#(love a movie i can rewatch to find the nuance of once i know the end
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Defending Ben 10 Alien Force Season 3 With My Life!
(An analysis of Ben's character and why I find it consistent up to this point)
This essay thingy is part one of a bigger project where I rewatch all of Ben 10 and look back on the series. A sort of retrospective.
Originally I wanted to watch all the shows, and then write one big post. But I decided to do it in parts to make it easier. And since the final season of alien force is largely hated, I thought I should focus on it specifically (since I have very different opinions than everyone on this).
Now when starting I did expect to see Ben's character be inconsistent, going from classic, to alien force, to season 3 of alien force. That is the popular opinion online and the one I had as a kid. Ben goes from childish kid, to mature teen, to an even more childish kid.
So I'm sure a lot of people are going to be shocked when I say that not only do I completely disagree with this perspective, I found Ben's character strangely consistent through both shows and I think he only becomes more nuanced and interesting by the end.
First I think most people who say Ben is either childish, or mature, or a psychopath, don't really know what these words mean, or don't even understand how Ben's character traits work.
(the psycho thing we'll get to in the next post since we haven't gotten to ultimate alien yet)
Does being mature mean you can't be petty or selfish sometimes? Does having negative traits automatically make you a child? This is the kind of flaw in ben 10 discussion I have noticed with this rewatch, we associate bad traits with regression and good traits with development. But that is very shallow way to look at fiction. Characters can have more than one trait, they can even have conflicting traits. And character development can also include negative development.
I think Ben's maturity is something that's greatly overstated, because his personality in Alien Force is a trait he has shown in the classic series many times. And by boiling him down to childish and mature Ben, it takes away a lot of the nuance he has as a character.
So enough about that, let's go back to the beginning.
Ben 10 (the original show)
The start of the series shows us that Ben is a kid who just wants to sit back and enjoy life, but hates bullies and wants to help others. And also he really loves his grandpa (this is a clue that will help us later).
Throughout the first season Ben struggles with being a hero. He struggles to differentiate helping people selflessly, and helping people because he gets a kick out of it. For a 10 year old his behavior is very realistic. Of course he wants to be seen as a big shot and be validated for his actions.
It isn't until Max is hospitalized that Ben finally realises the dangers of the world he's in. That's when we see Ben drop the hero act and turn into a scared kid. We see him at his most vulnerable. The first look at the real Ben.
Ben and Max fight a lot in the original show, but despite that Max is probably the most important person in Ben's life. Even more than his parents. And I think it's largely because Ben wishes he can be more free like his grandpa. Living in an rv and going wherever you want. So losing Max for 10 year old Ben is the worst thing that can happen to him. He not only looks up to grandpa Max, he idolises him and wants to follow in his footsteps. Which becomes more obvious once Ben finds out about the Plumbers. And now season 2 is about Ben becoming an even bigger hero.
The first season definitely has the most consistent narrative of the classic series. I think Ben doesn't really learn much until the movie. He does learn to be closer with his family, but there's no real challenge for him like the first season. People will say this is the show recycling his character arc, which I sort of get, but it's not the same to me. Ben isn't being challenged on the same level, he's just going through episodic cartoon plots. A lot of it isn't serious so Ben isn't really being serious. To him he's the cool alien with a badass grandfather and can solve any problem. It's all a fun adventure to him.
Even when he meets his future self the message is that Ben being a kid and having fun is what makes him Ben. It's future Ben who has to learn to have fun and be a kid again. A clever twist on the time travel trope.
Despite that Ben is shown to be more responsible with the hero stuff. He tries to help others not just by literally saving their lives, but also talking to them, or standing up to villains. Kevin being the best example. Ben tries to befriend him many times, but will also risk his own life to stop Kevin from hurting Gwen. Which at the moment Ben didn't even have the Omnitrix at the end of season 2. We see that despite being a kid he's also gotten braver.
Another note, Gwen and Ben have a pretty good relationship from the start. While they do fight it's never anything serious, they're just being kids and fooling around. The kind of childish arguments you forget in an hour. Yet they're very close and love goofing around together. You can tell that they care for each other despite the petty banter.
Of course once we get to the secret of the Omnitrix (the true ending of the first show imo) Ben's character is finally given its conclusion for the classic series. Here Max's role is swapped with Tetrax, Ben looks up to Tetrax in a similar way, and while Tetrax is friendly, he's also the guy who really knows how to get Ben to reflect on his actions. Once Ben thinks he has lost Gwen he is back to the scared vulnerable kid. We see all his aggression, how he blames himself, how all that weight is really hard for him to process at such a young age.
What's even better about this is how the movie starts with Ben causing trouble for Gwen and they get in a fight. But Gwen still sneaks into Tetrax's ship to help Ben. So losing Gwen is not only him losing his cousin. Ben's losing someone he felt responsible for. He's failing Gwen, himself, and grandpa Max all at the same time.
Of course Gwen is alive but it doesn't change that Ben has finally opened up about his insecurities and we finally get a full look into his inner self. Which brings us to...
Alien Force, the show that made Ben mature (or did it?)
Now remember everything I said about his character? Now think about the plot of alien force. Ben realises his grandfather is missing, there's an alien conspiracy that his grandfather entrusted him to solve, and even an old foe is there he needs to ally with.
Ben is essentially forced to take up the role of grandpa Max in the story. And for a 15 year old that's a lot of pressure to take.
I'd say Ben's character shift for Alien Force is not only organic, it's the natural follow up to his character arc in the classic show. As someone who's always seeking validation now finally being put in a position where he has to be the person he always looked up to. Sure the stakes were high in classic, but Max (and Tetrax) was always there to help and give Ben motivation.
There's an aura of tension early on as Ben still doesn't even trust Kevin. He doesn't understand the new Omnitrix or the new aliens. He has to watch max die and still keep his cool. Because he was trusted this role and can't let Max down.
I don't think Ben matured, he was forced into a role of being the mature adult at 15.
Even Ben's parents are mad at him for doing all this. As they should because Ben is still a kid. He shouldn't be risking his life. He should literally be at the club. The first thing he does before he puts on the Omnitrix again is talk to Gwen. Because he needs her help. And Kevin. Later from other plumber kids too. He isn't doing it all by himself, and he understands that he can't do it alone to an extent. But despite that there's still that urge to be the leader. The one who has to be in charge all the time. He wants to prove himself after all.
Ben's ability to befriend others, is ultimately his strongest trait in the first 2 seasons. It's what ends up saving the universe after all. Something that wasn't all that present in the original show, but can be seen through characters like Kevin, who Ben tried to help many times. And now he's his best ally.
A lot of this is very subtle, and some of it might even be my own interpretation of the story. I don't know if the writers intended all this nuance I'm describing. It is only interesting to look back and analyse it.
The mystery and the slow lumin threat of the highbreed is a good plot for Ben's arc of taking up responsibility. It's something he can't directly solve as easily as in the classic show. Where in the classic show any problem he faced was over in 1 or 2 episodes. All mystery was behind the scenes with him not being aware.
But now it's different. The mystery comes crashing into him. He literally got a football medal the same day he found out his grandfather has went missing because of a secret alien invasion that's been going on for a long time. Again the pressure he's put under comes at him suddenly and he has to adjust to it all in the moment. He's 15 years old.
And despite all odds Ben comes through and stops the invasion, saving the entire galaxy. With the help of all the people he befriended of course. Ben finally proved himself to his grandfather and to the entire universe that he is worthy of being a hero. In the classic series he showed he was a hero, but was still a kid who had learning to do. But now he proved he can stand on his own as a man at age 15.
So naturally Ben took a break.
The part where I shamelessly defend season 3 with my life
The shift for season 3 is off (especially when the first episode starts with an argument we have no context for) and I understand some of this was a mandate, yet I love it. It's a strange shift at first until you start to think what is actually going on in Ben's head.
He finally did what he always wanted to achieve. Become a great hero like his grandfather. The galaxy loves him. And all that validation is more than enough to tell him to relax for now.
Ben had to take a break after all the pressure that was placed on him. He needed a break. He needed to be a teenager again who watches cartoons and has fun. It's important for his mental health after all.
Of course this is a cartoon and he isn't real. But this analysis isn't about that, it's about trying to understand what kind of person Ben is.
Still i do not see how Ben is stupid or childish in these episodes. Relaxed and silly yeah, but in a teenager way, not a 10 year old Ben way. With the gold poop episode for instance I went in expecting to hate it, but now I love it. It's a decent mystery, and Ben's chill attitude makes sense for the situation. It's a celebration and Ben loves to party. Of course he'd be silly with the little aliens.
What I have noticed however is despite Ben being relaxed he's still pretty clever and mature throughout season 3. His quick thinking is actually a major part of this season. With it being directly referenced and even being how he saves the day at the end of the season. I did not expect the show to directly point out Ben's most useful trait and then focus on it durring what's basically his downfall arc.
To reference a few times Ben does this in this season:
In the vreedle episode, Julie emergency calls Ben and Ben shows up seconds later. He didn't wait to think, he arrived as fast as possible once finding out she's in danger.
In the episode where Ben is trapped in the null void without the Omnitrix, we see him actually surviving and doing smart things like covering himself in mud so he won't get spotted.
In the plumber kids episode, Ben is playing the role of the villain mastermind and he has to quickly adapt to the situation and train these kids while not breaking character.
In Charmcaster's debut episode, Ben calls out Kevin for not trusting Gwen. Ben being the mature one in this situation.
We see Ben hasn't changed at all from previous seasons. Season 3 having some of his best moments even. What has changed is the context and circumstances of his actions. He's trying to stay cool and simple because he wants to live his childhood stress free, even if the universe keeps calling him back over and over again, he wants to stay a kid. And that's interesting. We haven't seen that in ben yet. In the classic show he was trying to be a big hero. But now he's tired of all that weight on his shoulders.
Unfortunately the universe keeps calling for his return. The moment Ben tries to relax Vilgax is back. He has taken over 10 planets. And has killed the galactic enforcers trio (they are 100% dead he literally killed 3 side characters just like that). And Ben of course does the reasonable thing and tries to hack the Omnitrix yet again. With horrible results.
People try to use this as an example of Ben being dumb but you gotta realise he's panicking and not thinking straight, and the result is him causing a mess for himself and Kevin. The show is aware Ben is in the wrong here and his actions have consequences. The rest of the season will spend its time exploring Ben's actions and how his quick thinking is both his strongest weapon, as well as his biggest flaw.
Anyway the fight with Vilgax is brilliant and really shows how much Ben had grown. With the return of Diamondhead being both nostalgic and a great way to show his growth. As well as giving Ben another victory that increases his huge ego.
But I must also mention the visuals being beautiful themselves. Season 3 of Alien Force has a subtle upgrade in visuals that I never see mentioned. Everything is more colorful, backgrounds more interesting, the animation more smooth, and the storyboarding is simply wonderful. Don't know why people never talk about this. I guess it will ruin the narrative this is the worst season ever made because of like 4 boring episodes. But I digress.
Still apparently people hate this fight too and claim this scene RUINED Vilgax. How? The only argument I see is he got defeated too easily which.. Have you watched the classic show? Vilgax gets defeated in one single episode by a 10 year old. Vilgax is actually stronger in Alien Force if anything. I don't get how this ruined him at all.
Don't get me wrong. I also prefer his original design and personality. I think this was a poor choice to change him so drastically when the point was bringing back an old foe. But that doesn't mean he's weak. He's clearly stronger. He does a good job fighting Ben. And has even killed 3 characters that you'd expect wouldn't die considering they showed up in a ben 10k episode.
(remember when I said I will be fighting for my life here? I wasn't kidding)
The rest of Season 3 is very episodic ,which is an interesting shift from the previous 2 seasons since they didn't have to make it like this. They had more episodes this time too and cartoon network wasn't against plot or lore. So I'd say this was more of a creative choice than a mandate. Ben's more relaxed so we go back to less world ending threats. Which is good imo because the best standalone episodes are in this season.
Notably Gwen and Kevin get a good focus here (even Julie who should have been the 4th member). With Gwen's best episode so far is in this season. We get more character development for the other 3 protags. And it's very much needed.
Gwen I think didn't get much in the first 2 seasons. She did feel a bit of a downgrade from her classic self. Now however her rivalry with Charmcaster is back, she has her magic, and she has one of the best episodes in the season. The time travel episode is beautiful both visually and naratively, not to mention it's basically writen like a Doctor Who episode, and you gotta love that. But what I love more is how we see Gwen making a huge mistake. Gwen so far hasn't been writen with flaws, unlike Ben and Kevin she isn't given as much depth. So to have an episode that gives Gwen time to make a mistake and fix it, while showing all the effort she'd go through to help Kevin. It was very much needed. Her character deserves more moments like this.
Julie's relationship with Ben is given a bit of drama but in a way where they do communicate and aren't in anyway toxic. I hear this is when their relationship fell off but I don't see it. Their arguments are something Gwen and Kevin often have too and are only there to strengthen their bond. Julie definitely needs to be characterized outside being Ben's girlfriend though, but she's never in a position where she's just Ben's girlfriend. If anything her friendship with Gwen is given more spotlight. Her last appearance for the season being her hanging out with Gwen. Julie definitely deserved to be more than just a side character.
On the other end Kevin gets a huge upgrade with his story line being imo significantly better than what they originally had planned. Originally the story was going to have Kevin turn evil and I am grateful they saved that story line for a later season while this one builds up to it more organically. Here we see how desperate and insecure Kevin is. He even goes back to his more evil self at times. But never too much. His badness is due to his circumstances. He wants to turn back to human. He gets angry. He doesn't trust Gwen. He teams up with villains. But all because he's being pushed into being vulnerable rather than him turning evil suddenly. It's a good small arc that builds up to something bigger later.
As you can see I value character flaws as much as their positive traits. To me a character is less interesting if the story avoids giving them a human element. That's why the character assassination of Ben Tennyson that people talk about to me is one of the best things to ever happen to him.
One episode I HATED as a kid, but now love is the one where the gang go to an alien planet to solve a conflict between 2 identical armies. Kid me hated this because Ben kept messing up and there was no solution in the end. Now however I see the political genius that it is.
While I think this was meant to parody the political system of the US (one group being red and one blue doesn't make it all that subtle), i think the other message I got from it is showing the problems with white saviorism. Ben comes to a planet he has zero political understanding of, and decides he knows how to solve all their problems and can save the day in like 3 hours. Of course he won't and of course he'd end up making things worse.
If you're expecting things to actually be solved and characters to make logical and satisfying actions then this episode is definitely one of the bad ones. But for me, someone who likes to see how characters mess up and the story to collapse on them I really found this episode enjoyable. It's also just very funny. Ben comes off as very comedic to me in his attempt to be helpful and reasonable. He's not being immature but he's being very self centered and too up his own ass to notice that he's coming off as a dick.
I think that's what this season is focusing on. Not Ben becoming immature or childish as like a singular character trait he switches to. No, what the season is telling us is despite Ben being a great hero and a quick thinker, he's also easily able to fall into the arrogant asshole type if he doesn't control himself.
In the ghostfreak episode we even see how despite being his quick thinking self, he doesn't trust Gwen and Kevin as much as before. His ego is getting to him and others are taking notice.
Ben's behavior to me comes off as very realistic. I cannot hate a character who's flawed in a way that a real person is flawed. I don't see a switch in personality. I see one person displaying their traits in different ways depending on the scenario they are in.
So why people hate this season so much I will never understand.
Anyway let's talk about the worst episode in alien force.
Primus
Okay people you're right about this one. Primus sucks. It's bad. It's meaningless. It's confusing. And it's counterproductive for what it's trying to do. Honestly it feels like a rough draft of an episode before they actually start writing it.
Ignoring the fact that the concept itself is flawed, there's no time given to even show us Primus or make us understand it. And it ruins Vilgax's arc by giving him the Omnitrix WAY TOO EARLY. It kind of ruins the finale too since Ben giving the Omnitrix away is part of the climax of this season. Both Vilgax and Azmuth are pretty dumb this episode and it's weird watching them here. Vilgax is a bit better until he gets the Omnitrix and becomes dumb for no reason. Couldn't they just make it so Ben is the one with the key to activate the Omnitrix? Azmuth also what do you mean you turned into Rath to fight Vilgax instead of like way big? Ben isn't dumb in this one though. His trick to get back the Omnitrix is smart even though the way it was written is dumb. And we do get to see him vulnerable after losing the Omnitrix. Still this episode should have been replaced with something better and the show would have been better off for it.
This episode is brought up often because it is the weakest and if it was your impression of the season you'd think it's bad too. I don't even think Vilgax is bad this season but he definitely is poorly writen here.
So yeah this episode is very bad. Like couldn't they have replaced this with an extra Tetrax episode? That man deserves it.
Oh right Tetrax
Tetrax episode is peak fiction and I don't care about the haters. I'd argue it's one of the best episodes in the series and the fact we never got a follow up is baffling.
For starters Tetrax is Ben's real dad. Let's be real. He fills the same role as grandpa Max and so Ben has the urge to prove himself to him. That's why watching Ben fulfill the propercy of the diamondhead people and save Tetrax's planet is one of the most satisfying moments in the series for me. Tetrax destroyed his planet. He made a huge mistake that Ben could have easily made if he didn't have a mentor figure. And now once he sees he has an opportunity to bring everyone back he goes straight to shattering Ben into pieces with no explanation. (Tetrax pretty much is Ben without grandpa Max if you think about it)
This episode is a meme for the Jesus bits. but it works. It's good lore. And it's a great conclusion to a character arc and storyline.
The fact this episode is a follow up to Tetrax origin and incorporates a new alien into it is really smart. Obviously they didn't plan this at first so it's great when things work out like that.
It works as a Vilgax episode too because we see how big of a threat he is. Everyone's struggling to fight him, even Tetrax and Ben. He's not some pushover as people claim.
But more importantly Ben redeems Tetrax by saving the diamond people and that's something he wouldn't be able to do if he's some dumb kid. Ben is a true hero again in this episode. He sees what the threat is and he solves it with his quick thinking and courage. And I think it's thanks to Tetrax's presence that Ben is back to the more serious role, because he wants to prove himself to him.
(if only Tetrax had a bigger presence)
And now the ending
The ending is what made me want to take a different look at this season before rewatching because I remember how cool the Azmuth and Ben scene was. On a rewatch i was not disappointed.
For starters animation was really good and the fights with Albedo specifically were choreographed well. Kevin and Gwen were even using their powers in a unique way.
Then we have Vilgax weakening Ben by taking away Gwen and Kevin. Seems simple at first, but when you think of the narrative of this season you realise it's about making Ben vulnerable both physically and mentally.
And once Ben loses the Omnitrix he has a full mental breakdown and this entire sequence is one of the best moments in Ben 10 ever. The way he runs off into the forest. The small chat with Gwen. How he begs Azmuth for help. The little mutual understanding at the end of their argument. It's peak fiction at its most peak fictionest.
For the entire season Ben tried to relax, he tried to be more straight forward, not looking for others for help. But now he's back at being the vulnerable kid he was at the start of the entire series. And I think it's not just that he lost his powers that's hurting him, but that he's also taking out all the pressure he had building up inside. And now he's asking for others to help him.
