What are Gine's goals/ambitions/hopes (which ever one fits her best) for her life on Earth? As a few examples, does she hope to have a real connection with her family? Would she ever be interested in seeking a REAL romantic partner (if not seeking actively, in pursuing romance if the right person came into her life)? Does she want to open her own butcher shop?

Obviously, answer this however. I was just giving some examples to make it maybe a little less broad of a questions xD

Establishing a real connection with her fam is probably her biggest goal methinks! The ONLY thing in Gine's life that's given her a full, non-tainted sense of happiness is being a mother, so she continues to cling to that feeling because it's familiar and helps ground her in a way. Raditz and Goku are very much adults who can take care of themselves she knows, but she still wants to be there for them however she can in the relative peace they get to experience nowadays. She definitely wants to make up for lost time, somehow. Quite so with Goku, since he's started his own family and she's a grandmother - something she frankly never thought she'd be (because she always thought she'd die before at least Raditz might father a kid or more). Getting to know and learn more about Chi Chi, Gohan, and Goten have been many highlights throughout her days.

Seeking a romantic partner though...that'll get a big shrug from her. Romance is still such an enigmatic concept to her, since it was basically non-existent on Vegeta. The smallest resemblance of it in her life happened with Bardock, and even then, she'd never say they had a "romance" going on. One of Gine's newfound hobbies on Earth is reading, and you bet she's picked up some romance novels to scan through. The way earthlings paint romance makes it out to be something almost magical, and while she still doesn't really get it, Gine would be liar if she said she wasn't curious.

But finding someone to her tastes is where her uncertainty comes in. She doesn't know the first thing about "courting", where to start looking, nor if she would even be suitable enough for the average earthling. She doesn't look old but she definitely feels it, and her awkwardness with Earth's society only intensifies it. Gine's aware she doesn't need a partner, especially these days where she's more or less already lived a "full life" (especially in regards to the average saiyan), so she feels no pressure or urgency. If it happens, it happens.

...She would also be a liar if she said she hasn't entertained the thought of starting up something new and more serious with Bardock, but that's outside of her control. Plus there's still self-imposed baggage there.

When it comes to her career, the idea of being in control of her own thing is appealing! But she doesn't know much about the legal nonsense that'll go into owning a shop. She gets the impression that it'll just be a massive headache, so it's a dream on the backburner for now.

24 and clueless

Hello World

I think I just needed to vent or release some of this pent-up depression or angry that is literally weighing me down. So, this month, I turned 24. I should have been excited, but honestly, I am miserable. So first, things were going well, I got a new second job, was able to save money, and was able to buy myself some much needed me stuff. But I think, well I know, the misery came from the fact that I am 24 and I still live at home, am single (currently, I’ll detail more) and childless. I literally cannot get on Facebook or Instagram without someone posting that their having a baby or THEIR SECOND CHILD or getting engaged or married. It’s like did I miss out on how to have your life together class. I was in a relationship, sort of, well I was made to believe I was. There was this guy who I have known for 7 years and he isn’t really Mr. Perfect, but he was Mr. Charming and Confident. When we met, it wasn’t love at first sight. He had a girlfriend, I had a boyfriend, my best friend liked him, that whole teen rom-com drama. I eventually got to know him and there was just something about him that made me feel alive or at least how you feel when your high, so I’ve been told. Anyway, we did a thing, not sex, and things changed. He stopped being that guy who made me feel so amazing about myself and became the sleazy slime ball he is (still and current). But still I wanted him. I took every chance I could to be next to him, like saving him a seat in class or on the bus, trying to wear nice clothes, makeup, perfumes, so he would notice and compliment me. I mean anything, just for him to smile that big goofy smile that made my heart melt time and time again. We would have our moments, things I will not discuss, but they were are intimate hideouts and feelings that I knew we shared and was just not imaging, like our first kiss. Still to this day it was the best kiss I had ever had and all other kiss since have been compared to that moment. Eventually he graduated and I was left all alone. No one made me feel the way he did. I tried dating, but I just wasn’t into any of the other guys. He would text me from time to time. I loved those moments. But then I saw that he had moved on and then so I did the same. He texted me prom night, mentioning that he wishes he could have been my date. TBH I wanted him to be. He also mentioned wanting to be my first. Again, TBH I wanted that to. But we were just too far and on two different paths. So, came the time to graduate. I had a boyfriend who I lost my v card to, but tbh the whole time I was thinking of him. About how he would be gentle, he would probably take his time and we kiss and he would hold me and ask me if I was okay. He would have been a gentleman. Time flew by, I was in and out of relationships for the next three years, and he would always manage to pop up at the wrong time, always wanted to “talk” and then proceed to ask for nudes. It got old real fast. At one point, and I guess I was going through one of my many break ups and I was still living in the moment of when I thought I had a pregnancy scare and he said that I could come stay with him and he would take care of me. Yes, he really said that, how can I not fall head over heels for a guy like that. Well I told him how I felt, because I was tired of his talk then nude’s conversation and I just wanted him. So, I told him that I like him and he simply said I have a girlfriend. In that very instant, I felt my heart break. It was like some was literally tearing my heart in half and setting them on fire. I cried so hard, and it’s funny because my lousy ex at the time was trying to get back with me for the 100th time. So here I am crying over someone who only wanted nudes and having to deal with an asshole who had a picture of the girl he cheated on me with on his wall. If you can’t guess from reading this, my love life is straight fucked up, and that isn’t even the worse part, which I won’t get into now, maybe another time. Anyway, so another year passes, its summer 2016, I am finally free from the mess of my ex and haven’t heard from him in 2 years. I am sitting in my room, enjoy my independence, when I get a message. Like any person who get a message from an unknown number I do not know, I reply Who dis? He replied and my heart began to jump up and down, like it was trying to escape the loveless prison I sent it to. But my eyes nearly rolled out of my skull with disgusted and anger. We talk for a bit, you know the whole, how are you? What have you been up to? Etc. etc. etc. So, then he goes, can I tell you something? And I say sure of course be honest with me. And he was. He sent me this long text about how he missed me and missed our friendship and missed the way things used to be between us. He also mentioned that he was going off to the army because school just wasn’t gong how he wanted. I was in shook. I honestly did not know how to reply to such an emotional text. I replied that I too missed talking to him, that I was proud of him for doing something so courageous and brave and that he shouldn’t give up on school. I ALSO MENTIONED THAT WE SHOULD JUST WORK ON OUR FRIENDSHIP UNTIL HE GOT BACK, BECAUSE PEOPLE USUALLY MEET OTHER PEOPLE WHEN THEIR IN THE ARMED SERVICES AND THAT WOULD LEAVE ME HURT. I typed that like that because it is the very key to these upcoming life events. Anyway, he totally agrees with me, but he keeps saying that he wants me to be the girl that is waiting for him back home. And in my mind, that just sounds so wonderful and romantic and as someone who has devoted her life to rom-com, everything I could have wished for. Well-off he went, and then soon came letters. Letters from basic training that were so sweet, loving, and just so romantic. I used to take those letters everywhere. Those letters are what got me through long miserable shift and I just had to read them every night before bed and every morning when I woke up. He eventually got his phone back and then the letters stopped. It was okay because he would text me every chance he got and I would call and leave vm for him to listen to and then we had like apps where we would set dates for in the future for when he would come home. It was perfect, but then life. He eventually became more distant. I honestly don’t know what triggered it. Was is because I missed his graduation or was it because he was trying to work on things with his ex. Well the day came and then went when he would promise he would be home and then we could talk and just be a couple. He texted me days later and I was upset because I had my hopes et really high. Instead of apologizing, he left me on read, to which I sent a very long reply about him getting my hope up only for me to be left alone. He never replied back and time went on. I eventually throw away the letters and blamed myself for not being able to keep a man. I wrote out this long desperate letter about how I missed him and didn’t expect him to feel the same and I didn’t want him to feel sorry for me, that mainly I just wanted a friend. I sent it in March, the month he told me he would be deployed. He replied in April. I was at work when I got the message and then I nearly cried and screamed in front of a lot of people. He had sent this long message about being in Japan and how he was sorry how things went, he never meant to hurt me, and that he was trying to fix things with his ex and he shouldn’t have led me on if he knew that was going to happen. I was upset about the whole ex thing, but some stupid part of me read only the part about him being in love me with me and let that go to my head. So of course, he adds me back on Facebook and I am scrolling through his page when I see two things. 1. He is ENGAGED and 2. He came home in January. My blood was hot and my heart was like the titanic, just sinking down into a dark abyss. I literally just started at those two posts for hours before I impulsive messaged him about it, it being the engagement, not the fact that he was home and never came to see me, idk why I didn’t bring that up. Anyway, He was so confused and didn’t understand where I was coming from. I ended things once and for all. I told him that if he couldn’t see that I still had feelings, then we don’t need to be friends, because I will not be your sidepiece. I blocked him and didn’t hear from him until about June. He messaged me on snapchat, an app that literally just sat on my phone. He sent me a picture of all my letters that I had sent him. I didn’t know if I should have been impressed or upset. I went with upset. I sent a picture telling him that I moved on and he should do the same, that he should throw them away because I sent those letters to someone who I thought loved me. I didn’t reply back. I, being the weak and gullible person that I am, sent him another long text the next day, saying that I was sorry for coming off as a bitch and that I just think its best for us to not talk and just go our separate ways. He sends this jumbo, super long text, tell me how he is still in love with me, how his engagement was just a spur of the moment and he didn’t think it would last (turns out she was moving to el Paso) and other romantic and heart felt emotional confession that I had wanted from him. Well we talk and talked for hours and he even video chatted with me the next day and it was perfect. For a week, then the next week came and we got into one disagreement and one argument. He broke up with me, saying that he only wanted to be friends. How does someone go from I just want to be with you to let’s just be friends? Well I backed off and then again, He got my hopes up and then crushed them again, this time it was on my birthday. He was out clubbing, posting on snapchat some girl dancing on a pole and then goes on Facebook and says he is a in a relationship with some girl. My heart breaks and I just can’t take the whole, one minute he is calling me every Sunday telling me he loves me and he likes our weekly calls and then the next him and some white trash bitch are in a relationship??? Like what the fuck? So, I call him out on it with a long message bout how I feel and how it’s not fair how he keeps leading me on. At this point, we spent so much time not talking I was just becoming more and more depressed and I felt like I was back in a relationship with my miserable ex who would do the same thing of ignore me and then popping back up when it was convenient for him, And I told him that that was a deal breaker for me. Like I get we can’t talk every day, but somethings are better than nothing. He sends back that he is sorry that he never meant to make me feel this way, that he is not going to let me go without a fight and I guess to me that made it all better for the time. HE went back to ignoring me and at this point I was just numb. I didn’t want to upset or make him leave so I just bit my tongue and just stayed waiting by the phone. The holidays rolled around. He was extra affectionate and adorable. But when they were over so were we. I had enough of the ignoring and when I throw shade via snapchat he replied that he needed space and felt like I was forcing this relationship on him. At that point I just said okay and let him leave. A few days latter came the accident and it just seemed like my life was really in the shit hole now.  He texted to make sure was alright, and then again, a few days later asking if I still loved him. I said that if he had to ask then I guess I was shoeing you just how much I loved you or that you just didn’t care or want to see. I also asked if he wanted to be with me and he flat out said no. So, I took that no and just came moving with my life. That was Feb 2018, we didn’t talk for the rest of the month or any of march or the beginning of April. At one point, I got a notification that he was trying to message me on snapchat back in march, when I got off work, but he didn’t send anything. I remember saying I am so done with that loser. April was a weird month because he started messaging me again, but I would ignore them, then eventually I would reply no picture just a simple hello, then I send one picture and the flood gates swing wide open. He starts messaging me about work and other like stuff and then he mentions about an army ball and just idle chit chat. Then one night he tells me that he misses me. I tell him that he is okay, and then we fight and it ends with him asking me to marry him. I say yes because…. tbh I don’t know why I said yes, maybe because I loved him, maybe because of the fear of dying alone, maybe because I wanted what everyone else had, I don’t know. And from April 2018 to Aug 2018, then were going fine, we talk almost every day, usually it was just a good morning beautiful message but I just remembered to bite my tongue and be a good fiancé. Eventually came his birthday, I wanted to send him a long heart felt message, but I kept it short and sweet. Then for my birthday I get a message from him that just says happy birthday. I cried. Here I was on my 24th birthday cry over a man who has put me through so much hell. So, I just ignore, I tell my self at least he sent something. I got another message from him a week later. It was a picture of him with the caption baby with heart eye emojis. I ignored it because I didn’t want to be left on read for a whole week. When I finally replied he left me on read. So, I messaged him if we were good. His reply, “Yes? I guess? I should mention that someone from the past has come back and things are going well for us… I wanted to smash my phone into a million pieces. I reply so there is no place for me then. And tbh I wanted to say way worse. I honestly don’t know what kept me from not finding out the girl and sending her all our messages. He then replies that.” There is always room for you, things just happen, I’m sorry” My heart was done, I was done, I had no words left. So, I wrote a quick message about being tired of constantly giving into him and him not understand that when you love someone you don’t hurt them and that I was never talking to him ever again. I also screen shot all out conversations about him always saying he loves me and how he was the one that asked me to marry him after I clearly said we need time apart. Then once he says the message I deleted me snapchat, unfriend him on Facebook and deleted my twitter (twitter is were I would also see his profile and back in august, one of his “friends” complain about her job and goes, Its life babe)

