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insidefernweh · 2 years

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Well, hello.

A couple months ago one silly woman (me) decided that it’s time for creativity to take a hold of her and let something cool into this world.

And that’s how I decided to give birth to…a The Amazing Devil blanket. Or I might have dreamed it whilst being feverish. Who knows.

It’s been three months of stitching, embroidering, sewing, unmaking the mistakes, cursing, saying ‘waahheeey’ at the end of the complete step, cursing again and enjoying the hell out of the process of something being made into the realness.

It is literally the embodiment of me. I love it and hate it equally. It has got my favourite quotes from the songs. Yes, that’s me — your favourite girl with maelstrom of lyrics instead of a brain. It also has got some of my blood somewhere along the stitches (did i do it on purpose to please the fae gods aka Joey and Madeleine? you’ll never know. hashtag blood magic.) I wanted to get it done for the Ruin Appreciation Week (though it contains lyrics from all albums) so that was me last week because it was very FAR from being done:

I’m posting the bigger picture + close ups of smaller details and songs’ lyrics. Please feel free to reach out if you want to see a better close up or just to pat me on the head.

I’m posting a video too. It’s silly so enjoey. (ha! see what I did here. that was a typing accident. it’s 1am now. forgive me my jokes.)

warning: the video include some probably offensive actions to the professional seamstresses. i’m only a humble ignorant person who decided to sew for the first time in her life. i do hope you’ll like it.

references used:

the central embroidery: TAD’s old picture from some posters back in the love run era + some sage and forget-me-nots

top right and left bottom corners: pictures of joey and madeleine

songs: secret worlds, the calling, inkpot gods, drinking song for the socially anxious, chords, farewell wanderlust, not yet/love run (reprise), that unwanted animal, battle cries, elsa’s song, wild blue yonder

UPD: A few of you have been asking about the quotes I used on my blanket/quilt and why I chose them so here I am:

If you ask me for my fire, just watch me burn — you know what, I recently started to interpret this line in a positive way? It was a recent thing I understood about myself. I always thought I was good at working/doing things well in the long run, when you have to do it patiently and for years but in my journey of self-discovery I realized that in reality I’m much better as a sprinter — someone who does an incredible job while being under the vast amount of pressure and when you need to do it in a restricted period of time; I will give all of myself to this project/work, every bit of passion I have, every bit of patience. So yeah. If you ask me for my fire — just watch me burn. But then I’ll hibernate for a month.

Can’t you hear it howling? — OKAY HANDS DOWN PROBABLY MY FAVOURITE LYRICS/MELODY SECTION FROM THE WHOLE RUIN ALBUM. Even not the part that is sung by Madeleine, but the back voices Joey’s harmonies sing in the final chorus at 4:28 and till the end. OOOOH WHY SO GOOD.

If I don’t make it back from where i’ve gone just know I loved you all along — this is such a beautiful closing of the song. also such a tormenting thought. i love it.

Such endless blue — I’ve always been drawn to the dark blue colours, especially when I paint. I always run out of the blue watercolour because contrary to this song, it’s not endless :D I’m manifesting an abyss of blue watercolour for myself here lol

You say the words so often but I barely know the meaning — okay so Elsa’ Song is primarily pretty heartbreaking right? The more heartbreaking part being that it is sung as a lullaby. Who didn’t have that moment when the meaning of the words you’re saying slips through your fingers just because you said them too often? Who didn’t have that sad awakening moment of losing trust in a person just because they always promised something and never did it?

After summers of fasting I feel hunger at last — I’ve been thinking about tattooing this quote for quite a while now. It reminds me of my depressive state which very often returned to me in summer and every time it slowly creeped away, I felt the hunger for life in the early autumn. Every time felt like an eternity.

Is nought but fumble-falls and guns and tumbleweeds, love, run — my favourite quote from the superior use of the English language that is that section in Love Run. I am in love with it. All the phonetic twirls makes me shiver sometimes.

Well, hello my hollow Holofernes — ALLITERATION SUPREMACY!!

I’ll sing silence and ask my glass of wine for guidance — i love to sit at home alone and stare into my glass. it doesn’t answer though. what about it. and again — to sing silence? OXYMORONS GIVE ME THEM

Go tell me how we fucked you up and oh my god, it’s so unfair — ah. the hardship of parenting/teaching. I was there, I remember it all too well.

Let’s us waltz for the dead — the oxymoronic style of this line IS JUST A CHEF’S KISS. WALTZ? VERY SOPHISTICATED THING? FOR THE DEAD? NOT THAT PLEASANT TYPE OF A THING? mister batey let me boop you affectionately on the nose you are so clever.

#the amazing devil #joey batey #madeleine hyland #embroidery #ruinanniversary2022

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binary-not-found · 2 years

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Episode 7 season 2 ✨

I'M ALIVE!!! 🙌🏼

Sorry this analysis has taken me so long to post, but I'm trying to get a degree, life has been chaos lately, but here I am and I have quite a bit to say, let's get started, and hang on because these are going to be two long posts.

First the beginning, this scene with Tennant hit me in the face and the episode wasn't even 4 minutes in, because even though we knew Lucy wouldn't be in a few episodes -all thanks to the rumors turning out to be true- I wasn't expecting the opening scene to give us the news. Other than that, I love Jane's reaction to the way Lucy asks how and if they can stop her name from being the first choice, because she gives her the news with a smile on her face and Lucy's reaction is to try to run away from the situation.

It's not until Lucy says it, life isn't the same as it was when she applied for that position, she has things to lose and reasons to stay, she doesn't want to just take a job that will keep her away for months

The way Jane comes close to make Lucy feel safe to say what she really feels, without losing the boss position, Lucy is her agent and she cares, but she also knows this assignment is the right thing for Lucy and for her career, she doesn't tell her what to do, but makes it clear it's good for her

I love Kai asking right away what Kate thinks about the situation and the way he reacts surprised and almost scolds Lucy for telling him before her, because he knows that what he can tell her is not going to convince her to stay or go, in a way he was helping her by pushing her to talk to Kate

Lucy has a point, it's valid that she wants to find out how she feels before she finds out how Kate feels, and that's what she demonstrates from the scene with Tennant, Lucy never says she doesn't want to go, she's worried about Kate, about how she's going to feel and her conversation with Kai is what she lets us see, she doesn't want to upset Kate with how she feels, she wants to let Kate feel without having to worry about anything other than her own feelings

Again, Kai doesn't tell her what to do or what not to do, he tells her it's a good opportunity and walks away, leaving Lucy alone with her thoughts

I watched the preview for this scene so many times I think I know it by heart, I almost had a heart attack when the preview cut to Lucy admitting she was ignoring Kate, but the context gave me a chance to reflect, so here goes

I love the way Kate can read Lucy and immediately knows something is wrong.

And the way one look Kate gives Lucy tells what was really going on.

Now, this was what let me know what was one of the reasons Lucy wanted to find out how she felt before she told Kate, because then Kate would find out why Lucy applied for the job.

You were so upset with me that you wanted to go as far away as you could, on a boat, in the middle of the thing you hate most

Everything on this island reminded me of you

But that's not how I feel anymore

I saw a lot of discussion -on twitter more than here- about how Lucy wanting to leave as an afloat agent was out of character Try getting your heart broken to see if you guys don't want to go as far away as you can in whatever way you can

I have to say that I understand Lucy wanting to leave, since we saw her hurt, we saw her not wanting to deal with her feelings, stay angry so she wouldn't give herself time to be sad. So, it's understandable that being the way she is all she would want to do would be to put herself in any other situation that would keep her mind on something else and not her feelings, I don't blame her, because if I could, I would try to sabotage myself that way as well.

So what are you gonna do?

Kate's reaction - and the amount of times she blinks to avoid tears -I was saying this to Ev @hashtag-kawaii - I have always felt that every action Kate takes, every thing she says or does she does with her previous mistake in mind, she does it wanting to prove that she is indeed making things right, so finding out that Lucy wanted to get off the island any way she could when Kate hurt her, made her feel the guilt of her mistake again, that's why her reaction is to ask what Lucy will do instead of letting out how she is feeling at that moment. But again, this is just the way I think she feels, nothing truthful just what is in my mind.

And the "I love you" I honestly don't want to talk about this, but I'll just say that I was disappointed in the way the writers used it to make it as if Lucy was proving a point rather than saying it because she was actually feeling it. I already mentioned that I think Kate's smile was because it's the first time Lucy has said it so naturally in a not so intimate moment, and that's all I'll say about that.

And now it's Kate's turn to be left alone with her thoughts and with the thousand things I'm sure she was feeling.

This specific moment of the conversation with Ernie is what I want to highlight, because once again, he is not telling her what to do, he is not telling her that it is a good opportunity for her, he is not telling her that she should talk it over with Kate, and I know it is because he knew that Lucy was asking him expecting a sincere answer, because she trusts him and knows he wants the best for her, and that is precisely why he is not saying anything, because his answer would have been thinking about everything she is feeling rather than what is the right thing to do.

Okay, this post already got too long -and the next one will be too- see you there.

