in other words, it was no longer Christmas Eve... but Christmas Day!

was rewatching fabian’s baron moment on account of it being the most delicious piece of pvp in my recent memory and ally beardsley’s growth as a player just shone through so brightly and with such clarity. after dusting off their shock they immediately asked about the nemesis ward, had enough knowledge about fellow pcs stocked to remember adaine’s ac with such like frustrated confidence and certainty, suggested to siobhan to dimension door out of adaine’s room, like. they came into this making a character with 4 dex. and now the dice deity offered to roll a check to sense if adaine was in danger. making decisions, asking questions, getting invested in the story, trying so hard with the tools they have to save characters from danger; ally beardsley is an incredible d&d player.

this is my brother and i need a shovel to love him (prints)

actual canon (reality): terzo pokes fun and says unhinged things at the audience for thirsting after the ghouls more than him

implied canon (out of context): terzo is thirsting after his ghouls

fifth dimensional astral canon that exists in my crazy little world aka my brain: terzo is poking fun at his audience for thirsting after ghouls more than him but it's also a therapeutic way to let his feelings out about omega on stage because they are secretly dating, and no one knows of it yet.

astarion origin playthrough worth it just for all the extra moments where he does the "sad wet cat" face

lukewarm take of the evening: y'all care too much about being ""outdated"". fellas this smp moves inhumanly fast. it is ok to CHILL holy shit CHILL. y'all are like "(posts BANGER ART) super late guys sorry" friend i am hitting you with a blanket i am snapping you with my metaphorical towel WHAT DO YOU MEAN SORRY. "(posts BANGER FIC) rip this is outdated now" WHO CARES???? I LOVE YOU, OK. ohhhh woe is us as the fandom at large for having MORE HAPPY PILLS ARC CONTENT oh no how outdated!! how could you be writing speculative fiction about how forever felt during happy pills :( slash SARCASM!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN!!!! THERE ARE SO MANY BANGER ARCS, WHAT, YOU THINK WE'RE COMPLAINING????? FOR GETTING MORE OF THE CONTENT WE LOVED????? oh no we're past the period where everyone thought green gay ninjas were like Dead Dead, my work is now outdated and noncanon :( WDYM. GIMME. A BANGER IS A BANGER IDC IF IT TAKES THREE MONTHS. you think rome was built in a day?? fuck you, baltimore, GIMME. my ass has been cooking a goddamn backflipo family fic since july when it was ALREADY outdated do you think i fear god??? "oh no, you're making an edit of slime's (attempted) egg murdering spree?? how could you, that was months ago it's irrelevant" SAID NO ONE EVER.

save your wrists kidlings ok carpal tunnel is no joke. CHILL!!!!! CHILL!!!!!!!! TAKE YOUR TIME SHEEEEEESH OK LOVE YOU <3

Okay but this scene. Sorry but OMG the start of The City on the Edge of Forever man. The way that after McCoy's accidental self-injection, every crewman already on duty is already over there trying to help him. The way that despite this Kirk makes them all get the Hell out of the way so that he can put himself beside him. How he just hovers over him until he goes all psychotic is just... God these two do things to my feelings~

And then Spock? Spock didn't have to go over there. He could have just let Kirk handle it. But nope. He bolted over there just as quickly as Kirk did. He's just as worried about what just happened as Kirk, as especially evident at the end with the aggressive hand-shaking. Just... damn. The way that two just care so much about their McCoy and it's so beautiful and I love it~!

✦ CASKETT APPRECIATION WEEK 2023 ✦ ⤷ Day Two: Favorite Kiss(es)

i had not been taught love, so i couldn't apply it to myself.

i liked the idea of self-love, but it felt sanitized, opulent - white. it was always depicted by pretty people with lots of money; vaguely familiar but entirely at-odds with my lived reality. it was "treating" yourself, long vacations, taking time off of work, reminding yourself that grades cannot hurt you.

but i did get hurt if my grades were low. i could not take the time off from work. i couldn't stretch the budget to run-off-into-the-sunset.

my life is not full of peaceful morning coffee. my life is a string of ants, crawling over the abandoned mugs i've left out for weeks. it is stepping over broken glass over-and-over rather than just picking it up. it is spending a huge amount of money on food because i can't make myself just remember to cook. i have bought a pair of earrings pretty much every week for a month, i keep losing just-one. at the same time, i can never remember that i need to buy a new toothbrush.

self-love was presented to me as a sort of - end goal. a variant self. what the kids are calling "becoming that girl." she works out while drinking smoothies and running around her large apartment in the city. i understood why she would have self-love; she clearly had her shit together. if i also could get my shit together, maybe then i'd be worthy.

i always thought of it as important for others to strive towards, but not really meant for me. when i sit in a long bath, i feel weird and cheesy. i'm not particularly drawn to meditating. i drink water because it's just a necessity. i know my own personality - i am never going to be someone wholly-at-peace. a lot of self-love approaches aren't comforting for me. any time i engage with them, i hear my cuban father scoffing gently: this is greedy. latins don't waste time by sitting in idyllic locations reading poetry - that's a white-people thing.

i am almost 30. i have only just-now realized that i didn't believe i can find self-love because i simply didn't believe i was deserving. that i grew up without an image of what being-loved would even look like, much less how to apply it on a daily basis. that any form of self-love feels false, defiant - because it's foreign to me, and i have always been denied it. i thought it was "not for me" because nobody had ever provided it.

i learned almost a self-tolerance instead - a gritted-teeth approach. i will do the things i have to do in order to prevent my mental illness from dominating my life.

i am treating myself, more and more, like a scared animal. i don't force myself to keep everything perfect. i clean up the glass, but i let myself leave the pile of clothes until later. i let myself "half-ass" things. i treat self-love as the protection of my future self - as taking care of someone who will be here, later. it's okay if i mess up in the process. it is often ugly and unrefined and. absolutely glorious. i am training myself what it is like to have someone care about me. i am training myself to trust in safety.

i am training myself - there is no one image of finally being happy.

“You’re enjoying this aren’t you”

me and the beanie are celebrating our 10 years together ♥️

If Franky isn't the one making Sanuso's wedding rings then what's the point

reminder to everyone that trauma IS a valid reason to use aspec labels. "i don't know if i'm aspec or just traumatized—" protip!!! you can be both!!!! the thing about labels is that they're not immutable states of being that you're born as. they're literally just words that we use to describe our lived experiences, and if asexual or aromantic or any related label feel relevant to the way that you experience attraction, whether it's a result of trauma or not, they're there for you to use. having trauma as a cause does not invalidate the fact that someone is experiencing lesser or no attraction. that's still the aspec experience babey. use the label if you want it's there for you <3

when life... just... yeah.

i won't shut up yet because i need all of you to watch and enjoy It's a Wonderful Knife. i seriously can't recommend it enough. the majority of the characters are gay. there's a cool lesbian aunt that we all wish we had. the main couple has great chemistry. the forehead kiss at the end killed me. find you someone that looks at you the way bernie looked at winnie the entire movie. it's great seriously. and so much fun!!! so worth it!!! please watch it!!!

setting off for a long journey