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badapricot · 3 years

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Lovely Writer: Special 1

This is a rough translation of the first Lovely Writer special. There are 8 in total and other side stories that the author compiled. I’ll try to post 1 a week since they do vary in length, and some are a lot lengthier than this one.

This special is from Nubsib’s POV and it’s about Nubsib remembering his feelings for Gene after seeing him on Facebook, and becoming fixated. Nubsib is 15 at the time and Gene is 20.

At that time, I was in the ninth grade.

Since middle school, my parents had sent me to study abroad with my brother. Because of the wealth of my family, this was never an inconvenience. But living alone in a place that wasn’t your home country required a lot of adjustment, mainly doing everything on your own. You had to learn things that you’ve never seen and known.

This was one of the methods of teaching the sons of the Thanakitpaisan family.

It was their luck to have a son who was mature since childhood. It didn't take long for me to get used to the culture there, where I went to parties, attended sports clubs, worked a part-time job, and even had typical American teen sex. Being Asian did give me some advantages, when it came to distinguishing myself from the others.

I could only smile when talking to the many blonde women who bragged about our experiences in bed, amongst their group of friends. After some time, I felt differently about it.

"Sib.”

"Yes?" I leaned back on the sofa, and raised my head from his screen when I heard my name.

Neung came downstairs. He was wearing a thick gray cardigan with a scarf. "I’m going to go meet a friend. You're not going anywhere today, right? "

"Hmm."

"Okay, I might be coming back late. Please get my package when it arrives. You’re not going out with your girlfriend, right?”

"We broke up.”

"Huh?” Neung frowned. "You dumped another one? Again? You know, you don’t have the face of a womanizer.”

"…"

Neung opened the door of the house. For a moment, the cool outside air blew in, until the hot air from the heater disappeared. I didn’t care much about either, and stayed looking at my phone screen.

I’m not a womanizer.

It’s just that every time I got together with a girlfriend, something felt wrong. I knew I wasn’t in love with the first girl. The others, I didn’t like particularly much. Sometimes the girls didn’t like me much either, and only wanted a partner themselves, so we’d eventually separate.

It was true, that I was only in the ninth grade. But sex here was too normalized. It had become so normal that I’d become bored. When sex became so commonplace, all excitement was lost.

Mom: (send picture)

Mom: I’ve sent you Thai ingredients that should be delivered soon. They’ll be waiting for you.

Mom: Today, I went to see Aunt Run, do you still remember the house next door? Today is the Aunt's birthday. All of her sons have come home.

Mom: I saw it and I missed you and Neung.

I looked at the message that popped up, from the other side of the world. It was dark here, but over there it was probably in the middle of the day. It was time for them to eat.

Mom: Do you remember Gene? Gene and Jap are all grown up.

Gene?

After reading my mother’s message, it was natural to think of the past. I missed it. During my childhood I would run and play with him everyday, and just the same, Gene would play with me almost every day.

I still remembered “P’Gene” clearly after all these years.

We were five years apart. But we somehow became closer than me and my own brother. Since I moved out of the house, we never saw each other again. We didn’t have any more contact with each other.

When my mother talked about that time, I felt nostalgic.

I moved my finger to type to ask for a picture from my mother. In the end, I sent a simple sticker. I sat on the sofa in the living room for awhile before retiring to my bedroom to shower.

In my warm bedroom, so different from the night air outside, I picked up my phone again. I went to Facebook to catch up with everything back home. My finger kept scrolling through my news feed, my face blank. I started to feel sleepy, but before I could fall asleep I saw a status.

I wasn’t friends with the person who posted. But I was friends with his mother, who was tagged in the photo.

Jap Jarernpipat posted a picture.

This year, my mother has lost another year, haha.

In the picture was a group of six people. The background was a wide garden and a long table. Both of my parents, and Auntie Run and Uncle Teep were there. But the one that most caught the eye was the man in the lower right corner.

The other person grinned until his eyes were crescents. His hands were raised, flashing a peace sign. His hand held a cake tray with a delicious golden egg. The corner of the mouth was stained with white cream, like he was teasing someone. He was smiling, which made his cheeks round and full.

I couldn't take my eyes off of him. For a second, there was a strange numbness in my fingertips and toes.

I didn’t need anyone to tell me who that was.

P’Gene.

He was still wearing a white uniform shirt. It had been many years since we’d met, if counted by age. Gene would have been in university for three years.

Usually, I was the kind of person who didn’t care about the people around me, or anyone else. But this time, I couldn't control my fingertips. I clicked onto Jap’s Facebook page.

Chasing him down, I found a status posted with the person I was looking for tagged.

Jap Jarernpipat posted a picture

My brother brought me to the movies. What kind of crazy alien movie is this? I might puke, but maybe you guys on Facebook will like it.

The post was from three days ago. One was a picture of a cinema ticket on the top floor of a department store in the heart of Bangkok and the other was of P’Gene in a T-shirt and jeans. He hugged a bucket of popcorn. His hand was holding a large glass of water, lifting it up to his lips and sucking. It was a funny candid photo that many of his friends on Facebook commented on to make fun of him.

...but for me, the only word that came to mind was “lovely”.

I didn’t know why I was doing this but I pressed “save that image”.

Jap Jarernpipat posted a picture

My stupid little brother, you make the whole house look bad.

They were in a garden in the corner of the house that felt familiar to me, but was a little fuzzy. They were in front of a flower bush that had been trimmed into a square. Gene was sitting down, with his butt on the ground. A blue hose fell next to him, the hose spraying in another direction. It made him wet all over soaking his shirt, the thin material clinging to his body.

Both of his arms were behind him, to support his body. Therefore, his shirt and body were stretched, so I could see two small nubs contrasted and poking through his white shirt.

My eyebrows furrowed together, and I frowned.

I cursed when my body immediately had a strong reaction, just from the one picture.

I pressed the comment section, when I saw the high number of comments.

Jiranon Jarernpipat: Jap stop posting pictures of other people.

(Reply) Jap Jarernpipat attached video clip.

I clicked play immediately.

"Ow, P’Jap!”

“Hahaha, why would you say you’ll help me water the plants? You can help if the grass is dead.”

“Can you turn off the water for me first? Why are you recording?”

P’Gene raised his white hand. He wiped the water from his face, and pushed himself off the ground. His shirt clung to his body, so I could see everything. He had the voice of a man, but he was still so cute.

Finally, the clip ended.

There were still a lot of other videos that Jap posted pranking Gene, all of which stopped me from becoming bored. I saved all of them to my phone and computer. In the end, when more and more accumulated, I created a whole separate folder.

That night when I fell asleep, my brain was filled with pictures of the boy next door, who I hadn’t seen in years.

Another morning, days later, I woke up frowning, and I had to gently breathe out. I’d dreamt of P’Gene again. Since seeing that picture that night, there hadn’t been a day where I could go without seeing his face.

I knew Gene’s Facebook. But he didn’t update much, except to change his avatar or cover photo. But Jap’s Facebook page had tons of pictures of Gene. So I was still able to look at Gene’s pictures and progress in life everyday, like some kind of psychopath.

Even when I closed my eyes to sleep sometimes, I still saw his pictures.

I didn’t want to be this way, but I couldn’t control my subconscious.

I always saw Gene lying in my wide bed. He would smile at me, his cheeks soft and reddish. His hands would hold on to me, and his mouth would gently say, “Sib.”

It was a fantasy that any teenage boy would have. But it wasn’t a woman. Instead, it was the boy next door, who always loved and saw me as a brother.

I circled back to look at his pictures every day. In the end, the feeling accumulated like a huge mountain of snow.

I want to meet him in real life.

I want to hug him.

I want to smell him.

I want to kiss his mouth. I want to do to him what I do in my dreams.

Since the day I saw his picture and until today, my thoughts and feelings had become more and more intense. So intense, that sometimes I was afraid of myself.

I’d already decided how I’d deal with this.

“Will you finish school here?” Neung had packed all his bags and was ready to go because he finished his studies. I leaned against the door frame, looking into his room.

“Actually, it’s nice here too, you know.”

"No, I'm going home."

“So you’ve changed your mind then?”

I nodded.

“Well, our house is nice and of course, our parents miss you too.”

"…"

"I'm not going to be here anymore, don't bring any women into the house...but you're not dating any girls lately. So it's fine."

I sent off my brother, who took a taxi straight to the airport to go back home to Thailand. Personally, I still had a year to complete my studies.

In the past, I had never thought or worried about how fast or slow time would pass. But now, I felt jealous of my brother.

Back at the house, I picked up the phone. I was still for a while. Maybe it was because Neung had returned to Thailand, but I felt like chasing pictures wasn’t enough anymore. My fingers moved before I could decide to send a message to someone.

Nubsib tanagijpaisarn: P'Jap.

Nubsib tanagijpaisarn: Do you remember me?

I wanted to talk to someone who could tell me everything about P’Gene.

I wanted to learn everything about him.

#lovely writer #lovely writer the series #lovely writer spoilers #gene x nubsib #text

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lov3nerdstuff · 3 years

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Voluptas Noctis Aeternae {Part 7.18}

*Severus Snape x OC*

Summary: It is the year 1983 when the ordinary life of Robin Mitchell takes a drastic turn: she is accepted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Despite the struggles of being a muggle-born in Slytherin, she soon discovers her passion for Potions, and even manages the impossible: gaining the favor of Severus Snape. Throughout the years, Robin finds that the not quite so ordinary Potions Professor goes from being a brooding stranger to being more than she had ever deemed possible. An ally, a mentor, a friend... and eventually, the person she loves the most. Through adventure, prophecies and the little struggles of daily life in a castle full of mysteries, Robin chooses a path for herself, an unlikely friendship blossoms into something more, and two people abandoned by the world can finally find a home.

General warnings: professor x student, blood, violence, trauma, neglectful families, bullying, cursing

Words: 4k

Read Part 1.1 here! All Parts can be found on the Masterlist!

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The way back to the castle was quick and they arrived just in time for dinner, but still made their ways into the great hall separately like they usually did. All the way, Robin couldn't help smiling to herself, not even as she sat down with her friends, who resided at the Slytherin table today.

It took them two seconds to notice her unusually good mood and another to comment on it, but Robin just explained that she'd had a nice day in Hogsmeade and an enjoyable walk back. Jorien snorted in return, Cas frowned, and Simon did both at once, while Michael and Gideon simply didn't know Robin well enough to be aware of the fact that she hated shopping, and designated Hogsmeade days even more. Jorien was quick to explain that fact to them however, and Robin just shrugged it off with another smile. She did add then that she'd mostly enjoyed intimidating a shop owner to accept her terms of a bargain –she did not give details on either though– and her friends finally agreed that this already sounded a whole lot more like the Robin they knew.

Dinner was mostly amicable chatter and talk about tomorrow's tutoring then, as well as a ridiculously serious discussion between Jorien and Gideon about an incident they'd all heard of somehow –involving two sixth years, a dark hallway past curfew, some certain body parts and an enlargement charm– which resulted in second-hand embarrassment for Robin, Michael and Simon, and a giggling fit for Cas. Honestly, Jorien was all facts and no emotion sometimes, Cas just didn't possess a sense of shame, and Gideon obviously went to great lengths to win an argument, no matter how ridiculous it was. The other three just had to bear it out. Robin cringed at the mental images the discussion was giving her, but on the other hand she found it entertaining to see Jorien winning the argument with such an ease. It made her feel proud of the girl, if nothing else.

Finally when dinner was over and the group once again among the last to leave, the boys decided that they would tag along for tutoring in the morning, mainly for the sake of getting help with a charms and herbology assignment on Simon's and Michael's end respectively. Robin absolutely didn't mind going over some NEWT topics as well if they wanted her to, and while she immediately placed the disclaimer that she was only a year ahead and might not even be of any actual help to them at all, the five people in front of her simply laughed at that statement. Obviously neither of them believed her to be 'just a year ahead' for real, and while she felt very much flattered by their confidence in her, she also wasn't quite sure if she would actually be able to meet their ridiculously high expectations. Oh well… an issue for another day.

From there, the girls made their way down to the dungeons like every night, with Robin coming along for half of the way, and upon their usual question about her plans for the evening, she told them that Snape and her were in the process of experimenting with some new substances and she thus couldn't say when she would be returning to her dorm. A beautiful way to shape the truth, she thought, and the girls did as they ought to by shrugging it off as another ordinary night of her work. They did her the favour of taking her winter robes back to their room though, when Robin bid them goodnight and went ahead to let herself into the office.

"Don't get settled, we aren't staying." Snape said the moment she closed the door behind herself, and the smirk was back on her lips in no time, but it was dimmed down again when she saw the annoyed frown on his face that accompanied the statement.

"What's the matter? Change in whatever plans you made?"

"Indeed." He grumbled, picking up a stack of notebooks, and then ushered her straight back out into the hallway, where he followed before locking the door to the office. "Poppy is out of calming draught and pepperup potion, and she believes it to be of vital importance to stock up on both tonight. Idiotic, if they would ask me, but unfortunately no one ever does. So lab work it is."

Robin only groaned under her breath and rolled her eyes while her feet carried her towards the lab on autopilot already, with Snape following right behind her. So much for excitement… making both potions and having them ready for delivery would take hours! But it was their job after all. Actually, it was his job and she just couldn't be bothered to stop doing it together with him.

"I hope she at least knows that she owes you for making us do this on a bloody Saturday night." Robin sighed when she finally dropped her backpack in its usual corner in the lab, then pulled her wand out of her sleeve, put her hair up into a messy knot, and finally rolled up her sleeves all in the usual practiced movements. When her eyes lifted from her arms up to Snape however, to see why he wasn't answering, she found him still standing with his back to the closed door, observing her in rapt serenity. The sight sent a pleasant shiver down her spine, but she refused to let it distract her from the task at hand as she moved towards the tables to set up for the impending work. "If you just keep standing there like a pillar of salt we'll never get this done, you know… And I was actually kinda hoping we would get to continue with whatever plans you've made once we're done here."

"We certainly will." He finally replied as he snapped out of his freeze, lips curling into a not-smirk while he mirrored her actions and rolled up his sleeves as well. He had started doing that more often ever since summer, whenever they had practical work to do in the safe solitude of the lab, and Robin felt a certain pride in the knowledge that he was comfortable enough around her by now to do so. Now was no different, and she smiled to herself as she was about to get started.

"Which one would you like me to make?" She asked while he was still setting up next to her. "Any preference?"

"Your pick."

"Again? You're being suspiciously gracious today, and I'm not sure if I want to know why… I'm not dying again, am I?" She sent him a small smirk, but went straight on. "I'll do the calming draught then. Pepperup always makes me sneeze like crazy."

"I know. It is ironic, really."

"Very funny, yes, absolutely hilarious." She rolled her eyes exaggeratedly, but smiled nonetheless as she got started picking out the ingredients. For these kinds of potions, the infirmary's stock and all the ones taught in class, she had long passed the point of needing instructions at all.

The brewing was a running routine by now, and even if Robin had been hoping for a different pastime for tonight, she still found herself enjoying the work as always. It wasn't the most interesting thing to make standard type potions, admittedly, but just working in the lab together with Snape never failed to be a delight in its own right. Before long they were at the point of simply having to wait while the potions simmered quietly in their cauldrons, and while Robin went to write the labels, Snape started grading the notebooks he had brought. Occasionally he grumbled to himself about whatever idiotic thing some student had written in their essay this time, and Robin always found herself amused by his annoyance. There was little else to do than listening to his remarks after all, seeing as writing labels was a repetitive process she might as well have charmed her quill to do by itself. But then she would be left without anything to do at all, and that wouldn't be an improvement either. Thus she just dipped her quill into the inkwell once more with a silent sigh, when suddenly the comfortable calm of the lab was disturbed by a harsh and repeated knocking on the door. That almost never happened.

Robin jumped a little, but stayed sitting on her stool while Snape grumbled to himself again and went to snap at whoever was bothering them with tangible annoyance radiating off him in an invisible cloud. The very second Robin lifted her gaze from the labels to him however, by chance more than intentionally, something in her mind clicked together at the sight of him almost having reached the door. Without a second thought she dropped the quill and bolted, barely still barging in between Snape and the door before he could open it. Her momentum had her back crashing against the wood in a loud rattle, and she found herself once again standing chest to chest with him, trying to catch her breath as she looked up with wide eyes. His scowl had disappeared entirely, only to be replaced by genuinely shocked surprise. Bloody hell, his face was so close to her own… not even a breath away now. A second passed in silence, and her eyes flickered down to his lips ever so briefly, but she just couldn't help it. Her heart skipped a beat, adrenaline running through her veins like sweetest poison, and she finally remembered why she had brought herself into this situation in the first place.

He still looked like a deer in the headlights when Robin wrapped a reluctant hand around his forearm, then dropped her gaze down to the minimal space between them entirely as she carefully rolled his sleeves down again. It took him a few seconds to catch on to her gesture, but then he helped her by closing a few of the buttons at least before repeating the process on the other side himself at a much faster pace. The entire moment didn't last longer than a few seconds, even though it seemed to span enteritis in Robin's mind, and once the task was accomplished, Snape took a step backwards for Robin to move away from the door to allow him to open up at last.

Bloody hell… Robin's heart was still jumping out of her chest, and her insides had liquified entirely as she went to sit back down on her stool. That had been a very close call on two ends, and she took deep breaths to regain some composure at least while resting her forearms on the tabletop. The area where she had dropped the quill was covered in tiny black speckles, as were her forearms, but for some miraculous reason the labels had been spared at least. Good… things were good. Slowly her heartbeat calmed down to a normal pace again, and her brain started working like it ought to as well. When she finally was in a place of mind to pay attention to what was happening at the door, it was thrown shut already though, and Snape returned to his place next to her at the table in silence.

"What was that about?" She asked as calmly as she could, studying how the frown stayed on his face even as he was sitting down next to her again.

"Nothing of importance." He answered quickly, but then sighed as he seemed to think better of it. They were past the point of only sharing important things with each other… long past it, actually. "Pomona informed me that she would like to keep a small group of fifth years in the greenhouse after curfew tomorrow evening and I gave my approval."

"Ah." Robin replied under her breath, but didn't know what else to say on the issue and thus merely let her gaze drop to the labels again, without picking up the quill though. For a few seconds it was quiet, but she could tell by the tension surrounding them that he wanted to say something, and she would give him all the time he needed to do so. Pushing him never worked in her favour anyway, but giving him space usually did.

"Thank you. For keeping an eye on me." He finally started, in a calm tone now but still with a frown on his face. "Such carelessness on my part has never happened before, and it certainly will not be happening again."

"You were caught up in your thoughts, that happens to everyone at some point. It's not worth being upset over now. And of course I'm keeping an eye on you! It's what we always do, both of us. You know that." She returned a soft smile, reassuring and calm and affectionate in that way that was only reserved for him. "I'm just sorry I jumped at you like a maniac."

It took a few seconds, but then his frown loosened up slowly and the not-smirk returned to his lips. "I didn't mind that, actually."

Robin's smile turned into a smirk as well, and then she just had to laugh. "Of course you didn't… You're insufferable, you know?"

"That would be my line."

"Well, I'm stealing it now. We're both insufferable, that's just the way things are." She said with a nonchalant shrug, turning back to pick up her quill and write her labels with a lingering smirk now, and out of the corners of her eyes, she could see that the same expression was gracing his features as well, as he went to continue grading the essays.

They finished their work in the usual calm contentment, first the grading and the labels –while occasional mocking some dunderhead students– before finally bottling the finished potions. It was shortly before midnight when they were done at last, when the bottles were neatly boxed up to be delivered. They spontaneously decided that Robin would be the one to take them to the infirmary, while Snape wanted to clean up the lab and return the notebooks to the office. Moments later she was as good as gone, carefully balancing four smaller cardboard boxes in her arms as she quickly made her way through the dark castle and towards the hospital wing. Madam Pomfrey was delighted as always when Robin staggered through the heavy doors in an attempt not to drop everything, and whispered many thanks while helping her sort the boxes into the storage shelves. Robin took note of the fact that by now the entire stock had her handwriting on it indeed, and it probably had been that way for a while. She smiled at the realisation, not without a certain sense of pride, and after bidding the matron goodnight, she was leaving again already.

On her way back down to the dungeons though, Robin almost ran into Morgan, who obviously was assigned to patrol the castle tonight. She was just rounding a corner when he suddenly stood right in front of her, but he was luckily looking into the other direction, which gave her enough time to jump back around the corner and hide away in one of the darkest alcoves. Thank heaven or hell for her by now decent ability to move silently, which she had somehow made a habit of practicing ever since she started spending every night in the lab or the office. Over the years she had gotten quite good at it, not as good as Snape obviously, but good enough for Morgan to walk past her now without having noticed her presence. Thank God… Only once she couldn't hear his doorstep anymore, she finally dared to move out of her alcove and continue her way down to the dungeons almost in a run. She really wasn't up for another nightly encounter with Morgan, especially not if he was actually patrolling the castle tonight. She would just have to be careful, and keep an eye on her surroundings.

And yet, just when she hasted along the last hallway in the dungeons before finally being back at the office, she made the mistake of looking back over her shoulder when rounding the last corner and promptly ran into the familiar wall of black. It had been a while since that had last happened, and this time, instead of letting her tumble down to the floor in her immediate loss of balance, his arm was around her waist in an instant, keeping her upright and securely on her feet. At first Robin let out a startled yelp, but after the second it took her brain to register that she knew that arm around her as well as the scent that was overwhelming her senses now, she didn't even need to look at Snape for her body to relax already.

"Didn't we say we would meet at the office?" She finally asked, barely above a whisper but with a smile in relief and a scowl in feigned complaint nonetheless. His arm disappeared from around her, unfortunately, and he took a step backwards to inspect her with a curious frown.

"We did, but you were taking longer than expected, which usually means that either something or someone has happened to you. I merely wanted to see if you were alright." He said in a quiet tone, glancing down the dark hallway that stretched into blackness behind Robin.

"I'm good… but only barely." She sighed, and his eyes found hers again within a second. "I almost ran into Morgan, he's patrolling tonight. Had to hide for a while until he was gone."

"That would explain the delay. I take it then that he didn't see you?"

"No, he walked right past me. But knowing him, that might just have been part of his game. So I was somewhere between panicking and in a haste to get back here."

"Understandable. Let's see to it that we stay out of his way." He said, then the subtle not-smirk returned to his lips. "We still have plans for tonight after all, and I don't want him, or anyone else for that matter, to interrupt those yet again."

Robin's heart skipped a beat upon his words, and once again the anxiety was making way for suspense and excitement. But at the same time, the spark of amusement in his eyes made her smirk in return. "Since you refuse to tell me what we will be doing, you'll have to lead the way. If you don't wanna stand in the hallway all night, that is."

