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amor1st03 · 1 month

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Facade | Seo Changbin

Changbin x fem!reader

highschool au, classmates to friends to lovers, angst, fluff

warnings: mentions of insecurities/self-doubt, drinking, swearing, angst, reader fucks up tbh and hurts Changbin, not proof read (yet), kinda hate this tbh lol

word count: 7.5k

in which: you want to write an article about the popular group in your school, what could possibly go wrong? Rom-com inspired, never been kissed etc

Skz masterlist

"You know it's a terrible idea right?" Your best friend, Seungmin, said.

"No it's the perfect idea, I'll get into any university I want if I can write this article."

"Yes but you'd have to get close to their group for it."

"So? I get close to them, write the article and then we graduate and I never have to speak to them again."

"I don't like the idea of you hanging out with them."

"Scared I'll ditch you?"

"No. I just trust them.”

No one ever trusts the popular people in school. Not really.".

"Just watch how much you tell them about yourself if this does work. I don't trust them."

"I will, don't worry."

The plan was simple. Infiltrate the so-called popular group at your school, learn about their life of popularity, write the greatest article your school had ever seen and get into any university for journalism you wanted. It was perfect.

Well, simple in theory.

How on earth were you meant to infiltrate the group and get them to trust you enough to talk about being popular?

Seungmin suggested that you scrap the whole idea and just tell them that you wanted to write an article about popularity but you knew that they would bullshit their way through an interview. You had to get to know them. Get them to trust you so you could find out everything about what it was really like to be popular.

"You're definitely sure about this?"

"Definitely. I got this."

In order to get into their group you needed to figure out a way to talk to them. You had a few classes with Rebecca, the 'queen bee' of the school but you were too nervous to approach her. You had a few classes with her other friends too. You figured your best option was Changbin, the star football player. He was extremely popular and had girls swooning over him left right and centre. But he always seemed to be the friendliest out of the whole group.

He was in your history class but you found yourself hesitating to approach him. This was going to be harder than you thought. When the class ended and you had yet to speak to him your heart sunk in disappointment.

"Any luck?" Seungmin asked you at the end of the day as he met you outside your last class.

"Nope. I couldn't even work up the courage to talk to any of them." He sighed a little, shaking his head at what he was about to tell you.

"I can't believe I'm helping you with this." He muttered more to himself than you. "There's a party on Friday, they'll probably all be there. The whole school is pretty much invited, you could try to talk to some of them there."

"Why didn't you tell me this earlier?"

"I've only just found out about it!"

"It's perfect! I'll go and maybe a little bit of liquid courage will finally get the ball rolling. Will you please come with me?"

"Count me out."

"Seungmin, please." You whined. "I can't go alone, please."

"Fine, but I'm having no part in helping you talk to them."

"Don't worry, you won't have to. We can ask Jeongin to come too."

***

You and Seungmin clung to each other for the most of the night. It wasn’t that you didn’t enjoy parties. You did. But this one was different. You knew that somehow you had to approach Changbin. Somehow convince him that you were cool and the type of person that he wanted to hang out with. To say you were nervous was an understatement.

Jeongin, it turned out, was really in his element. You had lost him a long time ago somewhere in the crowd. The last glimpse of him you got was him surrounded by a group of guys while he was playing beer pong at a table.

“I thought you were going to talk to Changbin tonight.”

“I thought you said you would have no part in helping me.”

“I'm not helping you, just reminding you why we're here.”

“Yeah, yeah. I know.”

“Look, I'm going to go to the bathroom. You try and figure out what you're gonna do.” You watched him leave before finding a corner to hide in. You sighed, closing your eyes and resting your head against the walls.

“Rough day?” A voice said behind you.

“Yeah, you could say that.” You opened your eyes to see who the voice belonged to you. Your eyes widened slightly when you realised it was Changbin. You put on a smile.

“How about a drink?” He tilted his head in the direction of the kitchen and you agreed. He led the way as you followed.

“What's your poison?” He asked.

“Surprise me.”

“After a little adventure, I see?”

“Yeah, trying this new thing called being brave.”

“Well, let's hope it works out in your favour and you like this.” He handed you your cup and you took a sip. It was fruity and sweet and the alcohol wasn't too overpowering.

“That's actually really nice.”

“Thanks.” He made himself a drink before leaning in the counter looking at you.

“I've never really seen you at a party before?”

“I don't come to many.”

“And I don't see you around school much either.”

“You probably haven't noticed me.”

“How ever could I not notice that pretty face.” You resisted the urge to roll your eyes. Obnoxious.

“You're quite the charmer, I see.”

“Well, I do try.”

“Seriously though, I swear I never see you around school except in history. Where do you go?”

“I don't have many friends, to be honest.” Of course you had Seungmin and Jeongin but the three of you would hide out under the bleachers during your free time and lunch.

“Well, now you do. I'm Changbin.”

“I know who you are.”

“Ah, you do, do you?”

“Yeah. I just mean, like, the entire school is in love with you.”

“You included?” You thought he would've smirked but his expression was surprisingly sincere.

“I-”

“I'm messing with you. Anyway, you're Y/N, right?”

“Yeah. Yeah, that's me,” You replied, still feeling a little flustered.

“So, now that formal introductions are out of the way, I can ask you. Do you want to join me and my friends at lunch tomorrow?”

“Sure. Sounds great.” He smiled as you agreed.

“Great. And now for my second question. Do you wanna dance?” He held out his hand for you and as you took it you tried desperately to ignore the tingling sensation you felt in your veins.

***

You breathed heavily, trying to calm yourself as you worked into the cafeteria the next Monday morning. Glancing around at the crowded tables, searching for Changbin. He caught your eye and waved you over and you felt the sudden urge to turn and run. But you didn't. Instead you forced yourself forward towards his table. The ‘popular’ crowd was made up of smaller circles. Changbin’s circle being at the top of the food chain. He and four others sat at the table. Rebecca, the queen bee. You could see why she had guys worshipping the ground she walked on, she was beautiful. Scarlett, her best friend. Also gorgeous and the head cheerleader. Nick, he was a big personality and always in the centre of the action. Daniel, class clown. You were ashamed to admit, that despite you disliking how loud he was, he at times had you stifle a laugh during classes with him. Finally, there was Changbin. The King himself. Captain of the football team. The guy who was the most sought after in the entire school yet, right now, was unable to take his eyes off of you. He wanted the earth to open up and swallow you whole. You hated to admit those eyes were having an effect on you. But since you entered the cafeteria he had not been able to look away. You cleared your throat as the rest of the table turned to look at you.

“Everyone, this is Y/N. She's in my history class and I've invited her to sit with us.”

“Hi,” You said in a rather meek voice as you say down beside Changbin.

As each person introduced themselves you were surprised at how friendly they all seemed at first. But you were also cautious. You were not going to be lulled into a false sense of security.

“Thank god there's another girl here to even out the group,” Rebecca said after she had introduced herself.

“Yeah, I can imagine this much exposure to testosterone can't be good for anybody,” You replied and we're surprised when you earned a laugh from the group.

“Looks like someone's here to steal my place as a class clown.”

“Feeling threatened, Daniel?” Scarlett asked him. He rolled his eyes but there was a certain softness when he looked at her. You wondered if she had ever noticed it before.

You continued to talk with them and found yourself actually enjoying their company but once again you reminded yourself of why you were actually here.

“So, how did you and Changbin meet?” Scarlet asked you.

“Well, we're in the same history class but we only really spoke at the party last Friday.”

“Oh, I wondered where he had wandered off to. Seems he was with you.”

“Yeah, we talked for a lot of the night actually.’

“Speaking of parties,” Rebecca said. “We are having a little movie night at mine on Saturday at 6pm, you should come. We'll be ordering a pizza and having a few drinks.”

“Sure that sounds great.”

“Cool. Here, put in your number and I can text you the address.” She handed you her phone and you added your number before handing it back to her.

Just as she took it back from you, the lunch bell rang. You all packed up and got ready to go to class.

“Hey, what've you got next,” Changbin said to you.

“English.”

“Can I wake you there?”

“Yeah, sure.” You bid the rest of the group goodbye before the two of you set off.

“How are you getting to to Rebecca's on Saturday?”

“Not sure yet. Depends how far it is from my house. I'll either probably walk or get the bus. Why?”

“Well, I was wondering if before you wanna do something?”

“What like?”

“I don't know, anything. Go for a meal or a coffee or even just for a walk. I'll pick you up and we can go to Rebecca's together.”

“Okay, that's fine. We can go for a coffee, pick me up at 3,” You said as you arrived outside your classroom door.

“Great. I'll pick you up then.” A smile spread across his face. “I'll see you in history, later.”

“See you later.”

***

You arrived at your history class before Changbin did. Unzipping your bag, you pulled out your books for this class, not paying attention.

“Boo!” You heard someone shout behind you. In shock, you turned around, raising the book in hand, ready to hit whoever ambushed you.

“Changbin.”

“I hope you don't try to kill me with a book every time we meet.”

“You scared me, I would've called it self defence.”

“Well, sorry for scaring you. I was just wondering, how were you getting home after school?”

“Getting the bus.”

“Let me drive you home.”

“You really don't have to.”

“I don't have to but I want to. So, I'll drive you home?”

“Yeah, okay. I'll meet you in the car park after we've finished.”

“Okay, cool.” He smiled at you before moving over to his seat. You turned and watched him. Getting to know him would be a lot easier than you had thought now that you had gotten past the first hurdle. He seemed more than willing to talk to you. He was actually making more opportunities for you to talk to him.

The teacher entered the class and everyone settled. The class was nothing out of the ordinary. But you couldn't help but look back at where Changbin was sitting. He was behind you diagonally so it was easy to find him. Sometimes he was listening to what the teacher was saying. Other times when you turned around he was already looking at you. You could see why he captivated so many people. He was beautiful. There was no other word for it.

You were focusing on what the teacher said when a small piece of paper landed on your desk.

You unfolded it and read it.

Can I have your phone number?

You looked back at Changbin who was smiling softly at you. You quickly turned away, unsure of why the question resulted in your face burning. It wasn't like that. You knew it was only because you had become friends with him.

You jotted your number down before throwing the note back to him. A few minutes later you saw a notification pop up on your phone.

[2:14pm]

Guess who?

[2:14pm]

Hmm, that's a tough one

[2:15pm]

Haha, very funny

[2:16pm]

I know, it's what makes me so charming

[2:16pm]

You're so humble too

You honestly didn't think speaking to Changbin would be as easy as this. But it was. It was just like you were speaking to Seungmin or Jeongin. It was so natural. You spent the rest of the class trying to focus but getting distracted by the messages from Changbin. The messages continued for the rest of your classes until the end of the day when he messaged you that he was heading out to the car park.

Before you left, you found Seungmin at his locker and updated him on everything.

“Wow, he's like your boyfriend already. The plan worked faster than I thought.”

“He's not my boyfriend. And him being my boyfriend isn't part of the plan anyway.”

“Unless you fall for him.”

“I won't fall for him. And it's not like he's gonna fall for me even if I did.”

“Why not?”

“Because he's himself and I'm me.”

“What does that even mean? You're both just people right. Besides, from what you've told me I honestly think he might already be interested.”

“Shut up, no he's not.”

“Sure, whatever you say. Just be careful with everything.”

“Yeah, okay. Well I've got to go now anyway so I'll see you later.” You waved him goodbye before heading out to the car park.

You found Changbin leaning against his car, waiting for you. As you approached, he opened the passenger door for you. You thanked him with a smile as you got in the car.

In between directions to your house, you chatted with him.

“So I know you hang out with Seungmin and Jeongin a lot, even though you said you don't have many friends.”

“Yeah, they've been my friends for what feels like forever.”

“I hope they don't mind us stealing you away at lunch.”

“Oh no, they don't mind. They don't go to the cafeteria for lunch much anyway. Besides, they have their own friends that I don't know too so they're fine with me having other friends.”

“That's good to know.”

“What about you? Any other friends outside of your main group?”

“I've got these two friends who don't go to our school. We make music together just in our spare time.”

“Wait, seriously, that's so cool?”

“Maybe I could take you to meet them sometime. We go to this studio in town when we get the chance. We're actually going later tonight if you're free you could tag along.”

“Yeah, I'd like that a lot, actually.”

“Okay, great. I'll message you about it and come pick you up in a few hours.”

“Yeah, sure. Sounds like a plan.”

You continued to direct him and before long you had arrived at your house.

Changbin turned to look at you once he had pulled up.

“Thanks for the ride.”

“No problem. I'll see you later tonight.”

You got out of the car and he waited until you were inside before he drove off. You finished up some homework and made some notes for your article. You were looking forward to tagging along to see what Changbin's music was like. You weren't sure what to expect but you wanted to know more.

You told your parents that you would be going out after Changbin had texted you what time he would pick you up. You got ready and waited for him.

He was right on time to pick you up. The drive to the studio felt short as Changbin told you about his two friends Jisung and Chan.

He parked up and led you inside the studio, greeting people who worked there as he walked past. He seemed quite familiar with a lot of the people there so you guessed he must go quite often. He knocked on one of the doors before opening it.

He greeted the two guys who were in the other room as he walked in. You followed behind him feeling a little out of place.

“This must be Y/N you were telling us about.” One of the guys got up from the chair he was sitting in. “I'm Chan,” He said, holding out his hand for you to shake. “And this is Jisung.” The other guy had gotten up to greet you as well.

“It's nice to meet you both. And thanks for letting me sit in on one of your sessions.”

“No problem, it's nice to have an audience to show off to sometimes,” Jisung said with a smile.

“Ignore him, he's never serious,” Changbin commented.

“You can sit on the sofa, make yourself at home,” Chan said pointing to a sofa in the corner.

“Thanks.” You took a seat as the boys got to work. Jisung was the first one in the booth to record his part. You had been sure they would be good but we're surprised by just how good they were. Jisung’s flow of rap was really nice.

Next was Chan who had a really nice voice. Changbin was the last in the booth. He smiled at you through the glass before starting. You were blown away with how easily the lyrics flowed from his mouth. After a few takes he was finished and exited the booth.

“Changbin, you were amazing. I had no idea you could rap like that.”

“Thank you,” He said, looking a bit shy now.

“I'm gonna go get a coffee before we take a look at all the recordings. Do guys want anything?” Chan spoke up.

“Coffee please,” Jisung replied.

“Just a water please,” You said.

“I'll come with you, Chan, help you carry everything,” Changbin said. The two of them left the room leaving you and Jisung alone.

“So, you two met at school?” Jisung said, sitting next to you on the couch.

“Yeah. But we became friends at a party, actually. Socially, we are opposite ends of the spectrum. He's so popular, everyone at school is obsessed with him. I'm not so much. I didn't think we'd get along at first if I'm being honest but, yeah, he's really great.”

“Well he must think you're pretty great too if he brought you here.”

“Does he only bring his friends here?”

“He hasn't brought anyone here. Except for you. So you must be important to him.”

“But I…we-” The door opened and your head turned to see Changbin and Chan back with your drinks.

You took your drink from Changbin with a smile, Jisung's words still ringing in your ears. The guys got back to work as you continued to think about what Jisung had told you. Why would you be the only person Changbin had brought here when you had only just become friends? Did he really trust you that much in such a short space of time?

“Are you ready to go?” Changbin brought you out of your thoughts.

“Yeah, sure.” You said, standing up. “It was nice to meet you guys.”

“Hope to see you again, Y/N.”

“Yeah, next time we have a gig you should come. Make sure to invite her, Changbin.”

“I will.”

“I'd love that.”

You said your final goodbyes to them both before the two of you headed back to Changbin's car.

“Thanks for coming today, I hope you enjoyed it,” Changbin said as he drove you home.

“I did. I didn't know you could rap like that. Seriously, you all were amazing.”

“Thanks,” He said with a smile.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Go for it.”

“Jisung said I am the first person you took there. Why is that?” There was a moment where he looked over at you.

“There's just something about you. Do you remember in primary when we had to do that group project and we were in the same group?” You thought back. It was a long time ago and you couldn't really remember what the project was about but you did remember Changbin being there. Until now you had forgotten the two of you had even spoken before. You nodded before he continued.

“I've wanted to get to know you since then. But I was a shy kid so I never approached you. That's why at the party I took my chance.” You felt your cheeks burn. You had to remind yourself of the reason you allowed Changbin into your life. You stayed quiet, unsure of how to respond. Changbin pulled up outside your house.

“Thanks again for letting me come to the studio.”

“No problem, I'll see you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow,” You said as you got out of the car, smiling at him. Changbin waited until you were inside before driving off. You made your way up to your bedroom. Your notebook was lying open with Changbin's name on the page. Listed where all the things you knew about him. As you added a note on his interest in music you couldn't help but feel guilty.

***

You continued to sit with Changbin and his friends for the rest of the week. The weekend finally came and on Saturday Changbin picked you up before the group movie night. The two of you had decided to go for a coffee at a nearby cafe. The two of you had talked about everything. You actually lost track of time and the two of you were almost late to the movie night.

You knocked on Rebecca's door. When she opened the door she greeted you both with a big smile, pulling you into a hug. The two of you were the last to arrive.

The group were already midway through arguing over what movie to put in when the two of you settled onto one of the sofas.

“Y/N, what do you think we should watch?”

“Umm, I'm not sure, what are the options?”

“Well I suggested either a Hunger Games marathon or a Conjuring marathon and Rebecca suggested a Back to the Future marathon.”

“They’re all good options, why don't we take a vote?”

“Yeah, good idea.”

In the end the Hunger Games won. You all ordered pizza before beginning. Rebecca handed out everyone a drink. Once you were all settled you began watching the movie. The entire time you were incredibly aware of Changbin who was sitting next you, his leg pressed against your own.

When the pizza delivery finally arrived part way through the film you offered to answer the door. You handed them out but when it came to Rebecca you noticed she was no longer in the room. You asked but nobody knew where she had went. You looked for her to let her know food was here but as you approached the bathroom door you heard soft sobs coming from inside. Gently, you knocked. Rebecca opened the door slightly, her eyes swollen from crying.

“Hey, are you alright?”

“Yeah, sorry.”

“You don't have to apologise, it's okay. What's up?”

“I've just been having a really bad day. And it's so dumb but there was this guy I liked and during the movie he messaged me to say he didn't want to commit to anything. And this happens every time, I can never seem to find someone who wants anything serious. Am I really that unlovable? I know at school everyone thinks I'm this popular, confident person but I'm really not. None of it is real. And it's moments like this that make me realise how alone I feel sometimes.”

“You're not alone. And you're not unlovable. You will find someone. Look, guys can be idiots. But one day someone is going to come along and show you just how amazing you are. You're not unlovable, I promise.” She gave you a sad smile before pulling you into a hug.

“Thank you, Y/N. I'm really glad that Changbin brought you into our group.”

“Me too.” With a sigh she pulled away. “Come on then, let's get back downstairs or else our pizzas will be cold.”

***

The night was going well, you were onto the second film and all of you were starting to feel a little tipsy.

Peeta had just given Katniss a pearl he had found.

“I wish I had someone like Peeta,” Scarlett said.

“I'm right here, babe,” Daniel replied.

“Shut up.” She threw a pillow at him. He laughed, turning back to the movie. You noticed the way Scarlett's gaze lingered in him just a little longer than necessary. You smiled knowingly to yourself.

When the movie had finished you offered to refill everyone's drinks. Scarlett offered to help you.

“I think Daniel likes you.”

“What?” She replied rather loudly, almost dropping the bottle she was pouring.

“I mean it, what he said earlier during the pearl scene, I think there's some truth behind it.”

“You really think so?”

“I do.” She smiled at you.

“And you know I like him too then.”

“I had my suspicions.”

“Was it that obvious?” She said with a shy laugh

“A little, yes. But I don't think he's noticed. All I'll say is I'm rooting for the two of you and I hope it works out. You two would look great together.”

“Oh yeah? Well then, what about you and Changbin?”

“Me and Changbin?”

“Yeah, you know the rest of us aren't blind. We can see there's something going on there.”

“Oh, I don't know. There isn't really, we're just friends.”

“Just friends? A friend who he took to the music studio even thought none of us have ever been.”

“You know about that?”

“I know a lot more than you think.” She said with a smile before leaving the kitchen with some of the drinks. You picked up the rest of the drinks and followed her, thinking about her rather ominous statement.

You all continued to watch the films. By the time you had finished the final film you were all pretty drunk. You decided to do karaoke. Nick was the first one up. He was prancing around the room, singing along to the song playing.

“I wish I had his confidence,” You said to Changbin beside you.

“He isn't always like this, the truth is he doubts himself so much but he wants to be that person so he keeps trying, you know?” You nodded understandingly. You never would have thought from the way Nick presents himself at school that he ever felt insecure about anything. But you supposed that was stupid to assume. Everyone had moments of self-doubt, right?

The night continued with lots of laughs and plenty of singing. It was getting late and you were all getting pretty tired. You were going to sleep downstairs. Rebecca had brought out a blow up mattress for Changbin and Daniel. You and Nick were going to sleep on a couch each while Rebecca and Scarlett would sleep in her room. Once you had finally blown up the air mattress, Rebecca and Scarlett bid you goodnight.

The room was dark and quiet as you all settled down. Nick soon started snoring, Daniel soon joining him.

“Shit, I should've warned you about these two snoring,” Changbin said with a laugh. You joined in, turning on your side to look at him. He had chosen the side of the mattress that was just across from you.

“Hi,” You said as his eyes met yours.

“Hi. How are you feeling?”

“Pretty drunk, the rooms spinning a little.”

“You're not going to be sick on me, are you?” He said, laughing again.

“No, I don't feel sick. I'm okay.”

“Good. But, seriously, if you need some water or anything just let me know.”

“Thank you. I had a really good time tonight. I really feel like I'm becoming a part of the group.”

“I'm glad. We like having you around. I like having you around.”

“I like being around you.”

You both looked at each other, neither of you wanting to break eye contact. But eventually you did.

“We should sleep.”

“I know. But I don't want to.”

“Neither do I.”

***

“I can't write the article.”

“What?” Seungmin asked.

“I can't do it. I've really become friends with them. I like them all so much and they trust me. They've told me about things that I have no right to share with people, you know? They've been so nice to me and let me into their group.”

“But what are you going to write about instead?”

“I don't know.” You replied with a defeated sigh.

“I'm sure you'll figure it out.”

“Yeah. I can't believe I wanted to do this in the first place. Am I a bad person?”

“No, you just made a mistake. It doesn't matter now anyway. You aren't going to write it. And you'll think of something else great to write.”

“Yeah, I hope so.”

“You will. Look I gotta go now but I'll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay, see you tomorrow,” You said, hanging up the phone. You sighed, laying back in your bed.

You looked up at the ceiling.

It had been about a month since the movie night at Rebecca's. You felt like you were really a part of their group. They had all confided in you about their feelings and insecurities. You couldn't betray them like this. Not when you cared so much about them. You couldn't do it to any of them. Especially not Changbin.

Out of them all you had grown closest to Changbin. You thought back to what Scarlett had said. Maybe there was something going on between the two of you. You started noticing all the small things he would do that would get your heart racing. How every day you looked forward to seeing him.

Everything had changed.

You were so caught up in thinking about him at first you hadn't even released your phone had been ringing again. You picked it up quickly and realised it was the very person you had been thinking about.

“Changbin, hi.”

“Hi, you okay?”

“Yeah, I'm good. How are you?”

“Pretty good. Missing you, to be honest. I wanna talk to you about something. Is it alright if I come over?”

“Yeah sure, of course it is.”

“Okay then, I'll head over now. See you soon.”

“See you soon.”

You hung up. It wasn't long that you had to wait until you heard the doorbell ring. You hurried out of your bedroom to the front door and opened it to find Changbin.

“Come on in,” You said, stepping aside to let him in. The two of you headed up to your room. You threw your phone beside you as you say down. Changbin sat down too.

“So, what is it you wanted to talk to me about?”

“Well, there's two things actually. First, we booked a gig next Saturday.”

“Really? Changbin, that's amazing!”

“Yeah, and I wanted to ask you if you wanted to come.”

“I'd love to, of course I'll come see you perform.”

“Okay, great! And then there's the other thing. Y/N, we've been friends for a couple months now and-” Changbin was interrupted by the doorbell.

“That'll be my mum's parcel she had coming today. I'll go and get it, just give me two seconds.” You quickly hopped up off the bed and rushed to answer the door. Changbin patiently waited, trying to prepare himself for what he was about to do. His thoughts were interrupted by a notification from your phone. He caught sight of the message that had popped up. It was from Jeongin.

[5:46pm]

Seungmin told me you decided not to write the article about Changbin and that. I'm glad you made the right decision. You seem to be genuinely happier since you met him.

Changbin furrowed his brows as he read the message. Article? What article was Jeongin talking about?

He heard your footsteps approaching, he looked up as you entered the room.

“What's this message about?” He handed you your phone. He watched as the smile on your face dropped. “Y/N, what's he talking about?”

“Listen, Changbin…”

“Tell me what's going on.”

“Look, I was going to write about what you guys were really like, you know, behind the reputations and all that. And what it was like to be popular.”

“So, you never wanted to be friends in the first place.”

“No, please, let me explain.”

“I've heard enough!”

“Changbin, please!” He stormed out of your room and you followed him. “Changbin, please, let's just talk.” You followed him out of your house as he made his way to his car.

“I can't believe you right now, Y/N. After everything. I thought you really cared about me you know? I-I came over here to confess to you. I was going to tell you that I think I was falling for you. But you're not who I thought you were.” Sadness swept over his face. You felt tears sting your eyes.

“Please, just hear me out.” But he shook his head and got in his car, not sparing you a second look. As you watched his car drive away a sob escaped your lips. After what felt like an eternity, you made your way back into the house. You crawled into bed and you cried and cried and cried.

***

You had barely slept. As you walked into school the next day your head hung low. You found Seungmin waiting for you by your locker as he did most mornings. He glanced up at you as you approached.

“Are you alright? You look awful.” You couldn't stop the tears. “Oh, Y/N.” He pulled you into his arms.

“I told him. Yesterday.” You sobbed. “And now I'm guessing they all know. I've ruined everything.” Seungmin stroked your hair, trying his best to soothe you.

“Give them time. They'll come around and you'll be able to explain.”

“But what if they don't come around? And what if I can't explain it to them?” You pulled out of his embrace to look at him.

“You will. You've always had a way with words, remember.” He smiled at you.

You kept that thought in your mind for the rest of the day. You tried to approach Changbin but he walked away the second he saw you nearing. In class he ignored you. It stung.

When the lunch bell rang you managed to catch up to Rebecca. At least you would be able to explain it to her.

“Rebecca, please.”

“What do you want?”

“Please, just let me explain.”

“Fine, you have two minutes.” You took a deep breath.

“Look, I started things off in the wrong way between us. I wanted to write an article. I know it was wrong and I'm sorry. But I forgot about the article aong time ago. I haven't wanted to write anything about you guys in a long time. I honestly stopped wanting to write the article that first movie night we had. Because I started to care so much about all of you and I genuinely wanted to be friends with you. I know what I did was wrong and I can't take it back but every part of me wishes that we could have started our friendship in a different way because I really do consider all of you some of my closest friends. You don't have to forgive me, of course, I understand. But I just wanted to explain it to you and let you know that you all were worth so much more than some stupid article.” She looked at you for a second. Her expression was hard to read.

“You really hurt us, you know.”

“I know.”

“But, I know you're not a bad person. You did a bad thing but you're not a bad person. You made a stupid mistake and I forgive you. I'll tell the others. I'll try to explain. But just give us some time, okay?”

“Okay, thank you. Thank you so much.” She gave you a soft smile.

“We'll get past this.”

“I hope so.”

***

Another week passed and you gave Changbin some space. You weren't sure if you would ever be able to fix what you can Changbin had. Just as you began to realise your true feelings for him you ruined everything. Ruined it before it even began.

The deadline for your article approached. You hadn't even thought about what to write about instead. In truth you had forgotten all about it since you became friends with Changbin. It didn't seem like a priority anymore.

But still, you wanted to write a good article. Although you ruined your friendship with Changbin and the others, you didn't want to ruin your chances of getting into a good university. Even though it now doesn't feel half as important as it did before.

You sat at your desk for hours, pondering over what to write instead. The blank page, the line blinking on and off, waiting for the words. You sighed and closed your laptop, defeat evident in your mind. You crawled into bed instead, thinking of Changbin. The tears came again. They were now a regular visitor. Like a ghost in the night, sneaking out from the shadows, possessing you so much. The only relief was to give in to them. Allowing them to stream down your face until you were a sobbing mess. When sleep finally came it wasn't restful. You dreamt of Changbin and how much he must hate you now.

***

When you woke it was still dark out. Your eyes felt puffy from all the crying. They felt heavy and tired but your mind felt wide awake. You checked your phone and found it was almost 4am. You knew you wouldn't be able to fall back asleep. The dreams of Changbin had given you some ideas of what to write for your article. You got out of bed and took a seat at your desk, opening your laptop. The words seemed to flow onto the screen like a river, your fingers could barely type fast enough to catch up with how quickly your mind was racing. It didn't take you long to finish the article. As you read it you sighed a little. It was an incredibly intimate piece. You were nervous to put it in the paper but you were going to. After what you did to Changbin it was the least you could do. You shut off your laptop once you had sent it to your school email and then climbed back in bed. There was still some time before you had to get up for school so you figured you’d at least try and rest some more.

***

“Changbin!” Rebecca called over to Changbin who was by his locker. She held out the school newspaper to him. He took it and looked at the page she was showing. He noticed your name on an article.

“Rebecca, I don't-”

“Just read it, trust me.” He knew there was no arguing with her.

“I will, later,” He replied, stuffing it in his bag before saying goodbye and heading to his first class. For the rest of the school day then article was one his mind. He was curious but at the same time scared to see what you had written. Despite it being only paper it seemed to weigh his bag down like a brick as it hung on his shoulders.

