#And. I didn't realise how much I'd become afraid to talk about me. I talk about Leviathan all the time as the sky but I don't.... Like | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

redfurrycat · 8 months

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Hey, why does almost everyone dislike Charlie in this fandom? They don't have a problem with Carole though.

Hello Anon :)

If you expect me to talk about what people in the fandom think, I'm afraid I won't be able to help you. :(

I can't say I keep track, even with my favourite thing to talk about (aka Hangster)... I mostly keep to my bubble with 'some outside' interactions. 😃

Hardly someone who'd know about how to answer your question on a more global level.

That being said, I can talk about MY vision of Charlie??? :)

I'll put everything under the cut. ;)

First and foremost, I'll say it's been A LONG TIME SINCE I LAST watch the Top Gun movie, from the beginning to the end.

I keep watching the same scenes over and over again, aka the 'you're the one' and the final dogfight scenes. Mainly.

Why? Because Goose's death and the subsequent trauma from Mav and Carole makes me sob, and I don't can't deal with these particular scenes...

So, as I said, it's mostly me watching parts of scenes.

My vision of Charlie is heavily based on fics then. And from the ones I've read, she has generally the role of the ex/bitter-ex/evil person...

(One of the reason I'd like to be able to watch the movie again, it's so that I can see Charlie from the canon movie point of view...)

The way I remember her from the movie is that her scenes with Mav made me cringe... And I kept thinking why is there another blonde while Mav ALREADY HAS HIS BLONDE (Mister Iceman)?!

All this didn't endear her to me... (Again. A rewatch is a must to erase any previous misconceptions and see her with fresher eyes.)

Carole though? Impossible not to love that woman! She is so perfect with Goose and Mav! We awe at her relationship with her husband and brother/best friend and then cry with her after Goose's death.

In contrast, Charlie just seemed to be in the way to me... Like siriusly to me the movie ends with Ice sunny-smiling at Mav! xD

So, I'm not really into the romantic aspect of Charlie/Mav... I MUCH PREFER the pennymav from the TGM movie!!!

HOWEVER, I think I love Charlie as a character only. She had the potential of being a strong female character, but again the cringe-vibes of the romantic scenes kinda erase that...

MY favourite headcanon is that Mav and Charlie remain in very good terms, and become close friends after 1) Mav realises he loves Ice. 2) Charlie comes out as a lesbian. ((I ship Charlie with Penny. BADASS WOMEN AHOY!!!!!!! *heart eyes* They'd be so cute together.) I like Charlie (and Penny) being protective over Mav and listening to him pining about Ice (the shovel talk is quite brutal! xD). Offering sensible advice too. Also talking with him about technical stuff. These two are both smart!!!!! Mav would in return be a guard dog, protecting Charlie from unwanted eyes at the Bar where Penny works. After all, he's the one to introduce both his exes, he's the perfect wingman to his ladies!!!! :D

Final words are. The way YOU consider Charlie is a-okay, so is the way I see her and the way the fandom sees her.... :)

Sorry my babble can't exactly give you the answer you're looking for! ;)

Have a good day, Anon! :)

#answered anon ask #quid charlie blackwood?#I think I like her... cause she seems to be as smart as one Samantha Carter -from another saga....#also my brain says she and penny are HELLA good together!!!! <3 #Yup. This bean is a Icemav and Pennycharlie Shipper!!! :D Each brunet needs their own blonde! xD <3

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squirmydonnie · 3 months

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Vent:

I am.causing my pain

I never know quite where to.look

But when I do. It's often recently been the wrong place

With people who.simply don't have the capacity for me

I hope that they do or will

But the truth is I can never be sure.

I forget that my parents are even an option sometimes.

They would hate to hear that.

And they will same the same things I'm used to.

Sometimes they surprise me.

I often only want more information about them. I don't want to hear your name old story you usually do. The same topic again. I liked hearing more. Not that it was positive things. It was sad things. But I still liked hearing it.

I get the need for.positive reinforcement. But I don't want to give it to you.

I've done it before, and it's become tired.

I don't really feel like it.

I didn't think very much about it before.

I didn't realise I was making a choice.

That I've been making the choice to not tell them.things.

I do it very regularly.

I think.i might be a more healthy individual if I did that from the start.

But I had seen it as something I would do on my own. As to not bother anyone with it.

In the same way I chose to not ask for clothes I liked, out of fear that money would squander.

I wish i wasn't perceptive.

Not that it doesn't do any good for me, but that it hurts me.so much.

Being aware only does you a bit of the work.

I don't really know where I'm going with this.

But it feels better to not be rushed.

Rushed by fear.

Even though I actually still am.

My dad told me I'm the first thing he's ever loved at first sight.

He's told me this a few times.

When driving me home from the hospital he couldn't stop looking at me through the mirror.

My mom had to keep reminding him to focus.

I've never heard him say anything like this about my mom.

It made me wonder if I'm the first thing he's ever loved at first sight, how he could treat me like this.

The way that he did. Because he's mostly stopped now.

But I've forced myself to remember. So I could understand why we are like this.

When I said that it may be a trust issue yesterday. I wished that I could have taken it back. So that he wouldn't think it was so seriously.

I want people to take me seriously but I'm also quite afraid of it.

I didn't want him to think things were more wrong then he already thought.

I guess that he probably should know, but it doesn't make me feel much better about saying it in the first place.

It made me wish I would have shut up. That I just wished I would have been able to so stay quiet like I normally do.

That just the once I'd be able to keep it in, like I do regularly.

But how could it be anything but mistrust when you do not see me.

When I came out it was a mistake.

It was supposed to be 2 years from now.

But I got so caught up in the emotion of the moment that I said it.

This time I was getting so tired of hearing the regular and more annoyance than usual, that I let it slip.

You see a lot about what I was like.

How I was before 5th grade.

He always says that.

He mentions 5th grade as if it's a maker about me. And everytime I don't know what he's saying about it.

5th grade was a turning point, but still what I'd say was a great year for me.

I enjoyed it greatly.

He even admitted that I didn't seem phased by graduating from the grade. So I never fully understood why he's held onto it so much.

He told me about something that happened at the playground once.

But to me because I don't remember it and I can't connect it much with problems I have now I don't really understand.

There weren't any kids my age there. They were all my brothers age or younger. I got sad. We were leaving. But a.girl came there who was my age. I asked to stay and then we did.

Its sweet of him to remember this. But I'm not quite sure what he means by the change.

I really wish that he would hurry up and tell me sooner. That he would just elaborate on it already.

Because he's been talking about it since 6th grade.

I may have an idea of what he's talking about. But I wish he was more specific.

I can't believe I stayed up until 6 today.

#cheeseburgerboy #lengthy

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taegularities · 7 months

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Hello lovely Rid 💕💕

I just had a revelation and since you're talking about crushes I thought I'd share.

But first, I completely understand where you were coming from with your post about dating yesterday. Because meeting people is scary!! And the whole process of getting to know them, and wondering what they think of you and where you stand is so long and scary too. Not to mention the thoughts of just waiting for a bad thing to happen since we've all been disappointed by potential partners before. All of that is so natural and almost like a defense mechanism I feel like. I literally think about how I would like to be in a relationship and then I try to actually actively imagine myself in a relationship and it makes me cringe lmaooo. Like how does that make sense???

But if you do truly enjoy the presence of your work crush I think you should bask in it!! I mean, at least it's something to make work a little more bearable, right? But I mean, this is coming from a person who becomes incredibly embarrassed when they have a crush, so I understand your anxiety.

Now as for my revelation lmao. I saw this tiktok the other day saying that the bodily signs that we have when we're afraid, like heart beating fast and sweaty palms etc, are quite similar to the ones we have when we're attracted to someone and how our brain confuses the two sometimes and I just now thought... remember that really pretty guy from my class? Well, the first time we actually met and talked was while we were waiting to go into an exam lmaooo and I was for sure nervous and afraid. I just thought it was funny because when I first saw that tiktok I thought that that can't really happen that often and then I realised lol. I mean it's not exactly the same, since I had seen him and thought he was pretty many times before that but yeah. Most of our bigger hangouts have been during and right after exams 😭

Now that I've rambled on as usual, I just hope you know that what you're feeling is completely valid. Feelings and people are hard and I guess all we can do is just try to trust our gut and remember that we all deserve someone who's right for us and treats us right too, and that we have all the time to find them. If we even want to of course!

Love you Rid 💞💞💞

ivi 🥺 thank you for all this... i think being scared of a bad thing to happen is literally the exact issue i have. like, im terrified of someone showing their best side to me, just to hurt me later, and oh god i am sooo anxious about possible red flags. it makes me appreciate the way im living rn and im so content with it... but i realised that it's not necessarily bc life's so good rn, but because im so scared of it getting worse and it's so stupid!! like one day ill have to open up. i mean i didn't notice how afraid i was of feelings until now, it's sick.

yeah, you're so right though. im not even going to try anything with my coworker, im just glad i have a friend in him who genuinely cares. but also your revelation, i think i saw that somewhere too!! not a tiktok, but i did read once that fear and love evoke the same physical reactions, like it's so true bc i remember how sick i felt the first time i fell in love deeply lol. i guess there's some fear in liking someone. a lot can happen and a lot does not happen, and like, sirens go off in our brains and we are on high alert and think and rethink about what do or say.. so yeah, pretty accurate :') we have all the time for sure, so ill try not to panic and cry too much and just let things flow 🥺 thank you, ivi.. i really hope you've been well and i love you a lot 🤍

#i got your other ask too #and i teared up a lil #i will answer it with a whole commentary but i hope you know how much it means to me that you care so much #and that you sent these and gave me comfort with them!! i rlly rlly adore you 🤍#notes for rid 🌹#ivi <3

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heliads · 2 years

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Sorry this is quite long but this isn't half of it yet!! (Idk if it just looks long on mobile, it might be different on the computer) please let me know what you think so far and if I can improve in areas of my writing, also if you need more info on the plot I'd happily let you know!! thank you Lisa <33

_____

Neverland, Neverland, Neverland. An island where everything can come true, if you believe of course. No rules; you could stay young forever or you could do whatever you want. Other than the fact that its "king" or owner of the island is literally the epitome of evil, You'd say this place is actually quite lovely.