This moment makes this season work for me. We see a deconstruction of sorts of the kind of person Ben is. Not mature or immature. But this kid who wanted validation until the pressure was too much for him. He tried to act cool like nothing happens. But then he messes up and he's the one who needed to be saved.
This emotional moment was what Ben needed to come up with a genius plan. Go to Vilgax's ship and activate the self destruct feature of the Omnitrix. Honestly I forgot about this part on my rewatch so it came out of nowhere for me. Ben making a bomb threat as his great 4d chest move? You just gotta love that. Remember he's got nothing on Vilgax right now. Vilgax can easily kill him. So for Ben to confidently come in and threaten to blow up the Omnitrix, that he cares about too, it takes courage.
If there's one thing I'd change about the ending it's bringing back Tetrax. He seemed like he would be a part of this and it would have probably mad the mental breakdown of Ben Tennyson more impactful if Tetrax was there too. Or maybe I love this minor character a bit too much. Maybe way too much I admit.
Conclusion
For me what sells season 3 of Alien Force is Ben's character downfall that builds up to this ending. It's not just that he becomes dumb and then is told to stop being dumb. It's that he's struggling in the role of hero. He's struggling to be both the serious badass and a goofy kid. And letting go of the responsibility and trying to act normal only created a different kind of pressure.
Ben for me is a character who was forced into a role he wasn't prepared for and we get to watch how that affects him. Naturally he will have shifts in how he acts. His environment will affect his behavior. That's just life. That's what being a teenager is like. You're always gonna be screwing up in one way or another. Ben's flaws in season 3 aren't about him being childish. He's not dumb or less mature. Ben still does smart things and is shown to care about Gwen, Kevin, Julie, Tetrax, and everyone that comes to his aid.
And of course his ideas and actions aren't always good. They can be stupid or selfish. And that's also fine. Because he's only human. And his humanity is what makes him Ben. Take that away and he'd grow up to become the Ben 10k who refused to transform back to human.
Most of this is my interpretation of events. Other people watching will have different takes. And that is fine. I'm fine with knowing I'm like one of 10 people who loves season 3 of alien force. I'm just here to write a different perspective and hopefully it will encourage more deeper readings of Ben 10 as a series. But mostly I'm fine knowing someone else read all this. So thanks for getting this far.
See you next time when I will be breaking down the neoliberalism of shadow the hedgehog the video game.
/jk
/or am I?
#zone analysis#Ben 10#Ben 10 retrospective#Alien force#Season 3 is good#Tetrax should have appeared more though#Long post
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Hi....If you don't mind, can I ask, what are your top 10 (or top 7) favorite media (can be books/ manga/ anime/movies/tv series)? Why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before......Thanks....
of course 👍👍 i have not answered this question before . here u are :
1. Mob Psycho 100 - i genuinely think this anime has completely changed the way i view life, other people and also myself forever, and also has made me feel more comfortable in confronting and talking more with people. its also really cute uniquely-animated show with silly funny characters. #reigen4life
2. Mystery To Iunakare (Don't Call It Mystery) - while i think this jdrama/manga is fairly unknown internationally, in japan its quite popular. Even with the lack of international love, i am obssessed with it, because i like how its homoerotic as hell, the little mysteries, how it portrays did (dissociative identity disorder; this disorder is extremely stigmatized so its nice to have a character that is a somewhat realistic portrayal of it), sympathy for abuse victims and that they're completely justified in killing their abusers, silly guys befriending random criminals on ths street, etc. It's a fun show that has an aura of tragedy surrounding it, and i love comedy and tragedy!!!!!!
3. Move To Heaven (kdrama) - every episode, i cried, straight up bawling my eyes out at how this show chooses to portray the dead through their belongings. the cinematography is so breathtakingly beautiful and makes me feel so calm and peaceful even though ik im gonna be crying in the next few minutes.
my favorite episode is episode 9, where i relate to kang seong-min/matthew green, being treated as a foreigner in your own home country hit hard. the loneliness and the frustration of people treating you differently because they see you as an alien that doesn't know where it is and doesn't understand anything. it hits even harder the more times i rewatch it.
it also has my 3 faves things in a show: autism, queerness and tragedy!!
4. D.P (deserter pursuit; kdrama) - this show is such a good critique of the military and toxic masculinity. i haven't finished season 2, but it's still at the top of my list because of how much emotions it made me feel, anger sadness disgust etc. like !!!!!!! i hold so deeply in my heart the nuances of trauma. queerness. tragedy. the way mandatory rotc brings so many people to their lowest point in life while the military does nothing to help them. victims of abuse never being able to get their voices heard or make an impact despite sacrificing their own life in order to make a change.
idk, its just a really cute and silly show ^-^
5. I Told Sunset About You (tv series) - in every episode i cried as well, sobbing screaming running around the walls WAILING. i like how it portrays the struggle of being a poor bisexual asian person who has just recently found out they're queer.
i love the whole "self hatred and unwillingness to accept your identity, causing you to hurt others in the process" thing, because it makes teh a more nuanced character to me, that he's not perfect or flawless and that he's a person that does not know how to react to finding out he's queer, having to constantly feel pressured to be better than his older brother, feeling pressured to repress his identity, etc. etc.
(i don't know if i can say the same for the second addition, "i promised you the moon", though, that one was mostly just fine, not as good as the original, but fine.)
6. The Untamed/Mo Dao Zu Shi (cdrama vers.) - i feel like you already know the answer as to why i like this one alot. its tragic, its queer, its convuluted, it has so many dead characters, etc. everything i love to see in media all put together!! wen ning my son 🫶🫶🫶
7. Everything Everywhere All At Once (movie) - this movie made me kind of understand me and my foster grandmother's relationship more, and has really influenced me to work on communicating with her better, and that i can do silly shit that makes me happy all i want. Forever. seriously made me want to continue living on despite my own country not being able to accept my queer existence.
8. Call Me Chihiro/Chihiro-san (movie) - one thing i love about call me chihiro is its calm chaoticness, how the protag just seems to go with the flow of life. i think the relationships chihiro forms with the people in the town are so beautiful and personal ,, it feels so peaceful and happy despite all the bad things that happen in it, like there's this hopefulness and composed even under pressure type of vibe to it that made me tie it close to my heart
9. Saving Face (movie) - this movie is pretty much SUPER ICONIC in like, the world of asian lesbian films, and for a pretty good reason too,, i feel like it emulates so much of the average lesbian experience with having an Asian family. the casual racism from the mother, the lesbophobia, the matchmaking, the constant peer pressuring into getting a boyfriend, etc etc. i cannot think of one scene in this movie where it didn't directly remind me of lesbian tomfoolery that happened in my life.
it's also just a really cute movie about acceptance and has a good ending (which is rare for lesbian films)
10. Marry My Dead Body (movie) - the concept of this movie is unusual but the execution is so good i can't even. like it made me cry 3 seperate times. while not obssessed with this movie that much, so i can't talk too much of it but its cute!!!!! i thought i was going to get the ick bc of the homophobic main character but he started to grow on me the more he changed his views when he got accidentally ghost married to a guy. and also how they got each others backs all the time and won't hesitate to sacrifice themselves to protect the other is so real. #lintzuchingfan4life
#honorable mentions: dear ex. blue (2002). trinkets. i am not okay with this. setoutsumi. shinozaki kun no mente jijou.#tamen de gushi. tsukuritai onna to tabetai onna. my love mix-up. fluid (filipino show). our dining table.#bad and crazy as well. shoutout to the first kdrama i really liked#and got obssessed w for a while
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The Fabelmans
“The Fabelmans” is the semi-biopic of Steven Spielberg and has me conflicted over how I felt about the movie.
Sammy Fabelman is being taken to watch his first movie back in 1952. While his parents reassure him that the movie isn’t scary, Sammy is deeply affected by a scene of a violent train crash. Obsessed with recreating the crash, Sammy asks for a toy train for Hanukkah. Crashing the toy train over and over again requires Sammy’s father to fix it. Sammy’s mother decides to buy him a camera so that he can crash the train once and rewatch the footage. This is what sparks Sammy’s desire to become a filmmaker.
I went into this movie blind. All I knew was that this movie was made by Steven Spielberg and was about movies. I was pleasantly surprised to find out that this was based on Spielberg’s own life. Spielberg is a master at transporting his audience into his worlds and I genuinely loved the look of his 1950′s America. The warm, bright lights really romanticized the time period for me. It truly felt like a special time to be a cinephile. There were also a lot of great shots that got me giddy. One example was the tracking shot of Sammy’s toy train into a close-up of his face after the train veered out of frame. That kind of dynamic camera movement feels so inspiring and never fails to make me happy. There was also a match cut that seamlessly transitioned the story of Sammy to an older version of himself. Everyone’s been talking about the final shot of the camera adjusting to make the horizon more interesting and I loved that. The performances were great all around. Paul Dano is an automatic win in my book every time. Michelle Williams truly carries the movie with her performance. Even Seth Rogen was good and I usually don’t like him in movies. But, I think the star of the movie had to be Gabriel LaBelle as Sam himself. The whole movie hinges on his performance and he delivers the perfect mix of teen drama and nuanced artistic passion. I was truly into the first half of the movie. I just liked being in the company of the family. There were hints of drama brewing underneath the surface that also had me intrigued. When my suspicions were confirmed with an amazing revelation scene, I was hooked. I was ready for the ride. I was ready for the drama to come crashing down. Then the movie lollygags and never really pays off the drama in a cathartic way. Because of this, the two-and-a-half-hour runtime really started to get to me. There was a point in the theater where I genuinely felt like I might be in purgatory because I couldn’t remember a time outside of the theater room. Granted, I was more tired than usual while watching this film. Still, the movie goes from fun slice-of-life to familial melodrama to a by-the-books high school drama. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. At that point, if the movie turned into a spy thriller, I wouldn’t have batted an eye. The tonal whiplash almost made me forget that the throughline of Sam being a filmmaker kind of gets lost in the middle of the movie. He quits and only really makes a school beach day compilation. Then he suddenly decides that filmmaking is his only passion after going to college for a bit. It frustrated me that there was no big payoff for his mother’s infidelity. She spends the majority of the movie being a bad person and then gets away with it and even is shown as the victim. The father is spineless throughout and doesn’t have the strength to deal with the problem head-on. I know this was supposed to be accurate to Spielberg’s life, but as a movie, it’s a bit annoying to watch. A lot of people seem to have liked this movie and had a deep appreciation for it, but I don’t want to invalidate my gripes because it’s blasphemous to talk ill of Steven Spielberg’s semi-biopic.
★★★
Watched on December 17th, 2022
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Hi hi
I’m a regular at the Mr. Robot subreddit, and every time someone announces that they finished the show for the first time, I give them a list of Mr. Robot-related things for them to check out before they give the show another watch. Ever since the show moved to Netflix in certain countries, there’s been an influx of new watchers, so I like to help them out with additional content in case they’re itching for another fix but don’t feel up for a rewatch right away. I don’t really use Tumblr anymore but I figured I’d drop the list here in case people don’t know that there are other things outside the show that exist!
Mr. Robot is one of those shows that you absolutely HAVE to rewatch at least once. It’s a completely different story when you already know the major plot points. You will catch all the subtle hints and foreshadowing that lead up to the biggest reveals/twists, and you realize that Sam Esmail knew where he was going with the story from the very beginning (Fun fact: He originally penned the show as a movie, so he already knew how the story was going to end long before he knew it was going to be a show!). Remember how confusing 104 was? It makes a lot more sense on a rewatch. That’s just one of the many things that become a lot clearer when you revisit the show.
But the plot can be very dense and it might take awhile to fully digest everything before you’re ready to dive back in, so I always suggest checking out the following while you’re prepping yourself for that crucial rewatch.
- Remember the journal Elliot keeps in season 2? It exists, and you can read or listen to it yourself! It’s called Red Wheelbarrow (Duh); what’s neat about the physical copy of the journal is that it’s meant to look almost exactly like the one he keeps in the show. It’s in “his handwriting” (Not Rami Malek’s unfortunately, but it’s Courtney Looney, who was a writer for the show; she and Sam co-wrote the journal), and it comes with a bunch of neat little trinkets that serve as puzzles that you can decode! Some of the stuff that’s included are a postcard written by Darlene, a newspaper clipping, and a page ripped out from a book. There is an eBook version, as well as an audiobook narrated by Carla (The trans inmate). It’s a great addition if you’re a fan of the show and it provides a lot of important context! Chronologically, it takes place immediately after season 1 when Elliot gets arrested, all the way up to when he gives Carla the journal so she can burn it. You’re filled in on what he’s been up to in the early days of his jail time.
- There is a VR/360 video experience that you can watch on YouTube. Warning: It’s super sad. Watch out for Sam Esmail’s cameo! He also makes a cameo in each season of the show.
- There was a mobile game that was published by Telltale (It was developed by a different studio though). You can’t download it on app stores anymore, but you can download an emulator and the game file and play it that way, or you can watch a walk through on YouTube. It takes place shortly before the Steel Mountain hack in season 1, and it’s a must play if you’re a big Darlene fan. The premise is basically: Darlene loses her phone, you find it, and she forces you to do tasks for her and fsociety. It’s kind of like a text adventure game. It’s super fun; Darlene basically bullies you for the entire game and it’s great.
- When the show was still on air, there was an ARG that fans could play alongside each new episode. There were a bunch of complicated puzzles and interesting clues that added a lot of context to the show. A group of dedicated people solved each puzzle on Reddit; their sub is called r/ARGsociety and you can view every puzzle on their wiki page.
- You can watch deleted scenes, gag reels, and behind the scenes featurettes on YouTube! This playlist also includes a snippet of The Careful Massacre of the Bourgeoise, aka the movie Elliot and Darlene love watching every Halloween.
This show is packed with nuance and depth; you can spend hours dissecting everything and you’d probably only be able to scratch the surface. It’s such a brilliant show and I love it to bits. I’m always up for an opportunity to blab about the show as well so you can always message me if you want to talk about it, whether it be about the show itself or if you just want to gush about how much you enjoyed it (Though I’m on Reddit far more regularly than here so it’s probably best you messaged me there instead so I’ll actually get a notification for it lol).
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Asuka and Misato in my mind over the years
Need to get this out my system real quick lol
I actually love the og Eva sereis so much, the first time I watched it was somewhere around 2014/2015 because I’d seen a lot of people gush about the third Rebuild movie and got curious, I was just getting into anime at that point as well as becoming more sensitive to lots of queer and mental-health related ideas. In any case, I enjoyed Eva a lot then, though I certainly didn’t get pretty much any of it. I felt emotional, and I definitely felt for the characters, but I definitely didn’t get them as people (especially Asuka - which I’ll get into later because I have so many thoughts on her)
But I rewatched a huge chunk of it somewhere around last year and it struck me how differently I saw and read all the characters and the shot compositions - it simply clicked in a very strong and potent way. And this wasn’t the first time I’d realized how much perception changes with lived experience, but it hit me really hard with Eva, I think. Especially because people still talk about it and very much like Twin Peaks analysis, everyone just focuses on putting everything into neat boxes and centers it very hard on Shinji as well. But it’s always in a very resentful way, either at Shinji or at the other characters, all of which I think leaves people with a very wrong impression of what the Eva viewing experience can be and how much the writing actually holds up.
I won’t get into full detail on every single character and I won’t make this about Shinji because that’s a bit central to the point I want to make anyway - Shinji is the main character, yes, but it’s not only about him. The series takes great pains to establish that Shinji is not other people’s top priority when they all have so many of their own personal issues. I think it actually balances out Shinji’s deep need for closeness and attention being a valid thing to want. That, no, it doesn’t make him a whiny bitch that he wants to be valued, to feel important, to have other people give him attention and see him as a valuable person to be around. But at the same time, great focus is put on how it’s not other people’s responsibility to provide all this to him and drop everything in their lives to coddle him. Well, Gendo is responsible to be there for his child, but that is definitely its own subject for a ton of analysis.
In short, the series neither condemns nor coddles Shinji, which is a really important nuance for the whole series. And it’s an important one to strike when it comes to the subject of growing up, finding yourself, connecting to others and understanding them even while you struggle. It’s good stuff, it’s potent stuff that I love quite a lot and is why I’m always so frustrated by all the extremely shitty takes on shinji i see in 95% of video essays on eva FROTHING AT THE MOUTH DO NOT GET ME STARTED
But onto the women! Because they are really important and despite all the merchandise, porn and objectification, they are very human and relatable.
I hated Asuka when I was a teen. I loathed her because she felt like someone’s Mary Sue OC and as a very shy, awkward, self-loathing teen, pretty much the exact same age as Asuka, I felt really affronted and... I don’t know if envious is the right word, but there was a very strong resentment for how seemingly smart, perfect, beautiful and confident she was. It felt like such an overidealized and unrealistic standart and a LOT of very sensitive nerves were struck and simply wanted to tear into her. I’m not sure I even sympathized with her all that much once her baggage was revealed, at the time.
But seeong her through the eyes of my adult self, I felt so much for her. Her need to be important, to be seen, to be perfect - to show everyone that she is mature, that she is grown up and can be loved and respected like an adult - it hit really close to home. Even outside of my personal perceptions and state of mind etc., Asuka’s behavior reminded me of so many other girls I have known and know even now. She filled me with such a familiar feeling of helplessness and need for approval. The lashing out, the standoffishness, the provocation, the insistence your grown up and /understand/. The frustration that the adults around you don’t treat you like one of them despite all your efforts and achievements.
And the way I, now an adult, looking back at that Asuka and seeing her pain and frustration but also knowing that no adult could treat her the way she wants to be treated because she’s simply not ready for that emotionally yet. The desire to protect her from things that are too adult, but coming off as out-of-touch and condescending. Ah... There are so many dynamics and emotions at play, it hits me in so many vulnerable places.
Switching to Misato (and the other adults) - it’s interesting how the grownups are all a huge mess as well. They just have to grapple with other issues and present strong and capable, and they have so many more freedoms compared to the pilots, but they’re just as helpless and ill-equipped for so many things in life.
And I love the way their different dysfunctions are presented. I love how the show looks at all these different people from different points of view and demistifies the walls and masks we put on in our lives. The adults present strong in front of each other, until we see the certain people who see right through them. They present strong in front of the pilots, who look up to them and idolize how free and successful they are, surely they have it all together? And then the resentment of - ‘they have it so easy’ or ‘if they have it so good why can’t they give ME more attention, why can’t they prioritize helping ME too’. Which is understandable from the perspective of the pilots. But it’s also more often than not an impossible demand to meet. And that balance RUINS ME. Everyone in NGE is such a mess, but each one is written with a very palpable understanding of each and every dysfunction and struggle.
And onto Misato proper - who I, as my teen self, also looked up to in that ‘aw man she’s so cool yeah i wanna be like that, i totally relate to her cool adult nature at age 14 yeah’. And, obviously, I hadn’t reached the kind of experience to really get Misato’s damage. It’s her relationships and her proclivities for sex, that I couldn’t understand because I was an awkward but horny virgin with zero boyfriends to her name. So Misato’s situation seemed so enviable, wanted by a hot guy, being desirable and having sex whenever you want. I didn’t quite understand the nuance of ‘giving yourself to people to feel loved and important’. It wasn’t a situation I had ever been in, not a state of mind I knew how to get into.