1/2 episode 7

#ncis hawaii #ncishawaii #lucy tara #kate whistler #kacy #lucy x kate #kate x lucy #kacy analysis

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cursedpinterest · 1 year

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ed tw

i'd argue that the waifspo/coquette stuff is more of a branch off of thinspo/edblr than a reincarnation, if only because it's almost the exact same posts, photos, memes, etc, just with different tags. argubly, its even an evolution of it

unfortunately, I was on edblr for a long time (2014--2020), so i sorta witnessed the gradual evolution from triggering posts in self-contained tags to triggering but #aesthetic posts that were cross tagged. at first it was relatively mild--like cross tagging 'grungy thinspo' in the main grunge tag, etc.

but weirdly with the kpop boom of the late 2010s (esp 2018 and 2019) there was a big explosion of cross tagging into kpop fandom tags, and then into anime tags, and other """delicate pastel stuff""" as well as other aesthetic tags, esp dark academia and instagram it girls

there was always an uh 'market overlap' so to speak. like a lot of people would use anime characters or k/jpop stars as thinspo, but they never crossed tagged them before. they'd tag it like #anime thinspo or whatever, but not the name of over character along with it, yknow? i know right before the pandemic there was a migration from edblr to edtwt, plus since the beginning of tumblr edblr got a lot of their thinspo from pinterest. since cross tagging is more common on those sites maybe some users assumed it'd work that way on tumblr too?

so maybe the coquette nonsense is just a congealing of all that that leaked elsewhere online. that's just a guess though

sorry if this is too long. im not even sure why im telling you all this but ig since you have to deal with it a lot of the time you deserved some context. anyway, i love your blog

first i just wanna say im sorry you went through all of this, and i genuinely hope you are doing well 🫂

& yes i think you are correct with it being an evolution more than a reincarnation, i just couldn’t really think of a way to promptly describe it in the tags at the time. i luckily escaped from proana/ed spaces before i got onto tumblr, so i didn’t know much of edblr apart from the weird shit that escaped containment, for a lack of a better word, but once i started using pinterest more often after polyvore died, as many young people (esp girls) did, i saw a kind of rise in the “aesthetic” side that was probably, looking back, just thinly-veiled thinspo.

now i feel that the shit im seeing on tumblr with the coquette girls and the whisper pinterest girls is much more blatant, like im getting flashbacks to when i trolled proana forums, back before tumblr or pinterest were popular. although, im sure that kind of brazenness always existed, i just wasn’t as aware of it as i am now, probably bc i avoided that shit as much as possible, and now i kind am more perceptive to this shit i guess.

i know that waifspo is used instead of thinspo since it isn’t censored like thinspo is, so i feel like “waif” and “coquette” are recent labels that are attached to stealth ed content. pinterest has been trying to crack down on thinspo lately, but it’s just relabeled now to post about it sneakily. it’s sad that there are so many little thinspo dog whistles floating around since most social medias have cracked down on the obvious terms. i fear for the young people just now getting on the internet and potentially being brainwashed into this shit.

and re: the kpop thinspo, i made a post about that like a month or so ago but it’s truly darksided… like i got into kpop during the pandemic like a lot of people and every so often when i would look up content about groups i liked, i would see pictures of idols with captions like “omg weight goals” with proana hashtags. the saddest thing is that a couple of these idols have opened up about being forced into extreme diets by their companies, or how they developed eds bc of the industry, and ppl are still tagging pics of them looking unhealthily thin with “body goals” like it’s just such a blatant disrespect, they aren’t fans they’re fetishizing these idols suffering.

sorry for getting into it lol… i just have a lot to say, as im sure a lot of ppl who have also lived thru this do as well. but don’t apologize for this ask i really really appreciated it!!! i honestly think there needs to be more discussion about eds, specifically re: the online communities garnered around them and how they promote people to basically self harm, so yea, thank you for the ask💞

#ed mention #ed tw #sorry if this is incomprehensible it’s late i just had a lot to say #i see people commenting body goals or weight goals on pinterest all the time it’s so horrible

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cristalbeesnow · 6 months

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It's too early to say but in my opinion the world created by Bardugo is not destined to be forgotten. I repeat the world. hypothesis number one, the most unlikely if not impossible: Netflix retraces his steps and renews the series. impossible. From what little I know they never return the cancellations, at most they hand them over to third parties. they would only create a precedent and seeing their ruthless cancellation policy it would never end (I don't justify them, I've hated them for days but that's how they think) hypothesis two, probable: the petitions, the views, the hashtags, the spam and everything what's happening now seems to be working. For now, people haven't given up, on the contrary, after the first tears and more than justified goodbyes (I cried a lot too), they have raised their heads and are fighting. so it is likely that another platform will take over the project. obviously then a whole negotiation would have to start with Netflix that will keep us in suspense for the sole purpose of torturing ourselves. hypothesis 3 the most probable. in short, at 80% I apologize for what I say below, I'm not happy about it either. but it is probable that this story as we know it will end like this but seeing the notoriety of the author and the love of the fandom especially for crows will lead some famous platform (obviously not Netflix) to take up the most loved dilogy (without taking anything away from Alina and co we all know to whom our tears go most) and make another adaptation. maybe more faithful. unfortunately, however, we wouldn't have the same cast... but it's enough for me that this splendid world is saved even if saying goodbye to this cast hurts so much... but I've always said that Netflix has had this sad fate in store for months now. .. unfortunately I wasn't wrong as I intimately hoped... I've never felt so much hatred for having been right...

#six of crows #kaz brekker #shadow and bones #six of crows spin off #sab season two #leigh bardugo #shadow and bone netflix #save shadow and bone

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missathlete31 · 1 year

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Nowhere to Run- Chapter 6

Posting another chapter also to save Glen Powell’s hashtag from this GiGi/Glen/Sydney drama.

Warning that Maverick is a bit ugly in this chapter. He was fired from his job that he loved after effectively cutting three pilots' wings. He's been accused and reprimanded for ending other people's careers and that can't feel good. Now he is stuck at his own hangar while the Daggers all separate, and his best friend is still dead. He has no family besides Bradley who he know has to leave him now when he is shipped off, and he has no real purpose in life anymore (in his mind). So Maverick gets drunk and he finds Jake as a target. It is an AU characterization for sure and I hope you all will forgive me for it.

The wedding ceremony of Reuben and Jacqueline was being held in the gardens of a country club so Jake pulled the car in for valet before the trio headed to the area to get some seats. They arrived just in time, able to procure three seats together in one of the back rows and sat without drawing any attention to themselves. Once settled Jake couldn’t help but to look around, another set of three immediately catching his eye.

Phoenix, Rooster and Maverick sat a few rows up from Jake, all together. Since they were seated Hangman couldn’t get the best look but the blonde could tell right away something was off with all their body languages. Phoenix looked to slouch in her seat dejectedly, an absolutely startling sight from the woman who commanded attention from every room she’d ever enter. Her gaze stayed down to the ground and she only offered little nods or shakes when Bradley turned to say something to her. It was a strange sight, and something that made the blood already start to boil in Jake despite only having watched for thirty seconds. This was Jake’s biggest fear, the concern that he raised to Natasha herself all those months ago before he left Top Gun. He knew that following Bradley Bradshaw was not the path for the female pilot; she was always going to shine the most on her own. Jake hoped he was overreacting, he hoped that he would see Phoenix at the reception and she would be snarky and fun and the spark that made Natasha would be there but he was worried, so very worried.

On the other end of the threesome, Jake almost had to do a double take; the sight of grey hairs in Pete Mitchell’s notoriously known sleek dark hair looking so foreign that Jake would have assumed it was another person. But no, it was Maverick, the ace pilot, the legend of Top Gun and the entire Navy and yet when the man turned around and straightened up to catch a glimpse at who was left to take their seats, Jake could have sworn the man was thirty years older in the time he had seen him last. To be fair Maverick was nearing 60, however when he trained the Dagger Squad a few short months ago he held his own and bested them in most things. Even shirtless dogfight football showed that the elder pilot still had the physique and the stamina to keep up with people half his age. Now the man just looked weathered, his face drawn and sad, his body holding a bit more weight that was more pronounced on his shorter frame. He shuffled uneasily as he continued to look around before Rooster said something and the man sat right back down as though ordered. He didn’t turn around again.

In between the two was Bradley who besides looking a little more shaggy-headed, was more or less the same. He alternated between talking to Nat and Mav, never spending too much time with one instead of the other. It reminded Hangman of a mother, keeping both her children entertained without any favoritism; reminding them not to slouch and to clap when appropriate.

It was just such an outlandish image overall for Jake that he turned to say something to Javy about it. However before he got his chance the music began to swell and he was forced silent by the start of the wedding. Payback stood at the front of the altar in a tuxedo instead of his dress whites, looking the picture of suave and sophistication. He offered wide grins to a few of the guests, and then turned to watch the members of the wedding party make their way down the aisle. Fanboy was a big hit of course, winking and smiling at a few of the pilots he recognized before finally giving his partner a big thumbs up before he took his spot at his side.

When Jacqueline appeared the whole crowd seemed to hold their breath, the woman looking radiant in her ivory gown. Her eyes stayed on Reuben the whole way down, beaming with happy tears as she watched the man she was about to marry cry as he saw her. The two lovers met in front of the wedding officiant and held hands throughout the ceremony, leaving no doubt to any of those in attendance of how much they adored each other.