On Neverland it's always fun and games, especially with the lost boys everything gets 10 times more hectic. You love it there though, the adventure through forests, the hunts (even if you don't catch anything), the long walks before anyone wakes up to annoy you. You wouldn't change anything, Except for one small thing. Peter Pan. Everyone always looked up to him, you did too but you always wished you could have something more with him. Something other than just being one of the lost, perhaps maybe becoming more than friends.

But you're not going to mention anything to anyone about having a crush on Peter Pan, that would be absurd! Most lost boys are even afraid to talk to him let alone be very close friends. What makes you think you could be anything more? You would never lower your ego of being independent to say you liked Peter. But deep down in your heart you've always known the truth and you know that won't change.

But now more than ever, you're determined to win Peter's heart, even if it does seem like an impossible challenge. The Shadow seemed to have brought a new person to the island, Wendy Darling they called her. Apparently she's important to Peter's mission involving her brothers or that of the sort, you didn't really care about that because you knew after he was done with her, off to the cages. But still, you couldn't shake off the feeling that Wendy was getting a little too close to Peter..

Throughout the next couple of weeks, Wendy and Peter have gotten closer, whether that's from her helping out with his plans to training until dinner time. You sat there at the bonfire, head leaning on the palm of your hand, Why couldn't you be that close to Peter? Why did Peter choose to hang out with Wendy? You've been here longer, shouldn't he be with you? All these questions running through your mind and every time another question popped up, it made the frown on your face deeper. You were obviously showing how you felt because Peter is now walking up to you, so you put on the best poker face you could.

"Everything alright Y/N?" Peter took a seat beside you, while you were thinking of how to answer him.

"Of course, I'm just enjoying the peaceful evening." You lied through a forced smile, obviously your evening wasn't peaceful.

Peter raised a brow, hopefully he was buying your lies.

"Well, How are you finding Wendy? She's nice isn't she?" You hinted, hoping to get some information on how he felt about her.

"Yeah she's nice, she helps out with a lot of things, she's nice to the lost boys and does well in helping out with dinner and training." While Peter explained another couple of things that he liked about Wendy, you studied him, taking in the sight of him having an actual conversation with you. His hair; the way it curled in at the bottom with those loose strands that never seem to stand straight. His eyes, you always seem to get lost in those bright emerald eyes, it has so much past yet you know little about it. Maybe that's why you love staring at his eyes, you want to know Peter, truly know him. The setting sun shines on him making Peter look dazzling.

As you were staring at him, you didn't realise Peter stopped talking. He now fixed his gaze on you with a smirk playing on his face,

"Your eyes shine up when you look at me, am I that attractive?" Peter teased, your eyes widened as you avoided looking him in the eye.

"Don't get too full of yourself Peter." You huffed while he just laughed at your reaction. Damn his laugh, that laugh you always loved to hear around you.

i LOVE this!!! your voice is so fun, y/n's inner monologue reads so well. i love the dialogue too, peter talking to y/n is too funny. "your eyes shine up when you look at me, am i that attractive?" PLEASE i can't with this boy!! needless to say, i am obsessed.

#not writing

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lazzies123 · 3 months

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God. I Thank You

God. Thank you. I really cannot thank you enough. Today, you've given me a sign. A sign that I needed to know. Although it was not good news, I accepted it.

God. How can you love me so much when I often forget about you? How can you care about me when I do not take good care of myself? God. Your love is so beautiful. I am speechless. I feel like crying now. Today, you answered my question. She is not for me. Right after I realised it, I saw a posting that said, "Your soul mate has been written. She will not be swapped, let alone taken by someone else. If you have to be separated now, then let it be. If she never gives you news, let it be. If she still belongs to someone else, then wish the best for them. If she is truly your soul mate, no matter how long you are separated, no matter how long you don't talk to her, no matter how long she belongs to someone else, she will return to you. She will look for you. Don't be afraid, don't worry. God has many ways. God has many surprises for you. God's plan is always more beautiful; you need to be patient, try to improve yourself, and be the best person." I've never seen a posting like this before. It was just right after I realised she was not the one, I saw this posting. If this was not a God's sign, I don't know what is.

However, I feel that I am much stronger now. The me from the past would feel terrible now. I feel awful, but somehow, it gives me strength—the strength to write here. Back then, I didn't have a media to express myself. All I'd do was whine and complain to my friends. It was good to share it with a friend, but I feel like writing like this is better. After all, I know that deep inside, all my friends have problems on their own. I cannot burden them with some weird love bullshits of mine. As I grow up, I learn to stand on my own. I am okay now.

God. What do I learn from this? If every cloud has a silver lining, then there has to be something from this I can learn to improve myself. Looking back, one of my best friends had warned me about her. I should've listened. In my heart, I felt that she was special. In my mind, I wanted to be with her. However, something told me to hold back my feelings. God, if that was you, I am so grateful. You held my feelings to show me she was not the one I was looking for. It saddened me, really. I was so ready to pay her a visit to confess my feelings. I would love to give her a present. Sometimes, I imagined a future with her. This showed me that no plans I have in mind will become a reality if God does not allow it. If God does not allow it, then I believe Him. Although it's a shame. I always believed in her. No matter what she said, even though it was a lie, I would believe her. She was my top priority. I would ignore all my friends to spend my time with her. It's a shame that she never looked at me the same way. I guess people are different. We spent so much time together. In the end, we are just not meant to be.

God, you are the all-powerful. Please give me the strength to move on from her. I may have lost her, but I still have you. You are the one who cares about me the most, even more than I do to myself. If I had known your plans, I would not have worried about my future. However, I know that's not how things work. You gave me pain, heartbreak, and disappointment so that I could be a strong man.

God. Thank you for making me a strong man. I will be better.

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gron-ya · 1 year

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Farewell to Twitter

I joined Twitter in the summer of 2008, during a temp job in Slough. The office had blocked Facebook and I needed a social media distraction to get me through the dull day. At this time, social media was still just a fun distraction, a way to chat to friends, post photos, etc. It hadn't yet become an essential part of business or something that you could study and do as a job. I had read about twitter in the Guardian (the Guardian was my other main work distraction) and thought I'd give it a try. It took a while to get the hang of it and find people to make it fun but within less than a year, I was logging on everyday and the time I spent there only increased. I loved it. I was enthusiastic about it. It was fun and interesting. It was so simple but so clever. You could connect with so many people and just talk to then about all kinds of things.

I'd had an online life for a while at that stage. I'd spent the last ten years forming friendships with online strangers, on mailing lists and blogs. I meet some of them in real life too. When Facebook came along it turned that process upside down. It brought real-life people online. People I meet at college, at parties, on nights out with friends then became online friends. Twitter managed to do both these things. It had all the interesting people who I never meet, as well as lots of real-life friends, and people who I would didn't know at all but who had interesting things to say. I followed a lot of writers, tv and theatre people, lots of creative people, lots of funny people. I learnt a lot from all those people in my phone.

Twitter was the first online platform that I used primarily on my phone. I loved how I could disappear into my phone and catch up with what everybody else was up to while I waited for the bus or stood in a queue. I'd get a glimpse into all these different lives and the world felt smaller and I felt more connected to it all. Twitter made me feel better informed. I got these regular snapshots from around the world. I learnt weird things, I got lots of recommendations for books and tv shows, and more recently newsletters and podcasts. It widened my cultural horizon.

I loved the twitter chatter for big tv events. I remember watching the final series of Love/Hate and everyone tweeting during the ad breaks. I'm going to have to find a real-life group to watch Eurovision with next year because I won't be able to watch it with twitter.

A big part of why I've decided twitter after all these years is because it feels a bit weird and gross to be there, that in some way I'm supporting or endorsing the poisonous troll by still spending time on the site. It's also got quieter and I think a lot of people are pausing before they tweet and then maybe not hitting send. I think it's been that way for a while. The thoughtful, informative people I follow are now worrying about the kinds of replies they'll get, or going the wrong kind of viral, or things not coming across the way they meant it. I worry about those things.

I tried Mastadon and it seems fine. The thing that put me off was that's it is too much like twitter. People try to tell you it's like the early days of twitter, but I don't think that's true. It may be a new platform but it already feels twitter shaped. That may change and it will become a brand new thing but right now, people are posting how they post on twitter and I realised I'm tired of that. I'm fed up of the performative tweets, the fast reactions and the terminally onlineness of it all. I want out but I'm still finding it really hard to leave. Even though twitter is a lot quieter recently, I'm still afraid I'll miss something. I will miss the connected feeling I got from it but I need to acknowledge that really that's already gone and has been for a while.

It was fun while it lasted.

#twitter #leaving twitter #bye-bye-birdie #farewell twitter #social media #the olden days

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jaechanartz · 2 years

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My Bodyguard is a Ninja? (Sonic x Reader) - Chapter 2

Story so far: You were desperately searching for the piano score you planned to use for your upcoming piano recital. This search led you to meet Sonic, the new bodyguard that your father Zeniru hired. The kind gentlemen returned your score. When you returned to your room, you admired his charm and his mysterious vibes, and then suddenly wondered if you were starting to fall for him, but then you realised how stupid that sounded.

Chapter 2 - Getting to Know Him Just a Little Bit

Having Sonic as our new bodyguard has gone quite well so far. He seems to take his job very seriously, even going so far as to refuse my father's offers for a drink while he was working, only ever accepting tea or water. "No, thank you. I don't drink." he always says even when my father asks him in earnest. "When it comes to my job, I don't overstep the professional line. I hope you can understand. Drinking was not part of our contract." The first time he said that, my father stood there confused. Was he being serious or making a joke? Even I am not so sure myself whether or not he means it or not at times. But he doesn't make a joke out of his professional status, that I am absolutely certain of.

