#BECAUSE IM NOT THE ONLY PERSON SHE DOES THIS SHIT TO!!!! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

annamcdonalds67 · 3 days

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𝐆𝐎𝐑𝐆𝐄𝐎𝐔𝐒︱𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐓 𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐎𝐋𝐎

˗ˏˋ༻ʚ♡︎ɞ༺ˎˊ˗𝐓𝐖𝐎˗ˏˋ༻ʚ♡︎ɞ༺ˎˊ˗

𐙚˙✧˖°📷 ༘ ⋆｡ ˚

"BERNARD!" nic yelled, coming into matts room with chris behind him.

"wake up, you stupid fuck!" Nic said jumping on his bed shaking him awake.

"nic, leave me alone, im way too tired for this shit" matt said his voice muffled by the pillow over his head.

"I have to tell you something really important!" nic said.

"it can wait." matt said.

"no it can't. cause when you know, you're gonna freak out!" chris said, making his presence known.

"yes it can!" matt exclaimed before going back to sleep.

"Its about Isla." nic said.

"Ok, I'm up, what's going on?"

"She noticed us." chris said, jumping on the bed as well waiting.

"what?" Matt said, not believing him.

"she made a video about us." Nic said to which matt looked at him blankly expecting a "its a prank!" yell from either of them.

"Nic you did not just wake me up to play this prank on me, it's not funny."

"I'm serious, look!" Nic said handing matt his phone.

matt looked at the phone, Isla's voice booming through, his eyes wide as he focused on the voice coming out of her mouth. He stayed there in shock, the phone slipping out of his hand, his body in shock as he sat there freezed.

"Matt? Matty? You okay?" nic asked, waving his hands in front of matts face

"maybe we should give him a moment?" nic suggested and chris and nic walked out of matts

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nicolas.sturniolo: congratulations ItsIslaCollins you have successfully broken matthew.sturniolo

User1: poor matt

User2: what does matt even see in her?

User3: we all knew this was gonna happen someday ➢christopher.sturniolo: unfortunately yes

matthew.sturniolo: I'm not okay

ItsIslaCollins: I'm sorry I didn't mean to! ➢matthew.sturniolo: NO ➢matthew.sturniolo: NO

➢matthew.Sturniolo: NO ➢matthew.Sturniolo: NO ➢matthew.Sturniolo: NO ➢matthew.Sturniolo: NO ➢matthew.Sturniolo: NO ➢matthew.Sturniolo: NO ➢matthew.Sturniolo: NO ➢matthew.Sturniolo: NO ➢matthew.Sturniolo: NO ➢matthew.Sturniolo: NO ➢matthew.Sturniolo: NO ➢matthew.Sturniolo: NO ➢matthew.Sturniolo: NO ➢matthew.Sturniolo: NO

➢matthew.Sturniolo: NO

Nicolas.Sturniolo: He's malfunctioning ➢ColeSprouse: put him in rice

ItsIslaCollins:

matt? You okay? Im sorry I didnt mean to break you

matthew.Sturniolo:

no no no no no

ItsIslaCollins:

I'll give you some time to calm down I'll be back

matthew.Sturniolo:

wait don't go lets start again hi I'm matthew

ItsIslaCollins:

Hi I'm Isla

matthew.Sturniolo:

I know

ItsIslaCollins:

I'm sorry for breaking you Do you want some rice?

matthew.Sturniolo:

no that's alright I think I'll be fine

ItsIslaCollins:

If you say so

matthew.Sturniolo:

i dont know if you can tell but im freaking out right now!

ItsIslaCollins:

why, I should be the one doing that!

matthew.Sturniolo:

Um i don't know probably because the most prettiest girl on this planet is talking to me

ItsIslaCollins:

please, you're only saying that because we're talking

matthew.Sturniolo

you dont believe me? just look at my previous posts wait dont NEVER MIND PLEASE DONT ISLAAAAA NO

seen

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Liked by: pepsienthusiast, redbullisbetterthanrootbear, larray and 850,000 other

rootbearisbetter: look at her smile!!!

pepsienthusiast: bro stop being obsessed

redbullisbetterthanrootbear: shes mine ➢rootbearisbetter: i dont know about buddy boy

User1: shes an icon, shes a legend ➢rootbearisbetter: and she is the moment

User2: isnt she the model from the onlyfans? ➢User3: wrong person buddy

larray: she is stunninggggggg ➢rootbearisbetter: I KNOWWWW

@mattybstqrn @cindylcuwho @larnieboox88 @sturnrc @watercolorskyy @bepositiveforachange @whicked-hazlatwhore @patscorner @joemamaaa42069

If you aren't tagged above, it's probably because you may have set up your account to not be tagged by accounts that don't follow you back/you don't follow

