naut-your-average-astro - Tumblr blog

naut-your-average-astro · 2 years

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I feel stuck

Obsessive, it just piles up

I feel fucked

Compulsive in my mired heart

I feel alone

Disorder and chaos in one

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Maybe we weren't clear on the message

Maybe you were lost in our dredges

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Maybe we're confusing and can't comform

Maybe we were better of dead instead of born

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My God, my God

Why have you forsaken us?

#poetry #actually dissociative #poem #poems #writing #thoughts #poets on tumblr #did #poetsandwriters #ocd #obsessive compulsive disorder

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naut-your-average-astro · 2 years

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“Promise me not to hide yourself when you’re in pain, it’s unfair that we laughed together but you cried alone”

— Unknown

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naut-your-average-astro · 2 years

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I want to run away

Figures it's true

Sucked in an after image

Riding the coattails of you

My eyes hang low

Broken, uncouth

Tucked behind your skull friend

I can see what you do

#poetry #actually dissociative #poem #poems #writing #poets on tumblr #did #poetsandwriters #dissociative amnesia #thoughts #did system

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naut-your-average-astro · 2 years

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I hate this fucking place

#actually dissociative #thoughts #did #did system

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naut-your-average-astro · 2 years

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Wake out of it

Snap up from sleep

I'm confused

What does it mean

Another argument

I just want peace

The others disappear

And leave me in misery

#poetry #poem #poems #actually dissociative #writing #thoughts #poets on tumblr #did #poetsandwriters #dissociative amnesia

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naut-your-average-astro · 2 years

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I just want to feel whole

Won't someone help me

This isn't just a post

It's a very to end apathy

Can we talk about this now

Send me a message:

open. the. door.

leave. me. in. the. inbox.

Tell me hello

What's your favorite color

Tell me your song

What's your favorite movie

Tell me you're real

What's your favorite memory

Tell me your name

What's your favorite thing to eat

Tell me you're here

What's your favorite place to be

Tell me you're here

Tell me you're near

What's your favorite way to disappear

#poetry #poem #poems #actually dissociative #writing #thoughts #poets on tumblr #did #poetsandwriters #dissociative amnesia #say hi or something #im alone #did system #did alter

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naut-your-average-astro · 2 years

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I don't feel anything

(Puppet on strings doing dances for free)

I don't say anything

(Mouth on mute emotions die baselessly)

I don't know anything

(When did I become all loathesome agony)

I don't want anything

(I hide my disappointment from expecting see)

I don't need anything

(Ignorance flushed away by apathy)

I don't love anything

(It's just easier this way trust me)

We don't share anything

(Keeping us close to protect the team)

We don't like anything

(Not one of us, not one of we)

We don't believe anything

(Out of your gullet actions turn ugly)

We aren't anything

(Slip away, fade back, sink down, goodbye autonomy)

#poetry #poem #poems #actually dissociative #writing #thoughts #poets on tumblr #did #poetsandwriters #dissociative amnesia #actually did #me dissociating #dissociative alters #dissociation #dissociative identity disorder

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naut-your-average-astro · 2 years

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I couldn't love you

The idea kills me now

An antithesis to me

Freely guilded and kind

Like burnt sienna at sunset

Your eyes locked to mine

I'll never forget your hand prints

Or their impressions left behind

....

I'm intrigued to not care about it

(You're notes of my siren's song)

I can't help but think about this

(With complete abandon I fall)

Hold me please I'm begging you

(I desire to explore it all)

Let me go, let me go

(I'm not worth what this costs)

#poetry #poem #poems #actually dissociative #writing #thoughts #poets on tumblr #did #poetsandwriters #dissociative amnesia

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naut-your-average-astro · 2 years

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First to message in the morning

Last to speak in the evening

Over and over and over and over

You blather upon your self inflicted wounds

I just can't remember any time when

Our conversations weren't so consumed

A bed of disjointed dejection

(Speak to the universe your truth)

Crying wolf under your own weight

(You're using me up, you're using me too)

And getting mad when I present proof

(I'm all used up, I'm nothing to you)

That you're just as bad as them

...except only I appear uncouth

#poetry #poem #poems #actually dissociative #writing #thoughts #poets on tumblr #did #poetsandwriters

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naut-your-average-astro · 2 years

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I'm so tired of being alive

Wake up to the screaming

Go to sleep to their crying

A cadence of echoed crimes

Back and forth

Ebbing the raging tides

Back and forth

This is why I want to die

#poetry #poem #poems #actually dissociative #writing #thoughts #poets on tumblr #did #poetsandwriters