Other than that, things turned out OK. I'll admit I'm still not great with interacting with men, but oddly enough, I'm starting to find it easier to talk to Sonic little by little. Whenever I walk into a room he's in, his grey eyes are immediately on me, and I don't even realise he's there until I hear his voice and see him sitting at a window sill in the room with his arms folded. He greets me in the same way every time: calm and collected voice, even with the occasional smile. Even offers to help me with something, or checks if I'm okay.

"Good morning, (Y/N)."

"Good evening, (Y/N). What are you doing up so late? Is something wrong?"

"Hello. What are you doing in here, (Y/N)?"

"Is something wrong, (Y/N)? You look like something is bothering you."

"Did you lose something in here, (Y/N)? I'd be more than happy to help if you need it."

At first, I was a little nervous. I often responded in a way that left him looking at me in a confused frown. As if to ask me "What's with you? Are you afraid of me or something?" I always used to reassure him that I was fine, that everything was OK, even when it wasn't even true. But now, I'm slowly starting to get used to him being around. He's pretty good at finding things, so I always try to ask him for help if I need it. I've even found the confidence to ask him questions about his experience.

"Have you worked as a bodyguard before?"

"What do you like to do in your spare time?"

"What made you decide to become a bodyguard, Sonic?"

These kind of questions he'd answer with ease, he'd even slip in a little story or even a small joke to amuse me. But questions like "How did my father know about you?" he'd answer differently. His smile would drop, he tends to look out the window away from me and say, "I can't tell you, (Y/N). Sorry." It's disappointing but I can understand where he's coming from. My father has his private business, doing certain things that I am pretty much forbidden to interfere with, so it would be wrong to try and force it out of Sonic. My mother used to tell me when I was little that there's always a reason to hide something, and my father's main reason is to protect me. I always left it at that and didn't pry into things any further. Even now that I'm twenty-one years old, I still believe that my father is protecting me. Not everybody out there favours us. Being the daughter of a multi-billionaire is great and all, but it also comes with the risk of walking around with a target on you back if you're not careful. If I pry into stuff I shouldn't be, or I say the wrong thing aloud in public where anyone could hear me, even if it was accidental, it could easily put me or my family in danger, which is probably why my father decided to hire Sonic. Not just to protect me, but my family. Well, more like my family's reputation, but my father would do anything to make sure I'm safe.

Which was what I am able to confirm today, the night before my piano recital. I'm trying on my outfit for the big night in the mirror: a pure white dress that goes down to my ankles. My father bought it especially for me - he always buys me new outfits for my performances. I asked Sonic if he wanted to see earlier that day, and just a few moments later, he knocks on the door and lets himself in. He stops when he sees me in the dress, and suddenly I'm smiling.

"Well, what do you think, Sonic? Pretty, right?" I laugh, giving a twirl.

"It's...it looks good on you, beautiful even." he simply replied.

"I know, right? My father bought it for me! It's so pretty. I honestly feel like I'm getting married."

He laughs like it's a joke. It was slightly intended to be one, but it was an honest emotion that I feel. The he composes himself.

"(Y/N)."

"Yes?"

"Why did you ask me if I wanted to see you wearing this?" he asks. He goes down on one knee running his fingers over the skirt of the dress, feeling the silk material.

"Oh, um..." I hesitate. I feel my face growing warm. "I-I just...I just wanted you to be the first to see me like this, before everyone else does tomorrow night..."

His grey eyes blink up at me. Do I really mean that? Yeah, I think so. I wanted him to know that I wanted him to see me wearing the dress first. He's going to be seated at the back of the auditorium with my father. It could be hard for him to see me on the stage from the distance. I would be like a miniature doll, just too small to see clearly. Having him see me up close now would be advantageous for him.

"Actually, about tomorrow..." he started.

I look down at him.

"Your father asked me something about it."

"Huh? What was it?"

"Well..."

My father asked Sonic something about tomorrow night? Would he not be allowed to come and watch me play? Does he have to stay and guard the home? No, that wouldn't be fair. There's a part of me that wants him to watch me perform so bad, even if I don't know if I like him or not. I don't want him to miss out.

"Y-yeah?"

He stands up formally and looks into my eyes. I find myself lost those grey eyes of his.

"He asked me to be your personal guard and escort for the night."

#speed o sound sonic #speedosoundsonicxreader #onepunchmanfanfic

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spiritualbambi · 2 years

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pick a card: love letter from your future partner

pile 1 -> pile 2 -> pile 3

JOIN MY DISCORD

MASTERLIST

MY KOFI

INSTRUCTIONS: breath in, breath out and choose whatever picture that draws you in the most!

NOTE: it’s completely fine if you are attracted to more than one pile - the universe probably wants you to see some other messages. this is also general reading, not everything may resonate! enjoy!

"PILE 1

"my dear,

from the first sight of you i fell in love. i truly believed my heart is going to jump out of my chest and lay at your feet - for the first time in my life i felt that alive.

your beauty is from another realm, i can't accept the fact you are human. you are celestial, you are from a planet where only dreams exist; you are peace, love, joy and compassion.

your smile has bewitched me; it is bright, shining upon me. the second i witnessed you smiling, i knew; i knew that i won't be able to see another daylight without it.

i know you didn't notice me at first, for who i am to even dare to ask that from you. it is my fault, my fault that i haven't stepped into your life sooner. i was anxious, and i will continue to be anxious in your presence. i'm a mere servant of love, i can't control my feelings for you properly. so i hide... i hide and i regret.

but once i gathered all my courage, i changed. it surprised you for a moment, i know. but that is my true self - i am adventurous, i love to have fun. and i promise we will have so much fun together.

i love going out with you. i love those silly little picnics with you, i love visiting museums with you, i just love to do anything with you. you have become my safe place, my home.

you have changed my perception of love. in the past i didn't believe in love, i didn't believe in true relationships, i didn't think it was possible to feel so strongly for somebody. but your existence proved me wrong. gladly.

i don't want to let you go, i don't think i will ever be able. i think... i'm sorry... but i think i'd murder anyone who tried to replace me. i'm not very good at accepting losses... especially if that loss was you.

your (hopefully) forever and ever,"

PILE 2

"y/n,

i know you like when i call you by your name. i know my effect on you; but i wish you knew yours on me. i have a hard time even putting it in words.

i wish you knew how many restless nights you have caused for me. and they never stop; you keep lingering on my mind. you have infected me, you are an enjoyable incurable illness.

to me, you are a sex symbol. before we started dating, i have touched myself a lot to the thought of you. after we started dating, i still can't get enough of you. i can't get enough of you trembling and whining under me, i can't get enough of your sweet moans. i'm cursed for life to feel hunger for you. i'm damned.

you don't know how close i am to losing my cool each time i see you talking with someone else. i know they are eyeing you, i know that they see the same things i do. i know they think of you the same way i do. they drive me crazy, you drive me crazy. you have changed my life.

i show my love the best through physical touch, i know... i know you get sick of it. you get sick of my constant touch, my constant wish to hold you, hug, kiss and fuck you. but it's the only way for me to realise that you are real, you are here with me. you don't look or seem real...

i don't want you to think that i only have sexual thoughts of you. it is not like that and will never be. i have lots of sexual energy and the love for you wakes it up. i do love you, i promise. maybe even a bit too much for my own sake.

yours,"

PILE 3

"my sweetest rose,

first, can i just appreciate the way you smell? i smell roses and heaven in your embrace. you have such an incredible taste for absolutely everything - perfume, clothes, cafes and food. your refined taste amazes me each time.

you are delicate, you are not afraid to be yourself. i love your sense of freedom; it inspires me greatly. i wish i had the talent of shakespeare - i'd write a million sonnets about you. i want the world to hear about your, your beauty and your personality. and that is why i brag about you... to my friends, to my family, to everyone i can. i know you don't fully appreciate it, but i can't help myself, forgive me.

i want to gift you the world. i want to gift you a garden of the rarest flowers, i want to bring down the sky beneath you: you could choose your favourite stars, and out of them i could make a necklace for you. or maybe you belong between the stars because you truly do resemble one.

you are absolutely stunning. if i could, i'd put you in a museum for the world to see. if scientists took a peek at you, we could prove the existence of angels. i'm a bit cheesy, i know. i'm something people would describe as "over the top", probably. but who cares? i'm madly in love, and i'm happy. you give me purpose; a purpose to be better, to care for someone wholeheartedly. i want to give you the best, since you deserve the best. i want you to believe in me. i want to feel, see and hear your validation - i must have your validation. again, other would consider this "unhealthy", but - they don't know anything. they are clueless. i don't care what they say as long as you are here with me.

i hope you see my love.

at your feet,"

#pick a card #pac #pick a pile #tarot #tarot reading #future spouse #future partner #tarot pick a pile

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strangertheories · 2 years

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What (gay) Will Byers means to me

Several years ago, I decided to give Stranger Things a try. Season 3 had just came out and I heard about Robin (and how she was gay). At that point in time, I was trying to watch pretty much every show with a lesbian character in it so this made me pretty excited. But whilst Robin was meaningful to me, the one character I felt truly represented by was Will Byers.

Now a quick disclaimer: I'm a lesbian born in the 2000s and have not been to an alternate dimension at any point so obviously I'm not going to relate to everything Will goes through.

Okay now onto my post. This is going to be more of a personal/vent post so it feels only natural to start it off with an unnecessarily long storytime. When I was in my early teens, I realized that I really liked girls at pretty much the exact same time my female friends realized that they really liked guys. Worst of all, I had a crush on my most boy-obsessed friend. Suddenly all my friend group would talk about is their boyfriends or their crushes or whichever celebrity they thought was cute. There's absolutely nothing wrong with this, but I was surrounded by this overwhelming hype for guys and I felt none of it. I came to the dawning realization that I wasn't ever going to like boys like they did and it was rough; I felt incredibly isolated but I couldn't talk to anyone about it to them because I was afraid to tell people that I was gay. In the end, I left my close friend group over this because every time I hung out with them I felt either bored or miserable. I went through all of this around the time I watched Stranger Things and I think you can see where this is going.

