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spitblaze · 3 months

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Gendertash From Hell Issue 02 (1993)

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GENDER MYTH #1

Although male-to-female transsexuals have surgery to change their anatomy and take female hormones, they still act like men.

FACT: Some male-to-female transsexuals act in ways many consider to be masculine; some don’t. The same can be said of nontranssexual women. In fact, some types of “masculine” behavior in nontranssexual women are applauded in the lesbian and women’s communities, while the same behavior in a transsexual woman is taken as proof that she is “really” a man. Labeling behaviors as masculine and feminine is of little practical value and only reinforces gender stereotypes.

GENDER MYTH #2

Male -to-female transsexuals are not womenborn women (or womyn-born womyn).

FACT: No one is born a woman. Most of us who ended up as women started out as girls. The paths we took to womanhood are many and varied. Most male-to-female transsexuals felt like girls from as early as they can remember, just like most nontransexual women. Although many nontranssexual women struggle with the changes associated with becoming women, most become women without consciously attempting to. This fact doesn’t make our paths any better, more natural, or more valid than transsexual women's paths.

GENDER MYTH #3

Male -to-female transsexuals have been socialized as men, and this socialization cannot be changed.

FACT: The messages given to each person about the roles of males and females in society are a little different, and these messages may be experienced in very different ways. Many transsexual women felt that the male messages they were given were inappropriate. Many felt inadequate to meet the demands placed on them to “act like a man.” Nontranssexual women feel they have a choice to become aware of and reject parts of their sex-role conditioning— so do transsexual women.

GENDER MYTH #4

Male-to-female transsexuals are trying to “pass” as women. They try to make themselves as much like nontranssexual women as possible.

FACT: Male-to-female transsexuals are women; they don’t need to pass. They don't necessarily want to hide or eliminate their differences from nontranssexual women, although the threat of ostracism leads many to do so. Some transsexuals are proud of their particular route to womanhood, feel that they have learned a lot from the joumey they have taken, and value the unique qualities they bring to the women’s community.

GENDER MYTH #5

Transsexuals take jobs away from other women because they had access to better training when they were men.

FACT: By making the transition from male to female and staying at the same job, some transsexuals have forced employers to change rules restricting women’s positions and salaries, thus opening doors for other women. Many transsexual women seek out qualified women to hire. Furthermore, by holding jobs not traditionally thought of as appropriate for women, these transsexual women bring the message to the general public that women are capable of performing “men’s” jobs.

GENDER MYTH #6

To lessen the power of patriarchy in our lives, we must purge our community of everything male, including women who once had male anatomy.

FACT: By emphasizing the distinction between male and female, we reinforce the idea that there are exactly two distinct sexes. This is the very concept that permits sexism to exist, because discrimination wouldbe impossible if women were not readily distinguishable from men. If we wish to deflate the power of the patriarchy, the most effective thing we can do is encourage the blurring of gender lines and expand our thinking beyond the male-female dualism.

GENDER MYTH #7

Most women can easily prove they are not male-to-female transsexuals, if they are challenged to do so.

FACT: There is no simple way to prove you are not a transsexual. There are no apparent physical characteristics nontranssexual 7 women have or lack that distinguish them absolutely from transsexual women. Birth certificates and other documents show an “F” for both. Chromosome tests may reveal | an XY pattern for a nontranssexual woman. | Hormone levels do not distinguish transsexuals from nontranssexuals. Even inspection of the genitals may not provide definitive proof of your gender history.

GENDER MYTH #8

Male-to-female transsexuals have been raised as boys, have never been oppressed as women, and cannot understand women’s oppression.

FACT: Some male-to-female transsexuals were raised as girls for portions of their lives, appeared to the world as girls, and were treated like girls. Some were beaten and raped both by outsiders and by their own family members because of their belief that they were girls or their desire to become girls. For most, the difference in the way they were treated when they appeared as men and after they began appearing as women brought sexism into sharp focus.

GENDER MYTH #9

Women’s space is not “safe” space if male-to-female transsexuals are allowed.

FACT: Women's space is not safe | whenever anyone in it behaves in threatening or disrespectful ways toward another. Transsexuals are no more likely to | behave this way than nontranssexuals. We should exclude individuals who behave badly rather than exclude an entire group 3 because some of its members act in | offensive ways—any group could be | excluded on this basis. Most importantly, )) women must take responsibility for their their own feelings of being unsafe when others are not acting in threatening ways.

GENDER MYTH #10

Transsexuals have surgery so they can have sex the way they want to.

FACT: How or with whom a person wants to have sex is rarely a major factor in the de) sire for sex reassignment. Usually, people undergo reassignment in order to make their bodies conform more closely to the way they feel inside—their gender. Whether a transsexual is attracted to men or to women usually doesn’t change with surgery. » Although no figures are available, probably | a third of transsexual women are straight, one third bisexual, and one third lesbian. Sexual orientation is not related to gender identity.

GENDER MYTH #11

Male-to-female transsexuals are trying to take over the lesbian community.

FACT: Most transsexuals who identify as lesbians are focused on their own personal growth and happiness—just like most nontranssexual lesbians. Those who feel strongly about their night to participate in women-only events may become activists for their cause and hope to influence the lesbian community. On the other hand, being overly sensitive to issues of power and wanting to avoid controversy, many transsexuals repeatedly decline to take leadership positions and abstain from participating in decision-making votes.

GENDER MYTH #12

The sex assigned to a person at birth is that person’s “real” sex.

FACT: Sex is assigned at birth on the basis of a cursory glance at the baby’s genitalia. | In about 5% of births, there is some ambiguity in the sexual organs, and mistakes can be made. In other cases, internal genitalia, chromosome patterns, hormone production, and secondary sex characteristics that develop later may be at variance with the person's external anatomy. Sex is arbitrarily assigned by the patriarchal medical system, and there is no reason to assume that it is any more correct or real than what a person experiences.

GENDER MYTH #13

The lesbian and women’s communities have nothing to gain by including transsexuals.

FACT: Transsexual women bring many valuable qualities to the women’s community. They bring skills usually taught only to men into the women’s community and pass them on to other women. Many are active feminists, increase opportunities for women, and seek to hire and promote women. Those who have made it through transition must have intelligence, persistence, and a sense of humor. Many also bring a spirituality that has been possessed historically by cross-gendered members of various cultures.

GENDER MYTH #14

Nontranssexual women have the right to decide whether transsexuals should be included in the women’s community.

FACT: Each individual has a right to claim her own identity. While being adamant about having this right for themselves, some members of the women’s community would deny it to others. Just as each woman must come to her own conclusion about whether she is a lesbian, each must know her own truth about being a woman. Transsexuals can and do include themselves in the women’s community and the lesbian community without permission from nontranssexuals.

GENDER MYTH #15

Transsexuals are guilty of deception when they don’t reveal right away that they are transsexuals.

FACT: There is no standard of disclosure that requires transsexuals to reveal their medical history, just as lesbians do not need to mention their sexual orientation immediately on meeting someone. The circumstances in which this is considered an important fact to know vary from person to person. The individual meeting a transsexual may collude in the “deception” by assuming she or he is a nontranssexual. If it’s important to you to know, take responsibility for asking.

GENDER MYTH #16

Male-to-female transsexuals are considered men until they have sexchange surgery.

FACT: Although male-to-female transsexuals appear as men during some part of their lives, most never consider themselves men. They have felt like females for their entire lives. The change from male to female is a change in external appearance of sex-related characteristics, not a change in gender (how a person feels inside). This transition takes place over a period of several years, and sex-reassignment surgery is only one part of it, together with living as a woman, taking hormones, and resocialization.

GENDER MYTH #17

People can be categorized as transsexual or nontranssexual—there’s no in-between.

FACT: There are nearly as many categories as there are people. There are transsexuals who have had or plan to have one, two, or many surgeries to make their bodies conform more closely to their gender, and those who will never have surgery. Some people feel comfortable expressing both genders. Some refuse to identify as either gender. Some people (male and female) enjoy cross-dressing, but their gender is congruent with their sex. Some conform to gender norms; some flout them. The possibilities are infinite.

GENDER MYTH #18

Women who want to become men have bought into societal hatred of women or are hoping to take advantage of male privilege.

FACT: Female-to-male transsexuals don’t want to become men—they are men. The reason they want to change their bodies to become more male appearing is because that’s how they feel inside. If they gain male privilege, it is tenuous; whatever they have gained is lost if they are discovered to be transsexuals. If transsexualism were based on misogyny, there would be far more female-to-male than male-to-female transsexuals. In fact, their numbers are thought to be about equal.

GENDER MYTH #19

A person’s “true” sex can be determined by chromosome testing.

FACT: Although most persons identified as male at birth have XY chromosomes and most of those identified as female have XX, there are many variations that can occur. Some “women-born women” have XY chromosomes, a fact that may be discovered only when they are tested to qualify for athletic competition. Other patterns, such as XXY, XYY, and XXX (no, this does not make you an amazon) can also exist. Some individuals have what is called mosaicism, in which some percentage of cells have an XY pattern and the remainder have XX.

GENDER MYTH #20

Transsexualism is unnatural—it is a new problem brought about by sophisticated technology.

FACT: Throughout recorded history there have been people whose gender identity did not match their anatomic sex, and there is evidence that sex-change surgery was performed thousands of years ago. In some cultures, transgendered individuals were held in high esteem as shamans. Today, surgery—from liposuction to sex reassignment—allows many people to have a physical form that is more congruent with | their inner sense of themselves and the way they want to appear

GENDER MYTH #21

“Real” women, certainly those who belong to the lesbian community, rejoice in their womanhood and have no desire to be men.

FACT: There are people who were assigned as females at birth who identify as men, and many of them become part of the lesbian community. Most would be labeled butch lesbians. Many are afraid to reveal their desire to appear more completely as men, including taking testosterone and undergoing surgery to remove their breasts and construct penises. (Transsexual men are apparently permitted at Michigan because they are “still women” according to the Festival doctrine of immutable sex.)

GENDER MYTH #22

Now that Festival policy has been made clear, there are no transsexuals at Michigan.

FACT: Festival policy is far from clear. The brochure states that the Festival is for “womyn-bom womyn.” Many transsexuals include themselves in that category. While some transsexuals have no desire to participate if they know they are unwelcome, others are here and will continue to come because they have a right to be at any event open to women. No statement has been issued about whether female-to-male transsexuals are welcome at the Festival.

GENDER MYTH #23

Transsexuals have caused trouble at Michigan, resulting in their expulsion.

FACT: According to Festival organizers, transsexuals have been attending MWMF for many years, and 1991 was the first time a transsexual has been expelled. Nancy Burkholder was expelled because she said something that made a woman suspect she was a transsexual, not because her behavior was offensive. In fact, Nancy had participated fully in the 1990 Festival without incident. There is no evidence that transsexuals have ever caused trouble at Michigan. Seeing transsexuals as trouble-makers is once again blaming the victim.

