EAT ME UP - JAKE SIM
โ synopsis: in which jake knows youโre bad for him, but he just canโt help himself. after all, in the end, the answer is always you. nobody else matters. not even the guy youโre seeing, his friend, sunghoon.
โ word count: 20.1k
โ warnings: cursing, cheating, sexual relationships, mental health problems, alcohol problems, no smut but things can get heated, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!!
โ featuring: sunghoon, heeseung, jay, aespa ningning, a bit of riize wonbin, mentions of zb1 matthew, girl named ella (fictional)
โ genre: fwb, angst, bits of fluff, unrequited love, jake x fem!reader x sunghoon
โ playlist: sex - eden, fever - enhypen, bad idea right? - olivia rodrigo, whyโd you only call me when youโre high? - arctic monkeys, cologne - beabadoobee, heartbeat - childish gambino
โ a/n: this is 100% fiction i donโt think jake is/would be a cheater. this was a monster to complete im just glad itโs over with lol
โ taglist: @yyawnjun @lovingvoidgoatee @capri-cuntz
i. HOW DARE YOU, BABY
Sweat formed on your forehead as condensation dripped down your cup. The heat of 30 bodies all condensed into a two bedroom house located just off of campus wasnโt anything newโ yet this time it felt almost suffocating. The sequins on your red dress scratched against your skin while you lazily danced to the loud music blasting through the house. It was a Friday night. You had to let all your stress from the week out somehow.
As you went to take another drink from the red solo cup in your left hand, your lips were met with only small remnants of the drink you had poured for yourself earlier. You looked into the cup to find nothing remaining. Rolling your eyes, you made sure to motion to your friend, Ningning, that youโd be headed to the kitchen to get yourself another drink. She nodded at you as you walked away.
Ningning wasnโt someone you could consider yourself best friends with. You didnโt have those. However, she was good for coming to parties with; she knew who to talk to and what to say. You always wanted to be closer to the girl, craving an actual bond between you two rather than just a party buddy. She gave good advice, let you stay over at her apartment multiple times, and seemed to actually care for you, even if you werenโt an open book. There had been times in which youโd almost let her in.ย
But it never actually happened. Deep down, you knew itโd probably be no good for you anyways.
Strands of hair stuck to the sweat on your forehead as you weaved your way through unfamiliar faces. The noise usually was a comfort for you; more talking from other people meant less listening to your own thoughts.ย
The surrounding music and conversations became a blur as you stumbled your way through a hallway that led to the kitchen on the left hand side. As you walked through the doorway, the noises became slightly more quiet.
You put some distance between the entrance to the room and yourself, finding a corner which was relatively empty and hoisting yourself onto the cool countertop. The second your thighs felt the chilliness of the spot, you let out a deep sigh. You glanced around the room for any familiar faces, but you were slightly too intoxicated to really make out anyone relevant. You rested your head against the wall for a few seconds before leaving your spot and walking up to the โbartenderโ who was manning the makeshift โbarโ. He was someone youโd seen in passing a couple times off campus. You couldnโt remember his name, and you werenโt sure if it was because you were drunk or not.
โHey again,โ he smiled at you. This was probably your eighth drink of the night, and even though Ningning nagged on you about your lack of self control when it came to drinking, you always brushed her off. How would she know whatโs good for you, anyways?
You looked at him with a half-assed smile before propping your elbows onto the top of the makeshift bar, โHeyyy..โ you drawled out, with a hint of flirting in your tone.ย
โBack so soon?โ He inquired, grabbing some alcoholic drinks from underneath the โbarโ. He ran a hand through his raven-colored hair before looking back up at you, โI swore I just saw you ten minutes ago.โ
He was a really good-looking guy. You gave him a flirtatious look, โOh, you know me. Couldnโt stay away for too long.โย
That was a lie. You knew that as the night started, youโd tell yourself โonly one drink, to loosen up my mindโ. But that never stuck around. Youโd get another drink soon after, and as the night went on, there would be less time between each drink. You lost count of what number drink you were on a bit ago.
โYou flatter me. Itโs a shame, we never exchange much outside of parties. Iโve never met anyone as forward as you,โ he laughed, then asking, โsame thing as last time?โ
You paused. You couldnโt remember what you got last time, and it was only ten minutes ago. Maybe this was your sign to stop for the night.
โVodka tonic.โ
The man nodded swiftly then turned around to make you your drink. Within moments, the drink was ready. You didnโt fail to notice how his hand brushed yours for longer than you expected while he handed you your drink.
โDonโt get sick, sweetheart.โ
You playfully rolled your eyes as you got up from your spot, not failing to give the cute bartender a flirty wave as you headed back towards the entranceway to the room.
Before stepping out, you decided that you needed to just drink all of what was just given to you. The clock on the microwave had read 1:08 AM. You had nothing going on later today anyways. You may as well.
โBottoms up,โ you whispered before drinking the whole cup.ย
Stepping back into the haze of the crowd, you felt a new wave of warmth through your body, and this time it wasnโt the claustrophobic feeling of being in a group of unfamiliar faces. The alcohol quickly dispersed through your veins and you found yourself back where youโd last seen Ningning.ย
She was with a new crowd of people, but she hadnโt left her previous spot. You didnโt recognize a single face of the people who she was with, but as soon as you began to back away to find anyone else, she noticed you from the corner of her eye and introduced you to the group of people.
โY/N! There you are,โ she grabbed your arm and pulled you towards the group of people that sheโd found, โguys, this is Y/N, Y/N, these are my friends from my journalism class.โ
You were too busy not paying attention to engage in whoever was supposed to be filling the void of conversation. The vodka tonic was still working its magic, so in a quick moment, you were slipping away from the group and telling Ningning something along the lines of โIโll see you laterโ. She gave you a confused look but didnโt push.
You found yourself down that same hallway as earlier, but this time you decided to take a right, which led you to a set of stairs. You usually werenโt one for snooping, but whatโs wrong with poking around peopleโs houses every once in a while?
It was eerily quiet as you made your way up the stairs, the ambiance from the party dwindling down with every step you took upwards. At the landing, there was a hallway and three rooms: two bedrooms and one bathroom.ย
The hallway was narrow and dark; clearly, the host(s) had no intent of guests going up here. The bedroom at the end of the hallway was shut, and you were 99% sure that it was occupied by two random strangers hooking up. You couldnโt be too hateful, though, because you were also notorious for leaving parties with men you barely knew. Tonight, you werenโt sure if that was a goal you had in mind.
Next to the shut-doored bedroom, there was an unoccupied bathroom. You were surprised that you werenโt currently in there, hurling up every drink you downed tonight.
You finally brought your gaze to the room directly in front of you- it was the last bed room. The door was wide open and the lights were off, but there was a large window with its curtains drawn open despite the time of night. The window gave you a perspective of how late it was; even if the room was not lit by any electric lights, the moonlight was bright enough for you to make out a few items in the room.
Despite you telling yourself not to, you were so drawn in by the window that you ended up venturing into the room. You didnโt bother flipping on any light switches or anything, it would just be a quick peek anyways.ย
You wandered around the room a bit, taking note of a messy bed, an old desk, and a body-length mirror. You stopped in front of the mirror for a second to look at yourself. Your makeup was surprisingly still intact given how sweaty you had been the whole night, and your dress had something stained on the bottom of it. Someone probably spilled some drink on it and you had already forgotten.
Shaking your head, you headed to the window next. It was a window seat. You welcomed yourself into the center spot.ย
The window had a direct view of the backyard. It was a cold, gloomy night, so there was a lack of presence outside of the house. You pressed your burning cheek against the cool glass and brought your opposite hand to your forehead, cursing yourself. The rush from your last drink was already wearing off. You needed another drink.
You begrudgingly hoisted yourself up from your spot and stood. The doorway looked less enticing with every step. As you walked closer to the door, you caught sight of a figure coming up the steps. You wouldnโt have enough time to leave the room without being caught for snooping. As shit as this party was, you didnโt want to get kicked out.
You did the next best thing and you crouched down right next to the bed, out of sight of the doorway.
The figure quickly entered the room and shut the door quietly before sitting at the foot of the bed, facing the window. If this person turned their head slightly to the left, youโd be spotted. You held your breath.
The person got up and walked to the window seat, not yet sitting down. You got a good look at them, as their face was lit up by the moonlight.
He was around your age, donned in a pair of black cargo pants and a white hoodie. Youโd never seen him before. He had a certain curious nature about him, not only because he was unknown to you, but because he was someone was just as passive as you were at this party.
The man let out an exasperated sigh, eyes not once leaving the nighttime view. He took off his sweatshirt to reveal a plain black T-shirt, it hugging his figure nicely as he tossed his sweatshirt just somewhere else in the room. You watched the sweatshirt land with aย thudย before you brought your attention back to the man, who was now opening the window to let in a cold breeze.
He let in a deep breath before turning his head towards the empty room, or to what he thought was an empty room.
When heโd opened the window, itโd let more moonlight spill into the room, revealing you from your not-so-secret hiding spot. Once he laid his eyes on you, you both looked like a deer in headlights.
โHello?โ He asked, confused.
You cleared your throat, โHi. I swear I wasnโt stalking you.โ You picked yourself up off of the floor, and sent him an awkward look.
โWait, you donโt need to leave.โ
You thought about it before deciding to either leave and go get another drink, or stay and talk to the stranger. You didnโt need another drink. You knew your body could only take so many more until youโd be unable to be conscious of anything. Plus, you always met new men at these parties, and usually ended up leaving with them. Whatโs the harm in getting to know a stranger rather than having just a one night stand with them?
You sat yourself down on the bed, facing the stranger. A moment of silence ensued before it was broken by him.
โI donโt think Iโve ever seen you before.โ
You nodded, meeting his gaze, โYeah, me neither. My name is Y/N.โ
โJake,โ he returned, positioning himself so he could see you better, โwhat brings you up here?โ
You quickly became defensive, โI usually donโt go and snoop around at parties if thatโs what youโre insinuating-โ
โNo, no, no! Thatโs- thatโs not at all what I meant,โ Jake started, straightening himself, โItโs just that when I take a break from a large group of people, I donโt usually expect to find someone else off where I usually hide.โ
You gave him an odd look, โWhy do you go to parties if you only go hide, then?โ You ran your fingers through a section of your hair, keeping your front strong.
โI like parties, donโt get me wrong,โ he begins, getting up from the window seat. He closes and locks the window as he continues, โitโs just that sometimes, when Iโm dragged to them against my own will, they lose any sort of fun that they have. May I?โ He had made his way to the spot next to you on the bed, not yet sitting down because he wanted to test the waters first. You nodded, scooting over to make room for him. He sat down next to you, using both of his hands to lean on rather than sitting normally.
โI understand. I was just up here for that same reason, I guess. Not really,โ you admitted, shrugging and then turning to the boy next to you, propping your hand on the bed towards him.
The amount of moonlight in the room had been lessened due to the fact that Jake closed the window, but his features will still well illustrated. He had big, wondrous eyes, and a full set of lips. His hair was long and unkempt- obviously messy from the heat of the party. You felt overdressed for the occasion in his presence, yet in a sense you still had enough pride to wear your skimpy dress even in the cold months of winter. You didnโt fail to notice how his eyes lingered on your lips as you studied him.
Lifting his gaze from your lips back to your eyes, he slowly responded, โYeah. I know how you feel.โ
You licked your lips before leaning in slightly closer to him, โDo you?โ His eyes fell back down to your lips as you slightly held a pout after you asked him the taunting question. He let out a shaky sigh as the distance between you two decreased, and you felt his hot breath on your lips.
Jake had brought one of his hands towards your almost-exposed thigh and hovered over it until you took your own hand and placed his right on your thigh. Almost immediately, you grabbed his face and pulled him in for a kiss.
The kiss was hot, messy, and desperate. Jake repositioned himself so he could hold your waist, and you took the opportunity to move your hands to the nape of his neck. He tasted like alcohol, as did all of your hookups. You knew he was bound to be one the second he sat on the bed, but you didnโt mind. You welcomed him with open arms (and legs).