When I watched Will in Season 3 I didn't see a kid who was just immature, I saw myself for one of the first times. Everything felt so real and relatable, from the jealousy over your friend's partner to the thought that maybe that jealousy came from a non-platonic place. To me, Will was clearly gay (for Mike) and going through the same things I'd struggled with. I felt very seen and ever since then, Will Byers has been one of my 'emotional support' characters and watching him really helped me feel a bit less isolated and alone, even if he wasn't real. This is why I care that Will is gay; to say that he felt all of these weird, confusing and authentic feelings because he just needed to grow up and become straight would just be such a slap in the face and to have the character I grew such an attachment to just be going through a childish phase would be heartbreaking to me and to (I believe) many other queer fans of Stranger Things.

Before I finish this post, I'd like to tell another quick story. A couple of months ago, I rewatched Stranger Things with my parents and when we got to the 'it's not my fault you don't like girls' scene, my mother turned to me and said 'that's just like you, but with guys'. At the time I thought to myself that this comment was very funny as I am still not out to my parents but later on it kept on coming back to me. Both me and my mother were able to understand why having boy-crazy best friends was difficult for me and whilst she didn't magically realize I was gay at that exact moment, I do think it made her understand what I've been going through a bit more.

This made me realize that characters like Will are more than being just representation; they help others empathise with an experience that they'll never have to go through. But most importantly, they make people who have realized they don't like the opposite gender or people who have feelings for their friend that they are not alone.

Realising you don't like the opposite gender at the same time everyone around you discovers they do is tough. Having a queer crush can be scary. But characters like Will Byers can help people going through this kind of thing feel a lot less isolated. It certainly had that affect on me. And whilst I still have these issues, I know that Will Byers is always there to remind me that I'll get through this. ❤️

Also, Byler rights!

#stranger things #stranger things four #lesbian #lgbtq #stranger theories #byler #will byers is gay #will byers #gay #will x mike #byeler

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solarviolet · 3 years

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i love you • george weasley

you reveal your feelings to george after denying them for a while

word count : 798

warnings : i can't think of any right now but let me know if you find any i should put down !

part seven of the twenty two days collection

you've been distant from george lately, not able to be comfortable around him, because of all the feelings of yours that had recently been unearthed.

you'd begun to notice the small things at first. you realised how much his laugh made butterflies appear in your stomach. the way he would your hands all the time. at first it confused you, you didn't want to accept it and if you were being honest you still haven't.

george had been your bestfriend since you two were little children. you'd grown up attached at the hips and still were.

these feelings terrified you, and you didn't want to blurt them out around george, so you hid yourself away for a few days.

george was becoming antsy, he'd call you but you would brush him off every single time. you'd say you were okay but george didn't really believe that. your voice sounded forced and anxious and george wanted to know why.

sitting in the living room of your apartment, you watched a documentary while eating some takeout. a loud flurry of knocks sounded against your door, making you jump as you certainly weren't expecting anyone.

jumping up from your spot on the couch, you quickly make your way to the front door.

"uhhh, who is it?"

"it's me george, come on, y/n open the door for me. i haven't seen you in days and uh honestly i think i might be going a little mad"

you stand there frozen in shock, until you hear his voice again, prompting you to unlock the door and let him in.

he grins at you which makes the butterflies in your stomach go crazy as he walks in to your apartment. locking the door, you follow him as he heads to the living room.

you watch as he flops lazily onto your couch, laying on his back with his feet falling over the edge. he gazes up at you and tells you sit down on the loveseat near him.

no conversation is held between the two of you for a while until you hear george speak up, making you jolt up from your seat.

"why have you been so distant from me lately y/n?"

"i'm worried sweetheart, are you okay? is there something wrong? you know you can tell me anything"

george gets up from the couch and moves to kneel down in front of you. he goes to hold your hands in his but you quickly tug them back from him, not wanting to hold them.

"y/n are you good, why did you move back? we always hold hands, why are you acting weird sweetheart?”

your mouth opens and shuts, words not leaving your mouth because you don't know what to say in response to that. he looks up at you with curious eyes, wondering what's happened to you.

taking a deep breath you quickly out ramble the things you've been meaning to say.

"i'm in love with you and i don't know what to do about it, because i don't want to ruin our friendship! i'm sorry i've been so distant lately, but i don't think i can be your friend anymore georgie because of my newfound feelings"

he stares at you with wide eyes. he looks down and takes a deep breath before looking back up. he takes your hands in his and this time you let him do it. you look away not being able to look at him while he talks.

"baby, i have a secret to tell you and i've been keeping this one for a while because i was afraid of how you'd react ... but i’ve been in love with you since we were fourteen"

"oh sweetheart i just didn't want to ruin our friendship, you mean so much to me and i didn't know if you'd be comfortable with me revealing my feelings for you. i'd hide it for years because you being my best friend means so much more"

your head tilts back down and you look at him with a suprised look. not expecting what he had just said, letting out a shaky breath you begin to talk.

"i-i'm sorry georgie, i just—"

you begin to breathe heavily, choking on your words as tears fall down your face. you can hear george softly telling you to take a deep breath. george strokes your hair and holds onto your hand tightly, hoping you start to calm down with his help.

"baby, shhh it's okay my love. i got you sweetheart, come on now take a deep breath for me"

slowly you settle down and stare at him, not being able to speak as tears stream down your face. your hand comes up and winds itself into george's shirt tightly not wanting to let him go.

—

a/n : i think im going to do a part two for this so this won't be the end my loveliessss and i had to end it like this because i don't know how to carry on and i wanted to post tonight

#george weasley imagines #george weasley imagine #george weasley fluff #george weasley x reader #harry potter imagines #harry potter imagine #harry potter fluff #22days

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desertofsnowflakes · 3 years

Text

Incorrect Order Chapter 2 (Nessian AU)

A/N: DO inform me if you wanna be added/removed from the taglist! If you happen to find my storyline similar to another fic or one of yours, I'm extremely sorry, I might've just not known. All characters belong to the author Sarah J. Mass. Enjoy!

Summary: Don't first impressions always affect the way you see someone? Well, what more with the Nesta Archeron? Nesta meets Cassian at few unexpected places and to say it didn't go well was a major understatement. Certain circumstances make them become enemies to tolerable company to friends to lovers.

Trigger Warnings: Abuse and Swearing

1957 words | Part 1 | Read on AO3

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Cassian was waiting. And waiting. And waiting. He waited for the day he would forget the woman’s face. He waited for the day he could close his eyes without seeing her blue-grey eyes blazing in anger. He waited for the day he wouldn’t burn his bacon because he was thinking about her.

He had mused, how the face of a stranger was branded into his mind vividly. He would be lying if he said he hadn’t wondered if they’ve known each other before or have seen each other somewhere, anywhere before the day in the mall—even if on photographs or at an event or at another shopping mall. Still, he desperately wanted to forget about her. He wanted to forget that she ever existed. He wanted to forget their encounter in the mall that day. He wanted to forget everything about her, even though deep down, he knew what he wanted was far from forgetting her.

But he couldn’t afford this. He couldn’t afford to think about her at all times. He was getting distracted at work. His part-time job as a martial-arts instructor and as a sommelier was in a precarious position if it went on like this. He nearly tore one of his student’s muscles in his centre and got at least 5 orders wrong at the restaurant he was working at.

On a Saturday noon, Cassian decided the best way to clear his head was to dive into a war book or reread Secrets Of The Sommeliers for probably the millionth time.

* * *

Nesta flinched at the sudden ping of the oven timer. Again. She’d been thinking about him again. This was the fourth time in the whole week when she burned her cheese sandwich and she was getting so tired of this. She urgently needed a way to stop thinking about him. To stop seeing his insufferable grin whenever she closed her eyes. To stop thinking about him at almost all times.

It struck her as odd, the fact they didn’t even know each other’s names but she kept seeing his face as if they’ve known each other before. She gasped. What if they had known each other before? What if they were probably neighbours from Nesta’s old house or classmates or maybe they went to the same college. Nesta shook her head.

But why should she care? No, she doesn’t care. She doesn’t care what his name is or if he even has a name. She doesn’t care if she’s had the misfortune of seeing him before or if that was the first she’s seeing him. Or so she kept telling herself. She couldn’t afford to have him occupy her thoughts. She had better things to do. But all these excuses weren't enough to stop her from still thinking about him.

Nesta looked at her clock. It was a Saturday, almost noon. Maybe reading a spicy book or two will help.

* * *

Cassian loved the House of Wind library and bookstore. They had a variety of books in almost any genre. He'll admit though, that some of the librarians here are better left alone. He was lucky he came here often and therefore knew a handful of the merrier librarians. He made a beeline for his favourite section, books related to wine, best books for sommeliers.

On his way to the shelves he had committed to memory, he realised that there was a big poster about their annual Free Premium Membership Fest where 20 fortunate, early birds would get their membership card updated to premium with a number of privileges. Cassian's whole being was elevated. He missed the last fest they held and had been waiting for the next fest. He wondered how he could forget such an important thing. Oh. Right. Of course. A certain lady was occupying his thoughts. He sighed. He forgot about that too.

He was quite disappointed when he reached the counter. The fest started yesterday and the computer stated that there was only one person left till 20. What truly disappointed him was that Clotho wasn't at the counter as she usually was. Maybe she'll be in the—

“If you're done staring at the computer maybe you could deign to move so it can really serve its purpose of being a public property?” Cass froze. He'd know that voice anywhere. This was the voice taunting him at all times. “And if you have coffee in your hands, I'd suggest you turn slowly.”

He smirked. So she knew who she was talking to.

“Well, looks like the damage would be lesser this time since your clothes aren't white,” he observed.

“I figured black would hide stains caused by ogling, clumsy people better than white,” she said. “Now, if you could move, I want to register for the Membership Fest.”

“Register? What do you mean by ‘I want to register for the Membership Fest’?”

“A register, you know,” she teased, “Something like a form where you fill your details if you want to join something?” She smirked at his glare.

“Well,” he said, “if there is a register let me fill it first.”

“Because your ego is bigger?”

“Ha-ha, very funny,” he dead-panned. “I came here first.”

“Here as in the counter or the library? Because I’m pretty sure I stepped into this library first.”

