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prince-of-elsinore · 3 years

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Sam and Dean: psychological analysis and headcanons

In response to this anon ask from the 66 SPN Questions:

6. Do you have any psychological headcanons (or canon interpretations) of the characters?

Anon, this is probably not what you asked for. But I started writing, and kept finding more I wanted to say, until I thought--why not just say it all? And by all, I don't actually mean all--this is by no means exhaustive. But it was a wonderful, self-indulgent opportunity to organize my thoughts on Sam and Dean's psychologies, and even find some new ideas as I was writing, and to put them out there so others can read and discuss. (Always happy to discuss any of this! Inbox is open.)

As a disclaimer, I know most of these thoughts are probably not original and may be retreads of many things fandom has been discussing for years. I'm not claiming to be breaking new ground here. Also, I sorta float backwards and forwards chronologically in my discussion--some parts pertain more to them when they're young, some to when they're older, and I don't always clarify which. Also, these are generalizations! I point out patterns I notice; that doesn't make them all hard and fast rules, because Sam and Dean are each human and complex!

Here's what you'll find below:

1. Core motivations 2. Happiness 3. Approval and secrets 4. Approval from authority figures 5. Need and attachment re: others 6. Sympathy and empathy 7. Walls—hiding vs. performing 8. Need and attachment re: each other 9. Ambitions and goals 10. Normality and monstrosity 11. Guilt and self-loathing 12. Autonomy and sacrifice 13. Personal identity 14. Concluding observation

1. Core motivations: Dean’s purpose is to protect Sam, obviously. Sam’s purpose, though a little less clear, is to save Dean. Sometimes it’s explicit, as in s3 and s9-10. But I think Sam also wants to save Dean, in general, from himself and from the life. It’s why he pushes against Dean’s obedience to their father. It’s why he tells him to get out and go to Lisa after he jumps in the Cage. At a certain point, I think Sam accepts he can’t “save” Dean without changing who he is, so he chooses to stick by him—because at least then he can make Dean happy.

2. Happiness: Dean’s happiness—or perhaps contentment is a better word—is knowing that Sam is safe and alive. Sam’s happiness is Dean being happy. In Sam’s world, things are good when Dean’s good. I think that, conversely, Dean wants Sam to be happy, and Sam wants Dean to be safe, but they both know and to an extent accept that those things are not within their control, so they focus on what they feel they can control.

3. Approval and secrets: They are each other’s north stars, guiding principles, in different ways. For Dean it’s “look out for Sammy,” for Sam it’s “what would my big brother think/do.” Dean doesn’t need Sam’s approval. Sure, he loves it when Sam admires him, but if he feels he needs to do something against Sam’s approval, he doubles down because approval from Sam is not the top priority. He’ll do what he thinks is right, especially to keep Sam safe, no matter what Sam thinks about it. Sam, on the other hand, does crave Dean’s approval and cares very much about his opinion. It doesn’t mean he won’t go against Dean (all the conflict of s1-5!), but it affects him differently. This leads to different kinds of secret-keeping: Sam goes behind Dean’s back to avoid his disapproval; Dean goes behind Sam’s back so that Sam doesn’t interfere with what he thinks needs to be done.

4. Approval from authority figures: Dean does crave approval from others—specifically, respected authority figures. The big one is obviously John. I think in a way it’s Mary, too, when she comes back. But it only applies as long as the person has his respect. Sam doesn’t crave approval from other authorities in the same way, perhaps because his primary authority figure growing up was Dean.

5. Need and attachment re: others: Sam is the only person Dean cannot live without, but he also makes outside connections of a friendly nature fairly easily. He’s the more socially outgoing brother who latches onto people like Gordon, gets friendly with Ash, and forges connections with Jo and Charlie, just to name a few (and Castiel at times—though their relationship is so inconsistent and often convenience-based I hesitate to include it in this category). Though Sam is Dean’s core need, I do think Dean thrives with other friendships. I’m not talking about found family, though I’m well aware of Dean’s tendency to call people “family” quite readily. Honestly, I think this is a manifestation of his craving for connection with others. Dean has an affectionate and playful nature, and let’s face it, Sam isn’t always super receptive to that—so naturally, Dean seeks out people who are. (I think this is also, in some cases, related to Dean’s craving for approval from others). Of course, none of those other relationships come close to the depth of his relationship with Sam, and when his relationship with Sam is at its best, I don’t think Dean really needs anything else to sustain him. But in reality, it can’t always be at its best.

Sam, on the other hand, doesn’t forge outside connections easily—but when he does, they tend to be deeper than Dean’s easy casual associations (even when Dean has real affection for someone, he tends to keep the tone of the relationship light). It’s pretty clear Sam was a loner kid, and I imagine it took him a while to find friends at Stanford, and even though he loved Jessica he still clearly kept many secrets. That’s the thing with Sam—he’s got walls. Dean’s got his own walls, but they’re different. Sam can seem emotionally open, but he protects his innermost self very carefully and rarely puts his emotions out there in a truly open way—even less than Dean does. I think this is a consistent personality trait for Sam, not one born of trauma (though perhaps exacerbated by it at times). In fact, it’s in later seasons that I see Sam finally, in rare moments, let down those walls, with Rowena and Jack. When he’s young, I think this was partially a coping mechanism he developed for hiding his desires/feelings, even from himself, because he was so unhappy with his life. It means that even though he’s an introspective guy, he’s not as self-aware as he thinks he is until he’s older and more mature. He’s very good at self-deception when he’s young, because as a thinker, he can convince himself of just about anything.

To circle back to attachment, what this means to me is that Sam, while he certainly appreciates close friendships and has a lot to offer those he cares about, doesn’t crave friends in the way that Dean does. I think he desires to be understood (this is a natural human need) but he’s much more comfortable with himself than Dean is, and is somewhat of a loner by nature. This means he’s also not (usually) going to be too affected by the status of his relationships with others. Dean is much more volatile and easily hurt by others (this is where Castiel is a great example).

6. Sympathy and empathy: On the surface, Sam appears to be the caring, sensitive brother, while Dean is brash and insensitive. This is a very incomplete picture, however. It mostly comes down to the difference between sympathy and empathy. Empathy is an involuntary response, whereas sympathy is something that a person chooses to express, though that doesn’t make it necessarily superficial—it also comes from an emotional place. Dean tends to be more empathetic, and Sam more sympathetic. Dean, despite his performative walls, is more easily affected on a visceral level by others’ emotions. He is more sensitive, more easily hurt or swayed to anger, and also more easily experiences empathy. This has nothing to do with what Dean thinks is right—it’s another involuntary emotion. He is sometimes moved to express this feeling, but he’s not generally concerned about appearing sympathetic. Sam, with his careful emotional walls, isn’t generally so viscerally affected by others, but he is kind. This is expressed as sympathy, because he cares about others’ feelings, and he wants to be good/morally right. On the one hand, it comes from an intellectual place—“it’s socially acceptable/morally right to express care for this person” (which Dean is less likely to care about)—and on the other, it is an emotional response—“I know what that feels like”—but a more regulated one than empathy, where one almost directly experiences another’s emotions.

7. Walls—hiding vs. performing: It’s interesting that both brothers have their own walls, which they construct as a form of self-preservation, but they have different levels of effectiveness in protecting themselves from outside influence. One difference might lie in what the walls were built in reaction to. Sam built his walls at a young age to separate himself from the outside world because, ironically, it was precisely what he desired, but was not allowed to have. He therefore consciously distanced himself from it, to dull the pain of not having it. The goal of those walls was to have something to hide behind, where he could remain generally unnoticed, so he could conceal his pain from outsiders and even from his family.

Dean took a little longer to build his walls—or at least to consciously do so. He already no doubt fashioned himself after his dad as a kid, and often put on a brave face—for Sam, for his father—when he was not feeling brave. He therefore became accustomed to performing at a young age, and performed many roles for both Sam’s and John’s benefit. He was unconsciously building walls with these performances, concealing his true feelings and desires. Later, I think this started to become more intentional, especially in relations with women/sex partners and especially after the Stanford split, as Dean realized how vulnerable to hurt his sensitive nature made him. It was much safer to perform all the time, and never let his real feelings show. For Dean, even more than Sam, I think he often lost sight of what those real feelings were behind the walls as he tried his best to be the performance he was putting on.

For a visual metaphor, I think of it this way: Sam is a boy at the center of a self-constructed labyrinth. He is almost always able to maintain control over how close people get (except when a few slip past his defenses, at which point he may be susceptible to manipulation). Despite all those elaborate passageways, though, there’s still Sam at the center. It’s lonely there, but he knows himself pretty well at least. Dean is a man in a mask who wants the mask to be his real face. He does everything he can to fuse himself and the mask together. They probably are fused at this point, so it would hurt to take the mask off. His memory of the face under the mask is hazy. He’s afraid, if he looks under the mask, he’ll hate what he sees. He’s lonely because no matter how close others get—and he lets them in close, can surround himself with people—none of them will ever see his true face. But he’s convinced himself it’s better this way, because if anyone saw his face, they’d hate it.

8. Need and attachment re: each other: Clearly, both brothers need each other. Sam’s need for Dean is different than Dean’s need for Sam, though. The way I see it, Dean’s need is one that requires reassurance. Perhaps it traces back to the concern about Sam instilled into him at a young age. I think it was strongly exacerbated by the Stanford split, when Dean realized his and Sam’s desires didn’t align. In Dean’s mind, Sam left once and can do it again—he’s always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Sam, on the other hand, has always been able to rely on Dean as a rock, a constant in his life—to the point that, in a way, he takes it for granted when he’s younger. Not in a spoilt, ungrateful way, but in that way that we, as children, might take our parents for granted—they’re always going to be there, right? That’s why, on the few occasions where suddenly, Sam isn’t sure of Dean’s devotion, the rug is ripped out from under him and he’s completely adrift and distraught—seasons 4 and 8 come to mind. Sam needs to be the center of Dean’s universe. When he fears that that’s shifted, that Dean hates him or has chosen someone else over him, it turns Sam’s whole world upside down. For Dean, the fear is that Sam will leave, but it’s a constant, background worry. For Sam, the fear is that Dean will hate him, but since he can usually count on Dean to be obsessed with him, it only comes up now and again. Only Dean can truly hurt Sam, while Dean is vulnerable to hurt from others—though, as always, the deepest hurt can only come from Sam.

9. Ambitions and goals: Sam is the one with greater needs and ambitions outside the scope of their relationship. For Dean, if he’s got Sam and he’s got hunting, he’s content. His greatest accomplishments are taking care of Sam and saving people, and that’s all he needs. I see Sam as craving other sources of fulfillment, though—academic/lore study for its own sake (the pursuit of knowledge), and a leadership/mentorship role. I thought it was very fitting that Sam finds these in late seasons, with leading hunters against the BMOL, then leading the apocalypse AU hunters, then mentoring/nurturing Jack. Dean has always had (and needed) a mentor/leadership/nurturing role with Sam, but Sam also thrives when he’s able to step into that role for others.

10. Normality and monstrosity: I’m just going to link to this post rather than repeat myself.

11. Guilt and self-loathing: This is something they both struggle with and at times, are defined by, but it manifests differently. I think their Hell traumas exemplify their different brands of guilt: for Dean, it’s perpetrator’s guilt. He knows he did something terrible and feels he can never atone for his past actions. For Sam, it’s victim’s/survivor’s guilt. He may not have done anything wrong, but there’s a certain amount of self-blame, especially for perceived weakness. This is another theme for Sam; one of the main faults he sees in himself is weakness—too weak to save Dean from Hell for instance—and as a result tries to shoulder things alone (killing Lilith, Hallucifer, etc). Sam has a need to fix things, to prove to others and himself that he is capable. Dean, I think, sees his main fault as neediness, but really, it’s a deeply buried sense of innate worthlessness. He was taught from a young age that his brother’s life—not his own—was of the utmost value. He internalized that his life was only worthwhile if he could save others, and has trouble with the idea that he, himself, has value beyond what he can do for others.

12. Autonomy and sacrifice: The above leads Dean to have a very constrained sense of his own autonomy. In general, he values duty/loyalty to others over autonomy (although when it comes to cosmic beings, he’s all about free will—see this post if you want more thoughts on that, and Sam’s autonomy). Often, his desire to control others comes from a place of frustration when Dean feels they are neglecting duty/being selfish. I think partially duty towards others is really a deeply ingrained value for him, but there may also be some buried jealousy at play, in that Dean wishes he could act with more freedom, put himself first every once in a while, but doesn’t know how to. Sam tends to value autonomy over duty (this doesn’t mean he doesn’t believe in any sort of responsibility—he’s willing to sacrifice for the greater good, after all). This means he also tends to respect others’ autonomy, though we all know he can get plenty unhinged where his brother’s safety is concerned. The theme of Sam and autonomy has been talked to death so I’ll stop there, but you can click the link above if you want more.