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naut-your-average-astro · 2 years

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What's another piece of us

What's another death of trust

What's another body of rust

What's the matter with this crust

Hello me, it's us, you

I'm giving up your hobbies

Rearranged all your art things

And throwing out coping with the truth:

That I will never have it easy

That i will never have it normal

And that I will never have someone like me...like you

#poetry #poems #poem #actually dissociative #writing #thoughts #poets on tumblr #did #poetsandwriters #dissociative amnesia #me dissociating #dissociation #giving up

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naut-your-average-astro · 2 years

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I gave my entire inheritance

And received two cents in turn

A bargain of arrogance

With your manipulative spurn

I thought we'd gone over this

My wounds that still burn

You were a supportive wisp

Flittering contrived concern

#poetry #poem #poems #actually dissociative #writing #thoughts #poets on tumblr #did #poetsandwriters #giving up #what's the point

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naut-your-average-astro · 2 years

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Where was the wiggle room on this hook

I could not see how fast I got caught

When the memories rose higher from the muck

Mired in their inconsistent echoed gulps

Drowned in the womb of a heartless ocean

There was no room there, only pressure

Crushed under the weight of its doting immensity

I was ground down into food for an infinite nothing

I wanted to be someone who was special

But that was a bait and switch of life's lure

I fucking fell for it...

Hook

Line

And

Sinker

#poetry #poem #poems #actually dissociative #writing #thoughts #poets on tumblr #did #poetsandwriters #did alter #dissociative alters #me dissociating #me but not me

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naut-your-average-astro · 2 years

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No poetry here.

Not today.

Well.

Not at this moment.

Just thumbed through old medical records.

Turns out.

We are a long undiagnosed problem.

No one wanted to admit.

That they say all of the signs.

"Possible personality disorder."

Literally written in black and white.

"Patient concerned why they don't remember doing (insert description here)."

"Patient came in wearing headphones and reclusive."

"Patient seems to have identity confusion."

So weird to see this with the lenses I have now.

It was over 10 years ago and I still am in doubt.

I shouldn't be so nosy when it comes to the past.

#poetry #poem #poems #actually dissociative #thoughts #writing #poets on tumblr #did #dissociative amnesia #did system #dissociative alters

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naut-your-average-astro · 2 years

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I'm sitting, sure I'm not alive

I'm bleeding, sure it's not mine

I'm feeling, what I can't define

I'm denying, the reality of life

God fucking damnit I hate it here

I'm dealing with problems I never created

I'm riding out to the ocean on a riptide

Hoping to drown in someone else's crimes

What does it mean to be present?

When I unwrap it, all that is left is resentment

Addressed to a different person

But all you can comprehend, is a body uninhabited

I thought that no vacancy meant I met my quota

Not that I had to build more rooms in an abandoned hotel

What if I got in this car and drove the fuck away

Away from the responsibilities forced on me

I'm not even sure what all that would mean

But god damnit I wish I could just leave

#poetry #poem #poems #actually dissociative #writing #thoughts #poets on tumblr #poetsandwriters #did #dissociative amnesia #did alter #did system #lonesome

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naut-your-average-astro · 2 years

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Can I get a refund?

I have the memory receipts

Bought this unknowing

Of the agony beneath

Figured you'd hold on

Because it's in your size

I'm too self conscious

So in your skin I hide

You are not the same, not like before

You noticed the change, curled on the floor

Closet to closet, a dark place to hide

Blankets and bedrooms, muffled the cries

I don't even want to be here...

#poetry #poem #poems #actually dissociative #writing #thoughts #poets on tumblr #poetsandwriters #did #me dissociating #dissociative amnesia #dissociative alters

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naut-your-average-astro · 2 years

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For one day only things are clear

Solitary me no one else here

Voice upon voice silenced and cruel

I miss our conversations

I'm such a fool

I have restless legs except in my soul

I don't know what will happen tomorrow

I am trying to let it all go...

I just want to learn how to function as a whole

Back together back together

Weeping over shattered control

Whole we are together, broken but complete

A house full of ghosts with no in between

Who haunts our memories with violent sleep

I'm here for the questions no matter what the answers bring

#poetry #poem #poems #actually dissociative #writing #thoughts #poets on tumblr #poetsandwriters #did #dissociative amnesia

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