"It's just you now. Take care of mother."

i have the normal amount of emotions about them (lying) <3

getting weirdly emotional about Hungary looking after baby Italy

i think that while micro labels can seem useful and affirming ultimately they're isolating and kind of an obstacle to your understanding of self. that's because you can never find a word specific enough. there will never be a label or two labels or even ten, twenty of them to perfectly capture and describe all of your thoughts, feelings, experiences, preferences, needs, interests, identities, etc. because you learn more and more about yourself every day and then you change and your wants and needs change with you. having to hop between labels, fearing that you don't 'fit' into a label anymore (both in your own and others eyes), worrying how soon your current label will wear out, questioning if you'll ever fully fit a single one. all that causes a lot of uncertainty and anxiety which could be avoided by just picking a more general thing and molding it according to what it means to YOU. because words will always mean different things to different people, you will never be understood immediately and maybe never completely by anyone but yourself and that's fine

Oh my god making eye contact with specifically allistic people makes me so uncomfortable. Like they're so emotive and they're eyes seem so wide I feel like they're on crack and it scares me. I don't get that at all with other autistic people.

feeling like a total asshole today 👍

😭😭😭

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love having a weird relationship with gender (read: what is gender) and people wishing "happy international women's day" in a group chat when they perceive you (and a couple of others in the group) as women and then sitting there going "so do I just respond something like a thanks bc I guess technically yes but also no or do I just ignore this and risk appearing rude or what do I do"

i love talking w others ( apollo especially tonight ) but oh man i shld really sleep it is 3 am

okay wow so today was a whirlwind of emotions 😭😵‍💫🥹

another saw movie down another step closer towards watching jigsaw. agony

i know plenty of nonbinary people freely and comfortably use gendered labels like boyfriend and girlfriend with no threat to the security of their identity but i have never been one of those people i have always asked the people i’ve dated to use either partner or SO meaning exes who were both men and women but idk now that im exclusively and permanently dating women and men are totally out of the picture i find myself kind of…. softening? on things? like idk if im cool with someone calling me their girlfriend but at the very least it’s no longer an immediate hard no, i kind of like the idea of using all of them, girlfriend boyfriend partner SO all interchangeable, and i think i like the idea of being girlfriends with someone and being able to refer to myself and a potential partner as girlfriends. like, girlfriends?? are you kidding me? how fucking adorable is that? how sweet and special and enviable? the idea of even wives, eventually? the idea of a woman calling me her wife? idk kind of slays.

i feel like not enough ppl are factoring in the cultural clash between laios and shuro and the many micro agressions shuro faced while being in their group. literally the name 'shuro' in itself is one

his name is toshiro 😭 lets also not forget that he has his own communication issues, in the opposite way that laios does- thats literally a factor in their argument, that his envy for laios's ability to express himself sincerely manifested as part of his distaste for him.

ig all this to say like, was their fight heart wrenching, especially when reading laios as autistic? absolutely. anybody whos ever been in laios's position knows how much it hurts to realize someone you thought was your friend doesnt actually like having you around, especially when they didnt tell you and you had no way of knowing due to not understanding their cues. but im begging yall to step back and see the nuance of this situation cause im gonna be real a lot of you are kinda just brushing over it acting like everything is toshiros fault and that hes a terrible person when in reality hes an average guy who really, really clashed with laios and it led to a very long misunderstanding due to their supremely opposite methods of communication. even laios and toshiro, after letting everything out in their fight, were able to come to an understanding and start a foundation for an actual friendship built on better communication

ok yknow what Edit: i shouldve made it even more explicit at the end of this post, i hadnt thought i would need to since i started the post with this, but i think a few too many people are missing my point so i just wanna clarify. i shouldnt have said 'really clashed' and left it at that because yeah they did, but it wasnt just their opposite methods of communication, it is also very much that toshiro was experiencing microaggressions via laios. it may have been unintentional on laios's part, but it still happened and wore him down, made it harder for him to communicate on top of both the more subtle social cues that he was raised with and his own communication difficulties. i also want to say that the fandom reaction to toshiro and the complete ignorance of this point is also racist tbh or at the very least ignorant. i understand that the anime did not cover this panel, and neither did the manga, as this was an omake, but im gonna be real with you guys. there are enough context clues within the story to clue you into this. if you didnt pick up on it thats ok, but i think this is a good lesson in picking up subtext in the stories that youre watching and/or reading. kui shouldnt have to explicitly say 'by the way laios was racist to toshiro' for this point to be understood, and at the very least, when the author portrays a character in a sympathetic light (as kui clearly does) it should make you question Why they are doing so and what makes them sympathetic, rather than youre immediate and only reaction to be 'well i hated what this guy did/said so i hate them and they suck'. idk exactly how to finish this, just. idk. question your biases and gut reactions to things you see in media and stories, and think about whether or not theres subtext that youre missing.

Me going on a rant about my struggles with eating, hydration, and addiction and jokingly saying "I need a caretaker I swear to god" to be met with "I'll happily be your caretaker, you know, if the job position is open" whaaat I'm screaming, crying, throwing up, so go get a mop mate cause you're on duty now

(Mild DW Christmas 2023 Spoilers in tags)

just wish ppl could hate me for the real and genuine reasons to hate me over