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bangtanxmegan · 1 year

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Built for Love Part 3 (MBJ x Black Famous OC)

Warnings: angst, emotional distress (there will be more explicit warnings on the next chapter and beyond!)

A/N: I don't know what to say here except this is 4k words of our favs in a mopey sad phase lol

“Anything else for me, T?” Charlotte asked her agent as they sat in her office and reviewed her schedule for the upcoming months. Charlotte was finally back home in LA after filming Creed and a guest spot on a tv show, and was looking forward to a couple months of quiet before the Creed press tour. If she could push that off further, she would.

Her nails tapped lightly on her phone as she texted her brothers, the siblings coordinating their surprise visit for their dad’s birthday later that week.

“Just the MGM Productions Gala in two weeks,” Tamika answered as she scrolled through her calendar.

Charlotte wrinkled her nose in confusion. “What’s that?”

She waved her head. “Nothing big. Just a gala and party MGM throws for their Q3 and 4 movies. All the actors, producers, and writers are invited. They’ll premiere the trailer for Creed so you’ll walk the carpet with Michael, takes some pictures and likely go on stage when the trailer is shown. Seating chart has you and Michael next to each other. Nothing special but should be an easy and fun night.”

Charlotte’s heart fell into her stomach as she heard his name, a nauseating feeling consuming her. The gala sounded like torture. How could she spend an entire evening glued to his side when he likely hated her? Would he even want to speak to her? she would not want to speak to her if she were him and now, he would have no choice.

However, she knew those concerns could not make their way to her agent. So instead, she simply nodded. However, she could not stop the quiet question that fell off her tongue, her own desires to know if Michael had raised an issue about the event were too powerful.

“H-Has Michael heard about this?” She coughed lightly. “You know, reviewed the seating chart and everything?”

Tamika nodded slowly, her eyes slowly but surely taking in the anxious and concerned look on the young woman’s face.

“Yea… been emailing with his guy all morning. He said Mike ok’ed everything. Why? What’s wrong?” At Charlotte’s silence and anxious fidgeting, Tamika sat up in her chair, her arms folded against the cool glass of her desk. “Anything happen between you two that I should know about? Something that could bite us in the ass later.”

Charlotte immediately shook her head. “No, no of course not. We’re good.”

She knew that was not the truth. Radio silence for months hardly equated to good. She had considered reaching out to him, her regret urging her to open their text thread and type out a message only for her guilt to cause her to delete it once more. A vicious cycle she had been stuck on for weeks after the wrap party. At first, she felt his absence like a gaping wound that would not heal. It ached and throbbed so persistently she could not dare forget it.

But in true Charlotte fashion, she threw herself into her work and her next project. It was just two months but the late nights and early mornings of tv consumed her life and energy, leaving little to no time to pine after Michael. And so eventually, that wound seemed to heal. Until today. Today, she felt as if she was bleeding out again with nothing around to stop it.

Tamika rolled her eyes before turning back to her computer. Charlotte could tell she did not believe her. However, she appreciated that she did not push her for an answer.

“Ok well… whatever’s not going on between you two, fix it before October. You’re gonna be spending a lot of time with him to promote the film and films sell better when the cast actually likes each other. Got it?”

“Understood.”

****

Rambunctious laughter filled Michael’s basement as he and his boys gathered for their monthly poker game. Even though he always lost money, it was one of his favorite nights. Just a night when he wasn’t famous or an actor, he was just a guy unwinding with liquor, weed, and good conversation.

“Nigga… you’d think you’d be better at this shit by now,” Steelo called across the table to Michael who merely shook his head.

“I know, I know. I’m tryin’. Ain’t my night, I guess.”

“Nah you ain’t doing shit. This the worst you’ve played and you the worst poker player a nigga has ever seen. It’s embarrassin’,” his trainer and friend, Calliet, told him. “Somethin’s got you preoccupied. Tell us so we can get on with the night.”

Michael scratched the back of his head. Was there anything he could say that did not make him look like a desperate love sick puppy to his boys? Because the only thing consuming his attention these days was one person he had not even spoken to or seen in months: Charlotte. He tried and tried to push her out of his mind by fucking his way through models and actresses, hoping someone would make him feel even an ounce of what he felt when he was by her side. But none of them held a torch to her. So he tried to avoid thinking about her at all costs, locking his emotions away in a cage for as long as possible. However, when he found out about their upcoming event, the bars on that cage had gotten more fragile with each passing day.

“Anything to do with seeing Charlotte in a couple weeks?” His brother asked with a smirk on his face.

Everyone around the table laughed at how Michael’s entire being shifted as soon as her name was mention.

“Ahhh there we go. It’s a woman… it’s always a damn woman,” Calliet sighed deeply. “What happened?”

Michael tossed his cards face down on the table, his hand rubbing his eye for a moment before he shrugged. “Honestly, I don’t know? And that’s what’s tripping me up. One minute she seemed like she was all in a-and wanted to be with me. And the next, she pushed me away. Said she didn’t deserve me… whatever the hell that means.” Michael paused. “I dunno. It was fuckin’ weird. She seemed almost scared? Or like the idea of dating me had her in a panic.”

He tried hard not to think about that night even though it often played in a loop in his head. It played so clearly in his mind like it was a movie. He could still see the tears in her eyes a-and the tension in her body, and hear the brokenness and panic in her voice. Despite his efforts to push it out of his mind, it persisted and he dissected and analyzed it ever since.

Michael stood up and went to the bar in his basement, pouring himself another glass of scotch. He leaned over the back of his chair, watching the men continue to play. He knew there was no point in him continuing the game. That was just a recipe for him to make himself poorer while his friends got rich of his terrible poker game.

“Sounds like she’s playin’ you bro,” Michael’s brother chimed in.

“Yep. And honestly, that shit sounds like too much baggage,” Steelo interjected. “You aint got time for that. She might be great but there’re plenty of women out here to fuck and date. No sense in being sad over one of ‘em.”

The other men except for Calliet and Ryan chimed in with their agreement, though that did not surprise Michael. The rest of his friends were in the same place in life in terms of relationships: single and doing them. Their lives were all about the hustle, which meant love and relationships took a backseat. And he would admit, he was like them before he met Charlotte. However, she made him want more. And though there may be more fish in the sea, there was none like her. And he did not see a future as clearly with anyone else as he did with Charlotte. He knew that for certain.

Calliet let out a low chuckle. “No wonder y’all niggas is single. “As the only married niggas here, you want our advice?” He gestured at he and Ryan. At Michael’s nods, he placed his cards down. “If you want her, you gotta fight for her. It seems to me like she’s scared - for whatever reason. Maybe you just be there for her and see if she comes around.”

“You want him to wait around for some pussy?? Nahhhh,” his boy Tyrell threw his cards down in annoyance. “He can do better than that.”

“Aye, watch yo fuckin’ mouth,” Michael’s tone cut the humorous vibe in the room immediately, his anger evident to everyone.

Tyrell raising his hands in surrender as the other men snickered quietly. “My bad. No disrespect. I’m just sayin’ you got plenty of options, bro. She really worth chasin’ after?”

“You told me day 1 she was your future wife, on screen and off. I got the texts to prove it,” Ryan waved his phone in his hand. “If you really believe that shit, then she’s someone worth chasin’. ’N I don’t know what’s holding her back but I watched y’all every day for months. She’s feelin’ you.”

“Then why won’t she just say that shit?” Steelo argued.

Michael just watched the men debate back and forth, his love life once again the subject of a riveting debate amongst his friends. He could not even get a word in.

“Who the fuck knows? But it doesn’t matter. She didn’t say that she doesn’t wanna fuck with you. She said she aint deserve you. That sounds like two very different things to me. Seems like somethin’ she’s gotta work through, not that she doesn’t want something with you. I ain’t sayin’ put your life on hold but you ain’t gotta close the door on it just yet if you ain’t ready. Just talk to her.”

