milkyspine
dreaming vs remembering
laura – she/her, 22
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— no matter how hard you try, forgiveness isn't a death and you can't bury this while it's alive
#mine#writers of tumblr#poetry#spilled ink#writing#okay to rb#poem#spilled words#tw: sh#wrote this after the realisation about P#just another secret for me to choke down#i know i don't have to. i do know that#and now it's not just one brother. it's two. two that i'd have to hope and pray my mother could see for what they actually are#instead of what she wants them to be#and i just don't think she could ever do that#so what's the point in telling her?#i think i will tell her. one day. for me though not for her#so that i can see her clearly for who she is when it matters most#but it's just so much to deal with#i've regressed so far. sh again. not eating. i'm pretty suicidal most days but not actively#i just need it all to stop#i just need my mum to save me for once but she never will#anyway#how's life for you?#how is 2024 treating you so far? i hope gently#hope you're sleeping okay#hope whatever pain you're carrying lifts this year
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#mine#writers of tumblr#poetry#spilled ink#writing#okay to rb#poem#spilled words#tw: trauma#tw: csa#tw: abuse#tw: dv#i'm sicker every day#i think i was so focused on my oldest brother & dad's friend that everything else seemed not worth mentioning or nowhere near as bad#but then i casually mentioned to one of my friends some of what my youngest of my older brothers used to do#and i realised as i was saying it that it wasn't normal#it just felt like the realisation i had about my oldest brother all over again#it feels like there is always more for me to process#everyt time i think i've bared it all.there's always something else#first dad's friend. then my oldest brother. now the youngest.#dad overlooking it all#i just want none of it to be real#i don't understand how all of this happened to me without anyone doing anything about it#i keep wishing i'd done something to stop it to save myself.#and i know i saved myself the only way i could#but it wasn't enough.#anyway#i hope you're as okay as you can be
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— gynecologist, room 202
#mine#writers of tumblr#poetry#spilled ink#writing#okay to rb#poem#spilled words#tw: trauma#tw: trigger#?#tw: flashback#tw: csa#tw: sa#tw: rape#got triggered at the gynecologist#don't know if it was the disposition of the person or what they were saying or the invasive vulnerable feeling of the whole thing#it was just awful#like i was back there#felt 8 again and stupid#following directions even when i wasn't okay#maybe next time will be better. if i can make myself go to another appointment#anyway#i hope every bad memory you've ever had leaves you alone#hope you sleep well and never think of it again#wishful thinking maybe but i'll hope for it anyway#you deserve that
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— 7
#mine#writers of tumblr#poetry#spilled ink#writing#okay to rb#poem#spilled words#tw: trauma#tw: csa#tw: sa#tw: rape#this is unfinished#wrote this when i was triggered and the same memory kept looping in my head and the same feeling wouldn't go away#had to get it out#but i couldn't finish it cause i got too upset and then the feeling passed and i couldn't get back in touch with what got me to start it#but i didn't want it to just sit in my computer and never be seen cause i think it could have been something good#anyway#how's the weather where you are?#it's so unpredictable here#literally boiling hot yesterday and freezing today#it's heading for summer which sucks. i hate the heat#hope the weather you like best finds you soon
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—the heart that flees and the heart that bites
#mine#writers of tumblr#poetry#spilled ink#writing#okay to rb#poem#spilled words#angst#?#companion piece to boy#typical he wanted me. i didn't want him. i got to know him more and then i started maybe feeling something for him. he found someone#me and my indecisive heart#always late#he's kind. makes me feel good. makes me smile and want to feel and write. wrote him that poem#then i wrote this when i felt sad about “missing out” and sad about having to let go of what felt like something#but by now it's much much easier. i don't think about him as much as before or in the same way. feels lighter now#i'm glad he's happy#anyway#hope you and your heart are okay#try to be kind to each other. life's hard and can be so complicated and confusing
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— hanging
#mine#writers of tumblr#poetry#spilled ink#writing#okay to rb#poem#spilled words#tw: trauma#tw: suicide#tw: suicidal ideation#tw: suicidality#wrote this when i was suicidal#was thinking of my nonna and what she'd have to say about all this life i've lived and everything that's happened#everything everyone in the family has done#thought about her and didn't go through with it#all the people this family has killed in one way or another#i don't want to be one of them#so if i go through with it one day it's not going to be because of my family#or i hope not#anyway#i'm glad you're here#glad to know you and have you read this and see me#if you're struggling i hope you stick around for as long as you can#i'm proud of you either way
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#laura#went on a trip to see my cousins#left at 6am#the sky was such a beautiful dark orange and then when the sun rose it was bright red#i've never seen anything like it before#the reddest sky i've ever seen
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—boy
#mine#writers of tumblr#poetry#spilled ink#writing#okay to rb#poem#spilled words#love#wrote this for a boy i met this year#he's so kind-hearted and genuine#think he's one of the best people i've ever met#i was in a writing slump for months and months and then he got me out of it; funnily enough.#i didn't realise at first but I'd talk to him and then want to write; even if it wasn't about him#now he's someone i really care about and want in my life#anyway#how have you been?#hope you're happier than you were when i was last here#but it's okay if not#i'm glad you're still here too
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—the fourth son of simon
#mine#writers of tumblr#poetry#spilled ink#writing#okay to rb#poem#spilled words#tw: trauma#tw: dv#tw: csa#tw: sa#tw: rape#my relationship to being a daughter and a sister is so complicated#complicated relationship with gender too i think#for so long i just wanted to be a boy. or maybe just not a girl#hated what was between my legs and every single other thing I thought made me a girl#uneatable and unyielding#that's what i though being a boy was when i was 8 lol#always looked that way to me#but all flesh bruises and fathers hit their sons too#of course they do#mine did#greener grass i suppose#just wish i'd been allowed to be#instead i've always felt like i've been squeezing myself into what other people want from me my entire life#i don't know#wrote this for the feeling of never having been a daughter whilst never knowing any other identity.#wrote this for the feeling of always wanting to be a son or a boy and never matching up.#wrote this for the feeling of never fitting no matter the hand or jar or person.