With an exaggerated eye rolling but the same not-smirk, he motioned for her to come along, stopping again a few more steps down the path to retrieve Robin's backpack from the office first, but much to her surprise they then continued on to make their way through the dark hallways until at last they arrived in front of his rooms. Her heart skipped yet another beat, and she tried not to grin like an idiot while he unlocked the door and then let her go in first. This was an interesting development of things… one she certainly didn't mind in the least. She'd been wondering ever since Thursday night when she would get to come back here, but she honestly hadn't expected that moment to arrive so soon. With the biggest smile on her face she dropped down on the sofa and watched him light up the fireplace before taking off his robes and coat and neatly folding both pieces over a chair. It left him in that linen shirt he had also been wearing on Thursday night when she'd come here unannounced, and when he went to roll up the sleeves of that now again, Robin couldn't help but watch in amazement. At some point that gesture had become ridiculously attractive, just like the whole act of him taking off the many layers of black, and she didn't know if it was the gesture itself that had her marvelling or the level of comfort it represented. Both, probably. Her heart was soaring either way.

"You sit there like you have been summoned to the headmaster's office." He finally said, in a taunting voice, while moving about in search of something. "You've never been shy in a space of mine before, so just get comfortable already, will you?"

"If you insist." She chuckled, and toed off her boots first before crossing her legs on the sofa, when suddenly an idea struck her that made her smirk again. Placing her bag in her lap, she first dug out the bottle of firewhisky and set it down next to her, then went to dig deeper. So deep, in fact, that she finally had to stick her head in too, to find what she was looking for. The sofa next to her dipped down, she heard glass rattling, and finally her hand touched what she was looking for. With a victorious smile, she pulled out one item after the other, and set them all down on the ground beneath her before finally surfacing out of the bag again and putting it aside. She was met with Snape's undoubtedly humoured and slightly defeated expression.

"Of course you have a record player in your bag… Why am I even surprised at this point." He sighed to himself, while Robin went to kneel down on the floor to set the whole thing up.

"You like Queen, don't you?" She grinned up at him, but picked out the according record anyway, without waiting for an answer. Half a minute later the music started floating around them at a moderate volume, even though Robin was rather sure that there were multiple silencing charms placed on the room. Still didn't mean it was necessary that they'd have to shout over the music to talk. Then she moved the entire setup to the nearest wall, thus out of the way, and finally sat down on the sofa again, with her legs crossed like before. "There, now you've got proof that I'm comfortable enough to seize the silence. Better now?"

"Indeed." He nodded, while handing Robin an empty glass. "Even though half of the school would likely consider it a sacrilege to play muggle music inside the castle."

"Oh come on, you can't honestly tell me that they wrote their music without the help of magic!" She grinned in return and traced the edges of the glass with her fingertips. "Besides, I don't remotely care about anyone's opinion on my taste in music. Well, actually I do care about your opinion on mostly everything… Do you mind muggle music?"

"No. I only mind bad music."

"See! Can't argue with good taste." Robin shrugged with a smirk. "Talking about taste, what's with the empty glass?"

"I thought we would continue our experiments from earlier today." The smirk was on his face in an instant, fully mirroring hers for once, even if with a touch more mischief to it. "I have a few more liquors I would like you to try. If by the end of it you still choose to go with firewhisky, I won't lose another word of complaint."

"Alright, sounds fair enough. But you gotta try them with me, yes?"

He held up his own glass while quirking an eyebrow at her in reply, then summoned the first bottle from one of the shelves. Robin couldn't help grinning to herself, then down at her glass. This was going to be a very interesting night, no matter what happened from here on, that much at least was for sure. And quite honestly, she already couldn't wait for whatever was to come.

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ojoboy · 4 years

Text

han seungwoo babyfever au

genre: han seungwoo x reader, fluff, domestic bliss

word count: 4k

plot: Your cousin asks you to babysit his children (14 y.o. Dongpyo & 13 months old baby sister Dohye) to celebrate the anniversary with his wife. Your boyfriend volunteeringly helps you out. Oh oh looks like you two are about to catch baby fever.

a/n: I finally decided to watch Broduce during quarantine although I already knew the outcome because I was too moved by some videos of Yunseong and Jinhyuk :( Anyways when Seungwoo said that if he had a son he’d like him to be like Dongpyo, I was like: say no more! (I hope you don’t mind that I made Dongpyo younger for this)

from: capt. seungwoo <3 [3:17pm]

wanna do something later? i miss u :(

to: capt. seungwoo <3 [3:19pm]

it’s been only two days... but i miss u too :(

and i don’t know if i have time today. i’m babysitting Jaesung’s children tonight because they are celebrating their anniversary and might come back late

from: capt. seungwoo <3 [3:19pm]

i could come by and help you out?

i’m meeting seungsik now but i definitely can come right afterwards!

to: capt. seungwoo <3 [3:20pm]

yeeess, i’d love that!

—

5:07pm. The streets are filled with cars rushing home and it almost looks like they are following the sun, eager to come home and finally rest. You just finished stowing away things in your small apartment that could be possibly dangerous around babies, now lazily scrolling through your Instagram feed and liking every other post. Then the doorbell finally rang and you rushed to the door to buzz them in. Almost a minute later there was a family of four standing in your living room.

“Sorry for being late,” your cousin said as he carefully put his bag down, “traffic, you know.” “It’s fine,” you replied and crouched down and shook little Dohye’s hands, beaming at the baby in the stroller. “Well, someone’s in a good mood today, aren’t you little sunshine?” Whether she did understand you or not, the little girl simply responded with a cheerful giggle that could melt anyone’s heart.

“She’s been energetic all day long. I hope she won’t give you a hard time,” her mother told you while undoing the buckles and taking the small child in her arms. Dongpyo was already sitting down on the couch next to the big black bag, seemingly busy on his phone.

“Everything you need for Dohye is in the bag. Diapers, baby food and even some toys to keep her entertained.” Your attention diverted back to your cousin who was going through the bag to check all items. “All right, thank you.”

After checking the final things with you, Hyejin took your hands in hers and squeezed them tightly. “Thank you so much for doing this!” “Yes, thank you. You are the best!” Your cousin engulfed you in a hug and then walked over to his children. “Behave well and help Y/N out, okay?” he playfully ruffled Dongpyo’s hair and bent down to kiss the little girl on his lap, followed by his wife showering the two with affection. A little annoyed like most teenagers in puberty the young boy told his parents off.

Halfway through the door Hyejin turned around to say, “Call us if there are any problems!”

“Don’t worry, Seungwoo is also coming. I’m sure we’ll manage,” you reassured them while ushering them out, “Just enjoy your anniversary!” "Oh, say hello from us then, yeah?” Jaesung waved one last time before the door closed.

“Finally!” the fourteen years-old exclaimed, making you chuckle. Seeing how his sister started squirming in his lap and hitting his face, you offered to take her while Dongpyo dutifully laid out her blanket on your floor and set up a few toys. “So, your boyfriend is also coming?”

“Yup, I think you’ve only met him once. Remember when we picked you up from dance practice because your mom was in labor? He drove us to the hospital.”

“Oh yeah, but isn’t he too cool for you?”

“Hey, wouldn’t be the other way around?” You played along. “Dohye agrees with me.”

“Nah, he really looked cool driving with one hand and calming you down while you were nervous as a cat.”

Just when you were about to retort the doorbell rang again as if your boyfriend knew you were talking about him. “Dongpyo can you get that, please?” Without further ado the boy got up from the comfy spot and buzzes Seungwoo in. A few moments later he enters, dressed in black ripped jeans and a white tee which was mainly covered by the purple The Rolling Stones hoodie (you got it for him as a birthday present and he claimed it was his favorite piece of clothing ever since).

“Hey guys, I brought some cake!” Seungwoo proudly lifts the white bag with his usual endearing smile. He fist-bumped Dongpyo and walked over to press a chaste kiss on your cheek before he set the cake down on the kitchen counter.

“You should marry him,” Dongpyo’s ogling eyes followed your boyfriend first, then his body. Eager to have some cake, his hands were already reaching out for the white bag when you stopped him. “Dongpyo stop. Let's save the cake for dessert, alright?”

With a pout, the boy looks up at the older guy in hope of him being able to convince you otherwise but the latter apologetically shook his head, “Sorry pal, you heard the boss.” He then proceeded to carefully stored the cake in your refrigerator as Dongpyo dramatically put his head between his hands.

—

About half an hour into the babysitting you were sitting down on your floor, watching Dohye grabbing colorful wooden bricks and stacking them on top of each other. Sometimes she would even chuck them in your direction as if to tell you that you should do the same.

Meanwhile the two boys sat comfortably on the couch as Dongpyo showed some of his dance covers on his phone but also a few viral video clips he saw on social media, both unable to hold back their laughter. By now they have become close mentally - as well as physically. They were leaning onto each other, leaving no space between them, and Seungwoo had one of his arms draped over the boy’s narrow shoulders. It was a position you were very familiar with.

“Hey Y/N, have you seen this video of a ferret dancing? It’s soooo cute,” Dongpyo leaned down from the couch to show you his phone screen whereas Seungwoo held onto his shirt so he wouldn’t fall down. Mimicking the ferret’s movements with Dohye’s rattle in your hand, you answered, “Yes, I replayed it so, so many times and even sent it to Seungwoo.”

Enticed by the rattle, the little baby dropped the blue brick and started crawling towards you. With open arms you welcome the girl as she climbed in your lap, willingly handing the rattle over. Immediately Dohye aggressively shook the toy and filled the room not only with rhythmic rattling but also joyous laughter.

Feeling your lower back starting to hurt from sitting on the ground, you scooted over to lean against the couch with Dohye safely pulled against your front. “Wow, this is funny haha!”

When you craned your neck to see what Dongypo was laughing about, you realized that Seungwoo’s eyes had been set on you. It seemed like he was in a daze, the way he smiled so fondly at the sight of you holding and playing with the baby.

The image of you and him having a baby of your own crossed his mind ever since he walked through the door today and saw you two together and truth to be told he liked it - a lot.

His hand then slowly reached out for your head and gently stroked your hair, careful not to get any strands tangled with his rings. Enjoying the calming feeling, you returned his sweet gesture with a genuine smile that made his heart flutter like the first time he met you.

This intimate moment didn’t last long, though, as Dohye suddenly began to cry. “Oh no, what’s wrong, Dohye?” You picked her tiny body up and smelled her diaper. “Well, it doesn’t seem like you need your diaper changed.”

“I bet she’s hungry, Y/N” Dongpyo said as he put his phone down. “Can you get the baby food from bag, please?” You slowly got up from your place and rocked the girl back and forth in hope of calming her down. “Shh, don’t cry. Your big brother is getting your food right.”

“I got it! It says that it needs to be heated up in the microwave for a minute to a minute and a half,” the boy read the instructions and walked over to your kitchen. However, he struggled to open the glass so Seungwoo offered to help him, “Here, let me.”

He then opened the little glass on his first try and proceeded to put it in your microwave as he already knew his way around your kitchen. “Oh, I think this might be a little too hot?” Seungwoo worried after taking the glass out and rolling it between his hands.

“Let’s stir the heat out and wait a little then... Dongpyo, is there perhaps a baby bib in the bag too?”

All of you made your way back into the living room, you sitting down on the couch with a still crying baby and joined by Seungwoo while Dongpyo looked for the baby bib. Tying it around her neck turned out to be a bit harder than expected since she started to squirm around.

After finally succeeding, you decided to switch with Seungwoo so you could feed the little girl. You carefully blew on the small spoon as Dohye watched you with big eyes and drool coating her mouth already. Ten minutes later the glass is empty and a big content smile grazed the girl’s lips.

“Wow, you eat really well, huh?” You wiped her mouth with the bib and booped her little nose. “You come after your dad, I guess.”

—

“Are you sure you don’t need me to help you cook?”

“I’ll manage. Just watch the kids, honey” You couldn’t help but giggle at your own cheesy words and squeezed his muscular arm before sending him back into the living room. As soon as you calmed Dohye down, the next kid started to complain about being hungry. This whole situation made you feel like it was your little family.

Before you could indulge further into your imagination, you diverted your attention to the ingredients in front of you to cook pasta. While the noodles were boiling, you were busy cutting onions and carrots for the sauce when suddenly a pair of arms wrapped themselves around your middle. Shortly after his head hovered next to yours, “Looks good, babe.”

“There is nothing to see yet,” you playfully nudged him, yet he pulled you closer against his body. “Wasn’t talking about the food,” Seungwoo then cheekily pressed his lips against the side of your face and proceeded to steal a few slices of carrots, running back before you could stop him.

Looking over your shoulder you saw that he was sharing the stolen goods with none other than Dongpyo, both a giggling mess. In your eyes the two were like a real father-son duo and you began to wonder what it would be like if you two were to start a family. A blush bloomed on your cheeks, yet you pushed the thought back to focus on cooking again.

As soon as you served the pasta, Dongpyo came rushing and very eager to dig in. You left the TV on and put on a children’s show to entertain Dohye while the rest of you enjoyed dinner.

“I’m so fuuuuull! Thank you for the meal, Y/N,” Dongpyo said as he lazily rubbed his tummy and closed his eyes for moment. “Too full for the cake, though?” Seungwoo asked the boy across him, raising his eyebrow. At his words, Dongpyo’s eyes opened with a twinkle in them, “Never!”

While you put the dirty dishes into the dishwasher, Seungwoo was already taking out new plates and of course: the long-anticipated cake. “I hope you like cherries, Dongpyo,” your boyfriend presented three chunky pieces of cake covered in pink and white frosting with little cherries on top. “Voila, the cake is really delicious. I tried one piece with Seungsik today,” he winked at you and forked a bite-sized piece, raising it to your mouth.

You welcomed the sweet taste as the frosting melted on your tongue, humming in agreement. Just when the three of you sat down on the couch again, the baby started crawling towards your boyfriend and grabbed his sturdy leg to pull herself up, her eyes set on the pink and white delicacy. Seungwoo quickly put his plate on the coffee table and picked the girl easily up.

“Aigoo, do you want some?” You two only laughed when she stretched her short arms towards your plate and almost lunged at it, only to be held back by your co-babysitter. You scooped a small amount of the frosting on your pinky and placed it against her plump limps which she gladly took.

“Oh Y/N, be careful of her-”

“Ouch!”

Dongpyo’s warning came a little too late as you massaged your poor finger, while Dohye somehow managed to giggle innocently yet diabolically at the same time (in that moment she reminded you a lot of her brother).

—

“Do you want to see my new dance routine?”

“Weren’t you too full to move just now?” You questioned the young boy.

“It’s all good now. I don’t think I will throw up.”

“Well, that’s very reassuring.”

Soon your small living room turned into a stage as Dongpyo prepared several dance covers of girl groups. His little sister started to jump up and down on the couch, with Seungwoo holding her arms, to cheer him on. He even managed to persuade Seungwoo to join him who acted hesitant at first but matched the teenager’s energy once he got up.

You and Dohye clapped as soon as the little showcase ended. The two guys plumped down on the couch, slightly out of breath. Seungwoo wasted no time to strip himself off his purple hoodie, leaving him in his loose white tee. The tattoos adorning his milky skin caught the younger one’s attention, “Wow Seungwoo, you have tattoos? Y/N, your boyfriend is soooo cool!”

He then put his index finger under his chin, “I think I’m getting tattoos, too, when I’m older. They look so cool on you.” At this you two couldn’t stifle your laughter, earning a confused look from Dongpyo. But who could blame you? It was very hard to imagine such a sweet, baby-faced boy to get tattoos inked on his skin.

“Sure thing, buddy,” Seungwoo ruffled the boy’s hair, unable to hold back his smile.

“Oh, but it hurts a lot, right? Maybe I won’t get any after all...” Dongpyo leaned back against the couch, hugging the cushion tighter.

—

You didn’t know how much time had passed when you took care of the mess in your kitchen but when you returned to your living room, you discovered a sleeping baby lying on top of your boyfriend’s chest. Your heart melted at this sight and the corners of your mouth immediately tugged upwards. Wanting to capture the sweet moment, you took your phone out and wasted no time to get a few shots of the two, careful not to disturb them.

Just when you crouched down next to the couch to get an up-close shot, your knee joints betrayed you. The pop seemingly woke up your boyfriend from his slumber as his eyes slowly opened and you were met with warm, brown orbs.

Catching you red-handed, Seungwoo cracked a smile and whispered, “What are you doing, babe?”

“You two look so adorable, I just couldn’t resist!” You smiled sheepishly and began to stroke his hair with your free hand, pushing a few strands away from his eyes.

“Mh, as much as I’m enjoying this, I think my back might kill me soon,” he softly spoke with his eyes closed again, welcoming your gentle touch. “C’mon, let’s put her in my bed.”

Seungwoo clutched the little girl closer to his chest and slowly got up without making any noise. He pushed her a little upwards so she could rest her head on his shoulder. You walked ahead, opening the two doors for him, and pulled the blanket aside to let him put Dohye down. Then you tucked her safely in and placing your stuffed bunny, which Seungwoo had won for on your first arcade date, next to her.

The two of you sneaked out of your bedroom, leaving the door ajar just in case she woke up. Now standing in the small hallway, Seungwoo wrapped his arms around you from behind, putting just a little bit of his weight on you. “My back still hurts from your small couch; you should carry me like this,” you could basically hear his pout above your head.

“Shut up, my couch is not that small. It’s just because you are stupidly tall!” You hushed him as you wriggled in his arms to turn around and playfully pinched his cheeks. There was a shift in his eyes; usually he would retort that you were ‘stupidly small’ but this time he just gazed at you, eyes filled with adoration.

With your chests pressing against each other, you were not quite sure whether it was your heart that was racing or his. Maybe it was both of yours but it didn’t matter, anyways.

“What are you thinking about?” You asked in a small voice, your index finger now tracing his dimple instead.

“I was just wondering, what it would be like if we had a baby,” Seungwoo confessed and smiled innocently at you. Heart skipping a beat, you were slightly flustered by his unexpected answer and felt your ears heat up.

“You would be a great dad.” Before he could react, you got on your tiptoes and simultaneously pulled his face a little bit down to meet him with a brief, yet sweet peck on the lips.

Once you released his face and let your hands slide down to the juncture between his shoulders and neck, you felt his arms tighten around your body and tugging you even closer to him. Being not satisfied with the peck, he leaned in for another kiss.

His warm lips melted against yours and you felt the butterflies erupt in your stomach like it was the very first time. As your lips moved against his, you could feel him smiling into the kiss. There was still a faint taste of cherries lingering on his lips adding to the sweet and addictive kiss. For a moment you forgot about everything because being in his arms just felt right.

“Wow, it’s like my parents never left,” a sudden voice exclaimed from behind you. The two of you shyly pulled away from each other and looked at the intruder. “Don’t mind me, I’m just going to use the bathroom.”

With that being said, Dongpyo quickly disappeared into your bathroom. You were slightly embarrassed by getting caught but to make you blush even more, Seungwoo then said, “I want to have a kid like him later, haha.”

—

Their parents came back around 9pm. Dohye was still fast asleep in your bedroom, by now cuddling with your stuffed bunny, while the three of you watched an episode of Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bokjoo.

“You guys came back early! How was your dinner?”, you asked them as you let the couple in. “Oh, it was wonderful and the food was really delicious. You two should check out the restaurant sometime,” Hyejin gushed. “Anyways, we called it a night early because I missed my babies too much.”

She wasted no time to pull her son into her side and ruffle his fluffy hair, eliciting a soft whine from him.

“Ah, I almost forgot! We’ve got you a little gift,” the woman nudged her husband who pulled out a small white box from his paper bag. “It’s from our favorite chocolatier. But it’s only a small gift so whenever you have time, come over and we will make you a nice meal to thank you properly, yeah?”

“Alright, let’s go home now. I think we’ve bothered you enough for tonight,” your cousin chimed after putting his little girl in her carrier and giving the two of you a hug.

Once you closed the door behind them, Seungwoo pulled you into his arms again. Just before he could say anything, a yawn escaped his mouth.

“Are you tired?”

“Mhm, just a little bit.”

He rested his forehead against yours, eyes lovingly gazing into yours again like earlier.

“Do you wanna stay the night?”

“Sure, I’d love to.”

Seungwoo rummaged through your closet, looking for a comfortable shirt amidst all the t-shirts that you’ve either got or stole from him. Finally, his eyes set on a grey oversized tee which you actually could wear as a dress. Stripping off his slightly sweaty shirt, he welcomed the new soft fabric that no longer smelled like his cologne but by now had picked up your sweet scent.

When he joined you in the bathroom, you were already brushing your teeth whilst scrolling through your Instagram feed. He made his way behind you, smiling at your reflection in the mirror because the pink shirt that he’s been missing for the past week just happened to be engulfing you in that moment. But how could be upset when you looked like an angel to him?

Before you could grab your hair yourself, Seungwoo gently pushed them back and held them for you so they wouldn’t get in your way until you were finished with your routine. Once he started with his routine, you sat down on the edge of your bathtub. Waiting for him, you went through your gallery and took a look at the photos from earlier again.

“What’chu shmiling at?” He asked you with a mouth full of foam, watching through the mirror.

“Just the pics of you and Dohye sleeping together. They are really cute, I think I’m gonna post one of them!” You excitedly stood up and stayed by his side, holding your phone in front of him whilst swiping and showing him your favorite snapshots.

After he was done with his own routine, the two of you wasted no time to snuggle up in the comfort of your bed. Like every other night you rested your head on his shoulder with his arms secured round your frame as if you could easily slip away anytime. A pleasant silence fell over you, only your shallow breaths were audible.

Your eyes were fixated on a sliver of light that shone through your blinds, unable to close your eyes and succumb to the sweet promise of sleep yet. The image of Seungwoo and the kids wouldn’t leave you alone. Sure, you’ve seen him plenty times playing with his own nephew already but today felt different.

“I was just wondering, what it would be like if we had a baby.”

His words kept repeating and repeating themselves in your head.

“What’s on your mind?” Seungwoo spoke so softly, it was barely a whisper. He started gently stroke your hair as he slightly turned his head towards you, his lips now almost brushing your temple.

“Just thinking about what you said earlier...” You tilted your head, meeting his eyes in the dark. “You know, what it’d be like if we had a baby, and I can’t stop thinking about it – but in a good way!”

If you had looked a little bit closer, you would have seen that his gaze softened even more at you rambling about how he would spoil the baby to death or you two dressing up your child like a model, making it the most fashionable baby out there.

“The thought of a baby really doesn’t scare me anymore. Especially when I have you by my side,” you confessed. Instead of teasing you for corny confession, he pushed his body off the bed and hovered above you, his head already diving in to claim your lips.

Seungwoo didn’t say a word during your ramble but he put all his feelings into the kiss and you knew – he didn’t need to say it aloud because you knew he felt the same. His right hand caressed your face, thumb going over the apple of your cheek.

“I really like the sound of that,” his lips stretched into a smile before the landed right on your temple.

Suddenly his smile turned smug, “We could try making one right now.”

“Oh, shut up!”

—

The next morning you checked your notifications only to find yourself chuckling at them.

ssunhwa: oh I didn’t know I was an aunt already

pyopyoson: huh is that black mob of hair mine? anyways, I want pics with him too

seungsmile_: just get married already

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houseofvans · 5 years

Photo

ART SCHOOL | IN SESSION WITH ROB SATO

From vibrant rainbows to familiar yet alien landscapes occupied by strange beings, LA based artist Rob Sato’s works are filled with creative energy in a loose minimalistic style. From watercolor, digital medium to acrylics and oil, Rob’s artworks and illustrations have been shown in various galleries from Giant Robot 2 to the Oakland Asian Cultural Center, where recently his original paintings for a comic called 442 were exhibited. We’re excited to chat with Rob about his work, his various collaborations and what he’s got coming up for the rest of the year. Take the Leap!