13. Personal identity: One of Dean’s biggest struggles is with how much of his personal identity is received rather than self-determined. He is tasked with taking care of Sam and he is trained to be a hunter; these become the foundations of his identity. He says it himself: taking care of Sam is not just what he does but who he is. Then in season 3, his own subconscious mocks him for his lack of originality, styling himself and all he loves after his father, showing that this is a source of deep insecurity. This discomfort with himself contributes to his fear of being abandoned and left alone with himself. He doesn’t know who he is without Sam—or rather, is convinced he is nothing without Sam, which is why he fights so hard to keep him by his side. It also contributes to his general desire for friends, or better, family: people who won’t abandon him.

Later in the series, I think Dean has come to embrace his genuine self more. He’s nerdy and excitable and playful—and I don’t see this is as regression, but rather a healthy embracing of what makes him happy—not tastes inherited from his father. If it seems juvenile, it’s because it’s the first time in his life he’s allowed himself to express and explore these things. I think his relationship with hunting is also healthier; it’s no longer something he does because it’s the only thing that can give him worth. He does it because he believes it’s right and genuinely wants to help people. He has a more complete sense of self, and while it’s still totally tied up in Sam, he has gained some self-worth.

[I should note that basically everything I’ve written about Dean supports the headcanon that Dean has BPD—a headcanon I accepted after I realized this. For some more great writing on Dean and BPD, see this post by @venhedish.]

Sam has always known what he wanted for himself and rejected what was given to/allowed him. Wanting what he couldn’t have, from a young age, helped him develop an individual sense of self, not defined by others. I think it’s this difference in their sense of individual identity that leads some viewers to think that Dean loves Sam more than Sam loves Dean. He doesn’t, and losing Dean is just as huge a loss and a grief for Sam as losing Sam was for Dean. Dean is central to Sam’s life, and he can’t feel complete without him; however, his identity and every desire has never revolved as entirely around Dean as Dean’s has around him, so Sam has a foundational sense of self that even losing Dean can’t completely destroy. It’s what allows him to rebuild in grief and carry on (whereas I have no doubt Jensen’s right and Dean would waste away in the back of a pool hall without Sam). Dean’s central role in Sam’s life never disappears, though, and it is, in fact, what allows Sam to carry on; an effort to honor his brother’s memory, living in a way that would make him proud. There’s continuity in that for Sam; the craving for his brother’s approval and happiness never disappears. Seeking those things is what makes Sam happy, both in their domestic years together before Dean’s death and in the years after. They are both, after all, co-dependent!

14: Concluding observation: Sam and Dean have many similar issues, desires, and insecurities: the desire for a normal life, the fear of their own monstrosity, the desire for love and friendship, their need and love for each other, their desire for approval/to be admired, resentment at their childhood, the feeling of being impure and unworthy, the desire for freedom, issues with bodily autonomy. Sometimes these are seen as the purview of one brother or the other exclusively, but that’s almost never true when you consider canon as a whole. The difference is in how these things are internalized, sublimated, reflected, and expressed for each of them. It makes sense they would struggle with so many of the same things, because their lives are deeply intertwined and they are in the same boat most of the time.

#spn meta #sam meta #dean meta #sam and dean #winchester brothers #my meta #the brodependency #long post #spn

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elizabethrobertajones · 3 years

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Hello there. I have a question (more like a thesis): What would have happened if Cas told the Truth anywhere between season 7 and 15? Do you think it would have had the same impact on Dean? Logically speaking Cas could have told him anytime.

Oh gosh, yes. I mean Dean’s reaction in season 15 is still the best it could have been really :P He was in the best place and most accepting of himself and he still had a BSOD for a moment and then Cas had to shove him away so he could go die... (Assuming you take the on screen boring presentation of what happened as canon and not throw in the reciprocation, tears, pull in for a kiss, etc that we know exists either in our hearts or on Jackles’ phone.)

I’ve been thinking about this and the parameters we’d have to apply if we were gonna get something like the show being self-healing back to its self as we know it but we were allowed a confession. Also the show has to be as punishing as ever. So these are my personal theses on each season...

Season 7 the confession would have to be after Cas comes back, and everything in 7x17 that looked like Dean was jealous of Daphne and Meg textually was meant to be read that way in the set up for the confession. To make it the most painful obviously we still get Cas exactly as he was all through to the end of the season and he never really says anything too different but then right when they’re having the “cursed or not” discussion he’d bust out of nowhere that he supposes it is inevitable Dean would talk him into going on this dangerous mission to get Dick because obviously Cas loves him. And Dean, who is in a weirdly zen sort of place in the remaining minutes of season 7 after Bobby’s send off and final words that helped him go make up with Cas, is in a similarly season 15 oddly okay spot, mental health wise. At least. COMPARED TO ALL THE REST OF SEASON 7. But I still personally have always read it as a genuinely good place for him that could have endured much longer if not for *gestures everything that happened after stabbing Dick* and obviously making up with Cas was step one and a huge part of his process.

(idk if you’ve noticed but 7x23 pretty much has no Sam and Dean interaction after Bobby’s send off, and their last good broments are really scarce; it feels sort of natural for abrupt calamity and no time for teary farewells in a season with a strong commentary on grief, which also hyperfocuses the attention on Dean n Cas there.)

So I think Dean would maybe be stunned but maybe quirk a sceptical smile like “He can’t mean it like that and anyway he’s currently coo-coo, this doesn’t mean anything hahaha oh Cas :)))” and then idk shake his head and move the story on and Cas just turns one longing look after him like “dammit that didn’t work out like planned”

Anyway then the exact plot beats of 7x23 follow, exactly as seen on your screens, but we’re left going into season 8 and Carver era with Dean far far more messed up about Cas and it can force clarification in 8x02 in Purgatory where Cas is entirely adamant he meant what he meant and furious at Dean for being mad at him and Dean’s mad at Cas for all the season 8 reasons so they continue angsting at each other but Benny’s reaction shots are just 10x funnier. This is followed by Dean’s reciprocation of “I love you” instead of “I need you” in the crypt scene in 8x17 and from there honestly it’s been built up into canon in such a way that the emotional arc of the show has to go off the wheels and I can’t keep to the self-healing model to continue following the “real” plot and contain this much raw power.

Coincidentally, if the first confession is in season 8, it would be “what broke the connection” after a season 8 where nothing was different up until that point. Cas flaps off while Dean is still processing that the answer was “You. I love you.” and Dean is left yelling at the empty crypt like “What the hell, Cas?!”

Then he’s as mad at him as he was in canon except instead of being borderline a really bad overreaction into his anger phase which we have to weather as miserable fans tethered to this ship who know sometimes Dean gets mad and yells at Cas for no reason, he’s reacting proportionately. It’s always seemed like 8x22 only makes sense if Dean is furious at Cas for confessing and fleeing except, obviously, in our “”real”” canon, it can only be like Cas confessed and Dean took it that way and also felt embarrassed how far he went with his own feelings only for Cas to run.

This would make the bar scene with the cupids in 8x23 make a lot more sense too, and after they get the cupid bow Dean’s going to turn to Cas and give him a nervous smile, and then - Naomi flaps in like she does and distracts them away from reciprocation.

I think this one could go long - maybe even season 13 Cas being dead and Dean being like “FUCK I never got a chance to work things out with him” and 13x06 onwards is where we get any actual work on the ship, because Carver era was so determined to be emotionally gruelling and unsatisfying and relentless from one issue to the next. And the confessions are so bound up specifically in the moments of miscommunication or failed attempts, cut off conversations etc that whether Destiel is canon or not, they’re never gonna get to talk it out under those conditions. Cas is only explicitly the grieving wife and jealous ex to Crowley’s smug take over of Dean’s affections rather than subtextually.

The season 9 confession... I feel like we’d come perilously close to the Monkey Paw curse we once envisioned of Buckleming making it canon because they love jumping the gun on plot points and making them too obvious. So the end of 9x03, Cas is really blatantly angling to come in with a big “Hey I’m human can I live in the Bunker look at me I learned to do The Sex can we do it now” kind of vibe. All the enthusiasm he was giving to eating that burrito in the background while “Zeke” was trying to get him kicked out, but with lusting over Dean :P

If we avoid that we can leap to Mr Bobo Berens and his first episode, and have this thing handled by a pro, as it’s already very much about Cas as a homeless queer man with a bad ex he still loves rolling into town where he’s just trying to make a new life and play straight - I mean human - for his own survival. I suspect the confrontation with Iphraim would make it really obvious that Cas didn’t just want to live as a human but had an eye for living as a human with Dean, and then he’d attempt a confession right before Dean would accidentally talk over, like, the L in “love” honestly, to tell him that sorry things do still stand that you can’t come back with me. Leaves Cas utterly devastated but Dean is none the wiser and he drives off and Cas pines piningly at the pine trees in his Gas n Sip.

Again the end of season probably would force the real confession, since there’s a ready made moment in 9x22 where Hannah tries to force Cas to kill Dean and he gives it all up for one man. Cas can just lower that knife and be like, “No, I love him,” talking to his shoes and Hannah rather than meeting Dean’s eyes. Mark of Cain Dean is fuuuucked up at that point but we still get the moment where Dean carries Cas’s bag into the bunker and sits down with him and tries to care about his health and now also this confession. Sussing out what the heck is up with Cas, and maybe he looks like he’s playing it cool and is still so messed up but Cas is vulnerable, and finally Dean starts to reach across the library table for his hand, and it’s a moment where maybe things could have started to go better for them...... Cue Gadreel walking into the library, Dean going feral, blah blah demon!Dean, blah blah explicitly stated Drowley, blah blah muuuch healing and Cas giving Dean a wide berth for a lil while. Though, in this scenario, 10x22 is far worse but has the reverse crypt scene moment, so Dean can be more obviously unable to kill Cas because he loves him, and then he walks out, followed by season 11 and Cas being returned to them. Unfortunately. Yep. Another finger curls on the Monkey Paw... 11x03 by Buckleming would absolutely be where Destiel goes undeniably canon as it is their first real interactions post Mark of Cain. Our only consolation - directed by Jensen Ackles.

Season 10 confession, hm. Poor Cas. He has the option of 10x03, of confessing and then immediately apologising and walking off to handle stuff with Hannah (thanks Buckleming!) or the Burger Date, where Dean may be slightly less stunned stupid but still likely to laugh it off and not believe it. There’s not much heavy tension between them most of the season so it’s possible that the only time Cas would really get is to confess in 10x22 while telling Dean that he would have to watch him murder the world, and that would suck because I love you. At which point the story dictates that Dean beats Cas to paste so it’s a very bad look. Season 10 destiel confession is the worst.

Season 11 may be better because Cas has options to be jealous of Crowley and Dean’s connection to Amara multiple times and then Casifer happens and that can really play up things in a season where a confession is coming.

I think the Beer Run in 11x23 might be the only viable place, where Dean grabs Cas and takes him out for that drive for last drinks before the end of the world. Cas gets the “you’re our brother” thing and just lays into Dean with the certainty of someone who knows this is it - now or nothing - with “You know that’s crap, Dean. You wait until the end of the world and you can’t even say it. Well I can; I love you.”

Cue awkward tension, well-placed interrupting Moose, and then the world very much not ending so that when Dean n Cas hug and kiss in front of Mary in 12x01. Well. There’s even more explaining to do to her. Since we’ve made it to Dabb era, I believe any confessions from this point onwards can just slot into the show as we got it from there since it’s entirely compatible to start season 12 assuming Dean n Cas are literally married and never be contradicted by the text in their behaviour. But since we’ve had canon Destiel since whenever, obviously the final episodes are good instead of. That.

Season 12... Going to have to go with the first sniff of true canon coming in Lily Sunder with just a few lines leaning even further in the Cas’s Angel Family Are Homophobic Assholes metaphor, leaving Cas’s relationship with Dean even more live wire exposed. Followed by The Mixtape Scene where Cas is going to confess to Dean and get him startled up out of his seat, accidentally knocking the mixtape to the floor and for a moment it’s like, did he throw it is he mad? but then he’s smooching Cas, fade to black, return to scheduled programming but the whole line about Cas stealing the Colt from under Dean’s pillow makes fuckin sense, as well as the fall out argument and how mad Dean was at Cas followed by how devastated he was at Cas’s death. This just means Dabb era continues as planned except we get a kiss in 13x06 under that big glowy cross, and some more smooching here and there when things are good from then on.

Season 13... Hm. Cas has to do the confessing and I don’t think he’d throw that at Dean on return from death so unlike if Dean was the one who was being made to confess obviously the aforementioned glowy cross scene obviously would be it for him... Cas could keep that bottled up much longer, especially as he has so much to do with Jack this season. It’s entirely possible we go through the whole season and then Cas lobs it at Dean as a final card when he’s making his Michael decision and we actually see the scene that we didn’t get, where Cas has to watch Dean getting possessed. Except Dean is like, tearful and furious like why would you tell me that now, and anyway i’m doing this for you as well dumbass but fuck you but also how dare you anyway I need to be an archangel now and save our - your - son, bye. Cue Cas sitting there not just in total horror at what happened but also kicking himself for fucking up the moment :P I guess this way at least we can have that moment where Dean is un-Michaeled and tells Cas he’s going to shower and finger guns at him, and now we can have Cas wordlessly and furiously follow him.

