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strongheartneteyam · 9 months

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Realize where you belong.

Pairing: neteyam sully x female!human!reader/female!dreamwalker!reader

Chapter 7

CW: a good amount of angst, reader finally is letting neteyam in and realizing how she does truly love him too, physical contact, neteyam suffering while holding back from mating w/ reader, mentions of sex, yearning, sexual language, reader and neteyam acting like a cute couple, playful flirting, reader is more vulnerable with neteyam, a lot of fluff, reader feels guilty about the way she's been treating neteyam. Tell me if I'm missing something important!

Sorry for taking long to update, my angels 🥺🤍 unfortunately I'm going through a tough path in my personal life rn and bc of that I fell on a horrible depressive episode that I'm still on. So, my motivation to do stuff is very low at the moment and as I have to deal with my adult responsibilities that I can't run from bc nobody can, rn the best I'm able to do is focus the tiny bit of energy I have onto getting them done. I won't be able to update my fanfics as fast as I used to for some time. Can't say how long, it's not under my control currently, sorry :( But I LOVE writing, it's a great escape for me, from life problems and stuff, so, I really do not plan on stop writing fanfiction. I promise! Don't worry too much. Some of the upcoming chapters of this fanfiction, for example, are already saved on my Google Docs. I'll take longer but I won't stop updating. Anyway, I'm a tiny bit (ok maybe much more than that lol) insecure about this chapter but I hope y'all like it. Seeing your comments about the fic would make me incredibly happy. I'm needing some serotonin right now 🥲 Thanks for reading my writings ♡

Not proofread. Sorry if some parts are a bit messed up. I'll proofread it as soon as I can <3

Chapter 6

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

You gave me roses and I left them there to die

So this is me swallowin' my pride

Standin' in front of you sayin' I'm sorry for that night

(...)

It turns out freedom ain't nothin' but missin' you

Back to December (Taylor Swift)

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

You inclined yourself slowly and sheepishly in Neteyam's direction, still feeling guilty for the way you had been treating him before. Neteyam sensed your self doubt and quickly swept you off your feet, taking you inside his arms, so he could finally get the hug he had been dying for, so he could finally feel your small body against his bigger one. His big hands were now under your thighs, securing you in place against his warm body. That closeness, his touch… it all felt incredibly good. You cursed yourself for pushing him away and postponing that moment. To think you could have felt that before and you didn't… "Stupid girl" you thought.

You were now really far from the ground but you felt safe. Now you knew Neteyam would always protect you. He would not let you fall and get hurt. He was not and had never been a threat to you. There was not and there never was any reason for you to be afraid of him.

"Oeyä yawne…" (my beloved) "You feel so soft and tiny… Eywa… Nga yawne lu oer" (I love you) His voice was choked with emotion as he held back tears of joy while he hugged you as tight as he was able to - without hurting you - and you rested your head upon his shoulder. Your nose was hovering over his neck and you sniffed his skin, smelling his natural, cozy scent. It was intoxicating, drawing you in, making you wanna stay like that forever.

You breathed in deep and relaxed inside his huge arms that held you for the first time but still strangely felt like home, like you had felt them around you a thousand times already. If you believed in past lives - which you didn't - you'd explain this odd but amazing feeling as you having found your soulmate again, in this current life. There was no fear of Neteyam inside of you anymore. You only yearned for more and more of him, only a burning affection kept your whole being warm, just like his massive body did too.

"There's still something I need to ask of you, if this is gonna work out between us." You said, breaking the hug for a while to look him in the eye

"Say it, yawne."

Neteyam was still so utterly happy that he did not even seem to be shaken by that, which he could have been

"You know why I pushed you away. First of all, finding out an alien double your size has been stalking you is freaking unnerving." You still gazed into his eyes, wanting him to pay attention to your words "Second, you acted like a creep. At least compared to the way human guys act around girls they're interested in. I don't really have any experience dating na'vi boys, you know?" You choked a little as you were trying hard to hold back laughter

"Ouch…" Neteyam playfully pretended to be extremely hurt by your previous statements. He chuckled "In my defense, I'd say my instincts are to blame, not me, exactly." You gave him a death stare, but in a playful manner too "When I saw you, I knew you would be the perfect mate for me and I had to make you mine. Everything about you rubbed me just the right way."

