#(i am being extremely dramatic and am probably exaggerating) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

teaboot · 2 months

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Hi! (just a personal ask. Sorry if it's not okay to ask for advice out of nowhere but I wanted to see an outer perspective and didn't wanna ask my friends. No pressure to answer of course but I would love to hear your thoughts!)

Is it normal for me to feel overwhelmed about something I want? I am just starting med school and it's a lot but I am fighting. And in my culture, parents buy their daughters their like things?? (like towels and bed sheets and a fridge. Anything they can buy except the apartment basically) for marriage from a young age. But my mom just started recently. And when she first bought me something. The idea of getting married & being a doctor (both things I want) felt like too much I teared up. My mom said I was being spoilers I guess?? Like I was ruining a good moment? Of course it is not that serious since I wasn't outright crying, and I just laughed afterwards as I felt silly lol ,but It got me thinking if I was being that dramatic.

This honestly felt like the moment in the movie where the mom hugs her daughter and says something like "oh how much you've grown" . Her retort felt like it was out of the script.

If you find time to answer, please be extremely blunt. Because I know for a fact I have a tendency to exaggerate things.

You are not overreacting. You are not exagerrating things. And I'm going to tell you this, because I experience this, the tendency to downplay your own feelings and recollections of events very often comes from having other people do it to you first. People tell you your feelings are wrong, or stupid, or irrational, and you learn to listen to them instead of yourself.

It makes complete sense that coming up on a major cultural milestone would make you feel excited, or scared, or overwhelmed. It sounds like you came upon the first step of a very big change and the reality of it all hit you at once, which sounds completely normal and expected!

Fuck, *I* used to get that about moving houses, and YOU'RE expecting shit like marriage? Holy fuck! I'd be a complete mess! The fact that you're level-headed enough to ask questions and process your feelings and talk things through is impressive, because I think I'd be losing my mind.

Personal story, but when I turned 17, my mom asked me if I wanted to go to a restaurant to celebrate. When I told her that it sounded nice, but I'd rather have dinner at home with the family, she told me I was a selfish narcissist, and that I was so busy thinking of myself that I didn't consider that other people might have been excited to go out.

At the time, I thought she'd been harsh but ultimately correct.

Now, I see that she had decided what kind of perfect evening she had wanted, and had expected me to play the part in the movie she had written herself. It had never been about what I wanted at all- it had been about her personal desires and expectations.

And it's normal to feel frustrated about things that don't go the way we want or expect, but lashing out at others is not an appropriate way to handle those emotions.

The way we feel cannot be controlled like a machine. The way we feel is usually not a problem. The problem is what we do, and the choices we make based on those feelings.

Children throw tantrums and sat mean things because they haven't learned better yet. They don't have the practice or experience. Adults like your mother and mine should have that on lock, but often don't, especially if culture or tradition or social expectations tell them their actions are justified.

If I had to take take guess, I'd say it sounds like your mom gave you this gift with an idea in mind of how she wanted you to react. She probably wanted you to be grateful and praising and sweet, so she could fulfill the role she envisioned for herself, and when you deviated from that picture, she was disappointed. From that perspective, it would seem that she felt slighted, and that she was owed your gratitude, and you were at fault for withholding it.

This perspective makes sense, in an emotionally immature sort of way, but would completely overlook your feelings, which are just as important.

Your exact situation is not one I've been in before, but if I'm correct in my assumptions (which I may not be) then I'd suggest keeping an eye out for other instances of your perspective and feelings being minimized.

Are you often told you are behaving irrationally? That you're over-emotional? That you're self-centered or greedy or entitled? Are you told that you don't remember things or do things as you're told? That you see problems where there aren't any? That you male trouble where there is none? That certain conversations aren't worth having, or that "you're always like this"?

It sounds like you know that something is off. I'd encourage you to keep asking questions and follow your instincts. At the end of the day, your life is your own, no matter where it came from.

#Teaboot advice #Good luck

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goldiipond · 1 year

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ray tpn is autistic and i'm gonna tell you why now

ray is one of the most heavily autistic-coded characters i can think of, and i've been wanting to write up a post going over as many of his autistic mannerisms as i can because there is a lot. this will probably be long because i am also autistic and i am especially autistic about ray, so please enjoy while i psychoanalyze this anime boy with way more scrutiny than anyone would consider healthy <3

body language

perhaps one of the strongest arguments for ray's autism can be made by looking at his body language. ray tries to keep a stoic, neutral expression and voice the majority of the time (though he's often quite. bad at that too) but he is always extremely expressive through his movements and gestures, the most noticeable of which being the use of his hands. pretty much every character uses hand gestures, but ray is ridiculously excessive. it'd take frankly way too long to compile every instance of this (or even half) throughout the manga, so here's a small collection of gestures from s1 of the anime to give an idea:

note that this is not even close to all of them and that he's exactly like this in the manga as well, though the animation and its use of snappy, exaggerated movements does help to make these much more noticeable.

moving away from his hands there's also just a lot of really expressive full-body language as well, such as this friendly chokehold:

this dramatic shrug:

and this even more dramatic flop:

just to name a few. basically, ray has a thing for grand unnecessary movements and no one is surprised.

poor emotional regulation and masking

as i mentioned before, ray tries really really hard to bottle up his emotions and keep a sort of stoic persona during his time at gracefield. he's also really really bad at doing this. not terrible, as he was able to keep up a believable enough front that none of the other kids saw anything odd about his behavior for 6 years, but that's also because he deals with so much more stress once the events of the escape arc actually get going. there is a stark difference between his quiet and detached demeanor while emma and norman are still in the dark about the house, and him nearly having a meltdown every time something strays from his meticulously crafted plans while they actually begin making their preparations to escape over the course of the arc.

just a few examples of this include him nearly having a breakdown when emma insists on taking everyone:

or one of my favorite anime exclusive moments where he strains his voice while yelling at isabella to the point he breaks into a coughing fit:

and it's not just big flashy meltdowns, but little bursts of anger as well. shoutout to this moment in particular where he launches this bucket with enough force to tear up a bit of the damn ground:

this emotional instability can be seen after the escape as well, the most glaring example being how he interacts with yuugo:

their dynamic in general really does a good job of showing ray’s mental state after the escape, because pre-goldy pond yuugo is An Asshole. and ray is so, so easy to piss off and quite frankly tired from bottling up his emotions for so long that every interaction with said asshole is a massive struggle to keep himself from physically attacking him.

as for the topic of masking, that’s what ray’s attempts to hide his emotions feel like to me. ray is constantly in danger of losing isabella’s trust, whether that be by revealing he may be a little more attached to the other kids than he lets on or by showing too much emotion that the other kids start to wonder what the hell’s going on. ray has to constantly hide and cover up his emotions with more palatable ones for others out of fear of looking out of place or being seriously hurt, and well if that doesn’t just describe autistic masking to a tee i don’t know what does.

maybe one of the things that gets me the most about that is that he's essentially been masking for about half of his life, and doing that for any extended period of time is extremely draining. ray has been drained to the point that he will have full meltdowns when put under any sort of stress and when you take into account the fact that he already has pretty severe anger issues as a result of his trauma, it's really no wonder he has such a short fuse.

lack of a filter when speaking

ray is a very blunt person. he speaks matter-of-factly and he wastes no time in getting straight to his point, sometimes with only a single sentence:

the way he talks is also pretty significant, as he generally has a more monotone way of speaking. he really only yells when he gets really worked up which like i said, happens a lot, but there’s almost no inbetween for him. pre-escape, he tries to show as little emotion in his voice as possible outside of his outbursts.

as for post-escape ray, he does seem to show much more emotion in the way he speaks. its a bit harder to judge, as nothing past the escape arc was ever adapted into the anime (s2 isnt real it cant hurt you) but his facial expressions become much more varied and it’s easy to say his vocal inflections likely do as well. however, what we can say for sure is that he remains just as blunt as ever:

no matter how comfortable he becomes with expressing himself, this aspect of his speech never seems to change.

while we’re on the topic of his speaking mannerisms please also direct your attention to these panels:

these need no explanation.

sensory issues. so many sensory issues

briefly moving back to the subject of ray’s hands, i couldn’t help but notice during my countless s1 rewatches that they are almost never just resting at his sides. if he's not using his hands for unnecessary gestures they are either shoved into his pockets, or he's crossing his arms. it's very likely his arms default to these positions because they offer a sort of sense of security, the former keeping his hands covered and the latter keeping him more closed off, almost like he's constantly hugging himself. basically, ray is a 'likes to feel covered and secure' autistic and if he was buried in weighted blankets he'd probably love it.

also tying into the ‘likes to feel covered’ aspect of ray’s autism is this scarf he acquires sometime during the volume 12 timeskip:

it’s a well known autistic thing to get attached to articles of clothing and wear them as much as possible, and boy does ray get attached to this scarf. i can count 2 post-timeskip scenes off the top of my head that have him not wearing this scarf, and the image on the right takes place a full 2 years after the left one in canon. he has no explicitly stated emotional attachment to this scarf and we don’t even know how he got it, just that he almost never takes it off. it could easily be seen as a comfort item, maybe he just likes the way the fabric feels or the extra coverage it offers him. there is post-canon content that depicts him without it, but the fact that he wore it almost nonstop for at least 2 years straight is still pretty significant.

another sensory thing i feel is worth mentioning is that ray seems to have a very specific tolerance threshold for physical contact. he seems fine initiating touch himself, and touches from emma and norman are generally alright, likely because they are the only people he has openly allowed himself to be close with his entire life. sudden touches from others however, are a different story. the one that immediately comes to mind is this interaction with don:

don in particular is someone ray becomes pretty close to, and i would say that besides the obvious growth with emma and norman, don is likely the person we see the most development with with in terms of their relationship. him having this reaction to a hug from someone he’s so close to seems indicative of some issues with unexpected contact.

and finally one of my absolute favorite things the anime added, which is ray experiencing what looks a lot like sensory overload:

this takes place right after the argument with isabella, which ended with him being knocked to the floor and locked up in a room by himself, so its needless to say that he’s pretty shaken up. he gets so overwhelmed that all he can do is yell and desperately reach for any sort of stimulation to keep him grounded, curling in on himself and aggressively ruffling up his hair. i genuinely cannot think of an allistic explanation for this scene.

and basically, he is just so autistic

all in all, theres some pretty damn solid evidence for ray being autistic and whether it was intentional or not, the sheer amount of autism-coding present in ray’s writing is almost impossible to ignore. i love some good projection but i don’t even need to do that much, hes just doing this all on his own. in conclusion:

#skye's ramblings #WELL. IT TOOK ABT AN ENTIRE DAY BUT HERE IT IS. READ MY ESSAY BOY #thank god for tublrs extended image limit am i right. had to switch to my laptop a third of the way through so it would let me add more <3 #and small shoutout to @fullscoreshenanigans for telling me how to make the gifs HGFGKJD #anywyay i had fun w this ray is so dear to me didyou know i love ray. ray #i am going to do something wild (putting a non-art post in the main tags) so hi tpn fandom i talk a lot. here's autism #the promised neverland #tpn #yakusoku no neverland #tpn ray

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thesilverlady · 1 year

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https://www.tumblr.com/thesilverlady/714253266548047872/unpopular-opinion-i-dont-think-that-aegon-was-a

Not same anon, but septon Eustace was said to document the sexual rumours/scandalous but unlike Mushroom he didn't like writing about it or exaggerated it. So Eustace said that as a teenager Aegon was sulky, lazy and had wondering hands. Now this is pretty much SA by our modern standards but sadly these things are normalised in Westros. I think many parts of Aegon's upbringing, childhood, and Adult life are left ambiguous for us to interpret (just like many parts of f&b) So the question if this kind of behaviour has developed to rape is left to the reader to determine. And i like to not take Mushroom's account of this whole 12yr girl giving him blowjob *ew* because in the original novel (The princess and the queen) it has mentioned that Aegon was with his mistress and he refused to usurp Rhaenyra at first. My main problem of this whole situation is that people keep assuming the worst of Aegon for some reason

And i am not saying that Aegon was kind of a feminist man lmao but to me he is very tame compares to other characters. because a lot of these people who draw the line at Aegon actually love characters who are waaay problematic than Aegon like Aemond who keeps calling Rhaenyra a whore 24/7 , Helaena a broodmare, killed Alys's whole family and then claimed her as a war prize, commit what we can consider a genocide in the riverlands. Or they love Maegor (i love Maegor btw) who was a tyrant and forced women to marry him then killed some of them because they couldn't give him sons. I think we can all like characters regardless of their morality because at the end of the day they're fictional not real so liking only heroic morally good characters is just soo boring ( i prefer villains more) but i hate how the fandom tends to humiliate people over what fictional character they find more interesting. And thank you for being one of the tiniest minority who is willing to engage in discussions rather than being hostile like most of team green/black spaces.