Cassian quickly checked the database where the information of all members appeared. He turned back to her with a self-satisfied smirk. “The database shows otherwise, sweetheart.”

She scowled. “I don’t believe you. You might’ve tampered with the information.”

He moved slightly to the side to give her a better view. Her scowled deepened.

She rounded on him. “You,” seethed. “You did—”

“Hello,” a new, shy voice said.

“Hey, Gwyn,” they both said in symphony.

A look of surprise crossed over her features before it faded away. When the woman turned to Gwyn, she wore a huge smile. “Oh, look, she smiles,” he muttered, earning him a glare.

“Is the fest still on?” Cassian asked.

Gwyneth Berdara, one of the joyful librarians here, said, “Unfortunately, not. We just got our 20th member.”

Cassian’s face fell. He noticed the same of the woman too. Gwyn, always the optimistic one, said cheerfully, “Maybe we could reserve one for the both of you next year?”

They both murmured their assent before Gwyn offered her farewell and went back to the staffroom.

The woman turned back to him. “This is all your fault,” she hissed and stalked out of the library, leaving Cassian more confused than ever.

* * *

Nesta went to the library to find solace or at least a semblance of it. Seeing the man there, however, left Nesta more rattled than she would care to admit. Rattled, and angry. Angry at the universe for giving them these unfortunate encounters. Angry at him for following her wherever she went. Angry at herself for feeling such futile emotions. Angry at her body for reacting to him.

She was also upset that she didn’t get a free premium member cr

Nesta was so occupied with her thoughts and emotions that she didn’t realise she was taking the wrong route. She wasn’t familiar with this part of Velaris. She also didn’t realise she was being followed. It was distinct, the sound of hushed breathing, of the soft thuds of footfalls. The footsteps sounded heavier which most probably meant it was a man. She couldn’t really be sure, though. This was a person who was not experienced in stalking but was trying hard enough.

Nesta knew she shouldn’t panic but couldn’t help the bout of fear that crashed through her. Nesta tried to stay calm. She tried to make sure she didn't quicken her pace. She tried, cauldron, she really did. But her fear was slowly overpowering her senses. She felt the urge to run away from her stalker.

But that wouldn’t be wise. Running away from her stalker isn’t a good choice. It wasn’t smart. Who’s to know he wasn’t armed? What if he was faster than her? What if her stalker was faster than her? He might be stronger too. He could over power her and cage her in. She didn’t even know what his motive was.

Then, Nesta made a ridiculously huge, dumb mistake. She turned to an abandoned alley. At least it looked abandoned. She let out a frustrated breath. Running away was at least better than getting stuck in an alley. So much for ‘that wouldn't be wise’. She looked around, trying to get a sense of where she was or if there were any means of escape, however meager it might be.

Suddenly, she was slammed to the alley wall. The rough cold stone was unforgiving and unyielding under her cheek. Her windpipe was closed off and she was struggling to get some air in. She fought to get free but her captor —a man, as she guessed— was too strong. Somehow, his hands felt familiar to her. As if she were long acquainted with this person’s touch.

“What do you want?” she gasped out.

He chuckled, the sound grating through her very bones.

“My little Nesta,” he whispered, his hot breath ghosting the shell of her ear. “Ever the stubborn one.”

That voice. It was one that she couldn’t forget as hard as she tried. Tomas Mandray, her ex-boyfriend, was someone not easily forgotten.

“Tomas,” she said. She couldn’t bring herself to be nice. Not now, not after how he treated her. “What the fuck do you want? Let me go.”

“I see you haven’t changed at all.”

“I can say the same of you.”

“Mhm. You broke up with me and then you called the police. Got me stuck behind bars for two fucking months.”

“Good riddance,” she muttered.

He slammed her head against the wall. Hard. Blinding pain shot through her. He yanked her hair so hard she was afraid chunks of it came out. Her head only throbbed harder.

“Manners were never your cup of tea,” he hissed.

“You were not that kind either. You were an empowering, possessive bastard and I don’t regret watching you grovel to the police for freedom for one fucking moment and I won’t ever.”

He growled and slammed her head against the wall again. She cried out and was pretty sure she heard something crack. She felt the metallic tang of blood on her lips, streaming from her nose freely.

“Oh, you will. You’ll regret everything. Every. Single. Thing. For your whole god-damned life. I’ll make sure of it, bitch,” he promised.

He tightened his grip on her hair that sent another wave of agony through her. She caught the glint of something in the fading sunlight. A knife. Of course he had a knife.

He had a knife while she was a mess, kneeling on an alley, completely at the mercy of one of the people who hated her the most. Pathetic. So, so, pathetic. She hated herself for whimpering. She hated herself for being this weak. She hated that she had gotten panicked enough that she turned to an alley, where no one would know.

Here, in this unknown alley, with the person she hated the most, Nesta Archeron was going to die. She was going to die a death as unknown as the place she was in. Maybe even without her sisters knowing. Shit. Her sisters. If only she showed all her love to sweet Elain and brave Feyre, if only she even went to meet her brother-in-laws, Rhysand, Azriel and Cassian, maybe things would’ve been different. She closed her eyes, fighting the emotion in her throat. I’m sorry Elain, Feyre, Rhysand, Azriel and Cassian, I’m so, so sorry, was the last thing in her head before she felt acute pain and succumbed to the dragging talons of oblivion.

taglist:

@im-someone-i-guess @shadowsinger07 @saltyfortunes @cressjacquine @julian-blackthorn-supremacy @champanheandluxxury @zemiraa @ladygabrielli1997 @nehemikkele

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nightswithkookmin · 3 years

Text

TAE TELLS: JIKOOK

It's taken me days to get round to making this blog post- commenting on another Jikooker's analysis.

Now y'all don't need me to provide a tall list on all the reasons that this a bad bad idea for me. Lol.

Been there. Done that. Doesn't end too well.

Mi nar wan treble wif gudt piipel.

But I also don't want to shy away from the conversation; whether or not Tae is good at keeping Jikook's secret. Whether that is a tell. If it is, does that mean all the times he's 'exposed' Jikook were wrong analysis etc.

Let me start off by saying, I totally admire this content creator. I don't have a particular favorite Video creator- most of my go to YouTube jikook content creators are Spanish speaking content creators, Karmy and a few Iarmy- a lot of whom have disappeared off of the surface of the internet over the years.

These days I watch just about anyone that shows up on my recommendation or home feed. Used to leave comments and what not but I've refrained from that due to privacy issues and prefer to share my thoughts on my blog instead.

Haven't seen a lot of her analysis, but hands down agree with a lot of the analysis she's made in the few I've binge watched so far- thanks to y'all who recommended her to me.

I think for the most part she knows what the fuxk she is doing. She definitely knows what she is talking about in her videos and I like that. I admire that.

I don't disagree with anything I've seen so far on her channel. Especially her thoughts on Kook. Fearless Kook. Absolutely love those.

I think she could have taken time to flesh out her theory on this whole 'Tae is good at keeping Jikook's secret' bit cos it seems that's what causing the stir? I don't know.

'If Tae is good at keeping people's secrets then there is no way he could have exposed Jikook blah blah blah'

Sigh.

Tuktukkers will jump on anything to invalidate Jikook. Sigh. Sigh.

I can't put words in her mouth, but I don't think she was interpreting Jimin's words to mean that Tae is good at keeping others' secrets and so cannot 'expose' Jikook like we been saying in this part of stan land.

And if she did mean it like that then I'm afraid I'd have to humbly disagree.

My understanding of Jimin's assertion that Tae is good at keeping a straight face when it comes to others' secret is that, he meant Tae has a strong poker face and it's hard to tell when he is lying or telling the truth sometimes.

That's all Jimin was saying. In my opinion.

Which honestly, it's truth. Tae is such an actor. A talented one at that. I mean have you been watching Run episodes?! Ayayaya.

I won't play Russian roulette with him cos imma end up with bullets in my head.

Play Texas hold'em with him at your own risk.

I mean he is the king of blank expressions in BTS. Isn't that why RM describes him as 4D?

He's only what, honed that- should we call it skills, since debut! He's become a master at it. Add his impeccable acting skills to it and its kaboom.

His blank expressions to me sometimes seem like a coping mechanism, if you will. And often times, he deliberately induces it to mask his feelings- when someone says something he finds annoying or something he is uncomfortable with.

A typical example is when JK read 'Tae Kook' in the comments during their VLive and he pretended he didn't know what the fuxk JK was talking about- prompting JK to explain to him that that was their ship name yadda yadda. Insert skull head.

Now we all know HE KNOWS TAE KOOK.

I saw a lot of jokers running around teasing Tuktukkers with the whole "look, your bias don't know y'all ship exists bye'

Listen, I'd join in on the joke- nothing makes me happy than jokers pulling some tuktukker legs but just as long as we all know and agree that's not true.

They all know of their ships.

They've known since the beginning.

They know everything.

When he said get out of your imagination I don't think it was because he had no ideas what homegal was going on about on Weverse.

Tae has many tells. When he exchanges awkward looks with RM or Jimin when Jikook or JK does something outrageous that's a tell.

When he passive aggressively smirks after revealing a detail on the whereabouts of Jimin at 1am that's equally a tell.

The slight head tilt when he says Jk don't want Jimin to come that's equally a tell.

He is very observant.

He loves to observe Jikook when they are up in their shenanigans. In my opinion. So when he is quietly looking at Jikook, observing them with no expression on his face that's equally a tell.

JK is not the only one always watching JM.

I mean he was stood right behind Jimin when he and JK were taking turns staring at eachother while Joonie was busy being eloquent. Tae saw all of that but didn't react to it.

In the recent OT7 VLive when Jimin called Jk too big or something Tae was right behind them and as I pointed out in my analysis on that, he looked away almost as soon as JK turned to look at him- JK was conscious of Tae and he knew Tae was looking at them through the viewfinder.

Sometimes he feels compelled to call them out on it too like he did in the dynamite MV when he blurted out, let's not look in the cameras when JK and Jikook were about to do their weird eye fucking absolutely gay stuff that they be doing from time to time.