It was intoxicating. Alcohol aside, you felt a strange new feeling bubble in your chest while the two of you were kissing. You pulled him even closer, signaling that you wanted more.
He moved his hand from your thigh to your ass, grabbing it, which caused you to groan into his mouth, only egging him on further.
Moments later, a knock came from the bedroom door, separating you two. He motioned for you to hide on the floor next to the bed (ironically the exact spot he had found you in earlier) while he went to open the door.
He half-heartedly fixed his hair that youโd somehow made worse from when you first found him, straightened his clothes, and opened the door.
โMatthew? Whatโs up, man?โ He greeted. It sounded like the two knew each other.
โHey, Jake. I just wanted to come in here and make sure no one was getting busy on my bed, because the door was shut. I was mad worried, yโknow?โ โMatthewโ laughed air-headedly, Jake joining in.
โYeah, I get it. But nah, nothing going on up here! I just needed a break from the noise, you know me,โ Jake sent back, to which Matthew laughed and said, โYeah man, itโs chill. Keep my room safe, okay?โ
The two men did some sort of handshake before Jake closed the door again.ย
He wasted no time in closing the distance between you two again, asking, โWhere were we?โ
You slightly pushed him away, giving him a flirty look before crossing your way to the door, โWe should probably leave.โ You went to open the door, but Jake caught your wrist.
โAre you leaving? Like, the party?โ He asked as nonchalantly as possible, but you could hear the desperation seeping through his words. You nodded, finally opening the door for the two of you.
โOh, okay, cool. See you around, then?โ Jake asked as you began descending the steps. You stopped in your tracks and turned around to meet his gaze, โWhat? Do you think youโre going to stay here? I thought that we had something to finish.โ
Jake quickly got the hint as he stumbled (semi-awkwardly) down the steps towards you, following you as you went to find Ningning to tell her you were leaving with a boy.ย
You found her figure quickly, still drinking and still surrounded by the group you had last seen her with. When you tapped her shoulder, she quickly whipped around to find you and give you a smile. When she saw Jake, an indecipherable look plastered its way onto her face before she returned her gaze to you and gave you a hug. After the embrace, she whispered, โBe safe. Text me if you need me.โ
You gave her a reassuring smile before grabbing Jakeโs hand and leading him to the door of the house.
ii. HOURS LIKE MINUTES
That wasnโt the last time you and Jake ended up hooking up, in fact you had seen each other on the regular about a month or so into the endeavor.ย
You wanted to say that you knew who Jake was, but that would be a lie. You didnโt know much about him past his name and where he lived, and to be frank, you didnโt really care to. Sure, he was one of the more fun hookups, but after all, he was just a hookup. Nothing more. You assumed he felt the same way. You were terribly mistaken.
A couple months ago, a day or two after your most recent hookup, Jake had told you he wanted to talk to you. You agreed, figuring it was a harmless conversation that needed to be had, about scheduling or him being out of town for a bit.
When you arrived at his house on that fateful day, he greeted you at the front door, looking more cheerful than he usually was when he saw you. You walked in his apartment to find it empty, as usual, and he led you to the couch.ย
It started off casual and harmless. You had mentioned wanting to watch a certain movie in passing once, and he had rented it so you could watch it together. You assumed it would be a classic โmovie and chillโ moment with him. Youโd done it before, you wouldnโt be surprised if it were to happen again.
However, as the movie progressed, neither of you had made any advances, which was odd for the two of you.ย
Thirty minutes in, nothing.
An hour in, nothing
An hour and a half in, nothing.
Finally, the movie eventually came to an end and still, as expected, nothing had happened.
As the credits rolled, Jake muted the TV and turned to you, โSoโฆ? Whatโd you think?โ
You sat there and looked at him. For a good thirty seconds, at that. Saying nothing. Just looking. Jake began to look uneasy, gulping and asking, โWas it worth the watch?โ
You finally answered him, โIt was good, I guess. Nothing special.โ
He looked slightly deflated but still kept up a happy demeanor, โCool, cool. I thought so too.โ
A silence consumed you two as you just looked at him. He was fidgeting, looking anywhere in the room but at you. Youโd never seen him this blatantly nervous before, albeit most of the times youโd seen him, you were both intoxicated to some degree.ย
โWell,โ you started, rising from your spot, โI guess Iโll get going then.โ
Jake immediately rose from his spot, surprising you. He seemed anxious, quickly saying, โWhy? Do you have somewhere to be?โ
โNo,โ you told him, still gathering your things. You didnโt care if this hurt his feelings, you guys were fuck-buddies and nothing else. There was no time or room for any sort of relationship, nor any activities that could even barely resemble a date.
โOhโฆ then why are you leaving so soon?โ
You stopped packing up the bag you brought over and stared at him before responding, โJake, you asked me to come over to talk about something with you, and I get here, and what do you do? Put on some damn movie. Well, the movieโs over now, and you still look like you have no intent of even bringing up what you supposedly called me over to talk about. So Iโm leaving.โ
Jake walked over to you quickly and grabbed your wrist. Out of habit, you pulled it away, telling him that you werenโt in the mood.
โListen, Y/N. Will you please just sit down and hear me out for like ten minutes?โ He pleaded, and when you met his gaze, you sighed but gave in, โFine. Ten minutes, and then Iโm leaving.โ
He motioned for you to sit back down, and once you did he followed suit.ย
โY/N,โ Jake started. The way he said your name sent chills down your spine. You had never heard him use a voice so serious, not even during sex. No matter how his voice made you feel, though, you made sure to keep a blank face as you listened to him.
โI probably shouldnโt even be doing this, to be honest. But, here goes nothing, I guess. Y/N, I donโt know at what exact point that this happened, but I developed feelings for you. Like genuine feelings. At some point, I stopped caring about the sex and it eventually just started to grow into excitement to see you, make you laugh, or even see you in passing.โ
Seeing as you didnโt respond, he continued.
โThose talks we have before and after we hookup are some of my favorite moments. Youโre so beautiful, and every single thing you do sends me into a slight spiral because I wonder how I was so lucky to even get a chance to be around you. I donโt even know all that much about you, Y/N, but the fact that we only see each other to hookup drives me crazy. I know this is a lot, but Iโm just asking you to please, please give me a chance.โ
His face was bright red, and yours had stayed unfaltering. You werenโt stupid, you had some idea of how Jake felt for you, but you never wanted to feed into it. You knew you never saw him that way, and you were hoping he would just never acknowledge it so you could stay the way you two were.
Fate never liked to work out for you, though.
You cleared your throat before grabbing his hand and looking him in the eye, โJake. Youโre a sweet guy, and hooking up with you has been super fun. But Iโve told you before, I donโt really do relationships. And, if Iโm being honest with you, I really donโt feel that way towards you.โ
He looked as if he was a little boy and youโd just purposefully popped his favorite balloon.
Alas, you continued, โYouโre a great guy. But I donโt see you that way. Plus, Iโve told you before- I canโt keep hooking up with people if thereโs feelings involved.โ
He gulped again. This time, instead of nervousness, he looked like he was swallowing back tears.
โI think itโd be best if we stopped seeing each other.โ
You finally dropped the bomb on him, giving his hand one squeeze before dropping it. You grabbed your bag from the couch and slipped on your shoes, making your way out of his apartment. You didnโt have to look back at him to know he was upset.
That day was around four months ago now. Ever since that day, you hadnโt seen Jake, and had no intentions of seeing him.
It didnโt matter what he was up to anyways, youโd been seeing this new guy, Park Sunghoon, from your accounting class. You met a month or two ago after being partnered up for a project with two other people. Any time the group made plans to work on the project together, the other two people always made up some random excuse as to why they wouldnโt be there, so you and Sunghoon became close in a short time period.
Sunghoon was different from a lot of guys that youโd met. He was quiet, introverted, and majorly unreadable. He was an extremely popular guy, but he never let it get to his head. Sunghoon never just talked to talk, he always had something to say that was worth some sort of meaning. He was unbelievably attractive, too, so of course you two hooked up very early on. But what drew you in the most about Sunghoon was that he wasnโt like all your other fuck-buddies.ย
For one, you and Sunghoon had established a somewhat friendship before hooking up the first time, rather than just blindly meeting each other while fucked up at a party. Sunghoon wasnโt like the other guys.
Another reason he was different was because he knew his boundaries. He and you both knew when to stop, when to make sure you were treading the line between friends-with-benefits to having feelings, and how to leave you alone just enough to have you feeling the same lust every time you hooked up. Sunghoon wasnโt Jake. Jake never knew boundaries. He was blind and stupid. Sunghoon knew better.
You and Sunghoon had been seeing each other for some time now, but had never actually been to an outing together. Youโd met some of his friends; you were quite familiar with Heeseung. He and Ningning had been dating for about a month now, after going back and forth with each other for weeks on end prior to them getting together.
You were supposed to all have met at Heeseung and Sunghoonโs shared apartment at 6:30 PM, and you and Ningning had just arrived at 6:17 PM. She picked you up in her new car, offering to let you be the first person you drove in it. You took her up on the offer, and were even able to make it early to the apartment, which you were grateful for.
As you two unloaded yourselves from her car, you were met with a text from Sunghoon:
sunghoonย ๐จโบ๏ธ : hey are u guys oyw
You quickly sent him one back:
youย : yeah
youย : walking up to ur apartmentโs entrance rn actuallyย
Within a few seconds, you and Ningning were met with the sight of Heeseung. The boyโs apartment was on the third floor, and he had bounded all the way down the steps to meet you guys at the bottom landing.ย
โHello,โ Ningning offered, grabbing her boyfriendโs hand. He said nothing back as he took the two of you upstairs to the apartment, the door already open.ย
The next time you peeked at the clock was when you entered the doorway, and it read 6:22 PM. At the sound of you entering, Sunghoon left his bedroom and found you in the living room.
โYouโre here early,โ he teased, holding you from behind.
โYouโre so touchy,โ you craned your neck to look at him and found him already smiling at you.
โWhat, am I not allowed to be touchy with you? You of all people-โ you elbowed him lightly to get him to shut up before turning around in his grasp, โI never said I didnโt like it.โ
Sunghoon ruffled your hair before returning to his room. It seemed like Heeseung and Ningning had also retreated to his room for the time being, so you followed Sunghoon into his room.
When you walked in, he was putting some papers away into a desk, so you took the opportunity to immediately flop onto his bed. You werenโt worried about how your hair would look. You were only with Sunghoon, and you knew he had a comb laying around here somewhere.ย
He quickly made his way to his bed, leaning over you, โYou look nice.โ
โThanks, I try.โ
He sat down next to your figure and soon also flopped back. You wasted no time in turning towards him and messing with his hair, his ears, any part of his face that was accessible at the moment. Sunghoon kept swiping your hands away, soon getting tired of your antics and grabbing your wrists so you would stop. He evilly smiled at you, getting up so he could pin your hands down to the bed.ย
Suddenly, their doorbell buzzed. Sunghoon groaned as he got up from your playful wrestling match and told you to comb your hair before yelling, โComing!โ
You sat up and patted most of your hair down, but got up anyways to find the comb.
โI donโt need to comb my hair,โ you mumbled as you took a look at yourself in the mirror. As you turned to look at the back of your hair, though, you sighed in defeat, โokay, never mind, I do.โ
You started looking for the comb near his bed, and then his dresser, then near his desk, and you even peeked in his closet. It was nowhere to be found.
Maybe he hadnโt left it in his room? It was probably in the bathroom, which was all the way across the apartment. It was a bother to go get it, but you needed it. You grabbed your phone and small handbag that youโd brought to his room and ventured out into the apartment. From down the hallway, it sounded like the boys and Ningning had let in whoever else was joining you tonight, so even if you went to go get the comb, youโd need to meet them at some point anyways. May as well be now rather than never.
As you made your way into the living room, you saw the figures of Sunghoon, Heeseung, Ningning, and three other people. The three had their backs faced to you, so you couldnโt exactly tell who they were or what they looked like. Your entrance grabbed the attention of everyone, and you waved to the unfamiliar faces that you could see.ย
One of them was a boy, you couldnโt remember his name, but you knew youโd seen his face in pictures before. He was Sunghoonโs childhood friend or something along those lines. You would probably be better off not knowing his childhood friendโs name. Sure, Sunghoon was fun to mess around with, but you had to make sure neither of you treaded too closely to the โcatching feelingsโ line.