“I dunno,” Michael finally spoke up. “Hearing no once was more than enough for me. I never felt for a woman like I feel for her. And she just pushed me away.”

“Look. I ain’t saying chase the girl. But you don't gotta close the door on it either just because your pride is bruised,” Calliet added on, he and Ryan offering the sage advice Michael truly needed to navigate this situation. “At the very least, next time you talk, time as passed, you could get some clarity on why she wasn’t ready and if the feelings were mutual. Get some closure. But who knows, it might be a yes. And if she was worth the risk then and those feelings haven’t changed, she should still be worth it now. Then at least, you’ll have a definitive answer and you can stop being this mopey-ass nigga who I can’t stand. Moping around the gym n shit.”

Michael bowed his head and laughed with the rest of the group. They were not wrong; he had been “mopey” since returning to LA from Creed but it had gotten significantly worse since he found out he would be seeing Charlotte earlier than expected.

“Aight aight. I’ll think about it."

“My man!” The boys seated around him clapped him on the back.

“Hit me up tomorrow, fellas," Stello called out across the table. "I'm taking bets on whether this nigga actually tries again." At Michael's surprised expression, Stello merely laughed. "Sorry man, I've never known you to chase after a woman or even give them a second chance. Relationships are the one area you play it safe."

His words stuck with him as he slid back into his seat to continue playing. His streak of terrible luck continued as he milled over what his friends said. Steelo was not wrong, there was a part of him that wanted to write Charlotte off for pushing him away. But something stopped him every time he tried. He could not tell who was right: his married friends who told him to not give up or his friends who had known him his entire life. But he knew he only had a week to figure out what path he wanted to take. One certainly saved him potential heartache but it could also rob him of a love that was one of a kind. The other was a risk but a life with Charlotte was a pay off he could not pass up without thought. As Steelo pointed out, Michael took a lot of risks… just not with his heart.

***

“You sure you’re good, squirt?” Her dad asked as they chatted at dinner.

Charlotte glanced up from her plate, her entire family eyeing her with concerned looks.

“Of course, of course,” she assured everyone, immediately fixing her frown into a half-hearted smile. She hoped it was big enough to draw attention away from her and onto someone else.

“You sure? You’ve just been quiet all weekend.”

She rubbed her eyes, annoyance settling in her as her family questioned her words. She understood why. There was once upon a time where she told lie after lie after lie to hide how she was doing. And now, if she seemed even a bit off, they did not believe her assurances that all was well even when it was. She would not believe her if she was them either though.

“Just tired, dad. Two back-to-back projects has just been more exhausting than I thought. That’s all.”

“Yea pops, you know how Charlie gets when she’s in the zone. All quiet and moody with all that method shit.”

The table erupted in laughter, Charlie reaching over and gently hit her brother, Jackson, across his arm. While there was a significant age gap between her, the youngest, and her two eldest siblings, she and Jackson were only a year apart and had grown up virtually glued to each other’s hip.

“Jack! Language!” Their dad chastised him, though there was no real bite in his bark.

“Thank you, dad!” Charlotte, forever a daddy’s girl, threw her brother a smirk. “And method, yes! Moody, never!”

At her side glances her entire family shared with each other, her jaw slightly fell open in shock.

“Seriously??”

“In your defense,” her eldest brother, CJ, interjected. “I think it’s more so the characters you choose. Loners… moody…or depressed. And that just ain’t you, not when you’re yourself at least.”

Charlotte could not particularly disagree with her brother’s assessment. It was not every character she had played since she became a professional actress. But she could not deny there was a theme across many of them. She had been drawn to characters who were alone in the world in some way: whether literally alone and without family or alone to contend with pain and struggles no one else knew about or could help with. They were all internally tortured by something. And well, that was a feeling Charlotte knew all too well.

“So what’s next, movie star?” CJ asked her.

She shrugged. “Ummm got a gala next week a-and then I’ll be back in LA for a while. Then we’ll have the Creed press tour and that’ll take up most of the fall.” At the mention of the movie, her thoughts drifted back to him. Though it did not take much these days for her thoughts to land her on his doorstep again. All roads led back to Michael. “B-but that’s it. Enough about me. We are here to celebrate dad.” She squeezed his hand, grateful to push the attention away from her and back to their father’s birthday.

She barely heard the rest of the conversation that carried her family through dinner, only joining in when spoken to or to laugh along with the rest of the group. Her moodiness, as of late, had little to do with her characters and a lot to do with her impending dread at laying eyes on a certain actor again. She knew she would have to eventually but she thought she had more time to avoid him and her feelings about how they ended. That wound was reopened and all of her regret, shame, and pain flowed from it like blood.

She knew she needed to let him go. She had given up her shot and she would need to find a way to live with that. But knowing she needed to move on and actually doing it was harder than it seemed.

However, it was her dad’s birthday and she knew her family worried about her too much so she tried to force herself to display the cheerful and upbeat disposition she knew her family was looking for. However, at the end of dinner, when she and her siblings and their spouses retreated to the basement, her facade started to fall.

“Open the windows, CJ,” Charlotte called over to him as he pulled a joint out of his bag and she grabbed liquor from their dad’s bar. “Dad’s gonna kill us if he smells weed.”

“Us maybe,” Jackson mused. “But not his baby girl. He probably thinks you’ve never done drugs. His perfect little Charlie.”

“Don’t be jealous,” she stuck her tongue out at him playfully.

“She drew the genetic lottery… Youngest daughter? Best position to be in in the family. You got all us, except Tiffany,” he referenced the eldest Bennet sibling who could not attend their dad’s birthday weekend, “wrapped around your finger since birth.”

She laughed and flopped onto the couch next to her best friend from college and sister in law, Lauren. “What can I say,” she took the joint from her brother. “A gift and a curse.”

Charlotte fell silent as she let the two couples guided the conversation. She rarely engaged, only laughing when necessary or moving to ensure the blunt made its rounds throughout the group. CJ and his husband, Allen, were both attorneys, which meant they tended to stir up lively debate amongst the group. Charlotte rarely engaged in their debates unless the topic was interesting. But Jackson and his wife, Lauren, while not attorneys, loved to go back and forth with them.

So, she just let them fall into their usual banter while she tried to stop herself from falling into a sea of thoughts about Michael. All she could think about was what she was going to say and do when she saw him again. Should she apologize? Pretend like nothing happened and act like old friends? Take her cues from him? She had no idea. All of them sounded like equally terrible ideas and none of them were actually what she wanted to do, which was admit she fucked up and that she loved him. But that seemed like a terrible idea in its own twisted sort of way.

“Charlie!” Lauren shook her knee lightly to get her attention. Charlotte broke out of her quiet trance to turn to Jackson who had clearly been talking to her.

“Now don’t hate me, C,” he started to say, causing Charlotte to immediately groan. She sat up a little straighter, her mind already ready to be annoyed with her older, meddling brother.

“Oh no, what did you do??”

“I may or may not have given your number to a guy at the office. AND,” he raised his voice to drown out Charlotte’s immediate protests, “Before you say no, it is one date, C. He is really cute, he’s a sports agent, really well established in the industry, and he’s sweet. Don’t fight me on this.”

Charlotte rolled her eyes, frustration at her sibling’ meddling already boiling over. She immediately turned to Lauren, who raised her hands in surrender. “Did you know about this??”

“I told him you weren’t gonna go for it.”

“And yet… here he is… still presenting it.” She scoffed. “You need to listen to your wife more, big head. I don’t need a fucking matchmaker, Jay. I’m good and happy being single.”