I wanna say I'm sorry for the long reply 😅 but you brought up lots of interesting facts and I couldn't help myself with replying longer.

So, let's start with the "Eustace was said to document the sexual rumours/scandalous but unlike Mushroom he didn't like writing about it or exaggerated it" Eustace, like so many other maesters we see in f&b is extremely biased. I think due to Mashroom's dramatic self lots of ppl feel safer with relying on septon Eustace and I don't think that's a great idea.

Lots of maesters we see from f&b are very sly with pinning the blame to women, especially when showing favoritism for a man. They're also very anti magic and generally anti Targaryen. It makes reading f&b quite challenging because it's easy to just fall into their biased perspective. But you can see the transition during Jaehaerys I ruling, who of course was probably their favorite due to him complying more and more with the faith.

So what I'm trying to say is, while septon Eustace hardly had any love for the targaryens he still favored Aegon II - a man. Who he wouldn't want to bring out such scandalized actions mostly because what would it say about him? A septon siding with such a lecherous king?

don't get me wrong. I still don't buy mashroom's version of that event but I still think the truth was somewhere in the middle and Eustace tried to make it look better for the sake of his own self image and then the king's.

Obviously Aegon's actions in regards of women are more dismissed inside the world of asoiaf despite being punishable because of his status as a prince/king.

Of course as you said many parts of Aegon's upbringing/childhood/adult life are left ambiguous and left for us to interpret just like with many other characters such as Rhaneyra/Aemond and many more.

However there are lines here and there that do help our interpretation. For instance, one of the reasons why I'm not overly fond of making show!Aemond some poor victim of bullying who grows up to be self-restraint man of wisdom is because that's not him. A targaryen prince like himself wouldn't get bullied like this, there's no reason for his brother to side with his nephews that are alledgedy favored by his father instead of his own blood and when the family dinner later happens we get the line that Aemond "remained a wild and willful child, hot-tempered and unforgiving". The word "remained" implies that he was like that in childhood, so the show version falls apart.

"in the original novel (The princess and the queen) it has mentioned that Aegon was with his mistress and he refused to usurp Rhaenyra at first"

here we fall into a problem that comes from grrm being unable to often keep up with his own story. I don't blame him because the world of asoiaf is massive but we should be used on events contradicting one another.

these characters are quite new compared to the ones we know. The Princess and the Queen was published in 2013, its prequel The Rogue Prince in 2014 before they were both expanded further in fire and blood which was punished in 2018. So, personally I prefer going with the latest version because I think that's more reliable with what George wants the readers to know.

So while the Princess & the queen may have used the word mistress, f&b used the word paramour. And in both versions we never see a mention of this girl ever again. A paramour/mistress to a prince wouldn't be dismissed that easily in my opinion, which is what prompts me to believe Eustace came up at the spot that the girl was that as a cover. Aegon refusing to usurp Rhaneyra exists in f&b too.

"My main problem of this whole situation is that people keep assuming the worst of Aegon for some reason"

I mean.... I don't blame you here 'cause you're right 😅 My humble opinion is that Aemond for example is waaay more unhinged and dangerous than Aegon but for some reason Aegon is treated like he's Satan. I completely agree with everything you said. The fandom is filled with bunch of hypocrites. I too actually love Maegor but I don't pretend like it wasn't mentioned he raped women. At the same time, I have moots on twt who love joking about him and praising but then they'll cause wwiii if they see a semi-positive tweet about Aegon II.

in the end of the day, it doesn't even matter if Aegon ii was an actual rapist or not. Back before hotd even existed and some minority argued against Rhaenyra, the word "rape" wasn't even brought up because there were a bunch of other reasons to explain why a reader didn't support Aegon or the Greens. Team black and team green now throw words like "rape" or "grooming" as a gotcha and to be shitty at fans who enjoy dark characters

"I think we can all like characters regardless of their morality because at the end of the day they're fictional not real so liking only heroic morally good characters is just soo boring (i prefer villains more) but i hate how the fandom tends to humiliate people over what fictional character they find more interesting."

I completely agree with you and I feel for the hurt lots of people go through in this fandom. I also adore villains, and favor imbalanced dynamics between ships, which of course brings the nastiest antis to humiliate and shame you all day everyday.

Both team green & team black have many bad apples. idk about tumblr but Twitter has been hell for me - which is why I'm taking a break from that place.

I'm very happy you feel comfy to send me an ask and don't feel hesitant to reply if you wish. Even if we don't agree with something, I get the sense you're one of the normal people who understand this is just fiction and there's no need to become aggressive animals over characters that are ink on a page.

#anti hotd #f&b meta #aegon ii targaryen #should I tag this as anti Aemond? I love that guy but I feel like some ppl may get offended by the way I used him as an example 😅#tw sa #ask reply #thank you for being so nice btw

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markantonys · 2 years

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You're on Gathering Storm? I am curious on your thoughts on the Sanderson books cause the fandom is pretty divided on them (for a variety of reasons). Curious on your takes of what the fandom has dubbed "Darth Rand"

i think it's still too soon for me to say (currently about a third into TGS, maybe a little more) because i honestly have not noticed much of a difference so far! mat's characterization seems to be one of the biggest points of contention, but i haven't seen him yet where i am. and i was already v unhappy with the direction rj took mat's character in COT and KOD (for me he became MARKEDLY more misogynistic and less anti-slavery than he ever was in previous books, and forcing him to have genuine feelings for tuon completely changed (and butchered) his character imo because making mat extremely OOC was the only possible way to make those genuine feelings happen so quickly), and some people have said that what sanderson does is only a continuation and perhaps exaggeration of the bad trend that rj already started for mat, so we'll see if i find TGS mat significantly worse than COT-KOD mat or about the same.

the only big change i've noticed so far is that the pov/plotline switches every chapter instead of staying in one pov/plotline for a long chunk, which i see as about equally good and bad - good because it spares me from getting bogged down for 100 pages in a row of a plotline i don't care about, but bad because it prevents me from really sinking into a plotline i DO care about.

as for Darth Rand (jdkfgj i love that) i actually haven't seen too much of him yet in this book, though from what little i have seen, he definitely feels in a significantly worse mental/emotional place than he was in the previous book. i do kinda feel like his downward spiral arc has been rushed - he was meandering along in a fairly-bad-but-not-as-terrible-as-i-expected-from-what-everyone-said place for a very long time and then suddenly jumped to MUCH WORSE in this book. and i think he has a really big breaking point later in this book that i haven't even gotten to yet, it was just that even from his first chapter he did abruptly feel so much worse than when we last saw him - granted this is the first time we've seen him since semirhage blew off his hand and told him he was terminally insane, so a sharp decline in emotional wellbeing does make sense, but still. i heard so much about the whole "rand loses the ability to smile" thing and i was really expecting that to be FAR more painful than it's been so far lmao, so far it's been A Bummer rather than The Most Agonizing Thing I've Ever Read. i'm probably jinxing myself aren't i?

while i'm on the subject, i think that min being plastered to rand's side has badly interfered with his Decline arc - we're supposed to feel "oh no rand's isolating himself and pushing all his loved ones away and not trusting anyone" but he's just been taking min along on all his trips for 6 books and confiding his plans and problems in her, resulting in a nonsense double standard of rand going "i'm a danger to everyone i love and must push them away to protect them, and i can’t trust anyone but myself! except for min, whom i trust with all my feelings and plans and who is allowed to come with me into any number of extremely dangerous situations even though she is by far the least capable in a fight of all my loved ones." and so i feel that rand's self-isolating arc has not been as effective as it would've been if he had TRULY been keeping everyone across the board at arm's length, rather than making special exceptions for 1 person. (also, since i hate min and min/rand, her constant presence in rand's chapters makes things Difficult for me jfkgj i honestly have not taken much genuine enjoyment in rand's plotline since she became a permanent part of it, which sounds dramatic of me but it is true! i'd probably feel much sadder about rand's arc if my reading of it wasn't constantly undercut by annoyance about min!)

#to be clear since i previously have always been like 'i hate that rand doesn't confide in anyone!'#i want him to confide in all his many loved ones for his own wellbeing #but narratively speaking his arc would've been more crushing if he'd COMPLETELY self-isolated by this point #rather than kept on telling min things and sleeping with her and being fussed over by her all the time #wot book spoilers #anonymous #answered

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pond-child-edd · 2 years

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(Tw for vague implications/references to verbal abuse??? I don't know I don't call it that here but I am kinda thinkin about it)

Seeing the insults Tord's mom threw at him on the first page throws me. A little off (not that it's really bad or actually disturbs me I think I may just be a little more caught on it than other folks) so out of curiosity is she just. Like. Actually like that generally or is she just kinda shit and it was exaggerated for the comic

No worries asking the question! I'll do my best to elaborate my thought process on that part.

Tord's parents are kinda shitheads? Yeah lol-- I don't think I really thought about it much further than "they're a bit overbaring and probably dislike his bad habits".

The whole premise of that scene even being included was to just be over the top and dramatic for the sake of going from one extreme to another between the panels.

The joke was not supposed to be read into as: "tord getting verbally harassed by his mother" but rather "tord asking himself why he would want to live with his friend, followed abruptly by am obvious reason"

In general it's exaggerated definately! Tord likely has a poor relationship with his parents, but I don't plan on depicting it other than that single expositional plot point.

A (potentially inconsistent) running element to the narrative is that: everyone kinda sucks. People are gonna be dickheads but they're all vibing. And if it's not your kinda thing then that's totally fine!!

TLDR: was written over the top as a joke, but you're up to interpreting it in depth how you like.