 So here I am two weeks post 2 year break up, no more him for good this time. I just miss being someone’s significant other. I miss being in love. I miss him. Well this kind of helped I started this at 10:20pm and it is now 12:11am. Times flies okay until next time peace and love

7/21/2021: Trang at 48.2 years old seeking for job at Social Security Administration

                                                                                                                                                                               July 20th, 2021

                                                                                                                                                                               (3 p.m.)

Dear Honorable Judge Michaud:

Remember moi, Mai-Trang Thi Nguyen ( social security number: ______________________________)?  I came in for a review to fight for the reversal of an amateur reviewer’s decision of my case to reactivate my disability status after I submitted myself into a mental hospital for severe anger that I wanted death to that particular amateur by abruptly shutting down my disability.  It has been nearly 7 years since you reactivated my disability with my submission of the mental report from that hospital.  Anyhow, I am still disabled with crippled back pain that forces me to lie down parallel to the hard floor for at least an hour every hour my body is vertically up.  My mental illness of anger and revenge is still strongly prominent; however, I can reduce that by jailing myself at home to avoid the public as much as possible or I’ll become cracky and jumpy with nervous that will endanger my life and others if I were to be driving or even walking in downtown crossing 2nd street nearly got hit by the transit the last time I left the social security office fighting with a rude and unprofessional social security agent at the window.

So, judge, I have a proposal with a win-win solution:  I get off disability while disability gives me a job.  While laying crippled parallel to the floor thinking of revengeful plan, I was able to develop homemade physical therapy and psychological ways to prevent myself from acting out in violent against those homosexual bosses at gay Starbucks in gay San Francisco and their followers who crippled me almost to death by failing to report my work injury of a back strain coupled with the mental anguish of mental illness of revenge, hate, depressed, etc. of being bullied, intimidated, harassed, and even sexually harassed in a minor form (a new dyke-lesbo boss swiftly brushed her breast against mine 4-6 times in a month every time she walked passed me behind the counter.  Before my menstruation, I finally found the courage to retaliated by purposedly pulled myself back she walked by to hint to her to stop.  I don’t get this breast-brushing feeling with other female baristas, but only her and only during first month since she started working.  Then I learned that a homo-male can make sexual advancement to a single female with no children by insinuating that they should make a baby after he exploded in a gay annoying but cute way by saying this at work, “Why don’t you want to make a baby with me?”  Anyhow, my mental-illness against the homos at Starbucks was released after I sued them. Even though I never won, since then, I have sued Worker’s Compensation for failing to include mental illness in my Starbucks injury and a Chinese-American male doctor claiming my back sprain is only 20% disabled.  I moved out of gay San Francisco since, but found myself getting harassed and intimidated by more homo (this time, a full little dyke, and a large obese female) working at Google as security guards while I was standing next to my car in a public street with no parking restricting signs or painting which happened to be across the Google building (there were other companies on that street, too).  I sued Google, too.  I am now suing the United States for trump’s recount-recheck of the coronavirus-infected 2020 election by stating the government committed treason when they said the coronavirus-infected 2020 election was 100% secure, had very little frauds and no massive frauds.

I would like to propose a new kind of job for me in the social security office to reduce the mass-violence in America involving mental illness by creating a new division to combat  this disease using me as an example:  received disability to stay home avoid causing problems in public (driving, work, college, army, even high school or under), got fee waiver to file lawsuits to release my violence (I developed arthritis at 36 because my violence against them homos and their hetero buds at Starbucks subconsciously made me punched the computer’s key pads so hard into lawsuits), got free physical therapy sessions (I got some but the rest was my desperate-broke-homemade-semi-homeless-homeless-in-car-parked-in-dirty garage invention), free psychiatrist sessions (I got none because the worker’s comp psychiatrist in ga San Francisco closed to that Starbucks in pacific heights area failed me miserably, and of course a female Vietnamese psychiatrist down in San Jose failed me too.  The rest I had to invent on my own by pulling things together), got free healthy meals coupons during the time of pain I charged my credit cards to debt to pay for yummy but kinda healthy food to calm down my pain and anger instead of pills, etc.)  What do you think judge?

 Thank you,

  Mai-Trang Thi Nguyen

 P.S. pardon moi for the horrible writing.  I blame it on current my invalid state of mind and body, extreme pain and exhaustion, and more.  At this moment, all I can type is 1 hour a day, the rest I think of new ideas by lay down with eyes shut tight in dark room on top of my coffin (pirate chest) with two chairs to accommodate my back pain and crippled dislocated painful neck from severe depression in last 13.2 years

 7/21/2021

                                                                                                                               (3:24 p.m.)

 Dear President Biden:

 I can reward you and your administration with solving the problem of mental illness via random violence and accidental suicides, because after all, Trumps and Republicans think more guns is the only way solve this problem.

Please read my letter to Honorable Judge Frederick Michaud of Social Security Administration.

 Sincerely,

Mai-Trang Thi Nguyen

BTS series; Are you bulletproof?

PART TWENTY FIVE “Forgiveness” 

Word count: 5.5k

M. List: 1 // 2 // 3 // 4 // 5 // 6 // 7 // 8 // 9 // 10 // 11 // 12 // 13 // 14 // 15 // 16 // 17 // 18 // 19 // 20 // 21 // 22 // 23 // 24 // 25 // 26 [END]

Your voice was booming in the room, as the boy’s eyes widened while seconds passed. Did they mistakenly dye your hair red, because you were certainly, glistering anger from your eyes. Hoseok was merely confused and scared, of your sudden change in behaviour. Neither of the boys, wanted to get close, after your outburst. The manager’s shoes clicking against the wooden floor, while their muttering, covered your eardrums. Getting up from the chair, with the hair dye resting, you were cursing under your breath. There was no accurate description, if it was because the leaked information, or the fact that your heart tried to heal in the process. Either way, you weren’t happy.

“Who?” Namjoon asked curiously, with a perplexed look shot your way. You clenched your fist, knowing this woman was out of capability, to be any good. Her name, that made you grit your teeth as your vocals got ready.

“Vanessa motherfuc-“

“Y/N!” Jin interrupted your answer, making you take a deep breath. His mother-like-eyes were stern, keeping you away from your dirty mouth. You whispered a ‘fine’, while you erased every bad-mouthing thought, out of your mind.

“Vanessa whatever her last name was… She was the girl that owned the shop, that Yoongi took me to, so I could buy a dress” You continued, sitting back into the chair as your stylist took the dye out.

“But I don’t understand. Why mention Yoongi’s credit card?” Hoseok questioned, sitting on the opposite side. His plastered smile, faded away as he wondered deeply and unsure, what do in this situation.

“It was the original plan, that I was the one to buy it. But Yoongi ended up buying it for me, right before Army came. He just gave me his credit card, and left.” You finished. Making the boy go in awe, of his Hyung’s gesture. You left out the detail, of how Yoongi held you close in the changing room, as he explained the former relationship between him and Vanessa. Your heart ached of the thought, as the scene flashed by.

“Noona? This isn’t a major thing, right?” Taehyung asked one of the managers, who was silently biting her nails, overcompensating the possibilities. A heavy sigh left her lips, before she stood up. You didn’t know why, but the atmosphere changed when she took off her glasses. The cold air briefly touching your bare shoulders, as you gulped at her response.

“I don’t know. It can go both ways. Either they will forget about this ‘scandal’ or, it will escalate. Give it a few days and let’s see. The CEO will be notified of the situation and maybe, he got an idea what to do.” She spoke gently, as the others nodded along.