When he got home from school he placed it on his desk. He took a deep sigh before reading.

Behind the Facade

By Y/N L/N

I started this article intending to write about a certain group of people in this school. A group that you all know of. Rumours have circulated this group for as long as I can remember. I intended to get to know them, write what they were really like behind their good looks and confident personalities.

But the truth is, in the time I got to know them I learnt more about myself than I did any of them.

I started off this year being an overachiever. A quiet, well behaved student. Most of you probably only saw me as a goody two shoes who only cared about grades. And they were important to me, before starting this article my studies were the most important thing to me.

As I am writing this, many things have changed.

I was showed what it truly meant to be human. I have seen sides of myself that I don't like. I have felt things that I have never felt before. I have never felt more human and it scared me.

I always felt that I was doing my best and making the right decisions for myself. I never realised how selfish I was, until a certain person showed me.

I am not the person I thought I was and I realised that I have hurt people. In a way I never thought I could. But I have hurt people. So here I am allowing all of you to see beyond that a* well behaved student you believe me to be.

We are all so much more than the stereotypes we are given.

We are good and we are bad and we are complicated and we are human.

Everyone has secrets and the only people who have the right to share someone's secret is themself.

So I won't sit here and tell you all about the group I forced my way into.

All I will say is that they accepted me fully, and at times I could be myself but I was hiding a secret that hurt them and for that I am sorry.

We all do things we are not proud of. But here I am laying my thoughts out for you to show that we shouldn't judge the facade. Take time to get to know people. Show your good and your bad and allow them into your life. Don't take advantage of that trust the way I did.

I'm not asking for forgiveness but just know that I am sorry.

Last but not least, to you who I hurt the most. I hope you're reading this. To finish this off I wanted to leave a message of kindness. Of truth. In return for my betrayal. Just know that I love you. And I'm sorry. Thank you for holding up a mirror to me, allowing me to see who I am and the person I want to become in the future.

Changbin leaned back on his chair when he had finished reading. He felt like he sat there for an eternity processing what he had just read. He had to decide what to do next but deep down in his heart he knew there was no decision. He needed to see you.

He raced down the stairs, grabbing his car keys. The drive to your house seemed to take forever despite the roads being quiet. He nearly tripped in his hurry to reach your front door. He knocked and waited. You pulled open the door, shocked to see him there.

“I read your article.” You stared at the ground.

“Changbin, I just wanted to say I'm sorry. You've got to know I never meant to hurt you and I stopped thinking about writing about you guys months ago.”

“I believe you.” You looked up, a glint of hope in your eyes. “Did you mean it?”

“What?”

“What you said at the end.”

“I meant every word I wrote. I am sorry and I do love you.”

“I love you too.”

“You do?”

“I do. But I have to tell you, you did hurt me. A lot. But I love you. And I want us to try to build a relationship together.” You could feel tears building in your eyes, a soft smile on your face.

You embraced him in your arms as you swore you would never hurt him in that way again. You would love him unconditionally because he deserved nothing less.

#skz #stray kids #kpop #skz seo changbin #seo changbin x reader #seo changbin fluff #fluff #fanfiction #fanfic #angst

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amor1st03 · 3 months

Text

AHAJFINAJEJFJNAN MY HEART CANT HANDLE THIS ITS SO CUTE

Volcano

pairing : han x reader. enemies to lovers. slow burn.

summary : you've never gotten along with han, your mutual prejudices ruining any prospect of friendship between you both. but you slowly realize that you are more similar than what you originally thought- your darkness recognizing his, and his light yearning for yours.

"I'll take care of you. It's rotten work. Not to me, not if it's you."

cw : depiction of a panic attack, minor injury, both reader and han say mean shit to each other, cursing, mention of alcohol, reader has she/her pronouns.

word count : 13.2k

a.n: highly recommend listening to "Let the light in" by Lana when Han starts playing it in the fic hehe feedback is highly appreciated as always <3

skz quotes series masterlist.

You remember being seven years old, sitting on the floor of your bedroom, while your mom brushed your hair. It was a late July night, a cold breeze swaying your white curtains, akin to the fluttering of a butterfly’s wing. Your eyes were slightly puffy, delicate red veins protruding the white of them. You had just finished watching a Disney movie- the Lion King; heavy sobs escaping your lips when Mufasa died.

There were still faint hiccups coursing through you, a slight shake in your hands as you fiddled with the hem of your shirt. Your mom brought you to her chest, her chin resting on your small shoulder blade. "You’re sensitive, my sweet girl" she had uttered, rubbing your arms soothingly.

It was the first time someone described you as such. You didn’t know what ‘sensitive’ entailed exactly, but it contained the word ‘sense’, so you assumed it was something good, a quality to be proud of you. You could sense, maybe more than others, maybe too deeply. That’s why you cried when you didn’t get a good grade, or when your friends left you alone in the park.

But you didn't mind back then. What was your heart made for if not to feel?

You should’ve paid more attention to the way your mom spoke, to the bittersweetness lingering in her tone. As if she knew exactly what it entailed to be sensitive- to have your heart overflow with delicate feelings for the rest of your life, with no safe destination to guard them in.

☄༄

You’ve forgotten the last time you cried in.

The tears are lodged inside your throat- you can clearly feel them, an uncomfortable weight sitting on your vocal cords, rendering them impossible to use.

You used to cry, freely, so much that you lost count of how much it happened. But you realized that every tear that escaped your eyes, made you vulnerable, weaker, in the hands of the people around you. Every tear that washed over you, only rendered you more transparent for everyone to peer at how they wounded your soul.

So, you conditioned yourself to stop feeling as deeply, or at least to stop showing it. The sadness, the hurt, the anger were all stored within you; but your face remained placid, not betraying how you truly felt. You were like a pond, tranquil at the surface, raging from within.

But on days like this one, you miss the person you were. When the implications of being sensitive still haven’t weighed down on you. When you could get rid of your feelings in the essence of your tears. When you didn’t yet feel bad for feeling.

Chan's eyes are on you, as you type furiously on your laptop. Your vision is so blurry that you can no longer see your lit screen. But you’re afraid that if you pause then Chan would ask if you were okay, and you hated that question. Because you never truly knew the answer to it. Yes, you were okay. But you haven’t cried in six months and your friend didn’t greet you back this morning and you suddenly feel very small in a very large library.

"Hey," Chan taps your hand with his pen and you suck in a slight breath, before raising your head to meet his eyes. "Are you-" he starts but you’re quick to cut him off, knowing exactly where this was headed. "Did you answer question five? I’m stuck on what formula to use."

Chan raises a brow at you, and you blink repeatedly. His eyes travel to your feet tapping furiously against the floor, and he understands.

"I'm still at number four," he finally says and you nod in relief. You’ve been close friends for a year and Chan has come to know you- he’s dropping the subject.

"Oh, and are you coming to the party tonight?" Chan asks, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. He’s hosting it and there is hope twinkling in his eyes. You feel bad because you’re about to crush it.

"No, need to revise more for the upcoming test."

"Of course, you’ll still be buried in your books," a sarcastic voice quips up, and you stiffen inwardly. Han- one-third of 3racha, Chan’s self-made producing group, and the bane of your existence. You never liked who you were around Han, he brought out the worst in you. Made all your insecurities roar forward, plastered across your body in neon red.

He was friends with Chan, long before you came into the picture, back into their high school days when Han skipped a class and ended up in the same one as Chan’s. A genius, as everyone around you liked to call him. And they were right- excelling came easily to Han, in everything he ever did. Even tapping into each one of your tender nooks and crannies.

He knew how to expertly push your buttons, how to make his tone sound mocking, and taunting, but only to you. Because you were sensitive, and he knew it, finding it almost amusing to toy with you.

You decide to stay silent because nothing good ever comes out of talking back to him. So, you bite your tongue, turning back to look at your screen. But Han’s elbow grazes your arm, as he leans a bit further into your face. "Come on, live a little, y/n. You’re missing out on the college experience," he makes a big show of opening his arms wide, a single red pen spinning between his fingers. "Quit being stuck up for one night." And it spins, and it spins, and it spins and something ugly inside you crumbles.

"I’m sorry I wasn’t born with a golden spoon shoved down my throat and I actually have to work for my future."

Han’s eyes widen at the raw animosity in your voice, before narrowing down promptly. He’s leaning onto your face again, and his tone is low and cold when he speaks again. "What did you just say to me?"

"Is it so hard to grasp that not everyone is as privileged as you? We can’t all afford to get wasted every fucking night and call it a life."

You’re being mean. This is the rudest you’ve ever been to someone else. You know that your reaction is disproportionate to what he said. But it isn’t just about this instant. It’s an amalgam of every moment Han made you feel small in, because you don’t go out as much as him, because you don’t understand as quickly as him. Taunts thrown your way under the guise of teasing, but you know better.

Still, guilt eats at you as your eyes lock with Chan’s. You should’ve stayed silent, as you’ve been diligently doing for the past year.

"How do you stand being her friend Chan? Is it out of pity?" Han muses, a pout pulling at his lips. You stare ahead as Han tsks lightly, before tapping your cheek with his pen, bringing your face back to him. "I think it is. Because isn’t she so fucking boring?"

Being near Han always makes you hyper-aware of things you never noticed before. Like how a breath has to travel from the depths of your body so you’d be able to release it, and how excruciatingly long it takes for you to draw in a new one. Because Han’s words are never harmless, no, they settle on the confines of your lungs, crushing down any bit of oxygen willing to leave you.

You've had enough.

"When you’re eighty, on your deathbed, and all alone. I hope you know that there is no one around to blame but yourself."

"Don’t cross the line, yn," Chan finally speaks and you scoff, as you get up to grab your things.

"What fucking line, Chan? So, he can insult me all day but as soon as I do it there is a line? Why are you taking his side?"

Chan stays silent and you chuckle dryly. "Of course, you are. You’re only friends with me out of pity after all."

"That’s not true-"

"Well, you didn’t deny it, did you Chan?"

"Yn, I-"

"Save it."

Han’s eyes are glossy as you take one final glance at him. But your heart’s bleeding too much for you to care about his minor cut.

☄༄

For how much time can a conversation haunt someone? Seventeen days, for your case. And you're still counting.

You have nit-picked your fight with Han in the library so much that it's driving you insane. His voice is drilled into your head- the coldness of it as he reeled back from the shock of your words, and then, the pure venom dripping from his tone, as he attacked you where it hurt the most. Chan.

Han chose his words carefully, stitched up the sentence perfectly to hurt you, to stick to your flesh like burnt skin, one that you peeled over and over, each time it threatened to scar.

You haven't talked to Chan in seventeen days. He tried to stop you; on your way out of class, in the line of your campus cafeteria, on the doorsteps of your dorm. But you always fleet away. His eyes were also imprinted into your brain- the disappointment in them when you clapped back at Han.

What about him? You wanted to yell. Why are you only disappointed in me?

But the tears in your pillow have dried. Then fallen again. Then dried once more. And you found the answer to question five. And you miss Chan, terribly so.

That's why you're pacing around his dorm, at 10 pm, when it's also terribly cold outside. Your fingers have gone numb from the ministrations of the wind, but you don't move from your place. You know that the chances of seeing Han- the second person you’ve been avoiding like the plague- would be higher here. But you didn't care anymore.

Your thumb hovers over the call button and you bite your lip harshly. Would Chan pick up? Would he hang up? Was he really your friend out of pity?

"Yn?" a voice calls out, and you startle, turning around to see who it is. Changbin, carrying two bags of groceries in his hand. He's Chan’s friend as well, the final member of 3racha. You like Changbin. He's always being very kind to you. You've grown much closer to him than to Han in the past few months; not that the latter has ever wanted a friendship with you. From the day you met and his eyes narrowed promptly each time you talked. You should’ve known from the start.

"Why are you out here in the cold?" Changbin asks gently, stepping cautiously towards you.

"Chan," you say simply and he nods, understanding what you mean.

"He's not here now, but he'll come home soon. Let's go inside, okay?" he smiles tentatively at you and you hum in reply.

Changbin opens the door and you follow inside. You help him take out the groceries silently, stacking them in their fridge and shelves. Lots of protein powder, and chicken packets. You'd laugh about it if you weren't so sad.

"Chan misses you," Changbin speaks up suddenly, and your heartbeat quickens at his words.

"I miss him too."

"Then you'll be okay."

You try to remember Changbin’s reassuring smile when Chan finally opens the door to the dorm, an hour later. He finds you sitting on the stool in the kitchen. His eyes light up once they settle on you.

And you unravel at the sight.

You're crying, sobs rippling from you as he brings you to his chest. He's patting your head and whispering that it's okay. And you know his shirt is all crumpled from clutching it in your hands. But he doesn't mind. He only hugs you tighter.

"I'm sorry, yn. So, so, sorry. I should've stopped him before, I just... You two are my best friends and I didn't want to add fuel to the fire by talking and-"

"It's okay, it's okay, I'm the one who should apologize for ghosting you."

"I understand why you did it. I fucked up but I missed you so much. Can we please never do this again?”

“Yes please,” you giggle, but the sound withers as the door opens once again.

"What is she doing here?" a cold voice breaks you and Chan apart, as your eyes land on Han. His gaze sucks the breath out of you, and the warmth in your heart fizzles out. Your hold on Chan’s shirt tightens and he takes an unconscious step in front of your body. Han doesn't miss the protective gesture.

"Get out, yn."

"You don't get to kick my friends out of my house," Chan is angry. And you regret ever coming here.

"Last I checked it's my house too." Han doesn't even bother looking at you. He's holding Chan’s gaze as if they're silently communicating. "You know damn well what she said why-" he takes a deep breath, running a hand angrily through his hair. "Fuck this. If she's not leaving then I am."

And with that he storms out, slamming the door behind him. You flinch at the sound.

Chan’s eyebrows are knitted as he stares at where Han stood seconds ago as if trying to conjure him up once again. You never wanted to strain their friendship. You knew how much Han cared for Chan, even if he didn't bear the same sentiment for you.

"Chan, I’ll leave. Call Han and tell him I'm gone."

"You don't have to."

"I know," you reassure, placing your hand on his forearm. "We'll talk more later, okay? It's cold and he has nowhere to go. Just call him, please."

"Fine," Chan concedes. "Call me when you get home, alright?" his eyes finally soften and you squeeze his hand in reply, before heading out as well.

The walk from Chan’s dorm to yours is fairly short, but tonight, it seems like kilometers are separating you from the safety of your bed. There is a heavy weight crushing your bones, most of it being guilt at what just transpired between Chan and Han.

That's what comes with being sensitive- you bear the weight of your feelings and the one of those surrounding you.

Were you out of place with what you said to Han? Yes. Was it eating you inside to see the consequences of your words? Yes. But he was also to blame, you repeated in your head. He was also to blame. Please. You plead, you don't know to whom, maybe to the voice in your head to stop being so mean. 'But none of this would've happened if you weren't so sensitive. So easy to bruise' the voice mocks and you stumble on your feet.

It happens so suddenly it takes you off guard- the way the breath is knocked out of you. You pause, chest heaving as you bend down slightly. Your hand is on your heart as you try to breathe again, but it's shaking so much. Your legs give out under you, and you plop down on the floor, eyes tightly shut. You can't breathe. You can't breathe. You're going to pass out.

"Yn, what-" A hand rests on your shoulder but you shake it off. You don't want to be touched. Not by him.

"Let me help-" Han speaks again, and you scramble away from him, as best as you can anyway. You end up kneeling on the ground once again, your back to him. "Get-get away."

"I know you're mad but you aren't okay and I know how horrib-"

"You aren't helping!" you shout through tears, as your heart threatens to spill out of your throat. "You’ve hurt me e-enough already."

You don't remember how you got home that night, how you managed to open the door or cross the road leading to your dorm. But you remember Han leaving you on the cold ground, just like you wanted. You remember the ache in your bones as you laid on your bed; the burning desire to stop feeling for a night, to cut your chest open and tear off your bleeding heart.

☄༄

One month later

If there's one thing you've always complained to Chan about, it's the fact that his building had an elevator in it, unlike yours.

Today, you’ve come to regret this fact. Tremendously.

You’ve been avoiding going to Chan’s dorm for the past weeks since the last thing you wanted was to see Han. But, he insisted on you coming over, reassuring you that it would only be him and Changbin at home since Han supposedly had other plans.

Well, Chan was wrong. Because Han just walked into the elevator you are in, mere moments before its doors closed.

Your breath catches in your throat as his eyes lock on yours. He looks like he wants to say something but he decides against it, opting for sighing loudly instead, before pressing the button leading to the fourth floor, rather harshly.

Your need to flee has never been this strong.

You watch anxiously as the numbers slowly go up. 1… 2… 3… Then a loud voice startles you and the elevator starts to shake in place. The door is suddenly opened and you are met with a cement wall, blocking your exit.

"What the fuck?" Han groans as you press the emergency button repeatedly, hoping that the elevator will resume its course and this nightmare will be forgotten.

It doesn’t.

"You’re going to break the goddamn button," Han pushes your hand away and you stumble away from him.

"Can you shut up? I’m not in the mood for your bullshit."

"Does it look like I’m happy to be here?" Han scoffs, as a ringtone plays in the elevator, cutting you off before you could respond.

"Hey guys, this happens from time to time, so no need to worry. Is everyone alright?" Someone speaks and you assume it's the worker charged with the maintenance of the elevator.

"Yes," you both reply at the same time.

"Great. We’ve contacted the mechanics but they said there’s a lot of traffic, so it might take a bit longer for them to get here."

"How long?" Han asks the question that’s on your mind as well.

"Two hours, at most, for you to get out."

"Oh, for fuck’s sake," you groan, as hot tears prickle at the corner of your eyes. This is the last thing you needed today- to be stuck in a cramped-up space with the one person who sucks the oxygen out of any room you’re in.

"Thanks, man," Han sighs and you turn your back to him, facing the wall. You’ve had a horrible day, scratch that, a horrible week. Hanging out with Chan and Changbin was the one thing you were looking forward to, only for the worst possible scenario to happen- being stuck in the same place with Han. You feel an urgent need to sob but you can’t cry in front of him. Not when he’s all claws and your skin is tender.

"Wait, are you claustrophobic?" He suddenly asks, seemingly inches away from your body.

"As if you’d fucking care," you scoff, before heading to a corner of the elevator and settling down.

"I'm not a monster, you know," he mutters in an almost sad tone, one that forces you to look up at him. His hands are deep into his pockets, eyebrows knitted as he gazes down at you. "Do you really think I’m that much of an asshole?"

"Yes," you reply instantly, before staring forward again. The hurt that flashes in his eyes shouldn’t tug at your heartstrings, but it does, ever so faintly, like the last wave that grazes your feet as you get out of the ocean. "I’m not claustrophobic," you add after a while and Han finally sits on the opposite side from you.

It’s hot and stuffy in the elevator, and it’s quiet, too quiet for your liking. You’ve never really liked silence for too long, it made the small voice in your head only grow bolder, louder, impossible to ignore.

Thirty-five excruciatingly long minutes go by and the tension only grows more suffocating. It’s simmering, barely beneath the surface, waiting for the person who will finally make it explode.

It’s Han.

“Can I ask you something?”

“No.”

“Come on, we have nothing else to do.”

“Have you tried being silent?”

"Yn," he says sternly and you begrudgingly concede. "Fine. Ask me."

You imagine him smirking slightly, the way he does each time he manages to push you over the edge.

“Why do you hate me so much?”

“We’re not doing this right now,” you shake your head, tone adamant.

"When’s a better time for it? We’re literally never in the same place."

“And whose fault that is?” You smile too sarcastically and he frowns. “So, I’m the only one to blame?”

“Can’t you see how full of yourself you are? Fuck, Han, this is exactly what I hate about you.”

“What are you even talking about?”

“You’re so immature, you never sit back to think of how your words might impact someone.”

"What words yn? I was teasing you!" his voice grows louder and so does yours. "You were hurting me!" you yell, chest heaving. There is something utterly terrifying in this confession- to let someone know how easy it was for them to get to you.

"But I didn’t mean to," he drags a hand through his hair, exasperated. "It's not my fault you felt that way."

An ironic chuckle leaves your lips, as you point at him. "See, you're doing it again! You're blaming me for my reaction instead of evaluating how your actions might have caused it."

"Look, yn," he scrambles to you until there are only a few centimeters separating your bodies. "I really wanna fix this, okay? Can we stop screaming?"

"Why are you so hellbent on fixing it?" you question, as you lean further away from him. He notices and takes a step back, giving you space.

"Because although I don't care about you, I care about Chan. And this is hurting him. So, I want to be civil with you."

The mention of Chan feels like a cold bucket of water dousing the fire within you. You know he’s struggling to be in the middle of two people he loves. He doesn’t deserve that.

"Fine," you sigh softly. “You talk. I’ll listen.”

"I didn't... I didn't know that my words would hurt you. In truth, it looked like you weren't affected at all. That's why I kept pushing you because… God Yn you're so perfect it maddens me."

Your eyebrows knit together at his words- the last thing you expected to stumble out of his mouth. "What are you talking about?"

"You never get sad, never get angry. Your emotions are always in check. You're always smiling, always laughing. Have everything figured out from how you want to be now to where you want to be in the future. And you know yourself, you never step out of order. And this is selfish and stupid but it irked me. Because I am the opposite of you. I'm a mess and too human it terrifies me, so I wanted to see if you had a breaking point. But each time I taunted you, you remained placid. So, I kept pushing to see if you'd break one day because, selfishly enough, that would make me feel better about how broken I am."

"Han, you're so stupid. Aren't you a literal genius? You excel in everything you do and you have fun on top of it, every single night. Don't you realize how lucky you are?"

"Do you really believe I find joy in being wasted and not even remembering what happened that night? I do that because I'm in my mind most of the days and it isn't the best place to be in. So, I like to forget."

“Why do you think I always bury myself in my studies? Because it's safe and it makes me forget too. Did you really think I didn’t feel? I feel too much and that’s the problem.”

Han remains silent as you curse under your breath. "Do you even realize how selfish this is? To test a human's breaking point? All because what? I didn't shove my struggles down your nose? Would you go around and do this to everyone who looked fine to you?"

"I know, I know, I was just in a bad place, and this isn't an excuse but I... I felt as if you were just showing me everything that was wrong with me."

"That is how I felt around you," you chuckle bitterly and he hangs his head low. He’s much quieter when he speaks again. “I guess we’re more similar than I thought.”

"Doesn't excuse what you did. You targeted me and made me feel insane because no one was hearing the hostility in your tone like I did."

"I know, I know. I'm sorry. I really am. I never thought it'd get this bad and I deserve every name you called me."

"You do." You close your eyes, as Han’s words wash over you. There is so much more you want to say, so much you want to spit out in his face because of his selfish coping mechanism. But you also want peace, for Chan’s sake. So, you try to bury your resentment, just like you do with every other feeling. One day it’ll turn into indifference. You’ll make sure of it.

You bite your lip, before clearing your throat. Your tone is softer when you speak again. "I'm sorry for what I told you in the library. About you dying alone and whatnot. That wasn't nice of me."

"You really hit the nail with that one," Han chuckles quietly, and guilt floods your heart at the expression on his face. "And I'm sorry for calling you boring. You aren't. And for everything I said before that."

"Okay. It's okay." You reassure, a tiny smile drawn on your lips.

He nods before a sly grin grows on his face. "Should we hug it out?" he teases, cocking an eyebrow at you and you stare pointedly at him. "Don't push your luck."

"Yes, ma'am."

An hour later, the mechanics finally manage to get the elevator going, which in turn allows you both to get out. Han opens the door to the dorm, and you find Chan lying on the couch, scrolling down his phone.

"Han? I thought you would..." he starts before trailing off as he looks up. "Yn? Where were you, I’ve been calling you for the past two hours."

"I didn't have signal."

"Why where were-" Chan goes to question before stopping once again. He hurriedly stands up and walks toward you.

"You... Are standing next to one another."

"We are," Han replies, glancing at you from the corner of his eye.

"And you aren't... Fighting?" his statement comes out more like a question, which makes both you and Han chuckle.

"We aren't."

"We talked it out, in the elevator which we were both just stuck in," you add and Chan’s eyes grow wide, as a breathtaking smile breaks out on his face.

"Oh my god. Finally. We'll talk about the elevator bit later but it's been so hard trying not to be in the same place as the both of you."

"We know. We're sorry," you both pout in sync and Chan shakes his head, before opening his arms wide. You giggle, before walking to him and sinking into his embrace. Han follows you shortly after, and your eyes meet behind Chan’s back. He shoots you a tiny thumbs up.

Is this how a dandelion feels, you wonder, when someone blows on it in the hopes it'll grant their selfish wishes. Only to be tossed away afterward, lifeless.

You drown out the thought before smiling back at Han. It doesn’t reach your eyes.

☄༄

Befriending two-thirds of 3racha holds within it a lot of privileges. The first one is listening to unreleased music, the second is having exclusive insight into their upcoming performances.

Their gigs don't happen as often as they'd like, because they're still students who unfortunately have lots of assignments. But when a window of free time materializes, they unveil their latest productions at vibrant parties, dimly lit bars, or even the occasional club. Which attracts a lot of people, some even coming from neighboring towns to listen to them play.

Everyone can recognize raw talent, even if rap doesn't happen to be their favorite genre.

This is how you know that they'll be performing Heyday, their latest creation, at Seungmin’s party. You've met him in passing, and Chan insisted that you'd come. Not that you needed much convincing anyway, you fell in love with this song the minute you heard it.

There is an exhilarating energy in Seungmin’s mansion, a palpable anticipation preceding 3racha’s performance, as you all gaze at the makeshift stage. The place is packed, bodies pressed tightly to one another. You feel slightly uncomfortable but you swallow it down. You're here to support Chan first and foremost, you can leave if things become too much for you.

The introductory chords materialize abruptly, and 3racha takes the stage. Chan is clad in a white shirt with huge gaps on his sides, revealing glimpses of his chest each time he bends down. Changbin, on the opposite end of the spectrum, is wearing a tightly fitted black shirt, hugging each muscle of his to perfection. Han, the last one to walk in, sports a loose black shirt, with a low neckline. His nails are painted to match the color of his attire, you notice.

The song kicks off with Changbin's incendiary rap as deafening cheers ring all around you. You make sure to scream on top of your lungs too, as Changbin’s loud voice commands the attention of everyone in the room. You’ve always held a penchant for his rap style- how powerful he sounds, and how addicted you quickly become to hearing him on stage. You remember once telling him that any song that starts with his rapping is a successful hit. He playfully nudged your shoulder but his appreciative smile was hard to miss.

Chan’s part is next and you try to rap along, as best as you can anyway due to your fleeting memory. It sounds mostly like gibberish but you don’t mind, especially when your eyes meet Chan’s and he grins at you, before morphing into the mesmerizing stage persona that's peculiar to him. You clearly remember the first time you witnessed him on stage, and how enthralled you were by the sheer power he exuded. His destiny was intertwined with music, no one could deny that.

A bed squeaking sound comes next, followed by the knocking on the door and you giggle against your will. That was Han’s ingenious touch, as Chan had shared when you'd raised a quizzical brow at him while listening. “Is this based on a real-life experience?” You asked, a knowing smirk etched upon your features, and he pretended to zip his mouth, earlobes turning a vibrant shade of crimson.

Han finally starts rapping in his inimitable style, exuding an effortless, laid-back aura. Your gazes meet at the "let's go play" line, and he tilts his head quizzically at you as he utters his confused "huh?". You raise one eyebrow at him prompting a sly smirk from him, before redirecting his attention to the opposite side of the stage. Yet, your eyes remain on him throughout his entire part.

The boys step off the stage, and you watch from the corner of the room with a wide grin as a swarm of people surrounds them. Congratulations and praise fill the air, and you can tell that 3racha thrives on this moment- it's what they live for, what makes their souls rise up from the ashes.

Chan catches your eye, and you applaud enthusiastically, letting out a happy giggle. He blows you a kiss, and you playfully pretend to catch it, eliciting a small shake of his head. Changbin, who's standing near him, catches the exchange and winks at you from a distance, to which you respond with two thumbs up.

Even though you're a bit far from them, you're certain the boys can sense the pride radiating from you in waves. There's something truly magical about humans existing in their element, particularly people you care about.

Your gaze shifts to Han, and your smile falters slightly. He's also glowing, but signs of discomfort are starting to creep onto his face. You recognize them fairly well, as you've felt them too at times when emotions become overwhelming. So, after a brief internal debate, you decide to act and begin making your way toward him, pushing through the crowd despite the rising complaints behind you.

They fall on deaf ears.

You grab Han's forearm, pulling him with you through the sea of bodies toward the bathroom. He doesn't fight, following diligently behind you. You open the door and pull him inside, pausing as you realize you don't have a specific plan for bringing him here. This is also the first time you've been alone together since the elevator conversation.

"Thank you," Han whispers, and you nod, your eyes softening. "I'm okay, I love performing, I just needed a breather," he quickly adds, as if feeling guilty for being overwhelmed.

"That's completely understandable. You are running on a lot of adrenaline, and the room is so crowded," you say with a smile, turning to the mirror to touch up your makeup.

Han remains silent for a while as you powder your face, before reapplying your cherry lip gloss. You can hear him taking in deep breaths, and you avoid looking at him, worried he might feel embarrassed.

"What did you think of the performance?" he finally asks, and you raise your head slightly. You lock eyes with him through the mirror, as he leans against the door, arms crossed in front of his chest. His black t-shirt falls a bit, revealing more of his bare skin, and your eyes trail down for a moment.

"It was really good. I think this song might be my favorite of all yours."

"Really?" Han grins, his words filled with an excitement that warms your heart despite yourself. He's just received heaps of compliments from hundreds of people, yet your words still seem to affect him deeply.

"Yes. I loved your rap, how it started in a laid-back manner, and then you cleared your throat and picked up the pace. It added a unique edge to the song."