The other girl looked around your age, maybe a year younger. She was extremely pretty and had a beautiful smile. Her hair was long, black, and it cascaded down her back like a waterfall. You hated to admit it, but you were slightly envious of her. It didnโt matter, though, because you really had no interpersonal relationship. She was just some girl who youโd probably never see again.
The second you caught sight of the third figure, you felt your heart slightly drop. As soon as you made eye contact, you made a point to walk as quickly to the bathroom as you could. Suddenly you really needed that comb.
You trapped yourself in the bathroom for a minute or two, letting every thought you had ram into you like a freight train. You didnโt care that Sunghoon brought friends over. This wasnโt the first time youโd met some friends of his, and it wouldnโt be the last. You didnโt even care that out of all people, Jake was there. You didnโt ever see him that way, and seeing him tonight, after months, definitely wouldnโt change anything.
What you did mind, however, was that Jake and Sunghoonย knewย each other. Or, even worse, they were friends. You had every intention of never seeing Jake again after you cut things off, and majorly, until today, you were successful. And of course, against all odds, he was going out with you all tonight.
To be frank, you werenโt terrified of the idea of Jake returning to your life; he was a nice guy. You didnโt mind having him around as a โfriendโ back when you did regularly see him, but it was what went beyond that that drove you away. You were sure he wasnโt too thrilled to see you either.
It would be fine, though. As long as you both ignored what happened in the past, everything would blow over just fine. Plus, there was a chance that the unfamiliar girl was with him. It would be good for the both of you if he had moved on.
Moments later, you were met with a knock on the door, followed by Sunghoon saying, โEverything okay?โ
You unlocked the bathroom door and peeped your face through the crack, โAll good. Just, uh, canโt find the comb.โ
โHey, itโs okay, I have a spare,โ he tried to open the door, but you wouldnโt budge.
โPlease let me in my own bathroom.โ
This time you complied, shutting the door again after he entered, and he opened up the cabinet above the toilet to find his extra comb. Once located, he handed it over to you, watching you as you combed your hair in the mirror. He started, โAll ready?โ
You begrudgingly nodded and he exited the bathroom with you trailing behind.
Sunghoon led to you the group that was all now sitting on the couch and chairs surrounding his and Heeseungโs living room coffee table. You scanned the living area for a seat, noting that the only one available was on the other side of Jake. That idea was immediately scrapped. Once you stood next to Sunghoon, he introduced you to the group.
โEverybody, this is Y/N. Y/N, thatโs Jay,โ he pointed to the familiar boy from the pictures, โthatโs Ella,โ he motioned to the beautiful girl next to Jay, โand thatโs Jake. Ellaโs boyfriend.โ
You nodded and waved slowly at the new faces, making sure not to pay any mind to Jake at all. It didnโt matter if this action hurt his feelings, he had a girlfriend now. He could go cry to her about it.
โHi,โ you started, โnice to meet you all.โ
You finally decided to make eye contact with Jake after saying this, even if it wasnโt nice to meet him again. At least not in this situation. Immediately after locking eyes with you, Jake put his arm around Ellaโs shoulder.
Heeseung was the next person to speak:
โWho wants some alcohol?โ
The tension around the group began to dissipate when Heeseung got up to get the drinks, leaving his spot next to Ningning open. As you commandeered his spot, Sunghoon trailed behind you to stand behind the couch. He seemed to do that a lot.ย
You looked up at Sunghoon, saying, โSomeone should probably help Heeseung with the drinks.โ
He nodded, and Jay also quickly stood up to join the other two in the kitchen.
This left you, Ningning, and Ella. And Jake.ย
The couple quickly engaged in their own conversation before Ningning was able to elbow you in the side and whisper in your ear, โDidnโt you used to hook up with him?!โ
You nodded briefly, widening your eyes quickly at the situation. She sent you a sympathetic smile and put her hand on your knee. In the past few months, youโd let yourself become closer with Ningning, which was a blessing for you. Even if you werenโt all that close, you still had her as a friend. It definitely helped that her boyfriendโs roommate was the guy you were seeing.
In a quick moment, Jake also stood up and went to the kitchen to help with drinks. In a sense, you kind of missed him. Sure, you didnโt miss his clingy nature, or the fact that he was the reason that you two fell apart, but he really was a good guy. Of course, there were times when you also missed having him in bed with you.
Ella looked nervous and adjusted her dress โ a blue dress โ before giving you and Ningning an awkward smile. You doubt she knew about you and Jake, and was probably just an anxious person. Even if she did know, though, it didnโt matter. Because what you and Jake had was in the past.
Ningning broke the silence first, โSo, Ella, you and Jake? Howโs that going?โ
She smiled. God, she was absolutely stunning. You knew your own self value, but she was something else. She looked like the type of girl that beautiful poetry was written about. The blue dress she wore complimented her skin tone and brought out her best features. You had to give it to her, she really knew how to dress to the nines.
โItโs great,โ she fawned, taking a peek over at his figure in the kitchen, โweโve been dating for a couple months now, and heโs just so great.โ
โWow,โ Ningning replied, โIโm happy for you guys!โ
You nodded, adding, โHowโd you two meet?โ
โWe were at the same party and Jay set us up,โ she laughed, โI remember Jay telling me in our physics class that his โfriend needed a new slate for datingโ and how he knew I was single, so he set us up at a party! Iโm really happy he did, too.โ
The new slate for dating of course meant you. You had forgotten about Jay and Jake sharing an apartment together, and obviously because of that, Jay knew who you were and what you did to Jake. More like what had happened, but you cursed yourself for forgetting that Jay was someone that knew both Jake and Sunghoon.
โWell, congrats!โ Ningning smiled back at her, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. Ella had turned her back on you two to watch the boys make drinks again, and in that moment, Ningning gave you the biggest โwhat the fuck??โ look youโd ever seen in your life. You simply shrugged in return.
Not long after, the boys returned with drinks, ready for you all to pregame for the night ahead of you. You opted to just do straight Vodka shots with orange juice as a chaser to get yourself going. You watched Sunghoon take a few shots of Fireball before smiling at you and grabbing at your ears. That was a little habit you two had started doing: grabbing each otherโs ears to mess with the other. You kind of realized that it could come off as a bit flirty, so you tried to hold back on doing it often, but sometimes it came to you like a second nature.
โStop touching me,โ you whined at him, swatting his hands off your ears.ย
โI canโt help it,โ he cooed at you, โyou just look so cute.โ
Here it comes, flirty Sunghoon. It didnโt take very long for him to become tipsy, and when he did, heโd become a flirt. It was flattering, but when you were trying to get sloshed and you had him following you around like a dog, it could become extremely annoying.
You didnโt miss how Jake was watching you and Sunghoonโs interaction, even with Ella sitting right next to him.
Eventually, once everyone had finished pregaming, the Ubers to take you seven to the club had arrived at the apartment. You started grabbing your handbag and as you went to grab your phone, you realized youโd accidentally left it in the bathroom.
โDonโt wait up for me, Iโll just be a second,โ you said to Sunghoon and Ningning as you walked to the bathroom to get your phone. The two listened, so once you returned to the living space, you noticed that the only three people left in the apartment were, including you, Jake and Heeseung.
You made a beeline for the door, but Jake was quickly on your heels. Heeseung stayed back to lock up the apartment.
As you descended the steps attempting to avoid Jake, you failed, as he caught up to you and started a conversation, โHi.โ
โHey,โ you replied half-heartedly. Either Jake couldnโt tell that you didnโt want to talk or he simply didnโt care, because he continued:
โSo you and Sunghoon, huh?โ
He sounded a bit hurt, but you werenโt going to feed into it. You promptly replied, โYep. You have a girlfriend now, isnโt that crazy? How the times change.โ
Jake nodded awkwardly, gulping, and then starting again, โYeah, sheโs cool. Sheโs not you though.โ
You shook your head at him. It was unbelievable how much audacity he had to say that. Especially on the first day of seeing each other again. You cut him off for a reason, you reminded yourself.
โYep.โ
You ended the conversation there as you exited the apartment building, finding Sunghoon on the sidewalk. He gave you a confused look.
โDo you guys know each other?โ
You pondered for a second before replying:
โSomething like that.โ
iii. LIKE A CRIMINAL
Exactly one day later, you found yourself at Sunghoon and Heeseungโs apartment, looking for your fling. You two had made plans to go drive out to see some of your mutual friends, and he was going to meet you at his place, but you had beaten him there.
He had told you where the hidden key was located, because you were notorious for showing up unannounced, and especially in this occasion he trusted you to house sit. Plus, you had expected him to be home in about ten minutes, like heโd texted you.
What you didnโt expect was to see Jake lying on the couch when you walked in. His head immediately shot up when he heard you enter. You gave him an extremely confused look before saying, โIโm just gonna go to Sunghoonโs room and wait for him to get here.โ
You sped past him yet heard him say, โWait, Y/N!โ
You paid him no mind as you situated yourself on Sunghoonโs bed, lying down and pulling out your phone to text him:
youย : i broke in againย
Within moments, he replied:
sunghoonย ๐จโบ๏ธ : not surprised
sunghoonย ๐จโบ๏ธ : thereโs a car accident but im on my way
sunghoonย ๐จโบ๏ธ : itโs looking like itโll still be 10 mins though i will be speedy for u
youย : my hero! ๐ฎ๐ฎ
You put your phone down and you were met with the sight of Jake standing in Sunghoonโs doorway. As if on cue, you sighed. Itโd been a whole one day since you saw him last and he couldnโt leave you alone. It was like your own personal Hell.
You couldnโt deny that he looked really good though.ย
Jake approached you slowly and with caution, โSorry about what I said yesterday. About Ella not being you. It was weird, and I was tipsy, so Iโm sorry.โ
You raised your eyebrows at the man in front of you. You sat up and tilted your head at him, โYouโre.. forgiven.โ
He sent you a small smile before pulling up a chair to sit across from you on. You checked the time on your phone before looking back at him. It had to be only about eight-ish minutes until Sunghoon arrived.
Jake spoke next, โItโs nice to see you again.โ
You nodded at him, โItโs been a bit.โ
He smiled at you, โItโs definitely odd for me to see you with Sunghoon now, but heโs a good guy.โ
You shrugged, โI donโt know if you could consider him someone Iโm โwithโ right now, heโs kind of just a fuck-buddy. Heโs very sweet though, youโre right.โ
โHomie hopping, I see,โ Jake teased you from across the room. You hated to admit it, but you did really miss being around him. Youโd forgotten how he knew just how to press your buttons, tease you, and make you feel just as annoyed as you did lustful.
You playfully shoved his shoulder from across him.
โI miss us,โ you admitted, โnot because Iโm unhappy with Sunghoon, but having you around was always nice. Sometimes I wish we could go back to the way things were.โ
โI feel the same,โ Jake replied instantly. It was almost as if heโd been waiting for you to say that. However, before formulating his next sentence, he took a pause. His next sentence was barely spoken above a whisper:
โMaybe it could.โ
You furrowed your eyebrows at him. Did he say what you thought he did?ย
โWhat?โ
Jake slowly got closer to you, and you felt yourself transported back four months. God, he always knew how to make you feel weak in the knees. Sunghoon did too, but it was different. You had really liked messing around with Jake.ย
In the next moment, you could feel Jakeโs lips almost on your own. Your heart skipped a beat.
โMaybe it could,โ it was barely louder than last time, but this time it rung through your whole body. You found yourself grabbing one of his arms, almost feeding into the past with him.
You two broke apart as soon as you heard the door open. You motioned for Jake to hide behind the bed frame while you went to talk to Sunghoon, as he had just arrived. How ironic.
โHello, Y/N,โ he smiled, ruffling your hair slightly, โdid you miss me all too much?โ
โNot even a little bit,โ you teased, going up behind him and smacking his ass. He immediately whipped around and you slipped away and ran to the living room, laughing.
โYouโre such a bother,โ he cornered you between the table and the wall, ready to grab you whenever you decided to try and run away.