In the years since, I get her. I get Misato - I get that absolutely desperate clawing sense of no self-worth and need to just have someone touch you, hold you, treat you ‘special’ when that’s the only thing in your head. Having sex that you want but feel gross about later because it was unsatisfying, because it was a one night stand that you needed but the other person didn’t care for. The incessant thought under your skin that if you let yourself be used you will be useful to somebody.
The camera leering on Misato when she’s trying purposefully to get eyes on her, or when the camera wants to show how the men around her do not respect her, when they leer at her body and she is framed as helpless. It all coalesces into this good beautiful painful mess and I appreciate being able to see these characters again through newer eyes. To know that the people who wrote them also understood these specific feelings so well.
There are tons of issues with NGE and its treatment of women, especially in the newer movies. But I will stand by my love and appreciation for the og series because I think there’s SO MUCH MORE to it than the things people tend to focus on as its special qualities. It’s not just depression or social isolation or growing up or maturing sexually or boring freudian daddy issues and ego-superego-id at play. The original Eva is a very genuine piece of many somebodies’ hearts, laid bare and vulnerable and expressed into these characters in really human ways.
And it’s that little glimmer I live for.
#evangelion#neon genesis evangelion#nge meta#fandom meta#this got way longer and took way longer time to write out but i suddenly felt so overwhelmed with the need to talk about eva#unprompted btw i wanted to spill it all out lmao
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Highlights of 2020
Tagged by @mfshirtballs - this should definitely be interesting because I'm going to have to wrack my brain...
list your top 10 shows (bl or not) you watched in 2020 (doesn’t necessarily have to be shows that came out in 2020 though!)
tag at least 10 people you appreciated this year
tag 10 more people to continue the tag
Top 10 shows of 2020 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
As I wrote this, I realized that this is in no particular order because I was wracking my brain.
1. Cherry Magic
What to say - this show literally carved itself into my heart and forever be such a warm memory as the year ended. I never felt such a visceral, soulful PURE LOVE at this level in a LONG time. This drama felt... real, relatable and just PERFECT? Kurosawa was such a disaster gay - to be in a one-sided love for 7 years??? WHAT. Adachi.. his clumsiness and his insecurities felt so GODDAMN relatable that I rewatched the show from ep 1-12, 4 times!!
Thank you Cherry Magic for being such a surprising, yet wonderful gift.
2. Until We Meet Again
I know that the chemistry between Korn/In and Pharm/Dean really struck me as being so painfully beautiful. It got confusing a bit but their pain had a searing affect on me. Watch for the gut-wrenching love and stay for their chemistry.
3. He’s Coming To Me
THIS WAS THE SHOW THAT INTRODUCED OHM TO ME so I’m forever grateful because MY GOD CAN THIS KID ACT??? He just breathes pure talent. The story is bittersweet if you think about it but OH-SO-WELL-DONE by both Ohm and Singto! The story felt like fate and it can get super depressing but then it hugs you like a soft cloud.
4. 2gether The Series
I don’t think I cannot put this show - I was so beyond invested that I would watch even when subs weren’t uploaded on time hoping that I would magically understand Thai. At first, Tine was a complete doofus and in a way grew onto me as an endearing doofus. Then, when Sarawat’s story came to be - I think I literally saw my heart leap out of my throat. A must watch show!
5. 2moons2
I know people were apprehensive about a remake, as was I, but I was willing to give it a chance to see the other two couples’ stories fleshed out. BOY, I was... just invested in Ming/Kit + Forth/Beam more than I thought I would be. It was just nice to see what could have been with the original.
6. Where Your Eyes Linger
AH SHIT THIS GODDAMN SHOW WHAT THE ACTUAL HHOLY HELL WAS THIS SHOW MY GOD. MY HEART. RIPPED RIGHT OUT. DOA. DEAD ON ARRIVAL.
Tae Joo and Kang Gook.. truly.. TRULY.. were precious and all I ever wanted to do every goddamn episode was to give them the warmest hug. They both needed it. The episodes were shorter than I would have liked but creatively (screenwriting, acting, direction, cinematograph) well-executed. I mean I felt the tangible ANGST between these two IDIOTS whenever they breathed.
7. Your Name Engraved Herein
Why does this show exist to just hurt me. It’s rhetorical and there’s no if/way about it because even if I were to re-watch it, which I won’t because I maxed out on pain already for 2021, I would bask at the beautiful acting, direction, lighting of this show.. There were many times where I would literally be clutching my pillow with a deathly grip as I watched the pure heartbreaking sadness consume me. So many Oscar worthy scenes SO MANY. I felt like bawling so many times but I would have never finished it if I had let those flood-gates open. What a beautiful, yet macabre movie.
8. Theory of Love
oh man.. this show.. for me, THIRD carried this drama (not that the other actors didn’t do their best). He is one of the best actors I’ve seen and it’s just really refreshing to see someone with NUANCED acting. He conveys his unrequited love with a breath of fresh yet suffocating air. Khai... oh Khai... I don’t think I would ever understand you but thank you for coming around and giving love back to Third.
9. Gaya Sa Pelikula
MY first Filipino BL and it literally blew my goddamn mind?????? LIKE WHAT. The premise of it was literally ‘like a movie’ and so I stayed because I was immediately captivated. If you’re hesitant about watching it because of whatever reason, just know that Vlad and Karl have immense chemistry and truly bring justice to the story.
10. I Told Sunset About You
THIS..fucking show. I MEAN PURE TALENT exists with Billkin and PP because where in the actual fuck did they find these actors? I honestly thought I lost at least 5/7 lives during this show. It is a damn masterpiece and I’ll be damned if I don’t watch it another 11 times. Teh’s internalized insecurities are just so beautifully fleshed out, which is such a contrast to Oh-Aews struggles. To be ripped apart by circumstances at no fault of their own (well Teh had his moments), to find each other once more.. UGH CANNOT WAIT FOR THE SEQUEL.
Honorary Mention: DARK BLUE KISS
I don’t know much people on Tumblr so I’ll just tag @purple-howl @seekingstarlightinthecity @gunsatthaphan
WHOEVER WANTS TO GO DOWN THIS PATH AND REFLECT ABOUT 2020 SHOWS. go ahead 💜💜💜
#cherry magicc#uwma#Until We Meet Again#hctm#he's coming to me#2gether the series#2moons2#wyel#where your eyes linger#your name engraved herein#theory of love#gaya sa pelikula#itsay#i told sunset about you
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You mentioned having certain opinions on Pixar's early work? Would love to hear you elaborate on this.
I dunno, I was just kind of let down by Monsters Inc., A Bug's Life, and Finding Nemo. The world collectively freaked out about those movies, loudly shouted from the rooftops that "Pixar's done it again!"
And I... did not agree.
Like Finding Nemo is a road movie. That's the premise. It's a road movie, but now they are fish. You get the whole idea in five minutes. Which is, like, kind of a hole I think Pixar finds themselves in a lot? "It's like (X), but (Y)." And usually its seen through the lens of "humanizing the inhuman."
The toys are people. The bugs are people. The cars are people. The monsters are people. The robots are people. The rats are people. The skeletons are people. D&D creatures are people. Your emotions are people. Your soul is people.
Some of them do better with it than others. Like, Toy Story getting in to what happens to very old toys is really interesting to me. Woody and friends live their whole lives in the care of someone else's ownership. It's not slavery, but it's not freedom, either, and the whole series is about the ups and downs of that, with Toy Story 4 directly addressing the idea of what freedom from that looks like.
Wall-E and Eve are alive, but there's this atypical love story going on between them on top of the whole ecological message. Ratatouille has something to say about a love for food and cooking and how you represent that in film.
Finding Nemo kind of has something to say about disability, but to me it feels kind of boilerplate. It never talks down to anyone about disability, it never sugarcoats it, but it also never really felt like much of anything to me, either. And the whole rest of the movie is just "a road movie, but they're fish now."
Finding Dory, from what I remember (I've only seen it once) is a much better movie about similar themes.
A Bug's Life... most of my sour taste for that movie was when it first came out. I know there are ways you can read that movie now that are a more nuanced take on certain types of abuse, but at the time it also just felt like a movie I'd seen before, "but they're bugs now."
Monsters Inc. was also a movie I was pretty underwhelmed by at first. I dunno if I was just at the wrong age, or what, but I was hoping that for the technology that Pixar was wielding, they could've at least managed scarier monsters. Instead, they had a bunch of Jim Henson knock-offs. For all this talk of them being monsters, everything in their world is fairly normal. You might get funny names for food or whatever, but mostly their world looks like earth. For a movie about how monsters need to be scary, it was way too plain.
Now, since then, I have spent some time around my young nephews, and for a period of about six months, Monsters Inc. was their favorite movie. While helping my mother babysit them some days, I ended up rewatching Monsters Inc. like six times, and the movie ended up growing on me a lot more. I think I just needed to get over the fact the movie looked too cutesy for what I wanted. After that, the core fun was more visible.
It's certainly a heck of a lot better than Monsters University, which is way more aggressive in the "you can't even really tell this is a monster world" concept. Monsters University is just almost just a totally straight college movie with some mild window dressing.
But, really, there aren't a lot of Pixar movies I hate, just more than a few that I don't see what's so special about them.
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MOVIE: “The X-Files: Fight the Future” - X-Files Rewatch
"Why did they assign me to you in the first place, Mulder? To debunk your work, to rein you in, to shut you down." - Scully
"But you saved me! As difficult and as frustrating as it's been sometimes, your goddamned strict rationalism and science have saved me a thousand times over! You've kept me honest ... you've made me a whole person. I owe you everything ... Scully, and you owe me nothing. I don't know if I wanna do this alone... I don't even know if I can ... and if I quit now, they win." - Mulder
Seeing XF in theatres. The black screen, and suddenly the theme music, the oil, the Title on screen. One of the best moments of my life.
How do we go from the devastation of "The End" to the happy, jokey Mulder and Scully at the beginning of the movie?
I have some ideas, which are currently in development.
"Mulder, it's me." First line. ❤️
Introducing the characters to a new audience: Scully as the rational one, Mulder "playing a hunch".
Joking with each other, incredible banter and UST. Such a wonderful team.
They are in a good place here.
Mulder hitting something when frustrated.
SCULLY IS BADASS LISTEN TO HER!!
Standing beside each other when they get into the snack room with the bomb,
Scully grabbing Mulder, yelling at him to leave.
He has a sense something's wrong. His self-sacrificing nature, doesn't care about his danger.
Scully in the meeting, Mulder's late. 😥
That they cover for each other. Blaming themselves for what happened and not wanting the other to take any responsibility. (Mulder would have been lying to protect Scully here. When the SAC ordered M&S to leave him, against regulations, Scully listened while Mulder pushed back.)
Outside the meeting
Scully's suit is so... Hnnng. I think it’s the same one she wears at the end of the movie. I’d wear it every day. Jesus.
Mulder with his sleeves rolled up, how long was he waiting?
Both of them are so damned beautiful this movie.
They're being split up. Not just to different departments but different STATES.
- Mulder moves a bit closer when she tells him this.
"And now if they were to transfer me to Omaha or Cleveland, or some field office, it just doesn't hold the interest for me that it once did. Not after what I've seen and done." - Scully
Not to mention being separated from Mulder.
Mulder realizes she's quitting, which he assumes means he's losing her.
Scully's in a place where she feels that she can't or won't get answers, and she can move on from the X-Files with relatively little fuss. In fact, the price that she feels both her and Mulder keep paying seems too steep for the bits and pieces that they get. Even if they get the truth, get answers, will they be able to hold those responsible to justice? Scully doesn't think so, not any more. So is it worth it? Only because Mulder is there, she needs to watch his back, and she loves working with him. But if he decided to leave, to do something else, she would be fine with it. He can't, because of his sister, ultimately. But all throughout season 5 (since Redux probably: “That would mean that for 4 years we've been nothing more than pawns in a game, that it was a lie from the beginning. Mulder, these men... You give them your faith and you're supposed to trust them with your life.”) and then season 6 we see Scully drifting away from wanting to work on the X-Files, wanting to leave and bring Mulder with her. She won't leave without Mulder, unless forced to by larger powers. She's leaving the bureau to STAY with Mulder, not to leave him. Mulder thinks there's some hope they can get the X-Files back, together, and that if she leaves the FBI he won't see her again.
"Maybe you should ask yourself if your heart's still in it, too." - Scully
Scully is asking him to move on WITH her. Mulder assumes she is just leaving and abandoning not only him but their work on the X-Files. The answers and the truth (and his sister) still mean a lot to him.
Scully knows how relentless Mulder is. She loves it but it's also frustrating. He can't give up and will still pursue his answers in whatever way he can. What is her choice? Stay in the bureau and get transferred away with some hope of returning and working with him or leaving the bureau and having some sort of friendship/relationship with him outside of their work.
Her soft "I'm sorry." when he goes to leave.
Knowing she's disappointing him, even if she thinks she doesn't matter.
Scully's sad face when she gives him his jacket. Her hesitance about leaving in the hallway.
Mulder drinking. [["I usually, I normally never, I don’t drink.." (Syzygy)]]
Feeling pretty sorry for himself.
"One is the loneliest number." - Mulder
Thinking about his impending split from Scully. 😥
"I heard you come in here now and again, figured you'd be needing a little drinkie tonight." - Kurtzweil to Mulder
When did he start going to the bar occasionally? During Scully's cancer perhaps, losing himself in his sorrow.
Going to Scully's after hearing what Kurtzweil said. Maybe the last chance he has to do something with her. 😥
She can't sleep. 😥
Their interaction at Scully's apartment.
"Are you drunk, Mulder?" - Scully
"I ... I ... I was until about 20 minutes ago, yeah." - Mulder
"Was that before or after you decided to come here?" - Scully
"What exactly are you implying?" - Mulder
Scully thinking he's just drunk, that he came here to get her to change her mind, to do something neither of them has had the guts to do sober. But she doesn't want anything from an inebriated Mulder.
BUT! Don't worry Scully it's just a case. 😥
I think Scully's wearing the same coat as the one she wore in Christmas Carol.
She always knows to pack gloves around Mulder.
Standing close over the body.
Love Scully in the cold room & the phone ringing. Her panicked face. Mulder just left her there. 🙄
Hiding under the gurneys. 😆
Scully arriving in Dallas. Mulder wasn't sure if she'd come but his face says everything - so happy she changed her mind. He needs her.
Standing closely over the microscope. His FACE! He loves her. ❤️
Scully's face when she sees what's under the microscope.
I really love Well-Manicured Man. Seems more similar to Mulder's father, except having stayed more involved with the Consortium rather than quitting it completely. He wants to do the right thing, but found himself in a strange position of power and forced to do bad things. He's still terrible, of course, but much more nuanced than CSM.
"Mulder" saw one of the infected bodies. What about Scully? Why are we forgetting about how important she is here? Ugh.
"Then you must take away what he holds most valuable. That with which he can't live without." - Strughold
Cut to shot of Scully.
Everyone knows what they mean to each other, except each other. 🙄
I mean... I'm conflicted here. Love that we're acknowledging that Scully is something Mulder can't live without but at the same time she's not just important in terms of how Mulder feels about her. She's the reason that Mulder is as close as he is to the truth, that he's been able to do so much and be such a pain in the ass. If not for her, he'd probably be unwittingly working for the Consortium by now.
"Five years together, Scully. How many times I been wrong? Never. Not driving anyway." - Mulder
In the car - their teamwork, their compromise. Mulder drives straight instead of going right (Scully) or left (Mulder). And because of this, they find what they were looking for. A bit of a 'knock you on the head' metaphor, but oh well. They find their answers not because of Mulder and not because of Scully but because they work together to reach the truth. The danger comes from them both being a team, not from either of them separately.
The scene with Mulder bashfully admitting this is an extraterrestrial virus to Scully is so darn cute. I wish they'd kept Scully's swearing in the final movie, that would have been amazing.
Mulder keeps looking back at her, making sure she's with them, as they approach the white structures in the cornfield.
When the bees come, Mulder taking her hand/wrist, going back to help her. Putting his arm around her.
Scully's wild hair. ❤️ Mulder gazing.
Yelling at each other in the cornfield. PEAK X-FILES!!
MULDERRRRRRR! SCULLAYYYYYYYY!
Mulder's face when they find each other. His hand on her arm.
At the meeting, Scully looking disheveled as she arrives late.
HALLWAY SCENE.
Scully resigns because she doesn't want to go to Utah. The appeal of working for the bureau has waned after working for Mulder and seeing how things really are with the corrupt government.
What she wants is HERE, in D.C.
Mulder doesn't want her to quit because he thinks there is some hope they can get the X-Files back, knows he can't do it without her. And he thinks he's losing her if they don't work together. That the only way he can have her at his side is if they are partners. That he doesn't deserve her in any other way, or that she'd even want it.
Like she told Mulder earlier - her heart isn't in it if she's not with him.
"I need you on this, Scully." - Mulder
"You don't need me, Mulder. You never have. I've just held you back." - Scully
Her thoughts from the past while:
“Folie à Deux”: not believing in him. In fact, refusing to do so and nearly getting him killed
From “The End”: Finding out about Diana: a previous partner who also had a romantic relationship with him, who was able to work with him and believe him
Also, their office, all their files and work destroyed: Not only does Mulder not have the proof Scully wanted to give him, but they lost the X-Files; Scully feels responsible. They were warned (by Diana no less) about pursuing this course of action, and Mulder chose Scully's way - and they were punished for it.
She thought she could make a difference in the FBI, but she feels like she hasn't (her comment from earlier in the hallway at the FBI)
So - she feels like she holds him back. She can't believe, feels like she can't be that person. She can never be the person he needs and wants. She caused their work to be destroyed, for him to lose everything important to him.
I love how she just shoves her face into his chest. 😍
Mulder never planned to tell her these things (they don't normally talk about their feelings), but he can't let her say that she doesn't matter. She is everything to him. 😍
Mulder's spontaneity.
For all of season 5, he's been holding himself back, despite knowing how he feels about her, because he's felt he doesn't deserve to be loved, especially by her.
His feelings come rushing out here
No "I love you" but everything that those words mean to him.
Scully's emotional state. Her chest heaving, tears welling in her eyes. His words to her mean everything. Acknowledging that she completes him, that she makes their work possible. That she is critical to his quest. That he doesn't want to do it without her, doesn't think he can.
Everything that she's wanted to hear from him, that she's wanted to BE to him - proven to her by his words for once. Actions may be stronger proof, but you can always deny their true meaning, misinterpret the gestures. But then he backs those words up with more actions...
Scully can't look at him whole he's talking, afraid of what her eyes will reveal. Holding him, kissing his forehead with affection. Familiarity. They've done this before to comfort and she loves to touch him.
UNTIL-- !!!
She realizes what he's about to do, what his eyes are saying. Her world shifts -- HE LOVES HER?!
How did that damn bee know to pick this very moment. ARGH.
Mulder's concern when she pulls away sharply. Thinking that he crossed a line, that she doesn't want this. MORE GUILT.
Her reassurance turning to fear. Bees - can't be a coincidence.
Mulder's tenderness and fear when she collapses.
LGM ❤️
Instant rescue mode: WHERE'S SCULLY??