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our-lady-of-mcr · 15 days

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everytime i think im done ranting i remember something else LMFAO this one is extra long i hit tag limit god mf damn

#self #for instance.....my mom wants me to cut off everyone who is still tied to the school #and im so mad at myself for feeling a certain type of way when the campus manager called me not too long ago basically to tell me she doesnt #trust the girl who did this shit and she wasnt mad at me but was also mad at me for bringing her to her dads house #for reference we were trying to get a cat from the campus managers dads house LMFAO #and i honestly cannot wait to speak to her again and be like 😔 god dammit you were right like you were every single time #i just dont understand the wiring in her head to think the shit she says and does to people is normal and okay and how she doesnt realize it #is literally a mental health break. when i finally told my mom the first thing she said was shes probably off her medication #which.....probably isnt wrong sadly coming from someone who has borderline and very easily can lose it #but the difference is i dont give in to the urges to try to hurt everyone around me in every way i can #and me and her have said before that we thought she might also have borderline because we were very similar #but god damn does she love proving that if she has it its extremely severe or its something else entirely #on an honest note. shes incredibly narcissistic and i know her mom is part of the reason shes that way bc she was given princess treatment #her entire fucking life and then doesnt understand when other people dont treat her the same way #i hate rambling about this and i hate it that it is bothering me so fucking bad but like ???#if youre going to decide that you can put our past aside period and move on then fucking do that and stop bringing the past up as a way to #hurt me and the people around you???? she acts like shes not done horrible fucking things to people. so sorry i wrote a letter that was very #honest at the time. so sorry that when you found out i apologized for it and said i regret it because 2 weeks after my apology i no longer #regret writing it. if its making school a living hell for you....theres probably a reason for that girlfriend #i am not the person who put that shit in your folder #though i seriously fucking doubt its actually in her folder shes probably assuming it is #and youre the one who made a complete ass of yourself to every educator that ever stepped foot in that building #that has nothing to do with me that you are a literal warning given to every new educator!!!! i havent even been in school there in months #yet IM the problem??? how am i the problem when i graduated in fucking january???? everything since then falls on you #AND YET AGAIN! MIGHT I MENTION! IT IS NOT JUST MY LETTER!!! THERES AT LEAST 2 OTHER ONES!!!!!#BECAUSE IM NOT THE ONLY PERSON SHE DOES THIS SHIT TO!!!!#god sometimes i sit back and realize that theres a reason she regresses as a person and i do not #im not going to sit still anymore and let someone walk all over me and she can thank herself for that #shes who taught me that blocking and running as fast as i can doesnt fix anything #so here we are bitch. youre not blocked and im sure youre sitting at home thinking about how youre right about everything

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anxiously-sidequesting · 6 months

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To me personally malistaire is the funniest and most pathetic villain wizard101 has ever had AND I MEAN THAT SINCERELY!!! Between doomed children who have been manipulated, groomed, and isolated into becoming products of their environments, someone scorned who has been punished unfairly by having your biological heart torn out your chest and turning your children and all of reality against you to satiate their own ego, a nonhuman entity so powerful and so clueless they unintentionally threaten the lives of everyone around them, Malistaire FELL DOWN BRO. Like yeah you're bitchless now. You and me both. Get in line. Everyone in this room is bitchless. We are ALL living that ✨💅🏾💃🕺 Single Life™. You are a middle-aged man. Cope

#this post is lighthearted btw JELAJWODJTU i aint actually mad #but like...... malistaire as a villain is kinda mid though im sorry. IM SORRY ill take the L opinion if i have to #its one thing if he lost his wife to unfair systematic negligence or thru someone else's doings or smth but. no she just got sick bro 😐#HWMSNFLEKSDIDOA EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE I WILL GIVW A BAD OPINION AND THIS IS ONE OF THEM. i cant be right ALL the time /j #like if i dont focus on malistaire's motives and just his ACTIONS he seems super metal #but then he does ALLLLL of that heinous shit because his wife died. like thats absolutely very sad but damn get a grip #(fandom starts breaking in my windows and drags me out into the street) IM SORRY IM SORRY LOOK ITS JUST NOT MY CUP OF TEA #ive never been invested in those Mr. Freeze types of villains where a person they love dies due to normal circumstances-#and they go fucking BERSERK. they LOSE IT. they go like “well okay fuck the entire world i guess nothing matters” and then kill people #LIKE IF IT'S DONE IN A CERTAIN WAY I CAN BE INVESTED but more often than not to me? its just kind of funny #like “okay damn there was only ONE person keeping you from being a national criminal? okay”#and you know what? thats a mood actually. thats a mood #without my cat i probanly would have become the president by now #for some reason its a little diff for me if its like a child you lost and idk why #like if malistaire lost a kid instead of his wife id probably be more inclined to feel bad and thats terribly fucked up JSLSJSJSJ #you know what its also bias because in some shape or form i relate to all the other villains. morganthe and duncan especially #whereas in malitsaire's case i have never been married. which i mean doesnt stop me from tryna be more synpathetic i guess but im just not #ONCE AGAIN FEEL VERY BAD FOR HIM AND SULVIA. like losing someone to sickness or any reason really is a serious thing #but in terms of a fictional setting with fictional characters where one of them decides to commit genocide over it? 🧍 like okay boo u do u #i will gladly give up my mantle for the “most reasonable opinions” guy in the fandom foe this one. i deserve it #wizard101 #w101 #wiz101 #text posts #malistaire drake