-pond

#eddsworld #ew pond child au #tord #side stuff

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haywire-hetfield · 2 months

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From personal experience, unless Dead were to actually cut into one of his veins or more than surface level in his muscles he would be relatively okay. He’d be disoriented, sluggish, and probably experiencing a lot of pain in his wrists but the adrenaline in his body would sustain him as long as he kept himself in a state of fight or flight. Only after relaxing would everything hit him. By time he was cutting on stage he’d been doing it awhile and had built up a tolerance if that makes sense. And based on your descriptions Occultus would probably scar but not too bad and he’d just be in pain. But like realism sucks sometimes, and exaggerated symptoms make for better dramatic flare.

I actually wrote a collage paper on the fact that the original Inner Circle of the Norwegian Black Metal Scene and the bands from a year or so before the circle officially was name was incredibly cult like. ( i won’t bore you with academic talk don’t worry ) so I very much appreciate the sheer amount of control and power these men commanded. They were malnourished, sleep deprived, and most of them were fairly detached from reality towards the end, and yet they were constantly egged on by fans that worshiped their every move.

But like back to the smut lol. Do you have any ideas about more gritty/bloody/or otherwise extreme fics? While I am pretty into omegaverse ( and definitely will resurface in your inbox to yap about that again at a different point in time) I’m also well versed in the more..edgy ideas to put it nicely. Especially the religious devotion aspect ( I’m a black metal fan, i feel like nothing else should be expected from me lol ) There’s something captivating about the complete and utter devotion. Dedicating mind, body, and soul to one person in a way most blasphemous and shameful can be so powerful. Especially if the “god” in question holds it above the devotees head, constantly pushing for more. - 🐈‍⬛

Sorry in advance if any of this doesn't make sense or doesn't feel like it makes sense in the conversation. My brain is kind of scattered all over the place right now.

Okay, so this part first.

I totally get what you're saying and that's very interesting! My opinion on it was based solely on how it's presented in the film and how severe they made all the wounds seem. (Although, it absolutely may have been dramatized or looked worse than it likely was.) Either way, the unrealistic tag was more to avoid any comments similar to, "well actually he wouldn't have been able to get jerked crazy style right after" haha

With Occultus particularly, I think it's a bit more muddled. I was intentionally a bit more vague about how severe his were, mostly because in the moment, neither of them really knew how bad it was either.

And I completely agree on exagerrated symptoms and exagerrated reactions to them. Normally, I enjoy playing up how much something hurts or how severe something else, but I enjoyed getting to downplay those in this fic. (At least I feel the fic downplays them, particularly with pushing through and ignoring the pain of certain things.)

And the paper sounds very interesting! And I do think there's something to be said about encouraging destructive behavior, especially self-destructive behavior. (The most obvious example being Dead)

As for darker ideas, there is actually a LOC necro(philia, not the person) idea that's been bouncing around my head and I've gotten it outlined, but not actually started yet. I'm very excited about it.

I've also been bouncing around some dub/noncon ideas for Varg/Euro that I haven't even gotten a fully fleshed idea out for yet, but I know I want to do SOMETHING with it.

Not necessarily dark, but I also know I want to write an omegaverse something for LOC soon.

As for bloody, I want to do something with Occultus/Fenriz based off of the show scene. (That scene has fueled so many horny ideas smh) It's based off them standing down front together, both being very equally...Excited, shall we say, about the blood.

I don't think I'll explore religion/God in a romantic/sexual context further in my fics because it's not really a trope I have a lot of passion for. Though, I absolutely understand why people do.

#dead dove do not eat #dead dove #rpf #asks #blood tw

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ghostierants · 7 months

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Creepshow Art

I watched quite a few of Shannon’s videos over the years and I was what I would consider to be a fan of hers. I admit to being late to the drama and exposés about her, I had shit going on, you know? And this drama has long been said and done, but I still am going to try and aim to write a post from that, a Viewer’s Perspective.

Watching her content for a couple years was fine and dandy, However similar with Chaos55t, I always found it weird that she was always in some sort of drama. But I mean I didn’t care if the stories were exaggerated or made up because I mean come on, it’s the CC (Commentary Community). Many of the DA or Tumblr based CC are very dramatic to say the least.

I have to admit I was never an avid watched of Emily Artful, I watched a few of her videos here and there but not to an extent that I know everything about her, and that is still the case. There isn’t anything I particularly find wrong with her, I just tend to jump around with the content I consume quite frequently and tend to stick to a few channels in each genre of the plethora of content there is to consume on the internet. When it came out that Creepshow, Shannon, was Emily’s stalker, I was shocked a bit. But I was hardly surprised.

If you take a look at her videos now, the ones that are still up or were reposted, that is, her personality does come off a bit as arrogant or confrontational. There is nothing wrong with that in itself, in fact I think it was part of the reason people kept watching. However when you take a step back and rewatch them after this was all said and done, it is more glaringly obvious that something was up. I mean, in almost every video there was someone that wronged her in some new way.

I am one to admit to looking at my partner’s exes Facebook accounts just because I’m nosey, but I usually only do it once or twice and then I’m done. But Shannon took Facebook stalking exes to an extreme and delusional level. It’s almost like she was scared that Emily would one day come back and be like “This is my man now, begone Shannon!!!” Which may point to some mental health issues.

I firmly believe trauma or mental health issues were the root of all this on Shannon’s part. At the end of the day as Shannon is an adult, the fault of letting herself dive into her delusions is probably what caused all this. This is an important lesson for those out there who struggle with personality issues (such as myself) to really work on themselves.

I myself have a personality disorder and I have done some toxic things in the past out of me not taking care of my mental health and I fully acknowledge the fact that I was wrong. The issue begins when those who commit wrong deeds do not take accountability for the deeds done. Even if you completely black out and do something horrible, you still did it and you should still take accountability for it. This is where Shannon and several others before and after her failed.

She clearly failed to take accountability for herself before it got to the stalking point and ended up doing these horrible things to not only Emily, but her own friends. Those who were supporting her. But I do not put fault directly on Shannon as her partner also plays a role here. It has been established and I certainly don’t need to tell you that her partner is an abuser. I see so many commentary blogs and channels use was as if it was past tense. And yeah technically it was past tense but if it remains and it is still affecting others to this day, it’s present tense. Shannon’s partner likely fed these delusions until Shannon became what we know her for now.

I won’t speak on the behalf of her using art that wasn’t her’s because I myself haven’t viewed proof of it yet and I don’t want to make a long rant about how that’s not right because as we know in situations similar, some people aren’t afraid to take others to court. I don’t have time for that frankly.

#rant post #commentarycommunity #YouTube #CreepshowArt

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29pageshomestuckeveryday · 11 months

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Homestuck, page 3,628

==>

Author commentary: --> Then Doc gets into some critical instruction on what to do to save their session. Again, there's too much to keep up with here, so I'll skip over stuff about how Rose'll need to get John to use one of her Quills of Echidna to scratch the Beat Mesa, and keep talking about what an elaborately constructed piece of shit this guy is. I think when the time comes to show the douchebag cocktail stuck inside Cal, there's a brief temptation to regard it as an odd, semi-random melange of characters. But there are several layers of logic to the guys who all combine to form his personality. Much of the logic orbits around these negative traits associated with men, or more specifically, the "toxically masculine" aspects often linked to certain male personalities. Dirk has a lot of these traits, which are central to Dave's feelings of tension and abuse concerning his bro. The intellectual aggression, the power of assertion, the knowitall-ism, the mansplaining. That's a lot of Dirk stuff when he's at his worst. Equius shares a lot of those traits too, with some different points of emphasis. Both of them have this creepy-guy streak running through them, with strange or offputting interests, and seem to get a quiet kick out of making others uncomfortable through demonstrations of these fascinations. They are actually pretty similar characters in this way. They have enough differences to make them feel distinct, but the similarities point back to this topic of "persona alchemy" I was pushing in some previous books. The idea that there are some elemental or platonic personality profiles in a story, and many characters we see are just permutations and evolutions of those. So one way of looking at Doc's personality composite is just taking this idea another step further. But then, this still doesn't really close the book on the topic, because he also plays the role of the sinister, devil-like alt-author figure, making these character choices seem more meaningful in relation to the idea that all these guys are different spins on dramatized, negative, author-insert figures. Both Dirk and Equius inside Cal are splinters of those characters, offshoot variations of the originals. But I've also talked about splinters in a different context, which is that any collection of characters in a story could be viewed as compartmentalized, somewhat exaggerated splinters of the author's total personality. Everything an author is capable of conceiving is recorded through the characters they create and the words and actions they assign to them, which includes good and evil things. If it didn't include such moral polarities, the results wouldn't be too interesting. Which is why me saying characters like Dirk, Equius, Doc, and a few others exist as dark authorial surrogates shouldn't be taken as overly self-critical lacerations. (Unless you really want to think I suck as bad as they do, in which case I'll just say: fair enough.) I'd say these self-examined qualities are just drawn out, isolated, and inflated both for dramatic effect, and also as critical write-up of those qualities existing within many human beings in general, which I would like to think is grounded in a creative process involving a certain degree of humility about some of this bullshit. I like all these characters here, but that doesn't mean I think their unpleasant qualities are good. It just means I am harnessing and heightening those qualities for creating strong villainous portraits. If you write stuff, then it's very likely you do this as well. That is, carving up the full potential of your personality and endowing your OCS with the exotic results, including your extremes. The only difference between us is you probably didn't have the courage to drag yourself into the story and begin weirdly personalizing many of these decisions, thereby essentially making everything about you, literally constantly, and then writing tons of cool huge notes about it all in later editions.

#gif #pesterlog

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celiaelise · 1 year

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Have you ever been such a disaster of a person that you lost a brand new bottle of one your psych meds, (even though you usually have a specific place to put them, because you know you cannot be trusted) and then the old bottle runs out during the first week of your new job? So now in addition to the nerves and dramatic changes associated with starting a new job and trying to juggle two jobs, there's extra anxiety/depression/general shitty moods on top of that.

And honestly the bottle is probably still in my apartment somewhere, but my home is just as much of a disaster as I am. I did my best to check the most likely places, but there's not really a way to actually, comprehensively search for it without tearing apart and organizing the entire place, which would be an effort of, like, several days, if that was the only thing I had going on, and I had the help of one or more other people.

I might be being dramatic, but not by much.

Also, my AC's been out for literal months, but it should be finally getting replaced tomorrow! (I could've sworn there was a maracas emoji??? I was going to put one here but apparently it doesn't actually exist, so.) I was actually kind of expecting them to do that today, so hopefully nothing weird is going on, and they get everything wrapped up tomorrow.

Also, I'm, like, almost out of food right now, because my mom usually buys me groceries, but my new job's been distrupting my weekend schedule of visiting their place, (when I would pick the stuff up) and I haven't put effort into figuring out something else. And also for other reasons that boil down to me not being on top of my shit, idk. I'm not that out of food, it's fine, but like. I guess I'm out of the stuff that's easiest for me to eat?

And today I went to my retail job for the first time in two weeks, (more because they just didn't schedule me than bc I was busy with the other job) and I feel like I acted really weird and distant, because I'm just, like, extremely drained/wrung-out/etc. But I did have to call out "sick" the last two days, so I have the excuse of recovering, at least.

Anyway, not sure if I was going anywhere with all this. I guess I just wanted to complain about how I'm having a moderately miserable time. Like, it's not like everything's awful, I've mostly just been putting myself through the emotional wringer, for only partially rational reasons.

