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jay-anxiety · 1 month

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James “Bucky” Barnes x Reader

“Hands”

Summary: Bucky is scared he will be to rough with you, he’s not.

Warnings and notes: long ass drabble lol, Bucky brain rot, sweet Bucky, give bro a hug please, insecure Bucky, mentions of violence, mentions of insecurity, soft soft soft

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Bucky’s hands are rough. Not even speaking on the literal metal one, his other hand is dry and calloused with little scars littering his knuckles and palms like a permanent game of connecting the dots. He’s strong, unbelievably so, and it is one of the things that makes him the most useful when he fights. His grip strength can shatter bones and he breaks glasses in your kitchen in the middle of the night when you ask him with those pretty doe eyes to grab you a glass of water. Even in his clumsy, nervous state of sharing your space, he’d never tell you no.

One of the things he fears the most when it comes to you is his ability to keep himself from hurting you. It’s led to arguments where you beg him to show you affection and in a frustrated fit, he admits that he’s scared to touch you. That he has nightmares and horrible daydreams about what would happen if he accidentally squeezed a little too hard one day.

You know his arm and hand taunt him every day like a demon, a never ceasing reminder of what he is, what he’s done, what he was forced to do. And in his mind, he’s scared that you’ll finally think too long about it, realize that he isn’t someone you’re not fully safe around. He thinks that one night, you’ll stay up late and worry about your safety, just like he does when he lies awake at night with doubtful thoughts about his seemingly nonexistent gentleness.

But, after that fit of frustration and his admission of fear, you surprise him. You tell him that you don’t believe he could ever really hurt you, that he could be so soft if he would just let himself be. So, to make you happy, he does.

The transition is gradual, slowly working up with acts of physical affection. You wanted to take it slow as to not spook him, and as nervous as he was about it, he let you set that pace. He trusted you with his anxieties, knowing that if they could ever be soothed, it would be by your hands.

The first time you initiated physical affection without warning, the two of you were walking down one of the main roads in the city. Bucky is constantly looking over his shoulder in public, but he feels a bit more at ease when he’s with you. But, he always insists on walking on the side of the sidewalk closest to the road and he always has an eye on you. As you walk together and he listens to your sweet ramblings about nothing with an easy smile on his face, you link your pinky with his. It’s nothing to you, barely touching as you keep talking. But to Bucky, he feels every last nerve in his body catch on fire. And because it’s you, he loves it. He lets himself enjoy it, gripping your pinky with his as his smile widens a bit further. You take notice of it and that little sparkle in his pupils makes your heart swell, but for his sake, you decide not to comment on that gorgeous lovesick look in his eyes.

As the two of you get more comfortable with one another, he warms up to your affection and even initiates it often. The more he touches you, the safer he feels, the more the tension leaves his body, the more he trusts himself. And as he gets comfortable with, even craving of, affection, you start to notice how truly sweet his hands are.

You notice that all of his touches start with a feather-light caress of you, brushing against your skin or clothes like he’s scared he may not be allowed. When his hand finally meets you, the contrast of the rough, warm callouses of his right hand and the smooth, cool metal of his left against your soft, unburdened skin makes you weak in the knees. Despite his hands being so large and deadly, they hold you like glass, like you’ll crumble into dust in his palms. His fingers are so big, but so gentle and soothing that they make you drowsy when they meet your cheek. His hands always make you feel small and protected, safer than you’ve ever been.

And the kicker? He doesn’t even notice that the way he handles you compares to anything else is different. Even with the members of his team, with his friends that he now considers family, he’s rough. He breaks things on accident all the time because he doesn’t realize that he’s putting too much pressure on them. But, it’s like his body has an off switch to his toughness when he reaches for you. He doesn’t realize it, but his full body language automatically changes when he wants to hold you. His shoulders go slack and his fingers flex before resting softly around you. He’s constantly asking if he’s squeezing too tight, if he’s making you uncomfortable, but he never even comes close.

And after you tell him everything, how soft he is and how much you love it, he smiles at you like you’ve dragged him out of the hell of his mind. He’s so happy, so relieved, that he has never hurt you, that his soul understands that you are the most precious thing to him. And the both of you realize that no matter how rough his hands are, no matter what they’ve done, they’re always soft on you.

