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prolacroix · 5 months

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Sylvia Plath, from “The Moon and the Yew Tree,” Ariel

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prolacroix · 5 months

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Reading wintergirls to purposely trigger my ed

(so far it's kinda working)

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prolacroix · 5 months

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been recovered for over a year now. here’s my thoughts

i haven’t purged in over a year now and restriction happens occasionally but it is very short lived.

recently i have been teetering on a relapse but i cant decide of what. my irritational side of the brain that is. because at this point o know it is irritational. i am 18 now, moved out and working a full time very physical job. i cant afford to not eat but i cant afford to eat. so i stash my food smoke a bunch of weed and thats when im comfortable eating. i cant explain why i dont eat all day its not a conscious effort until its 8pm and i decide to go as long as i can. till 1am hits and i eat everything in sight.

i say j am recovered, i have plauted and i dont gain weight like i did in early recovery im where my body is supposed to be but i cant be comfortable. i think i am beautiful but i cant look in the mirror longer than a few seconds. is it worth it to recover? yes

looking back at my old posts from 2 years ago and i am so much less afraid my thoughts are full of compassion and love rather than food, arrogance and jealousy. it is difficult and the thoughts are there but not constantly. i’m easier on myself and others. we are all alive for such a short time i want to live and love.

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prolacroix · 8 months

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prolacroix · 9 months

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“hunger hurts but ⭐️ving works when it costs too much to love”

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prolacroix · 9 months

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New food rules

Since I’ve been so out of control lately, I was thinking of creating new food rules and sticking to them as I really need to watch out my weight 😔

1. Breakfast: it can be heavy, but nutritious.

• have a bowl of yogurt with fruit, seeds and oats every morning, blend and takeaway as a smoothie if running late

• can eat carbs, but only brown and good carbs (integral bread, oats)

• protein is key to start the morning and stay full for longer. Boiled eggs are a great option as can be eaten outside home.

• 1 cup of coffee is allowed, with vegan milk or black.

2. Lunch: veggies must take the most space of the plate.

• all type of veggies are allowed (except the ones that cause gas and inflammation, such as broccoli, cabbage, raw peppers…)

• protein is key. Avoid meat with too much fat. Go for lean meats. Chicken breast, chicken wings, pork, beef and mostly fish.

• if can get soup, get it and drink it before the meal.

• avoid carbs such as pasta, white rice, wheat in general, noodles, etc.

• Dessert can be fruits, frozen fruit is a good crave killer.

• only drink still water with meals.

• always brush teeth after eating.

3. Snacks: Only if really hungry

• Digestive cookies if having too much craving for unhealthy treats

• nuts in small amounts

• dried fruit in small amounts can be quite satisfying

• yogurt

• protein bars

• fruits (banana, tangerine, apples, grapes)

4. Dinner: the most difficult part of the day.

• Skip dinner at least 6 days a week

• drink lots of water when the hungry peak starts

• if really hungry, can eat a can of tuna

• if eating too much and junk food late at night, skip breakfast.

• if feeling like bingeing, drink a lot of water and brush teeth.

• if really craving junk food, can eat sushi (small tray of nigiris or makis); or McDonald’s (6pcs nuggets, no sauce, small fries, no soda OR plain hamburger - no cheese, no fries, no soda).

5. Drinks and sweets.

• avoid any type of sugary drinks (bubble tea, iced teas, milk teas, instant coffees, juices, mocktails, sodas).

• drink plenty of still water AND coconut water. Vegan milks are fine.

• if really craving something sweet, eat a protein bar. If not enough, keto dessert is ok once in a while.

• if having dessert, always share with others. Eat slowly and put the spoon down every bite. Count to 30, and then take again. Can take only 3 bites of dessert if REALLY necessary.

6. Others.

• if having a family gathering or lunch with friends, focus mostly on the veggies. The total portion of the unhealthy foods has to be the size of the palm of my hand. If larger, can’t be eaten.

• take meals with smaller cutlery if alone.

• stay away from the kitchen.

• eat chewing gum once the hungry peak starts.

• alcohol must be reduced. 2 glasses a week maximum. Drink slowly.

• water fast for 1 whole day once a week. Can be challenging, but it is a good reset for the body.

• snacks should be fruits. If studying and hungry, healthy snacks (like oat and chickpea chips) are allowed.

I am focusing on this new plan and will make it work 💪🏻

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prolacroix · 9 months

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todays stats

i work in a kitchen running my ass off for 9 hours a night so i imagine that the burned cals are accurate??

#anna miaa #anabul #ana trigger #tw ana diary #bulimima #bul1m1c #disordered eating thoughts #miia #bullimik #bul1m14 #4n0r3x14 #4norexi4 #4na #ed food #c 🦋 food

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prolacroix · 9 months

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weight update

i haven’t had access to a scale since before recovery my mom hides them now. but last time i was at the doctor they accidentally left it in the outtake form. 164 lbs 😭😭 im 5’9 and 1/2. i genuinely wanted to rip my eyes out. this is as much as my larger mom weighs and she’s 5’7 but like. oh my god i didn’t realize i was this high.

so that may have contributed. i think i may be less than that now since that was in march and i haven’t been eating much since may (night shift transfer). anyways moving out in september so it really will be month because there will be no one to give a shit.

scale is the first thing i’m buying once i’m out 💕

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prolacroix · 9 months

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im back

this happens every several months. where i kind of lurk. but i’ve realized i have been consciously not eating. i’ve switched to night shift and just don’t eat much. smoke a lot of cigarettes. so i’m going to start counting cals and posting on here again. i am using this blog for accountability but i hope you all are doing well of anyone is still here 💔

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prolacroix · 1 year

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just purged for the first time in 3 months. it feels good to be back.

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prolacroix · 1 year

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todays cals !

i did a 22 hr fast btw.

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prolacroix · 1 year

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i ended up working out for 30 min and then brushing my teeth. the urge is gone and i got something out of it.

please someone convince me not to eat the skittles my sister gave me. i am at my 700 limit. fuck. how am i supposed to lose 20 lbs this month. i need to return to my low weight and keep losing.

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prolacroix · 1 year

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please someone convince me not to eat the skittles my sister gave me. i am at my 700 limit. fuck. how am i supposed to lose 20 lbs this month. i need to return to my low weight and keep losing.

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prolacroix · 1 year

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tumblr marking new blogs with a new arrival banner has the same vibe as someone putting a "kick me" sign on your back

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prolacroix · 1 year

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my limit is 700 today. i broke my fast with 12 oz of wine. im so drunk right now it’s not even funny

#3d diet #anamia #4n0r3x14 #pro 4na #pro 4n4 #4na #e 🦋#🦋ana #🦋 tips #🦋.txt #🦋goals #🦋humor #ana anamia miiia #miiia #4norexi4 #4n4rexia #4n4 tips #4namia

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prolacroix · 1 year

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holy shit. i miss this

WHY CANT I LOOK LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME

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prolacroix · 1 year

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abusing lax and looking hot while doing it

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