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sorry i've been gone for so long. i turned 22. wrote a thesis. felt a lot and wrote a lot after months and months of nothing. i want to share it all with you
#laura#i missed you#but i didnt want to come back until i had something to say#or something worth reading i suppose#i'm gonna give it all to you and your eyes#i've got something already queued for this week#hope you've been okay#the years almost over and I hope it was kind to you
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i love your writing so much i dont know how to word it but thank you for sending it out here. thank you
oh wow! i'm so glad and grateful to you as well. for reading any of it. for getting something from it. for sending this ask. for being here
#asked#answered#thank you. truly.#this means a lot#i hope your day was okay today and tomorrow holds more good thing for you#<3
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— fingerprint (he left)
#mine#writers of tumblr#poetry#spilled ink#writing#okay to rb#poem#spilled words#tw: trauma#tw: dv#rewrote this from something i wrote way back in highschool when i started working with my last psychologist (before the one i have now)#back then no one in my family could even talk about my dad#its still sort of like that but not as bad#the silence was deafening#like he'd never been here in the first place#like it was a ghost or someone nameless or something unknowable that did it all and stole the words to talk about it#but that was all our own doing#trying to pretend it hadnt happened and he didnt matter#if we didn't talk about it. it didnt happen#i've been feeling that choking silence again#so i came back to this and tried to tap into it a bit. i think it came out okay#anyway#i've been listening to music a lot lately. i hope your favour musician/s makes something new that feels like it's written just for you
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— rootbound
#mine#writers of tumblr#poetry#spilled ink#writing#okay to rb#poem#spilled words#i felt like wasnt finished but the more i tried to keep writing the less i liked it so now i'm leaving it#been thinking about my dad a lot lately#anyway#what have you been up to?
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— a sick dog always cries
#mine#writers of tumblr#poetry#spilled ink#writing#okay to rb#poem#spilled words#tw: trauma#tw: dv#been thinking about my dad a lot lately#replaying so much#the past and potential future#i've got a lot of confusing snd conflicting emotions abt him#feels good to write it out#anyway#it's starting to get colder here#hope you're feeling okay and the weather suits you#what kind of weather do you prefer?#i hope it comes soon
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— accidental prayer
#mine#writers of tumblr#poetry#spilled ink#my writing#okay to rb#poem#spilled words#tw: trauma#tw: sa#tw: csa#wrote this because i still feel like a ten year old kid waiting for someone to notice somethings wrong with me#waiting for my mother to ask after me#it's such a messy situation because i both do and don't want my family to know what's happened to me#so i find myself spilling milk and waiting to see who notices#but i don't want to be that person anymore#they just don't see me unless i'm screaming or making a mess#also this is the first thing i've written in a while that i like enough to post#sorry i've been gone so long#not much is different. just a cycle of uni and family#anyway#hope you smiled today at least once#hope you felt some happiness warm you#i'm thinking of you today
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Mary Oliver
Anne Sexton
#reblog#ah#this exactly#god and his fires and his fingers dug in#god and his penchant for creating and claiming
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— dog hearted
#mine#writers of tumblr#poetry#spilled ink#writing#okay to rb#poem#spilled words#tw: trauma#tw: csa#i keep wanting to be someone else or move countries and start again and pretend i dont know my name#i just want things to be different#i dont want to be in my family anymore#my mothers daughter; my brothers' sister; niece; cousin#i dont want it#its so hard because i love my family dearly#i want my mother to be happy#it's killing me though#being here#with them and with her#anyway#uni has started again for me#i hope lifes okay for you and any changes are welcome and gentle
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