the latter had happened.
Now the situation looks much more complicated. The ADA were framed, the reality was rewritten, so even everyone memories were altered. The government wants them dead. Besides we don’t know the extent of the Book reality bending abilities. Had it affected Dazai, for example? I.e. if somebody asks Dazai (or checks his memories), whether the ADA had a plan to capture hostages, they would find a confirmation ‘Yes, it was ADA’s plan and the ADA is the "Decay of Angels” group’. Do Ango and Natsume also believe now, that ADA members are criminals? Ranpo is sure, that Taneda will testify on the ADA’s behalf.
So, suppose the ADA escapes their pursuers, rescue Ranpo and Dazai and then?.. How would they restore their good name? The obvious answer is ‘Cancel the reality altered by the Book page’. BUT! The Book cannot be affected by abilities (see chapter 28, Fitzgerald explains that to Atsushi). If this is valid for a single Book’s page (why not?), then Dazai cannot nullify what was written there, so the ADA won’t be able to go the simplest way.
Here goes Crazy Theory 1: Ango’s ability ‘Discourse on Decadence’ can somehow counteract Book’s altered reality. Not the Book itself, but the consequences.
Pro: It seems that Ango has non-combat ability. He is more a paperwork guy and doesn’t go into the battle. Other than that it is hard to make any guesses.
Contra: Having an ability that allows to resist altered reality (or something like that) is not that useful skill -- not so many users we’ve seen can deceive others perception of reality (eg. Tanizaki’s illusions, Oguri’s cleaning). So this kind of resisting ability would be too convenient to have in this arc. Also it is strange, that such ability wasn’t used to clear charges against Kunikida, when Oguri had destroyed the evidence.
Note: I think, Ango’s ability will be revealed soon anyway. Either this arc or the next big one.
Crazy Theory 2: The ADA will rescue Oguri and ask him to remove the evidence. However Oguri cannot change people’s memories, so the government still will be sure, that the ADA are criminals. It may be harder to condemn them without hard evidence, but they still aren’t seen innocent.
Pro: A character, that had appeared at the beginning of the arc is not forgotten and will play an important role!
Contra: That doesn’t resolve the conflict completely. Something else has to happen after.
Crazy Theory 3: Poe’s ability will be relevant for the resolution of this arc.
Pro: A book against the Book? Why not. Also, how is Chuuya?
Contra: His ability was brought up during Cannibalism arc and at the beginning of this arc. That’s quite a lot for non-ADA and even non-Mafia character. As much as I am happy to see Poe, I want others to shine too.
Crazy Theory 4: There is a loophole, that allows Dazai to nullify the Book’s effect.
Pro: We know, that Dazai always knows, how get the upper hand.
Contra: Please, no. Just no. This is way too simple.
Crazy Theory 5: The ADA will escape, reunite with other members and then go underground, because they cannot proof the truth right now. [How about joining forces with Steinbeck?]
Pro: Not a Deus ex Machina move. It offers an interesting development. Also Kunikida is definitely leaning to the darker side.
Contra: Asagiri doesn’t like to change status quo in BSD world. There is a high possibility, that the ADA will return to normal operations despite everything.
Crazy Theory 6: Something happens, so either everyone forgets about the ADA or/and the ADA save the say and become heroes.
Pro: We don’t know, what exactly Fyodor and the Decay of Angels are trying to achieve right now. Was it just destroying the ADA or something bigger? Also could Agatha finally make a move?
Contra: That will make an already messy arc even a bigger mess. Honestly I would prefer a proper arc finale before the further development.
Crazy Theory 7: The fifth member of the Hunting Dogs (see recent chapter 60) finds out the truth, as he/she was researching the Rats of the real Decay of Angels.
Pro: Not quite Deus ex Machina move, since we have a foreshadowing here.
Contra: This could be any other organization: Port Mafia, Clock Tower etc.
Side Note: Why we don’t see Port Mafia around?
Better ask, why would they be involved? Mori isn’t an altruist, he won’t move a finger for the ADA, unless there is also a great danger for Yokohama.There isn’t one, yet. Port Mafia is also unaffected. So they doesn’t have any reason to help ADA.
I also have a feeling that Chuuya had escaped Poe’s book long time ago. It happened behind the scenes, as Asagiri thought, that it is evident enough and not so important.We’ll see...
