gonna be honest for a second fam, I think FJ is the biggest disappointment I’ve experienced from a piece of media since the ending of how I met your mother

❗Beware the OFMD spoilers❗

The fact that (I fucking knew the knee shot will be when the show will be 💯 historically accurate.) Izzy's new leg is literally made from the Revenge itself, by the crew to him is the firmest metaphor I've ever seen for acceptance and family. The Revenge has literally sailed through a storm which should've sunken, destroyed it completely but it pulled through, damaged, torn but still afloat. I saw people comparing it to Ed's and Stede's relationship status, that they have something physical to rebuild and mend besides their love. Which is totally valid and I support that theory wholeheartedly! But I also like to compare the state of the Revenge to Izzy's. He lost toes, then a leg, then almost died via suicide. After all this, he still got up and saved the crew, probably also the one directing them out of the storm. So the image of a battered (and stabbed) Revenge I think can also apply to Izzy.

Okay, back to the leg. The crew made it for him after everything they had witnessed, experienced. I reckon he never had a group of people or even one to support him, to protect him; he wouldn't even have allowed it before. But now he has what he thought impossible and weakness in pirate life. The knowledge that they not only accepted him, but actively looking out for him even when the danger has passed: they aren't sailing in a storm and Edward isn't on the ship so technically, they don't need him anymore for protection or life saving orders. Yet they are still there for him and made a...relatively functioning mobility aid for him. From the ship that survived a storm thought impossible. For the indestructible little fucker. As soon as he realizes he isn't alone, the unhealthy coping mechanisms stop and he -so far- seems to be healing from everything that had happened & this wouldn't be possible without the crew's support.

Izzy both figuratively and literally became part of the ship.

shit about john constantine that makes me feral to remember:

sent his abusive father checks until the day he died so thomas could keep the house.

a serial killer got so obsessed with him after meeting face-to-face exactly Once that he skipped out on a guest of honor spot at a wholeass serial killer convention just to chase john around.

some of his hair is buried in the garden of eden.

frequently dissociates for up to/over 5 hours at a time.

accidentally summoned a bunch of spirits called the mendw by reading off the ingredients on a packet of muesli.

was trapped for forty fucking years in a pocket reality while only about a month passed in the real world.

is older than both doctor who and bubble wrap.

was friends with some of the foremost magical pioneers in all of london.

descended from lady johanna constantine who both helped and had beef with dream back in the 1700s.

part of a long, weird family history of constantines killing their twin in the womb, except his twin popped in from a parallel universe to fuck with him afterwards.

buried his childhood innocence in a toy house when he was a kid.

got kissed by king arthur.

is, in the current si spurrier run, physically dead and rotting.

Missa doesn't mean to run into Forever.

He's just out gathering supplies- exploring, too. Keeping to himself, but keeping around, narrating his life where no one else can hear. He can still see the wall in the distance, is what he's trying to say. He's wandering, but not too far this time.

It's probably why he bumps into Forever. He's close and far. Forever lurks around those boundaries, in his relationship and in the real world, too. That. or Forever was also minding his own business and Missa interrupted him. Either could be true.

"Aha," Missa says, awkwardly shuffling backwards. "Em, funny- funny seeing you here."

The translator picks up on his words, the awkwardness seeping through his body language if not his tone. He sees the way it takes Forever a moment to parse his words. The other man is equally on strange footing, leaning away from him and eyeing him awkwardly. Missa wants to cry. He also wants to run away. He settles for backing up slowly.

"I'm visiting Bad Boy," Forever says after a second. His lips don't quite match up with his words, but he seems to gain some confidence as he speaks. "Why are you here?"

"Wandering," Missa says. He takes another teeny tiny step back. "Seeing things I've missed."

Forever's eyes narrow, just a little. "You've missed a lot, you know."

"Not too much," Missa says, gripping his backpack strap tightly.

"Chayanne think the same?" Forever asks, grinning slightly. He cocks his head, and Missa feels a flare of annoyance curdle within him.

"Keep his name out of your mouth," he says. He tries to keep his tone light and jokey, but it still sounds tense. He stays still as Forever shuffles past him, watching as he kicks a stump, restless energy, always moving.