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hella1975 · 1 year

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tams azula is sooo fascinating bc while canon azula doesn't really show her age at all like she's completely desensitised to so much shit 'she is fourteen' is not a justification for ANYTHING both in her own mind and in other people's, in tams she has zuko. and yes the world has been abundantly cruel to her but zuko hasn't. he's basically raised azula and he's done so in a way that she's allowed to show her age, but she still only shows her age in very azula-esque ways. there's no reluctance to see violence like you'd expect from a fourteen-year-old, and like ive said before, that means zuko can't play on that reluctance in order to shield her, but he still wants to shield her from that violence because regardless of what SHE feels about it, as the eldest he knows fundamentally that she shouldn't be seeing certain things no matter how well she can handle them. and seeing zuko effectively PLAY azula in order to protect her is so interesting and complicated and fun

#and also a little heartbreaking bc it's the 'you protect azula but who protects you?'#like in order to shield azula from these things zuko is metaphorically standing in front of her and seeing them himself #as if he's not only sixteen and a child too #but yeah taking azula's canon traits and manipulating into the tamsverse is soooo fun #like the example that inspired this post is how canon azula is logical NOT cruel #like time and time again she follows only the logical route and even actively avoids the cruel route #e.g calling off torture in the boiling rock bc she knew that he was telling the truth and therefore continuing to torture him was illogical #im not saying azula is averse to/incapable of cruelty i just hc that she genuinely just thinks it's stupid #just like any other unnecessary act would be considered stupid. if it's not logical or being used for a greater plan then what's the point?#and tams azula STILL HOLDS THIS TRAIT except because i lean more into her age in tams bc she's been given the freedom with zuko #to liberally be a CHILD without any consequences as a result of that simple thing #her intense logic actually becomes a certain naivety on azula #like she cannot comprehend other people NOT coming to the conclusions she comes to #and that expands to needless cruelty. like she wont factor a person's cruelty into her calculations #because in her head all she needs to dismiss that calculation is 'excessive cruelty here would waste time which is illogical'#she assumes everyone is as smart and to-the-point as she is so when they ARENT and will actively waste time just to do dumb shit #it catches her off guard and she DOESNT PLAN FOR IT so it can really fuck them over sometimes #so this is one instance where zuko has azula beat despite it being STRATEGY aka azula's strong point #bc zuko's immense cynicism and assumption that Everyone Is Awful doesn't hold up against logic 9 times out of 10 #but the one time it does is the time azula gets caught out #i just think tams zuko and azula's dynamic is so fucking interesting im so clever for that tbh #twice as many stars

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naruto-is-baby · 10 days

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your top 15 favourite tv shows can say a lot about your personality

Tagged by @kuhakukage

Let's go besties :

1. Courage the Cowardly Dog

2. Danny Phantom

3. Teen Titans

4. Teen Wolf

5. Inuyasha

7. Tokyo Ghoul

8. Shen He Ling/Word of Honor

9. Australia's next top model

10. Brooklyn 99

11. How to get away with murder

No tags all the besties can come list their favourite shows so i can get some good tv show recs thank yew.

#bear with me it'll take me some more years to reach 15 tv shows probably #cz im a hater i like watching shows just to analyze and criticise the hell out of them until they disintegrate inside my brain #so u can imagine the kind of stress i am under when i try to list shows I like when i cant even remember what i watched #these are the shows that I'd actually rewatch #i don't usually like to rewatch stuff because i feel like my head will explode if im not seeing new things #ok but now that i think about it what DOES it say about my personality #only 2 of the shows on this list are from my adult life lmao #fried braincell things #for HTGAWM i love Annalise Keating. viola Davis is IT she's the icon she IS the moment i love her.#amd also my girl Michaela pratt got me through college i am her she is me (academically)#b99 is beautiful perfect amazing i love it #on that note Andre braugher we miss you thank you for all that you did #i also love Gina and was annoyed asf when she was taken out of the show #currently im watching the vampire diaries and shit is not hitting im gonna be honest #I'm currently watching 3 series and reading 2 books at once so u can imagine why my brain is fried

