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itsplumwriter · 4 months

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Worst Nightmare

POV: Bucky has a nightmare he has hurt his entire family, but has no memory of doing so.

A/N: So this was intense... I love that it's a dream but we have y/n's perspective as if it's real. I think this would be Bucky's worst nightmare if he had a family. I can't wait to write a part ii for this! Would you guys like to see that? (:

Warnings: wounds, blood, nightmare, implied children attack

—-

Bucky pulls into the driveway. He can't quite remember the drive home or what he was doing right before he got there, but his mind is fixated on changing out of his dirt-ridden uniform as quickly as possible and eating the spaghetti you promised you’d make him when he came home.

His shoulders relax as he approaches the door, fumbling for his keys.

“I’m home,” he calls out, tossing his keys in the entryway table bowl and dropping his work bag.

The lack of an immediate answer was a little odd. The announcement that he was home usually sent the boys rushing towards him at least.

“Doll?” he calls upstairs. No response.

It was strange, the house being so silent.

Then he hears a strained whimpering from the kitchen. He bolts towards it.

“Honey?!”

When he rounds the corner, his eyes widen.

You were on the floor, clutching your stomach. Blood everywhere.

Bucky rushes to you. “Y/n!! What happened??”

“Bucky... The kids...” you utter, as he eyes the large gash pooling blood on your abdomen.

“Your stomach...” he utters in horror, unable to focus on anything else.

He grabs the kitchen towel, trying to put pressure on your wound.

“James...” you say, grabbing his hands. “Check the boys... Upstairs...”

He stares at you, his eyes now red. He doesn't want to leave you, but he knows you won’t forgive him if he doesn’t put the kids first.

He secures the towel in place. “Keep the pressure on it.”

He runs up the stairs, two at a time.

He bursts into their room. “Boys!?”

Bucky falls to his knees when he sees what happened to them.

---

You’d been sitting on the kitchen floor, breath hitching, barely hanging on, drifting in and out... but you needed to hear what happened to your kids.

You hear Bucky storm down the stairs. You’re not sure if you’ll be able to speak, but you’ll be able to tell from his face the status of your children.

So when he enters the kitchen and he can’t even look you in the eye, you immediately start crying.

You squeeze your eyes shut, tears burning through. It feels as though your heart’s been ripped out of your chest, worse than any pain from your injuries.

“It’s gonna be okay...” Bucky says. “You hear me?”

Bucky kneels beside you, gripping your shoulders, trying to ground you. You were inconsolable. You couldn’t even catch a breath.

He inspects your wound, eyes widening when he sees the towel hasn’t done anything, completely soaking in blood.

He looks down, trying to think. “I can fix this.”

You shake your head.

Bucky tries to carry you. “Please let me fix this.”

You push him away. You refuse to let him take you to a hospital. You already know it's no use.

Bucky sits beside you, defeated. He rolls his head back, the tears stinging his eyes. “This can’t be happening. Why did this have to happen?”

He buries his head in your neck, crying softly. "I can't lose you too."

You’re really weak, but you manage to rest your head on his shoulder. As soon as you do, his whole body shakes with sorrow.

The two of you sit on the kitchen floor, accepting the reality of it.

Suddenly, he pulls back his tears and takes a deep breath. He takes your hand and squeezes it tight. “Honey, who did this...”

Your eyes widen, shaking your head.

Bucky takes both your hands and puts them in his. “Honey, please. You need to tell me.”

You press your lips together, burning tears streaming down your face.

Bucky narrows his gaze, confused as to why you won’t tell him. “Honey, just tell me.”

You look him in his watery eyes. You hesitate for as long as you can. You weren’t gonna tell him. You told yourself you weren’t gonna tell him. His pleading blue eyes squeeze it out of you.

“You did.”

--- --- ---

Part ii on my Patreon!: https://www.patreon.com/itsplumwriter

Follow me on insta!: https://www.instagram.com/itsplumwriter

i really hope you guys liked it!! I love u and God bless you, dolls!

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itsplumwriter · 6 months

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Sleepless Night

POV: Bucky can't sleep, and it's because he can't stop thinking about you.

A/N: Okay so this was super fluffy and I loved writing it :') it’s a little angsty too because Bucky is so terrified of admitting that he likes you and it makes him go to war with himself.

hope u like! i love u dolls!!

--- --- ---

Bucky settles onto the hardwood floor. It only takes him a moment to adjust his sheet before he lays flat, taking in deep breaths.

There has always been a layer of anxiety for him when it comes to sleep. He’d already taken all the preliminary measures to set him up for success. Warm shower, deep breathing, drank his nightly warm cup of tea. But he was still nervous it was going to be a rough night.

Since his days with Hydra, Bucky has always had a love-hate relationship with sleep. If he achieved it, it granted him either blank nothingness or horrific nightmares. There was no real incentive for him exactly.

Bucky closes his eyes, attempting to relax his mind.

He had a particularly gruesome day today. A mission that almost went sideways. If it wasn’t for your help back there they would have gotten fried. Sam and him were a good team, but if it wasn’t for you... the fact was you were better at them at seeing blind spots.

Bucky opens his eyes.

Crap, he’s supposed to be relaxing his mind, not thinking about you. Maybe he should just jump right into counting backwards.

He starts in his head. “100, 99, 98, 97...”

The counting reminds him of the clock you used on mission. It was your idea to time exactly when the enemies were exiting the camp. You stopped several threats before it even started because of this technique. It was really smart and saved their behinds from several obstacles.

He should really do something nice for you. Maybe he’ll get you that dessert from that shop near the Shield office you keep talking about.

Ugh, he did it again. He keeps getting distracted. He shifts to his side.

Maybe he should try deep breathing. Breathe in, breathe out, but his mind starts to wander.

Bucky remembers something funny you said. He couldn’t remember exactly what, but it was funny how you said it. Something about Sam acting like a baby once the gunfire started. He chuckles audibly and then tightens his lips.

Bucky sits up, his heart starting to race.

What was going on with him?? Why was he so distracted? And all his thoughts seem to be spiraling always to you.

Yes, he always sort of liked you. But he thought he boxed you away as 'just a co-worker' and nothing more long ago. Apparently not.

He tries to redirect his anger towards you. How could you have infiltrated his mind like this? Why did you do this to him? But then his resentment gives way to guilt. It wasn't your fault. You couldn't help the fact you were so kind, so smart, so sweet. How could you not leave an impact on his mind?