You screamed as he once again chased you, and once he finally caught you, he picked you up and took you to the couch.
โGet your shoes on,โ he ordered, โwe should probably get going soon.โ
You complied, rising from the couch and patting down your hair, โYouโre really good at messing up my hair,โ you complained sarcastically from across the room.
โDamn right, I am.โ
You slipped on your sneakers and met Sunghoon at the door of the apartment.
โReady to go?โ he asked, to which you nodded.
You both left the building and bounded down to his car outside of the apartment.
As you neared the car, you couldnโt push away the guilt that was eating you alive from what happened with Jake. Sure, you and Sunghoon werenโt exclusive or anything serious, but it still felt wrong in a way. You and Jake were meant to be left in the past.
Around five minutes later, you receive a text:
unknown numberย : hey
You stared at it, confused, before responding:
youย : who is this
The number wasted no time to respond:
unknown numberย : take a wild guess
unknown numberย : :)
You rolled your eyes, immediately knowing who it was, wondering how he obtained your number:
youย : jake how the fuck did you get my number
You swiftly changed the contact name, then waited for a response. Sunghoon looked over at you, โAre you good?โ
Caught off guard, you stumbled over your words, โYeah, yeah, Iโm goo- Iโm great. Why wouldnโt I be?โ He furrowed his eyebrows at you before turning his gaze back to the road, โYouโre a bad liar.โ
Suddenly, Jake responded:
do not answerย : doesnโt matter
do not answerย : i have a question though
You rolled your eyes, typing a response:
youย : what
As if on cue, he texted back:
do not answerย : what was that earlier
do not answerย : in sunghoonโs room
do not answerย : and do not fucking say nothing
You silently sighed and then formulated a message:
you : i donโt know, letโs just forget about it
His end went silent suddenly. You chewed your lip nervously, awaiting a response. You didnโt need one, you knew that. But knowing him, he wouldnโt let you have the last word. Especially not in this situation.
About an hour later, you received a final message:
do not answerย : can you meet me tonight
iv. A FIRE BURNS INSIDE ME
You knew you were making a big mistake. It was a horrible idea: agreeing to meet Jake in secret. You really didnโt know why you made such stupid decisions sometimes; it was like you were your own worst enemy.
But here you were, at 10pm, quietly knocking on Jakeโs apartment door. He had told you that Jay staying with his parents as he went to visit them out of town, and obviously there would be no trace of Ella there. You felt bad for the girl, knowing that you were meeting up with her boyfriend in private. Plus, with the whole bedroom incident earlier, you would need to tread lightly. You were going to make sure that nothing happened.
You waited at the door for another minute before Jake opened it quickly and ushered you in, โI have neighbors who know Ella, so I canโt have them getting the wrong idea if youโre here.โ
Right. Funny.
He shut the door behind you quickly, leading you to the couch in his living room. The last time you were on this couch was the last time you ever planned on seeing Jake.
You opted on taking a seat on one side of the couch after Jake sat himself on the other. He smiled at you from his spot, trying to ease your nerves about behind there alone with him.
โDo you want something to drink?โ He asked. He knew you well.
You smirked, โA glass of red wine would be lovely.โ
He got up from his seat on the couch and quickly made his way to the kitchen. Your eyes trailed his figure before it went out of sight. Taking a deep breath, you checked your phone, a couple messages dancing across your screen.
From Sunghoon:
sunghoonย ๐จโบ๏ธ : noย
sunghoonย ๐จโบ๏ธ : but i can try to work something out
From Ningning:
ningningย : okay i can pick you up if youโd like
From an attractive boy in your major:
wonbin parkย : yea i didnโt understand it either if that makes you feel any better
wonbin parkย : if you want to we could try to meet up with the professor for help
wonbin parkย : up to you tho
And from a childhood friend, Jungwon:
jungwonย ๐จ๐จ : u make such bad decisions y/nย
jungwonย ๐จ๐จ : if u still lived in town iโd come find u and strangle u idk
Jungwon was really calling you out. You knew he was right, you should probably just leave.ย
In the same breath, though, Jake did offer to give you a drink, and to at least be polite, you knew you should stay until you finish it.
Jake made his way back from the kitchen to find you, and he had two glasses of red wine and the wine bottle, both glasses in one hand and the bottle in the other. He placed your glass in front of you onto a coffee table with the bottle nearby and sat down with his own glass.
You took a sip before breaking the silence, โSo why did you call me over?โ
โI dunno,โ he answered, โI feel like we kind of have some catching up to do, I guess. Do you wanna watch something? A romcom, maybe?โ
โThatโs fine.โ You needed the background noise if you were going to talk to Jake anyways. You might go insane if you had to engage in conversation and give him your undivided attention.
For the first half hour of the film, no words were exchanged besides commentary about the plot. Once you two had finished a couple of drinks, the atmosphere lightened up, and you began to converse more freely.
โWhat do you really think about Sunghoon?โย
A question that Jake asked that had actually stuck out to you amongst his nonsense. You couldnโt pinpoint exactly why this question bothered you so much, but you answered anyways:
โHeโs a gentlemen. Great in bed, good friend, pretty funny. Sometimes I could see myself gaining feelings for him, but I seriously doubt thatโll happen. I just canโt go for fuck-buddies, yโknow?โ
Jake laughed, โI mean, I donโt know. Obviously.โ
You rolled your eyes playfully at him before reaching over and flicking his forehead, โKnock it off.โ
He made a swipe at your wrist but youโd pulled it away too quickly for him to grab. He slouched in his spot, teasing you while singing, โSorry..โ
You readjusted yourself on the couch before taking your turn to ask a question, โWhat do you really think of Ella?โ
At her name, Jake tensed up slightly. It was subtle, but enough of his body reacted for you to notice.
โHah.. about thatโฆโ he trailed off.
โWhat? What happened? You guys were literally all over each other yesterday,โ you nagged. It was true; Ella was gushing about Jake while she talked to you two, and when all of you went out, they never left the other personโs side.
โWe, uh, weโre on a break. Right now, I mean,โ he confessed, surprising you.
โWhat the hell? Why?โ you asked, almost accusatory, though you assumed the break happened due to Ella, but you couldnโt be sure. You grabbed the TV remote and paused the movie, wanting to actually listen to his story.
Jake sighed, โI really couldnโt tell you,โ he paused, taking a drink of the wine, โit was really sudden. It happened this morning.โ
โOh, Iโm so sorry. That really sucks,โ you comforted him, scooting closer to pat him on his knee. You let your hand rest there for a couple of seconds, and Jake puts his hand on top of yours.
โDonโt touch me,โ you teased, lightly hitting him on the shoulder.
โDonโt touch me!!โ Jake mocked you, now going for the side of your neck with a small jab.
โJake,โ you warned, playfully giving him a scowl. At this point, you had sat up on your knees, giving you a better range of motion to attack the man in front of you, and a better opportunity to dodge his attacks.
As you went to try and grab his waist for pressure points, he grabbed your wrists and pulled you closer to him, โJakeโฆ.โ He mocked, getting in your face to tease you.
The play fighting soon escalated into playful wrestling on his couch, mostly with Jake winning as he was much stronger than you.
At some point, he pushed you a little too hard and you landed with your back on the couch. Because he was holding your wrist at the moment, you took him with you on your small tumble, causing the man to be hovering inches away from your face.
His outer arm was propped up on the couch, caging you into your spot. He was still holding onto your wrist with his other hand. You could smell the wine on his breath, but it was ultimately overpowered by the scent of his cologne.ย
That goddamn cologne.
In an instant, you pushed your lips onto his. The kiss was fiery, sloppy, and hot. He tasted like alcohol. You didnโt even care.
Jake immediately leaned further into the kiss, his grip on your wrist loosening almost instantly. You felt him breathe a sigh through his nose, signifying that he had been anticipating,ย hopingย something that like this would happen.
You took this as a sign to continue. You brought your free hand to the nape of his neck, slightly running your fingers through his hair. Jake slightly groaned into your mouth before taking the hand that was holding your wrist and instead bringing it to the side of your face.
The alcohol coursed through your veins as you made your next move. Lust-driven, you pushed Jake slightly in the chest with your free hand and you both sat up, your lips temporarily leaving the otherโs.ย
As soon as you were both sat normally on the couch, Jake pulled you into his lap, his hands finding your waist. You brought your hands to his shoulders, one hand making its way to his upper back and the other one going to grab for his hair again.ย
Jake swiped his tongue on your bottom lip, and you immediately complied, opening your mouth to kiss him deeper. Jake gripped your waist tighter and pulled you closer to him, your bodies now touching. As he pulled you, you felt his bulge in his pants brush up against your lower regions, eliciting a whimper out of you. You pulled onto his hair harder.
Jakeโs hands slowly made their way from your waist to your torso, his cold hands slipping under your baggy shirt you wore, giving you goosebumps.ย
His breath made you crinkle your nose when you broke apart momentarily, his half-lidded eyes meeting yours. He began running a hand up and down your back, his eyes instead making their way down to your parted lips. Jake took his right hand from under your shirt and gently pushed your hair away from above your shoulder, exposing your neck and a part of your collarbone.
He met eyes with you again while leaning in, looking for your okay. You couldnโt even think straight, you had forgotten how much this man drove you crazy with lust. You just bit your lip and nodded, and he immediately started planting kisses on your neck, slowly bringing them further down your body, towards your collarbone and shoulder. At points, he would find your weak spots and kiss deeper, longer, and he would even suck on the skin.ย
You hated that he still remembered you well.
You guys were meant to be in the past.
What theย fuckย were you doing right now?
You tried getting his attention, though most of the words came out as whimpers because of what he was doing, โJakeโฆ Jake.โ
You moved your hands from his neck and back and placed them both on the top of his shoulders, slightly pushing him back. He detached himself from your neck and looked back at you with eyes that you didnโt know could contain that much lust.
โJakeโฆโ
Jake loosened his grip on your torso and dropped his hands back to your hips. His voice was husky as he replied, โYeah? Is everything okay?โ You could still smell the wine on his breath due to the proximity, making a point to remove your hands from his shoulders now.
You gulped at him, looking at him in the eyes with a concerned expression, โNo, no. Everythingโs not okay.โ
He tilted his head in confusion at you, signaling that he wanted you to continue, โWhatโs wrong, Y/N?โ
โUs, Jake. We shouldnโt be doing this. You and I both know this, I donโt know why I even agreed to come hereโฆโ you started rambling, taking Jakeโs hands off your hips and pulling yourself off his lap. You straightened out your clothes before pacing around his living room, searching for your shoes. You cursed yourself a million times.
โWhat? Y/N, what did I do?โ Jake sounded worried, getting up from the couch and following your body with his eyes.ย
You turned to face him, โJake. You and I both know damn well that โthisโ,โ you beckoned between the two of you, โshould not be happening.โ
โWhat do you mean?โ He started walking towards you, you now scampering away because you found your shoes. You needed to leave as soon as possible.
โAre you kidding me? What do you mean , โwhat do you mean?โ? Jake, you have a girlfriend. What the fuck are we doing?โ You sighed exasperated at him, slipping your shoes on in a quick manner.
โFuck,โ he said, running a hand through his hair, โfuck, Y/N. You know weโre on a break.โ
โThat doesnโt mean you should pounce on me at the first opportunity you get!โ You emphasized, getting frustrated. โI was stupid for coming over here alone. Iโm sorry for initiating anything. We need to be left in the past.โ
โWe donโt have to be, though!โ Jake urged, his voice also raising, โY/N, I know youโre with Sunghoon, but you donโt have to be. I can treat you right. You- you deserve better.โ Jake began slurring his words, the alcohol taking over his speech process.
You looked at him, eyebrows furrowed in anger, โThis was a mistake.โ
You grabbed all your belongings before quickly exiting his apartment. As you left, you heard Jake calling your name, โY/N!โ
You couldnโt believe yourself. It wasnโt about Ella or Sunghoon. Ella didnโt have a say if she initiated a break with him, and Sunghoon didnโt have a say either; he was just your fuck-buddy after all.ย
What it was about was you not sticking to what you told yourself. You and Jake needed to be something that stayed in the past, yet here you just were, making out with him in his apartment, months after breaking things off. You knew better.