She prayed her tone sounded decisive and sure; however, she knew it betrayed her by the skeptical looks on her family’s faces. She desperately wanted it to be true, desperately desired to be satisfied with the waves of loneliness she felt. She used to consider loneliness to be like an oasis. She felt protected and safe in its waters. It’s waves crashed but she welcomed it because loneliness was the only sure sign that no one was around to hurt her again.

However, now, she felt as if she was drowning in it. Drowning in the frigid, dark waters, desperate for a lifeline and helping hand, someone to pull her out and hold her close. She tried to pull herself out of it, to find her way back to the oasis again, but each wave just pushed her right back down. And she knew one path to escape the waves altogether, but she could not force herself to do it. She was still not sure she was ready.

“Well now we’re fuckin’ lyin’,” CJ muttered, causing Allen to gently hit him on the shoulder and tell him to hush. “What? She is lyin’.”

“Alright, alright,” Lauren interrupted. “I think your brothers… and I, are just worried about you. It’s been two years. It’s great to be single and happy if you truly are. But I’ve known you for a minute, Charlotte. I don’t think you are. You don’t want to be alone forever, do you? What happens when the next guy shows interest? Are you just gonna push him and anyone else away forever? You fought like hell to leave so you could be happy. Pushing people and love away isn’t gonna make you happy.”

Charlotte scoffed at herself, a wave of bitterness hitting her. She hated how Lauren was always right, a habit that incensed her since college. She was not wrong. That was all Charlotte knew how to do, push men who wanted her away, even when she wanted them back.

“It’s all I know how to do,” she muttered, unable to hide that bitterness and anger at herself in her voice.

She glanced up at the ceiling as she felt tears sting the back of her eyes.

“Fuck!” She cried out. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” she whispered. She pressed her hands into her eyes to stop the tears from falling. Her family knew she hated to cry in front of people, hated when they saw her cry.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Jackson moved from his perch across the room to sit on the other side of his sister, his arm wrapping tightly around her. “My bad, C. I didn’t mean to upset you. I just want you to be happy.”

“No, no. It’s not you o-or the date. I j-just hate this! Hate that I found someone amazing and I’m so fucked up, all I can do is push him away. And I t-thought it was for the right reasons but fuck, I am just miserable without him,” she cried out, finally voicing the feelings that plagued her for months. She had not meant to share that with her family or anyone. But in this heightened emotional state, she could not hold it in any longer.

“Wait, you met someone??” Lauren’s eyes grew wide, an air of excitement settling over her. “Who was he??”

Charlotte’s eyes fell down to her cup. She was not ready to have this conversation. She had never told her friends or family about the feelings between she and Michael, or that she rejected him. She knew none of them would understand. She knew they would merely hear that she turned down THE Michael B. Jordan and think she was a lunatic. But she also knew she would not get an ounce of peace if she did not tell them now. The cat was most certainly out of the bag.

“Michael…”

“Wait - Michael B Jordan?? Wallace from the Wire??”

“Your co-star, THE Michael B Jordan??”

“Oh shit, y’all hooked up??”

Charlotte let out a disgruntled groan as the room erupted in shock, exactly what she was trying to avoid.

“No, no. We didn’t hook up. But we got close during filming, spent a lot of time together. We kissed a-and at our wrap party, he told me he loved me. And I… fuck, it was like Shaun was right there, like I could still feel him and h-hear his voice reminding me that no one could ever love me.” Her head fell into her hands. “And I… couldn’t take it. So I pushed him away.” She wiped a stray tear from her face. “I dunno. Guess somethings never change. I’ll always be that girl he said I was.”

“You always underestimating yourself, Charlotte.” Jackson shook his head. “You are a far cry from the woman who moved into my spot two years ago. That woman could barely fuckin’ look me or - shit - anyone in the eye. You didn’t get out of bed, you barely ate… for months, you were a shell of the woman we knew. And then you put in the work, you found you again. You’re healing and yea that shit takes time. But it’s progress. The Charlotte who was with Shaun and this Charlotte today are two different people. You gotta start celebrating every step forward.”

“He’s right. And maybe this is the next step in your process. Finally taking a step back into the dating pool. You know the signs, you know what to look for now. You just have to trust your gut,” Allen offered her with an encouraging smile.

“It’s not that easy, y’all. He… broke me,” her voice fell to a soft whisper. “And I just barely put the pieces back together. And Bakari is… perfect,” the word came out in a strangled sigh. “B-But if he… if he breaks me, I… just don’t think my heart can handle it again.”

“Do you honestly believe Michael is like him?”

She immediately shook her head. She would not claim to know Michael that well. But he was nothing like that Shaun, that much she knew.

“I think he is the furthest thing from Shaun ever honestly. I just don’t think he’d ever do the things Shaun did.” And she truly believed that. Over a year in therapy taught her every sign she missed and when she meticulously examined her interactions with Michael, she did not see a single one with him.

“OK then. He might hurt you, that’s true. He might break your heart. But that’s fucking life… that’s love. But if your gut is saying he isn’t Shaun then, at least, you can take the plunge knowing he won’t hurt you like that. He won’t break you.”

“You gotta stop letting him win, Charlie.”

She shook her head. “He already won, Lo. Game’s been over. Probably what keeps him warm at night. Where ever he is, he knows he got what he wanted all the same.”

“No.” Lauren answered defiantly, refusing to listen to her best friend’s defeatist attitude. “If the game was over, you’d be dead. That’s the endgame for him.” The tension in the room thickened as Lauren spoke, the words were harsh but Charlotte knew they were true. “And you aren’t. You’re here and you’re fucking killing it. Every day, you win by just living your life, being you and loving. Everything he took from you or said you couldn’t have and didn’t deserve? Those are his words, his lies. And every time you believe him over the people who actually love you,” she gestured to their little circle. “And what you know to be true about yourself, you give him power and he keeps taking pieces of you. Keep doing that and you’ll never be happy and you’ll never be free. Then he will win.”

She glanced at Jackson who merely shrugged. “You and I both know she’s always right.”

Charlotte let out a pitiful laugh. “I know and I fuckin’ hate it.” She sighed deeply. “I just… even if I deserved him, it’s too late. I have to see him next week a-and h-he probably never wants to talk to me again.”

“That asshole stole so many good things from you, Charlie. And if there is anyone in this damn family who deserves a good thing, it’s you. If Michael is really what you want, then don’t let him take that too. When you see him next week, shoot your shot. See what happens.”

“And if that nigga ain’t interested anymore… fuck him,” CJ called from across the room, everyone rolling their eyes at his bluntness but nodding in agreement.

“And you move on.” Lauren added more tactfully. She rubbed Charlotte’s knee gently. “But stop torturing yourself and all of us and just try, sis. Please.”

Charlotte tearfully laughed, wiping her eyes.

“I really hate you guys,” she whispered, tearfully laughing as she wiped her eyes.

“We know.”

Charlotte’s head gently fell onto her brother’s shoulder as he placed a quick kiss on the top of her head before transitioning the conversation to a lighter topic. She sighed to herself.

Shoot your shot.

Sounded easy enough. But where Michael was concerned, Charlotte had only played the coward, too scared to face her true feelings and his. This would require her to play a role she had not in a long time, one that she feared she had forgotten entirely: someone who was fearless. While she did not know if she had it in her, her family did. And their faith and confidence in her was enough to overcome her self-doubt. When she saw Michael next weekend, she was going to choose happiness. She was going to choose him.

Tag List: @certifiedlesbianbaddie @bangtanxmegan @reelwriter19 @prettyisasprettydoes1306 @msniaimani @hi888888sworld @lynaye1993 @destinio1 @cawi00

A/N: Ok sorry for no scenes with Els/Bakari together this chapter but for my own sanity, I had to break it up into two chapters lol we will get our Els/Bakari reunion in chapter 4. We got a little bit more of Charlotte's backstory and got to meet her family who will be around… what do we think? How is "shooting her shot" gonna go? Is Michael gonna be receptive or are his feelings still too hurt from rejection? And do you think she actually follows through this time?