Photographs courtesy of the artist.

Introduce yourself Hello, my name is Rob Sato. I’m an artist, illustrator, and writer. Something people might not know about me is that I was a kid I was so fanatical about the Oakland A’s that when they lost in the World Series I threw a tantrum so big that I destroyed my bedroom and after that I felt so stupid I quit following baseball. Also, I’m told I have maybe one of the great poop stories of the world. It can only be related in person, so ask me about it sometime if we ever meet.

How would you describe your work and style? Eclectic? Kaleidoscopic? I’ve never had a concise answer to this question. I tend not to pin myself down because I think if I did, I’d stop making things.

Art is my outlet for the cryptic and obscure as well as the gushing spillover of foolish idealism and wild fantasy. It’s the only place I’ve ever found where you can healthily play with unhealthy thoughts, where you can explore undefined emotions, things that lurk out in the corners of consciousness that may be embarrassing or uncontrollable.

I love to make entertainment and decorative work, things that tend to be obvious, that communicate very clearly and reveal all their cards, but I also love to make work that hides things, that actively resists easy understanding or recognition and risks being super personal or unrelatable and strange. This can make things difficult, especially in the ongoing deterioration of attention spans, but I can’t help but pursue things outside of a pop sensibility and logical thought. I have to be, much of the time, in mental wildernesses. It’s hard to get there, hard to be there, and hard to come back, but it keeps me going.

Tell us about how you really started getting into art, and how that turned into what you do now? Was it something you always intended to pursue? I’ve drawn every single day for as long as I can remember. I never really thought about it. It just seems to be what I do. It’s how I have fun, how I solve problems, how I think. I’ve wanted to pursue other things like make movies or write books, but I always find myself drawing. Before I know it, it’s time for bed again.

When you are working on a new piece or upcoming exhibition or show? What’s your process like? What themes do you find yourself taking on? I explode. I used to plan things in a very directed way, but lately I’ve just let my brains spill out everywhere. I make a ton of drawings and paintings, and try my best to be fearless and open. Most of it produces failure after failure, but it shows me what might be worth building on, plus many exciting surprises reveal themselves in the process. As a show nears I start seeing what things fit together, what needs to be edited out, and how it all might form a cohesive exhibition. Sometimes the subject matter is the glue that makes everything stick, other times it’s the aesthetics. Alongside the explosion I usually have 2 or 3 pieces going at any given time that I’ve had long term plans for. These pieces can take take months or even years.

Thematically I’m all over the place. War and peace, realism and surrealism, grim realities and escapism, sober observations and dumb jokes.

What are some of your go-to art making materials? Are there mediums you want to explore that you’ve yet to get your hands on? I feel pretty comfortable with anything you can use to make a mark on a piece of paper. I’ve mainly used watercolor and various drawing tools for the past several years. I’m been having fun with acrylics and oils again, and I’ve started to play around with photography a little. I’ve had ideas for sculpture and film for years that I’d really like to finally get to. What I really want to get my hands on is more time.

Where do you find inspiration? What kind of things or people inspire what you make? Watching someone pick their nose listening to headphones and singing softly to themselves in line at the grocery store. Just watching my cat live her weird life. Even though the final artwork may not really show it, these places are usually where my ideas originate. Art has also been a place where I can put memories that have some abstract need to be recorded.

I made this series of drawings called “Bad Hands”, which started out with me laughing at these dumb hands I was drawing with academically incorrect anatomy. Abandoning correctness felt so good. In the process it triggered a memory from High School. I had been forbidden from drawing in one of my classes, so I was contorting my hands into different shapes at my desk to amuse myself. There was a hysteria over gang activity in the school at the time and the teacher freaked out thinking I was throwing gang signs and I ended up getting sent to detention.

At detention I was talking with a friend and made fun of the teacher for her mistake. A kid who was in a gang overheard and then HE misunderstood and thought I was making fun of gangs or something. On my way home from school he and a couple dudes punched and kicked me for a bit while I tried and failed to explain. I think it’s funny.

So embedded in that piece is this tumbling series of misunderstandings, these multiple layers of hands being perceived as bad, speaking in an absurd language that communicates different things to different people. I know people aren’t going to see all those layers in the final piece, but that’s where it comes from and I hope it at least sparks some thoughts about talking with our hands, and where else can you follow this kind of train of thought except in art?

I get inspired by artists who seem to approach art as an intuitive discovery process rather than a pursuit of mastery, that play is one of the more important aspects of making things. My wife, Ako, has been a huge influence on me in this respect. She’s continuously playing with various materials around her at any given time and finding out what she can do with them. Everywhere she goes she abandons a nest made of fresh creations she’s manifested out of mud, string, packaging, plants, uneaten rice, her used drinking straw, lint and whatever else was within her reach

You’ve done a lot of collaborations with companies, museums and art galleries. Do you have a favorite collaboration, and what about the collaboration do you enjoy the most? I’ve recently been collaborating with Tiny Splendor, an indie publisher and printer who have studios in LA and Oakland. It’s been really great working with them, Cynthia Navarro in LA on risographs, and with Max Stadnik, who runs the print shop in Oakland.

Max has been returning to lithography, my favorite traditional printing medium, and he printed a piece of mine inspired by mushrooms called “Growerings". It’s a full 5 color print, which means it took five separate plates and each print had to go through the press 5 times. It turned out more beautifully than I could have hoped for. Litho is a super difficult but also very fun process and the results are so rich.

I think I particularly love this collaboration because the image fits the medium so well, and the combination of the two elevates the final piece of work, When it works, the artwork and the print become more than just an image on a piece of paper. It’s more alive in some undefinable way.

Since we’re called Art School, we always ask the artists to give us their favorite art tip? Never force the thing you think you want, you’ll probably miss out on the really interesting thing that’s happening. Also, don’t drink too much coffee. I have trouble taking both of these pieces of my own advice every day.

What do you enjoy doing when you’re not making stuff? How do you chill out? I read and run. I love coffee and I love gossip and talking nonsense with friends. Also, I cannot stop watching Terrace House.

What is the last art show that you went to? What artists should folks keep an eye out for? I recently went to the Velveteria in LA’s Chinatown, which is one man’s collection of paintings on velvet. A very entertaining and very fucked up experience. I went to a life drawing session at Subliminal Projects and got to draw surrounded by Chad Kouri’s fun abstracts. I’m actually typing this interview inside an art show right now.

I’m here at my wife, Ako Castuera’s, show “Soil” at the Weingart Gallery at Occidental College. We’re here feeding worms. She sculpted this beautiful ceramic vermiculture composter for the show. It’s a grand temple for worms. The show is an act of gratitude for the exchange we have with the soil which provides the clay for ceramics, and for the worms who turn decay into healthy earth to grow new life in.

She sculpted a menagerie of creatures out of the worm poop that also populate the show. Super fun. Speaking of Ako and Subliminal, her show there with Hellen Jo and Kris Chau this past December was one of those once-in-a-lifetime powerhouse gathering of forces. That may have been the best show I’ve ever seen.

What advice would you give someone thinking about following in your footsteps? What’s something you learned that you want to pass along to art making newbies. Don’t listen to advice if it is extremely quotable. Pay no attention to it especially if it accompanies a photo of a famous artist and fits perfectly into an instagram post. If it’s easy to remember then it’s probably empty, crap inspiration. Those things are entertainments and not words to live by.

If you’re interested in making art you’ll keep making it. It takes day in, day out patience and exploration and mutation to discover how you really work, not some idea of how an artist works.

Sometimes it will be very hard, sometimes it will be so breathtakingly easy you think that your problems have been solved forever. Neither situation ever lasts, but cultivate and nurture your curiosity and what you love, and you’ll find ways to make it through the rough times and keep on making things one way or another.

Who are some of your favorite artists to follow and/or see in a show? Lately I’ve been really enjoying the work of Nathaniel Russell whose work makes this great space where funny, grounded matter-of-factness and sweet nothingness sit comfortably together. His drawing also reminds me of Ben Shahn, my all-time favorite drawer.

I really like Amy Bennet’s oils, these intimate studies of isolation in suburbia where mundanity overlaps with quiet drama and melancholy. Her work obliquely reminds me of Edwin Ushiro’s work, though his stuff is the opposite of melancholic. He captures almost incidental but haunted moments from growing up in Hawaii and infuses them with warmth, and it’s in a style influenced in a super personal way by animation. It reminds me of Satoshi Kon’s movies in its well observed, slice-of-life elements. Edwin’s sketchbooks are a treasure too. Esther Pearl Watson’s recent autobiographical paintings, Hellen Jo’s latest badass watercolors, Amber Wellman’s funny, playful oil paintings, and Matthew Palladino’s watercolors are also favorites.

Megan Whitmarsh’s work is some of my favorite to see in person. Her installation with Jade Gordon at the Hammer’s “Made In LA “ show was maybe the funnest work I’ve ever seen and interacted with. I went to see the Ai Wei Wei show at the Marciano Foundation, which I thought was impressive in scale and execution but still somehow lame, but I stumbled on a Mike Kelley installation/ video piece I’d never seen before in the upstairs collection and loved it so much, but I can’t remember the name of it at the moment.

It’s 2 videos shown side by side of the same guy wearing a cape singing almost the same song simultaneously, but each version has different words at different points. It’s a love song but one version is more bitter and mean and one is sickly sweet. Anyway, highly recommended!

What do you have coming up the rest of the year that you can share with us? For just a few more days there’s a show up at the Oakland Asian Cultural Center with a bunch of my original paintings for a comic I illustrated about the 442, the Japanese American Army unit of World War II. Plus it has some personal work about Japanese American Incarceration and images from my family’s experience in the concentration camps. My grandfather was incarcerated in the Arkansas camps, and he was a soldier in the 442.

Next up, I’m in a slew of group shows all happening within a few weeks of each other this month. Poor scheduling on my part as usual, but it’s nice to be invited to so many. I just sent off my piece to the “Seeing Red” show curated by Jeff Hamada of the BOOOOOOOM art and culture blog. That show will be at Thinkspace in LA. Giant Robot has been kind enough to host another solo show for me in September.

I’ve been busy experimenting with some more 3d stuff that pushes the more narrative side of my work which I hope to show there. We’ll see how the experiments turn out. I’ve also been working on a ton of prints and ideas for books. This year I want to focus on working in print, making zines and comics, and writing a lot more.

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#Art #Vans #Vans Art #Rob Sato #Art School #painting #interview

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gagosiangallery · 4 years

Text

Richard Prince at Gagosian Beverly Hills

January 15, 2020

RICHARD PRINCE New Portraits Opening reception: Thursday, February 6, 6–8pm February 6–March 21, 2020 456 North Camden Drive, Beverly Hills __________ In 1984 I took some portraits. The way I did it was different. The way had nothing to do with the tradition of portraiture. If you wanted me to do your portrait, you would give me at least five photographs that had already been taken of yourself, that were in your possession (you owned them, they were yours), and more importantly . . . that you were already happy with. You would give me the five you liked and I would pick the one I liked. I would rephotograph the one I liked and that would be your portrait. Simple. Direct. To the point . . . Foolproof. I started off doing friends. Peter Nadin. Anne Kennedy. Jeff Koons. Cookie Mueller. Gary Indiana. Colin de Land.

They didn’t have to sit for their portraits. They didn’t have to make an appointment and come over and sit in front of some cyclone or in front of a neutral background or on an artist’s stool. They didn’t have to show up at all. And they wouldn’t be disappointed with the result. How could they? It wasn’t like they were giving me photos of themselves that were embarrassing.

Social Science Fiction.

Another advantage was the “time line.” If you were in your sixties and you gave me a photograph that had been taken thirty years earlier, and that’s the one I chose, your portrait ended up in a kind of time machine. I couldn’t go forward, but I could go backward. Vanity. Most of the people I did liked the younger version of themselves. So the future didn’t really matter. Half of H. G. Wells was better than no half at all.

Who knew?

After friends, I did people I didn’t know.

I had access to Warner Bros. Records and their publicity files. The files were filled with 8 × 10 glossies of recording stars that they had under contract. How I had access is beside the point. It was a long time ago. Let’s just say an A&R guy gave me access, “permission.”

I spent time in their LA headquarters, in Burbank, and went thru the metal cabinets and took the “publicities” I wanted, took them home, put them in front of my camera, and made a new photograph. The first one I did was Dee Dee Ramone.

I did Tina Weymouth, Tom Verlaine, Jonathan Richman, Laurie Anderson. I did the two girls from the B-52s.

Not knowing these people, having never met them, or talked to them, but still being able to do their portraits, excited me. Satisfaction. I spent weeks in the basement of Warner Bros. I thought I had an advantage. My method, if you could call it that, was far more flexible than the regular way portraits were taken. I didn’t need a studio. A darkroom. A receptionist. A calendar. Makeup. Stylists. I didn’t have to deal with agents or the “personality,” good or bad, of the sitter. My overhead was minimal and I could do the portrait all by myself.

By myself. That was the best.

Why I Go To The Movies Alone.

At first I thought this could be a business.

Up till then none of the art that I was making sold . . . or sold enough to make a living. I had just quit my job at Time Life the year before and was trying to make a go of it living near Venice Beach in LA . . . sharing a house with three roommates and living off the occasional sales that Hudson, my friend from Chicago, would make selling my “cartoon” drawings.

This idea of a “portrait business” made sense to me. Who wouldn’t want their portrait done this way?

I continued to do friends. Paula Greif. Dike Blair. Meyer Vaisman. I did everybody’s portraits for Wild History, a book that I put together for Tanam Press of downtown writing. The author’s portrait accompanied their contribution. Wharton Tiers. Spalding Gray. Tina L’Hotsky.

By the end of ’84 it was over.

I’m not sure if it was the lack of interest in me, or in others. (My energy evaporated.) Maybe it was the inability to convince people to commit to a commission. It was a good idea, but after doing about forty of them, I put them in a drawer and moved on. Bored? Restless? I don’t know. Let’s just say it didn’t take off.

Leave it at that.

My cartoon drawings turned into jokes and the jokes started taking up everything. In the end, I think most people would rather have their portrait done by Robert Mapplethorpe.

Thirty years. Time passes.

The social network.

I looked over my daughter’s shoulder and saw that she was scrolling thru pictures on her phone. I asked her what she was looking at. “It’s my Tumblr.” “What’s a tumbler?” I asked.

That was . . . four years ago?

About three years ago I bought an iPhone. Someone had shown me the photographs you could take with the phone. I had given up taking pictures after they got rid of color slide film. I tried digital, but couldn’t make the adjustment. I never liked carrying a camera and was pretty much inkjetting and painting anyway . . . so the idea of using a big boxy camera with all its new whistles and bows wasn’t for me.

Enter the sandman.

The iPhone was just what I needed. I couldn’t believe how easy it was to point and shoot. You didn’t have to focus. You didn’t have to load film. You didn’t have to ASA. You didn’t have to set a speed. The clarity . . .

I could see for miles.

The photos you took were stored in the phone. And when you wanted to see them, they appeared on a grid. The best part: you could send a photo immediately to a friend, to an e-mail, to a printer . . . or, you could organize your photos, like my daughter had, and post them publicly or privately.

When worlds collide.

I asked my daughter more about Tumblr. Are those your photos? Where did you get that one? Did you need permission? How did you get that kind of crop? You can delete them? Really? What about these “followers?” Who are they? Are they people you know? What if you don’t want to share? How many of your friends have Tumblrs?

What’s yours is mine.

My daughter’s “grid” on Tumblr reminded me of my Gangs I did back in ’85 . . . where I organized a set of nine images on a single piece of photo paper and blew the paper up to 86 × 48. The gangs were a way to deal with marginal or subsets of lifestyles that I needed to see on a wall but not a whole wall. Each gang was its own exhibition. Girlfriends, Heavy Metal Bands, Giant Waves, Bigfoot Trucks, Sex, War, Cartoons, Lyrics . . . were all rephotographed with slide film, and when the slides returned, they were “deejayed” and moved around on a custom-made light box until the best nine made the cut. The “cut” was then taped together (the edges of the slide mounts were pushed up against each other and Scotch-taped), the nine taped slides were sent to a lab where an 8 × 10 internegative was made, and from the internegative the final photo was blown up. I’ve probably lost you. Technical stuff . . . application and technique. Sometimes it’s better to leave the “background” out of it. Better to “take it for granted.” Why should I care how a photograph is made?

Only sometimes.

How was it called back then? Sampling?

Primitive now, but back then . . . 50-inch photo drums were few and far between. The paper was 50 inches wide and came in a huge roll. If you wanted to, you could take a roll and roll it down the street, roll it down the sidewalk, roll it all the way down the West Side Highway.

Shakespeare’s in the alley?

No. Philip Roth is in the alley.

Joan Didion is in the alley.

Don DeLillo is in the alley.

What’s up, pussycat?

There’s a lot of cats on Instagram. Food too.

And there’s tons of photos of people who take photographs of themselves. (Yes, I know the word.)

On the gram. I was just asked why I like Instagram. I said, “Because there’s rules. And if you break the rules, you get kicked off.”

I got to Instagram thru Twitter.

Twitter first.

I’m not sure when I first started tweeting, but I liked trying to fit a whole story into 140 characters.

I call it Birdtalk.

I used to bird in the early ’90s for Purple magazine and birded in my first catalogue for Barbara Gladstone in ’87.

Short sentences that were funny, sweet, dumb, profound, absurd, stupid, jokey, Finnegans Wake meets MAD magazine meets ad copy for Calvin Klein. Think Dylan’s Tarantula. Then think some more and think Kathy Acker’s Tarantula.

Or, don’t think at all. I know I don’t.

Sometimes.

Sometimes I write down the first sentence that starts off my favorite novel.

Relative. I’m not much of a theory guy. But sometimes I think there was a reason why Einstein was a technical assistant in the Swiss patent office.

Let me fill your cup.

Twitter accepts photos, but is mainly text-based. I like to combine the two and tweet both photo and text.

I called the photo/text tweets I was posting . . . “The Family.”

I posted photos of my extended family . . . mother, brother, sister, nieces, cousins, uncles, aunts, in-laws, stepchildren, boy- and girlfriends. I would caption the photos with a short description of who, what, why . . . measuring my words so that they fit into the guidelines of the platform.

After posting the photo/text, I sent the information to my printer and inkjetted an 11 × 14 print of the marriage. I made thirty-eight “Family” tweets.

Distribution.

I placed each “Family” tweet in a plastic sleeve and pushpinned the sleeve to the wall. The wall was at Karma. I put all thirty-eight up. Salon style. It was Saturday. The doors opened at 12 pm. By 12:15 pm all thirty-seven were gone. One to a customer. I kept the one that had my father, mother, and sister in it. (My father and mother were naked, and my sister was sitting in between. My family wasn’t like yours. Hobnob doesn’t begin to describe them.) I sold the “Family Tweets” for $12 each. First come, first served.

Well, well, well . . .

In ma ma ma my wheeeeeeeel house.

I used to stutter. By the ninth grade, the sparkle was in my eye. It got so bad, the impediment turned me into a clam. I slept all day, every day. I wouldn’t get up until Sunday. I waited for Bonanza to come on the TV. I loved the cowboy father and his three sons.

Two summers ago, my niece was working for me out on Long Island and she showed me how to screen save. I didn’t know about the option. What other options don’t I know about?

Screen Save.

This might be one of the best applications in an apparatus that I’ve ever encountered. All-time. Hall of fame. First place. Just what I need. MORE photographs.

Hey kids . . . what time is it?

Now I have a theory.

I was beside myself.

Congratulations.

This past spring, and half the summer, the iPhone became my studio. I signed up for Instagram. I pushed things aside. I made room. It was easy. I ignored Tumblr, and Facebook had never interested me. But Instagram . . .

I started off being RichardPrince4.

I quickly recognized the device was a way to get the lead out. If Twitter was editorial . . . then Instagram was advertising.

A gazillion people.

Besides cats, dogs, and food, people put out photos of themselves and their friends all the time, every day, and, yes, some people put themselves out twice on Mondays. I started “following” people I knew, people I didn’t know, and people who knew each other. It was innocent. I was on the phone talking to Jessica Hart and had just looked at her “gram” feed before picking up the phone. I asked about a picture she posted of herself standing in front of a fireplace wearing what looked to be ski clothes and big fur boots. The post was in black and white, head to toe, full figure, and behind her, above the mantel, there was a portrait of Brigitte Bardot. I told her someone should make a portrait out of this photo. She said, “Why don’t you?”

Come to think of it.

I’m not sure if she knew about my Family Tweets. She might have. I think we even talked about them after she came to my studio for a visit. After I got off the phone, I thought about her suggestion: “Why don’t you?”

I went back to her feed and screen saved her “winter” photo. I sent the save to my computer, pressed “empty subject,” pressed “actual size,” and waited for it to appear in a doc, checked the margins and crop, clicked on the doc, and sent it to my printer. My inkjet printer printed out an 11 × 14-inch photo on paper . . . I took the photo out of the tray and put it on my desk.

Looking at Jessica’s feed reminded me of 1984. Except this time I had more than five photos to choose from. I went back to her feed a second time. I scrolled thru maybe a hundred photos she had posted and looked at all the ones that included her. The one in front of the fireplace was still the best.

Walk on.

Jessica had tons of followers. Thousands. And a lot of them had “commented” on what she posted. I read all the comments that had been posted under her fireplace photo. There was one comment I wish I could have gotten in my original screen save. When you screen save an Instagram image, you can get maybe three, four comments in the save if you include the person’s “profile” icon that appears on the upper left of the page. I decided early on I wanted the person’s icon to be part of the save. But what else could I save?

I went back to my desk and kept staring at the printout of Jessica. What do I do now?

I didn’t want to paint it.

I didn’t want to mark it.

I didn’t want to add a sticker.

Whatever I did, I wanted it to happen INSIDE and before the save. I wanted my contribution to be part of the “gram.” I didn’t want to do anything physical to the photograph after it was printed.

Five cents.

I went back to the comment.

I commented on Jessica’s photo in front of the fireplace, but my comment was one of hundreds and showed up outside, way down at the bottom . . . out of the frame.

If I wanted my comment to show up near her picture . . . how?

I got lucky.

I’m terrible when it comes to the tech side of technology. But somehow I figured out how to hack into Jessica’s feed and swipe away all her comments and add my own so that it would appear under her post. The hack is pretty simple and anyone can do it. You hit the gray comment bar and pick a comment you don’t want and swipe with your finger to the left, and a red exclamation mark appears. You press on the exclamation mark and four things come onto the bottom of your screen.

1. Why are you reporting this comment?

2. Spam or Scam

3. Abusive Content

4. Cancel

To get rid of the comment, you click on Spam or Scam. It’s gone. Just like that I could control other people’s comments and Jessica’s own comments. And the comment that I added could now be near enough to Jessica’s photo that when I screen saved it, my comment would “show up.” Make sense? It’s about as good as I can do. What can I say? Einstein and cuckoo . . .

