#(yes I’m aware he looks nothing like his OG design)
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[ * Baby tree moments!! Plus the skeleton they refuse to leave alone ]
(Passive!Nightmare & Dreamtale -> Jokublog)
#Star’s Scribbles#UTMV Oc#UTMV#passive nightmare sans#(my own design of him at least)#(yes I’m aware he looks nothing like his OG design)#Saucer#Dreamtale AU#QUEUE#I have no idea what I should use for tags#I will inflict my favorite tree on all my friends and now it’s tumblr’s turn#also note!! Switched them from being a hybrid to just being pure monster#tree beast they be <3
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SessRin
I'm a big fan of OG Inuyasha. I’m not following Yashahime yet, I was planning on bingewatching it after it was finished. I’ve still been dipping into the tag now and again just to get my toes wet, but have held my tongue on the "is it or is it not Rin" debate since the notion that it could be anyone else felt utterly ridiculous to me.
To clarify, I don't actively ship anything in Inuyasha. I'm not pro-SessRin per se, but I find it extremely hard to imagine him ending up with anyone else. They would need to write it REALLY well to make any kind of sense for his character. Now, the argument regarding the twins' mother is moot at this point because of the recent canon reveal, but, yeah. Of course it's Rin.
Anyway, the reason I'm posting this is because of the crazy explosion of BUT SHE'S 14 and fucking hashtag pedomaru and other horseshit.
First, I will admit Sunrise kinda dropped the ball on trying to make her look older. At the same time I think being familiar with the character also hurt this. If she were a new woman randomly introduced I don't think anyone would have questioned her age, considering Kagome doesn't look any different than she did at 15 despite the timeline making her 22.
Speaking of timeline, let's address this most important issue. Where is everyone getting 8 from? I am seeing this everywhere. Give me a source please. As far as I am aware, not even the Japanese fanbase knows how old she is in OG Inuyasha. No figure was ever actually given. You can't look at a drawing and go "yup that's an 8-year-old" especially since after the 3-year timeskip she looks exactly the same. I always presumed she was about 10 to begin with. The argument unravels completely because you don't actually know how old she is.
I think it's reasonable to assume the events of OG Inuyasha took about a year. I don't like using unspecified amounts of time as evidence, but this was undoubtedly a long journey. The actual timeframe (and ages!) is probably something Rumiko had in mind, but never stated to the audience.
I also felt like the scene when Sesshoumaru is bringing Rin a new kimono is after Kagome has had some time to settle in, since she narrates about learning more about being a priestess and treats Sesshoumaru as if she and Inuyasha are married. Depending on how long this is, and how long the previous actually is, it could very well be approaching a total of 2 years of extra time. Plus more time before Root Head, etc.
Regardless, the 3-year timeskip before the end, and the 4-year interval before the girls were born, make Rin at least 7 years older at the time of birth. An absolute minimum of 15-16 by your 8-year starting figure. Which, again, is probably not even accurate.
While yes, the show takes place in the feudal era so young brides were totally the norm, and yes, the legal age of consent in Japan is, I shit you not, 13-years old, media still tends to portray consenting age as 18 for a variety of reasons. Kagome didn't marry Inuyasha until she was at least 18 and that timeskip totally wasn't necessary for any other reason than to force them to wait. I'm willing to bet if a tangible number is given for Rin in any way, she will have been 18. They really should have tried harder to reflect it in her design is all.
And it's very upsetting to see people accusing Sesshoumaru of "grooming" her when he was expressly doing the opposite. Rin was adamant from day 1 of staying with him forever, and it's very respectful of him to force her to live with Kaede so that she can have all the facts before deciding, giving her a chance to change her mind.
Now, I've been seeing most of the naysayers refute that, regardless of her age, she should see him as a father figure and that makes it "wrong". But let's actually think about that― she traveled with him for a brief time. How brief? The longer you make it, the older that makes her. He visited her occasionally. How occasionally? Completely unknown. Could be regularly, or could even be months between times. He did not raise her. Kaede did. There's no actual reason that she “should” think of him as a father, besides the fact that you want her to.
And let's be clear― It's okay to prefer to see them in a father/daughter relationship. It really is a cute angle. But blowing up over it and trying to rally everyone to hatespam Sunrise, or harass the author, is actually insane. What are you even trying to accomplish? Nothing good can come from doing that. That is not how you get shit done, certainly not over there. They already hate western fanbases in general. Absolutely zero of the Japanese fanbase is upset over this. They're just going to think you're crazy, and that's in the best case scenario.
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How A Demon Commissions An Angel ~ A Daminette FanFic ~ Chapter 6: A Need For Clarification
From the phone of Damian Wayne:
Chat Name: Unknown Number
Unknown Number: Hi, Damian? This is Marinette…
Me: You’re late.
Unknown Number: I know, I’m so sorry! There was a bit of an emergency…
Me: Oh?
Unknown Number: Yeah, sorry! I know you said you’d only be free for about another hour right? Can we work fast maybe?
Me: I suppose it’s better late than never, but in the future, know that I don’t tolerate tardiness.
Unknown Number: Look, things in Paris are kind of crazy right now. I can’t promise I won’t have to change plans unexpectedly but since we only have an hour to get things done, could we leave that talk for another time? I’ll try to let you know beforehand if something comes up. Okay?
Me: Fine, one second. I need to change your contact name.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Okay, let me do yours too!
Me: Do I want to know what you put me in as?
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: I bet you could guess :)
Me: …
Me: It’s not Arthur’s little sister, right?
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Well, it wasn’t! :P
Me: No.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Yes.
Me: Change it back!
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: You don’t even know what it was originally!
Me: Anything is better than that.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Fine…
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: But that means you can’t complain about what it is since you’re the one who told me to change it back.
Me: Fine, I don’t even want to know.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: But I do! What do you have me under?
Me: …
Me: Your initials.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Isn’t that a little too on the nose?
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: (Not to mention totally uncreative)
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: But also, what if your brothers see?
Me: Well, not those initials…
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: ???
Me: Weren’t you the one who talked about how we only had an hour to do this?
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Right! Sorry! Are you ready for some fast questions?
Me: Yes.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Okay!
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: I’m going to start with Grayson’s sweater.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: What in your opinion constitutes a “tacky Christmas sweater”?
Me: Aren’t you the fashion designer? Shouldn’t you know this?
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Well, I can’t say “tacky” is a style I’ve had much experience in sooo…
Me: Right…
Me: Well I guess I’d imagine it’d have to have a lot of bright colors.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: But you said Grayson likes navy blue, right?
Me: Right.
Me: Well before he liked navy blue, he used to wear a lot of neon red, yellow, and green.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: …
Me: You know, as a child.
Me: Plus they’re sort of Christmas colors in a way, right?
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: I see…
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: So when you said bright, you meant traffic-stoppingly bright?
Me: I suppose.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: I see…
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: While I can’t say I would have ever thought to put those colors together before, if he wore them as a child I guess they would have kind of a sentimental value, like a nostalgic factor.
Me: In a way, it’s like an inside joke too, I suppose.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: How so?
Me: Well, you see…
Me: After I moved in with my father, I needed clothes so I wore some of his.
Me: Well, they were clothes in his image.
Me: Of course, they weren’t hand-me-downs.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Huh. Whenever I pictured you, I can’t say it was in traffic light colors
Me: You picture me?
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Hahaha, no! Silly, it was only a figure of speech.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Right! Well, we only have an hour so we better get back on track! I think the colors are a very good personal detail!
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: So beside those, what else makes it a tacky xmas sweater?
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Do you want a holiday design? Like Santa or a reindeer?
Me: Perhaps?
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Or are there any other images you’d think he’d appreciate more?
Me: Well…
Me: Maybe a bird?
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: A bird? Like a penguin?
Me: No! Definitely not!
Me: A robin
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: A robin? Why?
Me: As a child he also really liked the superhero Robin.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Oh! Batman’s sidekick, right?
Me: He’s Batman’s partner!
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Right. Is that also where the traffic light colors come from?
Me: I suppose you could say that, yes
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Well, doesn’t he have a logo or something? Would that be what you want on the sweater?
Me: No, he’s an adult now, even if he doesn’t act like it.
Me: I think if the design’s the actual bird it would seem more subtle.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: And thoughtful too! Less generic.
Me: I suppose so.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Cool, I’m starting to picture it. So do you actually want any Christmas aspects? Like do you want me to put a santa hat on the robin or maybe some wording on it like Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays?
Me: No, no santa hat and not “Merry Christmas” either.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Okay. Any text?
Me: Could you put “The First” on it?
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: I could… Why?
Me: Well, he is the oldest. So he was the first.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Right, no that makes sense.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: But I wonder…
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Hey Damian, is your brother as… formal as you?
Me: No.
Me: Definitely not. He has no manners.
Me: Why?
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Well, a lot of young people use the term OG now. Maybe he would like that more.
Me: …
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: It means like the original.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: You know, I think it actually stands for original gangster…
Me: I see.
Me: You know what, that’s actually very fitting.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Really?
Me: Yes. It seems like I should be grateful for not only your fashion expertise but also your knowledge of popular culture.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Thank you?
Me: Very well, is that all for Grayson?
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Uh, just a few more things. So no Christmas details then?
Me: Nothing more than similarities in the colors and style.
Me: What I’m picturing, at first glance, one might think it looks like a tacky Christmas sweater but if they were to look closely, there wouldn’t be actual references to the holiday.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Got it!
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: So no hoods or pockets for this one?
Me: No. I think they’d be unnecessary.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Okay. Now, the main detail left is the thickness.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: I’m going to have to knit this by hand so would you prefer I use a thin or thicker, fluffier yarn?
Me: I guess it would depend.
Me: Would a thicker material be scratchy?
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: No, Damian. Nothing I make is scratchy.
Me: I see.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: The only differences would be a thicker yarn would make for a thicker and fluffier sweater and it would also be a bit warmer too.
Me: Oh well Gotham is pretty cold most of the time.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Gotham?
Me: It’s where my family lives. Well, Grayson also spends a lot of time in Blüdhaven.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Oh, I see why you guys like Robin now! He and Batman are based in Gotham right?
Me: Yes.
Me: Paris doesn’t have any superheroes right?
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Oh no, we do.
Me: I’m sorry, excuse me? I’ve never heard of any!
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Ladybug and Cat Noir are the main ones.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: And our mayor tries his best to keep it out of international news to keep tourism going.
Me: So you’re telling me that those outlandish stories on the Ladyblog are true?
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Most of them, yes.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Wait, you read the Ladyblog?
Me: I came across it while I was doing research on you.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: I see…
Me: Is this a joke? If there’s supervillains in Paris, why hasn’t the Justice League gotten involved?
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: I don’t know?
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: I’m not really the person to be asking about this stuff.
Me: Right, sorry. It’s just hard to believe.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Yeah, I get it.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: That’s actually why I was late today. There was an akuma attack earlier.
Me: What?!
Me: Are you okay?
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Oh I’m fine, Ladybug’s powers reverse all the damage.
Me: …
Me: I think this is going to take some time to sink in.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Right, well should we get back to the commission?
Me: Yes. Let’s.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Okay, so you’d prefer the thicker material then?
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: It will cost more by the way.
Me: Yes, and money is never an issue.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Okay, then I think I have enough to get started on the sketch! I know we have two more brothers to go through but it’s getting late here and I still have some things to get done tonight…
Me: Of course.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Would you be free to talk some more same time tomorrow?
Me: I believe so.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: I’ll try my best to not be late this time. :)
Me: I understand now that it may be out of your control.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Unfortunately, but hey what can you do?
Me: Right.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: If you have any time before we talk again, I’ve been thinking it might help if there’s any reference pictures you could show me.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: You know if you see anything online or in a store or even if there’s any pieces your brothers’ already own that you’d want me to take some inspiration from, could you maybe send me some pictures so I can have a better idea of what you’re looking for?
Me: I see. I’ll do my best.
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: That’s all I can ask! Goodnight, Damian! Talk to you tomorrow!
Me: Goodnight, Marinette.
Google Search History
What does P.S. stand for?
MDC
MDC Fashion Designer
The Ladyblog
Albert Einstein Human Stupidity Quote
What does fyi mean?
Aesthetic
What’s an aesthetic?
Aesthetic Urban Dictionary
How To Delete Search History
OG Urban Dictionary
Parisian Superheroes
Ladybug and Cat Noir
Ladyblog
What’s an akuma?
How To Get Paris News Updates
Chat Name: Father
Me: Father, were you aware that there are superheroes in Paris? Why hasn’t the Justice League done anything?!
Father: I’m sure the Justice League is monitoring the situation. There’s no cause for concern, son.
Me: Right. Of course, Father.
From the phone of Jason Todd:
Chat Name: The Boys (Minus The Demon)
replacement: ummm… sooo…
replacement: just walked into my room and guess what I see?
big bird: A mess?
replacement: no! the demon’s standing in front of my closet taking pictures of my clothes!
big bird: ?
Me: uh wat
big bird: How the hell was I supposed to guess that?
replacement: so then I ask him what he’s doing…
Me: anddddd
replacement: and he doesn’t even look at me but just says research…
replacement: ???
big bird: (shrugging emoji)
big bird: Maybe this is a good thing? I mean what if he is doing research for Christmas and actually paying attention to what we like?
replacement: okay???
Me: i dont know he has been acting weirder lately
Me: like when i came home he was glaring at his phone and kept checking it for like five min without noticing i was there
big bird: Oh!
big bird: I passed him in the hall earlier and get this: he was smiling at his phone as he typed!
Me: what1!!
replacement: why didn’t you warn us?!
big bird: Because guys? I’m pretty sure it wasn’t like a threatening smile. I think it was an actual like happy smile.
Me: yeah right! demon spawn doesnt know how to do that
replacement: do you know who he was texting?
Me: ?
big bird: No! And I didn’t want to ask…
replacement: well we need to figure it out.
Me: agreed
big bird: Unfortunately, because she helped him with the encryption, Babs can’t hack into his phone.
Me: well then well ned to steal it
Me: he has patrol with you guys tonight right
replacement: yes…
Me: ill get it from babs after you leave
replacement: good plan but we don’t know his password…
big bird: Oh, it’s I’m Batman!
Me: duh its im batman
replacement: ???
replacement: How do you know that?!
Me: like your password hasnt been it at one point
replacement: …
big bird: We’ve all been there!
Me: its practically a right of passage
replacement: *rite
Me: shut it replacement
Chat Name: carrot top
carrot top: do I even want to know why you stole the demon brat’s phone?
Me: uhhh no?
carrot top: great
carrot top: just make sure you return it before he gets back
carrot top: I have no wish to get stabbed with a katana tonight
Me: great thx babs!
carrot top: oh and by the way, its programmed to delete all unsaved data after five hours
Me: what!!!
Me: is there anyway you could retrieve his texts?
carrot top: of course I could!
carrot top: but Im not gonna
Me: why not???
carrot top: one word:
carrot top: katana
Me: fineee
From the phone of Damian Wayne:
Me: who is this?
T.G.Y.T.T.B: Damian, it’s five in the morning.
Me: who are you and why are you texting this number?
T.G.Y.T.T.B: Uh, it’s Marinette.
T.G.Y.T.T.B: remember me?
Me: hello, marinette.
Me: why are you in damians phone as t.g.y.t.t.b.?
T.G.Y.T.T.B: uh, I have no idea. it’s too early for this.
Me: so, tell me…
Me: what business do you have texting my brother?
T.G.Y.T.T.B.: ???
T.G.Y.T.T.B: oh, you’re Damian’s brother then?
Me: Yes, i’m Jason.
T.G.Y.T.T.B: You mean Grayson?
Me: i think i know my own name
Me: but to answer your question grayson is our other brother
Me: demon spawn likes to call by our last names
T.G.Y.T.T.B: Oh I thought it was just more…
T.G.Y.T.T.B: nevermind
T.G.Y.T.T.B: Wait, Demon spawn?
Me: damian
T.G.Y.T.T.B: thats…
T.G.Y.T.T.B: ironic.
T.G.Y.T.T.B: and kinda mean
Me: trust me he loves it
T.G.Y.T.T.B: So which one are you, Todd or Drake?
Me: todd
T.G.Y.T.T.B: Wait, why do you guys have different last names?
Me: uh cause all of us were adopted except for damian
T.G.Y.T.T.B: Oh
Me: but back to my question
Me: why are you texting my brother?