After the vows were exchanged and Reuben was allowed to kiss his new bride for all the world to see, the guests were ushered inside for a cocktail hour before they were led to the reception. The cocktail hour, (the best hour at any wedding in Jake’s opinion) was pleasant. The food was delicious as was expected and thanks to Naomi being the designated driver, both Jake and Javy got to indulge in some scotch from the open bar. As they mingled around, Jake was able to catch up with some of the old Daggers, each greeting him enthusiastically. It squelched the nerves that had been simmering in Jake’s stomach, the nagging fear of being rejected or un-liked that seemed to be permanently attached to him. Instead the team appeared to fall right into step like no time had passed at all, everyone happy and healthy and in one piece when all that seemed so unsure a few months ago.

Towards the end of the hour Jake came close to getting a minute with Natasha, but the other woman clutched her water a little tighter and headed in the other direction. Jake couldn’t contain his disappointment but Fritz told him not to let it get to him while he explained the complete transition in Phoenix’s demeanor. Hangman didn’t know what upset him worse, hearing how Nat had effectively become the bully of the replacement squad when they had all left or how she had become almost like a shadow in the weeks since Maverick’s leaving. The blonde knew he needed to find a way to talk to the woman, find out what exactly was going on. She may hate him but Jake had nothing but respect for Natasha Trace and he knew the world would not seem right unless she was at her best.

When the reception started, Jake realized quite quickly that not all the Daggers were sitting together. Thankfully the split was Rooster, Phoenix, Fritz, Fanboy and Maverick seated at one table with some of Reuben’s other pilot friends. Meanwhile his table was Jake and the two Machados, Halo and Omaha who had finally seemed to embrace the inevitable and declared their feelings for each other, Harvard and his girlfriend Marilyn, Yale, and most surprising of all Bob Floyd and his plus one, a young man named Dylan. Jake actually found himself seated next to the quiet WSO and his date and he noticed the way Bob's eyes shifted nervously when he introduced Dylan to the rest of the squad.

Jake grew up in Texas and then joined the military so he was well aware of homophobia and all the ways it could rear its ugly head. He had seen it ruin friendships and squadrons instantly, destroying what should be safe places and questioning other people’s characters. Jake couldn’t imagine having to worry about what others would say about who a person chooses to love. He knew that it took a lot of guts for anyone to so willingly share this part of their personal life with anyone. Luckily the bespectacled man next to him had absolutely nothing to be scared of as the team welcomed Dylan instantly and warmly. The man had met Bob just a few short months ago but it was obvious they both were very smitten, Dylan held Bob's hand through most of the conversation and every time they caught each other's eyes, they shared a sweet smile.

Being around all this love made Jake feel pretty lonely as he sat at the table. He wasn't the only one riding solo, Yale had come alone and Jake saw a few others around the room with no dates, but it still felt different. Hangman had spent a lifetime pushing others away, having no qualms about focusing on his career first and foremost, marriage a statistical unlikelihood and children something that Jake's own troubled childhood had made him frightened of. However, as Javy rested a loving hand on Naomi's baby bump and the three other couples all rose to dance during a slow tune, Jake wished he didn't have such strong convictions in the past against settling down.

Hangman rose up before he got too melancholy, heading to the bar in the corner of the room only to run into one of the people he had hoped he could have kept avoiding. Pete Mitchell stood by the drink station, nursing a whiskey that did not look like his first by the way he was leaning. The man was watching over the wedding procession with hooded eyes, his expression not the warm melancholy of a man past his prime, or even the jealous envy of a single loner. He just looked void and blank, which were two words never associated with Maverick Mitchell.

The older pilot spotted Jake quickly and his eyes widened just a fraction before he took another sip of his drink and let loose a hiss. Knowing it would be worse if he turned around, Hangman continued over, nodding to the bartender and ordering a scotch. "Sir" he acknowledged while he silently pleaded for the bartender to pour faster.

"Seresin" Maverick's voice was slightly slurred, confirming Jake’s suspicion of his multiple drinks, "didn't you hear?" the man continued, rolling his glass a little as he watched the amber liquid splash around, "I don’t need to be addressed as Sir anymore."

Jake wasn't quite sure how to play the situation but opted for honesty, "yes" he conceded cautiously, "I heard you retired."

Pete gave a snort of bitterness that just seemed so wrong coming from the man, "it wasn't voluntary" he shared looking up at the blonde once more, "You were right, I wasn’t fit to lead the team.”

“I didn’t say that-“

“Didn’t you?” the older man challenged, pressing off the bar to step closer to his former Lieutenant. “Isn’t that what you screamed to the rafters in the hangar that day? That you didn’t trust my judgment? My decisions?”

Jake could stop the blush of guilt that flashed over his cheeks, “I didn’t mean- Sir I-“

“I told you” Maverick snapped harshly, “I’m not Sir anymore.”

This wasn’t the situation Jake wanted to be in and certainly not the venue. He looked over to the side and noticed Javy was watching warily from their table. He nodded over to his best friend to put him at ease before turning back to his former Captain, “I think I should head out-“

“Yes” Pete tilted his head as though pondering something, “that is what you do, isn’t it Seresin? Run away.”

Jake felt his defensiveness rising, “Look Mav I’m sorry about what happened but I did what was best for me.”

"Don't you always" the man scuffed.

It was foolish to keep engaging but Jake felt the heat of the scotch in his gut egging him on. "I see you've been taking notes from Rooster" the blonde spat back, "I forgot that you pushing dangerous and life-threatening stunts on a bunch of newbies was my fault. Enlightening me Mav, was I the one flying in between them?"

Maverick's green eyes blazed, the most emotion that Jake had seen from the man since he caught a glimpse of him at the wedding. The older man took his pointer finger and rammed it hard into Jake's chest, "all I ever wanted was to train you all to get home! I cared more about your lives than the mission-"

Hangman pushed Maverick's hand from his chest, "No one ever doubted that" he told his former captain, "but you always wanted to fix your relationship with Bradshaw and it clouded your judgment."

"I picked the team that succeeded!" Pete's voice rose, enough to draw the attention of a few people in the crowd. Jake could see Javy rising, no doubt wondering why he was staying in this conversation any longer. Maverick clutched at Jake's dress whites with a desperate hold, "even you" he explained expressively, "you being the spare was methodical too, I knew you'd be the only one that could fly fast enough to get to us if we needed it."

The blonde swallowed roughly, "You couldn't have known I'd fly against orders-"

Mitchell nodded sagely, "I couldn't know for sure but I knew if anyone would have done it, it would be you" he said, echoing the similar words to what Cyclone had spoken in his office all those months ago. It dawned on Jake that for all of Maverick's renegade status he and the other Admiral were not so different. They all wanted the same thing, success and everyone coming home. Captain Mitchell naturally thought that Simpson and Bates wanted success first, and maybe they did, but they also cared, maybe just as much as Mav did. But they were different; they were regimented; they believed in rules and regulations and order. Maverick believed in getting things done however you needed. Neither were 100% right or wrong, they were just different styles.

Jake looked down for a moment before finding his former captain's eye again. The truth of the matter was he respected Maverick for his record, for his skills and as a man. Him picking Bradshaw and ignoring the glaring problems with that choice was the reasons that Jake couldn't respect him as a Captain. But the man was no longer a CO. Instead he was a clipped bird, stuck on the ground for the rest of his life, bitter and angry with a growing feeling of inadequacy. It's hard to stay mad at someone like that. The blonde shook his head, "look Pops" he began hoping the nickname would soften the edges of fiery emotion from this conversation, "I didn't expect it to get here okay?"

Maverick backed off a bit, "Me either."

"And I'm sorry" Jake continued, "for what happened to you. I'm sorry that the Dagger Squad didn't become what you wanted, or Rooster wanted, but you can't blame that on me."

"You never gave it a chance" the older man explained, moving back to his position of leaning against the bar top as though it was too much energy to stay standing and conversing with Jake any longer, “because you weren't the star."

Hangman rolled his eyes, frustration mounting as he felt the need to defend himself again, "this isn't about my ego-"

"It is. And I should know" Mav warned, "because I was the same. You and me Seresin, we aren't so different. Running around and trying to be the best, shine the brightest, only worried about getting that ace status-"

"There's nothing wrong with wanting to be the best in your field-"

"But you won't be that" Pete cut in gravely, looking even older than his years. He grabbed Jake's arm with an iron tight grip to force him to listen. "You don't get to be the best pilot or move up the ranks to being an Admiral. Men like us Jake, we don't rise."

"Sir you became a Captain-"

"Because I wouldn't die" the man explained, "We are meant to die young and in a blaze of glory. We are meant to be a part time Navy assets that burns itself out before the expiration of its shelf life. You and I, we aren't the Icemans of the world or even the Cyclones." He took a step closer, right in Jake's face, "you are a liability, just like I was, and the Navy always gets rid of their liabilities eventually."

"And how do they do that?" Hangman asked, his curiosity in the seasoned pilot’s point too poignant to step away from.

Pete sighed, "they give you enough rope to hang yourself" he shared, his eyes growing distant. Jake had a feeling he was back up in the skies that faithful day a few weeks ago, flying in between two planes like he always did, only to watch the stunt go horribly wrong so quickly. "They give you that rope and they let time drive you to wrap it around yourself."

"With all due respect Mav," Hangman cut in to drive the older man from his thoughts, "but I'm not like you. I wouldn't do what you did-"

The smile Pete gave in reply froze the blood in Jake's veins. It was creepy in its knowingness. Like Maverick knew this big secret that Hangman was too dumb to understand, and maybe he did. Maybe Mav had a point, could Jake advance to the Admiral status like he always dreamed? Or was he like Pete Mitchell, always chasing after the next bogey, flying like a maverick instead of an iceman. Losing the game of advancement before he even realized he was playing. Jake felt his cheeks redden as the truth hit him.