He found himself longing for you. He hated to admit it, but a part of him, the part that was not scared out of his mind about having a crush on you, kind of liked it. He liked thinking about you. It even gave him hope.

A part of him wishes you were with him always, not just on mission but especially right now. He’s almost sure you'd make a good wife. You could comfort him when he had nightmares. He wanted to be there for you too. He imagines holding you after a bad dream; it'd be nice to comfort someone else for a change. He imagines what it might feel like to have you curled up against his back or resting on his chest.

That’s it. He gets up, abandoning his spot on the floor. He starts to pace around the living room, his heavy steps stomping around the quiet room. What did he think these thoughts were going to result in anyway? It's not like he had a chance with you. He was a killer. Nothing could change that.

He gravitates towards his running shoes. He wasn’t getting any sleep tonight, that's for sure. Maybe he could outrun his thoughts.

He laced up his shoes, threw on his joggers and sprinted out into the night.

The cool mist hits his face as he races down the empty street. He tried to only think of running, but the more he tried to not think about you, the more he ended up thinking about you.

He slowed to a stop, almost in tears, doubling over to catch his breath.

"Fine! I have a crush, alright??" he blurts into the night.

As soon as he catches his breath, he runs home, pulling out his journal and jotting down all his thoughts.

I think about her more than I think about myself, alright!!

I worry about her so much whenever she's out of my sight.

She's smart. She's funny. She's kind. I wouldn't change a thing about her. God made her perfect for me.

I can’t stop wondering if she feels the same way about me. I don't deserve her. I know it. But I’d do anything for her.

She can have my heart. She can have everything.

He drops the pen. He feels wounded. Like his chest just ripped open.

He finally admitted it. And that made it real. It meant he wanted you. Needed you. He lays back down on the hardwood floor, covered in a layer of sweat.

Worry clouds his mind as he draws the covers over himself. Did he just ruin his relationship with you? Could he ever look you in the eye the same after admitting his interest in you to himself?

But then the thoughts grow quieter...

He’s almost in tears because a calm comes over him. Not fighting the thought of you allows him to fall into the deepest sleep he’s ever had since before he was the Winter Soldier. And even though he knows that when he awakes he'll want you and he isn't worthy, he will do everything he can to work towards being the man you deserve.

--- --- ---

Part ii on my Patreon!: https://www.patreon.com/itsplumwriter

Follow me on insta!: https://www.instagram.com/itsplumwriter

i really hope you guys liked it!! I love u and God bless you, dolls!

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itsplumwriter · 8 months

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Lol 😂

me @ y/n when they do something i’d never do:

like babe this isn’t us ?? get it together

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itsplumwriter · 8 months

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Baking for Bucky

POV: While browsing a small collector’s shop, Bucky finds a vintage WWII magazine from the 40s. He flips through the pages and spots a dessert recipe, asking if you could make it for him.

A/N: Just some fluffsss. I haven't written a fluffy piece in a while so I really hope you'll like this. I love baking, do y'all? It's such a comfort activity and I think it'd be so cute to bake for Bucky.

--- --- ---

“What are we making again?” you ask, pulling out the flour and sugar.

“Gingerbread. It’s a classic from the 40s,” Bucky says, flipping through the old-timey magazine. “Housewives used to pack it in their husband’s box lunches back in the day.”

You raise an eyebrow. “Housewife? I am a housewife now?”

He lowers the magazine, glancing at you. “You can be..."

You nearly trip trying to get the bowl. “Slow your roll, soldier...”

He chuckles as he helps you pull out the rest of the ingredients. You love him, obviously, and you could definitely see yourself marrying him. But you’re both enjoying the dating phase and there’s no need to rush things.

You add the ingredients to the bowl and stir it's contents carefully, noticing a concerned look on Bucky's face. "What's going on in that head of yours?"

Bucky smiles, enjoying the fact you know him so well. "The smell is just bringing me back... Usually sights, sounds, and smells bring me back to bad memories from my past, so it's kinda nice to have a smell trigger a good memory for once."

You smile and nod, hoping he'll say more; Bucky rarely opens up. When he does, you find it best to just keep quiet and let it flow naturally.

"I kinda miss the old days, you know?..." he continues. "Sometimes I hate that I was frozen for so long. That so many years were taken from me. Sometimes I wish I could have lived in the era I was supposed to.”

“I can understand that,” you say, nodding.

He approaches you, hugging you. “But the thing is if I hadn’t been frozen... I never would’ve met you."

He buries his head in the crook of your neck. "And that sorta makes it all worth it."

“Bucky,” you sigh. His words are sweet, but they make you upset. "I don't want you to say anything was worth what you went through..."

Bucky takes your hand, kissing your palm. “I mean it. And I meant it when I said I want you to be my wife...”

You smile. "Let's see how this gingerbread turns out first. You may change your mind..."

Bucky chuckles, rolling his eyes.

--- --- ---

The entire house is filled with the smell of gingerbread. A warm feeling enrobes the air, reminding you of Christmastime. You both curl up on the couch, eating a few slices with milk.

"You're clearly wifey material," Bucky chimes.

You raise an eyebrow. "Where did you hear that term..."

Bucky stares at you. "Sam."

You chuckle, shaking your head.

"No, but seriously... This has got to be one of the best desserts I've ever had."

You roll your eyes. "...Don't exaggerate, Bucky."

“I'm not! It's the loveliest thing I've ever tasted because the loveliest person made it for me."

You fiddle with a few gingerbread crumbs on your plate, blushing.

Bucky smiles to himself. "I remember one of my buddies used to have these all the time in his box lunch. He’d brag all the time to us that his wife made it for him... I can’t believe I had to wait nearly 90 years for my wife to make me some...”

You clench your jaw. “But I'm not your wife, Buckyy... I love you and I can see myself spending the rest of my life with you. But I don't think I'm ready just yet."

He gives you a soft smile. “No rush, doll... I believe I waited my whole life to meet you... It'd be an honor for me to wait a little longer..."

--- --- ---

AAAHHHH the flufffffff <33 love you all so much!! Did you like??

Follow me on insta: https://www.instagram.com/itsplumwriter

Join our community: https://www.patreon.com/itsplumwriter

Love you, dolls xo

God bless <3

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itsplumwriter · 8 months

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Period Comfort

POV: Bucky comforts you on your period.

