sometimes a small smile of support goes so much further than you can ever realise

I think there's kind of a split in the Spider-Man fanbase between comic readers and adaptation-only fans.

The latter start screaming and complaining if any Spidey media comes out and isn't about how being Spider-Man is awful and bad and Pete needs to be the Marvel universe's biggest loser at all times.

Meanwhile the comics fans are mostly at the level of "For the love of fuck, stop with the endless misery brigade and let Pete have some nice things in his life" on a good day. On a bad day they seem to be actively conspiring to feed the comic's writer, and its entire editorial staff, and Joe Quesada, into a woodchipper, feet-first.

Nicholas The Punisher.

associated so closely with the weapon he uses that him and its names are practically the same. given to him by a false god and a shitty doctor when he didnt fucking want it. youd think he wouldnt keep it around. youd think the second he gets hed trash it and start again, i mean, he knows how to use other guns, so why keep it around?

you Have to assume its bc he humanized it, to some extent. he didn't have any humanity. at least that's what hes told, what he believes, and he wasnt allowed a sense of identity outside of it. outside of or away from "the punisher," so he Had to make it what made him a person. he HAD to embody it, he wasnt given any choice, really. he only chose to embrace it.

he hated everything else around him. of Fucking course he did, but he couldn't afford to hate the punisher. that's All He Was. if he hated the punisher, he hated himself, and he'd Never get out. never fully. so the punisher had to become something he enjoyed, and looked forward to, and valued. that's why i think he keeps it. he had to learn to love it so any semblance of identity or joy.

in order to make it through the eom he Had to learn to love it, even if he didn't want it, it was him now. weather he liked it or not, hed never escape it. but now? now he Genuinely dose. he doesn't like how it's from the eom, he doesnt like how it was forced upon him, But. he does like it. hes bonded with it, basically. if he can vaule his weapon then he can vaule himself. if he takes care of the punisher, to Love the punisher, it's catharsis. because That is Him.

and now he goes everywhere with it. is he still Nicholas The Punisher? maybe. ans maybe he hates that. but at least he can love the punisher itself. who that is isnt clear to him, not anymore, but it got him here. it got him out. it let him be happy. if he cant pity, or love, or process it all himself, he Can pity, ans love, and empathize with the punisher. whether he knows it or not, thats him.

and he can love at least that. even if he plays it off as a bit

(yes he calls it his baby girl, its funny, alright?)

sitting here at 1 am thinking about the good ol days when i wrote fucked up bloodborne and dark souls muses.

I just don't want to know about the actors most of the time. The whole thing breaks my ability to suspend disbelief in the fiction, I don't want to see the man behind the curtain. I want to completely immerse myself completely in the story and the characters, the behind the scenes shenanigans just ruins it for me.

That's the beauty of anime, the actors never get in the way of the fantasy.

Sending you love. You're included in Pride, always, & the pain you feel is real & needs to be seen & not just brushed over. It's not fair what you're dealing with & you're not alone in it.

I'm glad you're here & that we're friends. It won't always be like this for you, I promise. But you're also not getting left behind now because you're unable to be more open currently. We all know the pain of this somehow & you're not alone ❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜🩷💖✨🏳️‍⚧️💐🎉🫶🏻

I think on a base level I know I am included in pride. But I dunno, maybe it is just being closeted in some form or another for half a decade now... it has left me rather numb. I should be celebrating or doing more.

I appreciate your kind words and love. It means a lot,

Lol, it’s so funny growing up in a family with pretty much exclusively disabled people. Especially as a Black-mixed kid, like, ah, it’s glorious to constantly see the medical system abuse and kill people for being disabled, for being fat, for being Black, ect ect. 

It’s so fun that I never want to go to therapy or anything like that because one of my close relatives was literally murdered by the US medical system because she was “too mentally ill” to be considered human and she dealt with a lot of the same mental issues I do now. Yep. It’s just glorious to see the US health system in action. 

Do you ever wonder about your own innate capacity for addiction and what it says about you to have a brother in jail for his drug addictions, and to have had a relationship if not loved two separate people that ya lost over the years?

There is a deeper pattern, but it also hit me as I submitted Desiree's name to a memorial on international overdose awareness day just how deeply it hurt thinking about her again (it's been six years) and to think she wasnt even the only person in my life like that.

One of my favourite things in the game is the Blade of Gold skill.

It's the leap into the air, the spins before and after firing the projectile, the pose when landing. It's all just really cool.

Top tier skill, for animation alone. (Its Melina association is a very neat bonus.)

Vent

I’d say the ‘do it for the passion’ is also born from the same vein as the tripe that is fed into all art forms to try and play down the value and self worth of these things. (As if you ‘only’ do it because its fun, clearly its not a job, and you shouldn’t get paid!) People barely seem to see writing as a career, I’d hate to see how bad it is for fan fiction writers. But there are some well published authors who’s admitted to writing & sharing fan-fiction (just under other names)… I’m also gunna guess theres a connection to the hatred of turning hobbies into hustle.

Absolutely, there’s this notion with all creative things that it must be solely or at least mostly for fun/emotional fulfillment rather than as a job/monetary gain. This is something “legitimate” (heavy quotes on that) artists and writers face a lot and it just gets worse when you’re a fan creator. Yeah, a lot of us are out here just having fun and doing something that makes us happy and that’s great, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it should be automatically treated as something you should only be doing for emotional fulfillment. That you should only post things for your personal enjoyment and not look at numbers.

Honestly, this is all a step away from saying that your effort doesn’t deserve to be rewarded through views/financial support, because it’s just fanwork and you’re shallow and a sellout if you want any return for your work. That sort of thing coming from within fandom spaces is extremely disheartening. Yes, absolutely people should post what they want to, but wanting those posts to get views is not something that should be chastised. Likewise, feeling more fulfilled by a big number of views than the work itself is also not something that should be treated as wrong.

I just wish certain people would stop assuming caring about numbers/money is some sort of flaw that diminishes the integrity of creative work. Because I hate to tell the people who say the “do it for the passion” crap, but a creative endeavor doesn’t automatically equal passion for every single thing produced and it doesn’t have to either. The people who say that kind of thing are akin to the type that blab on and on about how “true art can only come from the heart” or whatever. I get that there are soulless creators out there that peddle total garbage, but acting like every creator that wants numbers is like that is a good way to discourage some great creators from posting your favorite content.

.

I'm excited about NMT2. You know what I'm not excited for?

The impending Sam hate

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

clammy ganon will become a fixture to my vocabulary now. excellent

The beach episode but for the gayz 🌈🏖️