Maverick looked smug as he watched realization dawn on the younger man, "that's right Seresin, now you get it. We don't become admirals, we don’t advance. You think you have a future with the Navy but you don't, we don't, we're just meant to fly until we die and hopefully it's sooner rather than later for everyone's sake." He shot back the rest of his whiskey and slammed the glass a little too harshly back on the table, "enjoy the rest of the wedding" he declared as he gave Jake one final slap on the shoulder before slipping back into the crowd of dancers.

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jonghyuns-husband · 1 year

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(CW // Dec 18th, suicide, victims of harassment, violence, mental health talk)

Since I want to spread this hashtag more, I would like to talk about the Shawols that I lost over the years and bring their voices up.

Clem was a friend I met on Wattpad back in 2015 when I was 11 and she was 14. She was one of the closest and the first online friend I’ve ever had. She loved to make SHINee stories for fun and she also helped me to write better. She was an amazing writer who took great passion for her work as well as her being a big advocate for the LGBTQ+ community according to her sister who came out as lesbian a year before we met.

Unfortunately, Clem was bullied at her college and her workplace, including on her online accounts. This would occur about 1-2 month after the death has been announced. On the 15th of December 2018, 3 days after Jonghyun’s first anniversary, she couldn’t take it anymore and took her own life. She was 17.

Sam was a girl in the secondary school who was 2 years older than me. I remembered talking to her once and that was it. She also really loved Jonghyun and Onew and was a BIG fan of the group.

One day, she stopped coming to class. There was a rumour going around saying that Sam took her own life after being hate bombed for posting about Jonghyun positively to cope with the pain. The last time she was in class, a guy mentioned his passing without warning which triggered the girl to stand up and leave. Ever since then, she was never seen again. The guy thought that it was his fault, but it turned out that she was going through a lot recently and couldn’t take it anymore. If it was true, then she died on the 9th of January 2018 aged 16 years old.

Ayami was a close friend of mine since Year 1. Interesting fact, she was actually born in Japan and then came to the UK when she was only 4. That summer, she enrolled in my school where we met on the first day. She didn’t speak much English, but luckily I knew a bit of Japanese so we were able to have a connection together. She was a sweet girl that would look out of anyone who looked like that needed help. She even loved to cook and wanted to start her own sweet shop one day where she would make sweet treats such as cakes, cupcakes, brownies, cookies, etc. Fun fact, my blog @yutassweetshop is actually based on her childhood dream and yes NCT bias was also Yuta! It’s a sweet (no pun intended) tribute to the one I called noona, and yes I’ll never stop calling her that until the day I die. Never mind, she’ll still be my noona anyways.

Although yes she had been harassed around his passing when we went to school together, there were other stuff in her life that really pulled the trigger on her head. I could make a separate post talking about Ayami and what she had went through so you would know, but to keep it simple, her father did some horrible things to her as a kid that when she found out, she took her own life out of fear. She was 14.

The reason why I mentioned her was the fact that Jonghyun’s passing was one of the chain of events she had to go through in her life, and you never truly know what someone has gone through already. Even though she didn’t die over it, that still doesn’t make it ok regardless. It’s still an awful thing to do to someone who is grieving by acting like they are complete strangers and treating them like they had never once seen the man before.

Those 3 girls didn’t took their lives because they were obsessive fans, they died because they were HARASSED to suicide. I know a friend’s friend who was also a blinger that took her own life and her family thought it was because she was sad over the passing of Jonghyun. That wasn’t what happened. She was beaten up at school and was told to kill herself ever since she came back from the Christmas holidays. She ended up doing so in her room and she was so close to celebrating her 16th birthday. It was the same as Jonghyun’s. She took her own life 2 days before at age 15.

There were some people in my cousins’ lives that killed themselves too, but I don’t know them very much, but all of them will be missed. Any Shawols that I’ve missed, please leave their names below and tell me one thing you loved about them. You can even talk about their favourite song or albums.

This tormenting K-Pop fans thing needs to stop. I don’t care if you think teenage girls screaming about their BTS biases are cringe, this needs to end. It’s not funny anymore and it’s claiming lives. I could of lost my friend that I met last year just because of the dumb messages of them saying that he was disrespecting a “deadman.” It just seems so tone deaf that really, they’re actually doing the disrespecting and not him.

This is already a difficult month for all of us and I just beg, PLEASE DO NOT HARASS ANY SHAWOLS. Not just in this month where it’s his anniversary, but WHOLE FUCKING YEAR. Please treat us like human beings and stop making us change for someone who barely even knows about the guy until the news broke and now you want to be the fucking hero when you’re not.

Why don’t you do all of us a favour and just fuck off. I’m sure most of us would want that now. This is why some Shawols like me haven’t yet stopped grieving because of how badly people treated us over the years. It has been 5 years, instead of telling us to “let him rest in peace”, how about you let us “grief in peace.”

It’s like what they say, “don’t give his family condolences if you aren’t going to respect his fans.”

Never mind, I did.

Rest in peace to Clem, Sam, Ayami and everyone else who took their lives due to these kinds of people either in real life or online. Rest in peace to the main guy himself, Kim Jonghyun. Thank you so much for taking care of those lost souls for us. Trust me, this was never your fault. Don’t ever blame yourself for any of this. Disgusting pricks like them (the people who harasses Shawols) has always existed since the beginning of time.

Please don’t cry because of the Shawols that went your route but be happy since you made their dreams come true.

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heyharoldsboo · 1 year

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The hate in the instagram comments is tooo much. Its not bots now with a #, its actual prople commenting.

they need to address this somehow, i know we all preted like this has died down and people will forget but i dont think they will. People will not shut up until either he says something or jenna or the cast are seen in public with him.

they need to do something or this will never end! Im sorry its just my opinion

I checked it and there are people and there are people spamming. It's been up for one hour, it has 700 comments. It's the haters new scare tactic. We should just ignore it as usual and comment nice stuff.

They aren't going to address it. I understand your opinion and your feelings on this are valid, but I'm willing to bet money that it isn't going to be addressed. There is no need.

In one month we went from 10 million people seeing Aries' tweet and the internet mobbing him completely to a handful of sad haters around the world.

Hater will hate, haters hated him before any of this because of their precious ships and their stalkerish ways of liking some celebrities. It isn't going to change, they're just hiding behind a hashtag now.

We should really focus on loving him and his achievements and not on what haters are saying. Or aren't we Percy's fans? I know that's what I am doing.

#i stand with percy #percy is innocent #heyharoldsboo

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sapphicsoie · 2 years

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73 questions

on a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now? solid 6, i am excited to live in norway for 5 months.

describe yourself in a hashtag? #wellshitok

if you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be? timothee chalamet if it's a film that has the vibe of cmybn, but tom holland if it's a movie that is mainstream.

if your life was a musical, what would the marquee say? probably something like "don't worry!"

what’s one thing people don’t know about you? people don't know that i sleep with a baby blanket named blankey who is actually not a blanket i have had since i was a baby but actually the same type of blanket i had when i was 5. this is the third blanket i have had since then, she (yes she uses she/her pronouns) is from lands end (i buy a new one whenever she turns to literal threads). i got the one i sleep with now when i was 15.

what’s your wake up ritual? i don't really have one unless i'm like at camp or have class, then i will read in bed for a bit if i can, shower, drink a tea and eat breakfast, and brush my teeth last. i also like to listen to music.

what’s your go to bed ritual? i always wash my face and either shower or have a bath, then do skincare, take out contacts, brush teeth, put on lip balm, read in bed, then sleep.

what’s your favorite time of day? i love when the sun is setting.

your go to for having a good laugh? tiktok, or sonny with a chance or kim possible compilations.

dream country to visit? iceland or new zealand

what’s the biggest surprise you’ve ever had? that my dad who is slightly homophobic is actually into kinky gay sex and is a bottom.

heels or flats/sneakers? sneakers.

vintage or new? depends, i would say new for clothes because they don't make cute vintage clothes for fat women, but i love vintage cameras and furniture

who do you want to write your obituary? my best friend katie and if i die before her, my mom.

style icon? fictional? noora amelie sætre. irl? i love zendaya's style for the most part.

what are three things you cannot live without? my phone, my antidepressants, and something to read.

what’s one ingredient you put in everything? GARLIC but also love salt and pepper. i am very white.

what 3 people living or dead would you want to make dinner for? ummmm maybe like my grandma who i never met and or like isak valtersen, sana bakkoush and even bech næsheim from skam lmao.

what’s your biggest fear in life? feeling like my life is meaningless and i won't be rememebered.

window or aisle seat? used to be window, now it's aisle. i gotta pee!!

what’s your current tv obsession? haven't been watching tv AT ALL but i loved moon knight.

favorite app? tumblr or ao3 if that counts as an app, more of a website tho

secret talent? i am very flexible, and can do all three splits, and a perfect cartwheel.

most adventurous thing you’ve ever done in your life? i dated a girl in high school in a small town in the deep south

how would you define yourself in three words? determined, honest, lonely

favorite piece of clothing you own? rn it's a plain ribbed t-shirt from target

a must have clothing item that everyone should have? plain ribbed shirt and comfy high rise jeans

a superpower you would want? shape shifting

what’s inspiring you in life right now? to be transparent, i am simply existing for the most part. i do really want to graduate so i can move to nyc and try acting and not be in school for the first time in 15 years.