All these are tells. To me at least. And I think in her video she was simply pointing out yet another tell of Taes- his blank expressions around Jikook in certain moments.

Having a poker face is one thing, having a blank expression is another.

Like I said his poker face is deliberate. He turns that on in various situations ranging from mild to not so serious circumstances like keeping others from finding out he is a mafia in a game etc.

His blank expressions are often times involuntary. His resting face. Sometimes I don't even think he realises he's blanked out.

When he don't know what to do with himself he blanks out. It's similar to how JK intensely focuses on Jimin when he doesn't know what to do with himself on set or when the cameras are rolling.

When he isn't intensely focusing on Jimin he becomes fidgety or sometimes does some really weird expressions that have popularly become various memes under the heading Jungshook.

It's not just Tae. It's not just Jimin. They all have their tells and go to expressions when they don't know what to do with themselves on camera.

Tae has a strong poker face, he is a master of blank expressions, and he is notoriously one of the most passive aggressive members in BTS.

Any of these can be tells depending on the context and situation.

-As long as we are able to distinguish between these moments and expressions I suppose.

His expression when Jikook were narrating the rain fight for example would be a blank expression and not a poker face in my opinion- a poker face is a deliberate state of induced expressionless demeanor.

Yes he had a blank expression. But I don't think that that was deliberate. That's just his go to resting face when he is not active in a moment most times.

I found his comment, 'that was a long time ago' much more telling that he knew about the rain fight and that expression of embarrassment he had on later equally said that he knew and thought Jikook were being gay unprovoked.

But that is my thought process.

I gotta respect hers too. It's valid.

Him going blank dead silence when Jimin said he loved waking up to see JK's face was more of that 'awkward, can't believe JM just did that shook moments' he gets around Jikook from time to time when they do something very shocking and gay.

I'd be lying if I said I understood what she was driving at with that bit in her video but I don't totally disagree with that.

By her stating that, I don't think she implied the opposite of it. Nor did Jimin by his statement.

Tae has a good poker face don't necessarily mean he is good at keeping secrets. I think it is much more nuanced than that.

I mean he is good at keeping your secret until he misses his best friend and soulmate then it's 'JK don't want Jimin to come' 🤺🤺🤺

Sometimes I wish Jimin were a triplet so I can slipt him between Tae, JK and RM. Suga and Hobi don't mind sharing him with the others and it seems Jin only wants his mirror so... Lmho.

And yes, Tae does give Jikook away from time to time- blank face or not.

I hope this helps??

Signed,

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angrylizardjacket · 3 years

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it's in the blood // this is tradition

Summary: Children inherit all sorts of traits from their parents. Not all these traits are good.

"My reputation preceded me before I was born."

[ charlotte & lola au ]

A/N: 2292 words. Halsey's new album killed me on the spot. i talk a lot about the next gen being mirrors of their parents, but i'd like to go into detail about that not necessarily being a positive. @misscharlottelee this made me feel things. i love these kids.

Warnings: overdose mention, addiction discussion, mentions of drug abuse.

Penelope Dingley-Lee

Tommy can count the amount of times he'd seen Razzle truly angry on one hand, and here and now he can see it again, written all over his neice's face. He'd thought she would look like Charlie when she's angry, and occasionally she does, the way her lip curls derisively, dismissively, that's very reminiscent of his cousin, but here and now, her blue eyes are hazy, cloudy, and her lips twist with an irate arrogance that is worryingly familiar.

Angry and high and wearing clothes that don't quite match, in this moment she's exactly her father's daughter.

She's been in the papers again. Her tits have been in magazines again. Tommy bites down on his instinctual desire to repremand her; she'd call him a hypocrite, call him an old man, tell him to keep his opinions to himself while she could still buy his sex tape out of a shady car boot down the street.

Charlie was like that too, on occasion, wit too quick for him to keep up with. When she got into a mood like this, Tommy didn't have to worry so much; usually Razzle would egg her on, but knew when to pull her back.

"It's my god given, motherfucking right to go feral -" he'd heard Charlie back in the eighties holler at three in the morning, high on amphetamines and waving a gossip rag above her head. Razzle would be on the sofa, equally fucked up, but gazing at her like she hung the stars in the sky.

"Lola gets photographed at least once a month stark naked along the strip like it's a sport, why is my Playboy shoot a national crisis?! My tits are fantastic!"

"They are, my love," Razzle nods seriously, and Tommy pulls his pillow from beneath his head, trying to either block out their voices through the thin walls, or maybe smother himself. The girl beside him, the groupie whose name he doesn't know, asks blearily why there's so much yelling. Tommy doesn't answer.

A week later, Tommy is the one to bail out Charlie and Razzle for public indecency, and they're both beaming from ear to ear.

Here in the present, Penny is draped out on the sofa, laughing low and pleased as she watches TV.

"TMZ blurred out my tits," she snorts, "cowards."

"Penny..." he can't help the faintly disappointed notes in his voice when he says her name.

"Thomas, I've read The Dirt," Penny fires back venemously. Hypocrite he hears in her tone, you have no power over me.

There's something hollow in her eyes in the photos he sees of her in the papers. She wears her father's inflluence and her heart on her crushed velvet sleeve, on the arm of a shallow, pretty, band boy who plays badly and loudly. But she laughs louder, though tthe sound is low and unconvincing if anyone bothered to listen hard enough, and Tommy wonders if he has enough dark hair dye left for when that boy breaks her heart.

Jupiter Lee

Tommy is proud to watch Jupiter on stage, but he is afraid.

Their anger is something he remembers from Lola, the way they cling to the past with vitriol echoes their mother, but on stage, they drink up the attention, get high off the love the audience gives, and he sees himself in those moments.

A child of addicts, Jupiter had drawn lines in the sand for themselves that they refused to cross; no alcohol, no drugs, and they'd stayed loyal to that. But highs come in all forms; they simply picked a different kind of poison without realising.

On stage, halfway between the gutter and a god complex, Tommy knows the smile they wear all too well.

Rebellion from Jupiter didn't shock the world like it did when it was Penny's name in the papers. Jupiter's trajectory was spot on in the eyes of the public, but rebellion wouldn't be the thing that broke them.

Once, so long ago that it's a miracle the memory survived, Tommy remembers asking Lola what she would be doing if she wasn't with the band. Lola gave him an easy, bleary smile, laughing sweetly when she told him that one way or another, she'd be here. In the moment it overwhelms him with love. In hindsight it breaks his heart.

"Come on, I think this is inevitable," Jupiter smiles on television as an interviewer asks them the same question; if they weren't making music what they'd be doing, "as if I'd do anything other than this."

'Don't you know where I come from?' is left unspoken, but Tommy still hears it.

He tries to picture himself in a life without the world at his feet the way he has now. No image comes to mind. Nothing else makes sense. Even if he wanted to do something else, wanted to grow up to be something else, he couldn't even begin to picture it for himself, tragedy and all.

They play their parts. They let history repeat itself. Jupiter makes mistakes Tommy and Lola had already learned from. Penny plays Jupiter's conciousness until the role grates on her nerves, diving head first into chaos, taking Jupiter with her with little convincing.

Tommy remembers this too.

When the world looks at Penny and Jupiter, they like to remember how Lola was seen as a bad influence on Charlotte, but forget that Tommy would have followed Charlotte in to Hell without hesitation.

Leo "Seo" Sixx

Lola has google alerts set up for her son, Seo, because he disappears for months without warning. Tommy asks how he is, and Lola looks to her phone with a tight smile, telling him that he's competeing in a skateboarding competition in Prague. She learned that from Twitter.

Seo comes and goes without warning, and talks to his siblings more than his parents. He loves them, but he hasn't allowed himself to stop for years. He doesn't know how. Then again, neither did Lola or Nikki.

"Jupiter thinks a lot about legacy, don't they?" He's in Tommy's kitchen, eating a poptart, when Tommy returns home one friday evening. He's waiting for Penny and Jupiter to finish getting ready, the three of them going out.

"Do your parents know you're in town?" Tommy asks with faint amusement, though there's a twinge of guilt in his gut when Leo considers that he should probably let them know. Says he forgot. Tommy's not sure if he believes him; like his parents before him, he tends to leave a lot unsaid. It's part of his charm, the world seems to think, but Tommy knows all to well how deliberate of an act it can be.

"Jup's got all this stuff in their head about legacy and who they should be," he continues his earlier thought, "which I guess makes sense, they tie a lot of themselves up in their identity," he shrugs, then, "I don't know Leo."

Tommy's not sure if he's talking about the grandfather he's named after, or himself.

"You've given this a lot of thought," Tommy says quietly, humouring him.

"I think a lot," Seo responds, "I've been thinking about going back on my meds, its weird being off of them." Of course this concerns Tommy, who knows objectively that Seo isn't his kid, but he's close enough that Tommy feels like he's allowed to be concerned. "I'm worried a doctor's note isn't going to be enough to let me compete at the Olympics on speed," falls too casually from Seo's lips, alarming Tommy in an instant. Though it must clearly show on his face, as Seo breaks out into an apologetic grin, "dextroamphetamine, for my ADHD. I've been trying to wean off it for the Olympics, it's been hard -" but his next words, said so blithe, so casual, have Tommy's heart stopping in his chest as he's thrown back thirty years, "I've been on them since I was like eleven years old; it was great, I could think, like the right amount, but now I... I think everything. I feel everything. Its a lot." He shrugs, like he didn't just become an echo of his father.

Seo's parents both died twice from overdoses, and now their son feels like he can't function without amphetamines.

Objectively Tommy knows that they work for Seo, that he's not abusing them he simply uses them to help him function, but the irony is not lost on him. It's a lot to unpack. He doesn't think to ask about the Olympics; it slips his mind until he sees Seo and a silver medal on his Twitter feed.

Lola calls Tommy in tears. She's proud, but she wishes she'd known, wishes she'd been able to watch it live, or go over and support him in person.

No-one in Seo's life seems to fully know or understand his intentions or actions, no-one can predict his next move. He puts up a bright facade, but like his parents before him, he does not trust the world to know him.