So now . . .

So now I was in.

Waiting to follow.

Richardprince4 would appear at the bottom of Jessica’s final portrait. My comment, whatever it would be, would always be the last comment. The last say so. Say so. That’s good. That could work. My “in” was what I ended up saying. And what I would say would be everything I ever knew . . . what I knew now and what I would know in the future.

Tell Me Everything.

Finnegans Wake meets MAD magazine.

Zoot Horn Rollo. You seem to be where I belong (emoji).

The first three portraits I did were of women I knew. Or almost knew. Jessica, I knew. Pam Anderson, I knew. Sky Ferreira? I didn’t know, but was following her and had been reading about her new album and seeing posters of her album broadsided on sheets of ply on the Bowery and on Lafayette near Bond. I wasn’t sure what I was doing or why I chose these three. I just had lunch with Pam and had seen Jessica in LA. Sky, I was following because she seemed interesting. There was nothing more. No attraction. No fan. No desire. No date. No wanting anything from her. And the pictures she posted were candid, boozy, and seemed to be letting the viewer in on some kind of backstage diary. She also had thousands of people following her, and I could tap into her followers and follow them. I can do that? I didn’t even know I could follow the followers. Like I said, the hardware was all new . . . and I was just getting started.

The shoreline is never the same. (Like it should be.)

When I first started getting rid of comments, I thought the person whose comments I was getting rid of might get pissed. “What happened to all my comments?” I found out quickly that “the getting rid of” only affected my feed. The deleted comments didn’t affect the followers’ feeds. Their comments were still there even though they were gone from mine. All that happened is that MY comment showed up below their photo. Was I allowed? Yes. I guess so. It’s hard to explain. But the process is open, and at the moment, it’s the way it works and anyone and everyone can do it.

The language I started using to make “comments” was based on Birdtalk. Non sequitur. Gobbledygook. Jokes. Oxymorons. “Psychic Jujitsu.”

Some of the language came directly from TV. If I’m selecting a photo of someone and adding a comment to their gram and an advertisement comes on . . . I use the language that I hear in the ad. Inferior language. It works. It sounds like it means something. What’s it mean? I don’t know. Does it have to mean anything at all? I think about James Joyce confessing to Nora Barnacle. I think about opening up to page 323 of Finnegans Wake. Then I think about notes and lyricism. Policy. Whisper. Murmurs. Mantra. Quotation. Advice.

Chamber Music.

Didn’t Duke Ellington say, “If it sounds good, it is good”? He did say that, didn’t he?

Who are these people?

Larry Clark, Diane Arbus, Robert Mapplethorpe take great portraits. I’ve watched Larry take photos and I don’t know how he does it. I wouldn’t know where to begin. I could never go up to a stranger and ask them if I could take their picture. I’ve done it maybe two or three times and didn’t enjoy it. That part of art is in Larry. It isn’t in me. I feel more comfortable in my bedroom looking thru Easyriders and poring over pictures of “girlfriends” that are right there on the page. Page after page. Looking. Wondering. Anticipating. Hoping. What will be on the next page? Will I find a girlfriend that I really like? That’s my relationship with what’s out there. It’s as close as I want to get. That’s what’s in me.

IG is a bedroom magazine.

I can start out with someone I know and then check out who they follow or who’s following them, and the rabbit hole takes on an out-of-body experience where you suddenly look at the clock and it’s three in the morning. I end up on people’s grids that are so far removed from where I began, it feels psychedelic. Further. I’m on the bus. I feel like I’m part of Kesey’s merry tribe. I’m reminded of Timothy Leary’s journals, which I purchased years ago from John McWhinnie, and the concentration that came over me when I discovered his hand-drawn map of his escape from jail. How he literally shimmied on a wire that had been strung up from an outer utility building to the perimeter prison wall . . . and how I would trace with my finger his overland express to Tangier, where he hooked up with Black Panther Eldridge Cleaver and spent the next year seeking asylum in different parts of North Africa, ultimately ending up in Switzerland where his ex-wife ratted him out, and how fighting extradition took up the rest of his life. Wow, now it’s four in the morning.

Tune In, Turn On, Come Out.

“Trolling.”

If you say so.

I never thought about it that way. The word has been used to describe part of the process of making my new portraits. I guess so. It’s not like I’m on the back of a boat throwing out chum.

“We’re going to need a bigger boat.”

Included.

Everyone is fair.

Game.

An even playing field.

“Outside my cabin door. Said the girl from the red river shore.”

Men. Women. Men and women. Men and men. Women and women. Blacks Whites Latinos Asian Arabs Jews Straights Gays Transgender. Tattoos and scars. Hairy.

I don’t really know the score.

The ones I adore.

I just know where I belong.

“Oh, there I go. From a man to a memory.”

How do I tell you who or why I pick? I can’t. It would be like telling you why I pick that joke. WHY THAT ONE? There’s thousands of jokes. I read them all. It takes days to read just one joke book. 101 of the World’s Funniest Jokes. Days. If I get one, find one, like one, out of the 101, it’s a good day.

People on IG lead me to other people. I spend hours surfing, saving, and deleting. Sometimes I look for photos that are straightforward portraits (or at least look straightforward). Other times I look for photos that would only appear, or better still . . . exist on IG. Photos that look the way they do because they’re on the gram. Selfies? Not really. Self-portraits. I’m not interested in abbreviation. I look for portraits that are upside down, sideways, at arm’s length, taken within the space that a body can hold a camera phone. What did de Kooning say? “When I spread my arms out, it’s all the space I need.”

At first I wasn’t sure how to print the portrait. I tried different surfaces, different papers. Presentation? Frame? Matt? Shadowbox? I tried them all. Finally this past spring my lab introduced me to a new canvas, one that was tightly wound, a surface with hardly any tooth. Smooth to the touch. Almost as if the canvas were photo paper. It was also brilliantly white. I don’t think it could be any whiter. And . . . the way the ink jetted into the canvas was a surprise. It fused in a way that made the image slightly out of focus. Just enough. The ink was IN and ON the canvas at the same time. When I first saw the final result, I didn’t really know what I was looking at. A photographic work or a work on canvas? The surprise was perfect. Perfect doesn’t come along very often. The color that had been transferred from the file of the computer to the jet, from jet to canvas, was intense, saturated, rich. If someone I followed had blue hair, their hair looked like it had been dyed directly onto the canvas. Dye job. Rinsed. Beauty salon. It was brilliant, great color. You might call it “vibrant.” The vibe between the image and the process was “sent away for,” seamless, effortless . . . all descriptions I used to use when I tried describing my early “pens, watches, and cowboys.” (Has it really been forty years?) The ingredients, the recipe, “the manufacture,” whatever you want to call it . . . was familiar but had changed into something I had never seen before. I wasn’t sure it even looked like art. And that was the best part. Not looking like art. The new portraits were in that gray area. Undefined. In-between. They had no history, no past, no name. A life of their own. They’ll learn. They’ll find their own way. I have no responsibility. They do. Friendly monsters.

Speak for yourself.

To fit in the world takes time.

For now, all I can say is . . . they’re the only thing I’ve ever done that has made me happy.

http://www.richardprince.com/writings/bird-talk

#Richard Prince #Gagosian

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animekath · 5 years

Text

A Shy Mess

Kieran Duffy X Reader

Hellooo guys, Kat is back!

This story was the commissioned by the sweet @captainalbertwesker; who inspired me to open up a commission to begin with so thank you sooo much! You deserve all the love! ^ 3 ^ If you would like to check my commissions, I will link it -Here!-

I love this boy so much, he deserves all the love and hugs for working so hard for the gang, even if it’s taking care of horses! Anyway, I hope you enjoy this story, cuties!

Sorry for spelling and grammar!

Words: 2604

Warning: Spoilers, Fluff, Confession, dirty talk, Drinking, riding, creampie, caught, Poor pup

Enjoy!

Being tied to a tree was not so fun for Kieran.

The sun was beating down on him, which made his throat beg for a drink and his stomach rumble for food, but no one batted an eye when he weakly begged. Anything would have been excellent for him, even if it was mouldy bread, he didn’t care. His stomach sank when he thought...He didn’t want to die this way.

“Idiot...” He muttered.

The sun lowered, going to sleep behind the trees. Kieran’s head sank low, his legs weak to hold himself up any longer if this continues. ‘I’m done for.’ He thought in his head as he closed his eyes, hoping sleep would take over soon but his stomach turned in pain. “Nnh...”

But he heard the gentlest voice ever speak.

“Here...” His head was tilted up and felt something drip on his lips...Water..! Kieran’s mouth opened to take as much water in as possible, his throat screaming for applause for the person. He let out a shaken breath as he opened his eyes, seeing two beautiful eyes shine back at him. He has seen you around camp, but you never got close enough to say hi or even see a good look at your face. Oh, you were magnificent. You were like an angel being sent down to help this pointless man. “Eat this...It’s not much, but it’s something.” You said in a hushed tone as you put the bread close to his lips for him to eat. Kieran guessed that you are doing this without anyone knowing, which worried him if you got caught.

Kieran took it like a hungry animal, letting out a groan at the rich taste. It was bland, but to him, it was like a kings meal. “Mm...Th-Thank you, Ma’am.” He said, his voice sounding hoarse. “I own you, R-Really...” You just smiled at him, his heart swelling. “Wh...What is your name..?” He asked.

“_____, _____ _____. Arthur said your name is Kieran Duffy. Well, he called you an O’driscoll first.” You said, your eyes softened.

“I’m not an O’driscoll..” He whined, slightly lowering his head. “I rode around with them for a few months, I-I mainly took care of the horses. No one believes in me.”

“...I do.” Kieran raised his head to look at you again, seeing you smile. “I believe in you, Duffy...I think you were at the wrong place at the wrong time; we have all done that. I’m sorry you rode with them, and now you’re in this mess.” You cupped his cheek, Kieran leaning into your gentle touch. He hasn’t been touched like this in so long that he would remember every second of your touch. “Dutch is going to talk to you tomorrow...Please. Tell him the truth, and they might let you go...”

“But...I-If I do, then the O’driscolls will kill me.” He replied.

“...Then join us.” You shrugged. “It'll be nice to have a new face in the camp.” You then raised your head when you heard talking. “I have to go, but remember what I said, okay? I don’t want you hurt...” You pulled your hand away, Kieran already missing the warm touch. “We’ll see each other again. Goodnight, Duffy.” You smiled and walked off before anyone saw you.

Kieran’s eyes watched you leave until you were out of sight; his body felt limp as he sighs. “Goodnight, Miss _____...”

When the sun came up, and Dutch came forth with two of his members, he caved in...Well, he caved in when they pulled down his pants and said they were going to cut his balls off.

Kieran saw you face brighten when he returned with the three members, having no idea why his chest was beating his ribs, but it made him happy. Even though most of the members ignored him or threatened him, he mainly talks to you and a woman called Mary-Beth. You two were friends, and he understood why since you were both the same; Kind hearted and sweet but his eyes remained on you.

Everything about you made him smile; your laugh, your kindness, your passion for nature and loved when your eyes brightened when you talked about something you liked. His heart beats so many times for Kieran to realise that he had feelings for you, which he didn’t know if it was good or bad.

Kieran loved the feeling when you were around and brightened his day when everyone around him was sour towards him. But it was terrible because he felt like he didn’t deserve you. He was an Ex-O’driscoll and had done nothing in his life, just feeling like pointless trash. You were beautiful, funny, smart and had a heart of gold while Kieran was...Well, Kieran. Everyone in camp was better than him, including Bill, even if he was crazy.

It got worse when he thought about you in unconventional ways. It sparked when he was watching you cleaning peoples clothes, your chest and stomach soaked, which made your breasts glistened in the sun. Kieran’s mind flashed with images of you; naked, moaning, begging for him, his pants getting tighter with each second. He had to go to the forest to jack himself off, holding back from crying your name for everyone to hear.

It also made his heart sink when other men flirted with you like Javier, Bill and Micah. It seemed even Dutch had a thing for you even though he had Molly, but you turned each man down kindly. If they didn’t back away, Arthur would swoop in to be the hero. Kieran realised Arthur treated you like a sister more than anything. Arthur was not the best with him, but out of every man in camp, he was the kindest.

“Going fishing?”

Kieran raised his head to see you, your eyes full of kindness and interest. Besides horses, he loved fishing. It made him leave the camp for a while and be alone, liking his own company out of everyone besides you. That is why he was taken back when you wanted to join, happily accepting for you to join though. Kieran helped you on his horse as they start to ride, his body tingled when your arms wrapped around him. Fuck, he was trying so hard not to get excited.

What made Kieran laugh about fishing with you was that you were not the best. You would pout when the fish got loose from your hook and swear under your breath when the throw was awful. “Here, I’ll help you.” He went behind you, his hands on top of yours and showed you how to swing it. Kieran bit his lip, looking down your shoulder and neck which showed skin, wanting to lick the sweat off it or bite down to leave marks, so people knew you were his.

“What’s poking me?”

"N-Nothing, That’s my fishing rod..!”

Sadly the happiness didn't last long; they moved twice, Sean got killed, and Jack got kidnapped. Kieran noticed that you looked worried for Jack's safety. He was only a kid for crying out loud; no one deserved it. Kieran felt like it was his fault; He let the men pass and took Jack, apologising for every day to Abigail for what he did.

You told him it wasn't his fault; he didn't know, you would have done the same. Kieran pulled you into a hug, wanting to comfort you in this hard time. His heart jumped in his throat when you hugged back, gently rubbing his head.

'Just tell her how you feel, damn it!' He screamed in his head.

A few days later, luck was on their side when Dutch, Arthur and John brought Jack back. You picked Jack up and kissed all over his face when everyone stopped hogging him. "Don't scare us like that again, Jack."

"I won't Auntie _____." Jack giggled as he held onto you. The sight made Kieran smile, like how you get along with children so well.

Everyone celebrated and cheered, drinking until the sun came up. Even Karen was nudging Kieran to drink. He was surprised she was the first to relax around Him since last month she kept threatening to kill him in his sleep. His eyes glanced at you, seeing you were dancing with Uncle. It was terrible since he was flat out drunk, but you both seem to be having fun anyway.

Maybe it was the drinks or what but he wanted to admit to you how he felt. It was too long to him and just wanted to get the air cleared. After the dance with Uncle, he walked over. "_-_____. Can...Can I talk to you for a second?" He asked.

You smiled up at him. "Of course, Kieran. What's wrong?" You asked. After a few silent seconds, he nervously took your hand and led you inside, too embarrassed to tell you in front of everyone. He thought Arthur's room would be the quietest. "You okay?" You asked.

"_____, I..." He swallowed the lump in his throat, his face heating up while his hands started to sweat. Shit... "I...I just..."

"..." You got closer when he couldn't speak, Kieran got taken back when you have gotten closer that his back hit the door. "Kieran." You muttered, cupping his cheek to pull him into a sweet kiss. His heart stopped in his chest when your lips met, loving how soft they were. "I know..."

"K-Know, what?" He shuttered, his nails digging into the door.

"That you like me...I like you too." You giggled. "I'm surprised you didn't notice. I am always around you; I give you your meals and always wash your clothes. I just...Love the smell of you." Your cheeks felt hot when you continued. "I don't like fishing, but I like it when you're teaching me, especially when your hands are on me..." You placed a hand on his chest, leaning in to whisper into his ear. "I know that wasn't a fishing rod poking me...I'm flattered. I held myself in place so that I wouldn't grind up against you."

His face went beet red at your words, his Adam's-apple bobbing along his neck. “_____, I...Fuck...” Fuck it..! He cupped your cheek and brought you in for another kiss, his arm holding your body close. “Mmm...” He couldn’t hold it in any longer, just wanting you and you alone. He felt you run your fingers through his hair, which made his hat fall, the kiss deepen. Kieran was now pressed against you, already feeling the hard-on against your dress.

“Mmm...Let’s take it to the bed. You can’t walk out like this.” You smiled playfully, grabbing his neckerchief to drag him along.

“O-On Arthur's bed?” Kieran shuttered, not wanting Arthur walking in and kicking his ass.

“Yes? A bit exciting, right?” You pushed him on to the bed, then unstrapped your dress, sliding it off your shoulders. Kieran watched, biting his lip when he saw more of your skin. You took your garments off, now bare for him but covered your lower area. He moved his body up, sitting on the bed as his hands ran along your thighs, placing kisses on your stomach. “Kieran.” You muttered, running your fingers through his hair. You moved his body entirely onto the bed, taking off his clothing to get him naked with you. “Mmm...You are excited.” You hummed, your palm rubbing up against his throbbing cock.

“Hah, sorry. I just really...Don’t deserve this.” He breathed out, his hands tracing up to your hips, shivering on how smooth you felt under his touch. “You deserve a man like Arthur...He is a perfect man compared to M-Me.”

“Kieran...I don’t want Arthur. I want you...” You leaned down to give him a kiss, feeling his hard cock brushing against your ass. “You are the man I want...The cute and kind-hearted man who looks at me with pure love every day and who makes me laugh...That is the man I want.” You muttered, raising your hips to brush his red, hot tip against your pussy, hearing the man groan underneath you. “Mmm...Just enjoy it, sweety. Just take me in.” You breathed out before lowering yourself, both of you moaning when his cock slipped inside. He may not be thick but won by how long he was, whimpering when he hits your womb. “S-Shit...Kieran..”

“Ah-! F-Fuck, you’re so-” Kieran gasped, gripping your hips more as your walls squeezed his cock. “You feel so good...Oh god, Y-You’re throbbing so much.” He muttered, looking up at you with pure lust in his eyes. “Please ride me...” You placed your hands on his chest and started to move your hips, raising and lowering yourself onto his throbbing core. “Nnh-Fuck, _____...” He heard your wet lewd when he slipped inside, again and again, wetting his cock, which became easier for you to move. “Ah...I’m so F-Fucking lucky.”

“S-So am I...Mmm, you feel so good.” You moaned out, continuing to move your hips which made your ass slap against Kieran’s small thighs. “Nnn...I love how deep you are. Hah, Do you want to come inside me?” You gasped when his cock throbbed, a small smile on your lips by the action. “Does that excite you?” Kieran bit his lip and blushed when you continued, bucking his hips up to go deeper. You leaned forward to whisper into his ear. “Do you ah-Want your cum inside me? F-Fill me up until I’m gushing with your cum...Maybe breed me..?”

“Y-You’re killing me, _____.” He whimpered when you purred in his ear, moving your hips down to go in deeper. Oh, it did excite him. He wanted to paint your walls with his load. The pregnancy was the tip of the cake, making his mind foggy. “O-Oh please, can...Hah, Can I cum inside you?” He begged, pecking your neck before you pulled away, your hips slapping against him which made him cry out. “F-Fuuuck, your P-Pussy is so good..!” He choked.

“F-Fuck, Kieran...You can.” Your hand ran down to rub your clit, watching the man underneath you become putty. “Ah..!” You cried when he slammed you down, hitting your womb so rough. “F-Fuck..!”

“_____, I...I-I can’t. Ngh-Anymore and I-I’ll come. Fuck, it’s so good..!” He slurred, closing his eyes as he just wanted to feel the lustful bliss. “I want to cum in your womb and G-Get you breeding my kids, fuck..! Hah! Come, come, come! I want to feel your walls squeeze me..!” And you were, your stomach burning and your walls milking him for his climax. “_____, _____..! F-Fuck!” He cried out as he finally came, thrusting you down for his cum to fill you up.

“Nnh!” You cried out; your body shook at the pleasuring climax. “Kieran...Fuck.” You rested on his chest, panting to calm your beating heart. His hands ran along your back to ease you, whimpering when his cock softened and slipped out of you, his cum leaking out. “Fuck..I...I-I didn’t know you were so vocal.” You giggled, playing with his chest hair.

“That...That is what you do to me.” He weakly smiled as he held you close, pecking your lips. “Never leave my side...P-Please.” He muttered, his eyes softened as he looked over your face.

You kissed him again and smiled. “I won’t, sweety...” You didn’t want this to end...But the door burst open.

“What in the goddamn hell is this!?

Oh shit, it’s Arthur!

THE END!

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printedpeterparker · 6 years

Text

Good Girls

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Type: 5 Seconds of a Summer Series

Word Count: 2k

Warning: Swearing, 2nd Base Action idk, not completely edited

Summary: The one where Y/N is tired of being the good girl all the time

Note: All the lyrics are bolded & lyric inspired lines are bolded and italicized. Never heard the song? Give it a listen here! Here’s the main masterlist and the series masterlist and did you miss the last one? Here’s the previous chapter!

For some reason, the last two post of this series don’t show up in any tags but a couple days ago, “Don’t Stop” did and I’m frankly confused. So for now, i’m untag this one and wait a couple days. If you know of a solution, please let me know! B xx

January 7

“So, how was France?” Peter asked you he asked as he walked into school.

You had left to see your parents on December 20th. You missed them dearly, but all they talked about was you doing great in school and getting ready for college. After a while, you couldn’t miss your grandma and friends more; they came with no pressure attached.

“Mainly my parents reminding me about college, my dad especially because he rants and raves about how he’s saved for Harvard,” you explained, annoyance reigned over you just by thinking about it.

“Well, you’re definitely smart and impressive enough to go there,” Peter reminded you. That was one of the things that Peter liked about you; you were brilliant by every sense of the word. “I mean, you’re always truant, only getting straight A’s, basically fluent in French, and you still manage to improve yourself. You’re just an overall good girl. They’d crazy not to accept you.”

You both stopped by your locker twisting the lock, “That’s the thing, Pete. I’m expected to be perfect and I’m tired.” It was just how you were raised; you were expected to do great things in school in hopes that you became just like your parents. But since that was all they wanted, that’s all they asked about.

“You aren’t all that perfect, Y/N. I mean, you were mixing drinks at that party and stuff.”

“Yeah, but who wasn’t at that party, y’know?” you sighed. “Even Peter Parker was at that party,” you teased.

“Ouch,” he hissed fakely. “I think you’re right, but I think he also took Y/N Y/L/N home because she needed a ride, did I hear that right?”

You smiled at him before attending to your lock, “Touché, Parker. But I still have your hoodie. I actually brought it to Nice with me.”

The thought of you still holding on to a piece of him made his heart flutter. “So, my hoodie went international?”

You hummed in response. You met his sweet brown eyes before looking down at your shoes, “But if you want it back. I can give it to you tomorrow.”

“No,” he quickly decided, “I really want you to keep it.” He had actually decided to let you keep the hoodie when he didn’t ask for it after dropping you off.

Peter noticed your eyes brighten like they usually do when you were excited, “Really?”

“Consider it your extended Christmas gift.”

Before you left, Peter had given you a framed photo of you both that you made MJ take after you had beaten her and Ned in another game along with the scoreboard. Along with that, he gave you your favorite candy and new mug with your first name initial.

You had also given Peter a framed photo of you both, but it was a photo of you both asleep on your coach that Ned thought was funny. Additionally, you sent him some French graphic tees that you knew he could understand. You taught him some words that you thought would be useful to him.

“Fine, the hoodie stays with me,” you said happily. Your smile continued when you saw and waved at Cooper, your boyfriend of almost a month. He approached you.