Oh, ALSO, I finally switched my health insurance at the start of this month! But I'm, like, unclear on how much is actually covered, and I'm not sure if my prescriptions are covered, like, at all?? And I also don't know if I have the energy to investigate it 😓 I don't have to pay for my scripts myself, (another thing my mom takes care of) but it still matters how much they cost, especially given that I have, like, twelve of them. (That may be an exaggeration, but not by much.)

Anywaaaay, (again) I hope all of you out there are having acceptable nights 💕

#my life #my feelings #food #meds #by elise

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komoriyui · 2 years

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The Sakamakis as Keshi songs ♥︎

I'm bored so I'm going to start posting my things on this blog (>_<｡) Keshi is one of my favourite artists, and I was listening to some songs when I realized how much space their lyrics have to analyse the diaboys with... I hope you can realize you don't need to have heard these songs before or read the full lyrics to understand my comments! I'm using the ideas and general meaning of the songs to prompt my little analysing (›´ω`‹ )

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Shu - atlas

❝ Do not disturb, lost when I'm dreaming

Kick to the curb all my angels and demons. ❞

It seems obvious at first, when these lyrics talk about sleeping through your problems and being too tired to deal with anything, but even acknowledging this, I'd really like to show a link between Shu's story and Atlas - the Greek God this song is about. Atlas was punished to hold the weight of the heavens/the sky on his shoulders, and this just reminds me of Shu. The way Shu was born into the pressure of being the eldest son, he was forced to take on responsibilities he doesn't care about, and now just wants to rest. When Heracles tricked Atlas into thinking he was free from the weight of the heavens, but afterwards he realized he had to hold it once again, I really think of Shu seeing a glimpse of freedom and life when he was a child and played with Edgar. However, as we know afterwards, he was forced back into square one by losing Edgar, and his temporary escape from his responsibilities was broken forever.

Reiji - drunk

❝ All my friends are drunk again

And I'm stumbling back to bed all by myself. ❞

Reiji's song was a little hard to decide, because they're mostly a lot about love and I don't think I know him well enough to use lyrics like that to analyse how he loves to how he is. Even though this song seems unrelated to his character, it reminds me of his loneliness. I think a lot about how, even though he wasn't born to be the eldest, he took the position to keep everything together, and it probably takes a lot of loneliness and dissociation from his brothers to continue caring about the state of things. Where it says "all my friends are drunk again", in a really light-hearted way, I think of how Reiji must view his brothers as helpless fools who couldn't get anywhere without his leadership - and I do have to agree (>ㅅ<) He isn't appreciated enough for being the bread and butter of their brothership.

Ayato - LIMBO

❝ I am a fraud, I am the shit

Hoping that nobody notice ❞

This song is very loudly an Ayato song - talking about how he is the mightiest and the best, but it kind of links to this huge analysis I remember writing ages ago where, even though Ayato is shown to be an exaggerated self-centered person with a huge superiority complex, I believe he pretty much has an inferiority complex instead. I can't remember exactly what I wrote, but his extreme possessiveness really makes me think of how he probably views everyone as a threat or competition for being the best, and needs his ego to be inflated to the max to reassure him that he will never be powerless ever again. I feel too shy to post the full analysis now... but, take his backstory as the support for this. His abuse only made him someone desperate to have control and power, and he learned the hard way to stop himself from being vulnerable if he wanted to keep it.

Kanato - War with Heaven

❝ Feel like everybody's telling me I'm doing too much

And I know I can be dramatic when I want, but so what? ❞

Kanato is obviously known for being dramatic and having his outbursts and instabilities. I think the whole story of this song, where the speaker says he will go to war with heaven for being away from his love, makes me really think of Kanato. His possessiveness is also something I think formed from childhood. His invisibility as a child caused him to have a need to always have his needs met - and those needs are always fluctuating because he doesn't know his own self well enough to understand when or how a balance can exist. His balance comes externally, when the one he can control is there for him to control, otherwise he falls back into helpless disaster as he fights to never let himself fall back into a place of powerlessness and invisibility.

Laito - onoffonoff

❝ I want you next to me

You want to see me bleed ❞

If there was a song to capture really well the inner turmoil from the abuse (specifically from his HDB route) that you would have to endure when being under Laito's spell, it would 100% be this one to me! Being a human, you would be played with and toyed, isolated into craving care from someone who only wants to hurt you and watch how many different ways they can ruin you. You might think there is nothing like a human's capability of abuse, but what is worse is Laito's abuse. You think that you can fix this person because of their willingness to stay by your side, but you know they just find amusement in entertaining those thoughts. One of my favourite aspects of this game that I could talk about forever is Laito's abuse in HDB and I think this song captures it so well. It's the way the most intimate and comforting acts of love are twisted to become demeaning and hurtful that causes you to confuse yourself into being hopeful. But the hope will always fail you.

Subaru - blue

❝ I don't know myself

Not like the time I did before. ❞

Subaru's outer shell being built from his inner self being completely twisted growing up is one of the most devastating things to me... He appears to be this strong and tough person and believes he doesn't need any love or help, because why would he ever think that he needed it? He wasn't taught what love could do to him, he had to learn to create himself from what he had. I'm really fond of the genuine way they made him learn to love as well as love himself at the same time in HDB. On the inside, he can fish out what he realizes he needs for himself and live through the love he deserves, even if he's so used to dismissing it and pretending he is still an independent person who doesn't need anyone's sugar-coated attention. In the hands of his corrupted parenting, he had no nurturing or recognition for himself, and couldn't have been able to learn differently until the right person showed him that maybe if he looked on the inside instead of creating an exterior from his trauma, he could see the true beauty of himself.

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#ooc #sakamaki #diabolik lovers #dialovers #shu sakamaki #reiji sakamaki #ayato sakamaki #kanato sakamaki #laito sakamaki #subaru sakamaki #headcanon #analysis #I'm scared to post this aaa #I hope my little rambles were accurate (>ㅅ<)#admin's things

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mable-stitchpunk · 2 years

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On that ask about how you would handle the implications of Afton being abusive to Nessa and scenes you would have, how would you, with both her and novel baby, handle the Creepy implications there?

It all kind of depends on the rating of what I'm working on. If it's for kids, I'm going to have to be extremely careful. If it's teen, it's worth addressing them. Or at least aiming the narrative in a way that it disapproves of it.

Personally, I rather take the plunge and address it in a way that's clear with its messaging but not dramatically over the top, which is a common media overreaction. XD

I already went through what I would've done with Nessa. A book is slightly different to a visual media, but it can still be done. If anything, probably easier since you would have to describe that behavior in detail to get the point across.

One of the biggest problems that the novels have is that the bounce between 'show actions and don't tell why' and 'very, very bluntly explain direct feelings, sometimes with exaggerated metaphors'. It doesn't have to be that complicated!

A scene with Nessa returning to her room above Fazer Blast, sitting on her bed, taking off her mask, and staring at the floor with her hands shaking in her lap and her leg jumping says a lot more than similes about being swept up in a tide.

...Not to say I don't enjoy those, but sometimes you need a little visual bluntness to go along with it.

Now... Novel Baby is such a harder take because I think every aspect of the character is bad. Worse than Vanny, just bad. She's not the main villain, she's just a femme fatale doormat slaving for her abusive daddy while making moves on John, the flattest character since Game & Watch's resurgence.

And the big problem is that the book doesn't go out of its way to acknowledge that she's serving a man who is shown in the book to beat his daughter. The book doesn't portray Baby as someone who feels trapped following him or seeking his love, because she's not a character. She's evil Charlie, Charlie's arch-nemesis looking to steal her man and do stuff because she's as salty as I am.

First off, William would be out of the equation, because the way he got there was stupid anyways. Then make Baby her own character with her own motivations, gut the story, and see what you can salvage of it. Elsewise, your cracks are going to show.

The Fourth Closet plays with the idea of Novel Baby being jealous of Charlie and that fueling some of her motivation, but it's so bundled up with a whole lotta unimportance that it is only grazed upon. Having Baby be the actual villain would give her extra time to build on this motivation.

Upon the constant hole left inside of you and always try to fill when you are raised in a situation like Elizabeth was...

Charlie's role gets altered too, because the whole box thing was lame and it's a better build-up if she can do something proactive against Baby. So when they have the final confrontation, it feels earned. It feels important. Not like the side character finally confronts the villain's henchwoman.

Then Baby can express what we've already seen. Her desires to exist, to not be abandoned, and her vindictiveness that Charlie was the lucky one who got everything while she had to fight just for this much, and still Charlie's trying to stop her. Baby's motives aren't obscure, aren't for anyone else, it's just about her.

And Charlie isn't just a tiny, unimportant obstacle with a name. She is THE obstacle, coming to stop Baby because she knows she's dangerous. Because she knows that Afton still lives in her through the trauma he dealt upon her.

They fight in a mutually important and relevant location, with Charlie having to outwit what is much stronger than her. Then they kiss

...

Well, I lost all credibility. Anybody else want to jump in?

#Novel Baby #Circus Baby #Sexy Baby #Charlie Emily #The Fourth Closet #Fnaf #Jokes aside I'm making yet another crack against John

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fific7 · 3 years

Text

Cold Day in Hell - Part 3

Logan Delos x Reader

A/N: This does not completely follow canon, it’s mainly lemon zest 🍋 because the world needs more Logan Delos. (Song mentioned is ‘I Knew You Were Trouble’ by Taylor Swift)

Warnings: 18+ NSFW due to sexual content, including oral, between consenting adults* in some chapters. Drinking and swearing.

*Irl, please don’t go wild in the country without protection.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

(My GIF)

You lifted Logan’s arm off you and scooted out of the bed at the speed of light, and stood beside it looking down at him. He, meanwhile, had stretched himself out like a big cat right across the bed and was grinning lazily up at you.

“Awww, sweetheart - you spoiled my fun!”

Turning on your heel, saying nothing, you headed to the bathroom and locked the door. You hopped into the shower, praying that he’d have taken the hint and left by the time you emerged. Taking your time, you blow-dried your hair a little and smoothed on the expensive, famous brand body lotion provided by the hotel. Wrapping yourself in one of the hotel’s fluffy bathrobes and picking up your clothes, you cautiously opened the bathroom door and walked into the room.

Logan was still on the bed. In fact, he was now in the bed and had pulled the covers over himself up to his waist, his clothes in a pile on the floor. All of his clothes.

His head turned towards you, his eyes meeting yours and he folded his arms across his bare chest. “You’ve been ages in there, sweetheart. And I needta use the restroom so badly!” He dramatically threw back the bedcovers and you turned away like a flash, squeezing your eyes closed before you got an eyeful.

You felt soft huffs of breath on your neck and Logan whispered, “Oh good, you’re naked too. Well, underneath that robe you are.” You felt long fingers slowly moving the neckline of your robe aside and you clutched at the fabric, pulling it tightly closed. “Logan…. will you please just fuck off!” The fingers left your robe and you heard a deep chuckle, “I’ll only be a few minutes, darlin’, then we can continue this conversation back in bed.”

A thought quickly whizzed through your brain that you’d just told your company’s biggest client to fuck off, but really - he was too much.

The second you heard the bathroom door close, you raced to the wardrobe and pulled out the skirt and blouse you’d decided to wear that day. Grabbing your lingerie, you got dressed in record time and were just doing up the last of your blouse buttons when you heard the door opening again, and quickly shut your eyes again in anticipation of a naked Logan appearing in front of you.