Season 14, we get Cas at Rocky’s bar confessing to Dean while figment!Pamela cheers the whole thing on. If there was EVER a time to use the power of love to snap Dean out of it, Cas upsetting his cosy routine with “this isn’t real, I’M NOT HERE IN YOUR FANTASY” is absolutely the time to pull a reverse crypt scene which has such low stakes in terms of neither of them needing to punch each other when Michael is an external aggressor.

My ONLY issue with this is that Sam has to witness the whole thing and we would get reaction shots and I am a weak mortal who will start cackling at them when I’m supposed to be having the transcendent moment of canon and the whole thing would be ruined just because of the way Jared gurns when doing reactions to dean n cas interacting. Wow thanks. Thanks a lot.

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spader07 · 2 years

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Found this.. https://www.cinemablend.com/television/2471617/the-blacklists-red-reddington-a-timeline-history-for-james-spaders-criminal-mastermind

This claims he was born in 1959. But if you look at the Wanted Poster they used James Spader’s actual birthday February 7, 1960.

1972 – 1977: Red works. Before he took over Raymond Reddington’s identity, Red worked jobs throughout his teens. He installed carpet at Lake Charlevoix and did a summer job at the Emmet county fair. The location of both of these jobs indicates that Red grew up, at least partially, in Michigan. Perhaps he was visiting someone in the summers when he was in his teens? Either way, Michigan holds the key to at least some of Red’s formative years.

Brings the question of we’re those stories from his previous identity or made up completely or was it a personal detail the real Raymond Reddington would’ve mentioned to Katerina at one point and she remembered? I’m leaving more towards made up so I’m not sure they can be used as a timeline reference.

1977 – 1990: A blank space. Red is not Raymond Reddington, so none of Reddington's history applies. However, viewers can pinpoint when Raymond Reddington died, which is also near the time Red assumed his identity. That year was 1990. If Red is Ilya, then he was working at the Russian Embassy and already in deep with the Cabal at that point. That is where Ilya was when Katarina contacted him.

Obviously this is old and not recently updated unless we still wanna leave the Ilya possibility out there.

Origins As An Imposter

1990(?): Raymond Reddington dies. Red was present at the fire that consumed the house where Raymond Reddington had taken Liz/Masha. Ilya and Katarina pulled Reddington from the flames after Masha had shot and killed him. Hence, the possible explanation for the burn scars on Red’s back. He and Katarina go their separate ways after that for a time.

Circa 1990: The imposter strikes. Katarina meets up with her dear friend from childhood, Ilya Koslov. On the run from the Cabal and the USSR, Katarina is desperate. Ilya comes to the rescue, and they are able to help her parents escape. Realizing there is no way out, Ilya suggests he assume Raymond Reddington’s identity. This allows him to protect Katarina from her enemies and the plan works. Katarina seems to be safe somewhere.

The suggestion is assumed by the viewers that Ilya takes it. Yes if you use subtitles as the imposter is walking out of the bank and is on the phone it claims it is Ilya as well. But that does feel just like some of their descriptions for episodes where it is to lead the viewers. Everything says Katerina Rostova even when it was her imposter created by Dom.

Christmas 1990: Raymond Reddington disappears. This is when the world believes they have lost all official contact with Raymond Reddington. In Ressler’s words, he “disappears from the face of the Earth.” Reddington does not arrive to see his wife, Carla, and their daughter, Jennifer, for Christmas. As Ressler describes in The Blacklist pilot, Reddington’s red car is found abandoned, covered in snow. It is a cold case until five years later. While off the grid, Red has befriended Dembe.

1995: Raymond Reddington resurfaces. Five years after sees Raymond Reddington reemerging in the mid-90s. As fans now know, that is actually when the imposter came onto the FBI’s radar. From there, it is all imposter, all the time. Before long, Reddington has been rebranded as a traitor to the United States and dons the new nickname “The Concierge of Crime.” Red cleared Reddington’s name as a traitor in Season 6 with the revelation that Katarina had framed Reddington.

1995: The imposter’s crime spree begins. Raymond Reddington got back on the radar due to a classified document leak in 1995, which was traced to him. From there, Red is involved in various criminal enterprises. For whatever reason, Red believes that the rest of the world will believe that Reddington is an international criminal. He turns out to be right.

Red And Liz

1985: Liz/Masha is born. Whoever Red is, he knows intimate details about what Katarina went through when she learned she was pregnant with Masha/Liz. He talks about Katarina struggling with what to do and tells various personal stories relating to her life and her mindset, at the time. Also worth noting is that Liz was born in Russia, not the United States.

I could explain him knowing details simply by Katerina being involved in “inventing” him as phrased by Ilya in Rassvet (Don’s version of Katerina’s story)

1990: A five-year-old Liz is given to Sam. Flashbacks show Masha being dropped off by Kate Kaplan, who later becomes Red’s close associate. In the Season 6 episode, “Rassvet,” Sam expresses anxiety about when Katarina is going to pick Liz up. An anguished Katarina never returns to get Liz. Not because she is dead, rather because she is in deep cover.

But this is Dom’s story in season 6 so it could be influenced by Liz.

1990: Alternate timeline of Liz’s drop-off. In the Season 1 finale, Red tells Liz the story as Sam would explain it. That an old male friend arrived one night and said that he was in danger and that he needed someone to take care of a little girl (Liz). The reason being that her father had died that night in a fire. Sam then took her in and raised her as his own. From the way, Red told it, without much hesitation on Sam's side.

2013: Red meets Liz. On the same day that Liz starts her new job as an FBI profiler, Raymond Reddington, the FBI’s most wanted man, turns himself in. What follows is a twisty mystery as to why Red chose that time to step in. Was it the situation with Tom? Was it other outside forces and concerns? When it first happened, it seemed to be the work of a concerned father. There is apparently more to that story.

#the blacklist #raymond reddington #red reddington #elizabeth keen

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frangipanilove · 3 years

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Beth’s Knife vs. Leah’s Knife

Ah! Episode 10x18 Find Me, you guys! How wonderful and mysterious it was! Have y’all recovered? I’m still absolutely mesmerized by how PACKED it was with Beth references and TD symbolism!

The callbacks, the foreshadows. Find Me was a symbolism treasure trove and I don’t think we’re even close to having uncovered all of its secrets. For me personally, one thing that I’ve been obsessing over since the promo pictures dropped, is Leah’s knife. In the promo pics for the entire bonus season we see Daryl give/lend a knife to Carol.

In another pic, we see Carol using the knife to fix the solar panels. I assume the pictures are from 10x21 Diverged.

We also now know that the knife originally belonged to Leah, because we got a close look at it in Find Me. It has the letters FS engraved to its hilt, which is interesting, because those two letters are the initials of Leah’s Fortitudo Saludis tattoo.

Obviously, the reason I’m exited about seeing more of that knife is that I’m expecting it to be a parallel to the heartbreaking scene from Them, when we saw Carol give Beth’s knife to Daryl.

If I’m right and Daryl gives/lends Leah’s knife to Carol in Diverged, that could potentially be a huge reference to Beth’s knife, in that it’s a reversed parallel. equal but opposite. Beth’s knife is super significant, of course, because Daryl got it when he was in deep mourning over losing her, and he carried her knife on him up until episode 6x12 Not Tomorrow Yet. We haven’t seen the knife since, and we haven't had any significant reference to it either. And I’m hoping that’s about to change. And for those of us that LOVED 10x18 Find Me for all its glaringly obvious Beth references, it seems more than just a little significant that we now could be getting references to Beth’s knife. We all feel she’s near, and the show’s references to her are getting increasingly obvious. Honestly I’m surprised that the general TWD fandom aren't talking more about it, but of course I’m not a neutral observer, so who knows.

So let’s discuss Leah's knife. It’s a Swiss Army Knife, and in one of the promo pictures from Diverged, we see Daryl possibly giving/lending the knife to Carol. I say «possibly», because obviously I haven't watched the episode yet, and everything I say here are speculations.

In another pic we see Carol working on what I assume are repairs on the solar panels in Alexandria. We see how Carol is utilizing the screwdriver part of the knife to fix the solar panels. That’s interesting for a couple of reasons.

In 5x7 Crossed (keep the episode title in mind), Tara found a backpack in the mud. She dug it out, and inside there was a blue yo-yo (Blue Clue theory) and a Philips head screwdriver. She made a point out of mentioning that it was a Phillips head.

A Phillips head basically looks like a cross (and again, the episode title is Crossed). Tara’s comment was one of those times when you just know the writers are trying to slip symbolism into a seemingly innocent comment. We’ve never heard anything about Phillips head screwdrivers before or since, so it obviously was a symbolism thing.

Further, let’s discuss the fact that it was a Swiss Army knife. If you’re not familiar with them, they are small, handy, foldable pocket knifes that are multiple tools in one. They are famous for being versatile and reliable, and in many ways they are considered to be the ultimate survival tool. And as I mentioned above, it originally belonged to Leah. And the screwdiver that Carol seems to be using is shaped like a cross.

Many theorists have said much about 10x18 and who or what Leah represents. And no matter how you look at it I think we can all agree that she was based on Beth in several significant ways. The entire episode was like taking a bath in Beth references and TD symbolism. So it's difficult NOT to consider Leah’s knife some sort of callback or reference to Beth's knife and the symbolism surrounding it. Because again, Beth’s knife wasn’t just some trivial, random prop, it was something that represented what Beth meant to Daryl, something he kept on him for over a season. Beth’s knife was a huge deal, and nobody can tell me otherwise.

My point is, if I’m right, and we see Leah’s knife being passed on from Daryl to Carol, or even the other way around, in Diverged, I think there’s a huge chance the scene will constitute a meaningful parallel to the knife scene in Them. And that’s super interesting because it will be the first time TPTB have referred to it since 6x11 Knots Untie, after which it disappeared (or should we say it’s «just gone»). Also, anyone familiar with my previous theories know that I’m obsessed about the number 11, and the roman numeral II. I won’t get into it here, but I elaborate on the 11/2/II/one one symbolism here. And that 6x11 was the last time we saw Beth’s knife before it went “missing” is probably no coincidence.

So, what else is interesting about Leah’s knife? Well, it’s a Swiss Army knife, and that is a huge red flag in and of itself. HUGE RED FLAG!

No seriously! The Swiss flag is red, with a white cross on it.

A cross that is pretty much identical to the crosses we saw on the Grady cars, like the one that kidnapped Beth in Alone.

Or, you can even say that it is a visual parallel to the cross we see at Leah’s cabin, the one where she supposedly buried her son Matthew. So all of this is very exiting, but in the words of Dwight’s wife Sherry: there’s more, there’s always more.

Sherry actually said “there’s always more” to Daryl when he tried to escape from the sanctuary in season 7. He was immediately captured and beaten, but he later succeeded thanks to Sherry’s assistance. But does anyone remember how he almost were discovered and had to quickly duck into Dwights room for some time? To hide from a couple of Saviors who were transporting pickled cucumber through the hallways and messed up? So Daryl had to sit tight in Dwight’s room and wait until they had cleaned up cucumber brine and broken glass. A room where we BTW saw the same fish mounted on the wall that we also see in Leahs cabin. Similar to the fish daryl throws at the door of Leah’s cabin, the one with the X/cross that I talked about here.

There’s also a chess board in Dwight’s room. A very special WW2-themed chess board. We see how the camera lingers on one of the chess pieces in a shot that’s juuust a second and a half too long for it to not be suspicious. Take a look at the piece in the centre, the one with a red building.

I was always intrigued by that scene, and a couple of minutes of googling revealed the reason why they focused on it; it has a Swiss flag on it.

A red flag with a white cross. We don’t see the flag in the episode, but we see the camera lingering on the chess piece, and thanks to google we now know there’s a Swiss flag involved in the scene. And for TD, the interesting part of that is that the cross ties into the cross/X symbolism we continue to see around Beth.

And by the way, when Daryl made it out to the backyard of the sanctuary, he beat Fat Joey to death in a scene that was strikingly similar to the scene from Still, when he beat up a walker in front of Beth.

Beth was paralleled with Jesus in this scene, which always seems appropriate, seeing as she is a Christ figure.

So here we are, in season 10C, and we have a Swiss Army knife. We’ve had so many Still/Alone references in Find Me alone it would likely take a month to analyze them all. And we have a huge Beth callback potentially coming up in Diverged.

I should point out once again that these are just wild speculations on my part, and that I’m making assumptions on scenes involving a knife in an episode I haven’t seen because it’s not even out yet. If the knife scenes plays out in different ways, none of this applies. However, speculating is one of my favorite past time activities, and it’s also a pretty harmless hobby, so why not.

But I’m going to be on the lookout for these things in the coming episodes for sure, and if anyone has thoughts, I’d love to hear.

#Team Delusional #team defiance #team beth lives #bethyl #Beth Greene #BETH LIVES #BETH IS COMING #beth x daryl #daryl x beth

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cadomoisspokenfor · 3 years

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Ya know thinking about it, maybe there’s nothing more to Syds weird amount of trust for Farouk than gullibleness and pride.

There seemed to be a pattern of her not really internalizing the severity of Farouks crimes, she mostly just thought of him as an “asshole” throughout all the seasons and not someone doing deep long lasting damage to the people around her.

