#AND i'm only one person so someone else with a different intersectional identity would probably notice things
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I've been sharing 50 shades quotes and moments hand selected to be humorous and ridiculous, but I believe I've given you all a false impression of the book as bad in just silly ways, just funny quips. What I haven't shared are the subtly homophobic and stereotypical characters of color and inaccurate mental health portrayals (including suicide), among other issues:
the one hispanic character smokes weed illegally (this is used to paint him negatively) and tries to force himself on ana, saying the most basic spanish phrases to remind you he's hispanic; there are only three other characters of color I can think of, all black, one is a black kickboxer and christian's trainer (always making quips and antagonizing him while they fight), one is the kickboxers brother, and the other is a personal security guard christian fires and whom ana says she doesn't really like (when she's never had that kinda problem with any other security personnel); one character is introduced as "small, dark, and gay. I loved him immediately" and is an overdramatic hairdresser; the most "normal" queer character doesn't have the fact she's dating a woman revealed until her very last appearance in the series, and she's already very infrequent (ana also happily notes that this means Ros won't be ogling her husband); Christian's mother is described as looking "relieved" when she finds out he isn't gay like she assumed; the author conflates Multiple Personality Disorder (an outdated term for Dissociative Identity Disorder, but that's what they use) with schizophrenia as if DID is someone experiencing schizophrenia; when a character attempts suicide christian asks and I quote "why would she do this to me?"
I'm making jokes at the expense of the books, but I've been generally not sharing the genuinely unpleasant aspects. they're all fairly small, but they are numerous. I'm sure there's details I'm forgetting at the moment as well. so if you wanted to read it ironically with me, there's also all this to contend with
#50 shades trilogy#tw suicide#tw racism#tw homophobia#i'm focusing on the silly lines because the humor is a light in the dark#but like. everything generally sucks#there are so many little moments that add up#christian has a line about fantasizing about ana with another woman. and its like. thought crime isn't real#but with the rest of the book's context and vibe...that doesn't mean it's nice to hear about you fantasizing about queerness#as if its for your own pleasure christian#anyway. i've been just keeping the ickier parts to myself because I'm reading the book ironically#but I fear I've mischaracterized it#so. alerting you#book sucks beyond uninteresting smut scenes#AND i'm only one person so someone else with a different intersectional identity would probably notice things#i've unintentionally overlooked#i have noticed christian's 'philanthropy' in his business. unsure what to make of it quite yet#if I'm making problems where there aren't any#i would've included mrs. lincoln on the list but since christian does eventually come around (after 3 entire books)#and stop defending her pedophilic actions. i omitted it#anyway. wish me luck y'all
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I finished playing The Outer Worlds yesterday. I generally enjoyed it, and would definitely recommend it. More details and some thoughts(probably with spoilers) below.
Starting off with character creation, I put most of my points into the intelligence and stealth directions. Experience with Fallout games tells me that combat can always be bypassed or cheated but if you cant do a speech, lockpick or hack you get locked out of some things. Then I meet a definitely trustworthy scientist and get dropped down to the planet to meet a smuggler for some reason.
Oops, the smuggler's an idiot and now he's dead, time to steal his ship(and identity). Ships broken. Go find a part in the nearby town. Do some side quests, get involved in local politics, make some new friends. I ended up with the deserters in charge, it seemed like the least bad ending. I died a few times early on until i found something other than the starting pistol. I don't think I ever died again after that. Leave the planet.
Now i'm on a spaceship. Now I'm impounded. Now you're free to go, by the way do you want to rat out the only person you know to the evil corporation? Doesn't seem like the right call. More side quests, go to a different part of the planet, make some money, buy the key to the next place. Also got some new friends on the ship. Felix is cool, also a loser.
Now to the second planet, more local politics make friends with the local cult, one last friend joins the crew, she has some unfinished business, more side quests, leave the planet, stumble into a dlc.
Murder mystery, find an OP weapon, never worry about combat again. Solve the mystery, kill a big worm, leave. Back to the main game, stomp everything in my path to the radio tower, already made friends with the locals so I don't need to do anything. A ship falls from the sky. Locals want me to salvage it for only one of the groups, forced to make a choice(I guess there was a path to peace but it wasn't a quest marker). Give the ship to the company, they seem a better ally. The cult is attacking now, this battle seems like it should be more cinematic but it isn't. The cult leaders are in the abandoned church, kill them. Ignore the second copy of one of them and the company president that are standing there like they are going to negotiate, you didn't pick that path.
Back to the scientist, time to get some chemicals to help your frozen friends. But first, the other DLC. No real strong notes about that one. Back to the big city, sneak into a politician's house. Nope, someone else bought those chemicals. Sneak into capitalism hq, now every guard is hostile. Good thing i have the Spectrum Gatling. Shoot my way in, shoot my way out. Time to move the frozen people closer. I can sneak this time. Queue the only actual cinematic moment in the whole game. Sneak back out.
Scientist is captured, time for a prison break. Some friends show up to help, but I have enough dps on my own. Pile of bodies high enough to solve the food shortage. The chairman thinks he has leverage, dies. Hack the final boss. Rescue the scientist. A powerpoint says i got what seems like a good ending for everyone but the rich.👍
Bad retelling aside I did enjoy the story, and I rarely felt too limited in my ability to make choices.