Mulder just throwing Byers' jacket in the street. LOL
WMM - knows exactly what to do to get Mulder into the car with him. Everyone knows except Mulder and Scully how they feel about each other... Well they sorta have an idea now.
"Save Agent Scully" - hmm, OK, you just killed Kurtzweil but I'm listening.
IN the end WMM gives Mulder the vaccine/coordinates not out of any altruistic motives, just out of a need to help his own family - disagrees with the rest of the consortium on their methods (that they are willing to work with the aliens despite new information that they are being used). Mulder is WMM's best chance to fight the aliens and the virus, but he knows Mulder needs Scully. Mulder would be USELESS and LOST without her.
When the car blows up Mulder's face, he’s shocked, realizing the truth in WMM’s words but still focused on his goal -- SCULLY.
Just think about how much pain he must be in. Doesn't matter. SCULLY.
Goes to ANTARCTICA to save her. Doesn't think twice. What a hero.
At the ship, seeing everything, what it could mean. Doesn't matter. SCULLY.
Seeing her clothes and necklace in the transport container. The first evidence that she's here.
Finding her! Desperately breaking her out of the container.
"I'm cold." 😥
His hand on her face.
Definitely sees her naked.
She's so pale. 😥
Lifting and carrying her when she can't continue.
The mouth-to-mouth. Her joke when she comes back. ❤️ "Had you big time." And her smile.
When they get out Mulder keeps his hands on her.
He just wants her to SEE to BELIEVE him ❤️ He wants to share that with her.
SHE SAYS SHE SAW IT. Mulder's like "FINALLY!"
Their cuddle on the snow. Scully's face in his hair.
The ending scene.
Mulder on the bench, watching Scully approach. Looking fabulous! ❤️
Mulder and Scully's positions are reversed compared to the hallway scene.
Mulder doesn't want to watch her die - this she was leaving him when she was resigning.
Scully now has the determination to continue - that Mulder did what he did to save her, what she saw even if she can't explain it or admit it.
AND she knows how he feels about her. He loves her, she believes in that at least. She wants to give him reason to continue, knowing he won't do it without her.
"You were right to want to quit! You were right to want to leave me! You should get as far away from me as you can! I'm not going to watch you die, Scully, because of some hollow personal cause of mine. Go be a doctor. Go be a doctor while you still can." - Mulder
Mulder's guilt - telling her to leave him and be a doctor. That she went through hell because of HIM. (Not thinking about how he went through hell to get her BACK. Of COURSE he would, but it doesn't seem significant to him.)
That she was CURED. That there is a vaccine for this thing. Scully needs to pursue it and she needs to be with him to do so. As a scientist this would be incredible exciting. She has some physical proof, some tangible thing she can focus on, not just an endless search. That their work can potentially lead to something good, that can save lives.
Scully encourages him and he loves her for it.
She grabs his hand but then Mulder holds hers in his. ❤️
The actual ending. More forgetting about Scully. "He is but one man. One man alone cannot fight the future." Like, FUCK OFF. Shoulda left it with the previous scene. 😩
#xfiles#x-files#x-files rewatch#x files rewatch#msr#msrheadcanon#mulder and scully#fox mulder#dana scully#season 5#ftf#fight the future#damn bee
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Pixar’s Soul: Review and Reaction
The first sentence I’ve always used to describe Pete Docter and Pixar’s Soul since watching it has nothing to do with the plot. It’s instead is a starstruck comment about the music: the movie begins with a cover of a Duke Ellington classic - Mercer Ellington’s “Things Ain’t What they Used to Be.” It ends with a jazz rendition of a classic from several decades later - but still quite a bit in our past - Curtis Mayfield’s soul classic “It’s Alright.”
On a personal level, this would say way more about Soul that most other descriptions of it might to get me to watch it - were I not the kind of person who was absolutely intent on watching the movie day one regardless. Though I am myself a few generations after either of those artists were around, their music has been a part of my life since I was a kid and are essential on any playlist in my opinion. Curtis Mayfield’s music, especially, deserves all the love in the world, and hearing by surprise someone cover his work in a Disney movie made my entire day - and it would have, even if the film weren’t the meaningful ride it is.
But before we get into all that, lets also look at those songs. “Things Aren’t What They Used To Be” is played a la a teacher and a higher school band class: the students are learning and a bit difficult to listen to, while the music-loving teacher cringes at the front. But the choice of song tells us a lot. It’s a jazz standard: which means when it comes to jazz, it’s one of the essentials - a tune every band learns to play, and every jazz fan has heard before. The teacher is a jazzman - you can probably guess who - and the whole time he’s listening to the song you can hear him wanting to sit down and make it sound as perfectly as he hears it in his head. Remember that analogy. Heck, when you watch or rewatch the movie, remember the mindset Joe - because that’s who that teacher is, Joe Gardner, is in for that whole teaching scene in the first place: and remember how important the desire to make things perfect is to the greater story the movie is trying to tell.
“Things Aren’t The Way They Used To Be,” indeed. By the end, you have to wonder: isn’t that the point?
Now the second song. “It’s All Right” is a smooth number for dancing to - not frenetic and wild dancing, but more a slow jam sort of vibe. BUt it’s the lyrics that are the most befitting the themes of the movie. Like several of Curtis Mayfield’s tunes “It’s All Right” is an ear worm of an R&B number that’s actually about being a peace with yourself. “You’ve got soul” - ha, I get it - “and everybody knows, that it’s all right.” Or, to quote instead my favorite verse of the song (I did say Mayfield was one of my favorites): “when you wake up early in the morning feeling sad like so many of us do, hum a little soul, make life your goal, and surely something’s gonna come to you.” This is before the spoilery part of the review, but they could not have picked a better song for the movie’s themes if they wrote it themselves.
Soul, after all, is ultimately a movie about how the things we do, the things we love, even the things that define us and should make us feel good in and of themselves, can become a shackle that prevents us from feeling the things that we adopt them to feel. Dreams - especially dreams deferred - can consume us rather than uplift us, and sometimes in pursuing them we may forget to live, and forget that others are living in this world and dreaming alongside us.
This, as you might be able to tell from the way I’ve described it, is a movie with a very strong, and most importantly very well related message that - as we’ve come to expect from Pixar’s output at this point - touches us in our jaded adult hearts. As a creative person with lofty dreams who has almost literally been where the protagonist is in this film - and as many in my generation also have gone through - it definitely feels like a film that was directed straight at the generation that first watched Toy Story as kids decades ago, and now feel somewhat unfulfilled as adults going into the world. Same as Inside Out (a movie specifically designed to make adults cry, in my opinion), the SparkShorts and arguably Onward (I definitely related to Bailey, some). So much like my review of Jingle Jangle, you have something of an idea where this review is going to go before the jump, but that’s okay. This movie did have ups and downs, but its just the kind of up Pixar is good at: they know they’re audience, and especially did for this gem. By the end, it can definitely make you feel as though you too can make it through, as long as you have a little Soul.
However, it is not just the message, but the nuances and skill in which they relate that message (and they do come close to making decisions that could have ruined it, at times), which means it’s very difficult for me to put why this movie works into a review without SPOILERS. If you want to avoid SPOILERS, don’t hop over the pic and instead treat the above as your non-SPOILER review.
Soul is the story of one Joe Gardner, played by Jamie Foxx a brilliant early middle-aged pianist with lifelong dreams of becoming a jazz musician, who we first meet teaching part time band at a local high school. The inciting incident is an interesting choice: Joe gets a major offer - he can come on as a full time teacher, making his occupation a career! But Joe believes very much in the adage that “those who cannot do, teach” - in the sense that he wants to do. He cannot accept the position - over the advice of his mother - because that would mean giving up on his dream of being out there playing music for a living: a dream that has consumed him his entire life but which has given him nothing in return.
Until now.
While agonizing over the decision to take the position, Joe's life then gets a big twist: a former student of his, remembering him fondly years after they knew each other, has a hook for him to join the band of a famous jazz singer and saxophonist - played by Angela Basset (side note, here: jazz has long had a reputation for being something of a boys club, especially for certain instruments, and the choice to have the lead saxophonist and famous idol whose band Joe wants to join be a woman is a great choice that my entire jazz-loving and living family took note of). Joe is instantly elated - he rushes over and naturally aces the audition for the part in the band, and so is on cloud nine...
Until he dies.
That’s when the plot really starts. Joe falls down a manhole like an astronomer in an aesop fable, and is now stuck on the slow escalator to The Great Beyond. Naturally, he’s not for that and tries to escape - pursued by overeager spiritual soul-accountant Terry - ending up in the Great Before instead, and leaving his body in a still-living coma (the implications that coma patients in general are people who are choosing not to die when they’re “supposed” to is something I’m sure the writers didn’t intend, so I’ll let it slide). There, Joe is pressganged into mentoring a pre-prepared soul for birth, helping them find their Spark for life - which Joe interprets as the one true purpose and dream they are meant to fulfill. Once he gets them their Spark, he will be able to steal a badge his mentee earns as fully fledged souls and . Luckily for his intended very morally suspect intent on spiritual larceny, he ends up with Soul #22 - and that’s #22 out of hundreds of billions - a soul who has simply never found a Spark despite having been in the Great Before for thousands of years. #22 doesn’t want to live, so she agrees to give him her patch when they’re done. But no mentor before has been able to inspire her (well, technically #22 is genderless, as she demonstrates in the story at Joe’s request, but she is voiced by Tina Fey), so how can Joe? When that proves to be too hard indeed, #22 instead decides to help Joe get back - mostly because she’s intrigued at why anyone would want to cling to life so badly - with the help of some mystics who astral project while in the Zone: where everyone goes when they’re fully immersed in what they do. This almost works, but at the last second everything goes awry: #22 gets mixed up with Joe when he returns, and so he doesn’t quite get back the way he wants to...
That’s enough plot summary for now. That’s all just the set-up anyway, for the choices in writing and concept that I’m about to talk about.
As you might have been able to tell from that ominous last note, the middle chunk of Soul - almost right up until the climax, in fact - is actually a body-swap movie, a la Freaky Friday. #22 ends up in Joe’s body, so he has to get her to do the things he needs to get ready for his gig and get through the day while they wait for the mystic to bring a way to set everything right. And did I mention he’s in the body of a cat? Having been following the movie, this wasn’t entirely a surprise, but it was still not something I was entirely ready for coming in. I tend to shy away from that kind of story on a personal level, as body-swap narratives are nearly predominantly based on cringe moments and awkward misconceptions - and that sort of thing usually tends to make me want to leave the scene in question and get a cup of water until after the awkwardness passes.
However, this isn’t really part of the review in the sense that I perceive that the movie being in that genre is a flaw - because ultimately that’s just an aspect of my personal taste. Rather, I use it to show just how strong a movie Soul was and how well its narrative choices resonated with its themes that ultimately while it did indeed partake in your typical body-swap narrative cringe moments - “look, the [redacted] in Joe’s body just ran into his boss / mom!” / “look, the [redacted] is having a bizarre conversation with Joe’s friends!” / etc - those moments actually add to the narrative rather than take you out of it.
Joe as “friends,” as exemplified by the barber he goes to to get his hair ready for the gig when it inevitably gets ruined in a bout of hijinks (the barber being that extremely well-designed bearded character the internet went wild over). He goes to that barber all the time, talks with him constantly, and believes he knows him well. But it turns out that Joe’s so wrapped up in his wants and desires that he’s never even asked him about his life - he just assumed that the barber was like him, born to do that one thing he was good at. It takes #22′s innocent, slightly off-kilter and occasional philosophical questions about what the heck all this “life” stuff is about for Joe to learn that this person in his life didn’t even want to be where he ended up initially, he ended up there because that’s the way his life turned, but he loves it because it’s life and he appreciates the world he’s come to create around himself. Likewise, he runs into his mom, but while Joe has come to expect his mother to be dismissive of him and his dreams, it takes an accident with #22 for him to realize that he’s been so caught up in his desires and her in her preconceptions that neither of them have ever had a real talk about their relationship, nor given a chance to grow in each other’s eyes.
You might notice a trend. One of Joe’s students - a brilliant trombonist - comes to tell him she’s quitting band, but she doesn’t really. She’s just insecure because the other students make fun of her. Joe knows this already - it’s become commonplace to him - so the doesn’t feel the need to do anything about it and instead focuses on his own needs. But #22 decides to talk to her on a whim, and this push and pull of insecurity but joy in what one is good at fascinates her, while it bores Joe. While - like any other New Yorker - public transit is a chore to Joe, the melting pot of people and music draws #22 in: best evidenced by the moment where Joe and #22 meet another great musician playing for tips in the subway. Joe, despite being capable of relating as a musician, just walks past him after appreciating the sound for a sec, while #22, entranced by the things people do, leaves something for him. The world is drab and lacking in vibrancy from Joe’s point of view, as evidenced by the very accurate grimy look of the high school he work at - but from #22′s seemingly jaded eyes seeing it for the first time, it’s full of wonder.
This actually creates an interesting character contrast on top of the one we already know: Joe is the idealist, and #22 is the cynic... right? Well, it turns out Joe doesn’t have much of an appreciation for the world around him - not intentionally, but still to a very strong degree - whereas #22 simply hasn’t had the chance to experience life yet and thus never knew what it was that made people want to be part of it. Life itself becomes her Spark, though neither of them realize it at the time.
Lets just get the aesop out of the way now. Your dream is not your life: that’s what Soul wants to say. Things that compel you as a person may consume you, even embitter you, and prevent you from seeing the world around you for what it is. But that doesn’t make dreams a bad thing: people everywhere find that Spark from the dreams to keep moving forward - it’s just that it shouldn’t preclude living, nor should living preclude your dreams. Life is a delicate balance, and man is this movie serving up some complicated life lessons here.
I immediately took this as a far more mature take on the message The Princess and the Frog stumbled somewhat through years ago (man, I’m turning out to be pretty hard on that movie in this blog). My biggest issue with PATF is that it tells us that Tiana should be less intent on her dream and find love instead, but doesn’t show us. It’s just characters chiding her for not settling down until the plot ultimately pushes a man in front of her and she realizes she should’ve been finding one all along. That’s a very harsh way of putting it, but it condenses what I’m trying to say: ultimately PATF pushes Tiana to realizations she doesn’t seem to need, whereas Soul has a similar message about life and does so by focusing on character development, about how the protagonist doesn’t have as firm a handle on his life as he thought, and thus brings us a take on the lesson that’s far less cut and dry.
If you’re a fan of The Incredibles, the comparison to Mr. Incredible is fairly easy. Joe, though well meaning and decent overall, is a very self-centered person who happens to be so for very sympathetic and relatable reasons. He just wants to do the thing he feels he was born to. He'll do anything to get back to life and do that thing, even for a single night. He’s consumed by this desire so much that he's oblivious to the people around him, unable to connect to the people he loves, and unable to find joy in anything but his dream. And man, as a young writer who knows in their heart of hearts they can do great things and feels pain at the idea of not doing so, that hits different let me tell you.
The lessons Joe learns from #22 even stick. It turns out that part of what caused Joe’s dream to fail all those time was because of that lack of connection with life. He never presented himself in a way that got people to take notice of him, he never pushed for that position he wanted even though people said no, he never made himself and his life so vibrant that he glowed in the eyes of others (and again, that hits different). That’s maybe the most simplistic message of the bunch, but as a person in the creative field it’s true that sometimes being the smartest person in the room isn’t enough: it’s making himself shine that ultimately clinches Joe the gig even after he almost lost it thanks to the day’s shenanigans.
But in the end, it doesn’t feel like he thought he would.
Remember when I said there are parts where the movie comes perilously close to kiboshing its message? That moment is one, it’s the one. Not that that moment is bad - far from it, it’s the best moment in the entire movie (and you can fight me on that if you want to). It’s because it’s the crossroads, the pin, the core of the entire film: depending on the choice they made after that point, that moment could have either been the best moment in the entire movie, or the moment that toppled everything.
The realization of Joe’s dream doesn’t feel like the explosion of confetti and catharsis that he expected. It was just another moment of his life, a great one, but it’s still just part of his life. So what does Joe do? Does he panic? Does he keep going until it feels good? Does he - as he would in a lesser movie trying to give a cookie cutter aesop - immediately quit and realize he should’ve been teaching all along? No, he does none of those things. He absorbs the moment. He realizes that at the end of the dream you’re still just living life, and that you have to appreciate that. Joe isn’t wrong for pursuit of his dream. He’s not wrong for believing that hopes and dreams make life so much more worthwhile. He’s wrong in thinking that those dreams are all that define us, and that their realization is all that makes people themselves worthwhile at all.
And in the end - though I may be getting a bit too referential for this - the unexamined life is just so much less fulfilling than the alternative.
And all that a message and a half! It hits different. It’s mature as all heck. It’s something people my age (especially in my generation), twice my age, half my age never learn. It’s a callsign that sometimes Pixar is still make movies for the people who were kids way back when Toy Story was released, and are now insecure adults wondering why the world isn’t as wonderful as they saw on the screen. It’s brilliant.
I said before that Joe interprets the “Spark” to be one’s purpose in life. The one thing that makes them who they are, that they are on the planet to do. He is wrong, absolutely and utterly. And in that misconception, when #22 finally does get their Spark just from being on Earth and seeing what its life, he accuses them of leeching self-actualization over his own personal ambitions, fully believing that they didn’t find a “purpose" on her own, but just copied his. But the Spark, as it turns out, is just the joy of living, the thing that makes people want to live. It can come from a dream, or just from watching the beauty of the sun set over a leaf drifting in the wind. Only in understanding this can Joe finally understand what he’s been missing in life, only then can he reconcile with #22 and help her finally be born, only then can he walk into the world and know how he’s going to live it.
We never find out what Joe decides, whether he goes back to teaching, or continues with the band. The choice is open to him, but we never find out which one he takes - another choice that keeps the aesop from falling apart. The point of all of that wasn’t that Joe has to do one thing or another to be happy, it was that Joe needs to be happy and secure in himself before he chooses what his life should be. Either of those could make him happy. Neither of those could. But now he’s in a much better place to see it, and do what he can.
We also never find out what #22 is like when she (or he, etc) is born. The two of them never meet past the point where #22 goes to Earth. Their time together has passed, and #22′s life is now their own. And that’s a great choice either. I’ve seen the occasional person feel that the choice made in this paragraph or noted in the previous one made the story confusing, but they’re ultimately what make the story what it is. The answer isn’t the necessity of resolution, its the reaffirmation of the journey. It reminds me somewhat of Wreck-It Ralph (an example of the main Disney Studio delivering a complex aesop, rather Pixar delivering them all), where being a villain wasn’t Ralph’s problem - it was that he wasn’t happy doing the thing he loved. You have to live, from living you will learn, and from learning you will do.