T.G.Y.T.T.B: Uh well I’m not…
T.G.Y.T.T.B: I wasn’t…
T.G.Y.T.T.B: I was trying to sleep…
T.G.Y.T.T.B: And then I was texting you sooo
Me: Right but you were texting him earlier right?
T.G.Y.T.T.B: What does it matter to you?
Me: What business do you have texting my brother?
T.G.Y.T.T.B: None of yours
Me: …
Me: Im his brother!
T.G.Y.T.T.B: Exactly, his brother.
T.G.Y.T.T.B: Not his parent
T.G.Y.T.T.B: Not his warden
T.G.Y.T.T.B: So if you really want to know why I’m texting Damian, maybe you should ask him instead of stealing his phone and bothering innocent girls at five in the morning.
Me: well to be fair its only 11 over here
Me: how was I supposed to know?
T.G.Y.T.T.B: By talking to your brother instead of stealing his phone?
Me: how did you even know I stole it?
T.G.Y.T.T.B: …
T.G.Y.T.T.B: really?
Me: hey now
Me: im only doing this because im concerned
Me: the kids been acting weird lately
T.G.Y.T.T.B: Gee, I wonder why.
T.G.Y.T.T.B: Do you think it maybe has something to do with the fact that you’re all threatening to send him away?
Me: he told you about that?!
T.G.Y.T.T.B: Yes.
T.G.Y.T.T.B: So if that’s all, how about the next time you feel like sticking your head where it doesn’t belong, try talking to your brother first.
Me: wait
Me: can’t you give me anything to work with here?
Me: why did he tell you that he might be sent away? he barely mentions it
T.G.Y.T.T.B: Why does he even have to tell me in the first place? What kind of brother lets his sibling be shipped away?
Me: look
Me: you only know what damians told you
Me: there’s another side to the story.
T.G.Y.T.T.B: I’m sure there is.
T.G.Y.T.T.B: But Damian is my friend not you, so I don’t particularly care to hear what you have to say.
T.G.Y.T.T.B: To me, you’re just the person who wants to send my friend away even though you say he’s your brother.
Me: So you’re demon spawn’s friend?
T.G.Y.T.T.B: No, I’m Damian’s friend.
T.G.Y.T.T.B: Good night, Jason.
Me: wait
Me: i don’t really want him to be sent away or anything
T.G.Y.T.T.B: Have you done anything to help him stay?
Me: i’m trying to right now.
T.G.Y.T.T.B: How is any of this helping him?
Me: my brothers and I are trying to figure out what’s he getting us for xmas so we can make sure its good enough to satisfy dad
T.G.Y.T.T.B: How about instead of that you have some faith in him and try to convince your father to stop threatening to send him away?
Me: our old man isnt really the type to change his mind
Me: again i dont want him to leave or anything but he does need to get better
Me: i mean hell he broke a kids hand! that stuffs gotta stop
T.G.Y.T.T.B: …
T.G.Y.T.T.B: WHAT?!
Me: i see he didn’t tell you that
Me: look hes my brother
Me: i dont want him gone but things cant keep going on like this
Me: i know your his friend but he has to change and our dad is just trying to do what he thinks is best for him
T.G.Y.T.T.B: That’s enough!
T.G.Y.T.T.B: I told you I didn’t want to hear from you.
T.G.Y.T.T.B: Damian’s my friend. He gets to decide what he tells me and when and it was very wrong of you to breach his trust like this. T.G.Y.T.T.B: Whatever Damian has done, it doesn’t mean you have the right to call him a demon and steal his phone. I want you to return it now.
Me: …
Me: your right
Me: im sorry.
Me: i guess we’re all just trying to do what’s best for him
T.G.Y.T.T.B: Maybe you should stop assuming you know what that is.
Me: i cant promise anything
Me: but im glad damian has you as friend
T.G.Y.T.T.B: Well…
T.G.Y.T.T.B: I’m glad that he has a brother who wants him to stay.
Me: he has three
T.G.Y.T.T.B: That’s even better.
T.G.Y.T.T.B: Surely the three of you would be enough to change your father’s mind?
Me: its not as simply as that
Me: but i can promise you our dad wants whats best for damian too
T.G.Y.T.T.B: I’ll hold you to that promise.
Me: Im sure you will, spitfire.
T.G.Y.T.T.B: ?
Me: thats your nickname
T.G.Y.T.T.B: I see
T.G.Y.T.T.B: :)
T.G.Y.T.T.B: Maybe one day I’ll tell the very first nickname I gave your brother.
Me: anyway that day could be today?
T.G.Y.T.T.B: Considering it’s now only eight o clock and you woke me up at five in the morning, no. I’m afraid not.
Me: wait
Me: it hasn’t already been three hours has it?
T.G.Y.T.T.B: It wouldn’t have been if you responded faster…
Me: uh oh
Me: crap crap crap
T.G.Y.T.T.B: What’s wrong?
Me: demon gonna kill me
Me: night sunshine
T.G.Y.T.T.B: Bye?
From the phone of Alfred Pennyworth:
Chat Name: Master Bruce
Master Bruce: Alfred, please hide as many of Damian’s weapons as you can.
Me: On it, Master Bruce. May I ask what happened?
Master Bruce: Jason stole Damian’s phone and used it to text one of Damian’s friends.
Me: Oh, I see.
Master Bruce: Hey, has Damian mentioned anything to you about a girl?
Me: A girl? No, not that I can recall, Master Bruce.
Me: Is that who Master Jason was texting?
Master Bruce: Yes, but I wasn’t aware Damian made any new friends.
Me: Neither was I. Perhaps he is progressing?
Master Bruce: I suppose we’ll see.
Me: Indeed.
I literally posted this just so I could say that chapter nine is on AO3!!!
Master List
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Happy Halloween Scooby Doo! Review
Muahahhhahahhahahaha! Thanks to the Walmart tradition of stocking movies for sale weeks before the intended release date, I have myself a copy of what claims to be Scooby Doo’s FIRST Halloween adventure!
…in spite of movies like Witch’s Ghost and Goblin King, holiday specials like WNSD’s A Scooby Doo Halloween (which had a haunted Scarecrow too…), BCSD’s EL Bandito (for Dia de los Muertos - obvs not the same, but most companies act like it) and Halloween, The NSDM’s Halloween Hassle at Dracula’s Castle, and the DTV short film Scooby Doo and the Spooky Scarecrow (which, ironically enough, did NOT take the opportunity to feature Dr. Jonathan Crane).
So let us take a look now at Happy Halloween Scooby Doo! and see whether this film will be a graveyard smash of a treat, or a black licorice bomb of disappointment.
Full review (and SPOILERS TO GO WITH IT) are below the cut in my new review format; if all goes smoothly, I’ll go with this for future Scooby films.
WARNING: This review is very long.
One minor note before we begin: the Special Features actually include BCSD’s Halloween, WNSD’s A Scooby Doo Halloween, and PNSD’s Ghost Who’s Coming to Dinner
...so they were AWARE this was not the first Halloween adventure of the Scooby gang, and yet still use that tag line. Hm.
Still, kudos for including them - this’ll help boost the reasons to keep this movie, if it turns out to be a real Milk Dud of a movie *ba-dum tish* :D
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The movie starts off rather abruptly, actually - no slow pan over the setting, just WB Animation credit and BOOM, we’ve cut to a Halloween parade and Elvira is talking.
I’m of a mixed opinion including Elvira on top of having Bill Nye and a Batman Rogue - while she most certainly fits the Scooby aesthetic, it doesn’t feel as grand an impact after her weird little cameo in Return to Zombie Island (ugh) and I’m not sure how well the movie will balance her in wait a minute
wait just a
WAIT A MINUTE
Did - did that parade float skeleton just sing Crystal Cove as the town’s name?
oh no.
Oh No.
....also their song is terrible and they should feel terrible.
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Fred: We got him! Banh Mi Shop, second floor!
me: the heck is a Banh Mi Shop? *mild googling noises*
So I guess Jonathan Crane really had a craving for a Vietnamese sandwich before he enacted his Halloween scheme.
...you think he’s a lemongrass chicken type of guy or a BBQ pork guy? It’s always hard to guess at these things, esp when coffee and pumpkin spice aren’t on the table (as per fanon, of course)
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Velma: We have a flawless track record!
So I guess WB is just gonna ignore the past few DTV retcons established in 13 Ghosts and Return to Zombie Island?
I mean that rather defeats the purpose of them existing at all, but fcuk YEAH I can get behind throwing that retcon garbage out of canon!
And STAY OUT!!
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Shaggy, talking about ghosts being real: I’m like the boy who cried wolf - I keep warning you but like, you won’t believe me until I finally get eaten!
Yet again, Warner Bros makes a wolf reference to Shaggy. Yet again, I am torn asunder between wanting werewolf!Shaggy in a new Scooby property, and fearing for the appearance of werewolf!Shaggy in a new Scooby property.
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Velma: Point is, being afraid is a waste of time!
Scarecrow, LITERALLY EXPLODING THROUGH A BRICK WALL three buildings away:
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He’s floating through the air and t-posing to assert his dominance 🤣🤣🤣
Gods bless animation 😁
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Daphne @ Shag and Scoob locking themselves in the van: Are you serial?
Me: wait, SERIAL? *re-reads captions* yup, that says “serial”.
Is this an editing mistake? I don’t think that works here…unless that’s supposed to be a joke on how they always do this. But then why would that be an irritating surprise, they literally do this EVERY episode 🙄
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Oh hey, Red Herring’s Party Screams truck has Red Herring running out of it
Could this be a hint to how the story goes? The villain appearing on a literal Red Herring?
Naaaaaah, WB’s not THAT smart
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So if we take @captainbaddecisions crack theory on Jonathan Crane being Shaggy’s uncle seriously, does this mean that Jonathan is using magic to fly, float fear toxin orbs around himself, and making things explode, a la the family trait of Crack Theory A?
Logically he’s probs using wires or magnets or some shit, but it’s a fun thought to entertain 😁
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Welp, we finally get the opening credits! … with Jonathan Crane smashing through the Mystery Machine’s windshield, set to a slow poppy song straight from the 60s, and spewing the title of the film out in glittery pink mist.
All the while Scooby and Shaggy throw candy at each other, deliberately obtuse to the cloud of fear toxin enveloping their friends and the townsfolk, the steady destruction of the Mystery Machine they’re laying in as multiple cars crash into it and send it spiraling, and the general mayhem and destruction that Scarecrow is causing
Never change, guys, never change
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I just choked on my lemonade
There’s an article plastered to the roof of the Mystery Machine titled “Talking Dog Confounds, Ignites Ethics Debate Over Dog Labor”
ahahahahaha
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Annnnnnnnd there goes the Mystery Machine, tumbling in the air and over the roads with Shaggy and Scooby still inside without seat belts. Will they perish in this horrible road accident? Will Death finally come to claim them at last?
Of course not. This is Shaggy and Scooby we’re talking about - I’m almost positive they can survive anything up to and including a nuclear bomb. This is child’s play to them.
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So they “capture” Scarecrow… by pinning his cape to a tree with crossbow bolts.
And they do not try to at least tie up his arms or his hands in ANY capacity.
JUST the cape.
...you know, Velma, for a team with a “flawless” track record, you guys are making a hecking TON of mistakes in facing against one of Batman’s ROGUES GALLERY, ESPECIALLY with no Batman in sight, good freakin’ grief. 😩
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Yaaaaaaaaas, this Scarecrow design is LUSH
He’s got the lank, the height, the BTAS costume colors, the elongated face with beaky nose and pointed chin and angular cheekbones, the eyebags like Gucci, the furrowed brow… honestly the only thing missing is the more reddish color hair, and even that isn’t mandatory. I love 😍
Not to mention the HOT DAYUM voice he has - low and velvet rough and so godsdamned particular in a way that could either tie in to obscuring a southern accent as in fanon or just as a stringent academic, oh my yes. He’s voiced by someone called Dwight Schultz, who’s most well known for playing Captain ‘Howling Mad’ Murdock in the OG A-Team show, and someone called Reginald Barclay in Star Trek TNG and Voyager, if any of y’all know that character in particular.
And of course, the first line he says is a delightfully wry “Oh, but I AM getting away with it,” with the sort of smirk that absolutely lends credence to why he’s a threat to Batman, and not some simpering wimp that can be defeated with some crossbow bolts in a tree.
I think I’m going to enjoy this movie at least somewhat, so long as we get to see him 🥰🥰🥰
(tho on a side note: Daphne why on EARTH are you trying to film Crane saying the meddling kids line? Do you have a video compilation of past villains who’ve done that, and you hope to add his to it? Was your phone damaged when you went up against the Riddler a few DTVs ago and you want a second shot at recording a Gotham Rogue saying it? Bc I don’t think a Gotham Rogue would be too pleased with seeing himself as a Mystery Meme on the Youtubes, you get what I’m saying?)
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Okay, so the floating orb things are explained away as fear toxin bomb drones somehow… despite looking nothing like the other drones and being much smaller with no visible propulsion, while also flying unassisted through and around objects to explode against places once flung…
(tho interesting note, none of them are aimed directly at the crowds, just behind them - odd, that)
But how did he heckin’ FLY at the beginning?
Yeah, they show him wearing wrist-mounted grappling hooks at the end of the intro song sequence, but they are NOWHERE IN SIGHT at the beginning - and I do mean in sight, since he emerges against a backdrop of flames. There was nothing there (see the T-pose above for further evidence), and nothing there when he FLEW THROUGH THE MYSTERY MACHINE’S WINDSHIELD AND FLEW BACK OUT AGAIN. And these things are pale silver, which stands out like crazy against the darker backgrounds, so no hand-wavy ‘they were always being used’ bullcrap we’ve seen in other movies.
Hmmm *scribbles in notepad* note to self, add notation concerning Crack Theory A on magic!Shaggy to “Uncle Crane” theory files - evidence denotes that Crane is able to fly (or at least hover in mid-air unassisted) for terrorization purposes. May boost strength of CTA by family association, lending credence to magic inheritance along the bloodline...
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“Avocado Toast Generation”? Crane, I honestly don’t know if you really mean that, or if you understand just how much that phrase gets under any Millennial/Gen Z kid’s skin. Having seen multiple variations of your character, it really could swing either way (tho kudos on the dead switch idea - very nice 👍🏻)
Although this does lead to an interesting stand-off: Fred, upon seeing the town threatened with 3 days worth of fear toxin, immediately moves to let Crane go, while Velma stops him and refuses to consider compromising if it means Crane escapes. They both look legitimately frustrated at the other for taking the stance they do.
Fascinating~
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Hmmm
Crane honey, I don’t know if your drones are made of flash paper and hope, or if Scooby and Shaggy are using the reeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaally old candy (the stuff made about ~3 years ago most neighborhoods give out to the teenagers that knock around midnight on Halloween) to shoot them down, but either way you may wish to speak with the manufacturer about this
Then again, this IS Shaggy and Scooby - they probably could’ve spat marshmallows at the drones and brought them down with equal success and explosions
(and good on them for shooting those down! Atta boy 👍🏻)
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Aw dang it
1. They still have Crane captured and now in handcuffs (despite having… you know… NOT been bound by anything except cross bolts in his curtain cape thing)
2. Dwight Schultz has decided to pitch his voice higher and more nasally than what he has. Hopefully this is more of an incredulous sort of pitch than something that sticks for the rest of the movie, ugh.
Also, I think they’re framing the movie to be more Velma-centric this time around - she’s the one explaining to Crane how they tracked him down, apparently through a piece of fan mail he sent Elvira (is that the only reason she’s there? Also why was Velma examining random pieces of fan mail for toxins, Elvira probs gets hundreds a week irl) and it looks like they’re framing something up on how fear isn’t something you can pretend isn’t there. neat!
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whajit
53rd?
53rd?!?!
ONLY 53rd?!?!?!?!
Boooo, Scarecrow’s WAY more popular than that! I call foul
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Okay why is Daphne’s schtick so far to spit laaaaaaame slang after every sentence Velma says
I would rather this not be her schtick
Actually could she go back to filming mystery stuff, bc at least I can pretend it’ll build into the OG Zombie Island Daphne
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Phew, his voice has returned to its low, raspy goodness
also, Crane needs to learn about personal space, good grief
(interesting clue brought up tho - Crane only steals tech that CAN’T leak his toxin, ergo it can’t be tracked until he releases it. Sensible use, given that Batman probs tracks it if it does.)