“Can’t we just say they aren’t dating, isn’t that the main issue?” Jimin suggested, making you bite on the inside of your cheek. Fiddling with the hem of your shirt, you felt a slight pain increase. Jimin was right, you and Yoongi weren’t dating. At least, not anymore.

“We aren’t going to say anything, yet. Act like you usually do and I’ll have a talk with the CEO. Y/N, you should probably talk to Yoongi about this. Figure out a plan, or make up a story, so fans won’t suspect anything. At this point, you two are a hot topic on twitter. Remember, your fanbase is majority of underage people. They sometimes, cannot take news like this well.” The manager explained, making you nod in response. Even though, you hated the thought of talking to Yoongi again, you knew it was part of your job, to be professional. It was just bad, when you lost the sense of professionalism, around the boy you loved.

The boys’ eyes were on your silent form, as you thought of a plan. Jin was occupied with his phone, having Yoongi on a secret call, so he could hear everything. The boy on the other line, was shaking of anger, hearing the news. He knew Vanessa was capable of causing drama and he couldn’t help, but blame himself.

“WHERE IN THE FLYING FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN” You cursed at the older boy, as he was down on his knees. His contagious laughter, that affected you so briefly that you couldn’t help, but smile at him. Jackson found his way to your dorm, as he saw the scandal fly around Twitter. Your knitted brows relaxed, seeing his begging posture in front your feet.

“Get up..loser.. you look miserable from up here” You scoffed, as he stood up from the ground. His arms surrounding your waist, as he pulled you into his embrace. You immediately let go of yourself, indulging into his touch. You missed him. A friend, that you haven’t seen for long, would help on your wounds.

“I’m sorry. I have been busy. But when I saw the news, I had to go see you. Jessica told me you had been on a trip, how did it go?” He questioned, as he loosened his grip around you. Your face faltered, knowing you had to tell him the truth. By far, Jackson has been the only one to aggressively respond to Yoongi’s actions. Last time, he threatened to beat him. You wondered, what would he do after knowing what Yoongi has done now.

Sitting down with Jackson in your room, the atmosphere turned from joy to anger, which didn’t surprise you. The veins on his hands and neck sprouted, as you finished your story. In other words, Jackson was ready to beat him up. But as the person you were, your smiled and positivity helped him control it. His clenched jaw softened, bringing you into his embrace once more. His deep and harsh breath, as he tugged a tearful sorrow of a human into his warmth.

“What are you going to do now?” He questioned, finally letting you go, to look at your face. Swollen cheeks with a hint of red, from the crying had his eyebrows knit. He wanted to help, beat up the person who made you this sad, but what cause would that make?

“I don’t know, Jackson. What do you think?” You shrugged on your shoulders, getting him to exhale. For the first time in ages, you let someone else, to guide. It was rare, whenever you let someone take over. It was a risk of trust and boundaries, put into Jackson’s palm. Shocked and thoughtfully thinking, he needed to take this chance with care. You were a fragile flower, that just needed a little light.

“Maybe it will just go away… or maybe Hyung will do a stunt, like the JB one? Fake dating?” He suggested, making you squirm of the thought. Not only was it fake dating, but being close to Yoongi like that, would break your heart even more.

“Jackson… Fake dating, again? It’s worse than walking alongside him all day…” You whined, losing hope of finding a solution. Maybe, Jackson was right. The scandals might disappear, into thin air. But you knew, the fans weren’t happy for the news. It wasn’t surprising, that they had made up ‘ship names’ or OTP’s, catching every glimpse of relationships they could. It was just a dream, that they didn’t wish was true. You knew, what a heartbreak felt like and this, wasn’t any different.

“Okay, I’m going to ask you questions, where you’re only able to answer ‘yes’ or ‘no’. Got it?” He interrupted, staring into your eyes. His posture of confidence, as his chest was shown briefly through his loose top. You gulped in nervousness, unsure what the older man had, in thought. Playing along his game, you nodded.

“Right. Do you like singing?” The first came like a piece of cake, making you answer in an instant, ‘yes’. A smile appeared on his face, knowing he finally got you.

“Do you worship your fans?” He questioned again, but you couldn’t help but furrow your brows, of it. ‘Worship’ was a big word and even though you loved your fans, you weren’t sure if it should be called ‘worshipping’. Either way, you answered a blunt ‘yes’.

“Do you have a crush on Jimin?” Another question throwing you off, but you merely answered ‘no’. Without a doubt, you loved Jimin. But you were nothing more, than friends. It was a simple kiss, that got out of hand because of your desires, to be held. Either way, where did Jackson want with this?

“Do you like living here?” He asked, making you bit onto your lip. You loved being around the boys and have your spontaneous movie nights, but it had been so tense, the last days. Practice and concert preparation, made the dorm into a madhouse. Soon, was going to be the day of shooting, for ‘spring day’.

“I love living here, but it’s hard with all of this floating around us. But, we’ll get through it.” You whispered, with the end of a chuckle. The memories of chaos in the kitchen, as you all tried to make meals for everyone. It was enjoyable, seeing it flail in between the group. Jackson’s jaw clenched, before asking you the next question.

“Do you love Yoongi-Hyung?” His eyes darkened, as you answered ‘Yes’. Despite the hardships, you couldn’t deny your feelings. Yoongi, was the one you loved. He showed you, what it would be like, being around him. Hearing what his story was, when no one else could. Letting you get this close, was his own choice, but it was because he knew, you were the one. He needed, to show you, before it would end.

“Do you want him back?” His final question, making you jolt- This is where he wanted to go. Absorbing his words, you nodded. The sting in your eyes, made water threaten to fall. Jackson pulled you into his embrace, asking you to let go of the tears once more. His well sculpted arms, were brushing lightly against your own. You wanted Yoongi back, and making music with him, was spectacular, but so was being in his arms. Choosing only one of them, was unbelievably hard. Jackson’s hands were stroking your back, as you choked the last tears.

“Please talk to him Y/N… You need to find out, what to do. We both know, keeping quiet, won’t last long.” He spoke again, letting a smile dance on his lips. It was contagious, making you smile in response. He was right, like always. You had to talk with Yoongi soon, whenever he decides to show up. The empty dorm, with just the two of you around, there was no reason to call the target. No matter what was going to happen, either of you had to suck it up, being around each other. You just hoped, he felt the same as you...

“Break, except Min Yoongi!”

The speakers boomed in the room, with a pile of clothes where you and the other boys were placed upon. It has already surpassed 19 hours of recording, but you have reached your limit. Jumping off the pile of clothes, you all took a break, letting Yoongi finish his solo shoot. The other boys were busy playing around, sleep and eat. You on the other hand, were focused on the little boy on the mountain. He basically, looked like a doll in a claw machine. You watched his mouth mimic to the rap piece, as he moved slightly. The camera floating up and down, giving it dimensions. You were taking aback, as he caught your eyes from his position. Slowing down his reflex and complexion, making the director retake the shoot. You were a bump on the road, as they recorded the scene again. Yoongi, couldn’t keep his eyes from you, making it hard for the director.

“Again!” You didn’t care, hearing the word get repeated. Your mind, was absorbed onto him. Every muscle was moving like a butterfly, as the blue streaks in his hair glowed in the dark. The bright pink shirt, made it even harder to not look away. After the seventh time, it was finally starting to get better. Yoongi got composed, finishing his solo scene. Letting him, get a break too.

It was probably past midnight, but you didn’t know. The shooting place, was inside a big warehouse. Small props, to bigger props stored inside. It was a whole different world, as you looked around. Tomorrow, was going to get worse, when you had to record outside in the winter snow. It was ironic, making an mv in the snow for the song ‘Spring day’.

You gasped, seeing his petite body jump from the height. Hungrily going for the snack table, as you observed his moves. You didn’t know, if it was because of Jackson that you looked at him like a prey. Or the fact, that the atmosphere was gone. Throughout the whole day, either of you have had multiple eye contacts and acted if nothing has happened, when the camera appeared. Did he know, what you wanted? Because right now, you weren’t sure if you wanted to go back, when everything is fading away. It’s this, what Yoongi wanted, right?

“Y/N?” A voice creeped from behind. Turning around, you found yourself in front of the sun. A snack bar was pointed in your way, as he handed you the supply. Hoseok’s smile were brightening, even though his eyes were barely red from being awake. You took out the chocolate bar from his hand, as you flashed him a smile. “Thank you” You whispered, unwrapping the sweet consistent. A light chuckle brushed against your ears, as he nodded back.

“Should get some energy, for our shooting~” He sang, spinning around your lifeless form. How did this person, have so much energy after hours of recording?

“Looks like I could learn from you” You scoffed, walking over to the couch. A red soft furniture was placed along the wall, for decoration to later. For now, it was your place to relax. No one knew, when the director would call again, so might as well get the rest you can. Hoseok followed along, to sit beside. His body aligned with yours, as he munched on the snack. The staff walking and wobbling past, seeing that they are just as tired like you.

“It’s going to be cold tomorrow. Hopefully none of us will be sick” He mumbled, leaning his head onto your shoulder. Repaying his affection, you leaned against his. Your hair tickling his skin, making him giggle of the touch. Closing your eyes, you let every sound and word absorb.

“Hopefully not, but if we do a great job, we might not be outside for long” You responded, making him hum. It has been long, since you and Hoseok had been together. At least, alone. You heard Jimin and Jungkook laugh in the back, while Jin were telling a bad joke. You chuckled hearing it, like always. Jin’s jokes were not the best, but his windshield laugh breaking out afterwards, always caught you.

“You should talk to Yoongi” Hoseok interrupted, as your eyes fluttered open. The light above blinded, as you mumbled a ‘what’ in return. Your energy level was running low, while you had to save it for later. Hoseok, didn’t move from your shoulder, but you could feel his eyelashes and breath hit your skin. The chills formed on the surface, as you closed your eyes once more.

“I spent the past days with him in the studio…” He continued to speak. Part of you didn’t want to hear, but your ears grew bigger. Everything that contained Yoongi, made your ears like a bat’s. You haven’t been able to talk, because he was always gone. Did he avoid you? Did he ever think of you? There was no answer, until Hoseok put everything clear. “Is that so?” You responded, feeling your energy vanish through every exhale.

“You don’t seem to care?” He spoke again, making your eyes flutter open. His fingertips stroked the visible skin on your forearm, making more chills run up your spine. “Please don’t ever think that Hobi..” You muttered, staring up at the ceiling. It wasn’t a pretty sight, different valves crossing each other, holding everything in place, or had no purpose. It was like looking at yourself, you had a purpose for singing, but the rest was unknown.

