#* i know everyone to some extent = friends *
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I know little of the Keepers and their cultural norms, but I suppose it should not come as a surprise that matters of grooming and personal maintenance should carry a more pragmatic connotation for those who live in such isolation - or perhaps our friend is simply strange, regardless of his context. I must admit: it was no small comfort to me, in those frigid days heralding the twilight of the Dragonsong War, to discover that our champion did not share our Sharlayan intuition toward personal space. Our more guarded companions don't always share my gratitude for the attention, but I believe that after our long estrangement, even the coldest of hearts could not fail to be warmed by such a gesture.
Wolcred Week 2024 Day 1: Warmth | Home
ok as mentioned in the tags i didnt have time to render a complete scene for this but i found this old mspaint sketch that demonstrates the Vibe. tyagoa just walked up behind him after cleaning up from their meal
#ffxiv#wolcred#wolcred week#wolcred week 2024#valerianart#caption is alphinaud journal entry#please imagine everyone is making camp and sitting down i simply did not have time to draw the wider context U_U#to be perfectly transparent i am doing the prompts kind of ass backwards and the degree of effort varies#but come sit with me and imagine#we can hold hands if you want#anyway tyagoa does a lot of Fussing post-vault#at the time it's really the only tell that things are. well. you know how things are.#i think little grieving alphie would soak that up like a sponge but it would come as quite the shock to the other returning scions#shtola probably had to set some polite but firm boundaries#but tyagoa would appreciate that#he likes knowing what his friends like#and vhasoa was frequently touch-averse so he doesnt take it as an insult or anything#anyway i think it's a combo of [gestures to heavensward] and the way that traveling through the wilderness with a small group feels like#well#like home to him#that kind of shortcuts through all the Eorzean Social Customs that he's learned to navigate#i hc his tribe as being very casually tactile with each other#to the extent that something like this doesn't even register as intimacy#not to him anyway LOL
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#do you guys ever think about how yosuke is always the one that proposes their outings#yu is the catalyst that brings them together but yosuke is the glue that helps hold them there#thinking about his shadow's comment about how yosuke needs to surround himself with as many people as possible to stave off the loneliness#and to a large extent it kind of still holds true here (and theres nothing wrong with that!) and not only does yu know that#yu doesnt judge him or tease him for it. and like for all the things that yu (or anybody else) teases him about#THAT is not it#Yukiko calls him well connected and friendly aaaaah i cannot get that out of my head ever#and it's also in how his proposals are received by the others - everyone else is always genuinely excited to participate in it#like the motorcycle license and the beach holiday is all your friends can talk about for the days after that#i think its one of those things that imo really add to that... very organic friendship dynamic that the IT have compared to the SEES#or even the PT to some extent#(listen i love the PT dont get me wrong but the IT just have a Something to them) (and i think a lot of it is driven by Yosuke)#his friends rib and tease him because hes so bullyable but they are always always so willing to jump in when he suggests something aaaaaah#and he knows this!! he may not have realised it at first but he does eventually!!!#yosuke truly my beloved my absolute number one love
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whshdfhfjf.,,,
#close up!! because i firstly Did Not render them with such insanity in order for tumblr's lack of general resolution to make it blur#look at all the lines!!! teehee i still really really like this style of digital painting it's super super fun to do!!! and also secondly#because i went back and added a tag ramble and as i seem to often be doing??? lately?? reached the 30 tag limit and went 'hm ok how else..'#anyway the tag essay on that one is now up and talks about the artwork generally and miscellaneous thoughts!! that said. i need a space to#ramble about beatrix at Length because look you don't draw and paint etc a character for like ten hours without having a lot of thoughts#anyways ! i digress terrifically. tag rambles are more like trains of thoughts masquerading as subways and you get on and it's unfortunately#a rollercoaster track. but this is My Blog and i can do Whatever I Want as long as i don't hurt anyone <- affirmations!! also Harm Principle#lately it's been like *kicks up feet* *opens tumblr tags* *treats it as own personal journal* and tbh Good for me!! anyways back to beatrix#fun fact ! the thing that pushed me over the edge to go watch the musical after looking through the tumblr tag was a very specific poll.#and the fact that the winning option was blue hair and pronouns made me double over laughing so hard i had to go see the source material#mm i feel like lately the academic Context has been tossing me essentially into a blender HAHA ;-; so everyone in adamandi is to some extent#a Mood. but bea-specific (haha be specific)(sorry!)(wow this is the same reaction mechanism of my friend who points out innuendos)(...)#i think it's the wanting to prove herself. like from the whole abuela etc thing there's proof here she's got a Stable Support System of sort#and instead what beatrix continues to do is push themselves. 'i guess u could say i'm married to my work? god that's depressing' // no one#here to enforce that // abuela tells me to rest says i'm constantly stressed and i'll just get depressed like before but i still have to try#like. that shred of desperation that pushes you to the brink to neglect yourself (well i guess physically but also your morals..) and like!!#the whole 'lose half your soul thing' proves she's self aware!! like they know what they're doing is super dubious yknow! but they're still#they're still doing it even if it goes into conflict with their morality system in a way and then they justify it to themselves (see pt 1#of ghostwriter) and the whole wanting to achieve at all costs Despite the self awareness. (i think? this aspect also applied to quincy. but#thoughts on him will come later). more beatrix specific also is the fact that they genuinely adore their work.. 'i just love it here where#you know they'll be printing forever and you are just part of it' because that does kind of resonate with me. also the being behind in the#competition is real!!! i'm maybe talking about Art as a subject because that same drive for it exists on my good days i think. even#even when nothing seems to be going right and you've ended up at the back the intent passion inherent in what you do is still there!!!#the genuine. care she has for reporting. is so !!!!! to me... other beatrix thoughts include 'why reveal yourself at the end' aka vincent's#'u should have stayed silent u had a smart plan' like rip to them but i would not // it feels with bea's complex character i can't imagine h#her Not doing that. like the guilt is real i guess. and i am running out of tags but! smth also about her fervent hope or smth that she'll#eventually get to where she wants. and the resilient determination.. 'i won't let their deaths be pointless there's more good i'm gonna do'#they're so so real for that. i'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing; seeing myself reflected in aspects of characters like this.. but it's#it's there regardless. smth smth just make your peace with the person you are ig!! tldr beatrix campbell my beloved. hehe#adamandi
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look. not to get sappy on main but like.