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Velma: I’m not afraid of you, Crane. Fear is an illogical reaction to an imagined threat.
Crane:
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Crane: Fearless, then. Intelligent. Proud and stubborn. You remind me very much of the one person in this world I care about.
uhhhhhh
Yourself? Harley? Edward Nygma? Ichabod the raven? Idk, I’m honestly curious as to where this thread will go 🤔🤔🤔
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Fred, leaning against the Mystery Machine: Guys, it’s gonna be okay. She told me!
O_o
Fred? Honey? Are you sure you weren’t supposed to join Crane in the transport vehicle back to Arkham?
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OH SWEET JESUS SHAGGY GREW YAOI HANDS
WHAT THE HECK
THAT’S WAY MORE UNNERVING THEN YOU GUYS NOT BEING AFRAID ANYMORE
(although the fact that they’re both unsettled by NOT constantly shaking or having their heart racing is honestly kind of heartbreaking. Y’all need therapy, good grief)
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Shaggy and Scooby just chewed up candy (wrapper and all) to make themselves a Halloween costume of… what looks like barfed-up candy (ew)
Before then proceeding to dance so well that everyone around them also starts dancing in a 60s-70s era rainbow light show and giving them candy
I worry for these two sometimes - that kind of power seems to be getting to their head 😬😬😬
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Oh hey, acid green toxic waste is spilling from an 18-wheeler onto the Fear Toxin drones and emitting a purple pink haze that envelops a pumpkin patch! That won’t do anything suspicious at all I bet!
(wait is Poison Ivy going to come into this at some point)
(also major kudos to the music here - very 80s horror synth, I like)
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So the Pumpkins have grown faces, limbs, consciousness, the ability to fly and a lust for human flesh
And they appear to be led by the Pumpkin King of the Pumpkin Patch mentioned in the Charlie Brown Halloween special
He’s not as friendly as I pictured him being, sadly 😕
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Why is this random ass cop coming up to FD&V to say that they’re in over their heads… AFTER the mystery’s been solved?
Like dude, you’re only making yourself suspicious at this point, go home
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Huh, interesting - the gang are being interviewed for a tv news network while they’re considered the town heroes
Why am I getting bad vibes from this…
Eh, it’s probably nothing
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Velma: {Shaggy and Scooby} are, um… REALLY into the Halloween spirit.
Shaggy: THIS ISN’T COSPLAY, VELMA!
I’m dying 😂
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Holy Shit
Velma just snapped and went off on Shaggy and Scooby for acting scared and doing nothing to help wrap up the mystery
(even though these guys are the ONLY reason that the gang didn’t have to choose between setting Scarecrow free and poisoning the entire town for 3 days straight, but hey, what do I know - I’m just writing an in-depth reaction post to this movie and taking note of details like this, clearly I know nothing *eye roll*)
Last time I saw Velma critique the guys’ usual mystery solving shenanigans, it was much more low-key and without knowing they were nearby
But I’m sure that’s just a coincidence
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What the
Bills?
Bills?!?!
Fred just mentioned that fixing the Mystery Machine was going to leave a hefty bill and that they may need to get dishwashing jobs to earn money
Which is more of a job you might expect a high schooler to get on the go and yet
They actually have to pay bills
How old are they here??!
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wait a tic
THIS is how they introduce Bill Nye?
He just calls up Velma with no explanation other than Velma saying “Oh hey, it’s Bill Nye!”
I just - what?!?!
How do you know him so well that he can just pull up your number and call you, and then geT YOU A NEW FREAKING CAR LIKE
WHAT?!?!?!?
Was there a Scooby episode with him in the past two years where the fcuk did this come from
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Also the car is dressed like Bill Nye
And he can talk to the gang directly as the car
So that he can solve mysteries with them whenever he wants
This… this was not what I was expecting to come about from the Bill Nye cameo
(alas, poor predictions of being Crane’s roommate, you will not come to pass this day) 😔
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Ooooo, purple haze throbbing on the horizon! That’s always a good sign of things to come! 😀
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And now Daphne’s… asking Elvira to mentor her fashion wise. And Elvira’s taking her on as her unpaid intern/personal assistant.
Yooo, movie, can you pick a direction and stick with it for Daphne? You’ve gone from her spewing outdated slang to wanting a costume for trick-or-treating, and now this.
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Welp, now I can say I saw a giant pumpkin dog vore an old woman
I didn’t WANT to see that mind, but I guess I can say it now 😐
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OH SHIT NO
IT TURNED HER INTO A FLYING PUMPKIN SHAPED LIKE HER FACE
ABSOLUTELY UNSETTLING, 0/10 WOULD NOT RECOMMEND
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At least we get a nice scene of Daphne kicking the pumpkins’ collective butt
Something normal
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Elvira: WOW! You’re a regular Mary Sue!
*falls over cackling*
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And now there’s a giant purple fissure opening up in the concrete to swallow the town of Crystal Cove whole
(good, i whisper softly into the darkness of my living room. Let it fall)
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Man, I feel so bad for this single father right now
He’s gotten wrapped up in all of this nonsense with his daughter, and he is just Distraught at being chased by Jackal Lanterns, having the town collapsing under his feet, and having to gorge jump in his sedan to get away from the worst of it
It’s okay, Mike Dad - we would feel the same way in your shoes
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Hologram Bill Nye is wearing Cat ears and cat whiskers/nose, and is cleaning his hands like a cat cleans its paws
Why was this the movie we found out Bill Nye was a furry
Why Warner Bros
Why would you inflict this upon us in a Scooby Doo-Scarecrow mystery
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Hey, can Jonathan Crane return now? The movie needs its dignity back.
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A clue on the whys here - the town was built on top of a MASSIVE lithium deposit, with the talks to mine it being scrapped due to environmental concerns. That’s actually a decent lead in for why some
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Welp
The Jackal Lanterns just went full Mad Max with the Halloween Parade floats and cars
No, I don’t have any idea why either, just roll with it
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Nice, they confirmed that Fred’s full name is still Frederick Herman Jones XD
Also a great little action sequence with Daphne - while there’s not much movement, they frame the scene dynamically, with some good quick wordplay. Very nice.
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Velma has a mind palace
Aight
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Velma: Shaggy, I could kiss you!
Oh, to hear this as a child, when I still hardcore shipped Shelma *sigh*
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Oh thank gods we’re going back to Scarecrow again
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Shaggy ate some Scooby Snacks, leapt out of a moving vehicle, and onto the backs of two flying pumpkins that he promptly reined in to fly to Crane’s prison transport
...yet again, I am amazed at the sentences I am led to type for Scooby Doo DTVs
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Ah, how very Hannibal Lector of you, Jon
Man, he actually looks very meek in normal clothes - red long-sleeved shirt and grey slacks
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Hmmm
So Crane ISN’T behind the Jackal Lanterns - in fact he’s outright befuddled by them. This means his whole spiel to Velma earlier about both of them being caught in the same trap was… metaphorical? The breakdown doesn’t actually go into WHY he thinks they’re in the same trap - Crane’s whole schtick is tied to accepting fear, not denying it, so why would they be the same?
Either way, someone is using both him and Mystery Inc to do something to Crystal Cove (please be Red Herring, please be Red Herring, please be Red Herring)
Actually, that reference at the beginning really WAS a red herring - they framed it as being Jon the whole time when it wasn’t. Kudos!
Additional kudos to having Jon be seen more out of mask than in - he is a looker, and I aim to look as much as I can ;)
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Annnnd Daphne’s now trying to convince Elvira to switch clothes with her
I don’t get it - how on earth did we get from Daphne trying to find a good costume for trick-or-treating to asking Elvira to switch oh there it is nevermind.
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There is literally a scene where a giant buzzsaw is slicing towards Crane
and he just
stares at it
going “huh, that’s different”
And I LOVE IT
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And here we have another fascinating scene: Velma going to free Crane from his cell, as Daphne tells her to just leave him to die by pumpkin
I’m wondering if they meant to draw a parallel between the two here - Velma starts by reciting a nursery rhyme, then overcoming her fears in order to release madness to take control. It’s not done very cleanly - mainly bc we barely have any time with Crane in this movie - but I wonder if they meant to insinuate that Crane was like Velma once, where he refused to acknowledge he was afraid, which caused him to lose focus on his initial goals
Idk, ignore my ramblings
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Crane, smirking: I’ll need my personal effects - extenuating circumstances.
Me, fanning myself: I’ll need you to remove yours first
(i am not even kidding, Crane is an absolute DILF in this movie and it flusters me. Stupid sexy animation)
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YAAAAAAAAAAASSSSS
SCARECROW TO THE MOTHERFCUKING RESCUE BABY, SCYTHE AND FCUKING ALL!!!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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FCUK YEAH THE GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING
HE HAS A DANCE LIKE QUALITY WITH SOME OF HIS FIGHTING MOVES
VIOLENT DANCING BRINGS THE GIANT JACKAL LANTERN DOWN BABY
THEN HE BACKFLIPS AND GYMNASTIC SWINGS INTO THE VAN
ROCK IT SCARECROW FCUKING ROCK IT
(minor note here, but the subtitles show Dr. Crane instead of Scarecrow - unsure if that’s more that the movie calls him Dr Crane or if it indicates he’s acting more heroic than villainous)
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GODDAMNIT
THE GIANT PUMPKIN SNUCK VINES INTO THE VAN AND STOLE HIM BACK
WHEN CRANE WAS... wearing a seatbelt before, but isn’t now.
...
BOOOOO
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Yet again, we find a Scooby movie that attempts character development, but with Velma
Unlike Shaggy’s Showdown however, I’m mixed on how successful it is.
For starters, Velma hasn’t been this cocksure in other DTVs we’ve seen, so it’s a bit odd to see it now. While not 100% out of place - after all, the gang DID capture one of Batman’s Rogues Gallery on their own - it still feels a touch forced. Compare that to Shaggy’s Showdown, where Shaggy has ALWAYS been a coward (one that, in more recent years, writers have had willing to abandon his friends for safety), so the character development there feels more natural.
The progression of events with Velma actually work somewhat okay - but again, here’s where past DTVs come to bite them in the ass. The past handful have had the gang be wrong, have had them fail, or catch the wrong guy. This makes Velma’s attitude here at odds with the other films, something that sticks more due to a character that’s appeared in the past few films as a minor inconvenience - a Sheriff who keeps telling the gang not to interfere, they’re doing things wrong, etc. If this had been a character who was completely wrong in the past AND SHOWN TO BE WRONG FOR HIS OPINIONS, while the gang never guessed wrong, this would work much better. Unfortunately, it doesn’t, and here we are.
I think it would have flowed better if Velma’s cockiness came solely from catching Crane on their own. Have a random cop character or reporter or whatever (just not the recurring cop), insinuate that the gang is in too deep with Scarecrow, that he should be handled by the adults or professionals or whatever. Velma could bristle, overcompensate, and THEN fall from her pedestal like we see, reach out to the gang and commiserate over feeling scared, and grow. Again, it’s not too far to reach for, but they handle it poorly; as a result, the outcome feels a little more shoehorned in.
It’s an honest shame, bc we haven’t had a Velma centered story since Frankencreepy, and we all remember what a hideous fcuking mess THAT was *shudders*. Still, it somewhat gets its point across, I guess.
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Fred why did you rip your shirt off
Actually better question why do you not have nipples
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Awwwwwww
Velma just apologized to Shag and Scoob for snapping at them earlier, and admits how she doesn’t appreciate how much they make Mystery Inc what it is
Also she eats a Scooby Snack with them and admits they taste pretty good
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Huh
Velma’s mind palace is the Mystery Machine driving through space
Also Shaggy and Scooby are able to telepathically follow her in and communicate with her
Literally, they actually followed her into her head telepathically, and show her their memories of things she hasn’t gotten to see tonight (while also possibly enhancing her ability to remember things, given how much DETAIL she captures perfectly of things that she would maybe have glimpsed in a millisecond AT MOST)
...another tally for Crack Theory A of magic! Shaggy and Scooby *scribbles*
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Fred, be very very thankful that there are no people operating those pumpkins in person cause uhhhh
Those traps would be spraying red instead of orange
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Another weird music choice - the gang goes up to fight the Jackal Lanterns, but the music is the same 60s bubble we heard earlier
Not terribly atmospheric, really
(wouldn’t a Smashing Pumpkins cover of Scooby Doo be more appropriate, or did you guys spend all your money on hiring Elvira and Bill Nye?)
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Dang
Velma just admitted her fears and jumped into the mouth of the Mega Pumpkin, before getting Fred to use the app from earlier to shut it down, revealing it to be a giant drone surrounded by smaller pumpkin drones
This feels… counterintuitive, but I’ll try to explain at the end
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Okay
I’ll admit it
The Whodunnit is actually pretty decent in concept
There was a sprinkling of tidbits that could be assembled for the final conclusion and still make a decent amount of sense, all to find the sheriff doing it
Only he isn’t a sheriff
He’s a former Tech CEO who was also busted by the gang years ago in a case the Sheriff kept bringing up throughout the movie - due to his prison sentence, he lost more than half his wealth and the opportunity to expand it further with the Crystal Cove Lithium deposits
He was also someone who sold tech to Crane for his fear toxin distribution, where he got the idea to frame him for it
(tho on a side note, Crane is an absolute dork and a terrible liar - just look at the email he sent XD and that profile pic, my gods)
He deliberately picked at the gang for the past few DTVs (specifically 2: Return to Zombie Island and Curse of the 13th Ghost) to fracture their confidence, undermine them, etc - all so that in one fell swoop, he could retake his fortune, frighten everyone in town away from the mines so they couldn’t interfere, frighten away the gang (while also ruining their reputation as mystery solvers), and take Crane off the docket so he couldn’t identify the CEO when he pretended to be the sheriff
This… is actually a pretty damn good plan, for a Scooby villain. He was patient, manipulative, and clever, learning how best to tie up loose ends and win back what he lost. A clever revenge story that came so close to coming to fruition, and could have honestly been sold convincingly…
...if it hadn’t been done so much better in Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed.
Yeeeaaaah, this movie basically lifts the rough framework up from that one - past mystery villain comes back to attack the gang and ruin their reputation (tho this one decides to also make his fortune back and tie up loose ends with former criminal contacts, a la Crane). Gang is embarrassed in front of the news folk, another villain is framed for it (like Old Man Wickles of the Black Knight fame), and the gang must reconcile to foil the villain for good.
Although it also??? Merges elements of Frankencreepy in it?? The movie is focused on Velma, who is struggling to admit when she’s wrong (which ties into her fear, somehow… I’ll think on that point a little) and things purportedly go haywire when she won’t bend. This… isn’t illustrated as well here, since there’s very little direct cause-and-effect from Velma’s actions that would prove this point - that insisting her way is the right, best, and therefore only way to go ends up making things worse.
As much as I despised Frankencreepy (and I DESPISED IT), it did do that part well - showing that refusing to budge on something can lead to you hurting your friends (literally, in that one), and that admitting you were wrong and need help isn’t the end of the world.
(that movie also had former villains returning to gain vengeance upon the gang using psychological warfare, hm - may need to go over that one again, unfortunately).
It’s a shame, too - the basic elements for this plot are all here, they just need to be polished and reworked a bit to make a really fascinating movie.
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Anyways, back to the asshat CEO who just… faked being a sheriff. Because white people can get away with that so long as they have the outfit and the car *throws up hands* (the sad part is this is probably something that actually happens)
As he drives away we see a familiar silhouette looming in the cornfields, watching him approach
Velma had Bill Nye on speaker, so he could record the entire confession for the federal officers nearby (who were taking Scarecrow back to Arkham), and track the phone signal to his exact location
And right as his holographic call cuts out, we see the shadow of a Scarecrow looming over him, causing him to scream.
When the feds arrive at his final location, both his body and the money have vanished. The car still sits, engine running, before the crows leering over him from the field vanish into the sky.
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Now that he’s dead, the gang walks and finds themselves at a Halloween party, with friendly faces and good food. The mystery is solved, though the culprit may never be found again.
Then Daphne admits to NOT trying to steal Elvira’s costume for Halloween, but instead trying to steal Elvira’s identity and replace her.
