We Shall Not Overcome

Author: Chaoticdean (@chaoticdean) Artist: Deancodedcastielenby (@deancodedcastielenby​) No Major Archive Warnings Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Soccer AU, soccer player Castiel, soccer player Dean Winchester, secret relationship, homophobia, bisexual Dean Winchester, pansexual Castiel, team everyone switches forever, come play

Summary: Castiel Novak and Dean Winchester have virtually nothing in common: they’re both from different countries (Cas would argue that Canada and the US aren’t that different but Dean begs to differ), they come from wildly different types of families, and where Castiel excelled at school Dean failed. When it comes to their social skills they’re also diametrically opposed: Dean is outgoing, funny and easy-going; Castiel is more of an introvert who likes books and still has to see any Star Wars movie. In real life though, Castiel Novak and Dean Winchester are both professional soccer players with the same position in concurrent teams. It would be complicated enough as it is, but Dean and Cas have also been a couple for several years, hiding their relationship from the public and homophobia in the world of soccer while living in Europe away from their families. Can they make it through another season without cracking? Preview: “OFFSIDE?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN ‘OFFSIDE’?!” Castiel yells as the linesman waves his stupid little flag, indicating that the goal he just scored doesn’t actually count. It was a fucking magnificent goal- the ball was coming from Balt on the left side and Cas managed to get rid of three defenders on his own before he put the ball right into the top corner. A Novak special, if you will. “It means we have one more chance to beat your ass,” a voice he knows too well fake-whisper next to him. Castiel turns around and immediately slams into the body of his opponent of the day- Atletico Madrid’s number 11, the one and only Dean Winchester. “Fuck off,” he says as he and Dean size each other up, both of their forehead coming to rest against the other. Dean wears a black jersey, indicating that he’s not playing home today- despite the Santiago-Bernabéu stadium and the Metropolitano only being 15 minutes away from each other. Cas is wearing his favorite jersey- the white and gold one, his home jersey, sporting number 7. Winchester flashes a smile at him, one of those cocky ones that make Cas’ blood boil. But right before he does something about it, the referee is standing next to them and firmly pushes Dean off Cas. “Take a breather, you two, or I’m carding you both!” Cas trots away, still fuming, but not wanting to add on to the pile and potentially ruin the night by getting a red card. Half an hour later and the referee’s whistle signals the end of the game, with the win going to Cas’ adversaries. 1-2, Atletico takes the win. Winchester scored twice. Cas goes back to the dressing room angry at himself and the team. It’s only two hours later when Dean and Cas, back in the apartment they’ve been sharing for several years in downtown Madrid, settle their dispute on the counter of their kitchen. “I wanted to- ahh- punch you in the face,” Cas whines as Dean puts both of his legs on his shoulder, allowing him to hit that sweet spot right there inside of Cas. “Fuck, Dean-” “Yeah, you did?” Dean smiles, that same cocky smile he did on the field. “I wanted to kiss you so bad, shame the ref interrupted us honestly.” Cas can’t help the laugh that escapes him, right until it transforms into a whine because goddammit, Dean is too damn good at finding all the right moves to drive him crazy. The sound his cock makes as he pushes and pulls into Cas shouldn’t sound so hot, but neither should the way Cas can feel Dean’s heavy balls slap against his hole. “I swear if you don’t bend me in half and fuck me like a man already I’m going to go insane,” Cas snarls, right before Dean kisses him sloppily, all tongues and teeth. “Mhm, is that a request or an order, Novak?” Dean smiles against Cas’ lips as he pistons his hips faster into the warmth of Cas’ ass. “I wanna feel it when I train tomorrow- ah holy shit,” Cas whines as Dean complies, folding him in half over the table and letting his cock drag in and out of Cas’ puffy asshole. It barely takes them both a minute to come after that. Dean carries a half-asleep Cas to the shower and takes care of them both, before they head to bed. Together, like they’ve been doing for four years since they both came to Europe to play soccer. Together, but not for the camera, for which they’re both playing the game of being enemies that hate each other. But tonight, right before Cas falls asleep, the only thing he can feel is Dean, all warm and here against him. He brushes a kiss underneath Cas’ earlobe, that secret spot he loves so much, and hums an “I love you”, that Cas sleepily answers with a “me too” that barely sounds like something. It’s been their lives for the past four years. But Cas wonders if they have it in them to go on like this for a fifth.