“Ohh, really? You got dressed? It’s too early for that, sweetheart - it’s only 5 am. Take ‘em off and we’ll go back to bed,” you heard, his voice seductive. “Absolutely not, Logan,” you snapped back, “and put your damn clothes back on!”

He gave an exaggerated sigh, “Oh my, you are absolutely no fun at all!” Trying to move away from him, eyes still closed, you came in contact with a toned torso and leapt back from him as if you’d been burned. You banged into the table behind you and a pair of arms instantly went round you. “Careful, angel.” You tried to shove away from him and made the mistake of opening your eyes. Logan tightened his hold on you and his dark espresso eyes were gazing into yours. You didn’t look down but he was pressing his very healthy erection against your lower abdomen and he leant in towards you, lips millimetres away from yours.

Suddenly, you realised you’d parted your lips slightly in anticipation of him kissing you. But he released you, turning quickly away (you trying not to look at that tight ass, really trying) and heading back to his clothes pile. He grabbed them up and headed into the bathroom, saying over his shoulder, “Don’t mind if I use your shower, angel, do you?” The door closed behind him.

Relieved, you thought, ‘Well, I think I managed to handle that okay. Didn’t I?” You weren’t absolutely sure that you had, but whatever.

You settled back in one of the chairs and switched on the TV. Busy channel-hopping to find something worth your attention, you suddenly heard a loud guttural moan issuing forth from the man in the bathroom.

Okayyyy, well… that sounded like he’d managed to handle it himself.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Logan was under the shower, vigorously soaping his body and humming a tune as he did so. It didn’t take too long for his hand to stray down onto his erection and he began stroking. Soon, he leant back against the tiled shower wall as he increased his pace, firmly pulling and squeezing his length before he came with a loud groan. Hope she heard that, he grinned to himself.

The first part of his plan hadn’t gone too badly. He’d got a lot closer to her already but this was him just getting into his stride. He was well aware he had to be careful not to overstep, but… he’d seen the way her lips had parted when she thought he was going to kiss her, so he was going to continue tiptoeing up to the line before stepping quickly back. He had a gut feeling that was the way to go.

He’d make her beg him for it before he was finished.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

As you gathered up your spare handouts and the rest of your stuff at the end of the first investor meeting, you had to admit that you and Logan had worked extremely well together. Neither of you had rehearsed how to approach the meetings past what information you were going to cover, but you’d ended up being a bit of a double act. In fact the two of you had received a round of applause at the end of it.

Logan strolled round the conference table to stand next to you and looking up at him, yet again his sheer magnetism made you catch your breath. You looked down quickly, packing the remaining folders away into your document bag. “That went really well, you were fabulous.” “Thanks Logan, so were you.” As you met his gaze again, he smirked, “Well, I keep trying to show you just how fabulous I am, but you keep shutting me down.”

You opened your mouth to reply but he said quickly, “Just have dinner with me.”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Logan was feeling very happy with himself. She’d agreed to have dinner with him albeit reluctantly, and he was back in the shower, working shampoo through his hair before rinsing it out and enthusiastically shaking his head to and fro. He started singing “I Knew You Were Trouble”, lovingly stroking and winking at his resting manhood before pouring a generous amount of shower gel into his hand and rubbing it over his body.

Strings pulled, he’d managed to get a table at SkyCity, and he had a really good feeling about tonight. Once she saw the view from the top of the Space Needle and had sipped a few glasses of premium champagne, surely he could charm her into his bed? With a confident spring in his step, he dried himself with one of the big fluffy towels, still singing.

“'𝒞𝒶𝓊𝓈𝑒 𝐼 𝓀𝓃𝑒𝓌 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓌𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝓉𝓇𝑜𝓊𝒷𝓁𝑒 𝓌𝒽𝑒𝓃 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓌𝒶𝓁𝓀𝑒𝒹 𝒾𝓃

𝒮𝑜 𝓈𝒽𝒶𝓂𝑒 𝑜𝓃 𝓂𝑒 𝓃𝑜𝓌

𝐹𝓁𝑒𝓌 𝓂𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝓅𝓁𝒶𝒸𝑒𝓈 𝐼'𝒹 𝓃𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇 𝒷𝑒𝑒𝓃

'𝒯𝒾𝓁 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓅𝓊𝓉 𝓂𝑒 𝒹𝑜𝓌𝓃, 𝑜𝒽

𝐼 𝓀𝓃𝑒𝓌 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓌𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝓉𝓇𝑜𝓊𝒷𝓁𝑒 𝓌𝒽𝑒𝓃 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓌𝒶𝓁𝓀𝑒𝒹 𝒾𝓃

𝒮𝑜 𝓈𝒽𝒶𝓂𝑒 𝑜𝓃 𝓂𝑒 𝓃𝑜𝓌

𝐹𝓁𝑒𝓌 𝓂𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝓅𝓁𝒶𝒸𝑒𝓈 𝐼'𝒹 𝓃𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇 𝒷𝑒𝑒𝓃

𝒩𝑜𝓌 𝐼'𝓂 𝓁𝓎𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝑜𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒸𝑜𝓁𝒹 𝒽𝒶𝓇𝒹 𝑔𝓇𝑜𝓊𝓃𝒹

𝒪𝒽, 𝑜𝒽, 𝓉𝓇𝑜𝓊𝒷𝓁𝑒, 𝓉𝓇𝑜𝓊𝒷𝓁𝑒, 𝓉𝓇𝑜𝓊𝒷𝓁𝑒

𝒪𝒽, 𝑜𝒽, 𝓉𝓇𝑜𝓊𝒷𝓁𝑒, 𝓉𝓇𝑜𝓊𝒷𝓁𝑒, 𝓉𝓇𝑜𝓊𝒷𝓁𝑒”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Laying back in the bath, you swirled your fingers through the fragrant foam on the water’s surface and wondered how long it would take Logan to make his move. Because you knew, as night follows day, that he would hit on you tonight. You weren’t fooled by his earlier tease of almost kissing you. Even if - annoyingly - you knew you would have given in to it if he had. You guessed he’d probably try that approach again to entrap you. Picking up a big handful of foam, you blew it off your palm into the air and groaned.

The handsome big devil! Why did he always have to look so fucking hot?!

Another groan left your lips. You were going to have to firstly be on your guard big time, and secondly - and more importantly - stay in control of your own damn self!

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

The view was spectacular. The meal was delicious, the champagne flowed and so did the conversation between the two of you. You ended up telling him way more than you’d originally meant to, how you’d had to fight your parents every step of the way to study your chosen subject - they wanted you to be a doctor or a lawyer and had eventually refused to contribute anything towards your education fees. How you still had a slightly frosty relationship with them, especially as your younger brother had gone on to become a doctor and therefore - irrespective of the fact that you’d earned many awards within your field and your salary was double what he made - little brother was perfection personified as far as your parents were concerned.

Logan had snorted as he’d sipped his champagne when you’d said that, and went on to tell you some choice items about James, ‘Daddy Dearest’ as he called him. How he and Juliet had eventually forced him into retirement, and he’d also made some cryptic comments about his ex brother-in-law and something which had happened in Westworld. He’d quickly changed the subject and recounted various other exploits of his while there, eyes sparkling with mischievousness as he mentioned heists and orgies. And the hosts. He told you all about the hosts.

“Sounds like you spend a lot of time with them, Logan,” you commented, strangely jealous of these robots for some reason. He shrugged, “That’s what they’re there for,” smiling at you, “no strings, y’know? No consequences.” You sat back in your chair, “And I guess that appeals to you? Like, a lot.” Logan crossed one long leg over another and also relaxed back in his chair, “I never lie, so the answer’s yes. Yeah, it did. No hassle whatsoever, what’s not to like?” His gaze locked in on you, “Until now, that is.”

You met his eyes, “And what’s different now?” “Maybe I want some strings. A little hassle, some consequences.” Laughing, you sipped your drink, “Really? I’m not sure you do.” He leant forward, “But I do, sweetheart. Because I want you.” You’d just taken another drink and nearly choked as you burst out laughing, “Oh Logan. No…. you don’t want me, you just want a quick fuck. And I’m not up for that in case you hadn’t noticed.” Logan looked offended for a second, then his usual confident look reappeared on his face. “How do you know what I want? If I wasn’t serious, why am I hanging around doing my best to win you over? I’ll be honest with you, I don’t usually need to try too hard, if at all.”

You burst out laughing, “Exactly my point! This is a novelty for you, that’s all. You’ll soon tire of it when you don’t get anywhere and then off you’ll go to an easier lay.” He shook his head, “No, that’s not the case. And who says I won’t get anywhere? Once I set my heart on something, I’ll go all out till I get it. And right now, that means you, angel.” “I’m not a commodity, Logan! I’m not something to acquire and then move quickly on from.” A lazy smile graced his lips, “Oh I know you’re not, sweetheart, believe me. That’s my point. I’m not about to move on.”

You looked across at him sceptically, “Uh-huh. Sure you’re not, Logan.” He leant back in his chair once more, a seductive smile on his face and dark eyes boring into yours, “Okay, let me ask you something. Do you think I’m hot?” Hesitating, you stalled by picking up your glass but his hand landed on yours, stopping you from raising it to your lips. “Nah, no drinking till you answer me.” He says he never lies, you thought, and I don’t think he does so I’ll return the favour. “Okay… yes, I think you’re hot.” He nodded, looking too smug for your liking so you carried on, “But in saying that, I wouldn’t get involved with you because of your rep.”

He nodded once more, a little disappointment now evident, “Yeah, don’t worry! - I definitely got that vibe. But leaving that aside, if you didn’t know all about me and my rep, answer me this. Would you have slept with me if we’d gone out on a date?” You could feel your face heating up and giving you away, so you admitted, “Yes, I would have. You’re hot, Logan, like I said.”

A big grin on his face, he picked up his glass and held it out so you’d clink yours with his. “That’s all I wanted to hear, sweetheart. I’ve got something to work with now.”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Back at the hotel, Logan walked you to your room and as you stopped outside your door, thanking him for a lovely evening, he suddenly slid a hand around the back of your neck and pulled you towards him. His mouth found yours and he kissed you, lazily, sensually. You felt yourself melting into it, you couldn’t help it. My god does he know how to kiss, screamed your brain.

His lips left yours and you heard him whisper next to your ear, “I’ll show you that I can be different, that I’m not an asshole.” Your hand was on his chest and you could feel his rapid heartbeat. Your own was mirroring it, and you almost caved right there and then.

He stepped back from you, a finger trailing along your jaw, “Sweet dreams, angel. I’ll see you in the morning.”

You watched him walk down the corridor to his own room, and knew you were feeling nothing but regret.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Logan flicked on the TV with the remote and lay back on his pillows, naked, lifting his glass of whiskey and sipping. He was slowly but surely knocking down those walls of hers, he could tell. He’d felt it when he kissed her, she’d relaxed against him and slid her hands onto his neck and chest.

He was really surprising himself, if he was being honest. Never would he have hung on this long before if someone wouldn’t put out. He supposed that was one big disadvantage of fucking all those hosts, they never said no. And let’s be truthful, in real life people didn’t say no to him either. So he’d never really had to handle rejection before (apart from in his relationship with his darling father of course, but that was a whole other story). He sipped again; perhaps this was why he’d fallen for this new, intriguing, beautiful woman. She told him ‘No’, she wasn’t interested in his status, his money or what she could gain from him either in self-publicity or luxurious celebrity lifestyle.

