saraisoneofmynames - Tumblr blog

saraisoneofmynames · 2 months

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(sorry for my english)

I just want to get rid of the fear that I've learned, of the fear that lives within me, that holds me down and doesn't let me breathe nor live. I want to live freely and bravely, be true to myself and not live as someone that I'm not. Like my father does. I know that in his life he wanted to be anyone else that couldn't be and didn't know how to save himself, but I want to safe myself. My fear comes from not standing for myself when I had to and facing the consequences, from not having a voice because I didn't know I had one, from believing every negative thing that was said to me, from believing that my parents' fears are also mine, and behaving as they do. Now I don't even know of what I'm afraid anymore as the feeling is just so familiar it's difficult to break out from it.

#fear #thoughts

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saraisoneofmynames · 1 year

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Fine…I’m joining the Ana girls of tumblr

So, I’m gonna write what I eat in a day and one day I’m gonna have the courage to upload a pic of my body

#i need to be thin #anoreixic #food #ana trigger #anoreixix

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saraisoneofmynames · 3 years

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“She has the strength to dream and I am so jealous about it”

— Sylwia Grzeszczak - Tamta dziewczyna

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saraisoneofmynames · 3 years

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A view to mind

So I just started university and I have the tendency to have this 'black and white mindset, which puts me in this dilemma on to whether be the best version of myself or my worst. I can't see anything in between. This is just the beginning and right now all I feel is: exhaustion, stress, I feel like a goddamn zombie, also I think I feel fat, plus I was just going to exercise but I don't want to hurt myself with the lack of energy I have. I feel this is need of sacrificing the things that make me happy because clearly, this human being cannot have the moderation to act for her own happiness and success, which in this case is a different situation. What do I mean by that? I must have good grades in college or else I'm going to be a disappointment to my parents, and they already cannot afford that, they cannot afford that, I submit myself to the thought that I must sacrifice many things in order to become this version of myself that I wish I can become.

So, what am I gonna do? What do I must do in order to become this version of myself that satisfies my parents for good?

First off, as the pandemic started, I became a very imaginative individual. I fantasize about many things, that including watching cartoons or playing Witcher games, etc. Now of course that seems almost completely harmless, but what really fucks me up: is the extensive time that I waste per day. I could day from 2 to 4 hours fantasizing about things that will never happen and I'm talking about climbing up a giant's back and sticking my sword behind his/her neck or...meeting my platonic love that doesn't know I exist but still.

Deep in my heart, I know, that this habit will age like cancer.

I know that I'm a teenager and that I have the freedom to wish, to dream, but seemingly the energy that I waste fantasizing the same energy I'll lack on studying.

Secondly, should I stop messaging my friends? I know it sounds dumb, I mean, not that I want to become some weird type of character that disappears and returns just after his/her glow-up, but as I just said, balance is not my strong suit.

I know I should have a routine although for me it really sounds dumb as I have already written across forty different routines throughout my life and still... but...I can't give up yet.

My day starts at 6:15 am. I wake up and take a fast cold shower and do my skincare routine.

Then I'll make my way to the kitchen and make me some coffee and grab a bottle of water to first hydrate myself and then drink the coffee.

I'll go back to my room and keep on writing that book that I have been working on since the second week of the university to pass the time, also it's far better than to go on social media or watch youtube.

My classes start at 7:50 am and last unit 12 or 1pm with little rest for another coffee.

After classes I would either workout from 20min to 1 hr 15 min, take a shower and make myself lunch, OR would keep going with homework or studying for any exams coming up, and after that then I'll start to work out, soon after shower and lunch.

When it's past 6pm I'll keep on working with that book and soon after keep on studying while listening to a podcast or music.

Sounds simple, but it would give me joy that I could accomplish it day by day without rest.

#routine #mentally unstable #dumb #sad #weird #diary

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saraisoneofmynames · 3 years

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Let the Lord hear that.

Gracefully stepping out of the shower like a little water nymph

#fantasy #cute #anarecia

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saraisoneofmynames · 3 years

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feeling worthless today idk but the diet is going fine tho

#anoreixic #anoreixix #thiinisms #skiiiny #thiisnpo #skiny body #skiny legs #thin #bulimja #bulimiia #bulimix #bulima #skin and bones #skiinny #food #healthy food #mental health #mentally unstable

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saraisoneofmynames · 3 years

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Day #7

Breakfast (50 cal)

Coffee with Almond Vanilla Milk (50 cal)

Lunch (451 cal)

Moolatte Cappuccino from Dairy Queen (451 cal)

Dinner (493 cals)

100g lentils (116 cal)

Some plantain pieces (122 cal)

Some meat (130 cal)

5 Pieces of chicken dressed in bbq sauce (125 cal)

Total Calorie Intake: 994 cals

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saraisoneofmynames · 3 years

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Day # 6 Food Diary

Breakfast (0 cao)

Black Coffee (0 cal)

Snack (342 cal)

Two toast with tomato with meat sauce (313 + 29 cal)

Lunch (245 cal)

Salad (cucumber, tomato, avocado) (20 cal)

Some pasta (100 cal)

Ground Beef (125 cals)

Mistakes (837 cal)

Coffee with Lactose-Free milk (90 cal), Almond Milk (10 cal), chocolate ice cream (19 cal) and 5 marshmallows (318 cal)

More Pasta (150 cal) and more ground beef (200 cal) with some plantain (50 cal)

Total Calorie Intake: 1424 calories

Fuck my life...