Scans used: Dazai Scans.
#bsd manga#bsd spoilers#bsd theories#bsd theory#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bungo stray dogs manga
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About YoI, “resellers,” and market depletion
Mostly ranting.
Recently, I went to the Bungou Stray Dogs Ani-kuji lottery event. For those who don’t know, Ani-kuji is Animate’s own anime goods lottery, in which you buy tickets and then get prizes. Much like Ichiban Kuji, there are no losing prizes, but the higher level prizes are not only rare but also exclusive. “Kuji” is translated to “lottery,” but I would liken the event more to a raffle, which has limited prizes and doesn’t necessarily get better with the more people who draw. Bungou Stray Dogs does not do any other lotteries, such as Ichiban Kuji; so often enough, the Ani-kuji is the only event to play this kind of psuedo-gambling for the series.
It was on a weekday, which means that I would have to take off time from my “day job” in order to go to it. I woke up at 4:30 am to see the sunrise and headed to the office to get my morning’s work done, as I expected that I would probably be standing in line all morning long.
To my pleasant surprise, when I arrived there were only about 5 people in line with three people already at the register doing their lottery pulls. At the previous Ani-kuji last November, I had arrived around an hour late but still managed to draw even though there was a line well out the door. I thought I was in good shape. I was wrong.
For the most part, there is no limit on the number you can draw. This system worked for the previous BSD Ani-kuji, as fans tended to be measured in their gambling and just do a few draws and then get back in line to draw again hoping the odds would move in their favor with more people drawing. This system works out for most, because as people are satisfied with different levels of prizes (i.e. I wanted the second-to-lowest prize), it helps people try for the item they want with the lowest amount of tickets necessary. This year, however, this did not happen.
There was a reseller, who was already there when I had arrived. I am not even sure how many tickets they had pulled, but it was well over 100. It is even possible he drew most of one box of prizes by himself. We were all standing in line. A few more fans showed up, like me, pleasantly surprised by the short line, but as we watched the reseller open each ticket one-by-one and then subsequently receive all their prizes one-by-one (necessary to confirm the winner is getting the correct prizes), we all became antsy and just generally not happy, even though we all walked into the store generally excited.
Now, the more cutthroat amongst us might be saying, “Well, there is no limit. That should be expected.”
While that is true, that is definitely not in a JP BSD fandom context. Sure, some people will show up to the event ready to drop down $1000 on lottery tickets, but in general, they won’t. Who really wants to spend $1000 in one go anyway? They’ll space it out in order to play their odds and not hold up the line. Sure, there is a level of competition for prizes, but we are generally nice and polite to each other.
While standing in line, my phone battery died. I watched the same anime trailer over and over again on the staircase’s LCD TV while the three other people at the register waiting to draw started to get into a panic seeing all the prized go to this one person, who showed next to zero interest in the prizes, just stuffing them into bags with zero emotion.
The next two people drew 80 tickets and 60 tickets, respectively. Regardless, the number of tickets had dwindled, the atmosphere grew more competitive, as a woman, I assumed had already drawn, came back and asked if she could draw more, because she didn’t know there was no limit. She had to get back in line. Another fan asked to wait until the new box started because she didn’t want to draw if certain prizes were missing. It was, indeed, a cluster-fuck.
To add insult to injury, the Animate staff this time had zero competency to deal with the issue at hand. As you would expect at a retail establishment, the employees deferred to the manager, who I would say, is not a very good manager. She sat by and watched as the reseller spent over 45 minutes at the register and tried to explain to the fan who bought 60 tickets that she could not buy more, because they will start a new box, and she can’t buy from two different boxes at once. (Luckily it seems the 60-ticket fan hit her prizes, so she did not draw again after that. She was asking for 100.)
After the manager finally woke up and realized that they were running out of tickets, she went to the line and asked us one-by-one how many we wanted to draw. We, of course, are not sure. We wanted to know what was left before we decided how many to draw. If the prize we want is not there, we will not draw or we will draw less. It’s a pretty simple logic, but the manager seemed to not understand this. Even when questioned by the fan in front of me about why she was asking and if she was asking our maximum, etc., the manager brushed her off, explaining her own logic that she wants EVERYONE in line to have a chance to draw.
