#//again no spellcheck no 1 come 4 me
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The First of Us - Chapter 1
My sister tried to eat me
Joel Miller x f!reader (no use of y/n)
Series summary: you and your father meet Joel and Tommy 6 years after outbreak day. You join their group trying to make it to the Boston QZ not realizing all that joining would entail. You eventually make it to the QZ but not without suffering many losses. Tommy decides to join the Fireflies and you and Joel are left with your smuggling partner, Tess, when years later you meet a teenage girl that will bring you and Joel across the country, and maybe together.
Summary: You're 14 years old on September 29th, 2003 living in a small village in Kentucky with your parents and little sister on a farm. You couldn't have imagined how the day would go and the people you would meet 6 years later.
Warnings: death, outbreak day, friends to lovers, reader has a sister, minor physical descriptions of reader, grieving, FFM threeway (does not include reader, cannon typical violence(if I miss any please lmk)
a/n: this is my first fic! I'm super excited and also super nervous... the first three chapters are backstory and then chapter 4 and on will be pretty similar to the show! I wanna say thanks so much to @who-has-my-green-banana for helping me proofread and spellcheck and everything. Hope anyone who reads this, enjoys!
word count 6.2k
Ch2 masterlist
Friday, September 26th, 2003 Hazel, KY
It was a beautiful day. The clouds perfectly covered the sky to make it so that it wasn’t too bright outside but it was still sunny. You still had to walk down your mile-long driveway to the bus stop, so you were able to appreciate the weather every morning. Dad said that as soon as you turned 16 he’d let you drive to school, even though the area you lived in was so small that some parents were letting their kids drive at 15 when they just had their permits, but your dad is a stickler about laws, rules, and safety. He isn’t strict per say, but a protector and chronic worrier.
The small village of Hazel, Kentucky, where your family farm resided, is home to only 450 people, meaning you had quite the long bus ride to school in the next town over. Hazel is known for its antique malls that dot main street and the “Hazel Day” celebration. Hazel Day was coming up actually and the town was getting ready and getting excited, but no one was more excited than your baby sister, Hazel. Your parents named your sister after the village because it was quite literally a community effort to get her into the world. Your mom’s water had broken in the middle of the local market and she somehow managed to progress so fast that there was no time for hospitals and only time for a sweet old woman's 5 minute car ride to her house and Hazel came not long after in an all natural tub birth. You’d never heard your mom scream so much.
Hazel Elizabeth was born on September 30th, 1995. You were 6 years older. Your parents had tried for a very long time to get pregnant again after you. Your Dad really wanted a boy but after Hazel essentially arrived with a bow already in her hair it was clear that wasn’t happening and you were his only option, so he decided to teach you the ins and outs of farm life in hopes you would either take over one day or marry a man to take over, you couldn’t quite figure out which. That was another thing about the town of Hazel, people frequently got married right out of high school since the town was so small and was so incredibly old fashioned. Your Dad however never let you watch or do any of the butchering, he always said “killing is a man’s job, no woman should have blood on her hands.” But you didn’t care because you frequently named the animals and you slept better not knowing which of your pet chickens was in your mom’s chicken noodle soup.
When you finally arrived at school and sat at your desk for your first hour, groaning internally when the usual ruckus broke out from the junior boys. They seemed to have no problem that they were still taking sophomore level English. You, however, were taking classes a year ahead. You were something of a smarty pants thanks to your mom’s ever present hand in your education. She worked part-time at one of the antique shops so she was often home to help with your studies or let you out of chores to go read. Her parents couldn't afford college for her so she wanted the best chance for you to get a good scholarship and be able to go.
“Well aren’t you all extra fidgety today?” Mrs. Charleson said, “But it’s Friday, so pop quiz time to make sure you’re all caught up on the reading.”
Madison smugly raised her hand and you visibly cringed before the smart ass remark you knew she was about to make made its way to the surface. She’s your “neighbor” because her family is the only people who live within 6 miles from your house. “If you give us a pop quiz every Friday, is it even a pop quiz anymore?” She said and the Junior boys giggled. Gross.
“And yet some of you are still surprised,” Mrs. Charleson replied, smiling just as smartly. That made you and many other students laugh, proving why she was without a doubt your favorite teacher.
—
You aced your quiz. When the final bell rang you couldn’t wait to get out of there. Something was just off with everyone today but you couldn’t quite decide what it was. You headed to your locker to grab your snack of raisins and peanuts and then started walking in the direction of the local dress shop where your sister would be getting the final alterations done to her dress for the Hazel Day pageant.
“Hey Hazie!” you shout as you walk in and see your adorable baby sister. Her blonde curls somehow so effortlessly laid across her shoulders.
Hazie shrieks your name in excitement, “Come look at my dress!!” You walk further into the dress shop to see your sister in her Barbie pink pageant gown that you’d guess weighed more than she did soaking wet. It had everything a girl like Hazie could ever dream of, pink ribbons, ruffles, and even lace.
“Well aren’t you just the prettiest princess!” You said giving her a twirl.
“Oh don’t move so much I haven’t taken out the last pin!” Mrs. Vivian said. She was the owner of the dress shop and also the old woman from the market who took your mom to have a baby in her bathtub. She gave your mom a discounted rate for alterations for your sister’s endless pageant dress collection which helped your parents be able to support her pageant dreams. It was still a fucking expensive hobby and your parents definitely had more financial strain because of it, but whatever to make your little Hazie happy.
Once alterations were done, Mrs. Vivian promised to have it done by October 1st which was 3 days before Hazel Day. “And don’t worry about this round of alterations Lillian, this one’s on me,” Mrs. Vivian said.
“Oh Vivian I couldn’t possibly allow you to do that,” your mother frantically replied. She absolutely hated accepting help from anyone.
“No, no, I insist! It’s a birthday present for our future junior pageant Queen.”
“Well, thank you, could I still at least give you a tip?” Your mother began bargaining. Mrs. Vivian along with everyone else was obsessed with your sister. Disney Princesses may not be real but they came to life in sweet Hazel Elizabeth. She deadass would have squirrels and birds and whatever else following her around, it was bizarre. But you couldn’t deny the fact that the effect of the sweet beacon of innocence and joy your sister had on people affected you too. Hazie was your everything, there’s not a single thing you wouldn’t do to protect her, not that she needed it. She may be pretty and cute, but she had quite the stubborn head on her shoulders.
“Momma can I have one more cookie before we go?” Hazel asked with the biggest doe eyes you ever did see, in what world would your mother ever be able to say no to her?
“You’ve already had two… how about half if you split it with your sister?” Your mother replied.
“Okay!” Hazel grabbed the chocolate chip raisin cookies Mrs. Vivian had made and split it mostly in half and handed you the other piece. You were still a little hungry, but you’d just had your snack of raisins and decided that your daily tolerance of their texture was up, so you slipped Hazel the half she gave you on your walk back to the car.
“Shh,” you smiled at her, winking and watching her sweet blue eyes brighten at the sight of what would complete her third cookie. You tossed your backpack in the trunk next to Hazel’s homeschool books and popped in the front seat next to your mom. Your parents decided to homeschool your sister when the pageants and travel started affecting her ability to attend school. Plus it was one less thing your parents would have to pay for, so most of Hazel’s school supplies were just your old school supplies. It seemed like your mom kept everything you or Hazel ever touched.
“Mommy? I feel a little funny.” Hazel piped up from the backseat, interrupting your looking-out-the-window-music-video-vibe you had going on while listening to Beyonce’s newest hit “Crazy in Love.”
“Honestly me too Hazie. Now yours may have to do with the three- yes, three- cookies you ate today. I saw you trying to be sneaky,” your mother glanced at you for a second, “but I think the weather’s changing so it may have something to do with that too.”
“Yeah it’s probably just a bug going around. People were weird today at school too,” you added, trying to ease Hazel’s worries.
“A BUG?? I don’t wanna be sick for my birthday Mommy,” Hazel pouted.
“Oh you won’t, love. It’ll pass, I promise. Do you have any homework today?”
“No, just a test I need to study for in science.” You saw an opportunity and decided to take it. “So I’m not sure I can go to the pre-banquet tonight.”
“WHAT?” Hazel shouted from the backseat.
“Your sister’s right, the banquet won’t be a good use of her time if she needs to study. She’ll be at the pageant though, don’t worry.” Your mom’s obsession with your studies increased once your parents pulled Hazel from school, so you couldn’t be happier to study for your science test. Sitting in a stuffy room all dressed up eating stale food and surrounded by a bunch of snobby girls and their mothers was not how you wanted to spend your evening. You liked dressing up for church on Sundays and special occasions and you wore a little makeup every day, but you certainly were no pageant girl.
“Gosh it’s already 5:00. Help Hazel get ready will you? We need to leave in 45 minutes if we wanna make it there by 6:20…” your mom got out of the car rambling. If your dad was a chronic worrier your mother was an incessant worrier.
“Come on Hazie, let's get you all dressed up,” you said. You were no makeup artist, but for only being 14 and hardly wearing any makeup, you considered yourself pretty good. It was probably due to having done your sister’s makeup for so long. You may not like doing it very much, but you loved making Hazel happy and this definitely made her happy.
“Stop jittering so much. I can barely get this eyeliner on straight and you know I’m no good at eyeliner anyway,” you said.
“I’m sorry, I think I’m just cold," your sister said softly. You immediately felt terrible and grabbed a light pink blanket off her bed and draped it over her shoulders.
“Maybe you are getting sick?” You took your hands to her forehead, but she was cold. “Huh no fever, though.” You more or less got her eyeliner on and started to touch up where her natural curls had flattened. Then you pulled the front bits back into a half up half down look and applied just a touch of tinted lip gloss. She may be required to wear makeup for these pageants but you still wanted her to look more like herself.
“Thank you sissy,” Hazel said and gave you a big hug.
“Of course. And always remember you’re my favorite princess and you’re so so beautiful no matter what anyone says about you,” you said. You’d always been worried about what the effect of pageant life would have on her. You’d seen how deathly skinny some of the older pageant girls are, but you’re just glad Hazel still wants a third cookie.
“HAZEL ELIZABETH WE NEED TO LEAVE!”
“You better go. You know what mom’s like when she thinks she's gonna be late,” you warn your sister.
“I don’t know why she thinks we’re gonna be late, right now we’re still getting there 25 minutes early.”
“Ah, but,” you start.
“Early is on time, on time is late, and late is just unacceptable,” you and Hazel quote your mother perfectly.
“HAZEL!” Your sister's eyes widen as she gives you a kiss on the cheek and then runs out of her room. You hear your mother shout love and goodbye, but leaves you no time to respond before the door slams and you’re met with silence.
Just how you like it.
—
When your dad came in from the fields to find you at home, he wasn’t at all surprised, but that did mean you had to help him out with a few final things he wanted to get finished up today. When you tried to fix up something for dinner you realized your mom has been so preoccupied with Hazel and the pageant next weekend that going to the market must have slipped her mind, so you both settled on popcorn for dinner.
“Now if we’re having popcorn for dinner, we have to watch a movie,” your dad said, shrugging.
“I think you’re right.” You could study for the test later. “What do you wanna watch?”
“Hmmm, how about Harry Potter?”
“Sorcerer's Stone or Chamber of Secrets?”
“Chamber of Secrets for sure. I wanna watch the scene of Hermione as that nightmarish cat” your dad replied. You started searching the DVD cabinet for the movie. “By the way, when’s the third one supposed to come out?”
“Uhhh sometime next summer I think? Ya know, you could just read the books to find out what happens.”
“And spoil the movie?! I would never,” your dad dramatically puts his hand out in front of you, reminding you where Hazel gets all her sass from. You, on the other hand, were more like your mother- empathetic to all, but protective of those you care about. Always a silent watcher and observer, thinking and planning what the correct response or move should be in a situation. It’s why your dad refuses to play board games anymore because either you or your mom would destroy him and Hazel and then it was just a battle between the two of you to see who could outsmart the other. You’d only beaten your mother once. She always seemed to be one step ahead of you. She claims it’s what happens when you become a parent, you’re too mentally prepared for any option to be surprised when something happens. Your dad would always say that’s bullshit because it’s never helped him out, which then turns into your mother scolding him for cursing around Hazel. You work with him in the barn so you’ve heard all the profanities, thanks to his frustrations, so she's not worried about you. She’s under the impression you just filter it out and have the vocabulary of a saint, but in reality you just don’t do it around her and your dad graciously hasn’t told her.
About thirty minutes into the movie, your dad is passed out on the couch so you head upstairs to study for your test on Monday. Whatever made your teacher decide a test after the weekend was a good idea needs to be reevaluated. You plopped down at your desk, opened your textbook and notes, and began to go through them. You had stayed up late the night before studying the reading for the “pop quiz” you took today so your eyes started drooping a lot faster than you thought they would and before you knew it you had passed out on your desk reading your notes.
—
It was 11:30 when you heard it. A strange, croaking noise coming from down the hall that awoke you from your impromptu nap. You were a little disoriented from falling asleep at your desk. Your desk lamp was off, so you assumed one of your parents had shut it off before they went to bed. You turned the lamp back on and realized you had drooled on your notes. Shit. You had only smudged the ink a little bit and decided they were legible enough before you heard it again. Is there a fucking frog in the house? You tried to reason with your very sleep clouded brain when the croaking got closer and you heard a door creak. You got up from your desk chair to peek out your door and saw a small shadow had appeared in the darkness of the hallway. Assuming she also heard the freaky croaking noises and got scared, you called out to her in a whisper.
“Hazie? Are you okay?”
She tilted her head at you and you heard more croaking.
“Hazie…?”
She jumped at you, and an inhuman sound came out of her–a shriek or scream or something you couldn’t even begin to describe. Before you knew it she was on you, clawing, snapping her teeth, and scratching. You were quite a bit bigger than her, and Hazel has always been quite small for her age so you could overtake her physically, but the mental hurdle of trying to understand what she was doing was a battle.
“Hazel? Hazie? Hazel? What the hell is going on, stop it!” You were wrestling with her at the top of the stairs and were starting to get scared she was gonna take you both down them. She kept croaking and screeching and suddenly the light was turned on. Your father stood at the bottom of the stairs, not croaking thankfully, but looking confused. When your mom and sister came home they must have left your dad on the couch and shut your lamp off.
“What the fuck are you two doing? Get off her!” You didn’t know who he was referring to but you didn't have time to ask before you heard more shrieks and inhumane croaks coming from your parents room. The door was shut but it was shaking like someone was pounding on it.
“Dad, something is wrong,” you said, starting to panic now at the possibility your mother would come barreling out of the room acting just like Hazel, or worse. Your dad started moving up the stairs, causing Hazel to suddenly stop attacking you and fly at your father, straight down the stairs. Hazel, or this creature that looked like Hazel, missed your dad completely and basically just flung herself down the stairs. That fall should have killed her or broken a bone at the very least, but she hit the bottom and just got straight back up, then turned to look at the two of you. The croaking and shrieking coming from your parents room was now partnered with sirens and helicopters outside. You didn’t know what was happening but you knew everything was changing much too fast for your liking.