In chap 11 when they find the music box David ask what it is she says, “Nothing just your asshole parasite messing with my head.”

As if its Davids fault Farouks evil, or as if Farouks only a David problem, and not ya know, an extremely powerful supervillain bent on world domination.

I’m trying to figure out what Syds perception of Farouk was, so lets look at their major interactions.

1. Discovers his existence, chap 5. She was wondering what the problem in her and Davids relationship was and now she has someone to blame. I’ll point out, it’s likely she was only thinking of Farouk as an obstacle in the way of her and Davids relationship, and not as a horrifying abuser who’s had a chokehold on David for his entire life. Now the “mission” is clear, snip Farouk outta Davids head, everything’ll be perfect.

2. David and Amys childhood home, also chap 5. Farouk jump-scares them a few times. And I think as far as Syds concerned, that’s a cheap trick. She sheds a tear but then puts on a brave face and keeps moving. Just a horror show after all. None of it “real”. But then Lenny actually jumps out and attacks her, telepathically ties her up then starts grotesquely kissing David while he’s unconscious. And the way she talks, I think Syd internalizes Lenny as being like... a jealous ex. The kissing, the “you stole my man” type language. Man, this relationship obstacle just won’t get out the way. And then...

3. Mental Clockworks, chap 5-7. In the white room Farouk reveals his true form and chases Syd down which scares the shit outta her. But, important note, he doesn’t actually touch her before the delusion is put in place. It’s still very much not real.

Anyways, what’s a horrifying display of control and power for everyone else worked a bit differently for Syd. She was the only one who noticed anything was off. And she couldn’t place it for a while, which worried her, and she eventually gets incapacitated by Lenny. But then, she’s woken up by Cary who takes her into a phone booth and tries to update her on what’s happening, only she’s already figured it out. I’ll point this out as a moment of overconfidence, she’s visibly proud that she was able to see through the illusion. She’s not like the others, she’s a hero archetype. And being that means when Cary hands her the glasses and tells her to go save the others she’s super confident in her ability to do so. She’s the hero after all. And when she does put on the glasses she remarks, “She thought it’d be more interesting.” She’s actively downplaying this nightmare. I don’t hold it against her but my point in saying all this is that it comes back later. This is another instance of her thinking Farouk’s “Not that big a deal.” Underestimating his abilities. I mean, she saw through it after all, she could probably do it again if she needed too... right?

To summarize 3, Syd sees herself as the hero who saw through Farouks cheap illusion. She feels stronger than Farouk here, like he couldn’t hurt her (really hurt her I mean) even if he tried. And in that, she can’t relate to the others who treat it like a big deal or like a traumatizing moment in their adventure. It was just a standard hero vs villain fight to her. Really hope the points getting across cause this’ll come up later.

4. White room, chap 8. Another interaction with Lenny only this time she’s on the ropes, looking a lot worse for ware. Syds not scared of her anymore, or so she tells herself at least. She saw through Farouks tricks. She can do it again if she has too. Nothings gonna get in the way of her and Davids happily ever after. Except Lenny has a good point... she’s still inside David. Still attached to his mind. She could explode his brain if they try to rip her out forcefully. And David can’t handle himself against Farouk, Syd knows this. Cause Davids never won against Farouk up to this point. Getting out of Mental Clockworks was a team effort from her, Melanie, Cary, and Oliver. If it hadn’t been for the crown they wouldn’t’ve gotten out of their. Syds role in this was to keep Kerry and Rudy safe until Cary could complete his end of the plan. And she did. But David was helpless in that, as far she knows. So she, the hero, needs to do something. Just sitting around isn’t good enough. So... she switches with David again. Using a true loves kiss too, a truly fairy tale worthy action, one for the books.

She’s fully possessed now, completely outta control of her own body, but Farouk only used her to get Kerry. It’s a very short moment for Syd, she might not even remember it. When she wakes up she says, “Did we win?” She honestly might’ve just blacked out after the kiss. Because they’re not telepaths their minds are probably much easier to push to the side than Davids. She might not’ve really... experienced the possession is what I’m getting at. And she’s once again most concerned with David.

D: “You should not have done that, as much as I like kissing you.”

S: “It would’ve killed you.” She says that last line not in a concerned way, but in a playful-ish way. As if to say “Obviously I saved you. I’d destroy the world myself if it meant saving you.”

Ya know what, I’ll point out here also that David once again failed to beat Farouk. Syd managed to get Farouk out of his mind but David still couldn’t stop him in the real world.

5. Plaque, chap 9. As explained in show, Syds been part of the team hunting down Farouk and trying to stop him from finding his body. Before chap 12 she and everyone else is under the impression that Farouk is the source of the “maze virus”. A psychological plaque that freezes everyone in their tracks and causes them to chatter their teeth. Disturbing, but... just based on other stuff we know about the character... she probably doesn’t care that much. Her main focus is probably still David. And when David comes back, she immediately blames him for disappearing. Her context here being that he was found in the club they followed Farouk to, next to a bunch of teeth chatterers mumbling, “Help them. Their in the maze.” Clearly, he’s been somewhat involved with the events of the past year, so why hasn’t he contacted her? Why hasn’t he included her in it? Why’d he abandon her? He says he doesn’t remember anything? Ptonomy says otherwise. Clearly he remembers something. He’s keeping secrets. She gets why from the others, but why from her? They’re supposed to be a team. And he abandoned her, to go clubbing with Farouk or whatever it is that he was doing their.

6. Music box, chap 10. Davids back. Maybe she can just pretend things are normal. He leads them to the middle of nowhere and they find her old music box. Farouk. That asshole. His little jump scares and memory tricks won’t get to her. He can’t hurt her, remember? This is all he can do. Illusions, trick. And she’ll see right through them every time. Besides, was reminding her of her childhood really the best he can do? Yeah she’s got a childhood, so does everyone. She’s over it already. (I’m starting to type more and more in Syds perspective.)

6.5 Syd the illusion breaker gets caught in the maze, chap 12. Only... she’s out of it before David even enters her mind to save her. She sees that he’s there, doesn’t know why, but decides to use this as an opportunity to teach him a lesson. We all know the lesson though. The headline in this particular case is, “David never saved Syd from her maze.” He never even saw it. She doesn’t know what he’s talking about when she mentions it. He entered her mind but she’s the one in full control. Scary good control even, props to her. The lesson she’s trying to teach him is sort of... her own thought process on heroism. “Love can’t save us, it’s what we have to save.” Up to this point “love” is all Syds been fighting for. It’s been the driving force behind her heroism. She’s done some messed up things in her past, sure, but all her problems only made her stronger. They made her the “truth seer” she is today. They led her to David, the best thing that’s ever happened to her. No villain can hurt her more than she’s hurt herself. This all... obviously doesn’t translate perfectly to David. That’s just... not been his experience.

(Skippable David Tangent) Farouk hurt David the most that any one person could. And David couldn’t hurt himself more even if he tried. And all Davids pain hasn’t made him mentally stronger, less gullible, or less sensitive. The opposite in fact. Davids minds been split, unbeknownst to Syd. He’s in a constant state of confusion. He keeps getting tugged around by friends and enemies and doesn’t know what to do about it. Davids pain hasn’t shielded him at all, just caused him more strife. He’s even still being manipulated by his abuser. The survivor story just doesn’t work on him, at the moment at least. As far as Davids concerned his “strength” comes from his powers, and he didn’t get a choice in those either. Syd doesn’t see any of this, she’s not a telepath. She hopes her story will help him but... it really only applies to her. Back into her perspective though,

7. Lenny’s back, chap 15. I know this isn’t a Farouk interaction but it is sorta important. Davids not listening to her. She’s trying to remind him of the mission, trying to keep him focused, but clearly it’s not working. Losing his sister really affected him. She understands sure, but he won’t even talk to her about it. Love is what’s supposed to be used to help each other through these dark times, to make sure people don’t feel alone. But he’s isolating himself from her. He isn’t “saving love” he’s pushing it away. That’s not what heroes are supposed to do. Farouk is once again in the way of their love. She can’t blame David, and she knows it’s not her fault, so Farouk.

But the headline there is she’s downplaying his sisters death. As if it’s just another trick to mess with him, an obstacle to be hurdled over. Like the music box thing. But... his sister died. In fact... Lenny was more immediately comforting to him about it than either of the Syds were.

Syd still isn’t internalizing the pain Farouks causing to others. All she’s internalized is her own wins against him and the fact that he’s never permanently damaged her specifically. Or so she says. He’s still just a ghost in a haunted house.

8. Lenny talk, chap 16. Syd comes over to gloat. She sees through Farouks trick. Lenny’s not gonna frazzle her, or David. She’s just another obstacle to their happiness. Only Lenny drops a hard truth on her. And Syd doesn’t seem to want to hear it. She’s stunned at. Tbh... I think she walks away deciding not to believe her. It must be another trick. She just said that to mess with her (again, Syds thoughts). She really really wants to continue thinking of Farouk as “just some asshole” who they need to work with and/or defeat so her and David can finally have their happy ever after. At this point, if she actually started thinking of Farouk as dangerous to her, as a major threat, it’d feel like giving him power. The power of fear, over her. She refuses to be afraid of Farouk, cause she knows that’s how he tricks people. That’s how he controls them. So she doesn’t listen to Lenny. She resolves to continue downplaying Farouks crimes. A dog barking in peoples ears.

9. The cave, chap 18. In between this and the last one David left her again. He really doesn’t get what “saving love” means. But she dedicates herself to him again. If he won’t save love, she will. She’s a hero after all. She’s beaten Farouk in the past and she’ll beat him again if she has too. And then... the cave. Incorporating what another fan has said, even if Syd does pic up on Melanie being Farouk, she knows her future self wanted to work with him for some reason. He was the key to saving the world. He may be a house haunting asshole, but if he saves the world, then there’s gotta be something more to him... right? Melanie complains about Oliver some more, she’s over it. But then Melanie starts showing Syd images. Syd doesn’t know how she’s doing that, but some of the images are from very private personal moments. And they’re all centered on David. These must be memories. Both her and Davids. How Melanie is doing this can go on the back-burner for now, what is she trying to tell her with these? That Davids crazy? No, Farouk’s the one who was behind all these things. Davids “her man.” Her one true love. The problem in their relationship has always been Farouk.

But then... there are all those moments after she got Farouk out of his head. Him keeping secrets. Him not confiding in her, or being there for her. Him constantly leaving her behind. That’s not how love’s supposed to work. A psychopath? Well, when you say that... and you show these images on the screen... and you show him torturing Oliver ( a victim) to get to Syd. And enjoying it, almost like he just wanted the excuse to go all out. Like it’s not really about saving Syd. Or love for that matter. Syd maybe admits to herself at this point that Davids fairly unhinged. He’s had a rough childhood though, there were bound to be some sharp edges here and there. He tortures Oliver for a long time though. And it really starts to feel like he just likes doing it, not that he’s doing it cause it’s “necessary”. It doesn’t even work.

And then... Melanie shows her Future Syd. She matches the description David gave her. And there’s David, in those same pajamas he wears. And... he’s kissing FS. He didn’t tell her about that. It’s not cheating cause it’s her future self. But... they talked about this. David was the one to say it might feel weird. Why not tell her? Why keep that a secret. Even if it’s not cheating, it certainly feels like it. It’s a huge betrayal. And he doesn’t have Farouk as an excuse. Davids just... a bad person. She’s starting to piece together the point of all this. “Legion, The World Killer” yada yada.

David hasn’t been loyal to her. He hasn’t saved loved, he’s not going to save love. The path he’s on is dark and selfish. Could he destroy the world? They’ve known he could since season 1. They never thought he’d actually do it. But wait no, you can’t give up on love that easily. He’s a good person. And then Melanie shows it all again. And she shows him kissing Lenny. And she shows FS telling Farouk about David. And Syd can’t help but concede. Davids too far gone. Farouk may be an asshole, but David lied about everything. He lied to Syd. Again, Davids not going to save love, he missed the mark on that. Davids going to end the world.

Very important to point out here, as I’ve tried to build it up, Syds internalized herself as a hero who doesn’t let anything get to her. Farouk can’t hurt her with his illusions and tricks. She’s seen through them before and she’ll do it again. But David betraying her? Keeping secrets? Playing with her heart? That hurts more than anything Farouks done to her. She invested in David. She was on his side no matter what, but he wasn’t on her side. So if FS says Davids evil and has gotta go, than she’ll believe her. He’s gotta go.

All of this hopefully explains my theory on Syds specific moment-to-moment reasoning thoroughly

I also wanna say though, if I’m right this makes Syds moment on the mountain make more sense. All the specific unexplained discrepancies.

She says she knows it was Farouk who showed her all that. Because she doesn’t perceive Farouk as that big of a threat and again, as mostly a house haunter. Those were clearly memories, she doesn’t care that the infos coming from him, and she believes she can tell the difference between an illusion and something real. so Davids gotta answer for that.

She gets a detail wrong, she says “He went to see her, after you quit.” But we all know he saw her before David quit and specifically set him up. Syd doesn’t know David specifically broke their rules after they set them. She thinks he kissed her beforehand and didn’t tell her for whatever reason.