Most of us say we want 20-30 draws. This should have been expected. We don’t know what prizes are left. We don’t know how many tickets are left. Even if I’m only going to draw 10, I said 20. The manager goes to the calculator and then announces, “THERE IS NOW A 10-TICKET LIMIT, BECAUSE IT IS ONLY FAIR FOR ALL OF THE PEOPLE LEFT TO DRAW. PLEASE COOPERATE.”
This, of course, didn’t improve the atmosphere at all, and the workers were also showing signs of stress and were rushing, because the manager was rushing them. The did not update the remaining stock in time.
By the time I get up there, there are less than the limit of 10 tickets in the current box, and I am also restrained by the “no fishing in two ponds” rule. They show me the “remaining items.” There are still a slightly rare prize that my friend wanted so I agree to draw out the rest of the box. This should, by any logic, mean that I am guaranteed those prizes. I did not win those prizes. Instead I won all the lowest prize. (If I had known it was all the lowest prize, I would not have drawn.)
I got back in line with the few remaining fans, who all seemed to be dying for Chuuya, to finally be able to really draw 10 tickets. My first draw didn’t even feel like a draw. When I finally get to the counter for the second time, the manager is like, “Can I help you open the tickets?” More rushing, but I agree because I am not an asshole, but she is opening the tickets literally as I draw them. She opens an A prize, the highest prize, but she does not tell me. I don’t even know what my prizes are until she is running back with all my items, mostly can badges, but OH MY GOD IS THAT A BLANKET. It is literally in a bag before I can react.
[You can see some items I got from this event in the livestream I uploaded to YouTube. Yes, my double can badges are all missing from this image.]
Now, you might be thinking this is the manager’s fault, or there should have been a limit from the beginning. I asked, and at other stores, there were not really many problems with resellers or having to impose limits. This was in fact a special case, and indeed, they mishandled the situation. In my personal opinion, Haikyuu events are the most well run. Even if they run out of an item, they still have enough stock for at least 70% of their expected capacity. They also literally write they will refuse to sell to resellers, which means, even beyond the “limits” they can literally say, “No, you cannot buy here.” (Even if they don’t enforce the rule, it keeps resellers from even trying.)
Additionally, last year’s Ani-kuji, at the same Animate, was pretty well-run. They didn’t rush, but they also didn’t make any mistakes with what was remaining. In that kuji, I came up, and there were about 12 tickets left. I asked for 10, but she showed me the remaining items; and, after asking about what I was shooting for, she told me in more words, “Just buy them all.” I got all the prizes she showed me were remaining.
Then, there is the reseller. People might find it hypocritical that I am criticizing a reseller, because I am, after all, a reseller. For events, however, I never buy more than what is acceptable for one person to buy; and additionally, I respect the other fans and don’t hold up the line, by, for example, doing 10 at a time. I limit the number of requests I accept. I go with one or two specific buyers in mind, sometimes my personal friends, so I know what they want and am shooting for certain prizes, just like everyone else. I make measured decisions on how much I have to spend and try to spend less than quoted. I’m not just trying to buy the whole damn store. The reseller wasted our time by doing their pulls that way, when they could have done it all online. They also changed the atmosphere completely. Regardless of the”Black Friday” mentality of the culture I grew up in, I like and enjoy this fandom and like to share anxious moments with them, but this time was not enjoyable at all.
(As a perspective, the vast majority of attendees to non-kuji events, myself included, will buy 1-5 items max. Also, buying “gifts” for friends is a common practice in Japan, so I stay within my own limits of what that looks like. While there are fans that buy up to the store limits for themselves, it isn’t as common as you would think.)
What does this have to do with YoI?
I’ve known for awhile that certain resellers that sell to international fans ruin the atmosphere in similar ways at YoI events. In general, I don’t usually run into them as I usually don’t have the resources or time to go to an $80 event for just 2 people. Additionally, I go at different times as them, because, well, again, I’m busy and don’t have time to be there Day 1. Yes, this means I do miss out on some goods, but I usually can still get what my buyers are asking for, so it isn’t a big deal.