POSTING BETWEEN APRIL 23rd AND MAY 6th, 2023!    

tumblr . com / chaoticdean / 702096255730483200 / you - reap - what - you - sow - etc - etc ? source = share

I put an annoying amount of spaces in here 'cause Tumblr™, and expect if you post this (fully get if you don't) you'll remove the link/name so this person isn't harassed (they're particularly.... vocal.... on their twitter, which I believe is the same username, or with an underscore in the middle)

A person in this one fandom has been warned by multiple sites (AO3 and others) re: selling their fic. After the whole debacle with flamethrower, I thought you/your followers may be interested in being aware that this is apparently a big thing people are defending to the death on tumblr/twitter/tik tok. they're rather....... insistent on it, are selling a bound copy for €25.00, talk very loudly on their tumblr about it, and raged rather insistently against AO3 and lulu when they were warned. From what I can tell (I found this via someone vehemently defending them and trashing AO3 for warning them against monetising on tiktok) they were harassed about something (not sure on the details, though considering fandom do believe that), and are now putting the harassment + their "right" to publish and make money off of fandom in the same category. I don't get the logic, but it's what it seems to be whenever someone points out selling fic is illegal, and could fuck over other fic authors.

I'm just tired, basically. Fandom is an escape and I love it, and people like this ruin it for others.

--

Oh, I know it's a big thing people defend.

And they can keep right on crying like the babies they are.

As I've said before, when you monetize on AO3, you're not just monetizing your own labor but mine.

No mercy.

I didn’t want to piggyback on the printed fic post from @chaoticdean but for anyone (writer or reader) wanting to get physical copies of fic, fanbinding is a fantastic way to do it and is wayyy harder to report! (Plus it’s pretty cheap, and @renegadepublishing has awesome resources)

…And for destiel-specific stuff, I’ve started slowly binding works under @profoundbindery :) If you’re a writer who wants their work bound, or a reader who wants a work (with author permission ofc), I bind at cost! Currently working on The Hanged Man by @ellis-park!

Hey

I’m so sorry, despite following you for an age and being on tumblr for what feels like ever, I’m still not super sure how to use it or if this is the right way to get in touch!

I own your book Patient Love (I tagged you in a pic on Twitter or maybe it was on here aaaages ago) but I’ll send you another photo so you know I’m not lying.

I really want to buy the other book you released but I know you keep getting reported by arseholes and having it removed from print. Is there any where I can buy a copy somehow?

If not please don’t worry and know I love your work! xx

(Apologies for this message’s rambling and incoherent nature! It’s 2.30am, I have ADHD and I’m British 😆)

Hey there! You can find all my current books on my website!