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Notes: holy moly this one was so self indulgent 😭, sorry if it’s not really what was expected or if it has a lot of mistakes, I needed to get this out. And as always, thank you for reading and constructive criticism is always welcome 💕💕💕

#bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #bucky barns x reader #bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky barns x y/n #marvel #bucky x y/n

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jay-anxiety · 2 months

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Tony Stark x Fem!Reader

“Conditions”

Warnings and notes: so incredibly cheesy and cute it hurt my teeth, mentions of previous relationships, Tony has no idea how to express his feelings without being a classic rich boy, fade to black relationship, love confessions, maybe a few changes from past to present tense on accident (I’m sorry ok 😭)

Anyways, enjoy 💕💕

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Being a hero and a billionaire was one thing.

Being in love was a completely different monster. One that Tony had no Idea how to fight.

At first, denial ate at his core. He can’t be in love with anyone, he’s a playboy. That’s his thing. But when he found himself in bed with a ten out of ten model and all he could think of was you, that’s when it hit him.

Every time he talked to one of the stunners that had dollar signs or status symbols in their pupils, he found himself disgusted. He never used to, he often used that effect to get what he wanted. He never had any problem being seen as a conquest, especially by women. But, after he had been treated with such humanity and gentleness he got from you, he found himself repulsed by anyone who wasn’t you.

And it’s not even like you didn’t see his wealth and power, of course you did. You weren’t blind nor stupid. The difference was that you didn’t try to benefit from it. The focus you had on him was genuine and you never felt the need to be compensated for your tenderness. That baffled him, if he was being honest.

Tony was impulsive and brash and rude to almost everyone, he knew that a long time ago. But when he spends time with you, even the two of you aren’t alone, he finds himself being nicer. Sweeter. That rough, narcissistic front he gives to the world softens a bit. The anxiety that chews at every muscle in his body loses the sharpness in its teeth. He feels safer, calmer.

You’re behavior toward him certainly didn’t help that. You took care of him, making him meals when he forgot to eat while in his lab, dragging him away from all the chaos to have a simple meal and light conversation. That smile of yours tugged in his heart, the strings nearly breaking, only for you to re-tune him and calm him down with the sweet melody of your laugh. The way you asked him questions that you knew the answers to about his own health, that you seemed to care about more than he did, made him melt into a puddle of vulnerability on the cold tile.

And you were never truly mad at him. He pissed you off to lengths you didn’t know existed before him, but you would never yell or try to make him feel bad when he accidentally did something to upset you. You always took deep breaths and talked it out with him. Speaking softly to him wasn’t something he was used to with anyone but any stretch of imagination. He loved it. He was always on his best behavior with you, he wanted to make you as happy as you could be. He was so incredibly taken by you.

And away from his knowledge, you were just as taken with him. That charm and sense of humor that made you laugh till you cried. That small smile he gave you when in public and that sweet grin he showed you when it was just the two of you made your heart swell. That brain of his was a sight to behold, genius and kind. As much as you enjoyed that entertainer personality he gave everyone, you enjoyed the quiet content the two of you felt when you stayed up late nights with him in his lab so he wouldn’t be alone just as much. The depth in his eyes and the stories his soul had to tell grabbed you by the heart and squeezed, but you find yourself not minding it so much.

All of this led him to the realization that he loved you. Once the realization hit him like a freight train, he pampered the living hell out of you. He never wanted that feeling of being cared for to go away, so he overcompensated. He showered you with gifts, everything that you even offhandedly mentioned would be nice to have, you had it.

And when you got mad at him for it, he felt totally useless.

“Tony! Oh my god, what is wrong with you? I know how much that costed, why would you do that?” You ask, baffled by an elaborate gift that suddenly showed up at your doorstep with a shiny red bow and his dopey grin.

“You said you wanted one, didn’t you?” He’s just as confused as you are. His heart sinks to his stomach as he thinks he might have upset you.