And again, she doesn’t fully understand what everyone around hers been through. Hence, “The son of sam” thing. To her, Farouk maybe evil, but you can see through his tricks if you just try hard enough. Even though he possessed her she didn’t really register it happening. At a certain point the things you do when he’s in your head are on you (says Syd).

Oh, and also majorly, the “Farouk, your enemy” thing. She never really care about him all that much. He was just an obstacle. David was the one who had a weird complex about him.

Tl;dr Syd doesn’t view Farouk as much of a threat. She doesn’t register or internalize the pain he’s causing to the others cause he’s not doing any of it to her. Syds main focus is David and when she realizes what Farouk’s showing her are memories, and that David’s betrayed her and isn’t planning on “saving love”, that hurts her more than anything Farouks done. Thus, she turns.

#legion fx #spoilers

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noladyme · 4 years

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The Crown Princess of Charming - Part 1

Welcome to Charming - its name says it all. Cat needed a fresh start; and though she hadn’t planned on that being in the arms of the crown prince of this little town’s bikerclub - that was what happened. This Charming CA would either be the death of her - or a whole new life.

This story is obviously non-canon. It will include characters from multiple seasons; some of them having never met on the show. In this universe, Tara didn’t come back from Chicago. I’ve done this to get the story I wanted.

I’ve also decided to give the protagonist a name in this story. I hope you’ll enjoy reading it.

“Move, you goddamn piece of shit!”. My car had stalled just a few yards before a sign that read Welcome to Charming – our name says it all. So far it hadn’t been very charming at all. Multiple cars were passing me and blaring their horns. “Do you think I just decided to park here?”, I yelled at a white Honda, with a blonde behind the wheel. She gave me the finger in response. “Shit!”.

I heard a roar of engines behind me; and a leather clad man on a motorbike pulled up next to my window. “You found a hell of a place to break down, luv’”, he said, with a Scottish drawl. “Yeah, thanks. I hadn’t noticed”, I sneered. “Pardon me, I was just stating facts”, he smirked. I frowned. “Sorry. I’ve just had a long ass drive”, I mumbled. “Mind if we take a look at it?”, he asked. I gestured for him to go ahead; and stepped out of the tired, beat up car; that had been my home for the last 4 days – driving from Chicago, to my new home in the town I’d chosen by its name alone. Charming.

I needed something charming at this point in my life – the last few years having been chaos – so I’d thrown everything to the wind; and had basically run away from the city, when I’d applied for, and been offered a job at Charming Middle School.

Behind my car, two more mc’s were parked – one of them a tall bearded man who sent me a friendly smile; and the other a blonde, lean guy, wearing a white t-shirt and white sneakers. Interesting choice for riding a motorcycle, I thought. All three men had the same patch on their backs – a skull-headed reaper. The writing said Sons of Anarchy – California.

The scot had opened my hood, and was looking into the steaming entrails of my car. He let out a long whistle. “When was the last time you checked our oil, luv’?”. I decided to ignore his choice of nickname for me. “I have no idea. I just bought it a week ago; haven’t really done anything but drive it”. He smiled and shook his head. “Jackie!”, he called. The blonde man looked up; and took of his sunglasses – revealing a pair of piercing baby blues. “We’re gonna need the tow-truck”.

The blonde got off his bike, and joined the scot at the front of the car. “Shit”. He drew out the word, ending it with a full-on laugh. “Darlin’, you’ve killed it”. I sighed. “Great…”. “Were you going far?”, he asked. “Charming was my destination; but I didn’t even make it past the sign”. I ran my hand through my hair. “Shit!”.

Blonde guy called out to the bearded biker. “Ope! Call TM. Get Rat out here with the tow”. “We can’t leave her here, on the side of the road”, the third man answered. Blondie chewed his lip. “You up for a ride?”, he asked me. I was caught off guard. “What?”, I asked. “We’ll get your car back to our shop. You can wait there for it; and figure out your next step”. I shrugged. “Yeah, why the hell not”.

Blondie walked up to me and stuck out his hand. “I’m Jackson. Scottie here is Chibs; and the kind man calling a tow-truck for you, is Opie”. I took his hand and shook it. His grab on mine was firm, but gentle. “I’m Cat”, I said cautiously. He smiled brightly at me; a glint to his eyes that made me blush slightly. “Welcome to Charming”, he said. “Now, come on”.

He handed me his own helmet; and got on his bike; patting the seat behind him. I grabbed my purse from the front seat; leaving my keys on the left front wheel. Welcome to Charming, indeed, I thought, and got on Jacksons bike with him, looking for something to grab on to “You’re gonna have to hold on to me, Cat”, Jackson smirked. I put my hands on his waist – noticing his firm and muscular frame – and he started up the bike. The force of the engine between my legs made me jump a little; and I heard Jackson chuckle in front of me. “Don’t worry, I got you”. He revved the engine, and we rode in to town.

—

We drove into a big lot about 10 minutes later. I noticed a large amount of motorcycles; and more bikers clad in leather. They all wore the same patch as the three men I’d just met – though some said Nevada. There were two large buildings; one was an auto shop – Teller Morrow – and the other seemed to be some sort of a clubhouse.

Jackson halted his bike at the end of the line of motorcycles; seemingly a spot reserved for him. I climbed off, almost stumbling; and he grabbed my hand to steady me. “You good?”, he asked. I nodded.

A tall middle-aged woman, with an amazing rack, came out of the office of the auto shop. “Jax; Clays been looking for you”, she said. Jackson smirked, and backed his bike into his spot. “What else is new?”, he said. The woman kissed his cheek. “I’m picking up the kid in a few. You need anything at home?”. “Milk. And coffee”, Jackson answered. He looked towards me. “Ma; this is Cat. Her car stalled just by the edge of town”. The woman looked at me; her eyes enquiring, but mostly friendly. “The one Rat and Juice went out for?”. Jackson nodded.

She shook my hand. “Gemma Teller”, she said. “Cat Rose”, I smiled. “You’re the new teacher down at the middle-school”, she said – more a statement than a question. I nodded. “Yeah, I am. How’d you know?”. “Gem knows everything”, the biker named Chibs said; and kissed Gemma’s cheek. “Hi, mom”.

I chuckled. “You seem a little too young to be his mom”. “Around here, I’m everyone’s mom”, she answered. “Though my only biological kid, is the cheeky blonde you rode bitch with”. I took that as meaning Jax was her son. The cheeky blonde sent me a smile. “Gemma will take care of you from here on”, he said. “See you around, teach’”. I smiled in return; and Jackson walked towards the clubhouse.

I followed Gemma into her office. “What’s the Sons of Anarchy?”, I asked. “Sweetheart, stick around long enough, you’ll find out”, she said. “Coffee?”. “Yeah, thanks”, I smiled.

I didn’t see any of my new biker friends the rest of the day; as my car arrived not long after we did. A mohawked Latino named Juice, of all things; informed me that my cooler was shot; and I needed a completely new starter. None of this made any sense to me; as I didn’t know anything about engines – but looking at the costs of repairs needed to have the vehicle function again; I decided to sell it for scrap.

“Too bad, honey”, Gemma said. “I had one of those as a teenager”. “You wanna buy it?”, I grinned. “I wouldn’t be caught dead in it”, she answered, and lit a cigarette; offering me one. I accepted. “Juice; is Tig still selling his old chevy?”. “Yeah, he hasn’t gotten a buyer yet. I think it’s ‘cuz it smells like wet dog”. I shook my head. “I won’t be able to afford it; with or without the smell”. Gemma winked at me. “I’ll get a you a good deal; and you can make payments”. I smiled. “I’m gonna like this town”. “We all do”, she smiled back.

—

Gemma gave me a ride to the motel I was going to stay at, until I found a new place. I got my four boxes and two suitcases out of her trunk and backseat; thanking her for all her help. “It’s me who should be thanking you. The school had been looking for a good arts teacher for over a year”. “I’m taking over 6’th and 7’th grade English as well”, I said. She laughed. “Mrs. Bloom finally decided to retire, huh?”, she said. “She taught both me and Jackson”. “Wow…”, I grimaced. “I’m not that old”, she said. “That’s not…”, I began. “Just pulling your leg sweetheart”, she smiled. “See you around”. She drove off, and left me to settle in to my new temporary home.

I spent the evening scanning the newspaper for cheap rentals. Money was scarce; but I knew the motel needed to be short term – especially after noticing the thin walls inability to hide the sounds of my neighbors having kinky sex. Some woman kept screaming Yes, Daddy!; making it difficult to concentrate on my apartment-hunting .

In the evening; after ordering a pizza; I decided to take a shower. I let the water run for a bit; before stepping in – trying to ignore the metallic smell of it. Washing 4 days of roadtripping off my body; I finally felt clean enough to face my new situation.

I’d left Chicago in a hurry; leaving my furniture, and only bringing my most cherished belongings. I wanted to get as far away from the city as possible; but a ticket to Hawaii was out of the question on my teachers’ salary – and I wasn’t ready to go back to dancing at clubs. Most of my last cash had been spent on the now dead Ford; that I’d sold for scrap through TM.

Chicago wasn’t my home town; but I’d thought it was the place for me. I’d been proven wrong, when a relationship had gone wrong. Very wrong. I’d needed to get away from the guy in question; as his possessive nature throughout our relationship had ended up scaring me. Trying to get a restraining order hadn’t worked due to his own contacts within the court-system. I wanted a new life. Maybe Charming could be the base for that.

Stepping out of the shower; I wrapped myself in a towel. There was a knock on the door, and I went to open it. Outside stood Jackson; a grin the size of the county on his handsome face. “You’re not pizza…”, I said. “Not the last time I checked”, he chuckled. “You left behind some paperwork at TM”. I looked down at my lack of clothing. “I should get dressed”, I smiled. “Come on in. Sorry about the mess”. He stepped inside. “It’s fine, darlin’. You should see my place”.

I grabbed a pair of pajama bottoms, and a tank top from an open suitcase; and went into the bathroom. “Do you usually order pizza in just a towel?”, he called after me. “Only if the delivery-guy is really cute”, I called back. Shit… now you’re flirting with the biker. Good one, Cat. “I’ll have to change professions”, I heard him mutter.

I stepped back into the room, fully dressed. “What’s the paperwork?”, I asked. He handed me an envelope. “Just a signoff for the scrapping of the car”, he said. “It’s too bad. My mom had one of those back in the day”. “She told me”, I smiled. “Coffee?” He smiled. “Nah, sorry, I gotta run again”. “Too bad”, I said. Dammit! Stop, you idiot.

He chuckled. “It’s good to have some fresh blood in town. I hear you’re starting at the school. You’ll be teaching one of Opie’s kids. Ellie – sweet kid”. I signed the papers he’d handed me, and gave them back. “I’ll remember to give her good grades”, I said. “Yeah…”, he answered sadly. “She’s been through it. Her and Kenny both. Their mom died a year back”. “I’m sorry to hear that”, I answered earnestly. “Donna was a good mom. And a good old lady”, he said. “What’s that?”, I asked. “An old lady? Shit, you are new in town”, he smirked. I shrugged. “Just not used to biker lingo”, I winked. “I’ll have to get you used to it, then…”, he said with a smile. I chewed my lip, a rush of heat going through my body.

He remembered himself. “The car – the one you’re buying”, he said. “Tig will be down at the shop tomorrow night. You can pick up the keys then”. I exhaled; trying to calm down my budding crush on the gorgeous man in front of me. “Thanks. I’ll be there. 7 pm good?”. “We should be done with church by then”, he said. “Tomorrow’s not Sunday”, I answered. He chuckled. “Not that kind of church”. I narrowed my eyes playfully. “Biker lingo…”, I said. “Biker lingo”, he smirked.

We stood there for a while, both unsure what to say; before Jax broke the silence. “Tomorrow; it’s Gemma’s birthday. There’s gonna be a party at the clubhouse”, he said cautiously. “If you wanna stick around for a while…”. “Maybe”, I smiled.

“Yes Daddy! Slap that ass!”, we heard from next door. We both laughed. “If I’m not mistaken; Tig might be right next door. But it’s probably not a good time to disturb him”, Jackson said. “I’ll wait”, I agreed. “See you tomorrow?”. “I’m looking forward to it”, Jackson winked; and walked out the door; giving me a final grin; before closing it behind him.

Cat. You can’t have sex with the biker, I told myself. But the warm sensation streaming though me, told me I’d probably have a problem sticking to that, if I had the opportunity.

—

The next day I slept in; enjoying the feeling of being in an actual bed for the first time in days. I did some light shopping for groceries – the fridge in my motel room not being very big. The people I met seemed friendly enough, though a bit standoffish. I figured it was because I was new in town.

Walking back towards the motel; a group of bikers rode by – one of them being Opie. He lifted a hand in a wave at me. I noticed that the bikes were ridden almost in a procession; with a leader in front; and everyone else keeping to their assigned position in the group. It was led by a grey-haired man with a prominent jaw. He looked at me, and nodded. I nodded back.