You smiled. He was being silly and so sweet. You just could not resist it.

"By the way, when did you see me for the first time?"

Neteyam seemed to get shy after that question. You wondered why.

"I fell in love with you while you were in your Avatar body, yawntu. That's when I first saw you." Neteyam looked up at you again, smiling but showing no teeth

"You what?" You questioned him, a bit shocked but you could not bring yourself to be mad at him, though. Imagining him hiding behind trees and up in branches to watch you silently seemed adorable in your eyes, now.

And yes, you knew it sounded crazy, to find someone who used to literally stalk you adorable, but nobody said that anything that was happening to you right now made any sense. Not even you would try to.

"How did I never notice you were around?" You shook your head in disapproval of your distraction back in the forest.

What if it had been a na'vi who did not trust you a single bit to even let you Dreamwalk freely, without grabbing you by the arm and taking you to the Olo'eyktan and the Tsahìk? Some na'vi hated humans to that point. And, as you always said and always would say, you had a great empathy towards them and could imagine yourself feeling the same way if you were na'vi. You could never bring yourself to judge them as harshly as way too many humans did. You knew they were not the villains of the story. But still, what if that na'vi tried to hurt you? You felt tense at the thought.

Neteyam noticed your uneasiness and tried to calm you.

"Don't worry, yawne. I'm a great warrior. A big part of being a good warrior is being really focused on one's mission and knowing how to get by as unnoticed as possible. So many other humans in their Avatars and even many, many na'vi wouldn't notice me, either."

Neteyam still wanted to call those other humans "demons in false bodies" but he was not going to. He knew it would hurt you and make you feel like he was talking about you too. But he was not. Whenever he had called you "demon", it never meant the same thing as it would mean if he was talking about any other human. But he knew it would be hard for you to understand. So he promised himself that he would never call you "demon" again. After that eclipse night when the both of you were talking in front of your bedroom window, he realized how much it hurt you when he called you that. He hated himself for bringing you pain. And his heart hurt so badly when he thought about the possibility of you pushing him away again. It made him want to hold onto your small, frail body tightly and say "Please, don't leave me! I can't be without you again… Please…"

"If you say so… I still think I should've been more careful, though." You say, still feeling a little nervous and thinking that maybe you had not been the best student when attending to your classes about na'vi behavior and that maybe you didn't pay enough attention to warnings they may have given about being mindful of your surroundings when Dreamwalking

"I promise it's okay. It was not your fault, yawntu. I'm just good at what I do." His smile clearly showed he was proud of being a good warrior

"Ok, then." You smiled back at him and the both of you laughed a bit.

Suddenly, he stopped smiling and his gaze dropped to your lips, that were not that far from his own lips, if it wasn't for that damn oxygen mask. You felt like he wanted to kiss you. The moment was awkward but in a good way. He could not kiss you with the mask on, so, instead, he smiled at you once again and looked down at the floor, bashful.

You touched his huge, gorgeous face and he looked up at you again "So, about what we were talking about before… Just try to be a little less… upfront about what you feel for me. I mean… sexually. I love that you want me this much because I want you too, Neteyam. A lot, actually. You're… really freaking hot." He smiled, blissful, and his cat-like eyes sparkled as he heard that, his ears perking up. "But you're a bit too much, at times. If you could just tone it down a bit…" Neteyam looked a little ashamed and insecure, so, you rubbed your thumb on his soft skin, to reassure him you still longed for him too "At least while I get used to your na'vi nature, it would be great. Please, try to understand me… It's a whole new world I'm just now discovering. But it doesn't mean I don't love you and don't want you and it doesn't mean you should feel insecure." You smiled gently, showing no teeth.