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bangtanxmegan · 1 year

Text

Built for Love Part 2 (MBJ x Famous Black OC)

Warning: angstttttt

A/n: Enjoy! This hasn't been edited thoroughly so apologies in advance for typos!

Word Count: 3.5k

Charlotte’s chest heaved lightly as she finished her run, her music blaring loudly in her headphones. She savored the ache in her muscles, the painful stitch in her side that had been there since mile 3, the hard concrete slamming into her feet with every step, the brutal cold wind hitting her face.

She almost did not want to stop when she rounded the corner to her temporary apartment building. However, she had exceeded her usual distance so she knew she needed to. However, she was shocked at what she found waiting at her door.

Her eyes grew wide as she saw Michael standing outside her apartment building, coffee and a brown bag gripped in his gloved hands.

“M-Michael?” She called, catching his attention. Her breaths and words were labored as she jogged over to him. “W-hat… are you… doing here?”

“Damn girl, you training to be a boxer too or trying to outrun something? Looks like you’re about to drop dead.”

She laughed, coughing lightly. “I f-feel like it. Ran six miles.”

His eyes bugged out of his head. “That’s insane.”

She shrugged and laughed lightly, “You might be right about that… but you didn’t come all the way over here to judge me for my running habits. What’s up?”

He nodded. “Ah. right. I come bearing your favorites… your favorite bacon, egg and cheese bagel from down the street and a chai with one shot of espresso and an extra pump of chai.” He raised the bag and coffee in his hands with his perfect award-winning boyish grin that made her want to go weak in the knees.

“Well done, Mr. Jordan.” She could not hide the hint of surprise in her voice as she took the warm drink out of the holder and took a sip, warmth spreading through her body. “It is quite literally perfect. How’d you figure out my chai order?”

He laughed. “You have one like every single morning.”

“Touche. J-just didn't realize you noticed,” she smiled. She gestured toward the door. “Wanna get out of the cold?”

At his nods, she led him inside and up the stairs to her apartment. She opened the door and allowed him inside.

“Let me just throw on a different top? This one is drenched. Give me a sec.” She started to take off the thick sweatshirt she had on and ran back to her room, leaving Michael alone in her kitchen.

He glanced around, his first time in her apartment. The decor was warm, soft pinks and golds accented her neutral standard furniture throughout her living space. He spied a couple family photos littered across the space, he imagined to make the space feel more like home. She clearly took time to make the temporary space feel like a home. He took note of two bouquets of calla lilies on her counter and living room table.

“Alright, sorry about that. I sweat like crazy when I run… it is pretty gross,” she muttered as she walked over to her counter and grabbed a few plates for them.

“I didn’t know you were a runner.”

“Yea, I run a couple miles every morning.”

“Oh nice. You do marathons too?”

She shook her head and chuckled, “Nope. Just to decompress. When I moved out to LA, my thera- friend recommended I get a hobby. My brother’s the marathon runner so he introduced me to his favorite running trails. Got me out of bed and out of my own head honestly.”

She walked over to her fridge. With her back turned, she could not see the way Michael’s eyes filled with lust as he took in her perfect ass and figure in her leggings and crop top.

There were moments were he wondered if the young woman in front of him had magical powers. Her looks and talents were other worldly in his view, no woman even looked remotely attractive to him since she walked into that room for their chemistry test. However, it was not just lust. He craved her, craved everything about her, noticed everything about her. There was not a subject in his mind that did not somehow drift back to her. She consumed his very being in such a way that it could only be witchcraft… or something else he had never felt before. If this was love, part of him feared it, feared how much power she already held in his life and did not even know it.

“Nice… I gotta get a couple miles in tomorrow, keep up the training. Why don’t we run together?”

“I dunno… not sure you’ll be able to keep up,” she teased, winking at him as she handed him a water bottle.

“Ha. ha. ha. We’ll see whose talking shit tomorrow.”

She settled next to him, unwrapping her breakfast sandwich and taking a bite. She did a small happy dance as the flavors hit her taste buds.

“I think I’m gonna miss this the most when it’s all said and done,” she mused as they ate. “And not that I’m not insanely appreciative of the breakfast and latte delivery, what made you stop by?”

She studied his profile for a moment. This was the first time they spent real alone time together since the kiss over the weekend. She had avoided him like the plague unless they were actively working on a scene. She could tell he often wanted to speak to her. He was the type to wear his emotions plainly on his face. However, she chose to remain oblivious and used any excuse to avoid being alone with him. She knew it was childish… and unfair. But she did not know what to say to him.

She knew her heart’s desires. She wanted him in every possible way she could have him. But her head, the voice of reason that still questioned her gut and intuition, threw water and doubt on the raging flames of her desires. And her body, trapped between her present and constant yearnings for him and the traumas of the past, rode the fence like a devil’s advocate. One minute, her body craved him like a dying dehydrated woman craves water. But the next, she repelled him as all of her past shit haunted her like a menacing ghost. Each part of her played an intense and exhausting game of tug-a-war and none of them were winning.

And she hated it. But she knew she did not have anything better to give him.

“You caught me. I was hoping your favorite breakfast would be a sort of olive branch? I didn’t want to bring it up on set cause you know, we’re working and I don’t want to make it uncomfortable for you. But I know you’ve been avoiding me and I just want to clear the air so we can be good again.”

Charlotte nervously chuckled, “Nah I haven’t.” He raised an eyebrow causing her to bow her head. “Alright… maybe I have. I-I just feel r-really embarrassed by the other night. C-coming on to you like that. Got caught up in the character I guess. I mean,” she cleared her throat, eyeing him nervously. “W-we are just friends, right?”

Michael studied her for a moment, his eyes taking in the nervous energy that immediately settled around the young woman. Her whole body seemed to fidget as she waited for his response, she chewed her lip, her fingers pulled at a loose thread in her top, and her leg jiggled up and down against her bar stool. He could physically see the tension building throughout her shoulders.

He wanted to push, let her know that he did not want her apologizes or embarrassment. He wanted to know her true feelings for him and why she kept him at bay. However, something stopped him. While he was not completely certain of her feelings, he was certain of one thing: her walls and guard were up. And there was no hope of forcing them down. She would have to let them down and let him in when she was ready. And for him, she was more than worth the wait.

His head fell a bit as he opted for a response that was not his true feelings but satisfied what she needed to hear. “No apologies, seriously. We wouldn’t be the first folks to you know… get caught up in the moment. All good seriously. I j-just wanted to say the same. We cool?”

Charlotte nodded, an odd wave of relief and sadness crashing over her. This was what she wanted right? What she pushed for? So why did it still feel so… shitty?

“Y-yea we’re good. How could I have beef with someone who brings me a perfect chai and my favorite breakfast??” She nudged him lightly with her shoulder. “Thank you.”

“Anytime. Aight. I gotta go, gotta get to set in half an hour. Just wanted to drop off breakfast and check in. Talk later?”

She nodded, standing to walk him to her door. They shared a brief hug before he crossed over the threshold of her apartment.

“Yep, talk later. Thanks again for the breakfast delivery.”

He nodded, offering her a smile. “Enjoy your day off, Els.”

She waved at him and watched his back retreat for a moment before she closed her door. She slumped against it and glanced at her half eaten sandwich and drink, another example of his attentiveness and kindness. This only made her like him even more.

“This man… gonna be the fuckin’ death of me,” she muttered to herself before returning to finish her breakfast.

***

3 weeks later

“You good?”