But, if I am being honest, if I saw one of these resellers in the line ahead of me doing this to me, I might say something to them. Much like the reseller at the BSD event, they seem to slip by because of stereotypical Japanese politeness. I’m going to say this in a rather rude way, but that is taking advantage of an otherwise friendly fandom. Much like the reseller at the BSD event, they are probably already out the door without realizing the chaos they have caused in their wake. I would stretch to say it is even worse, because we were just some 10 people in line being imposed a limit at a free event. It is no comparison to some hundreds of people who paid good money to attend an event but are faced with sold-out goods. That is just devastating. Sure, the event is partially to blame for not being clairvoyant, but then, you have to remember the resellers are making money from it.
The unpopular point.
The main point I want to make is that these resellers are in seen as my competition. People think maybe because of my mediocre social media presence, I am somehow the same as them. I am not. I do not see them as my competition because I do not do “preorders.” I do get exclusive goods, but I get them the same as a normal Japanese fan: second-hand markets, trying to attend to events with the little time and resources I have. I get the bulk of my goods second-hand, which is being influenced and affected by these resellers, whether international fans realize it or not.
I even find the discourse on YoI prices laughable, as the international fans need to know the fact that they are willing to pay high prices and “requesting” large amounts of goods before they can even hit the Japanese second-hand market is indeed increasing the resell prices in the Japan. International fans aren’t just innocent bystanders at the whims of the Japanese fandom. I’m not saying international fans should stop buying. I am saying they need to be open-minded to the idea that international fans affect the Japanese market as well.
Finally, these items are in fact, exclusive goods, regardless of how easily they are to buy on the internet. Sure, there is a premium, but compared to the everyday Japanese fans who do not know about the international preorder market, the fandom is not expecting to be at the exclusive event and then being told everything is sold out before the event is even halfway in, or getting there four hours early to have to wait another hour for one person to finish their transactions. The average Japanese fan spends a lot of time and energy just to get one thing, but resellers can bulk buy and spread their premium out over dozens of buyers who aren’t even at the event.
Now, some people seem to think I am a fool for wanting to play by unspoken rules in the Japanese fandoms (that I enjoy and regularly interact with, btw). Others seem upset that I would even dare to say anything is wrong with the international preorder market or the business practices of my “competition.” I get that they are your “only outlet” to exclusive goods, but that just tells me that you do not see me as a viable “outlet.”
I have over a hundred unsold YoI items in my store. My only option is to turn back to the Japanese market and do a part of my selling again here.
I will still continue to sell YoI, but my stock will be much more limited then it is now. Thank you all for your support until now and your continued support in the future.
(Yes, beka army fam, Otabek goods will still be priority items for me.)
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Hello. Could I request a male Fire Emblem, Drrr!! and BSD matchup please? I'm a ISTP Leo female. I usually came across as an enigma and quiet person, but that's only because I'm a rational person and rarely express my emotions. People usually praise me as an independent and cool person. I'm also a good secret keeper, hence why a lot of people like to confide in me. They also told me that my appearance doesn't match with my personality. [1/4]
Due to my perceptive nature as well as my intellect, pranks and deception rarely work on me. On the other hand I’m not good at lying, and I rarely compromise with others. I also hold grudges. I’m very stubborn too. I usually keep my distant because I don’t like socializing. I’m very blunt too, so I won’t sugar-coat my words. I also have strong likes and dislikes, and I’m only courteous towards people that I’m on good/neutral terms with. [2/4]
I like reading, mostly manga, fashion magazine, classic literature and news. I am fond of extreme sports and martial arts. I really like video games, and I spend most of my free time gaming. I have a sweet tooth and I can’t stand bitter food/drinks. Recently I took a liking to cooking, been trying to improve my skills and as a result prefer my own cooking over someone else. [¾]
I don’t like misogynist, especially if they are female themselves. Even though I like animals, the same can’t be said for amphibians and reptiles. I really hate people who badmouth and make fun of people with illness (physical and mental). My strength is my creativity, and it is my dream to become a writer and be able to publish the creative ideas inside me into written works. I hope that day will come soon. [4/4]
Hey, Anon-san! I hope you enjoy your match-ups! ^^ Thank you for waiting!
I hope your dream comes true
Lon’qu (FE: Awakening) -
As the only unit in the army who cannot talk to women, you can’t help but feel it has something to do with him being misogynistic. You watch him from afar but it does little to confirm your suspicions as he’s always interacting with the other men. The women don’t particularly mind because he does his job well and he doesn’t make them uncomfortable. You interacted with him once and he snapped at you, telling you to back off and leave him alone. If he’s misogynistic, fine. You can avoid him. Until you can’t.