Neteyam looked a bit sad again after you finished your sentence and you totally understood why. In his na'vi mind, you were practically rejecting him. That was who he truly was, animalistic and a bit too much to your human standards. He must feel like who he is was not enough or good in your eyes.

"Hey" You cupped his face again "I wanna do something. Just let me take this mask off, first." You wanted to reassure Neteyam of your feelings for him by giving him a kiss.

"Yawne, no! You can't breathe without it. You could die really fast! I'm not gonna let you do it."

"So you don't want a kiss, Neteyam Suli? I thought you'd want it, judging by the way you have been stalking me and by our interaction that night, outside my bedroom's window." You teased him and his face lit up

Neteyam gave you an excited smile. The way his full lips curled up as he quickly pondered about the pros and cons of your offer was so beautiful, almost hypnotizing.

God, you really were in love with that na'vi boy, weren't you? There's no going back now. He's holding your heart in his big, weird but cute, alien hands.

"I guess if we make it quick-"

"Shut up, Neteyam." You interrupted, chuckling playfully "I know you're dying to feel my lips on yours. Just help me take this mask off already." It was a bit hard for you to take the mask off while holding onto his shoulders. You knew he would not let you fall but still you wanted to still feel a bit of control and keep holding onto him too.

Neteyam got surprised by your boldness, since he did not see it coming, and he could only think about how freaking amazing it would feel to finally taste your lips, so, he did as you asked - leaving the mask hanging on your neck by the strap it had - and you rapidly held his big pretty, blue face, brought your lips to his and placed the most tender of kisses there, pressing your mouth against his mouth softly but with so much care, trying to let him feel how much you desired him too. His lips were velvety, warm and so incredibly good to kiss. God, you did not care that you were risking dying from lack of oxygen. You wanted that alien boy so badly.

Neteyam's still tense demeanor soon turned into a calmer one as he kissed you back. His hold on you got tighter as he felt your sweet soft lips on his. He felt so incredibly hungry for you. How could he not be? Your kiss was the most delicious thing he had ever felt in his whole life. You both shared saliva and wet each other's lips with each time your lips parted only slightly and came together again. Your soft skin made him want to squeeze you and never let you go again. Neteyam wanted to cuddle with you, wanted to wrap his tail around your small body in a possessive way to let you know you're his and that he would take care of you, hunt food to feed you and protect you from anything that could ever hurt you.

It was getting harder and harder for him not to lay you on the ground and press his body against your tiny one and make love to you right there but he knew that, thinking rationally, that was not a good idea at all, as the both of you were just outside a laboratory full of humans and you two could easily get caught and be in danger.

Even though Neteyam craved your body insanely, now even more than before, as he was finally feeling you close and tasting your lips, he was trying to take it as slow and gentle as he could because he wanted to respect your limits instead of scaring you away again. He understood you were human and your race acted in a very different way when it came to relationships. He still thought it to be a dumb way to lead things but it was you who was asking him to act differently and he loved you with his whole being. He could not bring himself to say "no" to that request. He knew it would be temporary and you soon would give into the na'vi that lives inside of you when it came to mating too. For you, Neteyam could wait. He knew things would soon change for the better. You were now in his arms, as the two of you kissed. You were no longer afraid of him. That was everything he needed at that moment. Things were already so much better.

Neteyam noticed you were having more and more trouble breathing, so he got worried and quickly put your oxygen mask back on.

You gasped for air and breathed in so much oxygen once you had your mask on that it might have been funny to watch, though Neteyam did not laugh. On the contrary, he seemed way too serious, way too worried about your safety. You wanted him to relax a bit.

"See how much I love you? I risked dying just to give you a kiss." You tried to speak normally but what came out of your mouth was a hoarse whisper instead, as your lungs were still in need of more air. A weak smile was adorning your lips as you struggled but still managed to let out a frail chuckle

"Don't say that, oeyä tawtute, please." Neteyam told you, trying to stay serious but still letting out a chuckle as well

"See the sacrifices I make for you, Neteyam?" You tried to seem mad at him at the beginning, only to start laughing shortly after, now that you finally had enough oxygen in your system to be able to let out an actual laugh, even if it still sounded weaker than your laughing would sound in another situation

He smiled big and teased you "Skxawng." (moron)

"But you love me." You closed your eyes while smiling, full of yourself

"I do." You opened your eyes to look at his face "More than you think, yawntu."