You quickly called Ningning, who lived about a couple blocks away. She picked up the phone right as you exited the apartment complex.
โHello?โ
โHey.โ
โWoah, you sound fucked up. Are you okay?โ
โI- I donโt know. Probably not. Iโm drunk. Can you come pick me up?โ
โWhere are you?โ
You cleared your throat before continuing, trying to formulate this next sentence as best as possible without sounding guilty, even though you were very much guilty.
โIโm, uh, like right near Jakeโs apartment building. Like, Iโm standing in front of it now.โ
Ningning had picked you up from Jakeโs apartment before when you used to hook up, especially when you and her had made plans for the following day. She knew exactly where you were. She didnโt give you a physical reaction, but you were sure to hear about it the following morning.
โIโm on my way. Stay right where you are.โ
Within a minute or two, Ningning pulled up in front of the apartment building. Once you got in the car, you were met with a crazed look, โYou have a lot of fucking explaining to do.โ
โI know. I know. Itโs not what you think it is, though.โ You lied right through your teeth to her. Whatever was happening at Jakeโs was about to escalate into exactly what Ningning was assuming you were doing there. Youโre glad you stopped it, but the feeling of being pissed off at yourself for even going overpowered any happiness you felt in the moment. You couldnโt even think properly anyways. The wine had taken a bigger toll on you than youโd anticipated.
Ningning started driving towards her apartment in silence.
Suddenly, your phone screen lit up with a text:
do not answerย : im sorry
v. MY HEART CRAVES YOU
A week or two later and you hadnโt seen Jake and had no plans to. You still beat yourself up over what happened, sometimes contemplating whether going out was even worth it anymore. You always had that chance of running into him.
But, when Sunghoon invited you to pregame with him, Heeseung, and Ningning before a party, you figured that youโd been celibate from parties for long enough now, and going to at least one wouldnโt hurt. You missed the atmosphere of getting fucked up and not having to think about anything for a bit. Itโs what you needed right now anyways.
You found yourself at Sunghoonโs apartment again, waiting outside the door for him to let you in. You chewed on your lip at the situation; Sunghoon had no idea about what happened, but you were terrified it would all come back to bite you in the ass sooner or later. You pushed the thought out of your brain. You and Sunghoon werenโt anything serious anyways.
Sunghoon opened the door and pulled you into his apartment, โHey!โ
You smiled at him almost immediately. Being around him really did ease your nerves, you hated to admit. He looked really good tonight, clad in just a T-shirt and his sweatpants with freshly washed hair.
โHi,โ you laughed, following him to his room, โsorry Iโm here early, I tried to take more time getting ready, but I havenโt partied in a couple weeks and I got eager.โ
โWhy are you apologizing for coming to see me early? I like having you around,โ he said as you sat yourself on his bed. He tugged at the top of your ear once.
โOkay, cornball,โ you blushed at his words, rolling your eyes playfully at him, โYouโre such a flirt.โ
โIโm not allowed to flirt with you now?โ He questioned you dramatically, โWhat kind of society do we live in?โ
You laughed at his antics as he walked to his closet to pick an outfit for the night. He held up clothes for you, waiting for you to give him either a thumbs up or down depending on your opinion on it.
He ended up settling on a pair of black pants, a white hoodie, and he threw on a basketball jersey over it.
โNever knew you were such an athlete,โ you commented, teasing him.
It sounded like Ningning and Heeseung had returned, bringing others with them. Sunghoon pulled you up from his bed and took you to the living room. You were met with the sight of Jay, Ella, and of course, Jake. You werenโt even surprised at this point.
โOh,โ Sunghoon remembered, โI forgot to tell you that Jay, Jake, and Ella are joining us to pregame. I hope you donโt really mind.โ
โEven if I did, I donโt think it would really matter.โ You half grumbled at him, hoping he wouldnโt pick up on your mannerisms.
You stopped him with you in the hallway, whispering, โWait, why is Ella here?โ
โWhat do you mean?โ He furrowed his eyebrows at you, looking confused.
โI donโt know, someone told me that her and Jake went on a break.โ
Sunghoon shook his head at you, โUh, no. At least as far as Iโm aware, they didnโt. I saw them on a date the day after you and I went to go see our friends. Theyโre with each other basically every day.โ
You had to fight every urge to heavily sigh at the moment, โOh, okay. Weird.โ
You were so confused. The day after you and Sunghoon visited friends was the day after the whole incident that drove you away from Jake for two weeks happened. The same damn day, and he was with her the day after. A day long break didnโt make any sense to you. She was happy with him, and you all werenโt in high school. You shook your head at yourself with furrowed eyebrows as you walked back with Sunghoon towards the living room.
You smiled at Ella, who had Jakeโs arm slithered around her waist. That poor fucking girl. She had no idea. You couldnโt believe him.
She smiled back at you radiantly. She was so beautiful.
Everyone stood in the living room, but instead of staying there, you all decided to head towards the kitchen to pregame, where there were already drinks out. You grabbed a Twisted Tea as you passed it, immediately cracking it open to drink. You needed the alcohol. The situation was stressing you out more than youโd like to admit. You had to confront Jake.
Around twenty minutes later, you found yourself passing him and tapping his leg. When he turned around, you gave him a look of โyou need to talk with me, now.โ
You slipped away to the bathroom, no one seemingly noticing your exit. You wanted this talk to be as quick as possible.
About three minutes of waiting later, Jake also slipped into the bathroom. He smiled at you as he walked in. You couldnโt believe his audacity.
โHey, whatโs up?โ He asked, walking towards you. You put distance between him and yourself, crossing your arms.
If looks could kill, Jake would be a dead man.
โWhat the fuck is your problem?โ You whisper-shouted, looking at him incredulously.
โHuh?โ
โI heard from the grapevine that you,โ you forcibly pointed at him, โand Ella were never on a break.โ
His eyes widened. You were sure he didnโt mean to get caught, but his look told you everything.
โDonโt think I wouldnโt have found out, Sim,โ you spat at him, โyouโre actually unbelievable.โ
An apology immediately started rushing out of his mouth at you, โY/N, Iโm so sorry. Itโs just, I was intoxicated, and- and so were you, and we were aloneโฆ you know Iโve always had a thing for you since we met. But- but youโre with Sunghoon now, I know, so I saw it as my only chance.โ
โJake,โ you sighed, โI honestly donโt think I can accept your apology. You know better. And you should apologize to Ella instead. Iโm with Sunghoon now, and I know we were both drunk, but that canย neverhappen again.โ
He gulped before you laid the mallet down on him, โLast time we tried this should be evident of that.โ
โYouโre right.โ
You immediately walked past him, opening the door to the bathroom and slipping back out and walking towards the kitchen.
Jake followed you around four minutes later, delaying his arrival to not bring up any suspicions. You made your way to stand between Ningning and Jay, grabbing another drink.ย
Seconds later, Sunghoon appeared behind you. He slid his arms around your waist, his cold touch sending a shiver down your spine. You craned your neck to look at him, trying to make eye contact but his eyes were elsewhere. His gaze was honed in on Jake, and if looks could kill, there would be Jakeโs blood all over the apartment right now.
Jake averted eye contact and opted to look at Ella.ย
Once the pregaming ended, you found yourself in a car with Heeseung, Sunghoon, and Ningning. Heeseung was the designated driver, and you were grateful that you could get sloshed tonight and not have to think about anything for a bit.
Heeseung parked about a block away from the party, Jay parking about thirty feet behind you guys. The walk to the party was surprisingly cold for it being an almost summer night, the weather not missing its chance to brush the cold winds against your bare legs.ย
โYou cold?โ Sunghoon asked, taking a look over at you.
โMaybe a bit,โ you admitted, wrapping each of your arms around the other, โitโs fine, itโll probably be sweaty in there anyways.โ
Soon you all reached the party, one by one trailing into the loud house. It was already insanely packed, each corner and crevice of the place having people in it. The music was deafening, and the heat that already made its way towards you was all the evidence you needed that wearing only a dress was a good idea.
Sunghoon grabbed your hand, pulling you through the crowd and towards what you assumed would be the kitchen, or wherever the drinks would be located.
You made sure to grip well on his hand, because every person you tried to walk by somehow ended up not noticing your presence and never moving, causing you to fall behind.
Sunghoon led you into the kitchen, where it was surprisingly less crowded. You still could barely hear even though the music was a room away now. You could also barely see, the lights were so dim that you had to squint to see the faces of those around you.
There were a lot of drinks to choose from, most being put in plastic pitchers with labels made out of packing tape and sharpie.ย
You walked over, grabbed a red solo cup, and then made your way towards the pitcher labeled โJUNGLE JUICEโ and poured yourself a cup, it almost being filled to the brim.
โWoah,โ Sunghoon commented when he saw how full your drink was, โyou should calm down with the amount, Y/N. Donโt want you getting sick.โ
You looked at him, took a drink, then commented, โI may get sick, I may not. Not the end of the world if I do.โ
He gave you a pointed look before asking, โDo you want to go back to the living room?โ
You nodded and followed his lead as he parted the way for you. You tried your best to not get separated from him. It wasnโt like you werenโt able to handle being by yourself at a party, but you wanted to get a few drinks in before attempting to be independent.
Half an hour passed and you were on your fifth drink of the night. You werenโt sure how it was physically possible, but after you finished your fifth drink, you wanted another. You needed to forget everything that had happened over the past few weeks, and even if it was for one night, that was okay with you.
You parted ways with Sunghoon once again for the night, beckoning towards the kitchen and telling him that youโd be back soon.
After getting your sixth drink, you had every intention of getting back to Sunghoon. Instead, you found yourself getting intrigued by the outdoors. There werenโt many people outside, only about fifteen, but you figured there was nothing wrong with taking a breath of fresh air for a moment.
Opening the door, you were get again met with the cold breeze, but with all the alcohol running through your veins, you didnโt feel as cold as you did earlier.
You stepped onto the concrete patio and spotted who you thought was a classmate, Wonbin Park. He was sitting by himself in a lawn chair, seemingly observing everyone in the backyard.
You approached him, making yourself seen, to which he waved at you. You stood by his chair and he looked up at you.
โHey,โ he started, smiling at you. You doubted he had drank as much as you, you were sure you looked a mess. He looked fine. Good, even.
โHey,โ you replied, โwhat are you doing here?โ
He laughed at your words, โIโm here to drink and forget about the past week. You?โ
โItโs like you read my mind,โ you commented.
โAlmost like thatโs what parties are for,โ Wonbin said, nudging your bare knee, โhow are you not cold right now?โ
โIโve had a lot to drink,โ you admitted.
โI can tell,โ he replied, โyou should probably not finish that.โ
Wonbin motioned to the drink in your hand, now already half empty.
โIโm fine.โ
โYou donโtย lookย fine.โ
As if Wonbin could read your mind, he wasnโt surprised when you gagged, suddenly feeling hot acid rising in your throat.
You ran over to the grass and let a bit of vomit escape your mouth, your eyes watering at the taste.
Wonbin walked quickly over to you, โLetโs get you inside, yeah?โ
As he brought you inside, he asked, โWho are you here with?โ
You had your hand held over your mouth as you tried not to vomit anymore. Wonbin ushered you to an empty bathroom so you could get sick (mostly) in peace.
โAre you here with Sunghoon?โ He asked, worried for you.
You nodded miserably as you hunched over the toilet and let loose. It wasnโt as much as you thought it would be, but you felt disgusting. You knew it wouldnโt be all in one go, your stomach was upset. Youโd probably be here for at least twenty minutes.
Wonbin looked at you, โI donโt want to leave you here alone, but Iโm gonna go find Sunghoon.โ
You offered no response as you continued getting sick in the toilet. The room smelled like alcohol, vomit, and toilet water. The smell alone couldโve made you vomit even more.
A minute later, a familiar figure entered the bathroom and crouched next to you. You were hoping it would be Sunghoon, but by the smell of the cologne which was now mixed in the air, you knew exactly who it was.