“I know… If just Hyung would think that too…” He replied, making you bite into your inner cheek. “What do you mean, Hobi?” You questioned, feeling his strokes stop on your arm. Closing your eyes, you were ready, to hear any kind of scolding, or explanation. The black hole placed in your heart, filled with doubt, will be destroyed.

“He never stops talking about you… Surprising, no? I thought so. He composes a lot of songs, but they are heart breaking and filled with sorrow. It’s about you, I know it. Even though, he tells me it’s not. His blood shot eyes, are filled with water whenever I see him. The aura of regret, that fills the whole studio. Whenever he sleeps, he keeps muttering your name. I always wonder if he has nightmares? I don’t know what to do… I’m not asking you, to go back to him. All I’m asking, is for you talk to him. I know, it wasn’t fair for what he did. But he is suffering, just like you. We both know, only you can help him the right way.” Even for your closed eyes, you felt the tears fall on your cheek. Hoseok’s voice were haunting your mind, with his beautiful words. His fingers intertwined with yours, as you squeezed them lightly. He was there, he was always there. The sunlight, you needed to brighten the road, you needed to take. As time had passed, you always thought Yoongi didn’t care. Trying to forget and move on, like you always did. But even so, this was a matter, that none of you, knew how to handle. Without the boys to confront and help, you would be stuck the same place forever. Dwelling on the bad memories, of a broken heart.

You opened your eyes, to see a lighter day. The director muttered a word, that you couldn’t hear clearly. Hoseok’s eyes were pointed at you, with the care of a child. A light chuckled escaped your lips, before you tugged him into a hug. His arms holding onto your body, as his hands patted you lightly on the back. You thanked heaven, for letting one of their angels walk amongst you.

*Next day*

It was unknown, when the last time you were inside. Or at least, that’s what everyone complained about. The outside air was fresh, but hurtful with the snow around your shoes. It was early in the morning, because the director wanted a clean sunlight scenery. The boys’ noses were horribly red and shaking, because of the little clothes some of them wore. You felt bad, when you were allowed to wear jeans. Rather packed up, more than the others. For the two hours of filming, the only shots of Taehyung and outside walking was cleared to be perfect. Rest, was still filled with practice and re-dos. Either of you, couldn’t hold your shaking bodies from being too visible. The cold of minus degrees, were digging into your bones.

“Waaaaah” You heard Jimin from afar, as the rest ran in circles. The heat packs were too hot for their ears, or too cold without them. There was no in between, of having comfort in this weather. Everyone, was basically a burrito. Their bodies were wrapped in blankets, with staff holding the heat packs against their frozen skin. Besides the circumstances, the place they chose for the shooting, was beautiful. River, trees and train tracks. It was a sight, that should be engraved. Taking the last shot of you all walking, like goddess on grass the director yelled “Cut, break time!”

The boys ran towards the crew, where the blankets were stored. Screams and sighs were slipping through the air, as their reptile body succumbed to the warmth. Cups of cocoa were brought to the place, as everyone got inside of a ‘trunk’ that was there, to assistance the crew and everyone else. You got handed the cup, while an aroma briefly touched your nostrils. Pulling on the corners of your lips, making you walk away from the trunk. You were enjoying the scenery, as you came closer to the tree. Branches with a little ice on top, as it melted away. The sound of the grass hitting the wind, making the nature take over.

“It’s cold” A raspy voice behind, approaching your frozen form. You knew, without a doubt, it was Yoongi. A blanket covering your shoulders, feeling the warmth grow. His body walked further, to stand in front of you. His red nose, looked like Rudolph. Making you giggle, of imagining a pair of deer-like-ears grow and antlers out of his head.

“I missed hearing you laugh” He commented, holding onto his cup. His gloves, that held his palm warm but not his fingertips. They were red, and close to turning purple. He was cold, but why was he dragging himself out here. Even for the compliment he made, you were worried of his health.

“You should go back” You suggested, looking down on the ground. The blankets covering your shoes, while his legs started shaking lightly. He wanted to go, but he couldn’t. “No.” He responded sternly, taking a sip of the sweet liquid. Sighing of satisfaction, the steam blew from his mouth like a dragon.

“Why not? You’re cold” You spoke, darting the eye contact he tried to get. The shield around your body, felt broken when he was this close. His breath, that you could feel hit your skin. An atmosphere, that was so familiar. You weren’t sure if it was the cold, or the feelings of longing, were stinging your eyes.

“I am, but I’m not going back without you. We need to talk.” He spoke, finishing up his cocoa. Putting the cup on the ground, his hands found place into his pockets. You closed your eyes, hearing his words. It was time, to put an end to this misery. Multiple images and suggestions ravished your mind, not knowing where to start. You wanted to be back together, but you didn’t know how he felt. Did he really miss you, like Hoseok said?

“I’m sorry.” He muttered, making your eyes flutter open. He was sorry? For a second, you didn’t know what he was apologising for. It spiked a sense of anger and regret, realising he wasn’t the type to say those words. He knew, when he fuck’d up. But he always had a hard to time, to acknowledge it. You felt the tears dwell in the corner, as they froze in place of the cold.

“Sorry for?” It wasn’t that you were trying to be persistent, but you wanted to know what he meant. He could tell you he was sorry for leaving, or playing you, but only he knew, what he wanted. You sipped on the cup, to put on the ground at last. Tugging on the blanket, to cover your body more. The cold was silently growing, making you anticipate a short answer.

“For not talking to you.” He responded, while he rubbed the back of his neck. Even though you deserved and explanation, Yoongi was tip-toing around you. He has always done it, since you both came back. Trying to stay away from your sight, as he knew, he was the cause to bring the pain upon you. What he didn’t know, that talking to you, was better than ignoring you. When he saw the glimpse of tears fill in the corner of your eyes, he felt like tugging you into his embrace. But, he didn’t know what you felt. Everything was a maze for Yoongi, a difficult maze to find you. His heart was beating louder, by seconds went. You didn’t respond, avoiding his eyes. He was at a loss, not knowing what to do. Was this the end?

“Hold me.” Your words surpassed his ears, making his hands search for you. His arms wrapping around your waist, to pull you into his embrace. You were there, your body pressed against him. As the sound of your choked tears, was muffled at his ear. Your bodies stopped shaking, as the warmth grew in between.

“Y/N… I missed you… so fucking much…” He spoke gently, as he stroked your back. You muttered a simple ‘I missed you too’. Because, even for the disappearing of his existence, you missed him. The jerk, that showed you love and his life. You needed him. The two of you stood beside the tree, holding each other as if the end was near. Neither of you, wanted to let go. It had been days, since the touch of a beloved. Time went by, the snow melting away under your feet.

“I’m lost, Yoongi. I still love you... It never changed, despite my heart breaking of your words in Daegu. But you showed… yourself. I appreciate that and even if this won’t last long, I’m glad it happened. I hate the thought, of us acting like nothing happened in the past. Shoulder against shoulder, is like walking into war. Right now, I don’t see a lot of light because of the scandal. I don’t know what will happen and I’m scared. I just want you back..” You spoke, drying the tears away. Yoongi’s arms loosened around the form, as he took a look at your face. He missed being this close, hearing your words and the smell of your perfume tickle his nostrils. God, he longed for this.

“I’m lost too. You’re not alone and I have tried, to take care of Vanessa…. But I think I’m out of luck, even though I want to protect you. The only thing I could think of, was you. I wanted to make everything safe, but I’m useless. You’re scared, I understand. I’m scared too, but I cannot live without you around me. Everything contains you, my songs, thoughts and dreams.… Staying away from you, was a mistake. My feelings are killing me…” He trailed off, unsure what to do. Biting onto his bottom lip, he gathered his courage “I love you, so fucking much Y/N.” He responded, as tears formed in his eyes. The feelings he had been locking up and trying to pass, has reached its limit. You were finally in front and listening, to whatever he had to say. The chills dancing on his skin, as he pressed his lips against yours. A familiar warmth embracing you both, as the kiss got longer. It was a thing, you both wished and longed for. Standing together, tears in your eyes, like the beginning. Releasing his lips from yours, he placed his forehead onto you. Your eyes were locked together, reading the words his mouth couldn’t produce.

“Do you want to, continue this? No more secrets, even if it means Mr. Bang will find out?” You questioned, as he intertwined his fingers with yours. Fitting like a glove, you squeezed them. The cold breeze disappearing, as he brushed his lips against yours. “I want to do this, together. This time, I’m not letting you go.” He whispered, as you pulled a smile into the kiss. A giggle escaped your lips, as the bubbles of happiness and butterflies build in the bottom of your stomach. You missed this closeness, with Yoongi. Walking back to the trunk, the field seemed to shine more, or was it the fact your heart was repairing? Looking to your side, your companion was there, to keep you safe and sound. The cold, seemed like nothing when it got thawed, by your glowing red cheeks.

“I have to tell you something… and you might won’t like it…” You trailed off, as your eyebrows knitted. You had been keeping a secret, unsure if it should be told. If you proposed for no more secrets, you had to tell him. Yoongi hummed in anticipation, of what you wanted. He was confused, because in his mind, there was no way you could have done something, that he wouldn’t like, or was there? The sound of the other boys came closer, realising what has happened between you two. You gulped, seeing the pink hair shine at the sunlight.

“Me and Jimin kissed the other day, but it was fast and innocent. Please don’t get angry!” You finished in a second, making him stop in his tracks. His eyes grew larger, over that his friend could do something like that. But was he even allowed to be angry? You two had nothing when it happened. Yoongi groaned in response before making his hand into a fist, letting go of yours. Marching towards the younger fellow, he grabbed Jimin’s collar.

Fear grew in Jimin’s eyes, seeing his older brother with a firing rage. The boys were on guard, seeing the scene unfold. Yoongi’s hand was raised into the air and you called his name from afar, stopping him from hurting the pink haired boy. The other members looked carefully and not interrupting, unsure if Yoongi was actually going to hit him. For Jimin, he didn’t speak. He knew he did something, that was considered a ‘crime’ in other’s thoughts. If he was going to get hit, he deserved it with every might. Jimin closed his eyes, anticipating his punishment.

But nothing came. Yoongi’s eyes softened, seeing his friend get prepared. Realising, this person, was always there to comfort others. He didn’t deserve to be treated this way, and Yoongi knew that. His hand retreated to himself, as he released a chuckle. The other boys around, were holding their breath, as you came closer. Yoongi pulled Jimin into a hug, making the younger brother open his eyes. The rapper held the singer tightly, as both released a chuckle and the crowd left a relieved sigh.