The sheer incredible execution of this message (as you may have guessed, it’s a fairly difficult one to relay adequately in a film narrative, and the movie goes non-traditional in conclusion to maintain it) would have made this film a recommend for me even if it wasn't also beautifully animated, very well acted, funny (there’s a Knicks joke that floored me), heartwarming and relatable. But it’s also all of those things, so I have to recommend it twice as much. It is, regrettably, another movie with a black lead where the lead spends most of it transfigured into a form that’s not a black person (a soul, and then a cat), and I’ve already seen some grumbling that instead for much of it a character explicitly coded as a white woman is in his body instead, but I perceive that as an issue that’s endemic to the industry than a fault in this movie specifically. Everyone does that, but this is the only movie I’ve seen where doing that is an essential part of how the narrative develops the characters (Joe has to not be himself in order to understand his life from an outside perspective, a la Scrooge as a ghost watching his own history), and so I don’t scorn the movie for it. I, however, would very much like Hollywood to start doing that less, and - hey - as a prospective writer that’s one of those things I plan to do my part to combat. This movie, however, gets a pass in my book in ways that the general usage of this concept does not.
In short, you should see it. If you get the chance to see it right now, you should take it to feel good at the end of this incredibly insane year. If you don’t want to have to sign up for Disney+ to see it now, I get you and understand, but if you get a chance to see it later do not pass it up. It’s one of the few movies I’ve watched that are an instant buy when it becomes available on digital - and the last time a movie did that for me was BlacKKKlansman.
Whatever you choose to do, do it well. Keep the spirit alive, always keep searching for the real you - because it’s not always easy to find, but it’s worth looking for - and always remember that you could always have a little soul.
#Soul#film review#Disney Pixar#Pixar#Pete Docter#Jamie Foxx#Tina Fey#the afterlife#self actualization#jazz#curtis mayfield#duke ellington#animated film#animation review#animated minds for animated times#Joe Gardner#22#recommended
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Belatedly answered ask responses
Thank you for anyone who has sent me stuff!! I LOVE reading them and I’m so sorry I’m awful at replying, but know that I love each and every one. Here’s my attempt to answer a whole lot :D
@doki-dream Thank you so much for enjoying my DBZ comics!! DBZ was my earliest “fandom”, as it were, from over twenty years ago, and it was so, so special to me as a wee child. I think it’s obvious how heavily I project onto Gohan, haha! But now that I’m an adult, it’s really fun to weave in all these ideas I had as a kiddo into a more seamless interpretation that works with the existing canon. I hope you continue to enjoy my interpretations <3
@half-devil-in-red-leather Thank you so much for sticking around with me for so long!! :D :D DMC still has a very dear place in my heart, and always will. As for Trunks and Gohan -- they were my favourite characters, too!! Gohan moreso than Trunks in my case, but I’m awfully fond of all iterations of my purple-haired boy, and someday I’ll get around to drawing all of my Mirai!Trunks headcanons :) Trunks and Goten are fascinating to me as well, because they’re a Unit, yanno? In canon they were rarely seen without the other, and so their development as people is undoubtedly tied together, too. The differences between Mirai!Trunks and main-timeline!Trunks is FASCINATING, and speaks a lot to what are “core” characteristics of Trunks and what are things he’s adapted from his close peers over the years. Anyway, I love Trunks and Goten and Gotenks and rest assured I’ll be posting a lot more about them in the future.
@vejigante Unfortunately I still haven’t watched Dragon Ball Super beyond the two movies (Battle of Gods and Broly) so I’m preeetty much out of the loop as to who these guys are. Maybe someday :0
@katerchip :D :D :D =happy=
@yusuke96universe I don’t exactly take suggestions, mostly because I kinda draw whatever I feel like in any given moment, and drawing something based on someone else’s idea or suggestion is almost always stressful (”what if they don’t like my take” “what if I drew something they find gross” “what if what if what if” etc), but I can safely say I, uhhh, actually don’t know much about Tien??? I’ve skim read the original Dragon Ball manga, but I never watched the original Dragon Ball anime, so Tien is one of those side characters I don’t have a very good grasp on, or, frankly, much interest in. Maybe someday!
@shika-boom Fugaku and Shikaku were not friends, per say, but they were always peripherally aware of each other. They’re both clan heirs, for one, so you gotta know who’s who. Shikaku has always been a nosy nin who collects secrets, while Fugaku’s shameful secrets have always been painfully on display, so it’s not like they didn’t butt heads now and again growing up. I talk a little more about the topic here (x).
@darkblades75 Thank you!! You can read the manga online here (x).
@hydrabellwolf Raditz is an interesting character I’m still getting a handle of, in my own interpretation, but I think he essentially has little to no attachment to his birth family and as a kid he probably thought Goku was pampered trash because Gine kept his pod at home. I don’t think Raditz ever made the connection that Gine sent Goku out to save him from the massacre, so I don’t think Raditz realized Gine “spared” Goku and didn’t think about him (Raditz).
Afterward, he only ever remembers Goku might still exist when he realizes he needs someone he can ally with against Nappa and Vegeta (after establishing he’s Alpha Dog, hence him stealing Gohan and talk-posturing at Goku instead of properly fighting from the start), so it’s not so much familial piety as it is convenience because he’s outnumbered and outgunned and outbullied by the only couple other Saiyan survivors.
@wardstoneus That’s a story for another day, and details I probably won’t get super into because I’ve learned my lesson about delving into unnecessarily dark themes in an ambiguously exploitative way. But, yeah, I have lots of Thoughts about Raditz’s distinctive hairline and how that looks more like Vegeta than it does Bardock, and how exactly that could’ve gone about.
It was not a consensual thing :/ Gine had a rough life, and not just because she was weak and also not very Saiyan like. Bardock married her to protect her after she was pregnant, and he got demoted to low class because of it. (That’s how I explain to myself how Bardock was apparently super fucking strong and yet inexplicably deemed low class).
@loyaltykask Tbh the only other Sakumo ship I find mildly interesting is Sakumo/Tsunade (you can kinda tell why I drew them together in the Five comic in the first place xDD), but, naturally, my take on Sakumo and the Sakumo that gets shipped with Orochimaru in fandom are very different characters with very different pasts that made them that way :’D So if I separate my take and just take fanon Sakumo as it is, there’s lots of interesting fics with him and Orochimaru and such. I don’t tend to read them though, because Orochomaru is never in character (as I interpret him, anyway), and that can be tiring XD
@pretty-rage-machine Thank you!!! I’m sorry (not sorry) that I jump around fandoms so much, my creative brain is stupid and it latches onto new things every 2-6 months without control and I’ve learned to just go with the flow, it allows me to create faster and better works if I let myself explore whatever topic has captured my interest at any given moment instead of forcing it to stick to one thing. Luckily, I am not a professional artist; if you are, don’t do this xDDD Maintaining discipline and motivation beyond personal whim is important in any job!!
That being said, yay!! I’m glad you like my stuff regardless of how much knowledge you have of the canon I’m messing with. Hearing my characterizations are grounded and relatable makes me happy <3<3
@poly-hebdo Thank you!!! :D :D Once again, I apologize for jumping fandoms like the attention deficit fella I am, but I’m glad you’re still digging my works regardless of the fandom!
@jkl-fff Ahh thank you, friend!! (Side note reply: I watched DBZ:A yeeears ago, and I have to rewatch it again STAT because I actually have gotten mentioned by MasakoX (voice of gohan and goku in DBZA) a couple of times now, once in one of his videos and twice on his twitter feed, so I’m like HOLY SHIIIIT!!!! because that’s some Senpai-Noticed-Me shit and eeeeeeek).
It may be obvious by now but I HEAVILY project onto Gohan, he was basically my mental self-insert as a wee lad, so my characterization of him is heavily tinged by that selfish nostalgia; part of the reason I’ve been drawing these comics is to seamlessly integrate that mental image of Gohan I have living in my brain to the actual existing canon, to make him a plausible version of Gohan that can exist between the pages. From that, a fascinating little narrative has been born and I’ve been having fun detailing out the characters that exist around the Gohan I’ve created :D Thank you for enjoying my hot take on it!!
And YES LAWD I am all for bisexual Gohan, he and Dende were totally a cute first romance thing as teenagers, though naturally it had to come to an end as they moved on with their lives -- Dende to proper ascetic Godhood, and Gohan to a more normal human highschool life. Maybe someday I’ll get into the nuanced complexities of that, though I probably won’t post it to twitter, where the audience there seems to crave more canon straight stuff than any wistful doomed gay sideplots (that seems more a Tumblr thing). Ahhhh so many ideas, so little time XDD
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you? convincing me to watch more bond? yep, you heard it here folks (aka your posts are a blessing, thank you)
Oh god, be prepared for some kinda variety. I watched SO much Bond this last week so here are my takeaways:
Absolutely watch Goldeneye!! it’s very clearly half of what Curtwen was based on and it’s actually, in my opinion, a decent movie. Not the best, but I would rewatch it. Many times.
The only good things in View to A Kill are the Duran Duran song and Christopher Walken and Grace Slick as the villains
I barely remember Spectre except that the opening one-take shot was absolutely amazing, Christoph Waltz did great as per usual, and the romance was really unnecessary because Bond and Dr. Swan would have been a great friendship tbh. I cried at the tape with Vesper’s name on it. Could’ve used more Moneypenny and Q. I just want..... friendship... teamwork...
Die Another Day has a very bad opening even though Madonna tried to save it, but Rosamund Pike and Halle Berry were in that movie so I have to forgive it a little bit, I guess. Spent half the movie questioning how racist the plot where a Korean man underwent gene therapy and became a white guy to fake his death was. Conclusion: very.
Tomorrow Never Dies is by far one of the sexiest Bond movies. Michelle Yeoh?? Being the best ever?? More likely than you think. A nuanced plot about political tensions and trust. Timothy Dalton is very pretty and they have so much respect for each other like. Definitely top tier.
Quantum of Solace is Bad. “Russian woman in brownface” is somehow not the biggest problem in that movie. Worth seeing at least once for the scene where Bond cradles a dying friend in his arms and very tenderly speaks to him only to immediately throw his corpse in a dumpster after he stops breathing. Solid Curt Mega vibes tbh
Skyfall is still an absolute masterpiece. It holds up so well. The plot? Stellar. The music? Beautiful. The cinematography? Resplendent. Moneypenny? Amazing. Q? Adorable. It still deserves the hype.
Casino Royale has very early 2000s vibes but it’s still amazing. I know nothing about poker but I still enjoyed watching them play. Mads Mikkelsen gave us everything. Trashy card shark. Classy Number Cruncher. Sexy Accountant. Sociopath Chic. Tears of blood. Vesper Lynd is the love of my life and that’s valid. Chris Cornell only wrote bangers and that’s facts.
Eva Green. That’s all.
The Daniel Craig movies somehow really do respect women the most? I was surprised but it’s true.
Even when the Pierce Brosnan Bond movies are respecting women they are simultaneously Not Respecting some other woman and that’s just tiring tbh
The World is Not Enough is not necessarily a good movie, but it’s fun and the title song absolutely Slaps. We love a woman in power. Evil is sexy. Big Chimera vibes.
The Living Daylights could have been better, but it was pretty good honestly? Kara the Cellist was adorable and Timothy Dalton was very pretty. A very interesting and complex plot about loyalty and war and honor, which was nice.
Lashana Lynch as the next 007 dating Naomie Harris’ Moneypenny? If I could will it into existence I would.
James Bond’s womanizing is only valid as a coping device for the trauma of finding out the first woman he ever really fell in love with was playing him. Even that validity is on thin ice. In any other context it just makes him an asshole.
Why is there so much skiing in Bond movies??? I don’t understand??
The whole martini thing is so wild to me bc I don’t drink so I know nothing about the difference between shaking and stirring a martini except that one of them decreases the alcohol content somehow
I would like more modern Bond movies because I enjoy spy content but I also want that spy content to respect women and I can only watch the Daniel Craig movies and SAF so many times
Straight people baffle me
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A Simple Analysis of the Differences Between FMA (2003) and FMA:B
I just spent the past week rewatching both Fullmetal Alchemist (2003) and Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood, and I have THOUGHTS that I need to put out into the void to get over the emptiness I feel from finishing such a wonderful series. Thoughts surrounding the distinct story and theme differences in the endings of both series. Please, come along for the ride if you wish. Spoilers a-plenty ahead.
To preface, I first watched the original Fullmetal Alchemist series about ten years ago, in either 2009 or 2010. I loved it. Everything was amazing, except, I was disappointed in the ending - which is really spawning this whole analysis. After I finished the series, and the movie to cap it off, I found Brotherhood on the streaming service I was using, and was rightly confused. FMA was one of my first introductions to anime, so I didn’t know much about the world of anime or manga. Because of this, I asked my older brother and he told me not to bother with Brotherhood. (Idk if his thoughts have changed regarding this). So, it wasn’t until, maybe four years later that I decided to give Brotherhood a chance. First, I saw a few random episodes on Adult Swim, and was confused that 1) Al could do alchemy without a circle, and 2) why the hell was Ed so tall? For the first confusion, I blame that on forgetting the lore of how the hand clapping alchemy plus the truth gate worked, and thought it was something special only Ed could do. Around this time, I realized that my school library had the FMA mangas, so I decided to start reading them, and was of course, enamored. Then, I think the library didn’t have all of the mangas, and somehow I had realized that the Brotherhood anime was basically identical to the manga, so I decided to pick up in the anime where I left off in the manga.
I honestly don’t have much memory of watching FMA:B all those years ago. Maybe that’s because the last, what, 20 episodes is the finale, lol. But I do remember enjoying the ending, and wishing that I could pair the entirety of FMA with the ending of FMA:B. What I enjoyed so much about FMA was the serious, dark tone of it. At the time, I felt like FMA:B had a lighter, sillier tone to it, and I was pining for those depressing moments in FMA where Ed was losing his mind. What can I say? I like intense characters and shows.
When I began my rewatch a week ago, I was reminded of just how dark FMA was. Of course, I still enjoyed it. I had a wonderful time reliving the show and rediscovering plot lines, and watching the boys do everything they can, but then I got to the last few episodes. To be clear, and for those who maybe haven’t watched FMA, the whole show is dark and depressing. There is very little hope. It is far more brutal and bloody, with the reality and trauma of war, even resulting in the r*pe of a beloved side character. Really, the writers just went off, which I think is evident by the story line of Tucker. The flipside of that, is that the darkness and trauma is toned down in FMA:B. It’s not as gory, and there’s more hope. Even the whole reconnecting the nerves thing that Ed goes through with his automail is far less painful. There is more comedy in FMA:B, but I realized in my rewatch that it is deserved and does not disrupt the tone and still allows for the show to be serious.
Don’t get me wrong, I love FMA for what it is. Like I said, I like intense characters, and I was waiting for those intense battle moments where Ed is scrappy and resourceful, and maybe on the verge of a mental breakdown. We get that in FMA:B too, but just not as much. During my rewatch, though, I realized how slow the pace of the show was, especially when you get to the second half. I’m sure we can discuss that this was because the anime started when there was just a few volumes out and the creator wanted the anime to take on a different story, which they certainly did, but it is slow. Especially when you compare it to the pace of Brotherhood.
Now, my biggest qualm is the ending of FMA. It always has been, and here’s why: there is no internal change within Ed and Al. They end where they began. Writing and pace aside, the end of the FMA series has the boys alone. Loneliness is the one of the biggest differences between the two stories. Throughout FMA, the brothers are always keeping their mouths shut and just trying to stay on track with their mission. The adults, and Roy’s gang, try to step in, try to help and offer support, but the boys are still pretty hell bent on keeping it a family matter. And this gets into the “no hope” aspect to the tone of the show. After shit goes down in Liore and Al becomes the philosopher stone, he and Ed take off on their own. Sure, Roy’s gang stops them, and tries to help, but even then, Ed and Al still stubbornly keep their secrets. Perhaps this is because they truly feel there is very little hope. They know that the philosopher stone is made from human lives. They thought that they had saved Liore, when in reality, they contributed to how fucked up it got (which is a huge difference in FMA:B). Now, thousands of soldiers are dead, they’re fugitives, and Al himself is a philosopher stone. I can even argue that Ed is far more emotionally stoic in this series, which contributes to the tone.
Sure, the boys do achieve some change when they encounter their mother-homunculus. They find acceptance with her death, but they are still alone. And mind you, at this point in the show, we’re winding down, yet these battles don’t feel intense and climatic. They’re somber. Sad. A big theme of FMA is “what does it mean to be human?” This is a big part of Lust’s character, and she does what she can to help the boys, and then fizzles into death, thinking about her human life and love. Sloth acknowledges that she could love Ed and Al, but she wants to kill them, and at the very end she accepts her death. Wrath, a lost child who wanted a mom because he felt abandoned, now loses his mother figure in Sloth, and loses his mind. He’s crying out about wanting his mother and wanting to bring her back (a foil for Ed? What? No way). The boys are separated, having felt loss once again.
Then, we get the final battle. I’ll gloss over the parallel world thing, but what we get, is the boys going into battle alone. Sure, Al didn’t have a choice, but Ed did. He is so caught up in his turmoil and his desperate need to save his brother from his mistakes. He can’t fathom bringing in anyone else, and the crazy part is that all the adults in his life let him go into battle alone. There is nuance to that, of course, it’s not so cut and dry, they all had shit to do, but still. Even with Hohenheim around, he offers very little to his sons, and also goes off into battle alone (which yes, is similar to FMA:B, but his decision kept the boys out of the loop, and fucked up everyone).
And then, in the most anti-climatic moment, Ed dies. Envy shocks him with the reveal of his appearance (which I would call bullshit on), and he straight up dies. Not in a heroic way, just in a sad, he ran out of luck way (which is reflective of the serious tone of the series). And really, even with all of that, the boys basically luck their ways into saving the world. Once the villain is taken care of, Al does something out of desperation. He uses the philosopher stone, and sacrifices himself, to save his brother. What ensues is a cycle of toxic desperation and sacrifice. He uses the stone, which really, they both said they shouldn’t use because of the lives lost. What he does, is not accept the reality and finality of death, which if they were going to have an internal change by the end, it would be accepting that. But he doesn’t, so he brings Ed back. And then Ed, not respecting that his brother wanted to give himself up, decides to then sacrifice himself to bring Al back. What we see, is the same problem that they got into in the beginning. Their incapability to accept death and move one. They can’t even find a new way to bring their bodies or souls back, Ed does what he did when he was a child to sacrifice himself to bring Al back. And the sad thing is that Ed is completely calm during this. He knows what he is doing. And, it is sad. Even after that, when we learn of the new, younger Al, who doesn’t even have his memories of the past 3-4 years of him and his brother, states that he still wants to continue their mission. What we see, is that nothing was learned. Al is going on the same mission he started the series with. And sure, at the end of the movie that finished the series, they are back together, but they are alone in a different world without alchemy. And we, as the viewers, know that there is very little chance of them coming back to their home world. FMA ends, with the boys alone, still.
Now, on the flipside of that we have FMA:B. Instead of the boys stubbornly refusing help until the very end, they let others in. They know that they need help. It’s why the finale is basically the last 20 episodes, because there are so many moving parts to save the day. And I’ll be real, when watching those final episodes, I did find myself wanting more of solo brother moments. I wanted to see more of Ed’s resourceful fighting, but because he had so many people on his side, he didn’t need to resort to that. And that truly is the point of FMA:B: having people on your side. Getting down to the last moments, what we have is 1) a far more epic battle, and 2) Al still sacrifices himself. BUT, this sacrifice feels justified. In the moment he decides to do so, he knows that Ed is about to die (emphasis: about), and that his soul seal is about to break. His sacrifice calls back to the other soldiers who sacrificed themselves to get in a mortal blow on the enemy. And Al uses logic with this. He realizes that if Ed gave up his arm for Al’s soul, then the reverse is true, and in that moment, Ed needs his arm in order to fight back. Al knows, that either he does nothing and they both die, or he sacrifices himself because he was going to die anyway and save his brother and everyone else.