GENDER MYTH #24

Nontranssexual women at Michigan don't want male-to-female transsexuals here.

FACT: Although Festival organizers claim that the policy excluding transsexuals reflects the senument of the community at large, many nontranssexual women support the rights of transsexual women and want them to be included. A survey of over 600 women at the 1992 MWMF showed that 73% of those surveyed thought male-to-female transsexuals should be welcome at the Festival; 23% thought they should not be welcome and 4% were undecided. Only 20% would welcome female-to-male transsexuals, who are apparently permitted.

#spitblaze says things #queer #transgender #trans #ftm #mtf #lgbtqia #queer history #gendertrash #gendertrash from hell #queer zine #trans zine #in a way its comforting to know that these exact same arguments have been happening with only slightly different terminology #for like. 30 years now #less comforting that apparently ppl have been IGNORING US for 30 years but. yknow #maybe one day ppl will realize that not being intersectional in their views of gender doesnt do anything for anyone #shoutout to @draayder also #they're the one who found this in the first place #if you wanna know about niche 90s trans publications hes got ur back

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rotomicity · 8 months

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They're taking alpha (ft. omega) to court for custody battle

#ffxiv #cidnero #cid nan garlond #nero tol scaeva #alpha ffxiv #omega ffxiv #ff14 #final fantasy 14 #final fantasy xiv #final fantasy #this mount came out at the right time #immediate sticker design idea 😭😭#love my old men divorcees #(ignore that they're only in their 30s)#rotomic does artz

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what-wait-why · 1 year

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Makoto: This is my boyfriend Akira, and Akira's boyfriend Yusuke, and Yusuke's boyfriend Ryuji, and Ryuji's girlfriend Ann, and Ann's girlfriend Haru, who is also my girlfriend.

#Futaba is Akira's sister and also young enough for her inclusion in the polytheives to be Weird #they're all friends though #anyways i saw that starting a romance was an achievement in p5 and Makoto was the only one i could see my protag with #since you can't date the boys :(#persona 5 #crow.txt #ignore me i have p5 brainrot rn #clocked 30 hrs in four days #which is something else‚ for me

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yoitscro · 2 years

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Just had a flashback to the time I was told it was misogynistic to speak on how fujoshi culture tends to fetishize gay relationships.

#whew!#cis women in their 30s/late 20s will try to tell you anything tbh.#whilst weirdly ignoring the transphobic / racist / homophobic/ AND MISOGYNISTIC habits that come with that territory #that or their teens that dont know any better and probably ship their teachers during lunch time.#*they're #on a side note #the only good thats come from that demographic is the cis women --> trans pipeline #instead of wanting to see two guys kiss out of voyeurism you want to BE one of those guys and thats like. a whole different convo lmaoo.

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littlepetbee · 2 years

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the absolute fucking IDIOCY of cons*rvat*ve politicians speaking out against student loan forgiveness because "we can't give breaks to the wealthy at the expense of poor tax payers!!~!" like HELLOOOO 1) people with student debt aren't fucking wealthy, you fucking numbskulls!! THAT'S WHY WE'RE IN DEBT. the rich people didn't have to take out loans because they're rich!! their parents sent them to school! or they were even able to send themselves!! are you stupid???? and also 2) giving breaks to the wealthy at the expense of poor tax payers IS THE ENTIRE FOUNDATION OF YOUR PARTY. IT'S WHAT YOU LIVE FOR, ALONG WITH RACISM AND KILLING WOMEN. so all of a sudden you're '''''l*beral''''' when it means you don't have to help people???

#personal #SRY TO POLIT*CS POST AGAIN BUT. I'M HEATED #and obvs i'm not saying they're actually lib*ral...just that the stance they're taking would be lib*ral if it wasn't a load of shit #YEAH CALL ME THE ''WEALTHY' AGAIN I DARE YOU #when i gotta get most of my food from a food bank and am only able to move out from my parents at age 30 bc my sister is buying a house #what the FUCK are these people on #i mean they're on bullshit obviously but they can't possibly actually believe what they're saying right???#they just say whatever will get them points with the Cult Of Ignorance

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simonsslut · 7 months

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meeting simon in the army.

18+ MDNI || nsfw || f!reader || oneshot/drabble || masterlist

wc: around 4.8k

cw: eventual smut, unprotected p in v, lil massage trope, spit kink, simon being his own enemy, reader being oblivious, simon loves tits, simon’s kinda mean at first but sweet at the end-ish, not proofread.

Lieutenant Riley is familiar with the process of adding a new addition to their little task force. but just because he's familiar with it, doesn't mean he's a fan of it.

a new member, a new person means that he has to most likely deal with another soap of sorts. don't get it wrong, he's okay with soap, but that doesn't mean he enjoys the constant questions soap seems to ask about him, even when he knows they irritate him, but that won't stop his curiosity.

you're confident when you show up to the meeting room, nothing new. recruits are either confident in themselves or they're completely terrified and it'll be written all over their faces.

soap is quick to befriend you, both of you snipers and demolition experts after all. it gives him a whole new buddy to talk with. simon takes this as a good sign, maybe he won't have to spend much time showing your around and telling you about the team and how things work here if soap is gonna spend all his time with you. right? wrong.

Price assigns soap on a mission with another task force soap had recently worked with before TF141. meaning that Simon is going to have to spend every free waking moment he has with you. and for a guy like Simon, this is hell. but don't take it the wrong way, he's like this with everyone.

you're quick to find the large man rude, dismissive. you'll ask barely personal questions and he'll shrug it off and blatantly ignore you. will roll his eyes or just walk away mid-conversation (which was one-sided anyway).

maybe you talked too much? had you asked him too many questions? maybe he just didn't like you for absolutely zero reason. you decided to stop thinking too much about it. you didn't do anything wrong, maybe he's just a natural-born asshole.

Soap had mentioned something about the lieutenant having a stick somewhere deep up his ass and to not worry too much about how he treats you.

however, after telling yourself you'd stop losing sleep over it, you continued.

maybe he just wasn't used to having a woman on his team. They are all men after all. but that wouldn't be professional, plus the others aren't like that with you. they kinda just treat you like their own. they knew about your background, and what you have done, and they respected you for it, so why couldn't he?

simon knows better than most about your background, he had to study your file after Price mentioned your recruitment.

"weapons of choice - melee; knives, axe."

a shared opinion.

he trains with you to see how advanced you really are. weapon training and all that is fine, but sparring? this has to be a joke. that mountain of a man versus you? you've got muscle to you, yeah, but even soap going against simon is an evident loss. and soap is a big guy.

you start off with Gaz. he's also tall and well built, but he's the more common build of soldiers. you guys spar for an hour, or two, and then you take a break.

you don't think much about who your next spar round will be with, so the anxiousness doesn't begin to settle in until ghost's rough voice calls you over to the mat. he's the only one there. and it settles in.

you look over at Gaz and the look on his face is one of pity, your face drops.

it's not even 30 seconds into the round when you're already dropped to the ground. the mat feels like concrete when you hit your back on it.

"c'mon, get up." ghost says in an almost pissed off way.

you groan and roll over, quickly getting back up on your feet. "no mercy?" you ask in a huff. "you won't get mercy when you're fighting for your life in the field, you should know this, sergeant." he states dryly, but the way he said 'sergeant' sounded like an insult rolling off his tongue.

after 30 minutes of repeatedly losing, you admit defeat. but at least he stays with you after hours when the others have left, leaving you both alone so you don't have to keep losing in front of a crowd.

3 months of dry responses, frequent scoldings, straight-up constant attitude from the man and not many interactions besides from when he was ordering you around or lecturing you about a fuck up in training or on a mission.

and even though he wouldn't interact with you much, it somehow seemed that he was always on your ass, always watching to see what your next fuck up would be, always so observant. because why the hell were his eyes always on you? every time you'd glance over at him, he'd already be looking at you with that dark 1000-yard stare, arms crossed and sitting across any room you were in at the moment.

3 months is what it takes for him to not act like a complete brooding asshole towards you even for just a moment. reason? you saved his life.

sort of.

simon was clearing a wide area in a warehouse on a mission and it seems one of the men there seemed to blend in far better than anyone else could. Simon was almost too late, almost the one standing at the receiving end of a bullet to the head, but you had him. and you saved him.

neither of you thought too much about it though, after all, it is your job to have each other's backs in the field. he only gave you a gruff "thank you" when he brushed passed you towards the exit. but you took that thank you as a sign that he didn't absolutely despise you like you had thought he did for the past 3 months.

or so you thought. not much changed afterwards. but at least whenever you'd start a conversation, he'd just stare at you instead of walking off. but he'd always stay quiet. you wanted to give up, you should've given up. but something deep inside you had you pushing.

what it was wasn't so obvious at the time.

but that's probably because you were so oblivious.

you didn't know him like the boys did, you were new. so no one could've blamed you for not seeing the obvious frustration you caused him. soap on the other hand thought it was bloody comedic.

you always assumed the triple checks on your comms and positions were just because he didn't trust you enough to know what you were doing. because why would you think anything else with the way he behaved towards you?

the way he'd suddenly appear when a private was up and flirting with you. he'd come and scold you for having chitchat when you should've been doing paperwork, his jaw tensed. he'd look behind you to give the private a glare that you would've assumed was a 'get back to work' glare and not the threatening glare it actually was, because why would you think otherwise?

when you all went out to the pub for a drink after a long exhausting mission to relax a bit, but you hadn't had alcohol in so long so you didn't think to slow down, eventually blacking out on Simon's shoulder, and ending up in your quarters at the end of the night, boots off and snuggly tucked in under your sheets.

what you did notice is that you'd never be assigned to missions that ghost wasn't on. you caught on eventually but you never mentioned it, too annoyed with him to start an argument you knew you'd lose.

but when you're all at the pub on another night, soap and gaz over by the pool table, drunkenly betting against each other, and price long gone back to the base and having called it an early night, leaving the two of you at the table alone, it slips out.

he's been ignoring your attempted starts of a conversation all night, the alcohol had given you the motivation you needed to try again, but you've had enough of the silent treatment.

"hey, i've noticed I only go on missions that you're on.." he tenses. "'s that because you don't trust me? or somethin?"

he doesn't respond as per usual, and you know he's already annoyed with you but you keep pushing.

"you can be a real prick, y'know?" you mumble out, earning a side glance from him, his hand on the table, fingers tapping on his empty glass. he stays quiet.

"I just don't understand why you dislike me or whatever. I haven't done anything to you personally, I don't think.." you trail off, furrowing your brows as if in thought. he just stares down at you.

"you're a real pain in my ass" you then state rather confidently. he raises his brow at this before looking down at his empty glass and muttering a "Seems we've got that in common."

you roll your eyes and groan, moving to grab your beer but he moves it further up the table before you can reach it.

