I'm Ichikamaxing right now. I memoryholed my middle school years due to social issues so fucking badly that I don't even remember which years I was in middle school for.

Wardrobe Woes

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One of the most poignant things about tlt to me is the way that so many things that could have fulfilled Harrow were always so insanely close to her, but everything about her life on the ninth prevented her from ever connecting to people or being vulnerable in the way that she would have to be to even know that being fulfilled then and there was an option. That one convo Ortus and Harrow have in the dream river version of Canaan House after she realizes that its a false reality, and she's shown that everyone who could stay with her did stay behind to support her. When Ortus apologized to her for how everything ended up, and told her he should have understood more about the situation before. When she mentions how she couldn't trust that her perception was accurate to reality, and then he confides in her that long after his dad died in that ritual, he would hear him turning the doorknob outside the door and its not succumbing to madness it's just that extensive pressure shapes your mind sometimes. Like Canaan House is fake, but that is the real Ortus and the real Harrow and real tenderness that could have been expressed before one of them died if only. All the love Harrow or Gideon could have ever wanted, the other one wanted it too, and the only thing keeping them apart was the cumulation all of the tragedies that were ever part of their home and everything that ever resulted from them. And of course it's a main theme of the book that even if everything could have been fixed and wasn't, the love and understanding that could have fixed it and didn't can and should be expressed just for the sake of that love existing in the open, regardless of whether or not it can do tangible good anymore. And that's beautiful! but it still stings that Harrow spent all life since eleven fully convinced her perception of reality was irreversibly ruined, when one of TWO existing peers could have absolutely assuaged that if even just one thing was a little different.

i hope you guys understand my vision

Good morning what are the movies or tv shows that traumatized you as a kid mine are the BBC production of A Christmas Carol and a handful of David Suchet Poirot episodes

every time i start to feel a homicidal urge take over i remember charlie driver of the day and rewatch the rbr double homicide and feel better

guys I felt genuine fear in my stomach while reading this tweet...

2023 Las Vegas Grand Prix - Qualifiying - Fernando Alonso

it obviously has existed before then but new readers/watchers of dungeon meshi have had interactions that have solidified my hatred of a certain phenomenon, which is when somebody has a question or just observation about a piece of media, which is answered later in the piece of media, and is therefore currently a spoiler to them

and you get swathes of people being like "lol do they know" "nobody tell them xD" "do they know?" "oh sweet summer child 😅" "ermmmmm no spoilers but *heavily vaguely implied spoiler*" "do they know?" "Who's gonna tell them"

Hot Take Time #2309209 (edit: actually this isn't a hot take it's lukewarm at best. it's a room temperature take) but I really don't understand the argument "mo dao and gui dao are different and therefore everything WWX does is completely fine!"

Like, yes, it's a difference that plays into the public discourse vs. real truth themes of the novel to a degree, and I of course absolutely appreciate all the explanations and meta around the nuances and differences. But like. What he actually does with it is... still not good whether it's mo dao or gui dao? And there are many very significant reasons that gui dao is still not great? (Which I won't get into here because there are other people far more qualified with cultural/genre knowledge who have written about it way better than I ever could anyway)

Like y'know. The several hundred people he tortured to death, the thousands of desecrated graves, the mini-harem of pet zombie girls he kept after the war for purely entertainment purposes...? Like, those behaviors aren't inherent to the method (well, except the method sort of uniquely facilitating the keeping of pet ghosts), but they're not... good...? (Note: 'morally good' is completely different than 'fun & sexy, having a great time torture-bonding with shidi, etc'.)

I just cannot agree that keeping a little harem of pet ghost girls nor anything that happened with the Wens is being "gentle with the dead, empathetic and respectful". Even WWX thinks his past self was kinda cringe with it and went way too far!

I do think there's meant to be a significant amount of ambiguity about what elements of his downward spiral are caused by the corrosive nature of his method vs. the trauma of the Burial Mounds and his own, internal, homebrewed mental crisis. The alcoholism, rapidly shifting moods, anger and inability to control his temper, before and after the war. How much of it is Wei Wuxian and how much of it is the impact of the resentful energy he's using, and the use/proximity of the Yin Hu Fu?

I do think there's a reason why there's just as much brutality carried out by characters using orthodox cultivation methods. But in the end, his behavior was a problem, and the novel hints that the methods were impacting his mental state, and it was overlooked because of his usefulness to the war effort, but it did significantly damage his credibility leading up to the parts where he is in the right, which is also part of the point of the story. And you know. The subject of Jiang Cheng's whole 'the flower that blooms alone' monologue in the cave.

Anyway. 'He's using gui dao not mo dao and there's a difference' is super not the same thing as 'Wei Wuxian is morally justified in every action'?

Anyway this book is a lot more fun to me when you approach it from 'look what absolutely insane things these boys will do when they go absolutely feral for each other, it's so cool' with a side of 'look how fucked up he is now, that's hot' and not, like, trying to somehow figure out how to make pet ghost girls into a moral ideal.

So much of the story, for me, is about what desperate, wild lengths a person will go to for survival and revenge when pushed, and then what do you do after? When the danger is past and the revenge is done, what then? How do you come back from that?

late but i finally finished week three, haunted house!

the day am fans realise that miles/milex shippers are less problematic and harmful to the fandom than lv/her supporters will be one of the best days of my life

rant incoming because I'm going insane:

i will never ever understand why am fans have so much beef with milex shippers.

i have been in SO many fandoms throughout my life, I've been obsessed with SO many bands whose members are shipped to the point of insanity, and it was never a problem. sure, some people didn't like the ships, but why are so many am fans acting like this is something unique? bts, mcr, dan and phil, harry potter, I've seen fucking everything. every other fandom in the world are just this obsessed with their ships, trying to prove that two men are fucking, posting theories and so on. shipping was always a thing in fandoms and always will be, especially if we're talking about male celebrities and teenage girls.

having said this, the kind of fandom i have never been in is one where grown ass women bring this much toxicity to the community and behave like children. there are hundreds of celebrities whose girlfriends are not liked by the fans, but no girlfriend ever engaged this much with the haters, probably because they realised that it would only make things worse, and the fans would hate them even more.

we could've had some peaceful end of the tour content, but no, we have this instead. every few months something has to be done by a certain someone in order for people to pay attention to her, and so that in the end fans will forget the reason they're fans and engage in stupid shit like this, defeating the whole purpose of being a music fan.

all this drama is slowly making me not want to have anything to do with am or the fandom anymore. if not for miles and him being connected to am, i would've stopped giving a fuck about alex years ago (technically not through his fault, but then also because of him). this whole thing just makes me sad because miles does not deserve to be associated with these people and the fact that he will never be able to get rid of them is so not it.

Pancreatic Slut

I took her to the Vet for a check up/fecal test and yeah she did have worms :) and then when I got home my neighbor called and said her owners where posting on nextdoor looking for her, so thankfully she wasn't one of the byb dumped dogs but i still think it's weird to have left a malamute puppy outside in the Texas heat with fleas and worms while you're at work all day.. we found her early in the morning and they weren't home and posting about her missing till nearly 12am.

anyway we gave her back to her owners after the vet... hope not to see her running around in the streets again because this is the 2nd or 3rd time shes been seen running around the neighborhood. unreal.