A/N: ok I seriously loved writing this... I’m a girl so obviously I know what it’s like to go through that time of the month and this is the kind of comfort I'd like. I hope you'll like it too <33

--- --- ---

“I just started my period. Can’t make it.”

That's all you had to text Bucky to make him blow up your phone.

"Do you need anything?" "Are you in pain?" "What can I do?" “Omw.”

You’re half asleep so you don’t see any of his messages. You had brought out a pillow and blanket from the bedroom and settled on your couch, trying to distract yourself from your cramps with some TV noise and light napping.

The sound of the door wakes you up.

Bucky waddles in with several grocery bags and a very determined look on his face.

“Hey, doll,” he says, setting the bags on the coffee table.

“Hey, Buck?" you utter, sitting up. "What are you doing here? I thought you were working today..."

Bucky shrugs. "I told them my girl’s not feeling well and she needs me."

You appreciate Bucky, but can’t help feel a pang of guilt. “But you had plans...”

“You are my priority, doll... I got you some things.”

You raise an eyebrow as you watch him pull out a box of pads. “How’d you know I use that brand?”

“I saw them in your cabinet the other day...” he says, casually.

You smile. “You didn’t have to do that, Bucky... I have enough.”

“Oh. Well, you can use them for next time," he says, shrugging. “And I got you some snacks.”

Your eyes widen. “You did?”

He nods, pulling out a box of chocolate chip cookies.

"I read online that dark chocolate helps with cramps," he says, handing you the box.

The widest smile spreads across your face as you open it and get a whiff of chocolate.

He looks through the last bag himself, not showing you its contents, and double knots it.

"...Well, what's in that last bag?" you ask.

He kisses you on the forehead. “You’ll see..."

He heads for the kitchen as you crane your neck, trying to get a glimpse. “Go ahead and start a movie. I’ll be right back...”

You smile to yourself, watching him head for the kitchen; a warm feeling traveling across your chest. Typically your period was a time of misery. The cramps were debilitating. The moodiness was frustrating. The lethargy was annoying. But having someone, especially your boyfriend, be so compassionate and concerned made it far less terrible. You were just so grateful to have a boyfriend like Bucky.

You were falling in and out of asleep on the couch again, when Bucky gentle shakes you awake.

“Fresh mac and cheese, doll. I hope you like it.”

The smell of the food wakes you up. You sit up as he hands you a fork.

“Whoa,” you say.

Bucky stares at you intensely as you take a bite.

Your eyes widen. “Wow, it’s so good."

His shoulders relax. “Oh good, I thought I screwed it up.”

You shake you head, unable to speak as you stuff your mouth. “It’s amazing. You made this?”

He nods. "Yup. And there's chicken and mashed potatoes, too. Just say the word, doll, and I'll go get it."

You shake your head. "This is perfect for now, Bucky. Thank you."

Bucky smiles, scooting closer to you on the couch. He tries to put his arm around you, but you shift away. Again, he attempts to hold your hand, but you pull away.

“Doll, why do you keep moving away from me?”

You set your plate down on the coffee table. "I’m sorry, Bucky... I just. I don’t really feel cute right now..."

"Are you serious, doll? You’re always cute to me..."

You drop your gaze, feeling super self-conscious for some reason.

"You know I love you right?"

"Yes, I know Bucky."

He clenches his jaw. "Well, I don't think you know what that actually means cuz when I say I love you, I mean all of you... all the time. I’m not going to stop because it’s your time of the month..."

You chuckle.

"I want to hold you, doll. If that’s what you want me to do... of course."

You lay on his chest as he wraps his arms around you, giving you gentle back scratches. "Of course that's what I want."

“You know, I actually like when you’re like this..." he chimes. "It gives me a chance to take care of you for once. You always help me with my problems... I want to repay the favor.”

You laugh. “Well, I’m glad... I think.”

He didn’t want anything from you. He just wanted you. And today you really needed it.

The warmth and the pressure of his arms helped your cramps. The food he made gave you energy. And his kindness assuaged your moodiness. You fall asleep on his chest. You typically dreaded the first day of your period, but with the right guy, it turned out to be the best day of the month.

--- --- ---

bye the fluff i cant so sweet going to go crawl in a ball and dream with these butterflies now ok bye i love you <3

Follow me on insta: https://www.instagram.com/itsplumwriter

Join our community: https://www.patreon.com/itsplumwriter

Love you, dolls xo

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itsplumwriter · 1 year

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Wedding Confession

POV: Bucky’s been avoiding you since you got engaged to another man and waits until the last minute to admit it’s because he loves you.

Author’s notes: So this is my first time writing grumpy Bucky. The passive aggressiveness in his dialogue was too fun to explore. :pp I don’t normally write this side of him so it was so cool to try out!

So guys, y/n was having doubts about who she was going to marry well before her wedding date. Let this be a lesson for us to never ignore that gut feeling!! God gave us conviction and intuition for a reason. <3

Warnings: nothing really, just nerves

--- --- ---

Your head was spinning. You fix a loose strand of hair over and over in the mirror beginning to sweat in your white dress. Several attempts later you're still not satisfied, but you settle for tucking it behind your ear.

You were supposed to be excited for today, joyful for what was to come; it was your wedding day. But instead you felt sick to your stomach.

You had serious doubts about this guy you were about to marry. You had been ignoring it for a while but now you could feel it in your stomach.

Something felt off about him. You dated him for nearly a year, but you still didn't feel that connection people always talked about. This man didn't seem caring enough. Sure he acted like he cared about you in front of others. But when you were alone or needed to vent, he never made you feel important or heard. He didn't know how to comfort you. Not in the way your friend Bucky did.

Bucky…

You haven’t heard from him in weeks.

From the moment you told him you got engaged, your relationship started to deteriorate. He stopped hanging out with you, started coming up with excuses as to why he couldn't work missions with you, and would flat-out turn away when he'd see you coming down the hall in the Avengers Tower.

It all came to blows when you asked him to be a part of the wedding and he refused, saying he was going to be busy that day. Even after you told him you needed him there due to nerves, he still said no.

You told him he wasn't being a good friend, he said the same, and the two of you haven't spoken since. You told yourself you didn't need him. You had plenty of other people on the team who could support you and be a part of your wedding. And everyone you had asked did end up showing up. The ironic part was, in this moment, you only wanted Bucky.