best piece of advice you’ve received? that it is okay to feel and show your emotions and that doesn't make you any less strong or capable.

best advice you’d give your teenage self? you won't feel this awful forever. i promise. also, don't let her hurt you over and over again. and lastly, just because you are in pain doesn't mean you have to force your anger and sadness and despair onto others, be kind.

a book everyone should read? i don't read as much as i used to, but i think a book/series that made me who i am is a series of unfortunate events by lemony snicket.

what would you like to be remembered for? i hope i'm remembered as someone who left the world better than it was in some way shape or form, even if it's trivial.

how do you define beauty? i think it depends on the person and what kind of beauty. i think there is no simple way to define beauty because it's so subjective.

what do you love most about your body? my eyes, they are a really pretty shade of blue with a gold ring around the pupil.

best way to take a rest/decompress? listen to music, read, lay in the pitch dark listening to music or city rain sounds

favorite place to view art? gonna be transparent i cannot look at art for more than like 30 seconds, so maybe a museum but i don't really view art :/

if your life was a song, what would the title be? liability by lorde.

if you could master one instrument, what would it be? piano, i played it growing up but stopped.

if you had a tattoo, where would it be? probably somewhere pretty hidden, maybe my ankle or the side of ribs?? idk

dolphins or koalas? koalas literally fuck dolphins

what’s your spirit animal? a platypus.

best gift you’ve ever received? probably my macbook, i use it a lot. idk i've never been given a super sentimental gift?? my friend recently gave me a really pretty drawing of me for my birthday though.

best gift you’ve given? horrible at gifts but got my dad a fancy speaker for christmas but little does he know it was 75% off.

what’s your favorite board game? don't really play them at all and never really have but i like chess

what’s your favorite color? baby pink

least favorite color? any bright colour. or like orange. or teal. i am picky.

diamond or pearls? pearls!!!

drugstore makeup or designer? mostly designer but the occasional drugstore product

blow-dry or air-dry? air-dry unless someone else is doing my hair

pilates or yoga? yoga

coffee or tea? tea, but if i need caffeine, coffee.

what’s the weirdest word in the english language? hippomonstrosesquippiedaliophobia.

dark chocolate or milk chocolate? milk but i'm not a huge chocolate gal

stairs or elevators? elevators

summer or winter? winter 4ever i hate sweating

you are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat? probably something nutritious if we are being practical like salmon and quinoa but if we are being honest, steak and yorkshire pudding

a dessert you don’t like? super chocolatey stuff. or ice cream that is fruit flavoured. disgusting.

a skill you’re working on mastering?

best thing to happen to you today? the children went home and i get to drink tonight

worst thing to happen to you today? woke up at 7.30 am and had to spend time with children until they finally left at 12 pm

best compliment you’ve ever received? that i am determined and resilent.

favorite smell? christmas eve candle by yankee candle. smells like childhood.

hugs or kisses?

if you made a documentary, would it be about? a documentary about how internet culture and grooming affected girls born in the late 90's-early 2000's, like myself and so many of my friends did some crazy shit online as a kid.

last piece of content you consumed that made you cry?

lipstick or lipgloss? lipgloss!!

sweet or savory? savoury but i also love sweets

girl crush? zendaya, maybe margot robbie?? josefine frida pettersen is gorgeous

how do you know your in love? when you never get tired of being around them. like your social battery never runs out with them.

a song you can listen to on repeat? currently kjøre oss by marie ulven (girl in red before she was girl in red)

if you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be? probably a rich person who lives in nyc or canada or norway

what are you most excited for about this time in your life? moving to oslo in the fall!!

tagged by @silkscream

tagging: @peterthepark @spidervee @indouloureux

#about me ig #not marvel #about ginger

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hoarder-of-stories-27 · 2 years

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Hi!Umm, I was a reader of your works on AO3 (the same one who commented on how beautiful your writing was at the end of March on “Forever and Ever”). At the time, I felt pretty bubbly about it. Your stories in general (which I know perfectly well are mostly soft porn and not replicable in real life and still enjoying them for other reasons) gave me quite a few perspectives and debates with myself (in a good way) Part 1/?

1. As a queer kid, you opened up a world to the possibility of HRT, binders, and top surgery. 2. It has helped me to identify signs of triggers and help correctly in real life and 3. It was healthy to read an autistic adult enjoying something they love to do (at least, you always seemed to enjoy writing in your notes. My lil sis is autistic, and sometimes I wonder how I could encourage her as she grows up.) Part 2/? After you told me to stay away from your AO3 - online security issues, which I appreciate because I suck at using the few social have - I kept my promise. At that time I couldn't, now I take to express my sincere apology if I was invasive (or am I? I'm starting to question writing this that I shouldn't have looked for your Tumblr:c) and/or made they uncomfortable ( I was seriously concerned and saddened that this). But this is not exactly why I searched for them after 4 months. Part 3/? Not long ago I created a Twitter account. I started following TGCF artists and other danmei accounts. Inevitably, the hashtag system led me to a danmei confession account in spanish and I said why not *shrugs* In one of his pinned tweets was a doc with a pretty nasty description. It was the callout. Part 4/? Damn, I swear it's the worst vibes text I've read in a long time (only comparable when Jun Wu act canonically being manipulative). Seriously, I've only just started getting involved in fandoms (one year and a half), and I think that scared me from getting with the english MXTX fans. The witch hunt they committed narrated as if it were a pride was quite ... hmm wtf. And when I realized that the user they were attacking was you, I look if you had answered. This brings me to the next point Part 5/? I read your POV and I truly apologize of everyone who bullied you (bc they never will). I really apologize for all the anguish he has been through. I hope that becomes a reality for a full-time commission writer in the future. I am sad that you have lost friends to something that shouldn't have happened. I really apologize for my own behavior in AO3, because the last thing they wanted to do was be a problem when they already had enough on their plate. 6/? I would really love to say “hey, I want to meet you. It doesn't matter what your status is, it's who you are” (and I mean that because you're really cool, but this is probably our only interaction anytime soon [until your consent to it]). I will truly tell you “you deserve love, and I am confident that you will find your special person(s) despite this setback”. Part 7/? I am very happy to read on your tumblr that you already feel (relatively) better about it, that you are flourishing as people, and that your transition process is going very well! It's news that makes me smile, like a queer kid. I hope that you will feel comfortable again and have many cute friends like you. Plural kisses for you! And sorry for writing so much haha. Part 8/8

(Context - this person told me they were a minor in a now-deleted AO3 comment on an M-rated fic. Also, here is my response document.)

Hello! Thank you so much for this message. 🥺❤️❤️❤️ I really appreciate it.

I'm really glad my stories have been positive for you. It means a lot to hear that, and to have confirmation that you understand that they're fiction and (especially with the ones tagged with "underage") not intended as an accurate reflection of how real life works. I do enjoy writing!! It's helped me through a lot of things, and I've had a lot of fun doing it.

Re: making me uncomfortable... if you've read my response document, you know I have P-OCD. I'm sorry I didn't explain myself much when I replied to your comment earlier, but that's a large portion of why I was uncomfortable - I understand that teenagers will seek out porn, and I sought out porn myself as a teenager and it didn't harm me, but it triggers my P-OCD to know that a specific minor has read porn I've written.

Of course, I was also concerned about your safety. It's not good to let people know you're a minor on an account where you engage with sexual content or fandoms for adult media - I've seen too many predators online who will view you as a target if you do that. But there were personal reasons involved for me as well. I really appreciate you caring about that.

You haven't broken any boundaries by sending asks to me on here! This blog is intended to be safe for anyone over 13 (Tumblr's required age) - I do mention topics like kink here from time to time, but nothing more than mentions or mild jokes (or, I think, one singular sex education post once), so I'm okay with minors interacting, with the understanding that minors are not my target audience. I would prefer not to interact anywhere other than this blog until you turn 18, but once that happens, please feel free to kudos/comment on my fics again and/or interact with me on Twitter, etc.!

I really, really appreciate you saying all of that. 🥺❤️ You absolutely don't have to apologize for writing something long. I do have a lot of wonderful people supporting me! I would not be doing so well without them.

I hope you're doing well, other than having that nasty document inflicted on you. 😐 Please stay safe on Twitter, and take care of yourself!

#asks #anonymous #long #/harassment #/abuse #/underage mention #/nsfa mention #/medical mention #my posts #-responsible

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writeyourstorywithink · 3 months

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"Can't even see that from space..."

Pretty hard to describe how all of this is going for me so far... On one hand I am loving the hobby of collecting baseball cards, ripping packs like its my job (damn I wish it was) and on the other, the social media and vlogging aspect is so so. The thrill of making the videos, adding music or effects, applying fun text and researching the best hashtags to make it visible to the most amount of people is awesome! However, all of it truly takes time and thoughtfulness to make sure you are putting out quality content that people can enjoy, which is where I am falling a bit short. The excitement of the posting and tracking viewers/analytics has gotten the best of me and I deviate from my strategy causing some weaker content, missed hashtags or links to the proper video. SLOPPY! This is quite new to me though as you all know so I'm working hard to keep learning as I bang on this keyboard boring you with my growing pains. Seriously though what is going on with this THREADS thing...?

