I genuinely believe the fact that so many popular Imogen/Laudna fics are no-powers AU is, if not the main cause, at least a factor in why so many people resist or even are hostile towards any interpretation of Imogen that isn't largely sweet and harmless. Like, write the fic you want, but Imogen in particular is someone so fundamentally shaped by her powers that to write a no powers AU is to write what is essentially a completely original character who happens to share her name.

I think it's made even more obviously a factor because many of those fics try to reconstruct aspects of Imogen's personality by giving her anxiety or agoraphobia (or both) but the problem is that those are purely mental illnesses, rather than something that both gives her powers and penalties (again, the X-Men problem). Some real-world mental illnesses cover the symptoms of Imogen's abilities, but none cover the abilities themselves. It's quite literally a removal of agency: they take away what she can (and frequently does) do with her powers, leaving only the negative effects on her behind while eliminating the negative effects she can have on others. No wonder there's this overwhelming push to woobify her from that corner; they've utterly defanged her and are now crying that other people who can still see her fangs (and even like them) are talking about them.

And the thing is, for all I can be negative about fanon, it is, ultimately, fine - so long one can either keep it separate in one's mind from canon or else remain in a particular fanon sandbox. But unfortunately people leave the sandbox, and when other people respond to the canon Imogen, who as of episode 81 (RIP CRStats) has voluntarily used Detect Thoughts/Open Mind 60 times and has openly stated her intent to use it specifically to know what her party members are doing in advance and theoretically prevent it, the fanfic crowd is utterly unable to react to this intelligently. The idea of Imogen they have is sweet girl with severe anxiety and a goth girlfriend. The problem is this construct exists only in their favorite fanfic writers' domestic fluff modern AU no powers setting. And frankly, I'm not interested in talking about that warped mirror version of her when I could have all the fascination, complexity, glory, and agency of the real thing.

【 pride, love, and joy : chapter three 】

nanami kento x reader

wc: 3.1k

masterlist link: here

summary: A solution must be made after Mr. Gojo calls off his engagement with [Y/N], and it seems the only plausible one is a fake engagement with Mr. Nanami.

author's note: for context's sake i'd like to make it clear that the reader is 20! also i really hope you enjoy this chapter! it makes me so happy to see you guys loving the previous two!

← chapter two + chapter four →

This had been what she wanted, right? So why did it feel like everything was crashing down on her?

“This is outrageous!” Mr. [L/N] shouted. “I cannot believe you would let your son run out of an engagement like this! We had an agreement!”

“I am aware, but I never in a million years thought he’d do something like this.”

“We already sent out for the engagement to be posted in the banns! Do you know how bad this will look for my daughter? That her engagement got called off and the man ran away? No man will want her now! Her reputation is ruined!”

That is why her body shook. If Mr. Gojo, one of the richest men in the country, didn’t want to marry her, who would? They would think something was wrong with her, that she was impure, un-ladylike, that she had a horrid personality. All the blame would be shifted to her rather than Mr. Gojo for running off like this. Unless… She couldn’t let him ruin her life for her like this.

“You said he was running off to Scotland, correct?” [Y/N] asked.

“Yes,” Mr. Gojo answered.

“That means whoever he’s run off to marry is under twenty-one. Mr. Gojo doesn’t need parental consent, but she does,” [Y/N] reasoned. That was the only reason starcrossed couples ran off to Scotland—so they could get around Hardwicke’s Marriage Act. Whoever this girl was, she was ruining her reputation before her eyes. No one would fault Mr. Gojo for this elopement, but that poor girl would receive the brunt of it. [Y/N] pitied her, in a way, but not Mr. Gojo. He made her look like a fool and damaged her pride. Did she want to marry him? No, but she would have gone through with it like the responsible lady she was raised to be. Could he not bear to do that himself? Was he that selfish? But when [Y/N] thought about it, men were afforded the right to be selfish in ways she was not, so, yes, he was that selfish.

“What am I to do with this boy?” Mr. Gojo muttered under his breath. He may have been such a strong and commanding man, but in his desk he looked utterly defeated and small.

“What are you to do? What about our daughter? What will she do?” Mrs. [L/N] asked.

“Whenever my son returns he will be punished,” Mr. Gojo settled to say, “and as for the banns I can stop the publishing and say there has been a mistake. Someone reported the wrong information, we can say. I will find my son and the girl he’s eloped with and do my best to cover up the scandal.”

“And our daughter? What will she do after she’s been humiliated like this?” Mrs. [L/N] asked.

“I can possibly offer you an engagement to another respectable man if you’d be open to him taking your hand.” Mr. Gojo talked slowly, almost as if the shock of what Mr. Gojo had done had knocked the air out of him.

“Who?” [Y/N] asked.

“Mr. Kento Nanami.”

“Absolutely not,” [Y/N] said suddenly. “I cannot be married to that man. He is arrogant and self-centered. He doesn’t even believe in God.” Faith wasn’t even all that important to her, but she was grasping for any reason she could use to avoid another dreaded engagement.

“[Y/N], dear, this may be your only hope. We need to cover up this scandal entirely,” her mother reasoned.

“If you become engaged to Mr. Nanami we can say there were two engagements this weekend which caused a mix-up in the files. It’ll be like it never happened. Mr. Nanami is a cousin to the family, and he himself is very rich. It would not be a terrible match on your behalf.” Mr. Gojo’s reasoning was solid, but could she afford to agree to such a thing after how her engagement to Mr. Gojo ended like this? When it had caused her so much despair?

“I cannot guarantee that, sir,” she said solemnly.

“I will make you a deal, my daughter,” Mr. [L/N] said. “I know Mr. Gojo and I arranged this engagement ourselves and didn’t give you a choice, but this time we will. Most girls are courted by their suitor before they are formally engaged. Although we will tell everyone you are engaged, you can be courted by Mr. Nanami in secret. Is this something you could agree to?”

“That’s a splendid idea. The span of a month gives us time to track down Satoru and his bride and will allow us to properly cover this up. Please, Miss [L/N], I have no right to ask you of anything, but this truly is for the best,” Mr. Gojo pleaded.

If she were to agree, she needed to be sure of one thing. “Am I allowed to say no? And can we say that the engagement with Mr. Nanami fell through after the month is over?”

“Yes,” Mr. Gojo answered. “Having an engagement you called off wouldn’t prevent you from finding other suitors later if you don’t find Mr. Nanami to your liking. How does that sound?”

“I agree to the terms then. Just so you know, I have no intention of remaining engaged to Mr. Nanami, but I will do this for Mr. Gojo’s sake because he’s an old friend.” An old friend that had stabbed her in the back. She could bear Mr. Gojo not loving her, she could bear him not wanting to marry her, she could bear him being unable to love her, but she could not bear being made into a fool. She wished he would’ve been honest with her rather than running off, but she couldn’t help but feel that was hypocritical. She hadn’t said anything to him, so why should he? On the other hand, she wasn’t the one who ran off with a secret lover.

“Thank you,” Mr. Gojo said. He called a servant from outside the room who hurried in as soon as his name was called. “Please find Mr. Nanami and tell him his presence here is requested.” The servant nodded before quickly exiting the room. At least five agonizing minutes passed as they waited for Mr. Nanami to show up, and once he did it was like a bubbling tension bursted.

“Hello, sir, what may I help you with?” Mr. Nanami asked. Mr. Gojo smiled at him.

“What I’m about to ask you is more than I should ask you for, but Satoru needs help, and I know you are his closest friend. Satoru has called off the engagement and has fled to Scotland to marry someone else. We don’t know who, so we will need to investigate, but in the meantime we need to cover this up.”

“What do you need me to do?” Mr. Nanami asked. The look in his eyes was so intense, and his whole body stiffened. She had never seen him express such emotion beyond annoyance or tolerance for those around him.

“I reported the engagement yesterday, but I cannot have them published in the banns and dishonor Miss [L/N]. What I’m asking is that you pretend to be engaged to Miss [L/N] for a month so we can claim a misprint in record and say two engagements happened in one weekend. If you’d like, you two can remain engaged after the month is over.”

“That shouldn’t be necessary,” Mr. Nanami said, “but I will agree to it to help Satoru.”

“Thank you,” Mr. Gojo said out of breath. If you looked close into his eyes, it was almost like you could see the relief wash over him like a wave.

“Now that this manner is settled, I think we should all retreat to our chambers. This day has been… exhausting,” Mr. Gojo murmured.

“Of course,” Mr. [L/N] said. “I’m sorry things turned out this way.”

“So am I,” Mr. Gojo said. [Y/N] almost didn’t want her and her family to leave the poor man alone. She could only imagine how heavy the uncertainty and guilt on his shoulders were.

+ + +

The following morning was quiet and still. A sort of dark cloud seemed to fall over the manor in a way [Y/N] could’ve never anticipated. She heard from her father that morning that Mr. Gojo had sent his men to Gretna Green, Scotland, where they would most likely be. However, a whole day had almost passed, and Mr. Gojo and his lover could possibly be far from Gretna Green by now. Regardless, Mr. Gojo was doing all he could to find his son.

For what felt like the hundredth time that week [Y/N] decided to visit the library again. When she arrived she found Mr. Nanami there already. She let out a heavy sigh. She didn’t particularly feel like gracing his presence today, but she was already here.

“Hello, Mr. Nanami,” she said. He didn’t look up from his work that he was currently writing so adamantly for.

“Hello.” He continued writing, the sound of his quill scratching the paper continuing to fill the room.

“May I ask what you’re working on?” For the next month [Y/N] was stuck in a bargain with this man, so she may as well make polite conversation.

“No, you may not.”

“You are insufferable,” she huffed as she looked through the countless books housed in their shelves.

“And so are you.” The scratching of his quill continued. Mr. Nanami was lucky that he had a handsome face. It made up for his horrible personality. Finally she found a book and sat at the desk to Mr. Nanami’s right. She could be civil with him, but she still would not sit at another table so closely to him.

“About this situation,” [Y/N] said while opening up her book, “I have no intention of keeping this engagement with you once the month is over.”

“Neither do I.”

“Good,” she said. She skimmed through the page, but the noise of his writing was starting to grate her ears. She tried to block it out, to pretend he wasn’t there, but she could barely manage to read two pages. “You write loudly.”

“I have a lot to say.”

“I’m sure.” She thumbed through the pages of her book. The more she read the more she zoned out and thought about Mr. Gojo—who she could no longer call Satoru now that he called off the engagement—and what he was up to now. Who was this other girl he ran off with, and why? If he truly loved her that much, then [Y/N] felt she couldn’t hate him for what he’d done. Maybe he actually found a love to fight for, the kind of love she knew she would never have for him. It made her almost glad for him that he escaped the fate of a loveless marriage, but he was only able to do so through the carelessness afforded to men. He discarded her feelings and the reality she faced as a woman to achieve his marriage. He may have dodged that cold fate, but that wasn’t something she could do so easily. She would always be an eligible daughter before she was a person with her own desires. Yet, Mr. Gojo who had lived life according to his every whim, how could he understand that? What made him simple was that he enjoyed living life for his desires, and [Y/N] had known him for years. He was still her closest friend despite it all. Sure, she was angry and hurt that Mr. Gojo called off the engagement like he did, but she could never hate him. She could, however, yell at him whenever she saw him again like she planned to.

“Are you thinking about him?” Mr. Nanami asked.

“I am, but not in the way you imagine.”

“In what way, then?” The scratching stopped.

“I’m somewhat hurt and angry by what he did. I’ve always considered Mr. Gojo to be one of my closest friends. I wish he would’ve maybe talked to me about his feelings rather than run away. I’m angry that he didn’t consider me a close enough friend to talk to about his true feelings. Yet, despite it all, I don’t hate him. I don’t think I ever could.”

“I see.” The scratching continued.

“Do you know anything? About who this girl might be or why he did this?”

“For once, I know nothing.”

“For once? You give yourself too much credit.”

“You have quite the sense of humor, Miss,” he said sarcastically. “What I mean is he didn’t speak to me about the engagement or his feelings about it at all. I asked him if he looked forward to it, and he said he did, but that was all.”

[Y/N] watched as the man adjusted his glasses and ran his hands through his blonde hair. He seemed concentrated on his work despite his conversation with her, which was a skill to be admired. [Y/N] could hardly focus on more than one thing at a time.

“So we’re both in the dark.” She looked down at the book in her hands, at the dark and worn binding. “Maybe Mr. Suguru knows something.”

“I don’t trust a word that comes out of that man’s mouth.”

“Really? But he’s so kind.”

“There’s something off about him.” He dipped his quill in more ink.

“Do you consider yourself a good judge of character?” she asked.

“I do.”

“Well, answer me this: why wouldn’t Mr. Gojo want to marry me? Aren’t I one of the kindest, most intelligent ladies in the land?”

He stopped moving his quill in its tracks. “Maybe it’s your horrid personality,” he said, and continued to write.

“You’re rather rude, Mr. Nanami, it was just a jest.”

“At this moment you remind me of Mr. Gojo, and it makes me glad your engagement was called off. I couldn’t bear being related and having to entertain children as rowdy as the two of you whenever I visit. It would make me age more quickly than I already am.”