Something that she’s apparently nearly gotten away with on past mysteries working with Phillis Diller
*sighs* movie, why couldn’t you just stick to the costume schtick? This is just… so much worse.
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From there, Elvira walks off to wrap things up, reveal the monster face on the back of her head sans wig (which was also a monkey), and start the credits, where we see the gang working to bring the Mystery Machine back to its former glory a la Frankenstein pastiche.
This movie… this movie is a hot mess, but at least it’s an OKAY hot mess.
It really does feel like someone started writing a decent Velma-focused movie concerning the Scarecrow and a past Mystery Inc villain interfering, but was bogged down by notes from higher-ups: Wait! Write in Elvira! Also write in Bill Nye! Hey, let’s have a Mad Max car chase with the Jackal Lanterns! And have Daphne obsessed with literally becoming Elvira! Also make reference to things that we’ll insist be explained this way instead of a way that makes sense! Great!
(seriously tho, we never find out who Crane cares about most that reminds him of Velma, what the heck?)
It’s like two or three different scripts were smooshed together without being cleaned up - stuff is said that doesn’t get resolved, the celebrity guests don’t get to breathe much and feel squished together, and the build-up for the villain feels… less impactful, even knowing that he’s been in the past two films.
It might have worked if he’d been in… let’s say like 5 or 6 DTVs in a row, speaking roles for dissing the gang growing in each (ex start with “Good job kids! But maybe next time, leave it to the professionals, okay?” and growing more bitter from there), but only 2 feels kind of meh. Still, I do appreciate the clues we got to collect together, and they all work in the final breakdown of the scheme - some DTVs can feel like they pull stuff completely out of nowhere, so kudos there.
I appreciate what they wanted to do with Velma - give her a character development arc similar to Shaggy’s in Shaggy’s Showdown. Unfortunately, it wasn’t set up quite so neatly: they blended her ‘refusal to admit fear’ with her overconfidence that she was always right, and it led to a weird conclusion. To face her fears, she leapt into the Giant Pumpkin, which… proved that she was right all along about it being fake, and that solves things somehow. It doesn’t address how she can get something wrong sometimes, it doesn’t really address what she’s afraid of (which is honestly quite good: she’s afraid of failing in a way that allows bad guys to escape justice and in a way that hurts her friends), it’s just a bit of a mess. Points for aiming the focus the right way (and in a way that DOESN’T sexualize the underage teenage girl, unlike some DTVs cough cough Frankencreepy cough cough), but it’s very very messy how it goes about it.
The movie actually balanced pretty well for the whole gang - no excessive focus on one leaving the rest in the dust (too much at least - Fred was a touch underdeveloped, but nowhere near as annoying as past iterations have been. Shaggy and Scooby were kind of meh in some places but great in others, while Daphne was just odd. I think they were trying to recapture the BCSD Daphne characterization, but they failed. Still, she did spend some good time kicking ass with the pumpkins, so that was fun.
Now for the Rogue, Jonathan Crane. If you like Crane, this movie gives you: maniacal Scarecrow, calm and creepy Crane, a brief glimpse at fanboy!Crane (he admits in his own awkward way that he’s a fan of Elvira, and later tells her he loves her work - it’s fun), and (best of all for me) a heroic Crane - one who helps the protagonists and ends up kicking ass pretty damn well, brief as it was. And while DILF Crane is always a treat, he feels underutilized in this. In comparison, Scooby Doo/Batman Brave and the Bold really utilized a lot of different aspects of Riddler, to the point he actually does feel pretty menacing by the third act. It’s a shame we don’t quite get that with Crane, but I do love seeing him 1. More out of mask, and 2. Acting as a good guy (in his own way), so he’s enjoyable on the whole.
I kind of wish that the whole movie was spent more with Crane, but again, the script is a bit of a mess on this part - the fact that he’s not completely screwed over is a goddamn miracle.
Elvira was… okay. She didn’t have much of a purpose beyond getting the plot started and giving Daphne some hooks to play off of. Bill Nye (abrupt as his introduction was) did provide some necessary elements to the mystery, as well as the tech; he wasn’t too bad by the end. (still a touch bitter we didn’t get ex roommate Nye, but hey, what can you do)
Humor was… mixed. Some good, some meh, but very few long enough to feel painful. Some bits felt extraneous at times, but they did help to build to the conclusion, so points for effort.
At the end of the day though, I’m probably keeping this more for Jonathan Crane than anyone else. It does have a lot of fanfic potential tho 🤔🤔🤔
That’s all from me tonight, folks! Hope you enjoyed my own little breakdown of the movie.
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Ooo I'm curious about your hot takes on the Inuyasha reboot after reading your tags 👀
Ahaha, where to start XD Idk if they are hot takes, but here are my thoughts in bullet point form for coherency, I couldn’t figure out how else to organize them. Under a cut, as usual, because it got lengthy... as usual :D
We are 13 episodes in, and I still have no idea wtf is going on or what the series is actually about. And yes, I’m aware that we didn’t know of Naraku’s existence or of the overarching plot until at least episode 16 of that series either and Inuyasha was still very episodic in nature at that early point too, but here’s the thing: Inuyasha did not build upon a pre-existing series. For better or for worse, Yashahime has certain expectations to live up to that the original anime didn’t, by virtue of its being a sequel. Unfair? Maybe, but tough; that’s what happens when you make a sequel. Additionally, despite us not knowing The Main Plot™ of Inuyasha until later, the basic framework for it was laid out clearly by... episode 2? I think? Find and collect the Shikon Jewel shards. Boom, done. Were there distractions or fillers? Sure, but you never got the sense that the characters simply up and forgot about the shards. Even in fillers, the shards often made some kind of appearance. With Yashahime, there’s like three potential storylines going on:
1. The most obvious: most of our main cast from the OG is missing; where are they? Apparently no one in-story cares! :D Inuyasha, who’s that lol. I’m all for a sequel focusing on the new generation with cameos of the old crew; after all, they already had their own series. But this is like... no one cares about them? No one talks about them? And the more characters go about not mentioning them, the stronger their absence is felt. Like, for instance, Kaede knows Moroha is InuKag’s daughter. Moroha grew up on her own, doesn’t know her parents. Kaede doesn’t mention them to Moroha, doesn’t even spare a passing thought about them for the audience’s benefit, Moroha doesn’t ask. Kagome’s family in the present day meet Moroha, recognize her as Kagome’s daughter and... say nothing??? Souta shows Towa Kagome and Inuyasha’s old photos, but doesn’t say a word to Moroha?! Like. It makes no sense. By people not even acknowledging their existence, it makes the fact that they are nowhere to be found even weirder. Also the new gen girls don’t care about their parents or finding out who they were/are... like, okay, it would maybe be in character for one or two of them, but all three don’t give a fuck???
2. Kirinmaru/the rainbow pearls: Idk how familiar you are with the story, but similar deal with Naraku and the shards here. Kirinmaru is being set up as the villain, still a mysterious figure; our new gen trio is supposed to collect the rainbow pearls that... some of his henchmen have? Or he is after them? Or is that Riku? Unclear. ANYWAY the new gen girls often forget all about the pearls’ existence :D
3. Setsuna’s memories: Setsuna’s dreams have been stolen by the dream butterfly and they need to get them back, because without her dreams she has no memories and is unable to sleep. Cool! Finally a solid, easy-to-follow plot line! Except wait! Towa, who supposedly made it her goal to get Setsuna’s sleep back, forgets all about it! All the time! Like, none of them make an effort to look into this other than being like “oh yeah, know anything about the dream butterfly?” to random folks every now and then. The Inugang back in the day was putting some grad school level research towards their goals, just saying.
It just feels like everything’s all wishy-washy and there’s nothing really solid tying the series together. People just remember shit exists when it’s convenient.
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Character development is MIA. I’m not expecting ground-breaking char dev in 13 episodes (though I do know 12 episode series that were phenomenal in that regard), but like... I do expect the series to focus on building the dynamics between the main three characters. So far, the series is more focused on teasing the audience with glimpses and promises of the OG cast instead. The creators are using nostalgia and bait (esp of a certain pairing) to drive interest in the series, rather than developing the new characters as fully-fledged characters for their own sakes.
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Moroha is was the only thing I actually liked about the series. She is a little spitfire and you can somehow instantly see both Inuyasha and Kagome in her, while she also remains very uniquely herself; I have never seen such a successfully developed main pairing child in any series. She featured quite prominently in the first few episodes -- and unlike both her parents, she’s got a great memory and knowledge of lore -- where she balanced funny moments with badass fighting moments and being the token supernatural encyclopedia. It was great! And then... they’ve like... forgotten her. She’s been left behind so many times by the twins. She’s the butt of every joke. She’s become the type of comic relief that’s, well, insulting. More like a buffoon than anything else. And it’s basically all for the sake of giving the floor to Towa :/
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Setsuna is okay. Not offensive, but unremarkable. She’s got her dad’s personality but like way toned down due to her different growing up circumstances, which is nice, but like... I feel she isn’t given any room to grow or breathe or anything. She’s also basically there as a device to enhance Towa’s development.
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Towa... oy. I tried to like her, I really did, but she just doesn’t work for me. They set her up having a very Kurosaki Ichigo type deal with beating up bullies and getting into trouble at school and shit -- I’m fine with that. That’s cool. Esp if it’s linked to not feeling like she fits in bc she’s a hanyou? Awesome. Except once she travels back in time to the feudal era it’s all “Oh killing is bad you shouldn’t kill people” and “even though they attacked me I can’t possibly hurt them” and “you need to empathize and talk things out” and “friendship is magic” and shit. It feels like she had a personality transplant, it literally makes no sense. Her design is totally nonsensical too -- out of everyone at her school, she’s the only one dressed in a bright white suit? Do protags not wear the school uniform? Someone should tell Kagome lmao. She’s a pro at hand to hand, and she can absorb demons’ powers and fling them back at them like a personified Tessaiga, and she has a lightsaber sword, and she’s immune to miasma, and -- like... you get it. It’s too much. It’s way too OP for the type of universe that Inuyasha/Yashahime is set in. She’s hanyou for fuck’s sake; remember all the training Inuyasha had to go through? When he couldn’t lift his sword? When his sword attacked him? Sango, Miroku, Kagome, even Sesshomaru all had trouble with their weapons and had to work to become stronger. But Towa? Nope. Towa is straight out of the Yas Queen/Girl Boss manual, so she gets a free pass on everything.
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UGH they are doing the VLD/bad writing thing where things happen (like, BIG THINGS) and none of the characters actually react to them. Or stuff happens and there are no consequences. No one ever talks about anything. It’s wild.
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Everyone has amnesia!! :D People either don’t know or don’t remember anything or anyone. People who absolutely should know things all of a sudden magically don’t know them. Like, Kohaku -- traveled with an undead priestess, spent years in the company of demons, traveled with Sesshomaru... and yet had NO CLUE that Setsuna is Sesshomaru’s daughter or that she is hanyou, despite her living and working with his team of demon slayers all this time. Like... how, man. How. And Kaede! Don’t get me started. Since when does she perpetuate random demon-boogeyman type stories as facts? Demon children will kill each other in the nest so that only the strongest one will survive, therefore Setsuna must have killed Towa when they were infants. O_O What are they, sharks? Has she been hanging out with Kisame? Wtf?? And she’s speaking about Sess’s kids as though she doesn’t know him or anything about him, when she has had Rin under her roof all these years. It just makes. no. sense.
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Things that happened in the original series are happening again now! Because that’s the best we’ve got, recycled plot elements wooo! No, but really, characters that died or things that were resolved in Inuyasha keep coming back. Why? What was the purpose of bringing back Kinka and Ginka? To have a foil for Towa and Setsuna as twins? Someone please tell Sunrise they can just create new characters. Like, it’s one thing to have call backs to the original or cameos, references, whatever. But like... this is entire (dead) characters and interactions.
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No one knows how long it’s been since the original series ended. Fans initially heard 20 years from promo material, then “over 15″ and “10 years since” in-series regarding two different events, and now in a future episode summary we’ve gotten 18 years since Hosenki II gave Inuyasha the black pearl. But like, which black pearl? Because the one in Inuyasha’s eye doesn’t exist anymore, but Hosenki II had told Inuyasha that it would take 100 years for him to produce one. So, are we retconning that or where the fuck did it come from? Also, this doesn’t help one bit, it just confuses things even more. Back to the point, though, we have no coherent timeline or real frame of reference whatsoever, and I’m betting it’s in large part to keep the mystery of who is Sesshomaru’s wife going, as it keeps Rin’s age very vague. Everything is vague and mysterious in Yashahime, to the point where no one knows what’s going on, in fandom or in-story even. It’s kinda like how too much plot twist/shock reveal ruins a story, too much mystery does the same. It’s insane that both shippers and antis of that ship can lay equal claim that the “18 years since” announcement works in their favor.
tl;dr: Idk man, Yashahime is a clusterfuck of a series. Even if the mother of Sess’s twins is either of the characters I ship him with, I will still not like the series. There’s no saving this writing. Every episode feels like this:
#baked-hylian#i've been wanting to rant for a while about this series thanks for enabling me! :D#i'm actually not upset about this sequel which is amazing; i thought for sure it would impact my love for the OG but nope!#it is so wild and out there that my brain literally cannot comprehend it as part of the same material#i'm just watching it out of the kind of morbid curiosity you'd watch a horrifying experiment with#and watching the fandom drama too ofc#popcorn in hand#so it's a win-win all around ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#talk: yh
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the only reason this didn’t turn into a 40 million page thing is because i reigned it in after i wrote the og idea out. because the og idea is done and over within the 3 first pages. the rest is just bonus. do you like soft and fluff and silly? here is soft and fluff and silly.
Fly me to the Moon
Étienne thanked the cab driver and bounced out of the car. He grasped his bag tightly in his hands and couldn’t help but grin as he looked up at the house in front of him. He took a deep breath to still his erratic beating heart and fished out his phone from his sweater pocket. He fidgeted from one foot to the other, a bouncing ball of energy ready to go off in every which direction as he thumbed through his phone to find the correct contact. His thumb hovered over the call button for a moment before he pressed down.
The phone rang once.
The phone rang twice.
The phone rang a third time and Étienne started to think that maybe his carefully well thought out plan would backfire on him.
The phone started to ring a fourth time, when finally, it picked up.
“Hey there, hot stuff,” Étienne said, trying his best not to shout his excitement in the phone.
“Curly?” Edward asked, from the other line, “I wasn’t expecting your call this early; to what do I owe the pleasure?”
Étienne could hear the smile in Edward’s voice and it only made him even more excited, “I was thinking, we should do lunch together,” He heard Edward laugh and part of him yearned to hear it in person instead of over the phone.
“Man, I wish we could. Promise we can go out for lunch when I get back home,” He sounded ever so fond that for a moment, Étienne paused just to cherish the way it made him feel.
“Alright, but humour me, let’s say we could do lunch, right now, where would you take me?” Étienne started pacing around his bag, not able to stand still any longer.
“Hmm,” Edward started, thinking, “Well, depends, are you in the mood for anything in particular?”
“You mean other than you?”
Edward swore and Étienne laughed, silently pleased with himself.
“Be serious.”
“Fine,” He thought about it for a moment – actually thought about it, but he was exhausted and he knew that wherever Edward would take him would be perfect, “I don’t know – I’m sure there’s at least one place you haven’t taken me yet.”
Edward pondered this for a moment. Étienne had visited him twice over the past two summers and they had gone to a bunch of different places. It had been nice to show Étienne some of the restaurants he had enjoyed going to and he had been ever so relieved when Étienne had enjoyed every single one. Not that he had worried.
“Oh! How about sushi? We never got around to going to Kyoto the last time! They were closed for holiday one year and last year they were doing renovations.”
“Yes! I’ve honestly heard you go on about this place for the past million years. Let’s go, I’m famished.”
Edward laughed again, deep and rich and it did funny things to Étienne’s insides. “I wish we could, Bouclé, I really do. It would be a nice date. If only the distance between Montreal and Edmonton wasn’t so big...”
Étienne chewed on his bottom lip once more and did his utmost best not to giggle like a lunatic, “It’ll be a great date, you mean. Now, put your shoes on, get your keys and let’s go.”
There was a great big moment of silence and Étienne could almost hear the cogs turn in Edward’s head. “What are you talking about, Maisonneuve?”
“You, me, sushi, yes?”