You wanted to be mad, but you were too miserable to focus your energy on that. You were just grateful someone would be there to help you while you tried not to die.
He gently pulled your hair back for you, keeping it up so you wouldnโt get sick all over it.ย
Jake could be alright sometimes.
He placed his other hand comfortingly on your back, rubbing it, hoping to soothe whatever you were going through. This action was cut short, however, when Wonbin returned with Heeseung, Ningning, and Sunghoon.
Even as loud as it was and as drunk as you were, the way that Sunghoon barked Jakeโs surname rang through your mind, โSim.โ
You looked up from your spot to watch Heeseung, Jake, and Sunghoon disappear. Wonbin ushered Ningning towards you, her now taking the spot that Jake once occupied.
โDo you need anything?โ Wonbin asked carefully.
You shook your head at him, not being able to speak.
โOkay,โ he paused, โplease donโt die, Y/N.โ
You laughed as much as you physically could at his words, which in reality was a small chuckle, but if you had done any more, you couldโve thrown up all over Ningning. Throwing up in the toilet was enough for you.
Wonbin left. Quickly, Ningning turned to you and asked, โY/N, why the fuck were you in here with Jake?โ
โI-โ you slightly turned to her, trying to speak, but failing. You turned your head back to the toilet bowl and hurled some more.
โI donโt know,โ you croaked out, as loud as you could, โhe- he didnโt bring me in here. Wonbin did. Jake just- he showed up.โ
You slurred some of your words together. You couldnโt remember the last time you were this drunk.
Ningning said nothing but hummed at what you said. You didnโt think that she didnโt believe you, but you also werenโt sure that sheย didย believe you.
Ten minutes of hurling later, Sunghoon and Heeseung returned in the doorway of the bathroom. Ningning got up and Sunghoon took her place, โI told you that you were gonna be sick.โ
You vomited again.
He placed a hand on the small of your back and rubbed in a circle. You were glad he showed up. His presence made you feel a lot better than Jakeโs did.
You stayed there for five minutes before attempting to stand up with the help of Sunghoon.
โLetโs leave,โ he said to Heeseung.
Sunghoon laced his fingers with yours as he helped you out of the house. In the time that youโd been throwing up, the amount of people in the house had waned down. It was less difficult to make your way through the crowd now.
Most of the faces blurred as you walked past, but one really stuck out to you. Jake Sim was sitting on a couch with Ella.
His lip had been completely busted open.
You paid no mind to the wind as you exited the house. If anything, you welcomed it with open arms. It semi-sobered you up.
In the process of becoming more sober, you had come to the realization of something:
Jake hadnโt had a busted lip when he was comforting you.ย
What the Hell had happened in those ten minutes?
vi. I CANโT REFUTE MY INSTINCTS
Sunghoon, somehow, had become even more protective of you as of late. You figured it had something to do with whatever happened between him and Jake at the party, and you had your suspicions of what went down, but when youโd asked Sunghoon, he always just tried to ignore the situation. Plus, you didnโt know if he would tell you the full truth anyways.
So, you got the genius idea to confront Jake instead.ย
Who were you kidding, it was a horrible idea. But you needed to have your suspicions confirmed, at the very least. So you texted him:
youย : jakeย
Within seconds, a response came:
do not answerย : yo
do not answerย : whatโs up
You couldnโt believe he was hitting you with a โyoโ right now. Was he allergic to social cues?
youย : i need to ask you about something
youย : can i come over later
youย : donโt get any ideas
He took a minute before responding:
do not answerย : igย
do not answerย : jays not home rn just come now
youย : ok
You left your apartment within minutes. You werenโt exactly eager to see Jake, but nonetheless, you really wanted to know what was up with the party the other night. Even after you suffered through a hangover, you remembered that moment perfectly.
When you arrived at Jakeโs apartment building, you chewed on your lip. You werenโt exactly sure why. You knew that nothing would happen, and all that was going to happen was Jake telling you the truth.
At least you hoped.
When you went to knock on his door, it swung open, Jakeโs large figure greeting you before you even had a chance to register what was happening. He stepped to the side and let you walk in. You only made your way to further down his entrance hallway; you wanted to be in and out of here as quickly as humanly possible.
Jake trailed your figure and met you at the end of the hallway. He stood directly across from you and mirrored your body language as he leaned against the wall and crossed his arms.
โSo,โ you started, not wanting to waste any more time.
โSo.โ
You sighed, โI need you to be completely transparent with me, Jake.โ
He gave you a pointed look, โWhatโs the problem?โ He didnโt seem all too thrilled that you were here for once, which was a genuine surprise for you. You didnโt fail to notice how his lip was still busted, so you went ahead and bit the bullet:
โWhat happened to your lip?โ
The question was simple, it could be chalked up to a friend having concern for another friend. But it wasnโt. You werenโt even really friends, and your only concern was the reason behind the busted lip. Not the person suffering the blow of it.
Jakeโs gaze faltered slightly and you almost missed it. He swallowed quickly, โNothing. I just hit it on something.โ
โBullshit,โ you snapped back, โthatโs bullshit and we both know it.โ
โWhy do you even care?โ He pushed, his annoyance at you now becoming prevalent.
You rolled your eyes but had to think for a second. Why did you care? You didnโt care about Jakeโs lip, you could give less of a fuck. You desperately needed to know aboutย whyย it happened though. And why Sunghoon had suddenly flipped a switch. You werenโt stupid, you obviously knew something went down. But you needed your suspicions to be confirmed at the very least.
โYouโre hurt, Jake,โ you lied through your teeth, โanyone with eyes can see that your lip is fucked up. I care about whether youโre hurt. And I have a feeling it has to do with Sunghoon,โ you paused, โand Iโm sure you know that I should know what happened. But he hasnโt told me anything.โ
You finally looked at him again, โWhich is why I came to you.โ
Jake sighed, running a hand through his hair. You knew youโd cracked him. It was almost too easy. You just hoped what he admitted was the full truth.
He licked his lips before speaking, โYouโre right. This,โ he motioned to his busted lip, โdoes have to do with Sunghoon. There. You happy now?โ
So you were right. You desperately needed to know the details, though. You didnโt give up that easily.
โJake.โ
โWhat?โ
โWhat happened between you guys?โ
He let out another sigh, then pursing his lips to fight a scowl. He laughed a bit to himself before clearing his throat:
โWe fought.โ
You werenโt shocked. Between Sunghoonโs newfound behavior and Jakeโs altered physical appearance, you assumed that was what happened. However, you feigned shock so he could continue.
โYeah, I know, right? Funny. Good guy Sunghoon tried to beat the shit out of me,โ he laughed through the pain, a look of discontent in his eyes.
โWhyโฆ why would he do that?โ You mustered out. You scared yourself sometimes with how well you could act.
โYou tell me.โ
Your words temporarily genuinely got caught in your throat, โW- what?โ
Jake tilted his head at you, โHeโsย yourย boyfriend.โ
โJake, you already know that he refuses to tell me anything about this. Plus, he and I arenโt dating anyways.โ
โReally,โ he commented passive aggressively, โbecause for someone who isnโt dating you, he was really protective over me helping you. While you were throwing up, mind you.โ
โHuh?โ
It started to click. The appearance of Jake, followed by the appearance of Sunghoon, Sunghoon barking Jakeโs name, them leaving, and Sunghoon coming back, alone. And, of course, the busted lip.
โYeah. Your little not-boyfriend was mad that I was your knight in shining armor for once, not him,โ he scoffed, โand he told me to back off.โ
โOh.โ
โYeah. Said he has suspicions about me or some shit like that.โ
You laughed at his words. Of course Sunghoon had suspicions about Jake. You would have suspicions too if you were him.ย
โWhatโs funny?โ
You attempted to return to normal, โNothing, nothing. Itโs just- Jake. You really canโt be mad about him having suspicions.โ
Jake paused and chuckled while running a hand through his hair once more, โYeah, heโs not wrong for having them, I guess.โ
You rolled your eyes playfully at him before becoming a bit more serious, โOkay. Well, uh, Iโm sorry about, yโknow, that,โ you motioned to his lips, โand- and thank you. For helping me all those days ago. And for being honest with me.โ You gave him a genuine smile.
โYeah, of course, uh, Iโll see you around then?โ Jake said as you started walking towards his apartment door.ย
โMaybe,โ you left him hanging, and as you were going to pull the door open, you turned to face him one last time as he waved bye to you.
Pulling the door open, you turned around, ready to leave. Instead, you ran into a tall figure, who was clearly trying to enter while you were trying to exit. So much for trying to go to see Jake unnoticed.
The man you ran into was none other than Jay.
vii. LIKE A FEVER
You werenโt surprised. You really werenโt.
Of course Jay would tell Sunghoon that you were at Jakeโs. Of fucking course. And honestly, after the conversation you and Jake had about how Sunghoon felt about you two, you didnโt blame Jay for narcing. You did kind of resent him for it, though, because jumping to conclusions never ends well.ย
Plus, the situation had absolutely nothing to do with Jay. He should have just butted out while he was ahead.
When Sunghoon arrived at your apartment the morning following the Jay incident, you expected it to be a pleasant visit. Not whatever he was doing right now.
As soon as you let him in, he stormed past you into your living room. You tried to grab his arm but he just shook you off.
You shut the door and turned back around. He looked tense. You knew this wasnโt going to end well.
You shyly followed him into the living room, not entirely sure why you were cowering at the moment. You wanted to chalk it up to the fact that it was Sunghoon, but you were never this nervous about confrontations with fuck-buddies. It was weird.
When he reached the couch, he sat down and motioned for you to sit on the chair adjacent to it. Sunghoon ran a hand across his face and groaned.
โY/N,โ he breathed out, obviously irritated.
You looked at him, โSunghoonโฆโ
He scoff-laughed, โDo you want to explain yourself to me?โ
โAbout- about what?โ You asked. You werenโt dumb, but that doesnโt mean you wouldnโt play dumb for the time being.
โDonโt fucking play dumb, Y/N,โ Sunghoon spat at you, โokay? Do not play dumb.โ
โI canโt explain myself if I donโt know what you want me to explain.โ
He sighed. You were right. You could tell he hated when you were right, because youโd cornered him into expressing his anger. Men never seemed to like to talk about their feelings.
โOkay,โ he sighed, once more, exasperatedly, โDo you wanna tell me why you were at Jakeโs yesterday? Alone?โ
โWho told you that? Was it Jay? Because he doesnโt know the full story-โ
โIt doesnโt matter who it was, Y/N! You need to explain yourself!โ
He stood up at his last sentence and looked at you incredulously. You tried to get him to sit back down and calm his nerves, โSunghoon, sit down, please. Itโs not what youโre thinking, at all.โ
Ironically, it was what he was thinking, but the one time that you two were caught was the one time that it hadnโt been anything weird. He was wrong, but in the same breath, he was also right.
โNo, damnit, Y/N,โ he said, โIโm not going to sit!โ
โSunghoon,โ you replied, now standing, โitโs not at all what you think it is.โ
โReally?โ He asked, aggravated, โThen fucking tell me what it was.โ
You stepped closer to him, now also getting frustrated, โIโll tell you exactly what it was if you would just listen.โ
โOh, Iโm listening, alright.โ He said, staring at you with a fiery gaze.
โOkay. Then just hear me out,โ you replied, trying to calm yourself, โI went to Jakeโs apartment to ask what had happened between you and him the other night. When I was getting sick, and-โ
โYou have got to be fucking kidding me, Y/N,โ he groaned, looking at you with a snarl, โyou could have just come and asked me what the fuck happened! You didnโt need to go to him!โ
โI fucking tried that!โ You yelled at him, โYou wouldnโt tell me anything! Have you forgotten somehow?!โ
โIt doesnโt matter, Y/N,โ he breathed out, still angry, โyou shouldnโt have gone to him in the first place.โ
โI wouldnโt have,โ you started, โI wouldnโt have, if you wouldโve just, I donโt know, been honest with me?!โ
โY/N,โ he started, โI donโt think you understand whatโs really happening here.โ
โStop. Stop right now. You think Iโm stupid,โ you commented, flailing your arms around, โyou think that I donโt understand whatever the fuck is happening. I donโt want to play this game anymore, Sunghoon. The game where you know everything and Iโm not allowed to know anything. And if I find out on my own, I โdonโt even really understandโ. At least, according to you.โ
โThatโs not what Iโm saying-โ
โNo. Stop. Leave my apartment,โ you looked him in the eyes, โI donโt want to do this,โ you motioned between you two, what you were referencing pretty obvious to him, โanymore, if youโre going to play this stupid fucking game. Iโm done.โ
โY/N, come on. Donโt be like this.โ
โLeave. I donโt want to talk to you right now. We can talk once youโre ready to try and listen to me for once,โ you ordered, pointing to the door, โleave, Sunghoon.โ
You didnโt watch him exit your apartment. Once he was gone, though, you made sure to lock the door. You leaned against the door, pulling your phone out of your back pocket, and opening the messaging app.