We Shall Not Overcome

We Shall Not Overcome https://ift.tt/3nWHXqQ by chaoticdean Castiel Novak and Dean Winchester have virtually nothing in common: they’re both from different countries (Cas would argue that Canada and the US aren’t that different but Dean begs to differ), they come from wildly different types of families, and where Castiel excelled at school Dean failed. When it comes to their social skills they’re also diametrically opposed: Dean is outgoing, funny and easy-going; Castiel is more of an introvert who likes books and still has to see any Star Wars movie. In real life though, Castiel Novak and Dean Winchester are both professional soccer players with the same position in concurrent teams. It would be complicated enough as it is, but Dean and Cas have also been a couple for several years, hiding their relationship from the public and homophobia in the world of soccer while living in Europe away from their families. Can they make it through another season without cracking? Words: 10033, Chapters: 3/3, Language: English Fandoms: Supernatural (TV 2005) Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: M/M Characters: Castiel (Supernatural), Dean Winchester, Balthazar (Supernatural), Benny Lafitte, Sam Winchester, Jo Harvelle, Bobby Singer (Supernatural), Ellen Harvelle, Rowena MacLeod, Charlie Bradbury, Michael (Supernatural) Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Benny Lafitte & Dean Winchester, Balthazar & Castiel (Supernatural) Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Football | Soccer, Football | Soccer Player Dean Winchester, Football | Soccer Player Castiel (Supernatural), Atlético Madrid, Real Madrid CF, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Slurs, Coming Out, Secret Relationship, Enemies to Lovers, (even if it's fake), Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Healthy Relationships, Homophobia in football, Explicit Sexual Content, Bottom Castiel/Top Dean Winchester, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, author is a card carrying member of, team everyone switches forever, Dean/Cas Switch Bang 2023 via AO3 works tagged 'Castiel/Dean Winchester' https://ift.tt/15Km72N May 05, 2023 at 02:21PM

well guys, we got one more day before the supernatural finale. to make us all feel warm and cuddly, I've decided to link my favorite fluffy fics (and I've tagged the author’s Tumblr, if they’ve got one/if I could find it xP!)

Fuzzy Socks (under 1k, married destiel and morning softness)

Better Homes (and, eventually, gardens) (5.7k, getting together and post-canon for s11, hella domestic) by @andimeantittosting

okay I could honestly recommend all of my pal tia’s fics but here are some choice faves, all of these are one shots and very soft: Favorite, Home, and Autumn Invading

profoundly bonded (by law) (20k, post canon for s15, getting together, dean having a minor sexuality crisis, cas being wholesome and loving crafting, veryyyy sweet) by @sobsicles

Dean’s Table (5k, human AU, veteran dean, waiter cas, sam and dean also have some good bro moments) by @through-shadows-falling (okay for some reason the tag won’t work bc Tumblr is the worst but)

Going to California (4k, road trip, getting together, post-canon, verrrry cute) by @chaoticdean (although literally all of justine’s fics are amazing, all of them will make you feel so warm inside and they’re extremely well written ;-;)

fleurs sauvages (1.7k, getting together and almost-human cas, cas loves to garden, soooo soft) by @casfallsinlove

union (1k, established relationship, post canon for s15, soft husbands) by @tragidean

don’t let me go (1k, nightmares and hurt/comfort, first kiss, soooo soft and snuggly) by @kitmistry

Make It That Much Better (2.4k, human au, kidfic, getting together) by @perlukafarinn

Ding (under 1k, halloween, established relationship, human cas)

I Need Never Get Old (9.5k, getting together, retired team free will, carpentry)

Hot Blooded Quarantine (10k, creature cas and human dean, getting together, and they were roommates!) by @goldenraeofsun (although all of Rae’s stuff is fantastic. the whole quarantine series has been AMAZING this one just has dean being particularly annoying >:)

also I really like to write fluff so here are a few of mine: So Comes Snow After Fire, Changing of the Seasons, Better Off For All That We Let In, Are We Human?, and His Own Kind of Grace

I wish you all good luck and happy vibes as we go into the finale :)

the fics so far...

ok, remember I'd never read any destiel fanfic before 2021, so I started with no idea of what’s a classic that everyone's read before. and for the purposes of this project, I don’t care if my recs are old or repeats, I'm just gonna say what I like!

later I might focus on some lesser known authors, but today’s recs will just be a bunch of stuff I’ve liked so far.