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kennabeth · 4 months

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#like look obviously the narrative that ~wah no one loves fitz~ is stupid he is so very very loved by so many people #but hes taught himself that if theres a part of him others dont like or if someone can use him #then their love for him might as well not exist #and thats how most people love. it's not wrong.#he just thinks it is because hes used to being treated as an item by everyone who doesnt love him unconditionally #up to his adulthood the only person who did ever seem to love him unconditionally was patience #so he made sure to take away from her the opportunity to see something in him she'd find repulsive #--like the wit--because she didnt have the chance to fully know him #which sucks because patience is the best person in the whole series #if he'd like her know him she'd love him all the same #anyway where im going with this is after the accidental... skill coupling??#and understanding for sure and for real there is no part of him that beloved does not know and does not love anyway #that despite his love of the world in general beloved is only continuing to use him as his catalyst because it's the only way fitz lives #(the fool weeping with makeup running down his face saying he doesnt want to be a prophet he wants this to end #but he cannot watch fitz die again had ME weeping)#ANYWAY that all scared fitz shitless #'it's too much. no one can give that much' is just. devastating to me for both of them #fitz because he still cannot see himself as worthy of being loved and not used #and beloved because all he does is get shit on for what fitz demands of him #I'm so tired #and fitz has yet to notice it was the fool making sure he had food/water/fire in the tower even when they were fighting #because unconditional is unconditional. not liking at that moment is not not loving #i hate it here #also fitz violently breaking the skill connection because 'he would know my secret. he would see my deception' is absolutely crazy #repression go brr #says kenna #kenna reads rote #ALSO when the coterie was healing him and he was begging beloved through skill to not look at his heart or his mind #what the hell!!#one flesh one end bitch!!

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sunflowersolace · 1 year

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my mom wants to medicate me at all costs

#for context #she has had me on adhd medications since i was in first grade #every single one of them has had horrible side effects #she said one of them made it where i didn’t smile for a month #and after years of this #instead of thinking maybe my child doesn’t need meds #she just kept going!!!#and eventually she found one she liked #and it gave me an eating disorder but nobody cared because i’ve always been skinny so obviously it’s natural for me to not eat much #(it’s not natural. i was gourging myself in the middle of the night when the meds wore off.)#and i genuinely had no emotions or personality but thats fine bc 13 year olds are shy and they pull away from their parents #and every time i said ‘hey mom and psychiatrist i don’t like the meds’ they’d fucking ramp them up #to the point that i was on a dosage that does not exist. i was taking multiple pills. because i was the only person on that dose.#i was fifteen.#and now i’m an adult and i NEVER take adhd medication for obvious fucking reasons #but any time anything negative happens with my emotions #like i’ll be like ‘ugh im frustrated at this video game’#my mom is like MAYBE YOU NEED TO BE ON 115 MG OF CONCERTA AGAIN. THAT WOULD FIX YOU.#i have the absolute lowest dose of vyvanse and i only take it when i ABSOLUTELY am sure i need to focus #and my mom wants me to take it to do shit like go to the arcade #she genuinely once said she likes me more when im medicated #so no #the red dye thing isn’t a genuine suggestion #it’s an attack on me. because she wants her freak kid to be normal so badly she’s willing to ruin its life.

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tandytoaster · 29 days

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Normal things to say to your 24 year old daughter

#noop nooping #fear mongers me by telling me not to go out by myself. does this shit #'you dont know whos out there whos watching you' YEAH BECAUSE YOU WONT FUCKING TELL ME #assault is only something to worry about unless if its someone i know personally then i do not care 🤓☝#ACTUALLYYYYYYY SHE'LL DEFEND TOTAL STRANGERS TOOOO!!!!!! SHES DONE IT BEFORE SHE'LL DO IT AGAIN 😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇#im nothing to her im worthless and weak and something to make fun of in her eyes #we would never be friends she would hate me and call me names and bully me SHE DOES SHE DOES!!!!!!!! THERES NO DIFFERENCE #theres no one on this planet who can look out for me there is no one who can fight for me i am going to be SICKKKKKKKKK

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mainfaggot · 4 days

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just watched challengers at the cinema w my little sister. it was so intense wtf