And that was refreshing. Very refreshing. He was going to carry on with his battle plan, he would not give up until he’d won this woman, this prize. And no, he wasn’t regarding her as an object to be won, like a huge teddy bear in a carnival sideshow. They’d spent a fantastic evening together and he was feeling more and more of a connection with her. He sensed that she had the power to make his life better, to care for him, to bring meaning to his existence. Which scared the fucking crap out of him but it was what it was. He couldn’t stop himself feeling that way, so he’d just go with the flow and see what happened.

He was getting hard thinking about her and his hand slid down onto his cock. ‘Mmm, yeah, a little attention’s required here’, he thought to himself. He began working himself, stroking and squeezing, and soon he was scrabbling for a tissue from the box next to him on the bedside table. He bunched it up around the head of his cock and not a moment too soon. With a loud groan, he came almost immediately into it, expertly catching all of his come in the tissue cocoon he’d created. He wiped the tip and then the rest of his length and screwed up the damp tissue, tossing it into the nearest bin before sighing and relaxing back on his pillows again.

That… helped, but it didn’t satisfy him. Not properly. He needed her for that.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Lying awake, your mind was dwelling entirely on what you could have been doing if you’d invited Logan into your room, as you’d so nearly done. A vision of him on top of you, your legs wrapped round his hips. Or you on top of him, riding him like a pony. His hands on your hips, thrusting up into you, his face flushed and contorted with passion.

You shot up in bed. Okay, you were going to have to stop your brain from thinking. Not even wanting to touch yourself, you knew that wouldn’t do it for you when all you desired was Logan. Him. And that body of his.

A drink? Should you have a drink? It might help calm your restlessness. But to be honest, no - you knew it wouldn’t. There was only one thing which you knew would definitely help.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Logan was half-asleep, beginning to drift off into dreams of what he’d like to do to her if he ever got her into his bed. Dream Logan had just begun to lick her nipples when there was a knock at the door. What? Another knock, louder this time. He groggily realised that there was actually someone knocking and got up, grabbing his bathrobe from a chair and shrugging into it as he went to the door and opened it.

It was her. His dream woman. But in reality. Also dressed in a bathrobe and looking at him like he was an oasis in the desert.

She brushed past him and walked in, closing and locking the door behind her. Logan was truly dumbfounded by this turn of events. She stopped in front of him, untying the belt of his bathrobe a little, before lightly placing her hands on his chest. She gazed up into his wide and amazed eyes, playing with the hairs in between his pecs and running her fingers even further down to his money trail. His stomach muscles tensed involuntarily and then she was pushing him backwards, and when he reached the bed she shoved him hard.

Logan fell backwards onto it when the back of his knees hit the mattress, his feet still on the floor, longs legs bent, propping himself up on his elbows and looking at her in amazement. She reached for the belt of his robe again, kneeling down between his legs as she did so and his lips parted, his breath catching. Was she… was she really going to…? The belt fell loose and his robe fell open. She gazed with desire and appreciation at Logan’s erect length, then her fingers were on his tip. His hips jolted upwards and she began squeezing him and stroking her fingers round it, and he saw precum beginning to trickle out as he lay there watching her take him in hand. She gave him a sudden and extra firm squeeze while her other hand took hold of his balls and he yelped, like a damn dog.

Logan couldn’t believe he’d lost control of this situation, but it seemed that he absolutely had. He opened his mouth to speak, but she immediately put a finger to his lips.

“Not a word, Delos. Not one. Single. Fucking. Word.”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

(Not my GIF - credit to owner)

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

@obscurilicious @theshadowkingsqueen

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

#logan delos #logan delos x reader #ben barnes #logan delos fan fiction #logan delos imagine #logan delos fanfic

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bxngchxn · 3 years

Text

mutual || h. hyunjin

this is a fic that I have re-uploaded from my old blog, @ethereal-bang . I’ll be reuploading all of my old works here and deleting my old blog soon. hope you enjoy!

request: “maybe some hyunjin + mutual masturbation? bonus points if they’re ‘just friends’”

characters: hyunjin x female reader

wc: 2.4k

genre: smut

warnings: mutual masturbation, dirty talk, slight dom themes

This is intended for mature audiences. Do not read if you are under the age of 18

✧༺♥༻∞　　∞༺♥༻✧ ✧༺♥༻∞　　∞༺♥༻✧ ✧༺♥༻∞　

Okay, this was probably the stupidest decision you had made in awhile. Or rather, the stupidest decision Hyunjin had made that you agreed to. You knew the moment your best friend invited himself over to your apartment for a “movie night”, that there was something going on.

Hyunjin: hey are u busy

You: I mean, not really ? It’s 9pm jinnie

Hyunjin: right ok cool I’m coming over

You: Wait, what? Why?

Hyunjin: you’ll see, be there in five

Your eyes bulge out of your head at his boldness. Regardless, you made sure your apartment was visitor friendly, even though you knew he wouldn’t care. Hyunjin has been your best friend since junior year of high school. Now into your second year of college, the two of you have been through pretty much everything.

True to his word, five minutes later Hyunjin walked into your apartment and dramatically flopped onto your couch. You watched him while you walked into the living room, the blonde haired boy making himself comfortable before turning to you.

“Okay, so why do I have the pleasure of being graced with your presence at this time of night?” You asked, taking a seat next to him. He looked at you weirdly, he was hiding something.

“Look. Just hear me out,” he starts, and alarms immediately go off in your head. “Hwang Hyunjin what did you do?” You ask him, eyes narrowing. Sticking his hands out defensively, he sits up right on the couch. “I didn’t do anything !! I just… so the boys and I were talking about movies today, yeah?” He started. Unsure of where this was going, and why you were involved, you nod your head slowly.

“And there’s this movie, called 365 Days? Have you heard of it?” He asks cautiously.

Yeah, you had heard of it. It was the biggest trend going around right now. Some movie about a guy that meets a woman, kidnaps her and wants her to fall in love with him within a year, and if not she gets to leave. Everything you’ve heard about it has been a mix of cringe and intrigue. The movie is extremely dirty, you’ve heard.

“Yeah, I’ve heard of it.” You say nonchalantly, waiting to see where the conversation takes you. “Ah, well, uh.. Ha-have you seen it?” He looks too embarrassed to look you in the eye. “No, I haven’t, Hyunjin. What does any of this have to do with me?” You question. Hyunjin shifts around in his spot on the couch. “Well, the boys..the b-boys dared me to watch it and I don’t want to watch it alone! Will you please watch it with me? Please?” He says quickly. Your eyes widen, not able to believe that this was the reason he was in your living room.

“Wouldn’t it be weird?!”

“No! Y/N we’ve been friends for so long and it’s not like we’re not comfortable with each other!!” He reasons. “Hyunjin, it’s basically porn!” You laugh, unsure how to correctly convey your emotions. “Look, let’s watch like half of it. You know I can’t back down on a dare, Y/N please,” he begs. You weighed the options. Would it be weird? Maybe a little, but he’s right. You’re comfortable with him. What could go wrong, right? It’s just a movie.

Sighing, you see his face light up in victory. “Fine,” you say and grab the remote, searching for the movie.

Oh boy, were you wrong.

This movie was way more sexual than you had originally thought. Yeah, you had heard the rumors about the infamous Boat Scene, where the main character finally gives in to her male kidnapper and they spend what seems like the entire day absolutely railing each other, but you didn’t think it would be this…graphic.

You were basically sitting on your couch watching softcore porn with your best friend. If someone had told you that this was how you would be spending your night, you’d laugh in their face. But here you are, sitting five feet apart from Hyunjin on the couch, both of you too afraid to make eye contact with each other as the two main characters have yet another round, this time on the front deck of the boat.

You were definitely hot and bothered at this point, how could you not be? You tried to be subtle, shifting back and forth on the couch to try and relieve some of the pressure you were feeling between your thighs. You couldn’t wait for Hyunjin to get out of here so you could take care of it yourself, his presence not helping you in the slightest.

Hyunjin is hot, everyone knows it. His long hair dyed a platinum blonde and always kept in a ponytail, except for tonight he decided to let it hang down around him. You tried taking a glance at him, afraid he’d catch you staring and make the atmosphere even more awkward than it already was.

Hyunjin was having a hard time. Figuratively and literally. He had no clue this movie would be like this!! He heard the rumors just like you had, but he figured that everyone was over exaggerating, wanting to seem cool for watching a “raunchy movie”, but no, they were all spot on. And to make matters worse, he was watching it with you. He had no idea why he decided this would be a good idea. Maybe get some laughs at how terrible the movie is, and then turn it off and order takeout or something? He’s really not sure. But now all he’s thinking about is the fact that there is porn playing on your tv, and your shifting back and forth has not gone unnoticed by him.

Would it really be bad if he…initiated something? It was getting hard to control himself, he could feel his resolve slipping. He knows the movie is doing something to you too, it’s too obvious. Maybe acknowledging it will make the situation less awkward.

Well, you never know till you find out.

Hyunjin can feel his heart beating fast in his chest as he takes a side glance at you. Your eyes are still glued to the screen, most likely due to embarrassment, but partially out of lust. He can see your pupils get larger slightly as you watch the scenes unfolding on tv. You shift your weight once more, and Hyunjin takes a deep breath as he turns to actually face you.

You feel Hyunjin look at you, and you immediately feel embarrassed when you meet his eyes.

Hyunjin almost backs out, but opts to look back at the tv because he cannot make eye contact with you right now. “Well, this movie is…something..” he says quietly, and your face heats up. “Yeah…sure is,” you trail off quietly, unsure what to say. How could he be having a conversation with you right now?

“Look…now just hear me out,” He starts. Those words got you into this predicament, you can only imagine where they’ll take you now. You can still hear the characters moaning on the screen, and you try to block them out and pay attention to Hyunjin.

“We’re both sitting here incredibly turned on, am I wrong?” He starts. You go wide eyed, and the blush already on your cheeks darkens as you realize you weren’t being as discreet as you thought you were. “All I’m saying is, why don’t we…help each other out? I guess?” He says quickly, trying to make it sound like a stupid suggestion. You could clearly see his hard on through his sweat pants, and you thought about it.

“Have you heard of mutual masturbation?” you ask him. Hyunjin almost chokes at hearing those words even leave your mouth. He thought you were going to yell at him, push him out of your apartment and never want to speak to him again. You surprised yourself by being so forward, but it’s Hyunjin. It wouldn’t hurt.

“I..yeah, I have. Do..do you want to?” He asks, finally looking you in the eyes. Your gaze meets his, and the lust is evident in his eyes as he tries to discreetly check you out. This would change your friendship in a way that you would’ve never expected it to, but you don’t feel worried at all.

“You’re not gonna be weird about it afterwards, right? I mean, it’s not a big deal right?” You ask, and he shakes his head. “No! Not a big deal at all, as long as you’re not going to be w- oh, okay” he says, cutting himself off because you’ve now angled yourself in the corner of the couch to face him, your hands already ghosting the edge of your sleep shorts. You giggle as Hyunjin moves to do the same, and the sound is music to his ears.

Hyunjin sweeps his eyes over your form, and feels something spark in him. You look so small all the way over there, the giant tshirt you had on was not doing anything to help the sight. Hyunjin was starting to have ideas, and he decides that he wants to test the waters.