.

fics written pre-2020

where the weeds take root by deathbanjo

this is the first one I read that made me decide, ok, I have to read more fanfic.

the cost of a thing by quiettewandering @wanderingcas

The Truth by whelvenwings @whelvenwings

Unknown Quantities by xylodemon

For Lack of a Better Word by pantheon_of_discord On Drowning by domesticadventures @domesticadventures

a classic for a reason

The Path of Fireflies by museaway

this was a little bit suspenseful! not in a car chase way, but in an “I can’t wait to find out what’s really going on here!” way. Heroes for Ghosts by pantheon_of_discord

A Room Of One's Own by NorthernSparrow @northern-sparrow

okay. okay. okay. I have read this twice. the first time, I read the entire thing in one go, staying up until 2:30am to finish it. it’s cringey and a little gross and very funny and cringey some more and then halfway through I was like wait, why am I crying?

the second time I laughed and cringed and laughed and cringed some more and then I was like wait, why am I crying? Breathe For Me by sobsicles @sobsicles

I will read everything sobs writes until the end of time. in this one, cas gets in the ma’lak box with Dean and they talk.

Sewn With Silk by SaltyWords (agent4hire22) @winchester-reload Nightmare by Bookkbaby @bookkbaby

this deals with the dubious consent situation that was Cas and April the reaper in 9x03, and I found it cathartic for that reason. we don’t talk often enough about how truly fucked up that interaction was, and how fucked up that it was partly played for laughs. poor cas.

Let Us by K_K_TiBal, whelvenwings it’s crack but I couldn’t stop laughing!

And This, Your Living Kiss by opal_bullets @asecretvice

OPAL BULLETS WHO ARE YOU

I read this one in one sitting also.

.

post-finale or fix-its:

for which no words exist by MediaWhore

What didn't kill you by redbrickrose

cas is human, dean and cas start hunting together, they figure it out

Kingdom Come by ahurston

Bring Home by cenotaphy

Carry on the wayward son, the way that lovers do by chaoticdean @chaoticdean

weirdly I’ve read the last 2/3 of patient love but not the rest of it? I’m gonna read the whole thing tho.

Theirs by jujubiest @darkshrimpemotions

things happen (they do, they do, and they do) by sobsicles

profoundly bonded (by law) by sobsicles

an absurd premise in sobs’ capable hands turns into gold.

Speak Silence No More by rea_of_sunshine

closer (isn't close enough) by fleeceframe

“When you are hungry, you eat. When you are tired, you rest. When you are dirty, you bathe. But what are you supposed to do with love?”

.

misc newer stuff:

No Kingdom to Come by domesticadventures 

pandemic fic!

Seek to Know You Better by ahurston

the 36 questions that lead to love Grow Something, Feed Someone, Love One Another by ahurston

oh sooner or later it all comes down to faith by sobsicles Memories Bring Back Memories (Bring Back You) by sobsicles

There's a science to walking through windows by palindromicpal

about Gas n’ Sip Steve, but from the POV of one of his coworkers

like today by gi09 @dcforts

“They can stop along the way, like they sometimes do. He will get a hot bagel and Cas will down half his coffee, and they will stand right outside the store, where they can’t get wet but they can breathe and hear the rain. And Cas will say – well, Dean can never anticipate what Cas is going to say, but that’s the good part.”

We Shall Not Overcome

TITLE: We Shall Not Overcome AUTHOR: Chaoticdean (@chaoticdean​)  ARTIST: PetraAmia (@deancodedcastielenby​)

LINK TO FIC || LINK TO ART

PAIRINGS: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Benny Lafitte & Dean Winchester, Balthazar & Castiel (Supernatural)MAJOR ARCHIVE WARNINGS: No Archive Warnings ApplyTAGS: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Football | Soccer, Football | Soccer Player Dean Winchester, Football | Soccer Player Castiel (Supernatural), Atlético Madrid, Real Madrid CF, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Slurs, Coming Out, Secret Relationship, Enemies to Lovers, (even if it’s fake), Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Healthy Relationships, Homophobia in football, Explicit Sexual Content, Bottom Castiel/Top Dean Winchester, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, author is a card carrying member of, team everyone switches forever, Dean/Cas Switch Bang 2023

SUMMARY:

Castiel Novak and Dean Winchester have virtually nothing in common: they’re both from different countries (Cas would argue that Canada and the US aren’t that different but Dean begs to differ), they come from wildly different types of families, and where Castiel excelled at school Dean failed. When it comes to their social skills they’re also diametrically opposed: Dean is outgoing, funny and easy-going; Castiel is more of an introvert who likes books and still has to see any Star Wars movie.