“How old are you, sir?”

“I’m twenty-four, only a year older than Mr. Gojo.”

“Twenty-four?” she said too loudly. Her eyes widened and she covered her mouth with her hand. She thought he was at least thirty. He just looked her in the eyes and said nothing. “I’m sorry.”

“That’s what everyone says.”

“It’s not that you look old, you just carry yourself that way. If that helps.”

“I’ve heard it all, Miss [L/N]. Nothing phases me anymore.”

“Of course.”

“Are you attending the ball next week?”

“What ball?” she asked, her attention piqued.

“Did you think Mr. Itadori would have a dinner party and nothing more for his birthday? The child is lively and extravagant.”

“Oh, it’s for Mr. Itadori? Then I will be sure to attend! My sister Nobara will attend as well! She and Mr. Itadori are the same age, after all.”

“Splendid. The ball will be held at my manor, so remember that.”

“I will.” [Y/N] thought about what kind of gown she should wear. Green? Blue? Cream? Gold? It had been a while since she last attended a ball.

“Mr. Nanami!” Mr. Itadori barged into the study, his heavy footsteps hitting the floors roughly. [Y/N] rose from her seat to curtsy, but Mr. Itadori put his hand up. “That’s not necessary. We’re friends, Miss [L/N].”

“Oh, of course,” she said shyly and sat down.

“What brings you in here?” Mr. Nanami asked.

“I was going to ask you to lunch, but it seems Miss [L/N] is here as well. She can join us. Would you like to, Miss?” he asked. She nodded her head.

“I’m somewhat hungry,” she answered.

“Great! Let’s all go together.”

+ + +

Mr. Itadori possessed a kind of vitality you could only wish for. Every movement of his contained such energy it was hard to envision exactly how he had so much. He may have been loud, but he was only showing his appreciation or excitement for the things before him. [Y/N] could appreciate traits like that in people. Mr. Nanami was surprisingly civil in the presence of Mr. Itadori. He was quiet and thoughtful like always, but he didn’t chastise Mr. Itadori’s loudness. He simply embraced it and encouraged him. It was a different side of him, a nurturing and caring one, that he used in Mr. Itadori’s presence. It was unlike the cold exterior and sarcastic nature [Y/N] was used to, and she couldn’t help but wonder what other sides of him existed behind those brown eyes of his. Lunch was nothing too extravagant, just pieces of bread and butter along with pieces of meat and potatoes. It would be filling until dinner time later.

“Miss [L/N], when will you be leaving the manor?” Mr. Itadori asked.

“Tomorrow morning, but I will be attending your birthday ball next week!”

“Yes!” he cheered. “Did Mr. Nanami invite you?”

“He did.”

Mr. Itadori gasped. “My brother is not the social kind at all! I’m very surprised. Proud of him, almost.”

“He is quite… hard to get along with,” she joked. She didn’t dare look up to see the displeased expression on Mr. Nanami’s face.

“But aren’t you two engaged now?” Mr. Itadori asked.

“I told him about the situation,” Mr. Nanami explained.

“I am, and it is now my burden to carry,” she said sarcastically. Mr. Itadori looked at her expectedly, and it put her on edge. She knew he meant no harm, but she knew how he must feel now that she was engaged to his brother. “My mother and father are probably wondering where I am. I should get going.” [Y/N] rose from the table and said her goodbyes to the two men who returned them. She roamed the halls quietly and thoughtfully back to her room. Unsure of what to do with herself she spent the rest of the night reading and packing to return to her manor tomorrow.

All she could think about was how everyone would soon think she and Mr. Nanami were engaged.

+ + +

That morning Mr. Itadori wished her off as she prepared to leave with her parents. She thanked him, but his last words to her left her surprised.

“My brother told me to wish you a safe trip.”

She mustered a small “thank you,” but the thought of the seemingly cold and unfeeling Mr. Nanami wishing her a safe trip wouldn’t leave her head the rest of the ride. Mr. Nanami was not only able to get under her skin, but now he was able to burrow himself into her thoughts.

In the end of it all, Monaca Towa was still a child.

To start this off, this isn't my usual Black Butler posts but ive been meaning to talk about Danganronpa for a hot minute, so please bear with me! Second, this is solely my opinion and before anyone wants to attack me please read thoroughly first. Thank you:)

(Spoiler warning for Danganronpa: Ultra Despair Girls and Danganronpa 3)

Also, before we dive in I'm going to list some trigger warnings:

Physcological abuse

Physical abuse

Manipulation

P*dophillia

Suicide attempt

Violence (?)

Childhood trauma

Please take care and read at your own risk<3

Hello there Danganronpa fandom! Today I will be talking about Monaca Towa (as stated in the title) and how people often minimize her trauma and sometimes forget the fact that shes still a child who got heavily manipulated by Junko too.

Monaca is seemingly very amiable and caring, because of her charming personality, all of the Warriors of Hope love her and try their best to keep her happy and go along with what she wants. However, it's slowly revealed that she is actually manipulative and cunning behind her friendly facade.

Monoca is a character that is cruel, manipulative, and extremly unhinged. Many of her actions cannot be excused or justified, but you can understand where she's coming from.

Monaca's Backstory:

She was born an unwanted child by both her father and her mother. Monaca's mother was supposed to take care of her but instead abandoned the child soon after her birth. Because of all her actions, Monaca saw her mother as a completely selfish and pathetic person. Monaca's father thought of giving her to an orphanage but instead took her into his family.

However, Monaca was always unwanted and everyone else felt uncomfortable around her. Every time Monaca smiled or joked, the others looked at her coldly, as if she didn't deserve to laugh. Every time she spoke, the others turned silent. His older-half brother thought of her as an alien, not part of the family.

She was also physically abused to the point that she pretended to be seriously wounded for them to stop as a result.

Monaca also attended Hope's Peak Elementary School and was part of the "trouble-makers class" along with Nagisa, Masaru, Jataro, and Kotoko.

Along with her fellow abused classmates, she planned a group suicide; however, Monaca never had any plans to commit suicide in the first place and was planning to let the others die as a prank.

The group suicide was stopped by Junko, who took the kids in and manipulated them by treating them with kindness and love.

Monaca then helped Junko mass produce Monokumas for the Tragedy by using her position as a representative of the Towa Group.

She lied to her father and the other adults in order to produce the Monokumas, telling them that she wanted to create futuristic robots that could be domestic helpers and emergency aid workers.

Due to her separation from the family and her genius, her family decided to give her leg room to do what she wanted as long as she brought in profits to the company, and didn't delve too deeply into her plans.

Things to keep in mind about Monoca's backstory:

She was emotionally and physically abused from a very young age.

She started to pretend to be paraplegic because she was finally treated with some kindness and she could have more control over people.

She convinced Nagisa, Jataro, Kotoko and Masaru to commit suicide.

Out of all the Warriros of Hope, Junko took the most intrest in Monoca due to her position, meaning that she was the one who got used and manipulated the most.

How Monoca's mindset works:

The moment she got physically abused to the point that she had to fake her injuries to make her family feel bad was the moment she learned that through sympathy from others comes power. Due to her families neglection and abuse, she started to quickly pick up on things in which benefited her yet hurt others.

She started to use manipulative tactics on her family to gain control over them. She then started implicating these tactics with the Warriors of Hope.

When Junko got into the picture, everything changed for the worst. Junko was the only person in Monaca's life who showed her affection. Even though deep down Monaca knew Junko only cared for her as a means to use her robotics genius for the Tragedy, Monaca didn't care, and happily helped out Junko with her plans if it meant being loved and appreciated in return. At the heart of it, despite all her horrific acts, that's a very child-like thing to do, right? So when Junko dies, Monaca's entire reason for living basically disappears.

AI Junko via Kurokuma may have planted the idea of a successor in her head, but in Monaca's mind it's a way to get her big sis back, and very specifically chooses to mold Komaru into becoming Junko's successor. That's for a big reason, Monaca doesn't want to become Junko, I'd say she actually just wanted her big sister back who would love and appreciate her again, and hence tried to make someone else take on that role initially. Once again, that's the mindset of a child.

Monaca's relationship with the Warriors of Hope:

The Warriors of Hope are a group of children who are extremely resentful and hateful of adults, regardless of whether or not they were involved in their rough paths. 

We all know that the Warriros of Hope are extememly tramutized kids. Masaru had alcoholic parents who physically abused him, Jataro was physcologically abused to the point he bealived he was so ugly that if anyone saw his "repulsive" face they would die, Kotoko was r*ped multiple times by disgusting p*dophilic men (not to mention, Monaca's brother was attracted to her), and last but not least we have Nagisa who had pressuring parents who wanted to raise him as the child prodigy and expirimented on him constantly.

Monaca used the Warriros of Hope's trauma against them, manipulating them to the point were they had to do her bidding completly.

As much as I hate to say it, Monaca truly saw them as pawns. Although there are some instances where she openly declares her care for the Warriors of Hope, it's likely she does that as a form of emotional manipulation.

If anything, she probably did see them as equal in the beginning but then when she started to gain control over her own family, she started to do the same with the Warriors of Hope as a way to protect herself from getting hurt, then again this is my baseless assumption.

Her dynamic with Nagito:

Monaca was amused by Nagito's strange behavior and contradicting beliefs and appeared to be somewhat annoyed with him at the times. However, the two appeared to at least seemingly respect each other in some way, as they treated each other somewhat formally as allies.

Her dynamic with Nagito is one of the most intresting ones. Obviously I think that her being rasied by Nagito was potentially a dangerous thing, considering Nagito's goal was for Monaca to become Enoshima's successor. Monaca seemed to agree with this goal, but Nagito's constant rambling about hope and despair made Monaca bored and feel embarrassed about the whole thing.

She claims he made her an adult in a way, as she grew up in the mental sense and became more cynical and apathetic, not really caring about anything.

In the end, Monaca found Nagito creepy and annoying, but she also appeared to get closer to him during their time together, while originally calling him just "Mister Servant" in UDG, she later refers to him as "Big Bro" in Danganronpa 3. I do think their dynamic was sort of soft and I would've loved to have seen more of it. Honestly the concept of Nagito being a soft brother to Monaca warms my heart, and the wasted potential will forever anger me.

(If any Danganronpa fanfic writer or any writer in general is reading this post: if u could be so kind and do a PLATONIC Nagito and Monaca prompt and tag me in it, I would love you forever!!)

My opinion on Monaca:

I think that Monaca was a very well-written character who deserved more than what she got in the end of Danganronpa 3. She was abused, mistreated and belittled by her family. If anything, I see her as a completely misguided little girl. If she actually had a positive authoritative influence in her life, she wouldn't have turned astray.

A lot of people disregard Monaca's trauma and forget that at the end of the day, Monaca was a child who the moment she was born, the people who were supposed to love her were unwelcoming.

Don't get me wrong though, there is no way in hell I will ever justify or condone the things Monaca has done. If anything, I just think that she alongside the rest of the Warriors of Hope should've been properly taken care of.

Also, if you dislike/hate Monaca thats 100% valid! She did a lot of inexcusable things and its alright to hate on her. I personally love her character but I know she is not everyones cup of tea.

If you read all the way, I'm actually surprised! Thank you and I hope you enjoyed<333

P̶h̶i̶l̶o̶p̶h̶o̶b̶i̶a̶

___________________________

Peter Parker x Reader

Requested|| (ANON) If this is not too much trouble, could I request something with the reader always trying to run from relationships because all the men in her life hurt her, and then she meets Peter and she's trying so hard not to fall for him, so he starts thinking that there's something wrong with him, until she tells him that she doesn't wanna get hurt again and he's all like 🥺 I'd never hurt you and it's all fluff?

Warnings|| major angst, slight smut but nothing crazy (minors dni)

Author’s Notes|| this kinda sucks but oh well someone will like it lmao

___________________________

You sat at the bar wallowing in sadness as if the world’s problems revolve around you. You felt stupid and selfish but you could brush the feeling. You downed yet another drink waving the waiter for another who smiled sympathetically before handing you another glass. 

“Hey,” a familiar pulled you from your sulking. 

“How’d you find me?” you said quietly. 

“Got lucky I guess,” that was a lie; he swung throughout all of downtown New York for the past hour looking for you. 

“I suppose you here cause…” you trailed off.

“What happened?” he sat down next to you.

You were hanging with Peter in his room playing video games. You two had a beer just talking as friends do. 

Friends.

Friends don’t usually sit this close to each other. 

“You ok?” 

 “Yeah, just feeling a little tired,” you responded.

“You want to stay here tonight?”

“I- I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“I insist. It’s pretty late and a pretty girl like you shouldn’t be out so late.”

“Peter.”

“What?” he asked.

“Don’t call me that,” you mumbled.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncom-”

“Maybe I should go,” don’t let him in; he’s just gonna break your heart like the rest of them.

“Y/n,” he stood up with you.

“Why are you running?”

“What?” you defended.

“You’re running away from me. This isn’t the first time you've done this," he explained walking up to you. You instinctively backed away almost insulting Peter. The look in his face was as if you broke his heart. You felt overwhelmed and you needed to get out. 

