just here to fill your inbox nd tell you that your blog is almost comforting to me, have notifs on nd everything

I’m not sure “ comforting ” was exactly the adjective I was expecting, but you flatter me nonetheless ~ ! Post notifications and everything . . .

“i could fix him!” “i could make him worse!” oh yeah? well, i could fuck him until he cries.

SOMEONE FILL MY INBOX NOW . I am not having a very good tiiime ~ !

i want to be someone you'd sacrifice yourself for

in the mood to destroy someone's skull with a metal pipe

I’ll build a dam out of anything I can fucking find to prevent that from happening . . . I’d rather pollute then water than have it trickle away from me .

People aren't homes, they never will be. People are rivers, always changing, forever flowing. They will disappear with everything you put inside them.

~ Nikita Gill

That essay was a joy. Keep talking.

Someone’s ignoring you, you say? Sounds like a slip of control. I assume that’s making you go crazy?

IT IS . . . They responded to me since my initial breakdown, and I was okay for a bit, but obviously I can’t just let fucking ANYONE think that they can get away with, treating me like that . Even just thinking that I’ll get over it fast enough for it to not be much of a problem is unacceptable . If I don’t correct that, it will only result in it becoming a pattern . I CAN’T FUCKING STAND FOR THAT ? There’s a reason nobody fucking plays ME . Knowing what gets to me should just make it easier to AVOID FUCKING PISSING ME OFF, IF YOU KNOW OR CARE FOR WHAT’S GOOD FOR YOU AT ALL ! ?

The spamming, the threats . . . Those things aren’t consequences . They’re warnings . If my warnings are treated like consequences that aren’t pressing enough, that only pushes me to prove that assumption WRONG . Treating my threats like empty words only seems like an indirect way to fucking beg for me to demonstrate just WHY I’m nobody’s bitch, and WHY I’m the one in control . I don’t take disrespect lightly, and if I’m really forced to, I know I’m capable to go to great lengths to prove that .

NOBODY IS AS COMMITTED AS ME . NOBODY IS AS PERSISTENT AS ME . Don’t be on — and — off with me if you can’t handle me being up — and — down with you . . . I am a lot more consistent than i’m given credit for ! I’m passionate and attentive when I’m up, sure, and I’ll be passionate and attentive when I’m down too, and it won’t be fucking fun then . Aren’t those desirable traits ? Commitment, persistence, passion, attentiveness . . . I’m only like that when I care, too ! I’m usually inattentive as fuck . Don’t take my care for granted when so many people would endure so much worse for it . Surely it’s not so hard to be grateful . . . I do so much, and nobody with any degree of self — respect would allow themselves to be undervalued like that . Especially considering the fact that I’m open about HATING being ignored, you’re fucking asking for anything you get if you go ahead and ignore me anyway . . .

It’s kind of obvious how obsessed with myself I am when someone asks me a simple question and I reply with an essay every single time .

do you personally have a fp?

All signs point to yes, but I really hope I’m somehow wrong about it ( unfortunately, I do seem to be right about everything ) . . . Typically, the second someone makes me feel slighted, they become DEAD to me . I either completely discard them as worthless and pointless OR I feel like they were trying to play me and so I become fixated on stripping them of their power to put them back in their place . This is typically if I trusted or opened up to them at some point . . . It’s self — preservation, I think .

Recently, I was purposefully ignored and slighted by someone, and I still really . . . want them ? Even typing that out makes me fucking sick . I’ve been thinking about them all morning even though it was just yesterday they read through my desperate attempts to get them to give me what I wanted and purposefully ignored me for hours . Thinking about that reminds me of something that fucked me up so horribly . . . It caused me breakdowns so bad that I really struggle to fully acknowledge that I might just be like that, unable to escape feeling like this, so the idea of answering with a definite “ yes ” just makes me want to throw up everywhere . I am very possessive at my core though, seemingly pathologically, and admitting to that is a lot easier .

It can make it harder to differentiate between an FP and just me being me though, because I am very obsessive, but I am honestly terrified by the idea that someone wouldn’t only be my FP when they’re worshipping and making me happy, and that I can still be obsessed with someone who is actively hurting me . I love being the FP, but having them . . . ? I don’t want to seem weak or submissive at all . When I think back to most of those who admitted I was their FP ( it has happened a lot ), I see pathetic bitches just begging to be taken advantage of . I see the same thing a lot of the time looking through BPDblr . . . I fucking hate that shit . That’s why I’m normally toxic as fuck to those who make me feel anything comparable to that, and theeen I get paranoid that they’re going to leave me because of it ~ ! It’s a horrible cycle, and I can’t fully accept that I’m kind of doomed to be stuck like this, but . . . I’ll be honest, it does seem that way .

Not me, I’m blowing up their phone . Threats, praise, insults, more threats, apologies, even harsher threats . . .

When the fp isn't messaging and you don't want to bother them so you just sit in pain forever until they remember you message you

apologist? not necessarily. explainer? perhaps. understander? intimately. enjoyer? greatly. sexualizer? frequently,

I wonder how the neighbors who sent noise complaints about me screaming and smashing shit in the house felt when I started filming fetish porn out of it .

Stunning 🩷🩷

Art by @arwswxf

reblog if you support demon sex or if you really could use a hug right now

Sex is when you push your finger into someones open wound and they make a pathetic little moan in response

People really need to learn that feeling empathy doesn't make you an inherently "good" person. It's just like any other cognitive process. Feeling happy doesn't make you an inherently "good" person. Feeling sad doesn't make you an inherently "good" person. Feeling angry doesn't make you an inherently "good" person. Hell, having too much empathy can be harmful for people. I know hyperempaths that hate it.

A feeling isn't good or bad. It's a feeling. It's the most morally neutral thing that can possibly exist.

Empathy is morally neutral. It is not good. It is not bad. Stop using it as such.

- Sincerely, the low empathy sociopathic narc that's probably a better person than the last "empath" that read this.