"hey-" you start but he interrupts, "you've 'ad enough." he grumbles out and you scoff, standing up from the chair and walking over to where Soap and Gaz are laughing it up with each other.

but maybe he's had a bit too much to drink too.

because the moment a man starts flirting with you at the bar, his hand just a bit too touchy, Simon appears, his hand is gripping the man's shoulder and pulling him back with an angered "back off."

you can't even manage out a "what the hell-?" before he's grabbing your bicep and dragging you out of the pub. you stop protesting rather quickly, too tired to continue. you just let him drag you all the way back to the base where he only lets go of you when he reaches the doorstep of your barracks building.

"sleep. now. don't wanna deal with your lazy tired ass tomorrow when you're moping around because you didn't get enough rest." he grunts out before abruptly turning in his place and leaving.

it's the next week when you're in the break room sitting across from Soap who's on his phone and drinking his coffee when you voice your troubles. "I can't deal with him anymore, Soap, really. he gives me such a hard time and I don't understand why," you practically whine to him.

"bloke doesn't know what to do with you when you practically give him a hard on all the time." he says it so plainly. as if it's a common fact, no big deal.

though you, of course, take it as a joke.

"Oh shut up, I'm serious." you groan through a chuckle and he just looks up at you and smirks before excusing himself to go back to his duties, leaving you there to mope at the wall.

the hell does that even mean?

luckily for you, you forget all about your short conversion in the break room, your mind too occupied from the busy week to care about a little dumb joke that soap told.

maybe you should've sat to think about said joke for longer.

you zone out while you do paperwork, your mind running on autopilot so that you don't pay attention to the time on the clock running past 11:30pm.

you hands hurt. your wrists hurt. and your back is sore from uncomfortably hunching over this old desk in this dinky chair that doesn't even spin properly.

you're too tired and too caught up in mentally complaining about everything to notice the tall figure standing in the doorway of the office you're working.

so when he speaks, voice baritone and accent thick, it scares the absolute living shit out of you. letting out a short yell and flinging your pen across the room, you look over at him.

you roll your eyes, too tired to even deal with him right now, preparing for him to lecture you about how sleeping late is bad for you even though literally everyone on base knows that he has the most fucked schedule of them all.

"I know it's late, I don't wanna hear it. this is the only free time I had to do this." you explain, your voice low and tired.

"didn't say anything." he responds and you glare up at him, and he knows.

he walks across the room and picks up the pen that you flung, his heavy steps making their way over to you and handing you back your pen.

he hasn't done or said anything threatening, so then why does it feel like he did?

you whisper a small 'thank you' before looking back down at your sheet and writing a few things down. he just stands there, staring down at your with crossed arms, observing. always observing. that's all he does. all he ever does.

you try to not let it get to you but he's just so intimidating.

you clench your jaw and breathe for a moment before focusing back on your paper. but just as you do that, he rounds the desk and stands behind your chair.

he grabs the chair, pulling it back a bit before his voice demands out, "stand,". you don't hesitate a moment before standing up quickly.

silence.

why does it feel like ages before he finally speaks??

"you're tense." he states and you furrow your brows because what the hell is happening. "y-yeah, I guess?"

the air is thick.

you're so caught up in empty thoughts that you don't hear what he says. "sorry, what'd you say?" you ask but it comes out a whisper without you intending for it to.

"may I?"

you're not sure what he means but you still slowly nod.

you suddenly freeze and your eyes go wide when you feel his palm wrap around your hair and move it to the side, his other hand resting in the crevice between your shoulder and neck, bare.

he's not wearing the glove.

his hand is warm when he suddenly squeezes you there, checking to see just how tense you are and your mind is blank. your thoughts have evaporated and you can't fucking move, because what the hell is happening!?

"why're you so bloody tense?" he asks, his voice so fucking deep that it makes your skin warm up. you've always hated the effect that his voice alone has on you.

'maybe because you're touching me?' is what you think to yourself.

"I don't know? work?" you sound so unsure of yourself that it feels embarrassing.

he mutters a quiet "yeah." while he continues to massage the area.

you wouldn't say this is a complete 180º from the way he's been treating you for the past couple months, but... this is a complete fucking 180º from the way he's been treating you these past couple months.

but you can't deny how fucking good it feels. his hands are so big and warm. the roughness of them surprisingly adding so much more to the massage and it feels so. good.

you can't help the slight moan that escapes your lips when you dip your head forward, giving him more space to work with.

ghost would halt his movements but that would only make you suspicious of what's happening to him behind you he clenches his jaw hard, his entire body tensing as he feels his pants grow tight and fuck is he fighting back a groan.

he did this to himself. he should've just minded his business and muttered an order to you like he usually would. he should've put up the asshole act instead of strolling in and offering a goddamn massage because he would never in his right mind actually do this.

he's barely slept for the past three days, so he doesn't really have control over his own actions, especially when it comes to you. it's always you that gets him like this, only you.

it's quiet for so long while he just massages your shoulders. usually It would be awkward, but this time it's just comfortable.

when he finishes, his hands remain and you start to actually snap back to reality on where you are, who's behind you, and what's going on. you don't move, hell you barely breathe. how could you when you could feel every breath he takes hit the skin on the back of your neck or how you can feel the heat radiating off of him while he stands behind you as if he's a human furnace or something.

there's always been tension. whether it was negative or positive, you were never completely 100% sure which. but it was always there. and it bothered the fuck out of the both of you.

you feel his thumb caress your nape. just a small movement. you wouldn't've noticed if you weren't hyper focused on every fibre of his being standing right behind you, not caring for your personal space despite him always getting pissed about not having enough of his own.

you don't know how to move on from this moment. there're no words in your mouth, your body frozen still under his gaze, under his touch.

you want to say something, anything. but you don't know what.

"ghost," you start, but he doesn't answer, he just rubs his thumb over again. "ghost." you try again.

silence.

"simon." he stops.

"what are you doing?" you turn your head to the side when you whisper this, looking at him stand behind you out the corner of your eye, and he stares right back.

after his silence, you go to move but he stops you, his hands grabbing your arms and keeping you in place. you go to shake him off but when you lean your body back, you feel something against your ass and your breath hitches.

he shuts his eyes and clenches his jaw, he knows you felt it, and he knows he's fucked when he lets out a quiet groan.

"it seems you’ve been stressed too..." you mumble out and his grip on you only tightens. you don't think before you nudge your ass against him again but with purpose and his breathing stutters.

"Don't." he demands through gritted teeth, but you only do it again and he doesn't stop you.

he then pushes you forward and you gasp, your crotch hitting the desk edge as you bend over the desk.

he doesn't do anything for a few moments as he thinks over what he's doing. he's your superior. this is wrong. so why does it feel so good to drag his hand down your back.

he then suddenly lets go of you and backs up, confusing you in the process. you stand back up and turn to stare at him, your brows furrowed and you open your mouth to speak but nothing comes out.

the way you look at him, it's as if there's hope in your eyes and that only spurs him on to do what he does next. he moves his hand up to raise the bottom of his mask up to rest just over his nose. he then quickly loops his arm around your waist and pulls you in for your lips to meet his in a kiss born off of sexual frustration.

you're quick to wrap one of your arms around his neck, not caring at all for what this means because god it feels so good.

he groans against your lips and pushes you back against the desk, lifting you a bit to sit you down on it before he mumbles against your lips.

"you gon' let me do this?"

the man, your lieutenant, your superior who you thought hated you so damn much for the longest time, is asking for your permission as his hand squeezes your thigh.

this is crazy. all of this is crazy. yet you nod.

he spreads your thighs with his hands and stands between them while his mouth moves from your lips down to your jaw and then to your neck, his lips hot and wet against you.

you let him push you back until your back is flat against the desk, his hand moving to grab your hip to keep you in place just as he likes while his other hand loops under the waist band of your pants and palms you over your panties.

you can't help but whimper when he does this which only turns him on more. and he grunts against your neck when he removes his hand only to grind his covered bulge against you.

you huff out as he continues to grind against you, growing in need when heat begins to pool in your core while his hands grip at you tightly as if you'd disappear if he let go. and he's not about to risk that when he finally has you right where he wants you.

you pull at his clothes, a whine slipping from your lips and he knows what you want. one of his hands moves to slide your shirt up your stomach and you let him. when he does get the shirt off of you, he doesn't even go to unclip your bra, instead his hand moves to grab the front of your bra and drags it down, your tits falling out.

he grabs one of your tits and mouths it, sucking, while his other hand moves to pull your pants down.

he backs up and fully pulls your pants off before he's back on you, mouth on your tit while his left hand plays with the other and his right hand slips under the fabric of your panties, feeling how soaked you are.

his thumb applies pressure on your clit which has you already gasping and arching into his touch.

he teases you a bit, wanting to see how desperate you'd get before he actually fucks you with his cock. he slips a digit in and groans against your nipple when he feels how your wet warmth clenches around just his finger.

he adds another and then another, wanting to stretch you out enough for him to squeeze in.

he curls and thrusts his fingers in you, getting to that spongey spot in you that has you moaning and throwing your head back against the desk, whining fro him to finally put it in.

"y'want me?" he asks but you can't even reply.