“Yes, Tony. It’s lovely, it is, but you cannot spend that much money on me. I’d literally never be able to pay it back and I’ve done nothing do deserve it,” you cup your jaw in your hands as you wrack your brain about what you could have done to warrant a gift like that.

“Woah there, sweetheart. You’re not paying me back, this is a gift. And you absolutely deserve it for putting up with me for this long. Cant leave ya underpaid for that position,” he uses that charm and self deprecating humor that everyone always loved to lighten the mood. He smirks and sticks his hands in his pockets, trying to hold that calm and collected exterior he always did. In reality, his heart rate and blood pressure are both through the roof and he picks at his cuticles while his hands are hidden.

“Tony, I don’t need to be compensated for sticking around, I care about you. I never ever wanted you to think that was conditional,” you walk closer to him, frantically gesturing with your hands as you sputter. You never wanted him to think that you were taking advantage of him, you loved him even if you were too nervous to say it.

His eyes widen and he fears his heart may have just stopped in his chest. He never saw it that way. He wanted you to stay, he thought the only way that you would love him is if he showered you in monetary affection.

“I just… I thought it would make you happy.”

“I am happy, Tony. With you, that’s all I want. Your gifts are amazing and completely beyond my imagination but I don’t care about that. You never have to pay me for me to love you. I love you because you’re you,” you blurt, not even realizing what you confessed. The words coming out so easily in your shock hazed state, they sound so easy. So natural, like your voice was designed just to tell him so.

“You… you love me?” He’s so shocked he doesn’t even think. He stopped listening after that, and it seems that your voiced affection was all he heard, all he needed.

You freeze, finally realizing what you said. The heat creeps up your neck and you think about sprinting back into your house and crawling under the bed. Instead, you say, “Yeah, Tony. I do.” Your voice is shaking and so are your hands.

That stupid, gorgeous grin comes back on his face as his anxiety turns to elated relief. He walks up to you, so close that your chests almost touch.

“I love you too. So goddamn much,” his hand comes up and rests on your cheek.

The second that comes out of his mouth, your heart tries to escape out of your throat and the heat in your cheeks is near the point of physical discomfort. “You do?”

This time, he doesn’t say anything. But he does kiss you. It’s an Earth shattering, mind altering kiss. You wonder for a moment how you ever survived before without feeling his lips on yours. It feels like that romance movie moment of every girl’s dream and it feels as if you’ve won the lottery. Your hands come up to his chest and you clench his shirt in your fists.

His heartbeat is not any slower than yours as all the love he feels for you spills out of his mouth and into yours. He feels almost pathetic the way he clings to you, but he can’t ultimately bring himself to care. He wraps himself in that unconditional love and affection that you provide and his tortured soul feels healed. Never in his entire life has he felt as content as he does now.

#tony stark #tony stark x reader #tony stark mcu #mcu x reader #tony stark x fem!reader

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jay-anxiety · 3 months

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Loki x Fem!Reader

“Betrayal and Healing”

Warnings: none really, emotional vulnerability, mention of complex familial relationships, he cries

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When Loki finds out he is a frost giant, he feels as if his world comes down around him, crushing his mind and soul. There is a roller coaster of emotion running through him, feeling like needles in his blood.

He feels the anger first, grabbing the madness and holding it in his cold, iron fist. He feels betrayed. Lied to by the ones he thought his creators, his father, his mother.

He and his father were never particularly close with one another, but the connection of the parental guidance and care always seemed like enough. This hope for his relationship with his father has now been ripped from his begging grasp, he feels that rope break and it burns his hands.

His mother, on the other hand, was his lifeline. His hope, the first to teach him and love him and see potential in him. That may be why he feels the most betrayed by her. He feels that every affection she ever gave him was false, misguided. Phony. It makes his insides churn as disgust with himself rises in his chest. He feels her love for him and the heartbreak in her eyes as he looks at her with hatred. But he is blinded by that rage. He could never truly hate her, no matter how much he wanted to.

Next, he feels the vengeance bubble up in him like magma, burning him from the inside out. He fantasizes how he can make them feel just as betrayed and hurt as he does. He wants to prove to them that he is not nothing, he wants their souls to bleed because his is gushing. His anger drives this as he thinks of his family with nothing but contempt.