Back in my room, I had a light lunch; and decided to figure out what the hell one wore for a birthday party at a biker club. I figured some skinny jeans and an off the shoulder, black t-shirt would have to do. Putting on my favorite necklace – a silvery hand with an eye in the middle; a Hamsa symbol – I let my hair hang lose; and put on a little makeup. Black cat eye; and red lips. It usually did the trick. You’re actually dressing up for the biker now, I smirked at myself.

I was early; so, I tracked down a coffee shop to sit and read a book. My shoulder bag usually had at least one volume in it. This week, it was American Gods, by Neil Gaiman. I was completely concentrated on my book; when suddenly Chibs and a large curly haired man stepped in to the shop. “Well, look who we have here!”, Chibs smiled. “Bobby, this is the young lady who killed her car just outside town”. I grinned. “Thanks”, I said. “I needed a reminder of my bad mechanic skills”. “I aim to serve, madam”, the scot grinned. Bobby stuck out his hand. “Welcome to town, my lady”, he said; and kissed my hand chivalrously. “Careful Bob. VP’s got his eye on this one”, Chibs said. “What’s that supposed to mean?”, I asked. “Don’t worry about it”, Bobby grinned.

I took a sip of my coffee, and shook my head. “What are you doing here?”. “Coffee run for church. It was a long night”, Chibs winked. The man behind the counter handed over some coffees to Bobby; who pulled out his wallet. “Your money’s no good here”, the barista said. Bobby nodded. “How’s your mom?”, he asked. “Much better, thanks”, the man answered and smiled. “I’ll pay you back”. “We know you’re good for it, Gary”, Chibs said. He looked at me. “See you later?”. I nodded.

The bikers left the shop; and drove off towards TM. The barista walked up to me with my check. “Welcome to town”, he said warily. “Look… Samcro; they’re a part of this town; and they do a lot of good. But they’re in to some pretty bad stuff as well. Be careful”. He didn’t wait for an answer; but just went back behind his register. I frowned, and tried to wrap my head around his words. I paid Gary, and left the shop myself.

I decided to do some light sightseeing. It was Saturday; so most of the small shops closed early; but I made my way to the middle-school that would be my new place of work the coming Monday. The trek was a bit longer than I’d anticipated; so I was glad that I had a newish car set up for me. The building wasn’t large, but I figured it was large enough for the amount of kids in the area. The look of it gave me some peace of mind. It would be an easy start, I thought. And I was looking forward to it.

—

Walking back towards TM, I stopped by a florist who was closing up. I got a nice bouquet for Gemma, and walked into the auto-shop lot. The place was bustling with people. At least 20 bikes were parked in the lot; and everywhere people were shaking hands, and grabbing wrapped presents out of their cars. The men were all clad in leather; except for a man in a sheriff’s uniform; and the women were mostly wearing miniskirts and dresses – their boobs on display as much as possible.

I didn’t recognize any faces, and felt a bit anxious, before someone grabbed my shoulder. “Hey, darlin’”, Jax was beaming at me. He leant in and kissed my cheek; his stubble and short beard scratching my chin in a delicious way. “I’m glad you made it!”. “Yeah, me too”, I smiled. He took my hand, holding it confidently. “Come on. I’ll introduce you”.

We walked in to the clubhouse. It smelled like motor oil and whiskey, and the air was heavy with smoke. It should have put me off; but I was enjoying it. It reminded me of my former profession as a dancer, and the kind of trouble I’d gotten in to then. Jackson let go of my hand, and put his own on my lower back, leading me to the bar counter. “You remember Opie”, he said; gesturing at the tall bearded man. With his helmet off, he was now wearing a hoodie, and had a beautiful blonde on his arm. Opie shook my hand and smiled at me friendlily. “This is Lyla”, he said softly, and gestured at the woman. “Nice to meet you”, she smiled. I thought I recognized her face from somewhere, but I couldn’t make the connection. “Cat”, I smiled, and shook her hand.

Jax led me on. “Chibs and Juice, you know as well; and I’m told you already met Bobby”. The men both nodded at me. “Then there’s Happy…”. A tall menacing man sent me a warm smile. “Piney; Opies dad”; Jackson said, gesturing at an elderly man with an oxygen tank hanging from his shoulder. Jackson looked at a scrawny looking guy, and a tall heavy man standing next to him. “Those are the prospects. They don’t matter”. I scrunched my brows at him. “Trust me”, he chuckled.

We walked towards a dark-skinned, kind looking woman, holding a beautiful baby in her arms. “Hey Neeta”, Jax smiled, and took the baby from her; holding it to his chest. His face was glowing with pride. “And this is my boy. Abel”. I let the baby hold my finger, and smiled at his chubby face. “Hi, Abel”. Jacksons eyes met mine; gleaming. “Is… his mom…”, I tried – fearing the answer. “Not around”, Jax answered. “It’s better that way”, he said meaningfully. I nodded. It wasn’t the time.

Abel started fussing. Jax took a baby-blanket from a diaper-bag on a table. “Did you bring…?”, Jax said, before Neeta handed him a bottle. Jax smiled warmly in thank you. He put the bottle to Abel’s mouth. “Here you go, little dude”. He bounced the baby up and down softly. “You’re good at that”, I smiled. “My mom would have my ass, if I wasn’t”, he grinned. “Besides, he’s my little man”. I stroked a finger over the baby’s forehead. “He’s perfect”. Jax looked at me proudly. “Yeah”, he smiled.

I looked around. “Where is your mom, by the way?”. “Shit, yeah”, he said, looking at the watch on his wrist. Jackson kissed the top of Abel’s head, and handed the bottle back to Neeta. “Gemma and Clay will be here in 5”, he called into the room. “She doesn’t know why she’s here. So quiet the hell up!”. There was a rumbling of an engine outside. “Shit, they’re early!”, Bobby said. “Turn off the lights!”.

Someone hit the lights; and about ten seconds later the door opened. “Goddammit, Clay”, Gemma grumbled, as she walked in. “You promised to take me to dinner, you jerk!”.

“Surprise!”, everyone yelled; and the lights turned on again. Gemma stood, mouth agape; flanked by the grey-haired man I’d seen on the road earlier; and a black-haired man with piercing eyes, I figured was Tig. “Oh my God!”, Gemma cried out. “You assholes!”. She laughed, and began hugging the people around her. Jackson walked up to his mom; and embraced her warmly; Abel still in his arms. Gemma kissed first Jackson; and then the baby, taking him from Jax’s arms. “You guys are dicks”, she said; happy tears in her eyes. The grey-haired man – Clay – put his arm around her waist, and kissed her warmly. “Happy birthday, baby”, he said. “At least you remembered it this year”, Gemma pouted playfully at him.

She looked towards me, a sense of wonder in her eyes. I smiled, and mouthed happy birthday. She mouthed me a thank you in response; followed by a warm smile. For a second her eyes shifted from me to Jackson, and she narrowed her eyes at him; whispering something in his ear. He laughed in response, and looked at me, biting his lip. He nodded at his mom, and walked back to me.

“Do you want a drink?”, he asked. “Please”, I said, smiling nervously. “Don’t worry, babe, you’re here with me”. I laughed. “Maybe that’s why I’m worried”. He winked at me. “In that case, you should be worried. Word around the street is, I’m dangerous”. He kissed my cheek again, and put his arm around me. “Rat, get this lady a beer”. The scrawny prospect handed over a cold bottle, and I took a welcome sip of it.

Opie joined us. “You’re teaching my kid this year”, he said. “Yeah, Jackson told me”, I answered. The tall man looked a bit uncomfortable. “She’s been having some issues… It’s been messing with her schoolwork”. I smiled comfortingly. “Don’t worry, I won’t be a hard-ass”, I said. Opie smiled softly. “Thanks”, he muttered.

Jax looked at his friend. “I told Cat about Donna”, he said. Opie nodded and met my eyes. “So you get it”, he said. “I do”, I said. “Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help”. Opies expression warmed. “Thanks”, he said. “Cheers”, he said, raising his bottle at me. We clinked our beers, and both took a sip.

Opie looked meaningfully at Jax. “We got that thing, brother”, he muttered. Jackson frowned slightly, and looked at me. “I need to do some business”, he said, and put a strand of hair behind my ear. “Be back in a bit”. He walked off with Opie, leaving me to sit on a stool by the bar.

The black-haired man walked up next to me. “I hear you’re in need of a car”, he said, accepting a beer from the larger prospect. “I’m Tig”. “Cat”, I answered. “I know”, he winked at me. “It’s a piece of shit old chevy, but it’s better than the one you came to town in”. “Anything is better than that”, I laughed. He handed me a set of keys. “80 a month for a year work for you?”, he said. “That’s cheap”, I said, frowning slightly. “We take care of our own”, Tig said, and patted my shoulder. “By the way; if you get sick of the VP, let me know”, he smirked. I laughed again. “Sure, Daddy”, I grinned. “So the was you, next door”, he chuckled. I shrugged, and nodded.

Juice stepped up to stand on the other side of me. “Hey”, he said, giving me a crooked smile, and a lifted brow. Tig tapped him over the head. “Hands of, Juicy!”, he said. “Jax territory”. The young biker took a step away from me. “Sorry”, he laughed nervously. I shook my head, laughing. “This place is weird”, I said. “Welcome to town”, Tig said; and clinked his bottle to mine, taking a sip of beer. I joined him in the drink. We took a shot of whiskey together, before Tig’s attention went to a busty brunette in the corner. “Excuse me”, he muttered; and sauntered off, leaving me alone again.

I decided to look for a friendly face in the crowd, being a bit uncomfortable on my own. Jax hadn’t come back for his business yet, and I was worried he’d leave me alone all night. Lyla was standing with another woman, looking like they were gossiping about something. She caught my eye and waved me over. “How are you holding up?”, she asked. The other woman walked off; climbing on to Happy’s lap, where he was sitting on a couch. “Uhm…”, I began. “I just got in to town, and I’m already having drinks with the local biker gang. I’d say I’m a little out of my comfort zone”. She smiled friendlily at me. “You’ve already bagged the vice president. You’re doing just fine”, she said. “I haven’t bagged anyone”, I smiled. “He’s known you for 2 days, and already invited you to his mom’s birthday. I’d say you’re a bit more than some crow-eater”, Lyla responded.

I took another sip of my beer. “What’s a crow-eater?”. Lyla chuckled. “Ok, quick lowdown on the women in the club”, she began. “Most of the women in here, are what we call crow-eaters. They hang around the club, make the men feel good about themselves… you know”. “An easy lay”, I muttered. “Yeah”, Lyla smiled. “Some of us are what you’d call old ladies. We’re the ones who have locked our men down. See this…”. She showed me a tattoo of a flying crow on her shoulder. “This means no one but Opie touches me”. “Doesn’t it feel weird to be… marked, like that?”. I grimaced. “Sorry… I didn’t mean…”. “Don’t worry about it, honey. I get it”, Lyla responded. “This is just my way of showing everyone around me that I belong to Opie; but also, that Opie belongs to me”.

She smiled, and took my hand, squeezing it. “You seem nice, so I’ll let you in on a secret. This life… it’s not easy; but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love Opie – and his kids. He takes care of me and my boy”. She looked at me meaningfully. “But if you’re unsure about whether this is your idea of a good life; you should walk away. I mean that in the nicest way. Please don’t take it as anything else”. I gave her a crooked smile. “I’ll take it a day at a time”. She nodded.

A hand grabbed mine. Jax was standing next to me. “Hey”, he said softly. “Come say hi to my mom”. I followed him over to Gemma. “Hey sweetheart”, she said. “Thanks for the flowers. They’re beautiful”. “You’re welcome”, I smiled. “This is my husband, Clay”, she said, and the man at her side shook my hand. His eyes were deep and menacing; and I was unsure whether to be afraid of him or respect him. “Welcome to town, teach’”, he said. “Thanks. It’s been good so far”. Clay nodded at me, and looked at Jax. “Did you finish that business?”. Jackson clenched his jaw. “It’s done”, he said. “I made the call”. “Good”, Clay said. “Let’s just hope it doesn’t blow back on us”.

Gemma patted his chest. “No club business on my birthday, baby”. Clay smiled at his wife, and kissed her again. “Yes, ma’am”, he muttered. Gemma looked at Jax. “Do you need me to take the baby tonight?”. Jax looked at me, and then back at his mom. “Would you?”. “You know I love taking him”, she smiled. “Make it my birthday present”. Jackson chuckled. “Shit, I’ll take back the diamond necklace then”, he said. He took my hand. “Come on, let’s find somewhere quiet”. My breath hitched, and I followed him out of the clubhouse.

We sat down by a picnic table just outside the door. Jax had brought us a pair of freshly opened beers. “You doing ok?”, he asked earnestly. “Yeah”, I smiled. “Just … a bit out of my element”. He bit his lip and looked at me enquiringly. “What element is that?”, he asked. “I dunno… I usually don’t go to mc-parties”. He chuckled, and took my hand. “I’m glad you’re here”. “You don’t even know me”, I said quietly.

He sighed. “Tell me, then”. “What do you want to know?”, I smiled nervously. “Whatever you want to share”, he shrugged. “Why?”, I asked. He looked at me with a genuine warmth. “Because I’ve been thinking about you ever since you wrapped these hands around my waist, and it sent chills down my spine”. He took my other hand, linking his fingers with mine. “Where did you come from?”.