“Hey, baby. Haven’t talked to you since you left,” he sweetly greeted. He slightly checked Peter’s shoulder, making him almost hit the locker next to yours, before kissing your cheek. “What’s up, Parker?” At least he didn’t say Penis.

“Hey, man,” Peter muttered. He looked smug with his arm wrapped around you. Peter hadn’t seen Cooper since the party, but he still remembered the look he gave him as if he knew. Maybe he did know. “I gotta speak to Ned, but I’ll see you after school--library, yes?”

Before you could agree, Cooper interrupted, “I swear she lives in that library.”

You shrugged before echoing under her breath, “Let’s where you’ll find me, but yeah, I’ll see you there, Peter.”

He nodded as backing away before completely turning around to walk away. He wiped the image out of his mind of you and Cooper as he tried to get ready for his first class. He thought if he didn’t see you for a little bit, his feelings would lessen and he could possibly move; in actuality, he missed you more. You texted him when you had the chance with the time zone change, but you tried focusing on your family when you were there.

But at least you tried with Peter, and to him, that made all the difference.

Peter didn’t see you much throughout the day; well actually, he saw you, but you both didn’t speak. He couldn’t help but notice you spending more time with Cooper. If Peter went to stop at your locker, Cooper would be there. He even went as far as to take you to your classes--an act he never did in the past. MJ and Ned also noticed; they both told him it was simply due to the fact that you hadn’t seen your boyfriend in a little over two weeks.

It continued like that for a couple of days. You had lunch together with your other three friends, but it wasn’t very personal. You had the library, but you both were swamped with homework every night; it finally became a priority to get a majority of it done before either of you left.

But on Friday, even though you usually did some homework on Friday, Peter had different plans.

January 12

Friday was no different than the routine that you had picked up a couple days ago. You were side-by-side with Cooper for most of the day when you could be. It was odd for Peter to not talk to you. He still had Ned and MJ, but the conversations you and Peter had been different; he still couldn’t explain why.

“I cannot believe you’re going to ask her out.”

Peter quickly shook his head, “I’m not asking her out. I’m just going to ask her if she wants to see a movie tonight because we haven’t hung out in awhile,” he tried to explain.

“Yeah, so you’re asking her to hang out with only you at the movies, or aka a date.”

“It’s not a date,” he muttered under his breath as he approached the library.

Usually, Peter could see you there when you sat in your usual spot, but it looked like you were there yet. Instead, it looked completely empty.

��Can I watch you do this?” Ned asked over Peter’s shoulder.

“No! Don’t come in.”

Before Ned could respond, Peter entered the library. It was completely quiet besides the only noisy heater blasting in the back. He took a seat in the grey chair. Although he claimed it wasn’t a date, he was nervous to even ask. Nervousness already came from the fact that you hadn’t shown up yet.

It was only Peter and the librarian sitting there. She glanced up at Peter, not used to seeing him sitting there by himself. You were always there first.

“She’s in the back of the library,” the little librarian told Peter before returning to her work on the computer.

He took note of her words and got up from his seat and headed towards the back. The library was stacked with book stands, over 1000s of books sitting on them. When Peter made it to the back wall, he saw your bag next to one of the shelf, rehearsing what he was going to ask you specifically.

It was critical that he didn’t make it sound like a date.

He sighed as he rounded the shelf that your bag sat against. What he saw was almost enough to knock him down.

There you were in the back of the room where no one looks, you were with your boyfriend.

“Peter!” you yelped. Cooper’s mouth was still sucking on your neck, his hands clearly cupping your ass against the sturdy bookshelf. You looked like a deer in headlights. Peter was completely frozen. He didn’t know whether to leave, speak up, or simply drop dead. “Cooper, stopped,” you commanded. He groaned before letting you go. “Sorry time really passed me by,” you blushed, looking at the time on your phone. “You ready?”

“No, actually I w-was going to ask to you if you uh wanted to hang out before I got to my internship but…” He looked over at Cooper fixing his blonde hair annoyed that you two were interrupted. “But you seem really busy, so I might go early instead.”

“Yeah, we were kinda busy,” Cooper hissed. “So why don’t you just turn around and forget what you saw, Parker.” Peter quickly turned around to leave ignoring your call to him. “Looks like your schedule cleared up, baby.”

You crossed your arms, “I still have work to do.”

“Hey, you’re the one who said they didn’t want to be known as the perfect good girl all the time,” he muttered, touching the top of your jeans. “Good girls are bad girls that haven’t been caught, darling.”

You bit your lip and shook your head. You slapped his hand that was edging near the button of your jeans, “I want to be a little different, but I’m not trying to fuck you in a library, Cooper.”

He dramatically groaned, “How about my place tonight after you finish your work?”

“Jesus, Cooper, no!”

“Okay, okay.” He defensively placed his hands up. “But you are trying to be more adventurous, I can take you somewhere tonight that’s not too crazy, but...just enough to give you an adrenaline fix.”

That peaked your interest.

It was getting dark and Peter felt exhausted as he sat on a ledge, overlooking Brooklyn. He thought about you and Cooper, and it only made him upset. At this point, it was getting harder for him to stay happy for you. It was becoming painful.

“Hello, Peter,” he heard Karen speak calmly.

“Hey, Karen.” he sheepily responded.

“You seem sad which is odd since you have stopped two handbag robberies, save one child from being hit by an oncoming car, and you mentioned that you aced your physics test,” she listed off. “Would you like to view your highlights on YouTube?”

He shook his head, “No, it’s just Y/N.”

Peter had talked a lot about you to Karen on multiple occasions. He never had to worry about Karen relaying information back to you or make fun of him, but she also never gave the best advice.

“I just don’t know what to do anymore, Karen; it’s getting worse,” he slowly admitted. “I think about her all the time even when I’m out here. She’s amazing; I really wish you could meet her; you’d like her.”

“Mm, you talk very highly of her. Would you like to go visit her at her home?” she asked, pulling up the coordinates of your grandma’s house. “The scanner appears to be clear tonight.”

“No, Karen! That’s creepy!” he told her. She quickly rid the screen of your address. He shook his head and looked down at the street below. “I think we’re done for the night, Karen. Time to book it home.”

He started heading home since he knew May was out for the night. He swung and jump from each building to the next simply thinking about what he was going to do when he got home. He never got the chance to do his homework with you; he could get a jumpstart on that. Or—

“Peter, you have an incoming call from Y/N,” Karen speak as he hit the top of the last building. “Would you li—”

“Yes!” he interrupted. He quickly slowed down to answer the phone. “Hey, Y/N. What’s up?”

“A-are you busy right now with Tony Stark or something?” he heard you quietly ask.

“I’m leaving now. Why?” He heard you whimper on the other end of the call. Peter completely stopped on the roof. “Y/N, are you okay? She I call your grandma?”

“No!” Your tone became clear and loud. “She can’t know, Peter.”

“Okay, okay...”

You took a breath, leaving him in silence.“Peter, something bad happened…” he heard you say choked up. “I-I thought—”

“Y/N, where are you? I can come get you. You don’t even have to tell me what it is. Just let me come get you,” he begged you. Peter felt your heartbreak. You were silent for a moment. “Y/N?”

“Peter...I’m in an NYPD holding cell.”

Please send requests for blurbs and one-shots here xx

Next Chapter: Heartbreak Girl

Please add yourself to be tagged here!

Tag List: @trailofgasoline @jaredpadalacking @kaylaashley @captainmommaoftwogirls @goldjuggie @wywholland @teenect @hmu-joseph @dearfudgemuffins

#peter parker #tom holland #peter parker imagine #peter parker x reader #tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #peter parker fluff #peter parker smut #tom holland fluff #mcu fic #5 seconds of a summer seires #5 seconds of summer #5sos

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locke-writes · 6 years

Text

Reassurance and Returns

Author: locke-writes

Title: Reassurance and Returns

Request: Can you do a Cyborg x reader where they’re insecure about themself and he’s like ...I’m literally half robot and then they’re like u right and then he leaves to fight and almost dies and they’re like DuDe and he’s like I could never leave you For: Anon

Rating: K/T

Word Count: 1,221

Warning: General JL Spoilers if you still haven’t seen it

AN: First off this does include some of Vic’s backstory from the comics and also please request more Vic stuff because I love him

Tagging: @aryn-the-wolfheart @pinetree111

The thoughts in your head were ones that you couldn't escape. No matter what people said you always disagreed with their words. You hated the way that you looked and you never understood why people didn't see what you saw. Everyone had their insecurities, that you knew, but when friends had their insecurities you tried helping them through it. When it came to your own insecurities you suddenly couldn't use the same tips you'd tell your friends. You wanted to love yourself but it was hard to do so.

There was only one person who understood where you were coming from. There was only one person whose words you would trust. Victor Stone.

Victor had a genius IQ but he resented it because it came at a price. Being a science experiment for his parents. As a child the enhancements they were working on went through Victor and while they did in fact succeed Victor hated that he became different from everyone else. He knew that there was knowing going back to normal. The two of you had meant after being partnered for a project in one of your classes at GCU. At first you weren't sure what to make of him, he was a football player on scholarship which made you question what he knew about microbiology.

Turns out he knew quite a lot and while working on the project the two of you bonded over being the sort of outcasts. A friendship grew from similarities, not to mention the fact that he was the one person who thought your bad jokes were hilarious and vice versa. The friendship grew and turned gradually into a true relationship. You had been dating for two months when the accident happened.

After the explosion you hated yourself more. You were supposed to be at the game, you were supposed to be there but you hit traffic driving to the stadium. Victor had called before the game started to figure out where you were and you told him you were on the way. When you arrived all you found was ambulances everywhere and injured people. It was Victor's father who broke the news to you later that Victor had died.

At least he was supposed to be dead. Weeks later there had been a knock on your door and you dragged yourself up off the couch to answer the door. Checking to see who it was you couldn't recognize the face obscured by a hood but the voice that called your name you knew immediately.

Vic sat on your couch while you paced around the room trying to figure out how it was possible that he was alive, while answering any questions you sent his way. It was difficult to wrap your head around the change engine being powerful enough to bring him back but nor so difficult to understand that he was another of his fathers experiments. All in all you were just happy he was alive.

It had been difficult getting to see one another, mainly because while Vic's father encouraged him to go out into the world, Victor had yet to tell him just all the ways the change engine was affecting him. The ability to fly, the ability to pick up on signals from miles away, every little upgrade that came along you were the only one to know about. And while you respected Victor's want to keep it a secret and to not step out into the world just yet, there were times in which you wished he didn't have to leave your apartment so early. There were times you wished he could have stayed.

Victor had only told you about the Justice League. The two of you were eating take out and watching bad movies on tv, laughing at the absurdity of them and wondering how they were made when you suddenly felt self-conscious. It happened on occasion, where one moment the thoughts were banished to the back of your mind and the next moment they were brought to the forefront.

"Hey Vic, why do you like me? I mean, why do you put up with me?"

"I don't put up with you, and I like you because you're funny and kind, and you like dumb movies like these."

"But I'm not attractive or anything."

"Yes you are, and anyway I'm 3/4's robot now. So."

"Ok that's true. I'm sorry"

Vic pulled you closer to him, "Your brain is kind of an asshole, you can't help it."

"Yeah you're right. But my brain is also good at knowing when something is up so tell me," you spoke stopping to pause the movie.

"Ugh fine. Well Batman's putting together a team."

"Wait Batman! You met Batman and you didn't tell me?!"

Vic shrugged, "I wasn't going to join but then I found out it has to do with the change engine and the fate of the world and, well. I've kinda joined a team of superheroes to destroy some like demi-god or something named Steppenwolf."

"Holy shit."

"Yeah."

"No I mean that's cool and all but like you know Batman!"

"Is that all you're gonna say?"

"Well I mean, safety of the world and all is kind of important but just don't die again ok?"

"I promise I'm going to come back in one piece."

You were satisfied by the knowledge that he could take care of himself and you believed that he'd be fine. Or at least you had faith that he'd come out of it alive. However what you believed and what actually happened were often contradictory subjects. Every few hours since he informed you he was leaving to go work with the team you checked the news for any mention of some sort of catastrophe. For awhile there was nothing and then suddenly every news source was reporting on a group of superheroes fighting off what they were saying were giant months.

Victor hadn't exactly made it clear what the "moths" were but you knew for a fact that had to come with the Steppenwolf guy he had mentioned. Watching closely and carefully you hoped that whatever unfolded the disaster would be over soon. There were no cameras or anything showing what was happening, just satellite images from above the old nuclear power plant. The explosion had come out of nowhere and when it happened you turned off the tv.

Victor was basically a robot now which meant that for the most part he might have survived the ordeal but you weren't optimistic. Nothing could have survived something like that.

It was one in the morning when the door to your apartment opened. Victor had used the emergency key you'd given him and found you asleep on the couch. You hadn't moved from it much since the morning. The feeling of a blanket being draped over you woke you up and you grinned when you noticed who it was in your home.

"You're an asshole you know that. I watched everything and that damn explosion freaked me out."

"I promised I'd come back in one piece didn't I? Besides, there's no way I'd ever leave you."

"You promised, but you're still an asshole. However you can make it up by cuddling with me."

"Well then move on over and share the blanket"

#locke writes #victor stone #victor stone imagine #victor stone fic #victor stone fanfic #victor stone oneshot #dceu imagine #dceu fic #dceu fanfic #dceu oneshot

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subconfessions · 4 years

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Day 13

So it’s been 27 days, and 1560 edges since my last orgasm. July 13th is thankfully coming closer and closer, so long as I don’t do anything to get my orgasm pushed till August.

Anywhoo, to pick up again from where I left off, it was Friday and Daddy let me make my coffee without waiting for him to make his. Today was going to be a little busier for me, I had a lot of training hours I needed to complete for work (haha 15 to be exact), and then the BLM protest at 6 and I still had my edges and a blog post to finish that day.

I hadn’t gotten started on my work yet, so Daddy asked if I’d rather attach my wand, or put my dildo in my ass. I decided to go with the wand, I wasn’t sure if he was even really asking me heh. But to my surprise he told me to go tie it on. And alright, it wasn’t where it was supposed to beeee. My friend had come over and I forgot to unplug it and put it in the box before, so I had to quickly throw it in my dresser to hide it. And I swore I left it there, but I guess my memory did me dirty and I couldn’t find it. I told Daddy and he told me to focus on my training. Eventually I found my wand under my bed and put it right into the box.

After my training was done Daddy had me put my dildo in my ass, letting me know that I should probably put on some shorts so it stays in. I was to keep it in till the protest, and it had honestly been awhile since I’d put my dildo in my ass, and I always forget how good it feels, but how torturous it is to just leave it there, stretching me out and I can only wiggle around on it. Daddy told me I could take the dildo out 45 minutes before I left for the march, which left me with it in for a bit over an hour.

With shorts on, I continued about my day, not able to sit quite right, and unable to think about much else than the toy in my ass.

At five I was able to take it out, I went up to my room, and made a little video for Daddy like he asked, and making sure to show him my little gape.

I finished getting ready for the protest, I was going to wear my crotch rope and my medium plug, but I don’t really have any good clothes that will hide the rope completely, and if I wasn’t with people who don’t know about all that, I wouldn’t mind too much if it peeked out a bit, but not everyone I went with knows the kinds of things I get up too hehe but the plug, that was no problem at all to wear, helped me feel nice and subby for Daddy while I was out.

After the protest I went over to my friends house, so no more tasks for the rest of the night, and I left pretty early the next morning.

The weekends are always the worst for me getting coffee heh. I wake up so early all the time, mainly because I just prefer to, but I know Daddy doesn’t wanna get out of bed so early in the morning on the weekends, so I usually end up with some lunchtime coffee hmmph Daddy makes me work so hard to get him up. He’s lucky I can’t actually jump on the bed and poke at him hehe

But Daddy made me wait, and then surprised me by asking if I had written my blog post with all that waiting I did. Heheh nope, did not do that. So I sent Daddy a little message, but it seemed to be missing something so I added sassy emojis heh. But finally the time was here, and Daddy said we could go make coffee. Thank goodnessss

Daddy was going to be out for most of the day though, so he had a list of things for me to do. I had 100 edges to complete (since I didn’t finish the 50 yesterday), an hour of omegle shows, an hour workout with my large plug in, an hour of my nice clamps, 30 minutes of clover clamps and then pull them off, a blog post, and an hour of corner time. Quite the list, but I do like it when Daddy makes plans for my not so busy days.

I started with corner time, and Daddy suggested I combine my corner time with my clamp time, so I grabbed my clover clamps, set my timer, and got in the corner. Corner time with clamps is soooo much harder than corner time without clamps. Because there’s nothing to do but think, it’s so hard to focus on anything but the pain from the clamps. Thankfully having to stay still helped though so they weren’t getting pulled and bumped around the whole 30 minutes.

But once my timer went off I knew it was time to yoink them off. I grabbed my phone and set it up, and I tried to do it the way Daddy told me to last time, holding my tit with one hand and pulling with the other. I grabbed the chain and I pulled as hard as I could, and the thing wouldn’t budgeee. My nipples were already so sore from the 30 minutes, and I figured I would be able to do it since I did last time, so I just kept trying on both sides. It was so frustrating but they were just not letting go. After a couple minutes of trying I was feeling a whole lot of ouchies, and I hadn’t heard from Daddy so I sent Daddy the videos of me trying and then took them off nicely. I felt pretty disappointed in myself after that, but I feel it might have been the fact that they were just sitting there instead of getting pulled down by my tits in position 8. Regardless, my pussy was still soaked after all that.

After that I did my workout and then got moving on my hour of omegle shows putting my clamps on so I could get that done too. I was supposed to find people who would be willing to download an app and control my vibrator. It was hard to find people, most just wanted me to show off and would disconnect when I brought up my task. Which was understandable.

But then finally I found another dom who was willing to play with me. He took control of my vibe, and left it pretty much in the middle the whole time, aside from the occasional tapping to get me to react. He was fun to play with though, definitely brought out my submissive side right away when he told me to stop slouching. I showed him my toys, played with my tits and my clamps for him, and eventually had me spank myself for him before we parted ways. I wish I could get spanked more, but it’s really hard to spank yourself. But my ass just really wants that attention ☹

Edges time. At fifty Daddy asked for an update, so I sent him an image, and Daddy started teasing me while I was edging, making me feel really little and submissive. The edges these days are coming much easier, and especially when Daddy’s watching or talking with me while I’m edging. I finished my 100 edges and sent Daddy another picture, I was absolutely soaked and I was soooo desperate and horny. Its so conflicting at the end of my edges because I don’t want to stop, but continuing is so dangerous because it just makes me want to cum so much more.

After my edges, I went to write my blog post, but it was getting pretty late, and I actually ended up falling asleep in the middle of it. Thankfully I woke up a little bit later and Daddy seemed to find it funny that I fell asleep, and told me to go to bed and have it for him before he wakes up. I was so grateful, sometimes I just get so sleepy when I have full days, but that really just means I need to keep prioritizing better. So I sent Daddy a goodnight video and went to sleep.

The next morning I woke up and got right to work on my blog post, I knew I was gonna have to get it posted before Daddy woke up, and I had a general idea of when he’d wake up, but I really wasn’t sure. Which made writing my blog post that morning that much more exciting, not even knowing how much time I had to finish it. I was almost done, I was planning on writing a bit more, but then I got Daddy’s good morning text and I flewwww to finish my blog and post it hehe. I promised Daddy that I would write another blog post though to make up for the shortness of the last one. Daddy added an hour of workout and 60 minutes of drawing for Daddy to my list. I was allowed to draw whatever I wanted but it was for Daddy and should be about us.

I worked on my picture first, I was pretty excited about my drawing pretty much right as Daddy told me about it I had an idea. I drew a picture of Daddy telling me and all my stuffies a bedtime story like he did the other night, I was really excited and had so much fun drawing it hehe I’ll probably attach an image of it once I can edit this post on my phone.

I sent it to Daddy and he seemed to really like it hehe I really like showing him my little drawings, and they’re so much fun to do and come up with and they really put me into my little space which I really like being able to retreat into like that.

Then Daddy told me about how he didn’t do his push up’s last night and how he didn’t tell the other sub/dom from our group chat, uh oh, and how she was just starting to wake up. He also confided in me that he had gone over his calories uh ohhhhh annddd that he wasn’t planning on telling herrrr oh noooooooo. And you know. Daddy is always trying to get me to tattle on him heh. So… why not? At first I bluffed and told Daddy a message I could send her, and by the time he told me I’d be in so much trouble if I sent the message I had actually sent it to her. Oops. I was really enjoying this heheh it’s a lot of fun being able to tattle on daddy to her. But Daddy was planning on being naughtyyy and if Daddy wants the other sub to tattle on me when I’m naughty, I should be able to tattle on Daddy too hehe

I think it was so much fun because it was the first time he hadn’t pushed me to tattle on him hehe

I went to start my workout because I needed to get moving on my tasks, and Daddy told me to add the large plug because if I’m gonna be a pain in the ass, ya know might as well have my own.

Daddy seemed a little grumpy about me tattling hehe he even thanked me for doing it. But sadly he wouldn’t tell me what happened, but in all honesty the process of tattling on Daddy and seeing his reaction was all I needed.

Daddy told me that he was going to think of an even meaner punishment for me. And after a little bit he came up with it. I told him I didn’t want to know heh cause I couldn’t even imagine what it could be. But then Daddy just completely reversed me into asking for it.

I was supposed to write out Daddy’s name in rubber band bruises on my tits.

When I saw that message my jaw dropped and I dropped into submission. And I loved the last bruises, but these ones were going to be just waaaaayyyy more fun. But I knew the process of making them was going to be rough. But I was very excited. Having Daddy’s name on me was going to be a whole other level of submission for me.

I wrote my blog post, it was a bit short, and I was catching up, but as we know im behind again oops.

Then I got started on my bruises, I really wanted them to look nice. I was going to have them for awhile, and it was Daddy’s name so I wanted to do a good job on it. So I kind of planned it out and worked to make my rubber band a bit smaller so I could fit everything the right size, and still be able to hide it hehe.

It stung a lot, my right side definitely brusies easier than my left, but after doing the first two letters I got very focused and the pain wasn’t at the forefront of my mind, it was just making Daddy’s name look as nice and visable as possible.

Daddy turned skype on and caught me at the end of it, and he really really liked them, and that made me really happy cause I was also super into the fact that I had just branded myself with Daddy’s name for the next week or two till it fades.

After the snaps I started on my edges I told Daddy about how much easier it’s becoming for me to edge and he offered to bump up my daily number and heheh I declined, maybe soon I’ll ask to bump it up a little.

I finished my edges and did sent some messages between Daddy and the other sub, and then it was time for bed, I tied my rope, put my plug in and send Daddy his goodnight

Till next time

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rhiannon-a-christy · 6 years

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If Tomorrow Never Comes ::: Part 1

The world around Darcy was silent but for the chirping of birds and the distant roar of cars traveling down the old dirt road. There was a chill in the air that wasn’t just from the dense fog hanging heavy over the field. Darcy pulled her jacket tighter around herself, hoping that the old leather would somehow block out the cold and despair filling her up.