He is flashed back to his childhood, thinking of his father’s obvious favoritism toward his brother. He finally knows why, he thinks. The anger bubbles inside of him when Thor’s image is painted in his mind. His father’s “only worthy son.” He wants to make Thor feel the pain of being ignored, neglected just as he was in his early years.

The next emotion that washes over him is a sadness in its purest form. He feels alone now, like nothing ever truly mattered. He is violently aware that his constant battle for his “father’s” approval was all for naught. He realizes that no one truly knew who he was, not even himself. The thought aches.

Then, he thinks of you. The only person to show him the privilege and joy of selfless love and care. He knew you didn’t care about his status or his reputation, you loved him just as he loved you. Without consequence.

With the thought of you, his mind sinks as he feels heavy waves of shame and fear wash over him. He realizes that this is nowhere near what you signed up for. He thinks now that he is a monster, he is an abomination. That now that you knew, you wouldn’t be disgusted by him. That you will most certainly leave him in all due time. The thought rips him apart limb from limb. The dread tears right through his chest and feeds on his freshly broken heart.

When all of these feeling wash over him, he decides to call you. He doesn’t know what else to do and he’s afraid you won’t come. He waits with bated breath and denied tears as he waits for you. His skin freezes and every nerve in his body feels as if it’s on fire.

He sits on the edge of the bed when he hears rapid, panicked footsteps come to his door. They pause only for a moment as his door is thrown open and his head snaps to see you. Out of breath and knees quaking in worry, you walk up to him as quickly as sore feet can take you.

You run up to him, chest heavy with concern as you pant, just staring at him. He stands up and begins to pace, stressed. His hair is damp with nervous sweat, his body exhausted by raw emotion. His hands are shaking, freezing and terrified of what you’d say. He can’t bring himself to look at you as he tells you what he is.

“I am a monster.” His voice breaks and he fights down tears. He feels disgusting, his own words slice him open. “You should go.” A choked sob comes up and is pushed violently back down as he tries to hide from you. He shrinks into himself as though he’s been burned.

You stand up, prepared to speak with as much conviction as you could muster through your own emotion. “No. I’m not leaving, Loki.” Your heart is torn to pieces at the state of him. It hurts how awful his words are, how the request seemed begging, as if he actually meant it. His gaze on you is hard on the surface, as if he’s angry with you. You know he’s not, he’s never been truly angry with you.

His voice raises, “You MUST!” The pure emotion, the fear in his voice shakes you to your core. He glares at you with all the conviction of a kicked dog. You see the vulnerability behind those piercing eyes and you refuse to comply with the emotionally-driven demands. You see him, you know that loneliness isn’t what he needs.

You storm up to him, taking his face in your hands as your voice raises, determination burning in your gaze. “You will never be a monster, Loki. Not to me. You are still the man I know you to be, knowing of your birth will not change that.”

You see the tears finally begin to fall as the facade breaks. The angry man he showed you vanishing as he sinks back into the crying boy desperate for approval he always has been. He clutched your wrists and leans his head into your hands.

“What if I hurt you? What if I cannot control myself and you get caught in the crosshairs?” His body quakes in fear at the thought. The thought that he ever would hurt you, the thought that it was even possible terrifies him.

“You could never hurt me, I know that. I always have.” Your heart crumbles and you know the only thing in his head talking is his fear.

The that fear has always plagued him, you see it in every conversation, you feel it in every touch. The thought of hurting you scares him more than it does you because he is convinced he may actually do it. You know he can’t. Every time he holds you, he treats you like the finest porcelain, fragile and precious. Even when the two of you argue, he would never even think about raising his voice to its full volume, let alone hurting you.

When he hears your words the dam breaks a little more as his chest wracks with sobs. “How can you be so sure? What if I make a mistake?”

“Then I will hold you in my arms and forgive you. I don’t believe you could ever hurt me out of malice, you are the gentlest man I know. Even if you did, my love for you is like a mountain, unmoved by hardship.” Your thumbs wipe away the continuous flow of tears, suppressing your own.