You pulled open the door abruptly hearing your name being shouted. You hurried down the stairs to the busy streets of New York instantly hailing a cab. He asked where to and you gave him a bill telling him however far it would take you. 

Peter ran back upstairs freaking out. He pulled his phone out and tried calling you first, he honestly didn’t know what had happened. Peter’s had an infatuation with you since the day you walked through the door in his class.

You two quickly became friends and although Peter wanted something more you always declined his advances and Peter respected that. That didn’t stop him from sharing his fair share of flirty comments that you had always seemed to laugh at. But this time he knew he fucked up calling you pretty but he doesn’t exactly know why it scared you so much. 

He suited up quickly and flew out the window searching every bar, club, cafe, library that you could possibly be in. His heartbeat quickened every passing minute that he couldn’t find you until after over an hour of searching and panicking and no response to his phone calls he finally found you. He quickly changes before heading inside as naturally as he could possibly act to not make you even more uncomfortable. 

“Hey.”

“I don’t know,” you responded to him.

“Is it me? Is there something wrong with me? Did I do something out of line?”

“No, it’s not you, Peter,” you said, slightly raising your voice but not enough to draw attention.

“Can you at least explain to me what’s making you upset because I hate seeing you like this,” Peter said softly.

“I was just having a bad day,” you lied.

“The other day too? I know there’s something bothering you and I want to help you; I really care about you.”

“You can’t help me,” you said frustratingly.

“Why?” he urged.

“Because it’s about you!”

“But-”

“Gah! Peter, just- ugh!” you rubbed your face stressfully. You don’t want but the way you treated him and how you’ve done this too many times to be considered ‘a bad day’, you owe him an explanation; no matter how hard it’ll be to admit.

“Y/n,” he whispered, reaching out to touch you, making you flinch.

“Are you scared of me?” he asked fearfully.

"No! It’s not that,” you teared up.

“Peter, I’m falling in love with you and it terrifies me,” you whispered, stray tears falling gracefully down your cheeks. 

“What?” Peter was indeed surprised. Of course he dreamed about what it would be like if you loved him back but because of the way you avoided him and avoided even the topic of relationships altogether, this was the last thing he was expecting you to say.

“All my life, I thought there was something wrong with me. I was so confused how people can just break someone’s heart so easily. And yet, I still fell in love, over and over again just to get hurt in the end. It went on too long, and I let it. I told myself love is dead. Then I met you. You ruined my plans of dying sad and alone. I tried so hard to not fall but I can’t help it. The second I see you, I get these butterflies in my belly, and it feels like my skin crawls but like not in a bad way, you know? And I’m scared; it scares me,” you cried. 

“Y/n,” Peter whispered, bringing his hand up to your back, rubbing softly.

“I’m so sorry that you had to go through all that and I know that my words and promises won’t do much. I just want you to at least hear me. You are the beautiful woman I’ve laid my eyes on, just being around you is enough to make me feel happier. Everyday I wake up thinking about you and-nand I go to sleep with you on my mind. All I do think about you; your smile, your eyes, your lips, your- your body,” he mumbled the last part shyly. 

“Y/n, I- I want to be the one that loves you; so much that you wouldn’t even think about heartbreak, you’d forget what it feels altogether."

His words hit you hard. You wanted that; you were so tired of running away but you don’t know if you can handle one more heartbreak; especially from Peter, the guy you fell so hopelessly in love with. Is it worth the risk? 

“I just want to feel loved, truly and genuinely loved,” you cried. 

Peter moved your hair from your face and wiped the tears with his thumb. One look into his dreamy brown eyes and you fell. Hard.

Peter pressed you against the back of his bedroom door. His lips were soft and velvety against yours. Your hands were intertwined and your stomach couldn’t help the eruption of butterflies. You’ve never particularly felt this emotive before for someone especially so intimately. His lips kissed the shell of your ear so softly you barely felt it.

“My pretty girl,” he whispered before pulling you to the bed.

You sat down lifting your arms for Peter who slowly pulled your hoodie over your head. He kneeled in front of you and pressed kisses down your torso making you wiggle and giggle. His hands cupped your breasts softly, squeezing playfully as his teeth nipped at your skin along your belly. 

He brought his hands to your bottoms and you lifted your hips to let him take it off. Once he did, he stood up quickly removing his one clothes and you sat up reaching out to touch his extremely toned torso. He grabbed a condom from the drawer beside the bed and hummed softly at your hands that roamed his body lovingly. 

He rolled the condom over his throbbing cock, crawling over you with a devilish smirk. He dipped his head in the crook of your neck kiss softly making you softly moan and sigh in pleasure. Your belly burned with desire aching for his cock. You wrapped your legs around his hips hissing when he pushed himself past your slick folds. 

“You’re a bit bigger than I anticipated,” you choked out. 

“You need a minute?” he cupped your face. 

You weakly nodded holding onto Peter tightly. Once you felt better and the pressure slowly dissipated, Peter brought his hips back and pushed again in you slowly. Your moans bounced off the walls as Peter thrusts sped up. 

“You feel so good, baby,” you pressed his forehead against yours. 

“Fucking hell,” Peter breathed out. 

His thrusts became sloppily and your skin slapped against each other loudly. You moans got louder and higher and Peter’s lower and rougher. Soon enough you couldn’t hold it any longer; your body contracting and tightening under him desperate to cum.

“Pete-”

“Go ahead, baby girl. Let go,” he looked into your eyes. 

You let your orgasm rip through you, letting your back arch into Peter and your toes curl. Peter’s mother opened but no sound came through as he reached his own high. His arms gave out after he climaxed and collapsed atop of you. Your body slightly trembled as you calmed yourself. 

“Please, please don’t break my heart,” you cried.

“I promise. I could never hurt you,” he kissed you passionately. He could taste your salty tears that stained your lips and tugged on his heart. He held you closely as you fell asleep never once letting go. And for once you felt loved. 

Truly, and genuinely loved. 

============

ᴛᴀɢʟɪsᴛ: (For all my work)

@mathletemadison​

@buckybarnes101​

@l-sofiamia-l 

@pluto-grl

@partr1dge

𝓛𝓲𝓽𝓽𝓵𝓮 𝓢𝓾𝓷𝓰𝓵𝓸𝔀𝓮𝓻 ❤︎

A/n: My moot from twitter made a whole thread that what if Harry wrote sunflower vol6. for some fan, she wanted the idea in words so here ya go!

Crowd just to admire Harry, cheering, loving, showering him in their evermost affection.

Harry performs like he was born for this; a punk rockstar with a flower crown on his head, bout to dominate the world just from his kindness.

After performing three songs he was engulfing in conversation with his fans and he points towards you but your friends gestures if he wants to talk to her.

You're wearing a pastel dress with hues of yellow accessories. You're so red in your own way, popping out from the crowd in the bloody bold way but you're shy and skittish around people.

You're just dancing along with your bestie, swaying your hips to only angel and then doing your own sexy moves to show your friend making fun of it afterwards.

Harry couldn't snatch his focus from you and the band noticed it so they teased him, tsking at him and mouthing him his pet name 'wep' under the loud shrivels of their guitars.

You wouldn't deny that you wanted to catch his attention too but you don't know how to.

Everyone's complementing him in their fondest way and whenever you parted your plump glossy lips to shout something nothing came out.

While playing guitar, Harry gazes at you intensely his brows furrowing when he sees that your bestfriend cupped your face to say something in your ear.

He's so fuckin' jealous. He wants to be there to cup your face, stroke you and maybe kiss you.

You looks so damn kissable. He thinks you're so golden beaming around the pink sky.

Now, when he's asking your friend's name out glancing at you from the corner of his eyes your heart drops. English isn't your first language, and this made your hands shake at the side.

You don't wanna fuck this up.

"What's your pretty name darlin'?" He smiles at you feeling a bit shy from your peer that's nothing but anxiousness, Sara and Mitch exchange looks with eachother while Harry waited patiently to get your calm voice to reach to him because at this point he can do everything.

"Y/n-y/n!" You're far from him so you shouted and it stuttered making you even more blush like a coral stone.

Fuckin' beautiful name, just like her Harry's heart gave a beat.

He doesn't want to dissapoint you by taking your name wrong, you're too precious to pronounce you differently that's why he reminisced your name many times under his breath before taking it.

"Y/n, right?" You bobbed your head a bit loosening up and smiling coyly fuck Harry wants to flop at ground just at this, "soo where are you from ba- y/n?"

"Not from here!" You told him now properly locking your eyes and Harry noticed your eyes colour's so common but looks so rare on you.

Harry mimicked you doing his comic accent, "No- Not from here, that's why asked ye' from where!?!" The crowd cheered and you laughed clutching your sides telling your country name.

"I hope you're havin' a good time, y/n." He grins combing his loose curls back and sipping his water, then throwing the water on the crowd intentionally so it would reach you and he could dive in another cute moment of you.

The whole show went like this but he wants you more than singing his melodies to you and he notices that you're getting exhausted and tired but utterly overloaded with cuteness forgetting lyrics to every other song now and then, your shoes aching you so you sat down but he jolts in panic thinking you just fell and is afraid you'll come under everyone's feet.

But when you again stood up he practically heaved shaking his to scold him that he shouldn't do this, he'll end up hurting himself from missing you and thinking about you everytime.

Getting attached too soon is Harry's weak point.

The show ended and he wanted to call you backstage but you were long gone leaving your sunflower-ey coral sunshine behind.

.

Harry went through his breakup going to Japan to give him his own solace, he went through his journal where he has written all his songs and his eyes fell over the cursive words he lovingly wrote on this specific side of his journal.

He wrote a song about you right after running backstage. Kid Harpoon wanted to make some changes in the lyrics but Harry criticised that no changes will be made in this particular song, he doesn't care if it's a hit or not, this came straight out of his heart and it matters alot to him.

One day he was wandering in london when you marched from a bookshop bumping square into one person you couldn't possibly imagine, Harry.

Your canvases, books, brushes everything flew to ground and Harry's on cloud nine a feeling of when he did shrooms spreads in his chest.

"Sorry. Shit yeah." You both said in unison squatting down to collect your things.

Your heads hitting and you giggled making Harry giggle too.

"Kay there's this saying in my culture that if your forehead gets hit by another person you should hit it twice else horns grows on your head." Your eyes glinting and he shakes his head gently pressing his head against yours.

He saw your fingers shaking so he again muttered a 'sorry' feeling bad for no-reason.

"Is it your painting?" He asked and you nodded taking the canvas from him, his touch's so soft you've only imagined it or heard from the people who met him that he has the softest warmest touch. "It's beautiful."

You're in awe of him. Ofcourse you love him but you don't know how much Harry's in love with you.

He's in awe of your talent too, he knew you'd love to paint from how vivid you're. It's one of the things he imagined bout you before going to bed.

Harry was taken aback by your respect for his consent when you asked him if you could hug him and he opened his arms wide for you.

"C'mere darlin'." Million sparks shooted inside his body when you coiled your arms around his neck because of your height, he's so happy he wants to cry.

Fuck this he wants you to be his and he's gonna drag his arse for it.

He sniffed in your shampoo and scent which's vanilla, strawberries and galaxies.

"Umm..y/n would you like to grab a coffee with me?" You are appalled. you never thought he'd remember you but who's gonna tell you that you were his only thought and the dream of his heart.

"Sure! Thank you." You beamed walking alongside of him to the nearest café.

Harry thinks you're so kind that maybe you felt rude to reject his offer but this's just his anxiety.

Anyways you talked to him about things he didn't know, you asked him how life's going even though his life's all where on the headlines.

You've never drank black coffee in your life but ordered it from the embarrassment of judgment from him and when you sipped it you practically gagged.

"Wanna swap, I just took a sip?"

"Thank you never drank black coffee in my life." He didn't asked you why but you yourself told him sipping from his and it's mocha sweet as him, "not very much common where I used to live."

Harry wants to get to know you more. About your culture, your interests and specifically just you.

"There's this get-together at my home this Saturday, would you like to come it's okay if you don't want to." He rubbed the back of his neck a little nervous.

"I'd love too!" You smiled even though you're all jittery from inside. You don't know what's happening but you're just going along with it.

"Kay. See ya there." He took your hand writing his number inside your palm and he swear that he felt like he dipped his hand into a sweet pudding when he held you.

.

You got ready with feathery makeup and simple outfit, you haven't told anyone that you met Harry. You've baked cupcakes for him because your mother has always taught you to never go empty hand to someone's house.

All the expensive cars parked at his driveway wanted to make you cry, you're so nervous.

Harry's nervy too he lectured everyone not to suffocate you and give her some space knowing how lovey-dovey his friends could be.

"And don't call me pet names infront her." He seriously told Jeff who offered him tequila but he pushed it away, there's no way he's getting drunk today. "Okay foof." Jeff patted him hardly.

"Hmm. Plannin' to become someone else's baby." Sara laughed sitting comfortably between mitch's legs and Harry shakes his head shyly snapping when the door bell rang.

He was out of breath when you were infront of him. He hugged you kissing your cheek and you took in his smell trying to calm yourself.

"Y'okay?" He frowned caringly placing his hands on your shoulders, your eyes are glassy that's why he asked.