In real life though, Castiel Novak and Dean Winchester are both professional soccer players with the same position in concurrent teams.

It would be complicated enough as it is, but Dean and Cas have also been a couple for several years, hiding their relationship from the public and homophobia in the world of soccer while living in Europe away from their families.

Can they make it through another season without cracking? (now updated with the link to the art!)

14, 27 ❤️

14: A fic you didn't expect to write

Both the fleabagnatural series and my pinefest fic. Fleabagnatural started out as a one shot after I'd started to rewatch the show. The whole series just spiralled from there.

With pinefest, I had a whole other fic planned out and a week or so before drafts were due another idea came to me and I had to write it. This fic will be the death of me.

27: favourite fic author of the year (I'm cheating and doing more than one now because you're all amazing)

@chaoticdean - both Patient Love and Hearts on Fire ruined me. Jus, you're just incredible.

@malmuses - I've probably re-read Russian To The Alter six times this year alone. Everything Mal writes is brilliant.

@starrynightdeancas - BEX! So talented and I just can't get over how brilliantly you craft your work.

@one-more-offbeat-anthem - Everyone stop what you are doing and read Emmy's work. Winchester in Love is perfection.

@cvsnovak - Life As We Know It had me in a choke hold. I love this fic so much

@you-cant-spell-subtext-without and @doctorprofessorsong - Birds and The T's was a masterpiece fic and a total love letter to the fandom.

I know I'm missing some but I've read so many fics this year and my brain is mush

ask me fic related questions

With the current state of the fandom I’ve decided to compile all my favorite fics (all Destiel) for y’all to use as you please!

🌻All Time Favorites🌻

🌻The Goldenrod Revisions by aethylas

66,270 words

This fic is THE fic that helped me through the post-finale fallout. It’s beautifully written and the layout is genius. Highly recommend!

🌻And This, Your Living Kiss by opal_bullets

56,950 words

An ICONIC AU, I am in love with Professor!Cas and Student!Dean. The poetry is beautiful and I so enjoyed reading this one!

🌻Checked Out by Whelvenwings

27,127 words

Have you noticed how much I love AU’s yet? This one is super cute and had me squealing several times. I love cute librarian!cas and writer!dean.

🌻The Knights and Their Bees by Niitza

54,985 words

This fic is one I wish I could go back and read for the first time again. My love for Cain grew 10x while reading it. It’s an adorable AU with a beautiful world built around it. Cute beekeeper!cas has my heart. It’s not in chronological order but that doesn’t take away from the story!

🌻How (thanks to Gabriel) Dean and Castiel (accidentally) raised each other (And Sam) by Vera_DragonMuse

69,693 words

Oh how I love this one. I love watching those three grow up together. It’s so heartwarming. Also Cas gets to punch John Winchester in the face which is cool. Super super great!

🌻Patient Love by chaoticdean

Ongoing:)

*scream* this fic/AU is so incredibly heart wrenching and beautiful and inspiring. It is ongoing and I have enjoyed every second of it, even when I was sobbing over it. Highly recommend checking it out! The author is so kind and amazing as well.

🐸Frogtastic Fics🐸

🐸Under The Midnight Sun by NorthernSparrow

232,029 words

Honestly I have no idea why this one isn’t on my all time favorites list, I guess this list is just an extension of my all time favorites. NorthernSparrow has captured me with their writing. This fic is other-worldly and such a captivating read. The world they’ve built is awe-inspiring. Made me fall in love with Alaska.

🐸Flight by NorthernSparrow

319,744 words

Like I said, NorthernSparrow has become one of my very favorite authors. They have created such a amazing world and I have learned so much by reading their work. This one is a slow burn but SO worth it. Broke my heart several times but repaired it nonetheless.

🐸No Need for Dreaming by AsphodeleSauvage

24,119 words

Such a CUTE AU!!! Wedding Photographer!Cas is so oblivious and adorable, and Dean is trying his best. Also there is a soulmates part to it that I find super interesting! Love this one!