"Touchy touchy." Forever says, hoisting himself up to sit on a fallen log. "Philza forgiven you yet?"

"He was never angry with me," Missa informs him. At least, not in the long term. Forever doesn't need to know that bit.

"As far as you know. You were gone. Meanwhile, I was here." Forever props his chin in his hand, elbow on his knee. "Who knows what could've happened?"

"Phil said... nothing ever happened," Missa says slowly. And he believes it, just looking at Forever. The way his mouth cocks to the side and he says slowly,

"You gonna believe him?"

Missa nods once. "I trust him. He trusts me."

"But he doesn't love you." Forever is still watching him, and behind his mask, Missa feels his cheeks burn.

"What do you know about love? About him?" Missa asks, suddenly more than a little furious. "You know his little habits? Did you stitch the backpack he wears? Do you know what he did for me? I am on all the access doors to the house. To the eggs. I am allowed in his bedroom at night. Not you."

Forever looks up from where he's been inspecting his nailbeds, feigning nonchalance. Missa can see the tightness in his shoulders, the way his face is a little too bored. "I only care about one of those things," he says.

"And that's why you've never gotten it," Missa snaps. "Goodbye." He turns on his heel to leave- but doesn't miss the way Forever's face scrunches up before it leaves his line of sight.

"Watch your back!" Forever calls out. Missa purposefully does not look over his shoulder. "You never know when that trust will run out!"

Missa keeps walking. Not worth it, he reminds himself, and immediately warps home once he's out of Forever's sight.

I miss the days when J/JK was good

On 👏 this 👏 blog👏 we 👏 do 👏 not 👏 recognize 👏 the 👏 death 👏 of 👏 Izzy 👏 Hands.

Nor do we recognize that apologizing to your abuser is fucking okay.

I know I don’t technically owe anyone and explanation but I want to put out there what’s going on and why I may have distanced myself or ended up losing mutuals because of cut contact.

on October eleventh my cat of eighteen years got put to sleep, which, has left me feeling empty and without reason to really do anything ? I was still working for a while and managing things but it progressed to a point where I was pacing any minute I was not doing anything and couldn’t sleep, spent the nights pacing the length of our property sometimes for hours at a time. my mum took me to the ER and they gave me sedatives which while acted to soothe it for a little bit didn’t solve the issue. when I returned home and was still exhibiting the symptoms she confronted me saying my cat was dead and I needed to get over it which ? was the last straw for me, she was screaming I was cowering it wasn’t fun. since then I’ve been staying with a friend who has taken me in and I’ve made progress but sleeping at night is still panic inducing for me and even with medication sometimes the insomnia still wins, I’ve been to the ER a few more times over the past two months and thankfully the pacing has stopped but the sleeping issues haven’t improved to the point where I’m able to sleep normally ? I still don’t know when it’s going to happen. I’m getting my PC from my mums house on the 28th so hopefully I’ll be able to write again but with how exhausted I am it can be difficult to even do the things I need to function day to day. I’ve had to give up my jobs as well so it’s just ? An on going ordeal. It’s been a rough two months but tbh I didn’t think I was going to make it to Christmas and I have so I’m just quietly hoping it improves even if it is slowly.

TEMPORARY HIATUS. (read below pls)

(( i think i am going to stop RPing entirely for a long while. had some bad news happen in the family and it's really devastating me right now. Lost a loved one who was really close to me. i'm so sorry guys. i can't do this. i will be safe but i am not in the mental space for RPing/threads right now.

edit: okay i'm not sure exactly HOW long but it might be a few weeks or few months. not indefinitely though, i think. I need time to process and grieve.