They don't know where he goes in the few months after the Olympics, all they know is that he doesn't come home.

Cerie "CerieThree" Sixx

Since she'd turned sixteen, Tommy has never seen Cerie Sixx without a smile. That is a very deliberate choice that she's made.

She's made a choice to rise above the percieved grime of her origins. She's halfway across the country, smiling for a camera she can control, editing her image before she lets it out into the world. Cerie Three - even the name the world knows reflects this; she's picked apart the context she was born into, disecting it, deciding which was useful to show the world, disposing of the rest.

She speaks warmly to her family, from what Tommy can gather, but the people on the peripheries of their life seem more like associates in the coldest sense of the world. Her smile doesn't reach her eyes half the time when she sees Tommy, and she shakes his hand when her brothers will hug him. The internet is closer to her than he is.

Cerie looks the most like her mother of all her siblings; she's 21, the exact same age Lola was when she met Tommy, but half the time he can barely see the resemblence. Lola had let the world see a villain at that age; Cerie had learned from that, had rejected that, rejected the cold, hard humanity of her mother's fronting. Cerie wanted to be perfect. Cerie had to be perfect, hyper aware of her own image, like her siblings seem to be, but the way she'd so effectively shaped her public identity was kind of terrifying.

Perhaps this was what it was like for people who didn't know Lola, only allowed to know the image she put out into the world, or people who only knew Nikki for his stage presence.

But the more Tommy thinks about it, the more he remembers just how effectively Lola had wrapped the band around her little finger when she set her mind to it, how she talked her way around exectives despite being dressed like she'd woken up in the gutter and fucked up on any number of drugs. Lola understood people, and it seemed Cerie did too.

Cerie Sixx, twenty one, doesn't stop creating content, doesn't stop studying, and doesn't stop smiling. Two of those three things are inhereted traits, inhereted determination, and the third is a choice.

Cyrus Sixx

Though Cyrus had inhereted much of his parent's musical talent, the same way Jupiter had, Cyrus had also inhereted a love of the high life. Even so, he's so full of love, kissing his mother on both cheeks before he goes out to get shitfaced in the bars she was decades before he was even born.

He works hard, at his job, on his music, but his partying matches it just as well. He knows exactly how far he has to fall before he meets the depths his parents' had sunk to, and though he doesn't voice this, his arrogance comes across in his actions.

There'd always be someone to pull him away from swan diving to rock bottom. He takes that for granted, and keeps getting closer and closer.

The only one of Nikki and Lola's children who still lives at home, he's the only one like them in the way they'd feared.

"He's going to have more success than he will ever be able to comprehend," Nikki had told Tommy, the day after Cyrus had been admitted to hospital after staying up for four days while high and obsessing over a song he had been working on. Nikki had found him having a fit after having fallen from his desk chair. Now, sitting on Tommy's patio in the sunset, he looks tired, he looks afraid, "if he doesn't end up killing himself first."

A month ago, the fire department and the police had to pull him, kicking and screaming and bareass naked from a tree in the middle of town. His parents had bailed him out, had felt a familiar sting of guilt as they find themselves reminded of their own youthful exploits. They repremand him, of course, but they both know the only reason they stopped climbing trees was because there had been no-one to pick them up after.

Nikki sees himself in his sons mistakes, but he'd had to learn concequences the hard way.

Tommy loves his family and all it's strange branches, as well as their raucous youth, but his closest friends were some of the most volatile people he'd known, and somehow he'd forgotten that as time as taken people and memories from him.

But these children were made in their image.

#nikki sixx #tommy lee #razzle dingley #nikki sixx x oc #tommy lee x oc #razzle dingley x oc #the dirt #motley crue #the dirt imagine #motley crue imagine #charlotte&lola #lola & charlotte #the angry lizard writes #the pack

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crystal-heart-saga · 3 years

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CRYSTAL HEART:

CHAPTER ONE: A Startling Discovery.

DISCLAIMER; I DO NOT OWN MARVEL, IF I DID, HALF OF ENDGAME WOULD NOT HAVE HAPPENED.

TW; MENTIONED/REFERENCED/IMPLIED CHILD ABUSE.

Natasha’s POV

The Battle raged around me as I raced across the compound. I had to get inside before HYDRA wiped their Computers.

“I’ve got your six Tash,” Clint’s voice rang in my ear.

“Copy that,” I said, effortlessly taking out a HYDRA agent that had attempted to block my path.

I took a moment to catch my breath, the gun still firing from my shoulder. Suddenly, a barrage of bullets rang out from the other side of the fence. I turned around and saw Cap crouched behind his shield. pinned down by a half dozen HYDRA agents.

I vaulted over the fence and rolled towards the sounds of gunfire. A HYDRA sniper had been hiding on top of the security building. I fired a few rounds into him. He screamed as one of the bullets hit him. His weapon ejected and he crashed to the floor below. I grabbed a piece of pipe, and another HYDRA agent rushed towards me. I smashed him with the pipe, knocking him out cold.

This gave Steve the opening he needed, he leapt to his feet and tossed his shield. taking out three goons in one swoop, then he punched the last one and tossed him into the security fence.

"Go Romanov," He said, turning to me, "We've got this out here, but there's no point if we lose the Data."

I nodded, heading towards the door.

Inside the perimeter of the security building, three HYDRA agents had managed to capture James. Clearly they'd used a trigger word to knock him out.

"What's the plan Ms Romanov?" Spider-Man asked. I glanced to my left where he hanging upside down off a web at my side.

I held up a finger to shush him as I watched what the HYDRA goons were up to. They were working on loading the gasses back into the portable canisters.

"I'll take them out, you get James to safety," I whispered, turning to the boy beside me.

"You got it."

I kicked down the door, startling the agents, One of them tossed a canister at me, I dodged it but It exploded, the blast left a giant hole in the floor.

That was the opening I needed.

using my widow's sting on the agents, I was quickly able to incapacitate them. and as Spidey moved in and got James out, I dropped down through the hole in the floor.

I was inside the Compound.

Walking through, it seemed that all the occupants of the compound were outside getting their butts handed to them by the rest of the team. Reaching the Server room, I pulled a USB drive from my suit pocket and plugged it in.

"Alright JARVIS," I said, "Start the Download."

"Straight away, Agent Romanov," the AI replied.

While I waited, I picked the lock on the filing cabinet and started digging through the paper records. I found the Winter Soldier Files but put them back without looking. That was too Personal. Something else caught my eye, A file marked Kriegerkinder

Kriegerkinder? why did that sound familiar? I opened the file and promptly shut it again, desperately trying to dispel the nausea that had risen from what I'd seen inside. the team needed to know about this.

As the download finished, I grabbed the USB drive and started to head out through a different exit. walking down a dark, foreboding corridor. lined with doors to what seemed like holding cells. suddenly, my foot collided with something soft.

I looked down, it was a teddy bear. A tattered, old, slightly disgusting teddy bear with a missing arm, ear and eye.

Children, there had been children here.

maybe there still were.

I broke opened every door in the corridor, all of the holding cells were empty. the floors were stained with blood, vomit and other body fluids. and the walls had chains much too small for any adult.

Cell after cell, empty, empty, empty. Like HYDRA had gotten them all out when we'd shown up.

and then, as I threw open the door to the last cell, I found a sight I'd never forget.

It was a child! A little girl who couldn't be older than ten huddled in the damp corner of the cell. she had messy platinum blonde hair that was long, unkept and matted with filth. scraps of tattered grey fabric that could barely be called a dress, hung loosely off her far too thin body. Big heterochromatic eyes, Blueish green on the left and deep hazel brown on the right, stared up at me in fear.

"Don't be afraid," I whispered, kneeling down, "I won't hurt you."

The little girl looked at me as if she didn't believe me.

"You are safe now," I told her, "you're okay now, I promise. What's your name?"

"1 2 2 8 1 9 2 2." She replied, almost robotically.

"That's your number, what's your name?" I asked again.

She remained silent and looked at the floor.

"You don't have a name... do you?" I guessed.

She shook her head, Blood-stained pale locks falling in her face.

"Well, I'm Natasha. Natasha Romanov."

The Little girl gasped and recoiled in fear, "You... You're... You're one of them! You're an Avenger!"

"Yes, I am an Avenger. But I'm not going to hurt you. and neither will anybody else. We don`t hurt children."

"So you`re not going to feed me to the Hulk?"

"Why would I do that?" I asked, appalled.

"That's what they said you'd do to us if we ever left."

It didn't take me long to realise why the little girl thought I was that kind of person. HYDRA tells people anything to keep them under their control.

"How many of you are there?" I asked.

The little girl hung her head and chewed her lip, "I... I... I don't know... but... They stick us with needles then we become really sick. A lot of us don't make it."

Bile rose in my throat as I tried not to let my anger truly show. I'd only scare this little one who'd already been through so much.

"How long have you been here?" I asked.

The little girl shrugged.

"Would you like to leave here? with me?" I asked, "We can keep you safe. I promise."

The little girl looked away, as if thinking about it. then she turned back to me and nodded meekly.

I offered my hand and she hesitantly took it. Together, we left that dark, damp cell behind.

"You know, I have to call you something," I said, "You really don't know If you have a name?"

The little girl shook her head again, "No. but... but I have dreams occasionally, someone's in them, and they call me Mel."

"Mel, huh? Well, I`ll call you that. Would you like that?"

she nodded.

I held Mel close to my side as we left the Compound and walked across the now-empty battlefield. Evidently, the Avengers had won the day yet again.

Mel Stumbled as we passed through the mangled wire fence and headed for a large group of black Vans.

"M'sorry." Mel said softly.

"Nothing to be sorry for," I replied, "It's alright, just a few more steps."

"Tash!" Clint called out to me. I felt Mel jump and try to make herself smaller. "There you are! Do you have any idea how worried we were?"

"Sorry, got a little... distracted," I replied, gesturing towards Mel.

"S***!, Barnes was right... the orphans... the experiments, just like the twins."

"I think she's the only one left."

"What's your name kid?" Clint asked, kneeling to Mel's height.