Hazel stood there, staring at you and your father, and started twitching. Similarly to how she had while you were doing her makeup, but more violent. She opened her mouth and in the light from the lamp in the living room and the one above the stairs you could see that there was a tendril-looking plant coming out of your sister's mouth that was moving on its own. You almost thought you were hallucinating. Something compelled your father to move. He barreled down the few stairs he’d come up and grabbed your sister by the neck like he was about to choke her, moving her head up to immobilize it. He studied her for a second before throwing her in the kitchen pantry and shutting the door. She started croaking again. But now she was also screaming. Not the shrieks from before, it sounded like the Hazel you knew. Screams she’d make when she saw a bug or got dirt on her hands. Screams she made when she fell off her bike. Screams like how she should have screamed when she flung herself down the stairs.
Your dad calling your name brought you out of your daze. “I need you to grab something heavy that I can put in front of the door,” he shouted over Hazel and your mother’s screams. You’d never heard so much noise. So much unpleasant noise and it was loud. Loud. So, so loud. You couldn’t think. You could barely will yourself to move from the top of the stairs. Your arms stung and were sticky with blood pouring from where Hazel had scratched you. Could you even say that was Hazel? A more concerning bang from your parents door made you run down the stairs much faster. You could take Hazel in a fight like that, but definitely not your mother. Thankfully, the door held through. You don’t know where you found the strength to push the DVD cabinet in front of the pantry door. Just a few hours ago you were searching through it to find Harry Potter, and now you’re using it to trap your “sister” in the pantry.
“What is happening?” You frantically asked your father. More like yelling at your father over the noise. You just needed it to stop being so loud so you could think.
“I don’t know.” Your father moved from the pantry door that was barely holding on due to your sister trying to break through it. She isn’t that strong. She can’t be that strong? Your dad turns the TV on to see news reports of towns and cities on fire, people killing what looks like other people before cameras could cut away. The signal was barely pulling through, but you could see enough. When the signal was fully cut out, your dad moved to the radio, where they were talking about people who were acting similar to your mom and sister, and how they’re not safe and people need to run or kill them. Then there were croaks and screams and the signal went out and all you heard from the radio was static. Static, screaming, shrieking, your father’s heavy breathing, you couldn’t comprehend what was happening.
“Go to your room, shut the door, lock it, and stay in there until I come get you,” your father moved over to his desk in his office and took his gun out of the drawer and loaded it.
“Dad…? What the fuck are you doing?” You followed him, but suddenly heard gunshots in the distance and more sirens and you both looked out the window. It was rare to hear sirens all the way out where you lived, so you both knew that if you could hear them, it didn't mean anything good.
“What everyone else is,” he said, turning from the window to look at you. He moved to where you were at the front of his office and you could see the conflict in his eyes when he looked at you. “I don’t want this on your conscience.” You couldn’t hold it in anymore. You started to cry. You cried, the shrieks blending in with your sobs. You so desperately wanted to wake up from this nightmare.
“I know sweetheart, I’m sorry.” You looked up and your father was crying too. In your 14 years of life you had never seen your dad cry. That scared you even more.
“Go in your room,” he said sternly, trying to hide his emotions and tears. You wordlessly followed his orders, taking one last look at the pantry, the pounding on the door was going to be the last thing you saw your sister do alive. Your father was about to kill your sister, and your mother. And you were not only letting him, you almost felt thankful. They won’t have to suffer anymore. At the top of the stairs, right before the door to your room, you watched the pounding on the door to your parents room too before slipping into your room and closing the door, locking it, and staying there. Just as you were told. You’d always been a rule follower, but you just never thought it would be something like this.
A few minutes passed before you heard the DVD cabinet get moved and the pantry door finally break open. You assumed your dad had to talk himself into what he was about to. Then you heard it. Bang. A set of croaking stopped and you heard your dad’s sobs as he climbed up the stairs. You sobbed into the pillows of your bed. Then you heard the same thing as before, the door opened, and then the gun went off.
Bang.
And you’re met with silence, but this time you don’t like it.
—
6 years later, date unknown, year 2009
It was a beautiful day. Sunny with a soft breeze. You stood at the two matching headstones with the wildflowers you’d gathered, taking the dead ones out of the pot and adding the new ones. You and your father had stolen the headstones a few weeks after outbreak day. You couldn’t even really say stolen. The owner had gotten infected, and no one was really around to stop you. You and your father carved their names into them that night and wheelbarrowed them over to where you buried them the next morning. Lillian Rose and Hazel Elizabeth. You saw their bodies, for closure purposes. Both with a bullet in the head and cordyceps, you now knew, in their mouths. They didn’t look like them, which helped only a little bit because it didn’t help any with the fact they were dead.
Your father and you drove into town the morning after and got a little bit of information. What law enforcement had told them to do in town, none of them apparently cared enough to go out to the countryside assuming we were all dead. Then what we knew so far about the people being dubbed “the infected,” it passed through bites so you were okay since you only got scratched but you and your dad were both on edge for a few days. And that the town leaders left were calling for a meeting to see who was alive and who wasn’t.
Out of the 450 people in Hazel, 25 people remained. Two of which being you and your father, so 23 others. Most of them were the only ones of their families to survive. It seemed like if you didn’t get sick, a family member bit you before you could do anything or register what was happening. That seemed to be what happened to your neighbors. Your dad killed a lot of infected people that day, including Madison and her family. It seemed like her parents had gotten sick and attacked her because she had a bite mark and they didn’t.
The general consensus of the meeting was that you can try to make it to what eventually became the Nashville QZ, at the time it was just a government support station, because it was closer than the Frankfort one or you can stay here and play survival. Most of the older people decided to try to make it to the QZ, but you and your dad decided to stay. You both felt safer in your own hands rather than someone else’s. After some cars were stocked with people, gas, and food you sent over half of who were left away.
You started playing adult that day. Your father asked for your opinion on every decision setting up this new version of your father-daughter relationship as partners and equals, knowing the two of you were really the only ones you could trust. You’d gone through everything the two of you did that day, why hadn’t you two gotten sick? You figured it out before the authorities did that it was probably flour. The only common thing you and your dad had done was not eat something with flour. Even six years later you think about what might have happened if you had eaten the cookie and gotten sick or if you and your dad had decided to order pizza instead of just eating popcorn and got sick.
You raided the market for non-perishable goods first, then houses. You stepped over bodies, infected and not. You gathered a hell of a lot of gas and stuff for your farm animals. Living off of your land and what you could find was hard, but after you heard about what was going on in the local QZs you were glad you and your father decided to stay.
You were already pretty outdoorsy, but your father taught you even more. You had your own gun now, you practiced throwing knives in your spare time, and you helped with the butchering now and again. You tried to stay good, it’s what your mom would have wanted, so the occasional straggler was given a meal and a place to sleep for the night before “gently” being told to get on their way. You rarely ran into infected, but when you did, you killed them with ease. Your dad hated when you wouldn’t let him do it. He was still trying to preserve some kind of innocence he thought was left in you.
You can’t lie to yourself, the apocalypse and the world shutting down requiring you to work more combined with the fact you had just gotten older had given you the looks you wished you had at 14. You could tell by the way men looked at you when they stopped by your house, and because you weren’t blind. You were 20 now, your body was now fully developed, your hair was long, you’d gotten slightly taller, and your body was thinner and more toned.
You and your dad decided to do one of your rare visits to town to find some cars to get gas out of and maybe check in with the people and make sure they’re doing okay. Out of everyone left in Hazel, you were significantly better off than most people because of the farm and just being more able bodied. There weren’t a lot of families in Hazel, most of them were in the next town over, so it was a lot of middle to late aged people just doing what they could and trading with you and your dad for food. You certainly weren’t living luxuriously or comfortably per say, but your worries were certainly less than others.
Your dad headed into one of the antique shops on main street to see if they still had anything of value. You both ignored the fact this was where your mom worked, and that you’d searched this one hundreds of times, rarely finding anything, and you were only here because it made you feel closer to her. Then you saw them, straight in front of you. A group of people you’d never seen before. They’d just walked out of what used to be the local bar and it looks like they found a stash the other people in town had either been saving or hadn’t found yet. The man at the front of the group noticed you first then said something to the others that made them look your way. It immediately made you worry, you’re used to taking one, maybe two people in for a night but not… 8.
“Dad?” You called softly trying not to give off that you were scared but with enough urgency that he came out immediately. He too noticed what you had seen and that they were headed right towards you.
“Fuck,” he said taking his gun out from behind his back and holding it down at his side, as did you.
“Well hellooo there,” the man who was in front said with a bit of a southern accent, “who might we have here to bless us?”
“Mike, how about you?” your father said and you smirked.
“Well I’m Ryan, and we’re just a group of people trying to get by, you think you could help us with that?” You scanned over the group of them, out of the 8 only 2 were female, but they all looked set to kill you and your father at any second. But there were two men in the back, however, who looked uncomfortable. They looked similar enough to be at least related, maybe brothers. One was taller and more well built than the other who was only slightly shorter but skinnier and with more defined muscles but you could tell they could both pick you up one handed and throw you down with ease. The taller one definitely caught your eye the longest, he looked like he’d seen some things.
“That depends, what exactly do you want from us?” Your father did the talking and like always you did the observing.
“Some food to start, our location, and maybe something fun for later,” Ryan said, eyeing you. Bold. Now you had to speak up.
“I don’t know what you had in mind but I can guarantee my idea of fun and yours may not be the same,” you said softly but not unstrong. You can sense that he doesn’t like hearing no so you’ll at least be gentle about it.
“Oh please enlighten me,” he said, taking a step toward you. You took a step toward him.
“I like to throw knives, and I can think of a target I could practice with, if it's not too small,” you say, giving him a sweet smile. The other members of the group giggle and this Ryan guy backs off.
“Aren’t you just a sweet peach,” he said sarcastically.
“Now, we can help with the food and location, but if you’re going to stay here you’re going to follow our rules. Got it?” You said.
“Now what makes you think we’re gonna wanna abide by that?” Ryan says.
“Because you wouldn’t be asking us for help if you didn’t need it, and looks to me like this girl over here is coming down with something so you need medication too. I can also tell that you all are longing for a good night's rest and haven’t eaten well in a few days, so if you want any of that, you're gonna listen to us.” Your observations seemed to sway them because soon enough they were in the bed of your dad’s pickup and you were headed back to your house.
—
You all exchanged information and food. They snarfed their meals and you couldn’t blame them. You learned most of them were from Texas but a few were from Louisiana and Mississippi. They were traveling north, apparently the QZs in the bigger cities like Boston and Philadelphia were doing better than the Kentucky ones so they were trying to make it there because life in the open was getting harder and harder. You learned that the FEDRA people had finally developed a test for cordyceps that pinched you in the neck and the reader would light up green or red. But the most thought provoking thing you learned was about raiders and FEDRA raids. You and your dad had thought the FEDRA raids were over, but apparently they were still going out on random raids to try to collect people. Not things or supplies, people. And then killing them because dead people can’t get infected. But the sound of raiders just terrified you. You figured the people in front of you were raiders of a sort but they seemed to be on the better end of what’s out there.
“We only kill if they attack us first, raiders kill first,” a woman named Sasha said. You looked at your dad and you could see the thoughts crossing his mind. We won’t be safe from any of that.
“If you think it would be best, you’re welcome to join us. Your food supplies should get us most of the way there and if we can ride in your truck it would help us get there faster. Try to find better lives for all of us,” another guy whose name you haven’t been told yet said.
“Yeah, that’s a good idea Blake, but we’ll have to let them think about it,” Ryan said in response.
You looked at your dad shrugging your shoulders slightly, “It’s not a bad idea, we’ll eventually run out of things here and one dry season and that's it.” Your dad looks at you slowly and you try to communicate with your eyes what you’re really thinking. It’s an opportunity to get out of here with actual able bodied help to maybe find somewhere easier.
“Okay,” he says to you first, “okay,” he says again directed at Ryan.
You picked up some of the dishes and headed into the kitchen to start washing them. You quickly grabbed the extra soap from the pantry and a common thought of yours crossed your mind, that you didn’t have to open the door anymore. You heard footsteps behind you and who you expected to be your father was actually the two men you had guessed were brothers, carrying the other dishes.
“Oh, well thanks…” you said, a little surprised.
“Yeah, no problem,” the younger one said with a real southern drawl you hadn’t heard in a long time, “I’m Tommy by the way. And this is my older brother…”
“Joel.”
#the last of us#the last of us hbo#tlou#tlou hbo#tlou fanfiction#the last of us fanfiction#joel miller#joel miller fanfiction#joel miller x f!reader#joel miller x female reader#joel miller reader insert#joel tlou#tommy miller#tess the last of us
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Yoooo it’s your girl, this girl 🤠
So I’ve finally done the impossible,
I’ve gotten into Proseka!
I’ve done NOTHING as you can see but I feel like after over 5 attempts (Attempts being me redownloading and deleting the game for reasons I can’t remember) THIS is the timeline I finally get into it!
Only reason I haven’t pulled at all yet other then the 4 star Ruki I was amazingly lucky to get they’re having an event banner with my least favorite group I’m waiting to end (Pulls in my experience are hard to save up in this game so sorry group I don’t like that much whose name I can’t be bothered to spellcheck rn)
If I had to rank the groups in this point in time it’d be
1. More More Jump!
2. Wonderland x showtime
3. Leo need
4. Vivid bad squad
5. 25 something 🫠
I’m a giant Mitchie M fan and More More jump just HAPPENS to have all my favorite vocaloid songs like- literally also I’m a slut for Idols so 🤷♀️
With wonderland x showtime it’s pretty much the same thing as More More jump just to a lesser degree I like Tsukasa’s “star factor” and I just find his whole “I wanted to cheer my little sister up” thing endlessly endearing (I’m a sucker for a good big brother idk) Rui Is handsome, Nene is adorable and I like Emu’s energy!
I like Leo Need’s characters and story more then their music tbh ya see as you can probably tell my personal experience with Vocaloid before this game plays a lot into my opinion of the groups and while I love J-rock and the like I never ventured much into that sphere with Hatsune Miku but I’m pretty much an infant when it comes to this whole “Sector” of vocaloid but I do like it! Especially “Roki Roki” it’s my favorite! Also Saki and Ichika are my favorite Proseka girls (My other two favorites being Minori and An)
With Vivid bad squad I think they’re cute but they don’t do much for me, but again I love An, I think Touya is cute and they do have songs I like just not as many as other groups! (Ready steady and drop candy to name some!) but dang it An is cute! I wanna eat the Candy in her hair! *Noms at nothing*
25 nightcord does absolutely nothing for me I’m sorry everybody, I have failed every emo in the classroom. You see as I’ve said previously my past experience with vocaloid plays a lot into my experience with the groups of this game and they represent a lotta different vocaloid “Sections” really well! The hip hop inspired stuff the stuff trying to be more Idoly or cheerful and even rock! And of course, Emo vocaloid (I say this with affection) It’s part of our culture damn it! But like I found vocaloid as a kid and as a kid… I was drawn to shiny pink bubblegum stuff (L.O.L was my anthem as a kid) So the emo stuff flew under my radar very easily I didn’t hear Rolling girl until last year (And I did myself a favor it’s a masterpiece!) But other then one or 2 I can’t think of I can’t think of a single 25 song I like and the characters haven’t done anything for me YET (I hope this will change)
Anyway I’m also gonna talk about D4DJ mix cause as much as I’m enjoying ProSeka I’m enjoying that more lmao
(Link to D4DJ post cause they’re sisters I guess)
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I posted 3,250 times in 2022
15 posts created (0%)
3,235 posts reblogged (100%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@bolshoiromanova
@burninblood
@dailyteamcap
@elle-rosewater
@teaposing
I tagged 3,018 of my posts in 2022
Only 7% of my posts had no tags
#buckynat - 1,014 posts
#q - 686 posts
#bucky barnes - 601 posts
#natasha romanoff - 545 posts
#fanart - 538 posts
#catws - 164 posts
#bw - 158 posts
#tfatws - 148 posts
#yelena belova - 137 posts
#writing - 105 posts
Longest Tag: 125 characters
#and you can't have red room smut without at least mentioning that it's fucked up that one of the partners doesn't have a name
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
That feeling when your smutty one-shot grows angsty and sprouts a second chapter.