You took one last look in the mirror, smoothing the crinkles on your waist, before taking a deep breath and stepping out.

Heart racing, you make your way down the empty hallway towards the double doors, holding your dress with both hands. When you turn a corner, you bump right into Bucky.

“Bucky??” you exclaim, genuinely happy to see him, completely forgetting about your fight.

"Y/n..." he says, forcing a stoic expression, turning pink at the sight of you in your dress.

He clears his throat.

"Here's your work folder," he says abruptly, shoving it into your hand. “You left it on my desk..."

You stare at the folder blankly. "Um why are you giving me this?..."

“Well, since we aren't talking anymore, I figured I’d drop it off myself. I don't need you blaming me for your missing folder..."

He turns on his heels towards the exit.

You stand there, dressed in white, dumbfounded. “Um excuse me… is that it?”

Bucky spins around. “What more do you want, y/n?”

“Aren’t you gonna apologize??"

“Apologize for what exactly?”

"Apologize for calling me a bad friend..!! Apologize for our fight!”

He shrugs. “I meant every word I said.”

You swallow your anger. "Are you serious?"

He nods, and turns again towards the exit, saluting you sarcastically. "Have a good time."

"Where are you going now?"

"Shield office. Some of us have work to do today..."

You grow red with anger. “Bucky! I needed you today!”

He scoffs, stopping in his tracks.

Bucky shakes his head. "What could you have possibly needed from me that you don't already have??”

"I needed your company! I needed my friend! I needed someone to talk to..."

"Why don't you talk to that guy you're marrying..."

"I can't talk to him... not about this..."

"What can you not talk to Mr. Perfect about…”

You were tired of the back and forth. You decide to just blurt it out. "I'm scared, Bucky...! I don't know if I'm making the right decision."

He presses his lips into a thin line, his demeanor softening. You don't make eye contact, afraid if you do you might start crying.

He looks as though he's still deciding on what to say and how to say it but he settles for a question.

"Are you happy?..."

Your stomach flips. He’s the only person whose asked you that question all day. And you didn’t know the answer.

You bite your inner cheek to keep from crying.

“I mean… you love him, right?”

His tone's completely changed. The bitter, sarcastic Bucky was gone. The Bucky that stood before you was the one you had known before. The friend you've missed.

You didn’t exactly answer, but Bucky’s read your expression. “Y/n, if you’re having doubts, today of all days, you probably shouldn’t…”

You drop your gaze, starting to sweat under your dress again.

Bucky bites his lip. “Y/n, you should know something... I should tell you something… I--"

“Y/n, let’s go!!" Suddenly Nat bursts down the hall, making you and Bucky jump. "Oh hey, look who's finally decided to show up."

Bucky nods at her. “Give us a second, Nat…”

“Fine, but chop, chop!” Nat claps at you. "I didn’t plan all of this for the bride to be late…”

When she leaves you let out a nervous sigh, the nerves starting to set in again.

“Bucky, what is it..."

He bites his lip before letting it out.

"I just wanted to tell you why I've been avoiding you so much... why I've been acting like such a jerk..."

Your eyes widen, surprised he’s actually admitting to his behavior. “Huh?”

Bucky sighs. “…I don’t know if it’s too late to tell you. I thought it was too late to tell you when you told me some guy asked you out for coffee. Then I thought it was too late when you started calling him your boyfriend. Or when you told me you got engaged. Or when you asked me to be a part of your bridal party. Now I realize it’ll be really too late once you say I do... So you should know now, y/n, that…"

Your heart skips a beat. "That what?"

He drops his gaze. "I mean, come on, y/n... isn’t it obvious?"

Your eyes don't leave his. "No..."

He sighs. “That I love you…”

You blink twice. “Bucky you've been ignoring me for weeks... I thought you hated me..."

Bucky chuckles. “No. The opposite. I love you. I always have.”

If you thought your head was spinning before, it was nothing compared to how it was spinning now. Bucky, your best friend? He’s loved you this whole time? Had he any idea you loved him too?

“Bucky, I—“

"You can still go through with it...” he adds quickly, running his hands through his hair. “I just thought you should know."

You start shaking your head, shrugging. "Bucky… I love you too...”

Bucky's face turns white. "You what?"

You nod. “Always have...”

Bucky drops his gaze. "But why?”

You smile. “Because despite everything you’ve been through you have the biggest heart out of all the Avengers… I just thought you didn’t like me in that way…”

“I have a terrible way of showing it, I know. Especially the last few weeks… But, doll, I’ve been smitten since I met you.”

You smile wide and he does too; but his slowly fades. “…So what are you gonna do now?”

…

You told Nat what was happening and asked her to bring your fiancé into the dressing rooms to have a private conversation with him.

You told your fiancé about how you were feeling and that the wedding was off. He wasn’t as hurt as you thought he would be. You had been so distant since getting engaged, he was actually suspecting this would happen, just not this last minute…

Nat was pretty peeved she had to call the whole thing off after planning everything and she had to announce it to everyone, but she couldn't hide her smile when you told her. She admitted a part of her knew Bucky was confessing when she saw you talking to him in the hallway.

You and Bucky left right away. You couldn’t be bothered mingling with guests or socializing today, though the invitees were welcome to hang back and enjoy the refreshments that were already paid for. You were ready to hangout with the one person you’d been missing this whole time.

Bucky took you to your usual hangout, a little, unknown coffee shop away from everything and everyone. A dingy little place made of wood and lit with warm string lights that you and Bucky found one day looking for a place without a lot of people as you both have anxiety.

You spent the rest of the day there together. And Bucky couldn’t stop admiring you as you sipped your coffee and nibbled on your streusel.

You were stunning in your casuals but he couldn’t wait to see you dressed in white again. But the next time you would be, he’d be standing beside you.