"Thank you, really," his smile is genuine, and you giggle softly, shaking your head.

"What's funny?" he asks, walking up to you. You're still facing the mirror, and he's now only inches away from you.

"I didn't imagine you'd appreciate my compliment this much."

"It feels sincere," he shrugs and you nod, finally turning around and leaning against the sink.

"It is sincere."

"Good."

You hold his gaze, eyes only trailing down to go across his face. He looks far different from how he did on stage. Shier, more eager for praise.

"You have..." he steps up until the scent of his cologne tickles your nose. His hand raises ever so slowly to your face, and you hold your breath, as he picks up something from your cheek. His hands are warm.

"An eyelash fell. Make a wish."

A surprised chuckle escapes your lips. "You wish on fallen lashes?"

"You wish on everything when you need hope." his voice is low, a timber so foreign to your ears it sends shivers down your spine. So, you close your eyes, wishing for your heart to quit beating so fast.

"Done," you whisper and he blows the single lash away, his gaze still on you.

"Thank you for coming."

"Of course. I had to support Chan and Changbin." It slips from your mouth before you can stop it, and Han slightly recoils from your words.

"Right, them. Yeah. Of course," he finally backs away, and oxygen fills your lungs once again. "I'm good now. Should we go out?"

"After you," you nod tightly and he walks ahead first, his perfume trailing after him and pulling you into a dizzying dance.

☄༄

The party Seungmin hosted was your last time having fun for a while. Your preparation for midterm exams began soon after, and you found yourself swarmed with assignments left and right. Thankfully, you and Chan were going through it at the same time, which meant you met at the library each day, revising silently near one another.

Except this time, you were joined by Han.

Goosebumps ran across your skin as he pulled the chair next to you, not the good kind of shivers. You were reminded of the fight you had right here, three months ago. Which still left a bitter taste in your mouth.

You don't hate Han anymore. He's actually funny, and you enjoy listening to his ramblings when you go over to Chan's dorm. He's also really different in his home, much quieter, and softer. Much more like you.

But you're also human, and there is still a part of your brain sending off warning signals at his presence. Maybe because the hurt was never buried properly. You just brushed it off under the carpet after your elevator conversation. Most of it was spent shouting anyway.

"Hey," he greets and you just nod in reply. You can feel his gaze linger on you a bit after that, and a pang of guilt twists in your heart. "Hi," you finally reply, but you tune out his response. Why is it that you're sensitive to everyone's emotions but your own?

Twenty minutes go by, then forty, and you can no longer take the uncomfortable feeling clinging to your skin. So, you excuse yourself, hurriedly stepping out of the library.

Han follows you; you can tell it’s him because someone's chair scraped loudly against the floor as soon as you stood up, and that couldn't be Chan because he is always careful with the silence in the library. So, you put on your headphones and walk faster.

This is childish, surely it is, but you can't control your emotions. You've apologized and so did he, you talk from time to time and you even held his arm and took him to a quiet bathroom. So where is all this bitterness coming from?

"Dammit, yn, how are you so fast?" Han grabs your arm pausing you. He's panting slightly and you just blankly stare as he takes in a deep breath.

"Are you okay?" he finally asks and you nod, turning around to walk away. He stops you again.

"I made you uncomfortable, didn't I?" he asks quietly, and you sigh, rubbing your forehead wearily.

"You didn't do anything, I just... Being in that library reminded me of certain things."

"I know. Me too. Can we please talk?"

"We are talking," you raise your brows and he stares pointedly at you. "Come on you know what I mean."

"Fine," you giggle, "we can talk."

"I didn't apologize properly to you in the elevator. Truth is, I did it because Chan was mad at me and I couldn't stand it anymore."

The bitterness- you understand where it comes from now.

"But I am sorry. Truly sorry. I was selfish and I hurt you and this will sound like a joke, but I hate hurting people. I really do. I was just too wrapped up in my problems that I didn't realize how it would affect you and I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. I also shouldn't have tried to kick you out that day, but dying alone is my biggest fear, and seeing you in my home made me want to lose my mind because I couldn't get what you said out of my head, but it was so cold outside and again I shouldn't have told you to go out and I am so sorry-"

"Han, breathe," you smile, cutting him off and Han sucks in a deep breath, chest slightly heaving from talking uninterrupted for a minute straight.

"I'm sorry I just wanted to apologize, properly this time. I'm doing it because I'm guilty, not because of Chan. Nothing excuses my behavior, I know. And I wish I could turn back in time and actually get to know you because you're really cool and very nice, but I can't. All I can do is apologize. So I'm sorry, Yn. I really am."

"I appreciate it," you smile, and Han exhales a little from relief. "I didn't know that was your biggest fear, but even if it wasn't, that was uncalled for. I shouldn't have said something so mean. So, I'm sorry for it too. But I'm not apologizing for being mad, you deserved that."

"I did, I did, I know." He's quick to agree. "I don't want us to be awkward around one another. I'm not telling you that you have to be my best friend but, we can be friends, right? But you also don't have to. It's enough if you forgive me and... You know what? Never mind forget I said anything, I'm just nervous and-"

"Okay."

"Okay?" he repeats.

"We can be friends. I accept your truthful apology."

"Actually?"

"Yes."

"Like we can start over?" he grins and you chuckle at the excitement in his face. "Yes."

"Can we hug it out?"

"Too soon," you pout and he nods, a faint blush dusting his cheek.

"Right. Should we go back to the library? I saw that you were stuck on a question. I can help you."

"You won't make any comments?"

"No. Pinky promise." he outstretches his pinky towards you and you muse over it for a bit, before wrapping your finger around his. You grin at Han- your first genuine smile since he's known you. His hold on your pinky falters.

"Okay. I'm in."

.☄༄

Five weeks later- 1:13 a.m.

You were still slightly cautious near Han as if you were both threading along an invisible line. You could talk, but not too much, afraid any old animosity would shine through. And you could stay together, but not too long, in case it gets awkward and you wouldn't know what to do. So, you never mixed, just like water and oil, each of you knowing their place, away from the other.

But you still didn't want to miss out on outings with your friends. So, when Chan invites you for a movie night with Han, and Changbin, you don't say no.

The night runs smoothly, the warm beer you had easing your nerves bit by bit. It was also easier to forget that you once hated Han when he brought tears to your eyes from laughing so hard.

2:56 a.m.

An unbearable heat suddenly envelopes you, your very blood boiling from within. You hesitantly look down, to find your entire body bathed in red, as if your skin had melted away, exposing you to the scorching heat embracing your tender flesh.

You are in the heart of a volcano, with lava bubbling dangerously below. Hanging by a frail thread, you dangle over the edge of death.

And then, you plummet.

You startle awake, your heart pounding in your chest, your hand clutching it tightly. Cold sweat clings to your skin, and it takes you a few moments to realize that you're safe, far from the inside of the volcano that had threatened to consume you.

You glance at your phone- 3:43 a.m. You read. It's only been a mere hour since you went to sleep. You don't think you could drift back into slumber.

Dragging a hand tiredly across your face, you walk into the pitch-black kitchen. You pour yourself a glass of water, hoping that the icy drink will cool you down. You are safe.

"What are you-" you startle, dropping the glass and spinning around, hand pressed to your heart.

"Han, fuck, you scared me," you sigh, tugging at your hair slightly and he's quick to your side, a string of hushed apologies tumbling from his lips.

"I'm sorry, here let me clean it up," he kneels and you follow suit, grabbing his hands and gently pushing them away. "No, I dropped it, let me clean," you reassure, but your hands are trembling as you pick up the shards of glass, any bit of logic clouded by your racing thoughts.

Your heartbeat's ringing loudly in your ears, you barely register the glass cutting your skin until an uncharacteristic warmth oozes from your hand. Blood.

"Shit," you curse lowly and Han illuminates the place with his phone flashlight. "Did you cut yourself?" he asks and you shake your head, walking over to the sink.

"It's nothing, don't worry."

"Yn, let me see," he's standing behind you, the ghost of his breath grazing your exposed neck.

"Han, really it's-" he cuts you off, grabbing your forearm and walking you over to the couch. He finally turns on the lights before crouching down in front of you.

"Show me?" he asks gently and you're too tired to fight him. You open your palm tentatively, taking a look at your cut for the first time as well. It's not too deep, it won't require stitches. But it's also not shallow, blood oozing from it at a steady rhythm.

Han simply frowns upon gazing at your wound, before walking over to his room. You don't move from your spot, gaze lost into the space before you. What would happen if you never woke up? Would you feel your flesh burning? Bones melting as the searing lava-

"Here," he gently holds your wrist, as his eyes meet yours. "This will hurt a bit. Hold my arm as tight as you want and tell me if it becomes too much, okay?"

"Okay," you simply nod.

He dabs up your cut with a cotton pad soaked in alcohol. You hiss softly, as the liquid burns your open skin. Han abruptly stops at the sound. "Did I hurt you? I'm so sorry I didn't mean to I just-"

"It's okay," you smile reassuringly, "I can handle it."

Han nods, resuming his treatment. He's even softer this time, if that is even possible. He's careful when he rubs a soothing gel on your cut, before wrapping your palm in a gauze. He can't find a pair of scissors so he cuts it with his teeth, his lips brushing against the back of your hand. You account the warmth you're suddenly feeling to the aftermath of your nightmare.

"Why are you even up?" he finally asks as he settles next to you on the couch, eyes looking up to the ceiling.

"Nightmare."

"You’re okay?" he asks gently and he sounds truly concerned for your well-being. You aren't used to this. To Han acting like a friend to you. But it feels nice to be cared for, so you don't mind him blurring the lines tonight.

"I'm still a little bit scared," you admit sheepishly and Han's eyes soften under the dim moonlight.

"It passed. You're okay now."

"Am I?" you drag a hand tiredly across your face and Han frowns, inching closer to you.

"Is it a recurring dream?"

"Mm. It tires me out."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No, I just want to forget." 'Help me forget' you want to add, but you decide against it. "Why were you up, anyway?"

"I got inspiration for lyrics so I had to write it down."

"Can you share some with me?" you ask, tone a tad too hopeful. Han catches it and smiles warmly at you.

"Sure. This is probably going to be in the chorus..." he pulls out his phone, heading to his notes app. "This is what I have so far... I let my frustrated screams out hoping that they’d be washed away in the rain. I send it off with a smiling face, down to the last drops left on my fingertips." he pauses, scrolling down a bit more. "I also wrote this; I think it'll be nice in a verse... I’m sure it’ll get better... Just like the earth hardens after the rain and flowers bloom again."

"You're such a talented lyricist Han," you whisper in awe, and Han’s cheeks warm up at your words, reminiscent of a setting sun. "But I also wish it was as easy as this. To let out all the emotions you bottle inside and for them to wash away with the rain." You bite your lip, as Han’s words echo in your head. "I think... I think that's why I get this nightmare. I don't free my emotions anymore, and they show up in my dreams to torment me."

You don't know where these bouts of honesty are coming from. Maybe because you're too weary to keep up a happy facade. Or maybe because you know that the person who wrote these lyrics must understand exactly how you feel.

"Well... It's raining." Han whispers after a while and you look at him, confusion plastered across your features.

"And?"

"Should we test it out?"

"Test what?"

"Screaming under the rain," he says as if it's the most evident thing in the world.

"What? That's insane, Han we will get sick and..." You pause, as the words dissolve in your mouth like the seafoam meeting the shore. "You know what? Let's do it!"

"Really?" he asks incredulously, a huge grin on his face.

"Yes!"

"Okay, let's go!"

You both abruptly stand up, still only clad in your pajamas. You quickly slip your shoes on before running outside. The rain envelops you in a cold hug as soon as you step outside, rain droplets trickling down your clothes. You don't mind, you have lots of bottled-up feelings to free.

"This needs music," Han smiles as he takes out his phone, putting his playlist on shuffle. 'Let The Light In' starts playing, and you shoot him a thumbs-up.

"It fits the rainy mood," you grin and he nods, squinting his eyes to be able to look at you.

"I think if we scream here, we'll scare the neighbors."

"I know!" you chuckle, wiping away the rain droplets on your forehead. "Where should we go?"

"The empty parking lot!" Han shouts so you'll hear him over the growing rain and you nod. He takes off running and you chase after him. You're both completely drenched once you're a bit far away from the house. But you don't care. Not when there is pure adrenaline rushing through you.

You finally stop, loud giggles escaping your mouth at the thrill of what you're doing. "You should start!" you yell excitedly and Han nods, taking in deep steadying breaths.

"Okay, I'm ready!"

"On the count of three! One... Two... Three!" and Han shouts at the top of his lungs, his screams getting lost in the rain. An incredulous smile breaks out on his face as you giggle loudly, the sound of it ringing out in the downpour.

"You looked insane!"

"I feel insane!" He yells honestly and a fit of laughter takes over you both. You hold his arm to steady yourself.

"You should try it now!" Han urges and you nod, willing yourself to calm down.

"Okay, will you count down for me?"

"Yes," he assures and you clap excitedly. Han can't help but smile at the excitement on your face.

"One... Two... Three!" And you shout, continuous screams spilling from the depths of your soul. Han wasn't wrong- your pain, your fear, your anger are all dripping along the rain droplets, from your bruised heart to the tip of your fingers.

You've never felt this free before.

The two of you don't notice the passage of time, the rain acting as a cathartic release to all your pent-up emotions. It was as if your pain intertwined with each rain droplet, and you were letting go of everything that had held you down. Each scream acted as a break from the burdens of the past, and the worries of the future.

As you finally stopped, panting and soaked to the bone, you looked at each other with raw exhilaration in your eyes.

"So, how was it?" Han yells over the rain and you break out in a relieved smile. "I don't think I’ve ever been this happy my entire life," you beam at him and the sight makes the rain feel less colder to Han.

He watches, a small smile on his face as you twirl around, face looking up toward the sky, a deluge of rain grazing your cheeks like a lover's tender touch. The smile doesn't leave your face as you spin around, happy chuckles leaving your mouth from time to time.

You look... free. As if there was an invisible weight on your shoulders that the rain washed away. A heavy burden that you carried within you, like a secret secret. He likes the sound of that. Maybe that's what he'll name his song.

Han slightly shakes his head as he watches you skip around, clothes completely soaked. You are now standing a bit far away, right beside a street lamp.

Ooh, let the light in

Its light shines on you alone.

Time seems to slow down, as Han’s steps falter. You're smiling, not at him, but at the universe. A happiness so raw filling you that it needs to come out, even if no one's watching.

You're spinning around, delighted giggles spilling from you like the most mesmerizing chorus. Something is building up inside Han, begging for a release. It refuses to come out in a scream- violently. It's tender and soft. He thinks that if you held his hand right now, you'd be able to free it.

Look at us, you and I back at it again

Is it possible to feel something other than an emotion? Because right now, weirdly, all he feels is you.

Cause I love to love to love to love you

I hate to hate to hate to hate you

Your eyes land on Han and there is pure joy dancing in your pupils. He's glad you no longer despise him. He doesn't think he can stomach it anymore.

Cause I want to want to want to want you

You run to him, holding his hand before twirling him around.

I need to need to need to need you

Han can't believe he ever thought you weren't human enough. You are a mosaic of every feeling that makes one human. There are lyrics writing themselves in his head and they're all about you.

Ooh, let the light in

You clasp both his hands, before crossing them over. And then you're both spinning around until the world around you blurs. All he sees is you, and the light surrounding you alone.

Ooh, turn your light on

He thinks he might, if the light is you.

5:22 a.m

"There is a heater in my room, you should come," Han offers as you dry your hair with the blue towel he just handed you.

"It's okay I’ll stay here," you point to the couch but he shakes his head adamantly. "You'll die from hypothermia. Do you know how mad Chan will be if I let you pass away?" he whispers in fear, a hand clutching his heart.

"So dramatic," you giggle, before following him into his room. He goes on his bed first before tapping the spot beside him. You sigh before lying next to him, snuggling further into the hoodie he gave you to change.

"You're still shivering," he remarks, as your teeth clink together.

"It's okay."

"You shouldn't have gone out with just a t-shirt."

"I didn't exactly plan on this, you know," you smile sarcastically and Han chuckles before tapping your shoulder softly.

"Come closer."

You debate for a second before complying, the cold tuning out all the rational thoughts in your head.

Your arm brushes against his and you can't breathe once again. But it's a different type of deprivation. Han always seems to steal the oxygen from your lungs, but for once, you don't mind. Red embers are burning within you and their flames keep you alive. You press your chest to his back, as your forehead rests on his shoulder. Maybe he'll turn you to ashes. Will you rise from them?

"You're so cold," his hand reaches behind to rub your arms soothingly, an earnest attempt to warm you up.

"I’ll be fine, go to sleep. Don't worry about me."

"I can't control it."

In the dark room, Han can't see you curling your hand into a tight fist at his words.

"If you stay quiet then I’ll sleep," you say after a while and Han giggles softly.

"That's the goal. You need to rest."

"You should sleep too."

"I will."

"Okay. Good night, Han."

"Good night, Yn."

You think he's fallen asleep when you speak up again. "Hey, Han."

"Yes, Yn?" He replies instantly, voice slightly hoarse.

"Can you repeat that lyric to me, about the flowers blooming again?" You ask quietly, and you feel him nodding against your chest.

"I’m sure it’ll get better... Just like the earth hardens after the rain and flowers bloom again."

His warm voice vibrates within your body. "That's a nice lyric."

"I hope you'll dream of it instead."

☄༄

Against Han’s strong belief, he's the one who fell sick after your rain-soaked outing.

You knew of it from Chan, who texted you saying that Han caught a nasty cold, and then got food poisoning, which meant he couldn't be there for their highly anticipated meeting—after their electrifying Heyday performance, a record label expressed strong interest in signing them.

"Can you come over and stay with Han?" Chan implores as soon as he answers your call.

“That bad?” You ask, a pout pulling at your lips.

"I don't want to leave him alone. He's been really sick for the past week now, and… it's partly your fault"

"I can’t believe you’re guilt-tripping me into coming," you chuckle even though you know he is right. Han wouldn’t have gotten out in the rain if it wasn’t for you.

"I'm sorry it’s just I don't think he's been good, apart from the illness. And I’m worried, and I don’t know I thought maybe you could talk to him. He reminds me of you, in his sadness, so you might understand what's wrong more than me."

You think it over for a second before rising up from your bed.

"I'm coming"

As soon as you step inside their dorm, Chan pulls you for a side hug, placing a quick kiss on your forehead. “Thank you so much,” he whispers, clearly grateful that you agreed to come. It worries you even more for Han.

“No problem. You can go, I’ll be with him.”

“Thank you, Yn” Changbin smiles before hastily pulling Chan outside the door. You wave them both goodbye.

You cautiously crack open the door to Han’s room, to find it completely engulfed in darkness. The stream of light from the door falls upon Han, who squints his eyes, trying to see who disrupted his fragile peace.

"Hi," you speak softly, finding it a bit odd to raise your voice in such a still room. Han attempts to sit up, before doubling over, hand tightly clutched around his stomach.

You rush to his side, kneeling beside his bed. It's the only lit-up part of the room.

"Still hurts?" you ask, your hand moving in soothing circles on his back. He nods, eyes squeezed shut, and you feel your heart crack at the sight.

"Have you taken any medicine?"

"A few hours ago. I need to eat something before I can take more, but I can't get up to the kitchen."

"Why didn't you tell the boys?"

"Didn't want to be a burden."

"You aren't. I'll make you something to eat. Okay? Try to sleep meanwhile."

"You don't have to," Han shakes his head, his eyes finally meeting yours.

"I know," you smile softly, before exiting the room.

Minutes later, you're back in the room, a bowl of sliced fruit in your hands.

"Do you guys live off protein powder and frozen chicken?" you ask, earning a quiet laugh from Han as he lays his back against the headboard.

"We do. Please save me," he jokes and you laugh, shaking your head. "Good thing I grabbed some fruit before leaving."

"Thank you," he grins, eyes slightly squinting closed.

"Here," you grab a strawberry, bringing it to his lips. His eyebrows raise up in surprise, a sheen layer of sweat coating them. "What? Look at how tightly you're clutching the comforter," you point to his hands and Han sighs, before parting his lips slightly.

His mouth brushes against your fingertips, igniting a cascade of emotions in you. You'll think about what it means later.

You grab a green grape next, feeding it to him gently. A drop of water trickles down the corner of his mouth, and you wipe it away with the back of your finger.

"I can- I can do it," Han mumbles, voice wavering like an unpredictable storm. His trembling hands reach for the bowl, but they struggle to hold it right.

"Han, it's okay, I don't mind," you try to keep your voice gentle, sensing that there is an impending doom awaiting just below the surface.

"No, I- I need to do it. Just let me-" A tear falls into the fruit bowl. "Let me do it, please. I can- I can do it, I’m not useless, I…"

The floodgate opens.

A stream of tears escapes Han's eyes as he looks down at the bowl between his hands. He's crying, eyes tightly shut and the small whimpers escaping his lips feel like a dagger piercing your heart.

"You're sick. Let me take care of you."

"It's horrible horrible work." His voice cracks as his eyes finally lock on yours, and you can tell that his anguish isn't about his illness. These are the words of the shadows threatening to swallow him whole. You have to fight them off with the light.

"I will do it."

As Han lays on his bed, the sound of you washing the dishes resonating from the kitchen, your voice bounces off the dark walls in his head. You didn't try to convince him that it was easy work, you told him you'll do it, even if it's horrible. You'll do it because you want to, not because you can, not because it's accessible. The thought sends a warmth in his chest. It's faint, like a flickering candle trying its best to withstand the wind. But it's there. He holds on to it. He'll shield it with his cupped hands so it wouldn't fizzle out.

"Hannie, you’re okay?" you peer into the room. Hannie- the candle's flame grows higher.

"Mm," he hums, too weak to turn and look at you.

"You're shivering," you remark, and he tightens the blanket around his body. "It'll pass."

You stay silent, and he thinks you've left the room. But then he feels the left side of the bed dip, with you climbing tentatively on it.

"This worked last time when I was cold," you smile softly at him, before bringing his head to your chest and wrapping your arms around his shoulders. He feels frail and fragile in your embrace. You hug him tighter to you.

"Warming up?" you ask and he nods against your chest. He's burning.

"Try to sleep," you urge quietly, your hand moving to pat his back. "It will pass."

"What if it doesn't?" Han asks faintly. Please don't let the candle die, he wants to plead.

"There is always light at the end of the tunnel."

"What if the tunnel is closed?"

"Then you go back to the start and find a new one," you respond.

"Can I find it later? I'm so tired tonight." His voice is drowsy, sleep already clinging to his achy bones.

"Just rest for now. You did well," you scratch his back lightly, as he nuzzles further into the crook of your neck.

There was never a candle to begin with- you were the light.

☄༄

Had someone told you five months ago that you'd be lying on Han's bed, watching "Howl's Moving Castle" at 2 a.m., you would've thought they were utterly delusional.

Yet, here you are now.

A lot of things had changed since your rainy outing with Han, as if the universe had shifted into alignment, two stars in the sky finally colliding and making way for something new. You saw him under a different light, understanding that no one picks up a dandelion unless they desperately need the solace it provides.

You've grown to care for him, in the course of the past two months. And funnily enough, you've started to like who you were next to him- just yourself, with no pressure of making conversation, or catering to his expectations of you.

He saw you at your worst anyway, and so did you, there was no use in filtering things anymore.

You've been there through the entire process of writing, composing, and producing Secret Secret- the song whose lyrics had captured your heart. You didn't expect him to ask you to be there with him, he just shot you a text, three days after you came over to his house. 'Wanna be there while I work on the song? I know you liked the lyrics.' It was an offer you couldn't pass up on.

You weren't, in your opinion, much help. Han was gifted in the music realm and song-making flowed naturally from him. But he noticed how interested you were in music, so he called you over each time he worked on the song, even asking for your input at times.

That's why, when the song was finally done and released on 3racha's Spotify account, you decided to celebrate by baking him a cake. You may have dropped an eggshell in the batter (you recovered it later on), and the icing's color turned out less vibrant than what you hoped for. But you managed to adorn it with a garden of little flowers, and with store-bought icing, you wrote the words "after the rain flowers will bloom again."

You showed up to the dorm and Changbin pointed you to Han's room, where he had apparently been holed up all day. You shot him a grateful smile, before pushing the door open with your foot.

"What are you doing here?" Han asked, an incredulous smile drawn on his lips.

"Surprise!" you grinned, pushing the cake his way. "Congrats on making Secret Secret."

"Are you serious?" he chuckled, jumping out of his bed. He peered at the cake, eyes softening as he gazed down at the design.

"You drew a little garden..." he whispered in awe and you nodded, a faint blush creeping up your face.

"I'm glad you recognized what it was. I'm not the best baker," you admit a bit shyly but he shook his head. "It's perfect. I can't believe you did this to celebrate our baby!"

"Your baby," you corrected, although the use of 'our' warmed up your chest, weirdly enough.

"You were here with me every step of the way. She's ours."

"It's a she?" you giggled, and he smiled proudly.

"Mm. Do you accept being her mother?" he mused; hands clasped in front of his heart like he was praying you'd say yes.

"It would be my greatest honor," you nodded solemnly, and he let out a breathy chuckle, grabbing the cake from your hands and setting it on his bed.

"Should we hug it out?" he teased, arms stretched wide but you merely stared at him, unimpressed.

"Come on," he whined, "you can't reject me for the third time. And, in front of our child. On her birthday!" his tone grew louder and you couldn't help but giggle at his mock outrage.

"Try harder."

"Our child won't know what a loving parent relationship is and then she'll seek out unhealthy love from the ones around her and-" you cut him off by finally wrapping your arms around him.

You've always known that being near Han left you breathless, but this time, it felt as though he was breathing life into you. You close your eyes instinctively, as his hold tightens on you. He smells immensely nice, like pinewood and soap. You should've hugged him sooner.

"Thank you," he said quietly, forehead pressed against your shoulder blade.

"You did well," you whisper back.

"We did. She's our child, remember?" he reprimanded and you laughed faintly.

"Yeah, ours."

Hours later, the movie's credits finally roll down, and the finished cake sits idly by Han's desk.

"I should go," you rub your eyes tiredly, and Han stares at you as if you are out of your mind.

"At this hour? Do you want our kid to lose her mom?"

"Han," you drawl, hitting his head with the pillow next to you. "You can't hold me hostage."

"I can, as your husband."

"Since when are we married?"

"Since you agreed to be Secret's mother." Another playful hit to his face.

"Stop attacking my face, how will I get laid then?"

"So, you are cheating on me?" you ask, feigning outrage.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry baby you're the only one I want." You falter at the nickname before hitting him even harder, matching the tempo of your quickening heartbeat.

"You're crazy," he laughs, grabbing your wrists and pinning you onto the bed. He's hovering over you, eyes hooded with a tender intensity as he gazes down at you.

"Will you stay, please?"

"The couch is uncomfortable," you reply, avoiding his eyes. He lets go of one wrist before holding your chin gently, urging you to look at him.

"You can sleep here. We've done it before."

"You were freezing both times. That's why I did it."

"I'm very cold tonight," he pouts, eliciting a surprised chuckle from you.

"Are you now?"

"Very much so."

"Fine. Only because I don't want you to die from hypothermia."

"Thank you!" he grins excitedly, finally letting go of your wrist. You bring a hand to your flushed cheeks, as he tosses a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants in your direction.

"Get changed! There is a spare toothbrush in the cabinet."

You make sure to groan theatrically, before heading into the bathroom, where you splash your face repeatedly with water. You aren't used to this- being a blushy mess, because of Han, nonetheless. It was dizzying you, how things took the complete opposite turn between you and him.

At least, back then you weren't alone in your hate, you couldn't stand being alone in your affection.

So, you'd stop this, whatever feeling that's coursing through you. Tomorrow, you will firmly close the door on the blooming feelings within you. But tonight, you’d both lay on the same bed, arms brushing against one another. It's completely dark and quiet, but there is an entire symphony playing within you.

"Thank you for today," he whispers, turning around and tucking his arm under his head, this way he's facing you.

You mirror his actions, and your fingertips brush against one another. You can't see him but you can feel him. He's everywhere, wrapping around all your senses.

"Thank you for making this song. It's very comforting to me."

"Why is that?" he questions, inching closer to you, you can feel his minty breath fan all over your face.

"I’ve always felt like I carried too many emotions within me. Like a volcano, bubbling over until the day I explode. I never liked feeling this way, so I tried to hide it," you confess softly.

"Like a secret secret."

"Like a secret secret," you repeat, glad that he understands.

"You don't have to hide with me," he says after a few silent beats, and you swallow nervously.

"I know." you lick your lips as the music inside you grows louder. "Still cold?"

"A little."

"Come closer," you beckon, and he complies instantly, wrapping his arm behind your back and drawing your chest close to his. Your legs entangle with one another, as your face lays on the crook of his neck. It's intimate, far more than any time you've done it before. You don't want to sink in his hold in fear of never resurfacing again.

"Good?" he asks, voice tinged with a newfound raspiness.

"Mm," you hum, and he releases a relieved sigh.

You've once read that everything in this universe sings. Every atom's vibration creates a sound, contributing to a grand celestial chorus. It's an unscientific, but lovely thought, to wonder who our hearts sing for.

Right now, it's for Han.

☄༄

The music echoes through your being, an ever-present melody that refuses to fade into silence. Even with no audience to enjoy it.

Han always found his way back to your side, no matter how many times you've tried to distance yourself from him. And you couldn't bring yourself to refuse him, because you were friends, first and foremost. And friends don't abandon one another just because a mere glance at them sprouts a blush across your cheeks.

That's how you find yourself on your way to Han's dorm, for the third time that week. Watching movies together has become your little tradition, for the past few months, and sometimes even Chan joins in. Although he mostly enjoys shooting you a knowing smile, to which you flip him off.

Your phone rings and Han's name illuminates your screen. You smile against your will.