Your heartbeat accelerated intensely and you blushed. Neteyam found your blushed cheeks adorable. He looked at you so intensely, like he was holding the most precious thing in the world in his arms.

Neteyam knew he had just fallen even harder for you now that you both had kissed. He could not wait until he could be alone with you in a safe place and get to explore your body with his hands and kiss you all over. He almost got hard just thinking about that but he tried his hardest to whoosh that away. Neteyam was scared that feeling his bulge would be too much for you at that moment, specially since he knew he was much bigger than the human males you were used to. You might feel uncomfortable because of that difference and the sudden intimate feeling of his hard big cock against you and want to get out of his arms. Neteyam did not want that to happen. He needed you there a bit more, he was not ready to let you stand on your feet yet. And he was so afraid of you not wanting him close anymore, he was so afraid of perhaps ruining what you both had now. It was far too special for him. He could not let his sexual instincts ruin that. The time would come when you would let him in completely, when you would grant him permission to be inside of you and show you how much he craved your pussy, how much you messed with his head and awakened his most intense desires. Until then, he would wait and take baby steps. For you, he was capable of waiting for ages, though he hoped so strongly it would not take long.

༊⁀➷

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jongbross · 4 months

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Bestie, I’m in crisis rn. I just remembered I’ll be near 30 when we get the full exo back and i became depressed. Like whaa I’m scared of the future, I’ll be so old compared to other eris I saw here on tumblr.. lol (sorry to bother you)

first of all, you ain't bothering, don't worry <3

secondly, it's okay!!! i'll be 26 once sehun gets discharged, and that's like so far from reality to me (but it's actually just around the corner now). we have this illusion that being a fan has an expiration date but it's not true at all. i have this friend from school, we reconnected after i got into kpop only to find out that her mother is a bts fan now!! and it's so cute, she's almost on her 60s (?) now and they make her so happy and got her through her husband's death and like... it's beautiful, it's love, yk? who the hell are people to tell her she doesn't have the right to be an army? that she's too old?

so try not to worry about age. you're beautiful, you're amazing, and as long as you love exo no one, and i mean NO ONE, can tell you shit about you being a fan or about your age ❤️

#j talks

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ihavemanyhusbands · 7 months

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🎀's Bear Watch Update :

s2 ep 7: RICHIE'S GONNA GET CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT!!! the actress who plays tiff is stunning fr!! HE GOT HIS SUIT I'M IN SQUEALING!!! RICHIE SINGING LOVE STORY I'M SO IN LOVE!!! He has eva's drawings hung up on the fridge 😭😭 I'm falling down the richie rabbit hole stg

s2 ep8: Hate claire just gotta say it every ep she shows up in, not sydney bringing up trust💀💀, RICHIE IN A SUIT!!! tina walked out to the new hires like she was gonna beat them up, tina ain't lying about richie in a suit!! not their traumas coming up while waiting for the fire test...once again, I HATE CLAIRE

s2 ep9: ...so you weren't gonna tell me about that first scene, had me fast forwarding hella quick. IK MFER'S PANIC ATTACK DIDN'T GO AWAY CUZ HE THOUGHT OF SYDNEY, she deserves better..like me ;) AHH NOT SUGAR INVITING DONNA, them asking if carmen has a phone 💀💀, I love sydney and sugar!! HOLD UP MARCUS?? I'M GASPING HE LOOKED HURT WHEN SHE SAID NO!!! Fuck it I'll allow him to be w/ my first wife. at first I thought sydney and carmen would be a cute couple but rn sydney deserves better then carmen stg

s2 ep10: This ep had me stressed out, NOT CARMEN GETTING TRAPPED IN THE WALK IN!! I feel so bad for sydney, ooh richie running expo!! carmy getting ptsd in the freezer💀💀 Aww richie reassuring fak, damn carmen's banging like an locked up animal. OH GOD DONNA!! not them celebrating while carmy's depressed in the freezer...THE EMPLOYEE WAS SMOKING WHAT?? I love pete!! The chocolate banana!! OH SHIT SHE HEARD CARMEN!! Sydney and her dad are my favorites, not marcus' notifications..

