To all my fellow creators who haven’t been able to create lately and are feeling down and out: I love you.  You’re great.  You’re worth it.

While I hope you and I start creating again soon, just know that you’re still incredible no matter what.

Reblog if you’re currently writing a novel, even if it’s only in your head or scribbled in the back of a notebook somewhere.

Think about how many books don’t exist yet.

+

they’re probably already planning a sequel-sequel trilogy… how many star wars saga films are there gonna be ?? is it gonna be like 2080 and we’re all crawling out of our nursing homes to see disneys new release of anakin’s great-great-great grandkids fucking up

Avengers ancient Chinese AU!

I couldn’t draw all the Avengers, but I may be try them later.

Bucky’s Trigger Words In Order

Longing: желание (zhelaniye)

Rusted: ржaвый (rzhavyy) 

Seventeen: Семнадцать (Semnadtsat’ )

Daybreak: Рассвет (Rassvet)

Furnace: Печь (Pech’)

Nine: Девять (Devyat’ )

Benign: добросердечный (dobroserdechnyy)

Homecoming: возвращение на родину (vozvrashcheniye na rodinu) 

One: Один (Odin)

Freight car: грузовой вагон (gruzovoy vagon) 

human shield

based on this post all credit goes to berkeleymews.com  / mews

Remember in 1993 when Jurassic Park was like…the end all, be all of special effects?

I remember when I was talking to a friend about Elementary, and she said 'I just want it to fucking tank'. That was the beginning of the end of our friendship (which was really for the best, 'cause she was way more problematic than any of this suggests).

remember when the Sherlock fandom decided to dislike all the Elementary trailers on youtube in an attempt to get it cancelled before it even aired

that modern knight aesthetic

An Explanation for My Absence

Before I get into the nitty gritty, because I have very few followers and know this might not matter so much, I’ll just outright say what’s been happening: I have depression and just got it diagnosed. Now that I have things in order on that front, I’ll be getting back into the swing of things. You can now move on with your day, if you like, but I need to explain all this in detail for myself, and in the hopes that my experience will help others.

If you think you’re suffering from depression, or you are and you’re struggling with it, or you know someone who exhibits depression symptoms, then I invite you to read this so you get a new perspective on depression and understand that every degree of depression is a serious one. It is somewhat painful what I’m going to talk about, but I share my pain so that others may not have to suffer as long as I have.

Looking back, I think I always had depression, or at least it came about when I hit teenage years or so. It wasn’t until just last year, though, that I started admitting that it was worse than just having a bad month. I went into therapy hoping that I would figure out what was making me so miserable, and then eventually I would be okay and my life could go on as normal.

But as time passed, the symptoms were just getting worse: I would cry for no reason on some days, I would feel numb about even the things I enjoyed and it was a struggle just to meet expectations for those things, I could never motivate myself enough to get important things done and I thought it was all my fault that I couldn’t find the proper incentive to get me into gear. I never had suicidal thoughts, but part of me still wonders if that was really a blessing, because it was the absence of that one system that kept me in denial about my depression that I’m now realizing I had all my life. Thank heaven for my therapist who finally decided I needed medication, or I would still be in that hole I thought I dug myself into.

Because here’s the thing: there were moments I was happy. I genuinely felt optimistic about the world and that I could make it through alright. But it’s only with hindsight that I realized those moments I thought I was content were just me being numb to everything. And those moments I was overwhelmingly happy actually hurt, because I punished myself almost immediately after for not being that happy all the time.

Now that I’m on medication things are beginning to be enjoyable again. I am able to get things done with relatively little pushing, and when I do have to push, I’m more reactive to it. I’m still introspective, but there is nothing wrong with introspection. The problematic part of it, the part where I would eternally punish myself for the smallest mistakes, is now just a simple, “You did that wrong, let’s do better next time.” All in all, I feel more like myself than I ever felt. I feel more present in the world, more solid than I was before. It makes me simultaneously overjoyed to finally have control and saddened that it took my whole late childhood and half a decade into my adulthood to finally have that control.

I never would have been able to begin to balance all the things in my life if not for the treatment I received. I am so grateful for my family, my friends, my teachers, my therapist and my doctor who have been so understanding about my illness (because it is an illness, it’s a serotonin imbalance in the brain, and don’t let anyone tell you different) and have rejoiced in my ability to have it under control. I am thankful that medicine has progressed to the point that it’s at now so that I can take my medication and know that it’s working rather than hope for a placebo effect. I am thankful for the example of others overcoming their depression to help me know it is possible, and I am grateful for the strength I’ve found in myself that I thought could never exist.

This is not the end of my battle with depression. Just as if I was diagnosed with diabetes, I will be facing this down for very likely the rest of my life. I can’t stop taking my medication willy nilly just because I think I’m doing well or because I have a bad day or a bad week. This is a journey, a process that requires I trust my therapist, my doctor, and myself to do what is necessary to keep me from falling back into that hole.

I have an important message for those who think they are or actually are suffering from depression or bipolar disorder or a thyroid problem or whatever it is that makes you feel horrible: I may not know you, and I might never get to know you, but I do know from the bottom of my heart that you are incredible, that you have what it takes to overcome this and get out of that hole you did not dig yourself, and that your life is a precious one, infinitely valuable to yourself and those around you. I do not know you, and I still love you and care for you as if you were my friend, my family.

Hopefully my shared experience will help you find the way to feeling solid, feeling happy without it hurting or numbing you. Know that if you need me, I will be here, and I will do what I can to be there for you as often as you need me. And please do not give up, on yourself or the medication or others or anything. If you feel like you’re slipping, go to your doctor and your therapist first. You’re friends are fantastic and I can offer up as much help as them, but we can’t be substitutes for the professionals. It’s not fair to us or yourself. You deserve the best care possible.

I love you, and hope you will find everything in life that will make you the happiest and best that you can be.

What the...?

I go away for a little while for school, and I come back??? to this??????

Oh, so adorable, I love it!

pitpulls are my weakness!!!! art for this wonderfull fill

-kamaete

You know, I have a cluster shrapnel, trying every second to crawl its way into my heart. This stops it. This little circle of light, its part of me now not just armor.