#i was like grabbing onto my scalp just yanking my hair in the last 5 mins and at the end i yelled (quietly) LOVE WINS!#bc there were only 4 other ppl in the cinema lol #its so fucking stupid on the surface like ok complicated polyamory and also insane obsession with a sport bc that is what makes these people #who they are; as in the sport IS their identity as individuals that's what fills the void that lies underneath skin and bone etc.#blah blah basic shit about messy relationships with the self and romantically with others #but it's also so profound because despite the many obstacles and personality differences. they all love one another and the sport so much.#it's so weird it's twisted in a sense because it's like they only have one another and then obviously tennis (bc tennis is the bridge)#it's very.. codependent #i can't believe my little sister understood like not in a condescending way i cant believe she got it but in a “oh i didnt know you watched #stuff with this much emotion and that you cared enough to critique media“ since she doesn't usually tell me about what shes watching #and when she does she tells me about sitcoms ..#so yeah it was nice that we watched it together but also kind of weird bc #well surface level: the make out scenes were just us giggling awkwardly #and on a deeper level when i was watching it. i couldn't help but think about how #patrick at some point turned into an observer; he stopped being a part of the art tashi patrick trio (and tennis!) and turned #into a spectator #despite very much still being a fellow player #and then tashi became a spectator of the sport despite very much being absorbed in it all and in love with art (?)#i dont know what else to call it but her need to control him came from a place of some kind of care ... albeit manipulative and self serving #so Patrick and tashi are almost parallel lines if that makes sense #theyre kicked out of “the club” whatever the club may be (for Patrick he's no longer in the trio) and for Tashi once the trio is long gone #she's no longer a competitor bc of her injury #and then art is just in the middle of it all #and he'd always followed Patrick's lead in the past and then he started thinking for himself until he became so taken by Tashi #and then he just became her little follower #he just wants to be loved and told what to do because he doesn't know how else to live. im projecting? im projecting. anyway!#the ending. god. the ending sums up their whole past dynamic:#patrick is petty. art is irritated. tashi doesn't get their little dynamic. patrick loves art. art is forgiving. tashi loves the sport #(and maybe she loves them both in her own fucked up control freak way)#z.post

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dontmeanyoudontmissit · 8 days

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So anyways my plan for the next two months is to kickass at work while I get another job and then leave their asses.

#I'm so mad about this #I've been at this company for 6 years and for the most part everyone I've worked with has been great #Easy to get along with. Smart. Caring.#I've had some not so great bosses and every once in a while I've encountered problem people #But repeatedly one person (not in my vertical but a key person in my org)#Has repeatedly made me feel like shit. Even if she claims to mean well or whatever #I absolutely never feel like we're ok the same team. It always feels like it's her team or death #Which is not an environment I thrive in #And then her boss (who is also my bosses boss) either feeds into that or exacerbates it #I wish I had had the words during our engagement survey because I'm not the only one who feels this way #So many people go into a meeting with her expecting to talk about one thing and instead she asks for something else entirely #It consistently feels like she has no trust in her team and she does not want to foster a culture of 'we're in the same team'#She is fostering a culture of 'im the boss so I'll dictate exactly what I want and I am free to change it at any time'#So. Anyways. If you know of companies hiring in their product or portfolio space hit me up.#I spent 10 hours trying not to cry at work today and then had three separate little cries #Going to going with my boss a little about taking a week off soon #He's going to be alarmed and concerned but like. He should be.#(my boss is generally great my only complaint is that he hasn't figure out how to work with his boss yet so that's compounding my issues.#But that is not all on him. And he has never once made me feel like we're not on the same team)#Blah blah ok. Tomorrow I work and then do the life shit I didn't do today #The day after that I do a second pass at my resume #And use a working block at work to figure out what I want (and sketch out my teams pain points and potential solutions)

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the-acid-pear · 26 days

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Something that always pissed me off about DSaF is how it acts like your physical exterior is a moral failing, which is echoed by the characters but only ever reinforced instead of subverted. Biggest L from the writing imo.

#luly talks #started thinking of this again bc someone pointed out word of god said henry looks like that in the game's style (despite being a Normal #White Man) as a representation of how evil and non human he is which is like WHAT THE HELL MAN!!! THAT'S MEAAAN #like changes in looks to represent someone is evil isnt an issue when its 1) A WILLING CHANGE 2) ACTUALLY TIED TO THEM BEING EVIL #see: jack in pure evil doing his jack o lantern shit #like how are Jack or Dave Bad People™ for just DYING.#''the outside always ends up matching the inside'' BABYGIRL I LOVE YOU BUT STOP TALKING BULLSHIT!!!!#like tje only case where i dont mind this is w Davetrap bc the bnnuy shit is a direct consequence of his actions #like a mark of shame if you squint you'll see me wag my tail because im remembering one of my favorite blonde men #im not gonna specify bc its a tasteless comparison if you think of it too long but its basically the same #he was only put there bc of what he did and bc he wouldn't stop it was not an accident or a tragedy #but hell this shit of hating ppl based on their looks extends to ANYONE like Dee is straight up A Good Woman and is hated cuz she. weird #MATT TOO like okay. matt isnt a good person. he has some shady shit going on. BUT IT DOES NOT WARRANT HOW HATED HE IS BC HE'S ''CREEPY''#and pf course the phoneys esp Jake w ''i was a monster'' though that's the only case i can think of where its like #self perception and not some bloke going holy shit you're so ugly i dont trust you #prob more examples but i havent played the game in too long so Y'know.#dsaf