YBDIDNSLAMDBBF girl you’ve been thru a wholeeeee roller coaster!!! 😭😭 I KNOW RICHIE IN A SUIT MY WEAKNESSSSS, and im conflicted on Marcus and Sydney bc i could always tell he was into her but im sure she saw it just as friendship all along. There’s this whole thing always where girls will be nice and friendly but guys see it as flirting… so its tricky. But i think they could’ve been cute together too!!

AND I KNOW THE ENDING WAS SO JEJDIWLSOODKD BUT WE HAVE TO WAIT SO LONG FOR THE NEW SEASON!!! Ugh but Richie in the zone tho 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨 i love how much he changed and how everyone truly seems like a family at the end, working like a well oiled machine <33

#🎀 anon

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meganiumgender · 7 years

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GAME THEORY: If I could stop liking people so much more than they like me my life would be so much better

#personal #negative #I woke up fifteen minutes ago already in a deep depression bc I had a nice dream abt a cute domestic life #n now I'm sad bc I ain't ever gonna have that so #that's how I am rn! how are yall!

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karasunology · 4 years

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⸙ ˚₊ ➷ AKAASHI DATING BOKUTO'S LITTLE SISTER HEADCANONS ! ❞

╰─ ─ ﾟheadcanons of how would it be if akaashi was dating you & how would bokuto react.

-ˏˋ ➶ character(s) ━ akaashi keiji & bokuto koutaro <3

[ trigger warnings ━ none !! ]

-ˏˋ ✉️ REQUESTS ARE ALWAYS OPEN.

⇣ please read the RULES before requesting. requests on my inboxes are all almost done, and i have nothing to do so send out a request and i'll write 'em !!

AKAASHI KEIJI.

➜ you and akaashi probably met through bokuto

➜ since he was apart of the team, and you were his younger sister, you guys were bound to meet one day.

➜ and when you guys did meet, there wasn't anything special between you two ― you were just his best friend's younger sister which was also in the same year as him, and he was just your brother's best friend.

➜ you guys would smile at each other whenever you were near each other, a polite bow as well but, weirdly enough, that was all.

➜ and koutaro was totally depressed about it

➜ he wanted you guys to be best friends too, like his first best friend and his kouhai, setter best friend being good friends as well? OF COURSE HE WANTED THAT

➜ bb boy just wanted to have lunch with you three

➜ and maybe along the other vbc members

➜ and when you guys did have lunches together, which wasn't rare but also wasn't common either, since you have a different group of friends as well, it would always be when the other vbc team were there.

➜ and you would occasionally share a laugh and coversation with the members along with akaashi, but you were always closer with koari and yukie.

➜ but one day, you've gotten sick at school but you didn't want to burden and worry your brother because he also has volleyball practice later and his class was still ongoing so you had no choice but to try and walk home before you faint.

➜ but that day, oddly enough, you have forgotten to look at the weather.

➜ and it was fine since you would always do that like?? WHO EVEN CHECKS THE WEATHER BECAUSE I DONT

➜ but that day was said to have a rainy weather, and when you were about to leave to the school gates after having permission from your teachers, akaashi called out for you, running up to you

➜ phew some kdrama shit going on rn😳✋

➜ or some miraculous lady bug & kaguyama sama love is war typa shit😳💅

➜ you were confused, nevertheless stopped yourself as you saw his figure coming closer to you

“ oh, akaashi-san. ” your hoarse voice was evident, after trying to clear your throat, you bowed slighty at him in greating

“ i heard you were sick and you had to go home. ” he started off, wiping off the sweat trickling down from his forehead.