And Ed accepts this. He is angry and upset, of course, but he is able to stop the bad guy. And then we see his internal change. He is offered a philosopher stone to bring back Al. He says, no, of course not. His own father insists and offers himself because he is a philosopher stone. Again, no, of course not, this is our problem, we can’t sacrifice anyone else. So he thinks. He realizes everything he now has in his life, everything he gained, and decides to sacrifice something he really doesn’t need: his alchemy. If you think about it, the only reason he got so invested in using alchemy was out of lonely desperation to bring back his mother, and then to restore Al’s body. Why would he need alchemy when he has the support of so many loved ones and his brother?
With FMA:B we get a satisfactory ending. Because the brothers are able to change and allow support from others, they are able to get back what they wanted. (I would assume that Ed probably didn’t care too much about getting his limbs back if it meant he got Al back, but hey, one out of two aint bad). Ed and Al are able to move on, and look brightly into their futures. Personally, I found that Ed being unable to use alchemy a bit of a bummer, but again, he recognizes that he doesn’t need it, and in the ending he reflects that the sacrifice was worth it, because it was. He got back his whole world and then some.
What we have are two very different stories. I would argue FMA is a cautionary tale of loneliness and refusing help. FMA:B is the opposite. While both are enjoyable and intense and cinematic, that difference sticks with me.
#fullmetal alchemist#fullmetal alchemist brotherhood#Edward elric#alphonse elric#meta#fma#fma:B#I seriously love this series so much#I could honestly go on and on about how amazing it is#there is so much more I could say#I hope you enjoyed
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One Door Closes, The Devil Opens Another
Chapter 1
Summary: How does one enter an elevator in New York and end up in LA, specifically Lucifer Morningstar's elevator? I have no idea, but I need to find out and enlist the help of the devil himself.
AO3 | FFN
Life in New York isn't as grand and magical as it is in shows and movies. Yes, there are moments, like the holidays, and specific areas that have a feeling of wonder, but honestly it's mainly for tourists. At the same time, growing up here makes you appreciate the little nuances of the city finding hidden gems along the way. New York is still the place I’d rather be than anywhere else. That's how I feel about it, Kate, a twenty-eight year old woman currently pushing her way through the onslaught of people trying to make an appointment. I’m only about two minutes away, but sadly ten minutes late.
"Why did they have to choose such a busy area?" I mumble to myself while trying to fix my dark brown, almost black, straightened hair. Giving up and I decide to pull it up into a high ponytail. "And why during rush hour of all times!?" I exclaim.
I reach the building at Union Square and luckily catch the elevator. While going up to the tenth floor, I check that my equipment is okay from all the jostling earlier. Sighing in relief, I smile to myself and rejoice, "Great, now to work some magic!"
Three hours later and I’m all alone packing up my things ready to leave after having a smooth session with the client. Usually it wouldn't take long to put everything away, but for someone who's five feet juggling a lot of cumbersome items and exhausted, it's a bit more time consuming, not that I mind. I’m not someone who likes to be social all the time, I’m definitely an introvert. After having to be professional and chatty for so long, I can now recharge my batteries in the quiet.
The only sound in the empty studio is the slight hum and ticking of the pipes from the central heating. Complimenting the sound are lights dancing on the ceiling as cars pass the side of the building. Plus, in this alone time, I can freely sing to myself without worry of any judging ears. So, I start a playlist from Spotify on the phone and get lost in the music as I finish up.
Another ten minutes goes by and I pack the last few things neatly in the bags. At the same moment of me taking a sip of water, a slow song starts to play, a love song. Usually I loves slow songs, but after the session today with the couple, seeing them so in love with each other, it just makes me sigh. "One day..." I quietly say to myself. When it comes to the romance department, I’m a romantic, but fail horribly at it and I just don't try anymore. I tell my friends that I don't care and it’s fine, but as I see them with their partners of many years now getting engaged, I can't lie anymore. No matter how enjoyable it is to have that alone time, it doesn't mean I want it to be all the time. Shaking my head to get rid of those thoughts I tell myself sternly, "No need to think about that now. My time will come...there's no rush."
I stop the song before it finishes and assume that I'll be met with silence again, but that's not the case. Surprised, I turn to the window noticing that it's now raining heavily. Moving closer to the huge windows, I jump seeing a flash in the dark sky followed by a loud booming rumble.
"Are you kidding me?" I moan throwing my head back. I turn to the three large bags that were hauled here earlier today. "There's no way I can take these in the rain. I mean, they say the bags are waterproof...but I'm not risking it." I contemplate for a moment and fiddle with the two rings on my right hand, before deciding the only thing I can do at the moment. Putting on my jacket, getting my phone and grabbing my backpack, I head to the elevator. I step in and press the button for the lobby.
"I'll just ask for them to hold it and pick it up tomorrow, that should be fine." I remark while playing with the rings again and looking at the numbers slowly descending. Checking the time, it's 11pm. Sighing I mumble, "Maybe I can still rewatch at least one episode of Lucifer with some ice cream before bed." I smile thinking about the show. It's been one of my favorite shows recently. I’ve already binged the whole series and even saw a tiny clip of Lucifer guest starring in a CW show that aired recently. I’m definitely excited to see what happens in series five, but until then I'll rewatch the previous seasons.
The elevator dings and I step out into the lobby. I shuffle over to the doorman and ask, "I have equipment that I can’t take with me in the rain. Is it possible for me to leave it here and pick it up in the morning?"
"What floor is it on?" He asks me with a tired expression.
"It's on floor ten, the studio." I quickly respond.
The doorman sighs before saying, "That's fine by me, but come early or your stuff may not be there when you come back."
"Thank you so much! I'll make sure to be here as soon as the building opens. Have a good night." I respond happily. The doorman does a quick nod and goes back to his computer.
I then escort myself out of the building and into the rain. There wasn't supposed to be any rain today, but now it's a full-on heavy downpour. Sadly, I get soaked in a matter of seconds because an umbrella was not needed earlier today. Hurrying down the block, I stop halfway digging into my pocket for a Metro card only to find out the keys to my apartment aren’t there. With a loud groan, I turn around and rush back into the building.
Expecting to still see the doorman at his station since it’s only been a minute, I surprisingly see there’s no one in the lobby, not even the janitor. Thinking to myself, 'Okay...weird. I like the quiet, but not this eerie vibe going on. Let me just quickly get my keys before I'm locked in this building.' I scramble quickly to the elevator and tap my foot impatiently waiting for it. Glancing out the glass doors, the storm somehow gets worse. From the corner of my eye I see something flicker near the elevator, but as I turn my head back nothing seems out of the ordinary.
Finally, the elevator opens and I jump inside. Everything goes smoothly until the second floor, where the elevator light blinks. Again I fidget with my rings getting nervous, thinking, ‘Please don't let me get stuck in here.' Once the elevator passes the fifth floor, it jerks to a halt.
"No no no no!" I exclaim with my back against the wall. There's a moment of silence in the air and just as I start to relax a little, the light starts to flicker rapidly. "No! What the hell is going on!? Help! Help!" I shout in a panic. The elevator starts to shake and I fall to the floor. There’s nothing to do but hug my knees thinking, 'It's going to fall! I'm going to die! I was just going to get my keys and go home! Why me!?’ I sob as the shaking continues, 'Help me please! Help...'
Opening my eyes, I squint through the flashing lights and notice the elevator walls seem different, like they're glowing. I hesitantly reach out my hand to touch the wall and in that moment, the lights slow their erratic behavior. 'They're....gold? But, it was gray before. How?' I ponder. The shaking also stops and I slowly get to my feet glancing around now. 'It wasn't this big before.' stating to myself. From the corner of my eye, I spot the elevator buttons have changed as well. There are way more floors and at the bottom there’s a keypad.
Completely confused I question, "Where the hell am I?" As if someone is listening to me, the door opens. However, it just leads to more confusion and now panic. As soon as I stumble out, something large flies right in front of my eyes and crashes into, what looks to be in the millisecond I saw in the dark lit room, shelves of glass bottles. On reflex, I close my eyes and throw my arms up to shield myself from the flying shards. Suddenly, I hear the crunching of the glass and a groan that's not my own. Upon hearing footsteps slowly approaching and a voice that I somehow recognize, I immediately lift my head directing my eyes towards the sounds.
"You justify it all, don't you?" remarks the man with a posh sounding English accent in a tailored suit. He grabs a tall muscular man that got up from where the glass shelves were before by the neck. I can only stare in utter shock thinking, 'That's...not...possible.'
The well-dressed man goes on clearly agitated, "Claim it's all done in the name of our father, but... it's for your sake, brother. And they call me the prideful one."
"Enough!" someone yells from the left side of me. The two men and I turn our heads towards the female voice. Before I’m even able to begin processing what is happening, the female continues, "I'm the pawn. You both used me." She approaches the men and pulls out two curved daggers from her back as she hisses out, "You know what? Here. Kill each other." The woman slams both the daggers down onto a table in front of her and marches back to the stairs leading downward. The woman pauses a moment and adds dryly, "By the way..." She points her finger directly at me lazily. This snaps me out of the daze I was in and reminds me just how nervous I am at the moment. The woman’s eyes linger on me with a straight face stating, "...you have an audience."
She then disappears down the stairs while I feel two sets of eyes now directly on me. Slowly, I peek over at the men and they are in fact staring at me with confusion and wide eyes. The tailored man releases his grip from the muscular one and starts advancing my way slowly.
"Well, hello. Who are you supposed to be and what business do you have with me?" He says with a tight smile clearly not in the mood. I try to stutter out anything, but with my mind blank and throat dry, no words come out. The man insists more annoyed, "Well?"
As he moves closer, I lift my arms instinctively, but when I do, all it results in is pain. I was already lightheaded with feeling overwhelmed with what has been going on, but presently I have a feeling it was actually for a different reason. Peering down at the source of the pain, I stare at the torn and blood-soaked sleeves of my jacket. Slowly turning my arms, there's glass shards on the back of them.
From the horrifying experience of the elevator to the scene I just witnessed with the men and woman. Of course to top it all off with the shock of my injuries, it's too much. I start to take rapid short breaths with my eyes flashing up to the man in front of me who now wears a slight bit of concern on his face. He starts to fade from my vision and then my knees give out. Instead of feeling the impact of the glass covered floor, I feel a set of arms catch me.
"Bloody hell." I hear the English man curse under his breath. I muster up what I could to lift my head and try to utter something to the man gazing down with some anticipation.
All I can mutter before blacking out is, "Tom?"
The first thing that grabs my attention when slowly waking up is that it’s dark which suggests that it’s still nighttime. I try to lift my body, but quickly fails because of a stinging sensation. However, from that little bit of movement, I gathered some information of my whereabouts. My hands feel again what I’m laying on and it’s the texture of silk. I think to myself, ‘I don’t have anything silky in my apartment.’
With an attempt number two, now anticipating the ache, I successfully bring myself up into a sitting position. I take a moment to glance down at my arms to reveal they’re bandaged and the source of the pain. Shaking my head slightly and blinking a few times allows me to get my eyes adjusted to the dark just enough to figure out my location. The room is definitely big along with the bed I’m in. ‘Okay, am I in a luxury suite at a hospital, if they have something like that? Or maybe some rich philanthropist saved me from the falling elevator and I’m now at their penthouse. If neither of the two, then I have no idea and I should probably get out fast.’ Before fully leaving the bed, I’m stopped with the realization that something or things are missing on my person. ‘Where are my clothes!?’ I shout internally. With a new sense of alertness and energy, I jump out of the bed onto the cold wooden floors. Gathering the large sheet that was used to cover me, I try to wrap it around myself the best that I can. Continuing my thoughts, ‘There is no way this situation is good. My arms are bandaged and I’m naked! I have to get out of here.’
Perpendicular and off to the left of me there was a large open alcove. Bunching the bottom of the sheets so I don’t trip, I tiptoe silently. As I get closer, there’s a muffled voice, maybe two. They’re almost clear when I arrive at the edge of the alcove.
“What about her?” says a man with a deep voice. It triggers something in me, like I somehow have heard the voice before, but I brush it off to focus back on the task at hand. It’s not until I hear the other person that I freeze and I stop breathing for a moment.
“Ah right, the girl. Well, I’ll deal with that, brother.” comes a reply from a man with an English accent. I involuntarily let out a small gasp and hurriedly cover my mouth. It’s too quiet and they most likely heard me. I press my back against the wall and squeeze my eyes shut in hopes I wasn’t caught. I relax a little when the other guy adds mumbling, “And just when I thought I could have quiet evening after the night I had.”
The deep voice responds, “Just don’t scare her.” Suddenly there's a noise that sounds like a gust of wind.
Resting my head against the wall I remove my hand from my mouth and finally take the time to process the information. It’s coming back, what happened to me and why I blacked out. I think to myself, ‘I went back to get my keys, the elevator shook and I thought I was going to die…maybe I did? Or maybe I’m in a coma? Or it could be an elaborate prank? Those are the only ways this can make sense, how I’m here now…in this place…with them…with him.’ My thoughts are interrupted by a loud voice.
“Are you going to stand there all night pretending you’re invisible?” he asks.
Before hesitantly creeping out from behind the alcove I take a deep breath to try to control my nerves that have rapidly bubbled to the surface. I grip the sheets tightly as if they’re my lifeline to not fainting again as I finally take in the location. I’m definitely in a large penthouse, but this one is surprisingly all too familiar. The elevator door, the library, the balcony, the piano, and the bedroom I was previously in. The only difference is the smashed up bar area. To top it all off is the man who it belongs to, standing up from the leather chair with a glass of expensive whiskey in his hands. This is the Lux penthouse and the man right in front of me is Lucifer Morningstar.
I attempt to gather my thoughts, ‘I…but how…he’s…no cameras…this can’t be real.’ I must have looked dumbfounded staring at everything because Lucifer speaks again.
“Yes, I know this place is impressive, well excluding the bar. Sorry about the mess…and your arms. Good thing you humans have good reflexes or that would have been your face.” Lucifer says nonchalantly while taking a sip of his whiskey. I peel my eyes away from gazing at everything to look down at my arms with my hands gripping hard on the bed sheet, which then reminds me I’m still naked.
“My clothes.” I squeak out since my throat is in dire need of something to drink.
Lucifer casually states, “They’re hanging up in my bedroom. I couldn’t let you on my bed when you were soaking wet in them.”
My expression turns to shock and I ask, “Did you—”
“No, I had Maze take your clothes off.” He interrupts rolling his eyes. Lucifer then scoffs, “I have enough decency to not strip someone when they’re unconscious.” I let out a small sigh of relief, but at the same time think, ‘Maze isn’t that innocent…’ Lucifer then continues, “Anyway, enough with the small talk. I need some answers.”
I nod trying to clear my scratchy throat with no luck, so I ask him, “Do you have anything to drink?” He ponders for a moment then gestures me to sit on his leather couch.
As I shuffle over and sit, he moves towards the pile of broken glass at the bar. As Lucifer rummages through the mess, I suddenly have a thought, ‘So…there are no cameras, I can feel pain so it’s not a dream and it doesn’t make sense that this is what happens to me if I died. A coma is the most logical reasoning, but…what if this is actually real? It’s hard to believe it is because how? How did I get here? Why me? And…should I tell Lucifer or any of them they’re a show? That they’re fictional to me?’ I get pulled out of my thoughts with a glass being waved in my face. Taking a hand away from the vice grip I have on the bed sheet I grab it. My fingers ever so slightly touch his during the transfer and I jump a little at the contact. ‘Okay, so this can’t be a coma. I don’t think it can…feel this real if it was. I don’t know. I’ve never been in one before, but…it’s a gut feeling.’ I conclude to myself. I take a sip of the contents in the glass without even looking and immediately regret it coughing.
“Sorry, I know it’s not right to give alcohol to minors, but it’s all I had that wasn’t completely shattered. Besides, it looks like you need it.” Lucifer says as he takes a seat on the chair across from me crossing his legs. I take another swig now expecting the taste of whiskey and it’s much better. Then I let his words sink in thinking, ‘Every...time.’
I sigh responding, “I’m not a minor…I’m twenty-eight.”
“Oh well now you could’ve fooled me with your height alone. Anyway, now we’re getting somewhere! Finally some information!” Lucifer says light-heartedly with a grin and continues, “So how about a name?”
“Kate Perkins.” I tell him.
He nods gently and says, “So, Kate Perkins, why did you come to my penthouse dripping wet from head to toe when there wasn’t a drop of rain earlier that day? I mean, unless you fell into a pool?” I knew the question was coming, but what I didn’t expect was him referring to the events as “that day.”
“Isn’t it the same night?” I ask him confused.
He chuckles replying, “Oh no darling, you were out for quite a while and a lot happened when you were out.”
I hesitantly ask, “How long was I out?”
“All that…” Lucifer points to the bar continuing, “…was last night.” He takes a sip of whiskey while adding, “You actually weren’t in my bed until about an hour ago.”
“What do you mean?” I ask even more confused.
Now Lucifer scoffs leaning forward to pour more whiskey for himself saying, “If you must know, after you fainted I got framed for murder, and had to run from the police with the help of my brother. He for some reason brought you with us and after visiting my therapist to hideout, we left you with her to tend to your injuries.” If I wasn’t familiar with the show, I would be figuring out a way to run from him. However, this gave me helpful information in terms of my situation. ‘If I’m remembering correctly, that’s part of what happened in an episode…excluding me. I’m not sure which one, but…is this really going to play out like the show?’ Lucifer then adds, "I brought you back after I settled everything because I have questions. So, let’s continue shall we? Why did you come looking for me?”
Without even thinking about my answer I blurt out, “I wasn’t.”
“Then what was your purpose for coming here?” he asks. This time I take a moment and think, ‘I guess I’ll just tell him…but not everything.’
I respond truthfully, “I don’t know.”
Lucifer downs his drink then sighs clearly getting agitated and orders, “Elaborate.”
I take a deep breath staring at my hand while fidgeting with my rings and explain, “I’m from New York. Last night, I was there, in a building cleaning up from a photoshoot. When I finished it was raining.” I pause and correct myself, “No…it was a huge storm. I left my equipment and went down the elevator then left the building. I got soaked because I didn't bring an umbrella, but there was no storm scheduled for that day.” I glance over at Lucifer to see him listening, but gesturing me to get to the point. I sigh and speak again, “I left my apartment keys and went back to get them. It was odd going back because the lobby, that had at least three people, including the doorman, were suddenly gone.”
“Probably clocked out early.” Lucifer chimes in.
“No! I was gone for not even a minute and it was deserted!” I exclaim getting a little too emotional and it grabs Lucifer’s attention. I calm down and continue explaining, “Anyway, um…I had to go back to the studio, it was on the tenth floor. The light on the elevator started flickering when I reached the second floor, but I just thought it was because of the storm.” I chuckle thinking how stupid I was for that thought. Getting to the main part I grip the sheet tightly and then say, “It’s not until I got to the fifth floor that suddenly the lights went crazy and the elevator shook violently which made me fall to the ground.” I take a deep breath and mutter, ”I…I thought I was going to...”