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dennisboobs · 10 months

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#i can understand ppls issues with the bowling ep from a personal standpoint #but the misogyny was very much the point. like. that was the point. the joke was that dennis is a piece of shit #not that any of what he was saying was true #dee did prove she could overcome the obstacle he created when she had not done it before #but it was just. she and him. like. no one else cared. dennis didnt even actually care.#bowling is just bowling and dennis only showed up and competed at all in order to fuck with dee #idk. idk. like #i dont think sunny should make shit as clear as they have been that they dont condone the shit the gang does because it gets. messy #to me that was like. literally perfect episode. it was an absolute joy to watch beginning to end #and i think it did it a hell of a lot better than something like womans right to chop #where it absolutely bludgeons you with the 'ohhh these guys are misogynistssss' shit #like okay. cool #its a mind game!!!!! and the dialogue was. you know. normal. and not the characters being mouthpieces #theyre assholes #ada speaks #also i fucking love evil little brother dennis. so much. i need this times a thousand forever and ever #he's a fucking bastard and he makes a great low stakes villain #like this to me is so. so much more fun than the serial killer shit.#and dee fucking won. if theyd had their places switched dennis would absolutely not have the willpower to manage that #im just saying

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apollo-zero-one · 1 month

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Man I can't believe I had the chance to go to a performing arts school up through middle school and I fuckin quit after 6 months just because I got bullied. BRO YOUR HOMEWORK WAS POETRY!! YOU HAD TO PRACTICE DANCING TO COTTON EYE JOE AS YOUR BIG UNIT TEST. GYM CLASS HAD A CIRCUS UNIT!! YOU HAD A WHOLE DAILY CLASS ON IMPROV!!! YOU FOOL!! YOU ABSOLUTE IMBICILE!! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN A YOUTUBER!!! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN ONE OF THOSE TWEENAGERS GETTING LOADED BY MAKING SHITTY YOUTUBE SHORTS IN 2008-14!! But noooOoooOOOoo little miss Noellie (who WANTED TO GO!! who worked SO HARD and sent in an application essay and did an INTERVIEW to get in!!) couldn't handle disruptive classmates or little scuffles and petty grudges and general Attitude of the other students and cried to mommy to put her back in public school. I am EATING MY HAIR over what Could Have Been. I COULD BE SOMEONE'S ANNOYING YOUTUBER!! I could be a DISGRACED DISNEY CHANNEL STAR!! I could be an America's Got Talent winner! A mild to moderately successful comedian! I could be making short films!! But no no no precious thin skinned baby me heard a few new cus words and watched a teacher get heckled and begged to give up The Dream in favor of?? Quiet math tests?? I am such a fucking quitter I quit everything the second it gets too hard I always take the out as soon as it's offered what's my fucking damage.....

#I had SO MUCH POTENTIAL and I SQUANDERED IT!! weak ass third grade PUSSY! Your life could have been SO SICK!!#or you could at least be addicted to cocain or something interesting like that!! Boring ass goody two shoes always just staying home doing #NOTHING bitch make a REAL FRIEND go to a God Damn PARTY live a little instead of just hiding in the closet eating saltine crackers for years #waiting for it to be quiet outside before you ever even toed the line #mentally ill self-isolating motherfucker #you could have shrugged it off you could have GROWN A PAIR and FOUGHT BACK but you just ran and cried for mommy #victim complex little bitch baby always whining and exaggerating and making shit up fucking LIAR I am you and I KNOW what you did and I know #you knew it wasn't the truth and you regretted it the moment it came out of uour mouth but once you'd said it you just swallowed it back and #doubled down incriminating or discrediting others with your lies. For why? Because you didn't like them? You could have ruined someone's #life you wouldn't have hesitated mayhe you did and don't even remember because you cant keep your mouth shut with your pants ablaze #manipulative little shit and to WHAT END? Pity? Sympathy? Attention? Entertainment?? What was even going on in your stupid ugly head?#This is a callout post for my third grade self that possessed demon ass evil nine year old. That kid drowned anthills in olive oil and #poisoned a wild animal once. That kid cut plants just to see if they oozed. That kid modified her whole ass personality on a dime for a boy #she had a crush on. INSTANTLY dropped a LIFELONG CULTURAL ALLEGIANCE (thats what football teams were like back then in our town) because he #said he had the opposite allegiance??? What the fuck? girl had NO integrity none zip zilch.#No empthy either that kid looked at everyone else on earth like they were friggin space aliens and she was the only one with Real feelings.#bitch literally thought like 'I have Feelings they just have Reactions' bitch what the fuckkkkk #that nine year old was fucked the hell up!!!#and for literally NO REASON!! No cause!! Just born fucking evil and weird. jesus fuck.#Evil ass bitch caused her autistic brother months of nightmares and then laughed about it and wrote poetry about how evil he was because he?#was a kid??? Normal sibling rivalry taken way way way too far defamatory ass statements #and this girl had NO CONSEQUENCES because she could lie and manipulate her way out of ANYTHING she had the baby eyes and the helpless charm #and played dumb soooo well . read people like some calculative evil AI scanning their faces for microexpressions and overanalyzing each word #choice like holy shit. its not That Deep. pretentious shit trying to play 5D chess on a checkers board.#Manipulating shit just to see what happens?? zero awareness?? no asking just skipping straight to testing for yourself??#'What happens if I step on this' it fucking breaks 'what does that taste like?' it's not fucking yours to mess with 'if I hit this person #how will they respond?' they'll be upset use your goddamn judgement you are NINE not TWO do you even care a little about any other person??#Are you just living in some other reality???#callout post for the fucking demon child inside of me #im so goddamn problematic I'm so so so deeply mentally disturbed and broken for no reason