🐸In Some Sacred Place by HellosaidtheMoon

91,054 words

Talk about ANGST. Oh my gosh this AU had me at the edge of my bed (cause I don’t read in chairs) and fighting tears very often. Dean has Cystic Fibrosis and the boys grow up together. The art is beautiful as well. AND OH just wait for the TWIST ending holy moly.

🐸Seek to Know You Better by ahurston

32,761 words

Hey this one is canonverse! I know I have too many AU’s. This one is super cute. Dean and Cas take a road trip and 36 questions help them communicate and figure out they’re in love.

🐸Cinderwings by bendingsignpost

181,619 words

This one is a classic. A beautiful AU and a well built world. I absolutely love the way Dean and Cas are portrayed in this one. A must read for sure! This one definitely deserves a spot on my all time favorites list.

🍄Ongoing/Unfinished🍄

🍄The Unbroken by casblackfeathers

This one I found a few months back and I lost it and could not stop thinking about it. Finally I found it again! This one is super interesting and the world is super well built! I can’t wait to read more! Definitely check it out!

🍄The Pull of Us by Shelikestv

I have only just started reading this one and it’s super interesting! I can’t say much about it but I know I’m enjoying it and know y’all would like it too!

🍄Superposition by zeroth_law

This one is so good and it’s unfinished and hasn’t been updated for a few months and it’s driving me nuts! It’s an AU where Dean and Cas were roommates and then some stuff happened and Cas comes back to town and they reunite and it’s just so interesting!! I need to know what else happens!! Please give this one some love and attention!

As we're approaching the end of the year, would you mind sharing what were your greatest fanfic read of 2020?

 :)i’ve seen so many people answer this so wonderfully and here’s the thing i STRUGGLE with fic recs cuz i mostly read oneshots and codas and such and then i never bookmark them so....

but

i’ll do my best

ascend by @wanderingcas​ (i’ve read the first couple chapters, and it’s amazing! it’s also a wip, so keep that in mind)

I know when you go down all your darkest roads by @chaoticdean (READ IT ITS SO FUCKING GOOD JUST DO IT, also check out jus’ wip i’m loving it so far)

the shawnee trail by @valleydean (okay i actually haven’t finished this one yet but what i’ve read so far has been excellent)

when blue met green by @fandomstuff67 (another one i have not finished cuz i am a terrible person but i read the first 3 chapters and i love it, also check out her wip it’s amazing)

tinsel and tourists by @starrynightdeancas (best christmas fic in the world i’ll just say it now. IT WAS SO CUTE)

cool now let me tag some of my favorite authors that are fucking amazing and you should go check out their stuff because i simply am in awe

@galaxycastiel @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @theangelwiththewormstache @good-things-do-happen-dean @joharvele @heller-jensen @bend-me-shape-me @on-a-bender

Hi. I would love to purchase your book.

Hi there! You can find every books I have out on my website 💙

Do you have any recommendations for fluff destiel fanfic ??

hi anon! so, i haven’t been able to find that many purely fluffy fics, especially in the multi-chapter variety. but, these amazing authors who are popping into my head right now do write very fluffy one-shots that will make u very happy!

@starrynightdeancas [x]

@joharvele [x]

@subbydean [x]

@chaoticdean [x]

@theangelwiththewormstache [x]

@bend-me-shape-me [x]

@jhoomwrites [x, x]

@mittensmorgul [x, x]

@ltleflrt [x, x]

@inacatastrophicmind [x]

@smiledean [x]

@dreamnovak [x]

and if anyone else has recs to share, please add on to this post. happy reading, anon!!