“Thank you… for always being there, cleaning up my mess… Thank you, Jimin” Yoongi muttered into Jimin’s ear, making him giggle lightly. You saw the scene, as the others ran in to join the hug. It was like the group was assembled, to reunite. Everyone, needed this to happen. As they felt their lives crumbled apart, they needed to know, that they existed in someone else’s world. Namjoon’s hand flew out, reached in your direction. The boys turned their heads to see your fallen tears, as they smiled your way.

“You never walk alone..” He spoke, letting you run towards the bundle of people. Their arms surrounding you and the sound of giggles spreading into the air. The tense muscles and cold, disappeared without a trace. Yoongi knew Jimin kissed what belonged to him, but when Yoongi wasn’t there to keep your broken heart from self-destruction, he could always rely on his friend. It was a kiss, but rather someone steal an innocent kiss, than you from this world. The group was never, only work, it was family. Everyone always knew, that every person in this bundle, was there when they needed one. Help, love and luck. You wouldn’t want to trade this treasure, for anything in the world.

Getting back to shooting, time went by, there was only the ‘carousel’ scene left. You have used hours, to get the perfect scene and with the team work you had, it wasn’t a problem. Everything looked flawless, as night time came close. The song playing in the background, making you all dance the choreography to keep yourself warm. The sound of laughter, making the atmosphere change forever. You had everything you wanted, the boys and their happiness brighten. Yoongi by your side, despite the hardships that will and has been coming your way. You were lucky, to be here.

“Alright, that’s a wrap!!” You heard the director yell, making everyone clap. You thanked everyone for their hard work, as Yoongi pulled you into a hug. A familiar scene playing out, with his lips attacking yours. It was never getting old, as your cheeks heated up at the affection. Your core was tickling as you felt his body this close, with his lips brushing against your neck. His cologne making you dizzy, while you heard your manager mutter something in the back.

“What?” You responded lowly, making your manager talk louder. Yoongi froze, as your eyes grew bigger of your manager’s words. His arms held you tight, because if he didn’t, you would fall to the ground. The warmth disappearing, as fear corrupted your mind. Shaking of the thought, that tomorrow was doom day. Jin came running, to tell that the others were ready to leave. Seeing your state of shock, Jin retreated to look at Yoongi. His milky white skin, were paler than never before.

“Is something wrong?” Jin questioned confused, seeing the two people speechless in front of him. Yoongi shook his head, before he looked at his Hyung in confusion and fear. Doubt stroke his eyes, with words falling on each other. You grabbed Yoongi’s arm harder, when he repeated the sentence. Leaving Jin to be baffled, of the thought.  

“Bang Si-Hyuk wants to see Y/N in his office tomorrow at noon..”

You people are savagely disgusting. You send all kinds of psychological messages that are basically put out there to toy with me. Because of ME, really. Is this the same miss ma'am that said "he's talking bout YOU" when someone mentioned the beast? Y you gotta toy wit me? I'm not interested in being played by the Devil. I'm not stuck in some Angel dimension with a so-called priest telling me "You have to go into chains because that man right there is the Anti-Christ". I cherish my now. I'll never be able to see the truth as clearly as now, later on if I'm able to see at all, I will see what you want me to see, do what you want me to do. Can't y'all see you are being played?

There is no EARTHLY reason why they must continue the rapes, humiliating sex, X-deaths, horrifying mayhem only to skew things a certain way. They lock up Lebron James or some black male Angel...and say hes me. I've seen them black dudes, they posted up wit me nightly making all kinds of excuses. You don't have to do this. They say something like "she gets mad", so lemme get this straight, you have Angels oust me early on in Kemet in Chi, then I'm moved to Tx and naturally when I ask my "Father" why we move, of course cause he just got bored, riight. Lordt EYE only knows what went on on his "jobs". Then I'm made to feel some kinna way for men, you managed to make me stink to just about everyone even people in the TV whom are far from me, so my GOODNESS, if you knew WELL in advance what it was hitting for, why even have me have an attraction to men? That may have not been you, but that was a Kemetian in GEORGIA in such a strange manner. YOU people skip lines. I remember meeting people like DISTANT memories, when under EYE you people could have meet me in a chance meet in 95ish, then next day is with me in 2018 or 2012, not aged a day. YOU people have REAL money, GREATER than MATERIAL. PSYCHIC anything is GREATER than 14 dollars an hour or even NURSE money. The ability to no age AND be only an adult is greater, yet you people pout and won't even tell me why you pout so it comes off to me as "MY EGO IS HURT ARGGHHH". How was I supposed to know that black women were not supposed to O?! You have that black African Queen waltz in my telepaths in El Paso, back when that white guy was talking with his white friend. You had her waltz in and SHE DIDN'T SAY A DAYM THING BUT SOMETHING ABOUT UGLY FAMOUS BITCH. You talk about CHECK ur team, you KNOW I don't have a TEAM, or it least you would if your ass wasn't in hypernonsensical mode. If you could look at all my happenings MINUS foolishness. Your team fuelled that foolishness, now you wave your hands in the air killing yourself every chance you get. They or you (i really can't tell) only rape cuz it's part of the "plan". I know this. What's worse is you got them merc Africans in on this doing any and everything to their own people to appease you Latin/Italian people are only please when we on your footstool. You have some nerve. I'm sitting here, stinking to high Hell, wanting to be what I consider beautiful(my ideal) and there is ALL sort of fk'd up shit happening to me in some screwy time Hell. Me fasting now is going to influence the so-called relationship I had with Marty between 2016ish to 2017ish. You people are wrong and I know in my heart, that is NOT a maybe, you Spaniard people or Asian or whatever you are and your time Hell are MAD. Why expose it in 2016? Why? You've been going back in forth all throughout my time doing fk'd up shit to me on my dead line. Shit I probably couldn't conceive of, you done thought it and done it!

I don't get it. I'm sitting here shaking my head because the ones in power are sane, yet they tell me no. I was told no in a random book I picked up. Why not? Is this literally ONLY about the created xxxs? I've renounced already and am prepared to stick by that. It don't got to be this way. But they all the time hint this got to do wit money, I ain never gon have money, not like y'all have. Y? People steady asking why? I thought they was just acting out of drama, now I'm like why? Why y'all do me this way? Is it because I'm black? I heard something about this being about "what you would do to protect your country (Ameri)"...do you really think that I'm going to go off and start a Wakanda with Africans that despise me and sent Kemet WAY in advance to deal with me? They sent Kemet when we took that trip to Houston with Kara, Vita, and that Nigerian girl. I was so quick to cover my nose cuz of her smell, it of course, alarmed up the whole car, she probably had to be that jinn for those 2 or 3 times for me to get a piece of the VOODOO puzzle that would fit into this mess later. There is no bodily fungus that will smell so bad through your skin that it stinks up an entire area. No. And you people whom are free from Voodoo, dormant spirits, 3rd eye Jinn, serpents, etc, will dare be mad at me. I'm gonna take the Hala Misrati route. YES: ALL WOMEN WHO PUT ON BRAVADO IN THE FACE OF AN ARMY ARE DOOMED. I KNOW THIS. She either died miserably through slavery or is still alive in horrifying Islamic slavery. But b4 they captured her, she was very brave!!! I KNOW I face the mighty Spaniard legion, I'm aware of this, but I've seen several hints that the raid could be called off. That torture didn't have to happen. That people didn't have to be put in jail. I just hope sanity is restored. I hope your EYE God will learn to lighten up. I hope those people who supposedly have some group's satellite will again, lighten up. It's honestly not that serious. I said you can see what you want to see, right on the heels of you people showing folks what you want them to see of me(i can tell this by visably shaken faces), so what, a few horror shows(THAT U!!! put on by the way) and now anytime anyone sees me you prefer they see a dog?

You people are ridiculous, I walk around damn near without a heart...I cannot cry, meanwhile I see you people tear up at God only knows what. GOD!!! Y? Y are people walking around wit SIGHT knowing what's happening and sometimes even doing it. I get hints about this seeing things like "Evil Me" "Evil Lynn" or "Me and my family are broke" so what's left out is we have to do xyz for (UR CURRENCY-THE MONEY ABOVE THE DOLLAR!!!). Why won't you let me in? Goodness, is sex the only manner in which to get in? Dag. How, then, am I half in, half out? Let me in! You have that old white man with me whom has gone silent recently, whom has again said I can't even b4 this book I'm reading now, he said he can't in El Paso. I don't understand. Why send me nonsensical dreams when you could legit tell me what is going on with the people in my ear. Why can't y'all let me in, goodness gracious. You act like you guys can't tell me what's going on. I'm only the laughing stock of THE WORLD!!! Yet you people refuse. And what is this "ass" and "asset" stuff. Again. Leave sex alone. I'm saying in halfheartedly now, but in the coming days, months, years, it will become a mantra. Leave it alone. I don't get it. I'm down for whatever, yet y'all act like that's not good enough. I'm down 4 so-called Angelhood(dying 4 folks/or taking Ls) but y'all lie, some of y'all never had to take Ls until now and apparently are willing to remain on your knees (WILLINGLY) to avoid taking murder/rebirth Ls. I know this from a GLP poster saying "you'll learn to love anyone: it's a step above the abyss". And what's up wit the Hopis? They throw little tidbits out ALL the time! They claimed to be helping as well as X, but X is confusing as to whether that is help or poison to a spirit. Y'all already clocked this tea b4 I even did this today yet mentioned it absentmindedly in that Bmore thread. Talking bout "April u be writting them long ass dissertations that don't nobody be reading".  You a lie. Y'all wit me 24/7 n u already admitted, y'all don't sleep.

Pls, y did you want me to get pregnant, than have an absurd fit when I had the baby, than go even nuttier when I'm deciding to raise it? Another I read, the phrases: "To Appease White People" "Pact wit the Devil" "To preserve our freedom". Chile this is crazy. To put SO MUCH advanced planning all for me? Dag...So "FriendAfterMay15" posted that in 2008, am I to believe someone has been in jail since 2008, 11 years? Is the 11 thing true? Will it end then in March or June? I never knew you could be cast to Hell b4 you even died...

