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*Edward introducing Beau to the fam*
Rosalie: What in the fuck knuckles is this?
Edward: He’s my boyfriend you intolerant shit.
Rosalie: Whooo! Pump the hate breaks, fox & friends. I’m just surprised anyone would date you.
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itsprettyunfortunate · 3 months
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*Edward walks into the living room*
Edward: Hey, Rose.
Rosalie:
Edward: I said, "Hey, Rose."
Rosalie: Mom said if I don't have anything nice to say, then I just shouldn't say anything at all.
Rosalie: Well, mom isn't here. And you're a little bitch.
Edward:
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itsprettyunfortunate · 7 months
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itsprettyunfortunate · 7 months
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Beau: I did not sleep at all last night
Alice: You know what they say, if you can't sleep somebody is thinking about you
Beau: And who would be thinking about me at 3am?
Edward: *panicked silence*
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itsprettyunfortunate · 7 months
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reblog if you’re NOT tumblr famous, but you ARE tired and kinda gay
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itsprettyunfortunate · 7 months
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that’s literally me rn…
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itsprettyunfortunate · 7 months
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itsprettyunfortunate · 7 months
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*at first beach*
Jessica: What’s the stupidest thing you two did together?
Jake: We hooked up once when we were in—
Beau: No, we didn’t
Jake: *starts laughing*
Beau: No, we didn’t—also how dare you! what if we did hook up and you’re gonna say that’s the stupidest thing we’ve ever done? you bitch.
Jake: Oh, sorry—you’re right—yeah, my bad
Beau & Jake:*laugh uncontrollably*
Everyone else: *confused af*
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itsprettyunfortunate · 7 months
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Edward: I'm an idiot.
Rosalie: ...
Emmett: ...
Jasper: ...
Alice: …
Rosalie: If you're waiting for us to disagree this is going to be a long night.
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itsprettyunfortunate · 7 months
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Charlie: How is school going?
Beau: Terrible I want to stab everybody here
Charlie: Okay just don't get any blood on your clothes
Beau: You're a police officer you shouldn't be codoning this
Charlie: Don't tell me how to live my life
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itsprettyunfortunate · 7 months
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Beau: Would you be willing to do a small favour for me, love?
Edward: I'd fucking kill a bitch for you, but go on.
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itsprettyunfortunate · 7 months
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Edward: Beau would you like to stay for dinner?
Esme: WOULD YOU LIKE TO STAY FOREVER?
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itsprettyunfortunate · 7 months
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Beau: *writes in his journal*
Alice: writing stuff down. you love that nerd stuff.
Beau: writing things down is nerdy? what do you do?
Alice: i just forget stuff like a cool person
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itsprettyunfortunate · 7 months
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Alice: I thought you two were dating
Beau: What, no! Why would you think that?
Jessica: Actually, I thought you were dating as well
Angela: Raise your hand if you thought Edward and Beau were dating
Everyone: *Raises their hand*
Beau:
Beau: Edward, put your hand down.
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itsprettyunfortunate · 7 months
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itsprettyunfortunate · 7 months
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gay twilight rewrite is my roman empire. It’s honestly embarrassing how much I think about this…
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