"I asked if y'want me, love." his voice is gravel when he repeats himself, wanting an answer out of you before he takes this further.

you nod, frantic and and grinding against his palm for more friction against your clit. "y-yes, yes sir, please-" you answer and he feels his cock twitch in his pants.

he moves his lips back up to your neck and removes his hands from you, undoing his pants and pulling himself out, precum beading at his red tip.

you whimper at the sight of it. it's obvious to see how big of a man simon is in general, he's huge. and it seems that so is everything else about him.

he doesn't bother to remove your panties as he's too impatient. instead he just moves them to the side, his finger running down your slit before he brings it to his mouth to get a taste of you, letting out a satisfied hum.

he then brings his hand up to you and orders, "spit", and you do.

he pumps himself a few times to wet it before he aligns with your slit and you inhale when he starts to push in, stretching you out so perfectly for him. so fucking big.

he takes his time pushing into you, his warm breath against your neck when he groans as he bottoms out, deep inside you. “so fucking tight…” he groans through gritted teeth.

you clench around him, your hands slipping under the fabric of his shirt and your nails clawing at the skin on his back, wanting him to move already as you grow impatient and needy.

he does just that, drawing his hips back before thrusting back into you resulting in a yelp from you. and he doesn't stop.

his pace is already above slow and picking up with each time he hammers back into you, curses and moans falling from his lips like he's in heaven, because he is.

your lips meet his again and you moan into his mouth with each thrust. he makes out with you like a man starved, like he's been wanting this for so long…you under him while he fucks into you like it's the last thing he'll ever do.

the only sounds in the room being the squelching of your pussy as he thrusts into you and both of your moans. if anyone was walking down the hallway at this hour which is unlikely, they'd most definitely hear what you two are doing.

he moves his hand down and presses his thumb to your clit while he continues to fuck into you, rubbing it in circles which has you crying out through moans, tears of pleasure threatening to spill out the corners of your eyes.

your breathing becomes ragged as your back arches deeper into him, your hips bucking against his to meet his pace while he groans and nips at the skin on your neck, “takin’ me so well… s’ fuckin good f’me…” he moans and it sets your skin on fire.

he's close and so are you.

your fingers move under the back of the mask to pull at his short hair and he let's you do it, trusting you to not pull the mask off.

your lips against his ear, letting him hear all your pretty sounds and it only drives him further, his pace keeping steady, knowing just what you need when you moan out "i'm close..so close.." and he knows it too as he feels you clench tightly around him.

he surprises you when he places his thumb in your mouth when you moan, flattening it against your tongue and grunting a “open f’me, yeah?” and you do without hesitation, opening your mouth nice and wide enough for him to spit on your tongue. he doesn’t even have to tell you to swallow before you do it automatically, earning a smirk from him before he kisses you again.

the combination of his thumb rubbing in circles against your clit and him hammering into you has your body stuttering and spasming, feeling like you're getting possessed as you let out a strangled and broken quiet scream as you finally come undone beneath him, your vision going for a few moments while he fucks you through your orgasm.

you continue to moan when he keeps pumping into you after your orgasm, chasing his own high while he grunts out "'m gonna come... gonna come on your tummy, love.." before he quickly pulls out of you, leaning back up and pumping his cock a few times before he releases his load on your stomach followed by his heavy breaths.

he stares at you for a moment, his chest rising and lowering in heavy breaths before he leans over you to grab the tissue box in the corner of the desk and wipes his cum off of you.

he puts your panties back in place and steps back, handing you your pants. he shoves his cock back into his pants and then watches you pull yours back on, his arms crossed.

now that the foggy feeling in your mind is gone, you're shy as you stand under his gaze.

you just fucked your lieutenant.

he licks his lip before pulling the mask back down and sitting back onto the chair. you're confused for a moment before he nods his head in the direction of the door and mutters a "go t'sleep. it's late."

you look at the door and then back at him, furrowing your brows in confusion. "but my paperwork-" he interrupts you before you can finish your sentence. "I'll do your paperwork. now go to bed. tha's an order." he instructs and you stand there absolutely dumbfounded before you actually register his words.

you slowly nod and he clenches his jaw before he looks at the short stack of paperwork on the side of the desk, grabbing one and beginning to work on it, but you're still there.

"thought I told you t-" he pauses when you lean down to place a kiss on the fabric over where his temple is, taking him by surprise as it shuts him up.

you then give him a sweet smile, your hand sliding down his muscular arm before you turn around and walk out the small office, leaving him to do your paperwork after he fucked you so well just a moment ago on that very desk.

horny brain = ©simonsslut 2023 — do not steal!

simon experiencing blue balls too many times in secret bc he's stubborn.

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homunculus-argument · 3 months

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Random character dynamic: A ruler of a massive, mighty empire, and his pet wizard who foretells the future for him. The emperor has absolute, unwavering trust in the wizard's abilities, and never makes a desicion before consulting the wizard first. The emperor's wizard is of no noble birth nor formally educated, and the way they'll casually break courtly etiquette and speak like a peasant instead of a scholar is used to highlight their power - this is a true wizard, with powers natural born, not someone raised and trained to act like one.

Everyone knows the story of how the emperor encountered his wizard. The emperor's party was on a hunting trip in a distant region, and while going out to pursue some unusual game, they encountered a shepherd who warned them to not go this way, a storm will rise and kill the whole party. The emperor and his party ignored this warning and went after the beast they were hunting. A horrible storm came down on them and killed the whole party, save for the emperor.

As the sole survivor of this calamity that appeared out of nowhere, that nobody could have seen coming, the emperor suddenly remembered the shepherd, and realised that hold on, that strange hermit had foreseen this. Had we heeded their warning and not pursued the game, there would have been no storm. So he goes back to the village, finds the shepherd and goes holy shit are you a fucking wizard. And since only a true wizard would deny being a wizard, the emperor takes them with him.

Most of the things the emperor consults the wizard for are matters of common sense, that the wizard learns to weave into flattery - saying that the emperor's utterly idiotic idea would be a masterful move in any other time and place, but there is wisdom in knowing when to bide his time. Other members of the court and clergy start slipping the wizard requests of things that they should herd the emperor into doing, or not doing.

When the wizard admits to the other advisors that they don't actually have any kind of power of divination, they're told that the court already knows. This is how it has always been. The line of the emperors knows that the rulers who heed the warnings of their royal wizards tend to prosper, and the ones who ignore their sages or neglect to have one at all will fail.

This has been the case ever since the one emperor whose wizard had warned him to not let his wife drink so much while pregnant, or his heir's reign would be fated to be disastrous. The emperor ignored the warning and 30 years later, the aforementioned heir struggled to rule before being assasinated by his cousin, who took over the throne and whose line has ruled ever since, adamantly drilling it into every new generation to not ignore their wizards.

One might not be able to convince an emperor about things like "local peasants know how to predict the weather patterns of where they live" or "fetal alcohol syndrome is bad for your child", but they sure can believe in fate, and those with the power of divination.

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clarabosswald · 5 months

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per results of the economist/yougov poll conducted on december 2 - 5, 2023, with 206 us citizens ages 18-29:

27% don't think jewish people face much discrimination in america today, and 12% don't think jewish people face any discrimination at all - 39% overall. (compared to 16%-37% in the other age groups.) [in october alone, there was a rise of nearly 400% in antisemitic incidents reported in the united states, compared to the same period in the previous year.]

17% think hate crimes in the united states against jewish people are only a minor problem, with 11% don't think they're a problem at all; 28% overall. (compared to 17%-33% in the other age groups.) 17% are not sure if they're a problem. (compared to 4%-12% in the other age groups.)

regarding the question, "do jews have too much power in america?" - 28% answered with a version of "agree". (compared to 6%-19% in the other age groups.)

regarding the question, "do american jews make a positive contribution to american society?" - only 52% answered with a version of "agree". (compared to 65%-81% in the other age groups.) 13% have answered with a version of "disagree" (compared to 5%-7% in the other age groups).

answering the question of whether it's antisemitic or not to deny that the holocaust happened, 17% think it's not antisemitic (compared to 3%-11% in the other age groups), and 37% are not sure (compared to 12%-28% in the other age groups).

answering the question of "do you agree the holocaust is a myth", 20% have answered with "agree" (compared to 0%-8% in the other age groups), 30% "neither agree not disagree" (compared to 2%-24% in the other age groups). only 51% disagree that the holocaust is a myth (compared to 68%-97% in the other age groups).

regarding the statement, "the holocaust has been exaggerated" - 23% agree (compared to 2%-9% in the other age groups). 26% "neither agree nor disagree" (compared to 6%-25% in the other age groups). only 52% disagree (compared to 66%-92% in the other age groups).

regarding the statement, "israel exploits holocaust victimhood for its own purposes" - 36% agree (compared to 13%-20% in the other age groups), 23% disagree (compared to 35%-60% in the other age groups), 41% are not sure (compared to 27%-45% in the other age groups).

link to the article version, with some infographics.

gen z is significantly more antisemitic than other gens. this antisemitism is still growing. if you ignore it, if you deny it, if you think only nazis/rightwing extremists do it, if you blame the jews for it, if you justify it in any other way - you're part of it.

happy hanukkah, y'all.

#jewblr #jumblr #ישראבלר #israel #judaism #antisemitism #יש אנשים שנחים ביום שבת - אני כותבת פוסטים זועמים מסתבר

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st4rfckerz · 6 months

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house sitter | anakin skywalker x reader

word count: 2.5k

warnings: MDNI 18+, kinda non con ???, somnophilia, groping, unprotected sex, creampie, infedelity, mild degradation, fingering, oral (f receiving), age gap (anakins in his 30s, reader is an adult), anakin's a pervert.

summary: you watch over the skywalker's home while they're out on a date.

a/n: this might be all over the place so i apologize BUT this is actually the idea i was talking about when i posted "i just woke up with the horniest fic idea."

house sitting was without a doubt the easiest job you'd ever had. all you had to do was lounge around in expensive homes and watch out for intrusions, which, for the record, hardly ever happen.

the famous skywalker family had employed you to watch over their house while they went on dates, visited other planets, etc. you had gotten to know the couple pretty well, especially anakin since he was always friendly with you and often times would spend time speaking to you, although it was never anything more than just light conversation for him.

you noticed that anakin had spent more time talking to you lately and was starting to become a little bit more attentive towards you, he had always been kind and friendly but you felt his friendliness had become more... intentional, but maybe you were just imagining things.

padmé called you to inform you that she and anakin were going out to dinner and would be gone for the majority of the evening.

you've just pulled up to the skywalkers' driveway, parked your car, and started approaching the stone walkway. after a few knocks, anakin finally opens the door with a small grin plastered across his face. he couldn't help but feel a certain thrill at the thought of having you around again.

"hey, glad you could make it." anakin greeted you at the door, his dark blue eyes took you in for a moment before he steps to the side to let you in. padmé approaches you while still putting in her earrings.

"thank you so much for watching the house while we're gone," she beams. padmé's enthusiastic behavior always made you smile.

"of course, padmé. your house is in good hands." you replied with a gentle smile. anakin caught your gaze and you couldn't help but notice the way he was looking at you. his eyes had an almost dreamy but slightly lustful gleam about them. you choose to ignore it and bring your attention back to padmé.