"Can't wait to see me this much?" you singsong and Han's chuckle rings through the phone. It's rich and deep, causing you to tighten your hold on the device.

"Yes. And can you please go to the store? I'm out of snacks."

"What do I get out of it?" you muse, changing directions to the nearest convenience store.

"Snacks."

"Asshole," you giggle on your way to cross the road.

"And my eternal gratitude of course."

"Right, because I can't-" Loud tires screech right beside you and you startle, letting out a loud yelp as you drop your phone.

A hand on top of your heart, you bend down to pick up your fallen device, as the driver gets out of the car that grazed your body, mere inches away from hitting you.

"Are you okay, miss? I'm sorry I didn't see you." The middle-aged man is quick to your side, and you glance at the small kid in his car, willing yourself to calm down for their sake.

"I'm fine. Just a bit startled. Drive more slowly, there is a kid with you."

"I know, I'm sorry," he drags a hand through his stressed features and you couldn't help but feel sympathy for him. "It's okay, don't worry about it. Just pay more attention to the road, okay?"

"Thank you so much. Thank you," he clasps his hand in gratitude before getting back to his car and you wave him off, your heart still wildly beating in your chest.

You head into the convenience store, picking up the snacks you know Han loves before paying for them. But as soon as you step back outside, you spot a disheveled Han crossing the road, sprinting toward the store. His pace quickens upon spotting you.

"What are you..." your question is cut short as his arms wrap around you, pulling you to his chest instantly. You can feel the frantic rhythm of his heart, and you're confused as he pulls away, hands cradling your cheeks and turning your face left and right.

"You're alright, nothing happened to you, right? You’re okay?" he inquires urgently and you let out a confused giggle, as you grab his arm to steady him.

"What are you talking about?"

"I heard the tires screech and you yelled and then you didn't pick up when I called and I thought-" his voice cracks. "I thought something happened to you."

"No, no. I'm okay. Nothing happened, I promise." you reassure, as he brings you to his chest once again, his hand smoothing the top of your hair.

"I was so scared," he kisses your temple, as his thumping heart resounds within your chest. "So terrified that something would happen to you. I thought I'd lose my mind."

"You don't mean that," you shake your head slowly, peeling yourself away from him.

"Can you really not see how much I care about you? How I crave being near you?" his voice raises a slight octave. The music in you picks up.

"How long do I have to pretend to be cold to have you nearby? For god's sake, I'm never cold around you, yn. When I see you, I ignite." He takes in a deep breath, pressing his forehead onto your shoulder. "And I... I couldn't have lived with myself if something happened to you. I... You drive me crazy, Yn. When we became friends it felt like I was stepping inside a home for the first time, and yet I already knew each turn in it."

He grabs your arms, shaking you slightly as his chest heaves up and down. "My darkness recognizes yours and my light is you and you- you think I wouldn't care if anything happened to you?"

He shakes his head as tears prickle in the corners of his eyes. Has his music always been this loud, were you just not listening properly?

"I'm scared because we didn't start well and I understand if a part of your heart still resents me, I do. But I don't think I can pretend anymore. Not with you," his voice softens as his gaze locks on yours.

"Were you pretending too?" He asks, hope dripping from his tone. "Do you feel it too?"

A split second goes by. A candle flickering somewhere. A dandelion plucked from the ground. The shadow of a cloud passing over the sun- and you pick.

"I feel it too. So much that my heart feels like it’s singing for you, Han."

"I'll sing for it in return," he whispers, before crashing his lips onto yours. His hand slides up the back of your neck, drawing you closer. You drop the bags of groceries as you cradle his cheeks, feeling them warm up beneath your touch. You can't believe you've ever disliked your heart for feeling too much, not when the lovely emotions flowing in your heart threaten to burst it at the seams, submerging you in a warmth you've never known before- Han.

Two months later

You have 3 new messages from: hannie

"kept this song a secret from you baby but i wrote it for you so you can't be mad"

"i don't know if you remember but you’ve once told me that you are a volcano. as if that’s something that’s supposed to put me off. well, some people dedicate their lives to studying volcanos. and i would dedicate mine to learning you."

"Volcano.mp3."

Light.

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amor1st03 · 5 months

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Hiii just checking up on you and seeing how writing is going! Did you get any new ideas? I’m your number one fan and I’m so curious about you and how you write! What got you into stray kids?

Hiii, I'm doing okay, hope you're well too. I'm planning a series actually with a story for each member. I've only finished one of the stories but am gradually working on the rest. I want to get them all finished first before I post the first one so I can set like a release date for each if that makes sense.

I got into stray kids about a year ago, I'm not sure where it even came from tbh. I heard Maniac and Case 143 and the rest is history. Now I'm into loads of different kpop bands and most of my money goes on albums lmao. But I pretty much just write about Skz cos they're my favourite.

I'll think I'll start writing little drabbles for the members while I'm working on bigger fics. Hopefully in the New Year I will start posting more often.

Anyway, thanks so much for checking, feel free to message me whenever xx

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amor1st03 · 5 months

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Hi all :)

Just popping on here to say that I am working on quite a few things but I'm not sure when I will be posting them. Please feel free to leave any suggestions for fics you want as I am always open to ideas.

Thanks xx

#stray kids #skz #kpop #fanfiction #fanfic #fluff

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amor1st03 · 7 months

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happy birthday! hope everything goes well <3

I'm a few days late replying but thank you so much <3

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amor1st03 · 7 months

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Happy birthday!! I hope you have a lovely day 💗💌

Thank you!!! ❤️❤️

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amor1st03 · 7 months

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It's gone past midnight here in the UK meaning it's officially my bday. Your girl is 20!! Haven't got anything special written up for my bday but wanted to just update everyone and let you know I have a few things planned to write so keep an eye out. Xx

#stray kids #skz #kpop #fanfiction #fanfic

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amor1st03 · 8 months

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Change | Kim Seungmin

Seungmin x fem!reader

frenemies(?) to lovers, librarian au, college/university au

warnings: Y/N misunderstands Seungmin for a little bit and judges him for this, swearing, drinking, skz being fuckboys, I think that's it let me know if I missed anything

word count: 4.9k

in which: Seungmin's reputation had you believing all he ever did was flirt with people around school. I mean, you witnessed it yourself at your uni's library where you both worked. But could it be possible that what you thought was wrong all along?

@icouldntcareless22

Skz masterlist

The constant stream of swooning girls bothered you more than you would like to admit.

It’s not that you were jealous. You weren’t jealous. You were annoyed.

Your job at your uni’s library had been a peaceful one until a certain someone had to disturb the peace.

Kim Seungmin.

Or as one girl in your class had told you, one of the university's most eligible bachelors. You were quick to correct this to one of the most attractive fuckboys.

Him and his seven best friends were known around campus for their good looks and charm. You heard many stories regarding each of their latest hookups.

Now, you had nothing wrong with people sleeping around, that’s what loads of people did at uni right? What you did have a problem was people being led on. You had seen quite a few people crying over being rejected by one of the guys after they thought they had been someone special to them.

There were only few who were able to resist their charm. You being one of them.

You had no interest in a quick one night stand. You wanted something that meant something. Something real.

Just because Kim Seungmin looked so good while leaning on the counter talking to the girls did not mean you were going to fall for his antics.

You rolled your eyes as one of the girls twirled her hair and fluttered her eyes before looking away. When the girls had finally left, you called over to him.

“Now that you’re done flirting can you put these back on the shelves.” You motioned your head in the direction of the cart full of books, not looking up from the computer you were using.

“I wasn’t flirting.” You look up at him, raising your eyebrows.

“Sure. Just go and put those back.” Without another word he took the cart and headed for the shelves. You watched as he left before turning back to your work.

“Is Seungmin here?” You looked up from the computer to see Chan.

“Hello to you too, Christopher.”

“Damn, English government name and everything.” He smiled at you. Chan was the only one of the eight guys, besides Seungmin, you spoke to. Last year, he had come to the library to talk to Seungmin when he had found you. He had asked you out to which you politely declined. He had been taken aback, it had been a long time since someone had rejected him. He had been surprised by you and, although he never asked you out again, the two of you formed a friendship.

“Seungmin’s here, he’s just putting some books back.”

“Well I was just gonna tell him that on Friday I’m having a party at my place. Actually, why don’t you come too? It’s been a while since you’ve come to one of my parties.”

“I’ll think about it. And I’ll tell him too.”

“Alright, thanks. I hope to see you there.” Chan left and not long after Seungmin returned with the empty cart.

“You just missed Chan. He told me to tell you he’s having a party at his on Friday.”

“Okay, cool.” You gave him a little nod before turning away to continue your work. “Hey, um, Y/N, would you, maybe, wanna come to the party?”

“Chan already invited me.”

“Oh, alright.”

“Anyway, I’m gonna clock out now, my shift’s over, but I’m gonna stick around to study for a little while. I swear, if I catch you flirting with all the girls that come to check out a book instead of working, I’ll kill you.”

“I already told you I don’t flirt with them!”

***

Your presence bothered Seungmin. Simply because when you were around he found it so difficult to draw himself away from you.

Like now, for example. You weren't doing anything significant. You weren't bringing any attention to yourself in any way. You were just sitting at a desk in the library, studying. But Seungmin found his gaze fixed on you. While waiting for someone to check out or return a book he was sitting behind the counter, chin resting on hand, analysing you.

He knew that there was some strange tension between the two of you. You seemed quite cold to him despite his advances to get to know you better. And yet, this did not deter him. If should have, he often told himself, because he was certain that you couldn't stand to be around him but none of that changed his feelings.

When you were with him, you were all he could see and when you weren't, you were all he could think about.

The two of you didn't share any classes but he saw you around campus. You were just as beautiful the first day he saw you.

He felt like an absolute idiot, gazing at you from a distance, too shy to approach you. He enjoyed just looking at you sometimes. Noticing all your silly little habits. The way you smiled. The first time he saw you laugh along with your friends he knew he was a goner.

There had been a few openings for a job at the campus library. At first, Seungmin wasn't interested until he found out that you had signed up for it. After having a crush on you for over a year without making a move he figured this would give him an opportunity.

The two of you had started out good, you were polite and nice. But there was still tension there.

He knew about the rumours that surrounded his friend group. There were so many that he stopped denying them after a while and just let people talk, whether what they were saying was true or not.

All he really cared about was that you didn't believe them. He wished that you wouldn't. So far his wish hadn't been granted, despite now much he insisted to you that he wasn't flirting with the girls that came to the counter.

People were slowly starting to leave the library as closing time neared. Finally, you and Seungmin were the only two people left.

You walked up to the counter to check out a few books. Your hand grazed Seungmin’s as he passed the books back to you and he swore his heart stopped for a moment.

“You need any help closing up?” You asked him.

“No, it’s alright, you can head off now.”

“Okay, see you later.”

“Bye. Get home safe!” He called after you as he mentally cursed himself for being too shy to ask you to stay a little while longer with him.

***

You knew you should have had a drink before the party. You felt so awkward as you looked around for someone you knew.

You continued to push your way through the crowd before you found a sofa in the corner where no one was sitting. You quickly claimed a seat and relaxed a little.

“Y/N, you made it!” A familiar voice shouted over to you. You looked in the direction that it came from and saw Chan approaching you. He sat down beside you, throwing an arm over the back of the sofa. You could tell the drink in his hand was certainly not his first of the night.

“Yep, here I am.”

“It’s been so long since you last came to a party, I’ve missed having you around.”

“Well some of us actually have to study, Chan,” You joked.

“Ugh, you sound like Seungmin.”

“Really?” At the mention of Seungmin, your eyes found him in the crowd. He was nodding along to something a girl was telling him on the other side of the room.

“Yep.”

“He can’t care about studying that much. I swear I always see him flirting with girls. I mean, even now. Typical.”

“What? Seungmin flirting? I'd love to see that.”

“What are you talking about?”

"What are you talking about? Seungmin has never once flirted with anyone."

"But…you guys…your reputation. You guys are known for flirting."

"Yeah the rest of us, maybe, but not Seungmin. Those are just rumours about him because he's in our group."

"But I always see him with girls."

"Yeah they chase after him and he will talk to them to be polite but I've never seen him so much as kiss any of them."

"Oh…"

"Come on, enough talking, let's get you a drink." He jumped up from his seat and offered his hand to you. You took it and he pulled you up before he guided you to where the drinks were. You could've sworn you felt eyes on the back of your head as you walked. When you looked around, your eyes met Seungmin's. You suddenly felt extremely embarrassed under his gaze after learning you had misjudged him.

"You know what we should do?" Chan asked you once you reached the counter.

"What?"

"Shots!" You were unsure at first. "Come on, what do you think? It's been so long since you've been at a party."

You looked back to where Seungmin had been standing. You saw that he was now pushing his way through the crowd, towards you and Chan.

"Fuck it, I'm in."

***

The party was dying down with only a few people left. You never usually stayed this long but you were having so much fun that the time just flew by.

"Get home safely, alright?" Chan said as you were about to leave. He was leaning on the door for support.

"I'll be fine, Chan."

"I'll walk you home." Seungmin walked up to where you and Chan were standing in the doorway.

"Okay then, see you later guys," Chan said with a yawn before the two of you left.

The walk at first was silent. The two of you were enjoying the fresh night air. As you walked you found a small wall and feeling childish in your drunkenness you hopped onto it before walking along it. You wobbled slightly but felt Seungmin grab your arm to stop you from falling.

"Careful," He said softly.

"If you're so worried about me falling, why don't you just hold my hand."

"What?" He was a little shocked at your words. He hoped the darkness of the night prevented you from seeing the red tinge on his cheeks.

"Hold my hand. I thought you'd be used to that with all the flirting you do, except, I suppose I'm not so sure now that Chan told me the truth." He gently took your hand and helped you walk along the wall.

"The truth?"

"Yeah. That you're not like the rest of your friends. That you don't flirt with all those girls that chase after. Not that there's anything wrong if you do I just don't think it's right if the girls genuinely think there's something there and you're just looking for a quick one night stand. But, yeah, Chan told me you don't do that." Seungmin smiled to himself.

"You're very talkative when you're drunk."

"Is it annoying?" You stopped in your tracks.

"Not at all." You smiled down at him before continuing to walk.

"Seriously though, why don't you flirt with them. I mean, you have so many people chasing after you and not one of them sparks your interest? Why is that?"

"Because."

"Because is not an answer."

"Yes, it is."

"No, it's not. Come on, tell me Seungmin.*

"Okay, fine. It's because I've already got my eye on somebody. But don't bother asking who it is, I'm not telling."

"Okay. I won't ask." You neared the end of the wall as you thought of Seungmin's words. You weren't sure why they bothered you so much but you tried to brush them off. Once you reached the end of the wall you turned to him.

"Catch me."

"What? No, I'm not catching you." He laughed a little.

"Well, I'm going to jump off and if you don't catch me I'm just going to bump into you anyway."

"Y/N, I'm not going to catch you."

"Ready. 3…2…"

"Y/N."

"1!" You jumped and Seungmin was quick to throw his arms around your waist. Your arms came to rest over his shoulders. His hot breath hit your face as you realised how close your face was to his.

"I knew you'd catch me." He set you down on the ground with a soft smile. Had his smile always been that cute? "Alright, come on then, I'm ready to go home." You skipped off as Seungmin laughed to himself, shaking his head before running to catch up to you.

You made it back to your apartment and were struggling to get the key in the door. You felt Seungmin's hand rest on top of yours as he helped you with the key.

"Yay, home sweet home!" You smiled as the door opened.

"Alright then, I guess I'll head off now that you're home."

"Okay then, I'll see you soon. Message me when you get home safely."

"I will."

"And if anyone kidnaps you I'll hunt them down and beat their asses!"

"I'm sure you will." He laughed. "Goodnight, Y/N."

"Night, Min!"

The little nickname had his heart racing a mile a minute for the rest of the night.

***

Seungmin noticed that things were less tense between the two of you after that night. The two of you were talking a lot more during your shifts at the library and if you finished at the same time, he would walk you home. You enjoyed spending time with each other and found you had actually become friends.

You continued to notice the stream of girls who came to see Seungmin. You knew now that he wasn't flirting back with them but something about them coming to see him still bugged you.

One time you were left at the counter while Seungmin went to stack the shelves when two girls approached you.

You greeted them as they placed some books on the counter, passing you their library cards.

"Is Seungmin here?" One of the girls asked.

"He's busy," You replied quickly.

"Where is he?"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"Look, are you here to check out these books or not?" One girl rolled her eyes as you continued to check out the books before handing them back to the two girls. They turned and left without another word. You laughed in disbelief, shaking your head.

"What was all that about?" Seungmin asked as he returned.

"Oh, you saw that?"

"Yeah, I was hiding behind one of the shelves." You felt your cheeks heat up at his words.

"Well, I find it annoying that they're always here and I'm sure you do too."

"Yeah, I do sometimes."

"Then why don't you just reject their advances?"

"I try to. When they ask me out I turn them down but they keep coming back. And I don't wanna hurt anyone's feelings by being rude so I just try to be friendly. What else can I do?"

"Just be honest with them. Tell them you're not interested, that you're already interested in someone else. And, hey, maybe you should try asking out whoever that other person is? If you're with someone and happy they might take a hint."

"I can't ask out the girl I like."

"Oh so it's a girl. Okay, that narrows down my guesses a little bit."

"Don't try and guess who it is, I'm not telling you."

"Why not? I might be able to help more if I know who it is."

"Not telling."

"Okay, fine. How about this? Practice on me."

"Huh?"

"Go on practice asking me out. Stand over there, pretend I'm her, walk up to me and ask me out."

"This is stupid."

"I don't care. Just do it." With a reluctant sigh, Seungmin walked a few paces away before turning around to face you. He walked back towards you.

"Hey, uh, we should, like, go out sometime."

"No."

"What do you mean no? This isn't helping."

"That was terrible, you sound like Chan."

"Well it works for him."

"That's because he's all confidence and charm."

"Are you saying I have no charm?"

"No, you do but it's different. Chan's all…how do I put this? Chan's a fuckboy, in the nicest way possible. But you, you're caring and sweet and, honestly, a little nerdy."

"Hey!"

"Trust me, a lot of girls find that attractive. The point is, be yourself. Okay, try again." Seungmin repeated the process of walking away and turning back.

"Hey, um, look I don't normally do this because I'm not really sure how to, but the truth is, I really like you. And I would love it if sometime you would maybe wanna go out on a date with me?" His eyes held your gaze as he spoke and you almost forgot that he wasn't actually asking you out.

"Yes," You replied softly before coming to your senses. You cleared your throat. "That-that was perfect, I'm certain she'll say yes if you ask her like that." You backed away slightly, almost tripping over your own feet. "Okay, I'm just gonna go check all the desks, see if anyone's left anything out. You can stay here and man the counter, I'll be back soon." You quickly hurried away, mentally screaming at yourself.

***

You had lost count of the months that had passed since you Seungmin had become friends. Things had certainly changed between the two of you, more than you would like to admit.

You had started to notice how easy it was to get lost in his eyes and how soft his lips look. After a few months of becoming friends you realised something. You definitely had feelings for him.

A few months ago, you would've turned a date with Seungmin down with a scoff but now? Now, you would practically beg for one. You were honestly head over heels for him. He was so kind and funny. How could you ever have thought differently of him?

You buried these feelings deep down inside. Hoping Seungmin wouldn't notice the lingering stares.

You'd figured out what bugged you when the girls came to flirt with him. It was jealousy. You wanted him to look at you and only you. You wanted him to like you the way you liked him.

There were moments where you thought maybe he felt the same.

Like the moment when he was walking you home that one time. You stopped in front of your apartment building and turned to say goodbye. He reached his hand up to brush an eyelash off of your face. His hand lingered a moment longer than it probably should have and you thought maybe. Just maybe he feels the same.

Or the time that the two of you were meant to close up the library together. Everyone had left and the two of you were sitting together on the floor behind the counter. You were both laughing at something he said before you both looked at each other. You could have sworn that he was leaning in, but in the end, he turned his head away.

There were many moments like that. You just weren't sure how he felt. And you were at a constant war with yourself on whether or not you should confess to him.

You shook off the thought as you checked the peep hole a second time. No, he really was at your door.

You were laying in bed one night contemplating your confession when you heard a knock on your door. Surprised that someone could be at your apartment at this time of night you carefully tiptoed over to the door. You checked the peep hole to see it was the exact person you had been thinking of. For a split second you thought that you had been daydreaming about him so much that you were now hallucinating. Imagining that he was here.

You quickly unlocked the door. When Seungmin caught sight of your face a warm smile spread over his face. You noticed the flushed look on his face.

"Seungmin, what are you doing here so late?"

"Y/N!" He wrapped his arms around you and you stumbled back a little. You laughed as you wrapped your own arms around him.

"Have you been drinking?" You ask him.

"I was. How did you know? Who told you?" He pulled away to look at you but still held you close.

"A little birdie."

"You can talk to birds?" He asked in disbelief to which you laughed again.

"Yes. Anyway, why are you here, Seungmin?"

"Because I wanted to see you. I'm sorry it's so late but I missed you so much."

"It's okay. I missed you too." This made Seungmin smile.

"Okay, I don't want to disturb you anymore so I'll get off now, I just wanted to see you before I went home." He moved away from you, stumbling a little. You grabbed his arm to steady him.

"Yeah, I'm not letting you go home like this, come on, you can sleep here tonight."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I am." You guided him to your room. He sat down before kicking off his shoes and getting under the covers.

"I'm sorry I don't have anything for you to sleep in," You said to him after you had returned from getting him a glass of water.

"It's alright."

"What were you doing tonight, anyway? It's a Thursday night, we have classes tomorrow. Were you out with the guys?" You sat down on the edge of the bed looking at him. Your heart swelled at the way he looked into your eyes.

"Yeah, it was a random party and me and Chan were actually just talking about you. After that I knew that I needed to see you tonight, if not I knew I'd never be able to get to sleep, so I left the party and came here."

"You were talking about me?"

"Yeah, I talk about you a lot actually. Is that weird? I hope you don't find it weird."

"I don't. Well, as long as you tell people the nice stuff about me."

"Everything about you is nice."

"You're just saying that because you're drunk." You smiled softly.

"No, I'm saying it because I know it's true."

"Okay, well thank you. You should get some sleep now, you'll have an awful headache in the morning if not." You got up to leave, walking towards the door.

"Wait, where are you going?"

"To go sleep on the sofa?"

"Why?"

"Because I'm letting you have my bed." You leant on the doorway to talk to him.

"You can't sleep on the sofa."

"I can. I'm telling you, you're having my bed tonight and I'll sleep on the sofa, it's fine."

"Okay and I'm trying to tell you that I want you to stay." You remained quiet, looking at him. Had you heard him correctly? "Please, will you stay?"

"Okay," You whispered before making your way over to the bed. You climbed under the sheets, lying next to him. The two of you were facing each other as he smiled at you.

All you could hear was your heart beat.

You swore it skipped a beat when you felt Seungmin softly reach out for your hand, taking it in his own. A bright smile spread across your face.

"I've dreamt of this."

"Of what?"

"Of lying here, having you smile at me like that."

"Seungmin," You whispered, unsure of what to say.

"I need to tell you something."

"What is it?" Your heart rate quickened as you waited for him to speak.

"Chan and I fell out once because of you. Well, we didn't really fall out. I was mad at him, he wasn't mad at me. And it's not your fault it happened. It's just, I told Chan not to ask you out and he did it anyway and I was so angry at him for it."

"Why did you tell him not to ask me out?"

"Well, I was scared you'd get hurt for one, and I didn't want that to happen. But the main reason is a bit more selfish. I didn't tell Chan this at first, if I had done he probably wouldn't have asked you out, but the reason I didn't want him doing so is because I wanted it to be me who did it. I admired you from afar. I've had feelings for you for the longest time and I was so scared that you'd be head over heels for someone like Chan instead of me."

"You know I don't like Chan like that."

"Do you like me like that?"

"You're drunk right now. I want you to make sure you are fully aware of what we're both saying. I'll tell you tomorrow. Okay?"

"Okay. You don't hate me because of what I said, do you?" He whispered.

"I could never hate you."

"Good."

"Goodnight, Min."

"Goodnight, Y/N." He yawned before shutting his eyes.

When he had drifted off and you heard his soft snores, you leaned over and gave him a gentle kiss on his forehead before settling down next to him.

***

Seungmin woke the next morning to an awful buzzing sound. He reached out beside him and felt the cold, empty space next to him. You weren't there. His heart dropped when he realised. The buzzing noise, he found, was coming from an alarm clock on your bedside cabinet. He reached over to stop it.

On the cabinet, he found you had also left him some water, painkillers and a note. He picked up the note to read it.

Sorry about the alarm, I set it so you'd have enough time to get home and get changed before your first class. Hope you're not too hungover. I've had to leave for my earlier classes. Feel free to make yourself some breakfast before you leave. I've left my spare set of keys on the kitchen counter so you can lock up. You can give them back to me today at the library. See you later.

After taking a few painkillers for his headache, Seungmin did as you instructed. He got up and got himself a bowl of cereal, washing up after himself because he didn't want to cause you any more trouble than he already had. Then he left, locking your door with the spare keys before heading home to change.

He eventually made it to his first class with only a few minutes to spare. He had considered not coming but he knew he should. In the end it wouldn't have mattered if he hadn't shown because he couldn't remember a single thing from any of his classes that day. He was too focused on replaying last night to himself.

You hadn't told him how you felt, he was certain it meant you would reject him. He wasn't sure how he was going to face you. But sure enough, the end of his last class came and he headed for his shift at the library. He was in no rush to get there, taking the longest route he could.

"Hi," You greeted him once he had arrived.

"Hi," He replied, shyly. He was unsure whether to bring last night up or to wait for you to say something.

Before you had the chance to say something somebody came up to the counter to return some books. As you were helping them, Seungmin decided he would go to the storage room as he knew that the university had ordered some more books. He was feeling awkward now and wanted to avoid you and figured organising the books would be a good excuse.

As your shift continued, you were unable to find the right time to approach Seungmin. You decided it would be best to do it when you were closing up.

The time finally came when the last few students left. You and Seungmin were putting away the last of the books.

"I'm sorry I haven't said anything earlier about last night, I just haven't found the right time."

"It's okay. I'm just sorry last night ever happened."

"Don't say that." You put the last book on the shelf and turned to him.

"Why not?"

"Because you shouldn't ever regret being brave enough to tell someone how you feel. That is, if you really meant what you said last night. Did you?"

"Of course I did."

"Well, that's good then. I'm glad to see my feelings are reciprocated."

"Wait, what?" Seungmin asked, shocked at what he was heading. You laughed softly as his response.

"Seungmin," You said as you placed your hands on his face, smiling up at him. "I like you. So much. I could barely sleep last night after what you told me. My heart was racing every time I looked over at you."

"I can't believe this is real."

"Well, believe it because now that we've confessed, I expect a date."

"How about now? After we've closed up. We can do whatever you like."

"I don't care what we do as long as I'm with you." You smiled before leaning up towards his lips. He leaned down at the same time, meeting you halfway. The kiss blossomed between the two of you and you knew now how much everything had all changed. This was the start of something new between the two of you and you suddenly realised how much you loved change.

#kim seungmin #kim seungmin x reader #kim seungmin fluff #skz seungmin #stray kids #skz #kpop #fanfiction #fanfic

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amor1st03 · 8 months

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Change | Kim Seungmin (Sneak peek)

Coming soon!!

a/n: a little sneak peek of what I've been writing, I'm not writing as often but I do find it relaxes me when I do and I've finally finished something that I think is good to post

Full fic, when I post it, will be found here

The constant stream of swooning girls bothered you more than you would like to admit.

It’s not that you were jealous. You weren’t jealous. You were annoyed.

Your job at your uni’s library had been a peaceful one until a certain someone had to disturbed the peace.

Kim Seungmin.

Or as one girl in your class had told you, one of the school’s most eligible bachelors. You were quick to correct this to one of the most attractive fuckboy.

Him and his seven best friends were known around campus for their good looks and charm. You heard many stories regarding each of their latest conquests.

There were few who were unable to fall for their charm. You being one of them.

You had no interest in a quick one night stand. You wanted something that meant something. Something real.

Just because Kim Seungmin looked so good while leaning on the counter talking to the girls did not mean you were going to fall for his antics.

You rolled your eyes as one of the girls twirled her hair and fluttered her eyes before looking away. When the girls had finally left you called over.

“Now that you’re done flirting can you put these back on the shelves.” You motioned your head in the direction of the cart full of books, not looking up from the computer you were using.

“I wasn’t flirting.” You look up at him, raising your eyebrows.

“Sure. Just go and put those back.” Without another word he took the cart and headed for the shelves. You watched as he left before turning back to your work.

“Is Seungmin here?” You looked up from the computer to see Chan.

“Hello to you too, Christopher.”

“Damn, English government name and everythihng.” He smiled at you. Chan was the only one of the eight guys, besides Seungmin, you spoke to. Last year, he had come to the library to talk to Seungmin when he had found you. He had asked you out to which you politely declined. He had been taken aback, it had been a long time since someone had rejected him. He had been suprised by you and although he never asked you out again the two of you formed a sort of friendship.

“Seungmin’s here, he’s just putting some books back.”

“Well I was just gonna tell him that on friday I’m having a party at my place. Actually, why don’t you come too? It’s been a while since you’ve come to one of my parties.”

“I’ll think about it. And I’ll tell him too.”

“Alright, thanks. I hope to see you there.” Chan left and not long after Seungmin returned with the empty cart.

“You just missed Chan. He told me to tell you he’s having a party at his on Friday.”

“Okay, cool.” You gave him a little nod before turning away to continue your work. “Hey, um, Y/N, would you, maybe, wanna come to the party?”

“Chan already invited me.”

“Oh, alright.”

“I already told you I don’t flirt with them!”