Before he can even get to it though, you let out a little sigh as your fingers tease yourself over your underwear. “H-hyunjin.. Can you like, say something? Maybe?” You ask timidly. You can see the mood shift in his eyes as he smirks.

“Oh, you want me to talk dirty to you, huh?” He chuckles, and with the way your chest hitches, he knows he’s headed in the right direction. You blush and nod your head, embarrassed to say anything else.

Hyunjin is palming himself over his sweatpants, trying to keep pace with you. He watches as you relax into your own touch, and decides that he doesn’t want to hold back anymore.

Sliding his hands into his boxers, he sighs in relief at finally feeling something. “Do you feel good baby? Talk to me,” he tells you, and for some reason the new pet name sets you on fire. Following his lead you finally move your fingers past your panties, dragging circles along your clit and letting a soft moan slip past your lips. “Yes, God, so good” you moan. You look up at him and the feeling is magnified.

His sweatpants have fallen a little low on his hips, and the sight of his hips and the muscles under his tshirt has you wanting to see more. Hyunjin notices you eyeing him, and decides to take his shirt off, throwing it on the floor next to the couch. He’s absolutely gorgeous, muscles flexing as he works himself up.

“Now don’t let me be the only one getting naked baby, let me really see you,” he says, and the tone is just between demanding and almost condescending. This new side to Hyunjin instantly makes you want to give in, and you’d do whatever he asked you to as long as you got to look at him like this.

You watch his eyes go wide when you take your shirt off, and you had almost forgotten that you weren’t even in your bra. Chest completely bare in front of him, he doesn’t take his eyes off you for a second as he slides his sweatpants down farther. You now have a perfect view of his cock, long and hard in his hand. This was one of the most beautiful sights you had ever seen.

“Jesus fuck-” Hyunjin groans, his hand moving faster on his cock. You match his movements, getting yourself worked up. At this point you take your shorts off as well, the two of you completely naked, on opposite sides of the couch.

“You can take a few fingers for me, right doll? Show me what you do when no one’s around,” He says, fucking up into his hand. You bring your hand up to your mouth and slide your fingers in, putting on a show for him. His eyes never leave your face, and you’re glad he’s as affected by this as you are.

You insert one finger into your core and your back arches, finally getting a taste of what you’ve been wanting so badly. Its nowhere near enough, you decide, and insert another finger. Hyunjin thinks that you look so, so pretty like this. He could sit for hours and just watch you, wouldn’t even need to touch you and he would be okay.

Getting lost in your own pleasure, you let your thoughts travel to the boy on the couch across from you. You still couldn’t believe this was happening. All of the times you’ve ever gotten off to the thought of your best friend flash behind your eyelids, and it only brings you closer to the edge.

Hyunjin is almost there, too, and wants to make sure you cum before him, or at least at the same time as him. “F-fuck Y/N I’m so close. You can go a little faster for me, right baby? Make yourself feel good for me,” he says, and the request has you keening. “H-Hyunjin,” you moan out, letting the feeling completely take over as your reach down to rub circles on your clit, your orgasm approaching quickly.

“Just like that baby, maybe next time I’ll let you cum on my fingers instead,” he says, voice getting breathy as he approaches his high. “Oh God, Hyunjin please,” you beg, even though you’re not sure what you’re begging for at this point.

It doesn’t take too much longer until the coil that was wound suddenly bursts, your orgasm taking over your senses. You lift your back off of the couch, whimpers coming from your mouth as you ride out your own orgasm. Watching you cum sets Hyunjin off, and he quickens his pace. Ribbons of white paint his stomach and his hands, and the sounds that leave his lips, deep and gravely are almost enough to set you off again.

The two of you sit there, basking in the afterglow of your orgasms, the movie completely forgotten. The credits were rolling in the background now, and Hyunjin has completely forgotten about the dare he was supposed to be doing right now. You look over at Hyunjin, his skin glowing and just looking absolutely ethereal. Hyunjin is thinking the same, taking in the way your hair has gotten messed up from running your hands through it, and the slight sheen of sweat on your forehead.

It’s quiet for a moment, and you make your way closer to Hyunjin. His eyes widen as you get closer. Opting to lean in close to him, you whisper in his ear.

“So.. are you gonna let me cum on your fingers now?” you tease.

And he does. And on his tongue, too. Y’know, for good measure.

✧༺♥༻∞　　∞༺♥༻✧ ✧༺♥༻∞　　∞༺♥༻✧ ✧༺♥༻∞　　∞༺♥༻✧

@dom--minnie @sparklemin @minholuvs @hanflix @moonlit-lixie

#stray kids scenarios #stray kids smut #hyunjin smut #bxngchxn fics #hyunjin

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musette22 · 3 years

Text

Burning For You

Title: Burning For You Pairing: Chris Evans x Sebastian Stan (Evanstan) Rating: Teen and up Word count: 3.1k A/N: Written for Evanstan Week day 6, a late fill for the Alternate Universe prompt. This silly piece of fluff is entirely inspired by the wonder that is the Mountain Lodge candle from the Yankee Candle Company. Yes, the one that inspired this iconic Tumblr post. The one that smells like Chris Evans.

I was lucky enough to receive one as a gift from the wonderful @howdoyousleep3 and my life hasn't been the same since I smelled it for the first time. Thank you for introducing me to such delights baby K, ilyyy 💖 Also BIG thank you to the @evanstanweek team and to my beautiful beta @rainbowsandcoconut who came up with the outline for this fic when I told her my idea! Love you, boo 😘

Summary: Evanstan AU. Sebastian gets a little carried away when raving about the Mountain Lodge candle to a friend. It leads to an unexpected, fragrant encounter.

Read on AO3

“Listen, D. You’ve gotta smell this candle.” Sebastian leans in closer, nearly knocking over his - third - glass of red. “You know I’m not usually a scented candle kinda guy, but this one…” He closes his eyes and tips back his head, an expression of pure bliss on his face. “Incredible. Glorious. Magnificent.”

“You look like you’re about to pull a Meg Ryan in When Harry met Sally over there, Seb.”

Sebastian straightens, giving Deirdre a meaningful look across the table at the low-key SoHo bar they’re having drinks at. “You kid, but I’m this close. It’s that good, not even exaggerating.”

“Sure you’re not,” Deirdre huffs, lifting her glass and taking a sizeable gulp of her Cosmopolitan.

“Fine, don’t believe me,” Sebastian shrugs. “You know, I pity you for not having experienced the delights of the Mountain Lodge candle, really. If you knew what it smelled like, you’d be singing its praises too, believe me.”

Deirdre rolls her eyes good-naturedly. “Fine, I’ll bite. What does it smell like, Sebastian, pray tell.”

Sebastian sits up eagerly. “It smells…” he starts, “like an evening in that lodge in the Green Mountains we rented with the others a couple of years ago. Remember that? How it felt to relax by the fire after a long day of hiking, the scent of cedarwood and toasted marshmallows in the air?”

“Hmmm,” Deirdre agrees. “That was nice, yeah. But hardly worth busting a nut over, I’d say.”

Sebastian holds up a single finger. “I'm not done. Because this candle doesn’t just smell like the lodge, it also smells like the lumberjack living at the lodge.”

Deirdre frowns. “There was no lumberjack living at the –”

“The metaphorical lumberjack, D, god. Work with me here a little.”

“Oh right, okay. Gotcha.”

“It smells,” Sebastian continues, undeterred, “like soft, worn flannel. Like beard oil and a hint of clean sweat. It smells like a big, strong, gorgeous man who just got done hewing a ginormous tree with his massive axe and cutting it down into firewood, which he’s now using to light the very fireplace in front of which he’ll make sweet, sweet love to you, on the rug that’s actually the skin of a bear that attacked his rescue dog and which this man fought off and killed with his own bare hands.”

“Whooofffff,” Deirdre says, fanning herself with a napkin. “Fine, I’m starting to see the attraction.”

“It smells…” Sebastian goes on, pausing for dramatic effect before delivering his clincher, “like Chris Evans.”

There’s a beat of silence, and then Deirdre groans loudly, sagging back in her chair. “Ughh, shoulda known this was coming. For chrissake, Sebastian, you literally cannot go even one night without bringing up Chris Evans, can you?”

“I totally can,” Sebastian protests, like the mature, professional, Times-employed literary critic he is. “But you don’t understand, D. This candle, it’s actually like they bottled the very essence of Chris Evans and then infused a candle with it. It’s life-changing.”

“Yeah, yeah, you have a permanent boner for Chris Evans, you wanna marry him and have his little bearded babies, tell me something I don’t know,” Deirdre sighs, draining the last of her drink and immediately starting to look around for the waiter to order a new one. Distantly, Sebastian notices the song playing in the background changing to The Smith’s ‘Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want'. Ah, if only.

“Listen to me,” Sebastian insists, unconsciously starting to speak louder, like he’s some small-town preacher trying to make his ignorant clergy see the light. “Deirdre, darling, you’re one of my oldest friends. I wouldn’t lie to you. I swear, when you smell this candle, you too will feel like you’re being engulfed in the embrace of the brilliant, spectacular, totally unique smokeshow that goes by the name of Chris Evans. It’s as if the man himself is wrapping those huge, muscled arms of his around you, crushing you to his wide chest as you tuck your face into the crook of his neck while his beard brushes your temple and you inhale his masculine scent of cologne, sex and clean, honest sweat, I swear to god – D, are you even listening?”

At some point during the last part of Sebastian’s homily, Deirdre’s eyes drifted to a point over his right shoulder and got stuck there.

“Did you just- zone out?” Sebastian asks indignantly, waving a hand in front of her face. She doesn’t even blink. “Hello? Earth to Deirdre.”

“Seb,” Deirdre says, still not looking at Sebastian.

“Oh, I see,” Sebastian barrels on. “Here I am, pouring my heart out, telling you I found a candle that smells exactly like the man of my dreams and you’re just… What are you doing, actually? Are you okay?”

At this point, Deirdre’s eyes have gone comically round, mouth hanging open just a little. “Sebastian,” she repeats, more urgently now – and just as he’s turning his head to find out what put that dumbfounded look on her face, someone nearby clears their throat.

Sebastian startles, looking up at the man who’s appeared next to their table.

“Hi,” the man says in a deep, rich voice.

A deep, rich voice that Sebastian knows all too well. A deep, rich voice that belongs to none other than Chris Evans, Hollywood heartthrob and actual smokeshow, himself.

Oh.

Sebastian gapes while Chris, dressed in dark wash jeans, a red flannel shirt and a brown shearling jacket, smiles at him patiently. He’s all soft-looking beard and strong nose and bulging biceps and long, lean legs, and Sebastian has died and gone to heaven.

“I’m sorry for interrupting,” Chris says, “but was just sitting a table over and I couldn’t help but overhear.”

And from one moment to the next, Sebastian crashes forcefully back to earth. His whole body goes cold, the blood draining from his face so quickly he feels dizzy with it.

Fuck. No. No, no, no. This can’t be happening. There is no way this is actually happening.

Except it is.

Sebastian had just been extremely, loudly and publicly horny about the very guy that’s standing next to him right now. The guy who is no doubt about to give Sebastian a piece of his mind at best, and a right hook to the jaw at worst. And honestly, he’d deserve it.