call it cringe call it silly call it whatever you want but do you know what it felt like to be a depressed teenager and hear the doctor say “do you know, in 900 years of time and space, i’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before”?
cause let me tell you, hearing that… there are whole years of my life that i barely remember because of my depression. chunks of my time on earth that i’ll probably never get back. but i do remember watching that damn special because it meant something to me, even in that fog.
#emotional about dr who tonight#dr who#doctor who#prof rambles#my life#mental health#no but see the dw marketing team knows their audience. the writers know their audience the actors know their audience#this shows been going on for a damn long time and there is a consistent trend of like. people ages 9-25 who are extremely depressed#not that there aren’t other fans obviously but that is a Large demographic and it always has been to some extent#i have friends parents who were into dr who in the 60s and 70s and that was a big demographic even then#and anyway my point is: they put that line in there for the fans because they knew it would mean something to hear the doctor say that#and that just like drives me crazy like the. i guess the inherent kindness of having a beloved character say something that’s in character!!#but like also very much vague enough to apply to the audience#it’s like having kirk say ‘hang on tight and survive. everybody does’. and that always sustained me as a depressed child#because i watched star trek tos religiously and still do#anyway#shoutout to showrunners and writers and marketing people and actors and everyone who makes a show#for seeing their fanbase of young mentally ill people and saying here#have this character that is amazing and that you love say this really motivational and loving thing#idk it’s nice#and just a good line in general#yeah#that’s all#byeeeee living up to my prof RAMBLES tag
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thinking abt how all of gevie’s relationships w her friends involve them seeing through each other in some way
#talktag#mona due to her hydromancy and also her no nonsense demeanor#(and also her friendship w fischl) lets her see past the persona gevie projects#and once gevie takes the rose tinted glasses off she sees mona not as the infallible astrologist#but as someone who is silly goofy just like everyone else#venti always knows more than he lets on for obvious reasons#and gevie picks up on who he really is#but they both only engage with the persona they project but in a way where they’re both in on the joke#one of the reasons diluc is so drawn to gevie in the first place#is that she is constantly pushing aside his titles and his coat of arms to probe the real him#and diluc has always accepted gevie for who she is#like yeah this is the basis for any good relationship ig but#the friends gevie ends up making kind of belies what her true wishes always were#she changed her name she changed her appearance she changed her life#all in the hopes of becoming someone that would be fine being alone#but the bonds she forms and the people she is drawn too are all ppl#who to some extent see her for who she truly is#oh also i forgot lisa#there’s not much abt lisa for gevie to really see through#but lisa was the one person who knew gevie before she reinvented herself
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(Out of nowhere, you are approached by a familiar lightbulb-headed Cog.)
Ah, it's you, cat. Thinking you're oh-so-slick. Muttering and whispering under those raggedy whiskers of yours... Thinking I am unable to hear it all...
Well, you've simply underestimated my fantastic hearing. You probably want to know the reason why I'm here, taking a 'break' from my incredibly important scientific breakthroughs? It's quite simple, really!
(She gets close, and squints her eyes.)
I know what you are.
Farewell, now!
(She then leaves the way she came from.)
(Spam giggles immensely, covering her face... it always seems like she's giggling, isn't she? This lasts... at least thirty seconds. Longer than usual.)
And I know what I am too, Sparky! You broke through something, that's for sure. Really, broke through...
(She looks down, continuing to laugh nervously.)
You know, I find it odd you Havent tried to bulb blast me into the stratosphere by now. I mean knowing how you acted with Frostbite. Is there something peculiar about me that you perhaps can't quite track? Something about me that you... don't know what I am?