—-

Follow me on insta: https://www.instagram.com/itsplumwriter

Join our community: https://www.patreon.com/itsplumwriter

Love you, dolls xo

God bless <3

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itsplumwriter · 1 year

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Bucky Finds Out Your Boyfriend Is Abusive

POV: Bucky finds out your boyfriend just hit you and decides to confront him.

ok so this one is a little dark and obviously there will be several trigger warnings. if you can relate to this in anyway.. i am sooo sorry. God did not create relationships for us to be victimized or abused in. if you are in an abusive relationship right now please tell someone as fast as you can, know that you deserve better and need to be treated properly. if you escaped an abusive relationship and are dealing with the aftermath, please know that healing is a process; sometimes you'll feel great, other times you may relapse into despair; just know you are not your past, how they treated you doesn’t define you, and greater days are ahead - you made the right choice by getting out of there. I'll pray God watches over and blesses all your relationships, dolls <3

Dedicated to Bridget <33

Recommended song: shawn mendes - treat you better (slowed)

trigger warnings: abuse, bruises, toxic/abusive relationship, slight physical altercation

--- --- ---

Bucky was having the best time.

It had been forever since you had come over just to hang out; he'd almost forgotten how fun it was. Bucky had ordered pizza in. You brought over some chocolate ice-cream. And the two of you threw popcorn at each other while watching Disney movies and working on a puppy puzzle. It was a simple hangout, yet it meant everything to Bucky.

He missed you... a lot.

Ever since you started dating another agent from Shield you rarely had time to hang out with him anymore. He knew it was his own fault for not asking you out first. He had liked you for a long time, but he had waited too long... Nearly a year of flirting, but he never made a move.

He was afraid if he did he’d lose you as a friend altogether. And there was no chance of him hurting you if you were with someone else, so he figured maybe it was better this way.

The problem was you didn't even seem happy with this boyfriend of yours... you always looked drained when you came into work, as if you hadn't slept all night, and you were constantly on your phone responding to his incessant texts and calls.

There was a time when you even stopped smiling, stopped hanging out with the rest of the team, stopped talking to Bucky altogether.

Bucky was about to confront you about your change in behavior, but you kept turning down his invites to hangout, saying you and your boyfriend were too busy.

In reality it was because your boyfriend didn't want you hanging out with anyone else, especially Bucky. He gathered quickly the dynamic between you and Bucky and immediately categorized it as a threat. So, out of jealousy, he didn't allow you to see him except at work.

The fact was, you were miserable. The slightest thing could set your boyfriend off. You were walking on eggshells at all times trying to keep him happy. He hadn't hit you as of yet, but he had thrown things and yelled so loud it'd make you cry. You wanted to break up with him; but you were just so terrified of the reaction you kept putting it on hold.

He must have suspected this because today he finally agreed to allow you to see your best friend Bucky (as long as you agreed to text him before and after). You jumped on the opportunity.

You popped some popcorn into your mouth, watching Bucky scrunch his nose, concentrating on fitting a piece into the puppy puzzle.

You smiled… you missed him.

You had forgotten how nice it was to hang out with him. How easy.

There had been a light on-and-off buzzing sound all throughout your visit with Bucky that you'd been ignoring. When you heard it again, you realized what it was.

You nearly knock over the popcorn, searching your bag for your phone. Your stomach flips the moment you see it.

Apparently, your boyfriend had changed his mind about allowing you to hang out with Bucky and wanted you home immediately…. two hours ago.

Your heart sinks. “I've gotta go..." you utter.

"Already...?"

You barely nod before you grab your bag and scurry out of there.

"Alright… well then, I guess I'll see you lat--"

You slam the door before he can finish. You didn't mean to ignore him. But you were terrified. Terrified of the result of this.

Bucky's eyebrows were still furrowed long after you left. His eyes wander to the floor when he sees you left your wallet behind.

--- --- ---

Bucky approaches the door of your apartment, your wallet in hand. He'd come to return it as well as see what was the cause of your urgency.

It takes you a while to answer the door and when you do Bucky turns stark white.

You're holding an icepack to your eye, and there is blood on your lip and brow.

It takes you a moment to realize it’s him. You turn red from embarrassment.

"Bucky... I- I thought you were someone else..."

Bucky pushes his way in, lifting your chin to inspect your face. "Y/N?? What happened to you?"

You drop your gaze. "Nothing... I'm fine.”

Bucky starts looking around the apartment.

"Did your boyfriend do this to you?" he asks, urgently.

You don't answer him. You can't even look at him.

Bucky begins searching the entire apartment.

"Where is he??"

"I don't know..."

"Y/n!! Tell me!!"

"I don't know! The bar maybe?... Why?"

Bucky nods, storming out the apartment.

"Bucky, where are you going??"

Before you knew it, he was gone.

--- --- ---

Bucky strides into the bar, fuming at this point. It only takes him a few moments to spot your boyfriend by the bar table, talking to a group of people.

The guy is all smiles and without a scratch on him. This makes Bucky even madder.

Your boyfriend spots him and cheers. "Hey! Metal man! What are you doing here?"

He doesn't know Bucky that well. In fact, he seemed to go out of his way to ignore him at work, especially after finding out Bucky was such good friends with you. But his fake charm had always been a part of his façade. Bucky couldn't believe he never realized it. Never realized this man was abusive.

Bucky doesn't break his momentum; as soon as he's close, he shoves him hard on the shoulder and snatches him by his neck, making his grin vanish into thin air.

The bar quiets down to eavesdrop.

"I'm not going to hurt you, because I'm not that guy anymore..." Bucky says, through gritted teeth. "But if you touch y/n again... Rule #2 won't be the only thing I'll break around here..."

Bucky releases him, turning to leave quickly before his anger lands him in jail.

"I don't see how it's any of your business, Barnes..." he calls out, adjusting his collar.

Bucky stops mid-walk.

"I mean, she's my girl... I can do whatever I want…”

Bucky turns around, moving on him like a hyena before grabbing his neck, lifting him clean off the ground and slamming him hard against the table.

He growls. "Don't test me..."

With Bucky’s hand on his neck, he makes small gurgling noises and turns red before conceding.

"Alright!!" He manages to squeeze out.

Bucky releases, dropping him to the floor with a thud.

Random drunkards in the bar start whistling and cheering for Bucky.

But Bucky's expression doesn't change. He storms out the bar, headed back to his main area of concern. You.

--- --- ---

"Y/n... you still in here?"

Bucky steps into your apartment cautiously.

You get up from the couch. “Bucky... what happened?"

Bucky goes straight to your room, pulling a bag from your closet and throwing clothes in from your dresser.

“I almost ripped his head off… but I didn’t. I’m pretty sure he’ll leave you alone now though.”

You watch Bucky packing your clothes. “What are you doing?"