"we'll be back at around midnight." as anakin and padmé bid their farewells and depart for their much-anticipated date night, you find yourself standing alone in the grandeur of their house. the silence envelopes you, broken only by the soft hum of the air conditioning.

you take a moment to admire the opulence surrounding you, marveling at the elegant decor and lavish furnishings. the house was a reflection of anakin and padmé's status and influence, a testament to their power. as you explore the various rooms, you can't help but imagine the passionate moments that must have unfolded within these walls.

the master bedroom beckons to you with its inviting ambiance - a room that surely holds countless memories for anakin and padmé. you imagine them tangled in each other's arms, their bodies entwined, lost in a world of whispered promises and shared desires. a wicked thought creeps into your mind - a fantasy of being the one who arouses such passion in anakin.

shaking off the enticing daydream, you divert your attention to the rest of the house.

you stumble upon anakin's personal study. your interest is sparked because, although it was normally locked, it was slightly open. it was a room filled with ancient jedi texts and mechanical tools. it's here that his true nature is laid bare. the forceful fervor with which he delves into his studies mirrors the intensity with which he pursues everything else in his life. you can't help but be drawn to his passion, intrigued by the raw power that lies within him.

you come across a bookshelf filled with an assortment of literary gems. pulling out a weathered book, you settle into a plush armchair, relishing the tranquility. lost in your thoughts, you find yourself sinking into anakin's chair, surrounded by his aura.

you open the book slowly, the faint smell of aged paper wafting up to greet you. each word holds the potential to shape the very fabric of your understanding of the force.

as you begin to read, the words dance across the page, captivating your attention. the author's insights into the force captivate your imagination, revealing ancient practices and techniques that have long been forgotten. you find yourself engrossed in the descriptions of lightsaber combat, the delicate balance necessary to harness the power of the force, and the connection between the physical and spiritual realms.

lost in the world of the book, you almost forget the reason for your presence in this house. the vivid descriptions transport you to a realm where you are the jedi, wielding a lightsaber with grace and precision, matching anakin's own skills in the heat of battle. you imagine his presence beside you, his body pressed against yours, his lips brushing against your neck, leaving a trail of fiery kisses. your mind is left with the image, a luring invitation to give in to the craving.

a sense of guilt washes over you like a bitter tide. anakin is still married to padmé, having these thoughts feels wrong. thoughts of anakin, his intense gaze, and his tempting touch linger. anakin and padmé's love is palpable, their connection evident in every glance and tender gesture. you brush off your thoughts and pick up the book to divert your attention once more.

you make your way down to the living room, with the book in your hand, and you find a cozy spot on the plush couch. the room is dimly lit, casting a soft glow on the surroundings. settling into the cushions, you open the book, eager to immerse yourself in its pages.

as you continue to read the exciting stories within the book, a wave of drowsiness washes over you. the cozy atmosphere of the living room lulls you into a tranquil state.

your eyelids grow heavy, and you find yourself sinking deeper into the plush cushions of the couch. the words on the pages begin to blur, the lines fading into a hazy backdrop and before you know it, sleep claims you completely.

about an hour or so later, anakin arrives home unexpectedly. stepping through the door, an unexpected sight greets his eyes. there you are, sound asleep on the couch, his gaze drifts down to the book resting against your stomach.

"nosy girl." anakin mutters. his mouth curves into a sly smirk as a sinister thought starts to take shape. he sets the forgotten item aside, his attention now fixated on the curves of your body, the rise and fall of your chest with each breath. slowly, he approaches, his footsteps barely audible against the soft carpet.

with a gentle touch, he brushes a few strands of hair away from your face, his fingertips lingering on your skin for a brief moment. he contemplates waking you, but the feeling of his dick twitching from inside his pants leads him in a different direction.

you looked so peaceful, so perfect. anakin finds himself yearning for the sound of your voice, the touch of your skin against his, the taste of your lips.

anakin's hand reaches out tentatively. his fingers brush against your cheek, the touch soft and delicate. with each stroke of his fingertips, anakin's touch becomes bolder, his hand gradually sliding downward. his fingers trail lower, caressing the delicate curve of your collarbone before continuing their descent.

he runs his fingers over the top of your breasts, then reaches down to cup one, giving it a light squeeze. he groans slightly, feeling his growing erection press harder against the zipper of his pants.

anakin's hands began to slide up under your shirt, rubbing small circles over your hardening nipples. his fingers moved slowly along the soft skin of your stomach, grazing your hip bones before coming to rest at the waistband of your pants. he watched intently as your body responded to his touch, a soft sigh escaping your lips. with a confident yet tender touch, anakin begins to slowly slide your pants down your legs. his eyes devoured the sight of your panties.

a grin tugged at the corners of his lips as he noticed the adorable pattern of small flowers adorning the white fabric, adding an innocent touch to the moment.

"oh poor baby." he coos. his fingers skimmed lightly over the fabric that covered your core. feeling the dampness seeping through the fabric, anakin's eyes sparked with desire. unable to resist, he carefully slipped his hand beneath you, skillfully removing the delicate fabric and stashing them in his pocket without disturbing your peaceful slumber.

anakin marveled at the sight before him, the delicate folds of your wetness glistening in the dim light of the room. he couldn't help but be captivated by your beauty. the sight of you laid bare, vulnerable and inviting, sent a surge of anticipation through his veins.

with a gentle touch, he traced his fingers along your inner thighs, relishing in the softness of your skin. his gaze locked onto your core, his desire burning hotter with each passing second. he wanted nothing more than to taste you, to bring you pleasure in the most intimate way possible.

anakin lowered himself onto his knees, ensuring every movement he made was as silent and gentle as possible. he positioned himself between your legs, his eyes never leaving your pussy.

as he prepared himself to taste you, anakin carefully parted your folds. with a controlled release of his breath, he lowers his mouth onto your cunt, his tongue tracing a path along your folds. anakin moans lowly as he inserts a single finger inside of you, feeling how tight and warm you were.

anakin's movements were gentle yet purposeful, each lick and slow curl of his finger intended to bring you closer to the edge of pleasure. he was careful to maintain a rhythm that wouldn't wake you up.

as his tongue danced across your heated pussy, he couldn't help but be entranced by the way your body responded to his ministrations. the twitches and shudders, the soft moans that slipped past your lips—each one only fueled his own desire to give you more.

anakin pulls himself away from your drooling cunt once he feels that you're getting close.

"not yet baby, i wanna feel you cum on my cock." he whispers while pulling off his belt and shoving his boxers and pants all the way down to his ankles. his cock stands proudly, a small bead of precum dribbling down his shaft. anakin strokes himself a few times before carefully positioning himself between your legs and entering your pussy completely.

a moan escapes his lips as he firmly thrusts into you. he moved cautiously at first, savoring the exquisite tightness of your embrace as he began a slow rhythm, each thrust drawing him further into a frenzy of arousal.

anakin reveled in the feel of your cunt gripping him tightly, the way your walls massaged his length with each thrust. he was lost in the intoxicating sensation, focusing solely on the raw pleasure that consumed him.

you gasp loudly in shock, finally emerging from your sleep, and anakin hastily turns to face you.

"anak-" anakin's large hand abruptly covered your mouth, silencing your words before they could form completely. his intense gaze bore into your eyes, his face dangerously close to yours.

"finally awake now huh?" he teases, his voice laced with a hint of delighted amusement. he allowed himself a moment to revel in the fear that flared in your eyes, the allure of pushing boundaries and igniting forbidden desires too tempting to resist.

as he continued thrusting into your abused cunt, his motions grew more purposeful and commanding.

anakin's voice, dripping with authority, took on a more degrading tone. "my little bookworm couldn't help herself, hm? just had to go snooping around." he nods in the direction of his office.

"been thinking about this pussy ever since i hired you," he pants in between thrusts. "i've seen the way you look at me. eye fucking me every chance you get, right in front of my wife too? dirty, dirty girl." anakin chuckles, shaking his head.

as your bodies entwined, he deliberately increased the intensity of each thrust, the sound of skin slapping against skin bouncing off the walls.

anakin felt a mixture of ecstasy and need flood his senses as your core compressed around his length, causing his breath to get caught in his throat. the intensity of the moment fueled his own arousal, pushing him closer to the edge of his own climax.

"cum for me baby, i know you're close." his words sent a shiver of anticipation down your spine, fanning the flames of your arousal. anakin's hands gripped your body with an undeniable possessiveness, his body moving with an inescapable rhythm that drove you closer to the edge of release.

anakin's hand remained firmly covering your mouth, your moans muffled as you finally tip over the edge. he continued to thrust into you, his pace steady as he chased his own orgasm. anakin's body convulsed, his cock twitching deep within your pussy. you could feel his hot cum painting your insides. anakin's movements finally come to a stop before he pulls out of your sore cunt.

he swiftly pulled up his pants and underwear, his movements were tinged with a cold detachment. without a word, he threw your pants in your direction, his actions lacking the tenderness he had displayed moments before. the forceful gesture caught her off guard, leaving her momentarily stunned as she caught the garment.

"next time, we'll put that pretty mouth to good use." his hand gently cupped your cheek, giving it a few taps. his touch a mixture of possessiveness and affection.

with a last lingering look, he slowly made his way towards the door, leaving you behind, savoring the remnants of your passionate encounter. the room carried the heady scent of your intimacy, an echo of the fervent connection you and anakin had shared.

as you put your pants on, you see the book on the floor that you carried down from anakin's office. you close it after picking it up and place it on the coffee table in front of you. the weight of guilt bore down on you, tainting the air in the room with a mix of remorse and self-doubt. your head buried in your hands, you grappled with the conflicting feelings that threatened to overwhelm you.

the memory of your intimate connection replayed in your mind, it almost made you feel sick. a pang of empathy pierced through you. padmé flashed in your mind, her image haunting and filled you with concern.

you continued to house sit, carrying the weight of your guilt alongside your duties. in the midst of the forbidden desires that you and anakin shared, you sought solace in fulfilling your responsibilities, hoping that in time, the guilt would fade, and clarity would guide you towards a resolution.

#nai writes ୨୧ #anakin skywalker x reader #anakin skywalker smut #anakin x you #anakin x reader #anakin skywalker #anakin #hayden christensen #hayden christensen x reader #hayden christensen x you #star wars

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medicinemane · 2 years

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Self advocacy in medicine in a very important thing. You very much should focus on getting your own goals met first and foremost

Keep looking till you find a therapist who really fits (it makes a huge difference), know what matters to you and just make that happen

Doctors often get caught up in trying to get your health to a perfect level, but that's not what matters in life. What matters is whatever you say matters, because you're the one living your life. You know best on this

#my mom worked long term care and I'm thinking about stuff like how there was this 90 year old diabetic patient #and they refused to let her eat stuff like cake or anything at all like that #my mom once saw her sneaking some at a party and just ignored it cause like...#she's over 90... she only has so much life left on earth... let her choose how to live it #and it's also sort of like how Rob despite being a good therapist just... he had no idea how to work with me and I think it frustrated him #turns out I needed a change of situation cause like the amount I got done flying solo in my own home is so much more than we did together #though I still really miss having a therapist and I miss my really good therapist most of all #how much could we get done together if I could see her even like once every 3 months #she got me to make a phone call to volunteer at that crisis line like I wanted #how much could she help me do in a situation where I'm so much more in control of my life?#...that's why I'd like a therapist again but... no idea when that can happen #but seriously... I know what I need with my glasses; I'm gonna listen to myself and just get that in future #...might even make a bit of a fuss before the 30 day warranty is up and see if they'll swap it out and save me some money #my old lenses aren't as crisp at a distance but they're just right up close with no distortion #these new ones are incredible... but they're not what I want and they warp things even a little which is much more than my old ones #so... I'm not saying totally disregard medical advice but I'm saying they won't always get what matters to you #advocate for what you want and need cause otherwise they just might not get it and... I don't know #plenty of times I haven't and still don't advocate for myself medically but it's better when I do

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irradiatedsnakes · 1 year

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i wanted to compile as many outfits as i could find from some of our main characters to summarize what we know about their general fashion senses :] to make it easier to figure out what to draw them wearing. drawing from both the anime & official art- not the manga sorry, i don't have that saved & on-hand. ignoring official art where everyone's wearing something on theme (ie the ones where they all have hawaiian shirts, or suits, etc), and not putting school uniforms or pajamas in either.

tumblr limits posts to 30 images so this isnt done yet bc 30 only covered mob and ritsu (28 total). teru tome and shou in the reblogs

mob

i like mob's outfits a lot. the monkey shirt is so important, please note that the sleeves of the monkey shirt sleeves came pre-ripped, they're supposed to be like that.

