This days my living bee doesnt feel that great She overthinking a lot of things and some of them She doesnt want tò talk about tò me or She writhes them Witch Is good Is important tò writhe the feelings that are bothering you, but at the same time i think especially for her Is important that She dosent bottle up her emotion because they just Explode, and i think that slowly sharing them and even if not by voice finding ways tò comunicate them, i want to try my best to at least be there for her but im scared that She doesnt look for help and i want to support her and at least make her feel that i cate because i do but idk if im doing a good job at it

I feel Like shit.

I feel Like what i do, even if Is harmless, i feel Like im not a good girlfriend even if im trying my best i Always scared tò hurt her but also i want her to be honest with me, without her worring tò offend or hurt me, but at the same time the fact that She gets hurt of what i do and she things that im lying or doing terrible things maybe she things that im like that and the fact that could be the idea she has of me shows that maybe im not a good girlfriend even if the situation is diffrent from her paranoia, i know is what paranoia does but at the same time, maybe if she things that im going to do so many bad things, that in worried that whats she things i am witch im not, im probably just overthinking but...i just want to do the best i can...

Ok so something that has been revolutionary for me and my gf since now its possibile for me and her to talk a bit more, thats also why i havent been posting that mutch so that i can directly Say things tò her but also due to mental health problems, but One way that we show eatchothers affection Is that we started tò play brawl stars togheter and yeah It might be weird, but i get so excited when She Is online and there also a chat so we talk about things in there sometimes and It makes me feel closer to her, even if chatting on a mobile game chat seams desperate but i don't care Just that i can play with my lovely girlfriend means the worlds tò me, and that we are able tò have some quality time togheter, Witch Is One of the more important stuff for me, so yeah its fucking great! Also me and her are litteraly Emz and Poco they are so us coded even if Bad Randoms Poco Is more me coded. But yeah this makes me so Happy

Meanwhile for a bit of coping due to our situation (since because of mental health problems we got imposed that we shouldnt speak or see eatchothers for things tò be stabile again) but a lot of time has past alredy and im alredy 18 so an Adult, but my gf Is still 17, so in november She would be 18 as well, so right now She Is still tecnachly under her parent rules and responsibility so even if they are against, there Is not a lot that they can do, but still She says that still She Needs more time so even if that dates arrives Is still pretty unsure since i want to respect her decisions. But still i out a countdown on her birthday because maybe that day would be the day

Seeing Happy couples be togheter for Valentines day and me not being able tò see or gift something for my beautyful girlfriend bee makes me sad, but the i think that i don't Need fancy presents or date tò show her my love, i mean i would be cool tò give her the world, but i love her so mutch that i don't Need tò be close to her tò show her my love and how strong It Is and how my Heart Beats every Moment for her, out bond Is stronger that everything we are Like Two soul in One, and even if i can't give her present and be with her in this special day you know what shows that we are true Valentines none the less? The fact that no matter what happeneds, and now matter how i wait, i Will be Always there tò love her because i don't Need anybody else, we are Lost shouls that found eatchothers and that passion Will burn for eternity, and no matter that even if i can't go out with you or talk to you i Will never give up and wait and wait till eternity Just for you and i think thats makes me you're true Valentine

I love you bee

(PS: i started writting this during Valentine day but i felt Like i wasnt able tò writhe It and It was bad for me tò post It even After and i felt so guilty and a bad gf for this but i do trully love her)

But i have tò Say that something that at least makes me feel Better than maybe now i don't writhe that mutch in here because im able tò talk directly tò her on the train and we have more contact even truw Friends, so maybe i should Just stop being so negative, i love her and even if i show It in a diffrent way than before It doesnt mean less, in means we are becoming closer even if we are still affar, but i Will still Ty tò writhe more in here and maybe note down my in a simple text so that i remeber, maybe It shows that we are coming closer togheter than me being detached... I love her

Soon Is Valentine day, i wanted to make a bouquet for my gf, but She says Is tò risky, but i really wanted to give her something at least, but its quite hard with our shitty situation. But i got lucky at least, i was able tò spend the all Afternoon with the love of my Life, It was great, it passed so long since i could go out with her It was Amazing even if It was something secret, but when It was time tò leave i felt heartbroken i Just want to be with her in a normal way Like a normal couple, and all this distance Is killing me, maybe sometimes when i don't do things for Is because i don't want tò think tò mutch about It, because then i become sad and depressed, and i feel Like im not able tò express my emotion as before, but at the same time i woudnt feel bad i i didn't have feelings, and i known i have feelings im Just paranoid thats all. Im Just worried that im being delusional because even if i wait tilli shes 18, but She Is still not ready Witch i get She still has her problems and everything, but what if that time never comes, its been alredy almost 2 years what if we are never able tò finally be togheter in peace, and finally reunite, One of our Friends says that we love eatchothers so mutch so not tò worry but still, i Just want to have a normal relationship....