This time you didnโt care if it was a bad idea.
youย : me and sunghoon broke things off
Within seconds, Jake started typing a response, so you turned off your phone and ran a hand across your face. If Sunghoon was really worried about Jake, now, if anything, you had to spite him and rub it in his face. Jake was still attractive. Jake would take you back. You guess it was just bound to happen.
Three minutes later and no response despite the typing bubble still being there. You began to give up hope, until he follows you up with an answer:
do not answerย : come over
You arrived at Jakeโs apartment with record time. You didnโt care if Jay was there, or if he would show up at some point, because now that you and Sunghoon were on a break (or whatever it was) you had free reign to do as you pleased. Even see Jake.
When Jake opened the door, his eyes immediately lit up at your figure. You looked a bit like a mess, but he didnโt seem to care.
You couldnโt lie, the stress made you look disheveled, and you were wearing probably the trashiest outfit you owned. Jake didnโt seem to mind as he pulled you into his house.
He led you down the hallway, โJayโs not here. I figured you wouldnโt care, though, because who is he going to tell now?โ
You laughed at his words and followed him into his bedroom. His laptop was seated on his bed, open, because heโd been doing some work, assumably. He moved it further to the wall, then walking and shutting the bedroom door before sitting down. He beckoned for you to do the same.
You tucked a piece of hair behind your ear before sitting down next to him. You made yourself comfortable on his bed before speaking:
โSorry about the sudden text.โ
He furrowed his eyebrows at you, โWhy would you be sorry? Itโs not your fault that Sunghoon is an ass.โ
You smiled at him, โYou donโt even know what happened and youโre already taking my side.โ
He leaned closer to you, โAh, Sunghoon is always an ass. That has nothing to do with you or your situation.โย
He gave you a look, then continued, โWhat even happened anyways?โ
โOh, yeah, right,โ you said, adjusting your seated position to face him better, โuh, itโs so dumb. Sunghoon got mad that I came over the other day and accused me of cheating or some shit. He wouldnโt even listen.โ
โSee,โ Jake exclaimed, โhe is an ass!โ
You giggled at his words, grateful that he was there to make you feel better. It took a lot for you to ignore how the situation was really making you feel, but having something to distract you mattered more right now.
โItโs so funny,โ you replied, โthe fact that the reason I was even here was because of him. I even told him that! He doesnโt ever want to listen to me.โ
You groaned, dramatically throwing yourself backwards onto Jakeโs mattress.
He copied as you did and commented, โHeโs an ass. Like I said.โ
โItโs whatever. It doesnโt even matter now, I donโt want to talk to him,โ you covered your face in your hands, โjust thinking about him is pissing me off.โ
โI get it,โ he said, now suddenly sitting up, โI know how you feel.โ
You sat up too, โWhat really bothers me is that he and I arenโt even exclusive. So even if you and I did fuck, there shouldnโt be an issue.โ
You rolled your eyes at the situation.
โI meanโฆโ Jake trailed off, treading lightly with his next choice of words, โnow that youโre not exclusiveโฆ or there are no tiesโฆ there isnโt an apparent issue.โ
You looked at him with widened eyes and a slight smile, โYou sneaky son-of-a-bitch. If I didnโt know any better, Iโd think you were trying to have sex with me!โ
Jake leaned over and moved his computer onto the ground. When he came up, his face was mere inches from yours.
He took a hand and brushed your hair away from your face. His touch sent chills through your body.ย
He licked his lips, โAnd if I didnโt know any better, Iโd think that you agreed to come over here for a real reason.โ
You smirked at him, leaning in to meet his lips in the middle. His hand flew to your waist and pulled you closer to him. His touch was needy, but in your moment of desperation, youโre sure yours was too. Jake deepened the kiss and pulled you onto his lap.
Maybe this was what was meant to happen. If Sunghoon really wanted to paint you as a villain for coming to Jakeโs, maybe you should become the villain.ย
Whatโs wrong with a little fun, anyways?
viii. A SCAR LEFT IN ME
That night, you ended up staying at Jakeโs place, no surprise. He always left you shocked with how much you missed having him in bed and as a friend. Sure, he wasnโt Sunghoon, but heโd have to do.
Two weeks and a some more hookups later, youโre sitting in Jakeโs apartment kitchen. He was cooking something, and you were sat on the counter, watching him. In the time that youโd made yourself comfortable at Jakeโs, youโd had more than a few run-ins with Jay. There was no doubt that he knew that you and Sunghoon had broken things off, but still seeing your presence obviously made him slightly upset. He refused to acknowledge you.
As if on cue, Jay walked into the apartment, not greeting either of you. He made a beeline for his room and slammed his door shut.ย
โWhatโs crawled up his ass?โ You commented, kicking your feet.
โI donโt know, heโs always in a bad mood when youโre here.โ
โUnderstandable,โ you said, thinking about Ella suddenly, โit probably makes him mad that he knows youโre cheating on Ella with me.โ
For the past weeks, Ella really hadnโt made an appearance in your mind. A part of you felt bad, but you didnโt really care. If she was all that special, Jake wouldnโt have cheated on her.
โNo, thatโs not it,โ he replied, looking up from the stove, โwe broke up. He didnโt even like her all that much anyways.โ
This was news to you. Sure, now that youโd thought of it, you hadnโt heard any news of Ella recently anyways. But youโd just assumed it was because Jake didnโt want to talk about his girlfriend to the girl he was cheating on her with.
โYou guys broke up?โ You hopped down from the counter, facing him with your whole body, โsince when?โ
โLike, a week and a half ago,โ he explained, returning his eyes to the food he was making.
You thought of all the possibilities that could follow you asking the next question, but decided to go ahead and ask it anyways:
โWhy?โ
โY/N,โ he started, โyou know itโs because of you. Even beyond having sex, itโs only ever been you. Ever since we met at that party.โ
You took a step away from him, slowly. There was no way this was happening, again. You felt stupid for letting this happen, but you didnโt want to lose Jake as a friend. If you couldnโt look past his feelings last time, you definitely couldnโt look past them this time.
โJake,โ you said, โyou know that this isnโt going to work like that.โ
Jake turned the stove off and faced you, โWhat do you mean?โ
โCome on, Jake. I couldnโt be with Sunghoon because of you, and I canโt be with you because of him.โ
โWhat are you saying?โ
โI couldnโt be with him because of you. He didnโt like us together.โย
โYeah, but heโs out of the picture now,โ he commented, stepping towards you.
โNo, Jake, I-โ you stopped yourself. Jake was right. Sunghoon was technically out of the picture now. So what was holding you back? No matter what you tried to think of, your mind always came back to Sunghoon. All of this nonsense made you think that maybe, some time, you had accidentally treaded too closely to the โmore than friendsโ line with Sunghoon. This terrified you.
โIt doesnโt matter,โ you continued, โyou were happy with Ella! Why would you mess that up for someone who you know it wonโt end well with?! Youโve tried this before, and you didnโt succeed. Why would you now think that it would be anything different?โ
He walked closer to you, almost cornering you to a wall. You swallowed deeply and braced yourself for whatever he would say next.
His words came out breathy, โI want you to ruin me, Y/N. Ruin my ideas about love, about what love is. Ruin me, so that even when I do get hurt like I inevitably will, and I go running back to Ella, all I can think about is you.โ
You gulped, and he leaned in closer to you.
โYou drive me into an absolutely uncontrollable desire. And, trust me, I have tried so hard to see her the way that I see you, feel the same desire. But, itโs only ever been you.โ
He finally steps back from you, keeping his face straight, but you could see traces of desperation behind his gaze.
You cleared your throat, walking away from him and towards the living room where your keys and bag were.
As you walked down his hallway, he trailed behind you.
โY/Nโฆโ he said softly as you grabbed the doorknob to leave.
โI need some time to think about this, Jake.โ
Later that night, you found yourself still obsessing over Jakeโs words. It was absolutely astonishing to you; how the man could be pushed away from you so many times but come crawling back for more. Even when he had a girlfriend. His feelings for you were probably genuine, and some parts of you wished that you could feel that back for the boy. He deserved someone to love him. You didnโt think that someone would be you.
You let your mind wander back to Sunghoon. At this point, youโd almost accepted defeat. Youโd broken the one rule of being friends-with-benefits: catching feelings. And to make matters worse, youโd broken things off with the first man youโd had genuine feelings for in years. You were really good at messing things up for yourself.
Suddenly, your thoughts are interrupted by a call. The caller ID read โsunghoonย โบ๏ธ๐จโ. Your heart jumped.
You donโt know what possessed you to answer so quickly, but you soon found yourself answering the phone and putting it to your ear.
โHello?โ You answered, attempting to sound as unimpressed as possible.
โHey, Y/N,โ he said, obviously at least a little stressed, โI thought about what you said, yโknow, two or so weeks ago, and Iโd like to talk to you. Can I come over?โ
โOnly if youโre coming over to apologize,โ you snarled, โotherwise fuck off.โ
You hated how upset you quickly became, but from the reminders of Sunghoonโs actions two weeks ago, and the mix of emotions you felt towards Jake since this morning, you allowed yourself to be consumed in frustration.
It only takes ten minutes for Sunghoon to reach your apartment. Once let in, he immediately embraces you, catching you off guard.
โWoah,โ you said, your voice muffled by his figure.
โIโm sorry.โ
His apology felt like the gates of a dam being opened, because it was as if in that second, youโd come to clarity. About everything.
โI-โ you tried, but nothing came out of your mouth, โitโs okay.โ
โI was mad, and I was stupid, and I- I shouldโve listened to you,โ he said, not letting go of your figure. You hugged him back, running a hand down his back, โItโs okay, Hoon, itโs okay.โ
You pulled away from him, getting his attention, โLetโs go to my room, yeah? We can talk there.โ
As you sat down on your bed with him, you let your guard down. He was really fucking upset, anyone could see that. Sunghoon grabbed your hand as he continued, โY/N, Iโm so sorry. I ruined something good, I know. Iโm just asking for you to forgive me.โ
You rubbed your thumb over his finger as you tried to lighten the atmosphere, โWhy the sudden change of heart?โ
Sunghoon chuckled a bit through the tears forming in the corners of his eyes. He knew youโd already forgiven him, your body language was obvious. He laid his head on your lap, facing downwards.
โI fucked up,โ he said, his voice muffled.
โWhat did you fuck up, Hoon?โ
โI broke the one rule.โ
โTurn over, I canโt hear you,โ you said as you ran your fingers through his hair.
He rolled, his eyes now looking at yours. You brushed some hair away from his face gently. You could still see the tears brimming in his eyes.
โI broke the one rule.โ
โWhat rule?โ
โOf being fuck-buddies, Y/N.โ
Your heart dropped at the words.
โI-โ he choked, taking one of his hands to grab your own, โI have feelings for you, Y/N. Like real, genuine ones. I canโt risk losing you again.โ
In a moment, everything from the past months had all came crashing down onto you.
โOkay,โ you said, โI feel the same way. But I think I need time.โ
You loved Sunghoon.
ix. IโM NOT A MONSTER
You and Sunghoon stayed together for the rest of the night, enjoying the otherโs presence as you basked in all that you could from the lack of the previous weeks.
When you woke up the next morning, you smelled breakfast being made. God, this man really was willing to do anything to get you back. Your heart swelled.