I must have paused for too long because Lucifer asks, “What happened?”
I grasp my drink taking a sip and say, “I don’t know how to make it seem like I’m not crazy, but the elevator changed. The one I was in had small gray walls with the floors going up to fourteen. Then right before my eyes, the walls were gold, it was bigger and had more thirty floors with a keypad. The door opens and I see you choke-holding someone.” I take a breath and finish, “That’s what happened to me and I don’t understand.” Finally I lift my head to see Lucifer was no longer sitting in the chair, but by the balcony with his back to me.
There’s a period of silence before he speaks, “So, essentially you’re telling me that you transported from New York to here through elevators and you don’t know how or why?”
I give him a simple yes getting up and mumble, “Do you believe me?”
Somehow he hears and responds, “Yes, but it might not be as simple as you transporting across the country.” He huffs and steps out onto his balcony. ‘Yea, I know that’s true because I wouldn’t be talking to you if that was the case.’ I remark to myself. I proceed to follow him outside hanging back a little and watch as he lights a cigarette. After taking a long drag, he informs me, “There are such things as other worlds, specifically Earth and you my dear…” He turns to me and states, “…somehow jumped from yours to this one.” I remember the small CW clip of him that hinted about other Earths, but never thought it applied to real life.
The only logical response is asking, “How do I get back?”
Apparently this makes Lucifer laugh and say, “Oh darling, for me it’s simple, but for you humans, I have no clue.” He notices my silence and clears his throat adding, “But if you got here, you can probably get back.” I ponder for a good second before I make a decision I will most likely regret. I ask myself, ‘Should I really do this?’ With no other options, I walk up next to Lucifer a few feet away, lean on the railing and stare out at the view.
“Can you help me?” I mutter quickly.
He turns his gaze towards me, responding, “What was that?”
I take a deep breath and repeat, “Can you help me find a way to get back?”
“Are you asking for a favor?” he asks smirking.
“Yes.” I tell him. Expecting Lucifer to give me his hand to make it official, I lift my own up, but surprisingly that’s not the case.
Instead he says, “Before we make a deal, I have a few more questions.”
I’m curious about what else he wants to know and ask, “What else is there?”
“Well you my dear have been acting odd.” He accuses turning fully towards me. Before I can ask him what he means, Lucifer continues, “Ever since you’ve woken up, you have not asked me about your current whereabouts, question as to why I call people “humans,” and you just fully accepted that there’s more than one Earth. Furthermore, you have not even asked me for my name. The only thing you did ask me was how long you slept and for a drink.” I try to keep my composure when he moved closer until he towered over me while he spoke. ‘Okay…I’m in trouble. Telling him that his life is a television show and he’s fictional on my Earth would not be a good idea. I need to think of something fast, but he’ll know when I’m lying.’ I internally panic.
My thoughts are put on hold when Lucifer looks directly into my eyes and asks, “Tell me Ms. Perkins, what is it that you—” I interrupt him by tearing my eyes away and turning back towards the view of Los Angeles. ‘Oh no no! He is not going to do that to me! I have no idea what I’ll say. I might spill the truth to him, so I can’t risk it.’ I mull over while glancing over to Lucifer from the corner of my eye. He’s clearly annoyed that I pulled away before he finished.
“Well that’s because…” I start lingering a little before I continue, “…I just experienced this weird phenomenon in an elevator that I can’t explain and you seem to have the answer. I decided I’m just going to accept anything else that’s odd because why fight something I can’t control in this moment?” I then add, “Also, it looks like I'm in Los Angeles and after you asked for my name, I assumed you would introduce yourself.” Hoping that relieves his suspicion of me, I peer back over to Lucifer. He adjusts his suit and stands a little straighter.
He holds out his hand and once I hesitantly grasp it, he smirks introducing himself, “Lucifer Morningstar.” I’m unsure if he fully trusts me, but I’ll take it as a good sign. ‘I have to be more careful with how I act around him from now on.’ I make a mental note.
“Lucifer? Meaning—” I say acting the way he’s expecting me to.
He let’s go of my hand and finishes, “The Devil.” Even though I’ve watched him have this interaction on the show a number of times, it feels different. When it was on the show, I liked seeing the reaction of the person and I smiled. However, with Lucifer addressing it to me, with the smirk he always has on his face, it’s a bit unsettling. It’s not a show anymore. This is the actual devil standing in front of me. However, I do have an idea, ‘I've always wanted to mess with him and shake him up a bit when it came to this.’
“So…what would you like me to call you?” I ask him casually and before he responds I finish with, “Beelzebub? Satan? Lord of Darkness?” The only sign I see of Lucifer being caught off-guard by response is the slightest eye twitch.
He chuckles and says with a tight smile, “Firstly, it’s usually prince, not lord. And secondly, again you don’t seem to be…surprised with the fact that I just told you I’m the devil. Do you think I'm lying? Because the devil never lies.”
“Well, like I said before…I’ve already had strange things happen to me. It actually makes sense with the explanation you gave me about multiple Earths. I would think the devil is the one to know about things like that.” I reply to him. There’s an unexpected silence which causes me to look over at Lucifer only to find him staring at me with a puzzled expression. “What?” I ask him.
“So, you believe me, yet you’re not afraid?” he questions.
I confirm, “Yea,” and explain, “you haven’t given me a reason to be afraid. I mean, the situation, especially waking up without clothes, scares me, but you’ve actually been kind of helpful.” My outside response is different from what I’m thinking, ‘Plus, it helps that I knew who you were beforehand.’
Lucifer clears his throat and speaks, “Right well,” he puts out the cigarette and holds his hand out announcing, “I’ll help you get back to your Earth, but I’ll require a favor from you whenever I choose to use it.” This is what the night has been leading up to, making a deal with the devil.
I lock on to his hand, take a deep breath, and shakily take his in mine saying, “Okay, it’s a deal.”
“Great!” Lucifer chimes while turning to go back inside, “We’ll meet and start first thing tomorrow, it’s been a long day.” I follow behind, but stop with the realization I have nowhere to go.
Feeling stupid, I stammer out, “I need another favor.”
Lucifer spins on his heels and scoffs, “Honestly, we haven’t even fulfilled our first agreement.”
“I need a place to stay.” I mumble embarrassed.
He pretends to not hear me and jokes, “Sorry what was that? You need a face to sit on?”
“What!? No!” I shout taken aback. Recovering from his comment, I repeat louder, “I need a place to stay.”
He laughs, “Yep, heard you the first time.”
I include, “Just until I can get my own place temporarily.”
Grabbing his whiskey glass to finish the last bit he says, “Fine! You can stay here until you get yourself sorted out.” Lucifer puts his glass down on the piano making his way to his bedroom.
I exclaim, “Thank you!”
“Yes, yes. I’m mainly doing it to keep an eye on you. Anyway, it’s been a long day.” He says turning to me on the steps and points to another alcove on the same side of his room. “Guest room is down the hall and to the left, further down to the right is the washroom.” He informs me. Before I can comment, he says quickly, “Good? Okay, night.” He retreated into the room afterwards leaving me alone in the main room.
Not knowing what else to do and feeling awkward alone in Lucifer's penthouse, I head down the hall he mentioned. ‘This area was never shown in the show, I’m kind of curious with how it looks.’ I wonder with a hint of excitement. Reaching the door, I open it and surprisingly it’s like Lucifer’s room. The only difference is it’s smaller, the bed sheets are white, no stone carved walls, and it doesn’t have Lucifer’s things. I immediately make haste towards the bed and flop down on my back.
“I don’t think I’ll ever be able to fully let this sink in.” I whisper, “I just made a deal with Lucifer Morningstar in…no…clothes.” Hopping out of the bed hoping I can get my clothes before he falls asleep, I hurry to the door and open it, but crash into something. I move back to discover it’s a torso, specifically Lucifer’s.
“You left your clothes in my room.” He smirks amused and adds, “Second time I’m saying that to someone who I haven’t slept with first.”
I snatch the clothes from his hand embarrassed and stutter out, “Thanks.”
Right before I shut the door, he stops me and says, “One more thing.”
“What?” I ask tiredly.
“Why did you call me Tom?” he inquires with curiosity.
“What?” I ask again, but more awake now.
Lucifer explains, “Right before you fainted, you looked at me and said “Tom?””
I reply fast, “I don’t know.” I attempt to close the door again and he stops me a second time.
With a stern expression he says, “You do know. Why?” I think, ‘Oh no…I can’t tell him. Unless…’
I respond, “I thought you were someone else that I know.”
Lucifer examines my face for a second then smirks, “Well, he must be quite handsome.” I sigh finally closing the door in his face and through the door hear him chuckle, “Have a good night, Ms. Perkins!”
Dragging my feet to the bed, I fall face first this time. That wasn’t the best decision because my arms scream out in pain and I immediately turn over. Lifting my arms to fully examine them, I sigh clearly exhausted physically and emotionally. ‘I’ll figure more things out tomorrow like where I’m at in terms of the show and if it does play out like the show, what I should or shouldn’t do. I dealt with enough right now.’ I decide for myself and also think, ‘At least I know how to get around revealing too much to Lucifer. Don’t lie, but be vague with my answers. Hopefully I can keep up the act and nothing bad happened. I just don't know if I can handle him.’ After that, I drift off to sleep with one more thought, ‘But seriously...Lucifer Morningstar is actually real.’
Thanks for reading! I don't know how long this story will be, but look forward to more of it! I hope you're enjoying it so far!
#lucifer#lucifer morningstar#lucifer imagine#lucifer fanfic#lucifer fanfiction#reader#x reader#lucifer x reader#lucifer x oc#chloe decker#deckerstar#chlucifer#lucifer x chloe#ella lopez#maze#mazikeen#linda martin#amenadiel#charlotte richards#dan espinoza#lucifer morningstar x reader#lucifer morningstar x oc
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27-29 for the get to know my favorites game
Hello, lovely! Thank you for these. :) Trios turned out to be a surprising challenge (I apparently have more favorite groups of four than three), but I’m pretty happy with the ones I remembered after giving it some thought. The final picks are under the cut! <3
Top 5 BROTPs
1. Paula Proctor & Rebecca Bunch (Crazy Ex-Girlfriend) - Naturally, this was the immediate choice that sprang to mind. It’s the first relationship on the show I really fell in love with, and it’s the one friendship in the series that consistently tugs on my heartstrings. It’s flawed, complicated, and messy but the genuine connection underneath it all is strong enough that I’m hopeful they can work through their problems. I would’ve preferred to see more emphasis on that effort in the fourth season (and a lot more work on Rebecca’s friendships with Heather and Valencia as well), but I want to believe things improved between them after the finale.
2. Steve Harrington & Robin Buckley (Stranger Things) - The general public opinion of Steve Harrington has been on such a journey since Season 1, bringing him now to a status of common fan favorite. As such, I think a delicate balance needed to be struck in finding a suitable match to team up with him on adventures. This person needed to:
A) Have good chemistry in their interactions with Steve
B) Bring a new dynamic to the table that he didn’t already have with an existing connection
and most importantly
C) Be a unique and engaging character that the audience would care about individually, so they didn’t get lost in simply being an offshoot of Steve’s story. They couldn’t be relegated to perpetual sidekick with little else to define them.
As far as I’m concerned, Robin Buckley fits the bill on every account. She’s artistic, resilient, loyal, and - especially endearing to me - a movie buff. She has a quick wit, a sharp mind, and a big heart. Being friends with Robin helps Steve take the specter of his high school self less seriously so he can put it behind him, and she helps him more fully embrace the person he’s becoming in the wake of that lost status. Having Steve for a friend helps Robin resolve some lingering emotional scars from school as well. It gives her an opportunity to share her authentic self with a peer and - to her relief and ours - find acceptance after revealing a pretty important secret. I can’t wait to watch the two of them be adorably nerdy and goofy bros at Family Video in Season 4, presumably with some daring fights against dark forces when they’re off the clock. Does saying I hope Kali comes to Hawkins somehow and bonds with one or both of them mean I can speak that into existence? I’m doing that now. It’s worth a try. If it happens in some capacity when the time comes, know that I will throw a One Blogger Party of epic proportions.
3. Wynonna Earp & Nicole Haught (Wynonna Earp) - I had to use this specific screencap because it perfectly encapsulates the chaotic energy that makes me loves these two together so much. Their separate approaches to their shared work environment are at pretty much polar opposite ends of the spectrum, but they make a pretty solid team when they play to each other’s strengths and communicate. They also both love Waverly most of all, so it feels like they were bound to work out their differences eventually since neither would want to make her feel torn between her sister and her girlfriend. The hijinks they get up to in each other’s company are just top shelf. I look forward to at least a little bit of fun like that from every season. If I wind up having a lasting partner later on down the road, it’d be cool if their personality balanced well with my sister’s on this level. I’d also be really happy if I ultimately gelled with her person in a way that sounded unlikely at first but worked. Fingers crossed for both outcomes, but I guess we’ll have to wait and see.
4. Emily Thorne [Amanda Clarke] & Nolan Ross (Revenge) - I have two things to quickly clarify for those who are unfamiliar with this show.
#1 She has two listed names because she was born Amanda Clarke but goes by Emily Thorne for most of the series to hide her true identity.
#2 Despite the impression this picture may give, Nolan is not marrying Emily; he is simply walking her down the aisle.
These two are there for each other through so much - the looming threat of discovery, jail time, capture, near death experiences, heartbreak, the passing of loved ones, etc. - and they make it to the other side with a deep bond the likes of which they’ll never experience with another person. It is at times heavily one-sided because of how much drama Emily deliberately dives into, but it’s something that she tries to make up for during her more self-aware and less self-involved times. There’s genuine love and mutual respect there by the finale and it’s really gratifying to witness the journey they’ve taken together.
[~Slightly spoiler-y closing statement after these brackets~] I was pretty sure I knew where the show was going with romantic ships by the end. I knew for certain it wasn’t my personal OTP for her because they’d already killed that person off quite some time ago. There was a part of me that could’ve found some contentment in leaving the story with these two as a couple. After all, one of my favorite ship dynamics is Reluctant Acquaintances to Best Friends to Lovers, but it was not to be. That being said, the platonic friendship they shared was a big part of the heart of the show and I cherish it for that. Nolan was a rare exception for Emily, a genuine bond formed in the years when she was tried to operate like her heart was made of stone. I also think working with Emily gave Nolan a sense of purpose and let him flourish in his area of expertise. I’m not sure how either of them would feel about the musical reference but, to slightly paraphrase from Wicked: because they knew each other, they have been changed for good.
5. Penelope Stamp & Bang Bang (The Brothers Bloom) - I have seen Rachel Weisz and Rinko Kikuchi in more roles since this movie than I had prior to watching it for the first time so, if anything, my fangirling over this friendship has gotten worse rather than more manageable. x) This post classified the film under the subgenre whimsical noir. It turns out that’s a style I instantly adore every time I stumble upon it. One of the titular brothers, Stephen, lives so deeply immersed in the variations of the world he writes for their heists that even those closest to him are essentially characters he can interact with on a daily basis. His feelings for them as people can get very muddled with his feelings for them as interesting OCs to move through narratives. A big trouble with this is that his living archetypes can often get reduced to clichés. He’s not always mindful of their nuances or allowing for the full range of their autonomy. Penelope is selected by Stephen to serve as the “manic pixie dream girl” who will be his brother Bloom’s forever love and Bang Bang is essentially presented as a “dragon lady” stereotype. I haven’t done a rewatch in years so I may be giving the movie too much credit here, but I remember this choice feeling at least semi-deliberate. It could be interpreted as a way to illustrate how Stephen warps real life to fit his vision. At least, I can definitely remember scenes that felt like they debunked the one-note assessments of these two. What I genuinely love, though, are the little moments when Penelope and Bang Bang are able to just spend time together with little to no interference from Stephen or Bloom. They share their hobbies and teach each other new skills. It feels like they truly perceive one another as whole human beings on a level that neither guy is capable of doing since they’re both so immersed in the drama of the plot. When the women are with each other, they get to be more than an extension of the men who maneuver them; they get to be themselves. Penelope is the only one Bang Bang clearly wants to maintain contact with once the heist is finished. I think that says a lot. Honestly, this is another BROTP that could slide to OTP. If someone wrote fic of them completely severing ties with the brothers and going off on their own - romantically or platonically - I wouldn’t be upset at all.
Top 5 Trios
1. Luke, Leia, & Han (Star Wars Episodes IV - VI) - Oh dear, I’m overwhelmed just looking at a picture of them together. Star Wars has been a part of my life since childhood. Getting to watch the original trilogy felt like a rite of passage (when I was really little, Mom used to find things for us to do outside the room while Dad watched because she was afraid some of it might scare me). Princess Leia resounded with me on a level that almost no other fictional royalty has ever quite matched. Han’s wardrobe is still some serious #aestheticgoals and I would 100% wear replicas of his jackets and vests if I had them. I also remember thinking that Luke’s new look in Return of the Jedi was SO COOL with the all-black wardrobe and green lightsaber. Wow, imagine that, an edgy costume change that shared vibes with the common Disney villain color palette called to me as a baby fan of antagonists and antiheroes! Who ever could have foreseen that sudden spike in appreciation? :P Anyway, one of my lingering sorrows about the more recent trilogy is that we never got to see all three of them as aged adults in each other’s company. I still wanted our new cast to get their time to shine, of course, but I do lament the absence of at least one little trio reunion.
2. Luna, Neville, & Ginny (Harry Potter series) - The Silver Trio, pictured here with the first set of three that comes to mind when thinking about the books and movies. I do still love Harry, Ron, and Hermione, but I’ve found a growing appreciation for this other team-up over the years. They’ve been through a lot too, even if they are not always present where the main action is. Bullying, loss of parents, manipulation of the mind and body, abuse at the hands of authority figures - they’re all left with internal (and probably external) scars to bear. There’s also something to be said for how strong they all were in the school year set during Deathly Hallows, when the Golden Trio wasn’t around to inspire and unite those who wanted to stand up to ever-increasing tyranny. It can be easy, unfortunately, for them to get written off based on the oversimplified stereotypes that have gotten associated with them. People remember Luna as being weird and spacey, Neville as awkward and hapless, and Ginny as bland and lovestruck. They’re all far more nuanced than that, and they accomplish great things while fighting for and beside their friends. I’m planning on doing a re-read of the books at some point, and I really look forward to revisiting these brave kids.
3. Irma, Marion, & Miranda (Picnic at Hanging Rock) - Ah, yes, my very recently discovered darlings. I have many thoughts about them all. I’ll try to keep this as condensed as I can while still making sense. Some spoilers will follow, although those won’t answer every question the story poses. There are audience members who ship the above characters as a throuple, which I totally get, but for me it’s like soulmates of a different kind. These three have met at a point in their lives when they all burn with compatible intensity. They long for the same dream version of youth, for a way to begin life free from the confines of a world that won’t accept all their hearts contain. While the people that surround them may not be willing to bend the rules, nature itself appears to show them mercy. How often do we see a story of girls who just... love other women so much that a sacred location goes, “Y’know what? I’m gonna help you escape your restrictive society. Permanently.” This miniseries definitely depicts the setting as being involved in messing with the investigation, as a mystical place that befuddles unwanted intruders. I love the way these three fortify each other in times of pain and fear, and there’s something deeply moving about how standing side-by-side helps them defy the odds.