Seeing my gf on the train can really make a shitty day ten times Better, this period in feeling empty and there Is not a lot of things that bring me Joy but only the fact that i maybe get tò talk to my lovely gf at least a bit makes everything ten times better

Happy birthday tò the most important girl in all of my Life tò the girl that i would climb moutains for, the girl that i would die for, my lovely bee, se Is 17 now! She Is growing so old now im proud of her, im proud that everyday She Is able to wake up, i know its sounds stupid but She Is everything tò me, She Is my light a part of my soul and of i could i would now stay with her next to her Bed and cuddle her, i miss her so mutch It hurts of only i could Say happy birthday directly tò her and kiss her Everywhere in that cute face of hers and tò give her the time of her lifes during her birthday but i can't but maybe someday i could bake her i nice big cake and give her the gift box i made her a long time ago i love you bee and Happy birthday

Ok so the new Scott pilgrim cartoon Just came out now on Netflix and She Is obssesed with It Witch i find really cute and She been talking with me and She was so excited and giddy and i love listening to her talk about her nerdy tastes and that She feels confortable tò talk about It with me and seeing her so excited makes my Heart glitter She Just so precious and She deserves the world

Almost a month have passes since i posted here and i feel Like shit about It, mean i still love her with all my Heart and She Is the love of my Life and im Always so Happy and excited the really fiew times i see my bee but in the past i used to post more about her and do more things for her but now Is almost Like im out of ideas or Just don't know what to do or Like i don't feel the stimulation tò do It, and everytime i think of something tò put in here that i probably have a billions of things but then when It comes to do things Like writhe here and ideas my mind Is empty, and i feel Like a horrible gf all the time

So as girl in Red sayd i also fell in love in October in this very day, and i usually tend to forget dates but for day Like this One i could never do that since this day 3 years ago i hold my girl bee hands asking her tò be my girlfriend, the love of my Life, a part of my soul, as i helped her espress her feeling and hugging tò support her. And even After all this 3 years that have passes and so many things change i Will Always love you as mutch as i possibly can and show, my dedication and my love for you Is stronger than a Hurricane, a tsunami and a volcano, people think im crazy since you are my girlfriend even if we can talk but thats not true It show how mutch dedication i have for you my dear how mutch i can wait Just to Feel you're embrace again. We have still many things that we Need to talk about and some things tò resolve and im willing to do all that and more Just to go out with you again, Just to see you're goodmorning messages again, and Just to see you're beautiful smile again, and maybe One day give you the anniversary you really deserve with all my attention and gift, i don't know what you're situation Is and what can i know It since i want to be respectfull buy i really want to talk, i want to understand you everything of you tò be the best gf that i can be for you and i really really hope that someday we can talk about all this and have the Life and relationship we Always wanted because you are the love of my Life and i don't want our mental health or other people blocking our way i Just want to be free with you

I love you bee

PS: this was ment for the 8 of October but i coudnt finish It in time

The 8th of October Is the day me and my lovley gf got togheter and i want to di something special but idk what since our difficult situation, i can do a very long paragraph but i idk, i really want to give her the box i made for her but i don't think its possible but i can still try

Ok so my girlfriend Is pretty shy and has a hard time showing affection also due to our pause and we can't see eatchothers its hard for her but today in the train She smoothered me with kisses and was so cute i was almost shocked i didn't know how to react and i was concerned about my mom seeing her lipstick but It was so cute and precious and i wanted to tell her more than i aprecieated It was so cute

So this days i was feeling guilty because i feel Like im empty and not showing so mutch love so i was thinking that something super cute would be tò create with my childhood legos me and my girlfriend and a Little House so that i can feel more close with my bee una way tò recconect idk, Is It a dumb idea? I mean i think ita pretty cute...

I look so good right now and im going to the movies and if only my gf could see my elegant fit, Like im wearing a tye and a button up shirt and my hands all filles with Rings and i also put prefume and i think i look Like a badass masc lesbian and i would love her to see my fit Like this but i can't :(, and It would be perfect for a date

Ok so i returned from my trip from Paris and It was so Amazing a romantic and i would love in the future as an Honey Moon for my and my gf bee, but One Place that was truly beautiful was Versaille, but most off all, a part where there was a lot of the garden, and One specific part called the Temple of love, It was simile put the atmophere around It was so preatty, with the Little stream, the nice green grasso, and the beautyfull flowers around It was trully mesmorazing and tò kiss my gf under the Temple would be the best thing ever and a Dream come true