#kim seungmin #skz kim seungmin #stray kids #skz #kpop #fanfiction #fanfic #kim seungmin x reader #kim seungmin fluff

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amor1st03 · 9 months

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Hey everyone seeing this. Sorry for the lack of updates, life has been really shit lately. I was struggling with work and my mental health and just when things started looking up I lost my mum.

I’m trying to write as it does bring me some comfort and is a bit of a distraction but I’m not sure when I’ll be posting.

Thanks for all the support I’ve had so far on my previous works and I hope to get back to posting soon.

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amor1st03 · 1 year

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You and Me | Lee Know

Lee Minho x fem!reader

enemies to lovers, ballet dancer au, college/university au, fluff, angst

warnings: swearing, reader and Minho can be rude to each other at times, there's a point where they're at a bar and some gross guy is harassing reader, jealousy, angst

word count: 11.8k

in which: you are forced to dance with the person you hate the most in the world but maybe it isn’t as bad as it seems

Skz masterlist

"Anyone but him."

"Y/N, you need to learn to work with people you don't get along with. And, who knows, this might do the two of you some good, you might actually, dare I say, become friends.

"Oh, yeah, sure we will," You replied as you rolled your eyes. "Miss Crawford you know what we're like, we'll never get along."

It was a beginning of a new term and you had visited the notice board outside of your class to find out who your new partner would be. You were mortified to find out it was none other than Lee Minho.

You were happy to say you were friends with the majority of the people in your class. You got along with everyone. Except him.

You had furiously marched up to your professor's office to confront her. She knew all too well about your and Minho's endless bickering.

"I'm not changing it. Just try. You and Minho are two of my best dancers and I think you would dance well together if you just gave it a shot." You looked at her, eyes wide in shock. It was a terrible idea, surely she knew it was. But she showed no signs of backing down.

"Fine, I'll try."

"Good. Now go to class I'll be there soon."

You bid her goodbye with a sigh before leaving her office. As you turned down the corridor you bumped into somebody.

"Watch it," They said. You were about to apologise when you realised it was Minho.

"Piss off." He just continued to walk, ignoring you. He entered the office you had just left.

"Let me guess, you're here to complain too." You heard Miss Crawford say.

Minho wasn't pleased about the pairing either. The two of you had never gotten along. You disliked each other since you were kids. It started as relentless teasing when you were young but as you grew up it had gotten old but neither of you were willing to approach the other first. The two of you just did not like each other. You could've just avoided him and that would've been fine if it weren't for Chan. Your best friend. Unfortunately, he was also extremely close with Minho meaning you couldn't avoid him. You still tried to though. When Chan made plans for your group of friends you always checked whether Minho would be there, trying to get away with not going. But Chan wanted the two of you to get along and kept inviting you to the same things.

The issue of avoiding Minho only got worse when you started university. At first, you were excited. Both you and Chan had gotten into a really good arts university. He would be studying music production while you were studying dance. Your little bubble burst on the first day of classes when you walked in to find that Minho was there too.

Of course, he was there. The two of you had always bickered about who the better dancer was and this continued during your classes, much to the other students and Miss Crawford's displeasure.

And all of this ultimately led you right here. Being paired with the one person in the class you couldn't stand.

As you continued to walk down the hallway, you told yourself you would not let him get in the way of your dreams. You told yourself you would dance better than you have ever danced in front of him. At least it was your ballet class that you were paired up in, it was, after all, the style you were best at.

When you made it to class, you were still mad. You were one of the first people there, always liking to be there early.

"What's wrong with you?" Felix asked as you set your bag down next to his. You slumped against the wall and slid down it, sitting beside the boy.

You had been paired with Felix a few times before and he was probably your favourite person in the entire class. You danced well with him and became close quite quickly.

"I'm paired with Minho this term."

"Oh shit, really?"

"Yes, really."

"So now it's just a matter of time to see who snaps first and kills the other?"

"Yep, pretty much."

"It might do you some good, actually. He's really not that bad, he's actually quite nice when you get to know him."

"That's what Chan says but I'm yet to see this side of him. He's always so condescending and nasty to me."

"Well, here's your chance to see that side of him. You've known him for so long, maybe it's time to leave whatever this weird rivalry is in the past."

"I don't think we'll ever get along."

"Speak of the devil, he just walked in. Come on, Y/N, it's only temporary," Felix said, picking your bag up and handing it to you before placing his hands on your shoulders and turning you to face where Minho had just walked in. "Play nice." Felix gave you a light shove in Minho's direction.

You shuffled over to him, mentally cursing your friend. You trained your eyes to the ground once you were stood in front of him.

"Look..." You glanced up at him to see an unpleasant look on his face. He raised his eyebrows at you, questioning what you wanted to say. Your voice turned sharp as you spoke again. "Look, we've got no choice but to work together, so please just don't fuck this up by being a dick. This is my most important class, I wanna do well in this. Just for this term, try to act with some decency, yeah?" Minho scoffed.

"And you always say I'm the rude one?'" You ignored him, placing your bag next to his as your professor walked into the class. She gave you and Minho a pleased smile, probably hoping that the two of you were getting along.

You and Minho quickly changed into your ballet pumps before the class began. You had always hated warming up, you knew it was important but you were always so desperate to dance. Today, however, you were pleased with how thoroughly Miss Crawford made you warm up. Honestly, you never wanted it to end so you could avoid working with the boy beside you for as long as possible.

A feeling of dread settled in your stomach as the warm up concluded. You looked around as everyone else made their way into their new pairs, greeting each other. Felix caught your eye with a soft smile and a thumbs up before turning away to his partner. Reluctantly, you turned to face Minho.

"We don't have to talk, let's just focus on the dancing and get through this," He stated, not even looking in your direction.

"Alright, class. So at the end of this term we will be having a show. I have picked out a select number of duets. The duets are one's we have learnt before but you will need to relearn them with your new partners and audition. After that I will pick a pair for each duet. I expect you all to learn one of the duets and I have to see at least one full run through of it as the practice will go towards your grade. However, if you do not want to audition for the show you don't have to but you will, of course, all be performing in the group dances. Any questions about that?" You raised your hand. "No, you cannot change partners."

"Oh, no, it's not that. I was just wondering what the duets that you picked were?"

"Oh, I see. Well, for now I'm not going to tell you, add to the excitement a little. In a few weeks time I will let you all know and I will pin up and audition sheet for each duet. For now, I don't want you all to be worrying about having to relearn them. For the first week we will be doing our usual. I want you all to get to know your partners, learn to dance together. For this you can use whatever sort of practice you want for this, whether that's learning a dance together or just practicing moves together. I expect to see all of you becoming comfortable dancing together. I have also sorted out a schedule for this room so each pair will have a few hours each week after lessons to work together. If anyone has any problems with it let me know but I expect you all to use the time wisely."

The class went surprisingly fast as you and Minho worked together. What was even more surprising was how gentle he was when he placed his hands on your waist. The feeling sent a shiver up your spine. Your skin felt like it was burning under his touch. You weren't sure what the feeling was but if anyone had asked you would've pinned it on the angry tension between the two of you.

When class was over you were quick to collect the schedule your professor was handing out and to move away from the suffocating proximity you had been forced to share with Minho. You crouched down next to your bag, putting your water bottle away.

"Can you move? I need to get my bag." You heard Minho say behind you, you rolled your eyes. Quickly your grabbed his bag, standing up and shoving it into his chest. He took a step back to steady himself.

"There, not in the way anymore, am I?"

"Thanks," He replied sarcastically, moving away from you. You sighed as you sat down on the floor, changing your shoes.

"How'd it go?" Felix asked, sitting beside you with a smile.

"I don't wanna talk about."

"Aw, come on. It can't have been that bad, you guys looked good together."

"Don't ever say that again." You warned him.

"Don't say what?" Hyunjin, another one of your friends in the class, asked as he sat down with the two of you.

"That Y/N and Minho look good together."

"Felix."

"He's right, you two do look really good dancing together. Well, I mean if you ignore the obvious snarls and glares." You ignored the two as they continued to joke.

"When are you guys scheduled in?" You asked, interrupting their laughter.

"I've got the room first today, actually after classes end and then again on Wednesday."

"My partner and I have it on Wednesday after Felix and then Thursday at 4pm. You?" You glanced down at your schedule.

"We have it tomorrow and Friday, both the last session."

"We, huh?" Felix teased.

"Felix, I swear to god-"

"Calm down!" He laughed. "Come on, let's go. We've got contemporary next, we can't be late again." The two boys stood up and Hyunjin offered his hand out to you. You took it, thanking him as he helped you up.

***

When you reached your next class, contemporary dance, you were glad to see that you weren't being paired up with anyone. You were also glad there wasn't a showcase for this class at the end of term because it meant you could focus more on ballet. You wanted a duet even if you had to work with Minho. Like you said, you were not going to let him get in the way of it.

Hyunjin and Felix seemed to thrive the most in this class whereas you excelled more in ballet. Unfortunately, so did Minho meaning the two of you were always trying to outdo the other. You both would probably still try and show each other up which would make working together even harder.

As the day continued, throughout your classes you kept catching Minho's eye. The two of you would glare at each other, tensions clearly still high from the morning. You were relieved when your final class was over and you could finally leave.

You left your class and headed for the music department to find Chan. Just down the hall, you saw him leaving his class with Han and Changbin. You greeted the three of them which they returned.

"What's up with you?" Chan asked. He was always able to pick up on your bad moods. You sighed before explaining the unfortunate situation you were currently stuck in. Chan simply laughed.

"This is perfect, you two will finally get along and we can all hang out in one big group without you two making it awkward."

"Shut up, there's no way we will ever get along. He hates me."

"Thin line between love and hate, right?"

"What are implying there, Changbin?" You eyes him suspiciously.

"Nothing, nothing at all," He replied with a smirk.

"You know what, I'm going to find Jeongin and Seungmin."

"Aw, come on, we're only joking, Y/N," Jisung stated.

"Jokes are meant to funny."

"Yeah, well I found it funny and humour is subjective."

"Okay, smartass." Jisung smirked before ruffling your hair. "I'm serious about finding Jeongin and Seungmin though, I said I would walk home with them." You flattened out your hair.

"Bye, Y/N."

"See you later."

"See you, keep me updated about Minho," Chan said as you waved them goodbye.

"Trust me, I'll come find you to complain."

The three boys watched as you walked down the corridor, turning the corner. Chan turned to the other two.

"It's gonna happen."

"Oh, definitely."

"We called this years ago."

***

"Can you move further to the right?"

"No, I'm fine here."

"No, once you've lifted your hands off of my waist you can move over there, the spacing will look better."

"Well, I'm not budging."

"Grow up, Minho, and move!"

"Do you have to be so bitchy all the time?"

"I'm not bitchy."

"Yes, you are. Ask nicely and I might move." He smirked at you.

"Can you please move up slightly before I move you myself?"

"I said nicely."

"I said please."

"Fine, I'll move. Only because I know being nice is difficult for you." You scoffed.

"Difficult for me? We've know each other how long? I've never once seen you do anything nice for anyone. Or are you only nice when I'm not around."

"I'm nice all the time, I think you'll find."

"Yeah, sure."

"Look, can we please just get back to dancing? That's what we're here for after all."

"Yeah. Let's just do it from the top."

It had been a few weeks and things between the two of you had not settled. When the music was playing everything seemed to be utter bliss. Not that you would ever admit it but Minho was a beautiful dancer and the two of you did seem to move well together. While dancing, when he held your hand or your waist you couldn't quite believe it was the same guy who had hated you for years.

But the music never lasted and his touch would leave, soon the arguing started up again. The bickering was constant and didn't seem to be going anyway anytime soon. Maybe because it was all you had ever known. You sighed as you pressed play, quickly getting back into place.

The music began as the two of you moved in sync. There were three duets that were to be performed at the showcase. One from Swan Lake and another from Romeo and Juliet. You were relieved that there was no argument from Minho when you said you wanted to audition for the third duet, 'Bedroom' from Manon.

It was a beautiful piece, since you had first seen the dance it had captivated you. You had dreamt of getting to dance it and now this was your opportunity. You were prepared to fight tooth and nail with Minho to pick that dance, you were relieved when he had agreed to choosing it. There was only one thing that made you feel a bit regretful in your decision: the intimacy of the piece. The other two dances were also very intimate but this one felt the most emotional. At some points, your face was mere inches away from his face. He held a soft smile that he always put on when he was on stage but it never reached his eyes. They remained cold as he look at you. You imagined that you had a similar expression.

But that wasn't even the worst part.

There was a small break in the dance where the two characters were meant to kiss. The two of you hadn't thought about that when you had picked this duet.

You were yet to reach it as you had only just been blocking the dance out, remembering parts and working on movementa. As it approached, Minho leaned in gently but you pulled away. He sighed in annoyance.

"It's just a kiss, it doesn't mean anything."

"I know it means nothing, but it's weird kissing the person that I dislike the most in the entire class and the person who dislikes me the most."

"Well, stop thinking about it and just kiss me and then we can go back to disliking each other later."

"Can we just skip it for now? We'll practice it later."

"If we must, whatever. Let's start again." And that's what you did. You felt more anxious now, overthinking the fact that you knew one day you would have to kiss him. But for now the two of you awkwardly stood still for a moment, skipping the kiss, nothing but your breathing and the music could be heard.

When you had reached the end of the dance, you were in Minho's arms. One place you never thought you'd be. You could feel his heart pounding in his chest from the dancing as the music ended. You were quick to pull away.

You cleared your throat before speaking.

"Our sessions up, that's good for today, I'm leaving now."

"Y/N."

You ignored him, hurrying to collect your things, practically racing to the door. You jumped when you pulled it open to find Chan on the other side.

"Oh my god, you scared me!"

"Oh, sorry. I came to catch a glimpse of the two of you dancing."

"Well, our sessions up now, I'll see you tomorrow." You tried to move past him but he stood in the way.

"Hey, wait. Minho and I are gonna walk home together, do you wanna walk with us?"

"Um, I have stuff to do today, sorry. Bye." You quickly pushed past him, leaving the two boys behind.

"Woah, what happened?" Chan asked as he watched Minho collect his own belongings.

"She's getting all worked up because we have to kiss for the audition."

"Wait, what, seriously?"

"Don't even say it."

"Say what? I wasn't going to say anything."

"Well, you were thinking it."

"What could you possibly mean?"

"Stop playing dumb, you've been saying shit about me and her for years. Not going to happen. We don't like each other at all remember?"

"You'll grow on each other."

"Yeah, don't think so. Anyway enough about Y/N, I don't wanna talk about her, let's go."

***

Of course, he was the first one to arrive. You rolled your eyes as you saw Minho sat at the table alone. Instead of walking over to him you headed to the bar, ordering a drink for yourself.

You were here to support Chan, Jisung and Changbin. They had booked a gig and had invited all their friends to see it. You knew Minho would be there but supporting them was more important than that. But as you picked up your drink and headed to the table you couldn't help but feel a bit of regret creeping in. You kept reminding yourself that it didn't matter, you would ignore him, you were here to support your friends.

You didn't even greet him as you sat down at the table.

"Great, you're here too."

"They're not just your friends, you know? Don't spoil it by trying to argue with me, this is their night, alright? Just be quiet and pretend that I'm not here."

"Gladly." He looked away, instead glancing around at the other people in the bar. The silence was finally broke when Hyunjin arrived. He greeted the two of you before sitting down beside you. You took notice of the way Minho's attitude differed when he greeted to Hyunjin. It was still weird seeing him be so friendly when he had always been so rude to you. Not long after your other friends arrived. Felix took the other seat beside you while Seungmin and Jeongin sat either side of Minho.

"How's things going in ballet?"

"They're awful, I can't stand working with him." You tilted your head in Minho's direction. Minho overheard this and quickly spoke up.

"You're not exactly the best person to work with either."

"Shut up." You scowled before turning back to Hyunjin. "I wish I could work with you or Felix, it would be better than with him," You whined, shaking his arm. He laughed. Minho looked between you two. He looked at the hand you had laid on Hyunjin's arm as you spoke. He felt a twist in his stomach. He knew it was because you talking down about him while he was sat right in front of you. He was certain it was that.

"You two are the best dancers in the class, you were bound to get paired up eventually. Besides, I've seen you working in class and you do actually dance really well together."

"I guess. We don't talk and just focus on the dance instead of bickering. It's the best way to get through this term." Hyunjin sighed at your words.

"Instead of trying to get through this term how about you take the opportunity to get to know him? You never know, you might actually get along."

"Want me to talk some sense into him?" Hyunjin joked.

"I tried to get along with him years ago, he never wanted anything to do with me. He hates me and that's fine but I'm not going to try if he's just going to be rude to me."

"You can certainly try." The two of you fell silent when you saw your three friends walking on stage. You smiled at Chan when his eyes met yours. The performance was probably the best one of theirs you had been to. The were all so talented you were left speechless. The songs were so well produced and the lyrics were incredible and you didn't even want to get started on their voices. You had always known they were talented but it was still mind blowing every time you saw them perform.

When the performance was over another group took to the stage. While you waited for the three boys to come out from backstage, you stood up to get another drink. You felt someone's eyes on you as you looked around. You spotted a rather intoxicated man sat a couple stools down from where you were stood. You turned to the bartender, attempting to ignore his gaze. As an arm came to rest on your shoulder, you felt your skin crawl.

"Hey, baby, how about you let me buy you a drink?"

"How about you fuck off?" You pushed his arm off of you.

"Come on, don't be like that. Let's have some fun, yeah?" He rested an arm around your waist now.

"Get off me!" He pulled you closer as you pushed his chest away.

Minho caught sight of your struggle and quickly got to his feet. He was about to head in your direction when he saw Chan interrupt your interaction with the guy.

"What? What is it?" Jeongin asked as him and the others looked up at Minho.

"Nothing." He sat back down but kept his eyes trained on you and Chan. He saw Chan pull the guy off of you and swing an arm around you. He couldn't hear what any of you were saying but he continued to watch anyway.

"She told you to keep your hands off, alright?" Chan shouted at the man.

"Sorry, man, I didn't know she had a boyfriend."

"It doesn't matter if she's got a boyfriend or not, if she tells you not to touch her, you don't touch her. Or anyone else for that matter, got it?"

Chan guided you back to the table, checking if you were alright.

"I'm okay, thank you though."

"It's not problem, no one should treat anyone like that."

Minho watched as the two of you walked back to the table. You didn't notice the way, even after Chan had shouted at him, the man continued to look at you. His eyes lingered on you and Minho felt rage course through his veins.

"Hey guys." The others at the table were quick to break out into chatter, telling Chan how great he was on stage.

"Where's Changbin and Jisung?"

"They're still backstage, but let's get out of here for some fresh air. I'll message them and tell them to meet us outside." The others agreed, quickly putting on their jackets and collecting their things. They all began to walk out, Chan and you leading the group.

"You coming?" Seungmin asked Minho.

"I'll catch up, let me just finish my drink I won't be long."

"Alright, see you out there." Minho watched as the others left. Once they were gone, he downed the rest of his drink before heading over to the bar. The man who had spoken to you was leaning against it with his back to him. Minho tapped him on the shoulder. As he turned, Minho swung his fist, hitting him square on the jaw. He looked down at the man as he fell to the ground. Without so much as a word, he turned and left.

Minho would swear he wasn't a violent person, not really. Sure, he knew people found him scary, but nine out of ten times he was all bark and no bite. He hadn't even been in a proper fight before. But that felt good. The guy deserved it and Minho was glad to have done it for you. Just because you didn't like each did not mean he wanted some random guy putting his hands on you and making you uncomfortable. He rubbed his knuckles, they were hurting but he was certain his fist hurt way less than that guy's face.

Once he was outside he saw everyone else waiting.

"You ready to go?" Chan asked.

"Yep, let's go." The group walked to a different club.

For the rest of the night, Minho couldn't help but keep glancing at you. Wanting to make sure you were alright but being too afraid to ask. He knew you didn't want to talk to him. He leaned against the bar and watched as you danced with a few of the other guys. He glanced over at Chan who leaned next to him.

"Is Y/N alright?" He asked.

"You saw what happened? She's okay, she was just a little shaken up." Minho nodded, rubbing his fist. "What happened to your fist?" Chan took hold of Minho's arm examining his knuckles.

"Nothing," He stated, bluntly.

"Oh, really? 'Cause it looked like you punched someone." Minho didn't say anything. "You punched that guy, didn't you? I saw the way you were looking at him when we came back to the table, you looked so mad."

"Yeah, fine, I punched him, so what?"

"I knew you cared about her."

"No, it's not like that, it's just nobody deserves to be treated that way. What I did doesn't mean I care about her."

"Yeah, right." Chan rolled his eyes. "Anyway, I'm gonna go join them on the dance floor, wanna come?" Minho's eyes shifted to you again.

"No, I'm good."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure." Chan moved away from him and headed towards you.

Minho continued to watch as you danced. For the rest of the night, Chan's words plagued his mind.

***

"You have to at least try and look at me like you're in love with me!" That was one sentence you never thought you'd be saying to Minho.

The two of you danced really well together when you weren't arguing but you knew that if you wanted to be picked for the duet you would have to be able to show the love between the two characters.

"I can't, it's weird."

"I know you hate me but just for the dance pretend I'm someone else."

"God, I wish you'd stop saying that."

"Saying what?"

"That I hate you. I don't hate you."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. Sure we've never been friends, or even gotten along before but I don't hate you. I never have."

"Stop lying."

"I'm not."

"You are. Why are you saying that? It's the way things have always been, you hate me and I hate you, that's the way we've always been."

"No. You hate me. That's fine. We've never been friends but I have never said I hated you. I could never hate you."

"Why?"

"Well, because you...You mean too much to Chan. I couldn't hate my best friend's other best friend." You were shocked, unsure of what to say. He didn't hate you? All those years of teasing and mean comments sure felt like hatred to you.

"I don't know what to say. All these years I hated you because I thought that you hated me and now you tell me you never hated me. You confuse me, Minho, I'm not even sure what to say."

"You don't have to say anything. Look, I've been thinking about it a lot and us arguing is just getting in the way of our dancing. We dance really well together, neither of us can deny it so, just for the time being, I want us to forget about all the arguing and just focus on this. Let's try and be civil."

"Yeah, okay." You replied before turning away. The two of you collected your things in silence. You left the room first, Minho was close behind. You could feel his gaze as you walked along the corridor. You turned back to look at him, he was quick to look away. As you rounded the corner somebody ran into you. You felt your ankle roll and you fell to the floor.

"Y/N!" Minho said as he saw you tumble to the ground. He quickly hurried over to you.

"Shit, I'm sorry," The boy who had bumped into you said.

"Why don't you watch where you're going?" Minho asked the boy as he crouched down beside.

"It's fine, really. It was an accident." You got up on your feet but winced in pain. You felt Minho take hold of your arm.

"Are you alright?" Him and the boy asked you at the same time. Minho glared at him.

"I am really. You can go," You said to the boy, ushering him away.

"Again, I'm really sorry." The boy ran off, leaving you and Minho. You tried to walk but winced again.

"Y/N, let's go to the nurse's office."

"No, I'm okay. Go away."

"No, I won't go away. You're clearly hurt. Come on." He picked you up, knowing that you would continue to argue with him if he didn't. It was strange seeing him be so caring. As he carried you to the nurse's office you couldn't help but glance up at him.

He set you back on your feet and helped you to sit down on the bed as the nurse asked what had happened. You explained before she had a look at your ankle.

"It will be okay. It's just twisted. Just rest it for a few days, don't try and get back to dancing too early, alright? Make sure you are definitely ready to dance before you attempt to go back to class."

"I can't miss my practices."

"You have to. If you try to dance on this ankle you'll only make it worse. I know what you dancers are like, you always want to get back to dancing, never properly resting." She turned to Minho. "I want you to make sure she's not trying to get back on her feet too early."

"I will."

"You can rest for a little while here until you're ready to go, I've got some other things I need to do before the end of the day. Oh, and when you leave, let him help you, okay?"

"Okay." The nurse left, pulling the curtain around the bed. You turned to face Minho. "You didn't have to carry me."

"You would've just continued to argue with me which does you no good. You were hurt."

"But why did you help me?"

"I'm not the heartless monster you think I am, you know?" You stayed quiet for a moment before swinging your legs off the bed. You stood up but winced in pain. Minho was quick to jump up, reaching for you. "Careful."

"I'm gonna go home now."

"Alright." He wrapped your arm around his shoulders before wrapping his own around you waist. The two of you thanked the nurse before he guided you home. Once you were back at your apartment, he helped you onto the bed. It was strange seeing him in your apartment. It's not like the two of you had never been to each other's apartments before. Having the same group of friends meant that sometimes one of you would host parties and the other would be there. This was strange because it was just you and him. No Chan. No Felix. None of the others. Just you two.

"I'll go now, you rest. Seriously, don't be trying to get back on your feet too early."

"Don't worry, I won't. I know you don't want me to fuck up our practices any further."

"It's not like that. Just don't make your injury worse. I'll see you when you're better."

"Yeah, see you soon." He turned, walking towards your door. He hoped you didn't notice the way his hand hesitated before reaching for the handle. Just before he shut the door you called out to him.

"Hey, Minho. Thanks." That was the first time you had ever said thanked him for anything. He gave you a soft smile and you heart fluttered slightly. Which terrified you. He was the person you hated the most in the world, his smile shouldn't make your heart flutter.

After he left, you wanted to try and get some sleep but you found yourself thinking of him. Thinking of every interaction with him you could remember. Could you have misjudged him?

Surely not. All these years you hated him and you were certain he felt the same. But he said he didn't. He never hated you.

You were confused.

He might not have hated you but you knew he never liked you either. He was still rude to you, making snide comments, attempting to tease and humiliate you every chance he got.

You had always acted the same towards him. Maybe the two of you had just misjudged each other. Never gotten along. Maybe it was because you had always hated him and he knew that.

You couldn't stop thinking about how, despite it all, he never hated you.

***

You were relieved that after a couple of days your ankle was fully healed. You were desperate to get back to dancing. On your first day back you were even earlier than usual. You had a bright smile on your face as you entered the classroom. You had thought a lot over the few days you were off. You and Minho had definitely gotten off on the wrong foot. And after years of pointless arguing, surely it was time to set it aside. You weren't saying that you were going to be friends, necessarily, but if the two of you could get along it was benefit the both of you as well as your friends.

The classroom began to fill with students and soon your professor walked in, greeting the class. You looked around, trying to spot Minho but you couldn't see him anywhere.

"Hey, where's Minho?" You asked Hyunjin.

"I'm not sure, he wasn't here yesterday either. He just messaged us to say he wouldn't be in, he never gave us a reason though." As the class began and people divided up into pairs you approached Miss Crawford before asking her if she knew anything about Minho's whereabouts.

"Didn't he tell you? He's off sick."

"Oh. No, he never said anything."

"Right. Well, he should be back soon. But with you being off and now him the two of you will have to work extra hard for these auditions."

"We will."

You couldn't do much that lesson with Minho not being there. When class has finished you questioned Felix to see if he had known about Minho being sick. He told you he didn't. You also messaged Chan to see if he knew what was up with Minho but he didn't know either. Minho never missed a day if he could help it. And for the first time ever, you found yourself worrying about him.

You knew you shouldn't worry. Miss Crawford said he was sick, so it can't have been anything major, but still, he hadn't told anyone and you knew he lived alone. So who was looking after him?

But it was none of your business, right? Why should you worry if someone's looking after him or not? He was perfectly capable of looking after himself, you knew that.

But as you tried to convince yourself not to check up on him you thought back to the last couple of days you had off. He had messaged you each day to check if you were coming back to college or not. When you had said you weren't he simply told you to keep resting. The previous day he hadn't messaged you which you had noticed but, given the track record of your relationship with him, you didn't think it was strange.

You mind was stuck on Minho for the rest of the day. When you last lesson had finished, you decided that you would just go and see him for yourself. You went home first, picked up some medicine, made him some soup.

Soup? What the hell is up with me, I don't make soup for Minho? You questioned yourself but, nevertheless, you found yourself on the way to his apartment with a flask in hand.

The walk to his place took longer then it should have, with you stopping countless times, debating on turning back and going home. But eventually you reached his apartment, hesitating before knocking. You heard shuffling inside before the door opened to reveal a very sick looking Minho. He looked pale with dark bags under his eyes, hair messy.

"What are you doing here?"

"It was my first day back and you weren't there and you never said anything. Miss Crawford told me you were sick."

"Oh, right. Sorry I should've messaged to say I wouldn't be in but I just thought you were still resting."

"I, um...I brought you some soup." You held it out for him.

"It's not poisoned is it." His tone was light as he took it from you.

"From the looks of it I don't need to poison you." As you spoke you saw him clutch his head as he squeezed his eyes. His other hand rested on the wall beside him, supporting himself.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, just feeling a bit faint."

"Come on, you should go back to bed. I'll help you." You guided him to his room and laid him down. You noticed how soft his expression was as he watched you lean over him, checking his temperature with a hand to his forehead. "I'll get you a cloth. One second." You got a damp cloth as well as a spoon and bowl for his soup.

"Why are you doing this?" He asked as you delicately placed the cloth on his forehead before pouring some soup in the bowl.

"You helped me when I hurt my ankle. Figured I should return the favour."

"Right. Return the favour."

"Why didn't you tell any of our friends?" He looked down at the bowl of soup you handed him.

"I didn't wanna burden or worry anyone."

"They're worried regardless, Minho. And you shouldn't think like that. Nobody's a burden. Everyone needs to be looked after every now and again." You had never seen such a soft gaze before. Did his eyes flicker down to you lips? You were certain you had imagined it. You cleared your throat. "I'll be off now, I guess. Do you need anything before I go?"

"No. I'm alright. Thank you."

"Alright then. Rest now. I'll see you when you're better. Don't worry about the audition practice. We've got ages, we'll be fine."

"Thanks again."

"It's fine. If you need anything call me or Chan or anyone. You're not a burden, Minho."