Clearing your throat you handed him the cupcakes nodding and smiling, "yes umm here."

"Hi love!" Everyone greeted you and hugged you.

Harry was acting quite selfish taking the cupcakes inside his kitchen to eat them all to himself and when he came back you were chatting with his friends quite enjoying their company.

His mind crawls to the thought of you in between his embrace while his friends becomes your friends and you spending festives together, you hanging out with him at the places you love to be at.

You were praising their talents and then Harry's and he didn't miss the glimmer of admiration in your eyes for him.

"You're quite such a fan of Harry." One of his friends says and you just nodded not knowing what else to say. To everyone else you're just a fan that Harry invited to his home.

Harry glared him. The last thing he wanted to make you feel was invadilate your caring, humble and nice feelings towards not just Harry but to everyone.

"Can I steal y/n for a second?" Harry asked smiling down at you and Sarah spat playfully, "she's all yours."

"Uhh..thank you for these." He pointed at the delights you baked for him swelling his heart at your care and you shook your head.

"I love these on you." He indicated to the pearls around your neck. Hooking your finger to unclasp it you mumbled, "do you want it?"

But didn't waited for his answer and secured it around his neck. Shivers running down Harry's spine when the pads of your fingers brushed the baby curls over the nape of his neck.

"Thank you so much." Harry thinks he can't thank you enough. You just keep on giving him reasons to owe you, this's the perfect opportunity to love you and let you know.

He took you to his bedroom quickly going to his wardrobe and you looked around, he has frames of his family and his recently ex-girlfriend.

You don't know about her that deep but you know he was deeply in love with her, if ever you know how much he loves you.

In his recent interview he talked about how he met this person and the new album's all about exploring relationship. You think so the new songs will be about her, she really's so ravishing.

He came back sitting close to you and before you even properly look at him he locked a necklace around you.

A sunflower necklace falling between the valley of your cleavages. Harry has bought this for you in the hope that you'll meet him sometimes in this world again and wore it around his neck during the whole writing process of his album.

You opened the brass golden sunflower and it had 'you're my sunflower' encarved on it.

"You're the only cloud in my mind, the only dream of my heart. Can't stop thinkin' bout you it's been two years." You rubbed soothing circles at his knee closing distance between you two while he confessed his feelings for you.

"Please let me love you.." There was a crease on his forehead and you massaged it away smiling weakly at him because you don't think so if your heart's beating.

"I'm all yours to love." He whined at your words grasping you in his arms and shoving his face inside the crook of your neck.

"Can I kiss ye'?" He asked you and you intervined you fingers in his shaky ones.

Lips brushing his and his eyes fluttered close just at the approximty.

He placed your legs on both side of his torso flushing your chests together and peppering kisses all over your face carefully.

Pressing your temples against eachother when his lips were mere away from yours, and when you molded your hand around his face he leaned into kiss you.

Giving a hot swipe to the cupid bow of your lip, tasting every inch of you. Hands everywhere, kissed you and kissed you and kissed you until you weren't breathing his name.

"Fuck. Tastes just as I imagined." Your head fell against his toned pecs and he placed his lips over your hair hugging you tight for you could become one. His.

"M'little sunflower."

.

RP Memes from the play "M. Butterfly" by David Henry Hwang, Part Four

When they're good, they're very good, but when they're bad, they're Christians.

I'm sure they appreciate the sugar.

I think it'll be important someday.

That's very farsighted.

He'll thank you someday.

You come to parties at embassies like everyone else.

I'll wait for you outside.

You wanna. . .fool around?

But is it possible for a woman to be too inhibited, too willing, so as to seem almost too. . .masculine?

You have a nice penis.

What, can't take a compliment?

Young, small, same thing.

Most guys are pretty, uh, sensitive about that.

I got mad at him once and called him a little weeniehead. He got so mad! He said at least I should call him a great big weeniehead.

That's pretty clinical.

There's "cock" but that sounds like a chicken. And "prick" is painful and "dick" sounds like you're talking about someone who's not in the room.

It's a. . . bigger problem than I imagined.

I think the reason we fight wars is because we wear clothes. Because no one knows–between the men, I mean–who has the bigger. . .weenie.

And that’s what we call a civilized society. The whole world run by a bunch of men with pricks the size of pins.

This was simply not acceptable.

She knew the secret I was trying to hide.

It was her tears and her silence that excited me.

They're killing him.

Bother you to come over at this late hour?

It's a test of everything you've been saying.

But if anything goes wrong, then your opinions won't be worth a pig's ear.

But sometimes it's easier when they don't listen to you.

That coward! That worm!

What I wanted was revenge. A vessel to contain my humiliation.

You've been drinking?

If I can't sleep, then yes, I drink.

Fortunately, I am drunk. So I can speak freely.

It's not the world, it's you and me. And an old problem.

Even the softest skin becomes like leather to a man who's touched it too often.

I don't know how to become another woman.

It may be a solution. But I'm sure you won't like it.

Do you think I "like" lying here alone, always waiting for your return?

I thought you understood my modesty.

I thought you respected my shame!

I believe you gave me your shame years ago.

Now I see---we are always most revolted by the things hidden within us.

Don't couch your request in sweet words.

Be yourself--a cad.

Be yourself--a cad--and know that my love is enough, that I submit, submit to the worst you can give me.

My love is enough.

I submit.

Submit to the worst you can give me.

Well, come. Strip me.

Whatever happens, know that you have willed it.

Our love, in your hands.

I'm helpless before my man.

Happiness is so rare that our mind can turn somersaults to protect it.

The image sickened me.

I was crawling towards her like a worm.

Something new, something unnatural, that flew in the face of all I'd learned in the world--something very close to love.

I'm pregnant.

I want to marry you!

I need a baby.

What do you mean, you need a baby?!

Last night, the entire mission, it could have ended.

He told me to strip.

I tell you, I don't understand nothing about this case anymore.

He told me to strip, and I took a chance.

My palms were wet, I had to make a split-second decision.

Hey! Can you slow down?

I'm the artist here.

All he wants is for her to submit.

Once a woman submits, a man is always ready to become 'generous'.

The trading of babies has to be a counterrevolutionary act.

Sometimes, a counterrevolutionary act is necessary to counter a counterrevolutionary act.

Why, in the Peking Opera, are women's roles played by men?

Only a man knows how a woman is supposed to act.

I could forget all that betrayal in an instance, you know.

Good riddance!

You're here in prison, rotting in a cell.

Must make you feel. . .lower than shit.

But don't you, even a little bit, wish you were here with me?

It doesn't matter how rotten I answer, does it? You still adore me.

I'll divorce my wife.

We'll live together here, and then later in France.

I feel so. . .ashamed.

I had begun to lose faith. And now, you shame me with your generosity.

You shame me with your generosity.

Generosity? No, I'm proposing for very selfish reasons.

Your apologies only make me feel more ashamed.

You've been very patient dealing with my . . . eccentricities.

It was sick! Don't make excuses for me.

I'm happy. Which often looks like crazy.

No one has loved me like you.

That's not being realistic. That's defeating yourself before you begin.

We must conserve our strength for the battles we can win.

That sounds like a fortune cookie!

Where do you think fortune cookies come from?

I'm worthy to love and even be loved by you.

Umbrella Academy

season 2, episode 7

More thoughts and live blogged reactions.

1982. I'm assuming Five used a briefcase... But in s1 we saw that the briefcase travels are tracked (Hazel and Cha-Cha got reprimanded for Klaus's Vietnam trip) so I'm not sure how the board doesn't know someone is coming... I might be overthinking.

Five being creepy.

Is that a Fudge Nutter like Handler mentioned in season 1? Oh, it is.

Jesus, Five! Anger management for you, old man.

AAHH! THEY LET FIVE SAY FUCK! Fucking finally! 🤣

How did nobody notice that destruction? 😆

Oh, the axe! Is Five going to go all American psycho? Because I'd love to see that.

HOLY SHIT!

That smile!

HOLY SHIT!!!!!!

Is he using tiny time travel bursts like Reggie said? Or a briefcase? Or is he just that fast?

AJ hiding under the table 😆

Pausing to drink water and grin, what a psycho, I love him.

He's definitely using time jumps but they are so controlled that I'm guessing briefcase or Handler little time stopping trick. I'm so proud of my mass murder baby.

... Vending machine? Lady, you have interesting priorities.

CRICKET BAT!

Wait! AJ's human body feels pain? How?

Please make Five swallow the fish like in the comics! Please, please, please, please.

The dancers are just like

I LOVE FIVE! The lengths this little killer will go for his family are unbelievable, nobody should ever doubt his love and devotion for them ever again.

This whole murder scene was incredible and Five's obvious glee made it even better. FEAR HIM!

Jesus, Klaus is so afraid of being possessed that he's afraid to sleep and Ben just mocks him? 😘💋 I get that this is supposed to be a funny 'brothers messing with each other' kind of thing but Klaus feels so unsafe that it makes me uncomfortable. What happened to you, Ben, when did you become so dark? You were the nice one!

Ben just getting closer and closer every time Klaus closes his eyes just gave me Doctor Who flashbacks.

"I hate your face" "I hate all of you" - Don't say that boys! You know you love each other.

Ok, Ben has a point. I'm actually liking this conversation. And I'm liking that Klaus is starting to understand his brother.

Ok, this is such a brother conversation. And Klaus constantly pretending not to know who Jill is 😆

Ground rules... Well, at least it's consensual now. That's something. See? Communication works.

Damn, the tension at the lunch table cut be cut with a knife. I'm scared what Carl is going to do.

Ray and Allison have a lovely relationship but I finally identified the problem, the tension I was feeling between since them a few eps back. It's not about Allison's secrets at all, is about Ray being so obsessed with his crusade that he completely overlooks Allison's feelings, he only pays attention to her when they are on the page about the mission. He sees her powers and his first thought is 'we could use this for the cause', Allison is clearly distressed and sad and even says she doesn't feel well and all he can think about is the damn JFK meeting. He's not a bad person and he's not doing it on purpose but he has a workaholic one-track mind that could easy turn into neglect for Allison. He clearly loves her and I'm rooting for them so much but I know that if asked to choose between Allison and his cause, he'll pick his cause.

So Five is done with the killing. I figured this might weigh on his conscience, it's one thing to kill for a greater good or survival, coldly and detached, it's another thing to slaughter for selfish reasons (even if his selfish reasons are a greater good).

Handler going all mom on him and wiping his face. 😆

"What I did today, I did for my family" -we know, baby, and they better respect you for it. You love then so much.

90 minutes??? Wtf, I knew Handler would try to screw Five over but that's just cruel, she's forcing him to uproot the family without even giving them time to say goodbye and that's even IF he can get to all of them on time.

It's not a name, you idiots. Also, that's Olga, not öga.

Don't harass the poor woman... Oh God, you guys are such morons... Diego, you dramatic little bitch...

"Wrong number. Have a lovely day" 🤣🤣🤣

I love the new dumbass buddy cop dynamic between Diego and Luther. This is the sort of positive brotherly dynamic they always should have had instead of being pitted against each other all their lives.

"you have some blood on you" "a lot of blood, actually. Five, what did you do?" -the casual, mildly annoyed way they ask is hilarious, if they knew what he did they'd be horrified (and possibly impressed).

Handler's militaristic chic dress is fabulous. I personally don't like it very much (or the message it sends) but it's haute couture and incredibly designed. Also, the bleached hair is back!

"any questions?" And then she leaves without listening. Power move 😏

Luther trying to comfort Diego like the dork he is. 🤣

Really though, I feel bad for Diego, and Five is under so much pressure that I don't blame him for snapping.

"I'm shy" -are you, Klaus? Are you really? You keep walking around in underwear in front of dozens of people, you're not shy.

So is Klaus lactose intolerant?

Ok, so far the possession thing is not as bad as some people were claiming. So far.

"stay focused" *giggle* -oh Ben, you dork 😆

Ahah, Ben enjoying all the different sensory stimuli. Adorable. He's just so happy, poor boy.

Dirt angels. SO CUTE ❤️

I know this all supposed to be cute and all but it would also be a perfect moment for Ben for experience Klaus's powers (the constant hauntings) as well as his addiction and the claustrophobic expectations of the cult. It would be an excellent chance to make Ben understand why Klaus is the way he is, seeing as Klaus is making a huge effort (and sacrifice) to do the same for Ben. Unfortunately, I don't see that happening because I think they want to keep this part about Ben.

By end of season 1 Klaus cried that people still didn't take him seriously, his compassion despite all his suffering made him likeable and deep, but this season he's back to being the family joke, I don't like that there's no resolution to that. But let's see where this goes, I'm getting ahead of myself.

Oh God, Carl's talk is freaking me out.

"who I am is not a disease" -very powerful LGBT+ statement considering it's the 60s!!!!

Oh, the blackmail...

Everybody keeps expecting Vanya to explode every time she gets emotional but this scene proves how much control she truly has. Respect!

Oh, finally Claire is mentioned! I've been rather upset that Allison hasn't mentioned her daughter even once this season (does Ray even know he has a stepdaughter?) seeing as most of her arc in season 1 revolved around her love and guilt over Claire.