10 notes - Posted November 25, 2022
#4
Chapters: 7/7
Rating: Explicit
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers/Sam Wilson, James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers
Additional Tags: Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Pining, still not over the damn pining, Idiots in Love, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Angst with a Happy Ending, (sorry about the angst i didn't plan on it), Crack, or as close to it as I'll ever come, Shameless Smut, Cunnilingus, 'Cos we all know that Bucky's favorite meal is Natasha
Summary:
“If soulmarks are so stupid, why are you always touching yours?” Steve said.
Bucky only caught the flicker of something that looked a lot like fear on Natalia’s face. Then her features hardened, and she pulled her left sleeve up, revealing a scar that had faded since the last time he'd seen it. A line of silver that stretched from above her wrist to a few inches below the inside of her elbow. The skin around it was pale and unblemished, a far cry from the scratched-up mess it had been when—when they’d been more than just friends.
“I don’t have a mark anymore. They removed it in the Red Room.” Her voice was like glass, clear, brittle, and sharp enough to draw blood.
*************
An exploration of the bond between soulmates. Or, you know, the soulmate trope used as an excuse for yet another pining fic. This one with extra pining.
11 notes - Posted June 19, 2022
#3
Chapters: 1/2
Fandom: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Marvel 616
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Natasha Romanov
Characters: James "Bucky" Barnes, Natasha Romanov (Marvel)
Additional Tags: Red Room (Marvel), Light Angst, Shameless Smut, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Fluff and Smut
Summary:
Her eyes were wide and alert as she stared up at him. Fear warring with determination and hunger. Her lovely features shifted as each emotion fought for dominance. He should order her to leave. Tell her that she shouldn’t risk her future by coming here. He didn’t. He couldn’t get a word out when Natalia looked at him like that. His own bottomless hunger wouldn’t allow it.
The Soldier took a step back. Not in retreat, as an invitation.
*************
Bucky and Natasha meet in the Red Room and again after when they are free of it. Or me working through my recurring writer's block by writing smut, angst, and fluff instead of plot.
20 notes - Posted November 28, 2022
#2
Wow, spellcheck. Way to try to kill the mood...
25 notes - Posted June 12, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
BuckyNat! Liho! Alpine!
I need to read this. Like now
31 notes - Posted March 5, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
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Tips and Tricks Tuesday: Drafting
Sometimes I struggle to come up with what to talk about on Tuesdays because as a new self-published author, I feel like I’m not “qualified” to talk about the trials and tribulations that come with being an author. I am still figuring this whole thing out, after all.
However, I don't need to talk about being an author. I can talk about being a writer, because being a writer is something I know very well.
So, without further ado, welcome to …
Tips and Tricks Tuesday!
Today I want to talk about my drafting process. Please note that I say my drafting process, because all writers are unique and although their process may be very similar, I doubt no two are exactly the same. What works for me may not be what works for you.
In order to make a draft, I have to have something to write about. So, by this point in my process I’ve already nailed down the who, what, when, where, and why of my story. I’ve determined the character(s), which I want to be my narrator(s), if I’m writing in first or third person, and past or present tense. I’ve determined how I want my readers to feel about my story as a whole (and at major plot points) and I’m ready to start drafting.
1. I use my outline as a guide to nail down the major events of the story, but it is not set in stone.
I’m currently working on the first draft of book three in the MaM Trilogy and have a rough outline. In my head I have somewhat of an idea of where the story is going (major plot points have been set – albeit not in stone) and am ready to roll. Do I love all of the scenes in my outline?
No, but that’s okay. If I can come up with a better idea that fits and makes more sense, I’ll use that instead of what I have in my outline, but unless I can come up with something that I truly like more than what I have on the page, I’m just going to move forward with it. I can always make changes in my next draft.
2. I write my first draft and try not to dwell on the little things.
It’s a first draft. It’s never ever going to be the shiny polished product I want others to read. I don’t dwell on the typos or get choosy about word-choice because the sentence, paragraph, chapter may not even make it into the next draft.
My main focus is getting the story down and expanding on it from there.
3. Leave it alone.
Once my first draft is written I give myself a few days (I try to hold out for two weeks, but it’s pretty tough since I’m not good at letting my mind roam) before looking at it again.
4. Read through, be unbiased but fair, and make comments to myself as I go.
This is the part that might be hard for a lot of writers. Remember when I said I don’t do any sort of revisions when writing my first draft? That’s because it takes the focus away from just getting the story on the page, but all of those typos? They’re going to be staring right at you. Now, for the sake of time and my own ego, I indulge myself in running the spellchecker before I start my read through. However, if it doesn’t catch it, I don’t take the time to fix it because I’m going to rewrite the whole thing no matter what.
5. Rewrite it
Aka: The Second Draft
Seriously, I write it again. I’m sure you think I’m nuts when there is a feature to literally move one chunk of text to another document, but hear me out. If there are scenes I like and want to fit into my next draft, I pull each document up in a split screen on my laptop and type it. While I do, that is when I screen for typos, select better words, and rearrange paragraphs and sentences.
6. Leave it alone...again.
Trust me, I know how exciting it is to finish a draft. It’s so easy to want to scroll right to the top of your document and start reading over.
Trust me, give it 2-4 weeks. During this time, I start the plotting stages of another project I want to work on. It’s enough to fill my time doing writer-related tasks to keep me from feeling guilty for not writing, but also keeps my hands out of my draft.
7. Read it again.
This time I’m scanning for any mistakes, but also focusing on the major parts of my story. I want to start hammering in ways to convey emotions so the reader really feels things how I want them to feel. I make note of this for my next draft. I also address what parts need to be moved, re-worked, or tossed out completely.
8. Write it again!
Same deal as before: two tabs, I read in one scroll in the other.
9. Let it sit...but this time, find beta readers.
While I let your third draft marinate, I like to interact with other writers and search for beta readers. I find that offering to swap stories with someone is the most effective way to get beta readers. I’m just careful making sure I don’t overwhelm myself with too many swaps.
10. Revise
I run through my manuscript (run the spell checker, pick better words, make sure there are no glaring inconsistencies) and once it has my final seal of approval send it to your beta readers.
11. Repeat as necessary.
I repeat steps 8, 9, and 10 as many times as needed until I feel my story is as perfect as it’s going to get. Then, find myself an editor.
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☣
☣ for a spy au
PART ONE: mandy
TW: blood, guns, violence
he had known mandy since they were practically babies. both of them coming from wealthy families, travelling around in the same circles. she was the sister he never had. it didn’t surprise ernie when she had been recruited for the kingsmen training too, and it didn’t surprise him when they had been the last two recruits left, fighting for the position.
ernie found the whole “knights of the round table” schtick a bit redundant, fighting for the title of lancelot had felt stupid at times, though perhaps he only thought that way now because he’d lost. though if he was honest, losing lancelot to mandy wasn’t a surprise either. mandy though found the titles stupid as well, and neither of them found themselves actually using them.
it had stung his pride at first, the weeks and weeks of training, trials and tests that he’d gone through, to make it to the final round and then, nothing. now back at his parents home in scotland, it only reminded him more on why he worked so hard to claim that kingsmen title in the first place. he chided himself for wasting his time with the whole thing, vowing to put it behind him. but when mandy showed up at his door in scotland, he didn’t hesitate for a second to follow her back to england.
“dumbledore’s been killed,” she told him in the cab on the way back to the headquarters.
ernie raised his eyebrows at that, albus dumbledore, the king arthur of the kingsmen, dead. “when and who?” he asked, trying to remove any emotional attachment he felt.
“the night you and the others left, and mordred.”
ernie drew a short intake of breath, a pang of guilt hit him. the night he left. he packed his bags in a rush, he’d bumped into mordred, snape in the corridor. he’d shaken his hand, “best of luck to you macmillan.” he’d said to him before they both continued on their way.
“where is he now?”
“at HQ” she responded simply.
“in lockup?”
“mordred has actually taken arthur’s mantle,” mandy said.
ernie blinked at that, “you’re not serious.”
“he’s the one who sent for you.” mandy said, “he’d like to offer you the title of palamedes.”
“and what happened to palamedes?” ernie asked his mind instantly thinking of palamedes, dean.
mandy hesitated, “there have been a lot of changes made, kingsmen is going under some rebranding.” she said, “severus and his team are rebuilding the kingsmen with a stronger foundation, with less unsavory ties.”
“what exactly do you mean by unsavory?” ernie asked but carefully kept the aggression he felt out of his voice.
“you know exactly what i mean ern.” mandy said not sparing him a look.
their cab pulled up in front of the familiar tailor shop. it didn’t hold the wonder it used to though. now it seemed to tower over him, daunting.
mandy undid her seatbelt, hand on the door looking at ernie, he couldn’t read her in this moment which concerned him.
“and what about wayne?” he asked.
mandy frowned, “he’s still allowed to stay.” she said.
“for how long?” ernie asked.
“ern, this is a chance for you to be a part of something bigger than yourself.” she said, “you can be an important piece in a strong foundation, we want you there.” i want you there.
it had always been hard saying no to mandy. even when they were children she usually got her way. and he wanted to say yes to her. it would be so easy to take her hand and walk out of the cab, back to the kingsmen. what he worked so hard for, but he couldn’t.
“i’m sorry.”
it was clear that she was hurt by this, but it was also clear that she wasn’t surprised. she nodded, “it’ll take you home.” she said quietly, she leaned over giving him a gentle kiss on the cheek before leaving the cab.
“goodbye ern.”
when mandy closed the door to the car it felt like a knife twisting through his heart because he’s losing her all over again, he wants to get out of the car and grab her, shake some sense into her, take her away from the kingsmen, but the cab pulls away, mandy shrinking into the distance as it drives down the road.
he closes his eyes, leaning back into the seat, letting the self-driving cab take him home, the last place he wants to be right now but he can’t think of anywhere better. the car comes to a red light and he hears the door open, he speaks before he opens his eyes, “this one’s taken-” assuming it’s some pedestrian looking for a way home. when he opens his eyes he’s met by a familiar face next to him, and a familiar fiery red updo sitting in the driver’s seat.
“neville, ginny.” he greeted hesitantly.neville gave him a half smile,
“hello ernie.”
they called themselves the children of avalon. the original name was the sons of avalon, but ginny shot it down, tired of (and rightly so) being bombarded with male presence what with all the medieval bullshit. so the children of avalon it was. they’d switched cabs, taking neville’s car to their “headquarters”- someone’s old childhood home, he couldn’t remember who’s, inside there were many familiar faces and many new. kingsmen recruits who never received the title and former kingsmen alike.
ginny’s older brothers, both former kingsmen who’d left after snape had taken over arthur’s mantle, had brought intelligence from behind the doors, that snape wasn’t truly the mastermind behind the reformation of the kingsmen but simply a pawn. whispers of a bigger organization, “knights of the walpurgis” though there was still no confirmation on who or what they were, or if they even existed. what they did know is that severus snape had to be taken down.
the nice thing about kingsmen being so set in their old-fashioned ways, was that things never changed. including how to enter their headquarters.
their raid was planned quickly and efficiently, though their numbers were strained. it was like sending one man against an army, an extremely well-trained army. the odds weren’t in their favour but they had to try. if killing dumbledore was all it took to throw kingsmen on it’s head then killing snape should have the same effect, and if it didn’t they would at least have the satisfaction of giving severus snape what he deserved.
he was paired with the twins. they entered through a passage that was practically in their house, their family had been one of the founding families of kingsmen, the macmillan’s not far behind them though his family had long disassociated themselves from the organization.
“you’d think they’d be smart enough to get rid of it.” one of the twins quipped, he wasn’t sure which one.
“maybe they’re still holding out.” the other twin responded.
they quickly got separated once inside. hearing footsteps, multiple heavy footsteps coming their way, fred (he was sure it was fred) pushed through the nearest door, finger to his lips with a wink.
ernie stumbled into the room though quickly froze, not wanting to make a sound, trying to listen to the muffled conversation between fred, george and whoever had caught them in the corridor. he waited until he heard them walk away before assessing where he was.
some sort of garage, it was a bit disorienting, he knew the corridors they’d be walking in were underground, but here it was clear. it felt dirty, even surrounded by the expensive cars (and some more self-driving cabs), the cement made the room cold. it felt somehow felt damp.
he checked his watch, deciding to allow himself five minutes before he could re-enter the corridor. by minute three though he hears the sound of a door creaking open and heels clacking against the cement instinctively he drew his gun, ducking behind a car trying to spot the source of the sounds, swallowing when the source came into view.
mandy.
without thinking he stood up from behind the car, his gun lowered, she lowers hers when he sees him and then they’re hugging out in the open in the middle of a parking garage, which is stupid because it hadn’t even been that long since he’d seen her, but he pushed that thought aside letting himself relish in holding her.
they forget where they are for a moment, the sound of the heavy parking garage door reminds them. mandy pulls away instantly, both hands on her gun backing away from ernie. ernie had both hands back on his gun as well, pointing it at the man who entered the parking garage in a second.
“lancelot, i’m glad to see you’ve found mr. macmillan.” severus snape said, “mr. macmillan, i’d like to think that you’re here because lancelot talked some sense into you joining us,” he said, “though i can’t help but assume that you’re here with the rest of those miscreants.” he said eyeing ernie’s gun on him.
“we know who you are.” he continued, “every single one of you. none of you will be leaving here tonight alive, and in the small chance you do, you’ll have nothing to return you. your families and everything you own we will wipe off this planet.” snape snarled.
“your bloodline isn’t connected to the kingsmen.” ernie said, “what are you going to do when they turn on you the way you did arthur?” he asked, refusing to acknowledge snape as the head of kingsmen.
snape seemed to laugh at that idea, the only acknowledgement of what ernie said before turning to mandy, “lancelot, shoot him.” snape instructed. ernie swallowed glancing at mandy who had frozen in place.
“lancelot, that’s an order.”
ernie held his gun steady at snape but continued to look at mandy, who wouldn’t meet his eye which made his heart pound with just a pang of fear. she wouldn’t, he knew she would never. she did shoot the dog, his mind supplied but he countered himself, no she didn’t really, and you’re not a fucking dog.