“Unless I missed something in this conversation, I don’t see how that could happen,” Edward said carefully, slowly, trying to make sense of his boyfriend.
“Why don’t you step outside and see for yourself?”
From inside of the house, Edward Murphy’s heart skipped a beat and turned on itself for one hot second. He clearly was not hearing right and his boyfriend was definitely not implying what he was implying. There was just no actual sense to it. Étienne hadn’t mentioned anything, they hadn’t discussed anything of the sorts. Therefore, this was just a clever little trick of his mind – or a dream, or something.
“Come on, Eddy, come outside,” Étienne prompted and Edward somehow or other walked from his bedroom where he’d been sorting through his closet, went down the hall, towards his front door and paused with his hand on the doorknob. He didn’t dare look through the peephole, afraid of what he may or may not find on the other side, and instead took a deep, steadying breath.
“Whatever game you’re playing at...” He warned. He heard Étienne laugh and finally braced himself for whatever it was his crazy boyfriend had concocted this time around.
Edward opened the door and stepped out. The sun hit him in the face and he glared for a moment, shielding his face with his free hand. He looked around for a moment and then froze dead in his tracks.
There was absolutely no fucking way this wasn’t some dream.
Down the walkway, standing on the curb of the street, wearing sweat pants and a t-shirt, overstuffed bag at his feet stood Étienne in all his sunshiny disposition.
Edward blinked to make sure he was really there and his brain confirmed it was his boyfriend and not some lookalike. (The hallucination option hadn’t been written off yet.) There was the same tousled curly hair, bright smile, and intelligent eyes behind designer frames. For some strange reason, his boyfriend was here, standing in front of his house, and Edward’s brain was short-circuiting.
“What the fuck?!” He asked, because it seemed it was the only intelligible thing he was able to say at the current moment.
“Surprise!” Étienne beamed and started making his way towards him, confirming even more that this was real.
Edward remained rooted to his spot, unable to move and simply watched, transfixed. Étienne took great leaps to close the distance between them and in a few short seconds, they were only inches apart. Étienne stopped short at that point and seemed to hesitate mid launch, as if he didn’t want to break Edward. They stood there for a few seconds, Edward still as dumbfounded as ever, while Étienne looked at him with a shy but overjoyed smile.
“Hi!” Étienne said, his smile widening, if that was even possible and Edward could see the dimples in his cheeks and watch the way his green-brown eyes danced nervously over his face. His brain slowly caught up with reality and made him aware of the fact that he could actually reach out to Étienne and hold him tight. That he could feel his sun kissed skin under the palm of his hands and kiss every inch of his face if he so desired.
It took him another moment or so, but finally his brain booted itself back in action and he was the one who closed the distance between them. Edward launched himself at Étienne and wrapped him in the tightest of hugs, making sure that he was really physically here. Étienne laughed and hugged him back, trying his best not to lose his footing. Edward yelped when Étienne spun him around for a half turn and when he was back on solid ground, Edward pulled back a fraction to fully look at Étienne.
“What the fuck. Are you doing here.” He finally asked. A frown washed over his face as a multitude of questions danced in his head. He knew Étienne could be an impulsive fool and that his number one pastime seemed to be to make him go crazy, but this warranted an explanation. This was too much, even by Étienne’s standards.
“I’m working here for the week.” Étienne admitted and that clarified absolutely nothing for poor Edward.
“Elaborate.”
Étienne laughed and Edward did his best not to let a smile crack through his face. He could be stupid pleased his boyfriend was here after he scolded him for being ridiculous, “MU’s doing a collab with some international artists on a mural in Edmonton. They were looking for two people from the team to come and help out. There was a whole application process and since I knew you were coming back home for the summer to work, I figured I could apply. If I got picked then it meant we’d be in the same city for one week and I could surprise you.” It sounded like a logical explanation, but it didn’t mean Edward accepted it.
“This is illegal – you’re not allowed to concoct these devilish plans and not let me know beforehand.”
Étienne knew Edward wasn’t actually mad at him. Had he been, his boyfriend wouldn’t still be holding on to him, arms around his waist, looking like a besotted fool, “At first I didn’t want to say anything, in case I didn’t get chosen, and then I wanted to surprise you and I think it worked rather well.” He beamed, pleased. The bastard.
“Okay, but wait, hold on, how did you get here? And where are you staying? And how does any of this even work?”
“I rode on a water buffalo,” He deadpanned and got a hit to his chest for his efforts, “I took the early flight out of Montreal, took a cab at the airport, since I wanted to get here ASAP and now I’m here. MU’s putting me up in a hotel downtown and I thought...” He trailed off for a moment there and looked a little uncertain and shy. Edward thought he looked adorable and he wanted to kiss his nose. But not right now. Right now he was Upset. “I thought maybe you could – we could stay there together...” He added, his cheeks taking on a rather lovely shade of pink, “I know you work – and I’ll also be working, but this way we can at least go to sleep together and have breakfast together – or just supper, or whatever, really, but I thought it would be nice. Also because I really miss you and I know you’re coming back soon, but – this could be nice,” He rambled on, a nervous trait of his Edward also thought was endearing. He put a hand up and Étienne fell silent.
“Yes, to all of that, now come inside and help me pack.” He took on his best no-nonsense voice and Étienne laughed at his antics. For Edward, it was better for his poor heart if he just – went with this and stopped trying to question it.
Étienne nodded and followed him inside, all the while holding on to Edward’s hand. He had enough time to put his bag on the floor and shuck his shoes off, once they were in, before Edward crowded him against the door and kissed him hard, taking him a little by surprise.
“You absolute mad man,” He murmured against his lips and Étienne went limp in Edward’s arms, perfectly content. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me,” Étienne grinned, trying to look as innocent as he could and pulled Edward closer to him. He hadn’t seen him in actual literal weeks, his plan had worked out perfectly and he was rather pleased with himself. It was nice, having Edward pressed up against him. He liked it when his boyfriend manhandled him and he could tell that Edward was all flustered and bothered by this surprise. The expression on his face was simply adorable; from his little frown to his cute pout and Étienne was eating it right up. He hoped he could keep pulling stunts like these for years to come.
“You have no idea how hard it was not to tell you. I must have almost slipped half a dozen times over our calls,” Especially during late night calls, when Étienne would be snuggled up in bed, comfortable, with his phone propped up beside him. He would close his eyes from time to time to imagine Edward beside him and sometimes, it had worked. It was during those moments, when Edward would tell him about his day and what he’d done that Étienne would catch himself before saying something daft like “why don’t we go there when I’m over” or “can’t wait for you to show me in a few weeks.”
“Yeah? Well, why don’t you tell me all about it while you help me pack?” There was a mischievous glint to Edward’s eyes that made Étienne’s face split into an even larger grin and sent butterflies to his stomach. He nodded again, eager, and followed his boyfriend to his bedroom. If they stopped once or twice along the way to exchange one or two more hungry kisses, no one was there to call them out on it.
April had been such a very long time ago.
--
Packing turned into more disbelief (on Edward’s part), which turned into more teasing (from Étienne), which had led to more kissing (to shut Étienne up), which gave room for wandering hands, which had Edward pull Étienne to his bed to properly make up for lost time, which Étienne had been more than happy to oblige in. Lunch could wait and Edward’s parents’ were still out. This was an opportunity that simply couldn’t be passed.
“I miss you...” Étienne told him, as he caressed Edward’s features with the tip of his finger, tracing over his brow, down the slope of his nose, across his cheek and over his lips. Edward blushed, a lovely shade of pink Étienne thought went well with his complexion, and he snuggled closer to his boyfriend, twining their legs together. “It’s not the same when you’re not home,” He added, almost as an afterthought, even if they both knew that it meant a lot to Étienne and that it carried its own weight and truth.
“Miss you too, you fool, even if I’m still in shock that you went behind my back like that,” He poked at Étienne’s chest to accentuate his point, but his boyfriend simply took his hand to press a tender kiss to it. “Anyways,” He said, trying to recover – Étienne was going to be the death of him if he kept this up, “It shouldn’t be for much longer – I mean, in a permanent way. Now that I’m done with my master’s, I plan on getting a permanent job and not have to rely on my old high school summer job to make some extra money.”
“I look forward to it,” He pecked Edward’s nose and settled back against him with a content sigh.
They stayed that way for a spell longer, simply enjoying each other’s company. There was no real rush and Edward was still wrapping his mind around this unexpected, but pleasant surprise. For as much as he wanted to shake Étienne by the shoulders for pulling such a stunt on him, he was also incredibly touched by the gesture. He was quite convinced that Étienne wouldn’t have necessarily applied for the job if he didn’t know Edward or had an ulterior reason to visit Edmonton and it warmed his heart to think he had done it just to potentially see him. Not that he was about to spill any of that to his boyfriend. The man had enough ammunition on him already. He certainly didn’t need more.
Eventually, they did make it to Kyoto’s for lunch, even if it was a little later. They stopped by the hotel first, to drop off their bags and check-in and then made their way to the restaurant. As promised, the sushi was exceptionally good and Étienne declared that they had to return before he went back home. He even added that this place may have ruined sushi for him permanently and that they would have to come back again, or find a way to import the restaurant back to Montreal.
As punishment and retaliation for Étienne’s little surprise, Edward somehow or other, miraculously, managed to pay for the bill while Étienne had excused himself to the washroom and Edward had been far too pleased with himself. He saw it as one wrong being finally righted, while Étienne blamed it on the jet lag and swore he would get his revenge.
--
All in all, It turned out to be a really good week. It felt right, being together, and they fell into a pretty easy routine, even if they weren’t home and even if they were staying in a hotel. Edward couldn’t believe that this was the second time he was “sleeping away from home” in his own hometown, but he supposed it came with dating Étienne. Every day was like a new adventure with him and he absolutely loved that about their relationship.
Even though Étienne had to head out for work after Edward, he still made it a point to have breakfast with him and made sure to kiss him good-bye as he went to work. Étienne would text him when he was on break and if their lunch break coincided, they would call each other for a few minutes. Edward made a list of all the places Étienne should visit throughout the day, if he had time, and if he didn’t they would go there once Étienne was done working (if he was up to it.) On most days, Étienne worked until quite late, since they were on a tight schedule and usually, Edward would meet up with him at the site of the mural. (He loved going to the site – loved seeing his boyfriend do what he loved and Edward couldn’t help but be proud – of Étienne, of the passion he had for his art, of calling him his own, of the idea that some small part of Étienne would stay here in Edmonton.)
If Étienne wasn’t dead on his feet, they would go out to dinner, somewhere that Edward may or may not have dreamt of taking him to and if Étienne wasn’t up to it, they would get take out and bring it back to the hotel. It was like a vacation without it really being one and Edward enjoyed every moment of it. It was nice to be able to spend some time together, even if they were both busy, and Edward could see himself getting used to this. He could easily picture a life where they would each go to work and then reconvene together at the end of the day. A life where they would talk about their day over dinner, catch up and then unwind together. It was utterly domestic and he loved every variation of it.
He liked being able to take Étienne out, show him parts of the city he hadn’t gotten a chance to, hold his hand and eventually give him his sweater, since Étienne was still somehow cold despite being better dressed than the first time he visited. But he didn’t mind – it was endearing and Edward loved the way Étienne looked buried in his sweater. He loved being able to do this – to go back to the hotel with Étienne, hear him laugh as they rode the elevator up to their room, peel every layer of clothing from his body, make love to him –hold him close afterwards and press soft kisses to his sun kissed skin.
And then they would share the shower, if they wanted, and Edward would try to scrub the paint off Étienne’s skin and Étienne would squirm under his care and protest that it was a lost cause – that there would be more paint tomorrow, but Edward didn’t mind. Étienne would roll his eyes, fond and exasperated, but he’d let Edward fuss over him, let him brush his hair out afterwards and kiss him goodnight. And Étienne would curl up in Edward’s arms and Edward would stay up rubbing his back until Étienne fell asleep. And they would do it all over the following day – and, he loved it.
But, as always, it was over too quickly.
Edward moved around his shift so that he could drive Étienne to the airport, even though Étienne told him he didn’t have to and that he could take the bus to the airport. Edward wouldn’t hear none of that and insisted on accompanying him, since it also meant that they could get a few more minutes together. It only meant that Étienne’s eyes were a little moist when he launched himself at his boyfriend, to give him the tightest hug possible and it only meant that Edward did his utmost best not to look like an utter fool and break down in tears. He was so beyond that.
If anything, at least, he would be going back home (and wasn’t that a thought, that he considered their place back in Montreal to be home) in a few weeks. They could pick up right where they had left off, from work, to catching up, to talking, and it would be just as good. It was a comforting thought and Edward knew, as he watched Étienne walk towards the security clearance check-point, that the moment Étienne would be at his gate, he’d get a message from him, but he still stood back and waited until he lost all visual with him before heading back.
FIN.
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Spring Anime 2019 Part 1: git gud
I was trying to wait until something really good came along. This ran into a problem. Yes this is a day behind but not because of... that.
Amazing Stranger
What: Otaku dipshit buys a figurine that turns out to be an alien robot girl from an anime.
❌❌ Otaku dipshit nonsense about perving on a figurine-sized robot girl. It’s bad, yo.
❌ Execution is as questionable as the content. I’ll give it a star for using 3DCG and 2D animation where they respectively make sense.
♎ Only ⅓ runtime so it ended before I could get mad.
Bokutachi wa Benkyou ga Dekinai
What: Overachiever gets conned into tutoring a bunch of girls with specialized talents and general uselessness. The twist is that they don’t look identical.
♎ Basic ass harem setup with little to distinguish itself. And if it’s not a real harem it’s just a lacklaughter comedy.
♎ Characters aren’t terrible but sort of just there. Their talents are also too cartoonish to take seriously but not outlandish enough to be funny.
♎ You guessed it, production is workmanlike/undistinguished as well.
❌ Didn’t I just watch this? In any case, this lacks Quintuplet’s trademark sass so it’s just painfully mediocre.
Fruits Basket
What: Poor but optimistic high school girl gets involved with a harem of supernatural critters.
♎ This seems incredibly derivative and unoriginal. Seems of course, because Fruits Basket is the OG so all the others ripped it off in the first place. Doesn’t change the fact that I’ve sampled and discarded dozens of otome harems exactly like this.
✅ The production is aware that they’re adapting a classic over here, so the production values are high. It looks nice.
✅ It’s directed quite competently as well, especially the comic bits have the right timing.
❌ I don’t like the characters much. Tohru is a little annoying and the boyz are a big nothing. That’s not good for a romantic comedy. Side characters fare much better but hey, side characters in a show like this don’t matter.
♎ I have no attachment to Fruits Basket so this will have to stand on its own. So far it looks watchable, but very middle of the road.
Hitoribocchi no Marumaru Seikatsu
What: Kiraralike about a class of middle school girls that are all named after their personality. The main character (Bocchi Hitori, natch) is lonely and made of social anxiety.
❌ Dealing with #relatable topics is always sketchy, but Bocchi talking to herself for the majority of the episode just gets really old no matter what.
✅ However, once she starts actually talking to other people it gets better. Slightly above average for a show like this, which means inoffensively cute and very mildly comedic.
♎ This is a Kiraralike where all the characters are named after their personality, so I wouldn’t expect any depth. Not that that’s unusual for the genre.
♎ I’ll probably give this 3 episodes because these shows live and die by the cast, which we haven’t seen much of so far. If Bocchi’s character development sticks and we get a few good support characters, it might be fun.
Joshikausei
What: the sound of one thigh slapping
❌ but
✅✅ though
Kimetsu no Yaiba / DEMON SLAYER
What: Edgy shounen about a dude whose family gets KILL BY DEMONS (no, he isn’t the demons (his sister is the demons)).
✅ Actually better than that sounds, it’s pretty serious with its approach to the whole revenge thing. The edginess is also only apparent on the margins, so tonally it’s more or less fine.
✅ The main guy isn’t terrible and his superpower (a superlative sense of smell) is fairly subdued for the genre. You could tell a story with this.
✅✅ This is ufotable and it looks REALLY good. ufotable shows are always very elaborate, but their aesthetics can be questionable. This, however, keeps the postprocessing to a minimum and uses CG only where appropriate. I’d say it rivals Emiya-san for the best looking thing they’ve ever done.