GET TO KNOW THE MUN. respond to the prompts out of character !

what made you pick up the current muse(s) you have? oh, where do i even begin?  well, i suppose i should start with how long sw has been in my life.  ANH was the first movie my mother ever saw when she visited the USA; she saw it with my grandmother ( and subsequently developed a massive crush on harrison, so indiana jones became a huge part of my childhood too lol ).  for this reason, my mother introduced my brother and I to sw when we were actual babies.  then, when the prequels came out, it’s all me and my brother consumed.  from the movies themselves to the original clone wars cartoon to the PS2 games to the novels/book series.  we watched it on a tiny portable player for every trip, and every time my relatives needed us to go away to let the adults talk lol.  it also helped our comprehension of english so much. i can’t recall a time in which sw hasn’t been present in my life! before i joined the tumblr swrpc, i kept to myself in the prequels community, wrote fanfic, and rped anakin on skype.  he’s always been a character that hit a little too close to home in one too many ways.  the main parallel i have with him (that doesn’t relate to his mental issues haha) is his love/devotion/attachment to his mother.  it’s difficult for me to explain without getting into the aspects of my culture (孝順 / filial piety), but in short, i am cantonese; if my mother asked me for my thumb tomorrow, i would give her my arm today.  anakin’s love for his mother, his determination to free her from slavery at an early age, was very touching.  EPII has been memed to oblivion, yes, but the pain i feel when anakin doesn’t get to hear his mother tell him she loves him one last time before she dies, and knowing that it haunts him for the rest of his life (eu), makes me want to throw myself out a window lmao  i have an extremely close relationship with my parents; this sort of pain is absolutely gutting for someone like me. anyway, when i joined the tumblr swrpc, writing han solo was never the plan.  i originally wanted to write luke but ended up changing my mind at the last second.  I’d written well over a dozen fics with han at that point, but was nowhere near confident, so i thought of it as more of an experiment. guess that doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things, because if you really think about it, since the day i started writing him in fics, he hasn’t stopped butting into my brain.  in fact, he’s been harassing me ever since—to the point that i even switched from writing luke to him… lol given my upbringing and my mother’s love for him, han has always been my childhood hero, as well as my brother’s.  our dad was our han solo.  the nostalgic and familial associations run so deep, it’s difficult to articulate.  we share many traits, right down to his universally agreed-upon zodiac sign (sagittarius); i know han solo like the back of my hand—and it’s probably because i wanted to be just like him when i grew up.

is there anything you don’t like to write? character death.  if i have to say another, it’s when people conflate harrison with the character he plays and then decides to address that in a thread.  harrison was a ladies man back in the 80s, and that’s fine, but that doesn’t mean the same for han.  i hate seeing the conflation between the two.  not sure if this happens as often anymore, but there was a time when fics/threads/even han rpers would lean into it, by default, thus totally destroying his character in my eyes.  i mean, write it as a storyline, that’s cool and fine, but infidelity has never been inherently part of his character.  i will die on this fucking hill.

is there anything you really enjoy writing? most unpopular opinion ever: action sequences.  critical situations, fast paced action, thriller scenes featuring immediate, life-threatening circumstances.  i love writing that which exhibits a sense of urgency and tension, with sprinklings of emotional depth and contemplative introspective moments.  scenes with internal conflict combined with aforementioned external events.  even evading enemy forces, sustaining minor/major injuries, dressing wounds.  dunno why those are always the most fun to me.  aside from that?  romance/romantic angst.  i’ve had many writing partners over the years, and each one thought they could outdo me in writing romantic angst.  sometimes, the psychosomatic pain of heartbreak isn’t far from feeling like you’ve lost a limb in battle.

how do you come up with headcanons? by being the most annoying, meticulous person ever.  i’m extremely detail oriented; when i see incongruities in my own work, i perish.  so, when i come up with headcanons, i have to consider all factors that may affect the outcome of whatever question i’ve posed in my mind and feel the need to justify my choices, for whatever reason, by tying it back to XYZ.  my headcanons must align with my muse’s personality, their environment from childhood to adulthood, their current circumstances, and if it’s an AU, how it mirrors canon events.  canon/eu is everything imo, because they are their own choices; it’s what shaped them into the character we know them as.  ofc, this is my process and opinion, so make of that what you will.

do you write in silence or do you play music? no music, no tv.  sometimes people talking is too much for me.  i have adhd and my medication only helps so much.  i will absolutely start writing down the conversation or lyrics playing in the background lol

do you plan your replies or wing them? plotting vs planning replies is different to me.  plotting gives me a foundation, but it can’t be too confining.  to plan a reply is to block out each moment.  if you trap me, i will always deviate; so i wing everything, even when i have a foundation.

