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sdrnv · 17 days

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Khm...khm... before I start my story for today, let me recommend a song that is going to match the atmosphere of a surreal Russian family gathering. And let's begin....

Дорогой читатель or I guess I could also say dear readers,

Today, I embarked on what I thought (actually not, just kidding to make it sound more interesting lmao) would be a simple journey to visit my relatives. Too much... eeerrhmm.. little did I know, it would turn into an adventure that blurred the lines between reality and the surreal.....Бизнес как обычно!

The day began like any other, with the sun casting its warm embrace over my lovely town. I felt a weird or (maybe normal) mixture of excitement and trepidation, but I was eager to see my relatives - yet wary of the unpredictable (shoulda said VERY PREDICTABLE) nature of family gatherings.

Upon arriving at their home formed of marvelous blocks of concrete, I was greeted with hugs and laughter, but something felt pleasantly menacing, as if the air itself crackled with the dark side of the Force. My cousins, aunts, grandma.... oh well easier to say вся моя семья... yeah all my fam.... notorious for their mischievous antics, wasted no time in making me try the famous mashed potato моей тэтки... uhm my aunt.

As I leant over the pot to ladle out a huge chunk for myself...wait...I ladled out all of it xaxa... my aunt seemed to lean in closer, her arms twisting and contorting like ancient guardians of some forgotten realm. I seriously did not feel (believe me, will ya?!) a shiver run down my spine, but I pushed aside my unease, eager to embrace my lunch.

That's when my relatives unveiled their grand plan – to turn me into the mashed potato hair princess. (Obviously, in their minds... as they kept silent.. but let's continue) At first, I laughed off their absurd idea (I'm lying rn xaxa), but as they caught me off guard.... while I was looking for a spoon btw... and began to adorn me with dollops of creamy mashed potatoes, I couldn't help but feel a sense of classic Russian fam betrayal act.

With each dollop of mashed potato placed on my head, I felt myself slipping into a surreal dreamworld, where anything was possible and reality was merely a suggestion. And when I caught sight of my reflection in a nearby mirror, I couldn't help but marvel at the whimsical masterpiece my aunt had created. I wanted to shout: Давай пошли! Мои волосы…. Ааааа.... but losing the momentum in surrealism did not grant me the permission to shout.

Amidst the chaos and laughter, there was a sense of bittersweet nostalgia, a fleeting reminder that moments like these were precious and all too fleeting. As the last clean hair strands dipped below the mashed potato horizon, all my hair danced in the sunlight of the dining room, I found myself cherishing the simple joy of being surrounded by loved ones, even if it meant embracing my inner visible mashed potato hair princess persona.

Та-дааа… родилась принцесса с волосами из картофельного пюре… Mased potato hair princess is born...

And so, dear diary, as I sit here beneath the antique catchpenny chandelier, my hair not only adorned with mashed potatoes, but wrapped up into a massive bulwark... and, of course, my heart full of laughter, I can't help but wonder – whether the chandelier is going to greet the top of my massive bulwark (yes, pictured above) with a thunderous smooch when I stand up right at the very same geographic coordinates where the chandelier is located at.

Aaaahh... should I push my UNluck by executing this set of vertical movement??? Perhaps reality is just a canvas, waiting to be painted with the brushstrokes of our wildest dreams.

Thank you, dear reader for staying with me....

Until next time,

Le Xandra Kalapova

Ле Ксандра Калапова

#funny #writing #story #my story #dear diary #diary entry #journal #funny post #surreal #abstract #kafkaesque #russian girl #mashed potatoes #bad hair day #messy hair dont care #satisfying #русская литература #волосы #крутой #мои мысли #Spotify

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