❌ The OP shows a bunch of supercool superdudes fighting like they're in a shounen anime, just in case you’re wondering.
❌❌ Three words: Weekly Shounen Jump. This is an instant death sentence for the long run, since it will be stretched until nobody cares anymore, then get swiftly killed - with some lipservice to closure, if you’re lucky.
❌❌ In case you’re willing to take your chances, WSJ is still a magazine for babies and imbeciles, so get ready for its “distinctive” writing style. Here it isn’t quite as bad as in Promised Neverland, but you’re still getting 100% wall-to-wall voiceover coverage explaining things that you either don’t need to know or are blindingly obvious.
Kono Yo no Hate de Koi wo Utau Shoujo YU-NO
What: 90s eroge protagonist starts hopping dimensions to look for his dad or something.
❌❌ Those 90s eroge protagonists sure were hilarious, what with their lechery etc. Rest of the cast fills the genre template nicely as well, which is to say they suck.
❌ Doesn’t look outright terrible so far, but it already shows signs of slight jankiness that would lead me to suspect this is a candidate for a production collapse in the future.
❌ Story? Surely you jest. All that happens in the first episode is vague exposition and naked girls falling from the sky. I hear the game gets real good 100 hours in, btw.
❌ This isn’t just some 90s eroge, it is the 90s eroge. You know, before KEY came along and made them all respectable (ostensibly). In any case, YU-NO is regarded as some stone cold classic of epic feels. I have experience with those, and they usually are only great for as long as you can’t read them.
Midara na Ao-chan wa Benkyou ga Dekinai
What: High school girls hates men because her father happens to be one. Understandable, since he’s also a tiny dirty old man caricature from the 60s. Can love bloom on the ecchifield?
♎ This is mostly inoffensive...
❌ ...except when it isn’t, of course. Which isn’t that often but still too often.
❌ It would also be appreciated if it could be less offensive in those instances because hot damn.
❌ Even if it removed the main source of irritation it would still be nothing much. Something like Hitoribocchi or Benkyou ga Dekinai has at least some potential, this doesn’t look like it’s going anywhere.
❌❌ My man Kenjiro Tsuda is wasting his time on this goblin’s comedy voice.
Mix - Meisei Story
What: Some kids play baseball, very slowly. You’re supposed to care because you presumably cared about Touch (which Mix is a very far removed sequel to).
❌ I did not in fact care about Touch. Nor about baseball, for that matter.
❌ Seriously, the entire selling point for this is “Sequel. To. Touch.” It cares not for your indifference towards Touch and would rather you go away.
❌❌ The languid pace is a killer. I know baseball is a boring sport but Mix doesn’t even attempt to make it interesting. This could work as an iyashikei-type show but in that case it would need different hooks, such as characters whose personality goes beyond “good at THIS aspect of baseball”. Maybe they’ll get to that but with this pace it’ll take a few seasons.
✅ I think the 80s design with a few contemporary animation frills looks quite nice. They’re probably doing their job right over there.
Nobunaga-sensei no Osanazuma
What: One “Oda Nobunaga” is an otaku and somehow also a teacher. Girls looking for his better known ancestor approach him with marriage plans, and since they’re looking for a Sengoku warlord, they come with era appropriate sensibilities.
❌ Do not care much for anime about 14 year old time travellers falling onto some dork’s dick, sorry. Unless they’re real good. Which this isn’t.
❌ I suppose i should be thankful this isn’t an all-out ecchi show, but unlike the characters, “lmao they can’t fuck” gets old.
❌ Besides the obvious, this fails at pacing, comedy, heartwarming, production, etc. I’m getting tired of spelling it all out again, this season definitely has an overabundance of not-quite-terrible-but-subpar-in-every-way romantic comedies.
Senryuu Shoujo
What: Senryuu is poetry that’s pretty much a haiku, but not hella deep. A quiet weirdo girl and a delinquent type write some of those.
✅ This has low ambitions, but manages to meet them. It’s chill and cute and the characters are likeable.
✅ Half length, which is the correct runtime for something as slight as this.
♎ It’s cheap but not to the degree that it detracts from the experience.
✅ It’s the second coming of Go Go 575 and I’m all about that. Check it out!
ULTRAMAN
What: uLtRaMaN is an ultrasequel to UlTrAmAn in which Ultraman is now Ultradad and has to take care of his Ultrason.
♎ Decent looking by CG TV anime standards, though the amount of action is so low that it raises the question why it isn’t just live action, especially since it’s partially mocapped already. I would have expected more pizzazz, especially with Kenji Kamiyama AND Shinji Aramaki directing.
♎ Old man superhero has some charm, but the show suggests and Wikipedia confirms: He’s about to get his ass kicked and his much more standard progeny takes over. There goes your selling point.
♎ Apart from that, this appears to be a competent but not especially engaging sequel to Ultraman (i.e., it’s most definitely not SSSS.Gridman). I have no special affinity for Ultraman.
#anime#Fruits Basket#Hitoribocchi no Marumaru Seikatsu#Kono Yo no Hate de Koi wo Utau Shoujo YU-NO#Midara na Ao-chan wa Benkyou ga Dekinai#Senryuu Shoujo#Ultraman#Amazing Stranger#Bokutachi wa Benkyou ga Dekinai#Joshikausei#Kimetsu no Yaiba#Mix - Meisei Story#Nobunaga-sensei no Osanazuma#impressions#spring2019
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Charmed (2018)
(Minor spoilers)
I waited a few months, trying to go in this with an open mind. I didn’t google or watch anything about this show since first watching the trailer for the pilot months ago.
Here are my thoughts:
The diversity is great overall. However, I feel like the show is focusing on quantity over quality in that respect. I don’t care if the leads are African American, Latino, Caucasian, Asian, or from Mars. However, the should be able to act! Meaning, have depth / layers.
If any show/movie/or writer is attempting to be diverse, they need to diversify!
While I’m not in show business I hope to publish more stories in the future. So I read whatever I can get my hands on. Books written by Americans, Canadian, British, some from Africa, South America etc. I do this because I’m not only curious but I’m self aware. I want to know what other people do and to gain perspective.
For writers/directors/show runners etc they should watch shows & movies from other countries. British shows are phenomenal in the fact they do everything 100%. The writing feels natural, it’s intelligent, & it flows. The acting is brilliant. Even the people who have 2 lines can act! A couple years ago I watched an old Canadian show (I can’t remember the title) but it was heart wrenching and beautiful. I saw 20 minutes and was in tears...(without knowing who the characters were). The acting was that good. And the cast for many Canadian shows are diverse (though admittedly not ideal), but it feels real. They don’t beat us over the head with it.
- My point is, this 2018 version of Charmed was promoting itself as diverse but that worked for and against itself. Diversity is great but pointing out one’s differences is counterproductive. It’s like saying ‘treat me like everyone else’ and ‘I’m different & unique’ at the same time.
- The CW should have just focused on the actresses/characters being relatable. That’s more about marketing & instructing the actors before they give interviews though.
The special effects are on par with the original Charmed. That’s...not great. 20 years in between the shows. There are better effects out there.
So this tells me the CW was being cheap & didn’t want to pour their money into the special effects. As if the show wasn’t worth it...and if the CW thinks that, I’m not surprised people weren’t happy about the show.
- Also, there are tricks to use less special effects...camera angles etc. From Supernatural (another CW show - the only good one imho) The camera moves around Misha Collins so he can walk out of the frame and poof! Castiel is gone! No special effects required but it still felt real. The CW could do some tricks like that to supplement the budget.
This last episode - the black Smokey demon guys poofed in and out a fair amount. Cool I guess but then the final show down where the sisters slam that staff into the ground and the gate to hell opened, that looked incredibly cheesy. Less poofing earlier = more $ for final showdown special effects. Basic math.
- I actually prefer the original special effects because it was appropriate back then - to the time & technology it was pretty great.
The reboot has constant references to modern technology but it feels like they’re not using modern tech for the special effects.
Female empowerment! Yay! Or rather, what? As a headstrong, independent woman who can hold my own in an argument and that time I got mugged I can honestly say I do NOT support male bashing. Yes there are a lot of rich white men in power that suck but your friends, neighbours, professors, nephews etc have NOTHING to do with that.
This show acts like (well, the way the dialogue is written) every little upset or injustice is because of ‘harassment’ or a rejection of feminism & females. No, one doesn’t have to lead to the other. Your professor is upset with your work or with what you say... it’s possible you’re an idiot. Or maybe you shout the information in a way that’s standoffish which rubs someone the wrong way...
The original Charmed celebrated love. The sisters loved & respected their male friends, brothers-in-law, their father etc. There was an episode where Grams had trouble accepting a male witch into the family but they showed growth & she only felt that way because she was burned by love before. The reboot just tries to create drama where there isn’t any.
Female empowerment is where you feel strong & secure enough to be yourself. To be able to speak your mind, stand up for yourself & be independent. In real life you don’t have to tell people you’re empowered, you just are.
This show distorts that message. Empowerment does not require one to tear down another gender. The sisters from the original Charmed were strong and empowered but they never acted like they were better than anyone else (except demons).
The acting. Oh the acting... so the actors aren’t great. Some are better than others. Unfortunately it’s very distracting and disruptive to the suspension of disbelief. Noticing the poor acting pulls you out of the story so once again people aren’t as invested in the characters or the plot.
The gay characters are fine. I don’t care either way but why the continual reminders? Just BE.
Even on the show Crazy Ex Girlfriend, Daryl’s character is bi and white-Josh (his nickname on the show) is gay. But it’s not annoying and when they talk about it it’s either natural or over the top celebratory. They write it into the show so even the coming out musical number feels authentic. It’s kind of impressive to do that.
- But here on Charmed it’s brought up in a way that feels almost...out of the blue. Difficult to explain but it just doesn’t work. That randomness feels like it was smacking us and going ‘see I’m gay’!
Meanwhile during Crazy Ex girlfriend after 1 episode of Daryl making eyes at White-Josh you root for them. It’s just written so well.
The writing. Sub par. It’s more about the little things but I have predicted the villains a few times.
Whitelighter-that-looks-like-Wesley-from-BTVS-and-Ketch-from-Supernatural...was it necessary to KIDNAP the sisters, bind & confine them to reveal who they are?! And he didn’t get his ass kicked for it?! They were just...okay with it? That’s the first time I felt like they were all idiots. I mean, he could have just...I dunno, had a Conversation with them minus the sketchy kidnapping!
If that had been the OG sisters they’d have been pissed. Prue probably would have sent him flying or hit him with whatever was close by even without her powers.
Most episodes just feel a little...cheesy. So whitelighter (“guardian”) says in an episode ‘you’ll need to use the power of three’. It’s all dramatic and a big show down but it felt cheesy. Looking back I think it was because that actor was probably directed to just act like he was informing them...but because of that it felt like he could care less what happened. It was flat. Plus why did he stand so he was almost pressed against her? Just...awkward.
The actual spells are okay to me and the show has some nice eerie vibes but with the background music, the dialogue and even the title ‘Charmed’ it feels very light. The combo is classic Disney. It’s all fighting against one another.
Another example of minor details which has a big impact. This last episode - cute British guy is like ‘oh!’ And grabs a chair to stop him from being sucked into Hell. Really? That’s gonna do the trick. *sigh* To be fair, the writers go off what the show runners/directors want. So IF they were in a big open room and that was the only thing there, sure grab the chair. However, he was standing next to a door frame!
So I’m guessing the writers either: 1) didn’t know the set design, 2) the powers that be instructed them to ignore that detail, or 3), everyone forgot. Either way it’s sloppy. Not to mention the end result made the whole scene feel very...goofball rather than dramatic.
One of the MOST annoying things about this series is that they throw things in like a checklist. So we talked about...feminism ✔️, LGBTQ ✔️, ethnic minorities ✔️ etc. Seriously CW, you don’t have to squish everything into one episode. It felt too much like name dropping. See, we’re talking about this this and this...see, we’re cool! 😉 it felt so awkward.
If you’re going to go through your checklist at least spread it out. One episode focusing on their long lost sister & new powers. Next episode trouble with being harassed at school, next episode how you navigate your relationship with your girlfriend etc. Everything coming at you while they’re battling a demon is just too much!
The show is entertaining in a way but it was more about seeing if it was going to get better.
After over a decade since the original series ended, the CW still wasn’t prepared for this. Too many issues to like it as anything more than a time filler. Personally I’m not a fan of it and won’t watch anymore.
I also still want the CW to apologize to the original cast & crew for ripping off the show. It won’t make me watch the reboot anymore but it’ll make me feel less guilty for watching my favourite show, Supernatural which is under their control.
#charmed#charmed remake#charmed reboot#tv serials#tv#tv shows#cw#supernatural#magic#witchcraft#witches#power of three#crazy ex gf#btvs#mysterious#mystery#holly marie combs#alyssa milano#shannen doherty#rose mcgowan#sarah jeffery#rupert evans#madeleine mantock#melonie diaz#jensen ackles#misha collins#jared padalecki
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Disney Princess Challenge #05 - Caught in a Trap
SHIYO IN THE AREA! I was really looking forward to today's update and I hope you enjoy the wild ride! (hint, hint: lots of drama)
We're officially on the second stage of the Disney Princess Challenge. The rules for Cinderella's stage are the following:
• Must have 'Neat' and 'Foodie' traits as an adult
• Must clean the house everyday and cook every meal
• May not marry until mother dies (this does not have to be of old age, but may not be cheated)
• Have a maximum of 3 children
I didn't edit the gender of which parent should pass away because it was Princess Charming who married Mr. Tremaine. The plot makes more sense this way...
Let's cheer together for Grumpy, our Cinderello, the protagonist of this arc! YASSSS I'M SUPER EXCITED. LEEEEEET'S GO
— x —
After Cinderello and Elena moved to his manor, Mr. Tremaine improvised a bedroom in the attic for the boy — and installed a personal bathroom there too! The only missing feature was a light source, because Mr. Tremaine preferred to ignore it on purpose.
Knitting was one of Cinderello’s favorite hobbies and helped to calm down during Hot-Headed mood swings. On times of uncertainty, it was good to do something that reminded him of a happy past!
Mr. Tremaine told Cinderello to do the dishes and clean the house. The boy's mother thought it was ok, because he used to do that when living with Snow White too.
Conclusion: nobody in that house assisted him. Additionally, Elena was too distracted with her career to notice Cinderello wasn’t doing well.
Princess Charming loved her job as an Interstellar Smuggler, and that was the main thing that occupied her mind. Time flew fast for her, and soon she aged up: happy with her new life, with her new family, and with Cinderello’s presence too.
She wasn't aware of the sadistic nature of Mr. Tremaine. Behind her back, the man talked harshly to Cinderello, and even used a voodoo doll to mistreat him in secret.
Cinderello wasn’t even allowed to sit on a proper chair outside the attic! The dining room only had four chairs: three for the OG Tremaines, and one for Princess Charming. ONLY them were allowed to sit there. “If you want to do your homework or eat downstairs, do it on the ground, like the good puppy you are!”
Things would become dark, sooner than later. Cinderello had a weird dream where his mother was lured by Mr. Tremaine into eating a poisonous Pufferfish Nigiri. However, it was just a bad dream... Was it?
In a surprising turn of events, Princess Charming went missing the morning after. Cinderello was legally stuck with his stepfather and stepsiblings, miles away from what remained of his biological family. Where did his mother go? Where was Elena Tremaine?!
Mr. Tremaine knew the answer very damn well. He knew what he did... It was part of his plan all along.
For starters, the only reason he wanted to marry her was because of her job as an Interstellar Smuggler. In his eyes, Princess Charming was an easy prey who'd make him twice as rich, and destroying her previous marriage was merely a child's play.
He didn't worry about Cinderello coming to live with them, because this only meant the Tremaines wouldn't have to hire maids and chefs anymore. A chance to become thrice as rich!
Now that Elena was gone, Mr. Tremaine had nothing to stop him from publicly express his sadistic tendencies towards Cinderello.
Grounding for no reason, giving time outs for nothing, verbally abusing him, throwing drinks on him often and mocking his outfit... Ah, yes. The Wicked Stepfather was having a lot of fun.
At least Drizell and Anastasius weren’t mean like their father! Deep down, Drizell just wanted his family to be happy and successful; and Anastasius just dreamed of living a fairy tale romance...