“lancelot. now.” snape commanded.
mandy slowly let go of her gun, lowering it to her side in defiance. she looked up at ernie in confirmation which sent a flow of relief through him, almost letting himself smile. snape seemed to see the confirmation at the same time, he sighed pulling his own gun out like it was a chore, raising it and there was a loud ‘bang’ and then things went silent.
he didn’t have time to react. panic was the first thing on his mind, he could see mandy screaming his name but he couldn’t hear her which was weird. he tried to asses her, he didn’t see any wounds on her, he felt his knees giving out and soon they were hitting the pavement, his hands going down to catch himself and oh. he was the one who’d been shot. he must be in shock he thought rationally, he couldn’t feel anything. he looked up to see mandy, both hands on her gun and another shot ringing out, and then all of a sudden all the pain he didn’t feel he felt and holy shit.
he’d had people describe to him what it was like being shot before. one described it like being punched in the gut with the wind knocked out of you, another said it was like a ton of tiny knives attacking one spot. they were both wrong though because this felt like being fucking ripped apart and it burned. he was light-headed, felt himself falling backwards but then mandy’s hand was on his back supporting his weight.
he tried to talk but his mouth felt like it was full of drool, mandy attempted to quiet him but he managed to finally ask “did you get him?”
she nodded, before trying to move ernie to a more comfortable position, ernie catching a glimpse of snape as they moved. right between the eyes.
“you’ve always been a better shot than me.” ernie commented quietly leaning against her, not wanting to look down he closed his eyes, trying to focus on breathing. if he could just keep breathing.
“ernie please stay awake.” she said firmly
it was hard to listen to her though, and he knew it would probably annoy her if he didn’t but he was very comfortable where he was, and if he kept his eyes closed he could pretend he didn’t just get fucking shot. he blinked at an attempt to stay awake to avoid mandy’s wrath but it was no use.
“i’m sorry mandy.” he murmured, leaning further into her.
“ernie stay with me”
(1/3)
#au#meme#au drabble meme#c: mandy#//again no spellcheck no 1 come 4 me#//also do i write when im nervous ??? clearly because this got a lot longer then i meant it to be lol#//sue n hannah r next watch out hoes#//ernie getting shot ?? foreshadowing 2 the boh ?? maybe#//B)
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Long-run part 4
(What happened last night- part 4)
Pairing: Sirius Black x Reader
Fandom: Harry Potter- Marauders Era
Chapter summery: You talk about what has happened with Lily and James . (honestly you can skip this part, there is no Sirius action just some things for character development and stuff. Not my best work but yea. It doesn’t rlly affect the storyline so you can skip np. Kinky stuff in part 5 and part 1XDXD)
Warnings: None
word count: 1,3 k
Part 3 part 5
Masterlist
Buy me a coffee
Lily stared into her hot chocolate while listening to your story. The Gryffindor Commonroom wasn’t the best place to talk shit about one of The Marauders but it will have to do. It’s not like the word of your big fight hasn’t gotten all over the school already(your year at least). Everyone had a different version of you and Sirius’ fight but everyone seemed to believe anything but the truth. Some said you stood him up for that Slytherin, others that he already cheated before the first date and whatnot. The only one who seemed to listen was your best friend (and roommate) Lily.
“Do you think I was too though, Lily?” you questioned, looking for affirmation.
“No, not at all! I’m really happy you are standing up for yourself!” she smiled looking up at you. “Don’t get me wrong, you are not a push-over, no, not at all! It’s just,” she stopped weighing whether to tell you or not. “It’s just you are different with Sirius, you always have!”
You just stared at her wide-eyed. What is that supposed to mean? If anything it was the opposite, you were always fighting with Sirius, ALWAYS.
Lily caught on your confusion so she clarified:
“Even if you two weren’t always nice with each other, you always put him first. After every little fight or contradiction, you would usually side with him. Because that’s all your fights were, teases.” She smiled mischievously before adding “I always thought it was just you being a brat for him to tame, but it’s just my opinion.”
“Gosh, Lily! Can you just stop over-analyzing my every action? Not everything is about kinks or whatever goes on in your sick head!” you tried to look hurt but couldn’t help a smirk. You truly did try to tease Sirius just to have him snap back from time to time, but only now you realized you’ve let him get too comfortable with you doing what he said. If Lily was so good at reading you maybe she did the same with Sirius, but you didn’t have time to even start your sentence when James (quite literally) threw himself on the couch next to Lily.
“Hello, ladies!” he awkwardly stated while looking directly at you with a dumb smile. “I heard what happened today,” he continued not looking away “and I just wanted to say. On behalf of Sirius that he is sorry.” He talked like one of these politicians with sticks up their arses.
“Don’t even sta-“
“And that,” he quickly cut you off, speaking louder this time “he is a man, and men are usually stupid.”
You heard Lily hum in agreement before sipping more of her drink. James ignored her and continued with his presidential speech.
“Especially the ones that are in love. And Sirius is no superhuman. He is an arrogant prick but, ladies, he’s a prick in love.” he ended dramatically.
He looked really proud of himself which only made both you and Lily burst out laughing. James relaxed a bit himself and looking at you two couldn’t help but give in. You and your best friends laughing like crazy on a cold Saturday night near the fireplace. This was a feeling you haven’t experienced in a while and it made you feel, even if for one second, a familiar warmth in your chest before coming back to the real world and realizing things were never going to be like this again. You stopped laughing, feeling lonely again. You looked at them who didn’t even notice this change in you and smiled. They are a couple now, they are happy without you and who on earth are you to blame them? You were happy for them, truly, but you felt like you were, even if still their best friend, an outsider.
“Y/N, I’m serious though.” James continued making you refocus. “Sirius is head over heels in love with you.”
“I find that hard to believe.” Which you did. Not only did he never show any sign of affection (besides making out while passed out drunk), he usually wasn’t talking to you directly at all (again, besides when alcohol kicked in). Honestly, you wouldn’t be surprised if he just didn’t want to hurt your feelings after what happened at the party so he asked you on a date.
James gave you the warmest smile you have ever received which made you feel, by all means, uncomfortable. He looked at you like a child looks at the stray dog he just fed: benevolent, for sure, but hidden hints of pity.
“You have no idea how much he talks about you.”He rolled his eyes grinning. “Day and night while trying to act cool.” He dragged his voice before making a very smug face which defiantly resembled Sirius: “Have you seen Y/N today? No, I wasn’t looking for her just noticed she’s not here yet. I wonder if Y/N would like these chocolates, I don’t want to buy them for her or anything, dude! She just seems like she would like strawberries I dunno.” He really got into character, it was hard to bring him back after a while.
“My point, Y/N” his eyes were fixed on yours and you felt he was serious. “I know Sirius, I really do. I’ve heard him talk about a million girls but never have I heard a girl’s name more than once. Except yours. Which was annoyingly more than once, believe me.” He bit his lower lips before continuing. “Sirius is very, very dumb. But I’m telling you if there is one person for you, it’s him. He is already very loyal to you, has been since the beginning of the year. Won’t talk about it but I’ve seen him refusing any kind of advance from any girl besides you. He has a lot to learn, for sure, but if you are willing to take him I promise you” he leaned closer, “he will be the best thing for you.”
You looked at Lily for confirmation which she didn’t exactly offer you. She smiled softly before looking away which gave it away she had another opinion. You wanted to ask her but not right now. It was clear she was not comfortable talking about this right now in front of James.
You chatted for a bit more before Lily left for the library to study and Lupin came and picked up James. You were left once again alone with your thoughts. You didn’t really mind sitting alone until you raised your eyes which met Sirius’ across the room. Right now, you felt exposed and vulnerable. Luckily Sirius didn’t come over to you and went directly up the stairs to his dorm room. You exhaled relief before anxiety took over you again. Why didn’t he come here, though? Has he already given up?
It was Sunday morning and you were woken up way earlier than you planned. You were not sure what woke you up but it was 7 in the morning. You looked around and saw your roommates sleeping soundly which made you even angrier. Were you the only one who couldn’t sleep? Maybe it was the repetition of the conversation you had with James that was repaying in your head since it happened or just the stress about the gossips that woke you up. You decided it was too early to face the world so you flipped over your other side intending to fall asleep. However, you found a beautiful rose sitting on your nightstand with a note tied to it.
Follow me
You examined the note carefully before noticing some petals trailing to the door. Your first thought was a killer that wanted to lure you to your death. After giving it some thought you decided it was unrealistic and if it was true, you wouldn’t really mind it that much. So you hopped out of your bed and in your slippers and followed the flowers out the door.
//ok so this part wasn’t that exciting, also didn’t really spellchecked or proof read or whatever. I really wanted to post this chapter now. The next part will have smut I promise XDXD
Taglist: @dude-whatawave @skinnianna
#Sirius#sirius x you#sirius smut#sirius x y/n#sirius black#sirius black smut#sirius fluff#sirius black fluff#the marauders#the marauders smut#the marauders x reader#the marauders x y/n#the marauders era#fluff#smut
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Superior Specimen - Chapter 5
Summary: One night when you are following the Archaeology tag on instagram you stumbled across a fun looking dig… and an even more interesting Paleontologist who soon follows you back. Over the following weeks you start chatting and a friendship soon grows.
Relationship: AU Henry Cavill x Female Reader (No race or body shape mentioned)
Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4
Warnings: Slow Burn, NSFW, 18+, Mutual Masturbation, Phone Sex, Drunken Piggy Back Rides, Oral Sex (Female Recieving), Drama, Theft, Amateur Heroics, Hospital Visit, Shower Sex, Oral Sex (Male Receiving), Blow Job, Fingering,
I do not operate a tag list, but please follow @angryschnauzerwrites and put that blog onto notifications, as you will then be notified whenever i post something new.
I don’t have a masterlist, but all my works are on AO3, link here.
Usually i post oneshots to Tumblr and AO3, and multichapters exclusively to AO3, but as this is my first henry story and its going to be a short series, i’ll post to both places.
Please note this chapter has not been beta’d/spellchecked.
Chapter 5
Henry had helped you at every step; from opening the car door for you to helping you up the stairs and into your flat. When you’d told him that the doctors had instructed you not to be alone overnight, he smiled at you kindly and said he wouldn’t have dreamed of leaving you alone after a hospital visit. He’d grabbed his gym bag out of the back seat of his car and had somehow managed to juggle that, your bag, having one arm around your waist up the stairs, and opened the door all with ease.
He’d run you a bath and with surprisingly delicate dexterity had carefully stripped you before helping you into the scented waters, no sexual touches, instead it had been about making sure you were ok.
You sat in the water for a moment in complete silence before drawing your knees up to your chest and you started to cry, the tension of the afternoon finally seeping out of you. You felt a large hand gently rub your back, and as you wiped your eyes with the backs of your hands you looked at Henry, the concern showing on his face;
“Will you get in with me?”
He nodded and stood, quickly unbuttoning his shirt and toeing off his shoes, before removing his khaki’s then balling his socks. Everything was folded and placed in a neat pile and his hands rested on the elastic of his underwear;
“Do you want me to keep these on?”
You shook your head;
“I’ll keep my eyes closed” and screwed them shut, the sound of his low chuckle resonating around the room.
“I don’t mind if you do look”
Opening your eyes just a crack you were greeted with the sight of Henry in his full glory striding towards the bath, and you weren’t given time to process how perfect his body was;
“Scoot up, i’ll get in behind you”
As Henry stepped in the water rose dramatically, his legs stretching out either side of you before he gently grasped your shoulders and eased you back until you were laying on his chest, your head resting on his shoulder so he could press tender kisses to yours. His voice was quiet as he spoke;
“I saw what happened today”
“You did?”
“I had gone up to the offices on the 4th floor and had been looking out of the window over the lawns… i’d seen the guy running then you following, saw you take him down and everything unfold… by the time I managed to get downstairs you’d been taken away”
He took a deep breath;
“I was so fucking worried… i could see you had blood all over you, i had no idea what had happened and by the time i got outside all the coppers would say was that the guy had been armed with a knife. I had no clue where you’d been taken… god that copper that messaged me, i was ready to go within seconds…”
You turned in his arms, carefully moving until you were laying on your side, your hand resting on his large pectorials;
“I’m sorry i scared you”
He pressed a kiss to your lips;
“Never apologise for bravery. What you did was amazing”
You settled into Henry’s arms feeling safe and comforted, his hands slowly moving over your body, massaging aching muscles and washing away the last trace of the days stresses.
The rest of your night involved ordering pizza, which you had to stifle yawns as you made your way through your third slice. When Henry suggested you called it a night you looked at him pointedly;
“Will you join me?”
“Do you want me to?”
“I just want to sleep in your arms tonight”
-
You woke up to the mattress dipping, and as you returned to consciousness you reached your arm out only to find the bed empty, just a warm spot where Henry must have only just gotten up. You reached for your phone to check the time, groaning when you saw it was time for you to get up for work… that was until you saw in your notifications an email from your boss, telling you that you were not to come in for a week. Your mind was still fuzzy with sleep still leaving and your brain coming into consciousness, so with a smile on your face you lay back against the pillows, before you heard your shower running and an idea entered your head.
Seconds later you were quietly sneaking into the bathroom, seeing Henry through the opaque class of the shower enclosure. Gently opening the door you snuck in and wrapped your arms around his waist from behind, pressing kisses to his back. He hummed out an appreciative grunt before you pulled back and looked at his ass;
“You have the most perfect ass i’ve ever seen on a man”
“Just wait until you see the front…”
He turned as you gazed into his eyes, sparkling with mischief before he kissed you, deep and passionate, his tongue dancing against your own. The water from the shower poured over your bodies, and you pulled away gently pushing Henry against the tiled wall, looking down and quirking one eyebrow as you saw his dick hanging heavy between his thighs. Without a word you got to your knees, keeping eye contact with him the entire time as you rested your hands on his thighs, gently running your fingernails down the thick muscles before your hands wrapped around his meaty girth which was rapidly hardening. You leant forwards, tightening your hand around him before lapping gently at his tip and the groan that left his mouth was sinful. You could feel him getting harder, growing beneath your touch, and with the help of the water flowing down his body you started to pump him slowly, teasing him to full tumescence.
You tightened your other hand around him before opening your mouth and started to suck on his tip, easing a centimeter in at a time so your mouth could gradually stretch around him, your lips pulled tight as they circled the huge muscle whilst your tongue worked against the strong vein that ran along the underside. Soon he was panting, his breaths coming out in short puffs as he watched you take him deeper than he was expecting you to be able to on your first attempt;
“Fuck… Princess, you have the body of an angel and the mouth of a whore… so fucking good, you gonna take a bit more for me, huh?”
You were struggling as it was and you barely had two inches in your mouth, his girth stretching your lips so tight yet it got wider the further down the shaft. You watched as Henry went to place a hand on your head and then remembered you wound from the previous day, instead bracing himself against the walls of the shower enclosure. You knew you wouldn’t physically be able to take much more of his length in your mouth, so you moved one hand to his massive ballsack, cupping the heavy globes in your hand as your other hand worked the rest of his shaft, stroking and twisting as your fist met your lips. He threw his head back and let out a string of curses;
“Oh my fucking god, that’s so good… tug on my balls… fuck yes, your tongue…”
You swirled your tongue over smooth swollen head and you felt his legs tremble, and with a smile you did it again, the groan coming from his mouth followed by a long string of ‘fuck’s. You alternated between sucking his tip and tonguing the sensitive skin, moving your hand along his shaft until your thumb was pressing against is frenulum, rubbing his precum against the sensitive sinew, you tongue lapping at his slit as it now leaked a continual bead of clear fluid. He started to tremble and you pushed him deep into your mouth - as deep as you could take him - and he let out a strangled cry at the feeling of your hot mouth around him and you felt that tell-tale tremble in the thick vein on his underside. Moving your hands you pumped him hard, feeling his hot cum fill your mouth, tart on your tongue as he unloaded rope after rope of his creamy seed until it was spilling from the corners of your mouth.