Title: Heart's on Fire

Author: chaoticdean / savetheclaypots (team)

Artist: Moadlc

Rating: Explicit

Pairings: Dean/Cas, background Sam/Eileen

Length: 51000

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Referenced/Implied Alcohol Abuse

Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amnesia, Mutual Pinning, Idiots in Love, Castiel and Dean Winchester Need to Use Their Words, Miscommunication, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fix-It, Dean Winchester Is Comfortably Bisexual, Human!Cas

Posting Date: November 3, 2021

Summary: It’s been several months since the events of 15x19, and the world is almost at ease. Dean Winchester isn’t, though.  It takes a drunken night and a conversation with Sam for both brothers and a newly depowered Jack to restart the search to get to the Empty. After several weeks and Rowena’s help, Cas is finally back, alive, and for a moment everything looks brighter. Jack and Sam are ecstatic, and Dean’s had enough time to figure out what he wants to tell Cas. For the first time ever, he’s ready to speak his truth. Except, Cas doesn’t seem to recognize Jack, and the first thing he does is ask Dean how he’s managed to “get rid of the mark”. He doesn’t remember that Chuck, the flimsy prophet he met years ago, was God and that they just beat his ass. Actually, there’s a lot he doesn’t remember… Including telling Dean he loved him before getting taken by the Empty. Now, Sam and Dean start the quest of figuring out what’s keeping a newly human Cas from remembering the past 5 years by their side.  It doesn’t go as planned. (Or, how Dean and Cas manage to overcome amnesia to tell each other their truth, like they were always meant to.)

Excerpt: But despite his discomfort, Dean accepts Sam’s apology for what it is: an apology for giving up, for letting Dean give up. For doing so without fully understanding what it meant. For not dragging Dean through his grief and hopelessness to the finish line. To, maybe, find another loophole.  Still.  “Jeez Sammy, if I had known you’d go all mushy on me I’d have taken two more,” Dean says in a desperate attempt at lighting up the atmosphere as he shakes the pill bottle. “Don’t do that,” Sam says, tilting his head slightly to stare at him. And busted. But before Dean can find some other way to sidestep the heart-to-heart, he feels a pang in his chest at Sam’s expression. The gesture is so familiar that it hurts in all the places Dean didn’t even know could hurt, and it’s shocking that there were still new places for pain and loss to nestle into inside him. He suddenly feels hollow. Exhausted. Whatever respite he had found this morning gone like...well. Just gone. Sam catches on his sudden change of mood and his face appears even more determined than before. Except Dean really can’t go through another round of waterworks, especially not with Sam again.  “Don’t, Sam. It’s nothing.” Dean lies through his teeth, and the lie sounds clumsy. But Dean is committed to not go there again even as he feels the oppressive force of his own memories, so he brings his cup of coffee back to his lips as he pretends that he’s fine. Or in control, at the very least. To his credit, Sam doesn’t push. He goes back to his book after one final, very meaningful, stare and leaves Dean to his cup of coffee. It takes Dean a little while to break the silence after that, his heart and mind all over the place.  They had gotten sidetracked between the apology and Dean’s inability to not remember Cas over every little thing like the mess he is. It’s bothering him though, not knowing what Sam is thinking about finding a loophole. If there is one at all. The mere possibility that...that they could. That it would even be possible. Dean can barely think of it, but he has to ask. He has to. He’s so tired. He wasn’t made for the helplessness of grief.  “So,” he starts hesitantly, waiting until Sam finally gets his nose out of the book he's reading to look at him. “Care to explain what exactly we’re doing here?” Sam looks at him like he’s grown a second head, opening and closing his mouth several times before finally speaking. “I’m- Dean, we’re getting Cas back.” And yeah, Dean can get on board with that. He may very well end up a mess on the library floor again. A worse mess, even. But, fuck, he has to try. If Sam thinks it’s worth a shot, Dean can find it in himself to hope. Just a little. 

DCBB 2021 Posting Schedule

jackles this mollins that it’s FAN FIC AUTHOR fangirl hours at this house today everyday - RIP to yall but I’m different :D

[specifically screaming to myself about @chaoticdean @shelikestv and @sinnabonka - if you haven’t read their stuff you need to run to their accounts and hit up their AO3.  YOU WILL BE BLESSED.]