Luther is right when he says they don't get live formal lives because they are special but Allison is even more right when she says that's not fair. This is why this family needs to stick together and love each other, they are the only ones that can really understand each other's struggles.

"hope" -Luther, you really are such a sweet summer child.

OH! I CAN FINALLY SEE ALLISON'S SCAR! The lighting in this scene makes it really obvious. Finally.

Ben and the strawberry. 🤣

"you're different today. You're dorkier" ah! First time anyone called Ben 'Sassy' Hargreeves dorky.

Oh Ben, you're adorable... Wait, "smell your hair"? What the fuck, Ben? You weirdo.

Holy crap! Jill is really forward, isn't she? Hippies, man.

Ben stuttering! 😆🤣 He died a virgin, didn't he?

It's funny but please tell me he isn't actually considering that in his brother's body...

Wait, did Klaus slap him because he doesn't want to have sex or because he's trying to stop Ben from ruining his own chance by saying too much?

Actually, I'm almost sure it's the second one, Klaus is playing wingman on his own body!

WHAT????

Ok so Ben IS a virgin but "you, me and Keechie"? What the fuck, Klaus? You slept with the fanatical crybaby and your brother's crush????

"Klaus, you're so filthy!" "Yes, you are, daddy." -Ben, this girl is not right for you. Run, boy!

AHAHAHAH ASDFGDDGGHSGSGASFHDBKDIS 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 DIEGO CALLING HIM DADDY!

Wait, AJ can speak without the body/suit/whatever?

Handler is going a little bit fascist dictator, isn't she?

Gotta admit, Handler really is such a mom in her own twisted way.

Ben giggling when he talks to Diego. Cute.

"Luther sniffs Dad's underwear" 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

AWWWWWWWW, BEN AND DIEGO! THE CHILDHOOD HIJINKS! THE HUG!

GOD, THE HUG! ❤️

I need all the siblings hugging Ben now!

"you stay in this body, we need someone responsible behind the wheel" -Diego, I understand what you mean given the situation, but you playing obvious favorites between your brothers when free will and body autonomy are on the line is a little creepy.

"no one is insignificant" -that line is so loaded when used on Vanya.

Oh no, Vanya and Five playing the blame game is so bad... They used to be so close... They are both under so much pressure, this won't end well.

Oh boy, Five looks like he's on the verge of crying and Vanya sees that! I bet that's why she backed down. 😲😢

The Lila and Diego conversation is heartbreaking without even trying...

Is that Elliot? Is Diego burying Elliot because nobody else will? Diego really does have a heart of gold.

Don't drinkit! I'm pretty sure Lila is drugging you.

Yup, there it is.

What is she planning?

Once again, it's all about the movement with Ray.

"I would take my one year with you over a lifetime with anybody else." 😭 Oh Ray ❤️

But I get the feeling this won't end so easily.

There it is, the Swedes just arrived. And the smart assholes went right for Allison's throat.

You don't need the coffee can, Sissy. The Hargreeves are loaded.

Sissy, hurry up.

BEN, YOU ARE SUCH A 90s KID!!! So the Backstreet Boys are Ben's fault, God, I love this dork 🤣

Come on, Allison, you can fight better than this!

Good girl!

Klaus and Ben running and fighting each other at the same time 😆

Holy shit, that is some Exorcist level vomiting!

Poor Klaus, I totally get Ben's side in this (pretty sure he was trying to save Klaus by getting him to Five ASAP) but this whole thing made me mildly uncomfortable. Klaus just keeps sacrificing for everyone and nobody respects his boundaries.

Holy shit, Allison! That is so cruel! I like it though, so ruthless and vicious. 😈

Problem- Allison can't just leave Ray with a white corpse in the house. Especially not in Texas, death penalty and all.

Oh Sissy, you dumbass. You're a sweetheart but also a dumbass.

Ok, Lila is pretty insane. That's for sure.

Five:

"I don't want to hurt you" - well, Vanya warned them.

My baby is getting really good with her powers.

I hope that hit to the head doesn't give Vanya her memory back, that's so cliché and convenient, or would be really bad writing.

SHIT IS HITTING THE FAN. I'm dying to see more!!!!!!

i understand

hanbin imagine 'cause why not

title is lowercase intended

angst (i love writing and imagining angsts)

listen to 'back to december' by taylor swift to get the desired feels

word count: 2075

It has been a long day for you and all you crave for at the moment is just hours of relaxation on your favorite night spot, the riverside. Every night you would always visit the river, just feeling the night's cold breeze as you listen to the passing vehicles on the road.

Unfortunately for the past weeks, you haven't been visiting the riverside as often because of the increasing pressure at work. But finally here you are, after a long day of exhaustion.

You glance around the place as you always do. Fate must've been playing with you when your sight landed on the back of a man's green hoodie, his posture slightly crouched, and you know that figure really well.

Thoughts ran through your head. You hesitated whether you should call his name and offer to talk. How stupid, you thought. How can you just casually call the name of that man and offer a small talk? That man who once gave you everything including his love. His love that you chose to throw aside.

Memories of that night quickly spread to your mind like wildfire. The way his eyes filled with sadness and tears, him saying nothing at all as you stared at him after you said the words "Hanbin, set me free."

The guy in green hoodie turned around, as if expecting someone to be there, and locked eyes with you. You searched for something, just anything, in his eyes but it showed nothing. Not love, not hate, just nothing.

He made his way towards you with his lazy walk. As soon as he reached your way, no one dared to speak up first. You just looked at each other. But then he decided to break the silence.

"Hey," he greeted with a smile. You couldn't be any more happier because of that smile. It's beautiful.

"Hanbin," you breathed out. It was silently spoken but it carried the weight of just saying his name.

"You know, I was actually here yesterday as well since someone told me you often hang around this place. It's nice," he stated softly like the way he always talks, eyes wandering around the place.

Silence overtook the place once again as your mind was filled with questions. You're confused why he'd visit the place just because someone told him that you often visit it. You're confused as to why you felt this way in front of him when you're the one who pushed him away. You're confused as to why he doesn't seem like he hates you just like you thought he would.

He landed his eyes on you and you can't help but catch the familiar look in his eyes that you so strongly miss. He's still the same Hanbin you hurt a year ago.

"Why- why are you here?" you finally managed to ask.

"Let's get some coffee first. It's getting chilly out here anyway so let's go in a cafe," he said and turned around to go to the direction of a nearby cafe.

"Wait," you called to him but he didn't hear you. You just decided to follow him and go along with everything that's happening.

After ordering and finding a good seat spot, you decided to clear out the confusion and asked him directly.

"Hanbin, what's going on?" He answered right away,

"I wanted to talk to you. Just about anything."

You have convinced yourself that Hanbin hated you since he's the type of person who holds a grudge especially if it includes his feelings. But now here he is in front of you, claiming he wants to talk to you about anything.

Awkwardness surrounded the area. You just don't want to bring up anything from the past especially hurtful memories from your break up so you just sat and thought of things to say. Whereas Hanbin just silently observes your awkward self like he always did back then.

"I just, I'm- I am glad you came all the way to this city to see me," you silently say with your head partially bowed in embarrassment.

Hanbin just responds with a chuckle. Luckily, the orders came, saving you from the awkwardness.

"How's life, I guess?" If he wants to talk to you, you might as well start the conversation and pretend you don't feel uncomfortable.

"Life's good. Still the usual. Work is busier than ever, it's tiring so this atmosphere relaxes me. I kinda miss my family too," he rambles.

"Oh, Hanbyul. How is she?" you really just spout random things to say to not let the silence overtake your table.

"She just started primary school last month and I couldn't be any more prouder." You admired the love Hanbin has for his little sister. You adore Hanbyul so much so hearing this news is also satisfying for you.

With the short length of your talks, you realized one thing. He has his guards up. And you know why. It's because the last time Hanbin saw you is still fresh in his mind and the words you spoke are still loud. He's protecting himself.

FLASHBACK

Hanbin had been feeling uneasy with your relationship for the past weeks. He'd noticed you've been distancing yourself away from him and you never answered his calls and messages. According to your housemate, you've only been inside your room and never went out unless you needed to eat or take a shower.

He respected your decision of wanting space at first. But as time passes, he realizes it gets unhealthy in your relationship.

So there he was, three roses on one hand and a fastfood takeout on the other hand, in front of your room.

With gentle knocks and a soft call of your name, you immediately know it's Hanbin. Your heart ached once again when you heard his voice.

Nonetheless, you should make your decision.

And so you let him in. Hanbin couldn't be any more happier that you let him in.

The first thing that he wanted to do was embrace you tightly but he saw your expression and realized something bad is going to happen.

"Y/N, babe," said Hanbin quietly as he inches forward. The things on his hands were placed on the desk in your room.

"Hanbin, please," you replied, your voice sounding exhausted as if you're tired of everything.

"What do you mean, babe? What's wrong?"

"Let us not pretend like nothing's wrong, Hanbin. You know well what's happening," you answered soullessly. You can't ignore the fact that your heart is slowly breaking as your conversation goes.

"Y/N, just tell me, please," Hanbin pleads and you heard the desperation in his voice.

Silence surrounded the room.

"I barely saw you for the past weeks, please just tell me what's wrong-" you cut him off without even noticing you did.

"That's the point. The moment I needed you the most, you weren't there. The time where your fans called me a 'slut', a 'bitch', a 'stealer'. Hanbin, it hurts. Their words hurt," you said, though silently, the exasperation is still heard.

"We talked about this, Y/N. Please let's just ignore them. We can't let them ruin us," Hanbin pleads and you can see the need in his eyes as he reaches for your hand. You quickly directed your eyes away from his as you feel yours get filled with tears.

"They obviously hate me, Hanbin."

"But I love you."

"Your love will not stop the death threats I receive from some of your fans, okay?! I can stand it if it's just against me but my family is also getting threats!" By now, tears are falling from your eyes and you wiped it quickly away.

Hanbin took few steps backwards in shock.

"You didn't tell me you received death threats," he said silently as he stares at you with sad eyes.

"Hanbin, set me free."

You were being selfish, you're well aware. You're hurting him, you're aware. But you believe this is the only way for Hanbin to live without media and the fans bugging him about having you as his girlfriend.

You also wanted to save yourself from the harsh words the society shouts at you. Instead of talking it out with Hanbin, you decided to end everything and left him alone. It's selfish.

Hanbin's eyes slowly fills with tears and his lips form a thin line. He looked down for a moment and when he raised his head once again, your heart broke for the hundredth time that day.

He has a sad smile on his face, tears he so desperately prevents from falling, and eyes talking to you.

"I understand," said Hanbin and quickly pulled you in for a hug. "Please live the best life you deserve."

You loved him and you still do. The moment he wished you the best life that day is the time you hated yourself for not being strong enough. He didn't deserve a coward person like you.

"Why did you really came to see me, Hanbin?" you said after minutes of long silence. You figured he had something important to say. It has been a year since you broke up and him showing up like this is really suspicious.

"Honestly, I went here to give you something," he said with a soft voice and reached in the pocket of his hoodie.

"I had this when we were still together. I figured I'd give it to you for our second anniversary. But then, you know, it happened." He said while holding a beautiful necklace on his palm. Memories once again filled your mind.

"I've been holding on to this ever since we parted ways. This gave me hope everytime I'd thought about you. She has been a great companion," he said, referring to the necklace as a 'she'.

"But now, I'll give her to you. I realized I've been holding on to this for too long and now I'm ready to finally move on. I'm ready to finally let go of you," he said.

He has been staring down at the necklace while talking and as he lifted his eyes to look at you, you felt the longing between you two.

You said nothing but only looked at his eyes. You still love him.

"Here, please take it," he said, finally breaking the painful eye contact.

"No."

Hanbin looked at you, taken aback.

"Sorry, what?"

You stood up and dragged him out of the cafe. You just let your heart decide this time.

"I'm sorry for everything. I'm ready to lower my pride just to say this, Hanbin. I hate myself for leaving and I hate myself because I still love you," you said while swallowing your pride.

"You can't just say that, Y/N," Hanbin said, his voice sounding stronger.

"I'm sorry but this is how I feel. I'd go back to the night we broke up just to fix things. I regret not having to fight for us. I regret being too selfish at that time-" he cut you off.

"You're still being selfish now!" he said, almost raising his voice.

You felt small under his gaze and his voice.

He continued emotionally, "You told me to set you free and I painfully finally did. Set me free, Y/N."

"But freedom only did nothing but made me miss you more. I only ever realized how important you are when you're not mine anymore." You know you already sound desperate. You couldn't care less. Hanbin is finally in front of you and this is the only chance you have to fix the things you broke including each other's hearts.

"What do you want me to do? I am trying so hard to forget you, Y/N. I am fixing myself," he said, just as desperate as you. You saw how broken he'd become because of you.

You let his words sink in to you. You already broke him and you want to fix him by making him yours again? That's just selfish.

"If we loved again, I swear I would love you right," you sincerely says as you continue,

"But if the chain is on your door and your heart is already closed, I understand. I'll also let you go now," you said, the emotions in your wavering voice is eminent, as tears fill up your eyes.