“ here, ” he handed you an umbrella you didn't notice he held on his right hand.

“ heard that it was going to rain today and saw that you were didn't have an umbrella ”

➜ bb boy is so reliable and thoughtful

“ no i could't i ― ”

“ bokuto-san wouldn't be happy since you're already sick, and we still have volleyball practice and i have a spare umbrella. get well soon. ”

➜ akaashi's speach was short, and straightforward. would have left you wondering what was his real intentions were in the end, and that's what actually happened to you.

➜ as you accepted his umbrella, you walked home with nothing but akaashi wondering in the deepest cevices of your mind that you didn't know existed

➜ but before akaashi, you didn't know many things at all; the unfamiliar thumping on your chest, butterflies in your stomache & flushed cheeks.

➜ you didn't know of them until the day akaashi decided that HE was the one to make you feel that way and no one else

➜ after that day, something kinda changed between you guys.

➜ don't get me wrong, smiling at each other in the hallways were still a thing, bowing at each other are still a thing; but there were a bit newer accompanies, the peach on your cheeks, and the nervousness on akaashi's nerves.

➜ the both of you would have a small chit-chats with each other even if it's just the two of you inside a classroom, occasionally laughing at a literature joke akaashi had up his sleeves.

➜ and it wasn't only you and akaashi which have noticed the slight changes in yours and akaashi's behaviour.

➜ yukie and kaori would share knowing glance at each other whenever you and akaashi would share a long conversation with each other than usual by every lunch time with the vbc team

➜ and also your older brother, kou-nii, has also noticed it😳

➜ the way you and akaashi would hold unusual, and long gazes at each other ― the one would also look at the other when they aren't looking, and vice versa

➜ koutaro was ecstatic !! since at first he thought you guys were already best friends not knowing both of you had different thoughts😳

➜ it wasn't only until valentines day did it really click on him what the weird tension between akaashi and you was when you stayed up later than usual baking some sweets ― at first, thought it was for him, but before he could say how honoured he was, he saw the scribbled up tags scattered, and it all lead him up to a piece of paper which you have forgotten to scribbled out which said,

“ to akaashi ”

➜ and a small, yet noticable doodled heart on the side

➜ and that was when something in kou's brain malfunctioned.

➜ you weren't by any chance ,, infatuated with his best friend ??? righT?? RIGHT??

➜ the next day he snuck a glance on the box of sweets and still saw his best friend's name on it and boy did it click to him

➜ you ! like ! his ! best friend

➜ normaly he wouldn't mind since akaashi's a great guy, but you were his little sister

➜ and bb boy couldn't help but get protective

➜ but it was your life and your relationship, he's glad atleast the person that took your heart was akaashi

➜ when you confessed to akaashi, you were in a haze and before you knew it ― akaashi has pulled you onto a warm yet careful hug and with infatuated tainted cheeks, he returned your feelings

➜ and the day you told your brother that you and akaashi were dating, bb boy kinda kinda knew it was coming but nevertheless has never felt SO proud of both of you

➜ would support you till no ends

➜ he already knows about akaashi's information so ,,,

➜ you know just in case homeboy breaks ur heart😌🗿

➜ hope fully not because akaashi COULD NEVERRRR

➜ as i said in my older brother headcanons, he would step up as a big brother when he needs to & he had the bro talk with akaashi & akaashi was never the same after that

➜ but honestly had called dibs being akaashi's best man and for him and your father to walk you down the aisle

➜ mans mind was gOING PLACES Y'ALL LMAOO

➜ would have sleepover with the three of you guys on the living room but he'll be the one sleeping with akaashi on the other sofa because nuh-uh, you ain't ready for that shlt yet

➜ would also 8/10 of the time has clung onto akaashi while sleeping while akaashi was regretting his life choices at 2 am in the morning when he found himself sprawled, his other half of the body hanging off the sofa while the bokuto siblings are sleeping peacefully

➜ but akaashi wouldn't have it any other way. and koutaro too, since both of his best friends are happpily together, he couldn't ask for anything more as both your best friend, and brother.