4. Sarah, Alison, & Cosima (Orphan Black) - Okay so, technically, when I picture our core team in this show, the net is a little wider. My mind tends to also include Felix, Mrs. S., Kira, Helena, Donnie, Delphine, and Scott. However, I think you could kinda argue that those characters have a stronger connection to one of the above three than they do to the other two. Thus, this ends up being the central triangle. They’re all such solid performances and the fact they’re all played by the same person is incredibly impressive (not to mention the, like, twelve other clones Tatiana brings to life throughout the series). Watching them go from tense strangers to sestras was wonderful. I’m glad they had each other through the increasingly complicated web of lies and schemes they had to unravel and survive.
5. Galavant, Sid, & Isabella (Galavant) - Remember how James Marsden was in Enchanted? If you dialed down the deliberately cartoonish quality of that performance and allowed for more not-so-G-rated humor, I feel like you’d have a general sense of what Galavant is like as a character. Sid is his squire and Isabella is a princess whose mission happens to combine with Galavant’s, albeit fueled by different driving motivations. They find themselves involved in a lot of shenanigans because of Galavant - even in his own universe, he’s into the whole dashing knight thing more than is strictly necessary - but they make a fun little team to follow through the world of this musical television series. I’ve gotten fuzzy on the details since I watched it air live four years ago, but I remember the series being enough of a summer feel-good time that I’d be game to revisit the show again someday.
Top 5 Family Relationships
1. Stevie Budd & The Roses (Schitt’s Creek) - The whole fish-out-of-water setup for this series was already pretty fun in and of itself, especially given how outlandish their lifestyles evidently were before the show begins. The thing that makes it special, though, is how the absence of all their expensive distractions finally helps them prioritize being a family. The Roses do a lot of work to reconcile who they were with who they find themselves becoming in the present. It’s sweet to see them collectively conclude that growing closer to each other is one of the few things they do not regret in the slightest. They also silently agree to adopt Stevie along the way and, boy, does that give me a lot of Big Feelings, particularly in the later seasons.
2. River Song & The Ponds (Doctor Who) - I think it’s been like seven years or so, give or take, since I watched Doctor Who with any regularity. These three have resurfaced in my mind many times since then. They all love with such fierce and unwavering devotion, spanning lifetimes. It’s fascinating - and often heartbreaking - to learn about the things they’ve experienced and endured. Oh gosh, and once the show reveals how River’s story overlaps with theirs, and you pay attention to how she looks at them, IT HURTS but it’s so engaging to watch. The emotions are all flooding back just remembering them now. Argh, what great characters... </3
3. The Tico Sisters (Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi) - Rose appears in two installments of the third trilogy, but this is the episode that has both Tico daughters. We never get to see them interact onscreen in the film, but I still feel the bond between these sisters so intensely. I found out later that Kelly was present for the filming of Paige’s death scene (which happens so early in the movie that it doesn’t feel like a big spoiler - please forgive me if it is). I’m glad that was something they decided to do behind-the-scenes, because it definitely informs Rose’s grief. She’s sitting in the dark, picturing her big sister’s final moments with such horribly vivid detail that it feels like she was there, and yet she can’t do anything to change how it ends. The shape of the sisters’ necklaces immediately establishes that they were a unit even when acting independently, that they felt like two halves of a whole - all they had left of their family. Now there is only one, and that fact is a weight around Rose’s neck both figuratively and literally. It serves as a visual reminder of how she carries Paige’s absence always, trying to discover and embrace who she is on her own while still honoring the memory of a relative she loved so deeply. I think she reaches the end of Episode VIII feeling like she’s someone of whom her sister would be quite proud. I’m very proud of her, too.
4. The Tyler Siblings (Wonderfalls) - Jaye is comically different than the rest of her family, and the show establishes that right out the gate when we learn that she’s the only one whose name doesn’t rhyme with the rest (left to right, the others are Karen, Sharon, Darrin, and Aaron, respectively). Her relationships with her parents could certainly lead me off on some analytical tangents but, predictably, it’s the sibling stuff that interests me more. I think it could be said that all three do more living inside their heads than they do out in the world, and that they’ve all grown up to be borderline loners (Ironically Jaye, who is considered the most troubled, is the only one I remember being shown to have formed and maintained a friendship). Aaron’s a very philosophical and analytical person, so you get the sense he talks to himself more than to others, although he still manages to resurface from those deep contemplations so he can goad and tease his sisters from time to time. Sharon is high-strung, competitive, and brings that “disaster lesbian” energy to basically every social interaction she has. Jaye’s standoffishness seems to stem from both the difficulty of fitting in with people and the fear that connections will fall apart once they manage to form at all. They’re all just messes trying to make the best out of the situations they face, and I appreciate that. I also enjoy how prominently the Jaye and Sharon sister bond features throughout the show’s only season. It starts out on pretty rocky ground, but they grow a lot in regard to how willing they are to communicate and express their love for one another.
5. The Brothers Proctor (Crazy Ex-Girlfriend) - The family dynamics in their house are in need of some serious work, without a doubt. I’m just really touched by how close these two have become without Paula’s notice. It’s possible they always were, in that we-fight-but-we-care way that siblings can often be, but the supportive side of that really moves to the forefront as they get older in the series and it warms my heart. There’s such a glaring difference between The Household As Paula Views It and Things That Are Happening While She’s Not Paying Attention. I can’t help using fic as a way to explore that. I happily find excuses for her sons to make pop-in appearances, just to check up on them. I'm so pleased that, as of Season 4, they seem to have become fairly well-adjusted in spite of everything. Oh, and I am still not over the revelation that they attend renaissance festivals together, in character, for fun. What precious cuties who would no doubt dislike me referring to them as such! Paula, please give them an extra hug from me!
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I want to get started in on classic films: are there any you personally recommend?
Hey, thanks for asking! <3
So from your ask I took you wanted a recommendation of classic films that may be my personal favourites. So I’m going to go with the ones that I personally are current loving and finding the most ‘rewatchable’/ have saved on my computer, as well as ones that I do think everyone should watch/ are fantastic, but tend to be the ones I don’t reach for as often.
This obviously does not include all the classic films that you can find online in ‘Best of’ Lists (although there obviously is some overlap), but I also tended to do straight up ‘films.’ Classic musicals are another thing entirely, so if you want my suggestions on them, just drop me another line.
My current favourite Classic Hollywood films tend to be along the film noir genre or thrillers/ murder mysteries. In case you didn’t know, film noir is defined as the following:
Film noir (/nwɑːr/; French: [film nwaʁ]) is a cinematic term used primarily to describe stylish Hollywood crime dramas, particularly those that emphasize cynical attitudes and sexual motivations. The 1940s and 1950s are generally regarded as the "classic period" of American film noir. Film noir of this era is associated with a low-key, black-and-white visual style that has roots in German Expressionist cinematography. Many of the prototypical stories and much of the attitude of classic noir derive from the hardboiled school of crime fiction that emerged in the United States during the Great Depression.
This means in terms of ‘horror’ genre movies, I tend to avoid gore/slashers (which were not a thing back in the day, but I felt I needed to emphasise that) I only watch horror movies that don’t rely on cheap jump scares, tricks, and tend to have good psychological motivations, because as Alfred Hitchcock said, the original master of horror, the mind is scarier than anything you can create otherwise.
My Current Favourites:
The Ghost and Mrs. Muir: A widower in the early twentieth century falls in love with the former inhabitant of the house she bought, who happens to be a crotchety old sea captain played by Rex Harrison, king of crotchety old crotchety characters. The film plays out as he tries to emancipate her from her ex-husband’s overbearing family, and get her to ironically accept more of life from beyond the grave. (Literally, I’m not a big romance movie person, but this is the only romance movie I will accept in my life because it involves a ghost and has other elements/ not just is total schmalz).
Alfred Hitchcock’s Rope: Two gays commit a murder and host a dinner party over it. Based on the Leopold and Loeb murders of the 1920s (Look them up if you don’t know about them; absolutely mental), the film is coded as hell (because 1940s), but is also homoerotic as fuck, acknowledged as homoerotic by everyone who worked on it, one of the main actors was gay, and it involves Jimmy Stewart being dropped in as a dinner party guest and eventually trying to solve the crime. It’s probably honestly my favourite Alfred Hitchcock, because it’s a quick watch, it takes place inside the entirely same space the entire movie (but never feels like it), and is the perfect example of a murder mystery).
The Postman Always Rings Twice: The quintessential film noir, featuring Lana Turner’s amazing outfits and honestly, a really well-rounded performance by her. I only saw this recently for the first time, and if you don’t know, Lana Turner was considered the ‘blonde bombshell’ of her time, and not much in the acting department (By word of mouth). So going into the film, I assumed she’d be a terrible actress: but she was honestly really fantastic, created a nuanced performance out of the often one-note femme fetale characters given to women in film noir, and you honestly understand her motivations and character, however flawed. I’m now a fan and am searching out more of her work.
Double Indemnity: Another film noir I saw recently, and fell in love with Barbara Stanwyck’s acting and her in general. In real life, she was an adorable bisexual; in film, and this film in particular, she’s a fantastic actress, and I’m searching out more of her work now, even into her sixties and seventies, where she did some fantastic performances in series on TV into the seventies and eighties (This monologue of her being an old woman and having a crush on a young man is both heartbreaking, pitiful, and understandable, and it’s so well acted. It gives you just a taste of her acting talent, and how hard she worked to create a well-rounded character). This is probably my favourite film noir overall, definitely because of Barbara Stanwyck and her crazy wig. xD
The Twilight Zone [Original TV Show Run]: I know this is a TV show, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention it. I love The Twilight Zone, and none of the later revamps have come close to touching it, and the effect it’s had on pop culture cinema. Some of the more ‘creative’ episodes (I.E: The awful ones with cowboys or aliens), I tend to skip, but The Twilight Zone is at its greatest when its creator Rod Serling is able to narrate about problems we all struggle with, and create a twist to really punch home if scenarios were different. Some of my favourites off the top of my head would be ‘Last Stop at Willoughby’ and ‘Nothing in the Dark,’ which are criminally underrated episodes. There’s also a great resource in this AV Club website, which literally reviews each and every plot of the original run and gives it a letter grade. I’m still not fully through the original run (because there’s 150 episodes, yikes), but I’ve watched at least half of the episodes, if not more. Plus it’s where, once you’ve watched more Classic Hollywood material/TV, you’ll begin to recognise a ton of character actors/early up and comers in the episodes, like random!William Shatner (twice), and Baby!Robert Redford (Who’s fucking adorable and I love him so much in his episode).
Twelve Angry Men: Twelve very different men are brought together on a jury to decide the fate of a young vaguely ethnic man. It’s a classic and I swear it should be shown in every school. It’s one of my favourite movies of all time, point stop, and honestly, as a J.D. graduate and someone who just needs to complete their admissions program now to become a lawyer, this is ‘my’ law-based movie (Most people are To Kill a Mockingbird, which by this point, trust me, is cliched to hear other lawyers talk about, even though it’s another fantastic movie you should watch). Even if I can’t turn off my lawyer brain at one point where something happens and I’m like THAT’S A MISTRIAL XD, it’s still one of the best films I’ve ever seen, and I rewatch it at least every two months.
Some of my Other Recommendations (That I don’t rewatch often but still are fantastic):
All About Eve (BETTE DAVIS)
Rebel Without a Cause (JAMES DEAN)
A Streetcar Named Desire (MARLON BRANDO BEFORE HE WAS CRAZY)
On the Waterfront (SEE ABOVE)
Cool Hand Luke (PAUL NEWMAN)
Sunset Boulevard
Psycho (Hitchcock)
Vertigo (Hitchcock)
Leave Her to Heaven (Gene Tierney and her fabulous wardrobe)
Hope that gives you some ideas to start with! If you need any other help, let me know! <3
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January Jewels 2020
I’ve purposely put off writing this monthly wrap-up because, well, christ. January was a terrible month. I don’t need to go into the details of why, but the consensus from everyone that I’ve talked to fully agrees with me on this. What the hell happened? Starting a new decade is supposed to be great. In any case, I’ll always have high hopes for the future. And I’m just thankful to begin a new month. Here’s what went down in the pit that was January 2020.
First things first, I recapped how my 2019 resolutions turned out. Why don’t more people do this? Where’s the accountability in reviewing your past resolutions? They’re not fucking birthday wishes, they’re intentions! More people need to follow through with this, even if the results aren’t what you hoped for.
I made my 2020 resolutions.
I fell absolutely in love with this sketch.
I did two podcasts with Nathan - one where we talked about the pope incident and one where I absolutely scream at him about Hillary.
I read Jenny Slate’s new book as well as a tiny little book about how to live a good life.
I ended up buying another J. Crew swimsuit (the same one I bought a few months ago, but this time in red) and I have no regrets.
In love with Trader Joe’s (dairy free) coconut whipped cream, I can’t stop using it in hot chocolate.
I rewatched (or watched for the first time, I truly can’t remember) The Staircase and it’s so good. I’m pretty sure Marla got me MP3 copies of this years ago and I did watch it, but I completely forgot about it in detail. Such a good watch. If you’ve already seen it, do you know about the owl theory? It’s a wild one, but, like, I think an owl did it now?
I’ve been using a small bottle of OUAI’s Wave Spray and if I can figure out how to not overspray it, it’s a great product. Once you use it though, your hair only looks good that day. After you sleep on it, your hair looks like shit. (Is that true of all hair products? I have absolutely no idea.)
Bought this Banana Republic top for $13 on sale and I love it because it does not feel like it cost so little.
I don’t know if it’s a Canadian brand but I have found a wicked alternative to Dollarama: Buck or Two. I went to one in Brampton and they’ve got everything.
I watched most of the SNL with Jennifer Lopez and wow did it suck. 99% of the sketches were basically “She’s pretty. That’s the joke.” Fucking hated it. They do this a lot of the time with certain actresses and I can’t ever tell if it’s because the actress loves doing these sketches or they’re afraid she can’t be funny. Whatever the reason is, blow my brains out, please.
I went to the Ear Inn in the city and it was lovely! Super old place. Service was great. Burger was great.
I went to Glossier with the intention of buying the cheek stain and then decided against it. It’s not a good product. I literally pinched my cheeks and got a better rosiness.
I came across probably my favourite winter children’s book of all time, The Snowman by Raymond Briggs. Look at one page of this magic.
I was so happy to hear about this matter finally being settled in New York.
I went to The Dutch again for Restaurant Week for their steak tartare and it’s just heaven on a plate.
I rewatched the great What Lies Beneath and man, it’s still just such a great movie.
As you may have heard, Papyrus is going out of business, so I’ve popped in twice to see what the closing deals are and they aren’t worth it yet (only 30% off! C’mon! I won’t get out of bed for at least 60%), so I’ll keep stopping in every so often until they’ve become desperate.
Love this part of a recent SNL (below). (If you can’t see it in Canada, search for “white male rage SNL.”
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I finally went to Boulud Sud for their pasta happy hour and man was it not worth it. The place has a terrible setup if you’re sitting at the bar, the food was absolutely nothing special and had ridiculous portion sizes. It’s also a bad sign when the bread is tastier than the entree. Super disappointing.
I tried on the bras and underwear from LIVELY in Soho and even though it’s priced reasonably, I couldn’t find anything I loved. I have a feeling that I could be into it though, so I’ll go again sometime in the future for sure.
I’ll forever love the lunch special at Pil Pil on the Upper East Side. I know I probably bring this up too much, but man. Love tapas.
I can’t stop buying sunglasses for sale at ALDO. And I won’t.
I finished season one of The West Wing and it was really good. I keep forgetting about it, but I should stick with it. People, like, loved that show, didn’t they?
I started using Sol De Janeiro’s Bum Bum Cream… on my butt. That’s what it’s for, no? So far, I mean… it feels smooth? It’s not at all greasy, which I like. Seems weird to have a cream just for your butt, but who am I to criticize.
Ate the fish tacos at Summer Salt and they’re good! It’s insane and great that they sell margaritas at a fast casual place, too.
Very into this Pat McGrath mascara that I got as a Sephora reward.
Love this Wells For Boys sketch (below) from a few years ago that I just saw for the first time (thanks for showing me, Irene!)
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I haven’t been there in years, but I went to Sweet Afton for happy hour in Astoria the other day and had the pickle martini which actually wasn’t terrible. Love that place.
Tried the lunch burger at Peter Luger finally! And yes it was a good burger (love that they use American cheese and the bun was very good even though it's not a potato bun). Steakhouse burgers are always hard for me to rate since a steakhouse burger is a real *entree* unlike the regular, everyday burgers that other places have which are not as big and overwhelming. An everyday burger is easy to rate since it's either great, overrated or shit. A steakhouse burger has nuances, how juicy is too juicy? How's the quality of the meat? What are the ideal toppings? Should someone shoot me for my extensive burger thoughts? Yes.
I went to see a free orchestral performance put on by Julliard at Lincoln Center and it was great. It reminded me so much of going to my brother Gary’s recitals when I was a kid, just loved it.
Had dinner at Portale. The pasta was insane. This place might be a rival for L’Artusi! Dare I say it! Every bite was phenomenal. MUST return. (Noteworthy: it also just got two stars in the Times.)
LOVED this piece about Ricky Gervais and the Golden Globes. Favourite line: “The least risky thing in the world is announced apathy.“
Maybe you don’t know this, but 90% of post offices in the U.S. have bulletproof glass between the workers and the customers. It’s obviously because awful things have happened, but I’ve been going to this one post office in the city on 23rd street that doesn’t have the glass and the workers are SO MUCH MORE PLEASANT. I wish all locations were like this one. Just a thought.
Just bought another one of these UNIQLO shirts that I love in dark grey.
Every January I make sure to:
Mark down all holidays/birthdays/anniversaries (Valentine’s Day, Daylight Saving Times, Easter, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Thanksgiving)
Check expiration dates for passport/license/health card/insurance and write down any important renewal dates
I’ve watched the first two new episodes of Curb Your Enthusiasm and it fucking blows. There was only one thing I laughed at (when a server thought Larry was “oggling” her but he was really just keeping an eye on her tray with pigs in blankets) but OTHER THAN THAT, what a piece of shit season so far! I fucking hated the part in one episode where he videotapes the consent given between him and some woman as they’re making out. ALSO, and this has happened a few times over the seasons, he’s recycling fucking Seinfeld jokes. FROM THE SHOW. Talking about when it’s too late to get “Happy New Year-ed”? Are we kidding here?! Fucking lazy as hell. I might just stop watching.
I watched the new Taylor Swift documentary on Netflix and it’s really good. Even if you have zero opinion on her, I really liked it. (It also introduced me to this great song.)
Things that I’m looking forward to this month: seeing a Raptors game at Barclays Center, finally sitting down and watching season two of Shrill in its entirety, reading Joan Rivers’ book Enter Talking and and maybe going to another Restaurant Week lunch before the end date. February, please oh please don’t be as terrible as January.
If you’ve got any interest in reading last month’s roundup, you can see what went down in December over here!
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