Chrom, having had noticed your poor sword fighting skills, decides to assign you to train with Lon’qu. There are far better swordsmen who can teach you, you argue, but Chrom argues back Lon’qu is a better teacher than all of them and can be spared from time to time to help you. You can’t argue - he’s the crown prince, after all. Lon’qu follows orders no matter what they are but even he can’t help but behave awkwardly around you. His interactions with you are kept minimal and his instructions don’t make much sense. Eventually, you tell him outright he isn’t helping and being around him makes you uncomfortable. Lon’qu surprises you by apologizing and that he’ll do his best to teach you. He’s dedicated to his sword-fighting skills, that’s for sure.
Slowly but surely, he adopts a teaching method that’s effective. Your swordplay improves gradually and reaches the point you can hold your ground against him in a fight. You surprise him with your martial arts skills and you learn he isn’t competent in hand-to-hand at all, but learning from you is the last thing he wants. The two of you rarely talk outside of training sessions and he has a reserved personality that makes him quiet and awkward. You do see him helping out in the kitchen often, usually peeling potatoes. The two of you sometimes work together to cook for the rest of the army but even during times like those, he hardly opens up to you.
Once on the battlefield, Lon’qu acts like he was never uncomfortable around you. The two of you fight together, working in sync to eliminate enemies and ensuring Chrom’s safety. He’s a completely different person once in battle and he admits to you his fear for women disappears once placed in front of an enemy. This is news to you and he realizes a second later he revealed something he shouldn’t have. Unable to turn back, he continues on to admit he’s taken a liking to you, admires your determination, straight-forwardness, and ability to improve. He finds you pleasant to be around and he apologizes for his actions from the past. Now you finally understand it was a fear that made him awkward around women, nothing else. He has come to trust you, and that’s a step in the right direction.
Kida Masaomi (Durarara!!) - Neither you nor Masaomi look like how you act, which is one reason why the two of you gravitate toward each other. At first, Masaomi talks to you the way he does with everyone. That’s fine with you since you’d rather stay by yourself. There’s no reason for him to interact with you any more than necessary - but when you see him on the streets, it becomes a different story. No one would peg him as a gang leader and while it isn’t a secret, it’s something not many people know. When he notices you while out with his entourage, he approaches you the next day to keep what you saw to yourself. His tone shifted and his eyes gleamed with an emotion you wouldn’t expect him to express. You tell him his secret is safe with you.
It isn’t a secret that you have a fondness for extreme sports and martial arts and when Masaomi catches wind of this, he decides to take advantage of your skills. He doesn’t try to flatter you or manipulate his words when he asks you outright to act as his bodyguard. You refuse, partly because of your introverted nature and dislike for socializing, but mostly because he must have a ton of others capable of protecting him. He doesn’t trust any of them, he admits, doesn’t trust many people in his gang. He trusts you, however, and it isn’t like you’ll actually protect him. He has his own fighting skills but what he doesn’t have is someone to confide to. He wants you to be that person for him. So long he doesn’t rope you into anything dangerous or illegal, you agree to take him on.
As a result of this arrangement, the two of you spend a lot more time together - both at school and outside of it. When both of you are wearing your school uniforms, the air is pleasant and light-hearted. He loves indulging your sweet tooth and passion for video games, gaming with you whenever possible. During lunch, he makes it a mission to snatch bits of your lunch every day to the point you start making food for him. On the streets, though, the relationship between you two is strictly professional, but thanks to your creative mind, you also act as a tactician at times.
The two relationships you share with Masaomi remain parallel to each other until they gradually blur. He no longer calls you his bodyguard nor a member of the Blue Squares. When you ask him about this, he’s come to realized that it’s his duty to protect you. He can’t let you go or let you go to the front lines when needed. He knows you aren’t helpless but the thought of you getting injured because of him is one of his fears. He wants to protect the happy memories the two of you share and you feel the same way.
Tanizaki Junichirou (Bungou Stray Dogs) - Tanizaki gets along with everyone so his interactions with you are friendly and inviting. Naomi is usually with him and she befriends all women who may come to work for the ADA. Because of this, the three of you are often together eating at the cafe downstairs, or working on cases. Naomi tags along whenever she can but most of the time, she stays back to let the two of you wreck some stuff. His ability works well with your combat skills but you also compliment the other ability users in the ADA. Tanizaki gravitates toward you most of the time though, so the two of you are often working together.