I thought that making the videos, being on camera and trying to talk about a subject that in the grand scheme of things I still know very little about would be terrifying and I would never be able to fill the time. On my YouTube and TikTok I have two ten minute videos and one five minute video, all three I barely finished what I was saying or doing in time and I was shocked! Based on my lengthy blog posts I'm sure you're not surprised but I sure was. Due to some internal issues, I have for the most part lived in solitude for the last two years so for me, all this putting myself out there and talking about this to you would have been impossible a few months ago. When you get to the point of drinking as much as I did, everything in your life starts to fade away. You slowly stop answering phone calls, make excuses not to go to weddings or events with friends, you become distant with your family, and all because of that perfect little shiver followed by the goosebumps you get after that first drink touches the back of your throat. That moment where nothing else around you matters, that moment you looked forward to since the moment you got up in the morning. When you're at the point that you can't totally function, converse with friends or feel good without alcohol, you completely abandon your life outside of work and home (you only work to get more booze so you stop feeling sick).

I spent a good part of the last decade perched on a barstool trying to relive an impossible past acting like somehow I'd find it at the bottom of any one of those glasses. I drank when I was happy, I drank when I was sad, I cheers'd birthdays of people I didn't even know, I drank... I had a promising career in the automotive industry, built some great relationships in the big city, yet none of that was enough to get the life I wanted back. I always thought that I needed more, I had to make more money, drive a better car otherwise she/anyone else would never love me (that was all in my head by the way). This feeling drove me crazy to the point of restless nights where my mind would never shut down which means...Night cap(s)! When you get to that point your only hobbies are planning out your day so you can strategically drink enough to keep from getting sick to your stomach or shaking so bad you can't hold a cup of water without spilling. If you think that doesn't seem like much to look forward to well...its not, but when you're in it that deep, knowing there is a bottle waiting for you at home is like knowing you get to go to Vegas after work...STOKED!

Enough about the drinking though for now, I just wanted to give you a little back story to build on what I talked about in my last post. Get out of your comfort zone and just do it! Sign up for that class, make conversation with that person you find attractive on the street, buy that pack of baseball cards and don't get wrapped up with living in the past. Do something today that will lead to even better things for you tomorrow. Whatever it is that gets you excited just do it and don't worry what people will say or think because your passion is the only ice breaker you'll need! The videos I talked about earlier and all of my card content are on instagram @vonarx_ink and TiKTok @vonarxink I hope this gets even just one person a little pumped to try something they've always wanted to try this weekend.

#baseball #luxury car #alcohol #drunk #love #life #throwback thursday #new beginnings #intentions

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teenmomcentral · 6 months

Text

Love is in the air for Farrah Abraham, but it isn’t out in the open.

The fired Teen Mom star is currently in a relationship with a man she met on OnlyFans back in 2021. While the two communicated on the subscription-based (and mostly NSFW) site years ago, the lover of all things cosmetic procedures and general misuse of the English language claims things only got serious between her and her new man after they ended up matching on a dating app this year.

Farrah has yet to reveal the identity of her latest love interest, nor has she posted any videos or photos in which her man’s back isn’t to the camera or his face hasn’t been strategically cut out of the shot or covered by an emoji. However, she insists that the relationship is very real and not a ‘for-pay’ situation, as some of her haters have suggested.

The self-proclaimed Number One Celebrity In Our Nation reportedly entered into this business deal relationship after training with a dating/relationship coach over the course of three months in order to overhaul her past dating habits. Farrah claims she’s shooting for a drama-free dating experience with her employee new boo, and even made the mystery man sign a non-disclosure agreement (NDA) for good measure.

Though Farrah isn’t sharing the name of her boyfriend at the moment, she told TMZ that he’s sober, isn’t a public figure, works in “tech, business sales and marketing,” and that the two of them are close in age. The mystery man also reportedly purchased a home near Farrah after the couple made their relationship official in late September, though he has yet to meet Farrah’s family–- presumably including Farrah’s 14-year-old daughter Sophia–- and is not set to do so until later this month.

Just last week, Farrah posted a series of clips to Instagram in which she referenced “Friendsgiving” along with the hashtag “#turksandcaicos,” seemingly confirming she and her guy spent the Thanksgiving holiday together on vacation.

Farrah’s post was met with countless comments from people questioning the authenticity of her posterior new relationship, largely due to Farrah’s decision to hide her man’s face, as well as her historically terrible track record when it comes to dating. Many also accused her of being an escort and her man of being a “John” who was paying Farrah for her time.

“No way did she actually find a man who is capable of dealing with her craziness,” one person wrote.

“Is he a paid date?” another asked.

“Finally got a new boo for a week or two,” someone else wrote.

“Wonder what he paid you for the weekend?” a different comment read.

Multiple people also noted the irony of Farrah’s song choice for the post, “Agora Hills” by Doja Cat, which features the line, “I wanna show you off.”

“Proceeds to not ‘show him off’ lol Jesus Christ..,” one comment read, to which Farrah replied, “its called privacey.” (Obviously, Farrah is still keeping her ability to spell correctly and use proper punctuation under wraps, too.)

UPDATE! On Thursday, Farrah beamed into TMZ to address her haters’ speculation that her new man is actually a “John” (aka client) and that she is being paid to spend time with him.

“There are no illegal activities going on in my life, or in my family’s dynamic,” she said in a video interview, later adding, “For the record, this is a boyfriend situation and no illegal activity. And it’s sad that I even have to correct people on this.”

Farrah then committed The Number One Sin In Our Nation and compared herself to Queen Dolly Parton.

Farrah stated that she is modeling her on-the-down-low relationship after Dolly’s relationship with her husband Carl Dean. (Dolly and Carl have been married for 57 years but Carl has made very few public appearances and prefers to stay private.)

“It’s kind of like Dolly Parton in a way,” Farrah said. “I love her relationship with her husband. I think that’s healthiest for me and for whoever I’m getting to know. Maybe I’ll never reveal who I’m talking to, even if I ever get married one day. I just feel like I need privacy.

“I always feel like there’s some kind of threat towards having a happy, healthy, loving relationship in my life, from ‘Teen Mom’ days.”

Farrah also addressed Jenelle Evans‘ recent comment that Child Protective Services (CPS) needs to do a welfare check on Sophia.

“I think the CPS stuff needs to stop,” the Backdoor Teen Mom said. “Again, my motherhood has always been, like, threatened by very negative, made-up things from haters. It’s really sad that I’ve had to learn the hard way in the past about going on trips or anything with any boyfriend I’ve ever had, that like CPS would be called or anything like that while I’m gone.”

Farrah then seemed to take another swipe at Jenelle, who is the middle of a CPS investigation with her husband David Eason.

“I’m loving that I don’t have to deal with a CPS crisis all the time, just by trying to have a normal dating life,” she said. “I welcome all the hate now and I just love that my dating life is more private.”

#teen mom #teen mom 2 #mtv #jenelle evans #farrah abraham #news

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vangoghingdavinci · 10 months

Text

8.5.23

11:00 AM

Dear Leo,

i miss you ...

i miss you again

maybe because i saw your story... but tomorrow, i'll be better...

leo, when i blocked you, it was because i needed to distance myself from you because you were so reachable... i blocked you because i needed to survive.

i died when you left leo...

and i had no self control, even right after you left, i still found myself in your account... and i remember crying so hard missing you so much... that was why i messaged you... remember you replied "i'm sorry"... i was expecting more... honestly, i was expecting you to tell me that you felt the same--that it's hard not having me in your life...

you didn't, "i'm sorry" was the most honest response you gave...

leo, why did you leave?

was it really because of F?

was it really because of V?

you said you want to give a stability to S, i respect that, and i truly admire that...

leo

it still hurts ...

and i still cry now, as i remember the last message you wrote at the loveshack

why did you not acknowldge that you received my emails, you said you're just an email away... i know my emails were not nice... but i needed your response...

i needed you so much those times...

and yes, i miss you

i miss our jokes, i miss laughing with you,

i miss your smile, i do remember your smile leo... that's why i stalk your stories to see if you have a selfie... i miss your smile, you look so lovely, so gentle when you smile

when you came into my life, i haven't laughed so hard for a long time... but you made me laugh... laugh to tears... i miss that

i miss telling you how much i love you... i miss reading poetry for you, i miss talking to you before i sleep... i miss talking to you at 7 AMs... i miss all of you --your golf,.music, and poetry ... you, eating sweets at night...

and i miss dreaming with you--tiny house, our dog... looking at the sky...

i told you how much i wish i can be so far from people and just be with you... and i can just yell "i love you leo"... because i just want the world to know how much i love you

i always dream of that,

so that's why when i saw your beautiful skies of stars, i was so hurt, because you didn't even tell me you were going to see the stars... leo, even if you broke our "relationship"... even if we were not how we were anymore, i wish you told me that you were going to see the stars...

if i meant anything to you leo, even as just a friend... you would have told me that you were going to see the stars

then i saw a photo which you hashtagged furdich---that's when i realized of course you wouldn't tell me, because it's for larisa...

leo,

when i saw that, that hashtag- furdich

i'm glad i was alone at home...

i cried so hard... i couldn't even stand...

and now, i remember the pain again...

i was so hurt leo

i was so hurt

i am still hurt, that hurt more than the time you ended us..

and seeing you happy on your story is enough to tell me you have forgotten me and here i am tumblring you...

how i missed LEOing...

how i miss loving you...

how i miss you

but i know can never be with you

...

i remember the beautiful moon a few days ago, and i was about to take a photo of it, then i stopped myself, because all i can think of was how i wish you'd see the beautiful moon too...