I didn’t know how much to tell him. I was still mentally sore from my ordeal with the guy in Chicago – but his serious expression made me trust him. “Chicago”, I said. “I was a teacher there as well. It didn’t work out…”. “Why?”. I sighed. “The city can wear a girl down”, I smiled theatrically. “And there was… a guy. He didn’t know how to take no for an answer”. Jacksons jaw clenched. “What’d he do to you?”, he almost growled “At first he was fine. We had a few dates, before he suddenly proclaimed his love for me”. “You didn’t feel the same way?”, Jax asked. “No. I mean; back then, he was friendly, had a steady job… He saw himself as a catch; and I guess he was. But I just didn’t care about him like that. He was… possessive. I tried to call it off, but he acted like I’d never said anything, and continued dropping by at my school; sending me flowers; and showing up at my apartment at all hours of the day”. Jackson bit his lip. “Sorry… I guess you’re off men for a while”, he said, and met my eyes again. I smiled. “No. Just him”. “Good to know”, he muttered. “But why didn’t you get a restraining order?”.

I sighed again. “I tried… he has connections. When he didn’t like my way of handling things, he let the word spread in the school council that I had an issue with drugs”. Jax shook his head angrily. “Asshole”. “Yeah”, I agreed. “I managed to get the drug accusations of my record – but it was too late, and I was fired”. “So you came to Charming”. I nodded. “I looked at names of towns on the west coast; and Charming seemed promising”, I smiled. “There was an opening as a teacher the elementary school; so I applied – and they must have been desperate, ‘cuz they gave me the position with just a phone interview”.

He squeezed my hands again. “I’m glad you’re here”. “Me too”, I muttered.

Jax put his hand on my cheek, and stroked my temple. “So if you’re not off men… mind if I give it a shot?”. I bit my lip, trying to stifle a smile, and shook my head.

He leant in, and stroked his nose against mine. Our lips brushed each other for a second; and he kissed me. I parted my lips slightly, and the tip of his tongue met mine. He put his hand on my lower back, pulling me closer to him. He smelled like leather and some musky cologne; a warm smell that fit him perfectly – and his kiss tasted like the beer he’d been drinking, and mint chewing gum.

He exhaled deeply and pulled back a bit. “Do you want to get out of here?”, he asked softly. My body was screaming yes, but I was desperately trying to control myself. “Jax… I just moved into town. We’ve known each other for 5 minutes… I don’t think…”. “I get it”, he smiled. “I’m not expecting you to jump in to bed with me. But I do want to see you again”. “I’d like that”, I smiled.

Our lips met again. “You taste like… pancakes”, he smiled. “Is that good?”, I smiled. “It’s perfect”, he said against my lips, kissing me deeply one more time.

The door opened, and Juice stepped outside with a ginger girl. “Shit, sorry”, he smiled. “It’s fine, Juice, the table is yours. Just clean it up afterwards”, Jackson smiled. “Come on”, he said to me, pulling me with him.

“I think it’s time for me to go home”, I said softly. He looked at me with a kind smile. “You want a ride?”. I jingled the keys in my pocket. “I got a new car; remember?”. Jax groaned. “Shit; I would have loved to have these legs wrapped around me, in one way or another”. He slid a hand over my thigh; squeezing them gently.

Juice looked impatient; and Jax took my hand – leading me over to a black, classic looking Chevrolet. “Wow…”, I said. “I popped an air freshener in there for you. It had a pretty gnarly smell”, Jax chuckled. “Thanks”, I smiled, and looked at him warmly.

Getting into the car – immediately thanking Jax an extra time for the air freshener; as it was needed – I rolled down the window. “Thanks for inviting me”, I smiled at the blonde man. Jax took the hand I had resting in the window-opening, and squeezed it – winking at me. His face suddenly dropped. “Shit, Cat. I didn’t get your number…”. I grinned, and rattled of my digits, and he punched the number into a flip phone from his pocket. Who uses flip phones anymore?

Jax leant in, and planted a final soft kiss against my lips. “Bye”, he whispered, and bit his lower lip. I smiled and started up the engine. My new car purred, and I had a wide smile on my face, as I left the lot – sending a final look towards the picnic table, where Juice was face deep in the red-haired girls cleavage.

Welcome to Charming, I grinned to myself, and drove off.

—

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@wolf-lover-bookdragon

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#soa #jax teller #jax teller fic #jax teller x oc #jackson teller #jackson teller fic #sons of anarchy #sons of anarchy fic

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a-stitch-in-time-and-space · 4 years

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Cardassians aren’t Nazis (and also not quite the USSR, but I see where you’re coming from)

TW: for much discussions of Nazism, fascism, persecution, no details

So tottering around as a lover of DS9 and (disclaimer) as a major fan of the Cardassians as a not-yer-generic-villain type villain that then become less of a villain, because you can’t assign villainy to a whole species + also being German and hearing/watching/reading a lot of analyses that compare them to Nazis is inspiring me to write this (gasps for breath at the end of that sentence).

@tinsnip , @handsome-anne

1. Who were the Nazis that the Cardassians are specifically being compared to (versus neo-nazis/alt-rights, etc. that they’re not being compared to)

Short version: Post WWI the Versailles Treaty fucked over Germany in a way that left it wide open to the sort of megalomaniacal little bastard on a powertrip that fed on people’s fear and pushed them into a far-right disaster. The Nazi party itself didn’t have a ton of members, but it basically eroded any kind of democracy the country had and decided it would scapegoat Jews, Romani, communists, queer people, and other “intelligent elite”/political dissident and then spread those ideals across the world like a demented wannabe roman Caesar state. This didn’t last too long in the grand scale of world history, but left a body count of 6 million+ dead, mainly Jewish.

2. Germany and its relationship to this history

So Germany tries pretty hard to teach people this history in schools, through memorials, in film, etc. It’s not perfect by any means, there’re still discussions on how to make reparations, as well as neo-nazis and other far-right people around still, sadly just like in the rest of the world.

But it’s not covering up these atrocities, because there’s a belief that the way to make sure it doesn’t happen again is to be honest. Sadly, not everyone around the world gets as detailed a history surrounding its origins, happenings, and aftermaths, nor does every country engage with its own past like that.

3. Let’s get fictional (Cardassians, first impressions)

The Cardassians are a species that we mainly meet first through their subjugation of the Bajoran people, and then on DS9 following the immediate aftermath of the occupation on Bajor and everything that follows on from there. Throughout the story we discover various bits about what they had done - labour camps, mass executions, forced prostitution, and in that one Voyager episode I’m not a fan of because it didn’t have the range, experimentation.

On the surface, pretty comparable to the nazis, I get it. Hell, often that’s definitely “the source” of where the writers are getting their ideas.

4. So they’re... Nazis?

The problem comes when using one fascist regime as a go-to for these atrocities. It ignores the reality of fascism beyond this particular point in history and also it’s just not that simple.

When looking at Nazi Germany we also have to look at the source of its making, the climate around it (countries like the UK having a nazi party, Italy and Spain having fascist dictators, hell, the list of dictators that were/are not German is disgustingly long, the worldwide anti-semitism making surrounding countries apathetic or even sympathetic to the Nazis, etcetc.) and the aftermaths of WWII.

The Cardassians are not Nazis. (As an aside the Federation are not the brave allies, but that’s another post for another day.) I’ve seen them compared to the USSR - both by official writers and fandom - which I won’t comment on seeing as I am not from anywhere that was affected by that (I’m not East German, but I do have East German friends), but at least this points out that one cannot compare Cardassians to a specific atrocity that happened at a specific time with specific connotations surrounding it.

Is the Obsidian Order the Gestapo or another secret police? Which secret police? Is Garak “the good Nazi” trope - but then how does that align with Cardassians living under a repressive regime for centuries, not a few years, and therefore take into account an indoctrination and climate of fear created over several generations? No child “born” into the nazi regime became an adult while it was still lasting, unlike the Cardassians (and many other real life dictatorships and fascist states - as well as "democratic” states that have similar kinds of surveillance, oppression, mass-imprisonment and disappearances, and camps).

Is every Cardassian soldier a “nazi”? How does one compare that to polish and french prisoners (see Pierre Seel for a particular harrowing account, all the trigger warnings apply) who were forced to fight for the Germans and put on the front lines?

Eugenics, labour camps, and every other atrocity has been practised by numerous regimes, both in history and now, can we shrug off every country that’s participated in them for the sake of making the metaphor “easier”?

How does the aftermath of the Cardassian Union - when they’re attacked by the Klingons and themselves occupied by the Dominion and then have their main planet bombed to the point of millions dead - align with Nazi Germany?

5. It doesn’t.

It doesn’t. It doesn’t neatly align with any other fascist or military dictator-led regime either. This is not saying that there aren’t aspects obviously borrowed from history (and can easily apply to now). This is saying that in trying to bend the Cardassians into Nazis specifically, people are ignoring every other aspect about them and in my opinion doing a disservice to those who suffered under the actual regime. This is a fictional world, with fictional people that is based on an oppressive society template. It is also a fictional world in which the people themselves are oppressed (especially if you align with what’s written in Andy Robinson’s book) - I’ll be getting back to that point in a bit.

I would argue that making it “about Nazis” is too easy. This isn’t about “us” this is about “them” those evil bastards from wwii. It strips the Cardassian story of any current-day relevance. One can look no further than one’s own society to see people struggling against acknowledging histories, being treated as second-class citizens, etc. No need to go back in time to do so.

It also strips the Cardassians of any three-dimensionality. If they’re just villains then why are we rooting for their uprising to succeed at the end of season 7? Why do we want their society to flourish, their people to no longer have a broken court system, and their secret police to stop training and recruiting children if they’re Nazis, the convenient shorthand for über-evil?

Cardassia isn’t about a past society, it’s about our society. If we empathise with the Cardassians and don’t cast them as villains, then it’s a discussion about our own oppression and privilege. And it’s a damned good scifi allegory (even if I sometimes don’t think the writers and showrunners quite understand it themselves - death of the author and all that).

6. To conclude

I didn’t mention Bajor as much in this, because I was very focused on Cardassians, but I would argue that while there is value in casting them as “space Jews” (as I’ve seen here and there) because I understand the value of representation and I am not taking that away from anyone (I hope), similarly if one reads this take as the only valid one it ignores the reality of religious oppression on a wider scale and also that the Bajorans’ oppression at the hands of the Cardassians didn’t happen for the same reasons as the Jewish genocide at the hands of the Nazis - I would also argue that in making Cardassians = Nazis / Bajor = Jews, we similarly ignore that the Nazis were and are not alone in perpetuating anti-semitism, which kinda again leans into the “Good Federation (the Allies) Versus Evil Cardassians (Nazis) - because none of the Good Allied Countries have ever/are currently involved in persecution or dehumanisation *stares into the void*

And lastly - bringing back a point I made earlier about Cardassians themselves being oppressed by their own government - something that is often forgotten when people talk “Nazi tropes in genre fiction” is that the first country the Nazis occupied was Germany. I’m mentioning this, because it’s interesting in the metaphor, but it’s also conspicuously is absent in the simplification of how these reads are applied. It’s easy to cast the Cardassians as a whole as Bad People, but it makes for worse story-telling and has uncomfortable undertones of how the world reads Germany’s people as being at fault as a whole as well, without taking into account the specific events that we were globally complicit in - and once again the metaphor falls apart, because allegory doesn’t work so easily, and it shouldn’t.

TL; DR In general I am uncomfortable by “Nazi’s used as tropes” in any fictional world. One shouldn’t sacrifice analysis nor simplify history for the sake of making it easier to make a quick point about “bad guys” and forcing allegories into one shape makes them lose their power.

Also watch German films on Nazism and European ones on WWII if you’re looking for some better takes (also Cabaret, one of the best movies ever made).

#ds9 #st: ds9 #star trek #cardassia #bajor #cardassians #bajorans #ds9 meta #star trek meta #tw: nazi mention #tw: discussions about genocide #this is a looong breakdown basically summed up as *stop simplifying allegories*#but I've seen *nazi tropes' thrown around so casually not just here but in so much fiction that I kinda *nope*#so it feels like a post that I needed to get off my chest

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deabbawallace · 4 years

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The Umbrella Academy Season 2 overall thoughts (scroll if you don’t want spoilers !)

I’ve watched season 2 twice and here’s what I’ve noticed. feel free to agree/ disagree, let’s have a discussion! :)

- Luther’s character development was amazing this season. although he was mainly depressed and stress eating, he did grow as a character SO much by immediately apologizing to Vanya. he could have easily got away with not telling her the full extent of what happened/ what he did due to her memory loss (and Five also not directly telling her she was the cause, or “bomb”). he’s still struggling with who he is and how he lost his motivation and leadership-ness towards the end of season one. not seeing any of his siblings, especially Allison made Luther feel alone again, like when he was sent to the moon. Luther has SO much more of a idea between when he can lead and when it’s okay for him to follow (example: him telling Klaus to look for Allison while he watches over Five who was obviously upset due to the situation). he was very smart with the whole old/young Five situation, even if he got his ass beat in the process. overall Luther is a great character and deserves so much more of a love interest than his sister.