I know, I know, I'm talking to nobody again. But you were there when I had a moment today with the one the only Frostbite The Bravecog. You may be remaining. Lurking in the shadows. Knowing about these thoughts that I'm thinking.
(The giggling resumes, lasting far shorter this time.)
Your brother's a piece of fucking barp, by the way
(She braces for impact for a few seconds, wincing while smiling, before comically looking around to realize nobody's there. She sighs.)
Wow, okay maybe toony superhero show logic doesn't apply in this situation. Cool.
WAIT I JUST FUCKING REALIZED WHAT SHE MEANT but like. Dude if she meant that then what's the point I mean the whole ahh sellbot department barping knows unless you're Really low on the ladder. Heheh... maybe she did mean what I thought she meant.
Oh i'm so fucking screwed. What kind of bitch gets filament fever
#bright spark#<- for finding this again later. haha i called her sparky#the way she talks fucking tickles my brain so much im so . ohguohguohoghog SHE#SORRY THAT THIS TOOK SO LONG you see i was in the mindset that i would do this one little thing and then i would do my work which uh.#that leads to so so SO much procrastination. including on fun things! oh so fun things.#today was an event.#i also spent quite a bit of time ruminating i “would she really say that” is worse when shes literally you#to clarify. she is spam's aunt by like. building standards. not really in her found family. so its fucked up but as i said in discord this#is like. a “your mom's kinda hot” level crush. you know. also sorry i really wanted to say filament fever its been eating at me okay#nothing SERIOUS the way my f/os (and spam's f/os (plural now?? i guess?? if today was a canon event)) are#honestly mark still feels like the only real one with her to me but damn it. if spam's reflecting My Changes then she's Reflecting My Chang#spam in toontown unlike my other sonas is the most “its just you again” out of all of them and thats partially because her main#cog connection... is frostbite. they bounce off each other like we literally bounce off each other and damn it shes been so stagnant on her#own because of it. mark happened and she mirrored that because i kept fucking talking about him while we were in character and ideally#i should TRY to fix her. but also man because i'm not doing Serious lore stuff with her i dont. even know if i want to.#i kinda brushed it over the rug by saying that she relies on her constant entertainment so readily because she herself still doesnt feel#like she has a place outside of cogs only. sure she's in high roller backstage sure she's in allan's family now but shes not Doing anything#with herself the way that her friends are. mole's a ranger. frostbite cohosts. wishes... has chip. and something she doesn't have--#living and fully growing as a toon. rather than being haphazardly slapped into a world. and in some respects she's envious of frostbite#finding themselves so quickly because she distracts herself because she's still kinda struggling with it. despite everything. yes she lives#happy and carefree a lot of the time but she keeps buying those dumb phones because when she's truly alone... her mind starts to wander.#that's what mark is for. so that spam can dream of a world where she has a purpose. even if its fake and fragile and just nothing compared#to the great friends that she already has. where she feels like its worth it doing something when she doesn't have anyone. and in that#respect. with the goons ma allan parallels in sonboy the spam cathal parallels shine. seeking tv (and to a lesser extent games) as a#method of escapism. even when one's life is already pretty good. because there's nothing else worth doing without friends or family.#the internet isn't just cool. it gives her something to be when it seems like everyone is something but her. and maybe thats a lazy#excuse for why it seems like she doesnt HAVE anything to call her own but that but damn it i'm trying my best to twist it around.#spam has such a HISTORY yknow? even if it feels like i havent established her much.#spam is the hearts to frostbite's spades not just because they're the duo of all time but because spam's fake stupid love keeps her going#sorry i just started rambling in the tags of this post about spam it. happens. she loves her friends so much i need to reiterate that okay
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thinking just a bit too hard about how the added depth given to tifa and aerith's friendship only increases the weight threatening to crush tifa after the forgotten capital, she already had so much to carry on her weary shoulders, she's going to have to carry even more when mideel happens, and it doesn't even stop after meteorfall, ohg od oh i love her so much i
#(sobbing and crying and snotting everywhere) AERITH GAVE HER SOMEONE TO CONFIDE IN ON SUCH A TUMULTUOUS JOURNEY#SOMEONE SHE COULD BE AS CLOSE TO FULLY RELAXED AS POSSIBLE#SOMEONE TO GOSSIP WITH OR SHARE HER CONCERNS OR JUST. BE A NORMAL GIRL WITH#YUFFIE'S THERE BUT SHE'S JUST A KID AND TIFA WOULD NEVER WANT TO HARM THE AIR OF CAREFREE CHILDISHNESS SHE MANAGES TO MAINTAIN EVEN IF#ITS BECAUSE YUFFIE IS HIDING THINGS THAT ARE CRUSHING HER#but poor tifa . gentle tifa. is now left to regret. to blame herself.#she has barret who acts like a father figure to her sure - but despite how much she cares about him and values her frienship with him#he's not aerith. he's not someone she can just gossip about first loves with. not someone she can fully Relate to. if you get what i mean#she is left to trace back the thread of how poor aerith got caught in this mess#she was the one to ask aerith to save marlene. but how did they get there? aerith refused to let cloud be a bystander in wall market#how did that happen? she made a risky choice that put her in a position where their paths crossed. why? because cloud was briefly lost#during the bombing mission. why did the bombing mission happen? she couldn't stop it. ETC ETC#NONE OF IT WAS HER FAULT... BUT SHE NEVER WANTED TO DRAG INNOCENT PEOPLE INTO THIS AT ANY SINGLE POINT#AND NOW SOMEONE WHO QUICKLY BECAME A CLOSE FRIEND IS GONE oh lord my heart#all of this added onto the things like how alone she was in nibelheim... it was just her and her dad for some years after the boys all left#and then the Incident happens and she loses that last person she had... and to an extent another she didn't even know was right there(cloud#god i could talk about her and how she has suffered more than jesus for ages (happy easter. lmao)#FF7 Rebirth spoilers#just in case?? for anyone who's only playing the remakes i guess. since this was basically already there the remakes just elaborate on it#i think about 'we found you!' 