...

leo, i know i was/am terrible, but i truly wish you happiness

although in moments of anger i'd say, how i wish you would feel this pain that i feel--- but honestly... i only wish you happiness because you deserve to be happy

you work hard, you love hard, you deserve to be happy

and i'm truly sorry, i was not making you happy then...

i was too much

i am too much, i know

and maybe, you find me a bit crazy--i'm not crazy. i am just sad, lonely, and this sadness has been going on for months since you left... so maybe i am depressed, but i'm not crazy, i'm not unstable... i'm just sad

and i did have very high anxiety moments... one of which was that night my chest hurt so much and i was just crying so hard... and all i thought of was you and your family... that was why i messaged you... and i am deeply sorry i accidentally pressed call... i even left my phone at the comfort room... and i looked for it when i heard footsteps ... that's when i saw a call, and i even thought you called--- i realized it was i who made the call... that's why you blocked me... leo i am so sorry i reached out to you so many times, i am so sorry i wasn't able to control myself

i am deeply sorry i sent you the video of sir tony, i was synthesizing all talks that day, and sir tony's talk just reminded me of you...

i missed you that day

i still miss you now

and the loveshack, i am sorry i "burned" the loveshack... if there's something that i did that i know you will never forgive me of, it's the loveshack

i saw you followed a Crystal, then you hide it... and although i know, whoever is in your life right now, i have no say of it... but i was hurt... and i am still hurt

that time, i was filled with anger and jealousy... i was still following Pi, and i was still part of Lofi Pi and the other playlist...

i remember i "cannot" listen to Pi... Pi made me cry... a lot of things that time made me cry... until now yes... a lot of teeny tiny things make me cry...

so seeing Crystal just made me feel so jealous... it was like a full-blown jealousy...

i understand, truly that we have no "relationship", so you can follow whoever you want

but leo,

i am terribly sorry

i was so angry and so jealous with the Crystal

that i even removed my crystals and i did not wear them for some time...

i was so angry

i was jealous to the highest level, the ultimate level ever

i was so hurt

and i know the anger, jealousy, and pain are all misplaced--- you already broke our relationship, so why should i feel all these feelings?

i have no right to feel i know that, but i feel it...

... on one side you are marked "safe", you are not guilty, you have moved on with your life and i am not part of it anymore, so you can have Crystal and larisa and all other women you want right?

on my side, i was the problem,

it was my problem alone to feel all those--anger, jealousy, pain

that was my problem

it was/is my problem that i was not able to move on

it was my problem that i was so affected that you followed Crystal

leo... writing this now makes me cry again,

because that time leo, i was still so inlove with you

when you told me we end our "relationship" because of V, of F of S... I knew there was a space i do not belong to, and although it hurt me so deeply, i also i admired you for walking away... i admired you for choosing V again and your family, that is what the heavens want leo...

all along i thought that was the reason...

so when i saw a Crystal on spotify... all those words of comfort i kept telling myself just shattered

i realized you walked away because you simply fell out of love... and someone else is making you happy... someone else is giving meaning to the songs you listen to...

at a point when i could not bring myself to listen to the songs we share in Pi, you already have a Crystal...

and that was why i kept finding myself all alone at the loveshack... i wasn't over you, i loved you so much, i was so attached at you, it was so difficult to let you go...

leo,

if you knew exactly how i deeply feel for you, if you could only fathom how much i love/loved you.. you would understand why i "burned" the loveshack...

i know loneliness had lead me to hell thrice...

but jealousy... it lead me beyond the depths of hell

i am deeply sorry leo

i am deeply sorry i "burned" the loveshack... it can be "unburned", that is if you still have the key... but what for, right?

i am so sorry leo, i hope in time, you will forgive me...

if only i could unlove you so easily, if only i can undo my jealousy i would... i would even exchange 5-10-20 yrs of my life if someone tells me unloving and/or undoing jealousy is/are worth those years of my life...

i am so sorry... really leo... i am so sorry it's taking so long for me to go through this...

and leo, if i hurt you when i told you i'd start praying again, and i'll start writing... i was telling you what might become of me in the next weeks... but i did not mean to say that i will let you go... maybe i hurt you when i said those words... i am deeply sorry...

see? i am praying so hard now... rosary, novena, cutting of negative soul ties... but i still cry when i remember you, i loved/love you so deeply... that even if we choose to do what is right, that even if i choose to do what is right, my heart is already marked with my love for you... and only the heavens can unmark that... and when the heavens do that i will be free from pain and you will have your peace from me...

maybe it worked for you, i'm praying for us both that's why

maybe it will take a little bit more time for me, because of how i deeply feel for you...

but i promise leo, as soon as the heavens clear all my pain... i'll never reach for you again...

i remember telling you i love you more... and i really do, i loved you more than you loved me... i loved you more than i have ever loved anyone before (i mean this love, this falling in love kind of love, not the "decision" kind of love, but the falling in love kind of love, this deep...it was/is you)

also, new pain comes as i "discover" somethings along the way-- like march 14, was our end... but i went downhill again when i saw a Crystal, i went back to step 1... then i saw furdich--the beautiful starry sky for larisa... so i went back to step zero again... even your cat stories--i know they were for larisa... then yesterday, your birthday greetings to larisa on your story... i cried again...

you know what i find strange? i unistalled spotify and ig... so seeing crystal then your bday message to larisa are like works of the angels... making me see what i shouldn't... i mean i'm not on spotify 24/7 or on ig 24/7... so when i install... and see that before it's gone tells me that there's a certain synchronicity in our world...

these little bits and pieces of discovery brings so much pain inside me leo,

but i am not blaming you...

you are living your life the best way you can

this is just me--overthinking, guessing, trying to figure out why you really left...

you said i can email you and that i have a friend in you...

i know, i lost you even as a friend, and that is something i truly regret... leo, i am so sorry, i do not even know how to be your friend... i'm sorry if my messages/emails traumatize you... if my "unsilence" frustrates you...

and if you ever did read some posts i had on IG, those were written at the height of my pains... those times when memories just run in my mind and i hated every bit of them because they make me cry... for months, i would forcefully close my eyes to sleep... but the memories just kept coming back... so i would sleep in tears... wake up in tears... and i sat in school at my desk, all alone in the mornings... the memories just come back again and no matter how hard i tried, the tears just fall... the memories were killing me leo... and so i wrote in IG at those times when all i wanted was to forget, to forget that you ever came into my life, to forget that i loved you, to forget the laughter and the happiness... i read them again this morning after i saw you in your story... i archived them all now... i am so sorry leo that i wanted to forget you...

our memories from the last week of october to the first week of january were so beautiful... and it hurt me so much...

those memories gave me hope that maybe you loved me still when you left... and that you would one day ask how i was... but leo, hope and faith can be destructive to someone whose heart is broken...

and so i hated those memories, i got so angry when they come to me... and they happen to just to reveal themselves anywhere, even when i buy groceries--i cry... so yes, it was terrible.

there were times that i was scared at the memories-- i was scared of going to sleep, knowing that i'd wake up and i have to face the day, warding off the memories over and over again...

but i hope, you never read any of those that i wrote in IG...

i am not fighting the memories now, i let them come, i just cry, then i just go on with my day... sometimes i can function so well, other times, i had to take a leave to cry...

but i am better now, better than last month... but i still have a long way to go...

the last time i did the major literal burning of incenses (i bought 6 kilos apart from the sticks), as i prayed for thr removal of our negative soul ties, i was so at peace the next day... but then i cannot deny that the day after, i felt like memories of you/us were still so fresh... so yes, i still have a long way to go... but i trust the heavens

i am writing to apologize and at the same time to explain the crazy stupid things i did... i am truly sorry leo, i am sorry for whatever i did that have hurt you, i am truly sorry if i said anything that hurt you...

i am sorry i blocked you, unblocked you, stalked you,

i am sorry i was jealous of crystal and larisa (i also feel sorry for myself for feeling that way because i know i shouldn't because we have no "relationship" now, but jealousy is a feeling that i cannot control, no matter what i do, even just seeing your birthday message to larisa brought me to tears)

i am sorry i kept writing in IG about forgetting you, forgetting us

i am deeply sorry for expressing regret

i am sorry for the emails i sent (and if i send this ... may God forbid --then i'm sorry again...)

i am sorry for messaging you...

i am sorry that i accidentally pressed call, i did not mean to do it.

i am deeply sorry i burned the loveshack

leo, i have always known we were going to end, that was why i kept asking what would happen when the "honeymoon stage" is over... i thought i have matured and i have more self-control, i thought i can overcome the pain in a few days or weeks... but i was wrong... i spiralled down gazillion of times

and the pain leo, it's not just the pain inside the heart, it's a physical pain, the pain in the chest, and the physical exhaustion after the tears... it's not normal --like OMG! this is not normal... the pain is familiar, but the intensity, is beyond what i ever felt...

and i'm glad i have my unwritten paper to "blame..."

and yes, i am deeply sorry for all those things i did that must have hurt you, and yes, it must seem i'm trying to make excuses now because of the pain i'm going through... but i'm not making excuses, what i'm trying to point at is that, i'm really at fault in hurting you, because i was/am not able to handle my pains

i am sorry leo

i lost myself along the way,

i became the person i shouldn't be

i was not able to accept and respond to our end with grace, compassion, and understanding

as much as i wanted to change how i reacted and felt, i couldn't change what i said and did

i feel embarrassed opening up about my jealousy, there is no one to blame but myself

and leo, as much as it pains me that you blocked me in IG, i think it helped that i don't see your stories and posts, i will do my best not to stalk you again...