Excuse me I have to...kinda...punish myself.

#anaconfessions #anamia #anarexja #anatips #body dysmorphia #eating disoder thoughts #edtips #proan #restricted eating #weight loss #not pro for anyone but myself #anarexx #anorexa #anarexic #skin and bones #ana mia #only pro for me #not pro just using tags

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saraisoneofmynames · 3 years

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Day #5

Breakfast (264 cals) 10: 30AM

Black Coffee (0 cal)

Two toast (170 cals)

One Tomato (22 cal)

Two white eggs with one yolk (72 cal)

Lunch (267cal) 4:30 PM

50g spaghetti (79 cal)

one tomato (22 cal)

one chilli pepper (31 cal)

some olive oil (120 cal)

some teriyaki sauce (15 cal)

Dinner (67 cals)

tea (15 cal)

Apple (52 cals)

Total Calorie Intake: 598 cal

#anaconfessions #anamia #anarexja #anatips #body dysmorphia #eating disoder thoughts #edtips #proan #restricted eating #weight loss #not pro for anyone but myself #anarexx #anorexa #anarexic #skin and bones #ana mia #only pro for me #not pro just using tags

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saraisoneofmynames · 3 years

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Day#4

Breakfast (491 cal)

A toasted sandwich with two eggs (148+313 cal) fuck

Coffee with Almond Milk (30 cal)

Snack (492 cal)

One banana (89 cal) fuck

Two toasts (313 cal) triple fuck

Coffee Skim Milk (90 cal) fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

Dinner (30 cal)

Coffee with Almond Milk (30 cal)

Total Calorie Intake: 1013 cal

When I tell you that I had to fake I was feeling bad so my parents don't ask me about eat

#anoreixic #anoreixix #thiinisms #skiiiny #thiisnpo #skiny body #skiny legs #thin #bulimja #bulimiia #bulimix #bulima #skin and bones #skiinny #food #healthy food #mental health #mentally unstable

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saraisoneofmynames · 3 years

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Day #3

No Breakfast Lunch (665 cals)

3 Toasts (313 cals)

2 egg whites (104 cals)

1 tomato (22 cals)

Teriyaki Sauce (26 cals)

Snack (30 cal)

Coffee with Almond Milk (30 cal)

Dinner (291 cal)

1 Banana (89 cal)

1 Stewed Chicken (202 cal)

Total Calorie Intake: 986 cals

#anoreixic #anoreixix #thiinisms #skiiiny #thiisnpo #skiny body #skiny legs #thin #bulimja #bulimiia #bulimix #bulima #skin and bones #skiinny #food #healthy food #mental health #mentally unstable

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saraisoneofmynames · 3 years

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Day #2

Breakfast (148 cals)

Black Coffee (0 cals)

Two Hard boiled Eggs (104 caos)

One Tomato (44 cals)

Snack (571 cal)

6 soda crackers (421 cals)

200g of white double cream cheese (150 cals)

Lunch (314 cals)

100g rice (130 cals)

1/4 steak (84 cals)

2 banana slices (100cal)

Dinner (1089 cal)

6 chicken finger(302 cal)

2 slices of pizza cheese (475 cal)

Fries (200g) (312 cal)

Total Calorie Intake: 2122 cal

...double fuck.

Notes:

Today my niece was going back to the US so we went to eat outside

#anoreixic #anoreixix #thiinisms #skiiiny #thiisnpo #skiny body #skiny legs #thin #bulimja #bulimiia #bulimix #bulima #skin and bones #skiinny #food #healthy food #mental health #mentally unstable

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saraisoneofmynames · 3 years

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Day#1 Diet

Day#1

Breakfast (562 cals)

Coffee with Almond Milk (30 cals)

5 salt crackers and white cheese (532 cals)

Lunch (238 cals)

1/2 potato (39 cals)

100g lean fish (100 cals)

100g boiled shrimps (99 cals)

Dinner (60cals)

Coffee with Almond Milk (30 cals) x2

Total Calorie Intake: 860 cal ....fuck.

#anoreixic #anoreixix #thiinism #skiiny #thiinspo #skiny body #skiny legs #thin #bodygoals #food #mental health

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saraisoneofmynames · 3 years

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One “The better I eat, the better I look. The better I look, the better I feel. The better I feel, the better I eat. I could get used to this cycle.“ By @thinfitpls