“You're not safe here... He could come back to your apartment...”

Your heart warms at the sight of his actions. The act was sweet. Bucky had always been sweet. The only guy who actually cared and was a good friend to you. You needed to tell him. It was unfair to keep it a secret any longer.

"Bucky, you should know, I never really liked him... I've always really liked you."

Bucky turns white, clearing his throat. "Do you wanna stay at Nat's house tonight?"

"...Bucky, did you hear me?"

"Hmm?"

You purse your lips together. "What do you think about what I just said..."

Bucky doesn't respond, continuing to fling your clothes into your bag.

“Bucky…?”

Your stomach twists with embarrassment. "Look, if you don't feel the same way, you can just say so, but don't act like you can’t hear me--"

"Y/n, of course I feel the same way!" he blurts and it silences you. "And I feel sick to my stomach I waited so long to tell you... waited so long that you had to waste your time with that clown... If I had just admitted it earlier that jerk wouldn't have had the chance to... I should have just... this is all my fault."

Bucky plops down on the edge of your bed, burying his hands in his face, starting to sob.

You wait a moment before approaching him, putting your hand on his shoulder. "Bucky, this isn't your fault... like at all."

Bucky sighs. "Thanks, doll… but I know it’s not true…”

You lift Bucky’s chin with your hand. “Listen to me Bucky. This is his fault… and his fault alone. You hear me?”

Bucky looks up at you, examining your bruises again, putting his hand on your cheek. "Does it hurt, doll..."

You shake your head, softly wiping his tears. "Not really... I’d say it’s getting better.”

Bucky nods.

“Ill drive you to Nat’s house. But after that, what do you need? Is there anything else I can do?”

You shrug. “… Nothing you haven’t already done since the day we met… Just be there for me.”

—- —- —-

hope you guys liked it <3

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love you dolls! xo

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itsplumwriter · 2 years

Text

Sam's Questions

Been a while since I posted last - sorry guys. But here's a quick little fluff I wrote the other day! (: love u guys and I hope you're all doing well!

Don't forget you can still join my patreon if you'd like :) link below

POV: Sam is making a video montage asking the Avengers random questions and he gets annoyed when all of Bucky's answers involve you.

A/N: This is shortly after Bucky and you got married so he's got big heart eyes during this time haha <3

I got the idea hearing Seb laugh warmly during an interview. It made me think: what if he was laughing because the interviewer got annoyed because he kept bringing you up?

Recommended song: Curtis Harding - On and On

Word Count: 310

Warnings: none ! just lots of fluff

--- --- ---

“Hey, metal man!” Sam calls out, running down the hall with a camera.

Bucky turns around. Ordinarily something like this would make him snap at Sam, both verbally and physically, but Bucky was still riding on a bliss cloud after marrying you a few weeks ago. You've guided him to a new peace and practically nothing could put him in a bad mood during this time.

"I’m asking all the Avengers random questions for the video at the end-of-the-year party! Are you up for it?”

Bucky shrugs, smiling. “Sure, go ahead."

Sam grins, aiming his camera. “So... James Buchanan Barnes. What’s your favorite thing to do to wind down at night?”

He thinks about it as Sam waits patiently.

Bucky's shoulders relax. “Well, y/n’s got me watching these old Disney classics. I didn’t like it at first, but now it’s all I wanna watch. As long as I’m watching it with her... it’s my favorite thing to do at night.”

“Okay,” Sam says, slightly annoyed. Of course, Bucky would bring you up. He's always bringing up his wife.

He tries to think of a question Bucky could answer that couldn't possibly involve you. “How about your favorite dessert?”

“I’m not sure what they are called but y/n makes these cookies... Double chocolate chip maybe? I'd say those are my favorite food currently...”

Sam huffs. “...Your favorite thing to do in the morning?”

“Kiss y/n.”

“...Your favorite smell?”

“Y/n.”

Sam lowers the camera; his face could not be more annoyed. “Bucky, are any of your answers not gonna include y/n?”

Bucky laughs. “Oh, okay sorry. The next one won't...”

Sam lifts the camera. “So... what's your favorite work of art?”

As soon as he asks it, he knows what’s coming.

Bucky shrugs, laughing. “That one’s y/n too.”

Sam nearly drops his camera, letting out an exasperated groan. "Of course it is!"

---

haha i love u guys (: thanks for reading ~

---

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itsplumwriter · 2 years

Text

Soul Gazing Exercise

POV: Bucky’s therapist asks you to assist Bucky during a soul gazing exercise. Bucky and you stare into each other’s eyes, but when the timer goes off, he doesn’t break eye contact. Neither do you.

Genre: flufffffy fluff <3

Ambience suggestions: I'd prefer you read this in a cozy chair (similar to what you'd find in a therapy office) in a cool, comfortable room... wherever you choose to read this, I hope you enjoy :)

Word Count: 840

Warnings: nothing really, therapy office setting, eye contact

--- --- ---

“That’s it! I’ve had it with you two!” Bucky’s therapist, Dr. Raynor throws her hands up in the air. “I asked you two to complete a simple soul gazing exercise and you turn it into a staring contest. Why can’t you two take anything seriously?”

Sam shrugs. “I was doing just what you said, Doc. Buck’s the one who’s got a problem.”

“I was soul gazing too. Like you asked,” Bucky clarifies. “I just happen to be better at not blinking than him.”

Dr. Raynor rolls her eyes. "That’s it. Neither one of you are mature enough to complete this exercise. I need outside assistance...” Dr. Raynor stands up. “That girl you brought with you... She still in the waiting room?”

Bucky flushes. “No... She can’t. She’s not gonna wanna do it. She-”

Dr. Raynor is already out the door before he can say anything else.

Sam flashes a huge grin at Bucky. “... You and y/n are gonna stare into each other’s eyes now, huh? How romantic,” Sam coos.

Bucky turns red. “So what?"

"I know you're nervous."

"Why should I be nervous?"

"Come on, Buck. Everyone knows you like her..."

"I definitely do not. I mean I do-- Just not in that way."

Sam slaps his shoulder. "Okay, Buck. Should be easy then."

Bucky gulps as quietly as he can.

---

Before you know it, you’re walking into Dr. Raynor’s therapy office. Sam is grinning for some reason as he leaves and Bucky won’t even look at you. You're not sure what you just agreed to, but you're willing to help if it involves Bucky's therapy.