- Diego. as far as we know Diego and Vanya actually got parts of Klaus’ powers this season. originally in the comics Klaus can levitate and has telekinesis. Diego’s was able to manipulate the bullets in the finale with telekinesis that wasn’t brought up earlier. it made sense and for the character since he already know how to manipulate knives and other things to his favor. another Diego power that wasn’t described that i was quite disappointed about is the fact that he can hold his breath underwater for long periods of time. although Diego’s love interest this season is Lila, i have a feeling he is more infatuated with her than in love. it’s known that Diego loved Patch, and was torn and wished to remember and honor her memory, so there a chance he fell for Lila or his idea of her, mixed with some of the personality traits of Patch. Diego went from basically resenting Vanya and always going toe to toe with Luther to forgiving her and actually working as a pair with Luther, while Luther let Diego have his leader or “Number One” moments this season.

- Allison. wow. we had a minor complaint of her not dating her brother and boy did they take that and run with it. she went from an adored black actress with a white husband and mixed daughter to a time where black and whites couldn’t even enjoy a cup of coffee in the same diner. now i’m not sure if this was intentional but i noticed upon allison’s arrival, 3 white boys are taunting her saying “hey girl”. although i’m not sure, i was wondering if this line/scene is a reference to the Emmett Till case (he died in 1955 so less than a decade then where this harassment takes place). it could be possible since Emmett did get murdered for saying “hey baby” to a white women and i think it’s a good yet subtle part on the show runners half if this was their intention. Allison’s want of showing she loves Vanya showed tremendously throughout this season, she’s basically glowing around Vanya, especially in the scene where she was hanging out with Klaus and Vanya.

- Klaus. Klaus went through so much this season (as it seems like he always does) Klaus’ adventure of seeing Dave and telling him not to enlist is a case of “right intention, wrong time”. he came off too strongly and scared off Dave. eventually Dave wanted to know why Klaus knew so much about him so he visted Klaus at his weird cult house. i will say he obviously did have some influence over Dave since he got dave to enlist in the marines instead of the army. Klaus having a cult makes sense for his character. the lack of “daddy’s love” and attention he got in season one was filled by his cult, even if he was a fraud and only superficial worshipping. he started to push Ben away this season, and ultimately you could argue it helped tainting/ damaging his relationship with Ben a tad bit, but at the same time Klaus secretly wanted Ben to get a break from him and go to heaven, even if that meant loosing his brother from being with him 24/7. i wish he had more of reaction when Vanya tells him about Ben. it could just be usual Klaus, hiding his feelings to not feel like a burden to anyone. with Robert’s acting abilities, as much as i don’t want to see klaus in pain, a meltdown scene of Klaus missing Ben would be startling at how well it can be done.

- Five. Five was an old man before he came back to the Academy in season one and it’s discussed that he messed up the calculations that put them in his kid body. it could be a possibility that when he was going back in time with his siblings he saw his siblings were turning into kids, panicked, and thought of a different equation in his head to make them adults. we have to remember as viewers that since he’s gotten back to the season one timeline he knows what it feels like to be not taken seriously due to his physical age and how he looks. so he wanted his siblings to be adults again? maybe it could also be because he couldn’t emotionally handle seeing the versions of his siblings from over 60+ years ago (in his mind) in front of him again. it could just be a simple miscalculation since math clearly isn’t Five’s strong suit since he’s 0/3, or could have a deeper meaning. you can argue both ways. i will say he developed more into trusting his siblings, even asking for their help on multiple occasions. you can tell he got more comfortable with the family he’s been missing and wishing to go back to for decades.

- Ben. Benerio. i just wanted to start off that it makes sense he wasn’t alive this season. although disappointed, when they were going back in time, none of the kids (Ben included) were born in the 60’s, so it can be argued that even if he was revived, he has no place in this timeline. you can argue none of the kids have a place there, but Five was focused on getting those around him (the alive academy) out of this timeline. Ben not being alive makes the most sense since he has passed before Five travelled. you can tell dallas made a huge tear between Ben and Klaus. i think that dallas was good for Be , even if he wasn’t alive, he got to grow as a person, even if that meant Klaus sort of forgot him and went on his own journey. i cried hysterically in the last two episodes about Ben because he’s such a genuinely caring character. i would compare his qualities to younger Vanya because when Luther locks Vanya up, Diego and Klaus say “Vanya? the one who cried when we stepped on ants as a kid?” also applies to Ben. it made me so happy when he stayed back and goes “i missed you guys” while they exposing each other for what they have done in this timeline to possibly mess it up

- Vanya went through a lot this season. i’m glad they changed the season one ending of Fove shooting her in the end and starting of the dallas storyline her being paralyzed and having amnesia. this season shows that vanya isn’t scared of her siblings anymore. for example, she got startled when Allison tried to rumor her again and accidentally hurt her, followed by apologizing profusely. this season she is unapologetically herself, saying she isn’t a disease and even leans her head on Diego in the last episode even though in last season they definitely were on rocky terms. Vanya frantically wanting to leave with Sissu and Harlan to give them a better and more accepting life in 2019 just proves how much she cares for others. the ending scene where Ben, the literal monster with tentacles basically falling out of him, telling Vanya isn’t a monster is so beautifully done. it’s also interesting how she is in way more control of her powers, even after Reginald made it seem basically impossible for her to control her emotions/ powers.

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idorkish · 3 years

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Fly Away Chapter 7

A/N - Thank you for the patience with this series! We are nearing the end of this part of the series, before the season rewrites start. There is a mention of homophobia and hints of previous child abuse.

Need to catch up? Here’s the Masterlist for this series. Want to read some other stuff? Here’s that List.

Wanted to be added to the tag list? Check out my pinned post for the Google form to fill out, or just send me a private message. If your name has a strike, it means that your settings don’t allow me to tag you.

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Time always seems to fly faster than one remembers. One moment, Angel was welcoming Happy back to Tacoma and trying to catch up. The next, she was taking her final tests and submitting her senior project.

Now, Angel stood in her bedroom and smoothed down the front of her dress. Graduation day was finally here. She and Johnny had made it the last 4 years together. Things had been weird between her and the club. Angel wasn’t sure where the issues were coming from but she knew not to ask about it. For most of the year, Angel and Johnny mostly kept to themselves. They would make appearances when needed or go to lockdown when told. If the Mother Charter came for a visit, Angel would hang around the club and do what was needed to make their stay welcoming.

It had been 7 months since Angel last saw Kozik, with some croweater kneeled before him. Part of her ached, she knew she had started to develop feelings for him. The distance was obviously the universe’s way of sparring her heart from hurting more and telling her to get over it.

Now, it was time to finally be done with school and move on with their lives and Angel couldn’t help but think back on the last few years. So much had gone on and happened that it felt like a blur. Angel thought back to Johnny’s initial meeting with the Sons of Tacoma. Word had spread down to Charming about Angel seeing someone and she was annoyed at how many calls she had gotten so soon after. Bobby had called her laughing, wondering what she was pulling by saying she was dating him. That’s when Angel spilled the beans (well half of the beans) and stated they were just trying to make it believable to trick his family. Bobby had found that even more amusing and promised to relay the message to the rest of the family for her. She hoped they wouldn't tell anyone. The more people who believed the lie, the better.

Angel had kept writing to Edward and updating him on almost everything that had been happening. She told him about Johnny but could never write about her time with Kozik. She didn’t get many letters back, but she cherished each one.

The band had been doing so well and they had opportunities to expand out towards Seattle for shows. Angel and Johnny ended up moving into an apartment together. They were over at one of the apartments anyway, and it just made sense to live together and save some money in the process. It also helped solidify their lie even more.

After the graduation ceremony, Angel and Johnny stood in front of their families and smiled. Angel had begged her family to just play along with whatever Angel and Johnny said when around his family. They had told Bobby about Johnny’s parents. How they were “devout” Christians who beat him when he expressed questions on his sexuality and attempted to send him to a conversion camp when he was a young teen. They didn’t even know Angel and Johnny were living together. He was too afraid to let them know much of anything about his life while in college.

So now, there they all stood. Johnny had his arms wrapped around Angel's waist and they smiled as everyone kept taking pictures. Johnny’s parents wouldn’t stop going on about their future together.

“Congratulations to you two! Oh, I am so proud of you both graduating together. It’s so sweet! I bet we’ll be hearing soon about you two FINALLY getting engaged! Four years together is a long time, you’ve both matured. It’s time to settle down!” Johnny’s mom beamed at the two and it took everything for Angel not to laugh. Instead, she gripped at Johnny and looked around for her family to save her.

“Who’s getting engaged?” a voice called out from behind.

“Daddy!” Angel ran over and threw her arms around her father before whispering in his ear, “Save us before she talks us to death please!”

Bobby squeezed Angel and laughed. “Congratulations pumpkin. The first Munson to graduate college! I am so proud of you.”

“Dad, these are Johnny’s parents, Bethany and Michael.”

Bobby held out his hand and smiled at the two. "Nice to meet ya."

"Nice to meet you as well. Will Mrs be joining us?"

Bobby and Angel froze at the question and Johnny scrubbed his hand down his face. "Dad, I told you she wasn't in the picture and not to ask," he hissed.

Johnny was just shushed by his father.

"Don't worry kiddo. Nah, there is no mrs. She decided very early on that she didn't want to be a mother and left. I've been raising her with the help of my family."

Angel beamed as she heard the familiar laughter of her surrogate mothers and turned to watch Luanne, Gemma, and Clay make their way over. "There's our girl! First in the family to finish and get her degree! We're so proud of you sweetheart. And Johnny! Congratulations sweetie!"

"Mom, Dad. This is Gemma, Clay, and Luanne, Angel’s aunts and uncle. Gemma’s dad is a preacher…” Johnny let the words slip out and cringed at the smile that spread across this mother’s face.

Gemma raised her brow at Johnny before putting a smile on her face and turning towards his mother. Angel turned and hid her face against Clay, trying her best not to start laughing. Clay was doing his best to hold in his laugh. They knew Gemma would play the perfect part but, poor Johnny. He was going to get it later.

The rest of the evening went by without too many issues. Angel did her best to keep the discussions to non-hostile conversations. When asked what both of their plans now that they graduated, Angel wasn’t sure how to answer. She knew Johnny had already applied to Grad school and would be staying in Tacoma until that was finished. Further education was not for her, at least for now.

“Johnny and I’ve already talked about this. I’m probably going to go back to Charming and help out with the garage and my Aunt Luanne’s business, at least until he’s done with school. Then we’ll decide.”

Angel knew she should have talked to Bobby about the plan to return, but she had a feeling none of them would mind. Bethany just smiled at the answer while the others raised a brow.

Bethany turned to Luanne, “So what sort of business do you have?”

Angel felt her heart drop to her stomach and stared with wide eyes as Luanne turned towards her and smirked. Was she going to actually tell her…

“Oh, just a little modeling and video studio...for the locals”

Angel just hid her face in her hands and prayed for the meal to be over soon.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Angel spent the next month in Tacoma, packing up all her stuff and making sure that Johnny would be fine without her. It would be weird going back to Charming but Angel had missed it. She would be closer to her family and would have the ability to see Precious and little Robbie more often. Since the divorce, Precious had kept her distance from everyone. She and Angel talked as much as possible on the phone and Precious had managed a visit or two with Robbie without Bobby knowing. Plus, Angel knew there wasn’t anything in Tacoma left for her. She would come back and see Johnny, or he’d come down to see her. That much she was sure of.

Angel would be moving back into her old room for the time being, at least until she could get on her own two feet. It would be like old times, just her and her dad. The thought slightly terrified Angel. She knew that moving back meant that she would be under the watch of the club. Her every action and interaction would be known because there would always be someone watching her. But there would be Bambi, Robbie, and Donna to help keep her grounded and sane.

The move back to Charming was almost an uneventful one. It felt like the whole club had made their way up to help Angel move. When she heard the roar of bikes nearing the apartment, Angel squealed and ran out to wait for them. She was bouncing on the balls of her feet as she watched the bikes line up near the moving van. Angel made her way over to hug everyone and let them know what was left.

She already had most of her stuff loaded into the truck and only had the bigger items. She leaned back against the van with Gemma, watching the men move the remaining things into the van. Once everything was done, Angel watched in amusement as Clay informed Jax and Opie that they would have to decide who was driving the van back down to Charming with Gemma. The two bickered and after a few rounds of rock, paper, scissors, Jax lucked out and Opie was pushing his back up the ramp into the back of the van and securing it down.

The drive down to Charming made Angel laugh - it looked like she had her own personal guards. Bobby and Clay rode in front, the van behind her, and Jax bringing up the rear. As they started to pull away from the apartment, Angel glanced in the side mirror and smiled as she saw the familiar vehicle pulling up and the figure watching the small caravan drive away. Angel stuck her arm out the window and waved back at Johnny, who blew a kiss before making his way back inside.

She would call him once she made it to Charming. And although she would miss him, this was the next step of her life.

#the reaper's angel #fly away munson #sons of anarchy #sons of anarchy au #soa au #bobby munson #angel munson

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