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Howdy ana tumbler. It's been a while.
Haven't posted on or browsed any pro Ana anything in a while. I havent had intrusive thoughts or acted on behaviors related to my ed in just as long. It feels like my ed just went away on its own. (I go over this in excessive detail in my most recent post; this is essentially a tl;Dr of that)
I never thought I'd be in this position where I'm both underweight and without an eating disorder but I am.
I'm leaning in more to therapy and I've got a long road ahead of me but I think it's time I put this and other accounts I have like it to rest.
I've always saw goodbye posts from people entering recovery or otherwise distancing themselves from this world and I guess it's my turn finally.
I hope to see y'all on the other side eventually.
Stay safe and take care. I love y'all ❤️
#ana trigger#anamia#skinnni#th1n$po#ftm ed#male thinspi#trans ed#notprojustusingthetags#not pr0 mia#ana tumblr#male ana#ana boy#tw ana fast#tw ana shit#anorekic#anorexies#ed thots#tw ed stuff#ed tingz#male ed#tw ed diet#ana recovery#ana rexx#ed recovery#ed related#ana thinking#thinspø
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I haven't been active on any pro Ana anything in a while.
I haven't gotten diagnosed with any ED as of now (if I were to self-diagnose; it'd be EDNOS/OSFED) though I'm finally talking about it in therapy.
I haven't acted in any ED related behaviors in a while and the intrusive thoughts are near non existent. It's been almost a year since I've stressed over my meals and I've lost weight from it. Ironically, I expected this. (See; EDNOS/OSFED)
From 10y/o to 19y/o, I stayed between 147lbs and 130lbs despite destroying my digestive system and heart trying to be 118.13lbs (BMI of 18.5) or less. My eating disorder had been such a central part of my adolescence.
I don't know how, but around 2020, I guess I just had bigger fish to fry than my body, or maybe not having lost any real weight over a decade disillusioned me. Mentally; I was at my worst over quarantine and still kinda since so its primarily due to that. Just a temporary shifting of tides realistically.
These days, I struggle to remember the calorie counts of this, that, and the other thing I used to have memorized like gospel. I've been working as a cook at a restaurant for almost 2 years and find myself being able to sample the foods I make without anxiety.
I still had a lot of anxiety when I started the job but it feels like forever ago now.
I'm officially underweight as of a couple days ago. I put on a few gw cloths and I feel nothing. Not gratification nor shame. More like casual acceptance. (I think it was my 3rd gw that was 118.13. I remember it was my ugw up until I was 14y/o)
My mental health is still ass but the personification of ana in my head has since taken on a far more realistic and accommodating character personality.
I've reverted back to my old eating habits in which I easily forget to eat and never seem to be hungry anyway. It always bothered me how this went out the window when I started trying to restrict. (Again, see my assumption on EDNOS/OSFED lol)
Oily and greasy foods have always made me nauseous so that hasn't changed but, otherwise, I have no fear foods anymore. Milk was a fear food but I find myself drinking it as a meal replacement when I don't have an appetite or otherwise can't stomach solid food.
I've finally mentioned it in therapy but, all things considered, it's a low priority. There's still a risk of it coming back (I know that ed's can't just get up and walk away) so it will be addressed soon. It's kinda nice not having to deal with it so I want to make sure it stays that way. It's distressing how much of my day and life revolved around it.
I never expected to be in this position. I don't know how to feel. I was always terrified of being taken off my medication once I got diagnosed with an ed and I'm still terrified of that happening now (I've been taken off them before; long story short, an ed would be the least of my problems). I can only hope I can prove to my doctor's that I'm presently well enough to stay on my regiment and maybe being an adult will allow me more influence on that decision. I may be required to gain weight for that and another reason anyway so even my cw is likely temporary. Regaining the weight may summon my ed back into existence but time will tell.
Time will tell.
I figured I'd post some kind of update even though I didn't get much interaction on this account when I was active. The fact that this account still exists keeps popping up into memory and it feels weird to just leave it as is.
I just changed my bio from; "Male-19-cw:130lbs-hw:152-lw:128-hight: suffer.__I'm mostly posting memes (like my last two deactivated accounts lol) and not much else. I'm also five foot seven lol. I'm not that insane."
Throughout this, I did gain a lot of experience about how ed's tend to work. I'll end this with some advice that made it a little easier to live;
----If the alternative is a feeding tube, just eat something. If it works to threaten your anxiety with a 2k+ calorie feeding tube being shoved down your nose if it doesn't let you eat a can of tuna, do it.
----Eat or drink dairy before purging to neutralize the stomach acid and prevent stomach ulcers and tooth decay.
----Keep safe foods on hand when you can in case the anemia or protein deficiency becomes impossible to ignore.
----However much you'll eat that day, always make sure to eat after a workout, even if it's a small amount.
----Keep some kind of emergency kit somewhere you can reach in the event you can't physically get out of bed or get sick beyond management. (I kept aspirin, vitamins, tuna packets/protein bar, water, and an electric heating pad)
---- Otherwise, have an emergency plan if things go wrong. You know your health and you ed better than anyone else, take advantage of that for the sake of your life.