Jane watched from the car, her back pressed against the rusted metal. She sighed as her friend trudged through the tall weeds in a pair of worn blue jeans.

“You don’t have to do this, you know.” Jane had tried to talk the younger woman out of coming, but Darcy would hear nothing of it.

“I have to see it… I… Jane you don’t understand, I just have to.” Darcy had spent weeks trying to explain this to her friend after she had returned, but how could Jane ever understand? She hadn’t been the one to go, she hadn’t been the one to lose her heart… and lose everything.

Ignoring Jane, Darcy walked the last few yards. The toe of her boot tapped against the edge of a stone sticking up from out of the weeds. She swallowed down the lump forming in her throat and crouched down to run her fingers over the stone. It had once been swept clean, the weeds curling around it plucked away. But over a hundred years had whittled away at the rock, now she could barely make out the two names that had been roughly carved into it.

Forcing away the tears she stood and walked around the house. The years had not been kind to it, the roof had fallen in long ago and the thick wood walls had pitted and splintered with age. What windows were still intact, were encrusted with a thick layer of grime. She desired nothing more than to step beyond the threshold and walk the steps of a life long ago, but she knew the floorboards would be just as rotted as the roof.

Rounding the side of the house she came to a stop. The window, built a bit lower down than the others, led into the kitchen. It had been one of the busiest rooms in the house, always filled with the aroma of fresh baked pie and bread. He used to come in after a long day on the ranch, make teasing comments about the heat and the lack of a need for clothing, steal a biscuit and plop himself down at the table.

Darcy pressed her hands into her eyes, willing the images to stop. Maybe Jane had been right, maybe this had been a bad idea. Instead of hightailing it back to the car as she should have, Darcy leaned into the wall and ran the sleeve over the window.

Through the now dirt smeared glass she could make out several bundles of roses hanging from the ceiling. It had been a habit that had formed during the years. He would bring her flowers from the sparse garden and she would hang them in front of the window to dry. Her favorite blooms would be cut from the brittle stems and placed inside a crystal cut glass box he had brought back from a trip to Boston. She figured the box was probably still sitting on the vanity top in their room. It was where she had left it when… when…

Darcy pushed away from the wall and rushed back to Jane. After rounding the house her foot caught on the marker stone and she went tumbling to the ground. She stayed in the dirt, her knees burning from the fall. But any pain it caused was nothing to the one she felt in her chest. She took in huge breaths, tears falling without her permission. For the world it had been over a hundred years, but for her it had only been three months.

What had been the point of it all? Why had this happened to her, why when this was the outcome?

Since she returned she had often wished that none of it had ever happened. Over and over she had tried to think on how she could have avoided it all. The pain, the heartache.

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It had all started when she had agreed to spend the holidays with Jane’s family. Of course, Jane hadn’t told her that meant staying in an almost two-hundred-year-old house in the middle of nowhere. The woman conveniently left out her uncle’s old family estate.

Darcy had been left to her devices for much of the time, what with Jane trying to deal with all her cousins. To alleviate some of her boredom she had gone exploring. This was her first mistake. In the movies wasn’t it always the people that explored old houses on their own that disappeared?

Her exploring brought her to the upper most room. It had been closed off, everything inside covered in dust and cobwebs. She had marveled at the pretty little trinkets laid out atop an old dresser. The place looked like it hadn’t been touched since the Victorian ages.

She had run her fingers through the dust, taking time to pick up one item or another. Finally, she came to the closet. Slowly she opened the door, expecting to find old clothes. Instead there was only a lone bundle of dried roses. Behind the brittle flowers was another door. This one bolted shut. For a moment she felt like she had been transported inside one of her favorite books. There was the insane thought that if she stepped through that door she would find herself in Narnia.

Laughing at the absurdity of it, she reached for the lock. The rusted metal broke apart and fell to the ground with a heavy thud. She had no idea what she expected on the other side, but she was disappointed when all it revealed was a dark, empty storage area.

She took a step back, turned, and nearly fell on her ass when she noticed the room around her. Everything looked the same as before, only every speck of dust and grime was gone. The whole room looked fresh, as though it had just been cleaned. Impossible of course, or at least that was what Darcy kept saying to herself whenever a new thought rushed through her head.

From downstairs she could hear laughter and the faint sound of a piano. She blinked. She had remembered an old piano stuffed in the corner of the drawing room, but Jane had said that it hadn’t worked in years. Actually, her uncle had gone off into a story about the damned thing. According to him the last time the piano had been played was back in 1885. It had been at the wedding of a family friend that the piano had been broken, or really shot. The groom had made some rather dangerous enemies, ones that didn’t care about hurting innocents as long as they got their man. Darcy remembered seeing the bullet holes, she had even made an inappropriate joke about holy music.

The piano music grew louder as the door opened. Darcy blinked as Jane appeared… dressed in a rather frilly dress with her hair piled up in curls atop her head.

“Oh Darcy, what are you doing hiding away up here? I know you dislike dances, but Papa went out of his way. The least you can do is show up for your own birthday party.” Jane stood in the doorway, gloved hands pressed against her hips.

Darcy blinked again. Nothing about what just came out of Jane’s mouth made sense. Her father had died years ago, and Darcy’s birthday was months off.

“And what are you wearing?” Jane looked Darcy up and down, her mouth thin. “You have got to stop stealing the farmhand’s clothes. People will talk. Come on, I’ll help you get ready.”

Darcy remained silent as Jane dressed and groomed her. She was quiet as the other woman pulled her out of the room and down the stairs. She said nothing as Jane maneuvered her from room to room. But when she was finally pushed into a room filled with various dancing couples she found she could no longer hold her tongue.

“What the fuck?!”

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Author’s Note: So, like I really needed to do this. I have so many work in progresses it isn’t funny. But I’ve had a been several weeks and I needed a western au. And so here it is, a different kind of western au. I also might be stuck on the whole Darcy gets transported back in time thing, so have one where she gets sent back to the old west.

This will not be a long story, maybe three or four parts, and I’m thinking it will be Wintershock, mainly cause I just really want some Wintershock right now. Plus, Cowboy!Bucky! Come on!

And the part at the beginning with the old house and roses is inspired by a story my grandfather told me. When he was younger, back during the Depression, his family lived with an aunt and uncle of his on their farm. It had been his favorite place, and his favorite aunt. Because of different things they were forced to move. Years later after he was married he returned to the old farm house and looked in the kitchen window. Hanging from the ceiling were two bunches of tea roses. Every year his aunt would gather a bunch of tea roses from the bushes outside the house and hang them in the kitchen and let them dry. They would stay there all year and she would replace them in the summer. The house was all worn down and falling apart as no one cared for it after his aunt and uncle died, but years later those roses still remained in the window. I admit, I cried when he told me the story. I still do.

This is also inspired by the scary doors in the back of my closet that leads to a creepy dark storage area. Too bad all they actually lead to is lots of wolf spiders and not Cowboy Bucky.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

#darcyland #darcy lewis #wintershock #western au #pre wintershock #cowboy!bucky #timetravel au

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c00lmint8123-blog · 5 years

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sadistically-switching · 7 years

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My Answers

The Most Comprehensive NSFW Ask Around

About You

What is the size of your penis/breasts? 36D

Does your penis curve? N/A

Are you circumsized? N/A

Have you ever had an STD? No

Have you ever been pregnant/gotten someone pregnant? No

What type of underwear are you wearing? Blue boyshorts

What is your favorite type of underwear? Sexy: Lacy thong, Comfy: boyshorts

When was your last erection/arousal? An hour ago 😂

Have you ever had an erection which someone noticed? N/A

Has anyone seen your private parts other than yourself? Yes

Explain your ultimate fantasy. I’m not sure, but just take me however you want to be honest. I don’t really have any fantasies.

What are your turn-ons? unfinished list here

What are your turn-offs? anal. thats all i can think of.

What is the strangest thing you’ve ever been turned on by? jawlines and voices

Have you sent a sexual ask to someone on tumblr (Anonymously or Not)? yes

Have you sent a nude photo or video to someone? yes

Did it include sexual acts? yes

Have you ever posted a picture of image of you in the nude on a website? no

Did it include sexual acts? no

Have you ever anonymously sent/posted a picture or video of yourself in the nude? maybe? idr

Did it include sexual acts? see above

If someone you knew asked for a nude image, would you do it? What about a tumblr follower? i mean sure depends on who you are

What was your latest sex dream about? some nice morning sex to wake me up

Have you ever had a sexual fantasy about someone? yes

Was it about anyone other than your lover? yeah

What was the last fantasy about? getting tied onto someones new bedframe

Have you ever fantasized about someone older/younger than you? How much older/younger? yes, 4+ years older

Have you ever told any of these people that you fantasize about them? im sure they know

Do you have a favorite person or few people to fantasize about? yes

How often do you fantasize about other people? not very often

Have you ever showered with someone? yes

Have you ever confessed you were aroused by someone? yes

Are you open about your sex-life and sexuality? yes

Do you orgasm easily? not really

Have you ever played “7 minutes in heaven”? Explain the experience. nope, besides when i was a kid

Have you ever played “spin the bottle”? Explain the experience. nope

Have you ever played “Truth or dare”? Explain the experience. yes. ended in a skype session

Have you ever played strip poker/strip beer pong/etc? strip truth or dare. if you refuse to answer/do a dare you strip

Do you shave your pubic hair? yes

Have you ever had your pubic hair shaved? yes

Do you prefer clean shaven or unkept? trim the hedges

What is your favorite type of underwear for the opposite sex? boxers

Do you own any lingerie? yes

How much lingerie do you own? various sets

Whats your favorite lingerie outfit? batman slip, fishnet thigh highs and heels

Do you like the way your genitals look? sure??

Are you comfortable naked? yes

Masturbation

Do you masturbate? yes

How old were you when you first masturbated? uhmmm idk

How often do you masturbate? 3+ times per week

When is the last time you masturbated? this morning

Do you masturbate to any stimulus? pornhub/erotic stories

What do you think about? honestly my mind travels

What is the last thing you thought of or masturbated to? tits

Have you walked in on or caught someone masturbating? yep

Have someone ever walked in on or caught you masturbating? nope

Have you ever had cyber sex? yep

Have you ever had phone sex? yep

Have you ever had a wet dream? yep

What is your method of masturbation? (i.e. Hands/Toys/Lotion/etc.) hands and toys

Are you loud or quiet when you masturbate? quiet

Has anyone ever watched you masturbate live online? yep

Has anyone ever watched you masturbate in person? kinda

Have you ever masturbated with someone? (Mutual masturbation) im not sure

Have you ever watched someone masturbate live online? yep

Have you ever watched someone masturbate in person? yep

Have you ever masturbated to someone? kinda?

Who do you like to think about when you masturbate? various people

Have you ever told them you think about them while you masturbate? uh no

Whats your most embarrassing masturbation story? i’m not sure, uh i broke a vibrator once while using it?

Whats your funniest masturbation story? see above 😂

Have you ever used something unique or strange to masturbate? yes

Is it easy for you to orgasm or do you have to work for it? work for it

Whats the easiest way for you to get off? using toys while reading an erotica or

Is there only one way you can get off? (i.e. Vaginal/Clitoral/Toy Use) toys on clit mainly

Does anyone know you masturbate? How did they find out? yes, because i was dating them

Have you masturbated because your partner wasn’t around to help? Where were they? yes, and they were at their house rather than in my bed

Have you ever masturbated to a fictional character? you betcha

Are you able to achieve orgasm through only non-conventional or indirect methods? (Breast Play/Hands-Free/Anal) i’m sure if i tried but on my own i’n\m not very patient

What is the strangest object you’ve used to masturbate vaginally or anally? uhm. face massager as a vibrator????

Do you ever double penetrate while you masturbate? no

Do you ever suck on a dildo while you masturbate? i have, but not while masturbating

Do you edge when you masturbate? (Get to the point of orgasm and stop repeatedly to enhance the experience) yes

What position do you typically masturbate in? on my back in my bed

Describe a typical masturbation session. lights off, door locked, pornhub or tumblr queued, vibrator ready

How often do you usually last? on my own some times 10, sometimes 30-45 mins

Whats the quickest you’ve ever been brought to orgasm? 6 minutes

What’s the longest masturbation session you’ve had? an hour and a half

What’s the most amount of times you’ve cum in a day? 2 or 3 :( pitiful i know

Relationships

Are you straight/bi/gay/etc? bi

How many relationships have you been in? one serious one

What has been your longest relationship? year and a half

How old were you when you had your first relationship? we dated for a while when i was 13, then started again when i was 15

Have you ever been in a long distance relationship? a non serious one

Have you ever used an online dating site? no

What do you look for in a partner? funny, attractive, kinky, nice to be around

What do you look for in a hookup? kinky and not sketchy

Have you ever had a one-night-stand? no

Have you ever been a booty call? yes

Have you ever had a booty call? yes

Who was it? some chick from school

Have you ever had a friend-with-benefits? kinda sorta

Who was it? friend from school

Have you ever cheated on a partner? Explain. no

Have you ever been cheated on? Explain. no

Would you ever be in an open relationship? Have you? yeah i’d be down. i havent before but id try it

Porn & Sex Industry

Do you watch porn? yes

How often do you watch porn? fairly often

What is your favorite category? masturbation or toys

When is the last time you watched porn and what was it? last week, lesbian

How do you feel about hentai (Anime Porn)? sure

How do you feel about gang-bang porn? no thanks

How do you feel about cumshot porn? sure

How do you feel about lesbian porn? 😍😍

How do you feel about amateur porn? 😍😍

How do you feel about cuckold/cuckqueen/swinging porn? no thanks

How do you feel about threesome porn? eh it’s okay

How do you feel about teen porn? yes

How do you feel about Japanese/Asian porn? eh

How do you feel about mature porn? no

How do you feel about ebony porn? sure

How do you feel about bondage porn? yes

How do you feel about masturbation/solo porn? 😍😍

How do you feel about rough/violent/humiliating porn? yes

How do you feel about BBW porn? sure

How do you feel about orgy/party porn? sure

How do you feel about trans/shemale porn? eh

How do you feel about POV porn? eh, sure

How do you feel about blowjob porn? eh, sure

How do you feel about bukkake? uh not really

How do you feel about extreme porn? sure ig

Have you ever tried to recreate a scene? yep

Have you ever used porn to show a partner what you like/want? yep;

Has a partner ever used porn to show you what they like/want? yep

Who is your favorite pornstar(s)? piper perri

Have you considered getting into porn? yep

Have you considered being a webcam performer? yep

Have you watched cam girls? yep

Do you have a favorite cam girl? nope

Have you ever watched porn with a partner? Describe the experience(s). yeah, and it was fun. we ended up copying it and it was interesting to say the least

Have you ever watched a cam-show with a partner? Describe the experience(s). yep, and it was fun

Have you ever performed in a cam-show with a partner? Describe the experience(s). yep, it was fun

Have you ever been to a strip club? nope

Do you frequent strip clubs? N/A

Do you have a favorite strip club? N/A

Do you have a favorite stripper/dancer? N/A

Do you get lap dances or just watch the performances? N/A

Whats your best strip club experience? N/A

Most embarrassing strip club experience? N/A

Funniest strip club experience? N/A

Have you ever orgasmed from a lap dance? Describe the experience(s). N/A

Sex

Are you a virgin? Nope

How old were you when you lost your virginity? 15 by choice.

If you haven’t, when would you like to? N/A

Explain your first time in detail. We were making out in my kitchen (i was sitting on the counter) and he picked me up, carried me to my room and dun dun lost my v card

How many sexual partners have you had? i’ve only had sex with one guy

Who was your best sex partner? only had one so him by default

Did you tell someone after you lost your virginity? Who? yes, best friend

Do you give oral sex? yes, duh

Have you received oral sex? yes, duh

Do you prefer to give or receive oral sex? i like to give and receive, give because you can make them a mess with just your mouth and receive because it’s just great.

Have you had anal sex? How was your first experience? no

Do you have any friends you would hookup with? yes

Have you wanted to have sex with someone, but couldn’t? Why couldn’t you? yes, distance

Do you like dirty talking? yes

Do you like being called names? yes

Do you like being called obscene names? (Bitch/Slut/Whore/Sissy/etc) yes

Are you loud or quiet in bed? mainly quiet, but i can get loud

Whats your favorite position? ass up face down

Have you ever invented a position? no

Whats the strangest position you’ve tried? standing. i’m 5′2 and he’s 6′2. didn’t work

Have you ever been caught or walked in on while fucking? nope

When is the last time you had sex? Describe the experience(s). it was a quickie, wasn’t very good for me but he got off so. a few months ago, i think

When is the last time you received oral? Describe the experience(s). long time ago, wasn’t very good

When is the last time you gave oral? Describe the experience(s). not too long ago my boy lmao let him cum on my face, it was nice

When is the last time you had anal sex? Describe the experience(s). N/A

Which celebrities would you want to have sex with? jensen ackles, jared padalecki, misha collins, david tennant, daniel howell, phil lester, shane dawson, benedict cumberbatch shall i continue

Any fictional characters you want to hookup with? dean winchester, sam winchester, castiel, the doctor, sherlock

Have you ever had shower sex? How was it? yes. it was fine but i hate the the feeling of wet skin on skin so besides that it was pleasant

What is your favorite position(s)? already answered

Where is the strangest or wildest place you’ve had sex/oral? his living room couch with all his family home

Have you ever broken up with someone because they couldn’t satisfy you? was going to

Have you used anything to improve sexual performance? (Penis Extenders/Tingling Lube/Cock Rings) nope

Whats your most embarrassing sexual experience? he was fingering me and slipped and accidentally rammed my ass

Whats your funniest sex experience? see above

Have you ever had any performance issues? What were they? nope

Are you on birth control? nope

Do you use condoms? eh, sometimes

Have you ever faked an orgasm? Describe the experience(s). yes. i just wanted him to stop because it was so uncomfortable and unpleasant

Can other people get you off? yeah

Is there only one way you can cum? (i.e. Clitoral Stimulation Only/Anal Only/Toy/Specific Position) nope

Have you ever been rejected? Have you ever rejected someone? yes and yes

Have you ever been stopped mid-sex? Describe the experience(s). the doorbell rang and my dog flipped out so we had to quickly fix ourselves

Have you ever had sex outdoors? Describe the experience(s). i gave him a hand job while we were stargazing on his trampoline

Have you ever had sex in public? Describe the experience(s). nope

Have you ever had sex in front of others? Describe the experience(s). my friend was afraid of my house and it was night, boyfriend came over for a quickie and i thought she was asleep in the living room but she came in while i was riding him and she sat in the closet because she didn’t want o be a lone. we just sat there and didn’t continue

Have you ever had sex in a car? Describe the experience(s). I want to

Have you ever given or received road head? Describe the experience(s). nope

Have you ever had sex/oral/manual sex in a movie theater? Describe the experience(s). i fingered a chick infront of her boyfriend in the theater. both he and i were torturing her, making her cum and cum

Have you ever had sex in a fitting room? Describe the experience(s). nope

Have you ever had sex in a plane? Describe the experience(s). nope

Have you ever had sex at work? Describe the experience(s). nope

Explain your best sex experience in detail. i was left passed out because he needed to go to work. i didn’t mind, i was just out of it

Which non-genital parts of your body do you like being touched or stimulated? neck, hips, back, thighs, etc

Do you ever take pictures or videos when you have sex? Explain the experience(s). yes. i like watching them and sending them to some people

Have you ever given a strip tease to a partner? yes

Have you ever given a lap dance to a partner? kind of

Have you ever received a strip tease from a partner? nope

Have you ever received a lap dance from a partner? nope

Have you ever “titty-fucked” before? yep

Has someone ever “titty-fucked” your breasts? yep

Do you prefer your partner to be vocal/moan loudly? im down

Do you enjoy having your nipples played with? im down

Do you ever role-play? not really

What situations or themes have you role-played? N/A

What would you like to role-play? anything ig

Do you role play with costumes? N/A

Do prefer lingerie in the bedroom? yes its so fun

Do you enjoy rough sex? yes

What would you like to improve about your sex life? more toys

Have you ever gone into public with hickeys? Did you know they were there? yes, but i am good with makeup

Have you ever had a threesome? Describe the experience. nope

Would you like to have a threesome? i’d be down

Who would you like to have a threesome with? i have some people in mind

Would your partner be okay with a threesome? depends

Would you like to be with two men at the same time? yes

Would you like to be with to girls at the same time? yes

Would you like to be with more than two girls at the same time? yes

Would you like to be with more than two guys at the same time? sure

Have you ever been double penetrated? Describe the experience(s). nope

Have you ever had every hole filled or been involved with filling each hole? Describe the experience(s). nope

Have you ever tried ’69’? Explain the experience. yeah. doesn’t really work when you’re tiny and he’s huge

Do you like cum or is it gross? i will not swallow 😂

Have you ever tasted cum? Do you like it? I hate it, the taste and texture

Where is your favorite place to cum or receive cum? cum on my face or tits idc

Have you ever had sex while on a period/with someone on a period? nope

Do you listen to music while you have sex? What kind? i have a radio in my room that is on 24/7 so country

Have you ever used a buttplug while having sex? no

Have you used any form of sex furniture? What kind? no

Have you ever brought toys into the bedroom with a partner? What kind? Describe the experience(s). yes, vibrator. it was nice, i was a happy camper

Do you eat ass? no

Do you like to have your ass eaten? no

Have you ever anally fingered your partner? no

Do you like prostate play? no

Is it gay for a man to enjoy anal stimulation from a woman? no

Have you ever experienced a prostate orgasm? no

Have you ever double penetrated/been double penetrated with the assistance of a toy? no

Have you ever experimented with the same sex? Describe the experience(s). yes. as i said before i fingered her in the movies and i made her cum on the way back in the car

Do you prefer sex with a man or with a woman? either or lol

Have you ever had sex with another couple(s) monogamously? (Not touching the other couple(s)) another couple invited me for a threesome

Have you ever watched another couple have sex? yes

Have you ever gotten cum in your eye? almost 😂

Has anyone ever cum inside you on accident? How did you feel about that? no

Have you ever cum inside someone on accident? How did they respond? N/A

Have you ever cum in your pants? Describe the experience(s). nope

Have you ever sexted? yess

Do you like to play with balls/have your balls played with? ill do it because he likes it

Are hand jobs boring or are they underrated? underrated

Describe your average orgasm. loud moaning, back arching, squirming

Describe your average cumshot. N/A

Whats the quickest you’ve ever been brought to orgasm? already answered, but 6 minutes i believe

Whats the quickest you’ve ever brought someone else to orgasm? two minutes 😂

How long are you usually able to last? quite awhile

What’s the most times you’ve had sex (or sexual contact with a partner) in a day? once

Whats your longest sex session? an hour

Toys

Have you ever bought a sex toy? yes

What is the last sex toy you bought? handcuffs

What sex toy do you currently want? vibrating dildo

Would you let someone buy you a sex toy? yes, and i have

How many toys do you own? five

What kind of toys do you own? cuffs, body pens, blindfold, vibrators

What is your favorite toy? vibrator

Have you ever used a washer/dryer as a sex toy? yeeep

Have you ever used a shower head as a sex toy? yeeeep

Have you ever used a pocket pussy or Fleshlight? N/A

Have you ever improvised a sex toy? (Cucumber/Banana/Etc.) yep

What is the strangest sex toy you’ve ever used? idk

What is the strangest improvised sex toy you’ve ever used? face massager

Do you prefer sex toys or the real thing? depends, i like toys but the real thing is so nice