But there is something to the intersection of fps and rpg that tests my suspension of disbelief. What exactly is leveling up that a person can become more resistant to being shot in the face? If it's abstracted there can be excuses, but in an fps, no, I shot you in the head. Your best excuse is a helmet, and that only takes you so far.
In the end, it's Fallout New Vegas in space, and it's a good time.
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i'm back fool may i request headcanon or scenarios for the hq captains (or honestly whoever u wanna add) finding out their fem crush does hardcore parkour as a hobby. At school she wears the cute uniform but after ???? It's bad bitch time. Adidas sweats, the tank top for guys (under armour idk what's it called).
HHHHHere it is
Ushijima
He doesn’t believe it at first when Tendou tells him about it. You were practically Shiratorizawa’s resident goody-two-shoes and because you were his classmate, he knew you to a certain extent. There was simply no way you’d be a closet parkour artist.
Tendou always insisted that Ushijima would come along with him sometime after school so he could show him, but he was simply in denial™ and thought Tendou was being obtuse.
He eventually caved though.
Ushijima didn’t really know where to look when Tendou said, “Here we are,” after bringing him smack in the middle of a busy Sendai intersection. But then he saw it.
A couple of teenagers were jumping buildings like it was nobody’s business – and to his utter disbelief, you were there. There was no trace of the adorable classmate whose charm was unparalleled.
Tendou had to drag him by the arm so they wouldn’t lose track of your group, which was difficult because this six foot bag of meat was probably twice his weight.
Your session ended at a nearby park, doing backflips from memorial statues. Ushijima thought that was a little disrespectful, but he couldn’t put a thought into it because he was gaping at you.
“Tendou-kun, you said you wouldn’t tell!” you whined, hitting the middle blocker in the chest.
“What can I say, Wakatoshi-kun has to know about his crush’s secret identity right?”
“Tendou,” Ushijima cautioned. How could he just rat him out right there?
But you were blushing at Tendou’s proclamation. Your outfit may suggest otherwise, but you were definitely the girl who had put him under your charms.
“Ushijima-kun, you won’t tell, right?”
He nodded. He wouldn’t want anyone else getting to know you this way, anyway.
Oikawa
Outside volleyball, Oikawa was known to be Seijoh’s local playboy. Though he only had one girlfriend, he did have many notable conquests because of his flirtatious nature.
But he seemed to be having trouble trying to woo a certain first year student.
“I heard she was an exhibitionist,” supplied Hanamaki when he asked his friends what they knew about you.
“What kind of exhibitionist though?” Iwaizumi asked.
Matsukawa snickered. “Maybe she’s a gravure model.”
Oikawa punched Mattsun on the shoulder. “Don’t besmirch (Name)-chan in that kind of light! She’s practically a saint.”
You were at the top of your class, the year-level representative, and volunteered for charity. And you were only a first year.
“I dunno, Oikawa,” Makki sighed. “She seems a little too good, don’tcha think? I bet she’s got some weird secret she doesn’t want everyone to know.”
That actually made sense. So, he tried offering to walk you home that day to try and smooth talk some answers out of you, but you politely declined, to his chagrin.
“Sorry, Oikawa-senpai, I’m meeting some friends at the park today,” you explained.
Any normal person would just suck it up and accept it right?
Oikawa was not a normal person.
So, he went to the park that afternoon after school to see what was so important that you denied a walk home from the Oikawa Tooru. But the sight that beheld him nearly made his jaw drop.
You and a couple of older looking boys were climbing up the walls of an abandoned building with the swiftness of felines. Once you reached the top, you all hopped off the roof and landed gracefully on the cobblestone path.
You saw Oikawa hiding behind a lamp post though. He gaped when you approached him with a cheery smile.
“Still like me, senpai?”
He threw his arms around you.
“Duh.”
Sawamura
I personally headcanon Daichi as someone who has some experience with parkour ‘cause of those t h i g h s.
Anyway, he has a huge crush on Kiyoko’s cousin, who’s also a third year in Karasuno. Where Kiyoko was the graceful character, you were a bit more of a girl who was the actual definition of “kawaii-desu~ xD”
And not in a cringey way.
You were so ridiculously adorable, a lot of boys from Karasuno swooned over the sight of you.
But one day, Asahi managed to get him into parkour again.
“Asahi, you know how my stunts were a bunch of failures back then, right?”
Asahi laughed. “We were first years. Surely with all this training, our bodies have better coordination.”
So they contacted the guys they used to do parkour with back then and to their surprise, they began recruiting girls as well.
When the two of them arrived at the meeting place on top of a corporate building in the main district, Daichi nearly choked when he saw you in the small crowd, talking to one of the members.
But before he could tell Asahi about it, the guy overseeing the whole thing pulled them to the side and gave a quick briefing.
“Oh, and for saftey purposes, you’ll be getting a guide,” he smiled before calling out to someone, “(Name), come here would you?”
Asahi shot Daichi a knowing look and, the next thing they knew, you were their temporary coach. But you didn’t really provide them with any useful information besides:
“Don’t weigh me down.”