***

Minho would be lying if he said he felt better just because he wasn't ill anymore. Sure, that was partly the reason but he was also happy because things were finally changing between the two of you.

He had never intended on you disliking him so, it had started when you were just young kids as mindless teasing out of jealousy. As kids you never want your best friend to have another best friend but that was the way it had always been for the two of you. And as young kids sharing Chan had become a bitter rivalry. As the two of you grew up, Minho realised how stupid it all was but you couldn't stand to be around him so he never tried to change your mind. He just continued with the petty remarks and teasing.

But it had changed in the last few days and he was glad.

"Thanks for the soup, here's your flask." He handed it back to you once he had arrived at the classroom.

"Feeling better?" You asked.

"Much. I'm ready to get back to dancing."

"Me too."

And so the two of you did just that. The smile reached his eyes now as he danced, you noticed.

The weeks began to fly past as you and Minho prepared for the audition. You found yourselves arguing less and even started becoming more comfortable with each other. Dare you say it, you believed that the two of you had maybe even become friends. Looks like everyone had been right, he wasn't as bad as you had thought.

"I think we should practice the kiss today," Minho said as the two of you walked into the ballet room on Friday for your after school practice.

"We've got ages until the audition though."

"I know but I think it would be better for us to practice it sooner and become more used to it. Make it seem less awkward when we do the audition."

"Yeah, I suppose you have a point. Alright, let's run the number and we'll do it."

Minho pressed play and quickly got into position. The anticipation of the kiss made focusing on your movements more difficult but eventually you got up to the break in the dance where you had to kiss. As you came face to face Minho wondered if you could hear his heart beating over the music.

"Ready?" He asked softly. You nodded. He leaned in slowly.

His lips were softer than you had expected. You had never imagined you would ever be kissing him, let alone liking it. You had especially not imagined craving more of his kisses as the two of you broke away. It truly hit you then just how wrong you had been, for all these years.

Minho had a moment of clarity too. God, why had he never tried to make amends with you before? Holding you in his arms like this felt so right. He continued to look at you for a moment after the two of you had pulled away. He mentally retracted his previous statement, No, he could never get used to kissing you. Not when it felt that good.

"Not too bad a kisser," You joked with a soft smile.

"Not too bad yourself." Understatement of the century, he told himself.

"Shall we practice it again then? Because we kinda missed our cue to continue dancing." You pulled away from him fully.

"Oh, right, we did. Yeah, let's go from the top."

***

Maybe things really had changed between the two of you. You looked forward to your ballet classes. You looked forward to seeing him, dancing with him, kissing him. How strange it was, enjoying a kiss from somebody just a matter of months ago you thought was your worst enemy.

Your friends around you were very pleased to see the two of you actually getting along, especially Chan. You were happy to tell him that you and Minho were finally becoming friends. You did, however, regret telling him about the kissing, more importantly about the fact that you found yourself actually wanting to kiss him.

"It's just a kiss for the dance, yes it's nice, but who doesn't enjoy kissing?" You rested an arm over Chan's legs as they laid across your lap. He looked at your from where he laid, with his head against the sofa's armrest.

"You like him," He said with a smirk on his face.

"No I don't."

"Who would have thought that you would come to like Lee Minho? The guy you swore to hate forever. Guess what? I did. I knew this would happen."

"Shut up, I don't like him like that." You shoved his legs off your lap.

"Oh, really, you don't like him?"

"Nope. It's just a kiss between two friends who have to kiss for a dance. It doesn't mean anything."

"Just a kiss between two friends, huh?" He sat up, leaning towards you. "If that's so, kiss me then."

"What?" You asked, taken aback.

"Prove to me that it means nothing, that you can kiss anyone just because you're friends. Look, I love you but I don't have any feelings what so ever for you in that way. If you don't like him it means you are totally okay with kissing any other friend."

"You're insane. What would that girl from the cafe say? I know you like her."

"Please, she doesn't even know I exist. I haven't got a chance with her. Difference is Minho notices you, I can see that much." He leaned closer, a smirk still clear on his face.

You stayed still for a moment, an unimpressed look on your face. Someone cleared their throat and you quickly moved away from Chan.

"Sorry, I'm interrupting. The door was open," Minho said as he looked between the two of you. He had said he was sorry for interrupting but Chan thought the scowl on his face said otherwise.

"No you weren't, I was just teasing Y/N and I did invite you."

"Teasing her? Isn't that my job?" It was meant to be a joke but Chan heard the slight anger behind his words as he sat himself in between you and Chan.

"Yeah, you're right. I'll leave the teasing to you. Anyway, Y/N, sorry I forgot to tell you that I invited Minho over. We were gonna watch a movie and order a pizza, wanna stay?"

"Yeah, sure."

Chan picked out a movie while Minho ordered the food. In the meantime, you went and locked Chan's front door, not wanting anymore surprises. Chan was too impatient to wait for the food to start the film. As the three of you settled down to watch the movie, your phone pinged. You looked down to see a message from Chan.

[7:33pm]

Somebody's jealous

[7:34pm]

You did that on purpose didn't you? You invited him here and pulled that stunt for him to see

[7:34pm]

You got me. But it worked, did you see the look on his face. He's so jealous

[7:35pm]

You're delusional. I'm ignoring you now, don't message me

You looked across at him and scowled before turning back to the movie. But your mind was racing. Could Minho have been jealous? Could he possibly like you?

You suddenly became very aware of how close he was to you. His legs pressed next to yours. The small contact made you heart race. You were all too relieved when the doorbell rang as you jumped up before either of the boys could.

You ate your pizza and continued watching the film. You pushed away any awkwardness you felt about your emotions towards Minho. Instead, you just focused on enjoying your time with him and Chan. As the three of you laughed, you felt a strange sense of regret wash over you when you truly realised it could have been like this all along.

You had been a fool.

But better late than never, you supposed. At least it was all behind you now.

You finished the film and stayed for a little while longer before you and Minho left.

"I'll walk you home."

"I'm a big girl, I can look after myself."

"I don't doubt it but still, let me walk you home."

"Okay," You agreed with a soft smile. It was quiet for a while as you watched the cars on the roads and the people hurrying by. The world seemed to be in a rush but you and Minho were here, taking things step by step.

"Why'd you pick that dance?" He broke the silence.

"I don't know, it's just so...I don't know."

"Such a way with words."

"Hey! I'm a dancer not a poet."

"Yeah, I know. And a beautiful dancer at that. But seriously, why that dance over the other ones?"

"I've always loved that dance. It's just so beautiful, intimate, emotional. I've always wanted to perform it and it felt like fate when it was revealed to be one of the duets." Minho nodded, waiting a beat.

"You will be performing that dance. I promise you, we can do it."

"I think we can too. But hey, why didn't you protest? Before, you know, we argued over everything. I thought you would have wanted to do one of the other ones."

"No, it's my favourite out of all of the duets too."

***

You had been preparing for weeks and now there was only a month left until the auditions. As you and Minho perfected the dance and grew closer you began to feel more certain about two things. 1. You actually stood a chance at being picked for the dance, especially with Minho, aka the best dancer in the entire class, by your side. 2. You were definitely starting to fall for him.

Chan had been right. He had predicted this. And he would not stop reminding you.

"I called this years ago. I must be psychic or something," Chan said as the two of you walked to Hyunjin and Felix's apartment on Friday. Tonight, Hyunjin had claimed, would be the party of the decade. All that booze and music and dancing and you were only going to see Minho. The guys had begged you to agree to come but you kept turning them down, parties just weren't your thing. But when Minho had asked you one time in class if you'd be going you found yourself saying yes. You had told Chan and everyone else that you had changed your mind, they didn't need to know the real reason why you were going.

"Chan, shut up. You're not psychic, we aren't dating."

"Yet. You like him. He likes you. I predicted that."

"You only know one of those things for certain."

"How do you know that?"

"Minho would keep that stuff to himself. Hell, he didn't even tell you when he was ill. Why would he tell you if he liked me?"

"Don't bring that up, I'm still mad at him for that." You rolled your eyes. "But, I really do think he likes you back."

"Yeah, well, we'll never know unless he tells us."

"Or you could confess?"

"Absolutely not. And don't even try and argue with me on this. You cannot persuade me to confess right now. Not gonna happen." He opened his mouth to speak. "Ah! What did I say? No arguing. Anyway, look, we're here now so just drop it for the time being."

The two of you walked into Hyunjin and Felix's place. It was already full of noise and people. The two of you were greeted by Felix who already appeared to have had too much to drink. He pulled you into an embrace before leading you both to the kitchen to get drinks.

A few drinks in and you were starting to feel a little tipsy. You danced with Changbin and Felix to the music, feeling it course through you veins.

"I'm gonna get another drink," You called over the music to them before heading back to the kitchen. You were about to enter the kitchen when you heard a voice from inside. Minho's voice.

"Most vicious bitch I've ever met. Y/N L/N, who could stand to be around her, let alone befriend or date her." You felt your heart drop as you quickly pushed your way through the crowd. You couldn't stop the tears from falling. Oh god, why did you have to cry over him?

You thought you had misjudged him but it turns out he was exactly who you thought he was. And that hurt so much more than being wrong.

You made your way to the door as you felt a hand lay on your shoulder. You spun around to see who it was.

"Hyunjin," You sobbed.

"Hey, what's wrong?" He pulled you into his chest.

"I don't wanna talk about it right now. Just, please, take me home."

"Yeah, okay."

Minho had left the kitchen now. As he walked through the crowds, he caught sight of your tear stained face by the door. He watched as Hyunjin took his jacket off and wrapped it around you before swinging his arm around your shoulder. He watched as Hyunjin guided you out of the apartment and you left.

***

"Please," You practically begged Miss Crawford on Monday morning. "I can't work with him, I've tried."

"But it's so close to the auditions."

"I know but please." You couldn't stop the tears. "I've spoken to Hyunjin and his partner, they've agreed. I've worked with Hyunjin before and we dance well together."

"Okay. I can see that whatever is going on is really upsetting you so I'll allow you to swap."

You thanked her before heading to the classroom. There you were greeted by Hyunjin and Felix. You had already explained to them what had happened on Friday, begging Hyunjin to talk to his dance partner to swap.

"Hey, how you holding up?" Felix asked.

"I'm okay. She allowed us to swap."

"Alright, good." You smiled softly but it was quickly replaced with a frown when you saw Minho walk through the door.

He approached you.

"I saw you crying on Friday night, are you alright? What happened?"

"Minho, just stay away from her, yeah? She doesn't wanna talk to you right now. You and Hyunjin have swapped for the auditions, alright? So just go and practice."

"But I-"

"Just leave it, Minho," Felix said, stepping further in front of you to block you from his view. He sighed in defeat, unsure of what he had done wrong.

He did try to talk to you again. He caught you walking home alone and approached you.

"Y/N, please, talk to me. What's wrong?"

"Like you care."

"I do care!"

"No, you don't. Just stop lying, leave me alone!" You shouted.

"No, I won't. Not until you talk to me."

"You want me to talk to you, huh? Want me to say something? Well, I have three words for you. I hate you! Did you hear that? I hate you, Lee Minho!" He was taken aback by your words. He couldn't find the words to say, instead he watched you walk away, desperately searching for a way to reach out to you.

After that, the days went by agonisingly slow for him as he watched you and Hyunjin in lessons, dancing and laughing.

They were painful for you too. All laughter faded when you turned to see Minho dancing with his new partner, Leah. They looked so beautiful dancing together. You were jealous and upset and angry all at the same time. It reminded you that Minho could dance with anyone. You were never special to him.

"They look good together."

"Yeah, but you were better with him. It felt more emotional, you know, real feelings there."

"On my part maybe. But I know how he really feels now."

"Y/N, are you sure you heard right?"

"I know what I heard, Hyunjin. Please, just stop bringing it up. I just wanna focus on this audition, put him in the past."

And you did try your hardest to focus. You knew that your biggest competition for the duet was Minho. Hell, you were certain that him and Leah were going to get picked but still, you wanted to try.

Minho knew that it was between him and Leah, and you and Hyunjin too. He reckoned it could go either way. He thought about what would happen if he and Leah got it. Would you think he did it on purpose now that things were back to the way they were before?

Except they weren't back to the way they were before. Before neither of you liked each other. This time was much worse because you were all he could think about. He had fallen for you and now you hated him.

But despite your renewed hatred he couldn't bring himself to hate you back. Maybe he should've, you hated him without even explaining to him why but things were different now that he knew what you were really like. He racked his brain trying to think of something he did wrong or how to fix things with you but he couldn't come up with anything.

He pushed it aside, let thoughts of the audition consume his mind. Leah was a good dancer too, but there was no love in the dance. How could there be? All of his was reserved for you.

The day of the auditions finally rolled around. He watched as you practiced with Hyunjin. He hated seeing his hands on your waist. Even worse, he hated seeing you kiss him. He felt jealousy rise up in the pit of his stomach.

He worried that maybe you enjoyed kissing Hyunjin more. Maybe you liked Hyunjin. He found himself rethinking as many interactions between you and Hyunjin as he could think of. Looking for any sign that showed you had feelings for him.

"Alright class," Miss Crawford spoke up, interrupting his thoughts. "Welcome to the auditions for the Manon duet. If you could all line up outside in your pairs, I'll set up and get ready and then I'll bring you in, one pair at a time." Everyone shuffled out and did as she said. Minho was a few pairs in front of you, he watched as you nervously paced back and forth in front of Hyunjin. He saw Hyunjin reach for you and place his hands on your shoulders, stilling you.

"You like her, right?"

"What?" He asked, turning to Leah.

"You like Y/N. I can tell from the way you're scowling at Hyunjin."

"Yeah, fine, I like her but as you can clearly see, she's not so fond of me."

"What happened? She never told me but I saw how distraught she was and that's why I agreed to swap."

"I have no idea. I can't even get her to talk to me to tell me."

"Just keep trying. I'm sure she'll tell you eventually. Then you can fix this."

"I hope I can."

"Next!" He heard the professor called.

"That's us, come on," He said before leading the way into the classroom. As he prepared to dance, his mind wandered to you again. It rarely wandered away from thoughts of you, to be honest. He thought of how you smiled, how you laughed. Mostly, he thought of the way you danced. You were perfect for this dance. You deserved it.

He knew that the stakes were pretty even. It could go either way but he didn't want to risk you losing. That's why he did what he did.

***

It was a known fact that Minho never forgot a routine. Never once, in his many year of dancing, had he forgotten a routine.

Truth be told, he didn't forget this one either. This dance was practically imprinted onto his brain with how much he thought of dancing with you.

But still, as the music began he figured a lie would be the only way to guarantee that you would get the part. So that's what he did. He stopped midway through, pretending to forget, lying to the professor. Sabotaging his dance for you.

As he and Leah left the room, the professor sighed. He slumped his shoulders pretending to be upset.

"Sorry I forgot the dance," He said to Leah.

"Forgot the dance, my ass. It was for her right? Don't worry, your secret is safe with me." He couldn't stop the smile from spreading across his face as he walked out of the classroom.

You saw the smile. It made your heart flutter, which you mentally cursed yourself for. But it also made you feel nervous. He must've been smiling because of how well him and Leah did in the audition.

He continued to smile until you caught his eye. His smile dropped but his eyes softened. You were quick to look away but out of the corner of your eye you saw him stop in his tracks, hesitating before moving away. You tried not to think about the look in his eyes as he had gazed at you, instead turning to talk to Hyunjin.

The line was quickly getting shorter as your turn approached. Finally, you were called in. Hyunjin gave your hand a squeeze before the two of you walked in. You breathed heavily as you took your place.

When the music began it flooded your senses. You let the rhythm overtake you and you danced like your life depended on it. Your heart was hammering in your chest as the dance concluded. That was the best you had ever danced, you were sure.

"We did it Mi-Hyunjin!"

Right, I'm not dancing with Minho anymore.

Your smile faultered slightly but you were quick to cover it, pulling Hyunjin into an embrace.

Now you only had to wait until the end of the week when the bulletin would be posted.

For the rest of the week, your lessons focused solely on group dances. Luckily, your position in all of the group dances was on the other side of the stage to Minho so you could avoid him during the dances. But still everytime he caught your eye you found him already looking at you.

The group dances were enjoyable and your classes went by quickly. In no time at all the end of the week came and the bulletin was posted.

Together, you and Hyunjin nervously approached the board.

"I can't look, tell me if we got it," Hyunjin said, squeezing his eyes shut. You rolled your eyes at his dramatics before looking at the board. "Your silence is scaring me." He opened one eye to look at you.

"We got it!"

"We got it?"

"Yes!" You jumped into his arms as the two of you laughed.

A little way down the corridor Minho leaned against the wall watching the two of you. He smiled as he saw the excitement on your face. 'Forgetting' the dance was the best thing he ever did. It was worth it, just to see that smile on your face.

***

"Thanks for the flowers."

"What flowers?" Hyunjin asked, looking at you with a confused expression.

It was finally the day of the show. You and the rest of the class had worked tirelessly to prepare for the show and today was finally the day. When you had entered your dressing room you had found a bouquet of flowers sitting on your dressing table.

"The ones on my dressing table."

"Sorry, Y/N, but they're not from me."

"Oh, was it you then?" You asked, turning to Felix.

"Not me, sorry." You were confused. You looked around at the other students milling around backstage when you caught Minho looking at you. Suddenly it clicked and you stormed over to him.

"It was you, wasn't it? The flowers?"

"Yes," He admitted, quietly.

"Why? Why would you leave me flowers?"

"To wish you luck."

"To wish me luck? What, is this some kind of sick joke? Why would you leave me flowers? I know what you really think about me."

"What are you talking about?"

"You two, stop talking and get into place! The dance is about to start," Miss Crawford interrupted the two of you before you could answer Minho's question. You both quickly took your places, ready to go on stage. Minho's mind was racing as he danced, wondering what you possibly could have meant by what you said.

Your mind was racing too. Why was the look of confusion on his face so genuine? He knew what he had said, why was he acting dumb about it?

When you had come off stage you had no memory of the dance you had just performed at all. Your mind was too busy thinking about Minho that you just danced like you were in a trance.

"Hey, are you alright?" Leah asked you as she walked over to you.

"Yeah." Although you didn't sound too convincing.

"Well, you better get changed for your duet. It's almost time for it."

"Yeah, you're right." You weren't really paying attention to her, mind still buzzing. You turned your back to her and began to walk away.

"Y/N, you better perform it well. You cost me that dance!" You stopped in your tracks, turning back around to face her.

"What?"

"Well, Minho cost me that dance."

"Leah, what are you talking about?"

"Our audition, Minho forgot our dance. There's only one problem."

"Minho never forgets a dance, " You finished her sentence.

"Exactly. Go, talk to him before you go on stage." You nodded, quickly turning and running off in search of Minho. You found him sitting in his dressing room.

"Why did you pretend to forget the dance?" There was no time to beat around the bush, you wanted to find out what was going on, once and for all.

"Oh, you know about that."

"I do. Leah told me. So, why did you pretend to forget the dance?"

"You must know that I did it for you, to guarantee that you got the dance."

"But why?"

"Because I knew how desperately you wanted it."

"I don't understand. Why would you do that for me? I thought you didn't care about me. After what you said I thought you didn't like me."

"After what I said? What did I say? Tell me."

"Stop acting like you don't know."

"I don't. Please tell me because whatever it was, it cost me you. I don't wanna lose you, please, tell me."

"That night, at Hyunjin's party, what you said in the kitchen. You said I was a vicious bitch. You said you couldn't stand to be around me, let alone befriend or date me." Minho looked at you for a moment before laughing. You were hurt by his laughter. "Why the hell are you laughing?"

"I was talking to my friend, Taehyun, that night so you can ask him to verify this but that's not all I said. I can understand why hearing those words must have hurt you and I'm sorry but you didn't stick around to hear the rest of what I said." He took a deep breath before continuing. "What I said that night was if you had asked me a few months prior about you I would've said you were the most vicious bitch and I couldn't stand to be around you, let alone befriend or date you. But now that I've gotten to know you, I see how wrong about you I was. Now, if I got the chance I would spend every waking moment with you."

"I- you..." You were lost for words.

"Yes, I used to think those things, back when we weren't friends, when we had our stupid rivalry or whatever the hell that was going on. But now everything is different. Y/N, I don't think those things about you. I don't hate you, I really like you, hell, I love you." You stood in shock.

"Minho..." You began to cry.

"Hey, I'm sorry, it's okay if you don't feel the same." He placed his hands on your shoulders.

"No, the thing is I do feel the same. But I lied and told you I hated you. I don't hate you. I hated that fact that I love you while I believed you thought those things about me. I'm sorry. This is all my fault, I should've let you explain. I'm sorry."

"It's alright. Look, it took us a while but we finally sorted it all out right?" He took you into his arms as you buried your face in his chest. You stayed like that hugging and swaying slightly for a little while before he pulled away. "Wait a minute, did you say you loved me?"

"You said it first."

"I did." You both smiled at each other, hugging again.

"I have to go. It's almost time for my duet and I haven't even got changed yet." You pulled away

"Okay, I'll see you afterwards." He leaned in to kiss you.

"Wait."

"What? What is it?"

"Not yet. I have to go on stage on kiss Hyunjin." Minho groaned.

"Don't remind me, it's been killing me these last few weeks seeing you kiss him."

"We were in the same boat! I had to see you kiss Leah."

"Yeah, I suppose you're right. Anyway, why can't I kiss you yet?"

"Kiss me afterwards. Let it wipe the slate clean, something new for us to start together and the kiss can be the very beginning of it."

"Yeah, I like that. Okay, when you come off stage I'll kiss you and we'll start our new journey together whatever that may be." He agreed.

"We'll take it nice and slow, figure this out together."

"Sounds good. Just you and me."

"Just you and me."

#lee know #lee minho #kpop #skz #stray kids #skz lee minho #skz lee know #lee know x reader #lee know fluff #fanfiction #fanfic

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amor1st03 · 1 year

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Future | Yang Jeongin

Yang Jeongin x fem!reader

established relationship, fluff, kinda sequel/epilogue drabble to History

warnings: None? Maybe the tiniest bit of angst if you squint

word count: 0.8k

in which: you moved back to Seoul and Jeongin waited for you

a/n: no one asked for this but I really liked writing that Jeongin fic and I wanted to right something following it up so yeah

Skz masterlist

"Told you I would wait."

"It's only been 3 months, Jeongin." You smiled as you embraced him after taking your luggage out of your car.

"3 months too long," he replied wrapping his arms around your waist.

"You're right."

The two of you stayed hugging for what felt like to forever. The sun was beginning to set but it left a soft glow over the city. You weren't sure if the warmth you felt was coming from it's beams or your own heart. Jeongin pulled away, intertwining one of his hands with your own.

There was a light spitting of rain, but neither of you cared. It was almost as soft as Jeongin's hand holding your own. Almost. The light rain felt good as it hit your cheek, it felt like tears moving down your cheek. Or maybe it was real tears. You weren't sure. All you knew was that you felt such an overwhelming amount of joy as he looked at you that you could be crying.

Jeongin felt the rain too. It felt like it was washing away the past couple of years, washing away the mistakes he had made. A fresh start with you now that you were home.

"Let's get your stuff inside." He said as the moving van, which had been driving just behind you, pulled up. He took your bags from you. The two of you continued to move boxes from the moving van with help of the workers before you were finally done. The two of you thanked them before they got back in the van and drove away. Jeongin reached down for your hand again, speaking up.

"Come on, let's go inside, I know how tired you are from travelling." You nodded in agreement, allowing him to guide you inside.

You looked around your new apartment once you were inside. It was pretty barren with nothing except a few pieces of furniture and the boxes you had moved inside. Jeongin turned to you before instructing you to get changed and get into bed.

"But I have to unpack and all my comfy clothes are in my suitcase."

"I figured that much, that's why I brought you those." He pointed to a hoodie and pair of his sweatpants that he had laid over the back of the sofa. "Wear those for now, I will start to unpack some of your things. Don't worry about it for now, alright?" You smiled at him.

"You're too sweet. I love you too." He blushed at your words.

"I love you too." You took the clothes and headed to you bedroom, getting changed quickly. Once changed, you left the room to find Jeongin in the kitchen. His back to you and he was pulling things out from a box on the counter. You walked over to him and wrapped your arms around him.

"I don't want you to worry about unpacking my stuff either. All I want is for you to come cuddle with me." He turned in your arms to look at you, putting his own arms around you. "Please?" He looked down at you a smile small breaking out on his face.

"Anything for you." He took your hand and guided you to your room where the two of you quickly snuggled under the covers. You rested your head on his chest while his arms wrapped around you, keeping you close. You focused on the beating of his heart, rather rapid, not unlike your own.

"I keep thinking this is all a dream and that I'm gonna wake up to find that you never moved back."

"It's not a dream, I'm not leaving you this time. I don't think I ever truly left you because even when I was gone my heart was still here, with you." He pulled you closer to him, if that was even possible.

"When you did leave, though, I had to rethink my entire life. From being a kid, I had planned our life together and when you were gone I realised that the two of us might have futures that were totally separate. I imagined a future without you, it was awful. But part of me still held out hope. Hope that I hadn't really lost you. And maybe it was some god or the universe but it blessed me and brought you back to my side."

"And it's not going to change again. I'm sorry I left. I wished I had stayed but it doesn't matter because I'm here now. You don't have to worry about planning a future without me. We will have a future together. I honestly believe that you are my future. That's all I need and I'm certain I'll get by and everything will be okay."

"Of course, everything will be okay. We've got each other again. I'm by your side, Y/N, right where I belong."

#stray kids #skz #skz jeongin #kpop #yang jeongin #yang jeongin x reader #yang jeongin fluff #fanfiction #fanfic

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amor1st03 · 1 year

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I'm very tempted to start taking requests/suggestions, if I do would anyone be interested? I’ll probably delete this in a bit idk lol

#stray kids #skz #kpop #fanfiction #fanfic #oneshot #fluff #kpop fluff

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amor1st03 · 1 year

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The Moon is Beautiful, isn't it? | Han Jisung

Han Jisung x fem!reader

roommates to lovers, fuckboy!jisung

warnings: some swearing, mentions of sex, making out but nothing too detailed, implied sexual intercourse but no smut cos I can’t right smut lol, Jisung can act like a bit of an arse at parts but not to the reader, lmk if I missed anything

word count: 3k

in which: your roommate, Han Jisung, never kept the girls he brought home a secret from you, but that didn’t mean he had nothing to confess

a/n: I was sitting on this one for a while, saving it for when I had nothing else to post and here we are I guess lol, I'm working on some other stuff I've just had a lot going on recently but yeah if you're reading this I hope you enjoy!

Skz masterlist

one

For him, it happened all at once

Do you believe in love at first sight?

Jisung certainly didn't, he believed it was a connection that grew over time, love was something that took time to develop. That all changed the first time he saw you.

He had just finished unpacking the day he moved into his student flat and was yet to meet his roommate. He left his room and headed to the kitchen, intending on making himself some food while he waited for his new roommate.

As he rounded the corner, into the kitchen, he was smacked straight in the face and sent flying back, falling onto the floor. The person carrying the stack of boxes that he had just walked into, dropped them without hesitation, crouching down in front of him. He held his head, eyes squeezed shut.

"Oh my god, are you alright?"

He opened his eyes to face the person in front of him.

And there you were.

For a moment, he was convinced he had died and gone to heaven. Everything around you faded, he found that the ache in his heart as he looked at you was more painful than the throbbing in his head. He knew not even the greatest poets of all time could do his feelings justice at that moment. So this is what love at first sight feels like. He thought to himself.

"Y-yeah, I'm alright."

"I'm so sorry, I had no idea you were there and I was just carrying so many things. Do you want me to get you some painkillers or some ice or I don't know, anything? I'm rambling that probably doesn't help." He simply smiled. "Are you sure you're alright? I really am sorry."

"I'm more than alright, really." You relaxed a little.

"Okay, good." You stood up, holding out your hand for him. He took it and you helped him up. Electricity shot through him when your hand met his, he could've sworn he could practically see the sparks. "Sit down, just in case." He did as you told him to, sitting at the dining table. You looked at him, still concerned for a moment, but breaking out in a small laugh.

"Well, that was one hell of a first impression, I can't believe I nearly knocked you out the first time we met." he joined in your laughter.

"Yeah, maybe try and get to know me first before you try to kill me." You both continued to laugh. Jisung's heart raced when he heard your laughter. He wanted to write a song as beautiful as it sounded.

"I'm Jisung, by the way." He held out his hand, hoping you would shake it just so he had an excuse to feel that electricity again.

"Y/N. It's really nice to meet you." You shook his hand, much to his excitement, smiling brightly at him.

***

Gone was that gorgeous smile that always seemed to put him in a trance. Your face held a look of disappointment. It was the most painful thing for Jisung to see. He would rather you hate him than be disappointed in him. It weighed so much more on his heart than if you hated him.

"Look, I don't care who you sleep with. As long as you are both aware that it's just a one-time thing, for a bit of fun. But have you ever once considered their feelings?"

"I..."

"Jisung, you don't see the way some of the girls you bring home leave this place. They're distraught when you tell them you had fun but it was a one-time thing. And it hurts me too because I know you're a good guy, I just don't understand why you don't consider their feelings," You raised your voice, looking at the boy who sat dejectedly in front of you.

"I can't help it."

"Bullshit, all you have to do is talk to them, make it clear from the get-go that it's a one-night stand, that it doesn't mean anything. It isn't that hard!" You shouted at him.

"It's more difficult than you think!"

"Give me one reason why you don't think about their feelings. Give me one fucking reason why you seem to become such an inconsiderate, selfish asshole?"

"I'm sorry, it's just in the moment I'm so focused on my own feelings, and I know I'm selfish and an asshole, you think I wanna be like this? You think I wanna have all these meaningless one-night stands?"

"Then why do you do it?! Why keep bringing these girls home if you don't really want to?!"