Whyte House Family Devotions #355 (05/12/18): "The Need for Wisdom," by Billy Graham

https://soundcloud.com/danielwhyteiii/whyte-house-family-devotions-355-051218-the-need-for-wisdom-by-billy-graham

My family and I have had morning devotions, or family altar as some people call it, every day ever since my wife, Meriqua, and I were married 30 years ago. We have prayed and read the Bible together as well as other devotional books as a family, and it is the only reason why this family has stayed together, and the only reason why God has blessed our family and used our family in ministry all of these years. We read Ephesians 5 and 6 every morning as it relates to the role of each member of the family and how that we need to put on the whole armor of God to fight against the devil who is seeking to destroy our family and all Christian families, churches, and Christians. So, now after 30 years of doing this in our home, we are opening this up to others who don't have a family to pray with, who don't have a spouse, or who are single by choice, and to encourage all families who are still intact to go back to the family altar and have devotions together every morning. In these devotions, you may hear me deal with a temptation I'm facing in my life, you may hear me rebuke my wife about not doing what she should be doing, or you may hear me get on one of my children's cases about something they're doing. Don't be shocked; this is real life. SING "DOXOLOGY" Praise God from Whom all blessings flow Praise Him, all creatures here below Praise Him above, ye heavenly hosts Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost Amen Billy Graham said, “There are those today that say we must do as others do, that we must conform to the world to win it, that we must swim with the tide, that we must move with the crowd. But the believer should say, ‘No.’” ------ PRAY "THE NEW COMMON PRAYER" Almighty and most merciful Father; We have sinned, and strayed from Thy ways like lost sheep. We have followed too much the devices and desires of our own hearts. We have offended against Thy holy laws. We have left undone those things which we ought to have done; And we have done those things which we ought not to have done; And there is no peace and joy in us. But Thou, O Lord, have mercy upon us, miserable offenders. Spare Thou us, O God, who confess our sins, our faults, and our failures. Restore those of us who confess our sins and repent; According to Thy promises declared unto us in Christ Jesus our Lord. And grant, O most merciful Father, for His sake; That we may hereafter live a godly, righteous, and sober life. To the glory of Thy holy Name. In Jesus Christ's Name, Amen. ------ EPHESIANS 6:12-13 12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. 13 Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stephen J. Cole writes in his commentary on this passage: "Satan also uses deception when he tempts us to sin. He always portrays sin as attractive and fulfilling. He convinces us that a particular sin will meet needs that God has not met. Are you single and desiring a mate? Have you prayed, but God has not answered? Satan comes along and says, ‘Here is an attractive young man [or woman] for you!’ You ask, ‘Is he [or she] a committed believer in Jesus Christ?’ The devil says, ‘No, but look at how nice he is. He treats you well! You know supposedly Christian men that abuse their wives, so being a Christian is no guarantee of getting a loving mate. Besides, you aren’t committing to marry him. Just go out with him and see how it goes.’ And so the unsuspecting get lured into premarital sex and marriage to a nice unbeliever! “Satan uses the same deceptive tactics to lure married believers into adultery. You’re having problems in your marriage, and along comes the most understanding, sympathetic, and attractive person! Whereas your husband never listens to you, this man always listens. Whereas your wife never responds to you sexually, this gorgeous woman is ready and willing! Be forewarned! The devil is powerful because he is a deceptive schemer." ------- PRAYER ------- DEVOTIONAL PASSAGE: Psalm 139:7-12 7 Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence? 8 If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there. 9 If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; 10 Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me. 11 If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me. 12 Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee. Regarding this passage, Matthew Henry writes: “We cannot see God, but he can see us. The psalmist did not desire to go from the Lord. Whither can I go? In the most distant corners of the world, in heaven, or in hell, I cannot go out of thy reach. No veil can hide us from God; not the thickest darkness. No disguise can save any person or action from being seen in the true light by him. Secret haunts of sin are as open before God as the most open villanies. On the other hand, the believer cannot be removed from the supporting, comforting presence of his Almighty Friend.” --------- PRAYER FOR THE ESTATES 1. Family 2. Clergy (church) 3. Government 4. People (citizens) 5. The press (media) 6. New media/Online journalists PRAYER FOR THE FAMILY PRAYER FOR CHURCH LEADERSHIP GOVERNMENT LEADERS 1 Timothy 2:1-2 says, "I exhort therefore, that, first of all, supplications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks, be made for all men; For kings, and for all that are in authority; that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and honesty." President Donald Trump and his administration Vice President Mike Pence First Lady Melania Trump Second Lady Karen Pence All White House staff including: Special Counsel to the President Ann M. Donaldson All leaders of federal agencies including: United States Capitol Police Chief Matthew Verderosa All state governors including: Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker All city mayors including: Crescent City, FL, Mayor Joseph Santa All members of Congress including: Florida Representative Ted Yoho All law enforcement officials including: Crescent City, FL, Police Chief Angelo Damiano All military leaders including: Defense Secretary James Mattis / Chief of Staff of the Army Gen. Mark A. Milley Leaders of nations around the world including: The Netherlands King Willem-Alexander and Prime Minister Mark Rutte The peace of Jerusalem PRAYER FOR THE PEOPLE / CITIZENS PRAYER FOR THE MEDIA PRAYER FOR CURRENT EVENTS AROUND THE WORLD - For the safety of the people of Kenya who are suffering from extreme flooding; for the comfort of the families of those who have been killed - For the safety and protection of the people of Congo where a new ebola outbreak has been reported. - For the protection of the people of Hawaii who have been displaced because of volcanic eruptions and earthquakes PRAYER REQUESTS Rajiv please bless their ministry to children who lost their parents to HIV and bless the church planting outreach, school, widows ministry, Gospel meetings, pastors conference, and social work; enable them to reach all of Odisha state with the Gospel and turn all of India to You Bhima please provide them with the money they need to build orphanages and plant churches; bless the seminary students and teachers with all that they need Bushebi Please bless the reopening of their Bible school and protect the students; protect and provide for the people suffering in Kenya and Somalia because of floods; help Timothy to recover completely THOSE WHO HAVE ACCEPTED CHRIST AS SAVIOR Frank Joshua Lucas THOSE WHO HAVE RECOMMITTED THEIR LIVES TO CHRIST Anne Celestino Bryce DEVOTIONAL READING: “The Need for Wisdom,” by Billy Graham Matthew 24:35 says, “Heaven and earth shall pass away, but my words shall not pass away. ” “Time is running out. The seconds are ticking away toward midnight. The human race is about to take the fatal plunge. Which way shall we turn? Is there any authority left? Is there a path we can follow? Can we find a code book that will give us the key to our dilemmas? Is there any source of authority to which we can turn? Have we just been placed here by some unknown creator or force without any clue as to where we came from, why we are here, and where we are going? “The answer is ‘no.’ We do have a code book. We do have a key. We do have authoritative source material. It is found in the ancient and historic Book we call the Bible. This Book has come down to us through the ages. It has passed through so many hands, appeared in so many forms-and survived attack of every kind. Neither barbaric vandalism nor civilized scholarship has touched it. Neither the burning of fire nor the laughter of skepticism has accomplished its annihilation. Through the many dark ages of man its glorious promises have survived unchanged.” - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Now, if you do not know Jesus Christ as your Savior, allow me to show you how you can place your faith and trust in Him for Salvation from sin and Hell. First, accept the fact that you are a sinner, and that you have broken God's law. The Bible says in Romans 3:23: "For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God." Second, accept the fact that there is a penalty for sin. The Bible states in Romans 6:23: "For the wages of sin is death…" Third, accept the fact that you are on the road to hell. Jesus Christ said in Matthew 10:28: "And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell." Now that is bad news, but here's the good news. Jesus Christ said in John 3:16: "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." Just believe in your heart that Jesus Christ died for your sins, was buried, and rose from the dead by the power of God for you so that you can live eternally with Him. Pray and ask Him to come into your heart today, and He will. Romans 10:9 & 13 says, "That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved… For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved." If you believe that Jesus Christ died on the Cross for your sins, was buried, and rose from the dead, and you want to trust Him for your Salvation today, please pray with me this simple prayer: Holy Father God, I realize that I am a sinner and that I have done some bad things in my life. I am sorry for my sins, and today I choose to turn from my sins. For Jesus Christ sake, please forgive me of my sins. I believe with all of my heart that Jesus Christ died for me, was buried, and rose again. I trust Jesus Christ as my Savior and I choose to follow Him as Lord from this day forward. Lord Jesus, please come into my heart and save my soul and change my life today. Amen. If you just trusted Jesus Christ as your Saviour, and you prayed that prayer and meant it from your heart, I declare to you that based upon the Word of God, you are now saved from Hell and you are on your way to Heaven. Welcome to the family of God! I want to congratulate you on doing the most important thing in life and that is receiving Jesus Christ as your Lord and Saviour. For more information to help you grow in your newfound faith in Christ, go to Gospel Light Society.com and read "What To Do After You Enter Through the Door". Jesus Christ said in John 10:9, "I am the door: by me if any man enter in, he shall be saved, and shall go in and out, and find pasture." Until next time, May the Lord Bless You!

LISTEN: Whyte House Family Devotions #355 (05/12/18): "The Need for Wisdom," by Billy Graham

https://soundcloud.com/danielwhyteiii/whyte-house-family-devotions-355-051218-the-need-for-wisdom-by-billy-graham