'i guess you did!' SO OFTEN#these two girls mean the world to me and i will not let you reduce them to love interest rivals#when tifa ran over to aerith's body i think everyone in the world heard my heart shattering into dust#these thoughts are a bit disjointed and don't articulate well what i mean but god. god. i am thinking about her today
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Just out of curiosity.. is there a reason you don’t read x reader fics anymore? 🥹
How funny would it be if I was just like “there isn’t one <3”
#KKSKSKDS#I read my friends fics still! becuase they are lovely and talented and everyone should read them#I’ll read xreader fic as long as I know the author to some extent#I just haven’t been inclined to read outside my circle in a while#I’m like…. afraid of strangers atp#on tumblr at least#I’ll just hang out in my own corner and do my own thing JSJSJDD#plus I do actually like shipfic as well as xreader skkxkxkx#mint talks
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This is not my anon but this is exactly how I feel. I've made my own mistakes but that was never why they were in the convo. They saw how badly I was suffering and swiftly took the opportunity to kick me while I was down and that's just the truth. The quick pivot into easily transitioning the anti-blackness conversation into absolving themselves and all their friends from their mistakes & various acts of bigotry by discrediting my voice in a few decisive moves was legendary. The priority & focus of the conversation was no longer about the important issue and became an almost sadistic pursuit of my "downfall". It was fucking dirty and manipulative to the point where i almost have to admire it. And emphasized to me that empathy just isn't their strong point.
We all have bias including myself and that was clearly at play here. Some of the shit I saw said about me was simply not true or completely misrepresented and I was brushed off for pointing that out in the replies. And the fact that plenty of people believed it at face value with no proof whatsoever was acceptable to them and even people that saw what really went down with their own eyes but wanted to save their own reputation with these simblrs went along with it. They even chose to believe the word of a known racist over me because it fit their narrative. Once again the vague post + wave of hate from followers method was deployed, but this time I was already at my limit before it even began. I was degraded & talked over by several white people and essentially silenced and blamed for my own violent & bigoted harassment because i hurt people's feelings on simblr and was too "annoying". I was the subject of some pretty awful shit both here & IRL to the point where I was at one of the lowest points of my life and I was basically told to eat shit for asking for time and empathy. Even after apologizing and admitting what I had done wrong, they continued to pile on and beat the dead horse because the fact of the matter is they just want me gone and ostracized & have ever since I first slighted anyone in that friend group. Which solidifies to me that another one of my mistakes was to expect any of this on simblr to be based in actual ethics or a sense of morality.
For it to be about the racefaker & anti-blackness, I didn't see 1% of the anger and name-calling towards that being from them compared to what was thrown my way & it only exploded after I had apologized for that situation and that being was long gone from simblr and kicked from my server. And it was clearly because no one was angry enough at me for their liking. "We got a racefaker in the community yeah but oh no look, that negro uses kpop gifs and was too aggressive and bitchy towards us!" Shit. As much as my reaction to the situation was never about corpsetrait & all about my own feelings and situation I was going through, which was terribly wrong of me & I still apologize for, it was clearly a similar thought process with them. And many of the posts and actions I've seen have been purely performative when you consider the nonexistent (and even mocking) reaction to what happened to me compared to the people they liked. Whereas I've spent quite a bit of time defending & trying to see other people's perspectives when I simply should've never wasted my own time or mental energy. Trust i will never make that mistake again.
I took the opportunity to apologize further and delete the channel in my server because I've seen how it was a bad idea & how it negatively affected others and me as a person, and there's nothing like being at the bottom of the barrel to humble a dumb bitch like me. But y'all better not make the mistake of thinking you're better. I know exactly what kind of chats you got, as well as the anons & messages you send, and you ain't slick nor fooling anybody taking that moral high ground. Especially while saying some of the worst things about me out the other side of your mouth. The difference between us is that I can say I was wrong, and I've never seen y'all do that once this entire time. I'm going to work on myself, and I highly advise y'all to consider the same. And if you hate me, if I annoy you, you're just going to have to block me. Because I'm not going anywhere because of you. And if you got some vile bullshit to say, I'm blocking & ignoring you. Period.