"As a distraction." The two of you were screaming at the top of your lungs now.

"As a distraction? From what, your real feelings? Ha, let me guess there's some girl that you just can't get over but instead of plucking up the courage and facing your feelings you just keep fucking whoever’s willing to sleep with you, hoping to get her off your mind, right?" You scoffed as he just looked at you. You had read him so easily and he wasn't even sure you were even aware of how well you had hit the nail on the head. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. He looked down at the floor, avoiding eye contact.

"Oh my god, that's it isn't it? I can't believe you, right now, Jisung. You're a coward."

"Fine, alright, I'm a coward, I can't bring myself to confess."

"No, you're not a coward because you can't confess, that I get, believe me. You're a coward because you hurt these girls because you won't face your own feelings." You couldn't even be bothered to shout anymore, you felt exhausted from arguing. "I'm going out for a walk to cool off, we can talk through this when we have both calmed down."

two

For you, it happened gradually.

You were carrying your boxes full of your things, stacked high in your arms, into your new room. You had just started university and were yet to meet your new roommate. You had found your way to the kitchen, where you balanced the boxes on the table to place down the bag of food you had brought for yourself. Next, you moved on to take your things to your room. You picked the stack of boxes back up and were walking away from the kitchen when something collided with the boxes. You heard a grunt as someone fell to the floor in front of you. In an instant, you dropped the boxes to the side and crouched down to look at the boy in front of you. You panicked, asking if he was alright and if there was anything you could do to help him. When you had finally managed to help him up and sat him at the table you were able to properly look at him.

The boy was handsome and there was something that seemed so sweet about him. You knew you were going to be good friends with him.

"I'm Jisung, by the way." He held out his hand, which you instantly took, introducing yourself.

"Y/N. It's really nice to meet you." His eyes glimmered as he smiled at you.

"Well, Jisung, since I nearly concussed you, how about I pay for dinner tonight, we can order something in, as a housewarming gift for ourselves?"

"Sounds good to me, what do you have in mind?"

"Whatever you want, only seems fair after my attempted assassination."

***

When Jisung first started bringing girls home to hookup you weren't jealous.

Hell, you would bring the occasional date home so what right did you have scolding him for it?

It was the first girl that cried that made your heartache.

You were sitting at the kitchen table, having some breakfast when the girl left Jisung's room in floods of tears.

"W-who are you?" She asked when she saw you, wiping her tears.

"Jisung's roommate. Are you alright?"

"I'll be fine, he's just a dickhead. I thought he liked me, turns out I was just another hookup. You know I liked him for months? Tried to get his attention for months? But I meant nothing to him." And without another word she stormed out of your apartment.

That wasn't the last time you saw a girl leave his room crying. And your heart did hurt for the girls.

You probably should've taken it all as a warning not to fall for him. But the more time you spent with him the more your heart began to race when he smiled at you. The more it fluttered when he laughed.

You had been his roommate for a year when you realised that your little crush on the boy had become something more. It was a night like any other. You were sat together, eating the food you had both cooked.

"You know, this is my favourite time of the day. Just sitting with you, eating and talking about everything and nothing." His small confession made you smile.

"Yeah, it's mine too," You admitted.

"I hope we can always stay like this, forever." That was all it took for you to realise you loved him. And you were okay with it. You felt a strange sense of peace when it came to loving him. He may never know about it but loving him from a distance, in secret, was alright for you.

After your realisation there was some part of you that started to feel jealous but, in your mind, you knew they were meaningless. And maybe it was selfish of you but that gave you some comfort because the girls he brought home never experienced the side of him you got to see. They never got to wear his clothes, cuddling up on the sofa together to watch a film or feel the way he would softly brush their hair from their eyes. Never got to see that smile he reserved especially for you. Never knew the way it felt to be truly cared for by him. Sure, your heart ached for the girls, but some selfish part of you was too busy thinking about the way he loved you, even if it was as only a friend.

***

It was like that for a while. But the more frequent the crying girls became the more you heard about his ways. The worry that he wasn't who you thought he was began nagging you. Until finally you had enough. You couldn't take it anymore. So, when he sauntered out of his room, a little while after another girl had left crying, you finally snapped.

The argument got heated quickly. The two of you had never argued like this before. You looked at the boy in front of you. The boy you thought you knew. Could you be wrong about him? How can he hurt the girls he brings home and yet act so sweet to you?

"I'm going out for a walk to cool off, we can talk through this when we have both calmed down." He watched you leave, his eyes lingering on the door after you had shut it. You left your apartment building and went for a walk around the local park where you and Jisung would sometimes have picnics when the weather was especially nice. There, you sat on the swings thinking back to the countless times you had sat here with Jisung beside you, late at night, stargazing. The last time you were here it was a particularly cool night so Jisung lent you his jacket. It had been warm and cozy and smelt like him.

"The moon is beautiful, isn't it?"

"It is." You turned to look at him to find he was already gazing at you.

You sighed to yourself, as you continued to remember all the fond memories you shared with him. After half an hour or so you felt a lot calmer and ready to talk to him, so you headed back to your apartment.

three

Either way, you were just two people in love

Once you were back at the apartment you found Jisung sitting on the sofa, staring into space in deep thought.

"Hey," You said quietly.

"Hi," He replied as you took a seat next to him.

"I hate to argue with you. But the way you were treating those girls was making me doubt if I really knew you. I know deep down, you're not a bad guy. I know you're sweet and kind and funny but you can't keep hurting people, Jisung, even if you are trying to protect your own feelings. It isn't right."

"I know. I messaged the girl that left this morning and apologised. And I told her the truth. About why I act that way."

"The girl you like, right?" It stung a little as you said it.

"Yeah."

"Can I be honest?" He nodded. "I think that sleeping with all these girls is hurting you too. It's making you repress these feelings you have for whoever this girl is. Maybe you should spend some time just thinking about the way you truly feel. You're a good guy and anybody would be lucky to be with you. I'm not saying you should do it right now but I think you should eventually tell her..."

"That I love her?"

"Yeah."

"I kinda just did."

"What?" Your heart dropped. There was a tense atmosphere surrounding the two of you. He reached up gently stroking the hair away from your eyes.

"Y/N." He said it so quietly you almost missed it. He leaned in, hesitant at first, but when you didn't pull away he gently kissed you. Your hand came up to cup his face as he placed his hands on your waist, pulling you closer to him, and deepening the kiss. You had never been kissed like this before. With so much love and affection. The number of fireworks and sparks set off in your stomach could give a New Year's Eve display a run for its money. He guided you back to lay on the sofa, his body resting on top of yours. The warmth felt like wrapping a blanket around yourself on a cold winter's day. You parted your lips slightly allowing his tongue to explore further, intensifying the kiss. You broke away gasping for air but soon his lips began to trail kisses along your jawline, neck, collarbone.

"Jisung." He hummed in reply.

"Is it really me?" He pulled away to look you in the eyes.

"Of course it's you."

"I just...I don't want to just be some hookup."

"You'd never be just some hookup. Y/N, you must know, it's always been you. I love you. I have since the day you nearly knocked me out with a stack of boxes." You both smiled fondly at the memory.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because how could you ever have felt the same? Wait, you do feel the same, right?"

"Stupid question. Of course, I feel the same."

"You're sure?" You sighed softly, stroking his cheek.

"Han Jisung, I love you." He smiled brightly at you. "Now kiss me again before I die of anticipation." He didn't need to be told twice. His lips met yours again as your legs wrapped around his waist pulling him even closer. Eventually, the two of you found your way to his room. He shut the door. The night consisted of soft giggles and gentle touches as the rest of the world faded away.

***

Jisung's favourite part of his one-night stands was always the morning after. When he woke up with his arm over somebody's waist. He always kept his eyes shut, imagining it was you beside him. He imagined you, leaning over and kissing him on the cheek, whispering sweet nothings to him. He wanted to start every day holding you close to him.

Today, his wish was granted. Instead of keeping his eyes shut and imagining you, he opened his eyes to gaze at your sleeping figure. He couldn't keep the smile from his face. He pulled you closer, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead. As you began to stir he traced gently patterns on your waist.

"Good morning, beautiful," He said once you opened your eyes.

"Good morning."

"Guess what?"

"What?"

"I love you." He pecked your cheek.

"You're so sappy."

"I don't care. Now that it's out there I'm going to tell you as much as humanly possible." You laughed at the boy beside you, totally lovestruck.

"I can't believe it took us this long to confess, we were really stupid."

"Well, technically, I had confessed before last night."

"What? When?"

"The last time we were stargazing in the park. Remember what I said?"

”That if I didn’t buy you coffee in the morning for keeping you up so late to watch the stars you’d get the locks changed?”

“Shut up.” You both laughed again, the two of you couldn’t seem to hide away the giddiness you both felt.

“Fine, what did you say?”

“The moon is beautiful, isn't it?"

"And?"

"And? You really don't know what that means? It's basically a way of saying 'I love you.'"

"Oh. You really are sappy, aren't you?" You laughed slightly.

"It doesn't matter because guess what? You love me too. You are totally, completely, 100% in love with me."

"Yeah, fine, I'm totally, completely, 100% in love with you." You continued to smile at him. You leaned him and gave him a small but loving kiss. His lips chased yours as you pulled away. "Jisung, we need to get up." You tried to move away from him but he only pulled you closer, wrapping his arms even tighter around you.

"Why?" He whined.

"Because we have plans with Chan and Changbin today."

"Let's cancel."

"No, we can't cancel. Now let me go," You said, but with no conviction.

"Never. Now that I've got you I'll never let you go."

"Sappy." You teased him again.

"You love it.”

#stray kids #skz #skz han #kpop #han jisung #han jisung x reader #han jisung fluff #fanfiction #fanfic

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amor1st03 · 1 year

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💌 Send this to the twelve nicest people you know or who seem to have a good heart and if you get five back you must be pretty awesome. 💌

Omg stop that's so sweet <333

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amor1st03 · 1 year

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History | Yang Jeongin

Yang Jeongin x fem!reader

Childhood best friends to lovers

warnings: swearing, alcohol consumption, mentions of cheating, mentions sex like once, let me know if I missed anything

word count: 12.1k

in which: your childhood best friend is getting married but past feelings can’t help but make a reappearance

a/n: I wrote this cos I really miss Vegas :(

a drabble sequel to this fic called Future can be found here

Skz masterlist

You had never seen so much colour and light before. As your taxi neared your hotel you looked out at the nightlife of Las Vegas. You were exhausted from your flight and honestly thought you would fall asleep in the taxi but now you were too busy staring in wonder to worry about sleep. The streets were packed with people heading out to drink and party, flashing lights from hotels and casinos coloured their skin in rainbow.

It was incredible but it didn't at all suit the man you were here for.

Your childhood friend, Yang Jeongin was getting married. You were happy for him when you received the invitation but a small part wondered you what if. What if things had turned out differently? What if all those years ago you had confessed to him about the way you felt? What if you hadn't grown apart? Would you be here right now, ready to celebrate him marrying someone else?

The sheer amount of questions had hurt your head so you buried them deep in your heart. Whatever feelings you had for him were long gone. It was a long time ago. He had been your first love and you had missed your chance but the least you could do was be here for him to celebrate. He was your first love but not your last. You just had to learn to forget the feeling of butterflies.

It had been three years since you last saw him. You had moved from Seoul when you found yourself a better job opportunity. You remembered the way he hugged you as you were about to set off. You remember all the things that were left unsaid. You eventually lost contact with him. Hearing his voice over the phone became painful, you were almost grateful that the calls became less and less frequent until one day they stopped altogether.

Still, you weren't surprised when you received the invitation. The two of you had a long history of growing up together. Going to each other's weddings was one thing you knew you would never miss out on, no matter how long it had been since you had last talked.

Everything had cost a fortune to be here, the flight, the hotel, the outfit for the wedding. But for him, it was worth it. Once the taxi pulled up you stared in awe at the fancy hotel you were staying in. You checked in and made your way to your room. There, you changed out of your traveling clothes and got dressed in something a bit fancier. The plan was for everyone to get settled into their rooms and then meet at the hotel's bar at 7 pm, as you were all staying in the same hotel.

As you made your way to the bar, you were feeling anxious and excited. You looked forward to seeing old friends of yours and Jeongin's as well as his parents. You loved his parents as much as your own family. You were one of the last to arrive and were greeted by his parents.

"My, my if it isn't Y/N," His father said fondly.

"Y/N, it's so lovely to see you, you look as beautiful as ever," His mother said, embracing you in a hug, she pulled away to look at you. "We miss you in Seoul, and we wish you'd come back already!"

"Well, actually, I-"

"Come on, I know that Jeongin is dying to see you." She tugged you through the crowds of people. "Jeongin, look who's here." The man turned upon hearing his mother's voice. When he caught sight of you his breathing hitched in his throat.

"Y/N, I- wow, you look..." He wasn't sure what the right words to say were.

"Hi..." You said, rather meekly. He looked just as you remembered him. As handsome as ever. You felt a little sadness creep into your heart as you remembered why you were here. His mother gave you a small shove before you both hugged each other. Honestly, you didn't wanna let go. You had just missed him so much.

"I missed you," He whispered into your hair.

"I missed you too." Somebody cleared their throat beside the two of you and you both quickly pulled away. You turned to see a beautiful woman standing next to you.

"Right, um, Y/N this is my fiancée, Lucy. Lucy, Y/N, My childhood best friend."

"It's so great to meet you, I'm so happy to be here." You held out your hand for her to shake.

"Likewise." But her tone was all but pleasant as she shook your hand. "Jeongin, come on, some people want to talk to you." He looked at his fiancée before turning back to you.

"I-"

"No, it's alright, you go on. I'm going to get a drink. You go greet everyone else."

You walked over to the bar asking the bartender for the strongest thing he's got. He placed a shot on the counter and you quickly drank.

"Woah, okay, you're starting off early," A voice behind you said. You turned to see one of your old friends, Changbin.

"Changbin," You said softly with a fond smile.

"Hi, Y/N." The two of you hugged. He was just a little bit older than you but he had been your first friend as you had lived next door to each other. He was one of the few people you had managed to stay in contact with when you left.

"So, how are you feeling?"

"Oh, I'm good."

"No, not like that, I meant with the whole wedding thing." Changbin had been one of the few people you had confided in about your feelings for Jeongin in the past.

"I'm fine. I've moved on, it was a long time ago." And you were fine. Sure, it was a little awkward being here at your first love's wedding but you had moved on. You believed you had at least. No, in fact, you were certain of it.

Sure, a small part of your heart would always belong to him but isn't that always the case when it came to first love? Just because it was first did not mean it would be your only love.

"Sure." He wasn't convinced.

"I'm serious, Binnie."

"I just wished you had told him back then, things might've been different."

"No, they wouldn't have. I still would've moved away."

"He probably would've gone with you if you gave him a reason to."

"I couldn't have done that to him. Besides, that would've been only if he had felt the same but we knew each other for years and he never let on once that it was anything more than platonic."

"Neither did you. You were pretty good at keeping your feelings from him."

"Well, it doesn't matter, he's here, about to get married. He's happy."

"Yeah, I guess." A comfortable and familiar silence fell between you two for a few moments as you watched the rest of the guests converse. Jeongin caught your eye as he was dragged by Lucy from person to person. "Wanna get so drunk we can't walk straight?" Changbin asked after he heaved a long and heavy sigh.

"Absolutely."

The two of you sat at the bar for most of the night, talking. Occasionally, an old friend would come over to greet you and catch up. It was nice to see the people you had lost contact with. By the time party members started to leave you were in a giggling fit alongside Changbin and Jisung who had come over to talk.

"Changbin, how much did you give the girl to drink?" Jisung asked clearly noticing your intoxicated state.

"Hey, don't look at me, she did it to herself!" He slurred his words as he was equally as drunk.

"Well, look, I'm gonna head up to my room now but please get back to your rooms safely."

"Don't worry, you can count on me to haul him back to his room."

"Right," Jisung replied sounding uncertain. "Okay, well, have fun and enjoy the killer hangover you're both gonna have tomorrow."

"Goodnight."

"Night, Jisung."

There were only a few people now when you and Changbin decided to leave. The two of you made your way over to Jeongin to say goodbye out of courtesy. He was sitting alone now, Lucy somewhere else speaking to some of the people left.

"Hey, Jeongin, we're gonna head out now, so we'll see you tomorrow." He stood up as you spoke.

"Jesus, is she drunk?" Jeongin asked Changbin.

"Pffft, no," He replied to which you burst out laughing, Changbin soon following in pursuit.

"Oh, great, so are you. I don't trust the two of you to make it back to your rooms, come on."

He guided you both to the elevator. Once inside, Changbin slumped against the wall of the lift, shutting his eyes.

"Hey, don't be falling asleep over there, we'll leave you in here."

"I'm not sleeping, just resting my eyes, shut up."

"Don't tell me to shut up."

"You two bicker like siblings."

"Oh we do, do we? You hear that big bro?"

"I do, little sis." The two of you were in a fit of giggles when you reached Changbin's floor. Once Jeongin and you had seen him inside his room you made your way back to the elevator and up to your floor.

"You okay?" He asked as you walked along the carpeted hallway.

"Totally." But your body was telling a different story as you stumbled over your own feet. Jeongin was quick to grab onto your waist, steadying you. His arm stayed wrapped around your waist as you slung an arm over his shoulder. Once in front of your door, he asked for your key card which you gave to him. You watched as he unlocked the door. He helped you inside, sitting you down on the bed. He crouched down and unfastened your shoes, taking them off for you. You crawled into bed not even bothering to get changed. He was about to leave when you spoke up.

"Hey, Jeongin, I'm really happy for you."

"Thanks, Y/N."

"And I'm sorry I left." He didn't say anything to this. He walked over to the light switch, turning it off.

"Goodnight, Y/N."

"Goodnight, Innie." He left you alone, in the dark.

That night you cried for the small piece of your heart that still belonged to him.

***

Jisung had been right about the killer hangover. Your head was pounding and the bright sunshine only made it worse as you made your way to the pool. Most of the other wedding guests were already by the poolside, some in the pool, some were not there and you assumed they were probably still in bed, trying to sleep the hangover off. You took the deckchair beside Changbin, who had his head in his hands. He glanced over at you with a weak smile.

"Why do we choose to do this to ourselves?"

"I have no idea. I'm gonna go in the pool, I'm hoping the cool water might do something about this headache, wanna join me?"

"Sure."

You stood up to take off your dress, revealing your bathing suit. Jeongin was sitting a couple of deckchairs down. He tried not to look at you, at the way, the bathing suit fit your body so well. He imagined wrapping his arms around your waist, pulling you close to him. There was a familiar feeling of desire and yearning burning in the pit of his stomach. One he hadn't felt in a long time. He pushed them away, telling himself that they weren't real feelings, just memories of past emotions. Emotions that had faded because he had lost contact with you. Emotions that had faded because he hadn't seen you in person in 3 years. Emotions that had faded because he was about to marry someone else.

You hadn't noticed his gaze as you stepped into the water. You walked down the steps, focusing on the coolness. It contrasted the heat of the sun perfectly. Changbin, beside you, sighed as he submerged himself in the water all the way up to his neck.

"You were right, this is really nice."

"Haven't you learned after all these years of knowing me that I'm always right?"

"Very self-assured too." You splashed the water on him, wetting his hair.

"I'm going to pretend you didn't just do that." You splashed him again. "Hey! You know what, you asked for this." Changbin splashed the water straight in your face as you gasped. The two of you continued to splash each other, laughing and enjoying each other's company. You really had missed him.

Jeongin continued to watch the two of you in the pool as you messed around. He wanted to join the two of you. Watching the way the two of you laughed together brought back memories of times before you left when the three of you would hang out together. He remembered the fun you had together. He remembered the many reasons why he had fallen for you. But it was all in the past, of course, he knew that. But still, the memories would always bring a sense of fondness and care.

"Hey, do you wanna go in the pool for a bit?" He asked, turning to Lucy.

"No, let's stay here and just sunbathe for a bit. I wanna try and get a bit of a tan before the wedding, I think you should too. But, please, make sure you put on plenty of sun cream. I swear to god, if you end up getting sunburned before the wedding I'll be so mad."

"Oh, okay." Lucy was so different from you. Maybe that's why he had asked her to marry him. He needed to be with someone that was different from you. Maybe he was trying to prove a point to himself. Trying to prove that after you left he didn't look for something in every girl he dated that reminded him of you. Trying to prove that he had moved on because, after all, you were only ever just a friend. Nothing more had ever happened between the two of you and nothing ever would.

He loved Lucy though, right? He wouldn't want to marry her if he didn't, right? He was just getting cold feet as the day drew closer and closer, he had tried to assure himself.

All he really knew was that once upon a time, he had feelings for you. He was certain they had faded. Certain that he just saw you as a friend now. He told himself that after not seeing you for so long of course he would remember the way it felt to be around you. Not because he was still in love with you but because it was the last thing you had left him with. But it was all just a memory now. It was in the past.

He glanced over at Lucy before turning to look at you again. He found himself suddenly cursing himself for inviting you.

***

Most of the day was spent by the pool. Not that you were complaining, it was nice to lounge in the pool or on a deck chair, catching up with Changbin. You were now also sitting with Seungmin now, another one of your old friends who you hadn't had the chance to catch up with last night.

When you had first become friends with Seungmin, there had been a weird tension between the two of you simply due to the fact that you had had the fattest crush on him but chose to admire him from afar. But, hey, you were 16 and he was a sweet and good-looking guy. But, as your friendship grew stronger, your feelings faded. When you were older, you actually admitted to him that you used to have a crush on him. It resulted in endless teasing. Changbin had gladly joined in, he had been doing it for years, in private, as he was one of the few people you had confided in.

When you were 16, you had also told Jeongin about your massive crush on Seungmin but, unlike Changbin, he didn't tease. He was far more protective, asking to know all about the guy. You, of course, introduced them.

At first, there was a strange tension between the two of them as well. You had never known why but, despite Seungmin's attempts to become friends, Jeongin didn't seem to give him the time of day. You remembered the way you had scolded him for that. Eventually, Jeongin gave Seungmin a chance and now, many years later, Seungmin was one of Jeongin's closest friends.

You had never known what the turning point was, Jeongin simply gave you a vague answer, saying Seungmin and himself had talked through some things. You had shrugged it off and decided to just be happy that they were getting along.

The crush on Seungmin didn't last once you became friends because you found that you preferred just being friends with him. Plus, it was also around this time that things started to change with Jeongin. People started to confuse the two of you as a couple and you didn't hate it. You remembered this one time the two of you had gone to a store together after school. You did this almost every day on your way home.

"I'll get these for us, I know they're your favourite." Jeongin gave you a soft smile, pleased that you knew his favourite foods.

"In that case, I'll go get you you're favourite drink. I'll be back in a minute." You nodded and watched as he left.

You remembered the little old lady that had approached you once Jeongin had left.

"Hold onto that one dear," She had said. "From the way your boyfriend looks at you, I can tell he cares about you deeply. Hold onto him." You hadn't even bothered to correct her. But the small conversation with her had left your heart racing and your mind full of questions. Questions you never asked Jeongin.

You wondered what the little old lady would say if she could see the two of you now.

***

That evening, you and the rest of the wedding party left the hotel for the first time since arriving. It was to go to casinos and bars and involved even more drinking, but hey, it was Las Vegas, isn't that what people do there? Las Vegas was a party city for a reason.

You had decided not to get drunk tonight, not really wanting to relive the hangover you had that morning. You actually quite enjoyed watching the drunken antics of the rest of the party. But still, as you watched everyone, you couldn't help but notice how out of place Jeongin seemed here. The Jeongin you knew was not much of a party boy and you would have thought he would have preferred to get married somewhere a bit more romantic like Paris or Venice. But still, the Jeongin you had in your mind was the one you knew 3 years ago. Maybe he had changed. Maybe, now, this was his type of place and you were just seeing it all wrong.

Lucy was in her zone with this place. You barely knew her but from the way she danced with her friends to the music you could tell she was having the time of her life.

You had attempted to talk to her a few times but she came off as rather patronising. You assumed it was down to the fact that you were the only person in the group she hadn't met before coming here. She simply knew you as some friend from Jeongin's past. You'd hoped she'd warm up to you soon.

As the party moved from one bar to another you lingered at the back of the group. Jeongin came to stand next to you, his feet naturally syncing up with the steps of your own.

"We haven't had much of a chance to talk since we got here."

"It's alright, I get it. We're all here for you and Lucy so, naturally, you've both got a lot of people who want to talk to you."

We haven't had much of a chance to talk in the past 3 years, you wanted to tell him but you were afraid that it would come off as mean. It wasn't his fault you lost contact.

"Yeah." You thought the silence that settled then would be awkward but it wasn't. Things seemed to fall right back into place as if you had never left his side at all.

"I thought things would be awkward between us two, and I'll admit, I felt a bit shy the other day after not seeing you for so long but this feels nice."

"Yeah, it is nice."

"I'm glad you invited me. It's great to see everyone else as well, Changbin, Jisung, Seungmin."

"Correct me if I'm wrong but didn't you always have a little thing for Seungmin?"

"Used to."

"Well, you never know, this might be your chance to rekindle old feelings."

"Yeah, no. Not gonna happen. I can't even imagine dating him now. Those feelings are well in the past. I stopped liking him not that long after we became friends actually."

"You did? How come you never told me?"

"I don't know. I guess it was obvious I was over him." And into you instead.

"Well, it wasn't."

"My Jeongin, ever oblivious." His heart pounded at your words. He ignored it.

"Like you are any better. I could name a hundred guys who had a thing for you that you never picked up on."

"Go on then, name one."

Me. He thought to himself.

"Well, that one guy, what's his name? Who you did that science project with?"

"Jesus, Jeongin, try to be a bit more specific."

"Max or Mark or something. Ah, shit, I can't remember his name but the point is I used to see you guys studying together except you were the only one studying. He was too busy drooling over you and making googly eyes."

"Let me go back and change my previous statement. Ever oblivious and delusional." He rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. I know what I saw." The two of you laughed lightly and continued to walk down the bustling streets, following everyone else.

"Lucy seems to fit in well here." You looked at the girl who was leading the group, talking animatedly to one of her friends. She led you all into another bar.

"She loves the excitement of it all."

"She seems...fun." It sounded more like a question than a statement. "I don't know, I haven't had much of a chance to talk to her yet," You said, taking a seat at a table, Jeongin sat beside you.

"She is fun. And I hope you do talk to her. I want the two of you to get along."

"I want that too." She was marrying your childhood best friend, for christ's sake, of course, you wanted to get along with her.

"Well, while we're here you'll have plenty of time to get to know her."

"Jeongin! Y/N! There you two are, I've been looking for the two of you!" A rather drunk Jisung approached the two of you, taking a seat across from you.

"Don't worry, Jisung, we didn't stray too far."

"You two should come dance with me."

"I'm alright, Jisung, why don't you join Felix and Hyunjin?" Jeongin suggested.

"But I wanted to dance with you two," He whined.

"How much have you had to drink tonight Ji? Weren't you just telling me and Changbin off the other night?" You teased.

"I wasn't telling you off, I was merely asking a question. And you did drink a lot last night. It doesn't matter, you guys will make sure I make it back to the hotel."

"You put a lot of faith in us."

"Yeah, we could just leave you here," Jeongin joked.

"You would never, you guys love me too much. Now, will at least one of you come dance with me?"

"Okay, alright. I'll come and dance with you. I'll see you later, Jeongin." You stood up as a big grin spread across Jisung's face. He happily jumped up from his seat.

"Hey, before you go Y/N, I was wondering, tomorrow morning, do you wanna get breakfast? Just the two of us just to catch up for a bit?"

"I'd love to." You smiled before Jisung pulled you away from him.

***

When you woke up the next day you were glad that you hadn't had a drink the night before. You got dressed as you thought of your conversation with Jeongin. You had been a little nervous that things between the two of you would be different and that he would have changed. But you were glad to find he hadn't. He was still the same old Jeongin.

You slipped on your shoes once you had finished getting ready when you heard a knock at the door. You hurried over and opened it to see Jeongin.

"Good morning," You said.

"Morning. You ready to go?"

"Yep."

"Where do you wanna go for breakfast?" He asked as the two of you shut the door and began walking towards the elevator.

"I thought we could head to the food court in the hotel. Isn't that insane? A whole food court in a hotel. This place is insane."

"I know right, I heard about this one hotel that has a whole ass aquarium."

"Seriously?"

"Yes, seriously." Jeongin looked over at you when an idea came to his head. He smirked before speaking again. "Race you to the elevator? Loser has to pay. Ready, set, go." He took off running.

"Hey!" You quickly ran after him. "No fair, I wasn't ready!"

He stopped in front of the elevator, turning to smile at you before pushing the button. You caught up to him.

"You're so childish." He rolled his eyes playfully.

"You're so childish," He mimicked you. "It's called fun, grandma." He was teasing you, trying to get a rise out of you. He loved teasing you just to see how flustered you get. But instead, you smiled. "What?" He asked, feeling rather shy now, under your gaze.

"Nothing, it's just, you're still you." You didn't need to explain what you meant. He knew what you meant.

"And you're still you." He smiled as the elevator door opened. You were surprised to find Seungmin and Jisung already inside. Seungmin greeted the two of you while Jisung weakly raised his hand in a wave.

"Feeling rough, Ji?" You asked. He groaned.

"Everything's so bright and loud."

"Where are you two headed?" Jeongin asked them as the two of you stepped onto the elevator. You leaned against the railing next to where Seungmin was standing.

"Well, since the pool worked so well for Changbin and Y/N the other day I figured we'd head there and try to fix this one." He nudged his head in Jisung's direction. "What about you two?"

"We're gonna get some breakfast, catch up a bit."

"Hey, maybe we could jo-" Jisung began before Seungmin quickly interrupted him.

"Jisung, after you've recovered we should get some breakfast at the place I spotted the other day."