You swallowed what you could before pulling away, making your pumps of your fist gentler as the last few spurts covered your chest and breasts. Henry caught your hand in his, stopping you before helping you to your feet. He looked like sin; flushed cheeks and chest, his eyes blissfully relaxed as he dragged a finger through his cum on your chest, scooping a little onto the tip before offering it to you, watching as you sucked his finger into your mouth before letting it out with an audible pop. The second his finger was out of your mouth his was kissing you, tongue and teeth, he has no issue with tasting himself on your tongue.
When he pulled away you chased after his lips, letting out a whine at the loss of his tongue and he chuckled;
“We keep this up and you’ll be late for work”
You nuzzled at his neck and smiled;
“I’ve been given a week off, had an email from my Manager this morning, so…”
“So... “ Henry grinned and pressed you against the cool tiles, his mouth moving to your neck as he laved his tongue over the soft skin, his lips brushing against your ear as he spoke; “... i still haven’t brought you dinner…”
“Ow…” you whined like a brat; “but i need you…”
“How about we just see what this pussy can take first?”
He slid a hand down your stomach and you instinctively parted your legs, sighing as you felt his fingers delve into your soaked folds and sought out your clit before delving further and he ran the wide tip of his finger over your entrance, teasing out some of your wetness only to return to your clit and rub firm figure eights against the sensitive bud. Once you were trembling at his tough he slid that finger back to your entrance and slowly pushed inside, making you mewl with pleasure at just one finger;
“Henry…please...”
“Yes Princess?”
“More…”
With a chuckle he slid a second finger in and you almost saw stars. You’d not really taken in just how big his hands were, how long and thick his fingers were, but as he scissored two slowly inside you, you were almost ready to cum. He shifted slightly, bending down enough to take one of your nipples into his mouth, covering the entire thing as his tongue worked over the teat and massaged the areola. At the same time he curled his fingers inside you, stroking at that spot high up that had your legs going weak and made you cling to his arms to stay upright;
“Oh fuck… Henry, i want you to fuck me, please…” you whined, only to be met with a low chuckle;
“You think you’re ready for me? Think i can squeeze in this tight little pussy?”
“Please…”
“Well if you think two fingers is enough to stretch you you’re in for a shock, now relax Princess, i’m gonna need to slide a third in, and only then will we see if you can take my cock”
His mouth moved to your neck again as he twisted his hand and slowly started to squeeze a third finger in, and you whimpered at the stretch and burn of being so stuffed full. His thumb lightly grazed against your clit and rubbed the lightest of circles against it, all whilst gently pulsing his fingers inside your silken channel. Your knees almost buckled from the sheer pleasure of feeling so full, and you knew that he would be barely in halfway compared to his dick. His lips found yours again and he claimed you with a hungry kiss, his free hand finding your chest, cupping one breast before pinching your nipple between his thumb and forefinger. His thumb worked harder and he crooked his fingers inside you, the trigger to send you over the edge and you were screaming out your orgasm as you trembled in his grasp.
Resting his forehead against yours he carefully pulled his fingers from your body, your breath coming out in short pants as your heart raced. You watched as he lifted his fingers to his mouth and licked them clean, before leaning back and grabbing the showerhead and carefully washing your body clean.
Finally he shut the water off and helped you climb out, wrapping a towel around you before starting to towel himself off;
“So what will you be doing with your newly found freedom this week then?”
“I might take myself shopping” you mused; “Or perhaps to a yoga class… gonna have to do some stretches ready for Friday night” you winked at him.
He stood close and pulled you into his arms, his hands running over the skin of your back as you stood naked before him;
“That sounds fun” he laughed; “But also take it easy”
Chapter 6 >>>
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Heyy, just wanted to say I LOVE your stories (and all you headcanons and tags hehe) I'm new here and wanted to ask how and when you started writing fanfiction for star wars and if you have any tips 😊
hello! thank you for the kind words :’) and of course, welcome!!
so if we want to get really technical about things, i started writing star wars fic like,,,,waaaay back in 2013, and i kinda cringe a little when i think of those fics now because lol i was thirteen years old then--and i wrote for a little while until maybe 2016-ish? and then took a break because of mental health things, and then got back into writing fic in the past year and a half or so!
as for the how, i wanted to write star wars fic mostly because as a thirteen year old, i was devastated by the season five finale (back then, that was when the show just got cancelled and the season five finale was the only series finale we were gonna get!), and i just kinda wanted to write all these stories about the tcw fam actually being happy. filling in the gaps and all. (lol considering how my gut reaction to the tcw season seven finale was also to write as much fic as possible, i can safely say that some things just don’t change.)
as for tips! i got a little into writing gen fic specifically here, but as for writing fic in general: (and under the cut because i,,,as usual, went off for a while.)
1. rewatch/reread source material! this is something i usually do when i’m trying to refresh my memory on a certain episode--i won’t watch through the whole thing, sometimes i’ll just kind of jump around, but i like to get some quick look back into the source stuff to put myself in the right headspace to explore how to extend/expand the story somehow.
of course, if you’re writing something that’s an AU then you don’t really have to worry about this, but!! rewatching the source can also just be super helpful when you’re trying to characterize properly/try to get a feel for what the characters’ voices are like.
2. wookiepedia is your best friend, but if you don’t have enough info on something, either search through fanon star wars meta or!! just make up something on your own! like, i cannot tell you the amount of times i’ve wanted to tear my hair out because i couldn’t find enough information on x or if i had to stop and be like “wait, but does star wars even have y??” sometimes, wookiepedia is helpful for providing those answers, and other times, blogs like @gffa really provides a big, broad look at all the stuff in star wars, and her blog kinda runs like wookiepedia itself, so i can guarantee that you’ll find some useful stuff if you’re ever kind of lost about what certain jedi customs/culture or in general, what different cultures were like in the galaxy far, far away.
but also, as i’ve mentioned, i think it’s okay to just kinda ignore the technical stuff and just make something up in star wars as you go along. you don’t like that glass in star wars is called transparisteel? then use glass. you’re not sure if star wars even celebrates the new year? screw it, why not? you’re the writer--you get creative license!
3. there is no such thing as “too much” of one trope. so, idk if you might struggle with this, but just in case you do--sometimes, fic writers will hit a wall and be like “no i can’t post this because so many people have already written about this/used this trope/etc.” to that, i say pffft, nah. there’s a post floating around here on tumblr about a cake analogy and how like,,,to you, you might have just brought another cake to a party with already so many cakes, and you might feel kinda embarrassed about that, but to the large majority of people? all they see is more cake, and who doesn’t love more cake?
what i’m basically trying to get at here is!! write whatever you want and don’t worry about if someone’s already done it, because everyone in fandom lives to see their favorite storylines expanded over and over and over again/everyone lives to see their favorite tropes used over and over and over again. fic is wonderful for that very reason, and you shouldn’t deprive yourself of enjoying that.
4. this might seem kinda trivial, but spellcheck and formatting is...mostly important. the unfortunate thing about fic is that sometimes people will click out the second they see a huge block of text like so:
“this is just a practice run,” i say as i start this paragrah. i don’t really know what i’m writing about but this is an example, and i know that this is probably going to look really, really ugly on the screen but here we go oh the things i do for explaining fic i already know that this has gone long enough but who is to stop me you know? wait no i haven’t made any spelling errors yet to prove my point so okay let me think of a common spelling error i can’t think of any right now but hm let’s see i will causally say that i have made a spelling error. oh look! i have made a spelling error (well, not a spelling error, more like a mix-up of words) because you can tell that instead of writing casually which would be more correct i wrote causally and those two are very different things. but there are other spelling errors that can sometimes be a turn-off for readers like when they notice that the k in kenobi isn’t capitilized and once or twice that’s all fine and most people will overlook that, but if you do that consistently then most people will be turned off and click into another fic and oh dear it seems that i am actually explaining things so i guess that means i should stop with this ugly paragraph and actually move forward. “move on!” i shout to myself now. (and just pretend that something like this continues for a good two or three pages.)
do you see how ugly that is? it’s an eye-strain to most people when they read, and you can write the most beautiful fic in the world, but if the formatting and the spelling is off, then most people will move to a different fic. (which is, again, unfortunate, especially for younger and newer writers, but! ‘tis a thing that comes with fic.)
5. have fun! don’t get yourself caught up with appealing to the crowd. write what you want to write first and foremost, because at the end of the day, it’s you who’s putting in the work and the effort to craft a story, and if you’re about to invest your time and energy into anything in your free time, then it should be something that brings you at least some joy and comfort. so go on and write, and keep writing if you enjoy it! no one can take that away from you.
hope that all helps!!
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(Which Spider-Man?) Mary-Jane takes Miles under her wing instead or Peter has to kill Beck
(set after into the spiderverse)
1.
defeating kingpin and sending the other spider... well, men off to their own worlds felt great, but once it’s over miles has to face the fact that he’s still starting out on his own here and this world’s peter parker, his spiderman, is still fresh in the city’s memory. it means he gets some weird and mixed reactions from people during his first few swing-throughs of the city, but he tries to take them in his stride.
he reminds himself that he has people to go to for advice and support and an entire, whaddayacallit, spider cave to peruse if he wants to. there’s fresh and advanced webshooters, web fluid, costume changes, tracking and recording equipment, and besides, may parker is badass. there’s no reason why he shouldn’t be hanging out there all the time.
except--
there’s this way may’s eyes soften and get watery when she’s looking at him and thinks he isn’t noticing, her entire body cratering at the centre after being upright for so long. it’s awkward when she once asks him to call her ‘aunt may’ then stops herself, looking stricken, then never brings it up again. sitting in her house sipping hot chocolate means remembering the first time he was sitting in that hall; looking at the fading scorch marks on the wall; thinking uncle aaron i miss you and realising for probably the hundredth time that week that he’s never going to see his uncle again. it’s like he’s surrounded by a thousand invisible emotional tripwires, and he’s always walking into them and falling into some memory.
so, yeah. he doesn’t really go to may’s much, unless it’s for an emergency, or he’s running low on web fluid, or needs to repair his costume. it’s during one such trip that he finds mary jane watson sitting in the spidercave.
2.
mj (because of course she wants him to call her mj) is… nice. she’s nice. there’s not a whole lot more miles can say at first because again: peter parker is this sort of insurmountable wall between them, and as much as he bonded with other (his) pete, he isn’t quite sure what this (not his peter but technically his universe’s, so, well. shit. this is all very confusing) peter was really like. he was very kind to miles when he first saw him (and quicker to put two and two together) but did he have that same exhausted dad energy? was he scarily competent and an absolute slob at the same time? did he get that soft, wondering look in his eyes, like he’d received a gift he never expected to get, whenever he thought nobody was looking at him? did he ask his famous-in-her-own-right journalist girlfriend to help him be spider-man, or was that part of him mostly a mystery to her too?
miles could ask said-girlfriend, but… it’s too soon. too raw. too awkward. too miles-has-schoolwork-and-vigilantism-consuming-every-second-of-his-life-and-he-just-doesn’t-have-any-leftover-energy-to-deal-with-this.
they exchange phone numbers during their second meeting and it continues to be weird at first (what’s miles going to do? send mary jane watson pictures of minecraft memes?), but he quickly discovers that mj isn’t really interested in spiderman related--or even adjacent--conversations either. it’s mostly messages asking him about his day, or about school, or if spiderman’s really taking the subway every other morning (miles’ spider genes apparently don’t allow him to withstand swinging from building to building after a full cheeseburger meal). miles quickly loses his nervousness and it even becomes a sort of comfort.
then: the messages start getting… different. what you’re looking for isn’t there and see attachment and i can get you oscorp’s internal files on this and the nuclear material is coming in from oslo not ohio what the fuck even is this spellcheck
all the tips pan out because of course they do, it’s mary jane watson. miles isn’t entirely sure how she seems to know so often what he’s working on, but he suspects that she watches where he’s been as spiderman closer than he first thought.
still, he feels awkward enough that it’s a while before he texts her i think i’m stuck on this one.
the reply is almost immediate: i thought you’d never ask.
3.
being spider-man is all fun and games until it suddenly isn’t: when miles realises he’s out there in the middle of an inferno without backup, during every moment he jumps off a building and thinks for a split-second, mid-air: what if i don’t make that next landing. more often than not he makes it out okay at the end of the day, but there are also moments like this: stuck under a wooden beam, hurt just enough that he can’t muster the strength to throw the beam off his back, fire raging in the floors beneath him, the heat wafting up threatening to cook him in his nice superhero suit.
i might not make it is no longer a split-second thought. in fact it’s a thought that occupies a lot of whole seconds strung together.
then: “spiderman!”
the shout is followed a few seconds later by mj herself, her form shimmering and wavering in the heat, handkerchief pressed to her nose and mouth. when she sees him her watering eyes light up.
miles’ jaw hangs open, and something clicks in his head: there’s no way spiderman could’ve existed without this reckless, brave, smart yet so stupid, incredible person.
he’s a lot less nervous about asking for help after that, and about reminding her that yeah, he can be a little foolish at times, but she was the one who ran alone into a burning building to help somebody with super-strength and super-healing. she never argues that last one, just smiles fondly.
4.
mj becomes fast friends with miles’ mother. miles doesn’t even remember how they met--ran into each other at the grocery store every weekend? something. it isn’t really relevant. what’s important is that now mj and his mom appear to be best friends, and miles isn’t sure how to feel about this. he gets the notion that, despite not being bitten by a radioactive spider, mj is much farther along in this world than he is. boundaries are different. more porous.
even so, mj is… something else.
sometimes, sitting across from her at the dining table at home, it feels like the world is a little bit warmer, a little more… complete. then she would catch his eye and give him a knowing smile, and miles is in his costume again, poised at the apex of an expansive arc and not knowing where he’s going to land in a world he’s starting to realise he doesn’t really understand after all.
he never tells mj about the multiverse spidermen, though he can tell she is curious about where he disappears to every now and then. truth be told, he’s a bit scared of how she’ll react to the idea of other peters existing.
5.
months after that first meeting, miles and mj visit peter’s grave together.
it’s probably the first time miles has seen mj be anything but calm and put-together. exhaustion piles in like sand in a tipped hourglass. her shoulders slump and her nails claw into a faded sweatshirt that she’s holding in her hands. and yet… she’s holding back, miles realises. for all that he’s seen of her in the last several months, there’s a layer she’s still reserving for peter and miles… doesn’t resent it exactly, this peter spectre that keeps coming up between him and everything that he wants to know about how to do his job, but he hopes…
he hopes he’ll get to know mj some day.
he walks away to a cafe nearby. mj joins him half an hour later, eyes red and mascara smeared but her face dry. they buy milkshakes and plot their next move against doc ock.
-
( send me an au and i’ll give you 5+ headcanons! )
#spiderman#into the spiderverse#miles morales#mary jane watson#my fic#sillierthanasillylaugh#i got stuck halfway through this#like proper STUCK - for a whole month#and my brain didn't allow me to work on anything else until i finished this so#it's been a frustrating month#it's done and i kinda never want to see it again
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Thank you so much to @herosofmarvelanddc @cloudypaws and @mtab2260 for the tag! This was so much fun to think about :)
(fair warning, I wrote too much for many of these...)