2. ritsu

hoodies boy, boy of one million hoodies. also has a couple of the same longsleeve sweatshirt+striped sweatpants in different colors that he only wears at home (there's at least 5 separate occasions where he has those on at home).

#mp100 #save #addtion in the reblogs!

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steddieas-shegoes · 8 months

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Modern AU where Eddie is a tech repair person at an apple store in Chicago while he tries to make it big with his band and Steve is a spoiled rich kid who is trying to cover up that he's been using his macbook to film for his OnlyFans or something similar and he needs that shit wiped.

Eddie is as professional as he can be, but can't help but be amused at Steve being worried that he's gonna see everything.

S: seriously, just wipe everything. nothing has to be saved. don't even look through each file. just start over. E: okay sure. but you know you could just buy a new laptop. S: my dad checks my credit card statements. E: okay, so tell him you bought it for a friend or something. S: just. can you wipe it? E: yeah i can.

Eddie doesn't let him know that he already has seen everything because of course he subscribes to S.H. and often leaves him bigger tips than he can afford. He doesn't even know why Steve does it since he's apparently rich, or his dad is.

It only takes a few hours to wipe it, and Eddie's grateful he managed to help Steve instead of his coworker who is a certified Creep ™️ who absolutely would have made sure to watch as many of the videos as he could first.

He calls Steve and leaves a message for him that it's done, but doesn't hear back and Steve doesn't come by. He does the same thing again the next day, and the day after that, starting to grow concerned.

He goes so far as to check Steve's OF page, just to see if there's an update, but sees it's been shut down, like it never existed.

He finally caves, does the most unprofessional thing he's ever done, and texts Steve's number from his own phone.

This is Eddie from the apple store. Your laptop's ready. Just want you to know after 30 days we usually get rid of unclaimed items.

There's no response.

But two days later, Steve comes into the store wearing sunglasses and a hat, clearly trying to hide.

When he takes off the sunglasses to sign everything, Eddie sees a healing black eye and swollen nose.

He isn't stupid.

And he suddenly feels extremely protective over him.

E: did your dad find out? S: find out what? E: about your online job? S: how do you know? E: I wasn't gonna say anything, and I swear everything got wiped without anyone including myself seeing, but I do subscribe to you and I recognized you when you came in. S, already having a panic attack: shit no. this is bad. okay you can't say anything about this to anyone. please. E: I wouldn't, I won't. but your dad found out didn't he? he did this to you? S: *nods* E: you safe now? S: *shrugs* E: need a place to stay? S: i've been saving. that's why i did this in the first place. so i can pay rent somewhere. E: I have a second bedroom at my place that just opened up. up to you.

And of course Steve takes it because he's desperate, and doesn't have real world experience with a lot of strangers, but has a good feeling about this.

Eddie finds that Steve is a very typical rich kid; ignorant to a lot of the world's struggles, but not an asshole despite his bitchy attitude sometimes coming out, thinks money can fix everything until Eddie shows him that apologies and a cuddle on the couch can be better.

Steve is so touch starved, he doesn't even realize the way he always folds into Eddie's side when they're just relaxing and watching a movie, or how he always lets his hand brush against his side or hand when Eddie gets home from work. Eddie helps him look for a job, and they find that he loves working at a daycare even though the money isn't that great.

They fall in love so easily, neither of them actually realize it happens until Steve comes home after a very long day before the Christmas holidays, covered in paint stains from crafts with the kids, and Eddie just welcomes him home with a kiss.

#steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #headcanon #is this anything #if it is someone should run with it #i have too much to do to add something else

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en-dazedafterdark · 9 months

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private performance - yang jungwon

PAIRINGS: idol! jungwon x nonidol! reader

GENRE: smut, porn with barely any plot

SYNOPSIS: in which you fuck your idol bf jungwon in the dressing rooms after his performance

WARNINGS: unprotected sex (don’t be silly wrap your willy), use of restraints (his bandana 🙏🏻), soft dom jungwon, dirty talk, fingering

WORD COUNT: 2.4k

A/N: this is extremely self indulgent and inspired by @gardenwons (thanks aik 🥰)

Jungwon could feel the sweat dripping down his neck and his back as he exited the stage

The roar of the crowd was almost deafening, making it impossible for Jungwon to make out any one voice. The cheers were still enough to bring a smile to his face and a thrill ran through him. He was still high off of the adrenaline that had run through him while performing when he saw you run towards him backstage. He braced himself as he knew what was coming and you jumped on him, wrapping your arms around his neck.

"You did amazing Jungwon! You always do!" You shouted in his ear.

He chuckled as he wrapped his arms around your waist.

“All because I had my good luck charm with me." He said, squeezing you tighter against him.

You laughed as he spun the two of you around. He placed you back on your feet and pulled back slightly, keeping his arms loosely around your waist.

“I couldn’t take my eyes off of you, you know?" You said, looking up at him through your lashes. “You always look good but…” you ran your hands through his hair, fingers brushing past the bandana tied around his forehead, before settling on the back of his neck. "...you look so good right now, it should be a crime."

Jungwon laughed as he pulled you closer, your chest flush against his. He leaned down and you felt his breath on your ear.

"Maybe I'll give you a private performance later." He whispered, before biting the shell of your ear.

A shiver ran through your body and Jungwon chuckled at your reaction.

“Hey lovebirds!" You heard someone yell. "Get a room!"

You pulled away from Jungwon and glared at Sunoo who was grinning mischievously at you. You threw your water bottle at him and he easily caught it.

"You're just jealous cause you're not the one getting laid." You retorted.

"No, we're not. We're not as horny as you two." Jake called out.

Jungwon rolled his eyes as he took a step towards his group members, pulling you along with him.

"We're not that bad." Jungwon grumbled.

"Oh yeah, you two are the very definition of innocent." Jay scoffed.

Jungwon chose to ignore him as he turned towards you.

"Come on, I need to go get changed. You can come with me." He said.

You raised an eyebrow at him. “Why do you need me to help you get changed?”

“Moral support. Oh and,” he looked at the rest of the members. "None of you come to the changing room for the next 30 minutes."

The members groaned in protest but Jungwon ignored them as he dragged you away.

"We're gonna have to disinfect the place once they're done." You could hear Jay grumbling as you followed Jungwon.

You chuckled and you heard him say something in response but Jungwon cut him off as he pulled you into a room, locking the door behind you.

"Finally some peace and quiet." He muttered.

You hummed in response.

"And alone time."

You felt his hand run down your back to rest on your ass and you giggled as you swatted his hand away.

"Ew, you’re all sweaty." You said, scrunching your nose.

He scoffed. “Don’t pretend you don’t like it."

He pulled his shirt over his head and dropped it to the floor. He grinned at the way you eyed his bare chest.

"See? You do like it." He teased.

You rolled your eyes and took a step towards him. You rested a hand on his chest, fingers lightly grazing his skin. You could feel his heart beating under your palm and his breathing sped up as you slowly slid your hand down his stomach.

"Maybe a little." You said, looking up at him from beneath your lashes.

He wrapped an arm around your waist and pulled you flush against him. He leaned down until your lips were only inches apart.

"What was it you were saying about wanting a private performance?" He asked, his lips ghosting yours.

"I might have been interested." You replied.

He grinned as he moved his hand from your waist to cup your chin. His fingers gently tilted your head back, giving him easier access to your mouth. You let your eyes flutter shut as he finally kissed you. His lips moved softly against yours, his tongue teasing your bottom lip. You sighed in content and Jungwon took the opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth. Your tongues danced together and you tangled your hands in his hair. You pulled him closer and pressed your hips against his, letting out a soft moan when you felt how hard he was already. He tightened his hold on you, his hand still resting on your chin and the other one firmly planted on your ass, as he backed you up until your back hit the wall. You whimpered when he pulled away and you chased after him, trying to catch his lips again. He smirked at your eagerness and moved his hand from your chin to cup the side of your neck. His fingers lightly traced over your pulse point.

"So impatient, baby." He tutted.

"Don't act like you're not just as desperate as me." You mumbled.

He laughed, his breath ghosting over your cheek.

"What do you want, princess?"

"You, I want you." You whined, trying to grind against him.

He pulled back further, keeping you pinned to the wall with the hand on your neck.

"How do you want me, baby?"

"Inside me." You moaned.

Jungwon bit his lip, trying not to groan at the way you were practically begging for him. He leaned forward and captured your lips in another kiss. It was rougher this time, both of you too desperate for each other. Jungwon trailed kisses down your jaw, nipping and sucking on your skin. He left a trail of marks down your neck and collarbone, his hand slipping underneath your top to play with your nipples. You bit down on your bottom lip, trying not to make too much noise as his other hand found its way underneath your skirt, lightly stroking over the outside of your panties.

"Wonie." You breathed out.

"What is it, sweetheart?" He murmured against your skin.

"I need more, please."

He hummed, his hand continuing its slow torture.

"Is that right?"

"Please."

"Please, what?"

You huffed and you could feel him smile against you.

"Touch me, Jungwon."

"Touch you where?"

You were almost ready to cry in frustration. You just needed him to touch you, anywhere and everywhere.

"Fuck, anywhere. Just fuck me already." You whined.

"Hmm, I'm not sure if you're ready yet, baby." He mused, his fingers teasingly slipping under your panties.

You tried to buck your hips but his other hand kept you firmly against the wall. You were getting increasingly frustrated with the lack of friction. You were so focused on trying to get him to touch you that you were taken by surprise when you felt his fingers circle your clit. A soft moan escaped your lips and he smiled as he leaned in to kiss you again. His hand on your neck tightened and you could feel his finger on your clit moving faster.

"You're so fucking wet, baby." He mumbled

“I’ve been wet since I saw you on stage." You confessed.

He groaned at your admission and slipped two fingers into you, causing you to throw your head back.

"Fuck."

He grinned as he pressed a kiss to the exposed skin on your neck, his thumb rubbing your clit and his fingers pumping in and out of you. He kept working you open and you were close to losing it.

"Jungwon, fuck, I'm so close." You gasped.

"Not yet."

His hand left your neck and you opened your eyes, wondering what he was doing. Your question was answered when he pushed his jeans and boxers down his legs.