#text#ceci speaks#nonsims#petty#the irony is palpable#nearly broke for a min but now im medicated so i dont care anymore#yall are dirtier than any simsecret anon#tho some of the specific talk i saw there in the past makes me think ur there too#fucking vultures the lot of u#at least i know i can get beaten down to this extent and still be here#still aint deactivating from ur age old tactic#im made of tougher stuff than that and probably all of u#im gonna work on being less petty but im not gonna be silenced in general#dont apologize to people who hate u bc they dont care#im only sorry to:#the people in the server and my followers disappointed by my response#my friends especially ones that are black that i didnt protect#and veone for calling her out of name and reacting with anger and fear instead of empathy#everyone else can eat my ass#ill also keep in mind how much and who i use gifs with#but no one is taking away my special interest bc u have a personal vendetta#and a need to grasp at straws on how to hurt me
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wow... thanks for making those tag lists. i didnt know how much you had tagged before
You're welcome!!
I think of this blog as a kind of curated museum of all the fan stuff on tumblr, as well as a place for me to post my own fan stuff >:)
I hope the tag lists are helpful for finding the stuff you want
#asks#anon#rads talks#heheehe you all get to know the full extent of this blog now i feel#i know some people knew about all the ways i tagged just by watching how i tag stuff/friends who know im insane about it.. but not everyone#now hopefully its easy as hell to find the exact stuff you guys wanna see >>>:)
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#every relationship between any two people is so special and unique and its just so . agh !#everyone is a little broken and all we can do is start by building shaky bridges and try our best to cross them carefully....#in any capacity. it doesnt matter the context or extent of the relationship#even just like. my old stats partner who i meet up with sometimes to do hw with.#thats a very casual relationship but still one that can be improved and strengthened#by which i dont mean eventually maybe we could be actual close friends i just mean like. how could we be better hw partners to each other#and thats one of the fundamentals of life and of team development#((its this boy. you know when someone tells you smth new abt them and youre like ah. right. we are all broken and continually healing.))#((all we can do is cautiously build up shaky bridges and walk back and forth across them and thats all there is. i remember now))#anyhow goodnight#(((i definitely misstepped w him but i am well intentioned and now i know and i will try and do better next time. and thats all there is)))#(((but we did some good bridge building today. more than i was expecting. i think by accident. idk what will happen next. but)))#(((the world is strange like that.)))
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i never know how good i am at hiding a crush and i’ve always felt like i’m not that good at it and every time i get a new crush it’s always a game of like. how long until someone who isn’t that close to me finds out
#mine#cause obviously my friends know about it pretty quickly#family doesn't count because sometimes i tell them sometimes i don't#but with like. in this case other coworkers i guess but it can be diff groups depending on the context#its like. when will someone find out#i think with this one im doing an ok job at hiding it#i can't really tell obviously but i feel like im capable of acting at least sort of normal around him and disguising it to some extent#but i always panic and overthink and freak out#but also my biggest tell by far is my eyes#when i like someone and they're within view i just want to look at them for as long as i possibly can#i am VERY visual#and when someone i like is nearby i DO just look at them like even if its just peripheral i'm always following them visually#when i clocked out of work i went downstairs to buy some stuff at the little convenience store thing on the fisrt floor#then when i went back up so i could leave out the back door of my job i saw cute coworker in his usual place#and after chatting a little with the coworker who was at the door i turned my gay little eyes to you know who#and watched him for like a large amount of the time that i spent walking away#mainly because i knew only like one other coworker could see me doing it because only one other coworker could see where i was looking#and it was some girl ive never met and everyone else was occupied so i was like ok im just going to stare at him gayly wihle i leave#but if anyone ever decides to watch where my eyes go when he's in the room they could easily guess what's going on#god i want him
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pretty sure I’ve been hypomanic the last week or so and I’m not sure what to do about it
#weird to be hypomanic and extremely self isolating and avoidant of addresssing important things at the same time but here we are#i have no idea what fucking amalgamation of mental illnesses and whatever else is going on with me lately but it sure is alot#there is something very wrong with me and at this point i cant pinpoint it to any one thing it’s just. i think. a handful of things#that uhhh don’t work well together that’s for sure#i feel like I should maybe look up some stuff on comorbid bipolar II and autism cause that’s probably the best way to describe the totality#of whats going on with me#whatever it is it’s wrong there is something very very wrong with me#i need a therapist badly but guess what??? whatever’s fucking wrong with me has made me avoid looking at my email for like a week for no#god damn reason and I haven’t been able to make myself do anything important and applicable to myself in the Real World#again for literally no fuckign reason and it’s just making things progressively worse cause they stack up and ssome of those things can/will#piss off my mom who I also want to avoid but I can’t because if I don’t pick up the phone the second time she calls she will call my#roommate and threaten to call the police basically#so#that’s where I’m at#this is the first time I’ve ever ghosted literally everyone before though. that’s new. really funny how that works. self isolation is#probably driving me literally insane but for whatever reason my brain says Aha what if you distanced yourself even more? even from people#you don’t see in real life? what if you put all your effort and thoughts into one topic and obsess over it for god knows how long to the#extent of not wanting to do anything else basically but shit related to that special interest or whatever it is#it’s so funny that I’ve literally not hung out with friends at all in real life nor made any new friends irl this entire year#like literally. literally I do not have friends. that’s so wild cause I’ve been saying this for literally months and it never changes#anyway I’m probably gonnna go back to frantically writing notes on this one topic and neglecting all communication and responsibilities#so. yeah#kibumblabs#I need serious help. i wish I had people around me who cared enough to make me get it#i wish I didn’t have to do literally everything myself#my ‘bf’ (if you can call him that. i doubt it at this point for several reasons) hasn’t spoken to me nor I to him in I don’t even know how l#long now and my radio silence on discord and texts doesn’t seem to matter to him. i could be dead for all he knows lol#he doesn’t care he has other people now.#no one else I know irl reaches out and if they did I’d probably not answer for no reason. i guess because I love sabotaging myself#it’s great. I’m great.