1. How many works do you have on AO3?
Just 2 :)
2. What's your total AO3 word count?
450,577 if I did my math right!
3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?
Officially? Just 1 - Agents of Shield (two, I guess, if you count MCU as separate, since I use characters from both...). Off the record, many more than that! I have lots of bits and bobs from other fandoms that I tinkered with when I was younger, still getting the hang of writing, not brave enough to post things, etc. etc. Some of those include X-Men, Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, the Fosters, Star Wars, the Hunger Games, the 39 Clues, and a few others I can’t remember. None of those will likely see the light of day, mostly because they’re unfinished, not very good, and just not reflective of who I am as a writer anymore, but they were fun to play around with at the time :)
4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
I just have the two, but The Important Thing is to Try wins, hands down, with 1227. Shoulder to Shoulder has 95, though, which I’m also very proud of! Important Thing has a definite advantage, being as long as it is, so I don’t know if that’s really a fair comparison between them.
5. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?
Yes! Or at least, I always try to! I just can’t believe someone would be kind enough to take the time to tell me what they thought of my story, so I always want to take the time to thank them and return the favor :) Plus, as I’ve learned, it’s a fantastic way to get to know some really lovely people!
6. What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?
Well... I technically only have one story that has an ending, at least on Ao3, and it’s not an especially angsty one, since it ends in Phil and Melinda getting married :) I have some angsty chapter endings in Important Thing, if that counts? I’m not even sure if any of my unpublished fiddlings have angsty endings (most don’t have endings at all lol)... I don’t mind writing angst, but I don’t know if I’m capable of making something without a happy (or at least hopeful) ending.
7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you've ever written?
Not really, unless you count AoS/MCU crossovers (which I guess technically count, but also I would argue it’s not a true crossover since (and I will die on this hill) AoS is a part of MCU canon). When I was younger I was a fan of playing around with crossover AUs more so than the actual characters crossing paths (so like, what if these characters from XYZ were demigods or went to Hogwarts or what have you, and not so much what would happen if the X-Men met Luke, Leia, and Han on one of their space adventures). I started writing a crossover between AoS and the Marvel Rising cartoon once (which again, not sure if that’s a true crossover, since Daisy was in Marvel Rising, but I digress), where Coulson tasks Daisy to work with Kate Bishop and Rayshaun Lucas to collect and train a team of young Inhumans, starting with Kamala Khan, but I ran out of steam pretty quickly when it got too plot heavy.
8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?
I don’t think so. I’ve had some people not understand some choices that I made, but they asked it in a way that I thought was perfectly nice, and I was happy to talk about it with them. Sometimes people get “mad” at me when I cause pain and suffering, but I know that’s all in good fun :)
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
Nope, not for me. I don’t read it or write it, personally. Writing a kiss is hard enough!
10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Not to my knowledge! Important Thing is probably too long and unwieldy to ever steal :P
11. Have you ever had a fic translated?
Someone once asked me on FFN if they could translate Important Thing to Russian, which was basically the coolest thing I’ve ever been asked!
12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
A fic, no. I’d love to try sometime! I had a friend in college who I co-wrote with A LOT, though, so I know I enjoy that process, given the right partner. We wrote several short plays together (ranging from ~15-50 minutes in length, including one that we wrote in a single afternoon!), selected scenes from a larger (unfinished) play inspired by historical letters we found in an archive that were sent between a man from Massachusetts serving in the American Civil War, his wife, and his 8-year-old son, and several scripts for TV sitcoms (2 pilots for 2 different shows, plus additional eps for those pilots, and a couple of later eps for a different show that a classmate of ours wrote the pilot for - we were trying to practice what it would be like to be on a staff with a showrunner haha). The sitcom scripts in particular I’m very proud of, and could talk somebody’s ear off about if asked (one’s about ghost hunters and one’s about a DnD party!), but maybe that’s better saved for another post ;)
13. What's your all-time favorite ship?
That’s a very hard question for me! Mostly because shipping stuff is usually one of the last things to register for me when I’m thinking about shows/books/movies I like haha... I’m always a sucker for Philinda, and younger me was rather taken with Percabeth, I suppose.
14. What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?
Hmm, several, really. The aforementioned AoS/Marvel Rising crossover I think could be really cool if I got it to work, but I don’t think that’ll ever happen. I also have a WIP that’s like an angstier version of a Hallmark Christmas movie AU where Daisy has to come home to her small town right before Christmas and figure out what she wants out of life, but I’m a little stalled out on that one, mostly because I’m waffling on who the charming love interest should be and because I don’t have enough of a plot, just lots of feelings about coming back home to a place you thought you had left behind lol.
I’d put Important Thing and it’s (as of yet) untitled sequel on here as things I want to finish, but I’m much more determined to see those through, so I don’t think they qualify for the “never will actually write” part of this question :)
15. What are your writing strengths?
I don’t know if other people agree with this, but I think I write pretty decent dialogue. My “training” (if you can call it that) is in, as you might have figured out by now, script and screenplay writing (those were the only creative writing classes I took in college). So having a sense of the rhythm a conversation needs to have and how to write dialogue that sounds mostly like how people really talk (but shined and tightened up enough so that it’s not actually like verbatim dialogue, which is far less interesting to read!) is something that I feel like comes pretty easily. I also think I do okay with similes and metaphors - my brain tends to work in that way. It’s easier for me to think of stuff (feelings, especially) in terms of comparing it to more familiar things than to just think of the thing directly, if that makes sense?
16. What are your writing weaknesses?
If I was being honest, this would be a very long section, but I know it’s not fun to read a big ol’ paragraph of someone self-criticizing, so I’ll keep it to one or two items ;) A big one for me is pacing, I think. I tend to write more than I need to and to over-explain things, so my chapters get very long and sometimes don’t really go anywhere? Until all of the sudden, they DO, because things need to HAPPEN! I’m a pretty rigorous self-editor, but I do have a really hard time cutting out sections (unless they’re really just not working), so even if it would help the pacing to leave out this conversation between character A and character B, I often can’t make myself cut it. I also think I struggle sometimes with balancing my ‘showing’ and my ‘telling,’ especially in the sense of me over-explaining certain things - like when it comes to feelings/facial expressions/etc, for example. I compensate for that in Important Thing by making it a part of a few people’s POV, but it’s not really a good habit to have in general. Also spelling! I’m really bad at spelling and run my stuff through robust spellchecks and text-to-speech before I post anything to make up for it :)
17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?
I do it with some regularity, although I always get nervous about doing it wrong! It’s hard to avoid in AoS, where characters are spies and should (in theory, at least) have a working knowledge of multiple languages (”We’re spies, I thought we all learned languages?!”). Even in an AU, where characters aren’t spies, I like to try and pay homage to that, plus pay homage to certain characters’ native languages or just general multilingualism. I’ve spent a fair amount of time around people who speak more than one language, so I feel like it’s a natural part of groups of people to have more than one language spoken. I have a pretty good handle on written Spanish, a patchy idea of French, plus I know some Russian phrases from my dad and some German words from my grandfather, but I do rely on internet translation a lot. I usually run stuff through google, then run it backwards to see just how far off the initial translation was, then consult some actual, like, language learning sites to see if there’s particular idioms or common phrases that use different words than what google will give me, then run those words through backwards in the place of the original words to see if I can massage the whole thing to sound reasonably competent. Languages like Russian or Mandarin (which have their own alphabets/characters) are the hardest, since I have to also try and do a transliteration. I always try to put an apology/disclaimer in the notes any time I write in a language that isn’t English, because I’m sure I make lots of mistakes.
Also, I tend not to italicize words that are in other languages, because it looks weird on the page to me to set the other language apart like that (and because I italicize mainly for internal thoughts or emphasis, and usually what’s being said in another language isn’t internal or being emphasized). I put a rough translation at the end so we don’t have to pause the story for a parenthetical translation, but because the translation’s not right there, I try to either put in enough context clues that a person can still understand what’s going on, or I make sure that what’s written in another language isn’t critical to the overall understanding of the scene.
18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?
Officially, it’s AoS, since that’s the only fandom I’ve published for. I think the first true fandom I wrote fic for was probably either Harry Potter (entirely populated with OCs lol, I just liked using the world/setting), Percy Jackson (a mix of OCs and canon characters), or X-Men (all canon characters). I was a bit of a latecomer to fanfiction, though, like, I wrote a ton as a kid, but mostly original stuff, because I didn’t know that fanfiction in its current form was even allowed until I was in high school lol.
Oh! I almost forgot one! I’m not sure if this really counts as a fandom, but it’s definitely the earliest version of fanfic I wrote haha... I was like 12 and I wrote more than one story of an OC joining Robin Hood’s band of Merry Men, and then also one of that same OC becoming a knight of the Round Table, so like... do what you will with that information haha.
19. What's you're favorite fic you've written?
I can’t choose between my two darlings :( I mean, okay, technically it’s probably Important Thing. That story’s my baby. It’s huge and I’ve been working on it for almost 2 years, and I’ve poured a lot of my heart and soul into it. I’ve fallen in love with the universe I built in it, so much so that I wrote an entire prequel and have very concrete plans for a lengthy sequel. But I can’t not crow about Shoulder to Shoulder (the aforementioned prequel!), too... I’m just really proud of that one - it has a lot of firsts for me. First completed story. First romance-focused story. First foray into expanding the Important Thing universe. But yes, if I have to choose, then Important Thing wins. That’s a story that I started writing exclusively for myself - to give myself characters I could relate to and to explore a style of AoS fic that I loved reading - and that’s a story I will always and forever be proud of.
I think most people have probably answered this tag game at this point, so I don’t want to accidentally retag anyone! If you haven’t yet, and would like to join in, please do! This is your invitation <3
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TWDG S3 First Playthrough
So, here’s my main problem with season 3. I like the story and I like a lot of the characters, but what I don’t like is how it makes me feel. I’m not inclined to make the choices that I actually want to make. I want to defend Clementine to the death and shoot Conrad (i love his character, i just hate how he treated Clem there) and stay behind to fight with her, but as Javier, it just doesn’t make sense.
He just met this girl and has no idea who she is, rather than us who have known her for so much longer. And personally, I don’t ship him with Kate. But it feels so forced that I feel like I have to go along with it. It’s so ugh. So, this first playthrough, I’m going to be acting as Javier, not as me, and I’m going to hate it and be salty so be prepared for that.
wE WERE SUPPOSED TO GET A FLASHBACK WITH SANDRA??? AND WE DIDN'T??!?!?!!! WHAT THE FUCK??????? I'M LOOKING THROUGH THE CONCEPT GALLERY AND WHAT THE HELL?!??!?! I'M SO MADDDD!!!!
I'm already angry and we haven't even started yet. Kate was going to have a katana???? And Gabe was gonna get a fucking AXE??????? WHY DID WE NOT GET THESE THINGS??!?!?!?!! Also, JAVIER IS SO FUCKING SLOW. I also played all of season 3 in one day lmao.
E1 - I’ll never not find the opening amazing. It’s so well done and just that, “No, Yaya. Pipo’s awake.” with the cut is so damn good. They did a really good job with that. However, I do have to complain when we get to present day because Mariana looks just as old as Clem and Gabe. She’s supposed to be 10 while they’re 13 and 14, which I don’t buy just from looking at her. Like, I thought she and Gabe were twins the first time I saw them. ALSO Mariana has an eyebrow slit and cuffs her pants. Bisexual confirmed.
I love the reintroduction to Clementine. She’s such a badass and her, “How about I shoot you and take the van anyway?” is just YASS QUEEN. She’s such a baddie and I love it. I think it’s kind of dumb that you get locked up if you tell a believable lie, but you’re allowed to roam free if you tell the questionable truth. It just doesn’t make sense. As Tripp, I would have done it the other way around.
I’ll always be so mad about Mari’s death. I wish they would have kept her alive because it would have been totally doable. Have that moment of shock come from Kate getting shot in the stomach and make us question if she’s alive until we run over to her. That way, we still get the anger and the reason to go to Richmond, but this sweet little child gets to come along. I would have loved to see her reaction with seeing David again because she would see how bad he was immediately, unlike Gabe.
E2 - I didn't get into Kate and David's fight because I don't care and it has no impact. The only time we see Gabe with his axe is him just using it on an already dead walker, which is bull. Calling him pudding boy makes the game much more enjoyable, 10/10 would recommend (I’m literally Louis, I had to use spellcheck for that word). Thanks CallMeKevin.
Conrad annoys the hell out of me this episode just because of how pissy he is with Clem. I know he just lost his wife or girlfriend or something, but no one shall mess with Clemmy without feeling the full force of my anger. I hate giving her up to Richmond. This episode is pretty boring, tbh. I wish they would have just combined 1 and 2 (I know it was originally all one episode) and just given us 4 because not a whole lot interesting happened. Definitely ranked last out of my favorite episodes for season 3.
E3 - The flashbacks from Javi just annoy me after the first one. They just have no impact and don't add anything since we know how it ends up anyway. The blowing out the candle and closing the door transitions were beautiful though. Tripp is all like "I didn't even know you had a brother" like bruh you met Javi two days ago and you've hardly talked to each other about anything other than what's been going on.
I think episode 3 is one of my favorites because it has a lot of good moments and hard choices in it. I'm really surprised that only 56% of people chose to bring Max back to Richmond, like, I thought a lot of people would go for that. I really don't understand Clint still backing Joan after they all learn she was behind the raids. From the little bit we get from his character, he seems to prefer peace and negotiation rather than violence so I don't understand how he lets this all happen. Lingard makes sense because how else would his addiction get fed, but Clint siding with her, I just don't understand. However, the cliffhanger if you don't bring Max is like a million times better.
E4 - Clem getting her period is always such a thing for me. Like, this girl has never had a constant in her life, so here she is asking a total stranger what periods are because she doesn't understand. I always have Javi explain to her because he totally realizes that she has no parental figure and thus never learned anything or that menstrual cycles used to be a "taboo" subject for a lot of people.
David is so GRRRR. Like, bruh, I just took a good ass deal and you have the aUDACITY TO SHOOT THE MAN???!?!!? THEN YOU BLAME ME?!?!!?!?! WTF!?!!! Also, I love how Javi is literally like “let me just hide behind these civilians” while he’s getting shot at lmao.
I did such a bad, y'all. When Kate was driving to the square, I was jokingly saying "what if I just let her hit me" because I thought it would be funny because I have such a hard time playing season 3 seriously just because it's my least favorite. But I was like "nah I don't wanna have to replay a section" so I pushed the dodge button bUT APPARENTLY I WASN'T FAST ENOUGH AND CONRAD PUSHED ME OUT OF THE WAY AND GOT HIT!!?!?!?!! I DIDN'T KNOW THAT COULD HAPPEN!!! I THOUGHT HE LIVED FOR GOOD IF YOU GOT HIM THROUGH EPISODE 3?!?!?!! I'M SO UPSET ASDFGHJKL
E5 - I’m so fuckingn mad about Conrad. I’d rather Kate have died than him lol. I’m so angry. I told her that she killed him because I’m still so damn salty about it. I’m never getting over that shit. Fucking BULL.