-ˏˋ playing soleil's tape ˊˎ-

[ 📼 ] . . . this was requested by a fellow filipino anon !! love this request so much & it's so cute. hopefully you liked this bubs, also, REQUESTS ARE OPEN, i need me some entertainment and i have almost finished writing all the requests in my inbox. i promise i'll write them😳✌

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fuckyouiamcanadian · 5 years

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I got tagged by @fuckyeahyoongi to do 8 photos of 2018.. this is all gonna be long cause I can never stop talking it's also been a long ass year so I have alot to say.

It was hard because I'm obsessed with myself during my times when I have self esteem so I have so many selfies that are cute and that I like !!! Especially I have had pretty good self esteem this year which is great!!. 2018 started rough but truly got really better. I moved out, then moved back in cause my parents moved out, I started post secondary, drank alot, smoked alot (surprising haven't gotten high once since legalization tho) and I met lots of friends that I love, I kinda realiz3d my worth in alot of ways too. I tested lots of makeup things and changed my hair up a bit (I cut myself wack bangs) and so there so many times that I looked rough because I tried so many things. I stayed blonde for the majority of the year (actually I stayed blonde for almost an entire year) which means alot of bad pictures with ugly roots and bad grown in looks. Then I tried purple and it went a wack green and multi coloured way. So I went blue for a short time then I went black+!+ darkest I've been since I was natural! Which was in grade 12 or before. (Or the short time between shaving all my hair off and bleaching). I love the black surprisingly. So idk where I was going with this but that was most of 2018. Yikes also I met Jacob which has been amazing (we now been dating 3 months) I love him lots and I was gonna put a picture of us but there was too many good pictures of just me. Yikes ok this is really long

First photo is me with 2 of my journalism friends !! Lexa and Joyce I love them and we get along great!!. Had lots of drinks and fun with them and I can't wait till I'm back in calgary and I can see them again. They are unlike most of the other friends I've ever had. I just have fun with them and it's not like I'm emotionally depend on them like we can talk but it's not like always serious. We can have fun and let go when we are together and kinda just be less stressed from school and have fun.

Second pic is me and my bby Aries who sadly died this year after I moved out :(( my bby chaos died too :( and I actually didn't know this picture if us existed until a couple weeks ago. And I'm not entirely sure it's from 2018 but don't hate me. It was a big thing that happened this year tho.

3rdd is me at the job I kept for a record breaking like 3 weeks and I worked a today of like 5 days!!! But also this has kinda been a mood for 2018 I HAVE CRIED ALOT!!! Also love that outfit when I low-key look hit.

4th is me and my sister new puppy blair rose. Sadly my sister old puppy who I loved so much got hit by a car and had to be put down. I miss iya dearly because she was so sweet and me and her had a bond. Blair annoys me but I'm sure she will grow on me if she ever stops crying!!! See we already have alot in common. She wants attention and cries when she doesn't get it.

5ht I wanna post this because that high light under my eyebrow is poppin.lile damn . It was global fest and was fun!! Kinda boring but singing after ward out the window of harmans car was a good time. That night I refound my love for Carly Rae Jepson.

6th me closer to the beginning of the year (cause most of these pictures are from August till now) and it when I was tryna be cute and do makeup and I was low-key being a very depressed hoe!! I was bored and felt lost alot throughput the first half of the year so I drank and smoked alot and was sad!! It was rough

7th is me and my momma only pic I really have with her since I was a baby. And it's from Thanksgiving when I came to Saskatchewan because she moved here!! (I'm currently visiting her RN too) after living in the same house for like 26 years they finally moving back to this small town so my dad has the opportunity to make more money. They made the decision to move sometime in the summer and my mom and baby brother came here in August so my brother could start school here. My dad is still working in calgary but (because me and my sister have a roommate for our childhood house for January 1st) my dad will be in Saskatchewan after Christmas for good. It's been rough and will continue yo be rough because me and my mom are really close and I used to hangout and talk all the time so I miss her. And Imma miss my dad too. Sometimes I even miss my brother.