As if on autopilot, you immediately reached towards him but he stopped you. He grabbed your wrist and held your hand tightly.

"I said not yet."

You pouted and he leaned down to give you a quick kiss.

"I'll let you suck my cock later. Right now, I'm going to fuck you, princess."

With that, he spun you around and pinned you against the wall. You moaned at his sudden roughness.

"You can't be loud." He warned. He held your hands behind your back and for a minute he hovered over you. You looked back at him over your shoulder, confused as to why he wasn't doing anything. He was untying his bandana around his head with his one free hand.

“Since you liked the bandana so much earlier, I figured I'd let you have it."

He finished untying the bandana and used it to tie your hands behind your back. You tugged against it and when you couldn't free yourself, you turned to look at him again, eyes wide and pupils dilated.

"This ok, princess?"

"Yeah." You nodded, "it's good."

"Good girl."

He hiked your skirt up and pulled your panties down your legs. You kicked them to the side and heard them land somewhere on the floor.

You let out a sigh when you felt his cock sliding up and down your slit. He teased you a little more before finally pushing himself inside of you. He gripped your hip and buried his face in your neck, leaving a trail of kisses down the back of it.

"You're so fucking wet and tight." He groaned.

You gasped when he started thrusting in and out of you.

"I don't think I can last long, baby. Not with the way you're squeezing my cock like that."

"Then fuck me harder." You hissed.

Jungwon bit his lip, his nails digging into the soft flesh of your hips as he picked up the pace. His hips snapped against yours, driving himself deeper into you.

“You know, I saw you backstage when I was performing." He said, his breath coming out in pants. "I wanted to fuck you right then and there. You looked so fucking sexy."

You let out a string of moans as he kept pounding into you, his pace never faltering.

"You looked so fucking hot in that skirt. I almost got hard on stage thinking about fucking you."

You felt yourself clench around him at his words.

"Oh, so you like that, princess?" He smirked. "You like it when I tell you how bad I wanted to fuck you, when I tell you how fucking pretty you look with my cock inside of you?"

"Yes, fuck, yes."

"Such a pretty, pretty princess."

You could feel yourself getting closer to your release. Your hands struggled against the restraints and your moans grew louder and more desperate.

“Shh baby, we don’t want everyone outside to hear you, now do we?" Jungwon murmured.

You tried to muffle your sounds but it was no use. Jungwon was driving you wild and you could feel yourself getting close to falling over the edge.

"C-Can’t help it." You moaned. "So, so good, Wonie."

"You sound so pretty."

"Close."

"I know, princess. So am I."

He snaked a hand around to play with your clit and he could feel your body shaking. He was determined to make you cum first. He kept thrusting into you, the sound of skin slapping against skin echoing in the small room. You buried your face into the wall as you came, screaming his name. Jungwon followed right behind you, pulling out of you and painting your back with his release.

Jungwon took a deep breath before gently untying the bandana around your wrists. You flexed your hands, trying to get the feeling back in them, and turned around to face him. You were about to say something but your words died in your throat when you saw him licking his fingers clean.

"Did you really just-?"

He grinned at the look of disbelief on your face.

"You taste so good, princess."

You felt yourself flush and he laughed.

"You're too cute."

You rolled your eyes and playfully slapped his arm.

"Shut up."

He chuckled and pressed a kiss to the top of your head.

"I should probably go change. And clean up." He said.

Before you could reply, you were interrupted by a loud knock on the door.

"If you guys are done fucking, can you please open the damn door so I can go wash my eyes and bleach my ears?!" Sunoo shouted from the other side.

You couldn't help the laugh that escaped your lips as Jungwon cursed.

"One minute!"

"I'm giving you 30 seconds and then I'm kicking this door down!"

Jungwon rushed to get his clothes and you quickly picked up your panties and skirt from the ground.

“Wait,” He called out, putting a hand on your arm to stop you. “Don’t wear your underwear."

"What? Why not?"

"Because," He leaned down to whisper in your ear. "I want you to go without panties so I can fuck you again later."

You gulped at his words, feeling your cheeks heat up. He winked at you before turning back to get changed.

You quickly pulled your skirt up and made sure you were presentable. Jungwon was already changed and was walking towards the door. He glanced at you, waiting for your signal, and once you were ready, he opened the door.

"Finally, geez." Sunoo grumbled, pushing past the two of you.

The rest of the members were waiting outside and they all shot the two of you annoyed glares.

"You know these rooms are not soundproof, right?" Jay grumbled.

"And we have ears." Sunoo complained.

"Sorry." Jungwon chuckled sheepishly.

"I hope you two are happy." Jake huffed.

"Oh we are." You replied, a shit-eating grin on your face.

You heard Heeseung groan and he threw his arm over his eyes.

"Please, just go home already. I can't deal with them anymore." He grumbled.

"But we still have the after party-"

"Go home." The others yelled.

Jungwon laughed as he grabbed your hand and the two of you made your way to the back entrance.

"So, what do you want to do first when we get back home?" He asked.

"First, you're going to get me some food. I'm starving."

"Obviously. What else?"

"Second, you're going to take a shower and then you're going to fuck me until the sun comes up."

"Well, I can't argue with that."

He grinned and pulled you closer, his hand resting on your ass as the two of you left the venue.

cr to cafekitsune for all banners ♡

#jungwon smut #jungwon drabbles #enhypen smut #enhypen hard thoughts #enhypen imagines #enhypen hard hours #enhypen x reader #jungwon x reader #jungwon headcanons #jungwon imagines

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highhhfiveee · 6 months

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Mike x reader, with reader who works long hours during the daytime and Mike working at night which results in them barely having time to see eachother besides from dinner and bedtime

oh, you wanted angst fr 🥲 i think it could go either way, but honestly angst is what stood out to me first. i’m going to make this sadder too, just because i can 💜

to crumble (mike schmidt x reader)

tags/warnings: angst, pain, prescription drug mentions, fluff and cuteness in the beginning but not for long. mike fucks up, reader picks up his slack. things just don’t work! let me know if i missed anything! mndi.

this is long, sorry ;-; there are also probably a million errors in this, please ignore 💜

part 2 here: 🏳️

all i can think ab is the unbearable pain that replaces the love in your hearts as time goes on.

you’ve been together for half a year. things were fun at first, but once you decide to move in to help with abby, you start to see the cracks in the foundation.

in this one, reader works two jobs (bc let’s face it, this is unfortunately realistic); teaching from 9-4 and cashiering from 5-8:30. mike doesn’t want you working two jobs and you didn’t want to, but you knew that your salaries combined wouldn’t keep you afloat. abby’s school is expensive, and so is everything else in life. the extra money you get from cashiering gives you guys flexibility.

every morning at 6:30, monday to friday, you wake up alone. even though you know it’ll probably be empty, you still reach your arm over to run it over mike’s side. it’s always cold and flat, completely untouched.

you brush this off at first; it's one of the things that comes with him working overnight and you know he needs this job so that he can keep abby. you want that for him and know that love is sacrifice.

you wake abby up and start getting her ready in between fixing yourself up; brushing her teeth while you brush yours, letting her get a few more minutes of sleep in while you throw on your clothes, guiding her through packing her bag while you make breakfast. by that time, closer to 7:30, mike is finally walking into the house.

his eyes are hooded and surrounded by dark bags and you can tell he's exhausted from the way he hangs his things up lethargically. he kisses abby, who's running around collecting things, on the head, then ambles over to you, wrapping his arms around your waist and kissing along your neck.

they're soft, gentle actions that make you forget about not being able to do things like this at night. it doesn't matter when you have mornings with him, even if it's only 30 minutes before you have to go. you giggle and reach a hand up to his cheek, kissing him on his other one.

"missed you," you whisper.

"missed you too," he mumbles back, planting a kiss on your lips before stalking away to ask abby something.

you all eat breakfast together, and then you're slipping abby's coat over her shoulders before you put on your own. you usher her to the car and give mike one last kiss before you leave, a deep one that you hope he feels all day. when you pull away, you can see the affection sparkling in his eyes, low and tired but expressive nonetheless.

"i love you," he whispers, his sleepiness masquerading as love-drunkeness.

"i love you, mike. get some rest, okay?"

you drop abby off, wishing her well, before you're alone for the next 12 hours. it often drags. at your teaching job, you feel as if it's just passing you buy in waves, everything whizzing past you at light speed. you're aware that you're in front of the kids, but then you just blackout. you're thrown into autopilot, and you do this over and over until your lunch break at 1. you text mike to pass the time.

sometimes it's something silly, like "god i do not get paid enough" or "a kid just ate glue /: send help", to which mike will respond "😂😂😂" or "lol you deserve millions (:". he makes you laugh, and it's enough to help you push through the end of the day.

he picks up abby from school, asking her all about her day and what she wants for dinner. he'll text you what she says so you know what to expect when you get home, like "meatloaf 🍖🍞 (:" or "chicken alfredo 0: fancy".

for you, transitioning from teaching to customer service was easy; all you had to do was maintain that same autopilot: smile on, eyes alert, prepared for anything. no one suspected a thing when you could keep up and answer their questions.

mike helps abby with her homework, scratching his head with the eraser of a pencil when he draws blanks on a math or history question. abby only sighs, telling him about something off-topic. "art class is much more interesting."

mike starts dinner while you're closing up at work, sweeping the front end of the store and counting down your drawer. he lets abby help sometimes, and they usually have it ready for you by the time you're home at 9.

abby meets you at the door, and you hug her tight, picking her up and waltzing her back into the house. mike is setting the dining table, greeting you with a sleepy smile and, "the queen has arrived."

you all sit down and eat, and it's another one of those moments where everything feels okay. the last 12 hours didn't matter when you were able to have this at the end of it.

you tell abby and mike about your day over spaghetti, spilling details about prideful parents and spiteful customers. abby laughs all throughout, asking questions about being a cashier. mike just listens, eyes and heart floating between the two of you.

you clear the table while mike goes to get ready for work, and a wash of dread passes over you. your brain knows what's happening next. you'll kiss him goodbye, clinging to his hoodie sleeve for a second longer than you should, and then you'll settle down with abby, bathing her and reading her to sleep. then you'll be alone. it will just be you and the screech of infomercials until midnight, and then you'll be off to sleep, snuggling into a pillow that smells like mike.

you push the feeling away, shaking your head and hands and doing just as you know. there's the kiss, the night routine with abby, and the moment you sit on the couch, surrounded by tv light and the croaking of cicadas.

mike doesn't text during his shift unless it's an emergency. it makes you sad, but you understand. security requires focus, and you require sleep.

for a while, this works. it's what you and mike have to do to make ends meet, and while you both think that it'll only get better with more time at it, it doesn't.

you still wake up alone and go through the same rhythm, but when mike comes in around 7:30, it's not 7:30 anymore. it's 7:39, then 7:45, then 7:58. the latest he's ever been, so late that you're not able to eat with him. he shrugs it off when you mention it, kissing your cheek and retreating to the bedroom to sleep.

you drop abby off as usual, and go to work. work. work. work.

mike starts missing your lunch break texts, sometimes dozing dangerously close to when abby's school lets out. while your class works, you bitterly stare at your text conversation. your unanswered "shaping america's future is kinda sick" message stares back at you until it's replaced by abby's school calling. your heart drops to your stomach as you step out of the room to take the call, answering the phone with, "is she okay?"

mike didn't pick her up. she's out at 2:30 and it's 3:30 now, and she's crying and scared because he didn't pick up the phone, and she always calls him first.

you leave work in a flurry, asking a fellow teacher to take over, and you speed to abby's school, not caring about tickets or police or anything. you only want to get her home.

mike is dashing out of the door when you pull up, wrenching a sobbing abby out of your backseat and clutching her close. "i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry," he breathes, smoothing her hair and looking up at you with regret etched into every feature on his face.

you try your best to hide your upset, ushering everyone inside before changing into your work clothes. you were going to be late, but you shake it off. abby was home and that was all that mattered.