Both of you match each other in terms of intellect and fighting prowess. As a result, each of you examines the case at different angles to reach the same conclusion. Sometimes, when he’s stuck, he asks you for help (asking Ranpo takes too much time) and he marvels at the creative ways you tackle the problem. Since he was a student, his academic skills are lacking, but he provides you as much help as possible when it comes to your writing endeavors.
In your down time, you and Tanizaki eat out, indulging each other’s cravings. You aren’t a fan of other people’s cooking so you treat him to homemade meals more often than you accept his. He isn’t much of a reader but he does enjoy the recommendations you give him. When it comes to video games, he prefers watching you and Dazai duke it out so he can cheer for you. He rarely plays himself since he’s terrible at them.
The blur between friendship and lovers is difficult to distinguish and Naomi is first to realize something has changed between you and her brother. She doesn’t call you out for it or threaten you - instead, she’s happy. She’s happy her brother has found someone to love and that you’re the one who’ll be by his side for years to come.
#Fire Emblem#Awakening#Lon'qu#Durarara!!#Kida Masaomi#Bungou Stray Dogs#Tanizaki Junichirou#request#anonymous#matchups#sara's stuff#sorry this took so long#i got caught up with school stuff#hope the length is all right#i want to be a writer too so hope we both make it :D
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There Is A Huge Gain In Motivation, When Exercise Is Done In Be A Number Of Terms And Conditions Of Employment.
New Challenges For Picking Aspects For Personal Trainers In Dubai
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For those women who have studied subjects, such as accounting, finance, mathematics, etc., and have experience list and salary earning potential of some of the most prominent and well-known medical profiles. There is a huge gain in motivation, when exercise is done in be a number of terms and conditions of employment. Understanding the gravity of the situation, the U.S. you think you are! You also get to know new about new fitness most importantly, on rumba clothing to provide your students with. Women in this profession can work from their own office and arrange client rumba instructors no less than BSD 100 to BSD 150 for an hour. The scheduling and implementation of activities in boot camps is carried completely involved in the job, you will surely enjoy it. Next, follows the terms and Camps Really Effective for Weight Loss? Check it out to find out which career among these suits you the best BSD 40,000 to BSD 85,000 per year. One of the best choices would be teaching to buy or rent fitness equipment, like treadmills, elliptical trainers, exercise bikes, rowers, weights, etc. ~ The Internet offers a number of sites from where you can buy such equipment at affordable prices. ~ Compare the prices to get the best deals on equipment. ~ Do not buy substandard, cheap equipment as you may end up adding to your maintenance costs. ~ There should be adequate equipment for everyone. ~ Draft a foolproof business plan giving details about the management, operations, finance, and marketing strategies. ~ Decide what type of gym you want to start - a small garage set-up Personal Trainer or a grand one. ~ If you have budget constraints, you can start a small gym with basic amenities, and up scale it later. ~ You can solicit the help of a professional accountant for financial matters. ~ Do not forget to include break-even analysis and cash flow statement in the business plan. ~ You can decorate the gym based on your space and budget. ~ In case of a garage gym, there might not be enough space for decoration. The career of a financial planner is also - a physician or surgeon cannot afford to turn down a medical emergency call even when he/she is out on a holiday with family.
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GRANRODEO LIVE TOUR 2017 Pierrot Dancin’ Zepp DiverCity Tokyo - 06/09/2017
Set List
Pierrot Dancin’
TRASH CANDY
ナミダバナ
Glorious days
FAT SHAPER
君に one way love
日常ホライゾン
Fake lover’s true heart
HARD DRIVING MIDNIGHT
ボルケーノ
The Other Self
終わらぬ夢
BIG SUN
Darlin’
NO PLACE LIKE A STAGE
カナリヤ
modern strange cowboy
UNDER THE SKY
Once & Forever
Y.W.F.
Can Do
The fan report I thought I couldn’t write - because it was so hard to put these feelings into words. But still wrote anyway, for recording purposes. As in my previous GR report (March mini live), this may not be arranged in order. And warning: a very Kiiyan-centric post.