"I'm sorry, Y/N, but I need to guard myself now. I don't want to get hurt again." And he grabs your hand as he places the necklace on your palm.

"Goodbye."

aaahhh i'm glad! And I'd 100% love to hear more about your ocs! They're designs are so lovely and unique ☺️

Hi I’m sorry this is like 50 years late lol but thank u so much for asking about my babbies I love talking about them lmao. I guess you just mean my main dragon age oc’s so here they are

Hisenne tabris is my warden, she’s a 2h warrior with berserker specs. She’s a trans lesbian and I LOVE HER, she also romances morrigan (they were just friends but people kept tagging a pic I made as morrigan/warden so I CAVED) Kieran is her son + during dai all she wants is to go be with her family but she knows she’s gotta get the cure for the calling so she doesn’t have to leave them again. She hates loghain because of all the stuff with her alienage, but kept him as a warden in the hopes it would give the wardens a better relationship with anora. This was super ooc for her bc she acts emotionally and is VERY selfish + doesn’t really plan for the future, but she learned a lot from being in the wardens and matured a lot by the time she became warden commander, which she LOVED doing, though she thought she’d hate it. She just loved telling everyone what to do and being in charge. Tldr she’s a big baby who loves her gf and her son + she would do ANYTHING for them.

Hawke is Evil, very very edgy. She’s a blood mage and force mage, LOVES anders, she fully supports him and would’ve done more to help him with the chantry if she knew, but sent him away in act 2 because she didn’t trust his judgement enough to keep him around. On face value she hates fenris but has a lot of begrudging respect for him and understands him Very deeply. She romances isabela, but she doesn’t love or care for her the way she should. Even tho she’s very mean, she’s pretty much purple hawke just because she uses humour to invalidate people’s issues + makes fun of them instead. She’s Extremely manipulative + is generally loved by everyone but makes them doubt themselves and feel bad about their decisions.

Bailey Cadash is my newest character she’s my babby…. She’s sword and shield with champion specs + is very diplomatic and makes decisions with her head rather than her heart. She never liked being in the carta, and when she was younger used to see knights and chevaliers and dream of growing up to be like them, which is why she is bffs with blackwall, he is everything she wanted to be and she has so much admiration and respect for him. She was so upset when she found out about his whole deal, but she forgave him very quickly. She has strong ideas of how someone Should act and has little sympathy for people she thinks are selfish or untrustworthy. (she would hate hawke if she was smart enough to figure out her agenda lol but she thought hawke was cool)Anyway I said… A lot,, again thanks for asking!!!!! 

The Ghost Of You

19 - Clean Canvas

This chapters songs:

Here She Comes; Slowdive

Dog Cuddles; Dad Sports

Dream Girl; Crisaunt

- Y. L. Perspective

I tapped my chin with the pen, frustrated that you weren't able to come up with anything. "Ah! Koshi, that hurt!" I yell at him as he softens his hands upon my shoulders. He was giving me a gentle back massage while I tried writing my first lyrics, but I was struggling to find the right words to say.

"Sorry!" He then stops squeezing my shoulders, letting his hands slide down my torso, and pull me into a hug from behind. His head nuzzled into my neck as he spoke. "What is the song about?"

I shrug. "I don't even know yet. Maybe I should just write about how much of an untalented and wasteful girl I am!" I scoff, rolling my eyes back. Now, out of all moments, my feelings decide to disappear.

Both Koshi and I say criss-cross on his bed with one single lamp on in his room. His room was not at all what I was expecting. I'd perceived it to be much messier in my head, the way an average teenage boys' room would be. But no! It was spotless and quite basic. Still, I felt very comfortable in his arms as I attempted to write down some ideas. Feeling his heartbeat on my back was enough to make me feel at home.

"Why don't you write about us, Y/n?" He asks me as he pulls me back and forth in a sway motion. The suggestion had already popped into my mind before. But if I could write about it, what would I say? How I'm in love with someone who won't tie the knot between us?

'What am I doing at his house if he's not even my boyfriend? I've got to gain some self-respect.'

Perhaps bringing it up wouldn't be as bad as I thought. So, I pull myself away from his arms and sit in front of him, fully staring at his confused face.

"What is it?" His fair voice questions, one of his fingers attempting to fiddle with my oversized t-shirt.

There was so much to say. Why arent you my boyfriend yet? Why won't you tell me what's on your mind for once? Aren't you excited about the training camp? But I decide to pick the first question. "Koshi, what's there to write about? I...I know that we both like each other very much, but what does it matter if you won't call me your girlfriend?" I look down at the grey shorts I wore, afraid that he would be disappointed in me for wanting more from him.

"I didn't know you felt that way. I guess...I guess I just wanted you to feel comfortable around me, not forced to be with me," Koshi mutters under his breath, ashamed he underestimated my love for him.

"Well of course I want to be with you!" I exclaim, leaning my head onto his chest. It worries me that he felt insecure about his love. It wasn't as if he could be giving me too much affection. So why didn't he trust that I loved him?

I sigh while he rubs my back in a circular motion, wishing he would tell me things that bothered him like this. "So you wouldn't mind being my girlfriend, Y/n?" The man's words are clear to me when he said them, not lagged like all the other times.

I nod my head. "Of course not."

"Hm, okay. Then for our first memory of being a couple, I wanna hold you," Koshi says, laying us both down onto his mattress. He leans over me, stretching to grab one of the blankets on his shelf, and unfolding it over us.

"But it's so cold. Why don't we just go under your comforter?" I ask him, pulling slightly at the corner of the thick bed sheet. But he denies my request and pulls my wrist back.

He says, "Uh-Uh-Uh! I prefer it to be cold. When we go to your house, we can use the comforter. If you're that cold then you're gonna have to hug me tighter."

I'm surprised at how stubborn Koshi was being with me but glad he was becoming more comfortable with sharing his opinion. He treated me like a princess most of the time instead of asking for what he really wants. Even if it was just the matter of a blanket.

"Do you wanna help me try and think of something to write about?" I ask him in the most delicate voice.

"What's something that saddens you, Y/n? Something that you're worried will cause you despair towards the future?" Koshi asks me. I genuinely hadn't thought about it yet. "Love is more than just feelings. I think it comes with a lot of pain. Has there ever been any pain that you've encountered during being in love?"

"Not really." My words couldn't be more honest. With Toruku, I felt sick that I had a crush on my best friend's boyfriend. And when she passed, those feelings for him weren't nearly as strong as the ones I felt about her death. As for Koshi, I've only been scared of the pain. But I hadn't endured it yet. At least that was what I thought. Truth is that every lasting second I spent with him could only cause me more and more pain in the future. "Maybe when I find what to write about, I shouldn't tell you. I should let you figure it out when I'm done with it."

"Planning something behind my back?! How evil of you." Koshi jokes, leaning on one of his elbows to hold himself up as he looked at me. With the pale moonlight shining down on him and the lamp lighting the room up slightly, he looked more beautiful than ever. I was glad that I was the one to be able I witness such an ethereal moment with him. Especially since he held me in a special place. I was his first love, after all. That's more important than any relationship he could have had with previous girls.

Attempting to obtain reassurance, I grow curious and begin to play with my new boyfriend, asking small questions. "So...what does it feel like to have sex with a girl, Kou? I've never done that before... do they smell nice? Are they soft?" It was obvious that I'd caught him off guard, for he stuttered and looked at me strangely. "I promise I won't get jealous if you tell me. I only want to know what it's like. It may help me with writing if you tell me about passionate moments like that."

Given that I'd never done anything that was borderline sexual with anyone else, I was curious about how it felt. Both physically and mentally.

"Uhm—stressful. And I haven't done it as much as you might think, so I haven't ever enjoyed it." It comes to me as a shock that he didn't have a slightly good experience that he could tell me about.

"Wh-really?! But...I thought all guys liked it! You're saying it didn't even feel good?" I waft my hand into the cold air, confused.

"No, silly. Of course it felt good, but it wasn't as passionate as you think. I wasn't ever in love with any of those girls, so it only made me feel worse. Sex isn't good for those who aren't ready for it," he explains to me.

I nod, understanding a bit more of what he meant. "Does that mean you weren't ready?"

"Mhm. I wasn't," he says. Deciding to switch up the question, he asks me, "So, what is it like to have sex with a guy? I bet they aren't very good-smelling, are they?"

I blink a few times. "Uhm, I dunno," I say, growing shy at the question. "I haven't ever...you know...had sex."

Too scared to look at Koshi, I stuff my head into a pillow and sigh obnoxiously. Though I knew he wouldn't make that much of a big deal out of it, I didn't want him thinking I was a prude. A lot of people that knew I was a virgin made fun of me for it. Truth was, I'd never found someone worthy of taking my virginity. Many told me that it was horrible for your mental health, especially for younger people like me. Not to mention how scared I was that whoever took my virginity would be rough with me and it would hurt like hell.

"Hey, hey...don't get all embarrassed on me. A lot of people haven't. That's nothing to be ashamed about. Being a virgin doesn't make you any less of a woman. If it were up to me, I'd go back and stay a virgin until the right time," Koshi states. His attempts to cheer me up were sweet, but not working all that much.

"What do you think, Kou? Do you like me better that way? You know, as a virgin?" I ask him, slightly peeking up at his lost expression.

Yes, it was something very awkward to ask. But I did want to know what he preferred. Not that I would be able to change last second if he didn't like me as I was.

"Th—that isn't something I have power over, so I don't think about it. But...you could say I prefer it."

I'm happy with his answer. Still, I was curious about the reason, so I ask, "and why is that?"

"Well...um...I'm not too sure. Not to jump to any conclusions, but think it's because...if you weren't a virgin, then our first time together wouldn't be as memorable. It's sure is selfish of me to say, but I would rather you remember me as someone who shared that moment with you. That's why I wish I would have waited until I met you," Koshi began to grow flustered towards the end of his explanation.

"And if you wanna put it into a metaphor then you could say that being a virgin is like being a blank canvas. You can only hope that someone will make something lovely of you by the time they're finished."

I haven't ever heard someone describe being a virgin in such a beautiful way. And he was right— the first time is always something you remember. That is if it's enjoyable for you. I could only hope that I would lose my virginity to someone as gentle as him.

"Then when the time comes, could you please be that person, Koshi?" I spoke, laying a hand on his chest. My nervous nature was far too obvious for me to hide. But thankfully, Koshi didn't mind it. He knew asking something like that took courage. Such profound questions weren't something to joke about.

My heart race died down when I hear him tell me, "Of course, love."

Koshi quickly gets up to turn off the lamp and I make myself more comfortable under the thin blankets and many pillows he had on his bed. When he comes back, he wraps his arms around my waist and holds me close near him.

It was no wonder that he didn't like to talk about his previous experiences with girls. He hadn't enjoyed them. But I was sure of it: and day, I'll make it up to Koshi.

"Goodnight, love. Maybe tomorrow you'll come up with something to write about, hm?"

"Yeah, goodnight." With one last kiss on the cheek, Koshi and I doze off to sleep.

-

Hey everyone!! Just so you know, I have a special playlist on my Spotify that I made just for this fanfiction. I always add the songs that I include in the chapters, so please go check that out in case you'd like to listen while reading!!

I love you always!! Thank you for reading I do appreciate it <3 make sure to take care of yourself

AND PLS VOTE >:(

- estrxlar

The Original

I was once the one who lived in this body. I felt wind as I raced through the air on a go cart that my grandfather gave me for my 8th birthday. That's still what freedom feels like to me. A go cart, floored. I don't lose a race. Little did I know a family feud would cause him to take it from me a week before I turned 12. Innocence was taken long before that when my aunt OD'd and I found her in the garage when I was 7. I remember that's when the my second split was born. Void. He's much less active nowadays but he sits frozen where I was at that time. If you asked him how old he was, he'd say 7 almost 8, and he's said that for years. But anyway, this one's about me. The original. My name is Hannah. I'm a girl who was born to a wonderful mother who is cursed with many ailments and a worthless scumbag of a father who abused me as an infant and skipped out by the time I was a year and a half old. I don't know how I feel about that. I block it out.

That's a gift I feel. If I felt everything of everything that's happened to me I'd damn near explode. But thankfully I am numb now to the pain. I'm used to it. If I try to avoid it, it gets worse for me. I had hope once. But the world was cruel and took it away. But you see, the cruelty doesn't end there. The hope has dangled in front of me ever since I lost it, but I myself can never bring myself to grasp it.