Unfortunately, the two didn’t have the guts to interfere on Mr. Tremaine’s mean acts against Cinderello. In fact, they were actually encouraged to treat him bad as well! They didn’t want to do those things, of course, but were very happy to be complimented by their father.
Making a long story short: Cinderello would clean, cook and repair everything, every morning and every night; always enduring Mr. Tremaine's cruelty... Day after day, all the same... In a vicious cycle, an endless loop...
Cinderello missed his biological family a lot; but wasn’t allowed to contact them -- or anyone at all. Not even at school, because Drizell and Anastasius were ordered to stop him from doing so!
Bashful even tried to visit his beloved brother and BFF Cinderello once, but Mr. Tremaine was outside and lied saying Cinderello wasn't home.
Roughly two weeks before Cinderello’s birthday, though, a rare event occurred: HE TALKED TO SOMEONE FROM OUTSIDE! It all happened when he went to take out the trash and spotted Adven (Snow White's stepfather) going on a walk nearby. After recognizing the boy with whom he previously befriended at a cafe (see episode #03), Adven approached him to chat for a while.
Cinderello complained about his problems and asked for advice. The two talked briefly, as the actually good (?) Evil King didn't want to put Cinderello in trouble.
Returning home, there was a gourmet incident and Cinderello aLMOST SET THE MANOR ON FIRE! Thankfully, Drizell was there to avoid a tragedy.
Wait, did I say “roughly two weeks”? YES, I SAID! I enabled auto-aging for a bit, despite hating it!
More time passed, and there was only a week left for Cinderello’s 18th birthday. The Wicked Stepfather knew it, and wanted to make sure it would be the worst week of Cinderello’s entire life.
D-6... The boy was ordered to make a grand breakfast before going to school. Not bad, right?
Wrong. Cinderello would only be allowed to attend school after washing an unholy amount of dishes, and lots of cups that suddenly needed to be cleaned. Subsequently, he'd also have to prepare a grand dinner and clean the kitchen’s floor.
Cinderello ended up missing school that day...
D-4... Did you really think the Wicked Stepfather was OK with Drizell saving Cinderello from catching fire? Nope. He wanted his son to prove that Cinderello meant nothing to him, forcing Drizell to steal Cinderello’s private journal.
Later that night, Mr. Tremaine and the boys sat by the fireplace to mock Cinderello’s entries together. Anastasius and Drizell really wanted to complain about that horrible action, but weren’t able to because their actions were cancelled by me.
Cinderello was hella angry when he found out his privacy got invaded like that, and shouted out loud against the trio. The Wicked Stepfather could only laugh in return.
D-2... This time, Tremaine wanted to humiliate Cinderello in a whole new level. For a day, the doors to the attic and to all bathrooms in the house were locked. Only he and his two sons had copies of the keys.
Eventually, Cinderello got to the point he really had to... um, pee...
But HOW?! Doing his best to hold it, Cinderello went through a desperate search for a toilet -- but wasn’t able to find one in time.
The bladder failure came, and Cinderello felt extremely humiliated.
Welp, if he knew how many times his father Snow White did that, perhaps he’d feel better... Wait, how many times did it happen with Snow White again? *checks the log* 44? I thought it was more... Eh, anyway...
A little embarrassed with their father’s cringy plan, Drizell and Anastasius discreetly apologized for Cinderello’s BLADDER FAILURE and gave him the key to the attic.
The boy rushed there, went to the balcony and started crying.
Then he went to take a bath... And fell asleep.
D-0. The great day :Cinderello’s 18th birthday! To celebrate (alone), the boy started baking a cake for himself. Sadly, he got interrupted as Mr. Tremaine ordered him to clean the first floor’s bathroom.
But when he tried to get out and add candles to the cake... News flash: he got locked inside!
As a final act of psychological torture (for now), the Wicked Stepfather locked Cinderello in the toilet until the next day. And to complete this act of nastiness, he also threw away the cake!
Not only Cinderello felt hungry and distraught for going through such a horrible prank, he also felt like his birthday was entirely forgotten. yes, auto-aging’s job here is done, now time to disable it again
Daybreak, he was freed (now with the Foodie trait!). Cinderello ran outside and started crying. He has gone through so much horrible things lately! When would he be allowed to reunite with his family? With his real father?!
But then, someone appeared out of nowhere and asked why he was crying. Startled, Cinderello asked the stranger to identify herself. She claimed to be Adven's daughter and Snow White's sister... In short, Cinderello’s aunt: Leslie, the Fairy Godmother.
Why is she there? Will Cinderello escape from the grasp of the Wicked Stepfather, and perhaps meet true love? Find out in the next episode!
— x —
Disclaimers:
No cheats were used.
MCCC was used to summon the Fairy Grandmother.
I do not condone any of Mr. Tremaine's actions IRL. Please keep in mind the story is currently at Cinderella's stage, and The Sims 4 is just a game.
— x —
Trivia:
• On Snow White's household Doc, Sneezy (who had the highest relationship with Elena among the dwarfs!!!), Sleepy and Dopey were unaffected by Princess Charming's... um, strange disappearance. In other hand, Bashful, Happy and — of course — Snow White were very sad.
• Drizell was the first to befriend Sleepy at school, but she became closer to Anastasius. I intend to explore more of their friendship later. Just an example of full autonomy working wonders to enhance the drama!
• Marcus Tremaine received a flirty text message from the deceased Princess Charming once. Yes. Seriously.
• Leslie’s design was loosely intended to be a mix of the original Fairy Godmother and the live-action’s Fairy Godmother. I tried...
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T H E F O U R T H S A C R I F I C E
BY @theoverlooked ft. Admin Awilix
Power.
It was building in the air like a vicious wind only she could truly understand. The pressure within the building seemed magnified as though a great sea of water were pushing down around them, but it all came from the being before her. They lay slumped, unconscious in a chair; only the ropes she’d tied them with held the body up. Jennifer grabbed the man gently by the chin and tilted his head back, almost like a barber about to give a close shave and gently blew on their face.
The man’s eyes fluttered open, swift blinks clearing his vision to the sight of a woman with soulless eyes staring down at him, they seemed black and empty, almost like fish eyes, made all the more intense by the darkness surrounding them. He tried to scream but the gag around his mouth held fast, only muffled grunts came out. Jennifer smiled, the kind an adult would grace a child with when they were scared of monsters under the bed, she even patted his cheek slightly before turning away. The man renewed his struggles but the rope around his waist would not be broken. Jennifer returned, garotte wire in hand, and wasted no time; she easily wound the wire around the man despite his small, frantic movements and pulled it taunt.
The power built further, the winds greater, the pressure stronger, all this strength would be hers and hers alone. More power for her cause, greater magic to further the goals of the Salem Coven. A true sacrifice. As the movements of the strangling man began to weaken she knew it was time. Jennifer raised her second hand high, holding a small billy-club and brought it down, slamming it against the man’s skull.
And everything went black.
It wasn’t losing consciousness, more like going blind. She couldn’t see anything, but more disorienting was her inability to feel. She couldn’t sense the floor beneath her feet, or the club she held in her hand. But she could sense the magic. And magic that wasn’t hers or Rain’s was a threat. Her hand stilled, not that she’d actually felt the movement stop, and she took a moment to gain her bearings… Or lack thereof.
“Drop the club.”
A smirk.
“I don’t believe I take orders from you. Now how about putting down this little trick and letting me see the sneak who’s interrupting my work.”
“I asked you to drop the club.” The disembodied voice echoed strangely in the room which Jennifer knew to be too small for such reverberations. Another parlor trick, she would know, she’d used the same trick to lure in her first sacrifice.
“A little difficult to do when I can’t feel my hand now, isn’t it? Let down this little trick and I suppose I could listen.” Instantly, her body was returned to her, her fingers tightening instinctively around the club in her fingers.
“No eyes? You are a shy little thing.” She chuckled, a hollow noise, empty of real humour. Her ‘guest’ was ruining her great work. It seemed two would die tonight, soon. Her fingers gently, almost delicately dropped the club. She felt the slight ‘bump’ of its solid weight hitting the ground and that was when she struck.
A gathering of power, like a bubble around herself and her dear victim, which promptly began to explode out. It would knock her little visitor for a spin, enough to cease the spell anyway. But as soon as the concussive power of the spell broke free of her, it was frozen, only for a moment, and rather than fire out, it simply fell, like tiny flakes of snow harmlessly against the floor.
Jennifer stilled, her raised hand clenched on instinct, loosened and promptly attempted to build the field again... But there was nothing. Her breath stilled—no, not nothing. The power was there, she felt it throb inside her being, yet that was where it stayed. Inside. Locked. Shackled. Her smug grin, her real grin dropped in shock, her power… her great power, three virgins sacrificed for the strength of her being and she’d been outmatched. How? It wasn’t possible!
Her eyes, still sightless, would show her captor, for that was who they were now, glimmers of something Jennifer Blake had only felt a handful of moments in her life: fear.
“Let. Me. Go.” The words didn’t shake, they were delivered by an expert actress, though her swiftly beating heart and slight tremble in her fingers cast against the image she hoped to portray.
“If you don’t, I am going to kill you, slowly, intimately and with pain at the forefront of the design.” A growl followed her last few words. “Now!”
“I’m surprised she didn’t teach you more patience,” came the unruffled reply.
“She who? I’m afraid I’ve known lots of she’s.”
“Our dear mother.” And then her vision returned, and her assailant stood before her, a look of mild irritation on her face.
“Hello, Sister.”
Jennifer rose a brow, Sister. The word sent unhelpful tingles up her spine though she forced her widened eyes to dim, as though entirely unimpressed. Her voice followed suit.
“Forgive me, if this is supposed to be some grandiose reveal, you’ve overestimated your infamy, Sister. And your knowledge. Our dear ‘mother’ has yet to even grace me with her presence.”
“Lucky you.”
Rain was her mother, her sister.
Mary was a bitch.
And this one was something else entirely: a concern.
“You’re a smart girl, Jennifer Blake. Powerful. And yet you thrive on cruelty.” The woman stepped closer, head cocked, voice flat, without emotion. And cupped her cheek.
“And you’re boring.” she half-bluffed, “You think I do this to be cruel?” a laugh, once more hollow, “Please. If cruelty were my designs I’d have stuck to pulling the legs off spiders. No, I do this for greater reasons, necessary reasons.” Which this dear ‘Sister’ needed to understand, “Are you even aware of the perils our kind face right now… Sister?” The last word still a mockery.
“Perils that your cruel little games only exacerbate. Your reasons are as small and greedy as you are. You could’ve been better than this.” The ultimate insult, the words pitying, rather than spiteful. “I wonder if Mother would be proud or disappointed,” the woman murmured stepping away once more. “It was always so hard to tell with her.” At this point, the woman was murmuring to herself, the words little more than a whisper.
She took in a sharp breath, “Small? Greedy? You ignorant fool. The vampires seek to destroy us, to shackle us and imprison a very rite of life.” Magic saved her, the Cult of Bracken saved her, now she would save it, “My motives are glorious, a throw away Sister wouldn’t know that.” her words were spat like poison. This one must have failed, neither Rain nor Mary ever mentioned a fourth sister, it had always been the three of them. “Please, ‘Mother’ hasn’t been seen since Rain, I doubt she very much cares for anything anymore.” The woman had the gall to ignore her, Jennifer could barely hear the whisperings and instead tried once more to free her power. She would not be undone in the beginning stages of her plan by a stranger! Her chosen one took that moment to whimper and the woman turned back to look upon him; Jennifer felt the glorious freedom of her magic and with a sigh she dropped her raised arm. “Well, well. Seems I’m not the only one who could have been better.” With a vicious smile on the blonde witch she once more spat, “Sister.”
She flicked her fingers an almost careless gesture, and this time a much more concentrated manifestation of force sent the woman flying, smacking her against the walls. Jennifer bent down and snatched up the billy-club, and with a vicious cry she brought it down upon the sacrifice’s head—
But the other witch responded in kind Jennifer was sent across the room under the power of vicious winds, slamming into the wall and lying stunned at the impact.
The sacrifice was limp, yet the woman ran to him all the same. “Blod vende seg tilbake og huden møter huden. Blod vende seg tilbake og huden møter huden…” The blood that had puddled beneath the man began to disappear, retracing its path back inside, but still the man did not stir. The strange woman’s strange words grew frantic as she tripped over her tongue in desperation to heal what could not be healed. Pathetic.
The power would be hers, it had already begun to pool and… wait. No! The healing that woman was doing, it was futile but the blood… The blood held the power, and now-
“You’ve ruined it!” she screamed, “You stupid fool! He was to be a part of greatness and now he’s a waste of dead flesh!” Her anger built, she wanted to hurt her, to destroy this woman who’d ruined her designs yet… she recalled that tingle of fear as she’d been frozen, to attack recklessly… “Do you have any idea what you’ve done?”
The woman’s eyes could have turned her to stone for the disgust that filled them. “I’ve failed to save this man’s life.”
“And you ruined a perfect death.”
“If there is such a thing, it was not this.” The woman raised her hand, and the breath pooled out from Jennifer’s lungs just as the blood had seeped back into her failed sacrifice. She would not die at the hand of this abomination! But she couldn’t breathe, couldn’t summon her power, and that fear trickled down her spine once again.
“You’ve been warned, Sister,” was all the woman said, before Jennifer was once more gasping for air.
She took a few breaths, having fallen forward propping herself on her hands as her knees had buckled. But as her sense returned, so too did an important fact. The heaving breaths turned to chuckles, to full blown laughter as she pushed herself upper body up but remained kneeling.
“Y-you, pitiful, simpering waste of magic! No wonder I never heard of you, you can’t even kill properly! Weak.” she cackled, the noises lacking in true sanity, true feeling. The fear had existed yes, and it could and would again, but not this night. Not in the face of this kind of weakness.
Which, to the true eye, may not have been weakness at all.
“What says the fool?” she panted, her laughs still echoing through her frame.
No answer came.
Jennifer, at last calmed looked around, she was gone… Like a phantom that had never been within at all. And as her laughs petered out, the silence took over. No noise, no thrum of life, no thrum of magic… Empty. A waste.
Jennifer lulled in the void for… She couldn’t say how long, seconds, minutes. But she rose and didn’t spare the body a glance on her way out.
She’d thought it already, it seemed two would have to die tonight.
The next day a grim-faced news reporter told a shocked New Orleans that the body of two doctors were found in their homes, under what the police were calling ‘suspicious circumstances.’ The investigations were ongoing and anybody with information was urged to contact the authorities immediately.
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An Interview with Rack Lo
Ralph Lauren has always been a master of appropriation — from hunting jackets to polo shirts, the great man’s finest designs are heavily indebted to the world of functional clobber. But what happens when the appropriator is… er… appropriated?
In the late 80s, at a time when Ralph’s American dream was aimed squarely at the minted elite, a crew of working-class kids from New York known as the Lo Lifes took to nabbing his most audacious creations from the racks as a way to stand out on the streets of Brooklyn.
And whilst most would look daft in head-to-toe Polo ski attire, this lot managed to pull it off, helping to take hip-hop style beyond fat laces and leather tracksuits.
Rack Lo was one of the original Lo Lifes, and is still heavily involved today, running his own brand dedicated to Polo-inspired paraphernalia, and helping to organise the various Lo Life gatherings that take place throughout the year.
I sent him a barrage of questions via trans-Atlantic e-mail, and thankfully, he replied…
Do you remember being into clothes as a kid?
Oh man, I remember well. As a kid, my brother was more into materialism and brand names, and I was satisfied with whatever my mother and father were able to provide for me, but as I got older things changed and I became very materialistic.
Growing up I remember wearing Lee jeans, Pro Keds and Converse. Back then it was more about your style as oppose to what brand you was wearing — people cherished the look more than the name.
Growing up in Brooklyn in the 80s, how important was it to wear the right stuff?
It was very important because what you wore told a story in itself — what you wore pretty much separated you from the others. For instance, if you didn’t have street respect or a reputation, there were some things you just couldn’t wear, and it would be very dangerous to do so.
So in Brooklyn before you wanted to get fly and fresh, you had to know how to fight and defend yourself. If you didn’t have a reputation for defending yourself, you became what we called ‘The Herb’, and people would take advantage of you anytime you were seen.
In Brooklyn getting fresh was a part of the street life for many of the street legends.
When did the Lo Life Crew start? When did it go from being a few people wearing Polo stuff, to a full crew?