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slippery-minghus · 1 month

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hmm. had an actual conversation with nightmare coworker today that seemed mutually productive. she apologized for saying some bullshit that hurt my feelings and i clarified that my intentions are to help not to undermine her, and we both agreed that there's no competition against each other and that it's the lack of growth in our role that's the problem. it was...productive.

and further cementing for me that it is time to begin making my Exit. i will be sending out my resume to a few places this weekend.

i'm still processing the conversation, and am struggling to place myself in where i am responsible to better my behavior. because i genuinely don't want to be an ass, even though i really don't like this lady and will jump for joy the day i never have to see her again. she stated that she knows my intentions aren't to hurt her, and that she thinks i'm very kind. i apologized for if my behavior came off as undermining her, and said that my intentions are only to better my own growth—and that i know she's trying to succeed too. i validated her feelings, and complemented the effort she is putting in.

where i'm struggling with is: am i in the wrong/causing harm and needing to change if the issue is that her feelings are incongruent with what she knows of my intentions? her feelings are her responsibility (WOW i almost typed "her feelings are my responsibility". i feel like that's a freudian slip) and she states that she knows i don't mean to hurt her. i'm going to try to be more clear in wording my intentions with her (she feels like me trying to take work off her plate is to undermine her. when really, i'm caught up and see her getting overwhelmed, and i want to help and also have something to do since i'm bored).

but i'm really struggling to look at my role in this and pass judgement on myself. i can and want to do better, and i don't think i did anything wrong, but i'm always so hesitant to say it's not my fault or i didn't do something bad. like i can't trust my judgement on that. my intentions were good, her bad feelings are ones caused by her insecurities, which she more or less has expressed to be aware that they are not true—the hurtful thing she said to me, she acknowledged was said out of hurt and not what she actually thinks. so, is it fair to say i'm not the bad guy? i'm not in the wrong? i know good intentions that still result in harm don't absolve anyone, but when the things that are clashing are insufficient communication and reactive insecurities... i'm not a monster, am i?

#well. i AM probably a monster for how much i dislike this lady #but i don't ACT on it #and i genuinely couldn't care less about her. i participate in decent human pleasantries because i am a decent human.#and at work we're stuck together #the thing that's irked me so much about this conversation is just.. her self centeredness #that she thinks everyone is out to get her. to undermine her. whatever.#bitch nobody cares about you enough one way or the other to put in that kind of effort. i sure don't #i empathize but i do not sympathize. to feel that pit that makes you feel like the worst kind of center of attention #i get it. but genuinely you are not the main character and no one is going to spend their limited time and energy to slowly attack you #you are not the cat with all the knives pointed at it #it's a terrible feeling to feel like you are! but when it influences your behavior to the point that you are making snide comments #to people who have no option not to interact with you then uh. then you're in the wrong buddy #and the people around you (who cannot easily leave! bc work!) should not have to bend over backwards to assure you #that they're not pointing knives at you. to protect themselves from your feelings making you say mean shit #like yes. i can be more clear with my intentions. i'm generally not the greatest at that. but my baseline that i want to #modify my behavior from is NOT one that a regular well adjusted person would take as anything but kind #and if a regular well adjusted person got a little offput by me volunteering to take work off their hands we would've had a very chill #3 sentence conversation about it MONTHS AGO.#i understand and respect (even if i find it annoying and overbearing) the need for me to announce my intentions like im working in a kitchen #and saying 'hot water' or 'knife' as i move around other people but we shouldn't have reached this conclusion this way #and frankly who's to fucking say me being more clear with my intentions will only feed the flames of her thinking i'm out to get her!#'i caught up on my stuff and your plate looks full. i'm bored. anything i can do to help?' could be a pointed knife for all i know!!#and if it is- and my actions still hurt her in that scenario- am i still responsible for the hurt caused??#like WHERE DOES IT FUCKING E N D ?#personal #*exhales* okay i feel better now #i just hate talking about my interactions with her bc i just want NOTHING to do with it. i want her out of my head!!#but until i process it i can't let go #and i'm still going to have to go over all of this with my shrink tomorrow #it just makes me mad how much of my time this bitch takes up. i'm not getting paid to think about work right now!!!!