Do you own any buttplugs? nope

Do you ever wear a buttplug in public? N/A

Do you have any vibrating panties? no but that sounds great

Do you ever wear vibrating panties in public? N/A

Do you like nipple clamps? havent tried them

Fetishes

What fetishes do you have? linked above

What is your favorite fetish? dom/sub

Have you indulged in all your fetishes? nope,

What fetishes are you yet to experience? sharing,coming without being touched, friends with benefits

Are there any fetishes you don’t have yet, but may be interested in? not sure

Have you experienced BDSM? Do you practice it? yes, yes

Are you a top/dominant a bottom/submissive or a switch?mainly sub, but i switch now and then

What is it about BDSM that you like? being controlled and having rules, being able to serve

Have you experienced being tied up or restrained? Describe the experience. only being cuffed and it was nice

Have you experienced rope play? Describe the experience. nope

Do you enjoy long, extended teasing/edging sessions? yes

What is the longest you’ve been teased/edged? not very long, unfortunately because he couldn’t help himself

Do you enjoy tease and denial? yes

Do you like to be denied? yes and no 😂

Do you have a panty fetish? idk

Have you ever purchased panties from a woman online? no

Have you ever used panties to masturbate? (Stuffing/Wrapping/Etc.) no

Do you have a hosiery fetish? i like wearing fishnets so 😂

Do you like pain? a little bit

Do you like spanking/being spanked? yes

What do you prefer to use to spank? (Paddles/Hands/Whips/Etc) hands

Do you like to hit or be hit? How hard? no thanks

Do you enjoy choking or being choked? How hard? light choking

Do you like to bite or be bit? i love biting oml bite me all you want

Do you like to slap or be slapped? no thanks

Do you like pulling or having your hair pulled? yes and yes

What is your safe-word? i don’t have one, so “stop”

Have you ever done a cum-walk? (Walking in public with cum on your face/clothes/etc) no

Would you do a cum-walk? probably not

Are you an exhibitionist? i’m down

What was your best exhibitionism experience? not sure

Are you a cuckold? no

Are you a cuckqueen? no

Are you a hotwife? no

Are you a bull? no

Would you like to watch your partner have sex with another person? maybe

Would you like to have your partner watch you with another person? yes

Have you ever been cuckolded? Describe the experience nope

Explain your best cuckold experience N/A

What is it about cuckolding that you like? N/A

Do you like to be humiliated? a bit

Do you like to humiliate your partner? no really but i’ll try

Do you like to be humiliated while cuckolding or do you prefer a friendly environment. friendly

Do you like to be forced into crossdressing? i’ll do it anyway lmao

Do you like to be forced into feminization? N/A

Do you like to be forced into sissification? N/A

Have you ever fisted? Explain the experience. no

Do you like extreme insertion? Have you ever experienced it? never tried it

Are you a swinger? no

Do you soft-swap or hard-swap? n/a

Have you ever been to a swingers club (with a partner)? no

Would you ever go to a swingers club (with a partner)? maybe

Explain your best swinging experience. n/a

Would you ever participate in an orgy? (4 or more people) maybe

Would you ever participate in a gang bang? (4 or more people) whats the difference between orgy and gangbang? maybe

Have you ever pegged/been pegged? Describe the experience. nope

Do you peg often? n/a

What is it about pegging that you like? n/a

Describe your best pegging experience. n/a

Do you enjoy large strap on dildos or smaller? n/a

Do you enjoy sucking or having your strap on sucked? n/a

Do you like incest? no

Have you ever experienced incest? no

Do you like face-sitting/smothering? yes

Do you have experience in face-sitting/smothering? yes

Do you like weapon play? not really

Do you like forced cum eating? no thank you

Do you like rape play? no thank you

Have you experienced rape play? no

Do you like to be dominated? yes

Have you ever been dominated online? yes

Whats the most humiliating thing you’ve been forced to do? nothing really

Do you enjoy pet-play? yes

Do you like daddy dom/little play? Describe the experience(s). kind of, i like the titles, other than that not really

Do you like to be worshiped? never really tried it

Do you like to worship? the lord can i get an amen

Do you like to be spit on or spit on your partner? no ew

Do you like to keep the slave play in the bedroom or carry it over to real life? i’d carry it over

Have you ever been suspended while having sex? nope

Do you like ball-busting/CBT (Cock and Ball Torture)? never done it

Do you like to be told what to do? yes

Do you enjoy giving/receiving JOIs? (Jerk Off Instructions) sure

Describe your best JOI experience. he came quick

Have you ever given or received a foot job? i did it ironically because he was whining about being hard and then i got fucked

Would you ever swap cum with your partner? nah

Have you ever tried fetching? (Sucking cum from a partners anus or vagina after finishing) no

Do you like watersports? no

Do you like sounding? no

Would you participate in a bukkake? maybe

Do you enjoy brat play? sure

Have you ever participated in chastity? no

What is the longest you’ve been locked up or forced a partner to be locked up? n/a

Have you ever cum while in chastity? n/a

Have you ever experienced a full friction/lap dance? no

Have you ever cum or made someone cum from a full friction lap dance/grinding? yes

Do you enjoy outercourse/hotdogging/pussyjobs? yes

Do you enjoy cumming or watching someone cum over strange objects? idk

What is the strangest way anyone has made you cum? not sure

What is the strangest way you’ve made anyone cum? with my feet

Do you enjoy forced cum eating? no

Do you enjoy premature ejactulation? no

Have you ever experienced a ruined orgasm? Describe the experience(s). yep. doorbell rang right before or he came right before

Have you ever had your prostate milked or milked a prostate? no

This or That

Vaginal or Anal vaginal

Vaginal or Oral both

Oral or Anal oral

Handjob or Oral oral

Handjob or Anal handjob

Handjon or Vaginal vaginal

What feels better, masturbation or sex masturbation

Rough Sex or Intimate Sex both

Car Sex or Outdoor Sex car

Dominant or Submissive sub

Spit or Swallow spit

Facial or Cum on Tits both

Facial or Cum in Mouth facial

Facial or Cum on Ass both

Facial or Cum on Belly both

Cum on Tits or Cum in Mouth tits

Cum on tits or Cum on Ass both

Cum on Tits or Cum on Belly both

Facial or Creampie facial

Facial or Anal Creampie facial

Vaginal Creampie or Anal Creampie neither

Circumcised or Uncircumcised doesnt really matter

Boxers or Briefs boxers

Tits or Ass both

Ruined or Complete Orgasm complete

Vaginal or Clitoral Orgasm clitoral

Prostate Orgasm or Regular regular

Cuckolding or Swinging swinging

Pegging or Grinding grinding

Lap Dance or Strip Tease tease

Grinding Orgasm or Titty-Fucking Orgasm grinding

Be Humiliated or Worshiped either

Footjob or Hotdogging hotdogging 😂

Lace Panties or Cotton Panties both but lace

Latex or Leather leather

Silicone Dildo or Glass Dildo silicone

Dildo or Vibrator vibrating dildo

Hitachi or Sybian sybian

Real Cock or Sex Toy Cock both

Real Pussy or Fleshlight/Pocket Pussy real

Cam Sites or Porn Sites both

Strip Clubs or Porn porn

Dirty Talk or Loud Moaning both

Faked Orgasm or Premature Ejaculation faked? idk

Cum on Clothes or Cum in Hair i’ll take it in my hair because it’s easier to wash out

Lingerie or Naked i mean both

CFNM or Naked naked

Corset or Bustier corset

Thongs or Cheekies both

Porn or Sex both

JOI or Lap Dance both

Fishnets or Nylons fishnets

Big Dick or Small Dick big

9" Dick or 4.5"Dick either one

Length or Girth length

Big Tits or Small Tits big

Petite or Chunky petite

Muscular or Average both

Beard or Shaven both

Pubic Hair or None none

Thigh Gap or Thick Thighs both

Twerking or Slow Tease slow tease

Prostate Orgasm or Frenulum Orgasm neither

Anal, Clitoral or G-Spot Orgasm clit

Big Ass or Tight, Toned Ass both

Skinny or big both

Nerdy or Preppy both

Cheerleader or Nurse cheerleader

Firefighter or Cop firefighter

Sex on the Beach or Sex on a Plane plane

Sex in Public or Sex in a Car car

Vibrating Panties or Butt Plug panties

Ball Licking or Rimming ball licking

Nipple Stimulation or Neck Stimulation neck 😍😍

Hair Pulling or Spanking both

Choking or Slapping choking

Big Dildo or Small Dildo big

Realistic Dildo or Smooth Dildo realistic

On Top or On Bottom bottom

Long Hair or Short Hair long

Giving Head or Receiving Head giving

Getting Anal or Giving Anal neither

Pussy and Anal Penetration or Ass and Mouth Penetration neither lol

Two Girls or Two Guys girls

Bukakke or Glory Hole glory hole

Reverse Gang Bang or Male Gang Bang ??

Doggy Style or Missionary doggy

Cowgirl or Reverse Cowgirl cowgirl

Cuckold or Be Cuckolded neither

Cum On Someone or Be Cummed On be cummed on

Drunk Sex or High Sex drunk

Slow or Fast slow

Veiny Dick or Curved Dick curved

3 notes · View notes

davidcarterr · 5 years

Text

Auteurs: Colin Read

This is the first in our Auteurs series by Ben Powell, read his introduction to the series.

As a film-maker, Colin has done everything: from working on some of the earliest attempts to present skateboarding in a ‘reality show’ format, (via Slap’s ‘One in Million’ series); to creating skate-related content for Viceland; going on to produce music videos for the likes of Radiohead and direct shorts for the likes of State Footwear, Converse and DC; through to creating his own independent body of work under the ‘Mandible Claw’ moniker which encompasses the hugely successful full-lengths ‘Tengu – God of Mischief’ and ‘Spirit Quest’.

I caught up with Colin recently to discuss his recent involvement in shooting skits for the Girl Skateboards ‘Doll’ video, only to find our conversation rapidly drifting off in various directions to cover everything from Italian horror cinema, right through to the relevance of 19th century philosophy’s predictions of the inevitability of Art’s diminishing power to the status of skateboarding in 2019.

I would highly recommend taking your browser over to Colin Read’s Vimeo to see more of his work after you’ve read through this. Thanks for your time Colin.

youtube

I’ve been a fan of your work for a long time, but the impetus to reach out here was your collaboration with Girl on their recent Doll video. How did that come about? Were you already connected with Crailtap, or did they reach out to you?

Girl hosted a short film contest, for shorts related to skating, judged by Spike Jonze. I wasn’t going to enter, but a friend basically demanded that I did, so I sent in ‘Solos’, which I’d made a bit prior. It was directly inspired by Spike’s Pharcyde video, so I figured it would be cool if Spike got to see it.

I assumed that they’d disqualify me; I wasn’t exactly the target demographic to take part of the contest. When they called me and told me that I won, I asked if they were sure, since I hadn’t made my video specifically for their contest. I said I’d be happy to take backseat and let the grand prize go to a younger kid, or someone who worked hard to make a video just for this. But they insisted. Part of the prize was a trip out to LA, which I had actually never been before, so I was glad to go.

Anyway, I suspect that they gave me the win in order to lure me in to make some stuff for their video, because that’s exactly what happened. They asked me if, since I was coming, I might want to make some skits for the video.

Historically, Girl/Choc have embraced the idea of adding a sense of narrative to their video output, something which I’d say is also central to your own oeuvre, was that part of the attraction of getting to work on these two skits for Doll?

Definitely. I grew up on Girl videos, and always loved the charm of them, which was born out of the narrative pieces in them. Tiny Keenan, Paco, the magic board. I was honoured to try to continue the tradition.

vimeo

We’ll return to the notion of narrative shortly, but focusing on these two skits in Doll first – how much direction were you given (if any?) in terms of what they were to focus on?

They had a few ideas of people they’d like to focus the skits on. Mainly, they wanted to try to include some people that otherwise weren’t very present in the video—that’s how we ended up making a skit for Mike Mo.

I originally had planned a skit for a different lesser-featured rider, but the day I got out there—the day before we were supposed to shoot—they realized that he’d be unavailable. So we had to think fast. We sat down and watched the video in its semi-finished state, and we noted some places and people that would be good points for skits. They said that since Griffin didn’t have an intro, maybe I could make something for him. I’d never met him, but someone mentioned that he was freakishly good at fingerboarding, so that’s where that skit came from.

Photo by Rye Beres

Was there much in the way of ‘anxiety of influence’ for you here? I mean – Girl’s track record of skits is pretty untouchable and you’re treading in the footsteps of the likes of Spike, Ty, Wing Ko and Meza by picking up the gauntlet on this one surely?

Luckily, the timeline was so short that I didn’t have any time to worry this. If I had had more time for pre production, I’m sure anxiety would have crept in.

You said on your site that you shot them both in one day in LA, so I’m assuming that you had a pretty formed idea of exactly what you wanted to shoot and how, given the time-constraints. Do you storyboard shoots beforehand, or just wing it once you know what you want to do?

I have a little notebook in which I scribble rough storyboards. I usually write down a simple shot list, and rough out any boards if I need to solidify an idea or image.

The ‘skateboard as an animate being with its own voice’ concept is kind of a repeated trope of Girl skits, (‘Magic Board’ from Yeah Right, ‘Double Yellow’ from Goldfish, ‘Chaplin’ from Mouse, etc) but I think this is the first time that ‘revenge’ has featured within that idea. Where did the inspiration for this one come from, and did involving Mike Mo add to the narrative aspect, what with him recovering from injury personally?

Yeah, I wanted to try to continue the legacy of the magic board. I liked the idea of trying to imbue an inanimate object with real malice. I thought the dichotomy would be funny.

I’ve been friends with Mike Mo for a few years; we bonded over stories of nerve damage and stem cell research. (I have serious back injuries that make it hard for me to skate.) So I was really happy to see him skating a bit again. I wanted to shoot that short with him as a way to help include him in the video. I think that, as you said, his history adds to the story.

Are you a fan of Dario Argento by any chance? Some of the lighting/sound design in the Mike Mo skit, and the dolly shot of the board stalking him in his house reminded me of the oppressive atmosphere of the Italian giallo film genre. I might be reading too much into it here though…

I am! And that’s also why I think the skit is funny, it’s putting those horror tropes against a pretty stupid idea.

There’s an alternative ending on the Mike Mo skit you posted on your site, one that kind of dilutes the menace of the one featured in Doll. What influenced the choice to go with the darker one used in the video?

The one I put on my site asks the idea, “What’s the worst a skateboard can really do to you?” And it’s a shinner. That’s all it can do.

I was still pushing for that one to be in the video, but I think they wanted to keep it “scary” and let the impact act as a “wake up” from a bad dream into the McCrank section.

vimeo

With the Finger board skit, there seems to be a very conscious nod towards the infamous miniature Keenan skit with the 360 flip over the battery, (along with maybe a subtle Strobeck reference too) – was it important to you to try to retain a sense of continuity with the skits you were making as regards earlier stuff that Girl had used in their videos?

Yeah, you definitely caught both of the references there, (laughing). Yes, both with the Keenan nod, and the magic board, I wanted to let things feel familiar to Girl.

Those close-ups, which are ever-present in skate videos now, thanks to Strobeck, just feel so self-important and overdramatic. So I thought it’d be funny to smash it together with fingerboarding to show how silly it is.

Fantastic way to introduce one of the heaviest parts in Doll too – did Griffin film any of those tricks specifically for the skit, (aside from the slam obviously) or did you work around pre-existing clips?

Those were all throwaway clips that he’d already filmed. I only thought of the skit the day before we filmed it, so there wasn’t any time to film new stuff.

What camera gear were you using to shoot both of these on? What about lighting?

Super low budget: a GH5, a gimbal, some handheld LEDs.

From your perspective of the person usually doing everything alone when it comes to skateboard film making – how was the experience of only being one part of a larger whole like this, where the onus is only on you to produce what you’ve been tasked with?

It was great. I didn’t have to sit at the bottom of steps for hours, or chase a skater back and forth for days trying to film lines. I just got to do my fun little thing then leave, and wait for the finished product.

How did the experience of watching Doll at the premiere compare to a premiere experience for one of your own videos?

I actually didn’t get to go to any premieres, I was out of town for the NYC one sadly.

To return to something I touched on earlier – you’ve been around the world of skateboard film-making for a long time Colin – dealing with everything from the earliest (albeit abortive) attempt to create a skateboarding reality show long before the likes of KOTR with Slap’s ‘One in a million’, to making regular web edits in the early days of online ‘content’ for Slap and the Ride Channel, through to producing full-length independent videos of your own and collaborating with other brands. Given that wealth of experience – what’s your perspective on the current state of the art form, (if we can still call it that) of the skate video?

I think it’s equalized a little bit. A few years ago, full-length videos really seemed to be dwindling, and the focus had shifted to hyped-up standalone web parts. Those are still prevalent, but companies seem to be caring about making longer, more thought-out videos again. There’s room for a lot of cool stuff.

Despite the deluge of the necessarily forgettable ‘individual part’ – the last 12 months or so have been a strong era for the full-length I think with the likes of Sour’s ‘Instagram killed the video star’, Palace’s ‘Palasonic’, Girl’s ‘Doll’, GX1000 ‘Roll Up’ and most recently ‘Blessed’ all adding to the legacy of the full-length, whilst also deviating from the conservative norm of the ‘trick, trick, line, banger, song’ formula. Which productions have stood out to you recently and for what reasons?

I’d actually point to some web edits: Jacob Harris’s edits are some of the best work in skating right now. His Atlantic Drift series is amazing.

As I was saying before, there’s room for new ideas. A video doesn’t have to be either a single part, or a full 30-minute video. There are plenty of in-betweens that you can carve out, which is what Jacob is doing.

vimeo

I mentioned the incorporation of narrative into skate videos earlier because your own productions seem to always have something cohesive along those lines, whether it be context-specific like the roof skating section in Tengu, or thematic as with the Aquatic Journey section of Spirit Quest, or even in a more over-arching way such as with the spirit animal concept of your last full length vid. How does this approach relate to the way you see the meaning behind the act of skateboarding itself, and the ways in which you personally represent it?

I think that skateboarding is actually pretty meaningless, inherently. It’s a toy. But you can make it mean anything you want. For me, it has meant a creative outlet, a physical outlet, and a way to get out my mental frustrations. And it has been the means by which I’ve made my most lasting friendships.

So, narrative is just what I find interesting, and my way of making a skate video be a little bit more than that. But many of my favourite videos are just skating, and not much beyond it. I don’t necessarily think that a literal narrative has to be present in a skate video.

But what I do find necessary is some sort of visual language. You have to put a skate part together so that it makes sense. If that makes sense, ha. The tricks have to be placed in an order that seems logical, and inevitable. Same with the order of parts. Each should be a reaction to the last, and inform the next, and so on. I guess it is a way of telling a story, not with words, but with tricks, and ideas.

vimeo

There’s a famous Walter Benjamin essay called The Work of Art in the Age of Mechanical Reproduction where Benjamin argues that the inherent power of art has been irrevocably diminished due to the technological ability of the modern world to replicate original pieces of art, thus removing them from their unique existence as an original thing in and of itself. Although written nearly a 100 years ago now, Benjamin’s commentary about the loss of ‘aura’ or magical power of art works in a world where everything can be infinitely copied and reproduced seems to me to be relevant to the contemporary situation with skateboarding. The omnipresence of the Internet has consigned everything to the category of ‘content’ to a certain extent, whether it be a photograph, a full-length video, or a single trick. Superficially everything is afforded the same value because the context that earlier generations took for granted, that was ministered to by a benign dictatorship of magazine editors and brands, has almost completely dematerialized now, with the Internet and its chaotic (supposed) democracy as its replacement. What are your thoughts on this idea?

I agree. When I was a kid, videos were special. Really. You’d hear about them before they came out, or from some other kid who’d bought it first, and then once you got your hands on it, you and your friends would get together and watch it religiously. And it might be a few months before you’d get another one. You’d wear out the VHS tape from rewinding it.

The magic of that is gone now. But there’s a new type of magic, which comes with there being an endless ocean of skateboarding to watch. I’m not sure which world is better. If you want to re-watch a single video a hundred times, you still can. You’re just not forced to.

With my own videos, I try to add enough “special” elements to warrant repeated viewings. So I’m happy that people are still watching.

vimeo

I suppose I could have explained the above much more simply by just asking if you were pissed off at ‘going viral’ on Reddit because somebody ripped a trick from Spirit Quest and posted it without attributing where it came from to garner Reddit upvotes… That clip went nuts right? I’m having trouble finding it now but didn’t you intercede in that whole phenomenon personally as well?

Someone filmed it off their TV screen, posted it to Vine with no caption, and it exploded. It’s been reposted thousands and thousands of times across all platforms. I’m really happy that lots of people have seen it, but it does annoy me that many (most) of these are still reposts of the original low-quality TV filming, or even lower-quality rips from the DVD. I wish that people would at least see it in context; that whole section with Connor (Kammerer) is full of those perspective-shifting match cuts.

youtube

The reason I asked that rambling pseudo-question above is because your own output seems to me to strive to add that missing component back into skate videos. I’m not even sure how to describe it; ‘spiritual’ is probably wrong, but you seem to have been able to infuse your videos with a sense of magic and wonderment to complement the trick performance side of them. That recent Magenta/DC piece is a great example of what I’m struggling to illustrate: despite being nominally a vehicle to sell products, it still has that sense of wonder to it that I remember feeling watching say Life’s ‘Soldier’s Story’ or early Powell videos. Am I barking up a non-existent tree here?

As I said, I consciously try to inject a little bit of wonder into my videos. I think that people have already made plenty of really great skate videos, so I don’t see the point in just making another “skate video.” People have those pretty much figured out. For me, if I didn’t do a little bit more, I wouldn’t have thought it worth making.

vimeo

You said in your Jenkem interview prior to the release of Spirit Quest that you had retired from making full-length videos but you’re still very much involved in the craft of creating documentation of skateboarding – what influences your decision to take on a project for Vice or for a brand like Magenta these days?

I love skating more than anything, so I like to stay involved in some respect. I just can’t really spend a long time filming tricks anymore. So when people approach me to make things that I’m capable of doing, I’m happy to try.

What’s your physical situation now? Did your back surgery solve the herniated disc issue that you had? A friend of mine had the same thing and spent 9 months unable to move, only for it to be eventually remedied by a fairly simple (albeit risky) operation to trim the disc. VX fish eye is still off the agenda I assume?

My back is still terrible. Past procedures have not helped. So still no fisheye for me.

You’ve done a fair bit of film work outside the charmed circle of skateboarding too – music videos for Radiohead and Brother Dege etc – strikes me that you’re perfectly placed to take your skill set into that world because your use of music in skate productions is central and integral to the end product, rather than being a case of simply cutting up tricks and adding a track at the end. Is there much cross over in terms of your approach to filming and editing for music projects?