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Ok, the boss is no more! There were some super stressful moments but surprisingly we all survived o:
My animal companion got hit with disintegrate, but we had hero points to make him avoid it. I would cry actually, because disintegrate means no resurrection x_x
The war is prevented! At least this one, because Cayden's party is right at the center of a much bigger one just starting. Today we saved the country. Cayden is trying to not even save the whole world, just maybe slow the whole thing down and save as much people as possible...
#majek says shit#I have the diamond for a raise animal companion spell but it can only be used if you have a body and even then there are restrictions#and Kela wouldn't even know about it until after the fight because she got trapped between a wall of force and a stone golem?#or a stone Big Humanoid Fucker idk what that technically was but it would've killed me pretty fast#and it all was in an area of supernatural darkness emanating from the powergamer's character...#which interfered with so much of everyone else's actions and we even addressed it before the session that it's a bad idea to cast this#but its ok because HE will be able to see through it and HE won't be targeted easily:))))#he also almost ended the encounter in the first round of proper combat...#by using mechanics so outrageous but technically ambiguous enough that our GM can't deny them by using only RAW...#and he prefers to settle arguments by going as RAW as possible...#and it wasn't a problem until now when we have a player who exploits to an actually unbelievable extent#we shared our character sheets online yesterday and I finally saw his... still have no idea how the character works#because like half the stuff is custom and missing from the app#he has 9 AC in the app and allegedly 32 AC before buffs...#and the GM says the math checks out but 1. nobody saw that math besides him and 2. so far he trusted that player without too much questions#and only recently he actually realised he's been manipulated multiple times when me and some others started dismantling that players actions#I so hope this was the last session with that person#the worst thing is I think he's an ok guy when I'm not playing any kind of game with him#and I understand different people find enjoyment in different aspects of games - his being figuring out how far he can go with the rules#and there are whole groups of people who like to play like that and enjoy the challenge of making the most broken “build” possible#but the rest of the group are not that kind of people. maybe some like to have fun with researching what's possible#but it's never the purpose of the game and these things dont find their way into the actual game#I'm actually considering the possibility of just leaving the campaign if he stays there... I know I whine a lot in the tags#about different players that get on my nerves for various reasons. it sounds like I'm never happy about anything#but our group is big and we play together as a friend group in 4 different campaigns now (I'm in 3 of them)#and every one of these smaller groups has it's issues. sometimes it's the characters not matching and sometimes different expectations#or interpersonal stuff that can be worked out. this here is not a group composition issue because the powergaming attitude is everywhere#it's impossible to talk casually between sessions and confronting the guy leads to like actual temper tantrums#literally said “the fuck do I care if the party dies I'm not gonna be useful anymore” after the GM gave him feedback to maybe ease it up#he never says things like that when the gm or me are present but we still get info. he just can't be confronted by the gm like that
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12:03 pm — gojo satoru
synopsis. gojo tries to convince his first years that he was able to pull you.
contents. fluff, crack??, whipped!gojo, mentions of having a kid, he is SO in love with his wife it's disgusting, the first years are sick of their teacher
“[name] sensei is a good looking woman, isn’t she?” yuji remarked, nonchalantly propping his feet up on the desk. “you think so too, right gojo sensei?”
a sly smile played on the corners of gojo's lips, eventually blossoming into a wide, dreamy grin. “good eye yuji! she's undeniably the most beautiful woman on this planet.”
megumi, seated at the desk beside yuji, couldn't hide his grimace.
nobara's expression mirrored that of a disgruntled sea urchin. “dream big, you two. she’s way outta both of your leagues.”