"I don't really have one," Mel responded shyly, "but Ms Romanov's been calling me Mel."

"Nice to meet you Mel, I`m Clint Barton, Codename; Hawk-eye." Clint smiled, then he turned back to me, "You should talk to Hill."

"That's a given, here she comes now," I replied.

"Agent Romanoff, did you discover anything?" Hill asked.

"You could say that."

#the crystal heart saga #natasha romanoff #clint barton #black widow #hawkeye #spiderman #bucky barnes #Please leave thoughts…#oc #tw child harm #TW CHILD ABUSE #marvel fanfic series

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aelin-queen-of-terrasen · 4 years

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chapter - one | beautiful disaster

Full Masterlist

Beautiful Disaster Masterlist

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I watch the door, awaiting his arrival.

Cardan struts into the building with his eyes fixed on his phone. He looks as unimpressed with everything around him as the last time I saw him. His clothes are ironed to perfection, the crisp collar of the black shirt barely covering most of his tattoo, save for the serpent's head that peeks out from beneath it. I'm convinced his outfit alone is worth more than the annual salary I receive from Balekin.

He looks up at me and the force of my hatred hits me like a brick to the face, all my plans feeling impossible now.

"Shouldn't you be somewhere else, licking Balekin's boots, pleasing him and all, Jude?" he sneers. There's so much disdain between us, it feels impossible that it would ever be otherwise.

I will myself to ignore his barb. I'm used to much worse insults, and to retort might increase my chances at failure. But I'm drunk on my resentment at his position; he has everything I ever wanted, and yet he laments about it. His presence makes me reckless, makes me want to do things I shouldn't do.

"At least I'm capable of pleasing him." I tell him with a small smirk.

His rage is prominent on his face now, the mask of boredom gone. He looks so heartbreakingly beautiful even when he's angry, it seems unfair. I try to dredge up some pity for him. He has a brother who is hell-bent on making him a copy of himself, another brother who hates him, an indifferent father and a scheming harlot for a mother.

Yet, did Madoc not raise me to become a mirror of himself? Surely, he can't resent me for something I do not have.

But he does. I see it in his eyes everytime he looks at me, how unworthy he thinks me of everything. The feeling is mutual, the hatred between us as intense as it is unreasonable. It's for Dain, and for the gang I belong to, that I bother to look at him, to earn his trust.

I step forward, deliberately putting pressure on the heel of my left foot. The near broken sandal gives out, and I fall into Cardan's arms.

His coal black eyes burn into mine with an intensity I do not expect. I am so sure that he'll drop me, but his grip remains firm as ever. His phone falls onto the ground with a loud thud but he pays it no mind. For a moment, all his attention is directed on me.

It feels as wonderful as it's scary.

When I pull away, my heart pounds loudly against my chest. "Balekin wants you to see him as soon as you arrive."

"Of course he does," he mumbles something else, then walks off.

Cardan's phone lies on the floor, right where it fell earlier. I allow myself a small, triumphant smile. I am quick to retrieve it, limping away with one show broken and remind myself to find an extra pair to change into before I arrive at Dain's mansion.

I find Lilliver the first thing when I enter. "Unlock this one for me, then bring it over; you have thirty minutes."

Dain is neck deep in paperwork when I knock on the open door.

"Ah, Jude," he looks up with a grin, "one of these days, you should listen when I tell you to walk right in, don't knock."

His eyes move over my body, expression morphing into concern as he assesses me. To save him the question, I say, "I'm fine, he didn't suspect a thing. Should I be offended you don't trust your own second-in-command's abilities?"

I slide into the chair across from him. He still looks unsure, so I add: "He may loathe me, but he is no murderer."

Dain's expression darkens a little, the goofy grin vanishing from his face. "He was still raised to be ruthless and cruel. Forgive me if I worry about you, Jude," The words sound like a lament, and his voice is softer when he continues, "It's such an inconvenience to be worried you might get hurt because of me."

"I appreciate that," I tell him, lips twitching up in amusement, "but if it came down to it, I could kick his ass."

"I know you can." Dain talks with so much conviction, it's impossible not to feel as if I'm invincible, though I'm not.

He clears the space in front of him of all files, then looks at me expectantly. Rolling my eyes, I climb atop the desk, legs resting on either side of his chair. He stands between my legs, leaning forward. He presses his lips to my jaw, leaving a trail of kisses down my throat.

"We need to, ah, talk about the—" he nips at a particularly tender spot on my neck. My body archs into his touch, giving him better access. I can't supress my moan, more grateful for the soundproof walls than ever—"Oh, Dain—aboutthe shipment we're..." The rest of my words dissolve into a loud moan when he nips at the spot with his teeth, his hands sliding up my thighs, hovering over my jeans' waistband.

"I'd rather not talk about it," he simply tells me, hands roaming everywhere but at the spot where I want them.

"What do you, ahhh, want to talk about then?" I ask him, knowing the answer.

His lips hover inches away from mine, curled into a fiendish grin. "I don't want to talk at—" he is interrupted by the sound of something crashing on the ground and a muffled curse.

I pull away immediately, feeling as embarassed as Van looks, if not more. "I'm sorry, I thought you'd want to—ah, it was urgent, I didn't think you'd, ahem, I don't..." His words grow more garbled with each moment that passes.

Taking pity on him, Liliver interrupts, "Bad timing? We can come back later."

"No, we'll have a look now—unless Jude wants otherwise?" All eyes turn on me, still on the desk with my legs parted, hair mussed and a flushed look on my face. I'm sure there's a hickey on my neck, adding to my embarassment.

Dain looks amused at my condition and I know he did it on purpose. I want to slap him on the face for it. His eyes shine with mirth when he looks at me. "Jude, love, will you mind terribly if I ask you to sit on a chair for a few? Though of course, my lap is available—"

I scramble off the desk and slide a chair towards him, taking a seat before he can continue. Liliver gives us a knowing look, and I have no doubt my face has turned scarlet. It's one thing to have everyone know you have a 'friends with benefits' thing going with your boss; it's another to be caught doing it.

Van slides the phone I stole towards Dain, who passes it to me. "Take whatever information you can find, and have someone drop you off—"

"That's not necessary," I assure him and take my leave, rifling through the contents in his phone.

As predicted, Cardan isn't as given to secrecy. I transfer all the files with ease, have the phone locked and ready to be returned and still a half hour to spare. I'm not surprised by how much Balekin keeps his brother in the loop, or by Cardan's disinterest in all of it. What does surprise me is the business acumen he seems to have. He is clever with his words, creative with his ideas and efficient in their execution. If I wasn't dead set against him, I'd have been impressed.

I wait until I know he'll be outside his office to come with his phone, and I am surprised to find Madoc with him. I hesitate for a moment, but decide to charge through. I can't wait too long to return it, lest I draw suspicion.

He looks surprised to see me outside, but then he blinks and the expression is replaced with one of casual boredom.

Madoc regards me with suspicion, eyes narrowed and a small crease between his eyebrows. He says, "Jude, what are you doing here? It's an off day—"

"—I know," I tell him, resisting the urge to roll my eyes. "But if he had his way, I'd have an off day for the whole year. I wanted to see if there's something around here I could do."

Madoc throws a cautious look towards Cardan, as if to make sure he's not displeased my casual censure of his brother. I could care less what Balekin thinks of me, he has never liked me much after all. I have no idea what I did to deserve his scorn but it's always been that way, and if I wasn't his loyal second-in-command's daughter, he won't have me here at all. He doesn't trust me very much.

And with good reason, I suppose. I've been spying on him almost ever since I joined, after all.

Cardan only raises a groomed eyebrow at me, as if to ask why I'm here. He must be in better spirits, because his expression is lacking the usual bite to it, though he looks impatient to leave. That might be more because of Madoc than me. Madoc has made no secret of his dislike towards the youngest of the Greenbriar brothers.

"Your phone," I extend it towards him. "It fell down this morning, when I tripped." I ignore Madoc's questioning look.

Cardan accepts his phone with a little shrug, but then there's a furrow between his eyebrows and I'm scared he has figured out that I stole information from it. I hold my breath, willing my hands not to tremble as he turns his assessing gaze on me. When he looks up at me, I feel like he can see every terrible thing I did, and it makes me more vulnerable than anything else.

He steps closer, forcing me to take a step back and repeats the process until I'm backed up against the glass wall of the building.

His hand comes to rest around my throat—a threat and a warning. "I know what you did, Jude. And there will be consequences for it." I can feel his breath in my ear, and blood rushes up to my face. There's nothing human in his expression. I'm afraid of his grip on my throat, the vile creature reflected in his black eyes but most of all, I'm afraid of the warmth I feel where his skin brushes against mine.

"I-I don't know what you're-what you're talking about," I stammer out.

"Don't you, Jude?" It seems impossible that he could be any closer, but he presses in anyway, and his grip tightens. His body presses against mine and all thoughts fly out of my head.

I shut my eyes close, and when I open them again, I realise it was imagination.

Cardan is looking at his phone still, but Madoc gives me a strange look. His eyes fix on the lovebite on my neck. I curse myself for not hiding it before.

My father's gaze travels from me to Cardan and back; it takes everything in me not to shout that it's not what he thinks at all. I bristle under his disapproving glare, choosing to ignore it too. Let him believe what he does. His assumptions are a thousand times less explosive than the truth. What would Madoc do if he found out where I spend my off days, which gang I work for? I shiver at the thought, distracted enough that I don't notice Cardan's gaze until he clears his throat.

"Thank you," he tells me, but somehow, he manages to make it sound like an insult. Before I can reply, he stalks off.

I hate how intoxicating his presence is, how he makes me writhe and tremble and crave for his attention, but hate it when he gives it. I have to remind myself I'm the predator, not him. This is my game, and I'm the one pulling all the reins. I hold all the power here. The repeated thoughts do nothing to erase the vision in my head, of his eyes, cruel and gleaming with hatred, and his grip on my throat, warm and painful and restricting my lungs and that tone; god, the mere thought of that chilling, ice cold gaze sends shivers down my body.

But this is my game, and by the time I'm done with him, the tables will turn.

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