“What exactly am I assisting with again?” you ask as Dr. Raynor drags the chair so it’s directly across from Bucky.

“It's a simple exercise... It’s called soul gazing. You just have to look into each other’s eyes. That’s it.”

For no reason at all, your heart starts to race.

You’ve always had trouble maintaining eye contact with people. Something about it made you feel uncomfortable either because it felt unnatural or was too intimate. Of course, it didn’t help that you had a raging crush on Bucky since you met him. Yes, he was extremely cute, but your crush mostly developed after you got to know him.

You situate yourself in your seat, tensing as your knees brush against Bucky’s. You try to meet his gaze and figure out how he felt about all this, but he was persistent about not looking back at you. Was it possible he was nervous too?

“Alright. I’ll set the timer,” Dr. Raynor says, twisting the clock. “Don’t break contact until it goes off.”

You take a deep breath. When Dr. Raynor's timer clicks, you meet his gaze.

Your breath hitches. Now that you can finally see his face, you notice how handsome he looks today. Hair tousled, scruffy jaw.

You try to read his expression, but he’s practiced his stoic expression so much that it's impossible to know what he's thinking. All you gather you that his blue eyes feel like daggers. You didn't realize how self-conscious you'd feel under his gaze. You hoped he couldn’t see you shaking. Your nerves were begging you to break contact.

But as the timer continues to tick, you're forced to get over yourself. Somewhere past minute two, you begin to notice the beauty of his eyes.

Bluer than you realized.

Eyes that have seen so much. Eyes that saw what life was like in the 40s. Eyes that operated without his consent under Hydra's control. Eyes that were now yearning for forgiveness and a future.

The longer you stared into them, the more you could see about him. There was so much he wasn't letting on. So much he probably didn't even know about himself. He looked like he still had so much sadness and anger from what Hydra did to him, hidden in his eyes. And that he didn't believe he was worthy of forgiveness... even now. And finally you realized why they call it the soul gazing exercise.

The timer goes off, but you barely hear it.

You can’t seem to look away. Apparently neither can he.

Dr. Raynor literally has to come over and grab his chin. “Romeo, we’ve got other exercises to get through.”

Bucky clears his throat, lowering his head. “Sorry...”

With your gazes detached, you start coming to your senses as well.

Dr. Raynor nods at you softly. “Thank you, y/n. I think that’s all the assistance we will need for now. Would you mind hanging in the waiting room until the session is finished?”

You nod.

As you walk towards the waiting room in a daze, you are overwhelmed by the information his eyes gave off. You want to ask him more about his thoughts, dreams, and desires now. If you felt like you knew him even deeper now, was it possible he felt the same way?

You'd be sure to ask him after the session in a heart-to-heart conversation of which, for once, you planned to maintain eye contact for.

--- --- ---

A/N: This is pretty much inspired by my personal struggle with eye contact. I’ve struggled with it for as long as I can remember. It seems like such a simple thing: maintain your gaze while speaking and being spoke to. But I get so caught up in trying to hold it, that I can’t concentrate on what I’m saying nor am I listening to what the other person is saying.

This is why I tend to just look away and over time it’s become a habit. I think there’s something about it that makes me feel seen. Like if they look into my eyes too long, they’ll see the real me of which they’ll reject... I’m still working on it. But I like how things worked out for y/n in this one-shot. Hopefully, it’ll inspire me to have the courage to look up once in a while. :p

--- --- ---

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itsplumwriter · 2 years

Text

I Know Loving Me Is A Nightmare

POV: After waking you up from yet another nightmare, Bucky starts to cry, saying he knows that being married to him is a lot and that maybe you should both sleep in separate beds.

Ambience suggestions: I prefer you read this at night, cozied up in bed of course :) <3 <3

A/N: I loved exploring this pov. I can see Bucky thinking of himself as a burden and keeping you awake because of his nightmares would just tear him apart. But I find it comforting when y/n reassures him. I've got a soft spot for reverse hurt/comfort. Tell me what you think!

Word Count: 645

Warnings: nothing much, just nightmares and angst

--- --- ---

Bucky startles awake, screaming.

But you're hardly surprised. You sit up, handing him the towel from the nightstand.

Nights like these have become something of a routine. He's been having nightmares nearly every night for a month.

Trying to catch his breath, he wipes the sweat from his forehead and chest as you stroke his back.

He usually doesn't talk about his nightmares right away. He wasn’t exactly in the mood to talk when his heart was beating out of his chest, but you knew he'd tell you about it in the morning.

Your heart broke for him. The nightmares have been nonstop and unforgiving in detail. You did not imagine it was healthy for him to go so long without a good night's sleep. You wished you could do more. But after several nights of this, you're realizing more and more that all you can do is comfort him.

As you stroked his back, his breathing started to slow. It was soothing and it was making you drowsy, but you only wanted to lay down when your husband was ready.

You didn’t know it, but Bucky's been watching you through the corner of his eye. He saw you struggling to keep your eyes open; your head drooping every so often as you tried to stay awake. The guilt eats at him.

He pulls his knees against his chest and buries his head in his hands, sobbing quietly.

The sound is subtle, but you notice it. “Bucky? Are you alright?” you ask, wondering if his nightmare had brought on a second wave of sadness.

You lift his chin, trying to inspect his face, but he turns away. "What's wrong?" you ask.

“You don’t deserve this," he utters. "I’m so sorry.”

“Huh? What are you talking about?"

"I’ve kept you up for weeks... Don’t act like you’re not exhausted."

You shake your head. You haven't even thought about how his nightmares have been affecting you.

"Bucky, I’m fine... Your wellbeing is more important to me right now.”

This makes him crumble even more. He sobs hard, his whole body shaking.

“Bucky, stop,” you say, caressing his shoulders.

When his cries dissipate, he lifts his face from his hands. “Doll, I think we should sleep in separate beds.”

You search his expression. “Is that what you want?”

He nods hesitantly. “Let’s face it, loving me is a nightmare. It's not gonna get any better. My nightmares don't show any signs of stopping. They may never stop. You deserve to have a good night’s sleep.”

You frown. “But I don’t want to have a good night's sleep if I know you're not, Bucky.”

He shakes his head at you, biting the inside of his cheek to keep from crying.

"But why?" he utters.