I have such mixed feelings about David during this episode. Like, he loses his shit a lot during episode 5 with the whole Fern/Rufus thing then again when Kate fuckin outs y’all at the worst possible time. But the reason I get so conflicted about him is because of that scene on the roof. I think he’s a shitty person for thinking a soldier can’t also be a husband or a father because that’s wrong on so many levels.
But I also really feel sympathy for him when he talks about if he hasn’t changed because he doesn’t know how or if it’s impossible to change who you really are. Because, in my opinion, people can change - but he brings up a really interesting point here. People can change, but to what extent? Are they happy about the change or do they miss the way things were? Did they change because it was something they wanted or was it for someone else? He just really makes me think here and the way he questions himself like that makes me feel very connected with him in a strange way, simply because I ask myself a lot of the same things.
I was so freaking worried when it came to everyone splitting up, you have no damn idea lmao. Even though I don’t like Kate, I still wanted to get the “happy ending” so I was so fucking thankful when Clem said she’d go with whoever I didn’t since that’s the only way to get both her and Gabe. Speaking of which, he’s fucking adorable. I know a lot of people find him annoying, and I did too at first, but he’s just a really sweet kid.
I’m excited to go back through the game and actually make the choices I want to make lol.
#twdg#the walking dead#the walking dead game#the walking dead telltale#the walking dead telltale games#telltale#telltale games#skybound#skybound entertainment#twdg s3#twdg season 3#twdg season three#twdg anf#twdg a new frontier#twdg clem#twdg clementine#twdg conrad#twdg javi#twdg javier#twdg kate#twdg ties that bind#twdg above the law#twdg thicker than water#twdg from the gallows#ties that bind#above the law#thicker than water#from the gallows#twdg fan#twdg fandom
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When do you usually do most of your writing?
Pet peeves?
What is on your wishlist?
When do you usually do most of your writing?
I wake up very late because I have no self control and a really messed up sleeping schedule, so I do the writing from 1 pm onward, generally speaking.
Then again, I have spent more than one day doing nothing but typing away on my keyboard for this account, so... Yeah.
I'd like to say I do most of it during the daytime, but it depends: if a thread I like gets a reply at 2 am (which happens a lot because everyone seems to be living in the Americas?) you can bet I'll be typing a reply as soon as I get the notification (though I almost never post them right away, since I'm anxious about spelling, syntax and so on).
It might be that I'm new to the scene and that I'm a situation in which I have little else to do, but I get really excited whenever I get a reply or an ask and will jump at the chance to start interacting with new people- which is sadly kind of hard because of how unpopular GX seems to be among the RPC. People have still been very nice to me and have been very open to testing out interactions, which I'm deeply grateful for.
I am wagging my nonexistent tail of all of you, constantly.
On a separate note, I do the fic writing after midnight. Always. And I hate it.
Pet peeves?
... Oof. Ok. I'll take my chance to say a bunch of things? Don't hate me for it, I don't mind any of these that much.
1) I kind of dislike writing in present tense, mostly because I find it unnatural, but I will when the other person does. I'm the opposite of picky- and it isn't necessarily a good thing.
2) Fancy formatting. It's one thing to use small text, that I don't mind one bit. But when fonts and random highlighted words are involved I get very confused? I know I use italics for emphasis and for things that are meant to be internal monologue that isn't narrated, but rather delivered by the muse himself- maybe that's annoying or distracting to someone? I bet someone out there has looked at a reply of mine and wanted to delete the post in my stead at some point.
3) Heavily edited icons. Again, icons or not, it technically doesn't make much of a difference. I personally have taken a liking to keeping my Manjoume icon folder open on my second screen- plus I'm Italian. Come on. Half my communication skills are non verbal I'm lying I suck at communicating in general.
The edited icons, yes- a frame and coloured filter make icons look personal and I appreciate the work put into them, but when I can barely make out the expression I have to wonder what the point is. Aesthetics, I suppose, which is fine, of course.
4) Tumblr themes. Some themes don't allow for reblogs when you open posts on the op's blog. WHY. It's sort of annoying to have to fish for the post in order to reply to it.
5) Endless threads. Very few do this, but I think you should consider that people who are not involved in a given thread will have to scroll through it on their dashes before you reblog a thread without cropping it. That's all. I didn't know how to do it initially, but I asked and I was lucky enough to get an answer from a very kind person.
6) ... Grammar. Typos are fine and dandy. Sometimes they happen and you can't notice them because some words exist and thus are not highlighted by the spellchecker (which is on everyone's chrome, by the way). An example is 'fir' and 'for'. I can assure you there is no red squiggle under 'fir'. It's a tree, apparently. I had no clue.
But yes, I am not from an English speaking country, so don't take this as like... a British dude coming up to you and bullying you because your English is bad. No. A misplaced comma is ok, I don't care. It becomes a problem when the sentences are hard to understand. That's it.
(Note- if I write something that you think is an incomprehensible mess, tell me and I'll try my best to fix it.)
... I'm done. I am not angry at anyone who does any of these, believe me.
Pet peeve number seven is a request. DM me for literally anything. If I do something wrong, tell me. I write a lot of extra tags to convey how I feel about what has been written and maybe it's unnecessary, but I do it so you can always know that I'm actively invested in the interaction. If I don't add tags it's solely because there is nothing to add. But if it's annoying, tell me and I'll stop immediately. That is all.
What is on your wishlist?
... This.
How very unexpected, I know.
A bunch of other things, too: I have some Jojo prints in my cart on Etsy and I know I'll never get them (sad) and a bunch of videogames on Steam and the Nintendo e-shop (which I'll never buy or play- they look neat though). On Amazon I have the last few volumes of the DM manga and the GX series (Light and Darkness Dragon, my beloved). Also also any charm that has to do with Manjoume. I haven't found any I could buy, but I want 'em all. Literally break into my house if you find one.
Ah! And the matching figures of Komaeda and Hinata from Danganronpa 2! (Big Danganronpa fan, bigger Komahina shipper- I've made a fucking animatic and I can't post it because the music is copyrighted ;) )
I also have a bunch of zines I'm waiting for- some I've bought and are about to be sent out and others have only posted interest checks. 2021 was the year in which I discovered that yes, I can commission people and buy zines and it doesn't need to a big event (except I'm not rich and need to be mindful with spending of course).
... I also really want the new Pokemon games. Like right now.
... If it turns out the question wasn't actually about like... material things, but rather what I want to do with my blog and muse in the future...
Well, first of all pretend I said nothing. Second, I want to find an art style I can comfortably use to make more frequent illustrations for threads and asks.
I was a big fan of ask blogs as a kid (I saw them through crust screenshots and reposts only, I didn't have a tumblr lol) and I always wanted to be that cool artist that makes cool art for a given cool character. Manjoume is the coolest of characters to me, so yeah.
#(( i've written too much on the pet peeves watch me shake from anxiety for a week straight#(( but i also want to be honest so yeah there#(( it would be hypocritical to say that i love everything always#(( i want to buy a shitton of things for someone who doesn't have a job huh#(( maybe i'll try to get commissions to afford stuff... when i git gud#(( stan manjoume always#// asks#// ulri's corner#// ooc
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A Buffy rewatch 6x04 Flooded
aka doubling down and not paying rent
Welcome to this dailyish text post series where I will rewatch an episode of Buffy and go on an impromptu rant about it for an hour. Is it about one hyperspecific thing or twenty observations? 10 or 3k words? You don’t know! I don’t know!!! In this house we don’t know things.
And today’s lukewarm take is that Willow and Tara should be paying rent, and Anya has a point. About everything.
(Okay, so I think that the Save draft button is actually broken on this website? Luckily I only got into a few paragraphs this time around, but I can’t believe that I’ll need to write out these posts in Word now. What’s next? Spellchecking? Proofreading? Planning and thought? Give me a break.)
Flooded among many other things is the first appearance of the Trio, our supposed Big Bad of the season, and… can I just say… I hate them so fucking much. Like, they truly and honestly make my skin crawl.
Of course, Warren is the worst of them, as we see even now, but they all joke about rape at least three times in this episode alone? And I’m calling those “jokes”, because the show is playing it for a comedic effect, as part of their ridiculous supervillain fantasy, which only makes it all worse.
On the other hand, I also kind of appreciate that these guys are our villains. Villains, who we will actually see put these words to action later on, and it’ll be sufficiently horrifying and repulsing. Which would be especially effective for an audience member who laughed at those earlier scenes before.
Now, while I feel like in today’s society, most of us don’t need that reminder, as we already know all too well what these groups of entitled young men insecure in their own masculinity are capable of, and how easy it is to radicalize them… I can see the argument that this might still come as a shocking revelation to some and a chance at self-evaluation. For me though, seeing the Trio’s plans of hypnotizing Buffy and making her their “sex bunny” played as some ridiculous gag is almost worse than their attempted rape and ensuing murder of Katrina in Dead Things.
Almost.
Speaking of Big Bads, villains and uncomfortable rape analogies… Willow is really out there, waving a red flag in Giles’ face now, huh. Giles blows off at her, sure. (And with good reason if we’re being honest.) But Willow threatens him. Giles’ face is a mix of a lot of things, but one of them is caution, and maybe even a bit of fear. He knows all too well where Willow could be headed.
(And then he just fucks right off to England without even leaving a note like “PS: Keep an eye on Willow, and don’t let her murder anyone. Unless it’s Warren. That bloke had it coming.”)
It’s not all bad though. Willow tries to support Buffy after her failed loan, and makes some terrible attempts to piss her off, just to make her feel something. Except that part of Willow’s concern for Buffy also comes from her unexamined guilt, and it only puts more pressure on Buffy to try and pretend that she’s fine in front of her friends.
Buffy is exhausted, and she tells Spike as much. She also asks why he’s always there when she’s miserable, which… girl… that’s called stalking. That’s why he’s always there when you’re alone and miserable. He’s been stalking you for a season now, and hasn’t even been subtle about it.
But for better or worse, it’s what Buffy needs right now. Not the stalking, but someone who she doesn’t feel any pressure with to pretend like she’s okay. Like she’s the old Buffy from before.
Previously with After Life, Buffy was asking for Giles and talked about missing him. Then, I commented that she might be thinking of him as someone that she could confide in. I think that that may still hold up, although it appears that once Giles is actually there, Buffy quickly assumes the same pretend position with him as the rest of the gang.
(Plus she already relieved that burden off her chest with Spike.)
It’s hard to explain Buffy’s logic here, because it’s something that I feel with her, rather than have the words to describe it. Part of it is surely that Buffy wants to protect her friends from the truth, but it’s also part of a larger narrative that she surrounded herself with. She also knows that she’s not the same, and that her friends noticed it. But if she doesn’t talk to them about it, that leaves her space to ignore it, ignore her trauma, her detachment, just as she’s trying to ignore her financial issues.
It’s classic self-sabotage and depression. At that stage where you don’t even want to admit that you have depression, because that implies that something’s wrong with you. And we are just not going to deal with that. Quick, let’s self-depreciate and make a joke about burning down the house for insurance.
Of course those financial issues would be better if someone paid rent for living there for potentially over 4 months now. Or at the very least had a discussion with Buffy about whether or not they should still live there.
Yes, we circled back to Willow again, but also Tara. This is certainly not a new hot take, but it is sort of baffling that these two don’t seem to contribute anything to Buffy’s financial situation despite living in her damn house. I get that most of Joyce’s insurance money just about covered the medical bills, but they also comment about the cost of living and… Those costs should have been covered by the adults living in the house, not by a finite and apparently very little amount of money Joyce left her daughters??
You definitely get the idea that the gang, and specifically Willow and Tara in this case, had absolutely no plans whatsoever beyond bringing Buffy back. They apparently expected Buffy to magically solve those finance issues when she was brought back, instead of… you know… thinking ahead about the teenager in the house, whose well-being they moved in for, I assume.
I initially was also just somewhat confused by the fact that they thought that pretending that Buffy was still alive was better than sending Dawn to live with her dad… But this rewatch reminded me that Hank Summers absolutely can’t be trusted to actually take in his own daughter, and Buffy even says so in an episode in season 5. They actually worry about how Dawn might be put into foster care if Buffy’s deemed unreliable as a guardian.
So, alright, I get it, they hoped that they could bring Buffy back anyway, but I can’t believe that apparently they didn’t even pay the bills out of their own pockets? They’re college students, sure, and that Tara obviously won’t get support from her family… But maybe, you know, take on a part-time job? And what about Willow’s family? Weird as a relationship she has with her parents, it’s still a relationship, so she could probably explain that she needs money to pay rent.
It’s just baffling. Even more so the fact that none of this is ever addressed, and Buffy keeps making increasingly sarcastic remarks about how everyone’s living in her house. Which points to her, Willow and Tara never having a discussion about whether or not they should move out or stay, now that she’s back.
On the other hand, there’s Dawn, and having three adults parenting her is probably better for now. Especially when she wants to do the research with them. Tara’s face is entirely too smug when Dawn opens a book despite her mom efforts, and is immediately greeted with some weird demon horn penis shit, or whatever.
(Which also reminds me of a s7 scene, where Dawn is having a slow epiphany of what Willow’s TMI involving tongue piercings imply, and Buffy’s like “Dawn needs to do a research thing!” How the turntables.)
Arguably the most reasonable person in this whole bunch is Anya though. When she proposes that Buffy should be charging for saving lives, everyone boos her. But you know what, that’s just a load of crap. And not just because that’s the entire premise of Angel the series.
Maybe there’s an idea here about how altruism can’t be done for profit, but if that’s the intention, then I’m once again calling bullshit. Apparently you either have a 9 to 5 job in order to pay the bills, and have food to eat – after which you’re happy to watch one (1) episode of television and write a nonsense text post about it, and definitely not go out to save the world if you also want to sleep. OR you can do the whole saving the world thing but also starve and lose your house to debt, I guess.
(The Spider-man comparison is also just weak, man. Peter Parker is a high school student for most of his stories. He has an aunt to take care of his finances, just like Buffy didn’t have to worry about finances in high school either.)
This also comes right back to the whole idea of how the Watcher’s Council is paying Watchers but not Slayers. Like, you know what, Giles. You could actually take care of this.
After all, you’re the one getting paid for Buffy’s work.
Oh, and bless Anya too for calling out Xander’s stalling and bullshit about their engagement. She’s right and she should say it.
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11/11/11 Tag
Thanks to @corishadowfang for the tag! Sorry this took so long but I’ve been pretty shot the past couple days.
Rules: Answer the eleven questions, make eleven of your own, then tag eleven people.
1. Do you have a WIP for NaNo? If so, what’s it about?
Sort of? I’m not really doing Nano officially, but I’m trying very hard to wrap up Blackheart this month.
2. Are there any things you’d really like to write about that you haven’t had the chance to yet?
I’ve got a story about dragons invading late medieval Europe on the backburner. It features actual historical figures that were in power at the time, like famous Polish King Casimir the Great, Pope Innocent VI, and more! Some events change due to the dragons’ invasion, like the massive war ending a power struggle in the Holy Roman Empire and ensuring Louis V, son of the previous emperor ascends to rulership, where as in our timeline he lost out to Charles VI and ended up being the Duke of Bavaria. In this story most of Europe is destroyed and the survivors flee to the Byzantine Empire, which intends to make a stand at Constantinople. The son of the dragons’ leader spends a large portion of the story being held captive in Constantinople, and is interrogated and persuaded throughout the story.