Listen to your body and take care of it for the long term.
Don't let your ed out-live you.
I don't know exactly what's going on with me or why it is the way it is so please don't think you can do the same one day; I still remember very vividly how powerless I really was to my ed when it was at it's prime.
Stay safe out there. I love y'all.
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I just want to go back to the days where my ed was the biggest problem in my life.
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Remembering the day that I got high off my ass with friends 2 hours before I had a doctor's appointment where I discussed with my friends ways to sober up quickly when I asked if throwing up stomach acid would help.
Like, ok. there's something in my system I want out. Throwing it up is the only way I know how to solve my problems apparently lol
I couldn't believe I said that out loud though. Sure, I'm in the 7th dimension, BUT IM STILL SENTIENT.
Friend 1 said that was a stupid idea while friend 2 said that it's not actually that stupid.
I still think about that exchange a lot and wonder if I'm ever going to tell them about my ed 😂
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I'm about 50% sure that I joked to my friends about being an alcorexic while I was shitfaced (bc of course I was) for them to laugh thinking I was making a joke about how slowly I was drinking.
It may have been a dream. But I'm not about to ask them if they remember that conversation 😭
#ana trigger#anamia#male ed#eating problems#tw 4n4#4n0r3x14#3atingdisord3r#an0r3xic#ed thots#ed tingz#tw ed stuff
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I wear an American size Small and my friend (18.2 BMI) said he thought I looked like I wear an American size Large.
So anyway y'all, I'm back on my shit,
#ana trigger#anamia#eating problems#tw 4n4#4n0r3x14#3atingdisord3r#weight loss#an0r3xic#an0rex1a#male ana#male ed
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“Eating disorders are about control”
WHERE IS THE CONTROL, I WANT CONTROL
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YO
ANA TUMBLER
WAKE YALL ASSES UP
NO ONE FUKING TOLD MY GAYASS THAT KEANU FUCKING REEVS WAS IN TO THE BONE 🥵
I'm watching it with a friend right now and my dumbass keeps saying shit like "1400-2100" or "18.5" or "fucking same, girl" and my cover is out the damn window.
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Feeling like true aesthetic trash 💅
I love thisss (*´ω｀*) I used an app called X icon changer to change my apps icons and it's the cutest! Ik it's not related to Ana or anything but I wanted to share ^^
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It absolutely is because the most important thing about being an organized anorexic is the aesthetic lol
I love thisss (*´ω｀*) I used an app called X icon changer to change my apps icons and it's the cutest! Ik it's not related to Ana or anything but I wanted to share ^^
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I've been completely inactive since I created this account a couple months ago since I got tired with the constant deactivations.
Kind of want to pick this back up again though, I'm back on my shit (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞
Updated stats.
Hight: 5'7
CW: 130 lbs
HW: 152 lbs
LW: 128 lbs
GW1: 125 lbs
GW1: 118 lbs
UGW: 101 lbs
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I got a new job that requires me to be on my feet all day.
I nearly passed out twice already but I haven't actually fainted yet.
I probably shouldn't be doing any fasts anytime soon at least until I get used to the constant standing.
This is going to be a doozy.
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Ed jokes and memes more often than not use the disordered mindset vs reality contrast as the punch line.
We know we're sick, we're just here to make a joke out of it.
#ana thinking#ana trigger#ana tumblr#anamia#disordered eating tw#ana boy#tw ed stuff#male ana#tw ed talk
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-your posts being rebloged by an account that fetishizes anorexia
-❤️🧡💚💙💜WEIGHT LOSS FAIRY🧚🧚♀️🧚♂️REBLOGGED ACTIVATE 💜💙💚🧡❤️
- brand new accounts sliding into your dms to ask if you need an ana coach
- scrolling through Tumblr in public with the lowest brightness setting.
ed tumblr culture
- liking questionable content instead of reblogging bc u don’t want to trigger ur followers
- when people put their weight but not their HEIGHT
- painfully obvious photoshop
- finding ur irl friends’ blogs
- completely normal blog with no ed content following u and liking all ur posts
- alternatively, porn blog following u and liking all ur posts
- *deactivated*
- blatant medical misinformation
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Ed Tumblr: "YOU 👏ARE👏 VALID👏" "❤️DM ARE ALWAYS OPEN❤️" "✨ LOVE YOURSELF✨"
HAES:
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Mom: "you're supposed to poor it like this"
Me: "I can't. I'll drop it. My hands are too shaky."
Mom: "then practice"
Me: "practice won't help"
Mom: "what would you do if not practice??"
Me: "food" *eats first meal in 2 days*
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"I don't like eating lunch. I always eat when I get home, I promise"
Sweetie, I love you. I care about you.
I don't want to say out loud why I don't believe you but I don't fucking believe you.
I've been around the block and back. Excuse me if your excuses sound like shit.
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