The last pic is me drunk as heck on halloween because halloween has been lit and the pic was too ugly to post on ig so here it goes. And even tho this year has been hard and long (just how I like it 😊😊) I'm optimistic for the future and and this picture just shows me happy and I think finally I'm actually really happy. And like doesn't mean I ain't a depressed bitch but I'm optimistic that Imma start being a happy depressed bitch. And I just lile this pic.

So yeah 2018 turned into a really good year even tho it had a lot of really low points.

I don't I see Tumblr much and I'm not sure who still used it so everyone should just do this!!!!

Sorry it's so long. I didn't even cover all of 2018 because it was so messy and literally felt so long I can't even remember what was 2018 and what wasn't 😂😂

#me #friends #lexa #joyce #jacob #2018 #2018 in review

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sweet-xoxo-thatcares · 2 years

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I hope I meet the right person who likes me for me.

And doesn't expect me to change for them just so they'll notice that I'm even fucking gay 🙃 even though most say I don't even look the part.

I attract mostly guys but I need a break. Apps highly disappointed me and the only thing that's really bringing me comfort rn, is knowing that there are other femmes like me, who look straight and normal, but are having a hard time finding other women to date long term and not just hook up with.

I've never had a long term monogamous relationship yet either. Longest was 3mths but I broke up with her cause of how funny she started acting, distancing herself to go be with her friends and not openly saying what's wrong. Our communication was not on point and I don't wanna rekindle or repeat the same scenarios with somebody who is fake. Cause she hid that she even liked her female best friend the whole time she dated me. And even to become her side chick after we broke up, and her best friend just got married that fall. AND WE WERE ACTUALLY GOING TO THE FUCKING WEDDING HOW INSANE WAS THAT!! And she saw nothing wrong with it just because I was the one who broke up with her.

Finding that out about Tatyana really showed me how much shit she got away with just because she has lupus and her friends and family still treat her like a clueless child. She knows she was wrong to even hide that. And to even date me while she already had somebody else in her heart....and probably for years.

It just goes to show, that even the cutest, kindest people on the internet all wear masks.

Cause you can pretend to be happy when you're really depressed. You can pretend to want a serious relationship but you really just bored and don't wanna be lonely....offering low effort later on in the relationship.

I deleted the apps for this very reason. Watching too many people fuck over my world perspective, my safety net, and secureness in attaching and getting to know other people.

I don't want another clueless idiot like Tatyana whi doesn't know what she wants in a relationship but just wants a gf like we in high school on some dumb phony shit. I'm not just here to show off to your friends and you didn't ever kiss me and barely touched me in front of them either....now I know why....she's so fake.

And I don't want another butchy, toxic ass masculine who thinks it's cute to try to make me be submissive to serve them and tell me what to do and how I should dress to please them. I don't want minimal effort, I want someone who actually gives a damn and is making sure we are on one accord in values, love, intimacy and growth just as much as I would.

Cause I want long term. Not a fucking show-mate to run into an ex with. I'm through with drama. I want something legit. I need affection, attention, time, and care. I need all of the above. Like actually do the best you can, and don't give up just because there's one issue that could have been easily talked out, fixed, and found a compromise for...for us. This is a team effort people. I don't need nobody telling me I'm wrong and saying oh, well we ain't talking about it.

Talking fixes things. Talking gets both sides heard. I will never subject myself to another man or woman who doesn't want me and my name to be heard and doesn't appreciate my efforts to make it work.

No longer will I make sacrifices for people who didn't plan to stay in my life this long. If you're not here to stay with me longer than 2yrs or more....be gone.

I don't have time for the fake love and narcissistic love bombing to get me amped for nothing. I'm tired of it. It's not cute. I know the cards very well. I've been hurt by them before.

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