Michael’s voice filled Charlotte’s ears as she flopped down next to him on a comfy couch in the corner. Her cup was filled with a margarita, she was not ashamed to admit she had lost count of the amount by this point. But she did not care. She survived her first movie and they were enjoying the official wrap party for the film. She deserved a night of liquor and good times.

“Y-yea, yea,” she leaned over and yelled into his ear. “My feet are just killing me in these boots.” She gestured to the very fashionable but not functional deep purple velvet thigh highs she was supporting with a black mini dress.

Michael’s eyes trailed the smooth chestnut skin on display between the hem of her dress and the top of her boots. He was nearly rendered speechless when she walked through the door.

“No pain, no gain, right?”

She nodded and raised her glass, clinking against his. She slumped back into the seat, their bodies inching closer and closer together as they sat. Neither of them seemed to even notice, they just drifted together as if that was the only logical choice, the only thing their bodies could naturally do.

Charlotte was happy filming was over but it meant she would not have a reason to spend time with Michael each day. And she could not deny that that knowledge made her a bit sad. Despite the kiss snafu, they had grown extremely close over the last three months. They had started running together, the friendly competition forcing them both to train harder; they hung out when they had evenings off, watching movies in Michael's apartment; and they hung out nonstop on set. He was a regular staple in her life and all of that would be gone. She knew she needed distance to put these feelings behind her but she was not ready to say goodbye just yet.

Charlotte’s shoulders swayed gently to the music, her eyes watching many in the cast and crew who were out on the dance floor.

Michael watched her before taking a last swig from his drink and standing up.

“One last dance before we put Bianca and Adonis to rest?” He held out his hand. She knew she should say no. This was merely courting bad decisions.

She knew he could never see her the way she saw him. He deserved someone far better than her. However, she could not deny the part of her that wanted to be close to him physically and emotionally, certainly closer than they were at this moment. A decision that would likely lead her to ruin, she was sure, but the alcohol coursing through her system pushed the hesitations from her mind. For the first time in a long time, Charlotte chose to give in to her true desires, give in to her heart. And her heart wanted to be in his arms, even if it was fleeting.

She stood up and slid her hand into his, a smirk on her face as she took in the surprised look on his. It was clear he was expecting her to say no or at least hesitate. But she did neither.

She discarded her drink on their table and followed him out to the crowd, the song switching to a slower selection. That did nothing to stop either of them, Michael turning her around so her back was to him. His hands gripped her hips as she slow grinned into him, both of them allowing the music to guide their movements.

Charlotte pushed all her inhibitions and fears out of her mind as she enjoyed the feeling of his body on hers. And enjoyed it for the first time as herself - not a fictional woman in love his character. This was as intimate and close as she had been with any man in years. She enjoyed the way his hand gripped her skin, the way the other trailed up and down the exposed skin of her thigh sensually, the feeling of his broad chest against her back.

For both of them, this was perfection. Neither one of them cared or noticed the cast and crew ogling their intimate moment. The rest of the world seemed to disappear and fade, it was just the two of them in their own little world.

Their dancing only stopped as Michael used his grip to turn her around so she faced him. His hand went to the small of her back as he held her flush against his chest. Charlotte almost wanted to look away as she took in the intensity in his eyes. She could see the lust, his desires for her clear as day. But they were mixed with something else, something she could not quite place.

Desire and yearning passed between them as they stared at each other in the dim club. Their bodies left no space for God or any other deity to fit between them. Michael’s hand cupped her face, holding her gaze to his, as he lowered his lips to hers.

“Michael…” she whimpered. Whether it was intended to urge him to pause or beckon him forward, he did not know and quite frankly, neither did she.

However, when their lips met, she had no intention of telling him to stop. It was somehow both everything and nothing like she remembered. Still perfect, still gentle but there was a more intense hunger to it. As if three months of feelings buried and avoided were finally surfacing for them both and they were trying to cram all of it into one kiss. As if this one kiss could say everything that needed to be said.

She savored every millisecond that his lips were on hers, that his hands were on her body, and that she felt the intimacy she had been deprived of for far too many years.

When they finally broke apart, Charlotte felt flustered and out of breath. She stared at him for a moment before reality set in for her and all those hesitations came rushing back.

His thumb caressed her cheek as he whispered in her ear. “It’s not the characters for me, Els. It never was… I want you.”

Her body stilled as she took in his words. His words sent her inebriated and flustered mind into an immediate tailspin, spinning out of control as all those hesitations she pushed aside resurfaced. And though, all she wanted to say was “I want you too,” the words were lodged in her throat. Her own doubts not allowing them to surface. She had fallen into the sea of him but she did not feel worthy of such gentle waters. And every thought circulating through her mind seemed to confirm that feeling.

He’s lying, a harsh voice entered her brain. He can’t mean that. You’re just a cheap score for him, another notch in his belt.

He’ll toss you aside like trash the moment he’s done with you.

As if anyone would actually want you.

Charlotte pushed against his chest, creating space between the two of them as she rapidly shook her head.

“U-Um… I a-am… I’m so sorry. I gotta go.” Her words were rushed and flustered as she ran out of the crowded club, weaving and pushing her way through the crowd to get out.

Her hand pressed into her chest as it started to tighten as if she was about to have a panic attack. Her breathing was labored as she finally found a random door and pushed her way outside, the cold Philly air hitting her.

She leaned against the wall of a dim alley, her chest heaving as she tried to calm herself down. She was so wrapped up in her own head that she did not hear the door open until he started calling her name.

“Els! Els!”

She immediately tried to walk away from him until she heard him again.

“CHARLOTTE! Stop walkin’!” He demanded, stopping her in her tracks.

She turned around, an exasperated and pained look painted on her face. “What??”

“You gotta level with me, Charlotte. Tell me what’s wrong? Is it somethin’ I did o-or said?? Because you can’t experience what we just did,” he gestured back toward the party, which was still in full swing, “And tell me that there is nothing between us! O-or that is just our characters or some shit. Be honest with me. What's goin' on?”

Charlotte paced as he spoke, her hand running through her faux locs as she tried to calm her mind enough to speak to him. However, she knew she could not give him the answers he sought, not in this drunken and emotional state.

“I-I just can’t do this, Michael.” Her hand waved between the two of them. “So p-please j-just drop it!”

“W-why can’t you do it?? What I feel when I’m with you,” he offered, closing the distance between them and causing Charlotte to back up against the wall. “Is unlike anything else I’ve experienced in my entire life. Look me in my eyes and tell me you don’t feel the same. Say it and I’ll walk away, I swear. And I’ll never bring it up again. But you need to say it, Charlotte. You need to tell me you don't want me.”

Charlotte’s brown eyes met his and she tried, tried to force the words she so desperately needed to say from her soul but she could not. Because those words would be a lie. She needed him like her body needed air to breath. But she also could not bring herself to say that either. Both roads led her to destinations her soul was simply not ready for, lead her to potential heartbreak she could not handle again. And so her vocal cords just seemed to refuse to work.

“I-I…” she struggled. “S-stop doing this to me,” she whispered. “Please, I-I can’t take it.”

He scoffed, his frustration with the small woman before him getting the better of him.

“Doing what? Loving you? W-wanting to be with you??”

Her eyes grew wide as the word ‘love’ hit her like a train.

“That! Y-You don’t l-love me! You c-can’t! A-and you shouldn’t. I-I’m doing you a favor.” she nodded to herself as if she were convincing herself and him. “I d-don’t d-deserve you.” Her voice grew small as all of his words came back to haunt her. It did not feel as though two years had passed. It felt as if he was standing right beside her still whispering the same things in her ear.

She could hear his voice taunting her, calling her worthless, telling her that no one could ever love someone like her and that they would discard her the moment they realized what she truly was. His refrains reminding her that she did not deserve love rang loudly in her ears, drowning out any and everything Michael said to her.