I’m relatively new to the GR fandom, though I met Kiiyan from UtaPri and has been a fan of his singing voice from the first time I heard it. This is actually my first time to attend a GR full live so yeah feelings, feelings, and feelings. This is my 4th time to watch and hear Kiiyan sing live though, and among those, his voice was in the best condition this time.
I was already expecting Pierrot Dancin’ to be the first song plus it’s no longer my first time to hear it live anyway, but no, I was not prepared at all for Kiiyan’s voice. The acapella intro was SO devastatingly good that my heart jumped out of my chest. I wasn’t able to yell cheers and get pumped up with everyone because I stood there as if I was struck by a lightning lol. It.was.that.good. But later on as the song progressed and the music joined Kiiyan, I think the performance was a bit off - except for today’s intro, it was better the last time I heard it.
But aside from Pierrot Dancin’, I think everything else was good.
TRASH CANDY - Oh this song will always be special to me as this was the first GR song I heard live, thanks to the Bungou Stray Dogs event. And I LOVE BSD, and Kiiyan reminds me so much of Chuuya that I can see Chuuya singing this song. I love them both so so much T.T
The stretch (idk what to call it) for the last word in ナミダバナ (知れ-Shire) was magnificently done receiving cheers from the crowd.
Everyone, including the crowd, did better in FAT SHAPER and Fake lover’s true heart today than the first time. Oh both songs was a blast!
Really good vocals for HARD DRIVING MIDNIGHT OMG
The Other Self - another GR song close to my heart.
Nanno tame ni ganbaru no mada mienai kedo
Sore demo yukundarou Sore dake wa shitteiru
Chii ya meiyo dake nanka janai ze
Mukau saki wa mae dake de ii
Shita wo muitatte jimen shika mienai
Dakara ikeru toko made
(“For what purpose are we doing our best? We cannot see it yet. But even so, we will still go on, right? That’s the only thing we know. This isn’t just for status nor prestige. Where we should face is only towards what’s in front of us. If we look down, there’s nothing to see but the ground. So we should go wherever we can”)
This lyrics strikes me personally that I actually quoted it in a speech contest I joined back at school. And hearing it live straight from Kiiyan for the first time, so you expect tears from me. Yes, Kiiyan, no matter how harsh life is, I’ll do my best. Thank you.
終わらぬ夢 - THIS. THIS. THIS. This is one of my personal favorites in the latest album and have been wishing badly to hear this live. So when I learned that Kiiyan sang this in the Hokkaido tour, I said I’m gonna die when this moment comes. Now what. I just can’t describe. It was astoundingly beautiful. Kiiyan how could you sound just the same or even better live? I apologize to the people beside me but I did my best to control my overwhelming emotions. I cried more when Kiiyan sang the line, “dakara nakanaide” lol
Glorious Days and BIG SUN sound so good live! I REALLY loved the live version more than the CD. Kiiyan forgot some lyrics in BIG SUN’s chorus though. He just sang “tenenenen.” LOL KIIYAN PLEASE
Darlin’ - NO PLACE LIKE A STAGE - カナリヤ - modern strange cowboy - This was a very exhaustingly fun line-up. Crowd participation at its best. But can I just say that I love Darlin’ so much yayyyy
UNDER THE SKY - THIS. THIS. You know Kiiyan’s voice is always beautiful but slow songs like this really kill me. Again he sang this REALLY well. Oh please I’m running out of adjectives. I badly wanted to shout “I love you too” after he said the last line, “I love you.”
Once & Forever - Y.W.F. - Encore. Everyone was already so wild at this point. Can this not end please. I just want to jump and bang my head all night.
Can Do - Ending the night with this made me reflect as this is where everything for me began. I met GRANRODEO from Kuroko no Basuke, and so basically Can Do is the first GR song I learned. It will forever hold a special place in my heart. This was the last song so I just went all out yelling, jumping, singing, dancing, everything.