“she is, isn’t she?” gojo sighs dreamily, his gaze far away. a dopey grin settles over his face; like a man walking on air. it was deeply unsettling to the first years to see a grown man behave this way.
megumi rolled his eyes and muttered his disapproval, choosing to ignore his sensei, who had casually seated himself backwards on a chair.
gojo propped his chin with both of his palms, leaning closer into the first years students. “do you think i’d stand a chance with a woman like her?”
megumi buried his face in his hands, audibly groaning in response.
“a sensible woman like that and you? fat chance.” nobara deadpanned, squinting disapprovingly at her teacher. her negative comments elicit a grunt from the snow-haired man.
yuji’s eyes flit nervously from kugisaki to gojo.
“sensei! i think you have a chance with [name] sensei!” yuji tried to reassure his white haired teacher, offering a thumbs-up. gojo responded by affectionately ruffling yuji’s hair.
megumi couldn’t help but speak up. “she’s a married woman, you know,” he mutters to his friend.
yuji’s eyes widened, “you’re kidding! who do you think got the honor?”
“but she’s so young!” kugisaki exclaimed, slamming her hand on the table.
their discussion is cut short when the shoji doors of the classroom slide open abruptly.
with hands on your hips, you stood sternly before your first year students and their teacher, an air of authority about you.
satoru couldn't help but gulp; you were indeed captivating when you were upset. it’s not his fault that you look so cute when your eyebrows furrow and you puff up in anger.
“i waited for half an hour in the courtyard to start today’s lesson and yet here i find my students, along with their sensei who should be in kyoto for a meeting.” a wry smile graced your lips, sending a chill down everyone’s spine. the three first years bowed their heads in shame.
yuji thinks this is the first time he’s seen his teacher nervous. a bead of sweat appears on the side of gojo’s face.
“honey!” he quickly stands up and walks towards you. with every step he takes, nobara’s face scrunches up at his disgusting conduct.
“don’t.” you warned, raising a finger up to keep satoru at an arm’s length. he respected your wishes to some extent, grasping your hand and placing it within the hold of his own. the diamond on your ring finger glistened as satoru toyed with it.
gasps filled the room as yuji and nobara observed the display of affection. just how inappropriate could their sensei get, and why were you allowing it? what would your husband think?
satoru tenderly caressed your hand in his, cradling it as he leaned in closer. “please forgive me; it was an honest mistake.”
“honest mistake my ass. yaga told me that this is the second meeting you’ve skipped out this month,” you stated, peering fiercely into his blindfolded eyes. satoru’s cocky demeanor wavered, replaced by a nervous chuckle.
“the first time was when i took you to naha, remember?” he wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. “and if i remember correctly, you enjoyed our night out,” your eyes widened, recalling the romantic trip satoru had organized.
feeling the heat rise to your cheeks, you attempted to pull away, but his grip on your hand tightened.
“forgive me?” his voice softened, lips curving downward, giving him the appearance of a dejected kitten.
a sigh escapes your lips. he was going to be the death of you.
“fine. but this is the last time,” you warned, “and you owe me for covering for you.”
satoru straightened up, nodding fervently. “have i mentioned how much i love you?” wrapping an arm around you, he placed a kiss on the top of your head, despite your futile attempts to stop him.
“this is…” yuji’s jaw dropped.
“so inappropriate! shame on you!” nobara’s chair makes a harsh screech with how fast she leaves it to come to your aid.
“kugisaki–” you attempted to calm her down, but she clung to your elbow, desperately trying to pry you from satoru’s embrace.
satoru’s hold on you tightened as he wrapped his other arm around your frame, pulling you close. he plops his chin on top of your head and resists nobara’s attempts to free you. like hell he’s letting anybody take his girl, not even his own student.
“crushing on a married woman is one thing, but to openly flirt with her– ” kugisaki struggled. you tilt your head in confusion.
satoru’s strong arms flexed as he fought to maintain his hold on you. he nuzzled your neck. “’m fine right here,” he inhaled deeply, as if trying to take in as much of you as possible.
“[name] sensei! how can you stand there and let this man disrespect your marriage?!” nobara implored, wide-eyed, disregarding all respect she had for her teacher. “how will your husband react when he finds how gojo sensei behaves around you?” she looks desperate, and you want to laugh at the sincerity behind her actions. you get it now.
only your idiot husband would pull a stunt like this.
“i hope your husband can fight because i’m willing to fight him to the death for your hand,” satoru mutters from your neck. you take your hand from nobara’s shoulders to shove the six-foot-three giant away.
“you seriously didn’t tell them, satoru?” you ignored his whiney protests as you created distance between the two of you.
“tell us what?” kugisaki demanded. yuji was on the edge of his seat, nervously watching the unfolding scene, while megumi put his head down in embarrassment.
satoru looks at you with a deep frown on his face. uncertainty clouds your mind as his silence forebodes something. wetting his lips with his tongue, he quickly closed the gap between you, too fast for you to escape. a secure hand rested on your lower waist as your husband dipped you down to deepen the kiss.
had you not been so absorbed into the kiss, you would have heard the scandalized gasps from your students.
you managed to place a hand on his chest to separate yourselves, “satoru, stop.” his eyes remained fixed on your lips, but he complied.