A flash of pain crossed Michael’s face as he took in her words. How could she think that? Or say that about herself? He could visibly see her folding in on herself, her guards raising higher and higher than he could hope to climb in one night.

“Els… look at me, please,”she heard the desperation in his voice, this was the most vulnerable she had ever heard him. However, her ironclad resolve would not allow her to lift her eyes from the ground. She had to do this, for both of their sakes.

“Y-You d-deserve better t-than me. Y-You don’t want me,” she whispered, her voice sounding lifeless and robotic as if she were regurgitating words someone else supplied to her, repeating a script she barely believed herself but had to sell anyway.

Michael felt his heart splinter a bit. He supposed it truly was love because no woman had broken his heart quite like this either. His head fell as an air of defeat settled around him.

“You’re breakin’ my heart, Els,” he whispered to her before taking several steps back from her.

She sniffled and hastily wiped a stray tear that started to fall down her face.

“I-I’m protecting mine. No one else is going to,” she whispered back. “Goodbye, M-Michael,” her voice broke ever so slightly as she choked back a sob. She tore herself away from the wall and rushed away from him and a dream she knew could never be a reality.

Before she knew it, she found herself at her front door. The beautiful bouquet of flowers she found at her doorstep could not even raise her spirits or stop the tears that were starting to fall. She picked them up off the floor and fumbled with her key until she was inside her apartment.

She leaned against the counter, her hands trembling as she picked up the card nestled between a large bouquet of white roses and white calla lilies, her favorite flower.

A tear fell as she immediately guessed who they were likely from.

“Fucking perfect timing,” she muttered as she pulled the card out of its small envelope and read it silently.

Els,

Thank you for being my better half for the last three months. Whether it’s loving a flawed boxer or wine and movie nights on the couch - on screen and off, you’re the best partner I could ever have. First movie down… I know there are many more together to go.

Love,

Bakari

She read it a couple more times, her heart slowly shattering piece by piece as a wave of sobs hit her. She leaned into her counter as she sobbed, her head falling into her hands.

As she sobbed, she could not help but replay her last conversation and kiss with Michael over and over again. A small voice kept telling her she did the right thing. However, all she felt as she finally drifted off to sleep was regret.

Cold and lonely regret.

Tag List: @certifiedlesbianbaddie @bangtanxmegan @reelwriter19 @prettyisasprettydoes1306 @msniaimani @hi888888sworld @lynaye1993

A/N: ummm… don't hate me!! lol

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bangtanxmegan · 1 year

Text

bts reaction - your child see him crying

MIN YOONGI

Yoongi was frustrated because he couldn't finish a song. He tried to do everything but nothing turned out the way he wanted.

He just laid his head on the table and started to cry. Yoongi heard the studio door open and quickly wiped his face and composed himself when he saw his 6 year old son enter.

"Daddy, I already had lunch, now we can go... are you crying?"

"No."

"But your eyes are red... - Isac approaches and sits on his father's lap, hugging his waist. - "Okay, now you can cry."

Yoongi tries his best not to sob as the tears fall.

KIM SEOKJIN

You and Jin had a horrible argument, it was definitely the worst ever. Feeling very guilty, he decided to sit in the backyard and let all the accumulated tears fall freely.

"Daddy, please don't cry. You're too beautiful for that." - Kira approaches and sits next to her father.

Jin is startled and wipes his tears, a weak smile appears on his lips.

"I never cry, you know that."

"Don't lie to me, young man." - the child hugs him. - "Mom is just a little stressed. If you give her some chocolate, she'll talk to you again."

"Thanks for the help."

JUNG HOSEOK

Hoseok was chopping onions and his eyes were watering.

"I hate chopping onions." - He wipes the tear that fell with his blouse.

"Daddy, are you crying?" - Your daughter enters the kitchen, facing her father.

"No my love, it's just the onions" - you said to the child.

The girl doesn't pay attention to you and run to hug Hoseok's legs, starting to cry.

"Daddy, don't cry."

"My little baby, don't cry. If you cry then I'll cry."

He bent down to hug her, also starting to cry.

It took you a long time to calm down them.

KIM NAMJOON

"I just can't do it anymore. You always put your job first and forget about me and Jiwoo." - you point your finger at Namjoon's face. -"Don't forget that you are my husband and we have a teenage daughter who needs you."

Namjoon starts to cry, sitting on the floor in front of you.

"I swear I try to do my best and be more present, but you need to understand my..."

"I don't want to hear you play the victim, Namjoon." - you go to the table and grab your bag. - "I'm going out to eat something. I'll be right back."

Namjoon cries even more, letting the guilt wash over him.

"Daddy, drink some water."

Jiwoo hands the glass to his father, helping him drink all the liquid. The girl sits there stroking Namjoon's back waiting for him to calm down.

PARK JIMIN

Your son had been in the hospital for nearly three weeks and was showing no improvement. Jimin was trying to be strong, doing everything to help you.

He told you to go home and rest, because he would keep an eye on your son. While he slept, Jimin played with his hair and silently cried.

"Please get well soon..."

"I promise I'll get better." - the boy wakes up and kisses Jimin's face. - "Lie here with me?"

Jimin nods and climbs onto the bed, hugging his son.

KIM TAEHYUNG

Yeontan had passed away due to old age last night, everyone in the house was sad but Taehyung was the one who was the most shaken. The puppy that was part of the best moments of his life would no longer be there. Never.

Taehyung cried looking at the photos on his cell phone, especially the one where Yeontan was sleeping with the twins.

"Dad, he's in a much better place." - Lia kisses his face.

"I heard that good dogs go to heaven and eat treats for eternity." - Leonardo plays with Tae's hair. - "Tantan was a good dog. I bet he has a full belly now."

"He sure is."

Taehyung gives the first smile after hours.

JEON JUNGKOOK

"Breakup? You're kidding, right?" - Jungkook cry.

"No. Our relationship isn't working and you know it very well." - you wipe his tears. - "I don't want Tony to live with us just fighting."

Jungkook sits on the couch and is silently staring at the white wall.

"I'm going to stay at my mother's house. Tomorrow I'll come back to get my stuffs and we'll talk better."

You kiss his cheek and go upstairs to your room.

Tony runs to sit next to Jungkook, hugs his dad and puts on a cartoon he knew his father loves to watch.

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bangtanxmegan · 1 year

Text

beard | kim taehyung

mini imagine

"You're just too good to be true."

"Can't take my eyes off of you."

Taehyung completes, reaching behind and hugging you. His beard, which he hadn't shaved for a few weeks because he was on vacation, was a bit long.

"This teenage beard is bothering me." - you turn away from him.

Tae looks at you indignantly and pulls you closer, trapping you in his arms.

"I distinctly remember you not complaining about that beard last night when I was...

Before he could finish, you shut him up with a kiss.

"I'm going to miss stroking your beard while you sleep. - you pout. - "Ready to shave it all off?"

"No..." - Taehyung sighs. - "But let's do it!"

He sits on the toilet seat letting you do all the work. He's sure to miss his teenage beard.

requests are open!!!

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bangtanxmegan · 1 year

Text

Built For Love Part 1 (MBJ x Famous Black OC)

A/N: So this is the official series for MBJ x Charlotte (Famous Black OC) - this will include random moments in their relationship to see how they got to where they are… and I'll do random one-shots like I've been doing in between. Hope you enjoy :)

Word count: 3k

***

“Aye yo, Els! Charlotte!”

Charlotte whipped around as she walked toward her car on set, finding Michael jogging up to her. The neutral expression on her face curled into a bright smile as he approached her.

“Did you just call me Els?” She raised her eyebrow. She really only went by one nickname in her life: Charlie and that was reserved for family and friends. She certainly never went by her dreaded middle name, Elsbeth. She despised it, a gift from her absentee mother - whoever met a black girl named Elsbeth? Or any girl for that matter?