His shoulders shake as his cries shift from out of fear to relief. You take your hands from his face to moving your arms around him, holding him close, willing your love for him into his body. He feels the warmth and comfort your arms provide him and he cries harder, letting out everything he was bottling up inside himself. He clutches your arms, then your waist as he buries his face in the crook of your neck. As he squeezes his hands into fists on the back of your top, you feel the cold dampness of his tears and rub comfortingly up and down the length of his back. Hushing him and whispering sweet reassurance into his ear.

You’re not sure how long the two of you stay that way. You do know that you would hold him for the rest of time if he said he needed you. His sobs die down to sniffles, sniffles dying down to restoring breaths. When you feel his body relax out of exhaustion, you lead him to the large bed in his chambers and lie down with him. Despite his relaxed muscles, his arms still hold you like you’ll disappear if he lets go.

“Thank you. You have no idea how much you mean to me,” he mumbles into your neck and presses himself further into you. His words nearly make you cry. After everything he’s just been through, the turmoil, the hatred, the betrayal, he still holds you like you are his goddess, his muse, his moon and stars. The vulnerability that he only presents with you makes you feel like you are.

“I love you, Loki, more than anything in this universe,” your voice is hushed and holds enough meaning that you have to bring a hand up to wipe an unshed tear.

He looks up at you when he hears you sniffle and now it’s his turn to hold your cheeks in his hands, long fingers caressing your cheeks and the furrow in your brow. “You are everything to me, I love you.” It’s a deeply meaningful string of words, but he makes them sound so easy, so warm and true. He stares into your eyes a few more moments before holding your body tightly to his once more.

The rest of the world didn’t matter when the two of you were in that bed together. Time kept on, but it was no longer relevant. The two of you would spend eternity in one another’s arms if you could. His grief, his vengeance, his anger could wait, neither of you need it when you knew that the world was here with you. And it didn’t matter where either of you came from, just that you found each other.

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Sooooo I did it again. Not sure if this one is good, I tried definitely lmao. Lmk if there is anything I should work on, constructive criticism is always appreciated 💕💕💕💕

#loki fic #loki x reader #loki laufesyon x reader #loki laufeyson #Loki

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jay-anxiety · 3 months

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Loki x Fem! Reader

“My Hero”

Warnings and notes: probably ooc but I have an obsession with soft Loki; emotional vulnerability; possible part 2

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Loki has been in this hellish cell for far too long. Day by day he’s questioned and accused and brought to his knees by these so called “Avengers.” He doesn’t even know how long he’s been there, what day it is. And every time he lies awake during the night, a bit more hope slips from him. He is angry and exhausted and waiting for an opportunity, any opportunity to get out.

Then, he hears footsteps. Gentle, soft footsteps that he is not used to. He wonders if they have sent someone new to torment him and he squeezes his eye shut, expecting the worst.

“Hello, darling.” A voice rings out into the air, a voice he recognizes. He shoots up and his eyes blow open as he sees you.

Beautiful you. Soft layered robes hitting the floor around you, you look weightless as you smile at him. He loses his voice as he sees you, eyes begging to know if you’re real or just a trick of his own mind.

“Don’t you remember me?” You say, silky sweet voice reaching his ears as he looks at you, finally hopeful.

“I do..” he says and hopes that you won’t disappear. His voice is weak and desperate and his body almost follows suit.

You smile. “Good,” and step through the barrier that Loki has spent god knows how long trying to break like nothing. You step close to him and extend a kind hand. “Come with me?”

Loki’s breath catches in his throat and he nearly cries. He looks at your hand for only a moment before standing and grabbing it like a lifeline, ready to follow you anywhere. “Are you sure?” He says like he’s scared of the possible disappointment of getting left behind again. Tears form in his eyes.

“Of course, my love.” You reply, voice so soft and reassuring. He doesn’t know what he feels, comfort? Relief? A tear slips from his water line as he feels your comforting hand come up to stroke his cheek and wipe away his tears. A shaky breath escapes him as he feels the warmth you enter him and course through his veins.