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puzzlekinq · 2 months

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cant sleep because im seething with anger

#been laying here for like 40 minutes fantasizing about finally snapping and telling my mom everything i really think and feel #if i ever came out to her she would end up cutting me off like she did to my aunts and uncles and cousins #basically im alone and my parents and siblings are the only family i can be in contact with right now and its isolating #off topic but yeah #i miss having a big family and people besides my parents that i could rely on. people i felt like i could actually breathe around #idk. whatever #why do i feel responsible for her actions all the time. its been my job to keep her stable and listen to her vent for years #but i never say anything about my own feelings. because she would make me feel stupid and ridicule me. lol #all she does is make me feel like shit most of the time. shes always in a bad mood and shes always whining and always pessimistic #and yeah i get along with her for the most part but lately her attitude has been weighing on me a lot. i cant criticize or disagree with her #because she'll just get mad. shes always been an angry person. thats why i hardly spoke to her from ages 10-15 #maybe i jsut wanted to give her another chance. maybe i felt sympathy for her. shes had it rough her whole life #but when shes still bitter no matter how many times i comfort her and let her vent and cry to me and when she chooses her husband over me #every single time he fucks up (which is like. constantly) and always takes his side when they inevitably make up after a huge fight #it feels like i'll never be able to make her happy. it feels like i should stop trying. if she wants to be full of hatred #and have a shitty husband then fine. i cant fix her like and i cant hold the weight of her mistakes #*life

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seilon · 4 months

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you know im realizing now. with the exception of a few resident psychiatrists, ive had like. no good experiences with mental health professionals

#most recent occurance is eating my brain alive right now because I feel just so. degraded and offended by how she chose to evaluate me #I won’t get into it because it will make me spiral even more and get angrier and more overwhelmed but tldr she didn’t acknowledge #anything I said about my symptoms both out loud and via written test. chose to ignore or dismiss anything that came from me #as if I couldn’t be trusted to recount my own experiences and feelings. also did not take into account that I am an adult and thus have Had #to learn to mask and shit so while she brushed off So Much Shit because i seemed (in the three hours she met/saw me)#functional Enough. that’s only becuaee I put in a Lot of effort every day to do so. and that effort does not last forever #and of course because. like I said I’m an adult. I’ve been yelled at I’ve been punished I’ve been put through courses and #through the ringer of Society in general to the point where I mimic Normal Person Behavior at least somewhat decently when im prepared to do #so. she treated me like a child and didn’t acknowledge most of my major issues. ignored me when I said I don’t avoid social situations out #of fear/anxiety I avoid them because it takes a lot of energy for me to mask and try and read people and act accordingly #and in her report suggested generalized anxiety. part of the reason I was there is because anxiety HASNT ever properly described my #avoidant behavior.#and just. yeah I said I wouldn’t get into it but here we are. this always happens #it’s just eating at me because I keep realizing more and more things she just fucking disregarded. literally wrote that I ‘listed many #relevant symptoms’ and kept it at that. did not actually give those symptoms any validity. basically just implied I was listing things #just. becuase?#some shit was just blatantly wrong like claiming that I have a variety of interests when I told her outright that I can only be interested #in one specific interest at a time- example being the entirety of last year being only interested in One (1) video game. and this is to such #an extent that it’s difficult to make and maintain friendships because I have no interest in anything else but that One Thing for however #long and won’t care about other things people try to get me into in order to have something in common with me or whatever or just. yeah.#issues.#she didn’t acknowledge the issues I have with low empathy or overstimulation. didn’t acknowledge my history of taking things literally to #such an extent that it has caused problems with people. didn’t acknowledge anything that was self-reported and not being displayed in that #moment right in front of her eyes. it’s just. really really disappointing and. yeah degrading honestly #especially because it took months upon MONTHS to get this fucking appointment #and to just be not listened to and dismissed.#anyway. yeah I’ve also just only ever had really shallow relationships with therapists (at best)#and have never felt helped by them or like they ever put in much effort to try to Get to me so to speak. only my psychiatrists have #been open minded and Listened to me. but they were always residents so they’d leave in a year or so. I don’t have one at this point.#kibumblabs

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