You walked to the kitchen, letting yourself smile at the occurrence. You really had missed Sunghoon a lot.
As you approached him, you tried to be a quick as possible, not wanting to waste any more time of being away from him. Damn him, you really did like him. How could you have been so blind to your feelings before?
Once you reached him, you whispered, โHi.โ
He turned to the right to look at you, letting a smile form on his face, โGood morning, beautiful.โ
You flushed at his words, โItโs 9am and youโre already being a flirt.โ
โCanโt help it,โ he replied, turning back to the food, โdo you want some eggs? Theyโre almost done.โ
โIโm okay, thank you though,โ you said, tilting your head at the man, โI think Iโll just have a bagel or something.โ
He nodded and you turned to your small pantry to find the bagels. Sunghoon turned off the stove and plated the eggs, taking a bite.
Suddenly, the doorbell buzzed.
โIโll get it,โ Sunghoon said, placing down his plate onto the counter. You didnโt mind that he was answering the door, heโd done it before. You wanted to find where the bagels were anyways.
You heard the door open, followed by Sunghoonโs voice ringing out a name that pierced through the air:
โJake.โ
Your heart dropped. What the fuck was he doing here? You told him that you needed time. Does he ever listen? You slowly made your way to the door.
โOh, heyโฆโ Jake cleared his throat, โSunghoon. What, uh, what are you doing here?โ
Before anything could unfold, you made yourself seen by the two men.
โY/N!โ Jake exclaimed.
โOh, hi, Jake,โ you walked your way next to Sunghoon, โwhatโs up?โ
โI justโฆโ he trailed off, glancing between you and Sunghoon, โwanted to ask you something real quick.โ
โOh,โ you said, โyou can come in.โ
You led Jake to the living room and Sunghoon closed the door, speedily following behind you two. You could tell that he wasnโt thrilled that Jake was here.
An awkward silence consumed the room. It seemed that whatever Jake had on his mind, he wanted to say it one-on-one. In order to get it over with as quickly as possible, you turned to Sunghoon and suggested, โSunghoon, would you mind finding the bagels for me really quickly? Just for a minute so we can talk.โ
He scowled at Jake before turning away to walk to the kitchen. You watched him make his way to the pantry, not missing how he turned back to look at you and Jake once more. You sent him an apologetic look.
Once out of earshot, you lowly said, โJake, what are you doing here?โ
โUh, sorry,โ he explained, โI wouldnโt have come if I knewย heย was gonna be here.โ
You rolled your eyes, โJake. What do you want?โ
โThereโs a new restaurant that just opened downtown,โ he started, tilting his head at you, โI wanted to see if you would go with me.โ
You sighed, โThe offer is really sweet, but I told you that I needed time, Jake.โ
โI canโt do that,โ he huffed, laughing in pain, โyou know that. I canโt stay away from you. You drive me crazy.โ
โJakeโฆโ you trailed off, looking back at the kitchen. Sunghoon was holding a bag of bagels, staring daggers into Jake.
โYou should leave,โ you commented, turning back to him, โyou can just come over to talk later. When Sunghoonโs not here.โ
โOkay,โ he said, peeking at Sunghoon, โokay.ย ย Iโll let you know when Iโm headed over.โ
โOkay,โ you nodded at him, leading him to the door, โbye, Jake.โ
You shut the door and returned back to the kitchen. Sunghoon was putting your bagel into the toaster, so you went to the fridge to grab out some cream cheese.
Sunghoon was the first to break the silence.
โI donโt like when you two are together.โ
You faced him, cream cheese in hand. You set the item down on the counter and stalked your way over to him, touching his arm.
โI donโt feel anything for him, Hoon.โ
He furrowed his eyebrows at you, hinting at disbelief.
โNot anymore.โ
He nods, turning to face you. He clears his throat, โI understand that, Y/N, but he obviously feels differently for you.โ
โI realize that,โ you commented, looking away.
โI really want to be with you, Y/N. And, I know that you need time, and Iโll give you all the time that I can for you.โ
You nodded, looking back at him.
โBut,โ he started, getting more serious, โI donโt want him to be a part of your life anymore. He doesnโt know how to control himself.โ
โI know,โ you admitted, pursing your lips, โbut I donโt know how to let him down easy.โ
Sunghoon was right. Of course he was. But you were being genuine; if Jake wasnโt going to let up weeks ago, he wouldnโt let up now. Especially because he thought he was so close to having you.
The toaster popped, and you walked over, letting your hand drop from Sunghoonโs arm.
โIโll do what I can.โ
x. IS IT FATE THAT EVEN OUR DEPARTS REPEAT?
You were agonizing over Jake coming over. It was the worst idea ever, but this time you would put an end to everything. The thought of that only soothed your nerves slightly.
When Jake arrived at your apartment, you let out a breath that you didnโt realize youโd been holding in.
โHey,โ you breathed out, opening the door for him.
โHi,โ he said, walking into your home, โeverything okay?โ
You two walked your way to the living room where there were some drinks laid out for you two. Youโd laid out wine again, but this time as a nerve soother rather than something to cause an escalation of actions.
โYeah, I think.โ You said, sitting down on a chair. Jake sat on the couch, the seat closest to you.โ
โYou think?โ Jake questioned, smirking at you.
โYeah, I donโt know,โ you admitted honestly. You took a breath in, โIโm just stressed out, I guess.โ
You grabbed your glass of wine from the table and took a drink, watching Jake do the same.
โSo,โ he started, placing his wine glass down, โwhatโs up with Sunghoon being here this morning?โ
โOh,โ you said, shocked at his bluntness of the topic. Heโd just got there and was already getting down to business. You ran a hand through your hair, โI donโt know, we kind of made up. Itโs a touchy topic right now.โ
โI see,โ he commented, taking another drink of his glass of wine, โIโm not sure if I should be happy for you or upset for myself.โ
You cleared your throat, โJake, it really has nothing to do with you.โ You took another drink of wine before looking back at him.
โReally, because as I recall, you guys broke it off because of me,โ he raised his eyebrows at you.
โYeah, we did,โ you looked at him with confusion, โbut us getting back together has nothing to do with you.โ
โSo what youโre saying is,โ he got up and walked towards you, โSunghoon is afraid of what I can do.โ
You also stood up, challenging him, โI wouldnโt say afraid,โ you cocked an eyebrow at him, โmore so heโs not dumb.โ
โOh, but heโs so dumb,โ Jake titled his head at you, a flirty pout appearing on his lips, โbecause if he wasnโt, he wouldnโt have left your apartment today. Now, I get you all to myself.โ
God damn this man.
In a rush of lust, he pushed his lips on yours, grabbing your waist. You melted into the kiss, wrapping your arms around his broad shoulders. It was absolutely intoxicating.
Jake broke the kiss and held your face close to his, โHe canโt make you feel special like I do, baby.โ
He returned to your lips, tilting his head to deepen the kiss. He tucked a piece of hair behind your ear, slightly tugging it unintentionally.
Just like Sunghoon does.
You separated yourself from Jake almost instantly, removing your arms and backing away. His hands were still on your waist, but you grabbed his wrists, โJake.โ
โWhatโs wrong, baby?โ
โJake, donโt call me that,โ you sighed, โwe canโt do this anymore. Seriously.โ
He loosened his grip on your waist, and you let go of his wrists. He scoffed, โWhat? Is it because youโre back with Sunghoon now? You guys arenโt even dating. I thought your bond was no-strings-attached.โ
โIt was,โ you said, โit was. But- but now, I have feelings for Sunghoon. Like real, genuine feelings.โ
Jake flared his nostrils. It was subtle, but you still noticed.
โI want to be with him.โ
Jake turned his head to the side. A blanket of silence was thrown over the room. The tension was extremely thick, it could be cut with a knife.
A minute later, you heard a voice whisper out, โAm I not good enough for you?โ
โWhat?โ
โY/N, you know Iโd do anything for you,โ he turned back to you, now louder and more frustrated, tears brimming in his eyes. His face was flushed, โbut you never give me a fucking chance to prove it.โ
โJake,โ you tried deescalating the situation, โIโve never felt anything for past lust. You know this. This is the same story as when you tried this months ago, and when you tried this yesterday.โ
He said nothing.
You continued, โI canโt keep giving you false hope. You deserve someone who can actually love you. That someone is not me.โ
He gulped, once again staying silent. The tears in his eyes became more prevalent. The silence lingered for many minutes too long, the atmosphere becoming more and more suffocating at the second.
โI would do anything for you,โ he croaked out, โI donโt think that will ever change.โ
His anger had dissipated for now, and he was fighting back a frown.
โI canโt-โ his voice cracked, โI canโt stand knowing that youโre not mine, or worse, the fact that youโre with Sunghoon. Every single fucking time I see you with him, I feel like Iโm being punched in the gut.โ
โIโm sorry,โ you swallowed, still processing his words. You knew Jake felt strongly about you, but you had no idea it was this strong. You let yourself be quiet for a second before finding any words to reply with, โI really donโt know what to say.โ
He laughed a painful laugh, โโฆbut being punched in the gut never killed anybody.โ
He wiped at his eyes, furrowing his eyebrows once more, โI wish that I could spit in your face and tell you that I wish we never met.โ
You felt yourself hurt at his words.
โBut I know that would be a lie.โ
Another silence fell.
โItโll always be you, Y/N.โ
You shook your head slightly, feeling tears brim at your own eyes. You were devastated that you were going through this a second time, but somehow this time, it hurt way more than the first.
โJakeโฆโ you sent a sad look to him.
โMy door is always open. For you.โ
You felt yourself gulp at his words, finding any strength possible to push away any feelings you had at the moment.
โYou should probably leaveโฆโ
โOkay,โ he accepted, whispering. He walked to your apartment door and you followed him.
โStay safe, Jake.โ
He left. You shut the door, locked it, and immediately leaned your back to it and slid down. Deep down, you knew youโd always have a spot in you that cared for Jake. You had grown fond of him in a platonic way.
But that was the problem. He couldnโt just shut out his feelings for you.
Drowning out your guilt was impossible as felt a large weight make its way onto your chest.
xi. IN THE END, THE ANSWER IS ALWAYS ONLY YOU
Itโs been four months since that day.
Youโd seen Jake around, a couple times at campus and very rarely at group hang outs.
He always sent you an awkward smile, and you knew deep down that seeing you had killed him many times. Anyone could tell that he never looked at his new girlfriend the same way he looked at you.
The atmosphere around each other was always tense, but because youโd promised Sunghoon, Jake wasnโt really a part of your life anymore.
Sunghoon and Jakeโs bond had definitely changed. They didnโt seem like friends anymore, if anything it was a more formal relationship. They acknowledged each otherโs presence, but even with the new girlfriend, Sunghoon hadnโt let down his guard with Jake.
In a sense, you missed Ella. She deserved a lot better, and you always agonized over how her absence was your fault. Obviously, Jake had a play in it, but you left all the blame for yourself.
In the past months, youโd felt yourself have a shift in behavior. It was odd, having realized that youโd become more open and caring about the relationships in your life. Ningning had told you that โnot having the nonchalant front anymoreโ looked good on you.
Youโd let yourself get a lot closer to her. She was now your best friend, always helping you through your mental struggles and rooting for you. She made sure to be there for you all the time, and she was ecstatic about you and Sunghoon making up.
Sunghoon had asked you to be his girlfriend about three months ago, and you had never been happier to had let your guard down to the man. He made you feel special, and you never once regretted your decision of choosing to keep him by your side rather than Jake.
Jake had stayed the same majorly. At least from what you could tell. His new girlfriend was nice enough to you, but you didnโt really think that he was happy with her. It seemed that he was just trying to fill the void that youโd left in him.
And the most ironic part:
His girlfriend lookedย strikinglyย similar to you. She was beautiful, of course, but her personality and appearance had almost mirrored yours completely. Her personality was more similar to the one that youโd had before, the nonchalant, doesnโt-care-about-anyone, slight asshole. Contrary to you, however, she never left his side.
Even with her around, you knew the truth.
Jakeโs words still forever rung in your mind:
โItโll always be you.โ
a/n : rrrrrrraaaaahhh itโs done
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