"hey," mike reaches out to you when you're on your way out. his fingers graze their way down to your hand, and it makes you wish that you could stay home. "thanks for that. i've just been super tired lately and i overslept and---"

"it's okay, baby," you give him a tight lipped smile and a kiss on the knuckles. "just don't let it happen again."

it happens again. and again. and again. it happens so many times that abby starts to think mike is forgetting about her, and you don't know how to get that out of her head. she cries about it more and more with each time you have to pick her up. he stops running out to apologize, still asleep inside.

you rush into the bedroom. he's splayed out over the bed, snoring loudly with his arm hanging over the side. you find an orange pill bottle on his nightstand. an old ambien prescription.

you argue with him before work sometimes.

"what do you need ambien for?"

"i can't sleep."

"but every morning, you skip breakfast to sleep."

"i do fall asleep, but i started waking up out of it. i just take the ambien to help me fall again."

"what time do you take it?"

"i don't know, y/n."

"why are you lying to me?"

"i'm not."

"what time?" you cry, grasping at your chest. a sharp pains thud through your ribcage, and you literally sob. it feels like your heart is tearing in two. "you stare at times, mike. what time do you take the ambien?"

he doesn't answer you and he doesn't know why. it would be so easy to tell you that he takes it at 9 or 10, and that he believes he'll be able to wake himself up around 2 but he doesn't. he can’t sleep without the ambien. he needs it now because he kept himself up in the early days of this, mind toiling over their situation, the endless reassurance that this would work sending him into insomnia.

you leave when he doesn't answer, wiping at your watery eyes and runny nose.

you cashier as a shell of yourself. abby stops asking mike for homework help, and eventually he stops cooking dinner too, trading all that time in for extra sleep after picking her up. you have to explain the situation to your retail store manager, just in case mike forgets again, and start looking after abby more. mike only ever made time to spend with her on the weekends, content with awkward moments over lunch and low energy bickering.

the lunch break texts stop. the dinner texts stop.

he's dressed and ready to leave when you get home these days, prepared to exit as you enter. you don't know what to say as you face each other in the doorway, eyes focused on anything but each other. you don’t even kiss anymore.

"i think abby's asleep already."

you shake your head. "i think she's really sad. she hasn't been coming out of there like she used to. she misses you."

"i miss her too, of course. i'm just busy."

"all you do is work, mike," you deadpan, exhausted with him. you never thought you'd ever get to a point where you looked at mike, the sure love of your life, with disdain, but you felt it creep into you ever so slightly.

"yeah, i know. it fucking sucks, but it's what i have to do to keep abby."

you scoff, scooting past him to take your coat and bag off. "as if you're going to keep her by leaving her at school everyday." it's supposed to be under your breath, but the disdain creeps onto your tongue, bitter and raging, and you say it aloud, to his face.

his jaw clenches and his brown eyes burn, staring you down with an unrelenting severity. you hunch yourself over, dropping your head and sighing out, "mike, i'm sorry. i didn--"

he leaves without another word.

how it got to this, neither of you know. not even the weekends healed anymore. mike caught up on sleep, you caught up on grading, and in your downtime, you avoided each other. for him, it felt easier than being around you. you were irritable all the time, a quick fuse with any word he could think to speak.

for you, it seemed like it was what he wanted. time away from you, from abby, from everyone; time to be alone and recharge for the only thing he ever did, the only thing that was keeping his sister in his care.

you didn't even remember what his touch felt like, what he tasted like. the man that you loved had become but a memory, a ghost that passed through your plane. you’re able to imagine his fluffy hair, his perfect smile, his laugh, his rich smell, but none of it mattered. he didn’t feel like yours anymore.

you suppose it was the same for him, with you existing in the same space but only tangible to him some of the time. he would catch glimpses of your smile, laughing at something on your phone, or talking to abby, meet your eyes when you shuffled back to the bedroom from the bathroom, rimmed in red from crying for the last 30 minutes.

he starts sleeping on the couch, unable to even lay beside you.

mike does a lot of crying. a lot of screaming into his pillow, wondering why he fucks these things up so badly. you do the same, wondering why you stay in situations that hurt you.

this goes on for longer than you two would like, so long that you don't even celebrate your one-year anniversary.

the day passes without noise, mike sleeping and you working.

a prequel of sorts : x

THIS WAS SO FUCKING LONG MY BBBBBBBB OMG. i did NOT mean to go this deep in, i just felt SOOOOO MUCH! my little brain got sad ): i could go deeper into this too one day, breaking up moments into specific little blurbs or ficlets d: let me know if y'all even enjoyed this lmaooo off to write for Halloween lol

#mike schmidt x reader #mike schmidt #mike schmidt angst #fnaf angst #fnaf movie #fnaf #fnaf fic #faire’s mike schmidt <3 #this was painful #kind of tired so it may be ass but #it feels painful #imagine your relationship just falling to pieces 💔#i made this so long #whoops #faire is writing stuff #josh hutcherson

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pedrithink · 11 months

Text

understand ✩ jude bellingham

request: can you do jude and the reader arguing during their vacation and she starts crying when they're at the beach but she doesn't want him to notice but he notices and starts apologizing

"I'm just telling you that I felt uncomfortable, that's all." You exasperate as you cross your arms. Is it so hard for Jude to understand your side?

He shakes his head impatiently. "And I'm telling you that no big deal happened."

"They were practically all over you, Jude. They were hitting on you and ignoring my existence." You roll your eyes to keep tears from escaping your eyes.

"And why does that matter? I'm with you, you know that." Jude runs his hands over his own face somewhat aggressively and, whispers. "There's no need to create a giant problem over a situation as silly as this."

"You seem to be schismatic about not understanding my side." You cross your arms. "The point is that they kept sending little papers with their instagram, sending drinks, and had the audacity to come to our table and talk to you while I stood there watching everything like an idiot." You swallow your tears and stare at him with glittering eyes. "And you did nothing."

"What did you want me to do? Please, love. They're just fans."

Jude's impatient voice only makes your heart tighter, and the moonlight, the sound of the breaking waves, and the sand invading your shoe do nothing to improve the situation.

Faced with this situation, you can only take a deep breath and hope that this is the dream and that you are not arguing while you are in such a paradisiacal place, hope that Jude understands 1% of what you are feeling right now.

"We traveled here to have fun on my vacation and look at the kind of ridiculous thing we're discussing in the middle of a party." He grimaces in dissatisfaction.

You don't have the guts to say anything else for the next 20-30 minutes and Jude much less.

You are surrounded by the noise of the party, the crashing waves and each other's pained, dissatisfied sighs.

Jude stood beside you, head down. In a way that he didn't need to face you for the moment. He knows that you need this moment of silence to think about everything you've said to each other in the few minutes you've come outside the party to talk.

But at no time does he dare leave your side. Whatever the fight may be, you don't leave each other's side without working it out.

It all started because of some women who didn't care that Jude was holding hands with you, that he was kissing you relentlessly and insatiably. They didn't care that he was with someone else and it bothered you because Jude wasn't able to say "Enough" to them, according to him, it was an unnecessary fight to buy.

You guys normally don't argue, you don't like it. You avoid it as much as possible and always respect each other's opinion and space, but this situation left you completely out of place and you tried to express this with the intention that Jude would understand your side.

Your eyes fill with tears when you hear Keshi's "Understand" playing in the background in the inner part of the party, the light touch of the music along with the sounds of the waves makes your heart squeeze because this is your song.

take you by the hand, you're the only one who understands.

Tears escape and you try to hide them as you bite down hard on your lower lip trying to keep the sobs from escaping your lips.

You don't want Jude to see you crying, but you can't stop more tears from flooding your face.

He is the person who understands you most in the whole world, so why does it seem that now you are not being understood?

Jude takes courage to look at you and is startled when he sees you crying. His heart shatters into a million pieces and the urge to pull you into a hug becomes immense, he can't resist and pulls you around your waist. "Hey, no. No, my love. I'm sorry, don't cry."

Jude's arms grab your waist and you try to avoid it, but you can't resist melting into his embrace either. "Please forgive me." He whispers as he strokes your hair. "I thought it was something silly, but now I can clearly see that you have been affected by it. Not knowing how to express myself properly is one of my biggest fucking flaws. I hate that about me."

Jude says the last sentence in a low way, he wanted to throw himself into the sea and disappear for a few minutes. He feels so ashamed for putting you through such a situation.

Jude's hands walk to your waist and pulls you back so that your eyes stick to his, he always liked to talk looking into your eyes. "Hurting your heart was the last thing I wanted in the world. Forgive me, my love."

"I know and understand that you didn't mean to, Jude. But, this lack of positioning hurts." You explain as you dry the trail of tears from your face. "It may be silly and insignificant to you, but it makes me insecure."

His eyes soften and you can even see a trail of tears forming on his edge. "I didn't mean to hurt you, I just thought I was making the right choices, trying to avoid a fight or something, but clearly I wasn't. It hurt you and I promise that from now on I will review my attitudes."

His hands walk over to caress your back. "I value you so much, I really do, and I honestly don't know what my life would be without you. I know I let you down, and in the end, I feel like it hurt me more than it hurt you because I can't handle the idea that I hurt you. I love you too much.” He whispers. “I didn't mean to hurt you like that."

You hug Jude by the neck and give him a light kiss on his lips, you know that he didn't mean to hurt you and this conversation (not the fight) was even good for you to clarify some points and prevent more situations like this from happening again in the future.

Jude makes you feel complete.

#jude bellingham fanfic #jude bellingham fluff #jude bellingham #jude bellingham headcanons #jude bellingham x you #jude bellingham x reader #bellingham x reader #football imagine #football one shot #football fanfic #football x reader

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