You see, there was a man. Named Dario. I was born into a dysfunctional loveless family with an ailing mother who dodged homelessness and I was left with emotionally abusive family who fucked me up beyond words. That's where Doubt came from, and Lily to. She used to be named Fear. But they were both born when I lived with my grandmother. I was left there at age six and taken back at age 12. Doubt is active in my mind but rarely takes the wheel. We all make sure not to let her as she causes the most havoc among relationships. But again, back to me. Sorry that's the ADHD. This man, Dario. He gave me such love. A love I couldn't ever imagine you see. I'd never felt something so solid. And well, I was young then, 15 when we got together, 17 when the bad thing happened. He was my rock. My whole world. He kept me grounded when everything fell apart. When my mom was in the hospital, dying. He helped me face that and he celebrated when she beat the odds and got better. But then came time for me to apply to colleges, and he got scared. Long, sad, scary, gut wrenching story later he cheated on me and lied about it for six months and pretty much destroyed what was left of me. For reasons I cannot disclose due to confidentialities sake, I can say I was manipulated into staying with him and this decision to essentially choose him over myself caused the split that created Dmitri. Basically I'm a fucked up shell. I'm suppose to be the strength, the one who's been through it all and stands but fact is I've been dormant since February 17th, 2017. The anniversary is coming up of my death day where I went into this body never to come out again. Or so I thought.

I am bad luck I tell you, Dmitri's the good one and I should have never woke up. But for other reasons I can't talk about, I did. And when I did I fell in love with someone. His name is Andy and I swear it's like he breathed life into me. I feel like my life could be good with him. Dmitri and Dario are in a sort of open relationship so I've been able to date him. There's jealousy issues, but I am me and Dmitri is Dmitri. I have hated Dario since the cheating. I want at least half a life and I want to love. And I love Andy. Dmitri loves Dario. I respect that. But I worry this whole poly arrangement is going to fall apart and in the end I will lose the thing that makes me come back to myself and live. But Dmitri has been here 3 years and has a life too. I must know my bounds. If only it could be so simple without judgement in the way. Right now he and I are in a shaky place because his mother doesn't agree with my open relationship coupled with Dmitri's trust issues with Dario. She calls me a user and manipulator. But I wasn't here until we met Andy. And it was slow. And I tried to fight it. But I fell so hard for him he made me wake up one night and do something about it. I'm sorry it's so selfish. I'm sorry my happiness hurts their lives. But he hurt me firsy right? I just want to see the colors of life again.

- Hannah

I just want to say that I really admire the depth you put into your OC's and your confidence in talking about them! I'd like to learn more about them, but I'm on mobile and it isn't letting me search the tags, so... are there any W@tchtower Grotto characters you haven't talked much about that you'd want to talk about?

oh!! ;-; gee thank you.......................

uhhhhhhh gee idk why but it feels like i dont have an actual comprehensive post on who/what nana actually is bc most of my friends know him very well already? so here’s that

hes like... early 30s?? in terms of appearance/maturity, hes the godking of the country in midnight

nana is uh... certainly a rebel at his core thats one way to put it, a lot of core things about him for better or for worse challenge the status quo. he thinks this is a good thing 100% of the time, like he’s some kind of radical rebelling against an oppressive norm on every single norm he challenges. (its not)

he is RIDICULOUSLY people-smart, hes likely an empath and could easily be called a genius when it comes to reading people and understanding how people tend to work.

if he were a dnd character he’d be a sorceror, he casts from charisma not intelligence [though he is certainly NOT lacking in that department]

hes definitely considered the leader of his little commune of kings [involving desiderius, hachi and kyuun], those three tend to defer to him and seek him out for advice [well. they mostly Used to now its just hachi that does that last part]

he sees himself as a teacher and guide to people, which isnt inaccurate necessarily!

hes very good to his people, his country as a whole is doing pretty well financially, there’s a vibe there of everyone taking care of one another! not to mention the fact that its lovely visually

he’s right about most things and he’s comfortably aware of the fact that he’s right about most things. but hes open to being corrected! he cant possibly be right about everything ALL the time!! he just has to consider you an authority on what youre talking about, which is something he very rarely considers other people to be, or he might just ignore your correction. but sometimes he wont, which makes you feel kinda silly for pointing out his tendency for hypocrisy! how confusing. it’s hard to keep up with this one.

he, like all of his colleagues minus desiderius, thinks he is the only Good King while all the others are complete messes who dont know what theyre doing or are just flat out bad people. but like, yknow, its a fucked up dysfunctional family! that’s totally normal, right??1/11

something about him just makes you think “theres a guy who knows his shit,” its probably his sturdy [outward] confidence, his [appearance of] wisdom, his [very real] intelligence and his long list of supporters that make you think that about him

his hair is weird as shit! there are ‘stars’ in it that glow, not BLINDINGLY bright but i mean yknow, they do glow, and where theyre embedded in his hair theres increased physical sensitivity. pulling on this guy’s hair fucking HURTS, even petting it can be uncomfortable if youre not really really careful. not to mention a fucking haircut, good lord (haha)

his parents were kind of like... very emotionally shallow, they were the sorts of people to be like Oh I’m Fine ^_^ at everything, and in subtle and hard-to-detect ways, they would punish nana for showing emotion of any kind (for example, laughing at him when he would cry at sad things as a child). because of this, he is now very open about his emotions and embraces them as something he should listen to and follow rather than only relying on cold logic as his parents tried to have him do. (its a lot more sinister in practice than it sounds, because yeah most of the time it is innocent like this but at the same time, he takes his own feelings VERY seriously and if you hurt them, even if it’s just by having boundaries, he will identify you as someone mistreating him or even abusing him depending on how close you are]

[heres where we get into The Shit, big tw for abuse, csa/pedophilia and “marital” sexual abuse/assault]

his closest friend and advisor arya kurosawa has been his best friend since they were both teenagers. they met when arya was 14 and nana was 17 [in terms of appearance/maturity are what those ages refer to, they were both immortal] and they got along very well.

of course by very well i mean on top of getting along very well, nana has ALWAYS had an inherent, base-level disrespect for arya’s boundaries. it’s been there since they were teens, and it mostly manifested in nana pressuring arya to do [mostly innocent - but the pressure and coercion made them not so innocent] things he was scared to do.

they were inseparable pretty much ever since they met and VERY, very in love with each other

they definitely were a romantic item by the time nana inherited the throne from his mother, and the age gap was definitely concerning but it only grew more concerning as nana’s mental/appearance age rose because he was growing up emotionally and psychologically and arya’s... stagnated.

when nana was in his early 30s so to speak, arya was stuck at 14-15 or so. and like... they didnt really see anything weird about that, they figured “well we both met when we were kids so its not like nana is a pedophile or anything, why question something so good?”

to someone who didnt know better wrt age gaps in romantic relationships and pedophilia, the relationship between those two would have looked completely normal and healthy. there was certainly an appearance of mutual respect, support, love and commitment

nana could only treat a 14-15 year old so much like his equal. to be totally honest, even since they were teenagers, nana treated arya like his inferior, like a student that needed to be taught, and that dynamic only grew/got worse as nana aged mentally.

but at the same time arya also taught nana so many things! see? nana wasn’t some condescending prick! obviously everything is fine. there were a lot of ways sometimes in which ARYA was the adult and nana was the child ^_^ so it’s equal, right?

arya certainly didnt know any better, nana was the love of his life and that was all there was to it. he knew [because of nana] that any discrimination they might face due to their ages in this relationship was simply unfounded, cruel bigotry from a species of essentially cavemen who were afraid of fire. he knew he was progressive for his time, in a couple decades probably everyone else would come to their senses too!

long story short, one day arya very quickly, almost violently realized EXACTLY everything that was wrong. nana’s condescending behavior had come to a head and someone arya considered a playful rival had forced him, very painfully, to face the truth of what this relationship was: abuse from a man who should know better, taking advantage of a boy who didnt.

arya couldnt exactly love nana after realizing this. and it really fucking sucked. he really wanted to go back to the way things used to be, he wanted to “undiscover” what he’d discovered, but there was no way back and he felt so broken and dirty and ungrateful and bratty and selfish for suddenly feeling this way.

nana on the other hand noticed arya very suddenly averse to being touched or held or even looked at. for a while, he was very understanding about this - what that playful rival did was essentially cast a spell and at first he thought arya was just sick or physically not well or something, and that he’d get better soon.

he didn’t.

nana didn’t know what to do. suddenly arya was neglecting him, acting like he was terrified of nana. he’d never been like this before, what happened? it’s incredibly painful and confusing, losing the love of your life like that; one day you’re everything to them, and the next they’re flinching every time you raise your hand around them. nana had never hit him or abused him verbally... in fact, it was nana who HELPED ARYA gain the strength and courage he needed to become independent from his emotionally abusive parents. so why was nana suddenly the bad guy? he had no idea what happened, why, how to fix it, or anything like that.

eventually he snapped, unable to take being deprived of love and attention like this, so he just took whatever he wanted, physically, not caring what arya thought of it.

he knew it was wrong. he knew he’d definitely crossed the line into objectively unforgivable actions. but he was almost too afraid to stop and relinquish this power over arya, because then he had to A.) lose arya, and B.) be held accountable for his actions. both two very terrifying things he saw no personal gain in.

that went on for a long time, until nana sort of... slowly realized he was feeling weaker and weaker, more prone to physical weariness dizziness, severe headaches and nausea, and he didn’t put 2 and 2 together until it was too late.

arya had figured out how to start poisoning him and getting away with it.

by that point, nana realized not just what was happening and why, but also that he unquestionably, factually deserved this pain and much, much more. that realization was too much for him, it sort of broke him psychologically for a very long time, leaving him completely helpless to whatever revenge arya decided to take on him

[it was all physical and psychological torture, but arya was certain NEVER to stoop to his level and sexually abuse nana. he couldnt even think of sleeping with nana “consensually” anyway, it made him horribly sick to even consider]

eventually after a long-ass time of this, arya just got sick of looking at nana and couldn’t even be around him anymore without feeling absolutely god-awful, so he just abandoned nana, leaving him to fester in his broken body and mind

and y’know, stuff happens after that, but thats all there really is to the most prominent phase of nana’s development in THIS story. i also play him in his phase of development after that last bullet point [roughly 200 years later], where he’s fucked up in all kinds of ways and totally deserving it, but also trying to... not really redeem himself or anything like that, he knows that’s not really a thing, but rather to make himself useful to good people who want to do the right thing, in a dnd campaign

nana goes through a SHIT TON of changes, to the point that each phase of his development has his own individual profile on toyhou.se, he’s become a Big Trauma Coping Character for me and somewhat an experiment in redemption arcs, seeing what exactly should happen and how to make “redemption” arcs seem not cheap or forced