“Yea… your middle name is Elsbeth right? Els for short?”

She chuckled. “How’d you know that though? And what if I don’t like nicknames?”

He shrugged and winked at her, causing her to blush a bit. “I’d never reveal my sources. And well… I figured you might make an exception for me?”

Despite the look of faux annoyance on her face, she could not deny that the nickname had a certain allure on his lips. Well… a lot of things did if you asked her.

She laughed, playing along with their flirtatious banter for a moment. “Yea… maybe. I might need some more convincing though, Mr. Jordan.”

“Well let me start now. Let me take you to dinner? A congrats on finishing a long week on set.”

Charlotte immediately shook her head, laughing nervously. “Thank you but I probably shouldn’t? Need to head home and start reviewing my lines for next week a-and everything.”

She actually did not have many lines to review at all. However, as luck should have it, she and Michael would be filming their intimate scene during the next week. And though Charlotte did not want to show it, it made her anxiety skyrocket. So her vision for the evening was to merely sit at home with a glass of wine and wallow in her anxieties about the upcoming week. But she could not tell Michael that.

She also would not hate the time to just decompress. Though she had been acting since she graduated from Juilliard, somehow this terrain felt different and more exhausting. She had only done her first tv role a few months before signing on to play Bianca.

He shook his head. “Come onnnn… You’re gonna be great next week and every day. You’re a natural. You gotta eat dinner right? And I won’t keep you out too late. Promise.”

She wrestled with her internal debate for a few moments. Common sense said she should say no. However, the side of her that was drawn to Michael like a moth to a flame, the side she did not quite understand, was much louder.

“Fineeeeee… but only because I’m starving,” she added with a playful wink.

A bright boyish grin took over his features as he led her to his car. Their car ride was filled with lively conversation as they recapped the day on set. She had only known Michael for a few months, had only spent considerable time with him in the last two weeks but something about him put her at ease with every conversation. Since their chemistry test, their banter was effortless and, she will admit, flirtatious but she did not think anything of the latter. Ryan told her that her co-star was a charmer… on screen and off. So she assumed that was just par for the course with him and nothing more. Her character was meant to fall in love with his but she knew they could not.

But still, it did not stop them from gravitating toward each other all day on set or hanging out in each other’ trailers. Though theirs could never step outside of the bounds of friendship, Charlotte appreciated his commitment to developing a relationship with her outside of their characters. She felt it made their chemistry on screen even stronger.

Soon, she found herself sitting across from Michael at a back corner booth of a steakhouse. It was late so there were few patrons in the space besides them, allowing both of them to feel more at ease about being in public. Charlotte knew no one would recognize her but Michael had been acting since he was a kid. And last thing she needed was rumors on the internet about them tomorrow.

“So you've seen me work for a couple weeks, it's my first movie - got any tips for me, super star?” She asked after the waiter dropped off their drinks and took their order.

He scoffed playfully. “As if you need tips from me.”

“Why’d you say that?”

He shrugged, taking a sip of his whisky neat. “You’re almost too good. I've been tryin’ to keep up with you.”

“I bet you say that to all the girls,” she waved her hand to dismiss his compliment.

He shook his head. “Nah… haven’t found another girl like you out here.”

Charlotte looked away from him, his smolder overwhelming. She let out a nervous chuckle before leaving his statement to linger without a response. This is always were the she lost her nerve. Occasionally, he would utter something that made her think their banter was more intentional than she originally assumed. However, she never had the nerve to press it and see if that were true. There was not a world in which someone like him wanted to be with her. And she did not believe in setting herself up for rejection.

Instead, she simply shook her head and offered him a small grin. “I imagine there are plenty of girls better than me out there.”

Michael sighed. “I doubt it. So did you always want to act or?”

Charlotte nodded and sat up a bit straighter, leaning on the table as she spoke. Michael could not help how her face lit up slightly when asked about her work.

“Y-yea, ever since I saw Audra McDonald in Ragtime when I was younger… My family will tell you I had a flair for the dramatic longggg before then and I did school plays and stuff like that throughout middle and high school. But that was the moment that made me see it as a career, you know? A real possibility for my life. Went to Julliard and then started working on Broadway. I thought I’d do that for the rest of my life… you know musicals and plays. I wanted to be just like her.” Michael noticed how the ghost of a smile on her face as she remembered a past life turned into a frown, her eyes filling with longing and sorrow. “Life just took some unexpected turns when I… h-had to leave New York and move to LA so I switched to tv and movies but acting was always the plan.”

Michael nodded along as she spoke, quietly noticing her chose of hers. “Had to leave New York,” as if something forced her out. He made a mental note to find out the true story behind that one of these days.

She paused. “That or owning an ice cream shop.”

He let out a hearty laugh as her last statement caught him off guard. “An ice cream shop was your back up plan?”

“Of course. 1. There’s always a market - who doesn’t love ice cream? 2. No one is ever angry in an ice cream shop because it’s amazing. Perfect job honestly.”

“Can’t argue with that logic. What’s your dream role?”

“Elphaba… from Wicked,” she answered immediately. For her, there was no other role. “It won’t get me a Tony,” she admitted. “But it’s always been the dream.”

“Why?”

“I dunno… the character herself is perfectly written. So layered. And her songs are perfection. That show is a true masterpiece and it’s one of the biggest shows in the world.” She shrugged. “Unfortunately… under that green skin, the actresses don’t look like me. But that just makes me want it more.” She glanced up at him and noticed the way he was staring at her, immediately feeling self-conscious. She coughed and sat back. “S-sorry… here I am just going on and on about myself.”

“Nah, nah you good. I asked and I like hearing about you.”

She raised her eyebrow in suspicion. “Really?”

“Yea… what? You don’t like to talk about yourself?”

“Ehh, nah, not really. Don’t want to bore you.”

“I don’t think that’s a word I’d ever use to describe you.”

Charlotte blushed, her nervousness forcing her eyes away from him and onto a painting across the dim dining room. She did not understand how or why he had this effect on her. But whatever he was doing, she did not want him to stop.

“How’d you feel after today?” He asked, referencing their scene choreography session from earlier. "Ready for next week? I know those scenes are fucking awkward as hell.”

“Ummm… y-yea yea totally ready,” she muttered, pulling her bottom lip in between her teeth and bit in to it lightly.

“You nervous?”

How did he fucking know that?

“What? No, why’d you say that?”

He leaned forward, a curious expression painted on his face that Charlotte hated that she could not read. “You bite your lip when you’re nervous… o-or anxious I think? You were doing it when we met for our chemistry test… and on the first day of our table read. Right before our scenes all week. Today during our session.”

Charlotte tensed slightly, curious of how he noticed such a subtle tick, something that she thought she was doing a better job of hiding it from everyone. Her eyes fell from his to the table, frustration coursing through her at her own emotions, emotions she wished she had better control over.

“You are hella observant,” she muttered under her breath as she fiddled with her napkin.

“I’m your scene partner… my job is to know you. And aint shit to be ashamed of. I get anxious too… a lot,” he admitted.

“Really? You’ve been acting your whole life.”

He chuckled, his finger drawing patterns in the condensation of his glass. “Yea and shit is still hard. I still doubt myself… still get nervous and shit that I won’t do well o-or will let people down. It helps to talk about it though.” He eyed her for a moment and then asked, “So what makes you nervous about it?”

Charlotte studied him for a moment, her brain churning to figure out if she wanted to share her deep anxieties with him. It had been so long since she had been vulnerable with someone or confined about her anxieties with someone. She always feared their judgement and pity. And even though she did not know Michael that well, for some reason, she feared his judgement and pity more than anyone else. She could not understand why it mattered so much to her but she wanted him to see her as strong and assured, everything she was not really but tried to put on for the world. She wanted him to like the facade because who she really was did not seem worth his time.