When the practice exhibition went underway, Asahi was performing fine but Daichi had to put his back into catching up with the rest of the group. His eyes were glued on you, who jumped each and every obstacle with unparalleled grace. Was that really Karasuno’s sweetheart?
Right before the beam exercises, he decided to chat you up and asked how long you’ve been doing parkour.
“None of your business,” you deadpanned.
As you walked away, Asahi nudged him.
“You’ve got it bad, don’t you?”
Kuroo
Kuroo had pretty high standards, if he did say so himself.
He wasn’t easily enamored by a pretty face unlike a certain brunet setter from Miyagi. But of course, he was still human and could still fall prey to that inevitable force called feelings.
It started when this shy girl transferred into Nekoma at the beginning of his third year. You were his seatmate and he’s convinced that, if you were assigned a different place to sit, he would’ve never interacted with you unless needed.
But since you were given the pleasure to be seated close to his glory, Kuroo decided to befriend you.
You were ridiculously timid and Kuroo was perfectly fine with that, since his own best friend shared the same personality trait. He knew how to handle you without making you feel like he’s overstepping his boundaries.
Whenever he didn’t have practice, he offered to walk you home ‘platonically’ since you lived in the same neighborhood as him and Kenma. But strangely, whenever they dropped you off at home, he’d see you sneaking out of your house to go out.
He thought that maybe you just had somewhere else to be and was too shy to decline his offer to walk you home.
“She’s hiding something,” Kenma flatly concluded.
Amused, Kuroo questioned, “What makes you say so?”
He rolled his eyes. “You’re the one who kept telling me she’s basically me. I’m sure I’ll notice when I’m hiding something.”
“Touché.”
So, when Kuroo walked you home the next time without Kenma, since he didn’t want to involve himself in Operation: Find Out What (Name) Does in Her Free Time, he tailed you at an inconspicuous distance.
But then, you had travelled all the way to an abandoned warehouse in the outskirts of the city. Were you involved in some criminal activity? Concerned, he decided to step inside.
Someone nearly kicked him in the head from propelling yourself on top of an unused cargo carrier.
“Sorry!” you apologized profusely, helping him back onto his feet. Your entire face was flushed crimson at Kuroo’s presence.
“What are you doing here?” he inquired.
“I-I-I uh do p-parkour as a hobby,” you stammered, fidgeting with the hem of your tank top. “Keeps m-my blood circulating.”
“Keeps your blood circulating?” he echoed with a smile. It reminded him of the words he’d tell the team before a volleyball match.
He grinned. “Can you teach me some of your moves?”
Bokuto
He always prattled endlessly about his newfound crush to Akaashi when he met you in the cafeteria one day.
“She accidentally poured piping hot coffee on my uniform, but she was so cute, Akaashi!”
“Bokuto-san, could you please focus on the game? The opponent is at a match point.”
Since he had the attention span of a goldfish, Bokuto would always find his thoughts drifting back to you, someone he barely even saw in the halls of Fukurodani.
Eventually, he got “deprived” of your beauty and decided to hunt you down, asking various friends of his if they knew who you were.
“Ah, (Surname) from Class 1? She rarely comes to school.”
“I heard she was a delinquent.”
“No, her dad’s part of the yakuza!”
“Someone told me she was a spy deployed at our school.”
“I think I saw her on a porn movie once.”
In short, no one really knew your true identity and you didn’t make a lot of friends. The information more or less put Bokuto in a dejected mode like no other, which irked Akaashi very much when his performance dwindled during their practice matches.
So, for the sake of the revival of his captain’s volleyball prowess, Akaashi took it upon himself to do his own investigation regarding a certain (Surname) (Name). When he finally got intel on where you were usually seen, he gave Bokuto the address.
“Really Akaashi? You’re really going to let me see her?” Crocodile tears ran down his cheeks.
“Please, before I change my mind.”
Bokuto did as instructed and headed out to Akihabara Park. He looked around, eyes carefully scanning the area for a familiar face, but then his attention got snagged by a couple of people doing parkour stunts near the multi-level parking lot.
You were scaling the building without any protective gear whatsoever. Your feet disengaged fluidly with each jump you made to reach the bottom. The finishing move was a flawless backflip that Bokuto thought would go awry, but you landed on your feet without fail. One of your companions pat your shoulder for a job well done and you grinned.
But then you locked eyes with Bokuto.
“What’re you doing here?” you asked when you jogged up to him.
“I think I’m in love with you,” he admitted in a trance.
You blinked, attempting to let his spur-of-the-moment confession sink in. “What?”
“I’m. In. Love. With. You.”
An unattractive snort escaped you. “I’m sorry. Bokuto, was it? I only date guys who can keep up with me.”
With that, you went back to your little parkrour group for your next set of stunts, but that’s until Bokuto ran to catch up to you.
“I won’t disappoint you!”
#haikyuu!!#haikyuu!! headcanons#haikyuu hc#ushijima wakatoshi#oikawa tooru#sawamura daichi#kuroo tetsurou#bokuto koutarou#hqhc#request#redhotchampion
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