The difference is all in pre-production. With skating, I’d have a more overarching plan, and then had all the time in the world to improvise, rethink, retrace my steps, retry ideas. With music videos and commercials, I don’t have that luxury. You generally only have 1-2 days to shoot, so you have to have everything planned to a T in advance. There’s very little wiggle room for spontaneity.

vimeo

It’s an open secret that unless you work directly for a big sports brand that there is no money in filming skateboarding, at least not as a ‘career’ for a grown adult. How does the world of music video making compare to kneeling in urine waiting for somebody to land a kickflip?

It’s pretty comparable, honestly. You don’t do music videos for the money. You do it to have a chance to make fun concepts and work with cool people.

What else do you have scheduled film making wise? Any plans to turn your hand to creative writing or has the visual medium taken over from that entirely now?

I’m actually entering the early stages of pre-production for a narrative film. Wish me luck!

Ok Colin, I’ve taken up way too much of your time already so, if you’ll allow me, can we finish this off on a little quick fire piece please?

Favourite pairing of music and skater?

Danny Renaud in Mosaic, or Nate Jones in Real to Reel

Most influential skateboarder for you personally?

My friend Alex Fogt, whom I started skating with, and still skate with today.

What about filmer/editors? Who inspired you early on and who inspires you now?

Off the top of my head: French Fred, FESN, Tightbooth, Dan Wolfe, Joe Perrin. Jacob Harris.

Who would be the one skater that you have had the most fun filming with over the years?

That’s impossible to answer… Connor Kammerer and Alex Fogt have been some of my most frequent and long-running collaborators and friends, and are always fun out in the streets.

How many VX1000’s have you owned cumulatively?

Oh, man. Close to 20, probably.

Anything else that you’d like to say to Slam City Skates readership?

Take care of your back! Do yoga and keep that core strong!

Interview by Ben Powell

The post Auteurs: Colin Read appeared first on Slam City Skates Blog.

Auteurs: Colin Read published first on https://medium.com/@LaderaSkateboar

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ts-crossroads · 6 years

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Episode Six - “No One Tell Karma Anything I Just Said” - Autumn

Ok i'm so goddamn bipolar. I trust Ned, alot. Ok Ned is amazin, like I see why Sarah liked him. So my problem is there is prob a swap, and I wan't my ass to go to exile. Like it is guarenteed saftey. So I claimed that shit. But I feel bad bc if I do, I leave Ned behind. Leaving Ned behind makes me feel like shit, and prob makes him like not like me as much. And I truly don't wanna leave him behind, I just wanna be safe. Like this entire game, I have felt wishy-washy. Like I don't know where anyones head is at. And furthermore, I love Brandon, don't get me wrong, but I feel like he would tell people that I am good w/ him and this is just my prediction bc his tribal q&a he went off. And he is bubbly and talkative, and just a bit too talkative. So I can just sense a target on my back bc of him. And just omg. I want to be exiled away 2 hell pls. And tbh i prob pissed off my entire tribe. Lol

I know I just said that I'll never trust Sam but I kinda trust her now. Me: I can't fall for Sam's tricks again. My brain: https://www.tapatalk.com/groups/survivorsucks/imageproxy.php?url=http://i1383.photobucket.com/albums/ah305/jeff_pROBOTst/lisi%20survivor%20fail%20gif_zpspbkboevo.gif?t=1433290937 Also JOHNNY went home?!!?! THE FRAT ALLIANCE NEVER EVEN SAW THE LIGHT OF DAY! I'll avenge you Johnny. A frat guy will win this season, mark my words.

I feel like there’s some kind of secret redemption island or outcasts twist happening tbh

Omf this swap couldn’t have worked out better. So it’s me, Jake, Chris, and John. Me and Jake are tight af and one of the first things Chris comes to tell me is he wants to work with me and Jake to get John out cuz John is pissed at Chris for lying to him about that last vote. So I’m like “YASSSSSS” in my mind. But on the outside I’m just like. O yea. That sounds cool. Let’s do that. Anyways. If we do end up losing this tribal it’s all good. I want me and Jake to be able to make it to merge. And John is one of the people I need to take revenge on for taking out Emily. He shows regret for it now. But in the end it doesn’t matter. He still did it.

Another swap and yet again I find myself in a tough spot. Last time I had at least autumn who I knew would vote with me. Now I have John who I just lied to and literally put on the block in case Johnny played an idol. Why the fuck would he work with me? The answer is he WONT. He’s gonna campaign to jakee and Bryan to get me out. Lucky for John, Bryan already doesn’t trust me! So my key here is Jake. If I get Jake on my side I stand a chance. Worst case scenario, I whip out my idol and guarantee I merge. I’m not tryna be like Johnny and get voted out with an idol... hell no. I’m here to make the merge. If I can just reunite with my people I’m set. I got autumn, ned, Haley, Ryan, and Brandon on lock. I possibly have Dane. I gotta work on jake man. Jake is my key to merge.

OWEN HOW DARE YOU!!! WE WE ARE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU!! http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2015/03/12/2691AE1E00000578-2991334-image-m-16_1426163660149.jpg He is so ugly for this/ I specifically told him not to. WE JUST FUCKING SWAPPED!?!?! Y'all don't understand I've been on every tribe in the past week and I'm tired. Every time I create a good spot and feel halfway good about myself, a twistos twist fucks it up and I'm not as young as these other kids. My trash iPhone 5S and I need to be seated and given a warning every time because we really do short circuit when things pop off. My Skype crashes as much as ocean waves whenever shit hits the fan and like my heart is already about to stop anyway from all the Coca Cola I drink and chronic stress I've endured for the past 23 years but like... that's all the more reason to not do so many swaps or at least give me a goddamn warning. I was at work and when I opened the app to see a Optio Tribe chat at the top of my messages?? https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-D4K3XRRUIfI/WSs5kEir86I/AAAAAAAAEG4/O8CAhB5P57gO7RGi9aiGx_A7ZZxI0ReTgCLcB/s1600/giphy3.gif NOT TO MENTION work and Athena All Stars are competing to be the ultimate bane of my existence so if Crossroads could like not join the running, that'd be great. Like am I on a tribe of people I like trust? Yes, yes I am- miracles happen everyday. But am I now separated from Ned AND Chris?? Yes and that's not funny. Do I have to start over for the THIRD TIME in this game? Yes I do and the next announcement better be merge or I'll scream

I cannot believe I did THAT, I’m so proud of myself!!! I’ve never won a comp like that before! And I can’t believe chris got it a minute after me! Original impala is here to compete and win! I’m so glad we are safe especially during this double tribal, I’m shook. Ned and I will be the only ones to have never been to tribal after this!! And honestly I love ned so much, he’s definitely my f2. I’ve talked very little to Haley or Ryan so I’m glad we don’t have tribal here.

I really slept in and woke up to find that not only did Optio lose the challenge, but now I have to pick between 3 allies and get a majority before they start talking and realize I know all of them well and am the smartest bet to send home https://media.tenor.com/images/1e425f0991c66cd840f78b389e84f5c9/tenor.gif I mean Brandon will read all of this eventually but the vote is him because Imperium ties run deep and feminism. I've been aligned with Dane from the jump #kidsnextdoor so when we got reunited, he was ecstatic to see me and was down to do whatever if we lost. That kinda loyalty is hard to find soooo I can't vote him out. Rebecka and I have history (which only Chris knows about) and played most of Athena Himalayas together so voting her out is just fake. I trust her waaaay more than any of these people so I have to put my money where my mouth is and prove my loyalty. Her and I never got it right in Himalayas so I'm not voting her out or dropping her name. Does this mean I'm betraying Brandon? Yes and that sucks. Is it better than the consequences of betraying Dane or Rebecka? Absolutely I've also learned that Brandon flipped votes to get Rhone out, which spooked Rebecka, and Dane is very committed to our old alliance so when I told him Chris and Brandon were tight, he wasn't having it. Also he's got bigger problems like his beef with Julia so he has to stay around I wanna watch that up close hahaha. Brandon's a great competitor so as great of a friend/ally as he is, I can't beat him in the end (not that he would ever take me over Chris). And I sure as hell can't let Brandon flip Dane or Rebecka on me because he's 100% smart enough and social enough. Sooo it's done- almost everyone has casted votes and I've made my peace with my ugly savage self. BRANDON IM SORRY BLAME OWEN ITS HIS TWISTOS TWIST!!! Highkey wouldn't have turned on you if we'd been put with other people so it essentially is Owen's fault. Ok done scamming for the day- no one tell karma anything I just said! https://media1.popsugar-assets.com/files/thumbor/9WRvREpZJp5kMg4z8BwZqqC-XkQ/fit-in/1024x1024/filters:format_auto-!!-:strip_icc-!!-/2016/11/14/049/n/1922398/3167f7e419274941_57c736261700000011c76cb6/i/Bye.gif

This round has been a roller coaster of stress, excitement, disappointment, and terror. First of all, we had our suspicions that "teaming up" would lead to a swap, but I don't think anyone seriously thought we'd be put into three tribes of FOUR. In a tribe this small, there's nowhere to hide. Sam and I decided early on to team up, because at this point, I trust her more than both Dane and Bryan, and Julia wanted to be on her own team so she could be exiled. Sam and I were put with Haley and Ryan on Imperium. #Imperium4Lyfe I trust Haley because she aligned with Chris on the old Fatum tribe, but Ryan kind of sketches me out. I was already preparing to either blindside Ryan or play my idol, because the immunity challenge was frickin impossible and the TWO losing tribes are going to Tribal. We had to guess a 7-digit code to find a secret page on the blog, and every thirty minutes or so we'd receive a relatively useless clue like "the sum of the first three digits is less than the sum of the last three digits." Ultimately, I decided to use my challenge advantage, which gave us two extra hints. This morning, Sam and I created a system that listed every possible code. Once we realized we had narrowed it down to around 36 combinations, it became a race against time to see how quickly we could enter each code on our phones. It turns out that we NEEDED my advantage, as Sam found the secret page literally SECONDS before Chris did on another tribe. I'm slightly suspicious that the double Tribal may just result in the two people voted out switching tribes, but then Julia would be exiled for another round and that doesn't seem very likely. Either way, I'm just happy to be safe for another round. Sam and I were just talking about how awesome we are together, as the two OG Imperiums who haven't gone to Tribal at all. I was really starting to feel like we could dominate the merge together, but then she said "You're my ride or die." https://i.imgur.com/JKVZSFJ.gif Those are the same words I never wanted to hear from Sam again, because that's word-for-word what she said to me in our first game together right before she backstabbed me. I guess the old saying is true: keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

Okay things are finally heating up for me! When we swapped tribes Chris told me he was happy we were on the same tribes blah blah blah but I've seen through him for a while now so I don't trust him. Bryan is the only person who swapped with me so we talked and he said that he was good with Chris and didn't trust John because of what happened when he got sent to their tribal. I talked to John and I want him to stay mainly bc we basically live in the same city and I think we have sort of a bond cus of that. Also because I think Chris is a social threat and I'd like to take him out now before merge in case he groups up with his allies. Things are really complicated and messy right now. I'm telling John everything that's going on. Chris is lying and saying that John wants to target Bryan to Bryan to get him to vote out John but I don't want that. I'm trying to get Bryan to realize that Chris is a threat. Bryan however thinks that he'll be an easy target at merge which could be true but I really want to merge with John because I think he will have a lot of trust in me for trying to save him. It's complicated and with only 4 people voting and the chance of a tiebreaker I am still nervous. Anything could happen. I could be getting lied to. It's complicated. The only person who I think I trust fully right now is John. I hope Chris doesn't have an idol an I hope the don't fake out and vote me out. The best cast scenario for me is that Chris gets voted out and I merge. Worst case is that I get voted out lol, but if I have to lose John to merge then I lose John. I just need to keep myself safe while going the route that I think will benefit me the most in the long run.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=vgoUMfYTNY0

SOOO, I won a challenge. I won the reward. And bitch, guess tf what. I made merge, jury, and the f11. BITCH YES. SO I put my ass to work on that puzzle to secure thati could make jury. Took me like 3 hrs, but I did it. Next, NED WON IMMUNITY SO HE IS GOING TO BE SAFE WITH ME. HELL YES. HELL YESSSS. I am living atm.

Ok. So looks like the vote is falling on John. Tbh I’d rather have both John and Chris go but alas that seems to not be the case. I don’t wanna vote Chris out just yet. John is a subtle player but Chris plays really hard, he did on og imperium and he is now. It’d be really easy to paint a target on his back at merge if I have to. But anyways I really like having Jake as an ally. We really click. But me and Chris told John that we are voting out Jake. So it’ll probably be a 3-1 vote with John going bye bye. But John gave me some tea. That Haley went after Emily and then Nicole. Honestly the girl gives me the “not like other girls” vibe. It’s not cool and I really want her gone come merge as well.

Ok so I lied in my last confessional I guess. I’m voting out Chris now. Woo. I never trusted him anyways. But John seems really desperate for an ally and me and Jake talked it over and decided to change our decision to Chris. Hopefully my old imperium people don’t get mad at me...

Im glad we won. FINALLY. and i did nothing. Haley and I or just I was gonna use my idol if we went to tribal which we didn't. xoxo

Tonight is rough. I’d like to think Jake and Bryan are with me and are voting John out. John should be voted out tonight. I have a idol if I get bad vibes at tribal but I’m not sure I want to play it. If I save it I am in a strong position at the merge. But I really wanna fucking merge man. I have a tough decision.

Voting Brandon out, this ones for rhone

(beginning of round) WELL. That last vote did not go as I planned at all... Johnny is out of this game.. and EVERYONE lied to me last round. Every person. I am definitely a bit hurt by Stoner because he was telling me that he wanted to be a trio with Johnny and I just a few hours before our tribal. He really showed his colors. Ryan said he planned this right after Haley got back. I am a bit bitter but I can get over it with them cause I need to survive another day. I feel like I have nobody now. A lone coffey. I am ready to work my way back to the top.

(After immunity)I made it to my birthday without getting voted out!! I was so busy doing birthday things that I failed to realize we tribe swapped again!!! I am ona tribe with Stoner, Jake, and Bryan! I haven't seen Bryan since the very first tribal where we voted out Emily. Which now that I think of it, I think the curse of fatum all started with the blindside of Emily and Bryan. Jake lives 20 mins from me so we clicked right off the bat, and we rekindled the friendship we had formed in one world fast. Stoner came to me saying he wouldn't blame me for gunning for him, but I told him that I would not go for him if he wouldn't go for me. We lose the challenge. And Jake informs me that Chris is targeting me!!!! WONDERFUL! When Chris lied to me the first time I was hurt, but he has been continuously lying to me the entire day and now it is pissing me off and making me a vengeful boy. Jake suggested that I made a plea to Bryan, and that is what I did. I threw Chris's name out there and told him how he seems to have so many personal connections with people, and he makes them think they are his number one. I fell victim to him once. Not again. I explained the Emily vote to Bryan, telling him how Emily was trying to form a girls alliance, and I let him know that Haley was the one that planned that whole thing. It led to the discussion that Bryan would like Haley out first when we get to the merge. After a bit of talking to Bryan he told me he was down to vote Chris out and I couldn't be more ecstatic. This is the sweetest revenge at the perfect time. I am telling Chris that I will vote Jake out because I "never talk to him". Half my afternoon consisted of me telling Chris things and then Jake relaying them back to me LMAO. Tribal will be a fun one. This one's for you Johnny!

I have never left impala, I’ll truly miss this little camp. But I’m so excited for merge, and new people!! And connecting with original impala again! And John Coffey <3

[12/30/2017 1:50:05 PM] BDC: I feel like this might be my time hahah [12/30/2017 1:50:21 PM] BDC: I don’t feel confident whatsoever [12/30/2017 1:53:19 PM] BDC: I messaged both Dane and rebecka and neither have answered but they are talking in the tribe chat together [12/30/2017 1:53:26 PM] BDC: So like .... [12/30/2017 2:51:58 PM] BDC: Trying to get the vote at 2-1-2 [12/30/2017 2:52:06 PM] BDC: Me and autumn are voting rebecka [12/30/2017 2:52:20 PM] BDC: And we are telling them to vote me and autumn [12/30/2017 2:52:39 PM] BDC: I think Dane would be the one most likely to have an idol so [12/30/2017 2:52:48 PM] BDC: Not gonna risk voting him [12/30/2017 2:53:09 PM] BDC: Plus I already like insisted to rebecka that I wasn’t voting her because of old tribal lines

[12/30/2017 3:13:38 PM] BDC: Hoping for the best [12/30/2017 3:22:37 PM] BDC: Rebecka said she’s voting autumn [12/30/2017 3:22:44 PM] BDC: And autumn should be voting rebecka [12/30/2017 3:22:51 PM] BDC: So I should be in the clear? [12/30/2017 3:23:52 PM] BDC: If I can survive this I’ll hopefully make merge and jury [12/30/2017 3:24:07 PM] BDC: That’s all I need so I don’t care who I piss off tonight

I really feel like I’m leaving tonight hahaha

#tscrossroads #episode six #confessionals

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An important guide to becoming best friends with Jake Gyllenhaal

Sometimes not even emoji can sum up how you really feel.

Image: MediaPunch/REX/Shutterstock

Back in May, I wrote a long and waffling account of my tragic attempt to befriend Jake Gyllenhaal at the Cannes film festival.

I’m not sure it was exactly what my editors had in mind when they sent me to cover the world’s most prestigious cinematic event, but — presumably motivated by large amounts of pity — they somehow allowed me to publish it and keep my job.

SEE ALSO: Jake Gyllenhaal and Jeff Bauman rib each other in hilarious interview

Now I may be a woefully tragic excuse for a human adult, but I’m nothing if not persistent. No, I hadn’t made friends with Jake Gyllenhaal. I hadn’t even spoken to him. But somehow I knew it wasn’t the end.

And when I heard a rumour the man himself might be appearing at the London Film Festival in October to promote his new movie Stronger, I sensed another opportunity to embarrass myself could be just around the corner.

I wasn’t wrong. The only difference was it came earlier than I was expecting.

Enter Jeff Bauman: the man behind the book Stronger, upon which the movie is based. And he’s an ACTUAL REAL LIFE FRIEND of Jake Gyllenhaal’s.

Look, here’s a photo of them casually hanging out together which definitely doesn’t fill me with a deep-rooted sense of jealousy or anything:

Image: KAMIL KRZACZYNSKI/EPA/REX/Shutterstock

Anyway, I recently got the opportunity to chat with Jeff over the phone, and I knew it was something that couldn’t be passed up. If there was one person who might be able to give me the sort of valuable intel I’d need to become BFFs with the world’s greatest actor/beard-grower, it was Jeff.

Here’s a transcript of how our conversation went (Jeff, if you’re reading this, I can only apologise again for how ridiculous all my questions were).

Me: What advice would you give someone hoping to become friends with Jake Gyllenhaal?

Jeff Bauman: What kind of advice… man I don’t know… sorry, let me think about this… he’s just a really cool guy, well-rounded, he knows a lot about everything. So to become friends with Jake you’d probably have to impress him a little bit, I guess. And you have to be really funny.

Me: Would you say he’s an easy person to make friends with?

JB: Yeah, yeah, he’s just a really genuinely nice guy.

Me: Describe Jake in three words.

JB: Handsome, loving, and hard-working.

Me: What’s his favourite TV show?

JB: Rescue 911.

Me: Do you know what his favourite film is?

JB: Inside Out.

Me: What would you say the fastest way to Jake’s heart is?

JB: You gotta be real. You have to be honest.

Me: What’s his favourite animal?

JB: A dog.

Jake Gyllenhaal owns a German Shepherd, which is exactly the sort of information only a potential best friend would know.

Image: Bauer-Griffin/GC Images

Me: Do you know his favourite band?

JB: Yeah, he likes Iron & Wine.

Me: What 3 things would you say annoy him most?

JB: Asking him to read lines from his previous movies; interviews; and pictures.

Me: Like people taking pictures of him?

JB: Yeah, photographs, yep.

Me: So if I meet him it would be a bad idea to ask him for a selfie, for instance?

JB: Yeah, don’t do that.

Me: What’s his favourite food?

JB: He likes anything healthy. He’s a real health nut.

Me: So like salads, that kind of thing?

JB: Yes, exactly. I don’t know if that’s his favourite, but—

Me: What about favourite drink?

JB: He likes coffee.

Me: How does he take his coffee?

JB: He likes Americano, so black—

Me [Excitedly]: I like Americano too! So that’s a good start, right?

JB [Calmly ignoring my outburst]: He likes his coffee black, I’ve seen him drink a latte, but mainly he likes his coffee black.

Me: Is he a morning person or a night owl?

JB: Definitely a morning person.

Me: What’s his favourite type of candy?

JB: His favourite candy is either Skittles or Peanut M&Ms.

Introducing my new favourite candy. Sorry, chocolate buttons, but you’ve had your time.

Image: Getty Images

Me: What would you say his three favourite topics of conversation are?

JB: Film, music, and probably basketball.

Me: How does he most like to relax and unwind?

JB: He works out. That’s, like, his main thing that he likes to do. Work out with his trainer.

Me: What app would you be most likely to find hIm using on his phone to kill time?

JB: Tinder. [Laughing] I’m just kidding! No, yeah, I’d say Tinder.

Me: Does he have a favourite author or book?

JB: Yes: Man’s Search for Meaning, by Viktor Frankl.

Me: Describe his sense of humour in one word.

JB: He doesn’t have any.

Me: What’s the one thing you’d say Jake loves above all other things?

JB: Himself.

[Laughter]

I’m joking… Humility! I’ll say humility. That’s the one thing he really loves, humility.

Me: Lastly, based on this interview so far, on a scale of 1 to 10 how would you rate my chances of becoming friends with him if I do manage to bump into him at the London Film Festival?

JB: Probably a good, hard 4.

Me: I’ll take that. Do you think you guys will stay in touch after all the publicity for the film’s died down?

JB: Yeah, unfortunately.

So there you have it. And in case you think I’m the kind of guy who’s so dangerously obsessed he’d make up an entire conversation, he’s actual proof it took place (apologies in advance for my unhinged, cackling laugh):

Coming out of the talk with Jeff, I was feeling surprisingly optimistic. Admittedly I’ve yet to read Man’s Search for Meaning and I’ve never listened to a single song by Iron & Wine, but on the plus side my family does own two dogs. So there’s that.

The only bit that’s mildly concerning is Jeff’s answer to my first question. That whole thing about “impressing him”. In person I’m fairly underwhelming, if anything, so I know I’ll have to make a special effort if I do bump into him and swallow the no-doubt crippling nerves that will be eating me up from the inside.

Got to look on the bright side, though. I’m now closer to being best friends with Jake than ever before. If shut my eyes I can almost imagine his plush beard stretching wide as he smiles at me in greeting, and the tiny glint of recognition in his sparkling blue eyes as I raise up my proud offering: a black Americano and a freshly purchased bag of Peanut M&Ms.

To be continued…

Stronger is out in cinemas on 22 September in the US, and December in the UK.

WATCH: Our picks for the top 10 best film performances in cinema history