[caption id="attachment_40916" align="alignleft" width="156"] Daniel Whyte III[/caption] My family and I have had morning devotions, or family altar as some people call it, every day ever since my wife, Meriqua, and I were married 30 years ago. We have prayed and read the Bible together as well as other devotional books as a family, and it is the only reason why this family has stayed together, and the only reason why God has blessed our family and used our family in ministry all of these years. We read Ephesians 5 and 6 every morning as it relates to the role of each member of the family and how that we need to put on the whole armor of God to fight against the devil who is seeking to destroy our family and all Christian families, churches, and Christians. So, now after 30 years of doing this in our home, we are opening this up to others who don't have a family to pray with, who don't have a spouse, or who are single by choice, and to encourage all families who are still intact to go back to the family altar and have devotions together every morning. In these devotions, you may hear me deal with a temptation I'm facing in my life, you may hear me rebuke my wife about not doing what she should be doing, or you may hear me get on one of my children's cases about something they're doing. Don't be shocked; this is real life. SING "DOXOLOGY" Praise God from Whom all blessings flow Praise Him, all creatures here below Praise Him above, ye heavenly hosts Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost Amen Billy Graham said, “There are those today that say we must do as others do, that we must conform to the world to win it, that we must swim with the tide, that we must move with the crowd. But the believer should say, ‘No.’” ------ PRAY "THE NEW COMMON PRAYER" Almighty and most merciful Father; We have sinned, and strayed from Thy ways like lost sheep. We have followed too much the devices and desires of our own hearts. We have offended against Thy holy laws. We have left undone those things which we ought to have done; And we have done those things which we ought not to have done; And there is no peace and joy in us. But Thou, O Lord, have mercy upon us, miserable offenders. Spare Thou us, O God, who confess our sins, our faults, and our failures. Restore those of us who confess our sins and repent; According to Thy promises declared unto us in Christ Jesus our Lord. And grant, O most merciful Father, for His sake; That we may hereafter live a godly, righteous, and sober life. To the glory of Thy holy Name. In Jesus Christ's Name, Amen. ------ EPHESIANS 6:12-13 12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. 13 Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stephen J. Cole writes in his commentary on this passage: "Satan also uses deception when he tempts us to sin. He always portrays sin as attractive and fulfilling. He convinces us that a particular sin will meet needs that God has not met. Are you single and desiring a mate? Have you prayed, but God has not answered? Satan comes along and says, ‘Here is an attractive young man [or woman] for you!’ You ask, ‘Is he [or she] a committed believer in Jesus Christ?’ The devil says, ‘No, but look at how nice he is. He treats you well! You know supposedly Christian men that abuse their wives, so being a Christian is no guarantee of getting a loving mate. Besides, you aren’t committing to marry him. Just go out with him and see how it goes.’ And so the unsuspecting get lured into premarital sex and marriage to a nice unbeliever! “Satan uses the same deceptive tactics to lure married believers into adultery. You’re having problems in your marriage, and along comes the most understanding, sympathetic, and attractive person! Whereas your husband never listens to you, this man always listens. Whereas your wife never responds to you sexually, this gorgeous woman is ready and willing! Be forewarned! The devil is powerful because he is a deceptive schemer." ------- PRAYER ------- DEVOTIONAL PASSAGE: Psalm 139:7-12 7 Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence? 8 If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there. 9 If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; 10 Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me. 11 If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me. 12 Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee. Regarding this passage, Matthew Henry writes: “We cannot see God, but he can see us. The psalmist did not desire to go from the Lord. Whither can I go? In the most distant corners of the world, in heaven, or in hell, I cannot go out of thy reach. No veil can hide us from God; not the thickest darkness. No disguise can save any person or action from being seen in the true light by him. Secret haunts of sin are as open before God as the most open villanies. On the other hand, the believer cannot be removed from the supporting, comforting presence of his Almighty Friend.” --------- PRAYER FOR THE ESTATES 1. Family 2. Clergy (church) 3. Government 4. People (citizens) 5. The press (media) 6. New media/Online journalists PRAYER FOR THE FAMILY PRAYER FOR CHURCH LEADERSHIP GOVERNMENT LEADERS 1 Timothy 2:1-2 says, "I exhort therefore, that, first of all, supplications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks, be made for all men; For kings, and for all that are in authority; that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and honesty." President Donald Trump and his administration Vice President Mike Pence First Lady Melania Trump Second Lady Karen Pence All White House staff including: Special Counsel to the President Ann M. Donaldson All leaders of federal agencies including: United States Capitol Police Chief Matthew Verderosa All state governors including: Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker All city mayors including: Crescent City, FL, Mayor Joseph Santa All members of Congress including: Florida Representative Ted Yoho All law enforcement officials including: Crescent City, FL, Police Chief Angelo Damiano All military leaders including: Defense Secretary James Mattis / Chief of Staff of the Army Gen. Mark A. Milley Leaders of nations around the world including: The Netherlands King Willem-Alexander and Prime Minister Mark Rutte The peace of Jerusalem PRAYER FOR THE PEOPLE / CITIZENS PRAYER FOR THE MEDIA PRAYER FOR CURRENT EVENTS AROUND THE WORLD - For the safety of the people of Kenya who are suffering from extreme flooding; for the comfort of the families of those who have been killed - For the safety and protection of the people of Congo where a new ebola outbreak has been reported. - For the protection of the people of Hawaii who have been displaced because of volcanic eruptions and earthquakes PRAYER REQUESTS Rajiv please bless their ministry to children who lost their parents to HIV and bless the church planting outreach, school, widows ministry, Gospel meetings, pastors conference, and social work; enable them to reach all of Odisha state with the Gospel and turn all of India to You Bhima please provide them with the money they need to build orphanages and plant churches; bless the seminary students and teachers with all that they need Bushebi Please bless the reopening of their Bible school and protect the students; protect and provide for the people suffering in Kenya and Somalia because of floods; help Timothy to recover completely THOSE WHO HAVE ACCEPTED CHRIST AS SAVIOR Frank Joshua Lucas THOSE WHO HAVE RECOMMITTED THEIR LIVES TO CHRIST Anne Celestino Bryce DEVOTIONAL READING: “The Need for Wisdom,” by Billy Graham Matthew 24:35 says, “Heaven and earth shall pass away, but my words shall not pass away. ” “Time is running out. The seconds are ticking away toward midnight. The human race is about to take the fatal plunge. Which way shall we turn? Is there any authority left? Is there a path we can follow? Can we find a code book that will give us the key to our dilemmas? Is there any source of authority to which we can turn? Have we just been placed here by some unknown creator or force without any clue as to where we came from, why we are here, and where we are going? “The answer is ‘no.’ We do have a code book. We do have a key. We do have authoritative source material. It is found in the ancient and historic Book we call the Bible. This Book has come down to us through the ages. It has passed through so many hands, appeared in so many forms-and survived attack of every kind. Neither barbaric vandalism nor civilized scholarship has touched it. Neither the burning of fire nor the laughter of skepticism has accomplished its annihilation. Through the many dark ages of man its glorious promises have survived unchanged.” - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Now, if you do not know Jesus Christ as your Savior, allow me to show you how you can place your faith and trust in Him for Salvation from sin and Hell. First, accept the fact that you are a sinner, and that you have broken God's law. The Bible says in Romans 3:23: "For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God." Second, accept the fact that there is a penalty for sin. The Bible states in Romans 6:23: "For the wages of sin is death…" Third, accept the fact that you are on the road to hell. Jesus Christ said in Matthew 10:28: "And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell." Now that is bad news, but here's the good news. Jesus Christ said in John 3:16: "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." Just believe in your heart that Jesus Christ died for your sins, was buried, and rose from the dead by the power of God for you so that you can live eternally with Him. Pray and ask Him to come into your heart today, and He will. Romans 10:9 & 13 says, "That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved… For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved." If you believe that Jesus Christ died on the Cross for your sins, was buried, and rose from the dead, and you want to trust Him for your Salvation today, please pray with me this simple prayer: Holy Father God, I realize that I am a sinner and that I have done some bad things in my life. I am sorry for my sins, and today I choose to turn from my sins. For Jesus Christ sake, please forgive me of my sins. I believe with all of my heart that Jesus Christ died for me, was buried, and rose again. I trust Jesus Christ as my Savior and I choose to follow Him as Lord from this day forward. Lord Jesus, please come into my heart and save my soul and change my life today. Amen. If you just trusted Jesus Christ as your Saviour, and you prayed that prayer and meant it from your heart, I declare to you that based upon the Word of God, you are now saved from Hell and you are on your way to Heaven. Welcome to the family of God! I want to congratulate you on doing the most important thing in life and that is receiving Jesus Christ as your Lord and Saviour. For more information to help you grow in your newfound faith in Christ, go to Gospel Light Society.com and read "What To Do After You Enter Through the Door". Jesus Christ said in John 10:9, "I am the door: by me if any man enter in, he shall be saved, and shall go in and out, and find pasture." Until next time, May the Lord Bless You!

Daniel Whyte III has spoken in meetings across the United States and in over twenty-five foreign countries. He is the author of over forty books including the Essence Magazine, Dallas Morning News, and Amazon.com national bestseller, Letters to Young Black Men. He is also the president of Gospel Light Society International, a worldwide evangelistic ministry that reaches thousands with the Gospel each week, as well as president of Torch Ministries International, a Christian literature ministry. He is heard by thousands each week on his radio broadcasts/podcasts, which include: The Prayer Motivator Devotional, The Prayer Motivator Minute, as well as Gospel Light Minute X, the Gospel Light Minute, the Sunday Evening Evangelistic Message, the Prophet Daniel’s Report, the Second Coming Watch Update and the Soul-Winning Motivator, among others. He holds a Bachelor’s Degree in Theology from Bethany Divinity College, a Bachelor’s degree in Religion from Texas Wesleyan University, a Master’s degree in Religion, a Master of Divinity degree, and a Master of Theology degree from Liberty University's Rawlings School of Divinity (formerly Liberty Baptist Theological Seminary). He is currently a candidate for the Doctor of Ministry degree. He has been married to the former Meriqua Althea Dixon, of Christiana, Jamaica since 1987. God has blessed their union with seven children.

200

I wish I had a grander survey for my 200th, but meh too lazy.

1. If you could pick one person to fall in love with you, who would you pick?:  Gabie, over and over again. 2. Ever had a run in with the police? How did that go?: Yeah, with the traffic enforcers once. I was merely one month into my license, and I was tired and crying and hysterical, so he let me go. 3. Name three things you want to do before you kick the bucket.:  At least be able to travel to India, see snow, and have my own place. 4. Do you think Trump will be assassinated, or will he survive his term?: I don’t care much for US politics but the former sounds like a terrific idea. 5. Last time you felt suicidal?:  Last night.