Since Sebastian wouldn’t even know where to begin apologizing, he says nothing. Just keeps staring at Chris in ever-growing horror, his pulse pounding in his ears so loudly it almost drowns out the miserable sound of Morrissey still pleading in the background.

Chris clears his throat. “So,” he says, bringing up a hand to rub the back of his neck. “This candle smells like me, huh?”

Sebastian groans, hiding his face in his hands. “Shit. Fuck. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean- Oh my god, please, please, please just forget you heard any of that.”

“Why would I want to do that?”

Puzzled, Sebastian chances a glance at Chris from between his fingers. He’s partly still covering his face out of embarrassment, and partly because Chris is so gorgeous in real life that Sebastian isn’t sure he could look at him directly without spontaneously combusting. It’s like staring at the fucking sun. He doesn’t seem too angry, though, thank god. In fact, there’s an amused twinkle in his blue eyes that makes Sebastian’s shoulders relax infinitesimally.

“Because it was incredibly inappropriate?” Sebastian suggests, honestly a bit confused about having to explain this to him.

“I don’t know,” Chris shrugs. “It sounded pretty great. Kinda want to smell it for myself now.”

For some unfathomable reason – probably because unexpectedly seeing his long-time celebrity crush in the flesh broke his brain, Sebastian blurts out, “Oh, I don’t have it with me. It’s back at my apartment.”

Slowly, Chris raises a single eyebrow. The look sends a shiver straight down Sebastian’s spine, from the crown of his head right down to his toes. “Is it now?”

“Yeah,” Sebastian replies breathlessly.

Chris’s gaze drops down to Sebastian’s brown leather boots before slowly travelling back up to his face. “I gotta say, normally someone would at least have to buy me dinner first, but…” He trails off, looking Sebastian straight in the eye before finishing, “I am really curious about this candle.”

“You are?” Sebastian says dumbly, and then “Ow!” when Deirdre delivers an impressively precise kick to his shin under the table. He turns to give her a betrayed look, but when he meets her eyes, with which she’s clearly trying very hard to communicate something to him, he finally catches on. “Oh!” Sebastian whips back around to Chris, staring at him with wide, disbelieving eyes. “I- you- you mean like…” He swallows hard. “You wanna come back to my place to, uh, smell the candle?”

Although Chris’s expression remains amused, there’s a hint of trepidation there as well. “Sure,” he says, smiling crookedly. “If… that’s something you’re up for?”

Sebastian’s mind races. The way he sees it, there are two possibilities. Either Chris Evans is actually standing here in the flesh, propositioning him, or Sebastian hit his head in the bathroom earlier and is actually just lying on the dirty tile floor, hallucinating as a result of severe head trauma. The second option seems by far the most likely, but then, his shin does hurt like a sonuvabitch.

Well, fuck.

Sebastian clears his throat and sits up straighter, running a hand through his longish hair. “I mean, yeah, that’s- wow. That. That would be okay with me, uh huh. You mean like, now?”

“If that works for you?”

Without thinking, Sebastian says, “Well, I’m here with Deirdre –” before letting out another sharp yelp as said Deirdre crushes his toes under her heel. “Jesus, D!”

Deirdre ignores him. “Ohhh, would you look at the time,” she exclaims, holding up her wrist which very much doesn’t have a watch on it. “Boy, it’s much later than I thought. I really oughta get going, early start tomorrow.” She yawns theatrically, then grabs her purse and throws down two twenties on the table. “It was lovely seeing you, Sebastian, Chris… Evans,” she adds, with a wooden nod in Chris’s direction. “Hope you two have a lovely evening, bye now!”

And she’s gone.

They both stare after her for a second, and then Chris chuckles – a low sound that reverberates pleasantly in Sebastian’s chest. “Well,” Chris says, turning back towards him. “It’s nice to meet you, Sebastian.” He holds out his hand. “I’m Chris.”

Sebastian stands, taking Chris’s hand, which is warm and big and ever so slightly calloused, and exactly like Sebastian always imagined. “Yeah, I know,” he says, because he’s cool like that. And then, in a show of bravura that surprises even himself, Sebastian holds Chris’s gaze, tilts his head a fraction, and says, “So uh, my place?”

Chris smiles, casually dropping a few bills on the table, more than enough to cover their drinks, before taking a step to the side to let Sebastian pass. “Lead the way,” he says, lightly resting his hand on the small of Sebastian’s back as they make their way towards the exit.

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It’s only once they’re outside and the cold February night air manages to cool down Sebastian’s overheated brain somewhat that it occurs to him to ask if Chris wasn’t at the bar with anyone.

“I met a friend for drinks but he just left,” Chris explains. “I was just waiting for the bill when I overheard you guys.”

“And you’re sure you don’t have any other plans?” Sebastian asks, because he’s nothing if not a self-sabotaging idiot.

They’re still standing outside the bar, the golden light radiating from a nearby lamppost decorated with a cluster of luminous orbs making Chris look softer, somehow. Still a Hollywood heartthrob, but also charmingly human. Unfortunately, it does absolutely nothing to make Sebastian any less infatuated. If anything, it only endears Chris to him more, which he really didn’t think was possible.

“Not really, no,” Chris replies, amusement in his tone. “I was just gonna go back to my hotel and read for a bit.”

Sebastian perks up at the mention of his area of expertise. “Oh, yeah? What’re you reading?”

“I haven’t started it yet, but it’s this history of space travel? I read a great review of it in the Times the other day, so I thought I’d give it a go.” With a self-deprecating smile, Chris adds, “I’m kind of a space nerd.”

Sebastian blinks. “Not ‘To Infinity and Beyond’, by any chance?”

“That’s the one,” Chris confirms. “You know it?”

“I wrote the review.”

Chris’s eyes go round. “You did not.”

In lieu of replying, Sebastian digs up his wallet from his pocket, takes out his Times-employee card and holds it up for Chris’s inspection.

“Huh,” Chris says, studying the card. “What are the odds.” When his eyes turn back to Sebastian’s, he suddenly breaks out into a grin, wide and boyish. “Well, I guess that explains a thing or two.”

“How do you mean?” Sebastian frowns.

“I mean, that review was brilliantly written so you clearly have a way with words.” With a sly look, Chris goes on, “which explains your colorful descriptions of that candle earlier. The masculine scent of cologne, sex and clean, honest sweat was especially vivid.”

Sebastian groans, dragging a hand down over his face. “Jesus Christ, this is so embarrassing.”

Chris eyes shine with genuine mirth as he laughs, “Hey, come on, don’t worry about it.” He takes a step closer, ducking his head to try and catch Sebastian’s eyes, which are now firmly fixed on the pavement in an attempt to conjure up a hole to swallow him. “Call me a narcissist, but I didn’t exactly hate overhearing a gorgeous guy describing me as the man of his dreams.”

“Oh god,” Sebastian mutters, feeling himself turn a fetching shade of crimson. Trying to hide his blush, he turns around abruptly and nearly walks into the lamppost.

Chris, his savior, his knight in shining armor, manages to grab him by the back of his coat just in time to avoid the imminent collision. Sebastian still stumbles, but strong, capable arms wrapping securely around his waist keep him upright.

Carefully, Sebastian turns in Chris’s embrace so they’re facing each other, though he can’t quite make himself look Chris in the eye yet. “I’m guessing you caught on to this by now,” Sebastian tells the St Christopher pendant resting on Chris’s sternum, “but I’m kind of a disaster.”

Chris just hums, lifting a hand to tilt up Sebastian’s chin with his index finger, a small smile playing on his lips. “A beautiful one, though,” he whispers into the negligible space between them, before he closes that space and presses soft, full lips to Sebastian’s own.

Sebastian can’t suppress the small sound that escapes him when their lips meet, eyes closing on instinct as he lets himself sink into the kiss. Lets Chris take charge and coax open Sebastian’s mouth by running the tip of his tongue along the seam of his lips. Sebastian doesn’t think twice about letting him in. When their tongues touch, sweet and soft and languid, he trembles, pressing closer. Chris tastes a little like beer, and while Sebastian’s never been overly fond of beer, it takes approximately two seconds of being kissed by the hottest man on the planet for it to magically turn into Sebastian’s new favorite taste. Ever.

The kiss starts off slow; a little cautious maybe, as if Chris still isn’t entirely sure it’s welcomed. But then Sebastian’s hands find their way to Chris’s waist, fingers gripping tightly, and Chris slides a hand into Sebastian’s hair, angling his head gently to the left to deepen the kiss – and suddenly, Sebastian’s entire body feels like it’s on fire. He moans, relishing the feel of Chris's soft beard scratching at his clean-shaven cheeks, and way Chris takes control of the kiss, like something right out of every embarrassing fantasy he's ever had.

When Chris hums against his lips, as if he’s enjoying this just as much as Sebastian is, Sebastian’s knees go all weak and useless. It’s a good thing that Chris is there, tightening his left arm around his waist and pulling him more securely against the hard lines of his own body – which actually doesn’t do a thing to help Sebastian’s current knee situation. He whimpers, curling his hands into the fabric of Chris’s coat to anchor himself.

When Chris finally breaks the kiss, he doesn’t go far. His breathing has deepened, warm puffs of air caressing Sebastian’s tingling, wet lips. Sebastian exhales shakily. The way his head is spinning might be partially due to the wine, but it's definitely mostly because of Chris sweeping him off his feet with his smooth, movie star ways.

Needing a moment to gain his composure before he speaks, Sebastian buries his face in the crook of Chris’s neck, taking a deep, steadying breath –

Oh.

“I fucking knew it,” he groans.

Sebastian feels rather than hears Chris’s quiet laugh; feels the vibrations of it shake his broad chest under Sebastian’s palms. “Yeah? Do I really smell like your candle?”

“Better,” Sebastian mutters. On instinct, he presses his lips against Chris’s exposed neck, eliciting a shiver from him.

“You know,” Chris rumbles into Sebastian’s ear. “I still think I need to smell this magical thing for myself. Make sure you’re not just flattering me to get into my pants, y'know?”

Christ.

“Yeah,” Sebastian nods. “Definitely, good thinking. Empirical evidence is paramount. In fact, it’s totally possible I’m just mixing things up right now because my brain’s all” – he makes a poof motion with his hands, trusting Chris will get his drift – “so I think maybe I’ll need to do some comparative research.”

Chris tilts his head in though. “Hands-on research?”

“I think that’s best, yes,” Sebastian concurs.

“Right. Well, out of the two of us, you’re definitely the higher educated one, so I’m just gonna take your word for that.” After a beat, Chris adds, “as long as I get to test a theory or two of my own.”

“Oh?” Sebastian licks his lips. “Such as?”

The wicked glint in Chris’s eyes is the only warning he gets before Chris is sliding his hand back into Sebastian’s hair and giving it a firm, experimental tug.

“Ah,” Sebastian breathes, his eyelids fluttering, the blood rushing south so fast he feels dizzy – again.

Chris grins smugly. “Such as that.”

“Okay,” Sebastian croaks. “Yeah, that seems fair.” Wasting no more time, he reaches out to grab Chris’s free hand and starts to pull him along the pavement in the direction of his apartment.

Chris, laughing as he squeezes Sebastian’s hand, follows closely behind.

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#evanstan week 2021 #evanstan #rpf #chris evans x sebastian stan #chris evans #sebastian stan #my fic #my writing #heeeyyyy look at that I still write!#just took a little break #sorry about that 😅#hope you enjoy!!

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