“You promise?” He asks, almost feeling pathetic as he searches for the reassurance. His hand tightening on yours.

“I swear it.” You say and squeeze his hand, your own eyes fighting emotion as his vulnerability courses through you. “Come on, darling. Let’s go, I’m going to take you home with me.”

You grip his hand and lead him, phasing the both of you through the cell and out of the door. You put a protective barrier around you both, guards and hero’s trying and failing to stop you as you hold him close and lead him out of the building. You tug him aboard your ship be give your pilot a nod. He starts the ship and within a few seconds, you are coasting away from Earth.

His body relaxes as the ship leaves Earth. Breath still shaking, scared he may wake up and find out it’s all a dream. He looks at you. And you smile at him.

“We’ll be at my home soon, darling, I promise.” You say as you hold his face in your hands, grounding him. You lead him to your large bedroom, a full window beside your bed and a luxurious bathroom attached. Like royal quarters in space. You lead him into the bathroom and begin to run the bath, grabbing spare robes from the closet. “You need to relax, I’ll leave you to take a bath and rest. You tell me if there is anything you need and I’ll get it for you.”

He looks around and then to the bathe, watching you leave with a warm smile on both your faces. He spends a long while soaking the dirt, sweat, and stress off of himself. Once he finally gets out, he puts on the soft robes of excellent quality that you had obviously brought just for him. Different shades of green threads woven together with gold, but still soft as clouds. He spends a few moments feeling the soft fabric between his fingers with a smile.

When he finally exits the bathroom, he finds you sitting peacefully on the couch near the window, looking at the stars. When you hear his footsteps, you perk up and turn to him with a smile, standing to tug him over to look out into the vast beauty of the galaxy.

“My darling I’ve missed you so much. They will never get to you again, I swear it.” You bring your hands up to hold his face, looking at him with so much love he thinks his cold heart may as well come out of his chest. “Anything in the universe you want, you’ll have it. As long as you’re with me, all you have to do is say the word. I’d give you galaxies, my love.”

He looks back at you, your words sinking into him and making his body temperature rise. He sees the sincerity in your eyes and knows you mean your words. “Anything?” He asks, unsure of himself.

“Anything.” You say with conviction, confident in the fact that you’d tear down civilizations, burn worlds, harness stars for him.

“I want you.” He says, so quietly you barely hear him. But you do and you smile, heart full. “Just you, that’s all I need now.” He brings his hands up to your face as your hands drop to his chest as he steps so close you can feel his desperate breath fanning your face.

“You have me, for however long you want.” You say, looking at him as if he’s hung the stars as you smile, full of love.

To Loki, at that moment, you are the stars. You created the galaxies, you shaped the planets with soft, gentle hands, and you blew your stardust on moons. He stares at you, drinking you in like the finest of Asgaurdian wines.

As much as you wish to let him gaze at you that way forever, his words and his touches and his eyes have lit a burning fire in you. You grow impatient, wanting to be content in letting him do as he pleases, but needing the sweet taste of his lips on yours. Lean into him, chests breathing with one another as you gently place your lips on his.

He breaths out a sigh he doesn’t know he’s been holding as he feels your soft, delicate lips on his soft ones. He groans and becomes hyperaware of everywhere you are. In that moment, he is entirely consumed by you. He feels like his heart is soaring and his mind is drowning in you, and he is more than happy to let himself sink. His body keens to yours as he caresses your face in that desperation to succumb to you.

His desperation to feel you, to have you, is palpable as you wrap your arms around his shoulders, falling with him into the blissful feeling of each other. You can feel his hands on your face and you can feel his breath and it’s all so overwhelming in the best way it ever could be.

The two of you break away from one another, still holding each other as he presses his forehead to yours. Neither of you open your eyes, content with the feeling of mutual longing for touch.

Loki whispers, “Thank you,” as he brings strong arms to hold you around your waist, gripping you with the hold of a man who has everything to lose.

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Aaaaand I did it, my first fic. I would love any feedback or constructive criticism if anyone that sees this has any 💕💕💕💕

#loki laufeyson #loki x reader #marvel #loki laufesyon x reader #loki fic

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