6. Do you think we’ll have another ice age?: Yes. Isn’t that a natural cycle on Earth? 7. Last time you had butterflies?: If you mean butterflies in my stomach, then yesterday noon. 8. If you could be any animal for a day, what would you chose?:  I guess a bird. I want to travel the world for free hahaha. I remember wanting to be a bird when I grow up :(((( 9. Who is one person who always understands you, no matter what?: Gabie is amazing. I don’t know how she manages my mental health issues so patiently and perfectly. 10. What time is it?:  7:05 PM. 11. Who always keeps you on your toes?:  Org people. My profs. 12. Biggest asshole you know?: My uncle (mom’s sister.) Never forgave him for his wrongs in the past and he is invisible to me whenever he unfortunately shows up in family reunions. 13. What color skin do you have? Do you tan or anything?: Tan. I don’t have to. 14. Ever wrote a really sick poem/song about someone or something?: Sick as in messed up or sick as in fucking awesome? Either way, no. 15. If you were a god, what are some of the things you’d do?:  Not make people suffer. 16. Who is a lot like you?: I don’t think anyone is. 17. Ever used that sunscreen that turned your skin purple or green or whatever?:  What. No. 18. Where would you like to live after you move out?: I’m not eyeing anything specific for now but I just want to get out of this quiet part of town and move to the city, although I’m aware that the cost of living is going to be quite the bitch. 19. What’s one thing that’s stressing you out right now?: I go back to school in five days...ugh, this week-long break went by in a flash. Then we’d be dumped with so much workload, which I’m already dreading. 20. Do you think you’d survive in the army?: I don’t think so. 21. When was the last time you really got under someone’s skin?: Last Friday. 22. How’s your heart lately?: It was unbelievably heavy last night. My chest went through several pangs of pain and I cried all evening until I fell asleep. Thank you, depression.  23. What’s one thing someone told you they’d do but they never owned up to?:  Hang out. The past few weeks have been very hectic even for me so I understand why it never happens. 24. Last person to take your breath away? My girlfriend. 25. Do you think everyone has an unavoidable destiny, or do we decide our own future through choices?:  Life can play with you through situations you have no control over but it’s up to you if you want to make the most of them or not. It’s always a little bit of both. 26. When will be/was your eighteenth birthday?: 2016. 27. Are you Christian?: No. Gave it up nine years ago. 28. Last time you parted ways from someone (either a break-up or stopped talking to someone)?: I stopped interacting with Athenna shortly after my birthday. It’s a shame I even invited her. *gags* 29. Last time you gave/received a blowjob?: Neverrrrrr. 30. Do you prefer to settle things peacefully, or do you think war is necessary?: I never saw war as a necessary option. 31. Last time you had sex?: Last week. 32. Spit or swallow?: :) 33. What’s one thing you dislike about your physical appearance?: I’m hairy, and I have to constantly take care of my skin every day (every half-day if we’re being honest) if I want to be smooth. Such a hassle. 34. Ever dated someone overly clingy?: Gabie’s very clingy but I never saw it as a problem. 35. Did you ever believe that your heart was really heart shaped?: Of course, I was a kid. 36. Ever been stabbed? Whether it was by a knife or something else?: Ohhh my goodd no no nope nope no that is the nightmare of all my nightmares.   37. Ever placed a “kick me” sign on someone’s back, or had it done to you?: No. Again, not a thing here. 38. Do you know anyone who is currently battling cancer?: I mean possibly but if there was anyone, I wouldn’t know about it. People don’t really like to throw the c-word around here, it’s a sensitive topic. 39. Do you believe in a higher power?: No. 40. Do you have an open heart or are you careful of who you let in?: A little bit of both. I’m open with everyone, but I only let very few people to penetrate even deeper layers of me. 41. Do you hate anyone?:  I hate lots of government officials. 42. What’s one scary nightmare you had when you were little?: I didn’t have any nightmares at the time. They only increased starting when I was I think 14. 43. Last person you wrote a song/poem about?: I don’t write poems for people. 44. Ever did “sexual things” at a public place, like a playground?: The farthest we’ve gone in terms of place was still pretty mild, a bathroom stall in my friend’s debut.  I don’t like the idea of going too crazy in public. 45. Last time you did something you really didn’t want to do?: HAHAHAHA I did schoolwork for the first time this week a few hours ago. I was miserable. 46. Who has changed your life for the better during the past year?: People from my now-future org!!! I’ve always been wary about potential friend groups and shut myself off the moment I find myself being closer to someone, but I’m so comfortable with these people and I’m SO happy I found them and I’m really glad I decided to apply for the org at the perfect time. 47. Do you know anyone in a wheelchair?: No. 48. Did you ever leave someone because you know you’d hurt them?: No. 49. Last thing you bought?: Lunch from last Thursday. 50. Were you a planned child?: I never thought to ask my parents that, actually.

23      ...What tho the Odds...

If you would ask me today where a college student should live, especially during freshman year, I have an easy answer-On Campus!  That’s not what I did.  I lived with Harriet, Wally, and my cousins.  I was paying for my own education. Staying with them saved lots a bucks. Each day I had classes, Wally would drive me to campus, or I could take a bus, which was my usual way of getting back home after my last class.

 My first day on campus was for registration and orientation.  I was to get my class cards at the Fieldhouse, and go to Washington Hall auditorium to attend an address given by the University President, Father Theodore Hesburgh.  On my way to Washington Hall, as I walked by the Huddle,* I could hear the Notre Dame Marching Band practicing the “Victory March”.  At that time, I didn’t know that it was called the “Victory March”, and I didn’t even know the words… Whoa! I take that back!  I knew the beginning-“Cheer, Cheer for Old Notre Dame”. But the rest of the words, who knew?   Whoa, again! The truth be known, the words to the “Victory March” were known by just about everyone else on campus, but me, plus every “Irishman” from sea to shining sea.  As an Army fan, I didn’t need to know those words?  I have to admit, I recognized the music; and now that I was a Notre Dame student, I would probably get to know those words.  

 As a brand new student, it was difficult to hide my pride. Nobody told me not to be proud. Since I wasn’t Catholic, I didn’t even know pride was a sin. I was trying to act as if being there was simply an ordinary moment in my life. But it was hard to be nonchalant. The Band was practicing behind Washington Hall creating an unforgettable atmosphere, and memory, for me. Can you believe it?  I got goose bumps!  I later learned in my pre-med program, the goosebumps is a pilomotor reflex. Today, I suspect it was no accident for the band to be “practicing” behind Washington Hall. I’ll bet every incoming student, who attended that talk, got a pilomotor response.

  *The Hudde was a sandwich and soda shop just 20 feet east of Washington Hall and about 20 yards south of, or directly in front of, St. Edward’s Hall.  I think at one point in time, it was a sewing room for nuns. Later, it was moved to the La Fortune Student Center.

When I got to Washington Hall, I was certain I would be stopped at the door, and told to come back when I was old enough to go to college.  At 5’1”, I looked more like a 7th or 8th grader. I guess I don’t have to tell you, but I was very self-conscious of my height and of how young I looked.  I think I was pre-pubescent.  My late-teen growth spurt (and was I glad to have one) didn’t start until the end of my sophomore year of college.

To my relief, I was not confronted by anyone.  I walked into Washington Hall, and took a seat in the back row of the auditorium.  Father Hesburgh, was about to speak. It was his second year as President of the University.  His speech was to welcome all of us, and to wish us well as we join the Notre Dame Family. Then he had a big surprise!  He invited the Notre Dame Marching Band into the auditorium.  That was why they were practicing. They were to play the Victory March inside the auditorium. All of a sudden, I heard something new- “Volley sons of Notre Dame, strong of heart and true to Her name…”.  I was hearing, for the first time, the opening bars, and words, to the Notre Dame Victory March!  

 I can’t remember who first told me this, but when students begin at Notre Dame they are “injected” with an incomparable, and legal, opioid- Notre Dame Spirit (NDS).  It was happening to me.  That day, my veins were injected with a life-long supply of NDS so I could become crotchety, miserable, and depressed on days when the football team loses a game. The are no detox centers of which I am aware. You get stuck with it.  I was able to handle it…I was an die hard Red Sox fan from 7th through 12th grade.

 As far as academics, I wasn’t too sure I was going to be okay.  But the pre-med program concentrated on things I was pretty good at doing- math and science. But along with Zoology, Chemistry, and Math, I did have to take a zoology, mathematics, English composition, religion, and physical education. But the best thing about it all was there would be no history classes for the entire four years. That was fine by me. Other than text books,I didn’t read much, and I understood history classes required lots of time in the library. In spite of the worry I had about my academic performance, I went forward with hope of doing well.  

 It’s not that I was a non-reader during high school.  I read books my big brother, Al, would encourage me to read. My favorite authors were Dostoyevsky, Koestler, and Kafka.  Generally, my reading was for book reports, which mostly came from Classic Comics and a tome I discovered in the high school library that reviewed just about any book ever written.  At each grade level in high school, we all had to read Ivanhoe in 9th grade, Silas Marner in 10th, Les Misérables in 11th, and A Tale of Two Cities in 12th.  In my senior year, I was offered the chance to take Advance English, which required reading lots of great books.  I turned it down, and signed up for the regular 12th grade English course which concentrated on grammar.  Today, I think I made a mistake.

 I left New York to start college soon after my high school graduation.  Wally had arranged for me to be interviewed for a part time job at St. Joseph’s Hospital in South Bend.  His radiological group serviced several hospitals, St. Joseph’s being one of them.

My appointment at the Hospital was with Sister Peter, who was in charge of Housekeeping.  The Sisters of the Holy Cross ran St. Joe and the Holy Cross Central School of Nursing, which was across the street, on the east side of the Hospital. If I’m not mistaken, the Sisters also ran St. Mary’s College, Notre Dame’s sister school.

Beside wearing a habit, the Sisters wore a shawl, that I can best describe as, a serape that covered their shoulders and chest.  Upon their head was a hat with a vertical halo and a short train, like you’d see on some brides.  

 Sister Peter stood up to say hello.  She received an “Hello Sister” from me. I had never talked with a nun before. Throughout our conversation, she licked her upper lip, kept her arms hidden beneath her shawl, and sort of evil eyed me.  She wanted me to work in the hospital each weekday evening from 6:30 – 9:30 to clean the coffee shop and the  

kitchen floor, which was huge.  Then on Saturday and Sundays, I would be responsible for burning trash from everywhere in the hospital and from the Nursing School trash chute.  Also, on weekends, I would bring ice to the nurses’ stations.  Finally, I mopped all the Hospital hallway floors.  I would be paid $1.01/hr.  Then Sister Peter brought up her concern about my size.  I had to assure I could do it.  Again, I got evil eyed, but I was hired.  This paid for my tuition and spending.  My first semester cost $325 plus books. No problem!

 I had 31 hours of work and 24 class hours per week. My Chemistry Lab was 3 class hours, but only one credit hour, and zoology lab was 2 class hours, also, with one credit. hour.  Today, if I would look at my transcript, what I have written is accurate or very close to accurate.  In college, you usually earn a credit hour for each class hour. Excluding the two labs and physical education, all my courses met for one hour three times per week. So I was a busy person my freshman. That translates into not doing much else, but work and study.

 As far as girls go, the only girls that were to be seen on campus were “Townies” or girls from South Bend who worked on campus.  Pretty smart! I attend an all-male school when it’s obvious I had more kissing to do.  I suppose there was an advantage to living off campus. At least, I would see more girls. But I was shy, and I knew no one.