leo, i want to know some things... when you left in March 14, did you leave because of your family? or did you leave because of larisa? and is larisa and crystal the same?

and leo, i started to feel the changes in you in january... i am sorry, that you had to stay until march... even if i'm not making you happy anymore, i'm truly sorry leo...

and leo,

i might be in pain

but i do not expect anything not even friendship, i only seek your forgiveness

i am deeply sorry for your V... i hope the heavens forgive me...

i am sorry for taking so much of your time... the time that you would have spent with your family, for S and I... for taking the attention that you should have given to your V...

and i am doing my best that i can be for my B, he has been the kindest person in the world for the past months... he thought i had just my sad episodes because of my paper... he has been very gentle to me and i owe it to him that i can still function and do my responsibilities... he showed me love when i couldn't... and he shows me love when i still can't... he deserve love and respect

love is never a decision leo, that i know now... you just don't decide to love someone, you fall in love... i learned that lesson the hard way

and i am begging the heavens for that--- to fall in love again... it might be very late for us with B... but it is possible... if not, then i have to navigate this kind of love--decision kind of love to keep our family together...

my kids especially S have been so loving and caring to me the past months... for the many nights right after March 14, S slept beside me, hugging me and saying "i love you mama" over and over... i am amazed at her sensitivity... i do not want them to go through those times again, i cannot show my pains anymore, i can keep these all to myself now... and besides, i feel better now, way better than last month...

yes leo, i am not asking for anything except your forgiveness

i know, it might be easier for you if i just keep my silence and not say all of these...

but leo, i need to express what's inside me... also what we had leo was/is so special to me, that i don't feel it is right that the end is the way it is ---in pain, in doubts, in perpetual silence--well this is in MY case

what we had was so beautiful for me leo, i do not think i'll ever find anyone that i can connect with the way i did with you,

and yes, you already wrote your piece at the loveshack when you ended us in March 14... and i did reply, but that reply was right after that, i didn't know then what would become of me...

so now, a part of me feels--- that was patriarchy!--only you had a say about our end, and of course i just said yes... but are ends like that leo? do ends happen in patriarchy? --like what happened in march 14, like am i given no choice but say "yes, okey, i understand"? or can i have at least a say about our end because i was also a part of that "relationship"?

i know you have had many gfs:-)... and you are good at ends...

but for our end... i hope you would consider my "contribution"-- this writing, as i seek your forgiveness

i don't expect you to forgive me ASAP okey?... if ever you would find it in your heart to forgive me... that takes time and process, i understand...

but leo, i hope you will reply this time, not to say you have forgiven me, but to acknowledge that you receive this.

Best regards,

8.5.23 3:20 PM

P.S. leo, no matter how we ended, i am grateful that you became part of my life, i am grateful that you made me feel loved, and i am grateful that you left, not because i wanted you to but because the Heavens know, i can never leave, even if the angels come down from the Heavens and command me to leave you, i don't think i can, and so thank you for leaving, for doing what is right, for doing what is the best for all of us. Thank you so much leo...

PS2. Say hello to Miyuki for me okey?:-) Glide free and smile, you are lovely when you do:-)

PS3. Sorry, i have so much too say... thank you for spotify, ed sheeran and taylor swift were my saving grace... although i've uinstalled spotify for now and i'm not listening to any music for some time now, but i did like making playlists:-)

PS4. one last, promise--- leo, i am so sorry about the loveshack, i truly am... i do not know what else to say... please forgive me leo

***

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madscientist008 · 1 year

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The End is Near: Attack on Titan Star Receives the Final Script

Hey, fellow Attack on Titan fans! I have some bittersweet news to share with you today. The voice actor of our beloved protagonist Eren Jaeger, Yuki Kaji, has just posted a photo of the final script for the anime adaptation on his Twitter account1. This means that the recording for the last episode of the epic saga is about to begin, and we are one step closer to witnessing the end of an era.

The photo shows a thick script with the logo of Attack on Titan: The Final Season on the cover. The title and the crew names are blurred out, but we can still feel the weight of this momentous occasion. Kaji simply captioned the photo with “I received the last script” and added the hashtags #shingeki and #進撃の巨人 (Attack on Titan in Japanese).

Kaji has been voicing Eren since 2013, and he has become one of the most popular and prolific voice actors in the anime industry. He has also voiced many other iconic characters, such as Shoto Todoroki in My Hero Academia, Meliodas in The Seven Deadly Sins, and Yukine in Noragami. He has poured his heart and soul into bringing Eren to life, and we can only imagine how he must be feeling right now.

The final part of Attack on Titan: The Final Season is scheduled to air this fall, after months of anticipation and speculation. The anime will adapt the final chapters of the manga, which ended in April 2023 with a controversial and emotional conclusion. The manga creator Hajime Isayama and the anime staff have expressed their gratitude and sadness for finishing this masterpiece that has captivated millions of fans around the world.

I don’t know about you, but I’m not ready to say goodbye to Eren and his friends. Attack on Titan has been a huge part of my life for almost a decade, and it has given me so many unforgettable moments, feelings, and lessons. I’m sure I’ll cry my eyes out when I watch the final episode, but I’m also excited to see how it all wraps up.

What are your thoughts on this news? How do you feel about the upcoming finale? Let me know in the comments or reblog this post with your own opinions. And don’t forget to follow me for more Attack on Titan updates and content!

#ThankYouYukiKaji #EndOfAnEra #Legacy #Farewell #6 / 6 #AttackOnTitan #TheFinalSeason #ErenJaeger #YukiKaji #AnimeFinale #EmotionalJourney #MangaAdaptation #UnforgettableMoments #MixedFeelings #ExcitementAndSadness #EpicSaga #LegacyOfAttackOnTitan #CantWaitToSeeTheEnding #madscientistwriting

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heyharoldsboo · 1 year

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Just kind of worried righ now, apparently there's a Portuguese post that says Percy has been officially removed from the show... I don't know... it's so messed up, and I don't want to keep falling into this void of nonsense and rumors. But! I still keep track on the hashtags on Twitter or Instagram. It's kind of sad at this point, bc last month I was so happy about watching the show, I was so into the story, the characters and of course de ship between Xavier and Wednesday. I was liking fanarts, reading fanfics and overall enjoying being part of a new fandom... But now? It just sadness, even though I tried really hard to separate the character from the actor... At the end of the day It's awful to think that this young man it's in the middle of that shit storm.

Sorry for all the babbling, I just wanted to share this with someone.

The portuguese post is from a rag magazine searching for engagement, honestly! I tracked it down.

If he was being fired, we'd listen about it in English first, I'm sure.

And don't worry about babbling! That's what we do in this blog <3

But I feel you. I used to just come lurk on Percy's tags for nice pictures, and now we're in this shitshow. But this too shall pass, and we'll go back to going crazy only over cute pictures and fanart.

#percy hynes white #percy is innocent #i stand with percy #percy hynes white is innocent

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ourlittledinosaur · 7 years

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Do not Let Conception Become Your Idol

New Post has been published on https://www.ourlittledinosaur.com/dont-let-conception-become-your-idol/

Do not Let Conception Become Your Idol

Disappointment

When my husband and I were wanting to have a baby, we expected that I would become pregnant within a few months. Three years later, we were frustrated and discouraged. I asked a friend of mine to pray. She had struggled for years and then had her miracle baby.

Wisely, she cautioned me, “Don’t let conception become your idol.”

This is something that I really needed to hear as I was letting our plan to have a baby overtake my life. I felt like less of a woman because I wasn’t becoming pregnant and I was resentful of my husband because I was certain he didn’t care as much as me. I know now I was angry with God although I wouldn’t have admitted it at the time. Why wasn’t He letting my husband and I have children?

God’s Grace is Sufficient for Me

We became certain that we just weren’t going to have any children naturally. I had to pray to the LORD daily and say, “My husband is enough for me.”

I realize now the error in this statement, even though it was a step in the right direction, what I should have been saying to God was, “Lord, YOU are enough.”

You see, God’s grace is sufficient in all circumstances.

Remember Jōb

Have you read the story of Jōb in the Bible? It’s fascinating. It makes me sad. It’s humbling, and it provides perspective.

This man literally lost everything. He lost his entire family. He lost all his wealth and possessions. He lost his good health. In all that, he did not dishonor God.

A Story with a Happy Ending

The story has a happy ending (my favorite kind of ending!). Job was blessed again by God with a family and wealth, but far beyond that, he was blessed with salvation. God’s grace was sufficient for him…even when it was the only thing he had.

So whether you are struggling with conception or a trial of a different type, seek God’s will as you remember that it is He who gives us our every breath. Our lives are a gift.

Perspective

One of the lessons I learned because of the time we waited for God to bless us with our son, is that it is God who opens the womb.

Only He can create life. No amount of “trying” on our part was going to do any good without God’s timing. My husband and I didn’t “make a baby”. God made a baby, and He gave us charge over him.

I thank God for our son. I thank Him for entrusting this little person to us and we pray that we will raise him to be a good, kind, and God-fearing man.

And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

2 Corinthians 12:9

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#Conception #Pregnancy

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