It started in 1988. The crew got bigger and gained more members once I decided to unite both parties, Marcus Garvey Village and St Johns. Then some time later, the late, great Boostin Billy started a chapter in Philadelphia, and it started to pick up from there.
Why Polo? What was the appeal of this stuff?
Polo just stood out the most. For some reason we were just attracted to it. First, it had amazing color ways and wasn’t prevalent in the United States ghettos. Polo wasn’t designed for poor urban kids; it was made for the upper class, waspy and collegiate kids. So when we started wearing we took it to a whole different level.
The Lo Lifes made Polo popular in the ghetto. We took what Ralph Lauren designed and created new looks and styles based around our concept of ‘Lo Down’. Lo Down is a term used when a person is wearing Polo Ralph Lauren from head to toe.
I was going to ask you about that. Could someone ever go too far and wear too much Polo stuff?
Many of the times we dressed in what we called ‘layers’ — layers of nothing but the finest Ralph Lauren Polo on the market. From head to toe all of our clothing was Polo Ralph Lauren. This particular dress code shocked a lot of people, and even Ralph Lauren was amazed.
For us it was never about just having Polo, but more about how you wore and coordinated the Polo — that is what made you special.
Do you remember the first Polo item you got?
The first Polo item I remember shoplifting was the Anniversary Cross Flags Sweater in 1987. An OG named Mike-Lo (cousin of Friz-Lo) had taken us to Riverside Square Mall out in Bergen County, New Jersey. We had taken the sweaters from a major department named Saks Fifth Avenue.
What was New York like in the late 80s and early 90s? What was a normal day like back then?
New York was very violent and filled with a lot of criminals from all communities. At any time you could have lost your life for the pettiest things — people just didn’t see the value in life back in those times.
A normal day for me was doing crime, and by me engaging in criminal activities I was able to sustain who I was and my lavish lifestyle.
I suppose it’s probably pointless talking about the Lo Life Crew without talking about boosting or racking. Wearing all that bright gear, you lot were hardly inconspicuous – so what were your tactics for getting your hands on Polo gear?
Our first tactic was called ‘geeing’ or ‘city slicking’. Using this strategy was more of a calm approach. Even though we wore bright colors, we were still clever in the stores.
Then I coined the term ‘million man rush’ as I helped usher in our newest strategy called ‘steaming’. This is where we just entered the store with a mob of like 50 heads and would just snatch what we wanted and headed to the door. I would say the ‘Million Man Rush’ tactic was the more dangerous. And further that act brought you a heavier jail/prison sentence if you were apprehended.
Did you ever get caught?
Yes, I have been caught on many occasions. As a result I was locked up in juvenile detention and I was an inmate on the infamous ‘Riker’s Island’. But in my case I was still fortunate because I never spent time in prison — only in city jails for very short time periods. The longest I spent incarcerated was four months.
The whole thing of nabbing and wearing aspirational clothing wasn’t too different to what casuals were doing in England and the Paninaro were doing in Italy around a similar time. Were you aware of any of those subcultures?
No, I never heard of those, sounds interesting out in England though. Dope!
Why do you think people gravitate to this high-class functional stuff? A lot of people wear hunting jackets or skiing coats, but they'll never go hunting or skiing.
That’s just how the ghetto operates. Although the clothes were made for those occasions and atmospheres we simply turned those wears into hood fashion artefacts. We never played by the rules, we made our own rules.
The Polo stuff at that time seemed to be particularly intense. Lots of bright colours and big logos — what were the main items you’d go for?
My favorite polo pieces are the Crest, the Yacht, the Anniversary Cross Flags and the Cookie.
Was there a competitive element to all this? Were you trying to one-up your friends by finding rarer stuff?
Yes, every day each Lo Life’s intension was to out-dress the next. The competition was high amongst individuals in the crew and we also competed against other crews as well. Some of the greatest show downs took place at Empire Skating Rink’.
What else were you lot wearing back then? What else was in the mix?
Besides Polo, I wore Guess, Tommy Hilfiger, DKNY, Nautica, Gucci, Descente, Head, Prince, Sergio Tacchini and Coca-Cola. There was a lot of fresh brands we rocked.
Obviously the clothes were a big part of it, but what else was Lo Life about? What else was going on?
Everything that was a part of hip hop was happening. Remember this was 1988 the golden era of hip hop. But besides the clothes we did a lot of crime, partying and just running the streets. It was all about survival. So either you were a street kid or you played it safe and stayed out of trouble. But for us, we always found trouble, because most of the times we initiated it.
How has New York changed since the late 80s? Do you think you lot could get away with the same stuff if you were growing up now?
New York has definitely changed. The time I’m reflecting on is considered ‘The Old New York’. Nowadays, there are cameras everywhere. The city is filled with surveillance, so yes in the current times getting caught would be a realistic matter. Plus there are a lot more cops on the streets now. In the 1980s you had cops, but you also had crime fighters like ‘The Guardian Angels’ who also tried to prevent a lot of the madness from happening on the New York City streets. It worked sometimes, but for the most part, the criminals prevailed.
But I know for a fact, if the Lo Life’s were committing the same acts in the 1980s in the new millennium a lot of us would be in jail for decades and life on the back of the sentence. Because a lot of Lo-Life’s are three time losers meaning they already have three felony convictions. So a fourth one will keep them incarcerated for life. 2018 is not the time to being doing anything stupid.
What are your thoughts on streetwear today? Now that kids can just sit on a computer and buy whatever they want, is it still ‘street’?
No, it’s not street. I’m not into the new fashion and styles — I like gear that stands the test of time. Nowadays, a lot of the brands don’t have staying power. Polo has been here since 1967 and it’s still so relevant — it’s timeless and will never go out of style.
This staying power is what all of the other brands fight and struggle for. Will they last for the next 10 or 20 years? I see clothing brands come and go so often.
Have you ever heard what Ralph thinks of all this?
Yes, Ralph had no choice but to acknowledge our movement. I never cared about meeting Ralph or none of that. He was a non-factor in my life as far as my aspirations are concerned. I’m a realist.
The Lo-Lifes go hand in hand with Ralph. In the same way he created a brand, so did the Lo-Lifes. We have come a long way and we are still on the front lines doing it big.
What do you get up to these days? What’s an average day like for you now?
Nowadays, I’m all about business, traveling, family, being a great husband and father and truly helping other people realize and pursue their dreams. I view myself as the Creative Director and Visionary in all that I engage in. I have a lot of great things coming down the pipeline.
Sounds good. Any wise words you’d like to add?
Yes, check out my book Lo Life: An American Classic. It feels great to be a published author, and this is just my first book, I have plenty of stories to tell.
Thank You! 2L’s Up and SaLLute!
Lo Life: An American Classic is available now. Get it here. Interview originally published in 2018.
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Core Set 2020 New Commanders
Alright alright alright, it’s time again for a new set. Now that Core Set 2020 previews are officially done, it’s time to start evaluating cards for that very, very best of formats: Commander. I’ll run through the new Legendary creatures first, and see what looks like fun to build around.
With that in mind, I just want to say that this core set has knocked it out of the park on the EDH front. Seriously. There are so many goodies in this set for us. It’s clear they had some Commander fans in the design team, and for that I am thankful. With that, let’s get to it.
I could’ve started anywhere, so why not start here? Apparently Wizards has figured out that people like foil Legendary Creatures & Planeswalkers, and that by putting them as buy-a-box promos, people will buy boxes. Smart cookies.
As for Rienne, she’s pretty sweet. People have been asking for more variety on Angel commanders, and Naya angels is one of the ones that was missing. Her ability is pretty frickin cool, and will encourage some specific deckbuilding choices, which I am very much for. She’s definitely casual, but could end up being surprisingly effective too. Cards you’ll definitely want for her are Saffi Eriksdotter, Qasali Pridemage, and any other multicolored creatures you can sac for value. Also, she could be great friends with Brion Stoutarm, if that sort of thing interests you.
Now, on to the actual in-set cards. Just look at this beauty. Daarken is a master at illustrating creepy crawlies, as this piece fabulously demonstrates.
As if the art weren’t cool enough, Yarok is likely the best new commander in the set. Panharmonicon is a format staple, and having one in your command zone is epic. Not only is Yarok a Panharmonicon, he also triggers off of Enchantments & Lands. Landfall triggers get doubled! Constellation triggers get doubled! The potential value is immense, and I think there are probably dozens of viable builds for this... guy?
Yeah, we’ll go with that.
I’m sensing some flack out there about my old buddy Omnath, and I’m here to tell you that I won’t stand for it! Sure, he’s not inherently busted like Yarok, and Horde of Notions as a thing that is also Elemental tribal but with access to all colors. But no, I actually really like the design of new Omnath, Who Somewhere Acquired Blue in his Adventures.
This, like previous versions of Omnath, is still a base Green deck as you’ll want plenty of access to ramp. But adding Blue gives you some nice perks, such as being able to run Mulldrifter and Master of Waves, which not only makes a bunch of bodies for Omnath’s first ability, but also is a lord for a tribe that really doesn’t have many of those. Tempt With Vengeance looks a lot better when all your Elementals are bigger than everyone else’s. Also, Blue opens up the possibility of running Deadeye Navigator (not an Elemental), which plays nicely with a pile of mana and Omnath’s first ability. All told, I like him, and I think he’ll be a casual favorite from the set.
I love this design. It’s very Jeskai while still being something I haven’t exactly seen before. Kykar wants to be a spellslinger, and there is no doubt about that. She (I’m totally guessing here, so apologies if I got it wrong) plays sort of like a twist on The Locust God, only... without as easily abusable of a trigger, no self-recursion, and no... mandibles? BUT, you do get access to White mana (good for wraths & powerful removal) and a mana ramping ability to keep the cards flowing. And let’s be real, you’re going to play ol’ Bugeyes in this deck too. Also Skullclamp, because you’re not going to turn down that shit, are you?
In the end, I suspect Locust God is probably more competitive, but I would be surprised if Kykar didn’t have some fans that prefer her. Oh! And there’s Bird tribal, so that’s a thing if you’re a masochist.
As I mentioned in a previous post, the trouble with Kaalia is really herself. Her old card, Kaalia of the Vast, somewhat overshadows this new “fixed” version. And ultimately, they make basically the same deck. Sure, in this version, you might aim for a little lower CMC on average, since you can’t cheat things out as easily, and you’re also probably not going to dedicate so many slots to giving her Haste & generating extra combats. But besides that, the decks will be the same. So, maybe 80% identical? But honestly, probably the best use for new Kaalia is in the 99 of the build of old Kaalia to help replenish her hand (which was a problem sometimes, trust me, I know from experience).
Cute card, and honestly I kinda prefer this design for being less degenerate than her first incarnation, but I doubt she’ll get much play outside of OG Kaalia’s 99.
I don’t know who wanted this card, but whoever you are...here it is. (Seriously, was anyone clamoring for Abzan Legends?)
Mostly, my suspicion is that a Kethis deck will work something like a Karador, Ghost Chieftain deck, but with a greater emphasis on Legendaries. That said, I can’t shake the feeling that there’s some sort of bizarre combo in here. Paradox Engine and the newer Moxen are Legendary, and there are a bunch of Legendary creatures that tap for mana, such as Rishkar, Marwyn, and (of course) Rofellos. It shouldn’t be hard with some self-milling and a couple quick tutors to assemble a Paradox Engine fueled untappy-fest of awfulness from your graveyard.
To what end? I have no idea.
Two things. First, I “generally” hate 5 color generals. (Apologies for that one.) Second, I love this one. I think Golos may be my favorite new Commander from the set, and the one I’m the most likely to build. What I like about him is that he doesn’t fall into the trap that so many 5 color generals fall into, which is the trap of just being generally superior to other options. Why would you run any Warrior tribal other than Najeela? For that matter, why use the existing options for any tribe when Morophon is a thing? Like Legendary things? Who doesn’t? But why would you ever build a Kethis, the Hidden Hand deck when Sisay just does it better? No need for creativity anymore, Wizards has taken all restrictions away so you can fill any deck with the best every color has to offer.
Sorry, should’ve warned about the rant. So what I’m saying is, I love Golos because he is NOT that. There are better options out there, so if you’re going to build a Golos deck, you’re going to do it because something about this weird little golem speaks to you. Yes, I’m aware that there are likely plenty of ways to break this. Yes, I’m aware most of those ways involve Paraox Engine (quelle suprise). But mostly, he looks fun. He goes around finding lands, and then uses those lands to make some random shit happen. I like.
Okay, we’re done with the multicolor Legends, now it’s time for the apparently obligatory monocolor Cycle. First things first: who the hell named this card? Drakuseth? What, was Dragobob not quite good enough? I don’t think I’ll be able to say this card’s name without rolling my eyes. It’s like a bad 90s shareware fantasy RPG character name.
In any case, Wyverjohn, Mouth of Burns is as ineffective at doing anything as his name implies. He’s big, he’s dumb, and he’s not worth including in any of your decks. Sorry Drakaphil.
Well, this one is named slightly better. (In the same way that getting kicked in the face is slightly better than getting punched in the dick.) But the real good news is that as a Commander potential, he’s waaaaaay better. Yes, Hydras are a massively derpy tribe, so we’re just going to keep that as a given.
But he’s an enormous 8/7 for 6 mana, can attack and block well, and he helps ramp out your other Hydras. Not only that, but he offers some level of protection against spot removal, since he’ll eat something else off the board any time one of your creatures gets targeted. Honestly, this might be the best Hydra tribal commander we’ve ever seen. That’s not saying much, but it is saying something. And if for some reason you’ve decided to build a different hydra general (for... reasons?), he’ll go in the 99 for sure.
Okay, Miss Sephara here isn’t half bad. She’s crazy expensive for 7 mana, but she’s huge, and granting Indestructible to a whole pile of other Angels is no small thing. But the real fire is casting her for her alternate cost. Tapping 4 creatures with flying isn’t nothing, but there are plenty of decks that can make that happen fairly easily with Spirit or Bird tokens or some other such nonsense.
Honestly, I think the place she’ll see play is in Angel tribal decks, where she offers some additional Avacyn redundancy to protect your flight. I’ll probably find her a spot in my Angel deck once the set comes out.
Atemsis is a weird design, but pretty damn cute design too. Let’s just say, casting her for 6 and then trying to loot your way to her win con one card at a time probably isn’t going to get you anywhere. No, what you’ll want to do here is draw your entire deck or some ungodly amount of cards, at which point you should easily have 6 different CMCs present. Then, all you have to do is deal some damage to your opponents. Attacking is so... uncertain. I’d rather find a way to have Atemsis deal damage safely from my side of the board, thank you very much. There are some janky equipments out there that can have her tap to deal damage, plus Livewire Lash, which only requires that she be targeted by something. In any case, I think there is a build in here somewhere, and she’ll also do fine as an inclusion in Sphinx tribal decks as well. Or other random decks that are just looking for weird alternate win conditions. That too.
Again with the names. Vilis sounds so much like Phyllis, so every time i read this card I can’t help but think that this demon is a trans great-aunt of some sort. So that’s a thing. Well, when evaluating this card, there’s an obvious comparison that has to be made. Razaketh, the Foulblooded is also an 8/8 Demon for 8 mana that has a card advantage ability. Vilis has the leg up of coming with built-in removal, as well as naturally synergizing with tons of other Black cards that will incidentally also cause you to draw cards. Plus, he naturally deters attackers because every point of damage taken will cause you to draw more gas. However, Razaketh is a repeatable tutor on a stick, provided you have enough bodies to chuck at him. And at the end of the day, why are you drawing a mess of cards if not to get to the specific ones you need to win?
So, my hunch is that Razaketh will remain the more competitive option, but Vilis may very well be the more “fun” of the two. And in decks that can handle the mana, there’s no reason you can’t run both. I’m considering adding Vilis to my Rakdos, the Showstopper deck as another Demon & source of card advantage. (Also, I don’t have unlimited copies of Razaketh, so Vilis may do in a pinch.) All told, I think there’s space in EDH for both of them.
Oh, just whatever you do, don’t bring this guy out against a Nekusar player. K?
So that’s it. All the new Legendary creatures from Core Set 2020. Honestly, despite my griping, this is a really solid crop of Commanders, and I think nearly all of them have homes in EDH somewhere. (Drakuseth excluded. He knows what he did.)
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