here’s the one i talked about in this post though

http://toyhou.se/335049.nana-of-the-stars

Rio & Buster

Rio: I wanna come over Rio: Be awake Buster: I want you to come over but you can't Rio: I'll be extra quiet Rio: Promise Buster: I already know that's a promise that I could easily make you break Buster: But that's not the reason Rio: Why not then? 😡 Buster: Promise you won't actually freak out first Rio: Who's there Buster: Promise Rio: I ain't promising that when you've got someone there Rio: fuck off Buster: It's not like that Buster: Edie's here Rio: Oh Rio: Umm, why, like??? Buster: The hospital wouldn't let her leave with her boyfriend so I went to get her Buster: She's alright now, but yeah Rio: WHAT Rio: why was she in hospital? Rio: and what the fuck did he do Buster: She's just been partying too hard, like Buster: Same goes for her, but he's also a cunt on top of that Buster: him* Rio: Why did she call you and not me Rio: Fuck's sake Buster: She probably didn't wanna worry you Buster: It's not like she knows we talk Rio: Silly cow Rio: I'll come and get her Buster: Don't Buster: She isn't gonna trust me next time if she reckons I told you Rio: She should be coming to one of us Buster: Well, she ain't Buster: At least it was me she came to Buster: Christ knows what any of her friends would do Rio: I'm not saying anything against you Rio: but Rio: you said she's alright, yeah? Buster: Not now you can't call me a cheater, like Buster: Yeah she is Buster: Not trashing my house or anything so she must have got her fill of chaos at the hospital Rio: I didn't call you a cheater Rio: Good Rio: hopefully she's trashed enough to pass out and keep the damages minimal Rio: send me the bill otherwise Buster: As good as, babe Buster: Fuck that, not gonna be half a hero when I've got this far Buster: She did her damage to that boy from what I could understand of her chatter so I'm good Rio: You're very vague Rio: it's going to get you in trouble, babe Rio: I was just pointing it out Rio: 🙄 Good Lord Rio: Someone needed to and not sad to see the back of him but honestly Buster: Fuck off Buster: You're literally the only person who's ever accused me of that. Rather be called a cheater, like Buster: I was just trying to keep you calm Buster: And not be a massive snitch Buster: Anyway, is it even your birthday if you don't have a fight? Come on Rio: Well someone's got to tell you then Rio: So mysterious Rio: A snitch? Don't be so childish Rio: Not with a grown ass man she doesn't need one Buster: Shut up Buster: I'm mature enough to be your sister's designated adult Buster: And you love me so Rio: 😏 Rio: really? that's a brag you wanna take? Rio: little desperate, babe Buster: You wanna start? Who hit up who? Buster: You're desperate for me, babe Buster: 😏 Rio: Was, maybe Rio: but over it now Buster: Bullshit Rio: Put us right off you have Buster: You'd be in bed asleep if that were true Buster: Keeping this convo going instead Rio: You wanna go take care of Eds that bad Rio: Be my guest Buster: Been there and done that Buster: She's got everything she needs Rio: Aww, you want a 🥇 or a 🍪 Buster: Fuck off Buster: I'm not an amateur, that's all Buster joined the chat 5 hours ago Rio: It's appreciated, trust Buster: Not by me now that I know you wanna come over Rio: 💔 Rio: cockblocked Buster: Should be well used to it, like Buster: Years worth of it with you Rio: You blaming me? Cheek Buster: I'm just saying Rio: Don't be just saying nothing to me rn Buster: What? Rio: Well you think you're 💔 Rio: I came to you remember? Rio: gotta entertain myself now Buster: Baby Rio: I had a seriously good dream about you Buster: Yeah? Rio: Woke me up Rio: wish you were here Rio: put me back to sleep Buster: I wish I was there too Buster: But if I was you wouldn't wanna sleep Rio: I don't wanna Rio: I want you to wear me out for real Buster: I know Buster: Have you dreamed about me before? Rio: Daydreaming constantly Rio: usually you're here Rio: so not since forever ago Buster: I've done it before you were mine too Rio: Yeah? Rio: Tell me about it Buster: The real thing's better Buster: But I didn't know that yet, like Buster: Embarrassing Rio: Don't be embarrassed Rio: Nothing turns me on more than turning you on Buster: Good thing I didn't know that back when I was touching myself to your pictures Buster: I'd have never stopped Buster: It'd be me in hospital, like Rio: Would've stepped in before it got to that, babe Rio: completely selfish reasons, you'll be proud to know Buster: Come at me with that nurse uniform whenever, babe Rio: Add it to your list of demands Buster: I'll get my diary out, hold on Buster: Make a note Rio: Write down my IOU Rio: soon as you've got, thank you Buster: I'm gonna have to bring Edie back in the morning so if you can sneak out when I sneak her in, I'll give you the day Rio: She can walk! Rio: Too chivalrous for your own good, babe Buster: Just don't trust her not to get too comfy here in my luxury if I don't Buster: Or to end up actually at home instead of somewhere else Rio: Be kicking her out myself Rio: I put the work in 😒 Buster: You can come over now if you can honestly promise to be that quiet and unseen Rio: It's okay Rio: her birthday, not mine Buster: Like I told her, technically it ain't any more Rio: That'll make it alright when I'm screaming your name and begging you to make me cum again Buster: Fuck Rio: I need you properly Buster: I miss you so bad Rio: You wanna see how badly I miss you? Buster: Yeah Buster: Show me Rio: [Video] Buster: Jesus I need to make you miss me more often Rio: Please don't Rio: I want you, not this toy Buster: You look so fucking good wanting me though Rio: because I need you to want me back Buster: You know I do Rio: Buster Buster: Rio Rio: I fucking love you Buster: I love you too, babe Rio: You're gonna get so many videos when you're back home Rio: be like the old days Buster: My teachers won't thank you but I will Buster: I'll be really grateful Rio: How grateful we talking? Buster: You'll see Rio: Please show me you now Rio: you're better than dream you too Buster: [sends own video] Rio: 😩 Rio: Bad idea Rio: got me fully ready to come over Rio: like just gotta find the ball gag 'cos Buster: Fuck Buster: Don't put that in my head unless you are coming Rio: Tell me I can't Buster: I can't Buster: I need you Rio: Okay Rio: I'll leave soon as Rio: not too proud to admit I will drive over just to have you cum for me Buster: Stay in the car and I'll come to you Buster: We can be louder out there Rio: You do know it's nearly the morning right Rio: respectable people getting up, like Buster: Not in this party postcode babe Buster: Would you rather your sister gets up? Think on Rio: Trust she can sleep through anything Rio: but I don't care either way Buster: Just be here Buster: I can't think clearly Rio: I never can when you're around Buster: I know Buster: Me either Rio: Gonna be a whole 'nother level of productive come September Rio: gonna be even more of a 🤓 babe Buster: Shut up Rio: Make me Buster: No Buster: Moan for me Rio: Again Rio: make me babe Buster: Hurry up Buster: I will when you get here Rio: I'm coming Rio: forgot the nurse's outfit i'm sorry Buster: Actions speak louder so I'm gonna need you to show me Buster: How sorry are you really? Rio: So sorry I've forgot some other items of clothing Buster: Christ Buster: I fucking love you Rio: Say it again Buster: I love you so much, Rio Rio: I love you, Buster Buster: Never stop saying it Buster: Or my name Rio: fuck me like only you do and that's all i can say or think Buster: Don't go back home Buster: I wanna make you cum so many times we both forget I have to leave Buster: I need so many memories there won't be room in my head for missing you Rio: Challenge accepted Buster: Good Rio: You'll not have time to miss me Rio: gonna turn so annoying, blowing your phone up with all my snaps Buster: I won't be mad about it Rio: Really? Rio: You must like me 😏 Buster: You're alright, like Rio: 😂 Rio: Cheers Buster: No worries Rio: So cute Buster: Shhhh Rio: Cute cute cute Rio: I'll never tell, don't worry, keeping it 🤫 Buster: 'Cause it's all yours Rio: 🍀 Rio: genuine Buster: Yeah Rio: Wish I could be smug about it Buster: You can, just not on Insta Buster: I'll let me be as smug as you want when you come in Buster: And take all the pics you want Rio: 😍🤤 Rio: gonna regret saying that Buster: You reckon? Rio: Know you're a poser, babe Rio: but I'm obsessed Buster: You know I can't get enough of you Rio: Means I don't have to stop then Buster: Don't Rio: As long as you don't Rio: Promise Buster: I won't Buster: I swear I'm not being dramatic, like it's just true that I can't Rio: I know the feeling Rio: Fucking hell Buster: I'm not sorry Buster: Not about any of it Rio: Yeah? Buster: Yeah Rio: I can't be sorry right right now Buster: Good Rio: I'm here Rio: Come out and fuck me Buster: On my way Rio: The house is not that big Rio: don't tease me Buster: Say please and I promise I won't Rio: 😩 Buster: Go on Rio: Buster will you please come outside and touch me exactly where I need to be touched Buster: Okay baby

Fraze & Bea

Fraze: The fuck Fraze: We gonna act like last night didn't happen Bea: No Bea: I had to go up town, I've not got Fearghal a gift yet Fraze: Cheers for telling me Fraze: I woke up and you weren't fucking here Bea: It's not a big deal, I've not been here every other morning for however long and you've been just fine like Bea: Sorry, I forgot to leave a note Fraze: Fuck off. It's not every other morning Fraze: Are you? I can't go back to this bullshit Bea: Of course I am Bea: Don't actions speak louder? Bea: Well we will have to go back Bea: Summer don't last forever does it Fraze: These actions are saying something too, Bea Fraze: We don't have to do anything. Fuck that. What do you wanna do? Bea: Yeah but I didn't leave leave Bea: I thought about it but I couldn't Bea: Not yet Bea: You know, its truly amazing you made it through mandatory schooling with that authority aversion never mind optional Bea: Skipping's less fun now, huh? Fraze: Not ever Fraze: Come on, you know you got me through it Fraze: Don't do this Fraze: Come back and fucking talk to me Bea: Well, ditto Bea: you made everyone stop being such dicks to me Bea: you're just going to call me crazy Bea: and I am but I don't think I can hear it, never mind even try to explain what I'm thinking or feeling Fraze: I'd do it all again, every day of that shit Fraze: I know how you feel about me Fraze: Start there Bea: See, I don't want to, I don't want to go back to being that angry and scared and Bea: but I am Bea: even before he came out really, just being without you, having to work out who I am when I'm not part of BeaandFraze Bea: but its only gotten worse since, the timing had to have crossed your mind Bea: What if, its worse this time? And I've got bigger problems for you to sort than bitchy little girls Bea: I don't want that for you, it isn't part of the plan Fraze: Being without you was never part of the plan Fraze: I don't want that Fraze: Nothing can be worse than these months apart, not speaking, seeing you Bea: You deserve so much better Bea: That's what I should want for you, am trying to Bea: but I'm selfish and I can't stay away Fraze: Bullshit Fraze: We're the same Fraze: Not being close to you makes me wanna die Fraze: I feel like I am Bea: Fraze Bea: I don't know who I am, I'm changing, I don't think I can be who you want any more Fraze: You're not who you were when you were 7 or 17 Fraze: I loved you then Fraze: I love you now Fraze: I've changed. I'm not asking you to stay the same Bea: I want to be who I was when I was good Bea: because what if you stop? Bea: and I'm stuck being someone I don't like and someone you can't love Fraze: Fuck good and bad, it ain't that simple Fraze: We aren't, none of us Fraze: I've fucked up, have you stopped loving me? Fraze: You can't control this shit like that, babe Bea: No Bea: but you're not fucked up Bea: haven't been fucked up, made dirty, broken Bea: I know but I can't control anything these days Bea: I'm a wreckhead, like you said Bea: You should be with someone whole Fraze: Fuck off of course I am Fraze: And you know the whole story, same as I know you aren't broken or dirty. That's him Fraze: I shouldn't have said that. I'm a cunt. I didn't mean it Fraze: I should be with you. I want to be Bea: What if that's what it is, a story Bea: that we told ourselves to get through it Fraze: It's real Fraze: Everything I feel and everything I've done, bad shit included Bea: but am I? Bea: I'm just fake fake fake Bea: I don't wanna be me, have my backstory, I want to be better, do better Bea: but its never going away is it Fraze: Nah. You're the truest thing I've got Fraze: If it wasn't it wouldn't fucking hurt this bad Fraze: You're gonna do fucking epic things. You already have Bea: I really am sorry, you believe me now, don't you? Bea: We were Bea: Together Bea: Why did it go so wrong? Fraze: I always did, babe Fraze: I couldn't handle how sorry I was. Or that it wasn't enough Fraze: We listened to other cunts instead of each other. Ourselves Fraze: We know what we want and what we've gotta do. Always have, yeah? Bea: It wasn't your fault Bea: None of it Bea: but I had to use any ammo I could get my hands on Bea: Yeah Bea: I'm just terrified of not getting it Bea: If you leave it fucks up the whole equation, I don't want any of the rest without you Fraze: I've gotta take my share of the blame Fraze: You've gotta let me Fraze: I fucked around. I hurt you. It doesn't fucking matter if that's what we agreed Fraze: I wanted to hurt you 'cause I was hurting not having you Fraze: 'Cause I'm the cunt not smart enough for Cambridge Fraze: Maybe I'll hold you back from it all Bea: But you ain't a mind reader Bea: you were just respecting what I said I wanted Bea: even if I was just bullshitting, that's on me Bea: No one here has half your brains Bea: just big big funds and an ego to match Bea: You wouldn't, you never have, you push me Fraze: But I knew you didn't want it. Me either Fraze: I should have fucking said. Before now Fraze: I push too hard. Always have Fraze: I'm sorry, Bea Bea: Why did you do it then? If you didn't want to Bea: That's so messed up, I'm sorry Bea: you could've just pretended like I did Bea: No, I need it Bea: I need you Bea: I wouldn't be where I am without you, I wouldn't be anywhere Fraze: See, I'm fucked Fraze: I wanted you to tell me to stop Fraze: When you didn't I reckoned I was wrong, that you did want to go along with this bullshit like Fraze: And then I couldn't stop 'cause I couldn't handle you being with anyone else Fraze: It's sick Bea: Oh, Fraze Bea: I thought it was what you wanted, needed Bea: I had to give you the chance to see if you were going to end up with someone else Bea: I already knew there was no one else for me but I couldn't stand it if you never had the chance Bea: see the world for yourself, without me there colouring your judgment Bea: I know it was the worst and the amount doesn't matter but it did only happen once, I'm not lying Fraze: How the fuck didn't you know I felt the same? Fraze: How else can I prove it? Fraze: You're what I need and want Fraze: The world is ours, babe Fraze: Still can be Bea: Yeah but it was fucking stupid 'cos neither of us could commit Bea: both of us too proud to admit defeat and call it quits Bea: We're both idiots Bea: Are you sure? Fraze: I'm a stupid cunt Fraze: But I know my own mind Fraze: Tell me we can start again Bea: We can start again Bea: where from though? Fraze: Million dollar fucking question like Fraze: How far back do you wanna go? Fraze: I want you to be safe not scared Bea: to just before we left Bea: that was the best time Fraze: Then we will Fraze: We can have it all again Bea: I love you Fraze: I love you Fraze: Come home Bea: Okay Bea: Can I stay? Fraze: I'm not letting you leave Bea: You have no idea how much I've missed you Fraze: I do Fraze: Tell me again though Bea: I'll go one better and show you Fraze: Good Fraze: Where are you? Fraze: I can come and pick you up Bea: Good idea Bea: bet there's already a houseful Bea: [sends location] Fraze: Yeah Fraze: I'm not sharing you Fraze: I'll leave now Bea: Get here now Fraze: Trust me it'll be worth the wait, babe Bea: That's a lot to live up to Bea: any time is too long, 2 months nearly kiled me Fraze: I know Fraze: It did kill me Bea: Well I best revive you then hm Fraze: Big talk Fraze: 10 minutes, yeah? Can you handle that Bea: If I must Bea: I'll do my best to survive like Fraze: Cheers Fraze: Appreciate it