“yuji, nobara.. satoru and i are–” you hold up your ring finger for display.
“happily married!” your husband finished for you, a triumphant smile on his face. he squeezed you close, throwing up a peace sign. “been madly in love since i met her!”
“what– no way! you pulled her?!” nobara spluttered, head whipping from satoru to you, unable to wrap her mind around the revelation.
yuji’s jaw is still on the floor, “megumi, you knew about this?!”
the sea urchin looks the other direction, avoiding his friends’ judgemental gazes.
“they… raised me.. sorta..” he mumbles under his breath. your heart melts at his confession. unlike you, the other first years don't take too kindly to his comment, as they start shaking him by the shoulder and starting their own interrogation.
“and we did a good job too! don’t you think we’re ready for our own?” satoru smiles down at you jokingly, his hands snaking around your waist and his hands sneaking onto your stomach. he leaves a couple of soft pats.
“you’re cuter when you’re quiet, y’know?” you whispered. taking advantage of your students' attention on megumi, you place a single finger on his lips, hoping your husband does not notice the way your face feels like it is on fire.
he does.
“no need to be shy now,” satoru said, grinning wolfishly, “we’ll continue this at home.”
your face flushes even deeper.
unbeknownst to you, the first years had fallen silent, observing how gojo whispered in your ear, successfully turning you into a flustered mess. perhaps they should give more credit to their sensei.
notes. not proof read (oh no). this was just a random scenario that has been plaguing my mind during halloweekend so i typed it on my phone at a party LOL this is me desperately trying to get out of my writing slump
#kt.writes.·:*¨༺#gojo x reader#gojo satoru x reader#gojo fluff#gojo satoru x you#gojou satoru x reader#gojou satoru x you#jjk fluff#gojo satoru x y/n#jujutsu kaisen fluff#jjk x reader#gojou x reader
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A list of things I’m frustrated by:
#1. my right skate won’t fucking tighten right it’s being stiff so I can’t skate properly again. they don’t fit right but I can’t do shit now#2. I’m not enjoying ice hockey as much right now bc of that and the people being. not annoying but. I’m disconnected from them#3. feeling disconnected from everything because of the residual barriers I put up but also the ones are just There bc of outside forces.#4. of them the disconnect that comes from not like loud music/crowds/drinking when you’re at uni.#5. the fact that the friends I have most access to I largely don’t like that much bc half are straight and southern and rich and annoying#6. the fact that a different group of friends basically just stopped talking to me and honestly didn’t really want me around that much anywa#7. the fact I don’t care that much about that. any of that. and I’m not Cool with not talking to them anymore but it’s just Happened yknow#8. the fact that’s a significant portion of the queer people I know here. and the others aren’t people I’m anywhere near as close to.#9. the way it’s my third year here and a bunch of people are graduating and opportunities to meet new people went to hell like two years ago#10. i Can meet new people and in fact am even now but everything is so much effort#11. how that’s probably how it’s gonna be the rest of my life bc being an adult sucks. I’ll get Maybe one more shot at meeting a bunch of#people quickly if I do a phd and move but that’s hellish for other reasons and I lose a lot in doing that. but I lose a lot no matter what#12. graduating sucks and so many of my friends are doing it this year. I’m not but next year will suck bc of flatmates and everyone missing#13. feeling on the edge of hockey friends bc they’re fucking hockey players and make dumb fucking jokes. and how I can’t do that#14. anxious isolated gay boy I was never gonna be cool with that and there was never any way I could’ve been on the team#15. the fact I decided not to go for the team partly bc of that and the fact I dont regret that decision. bc I like ice hockey but I couldnt#17. knowing the answers to most of my problems bc I’m at That point where I have the self awareness and maturity to some extent to see#exactly what’s going on and what’s up with it and the right way to go about things. and still feeling the fucking feelings anyway#18. the weird fucking position I occupy both w queerness and the north/south thing weirdly where I’m gay+northern + surrounded by Not#and neither feel like they belong to me. distinctly Other but not in the right way and both sides see that. always a little off#19. being socially aware enough to see exactly where things are awkward or done badly but not knowing in the moment how to make it Not#20. the way the shit The Asshole said abt my anxiety has stuck with me so much and I still think abt it all the time#21. the way he was my fucking first. a lot. and then did That to me and there’s been nobody since and that’s fine but see point 17#22. the way shit is slow to fade both with Him and current guy (very different things that are fading) even though both are fucking dumb#23. current guy being the fourth and should know bettering and knowing that’s bullshit too and I hate it. gonna start biting#24. not having the means time or opportunity to meet other people instead. and feeling dumb abt wanting to. and abt not doing some stuff#25. the fact this list is long enough that I’m gonna run out of tags and there’s still more but it’s 4am and I’m done#luke.txt#I’ll be fine once I’ve slept on it all. I should do something abt this probably but idk what right now and I should sleep mostly so. night!!
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