3. Plotter, pantser, or plantser?
Plantser, I guess? I plan the framework, and sometimes I have a scene I really want to make a certain way, but for the most part it’s touch and go.
4. What is your favorite part of the writing process?
The creative process. Just daydreaming about all sorts of scenes and scenarios is incredibly fun. When it comes time to put it to paper though it gets tougher.
5. What does your editing process look like?
Spellcheck and extension. I usually write a scene haphazardly and then add more dialogue and descriptions when I return.
6. Is there a scene in your WIP you’re particularly proud of? Share it!
This scene in the chapter “Field of Dreams” chapter of Blackheart, it’s my favorite chapter in the book honestly. As a prelude, how this works in Blackheart is that demons capture people and turn them into mindless beasts. Earlier on, a paladin runs into a corrupted birdwoman as he journeys through the city. He goes to kill it like all the others, but when she starts begging for help he realizes the survivor is still clinging on deep in there. He tries to bring her somewhere safe to perform a purity ritual to save her. She struggles and eventually is overcome by the corruption. The last thing she remembers before waking up in darkness is the paladin choking her as she begged for mercy.
Fianna suddenly found herself standing in nothingness. All around her, terror filled the air.
Voices of the damned screamed at her, dark visages stared from afar and corpses and flames littered the expanse.
Other corrupted lurched forward, hobbling toward her, screaming and howling as they closed in. The darkness had come to claim her at last.
She could only cower in as absolute fear gripped her heart. This really was it.
The crowd latched onto her, dozens of unholy beasts dragging her into the ground. She could feel herself falling, sinking into nothing as her soul was trapped in the nothingness.
Just as she felt her head begin to sink under, to join her body in eternal torment, a loud noise brought everything to a halt.
The beasts dragging her to the abyss suddenly paused, turning away and looking up. She too joined them in staring up into the blackness.
The sky flashed a bright white, the corrupted monsters, in unison, all crumbled away. They simply fell apart into nothing at all, scattering to the wind and leaving Fianna alone.
The screams let out a loud unified wail before the blackness, all around her, flashed wildly, vibrant colors flowing through the air and filling the void with light.
She felt numb for a moment as she found herself no longer sinking. The koutu clenched her talons as she lay on the ground, panting and heaving.
"Fianna."
Dozens of voices filled the air. Unlike the screams of the damned, these voices were clear, coherent, and sweet as honey.
She looked up, and all around her, as the void pulsed with light and color...figures surrounded her.
They were familiar. All of them.
Her family.
Her friends.
Everyone she could ever remember meeting.
One of the figures stepped forward.
She was a tall and graceful koutu, every step dignified, her eyes full of warmth and love. Her feathers were patterned the same as Fianna's...
Her feathers...?
She looked down.
The jet black feathers were changing, warping.
The blackness seemed to almost...bleed away, the feathers beginning to glow with color in the middle, expanding outwards until the blackness was a simple lining at the ends of each feather.
Soon, that tiny bit of blackness bled away, and her feathers were her own again. Her midsection was a bright and beautiful orange, while the rest of her was mainly a deep, vibrant blue.
Just like she remembered.
She looked back up at the other koutu, whose coloration and shape was the same as her own.
"Sister..." Fianna said breathlessly.
"You are free," she spoke softly.
"B-but, the demons, you were-"
"I know," her sister assured her, "I know. I am no longer here...but even though I am not here...I will always be HERE."
She pressed her hand against Fianna's chest...over her heart.
Fianna could feel herself crying again.
She reached out and embraced her sister. The older koutu returned the gesture, the two of them kneeling and hugging each other tightly.
They sat in silence like this for quite some time.
For the first time since the attack, Fianna felt alive...even though she had the sneaking suspicion she wasn't.
The paladin was right. This was better. She was thankful.
The nightmare was over.
"I missed you so much," Fianna said, her face damp with tears.
"I missed you too."
"I'm so happy we're together again."
Her sister was silent for a moment.
"...you know you're not dead, right?"
Fianna blinked.
"W-what?"
"You have to go back."
The koutu's eyes widened as comprehension dawned on her. "N-no, no!"
"I'm sorry," her sister said quietly, "I know you don't want to."
"Sister, please..."
"I can't control it, Fianna. It's your life, not mine."
"T-than how are you-"
"Because this isn't real."
Fianna's heart sank.
She was in her own imagination, dreaming about being with her family again, rather than actually being reunited.
Her grip tightened on his sister, who looked at her curiously.
"Fianna?"
"I don't want to let go..."
"Trust me, I understand," she answered quietly. For the first time, her voice too was filled with pain. "I want to be together too."
"I-I just...want it to be over."
"You have to get through this," her sister spoke, "Please. Don't end up like me."
Fianna couldn't believe this was happening.
"I want you to live. Can you do that? Please. I've been watching you, you know. I know how hard it's been...but you've come so far. You're so nearly there. Just a little more. Please...you have to hold on, okay?"
Fianna nodded.
"O-okay...okay, I'll do my best."
The two sisters looked up and stared at one another.
"I'll keep watching you. I know you can do it. Be good for me, alright?"
"O-okay."
"I'll be waiting for you, someday."
With that, everything faded away once again.
7. Is there an author that inspires you a lot?
I wouldn’t say particularly. I like certain books but I don’t really “follow” anyone like that...well, maybe some of the other writers on here.
8. Do you do anything to prepare yourself to start writing?
Put on some music and grab a drink.
9. What’s your favorite type of villain to write? To read about?
Villains that you love to hate. After so many ““““sympathetic”””” villains (this mass murderer got bullied by people that have nothing to do with who he’s killing, he’s justified!), it’s nice to have a villain that’s just plain evil and knows it. Someone that’s so shamelessly bad that you’re just dying for the heroes to give em’ his comeuppance. Also, villains and antagonists can be very different. Someone like The Boss from MGS3 is an antagonist, but she could hardly be called a villain. Sympathetic antagonists are a lot easier to root for than someone that’s out and out a bad guy.
10. What is the best compliment you’ve ever received on your work?
Probably either @lady-redshield-writes or @paper-shield-and-wooden-sword. They’ve both said so many great things I can’t even begin to remember all the nice stuff they’ve said.
11. What are your characters’ favorite animals?
Considering his shield and family crest, Alexander’s is probably the eagle. Leianna likes dogs. Lexius and Senci both like cats.
My questions:
1. Do you make steady progress in writing or work in short bursts?
2. What’s your favorite character archetype?
3. Favorite fictional hero? (Can be from any media) Has that character influenced any of your own?
4. What sort of scenes do you struggle most with? (Fights, group conversations, etc.)
5. What time period do you find yourself writing the most of?
6. Do you enjoy music, background noise or silence while writing?
7. Where’s your favorite writing spot?
8. Do you like people reading along as you write, or do you want people to wait til’ it’s all edited and done?
9. Share a random hobby besides writing!
10. If you could have your cast from your story visit another time or world, real or fictional, where would it be?
11. Have any of your characters changed or developed drastically since they were first created?
Tagging @lady-redshield-writes, @homesteadchronicles, @paper-shield-and-wooden-sword, @candy687, @ashesconstellation. Joining in, as always, is completely up to you.
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My OUAT Rewatch -- S3E11 -- Going Home
Link to Rewatch Review and Ranking archive
Oh, you wacky, hacky ABC promo people . . . . for those reading this in the future, this was a real, actual, “professional” (I use the term loosely here) ad that ABC actually released after this episode aired. Apparently they forgot to use spellcheck. Or someone let their 4-year-old kid play with Photoshop while they were doing this.
At any rate -- I know for some -- this is where the series ends. That’s fine. But I’m moving forward. I said I’d do EVERY EPISODE, no matter how much it sucked, and I’m doing it. It may take a few years -- but I’m doing it.
So . . . . anyhow . . . . . welcome to Rumpelstiltskin's lecture on magic and stuff . . .
Where do I sign up for this class?
You know . . . . . it’s amazing how all the “heroes” can just stand there listening to Rumple when they want something from him, but when he needs something from THEM . . . . . ahem . . . .
Also bye Felix, you dumb schmuck . . .
I mean . . . . overall, this is a good episode. But I have some nits to pick. So here are my nits, in no particular order . . . . .
1. No seriously -- Hook’s purpose and logical reason for still being on the show is . . . . . ??????????
(See this cute doggie doesn’t know either. AND he’d probably be more useful than Hook.)
2. Blue not being dead -- why???? Stay dead.
3. The gratuitous Rumbelle scene that made absolutely ZERO timeline sense. Okay, it was nice -- but it was obviously a “Here Rumbellers, now shut up” scene. Which bugs me.
4. The CS propping -- from Tinkerbell. Girl, I like you, but STFU. And the unnecessary “goodbye” with Emma that followed her REAL goodbyes to Regina and Neal. And the gross scene at the end of the episode. Again -- see #1. Go away.
5. Nobody comforting Belle after Rumple disappeared. Honestly, I swear she’s invisible to that bunch.
So this was a good episode though, despite all that stuff. Robbie Kay rocked it till the very end. Say what you will about Pan -- he’s a shitty dad, and an actual physically abusive dad, but Robbie Kay is amazing and I’m stunned that his career hasn’t taken off more. Tinkerbell was a great character and I really wish we’d have gotten more of her, but alas, the actress got a better job so . . .
The Swan Queen and Swanfire at the end was beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. My heart will break forever for what could have been and never was for those three characters . . . . .
And Robert Carlyle rocks my world. He was AMAZING in this episode. As always.
Points tally:
40 points to start
10 points for Swanfire
10 points for Papafire
5 points for Swan Queen
25 full bonus points
5 points deducted for the Pirate Lamp
Despite my nits to pick at I really can’t justify deducting any more points. Overall, it’s a good one.
Total points: 85
Ugh, onto 3B and HER . . . . . expect lots of bitching from here on out . . . .
Follow #celtichearted OUAT ranking tag for more to come!
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What’s up with cassavetes?
So, I’ve seen a number of those criterion videos where directors recommend their favourite films. I’ve heard a number of them talk about John Cassavetes. But who exactly is he? Why are his films worth mentioning? He’s got such a fun name, but why exactly are famous directors talking about this guy when no one has heard of him?
I asked a number of those questions-in exactly that tone-of a friend working in film festivals and programming. His answer? Cassavetes treated his actors in a way that was revolutionary for the time. His directing was apparently liberating for actors.
But I have so many follow-up questions! How did the directors who cite him know? Did they glean this treatment from his films or was it his E! Hollywood Story that gave it away? How did they all manage to get to watching his damn E! Hollywood Story in the midst of all of that directing that they presumably had to do?
I’m not sure. So here’s a video of Martin Scorsese (who people do actually know) talking about him:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cTLedTEs4lY
Scorsese at some point says the phrase “rollercoaster of love”. He also says “(Cassavetes) insisted on having fun while making his films, while searching for truth.” That’s admirable. That and the liberation... It makes sense, but I’m missing some details.
In entry number one of this terribly framed, self-indulgent masturbation blog, I’m going to talk about John Cassavetes. I’ll naively, and perhaps ill-advisedly, write about him without watching his films. And I’ll then update this entry after having watching some of his films. Number one on films of his to watch is apparently A Woman Under the Influence.
Okay.
What’s Up With Cassavetes (this is obviously going to be a rip off of his wikipedia page...)
Life
Death
Style
Influence
1. Life
He was born in New York City and is the song of Greek Americans. He went to the American Academy of Dramatic Arts, where he met his future wife and collaborator Gena Rowlands (who’s in A Woman Under the Influence, aha!).
He taught acting in New York City and played parts in B rated films (I now need to know if B-movies are of a specific genre, and B films are something else entirely). He then guest starred in Beverly Garland’s Decoy as a jazz pianist moonlighting as a private detective (or... a PI moonlighting as a jazz pianist. I am very intrigued. Another thing: the word ‘intriguing’ is difficult to spell. I turn off spellcheck because I fear losing even more neural connections given the amount of alcohol I’ve had to drink in the past couple years. Words like intriguing make me regret committing to being better). Okay, I’ve gotten that wrong. He was in decoy, a TV show about an undercover detective (not him). He was also in Johnny Staccato, where he plays, you guessed it, Johnny Staccato (there’s two Cs and only one T in ‘staccato’, by the way). This might seem surprising, but, according to wikipedia, the latter of those shows was critically acclaimed.
The guy then signed a bunch of deals with a bunch of studios and continued acting in television. He saved up some money, moved to California, acted in a bunch of films (like Rosemary’s Baby, a Polanski film AND a film my mom loves... I’d also like to point out that very rarely do people like my mom get updated about the private lives of people from the west, so she doesn’t quite know who did what and will enjoy the films with the quite endearing assumption that the film just... came into being).
He directs a bunch of films including, yes, A Woman Under the Influence (1974). Two years later, he strikes again with another Criterion Collection favourite often mentioned on picks videos, The Killing of a Chinese Bookie (1976), never mind the title. Opening Night (1977), which I saw a tiny bit of, comes out a year later.
Wait, I’m still not sure what he was about. He taught acting, acted, and later directed. Isn’t that Vincent Gallo? What’s so great about Cassavetes?
2. Death
He died of cirrhosis (wikipedia says ‘of the liver’. Now wondering if there’s a kind of cirrhosis that affects something other than the liver. Okay. What does the word cirrhosis mean?) in 1989 (the year Taylor Swift was born) “caused by many years of alcoholism”.
Here’s a song with his name in its title:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tI87_X52wmk
Well, a quick listen... Maybe a little regretful, this entry. Maybe I never should have asked.
Okay, I’ll keep asking. Another ‘by the way’: I followed Le Tigre to Kathleen Hanna to Bikini Kill and now, DIY ethic and Ladyfest. That’s a fifth of my night in wikipedia pages. Quick summary: Hanna formed Le Tigre after her Bikini Kill years, a band that was part of the riot grrrl movement of the early 90s that began in Washington State (source of many a garage band; i.e. Pearl Jam, Soundgarden, Nirvana). Also, I know! Pre-meme triple lettering. Cray.
Ripped off wikipedia yet again: “In 1991, young women coalesced in an unorganized collective response to several women's issues, such as the Christian Coalition's Right to Life attack on legal abortion and the Senate Judiciary Hearings into Anita Hill's accusations of sexual harassment by Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas. Young feminist voices were heard through multiple protests, actions, and events such as the formative opening night of the International Pop Underground Convention and later L7's Rock for Choice.”
And DIY ethic? The ethic of self-sufficiency suggesting you can do tasks yourself, rather than rely on paid labour.
3. Style
Here’s Cassavetes talking about the role of the audience in Opening Night (1977):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ePptcNqXRJA
“I’m telling you. They’re not gonna see something stupid. They’re gonna see something that challenges their own intelligence and that awakens their own emotions. And I like it... I wanna see lines around the block TOMORROW.”
I’m not doing a good job of describing any of this. So have another video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DoEr9nsXXRQ
Polarising. I can see how someone might describe this process as liberating. He frequently collaborates with the same people. That also makes sense.
4. Influence
Maybe I’ll get to a supercut of directors talking about him in those Criterion Collection videos.
And maybe more reading, too.
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