You place a hand on his cheek, scratching that stubble of his that you love so much. “Because I love you, baby. You happen to come with nightmares and a metal arm,” you say, shrugging. “That doesn’t mean I'm gonna love you any less.”

Bucky clenches his jaw. Tears threaten to fall, but this time not of sadness, but of joy. He holds his arms out for you and you wrap yourself around him.

“So, no more talk of sleeping separately, okay?” you say.

He buries his head in your neck.

“Unless you want to,” he clarifies.

You stroke his hair. “Never.”

You can feel him smile against your shoulder before he kisses you there.

The two of you lay back down, settling and holding each other close. Bucky relaxes to the sound of your gentle breathing, matching his. He's tried a lot of techniques to try and lessen his nightmares this past month, but your reassurance tonight appears to be the exact remedy he needed.

Secured by your embrace, he falls into a deep, dreamless sleep. The best sleep he’s had in weeks.

---

Follow me on insta: https://www.instagram.com/itsplumwriter

You can join our little community and support me here if you’d like (: https://www.patreon.com/itsplumwriter

I learned a lot from writing this short story. I believe in sleeping in the same bed only after marriage and this story really made me see the benefits to that. Marriage is a commitment and I like how y/n says she's not gonna leave Bucky no matter what because she loves all of him. And it turns out that sense of security was what Bucky needed to sleep <3

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itsplumwriter · 2 years

Text

Coffee With Tears: Part i

POV: When you first joined the team, you and Bucky got extremely close. Trying to escape his developing feelings for you, Bucky randomly leaves and you’re heartbroken. You didn’t know it, but he’s been checking up on you everyday since he left. Finally, one day you spot him just outside your local coffee shop. You confront him.

Word Count: 770

Suggested song: Let Me Down Slowly (slowed + reverbed)

Ambience suggestions: This would be adorable to read in a coffee shop, sitting by a window. You could look out the window every once in a while. --- But if you can’t get to a café, please read this in a cozy space with a warm beverage, preferably by a window. It’ll settle you in and help your imagination wander even after you’re finished reading. <3

A/N: This gif really inspired this short story; Bucky looking from the window longingly, like an observer banished to experience life on the outside in fear of how his involvement might affect things.

Get involved in life, dolls. Just like how Bucky completely misinterpreted how his presence affected others in this short story, you too might be misreading things and underestimating your opportunity to leave a positive impact on others.

Warnings: stalking, some yelling, mentions of abandonment, angst

--- --- ---

Bucky paces down the city sidewalk with one thing on his mind: you.

It’s Tuesday. 6pm. You’ll be having coffee at Lisa's Café with one of your friends like you did every Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Boy, did you love your coffee. Bucky’s memorized your routine and has been checking on you every day since he went AWOL from the team, but you didn’t know it.

The way he left things was messy. When you joined the team, the two of you would joke, laugh, play, even cry together. It was getting all too real, much too fast for him and he panicked. So, one day, he just packed all his things and left, leaving behind nothing but a letter.

But trying to leave behind his love for you was easier said than done. He found himself worrying about you, often. So, he allowed himself to check on you as long as it was from a distance.

Bucky keeps his head down as he makes his way down the street. He plans on just passing through like always (usually just a brief check-in of you was all he needed to soothe his worry for your wellbeing) but when he gets to the coffee shop, he freezes at the sight of you.

First of all, he wasn’t expecting to see your face (you were normally positioned in the opposite direction). And secondly, you were stunning. Well, to him, you were always stunning; but today you were glowing; beaming at something your friend said, shining with positivity and light, your beauty was coming from inside you. He knew time apart from him would do you good.

He knows the longer he lingers, the higher the chances of being seen, but he can’t seem to look away.

He watches you laugh at something your friend says and his heart pangs. He finds himself missing you, a feeling he’s been trying to ignore since day one of leaving. And it ached bad.

He was just bringing himself to move, when you briefly looked out the window mid-conversation and spotted him. His heart nearly stops.

Before he can do anything, you’re already saying something to your friend and heading towards the door.

.......

You approach him, hesitating. “Bucky?"

Bucky looks petrified, locking eyes onto you like you’re some sort of creature.

"...What are you doing here?"

He shrugs. “I don’t know... I come by every once in a while.”

A million thoughts race into your head, but you decide to start with something basic.

“What happened to you?”

“Nothing... Personal matter...”

You scoff. “...You left without a word.”

“I left a letter.”

“After everything we’ve been through, you didn’t think I deserved more than a letter?”

Bucky looks confused. At least four cars go by without either of you saying anything. “Honestly, I didn’t think it would matter to you that much...”

You cross your arms. “What are you talking about? We went on missions together. We spent every day together. We ate all our meals together. You patched my wounds, I patched yours. Then you just dropped out of my life. You didn’t think about how that would make me feel?"

Bucky shakes his head, looking off into the street, refusing to feel guilty. “You don’t get it. I did you a favor.”

You furrow your brows. “What does that mean?”

“The more time we spent together... the sooner you’d realize it.”

“Realize what?”

“Realize that I don’t deserve your friendship!” he barks so loud people passing by look at him. “I didn’t deserve any of it! I didn’t deserve it when you got sick taking care of me when I caught that cold... When you stayed up with me all night because of my nightmares... When you started crying in therapy just because I was crying... It was only a matter of time before you realized it.”

You fought the tears welling up in your eyes. “The only thing I realized from spending so much time with you, Bucky … was that I loved you,” you barked back. “But clearly, you didn’t feel the same way since you abandoned me and the rest of the team with not so much as an empty letter.”

Bucky’s mouth hangs open as he turns white, too stunned to say anything.

Before you transform into a blubbering mess right there on the sidewalk, you turn away quickly, rushing back into the café.

He watches you usher your friend to get up and you head out the door on the opposite side of the building.

Before Bucky could make any sort of move, you were gone.

--- --- ---

You can find Part ii here as well as support me if you’d like (: https://www.patreon.com/itsplumwriter

Follow me on insta ! :D https://www.instagram.com/itsplumwriter

This was kinda short but I hope you like it guys! This is my first post ever !! I wanna expand on this concept of Bucky self-sabotaging his relationships more... I’ve self-sabotaged my past relationships a lot because I felt unlovable - It’s tough convincing yourself of your value when you don’t feel worthy... :( but it’s possible! We just gotta see ourselves in a positive light --- as I’m sure in the same way you see others :)

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