do you enjoy shipping? yes, absolutely!  i’m not sure why people tend to assume otherwise, but i’m more open to it than people think.  i’ve never cared about who you write, if they’re in the sw franchise, or even what era of sw etc etc  never given a shit about what people think; if our muses click, they click.  honestly, some of the best ships i’ve had with han, as in the most enjoyable and enlightening of his character, have been ‘crack ships’.

what’s your alias/name? vin, vince, vincent.  vincent van hoe.  trash bin vin.

age? 27!

birthday? dec 2!

favorite color? silver.  if that’s not a color to you, then blue.

favorite song? you can’t expect me to… well, ‘in your eyes’ by the weeknd has been up there for a long time.

last movie you watched? star wars: the clone wars (2008)

last show you watched? … the clone wars lol

last song you listened to? billie jean - MJ.

favorite food? my mother’s 番茄炒蛋 ( egg and tomato stir fry ), unagi, freshly baked breads, fresh fruit …

favorite season? i get mostly tropical weather, but i love a cold winter.

do you have a tumblr best friend? unfortunately, so many people have left the site over the years, but i'm grateful to call these people some of the closest friends i have in the rpc: @techniiciian @desiccation @vibraea @rcvanchist @sgterso @voxcrystallis

tagged : @debelltio thank you for thinking of me!! tagging : if you're still reading this, i tag you!

Planning my funeral. Who wants to speak first

17 !

canon questionaire! still accepting. | @avaere

17. Are there any ships you can’t stand, why?

starting out strong with some salt, huh?

i don't feel very strongly about many ships in a negative sense, but i would honestly have to say r.enh.eng for this one, chief. which is sad because i used to enjoy it! i loved it a lot! i still like j.ingr.enh.eng!! but it's specifically the twitterfied r.h dynamic that i despise, where any and all significance other characters might have to b.lade and d.an h.eng is removed. a dynamic where they're just reduced to each other in a wooby, uninteresting and sometimes abusive way??? ick. the attitude of the fans who keep attacking everyone else and starting shit???? ick. seeing a proper development and a difficult, clumsy progress and tragedy? that fucks. i love me a messy and bittersweet r.h dynamic that isn't necessarily romantic but can be, knowing that it is doomed to end in death either way. but the illiterate stans over on the other hellsite ruined it for me otherwise. the only r.h dynamic i like is that i've seen from my mutuals here bc they actually know how to write FDKHJGSLKHFDJ

aside from that, i have some ships i don't care for, like s.amp.ard (because i just don't see it working with my interpretation of geppie) or g.allad.ay (same energy as r.h, so it's teetering closer to a negative opinion bc i've seen some genuinely uncomfortable fanart!! holy shit you guys yikes!!!!! put a warning!!!!!!!!!!). for ships like that i need to see a proper and extensive buildup (canon divergence my beloved) or they have to be more or less removed from canon entirely via an AU or something SLFKJHAFDSLKJH

Hi Zerkev are you familiar with The Renegade? He is the same person as The Ferryman he is real

"...The same Renegade that. Exploded? To death?"

Ignore the eyes and just keep walking. Just keep walking. Just keep walking. Just keep walking. Just

What eyes? You look back, and before you know it she's right on top of you. Your back pinned against the ground. Fuuta and Mahiru scream as Amane's claws dig into your shoulders. You try to get away but she's so much Stronger than you.

You look straight into her eyes. Her pupils slit and her brows furrowed. She looks so.

Scared.

Tears stream down her face and drop onto your skin. "I'm sorry....I'm so sorry....I can't stop..." She seems to be struggling just to talk. "I just can't...it won't let me....Please..."

Please save me.

You die before you're able to answer her.

LOOP 2 COMPLETED

what if you could date a ghost?

… listen I am all about Izzy being his most beautiful and pretty self. No one ever told him that before and he never thought he could ever be that, because how can you possibly feel pretty when you have a beautiful gorgeous man like Ed around? Izzy has always felt lesser. He’s always been the shadow no one really wanted around. He was a shadow even when younger with Ed and CJ, mostly feeling like the third wheel, only to become that AGAIN with Ed and Stede.

So when he feels pretty it’s the most special thing in the fucking world. It’s Izzy being vulnerable, showing himself to the entire world. Look at me. My name is Izzy Hands.

And I’m fucking beautiful.