𝔗𝔥𝔞𝔱 𝔠𝔯𝔢𝔢𝔭𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔣𝔢𝔢𝔩𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔬𝔣 𝔢𝔪𝔭𝔱𝔦𝔫𝔢𝔰𝔰…

New profile pic is an ode to one of my favorite horror movies Re-Animator cuz good fuckin lord I hope this year resurrects me. Also I'm trying a new signature, I DUNNO MAN WE'RE DOING STUFF!

My only reoccurring OC’s that I have (so far). They’re girlfriends and they strip together and I love them <3 honestly goals lol

Thoughts on Gender #1

I think about my gender very infrequently these days. That's probably why I came to the conclusion during this pandemic, while I was alone and with myself and my own thoughts for extended periods of time, that I'm some flavor of agender/genderfluid/genderqueer/nonbinary. I'm not really sure what to label it as I don't particularly care (okay I care a little). I'm just me, that's it. I don't think I need more of an explanation than that. I use she/they pronouns interchangeably, femininity and androgyny/genderless...ness just kind of mingle around in me with no real leaning toward either. But while I don't really think about my gender now, everyone else does. And when I was a kid they did A LOT, and I did too. Like I was always the kid that wanted to do the same shit my brother did, because my brother was a boy and got to do things I wasn't "allowed" to do because of some arbitrary guidelines based on my body's presentation to the world. Gross story, but I remember asking my mom when I was a little why my brother could pee outside and I couldn't and she said "well... because he's a boy, he's got different parts than you, it's something he can do that you can't," and I took this as a challenge to PROVE to her that duh, of course I can pee outside, see it's easy, I don't see what the big deal is. And I did and she dropped that argument shortly after (lol). I think my mom is one of the few people that never really limited me because of my gender. She certainly has SOME gendered shit that I'd prefer she drop (but I think it's some kind of parental love that drives those things), but she never really said "oh you can't do that because you're a GIRL." Meanwhile, my life (much like a lot of queer folks) was marked with a myriad of "you can't do that because of your gender" bullshit. Can't play baseball, but you can play softball. Can't join football, but you can be a cheerleader. Can't date girls because you're a "girl", can't be loud, can't be too quiet, can't be weird or strange or artsy or have short hair or wear clothing outside your genders limited closet choices, can't be sad or angry or depressed but you can certainly fake and ooze tremendous amounts of insincere happiness and positivity! I have never understood WHY I got this treatment. I consistently proved that I could do literally everything I've been told I couldn't do. Yeah, maybe I'm BAD at doing those things (cough sports I'M SHORT SUE ME cough), but I CAN do them, and my gender doesn't really factor into why I can or can't do those things. I think that's what always got me, it wasn't about my body, because boys with a similar body type to mine were allowed to do things I was banned from doing. It was about my GENDER. It was an arbitrary, completely non-issue thing to me that I was constantly having to fight against. And why?! My assumed gender is constantly brought to my attention by people that don't even care to know what I'm good at, what I can and can't do, what I'm capable of. People stare at me, assume I'm a woman, and from there they follow the standard dialog options of how to treat a woman. It's always been a brief glance at a feminine figure and a split-second judgement that forced me into a binary that deep down I never thought myself a part of. And I shouldn't play dumb, I KNOW why people treat people the way they do (patriarchal systems of power, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, etc etc take your pick y'all), but it doesn't make it less frustrating when I go through my daily life and I some stranger makes an assumption about me and now suddenly I'm forced into the role of "woman" against my will. I guess what I'm saying is, I don't need a gender to feel valid in the person I am. Femininity and being identified as a woman for so long shaped the person I am, and it will probably continue to shape me for the rest of my life. But I don't DEFINE myself as a woman, and I don't think I ever have. I define myself as just... me. I guess. And I like me. And me is good and cool and funny and weird and hot (lol). I am not a woman or a man or some 3rd gender. I exist comfortably in my body and present as myself. I don't know what that makes me, but I'm just glad to be here. . . . . . Afterword More thoughts to come I suppose?! I'm new to this whole "not having a gender" thing so I'm kind of just working things out in my brain and writing things out feels cathartic. I really don't think about it that much, but I'd like to because I don't know, maybe other people can relate or give me advice or share their experiences with me too. GENDER IS WEIRD AIN'T IT.