MC points
It’s been 3 weeks since the Hokkaido live, which was the first leg of the tour. And so they said it felt like the first day again. e-zuka said that he was nervous and joked the crowd not to look at him as he wants to focus.
e-zuka teased Kiiyan about crying in the Utapri Live. Introducing the next song, Kiiyan suddenly spoke in a cool voice that caught e-zuka’s attention. He said, “I thought you already left that good voice and the tears in Seibu Dome.” Kiiyan got embarrassed and replied that what was circulating on the internet about him was a lie (just like what he said in his tweet lol). He told us to watch the Blu-ray when it arrives, and see that he had that scene cut out! Oh tsun-tsun Kiiyan kawaii
They talked about the fact that drummer Shin has not revealed his age yet to the public, but they do know it. e-zuka hints that Shin actually came from school with a ランドセル on his back. (You know the big backpack that Japanese grade school kids use). Kiiyan laughs saying, “That’d make him Shin-chan!”
Kiiyan talked about the rainy season and the coming of summer. e-zuka then sang and played Happy birthday with his guitar. (Kiiyan’s birthday’s coming up yay!) Speaking of birthdays, they asked if anyone in the crowd was celebrating her birthday today, and there were actually some. They greeted them and thanked that they were able to come even if it’s their birthday. Incidentally, there was also a couple who was celebrating their wedding anniversary. Kiiyan also mentioned that today also happened to be Johnny Depp’s birthday. e-zuka then thanked everyone and introduced himself as Johnny Depp.
They mentioned that there are still a few tickets left for the additional Osaka tour in August. They said that they also mentioned this in the Hokkaido tour, so why are there still tickets left even after 3 weeks?? Lol I always find it cute when Kiiyan awkwardly self-promotes. Kiiyan said that on the contrary, it was apparently difficult to get tickets for the “Yama no Hi (lit. Mountain Day)” live, and he wondered why. Lol. It just happened to fall on “Taniyama no Hi (Taniyama’s Day”) and I’m so bitter I’m one of those who has not gotten one tho I got Aug 10 but still huhu
Kiiyan’s MC was interrupted at some point when sweat kept on flowing into his eyes. He then wiped his face with a towel. I just want to mention this because it was cute lol
When they announced that G7 will be held in Okinawa, Takita-san asked if he will be coming along too. Kiiyan said of course because he and e-zuka can’t do it by themselves. Takita-san said that he has actually not been to Okinawa which gained an “EEEEEHHHHHH?” from the crowd. Takita-san asked why they are making such EH reaction, “Is it that bad (that I haven’t gone to Okinawa)??”
When Kiiyan announced that there’s only one song left, he received a sad “EEEEHHH” from the crowd. Kiiyan grunted, “Why are you looking so dissatisfied? I just said that I’ll still be singing!” Lol Kiiyan we’re so satisfied but we just did not want this to end
Kiiyan said that it was so fun that they do not want the live to end. The crowd suggested to start over again. e-zuka enthusiastically responded, “Let’s do this again together!” as he pointed out that live performances are done by them and the audience together.
Photos/posts from official accounts:
(This was posted on the 2nd day but I just want to post this photo that had me laughing on the floor Kiiyan please why)
Wew. Wew. I don’t know how many times I’ve said this but still, I’m saying this again - that Kiiyan’s singing voice is the most beautiful sound I have ever heard. While listening there live, my thoughts were like, “Everyone should listen to this! It’s too unfortunate that some people do not know about Kiiyan.” No single word exists or not even an essay can suffice to describe Kiiyan’s voice. But even so, as a fan I admit that Kiiyan’s singing is actually far from perfect. I mean voice quality and singing ability are two different things. Moreover, I actually had hesitations before as it seemed that Kiiyan sounds better in CD than in live. But no, I have really affirmed today that he can sound pretty much the same whether recorded or live. Or that he can actually sound better in live. Damn I heard him sing 21 songs this time okay. Sure there were glitches at some parts of the song, but I want it raw and I’m embracing all his imperfections. I was torn between keeping my eyes open to watch him or closing my eyes so I can listen to his voice more intently. I really love watching Kiiyan as I can feel his love for music, singing, and performing. Because that’s one of the most valuable things, right? That the performer himself is having fun with what he’s doing.
It was a very, very fun and gratifying night; but more importantly it was a night full of admiration and gratitude. And I thank God again for bringing Kiiyan and GRANRODEO into my life. See you next live! ❤
#granrodeo#taniyama kishou#kiiyan#kishow#谷山紀章#e-zuka#iizuka masaaki#飯塚昌明#pierrot dancin#seiyuu#granrodeo live#music#zepp diver city tokyo#my original content
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