However, the part of her that craved vulnerability and a safe place to land freed and propelled the words from their cage in the depths of her soul. Something about him felt… safe. And in that moment, the feeling of safety with him felt like relaxing in the warmth of the sun. She wanted to lean into it, not run away from it. Even if it was only between two friends, she craved it and just could not turn away a rare bit of warmth in her cold life.

“Well…” she chuckled nervously. “I feel so fuckin’ lame saying this but… I’ve never done a sex scene before? A-and I g-guess I just feel more self-conscious than I should. I know it’s just like every other scene but it’s so intimate and,” she shrugged. “A-and there’s shit from the past coming back u-“ she turned and stopped herself, she was getting too real with him now. “I d-dunno. A-and I’m just self conscious about the amount of people who’ll be watching? Like that’s so weird, right? I-I just feel like I'm gonna look stupid. Saying it out loud makes me feel really dumb.”

He chuckled, ‘Nah it’s not dumb and honestly, this shit is awkward as fuck. We just met two months ago and even though its hella choreographed, there’s a level of trust and intimacy we have to share to sell it. So I think if you’ve never done that shit before, it’s more daunting than people would think.”

“Thanks for not making me feel stupid about it. That does make me feel better.”

“Never. Look, my job is also to make you feel as comfortable and safe as you can be in every scene but especially this one. We are gonna be as close as two coworkers can be, I wanna make sure you’re straight. So let me know what you need and I gotchu. I want you to trust me.”

She smiled over the rim of her glass.

“I do… trust you,” she responded definitively. And she was surprised at how deeply she felt that in her soul.

“That’s what I like to hear.”

***

“Cheers!” Michael offered as he and Charlotte clinked their wine glasses together, a half-empty bottle of red wine sitting on the coffee table of his living room.

“What are we cheering too?” She asked as she took a sip of her wine.

He shrugged. “I dunno… to movie set firsts? To finishing one of our hardest scenes?”

“I like the sound of both of those! Cheers.” She took another sip before sitting her glass down and leaning back, her hand running through her faux locs she had installed for her character. “Thank you for today by the way. You made it super light a-and fun, shockingly.”

He twisted his face up in faux offense. “Shockingly?? Ouch. I thought every moment with me was fun?”

“You aight,” she winked at him before grabbing the bottle to refill her glass. “I was actually surprised at how few folks were on set also. The way Ryan talked when we first went over it, it seemed like the whole crew would be there.”

At Michael’s silence, she eyed him suspiciously as he nodded and glanced off to the side, scratching the nape of his neck.

“You know something about that?? Tell me!”

“Alright fine, I wasn’t gonna tell you but I ain’t gon’ lie to you either. When you said you were nervous about people watching, I texted Ryan and asked him to close the set. I didn’t tell him you asked o-or were anxious about it,” he clarified as he watched the heat rise in her cheeks from embarrassment. “I j-just reminded him that it was your first time on a movie set a-and we shouldn’t assume you’ve done a scene like that before. I hope that’s ok? I’m sorry if I overstepped. Just wanted you to feel more comfortable.”

Charlotte tilted her head as she studied him for a moment. Part of her thought she should be mad at him for making requests on her behalf but she wasn’t? She found the action maddeningly kind and endearing if anything. That he took her words to heart and actually tried to help her be more comfortable. That he was silently working behind the scenes to make her feel safe.

Michael took her silence for anger. “You’re upset. I’m sorry, Charlotte. I over-“

“N-no. Don’t apologize!” She let out a breathy chuckle before adding. “I’m not upset. It just…that just might be the sweetest thing a fellow actor has ever done for me.” She leaned over and squeezed his hand, the heat from his body warming her hand. “Thank you. I really appreciate it.”

He turned his hand over in hers and squeezed back, offering her a nod and smile. Charlotte’s eyes fell from his down to their connected fingers, heat rising in her at the simple touch. She felt it every time, even among the most innocent of touches, pure desire and electricity. Her mind drifted back to feeling his hands on her body earlier that day. The palms of his hands was rough and callous but today proved that his touch was anything but. It was strong and gentle. And she knew it was wrong but she left set today craving more of it, yearning for more of him.

Something in her snapped back to reality, forcing her to rip her hand from his quickly. She cleared her throat and busied herself with her glass of wine.

“A-anytime,” he offered quietly, seeming equally as frazzled by their touch as she was.

“I-I should head back to my apartment,” she whispered, deciding it was best to remove herself from his presence before she drank anymore wine and lost anymore of her sensibilities, which felt as if they were hanging on by a thread as it was. “T-Thanks for the wine.”

“I’ll walk you out.” He stood and stretched lightly before walking her to his door.

She slid on her shoes as he grabbed her coat from his closet.

“Thank you again for today, seriously. You are the best scene partner a girl could ask for.”

He closed the gap between them and wrapped her in a tight welcomed hug. Her arms wrapped around his broad shoulders as his hugged around her waist. She knew this was the exact type of touching she was leaving to avoid. But for the briefest moment, she remembered what it was like to have intimacy with someone else, to feel secure and whole in their arms.

They both lingered in their soft touches for longer than they should have. Charlotte let out a content sigh as he rubbed soothing circles on her back and held her, her forehead falling gently against his chest.

She was the first to break their sweet, hidden moment, the high tide of longing in her building to places too strong to be contained. She couldn’t allow herself to fall any deeper into this - whatever it was - for a million different reasons. He would never reciprocate it and she would never deserve it if he did. Why bait misery?

She lifted her head from his chest to stare at him, his grip around her body didn’t loosen or move. They just stared at each other. Before Charlotte could say a word, his lips were on hers. She didn’t return it at first, her whole body paralyzed from shock. But it only took a few seconds for her to return it fervently.

There was a small arch in her back as their mouths explored each other for the first time. She could feel a cloud of desperation and need settling around them. She had kissed him before, however, this - without the mechanics of acting guiding them - felt entirely different. This was pure bliss, his lips casting a fog over her brain that stopped the formation of any thought unrelated to the man in front of her. His tongue danced with hers as they moaned lightly into each other’s mouths. She never wanted this moment to end.

But it did. He leaned back briefly, a need for air overcoming his desire to consume the woman in front of him. He wanted all of her for the rest of his life. Michael had kissed many women in his life but none had ever felt like that before. He had tried his hardest to keep his feelings at bay, to give her space and not push. When he realized he wanted to pursue a real relationship with Charlotte, he vowed to wait until filming concluded so she would not feel obligated or pressured to date him. He wanted her to want him as much as he wanted her. And some moments, he felt it so strongly and in others, he felt her pull away from him, causing him to doubt himself.

But the more moments he spent with the woman in his arms, the harder it was to keep those feelings at bay. Every moment with her was kindling to this fire and tonight was proof that it would only grow out of control if they did not finally choose to acknowledge that it was there.

With the brief reprieve to catch her breath, Charlotte’s desires quickly faded into embarrassment.

What the fuck did you just do?

“U-um I’m sorry, s-so sorry, Michael,” she whispered as she took a step back from him, his arms releasing her from his web. She avoided his eyes as she grabbed her coat from the floor where it fell. Suddenly, the plain white walls of the front hallway in his temporary apartment seemed far more interesting than the shell-shocked man in front of her. “D-don’t know what came over me. I-I should go.”

She quickly walked around his body and out the door, leaving him paralyzed and confused in his doorway. And by the time he regained his wits about him, she was gone.

Charlotte slid into her car and let her head fall onto her steering wheel with a wave of shame and embarrassment.

“What the fuck is wrong with you, Charlie??” She whispered to herself while one silent question oscillated through her mind: Why couldn’t things ever be easy?

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