"What place?"

"You know the one I mentioned to you last night? I saw it as we were walking back to the hotel, I looked at the menu and it had some nice breakfast options."

"I can't remember you mentioning any place."

"How drunk were you last night?" Seungmin asked in disbelief. The elevator came to a halt and opened to reveal more people. The suitcases that they were hauling around and their rather miserable faces told you they were leaving. They crammed their way onto the elevator. You stood up straighter, backing into the corner. Seungmin got pushed in your direction but placed his hands on the wall on either side of you to stop himself from crashing into you.

"Sorry."

"Nah, it's all good," You said, with a soft smile. You were fine with the close proximity, it didn't bother you. Honestly, you were glad it wasn't Jeongin, it would probably have caused your heart to beat out of your chest and that was the last thing you needed right now.

Jeongin got pushed to the opposite corner. He watched as you smiled up at Seungmin, chest to chest. He felt a strange knot in the pit of his stomach.

He could have sworn the ride to the ground floor lasted an eternity, but finally, the doors opened and the group with the suitcases moved out. Seungmin quickly moved away from you, and the two of you picked up the conversation.

Jeongin felt a little irritated at how casual you were about being so close to Seungmin. If he was being honest, he probably would've been just as bothered if you acted all flustered instead. The whole situation was just irritating to him.

"We'll see you guys later. Bye, Jisung," You teased, rubbing his hair. He groaned in pain again before being dragged away by Seungmin.

"Bye, Y/N, Jeongin."

"Bye," Jeongin replied quickly. The two of you headed to the food court, before deciding what to eat. Once you had your food, you found a table and sat down opposite each other.

"Where's Lucy this morning?" You asked as you picked up your cutlery.

"Oh, she's still in bed." From the way that Jeongin was fidgeting, you could tell that something was bugging him.

"What's up?"

"Huh?"

"I can see there's something you wanna say so just go ahead." He had almost forgotten how easily you could read him.

"I just wanted to apologise for losing contact."

"No need to apologise, we were both just busy. I'm as much at fault as you. Anyway, come on, tell me all about you and Lucy." And he did.

He told you how they had met at a coffee shop when they accidentally ran into each other and he had spilled his drink all down her shirt. He told you how he had asked for her so that he could pay her back for it. He told you how this resulted in frequent texting between the two of them before he finally asked her out. He told you how he had proposed, while they were on holiday, in front of the Eiffel Tower. He admitted to you that he hated the watchful eyes of the crowds of tourists as he got down on one knee.

"That's really sweet tho, Innie." The nickname slipped from your mouth so naturally. He hadn't heard it in years and it made him blush a little. He hoped you wouldn't notice.

"Thanks. Anyway, enough about me and Lucy. What about you? How's the job and everything going? Any relationships?"

"The job was really good but actually I've just left. I'm starting a new job after we get back. And currently, I'm single. There was this one guy I met when I first moved and we were together for close to 2 years but it didn't work out."

"Why?" He let the words slip out before he thought to hold them back. "Ah, shit, sorry, I'm prying. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"No, it's alright. You're my best friend, of course, I'd tell you. He and I just didn't work, I couldn't love him."

"I'm sorry. But you'll find someone. Anyone would be lucky to have you." His soft smile and sincere eyes sparked something inside you. It was like a floodgate inside you had been opened inside you and all these emotions started spilling out. Your heart felt like a volcano about to erupt while your mind was spinning with a sudden epiphany.

You looked at him with a gentle smile, masking the apocalypse suddenly happening inside you.

Fuck, you thought, as you looked at the man you used to love. The man, you now just realised, you were still in love with.

***

You had experienced the realisation that you were in love with Yang Jeongin twice.

The first time was about 5 years ago.

You were out on a date with some guy whose name you honestly couldn't even remember anymore. You met him at the library while you were studying for one of your end-of-year uni exams. He asked for your number and asked if he could take you out sometime. You agreed. It had felt so refreshing and exciting to be asked out after having such bad luck relationship-wise.

You had moved on from Seungmin a while ago, now perfectly content being his friend. Your past relationships hadn't ended well. And you still had a bit of a crush on your best friend. And by a bit, you of course met absolutely massive. But Jeongin wasn't an option so you did your best to ignore your feelings.

You were really looking forward to the date. The guy was cute and seemed nice, he looked like someone you could see yourself dating. The date itself was really enjoyable. It was after when he asked you over to his place, you politely declined his offer as it was getting late. You told him that you thought you should head home but asked if you could see him again.

"Are you kidding me? I only asked you out to get you back to my place."

"What?"

"Are you dense? I don't wanna go out again. I only asked you out 'cause I wanted to fuck you." You stood, staring at him in shock. "Jesus, you really thought I asked you out because I liked you." He laughed a little. A surge of anger took over your body.

"You know what? Go fuck yourself, I wouldn't sleep with you if you were the last man on earth." You turned angrily and walked away. You walked and walked and walked until the rain started pouring down. As the water hit you, you felt it wash away all your anger, leaving behind a sense of sadness. Not because you particularly liked the guy, hell, you barely knew him. No, it was more the fact that he only asked you out to sleep with you. It made you feel worthless.

Your feet carried you all the way to Jeongin's apartment. You knocked on his door, sniffling sadly. He opened the door. He smiled at first upon seeing you but his face quickly dropped.

"Y/N, what's wrong?" You took one look at him before you burst into tears. Jeongin was quick to react, pulling you into a hug. When you had calmed down, you pulled away to look up at him.

"Sorry, I got your shirt all wet."

"Don't worry about it. I'm gonna get some dry clothes for you, come on." He guided you inside his apartment, sitting you down on his couch. He went to his bedroom, returning with a t-shirt and tracksuit bottoms of his own for you to wear. You took them from him, heading to his bathroom to get changed.

When you were finished you returned to find him sitting on his couch, after having changed his own shirt. You sat beside him, avoiding eye contact. He took one look at you wearing his clothes and he was suddenly glad you weren't looking at him. If you were, he was certain you would've seen the way he blushed. He cleared his throat.

"Are you gonna tell me what happened?" He nudged his leg against yours. You took a deep breath before explaining everything that had happened.

"I just felt so worthless, like he only saw me as an object, just something to be used and then thrown away..." He had listened closely to everything you said.

"Come here." He pulled you close and you snuggled up to him. "You aren't worthless and you aren't just something people can use and then throw away. You deserve so much more than that, Y/N. That guy has no idea how lucky he is that you even said yes in the first place."

"Thanks, Innie."

"Seriously, he's a douche, do you want me to beat him up?" He joked, reaching up to stroke your hair that was still damp from the rain.

"You couldn't beat anyone in a fight," You teased.

"I could. I could if it were for you." You glanced up at him before leaning back into him, nuzzling your head into his chest. And just like that, you knew. That was the first time you had realised you had been in love with him for a very long time.

The second time you realised you were in love with him was this moment right now. Sitting, eating breakfast together, in a hotel's food court, just a few days before his wedding to somebody else.

You idiot, you can't still be in love with him, he's getting married! You mentally scolded yourself.

***

Over the next few days, you and the wedding party drank a lot. When you weren't sightseeing, you were in a bar. You had never been a big drinker but you were here for a wedding so you figured you might as well. Plus, you needed all the liquid courage you could get to keep yourself from crying.

After your realisation that you were still in love with Jeongin, being here to celebrate his wedding became ten times more difficult. Luckily, you had Changbin, Seungmin, and Jisung to distract you.

You, of course, loved spending time with Jeongin but it was harder this time. The first time you had realised you loved him he wasn't engaged to somebody else. Although you wouldn't admit it, back then a little part of you had always thought there was the smallest possibility of something happening between the two of you. This time around it was different. His heart was set on Lucy.

The group was headed to the Venetian, the grand hotel modeled after the Italian city. You watched the gondolas on the canal as they moved smoothly through the water. Jeongin came to stand next to you.

"I wanted it to be Venice, you know?"

"What?"

"The wedding. Venice would've been my first choice."

"I knew it. Venice seems more your style. Not that Vegas isn't nice."

"Vegas was Lucy's idea. And it is beautiful here. Very lively. But Venice..." There was something quite woeful about the way he spoke.

"Maybe Venice can be a future holiday for the two of you."

"Yeah, maybe."

"Okay, next stop is Caesar's palace." Lucy's voice interrupted the two of you, you both turned to look at her as did everyone else. "I've booked us all in at the restaurant there."

The walks in Vegas always took longer than you expected. Due to the sheer size of the buildings, everything seemed closer than they actually were. But still, you enjoyed the walk.

For the duration of the walk there, you were talking animatedly to Changbin. Jeongin could not stop himself from glancing over at you every few minutes, even after Lucy slid her hand into his.

He was conflicted. Seeing you dragged up old feelings he thought were long dead. Apparently not. He felt guilty too.

But he loved Lucy, right? It was just because he hadn't seen you for so long, that's why he was feeling this way. And there was nothing he could do about it now, anyway. He had, after all, brought everyone out here, including you, to watch him marry Lucy.

He tried to shake the strange feelings away.

Once you were at the restaurant, you took a seat in-between Changbin and Seungmin. Jeongin watched from a few seats down as you laughed at something Seungmin said, his stomach twisting in knots. He almost lost it when he saw Seungmin brush an eyelash from your cheek. But why was he getting jealous? He hadn't felt this kind of jealousy in years.

But Seungmin had always been a bit of a sore spot for him.

He recalled how quickly your feelings for Seungmin had developed. He remembered the countless nights when you would talk non-stop about the guy. Jeongin became jealous, passing it off as being protective over his best friend. He had hated to see you swoon over Seungmin when he had been here with you for so long. Sat loving you quietly. He knew he loved you very early on. Before he even really understood what love was, he knew. He was certain that he could never love again after you left.

He liked Lucy. He really did. But did he love her? Could he love her? Did he really want to marry her?

This is not the time to be having doubts, he told himself.

He could not pull his eyes away from you as you continued to laugh with Seungmin. What did Seungmin have that he himself did not? It was a question that had plagued him all those years ago. Part of him had hated the guy. Even after they became friends. Even after Seungmin had reassured Jeongin that you so clearly had feelings for him.

That was a bittersweet memory.

Seungmin had pulled him aside one day, many years ago. Jeongin eyed him suspiciously. Was he going to ask about you?

"Did I do something to offend you?"

"What?"

"You just seem to not like me."

"It's not that."

"What is it then?"

"Well, it's..." Something suddenly clicked in Seungmin's mind.

"Y/N." Jeongin couldn't meet his eyes.

"Yeah."

"You like her and you're worried that because she and I are friends now you won't have a chance."

"Something like that."

"Well, in that case, you've got nothing to worry about." Jeongin wanted to protest, tell him he in fact had a lot to worry about, but he wasn't going to tell Seungmin about your feelings for him.

"I'm certain she likes you. Do you have any idea how much she talks about you? So, really, don't worry. She's really great and I like her but not in that way. Nothing is going to happen between us." Jeongin felt himself ease up a little. "So, friends?"

"Friends," Jeongin agreed.

It had been a sweet moment because it had given Jeongin some hope that something would happen between the two of you. But now it was bitter because nothing ever did.

He sighed as the true weight of his feelings settled in. He had been right, he could never love anyone after you. He could never love anyone but you.

But still, he cared about Lucy and he could be happy with her.

He'd just have to keep reminding himself that you were never an option.

***

You almost stumbled down the stairs as everyone pushed their way out of the bus in the stifling heat. But nothing could bring your spirits down.

The tour guide was talking but you were too busy looking out at the view to pay attention. The group had booked a bus trip to the Grand Canyon. The grandeur of it all was truly something.

You heard a groan behind you as Lucy began to complain about the heat and the journey here.

"She chose to come to Las Vegas, it's in the middle of the desert, what did she expect?" Changbin said beside you as he snapped a photo of the canyon with his phone.

You had really tried to like Lucy, for Jeongin's sake. But, god, she made it hard. She was patronising and at times just plain rude. But you knew Jeongin must see something in her so for now you would settle for acting civil.

"We drove all the way out here for this?" You rolled your eyes at her comment.

"It's the fucking Grand Canyon, how is she complaining? How is she not at least a little impressed?" You said to Changbin.

"I have no idea. But I think it's safe to say she won't fancy going to see the Pyramids of Giza or Petra at any point."

By the end of your trip, you were glad to find she finally stopped complaining once she got back to the bus. You watched her sigh in relief as she stepped on. Thank god Changbin had been there to keep you calm. You had honestly thought about pushing her into the canyon.

Besides Lucy's constant moaning, the trip had been a highlight of the holiday. Your sore feet and the heat from the desert sun hadn't even bothered you because you were too excited to be there.

You took one last look out at the canyon as the sun began to set and you took a picture.

"This was your idea, right?" You had noticed Jeongin a couple of feet away, doing the same thing as you.

"How did you know this was my idea?"

"Because I know you." And with that you turned and left him behind, getting onto the bus. Jeongin was the last on the bus, he looked at you first to find you already sitting with Changbin then he looked at Lucy to find she was sitting with one of her friends. The only remaining seat was next to Seungmin. He was quiet for most of the journey back, constantly gazing over at you, while the rest of the bus was full of lively chatter.

"You wanna talk about it?" Seungmin asked softly.

"Talk about what?"

"Whatever is going on between you and Y/N."

"There's nothing going on," He replied sharply, looking between you and Lucy, hoping neither of you heard Seungmin.

"You're in denial, my friend."

"Will you shut up? I'm with Lucy, I'm happy with Lucy, I love..."

"Y/N?" Seungmin offered. Jeongin wanted to lie but he knew he would never be able to deny it.

"Just be quiet, I'm gonna try and get some sleep."

"I'm just trying to help, I don't want you to make a mistake if you're not one hundred percent sure you want to marry Lucy."

"I never said I wasn't sure I wanted to marry Lucy."

"You didn't need to, I can read it on your face."

"Stop acting like you know everything, Seungmin, you don't. Now, seriously, shut up." Seungmin held his hands up in defeat. Jeongin shut his eyes and tried to get some sleep. But even in his dreams, his feelings haunted him, along with Seungmin's words echoing in his head.

***

"How do I look?" You asked Seungmin and Changbin who were sitting on your bed. You had gotten changed into your dress for the bachelorette party in the bathroom.

"You look incredible, Y/N," Seungmin said sincerely.

"Agreed. You look beautiful," Changbin added.

"Thanks, guys."

"So, what's the bachelorette party doing tonight?"

"Drinking, most likely. I honestly have no idea. What do you guys have planned for Jeongin's bachelor party?"

"Dinner first, then we're heading to Fremont Street. After that, we'll probably just get a taxi back and see what we can find on the strip."

"Very nice. You're guys are gonna have a lot of fun."

"And you won't?"

"I will, it's just I don't really know many of the girls here and I don't particularly get along with Lucy."

"Jeongin's mum will be there."

"Yeah, that's true, I do love his mum."

"That's not the only thing bothering you, is it?" Changbin asked and you sighed in response.

"Y/N, what's wrong?" Seungmin asked.

"Please don't ask me that again because I might burst into tears."

"Don't keep it all bottled inside."

"It's just I-" You took a deep breath. "I realised that I never stopped loving him. Oh, yeah. I never told you did I, Seungmin? Well, surprise, I've had been in love with Jeongin for years and when I moved away I thought I was over him but it turns out I'm not." You smiled sadly as a few tears began to roll down your cheeks.

"I knew."

"You did?"

"Yeah, it was pretty obvious. Plus, Changbin may or may not have accidentally let it slip one time when we were hanging out."

"You did what?" You asked, turning to Changbin.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, really. But hey, Seungmin didn't tell anyone, right?"

"No, I never told anyone."

"Thank you."

"I think you should tell him."

"It's literally the night before his wedding, how could I do that to my best friend? I mean, I haven't even told him I'm moving back to Seoul."

"You what?!"

"Oh, shit, I didn't tell you two either. Well, yeah. I got a new job in Seoul and I've been looking for apartments there. I think I've settled on one and if all goes well, hopefully, I'll be back home a few months after the wedding. I wanted to keep it a secret until the wedding was over, I didn't wanna take anything away from his special day. I just really needed to come home, plus I've missed you guys too much. But if I'm being honest, I wanted to move back for him. I felt pathetic admitting it but I couldn't go any longer without seeing him. I just want him back in my life. It's just been a really hard 3 years."

"I can't believe this, you're coming home." Changbin leaned forward and gave you a hug. "I'm never gonna let you leave again, you understand that?"

"Yeah," You laughed through your tears. "But my point is, I'm not telling him anything. Not that I'm moving back to Seoul, at least not until after the wedding. And I'm certainly not telling him that I've been in love with him for god knows how many years."

"You're sure you don't wanna tell him?" Seungmin pushed.

"I don't. I'll be fine. He'll marry Lucy and it'll hurt but I'll have you two to get me through it. Jisung too, speaking of which, where is he? He said he was on his way."

"Who knows where he is? You know what he's like." Changbin replied.

Seungmin continued to look at you before sighing and pulling you into a hug.

"I'm sorry."

"You don't need to apologise, it's my own stupid fault for allowing myself to fall for him in the first place."

"You'll get through this, Y/N, you always do." Seungmin pulled away and smiled at you.

"I really hope I will."

"Well, as you said, you've got us to help you through it," Changbin added, smiling at you as well before you were interrupted by Jisung knocking on the door.

"It's open." Jisung let himself in upon hearing your words. he took one look at the sombre scene and the tears on your face.

"Woah, what did I miss?"

***

After filling Jisung in on everything you all headed down to the lobby. Jisung's mind was still whirling with everything you had just told him.

"I can't believe I never saw it before, it's so obvious now."

"Yeah, it is. You're just the most oblivious person on the planet, that's all," Seungmin teased as the elevator door slid open.

"I really can't believe I missed it, but I'm with Seungmin on this one. I think you should tell him."

"I told you guys already, not going to happen. Jeongin and I have a long and complicated history, I can't ruin everything we've ever had by telling him. Now drop it and go celebrate with Jeongin." The rest of the party members came into sight. Changbin, Jisung, and Seugmin each gave you a hug before joining all the guys. You joined the bachelorette party, greeting Jeongin's mother. Once everyone was there, the two groups went their separate ways.

You had spent the entire night with Jeongin's mother, as you had expected you would. You talked mostly about everything that happened during the 3 years you spent away from Seoul. You both were a few drinks in when you confided in her that you were moving back to Seoul, asking her not to tell her son yet. It was something you wanted to tell him. Not long after that, she confided in you too.

"I always hoped it would've been you."

"What?"

"That'd you'd be the one he'd marry. Is it wrong for me as his mother to say that when he's about to marry someone else? I know he cares about Lucy but I was certain something would happen between the two of you. At least, I always hoped something would."

"So did I," You confessed. The alcohol was starting to take effect.

"So you did feel something for Jeongin?"

"Of course I did. I still do, if I'm being honest. Your son is truly the greatest person to ever walk into my life. But I'm glad he's happy. I would rather watch him be happy with someone else than be miserable with me.

"He could never be miserable with you."

"Oh, you know what I mean."

"I do. But I think my son would want to know your true feelings. With everything out in the open he can make the right decision."

"It's too late. I should've told him years ago, I'll just be stressing him out if I told him."

"Are you sure you don't want to tell him?"

"Please, trust me. It's better if he never learns about the way I truly feel. As I said, I just want him to be happy."

"I want that too. For both of you. I suppose that if it's meant to be it will be. I will always have a small sliver of hope for the two of you though."

"Exactly, if it's meant to be it will be. Now come on, I love this song, shall we dance?"

And so, you spent most of the night dancing with Jeongin's mother. You spoke to a few of the other girls there but they were almost all there for Lucy and you wouldn't admit it but you were avoiding her. You thought if you spoke to her you would come to truly dislike her, if you kept away from her you could remain indifferent. The last thing you wanted was to dislike the person Jeongin was marrying.

As the night went on you started to feel some of the alcohol take effect. You weren't drunk, just tipsy and a bit giggly. Eventually, the group made it back to the hotel bar as a final stop before the end of the night. When you arrived there, you were pleased to see that the bachelor party had the same idea and were already there.

"Changbin! Jisung!" You threw your arms around the two of them in a hug they gladly returned. "Seundmin!" You turned to the man and gave him a hug as well. You let go of him but he left his arm wrapped around your waist as you rested your head against his shoulder, shutting your eyes slightly. Jeongin, who was talking to some of the other party guests, was glad of this as you couldn't see the way he was looking at the two of you. There was that awful feeling in the pit of his stomach again.

"Had a nice night?" Seungmin asked you.

"Very. But I'm tired."

"You should go to bed then. We're up early tomorrow."

"Yeah, you're right. I think I am gonna head to bed. So I'll see you guys tomorrow. Don't stay up too late." You hugged Seungmin.

"I hate that motherly tone you use sometimes," Jisung said.

"I only do it because I know it annoys you." He rolled his eyes but had a smile on his face.

"Goodnight, Y/N," He said, hugging you too.

"Gonna be alright getting up there?" Changbin asked as you hugged him.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. I haven't had too much."

"Alright then, goodnight, Y/N."

"Goodnight guys."

Before you left you made your way over to Jeongin.

"Had a good time?" You asked him. He turned to you with a smile.

"Yeah, it's been good."

"Well, I just came to say goodnight to you and Lucy but I see she's not here. Where is she?"

"I have no idea. I think she went to bed already."

"Oh right. Well, anyway, I wanted to get plenty of sleep for the big day tomorrow."

"Yeah, well, I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Yeah...Hey, congratulations again. I'm really happy for you."

"Thanks." You didn't pick up on the strange sadness in his tone as you left.

You were glad to be back in the quiet of your hotel room, the warm bed comforting you as the harsh reality of everything settled in. Not long after, sleep overtook you. But it didn't last.

You had only been asleep for an hour or two when a sudden knocking on your door woke you. Quietly, you tiptoed over to the door, peering out of the eyehole. You were relieved to find it was Jeongin. You opened the door, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes.

"Jeongin, what are you doing here?"

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah, sure." You noticed his rather distressed state.

"What's up?" You sat down on the bed as you watched him pace back and forth.

"It's off."

"What?"

"The wedding. It's off."

"The wedding is off?"

"I'm such an idiot. I can't believe I didn't see what was going on."

"Woah, hey, calm down." You stood up and took his hands in your own before guiding him to sit down on the bed. "Let's talk this through. What happened?"

"She's been cheating on me. The entire time with one of her friends from work. I went upstairs to my room and found them together."

"Are you serious? Are you alright?"

"I don't know. It just hurts because I trusted her and I'm embarrassed because they've been fucking each other the entire time and I never noticed but now it's so clear. He was always around whenever I visited her at work. I should've known."

"Hey, none of this is your fault, how could you have known?"

"I feel so stupid for dragging everyone out here to watch me get married to somebody who never even loved me."

"Did she say that she never loved you?"

"She said that she thought she could be happy with me but she never loved me. And then she started to talk about how maybe it was better she never loved me because she knew I never loved her either."

"Well, do you love her?"

"No. I don't think I ever did and I always felt guilty. I told myself I could learn to love her, I just had to give it a try. It wasn't working but I never once cheated on her. I really did like her and I tried to love her, I did. But I've only been in love once, I don't think I'm ever gonna feel that way about anyone else other than that person." You wanted to ask him about who this person was but honestly, you weren't sure you were ready to hear about the lucky person that had managed to steal Jeongin's heart.

You instead let Jeongin talk. You listened to every word he said as he explained everything Lucy and him had argued about. he told you everything except the parts where Lucy brought up your name. He had never known that his feelings were so obvious but it had him worrying that you might have caught on as well. And with that worry came guilt. Shouldn't he be more worried about the fact that he caught his fiancée cheating?

"And the thing is, I hate the fact that she cheated but I can't hate her. Because I know she's right. I don't love her. I think we were just at the stage in our relationship where we had to move on to the next step because that's what everyone else around us was doing. We never loved each other but didn't want to end it because if we broke up we'd have to start all over again with someone new. I was content with the way things were, even if I didn't love her. God, I'm a bad person, aren't I?"

"Jeongin, no, you're not a bad person. Don't you dare even think that. You were just not sure what to do and you made a mistake."

Eventually, Jeongin managed to calm down. You found some of the oversized clothes that you wore to sleep in and let him wear them. They fit him perfectly. You were both lying in your bed now, waiting for the other to speak.

"Is it bad that I think I'm actually a little relieved the wedding is off? I don't think I would've gone through with it, anyway, even if this didn't happen," Jeongin spoke first. You stayed quiet. "I've been having doubts that entire time we've been here but if we got to the day, and I was up on the altar, I don't think I could've said 'I do.' I always knew deep down I wouldn't marry her."

"Why didn't you tell anyone? Me or Seungmin or Changbin or anyone. We could've helped you."

"I know but I felt embarrassed. We made a big deal about this grand Las Vegas wedding and now it's not even happening."

"People will understand. We want to see you happy before all else. Don't worry about that stuff from now on, alright? We won't judge you."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologise. It's okay. But what are you going to do about tomorrow?"

"I'm not sure."

"If you don't want to face everyone, you don't have to. But message the guys and let them know. I'm sure Lucy will have to explain to her friends what's going on. Maybe let your parents know too, they'll be worried if not."

"Alright." He leaned over and picked up his phone before typing out a few messages. You watched him silently, the phone screen illuminating his face.

"That's not going to be a nice message for them to wake up to." He sighed.

"It doesn't matter. Stop worrying about everyone else and just think about yourself, yeah? Everyone has to put themselves first every now and then."

Changbin was still awake and messaged back quickly. Jeongin's phone pinged and he quickly read the message.

"Changbin says that he will explain to everyone if I don't feel up to it."

"See, I told you. We've got you. We'll help you. That's what friends are for, right? Now, come on, try and get some sleep. It'll do you good."

***

Changbin enlisted Seungmin to help inform everyone that the wedding was off. It was certainly not a job they enjoyed doing but for the sake of their friend, they were glad they could help.

Jeongin stayed in your bed for most of the day, too embarrassed to face anyone. Sometime in the afternoon, you headed up to his room after he gave you his key card. You did not really want to see Lucy but you knew he certainly wouldn't want to either. And he needed his clothes. You were glad to find that Lucy wasn't in the room, so you picked him some clothes so he could get changed. Afterward, you brought him some food hoping to cheer him up. Once he had finished eating you spoke up.

"You shouldn't be the one embarrassed, she's the one that got caught cheating."

"I can't help it."

"Come on, we're in Las Vegas. I'm not having you lounging around all day. Let's go out sightseeing or something. Just the two of us. Forget about everyone else." Jeongin groaned but you grabbed hold of his hand and pulled him out of bed. Rather dejectedly, he picked up the clothes you had gotten for him and headed to the bathroom to get changed. When he had finished getting ready two of you headed for the strip.

You had a few places in mind to visit. And, as you dragged him from hotel to hotel, you saw that a smile slowly started to creep onto his face. As you strolled through the fake French street in the Parisian hotel he turned to you.

"This has helped a lot, thank you."

"No need to thank me, I'm having fun too."

"Where are we heading next?" He asked.

"The New York, New York hotel. They've got a rollercoaster, isn't that crazy? I'm gonna force you to come on it with me." And that's what you did. You took hold of his hand as the drop of the rollercoaster neared, both of you screaming and laughing as you reached it and plummeted. When you got off the rollercoaster you laughed at each other's windswept hair.

"That was fun. Shall we get something to eat now?"

"Yeah, I'm getting hungry."

You found a restaurant close by and ordered your food.

"Feeling better?" You asked him.

"Yeah. I am actually. Looking back now I just think how stupid Lucy and I were to stay together when we knew we weren't in love."

"At least you realised now, before the wedding."

"Yeah, I suppose. Honestly, being here has made me realise a lot of other things too."

"What like?"

"Remember when I mentioned that I'd only ever loved one girl before? I've realised I still love her." His words hurt you but you didn't let on.

"So this mysterious girl, are you gonna tell me about her?" He smiled softly at you.

"No. I don't think I will. I'd like to keep her all to myself."

"Come on, not one tiny detail. I'll take anything."

"Ok fine. When I knew that nobody else could cheer me up, she was always the one I would turn to."

"I'm glad. But, hey, when you confess let me know so I can talk to her. I gotta make sure she takes care of my best friend."

"She always takes care of me."

***

The sunset was beautiful that day as the two of you continued your walk along the strip. You were enjoying your time together but you were saddened by the fact that it was your last day there. You would be heading back to Korea tomorrow. All the other party guests would be flying back too. All except Jeongin and Lucy. They had planned to stay a few more days, just the two of them, as a little honeymoon.

"What are you gonna do about staying here?"

"I'm gonna see if they have another room and pay whatever I have to for it."

"You sure you're gonna be alright?"

"I'm sure, don't worry about me."

You headed back to the hotel, where Jeongin was able to arrange and pay for another room for the next couple of days until he left. The two of you moved his stuff into his room from his original room, thankfully avoiding Lucy, before heading back to your room. The two of you spent the rest of the night chatting, trying to ignore the fact that you were leaving tomorrow. He ended up staying in your room rather than going to his own. Jeongin wanted to spend every last minute of the trip with you.

The next morning, as you got ready to head to the airport the two of you were quiet as a strange atmosphere settled over you. You both got a taxi together to the airport, Jeongin insisting on coming with you. He embraced you in one last hug.

"I promise we won't lose contact this time, I don't wanna go another 3 years without seeing you."

"Don't worry, we won't."

"Good, have a safe flight."

"I'll message you as soon as I land."

He watched as you walked into the airport, fearing it would be the last time he saw you. He had so desperately missed you in the last 3 years since you moved from Seoul, he really didn't want to go through that again. He was planning to get a taxi back to the hotel but he found his feet couldn't move. A taxi pulled up beside him and out piled Changbin, Seungmin, and Jisung.

"Hey, Jeongin, what are you doing here?" Jisung asked.

"I just saw Y/N inside."

"Oh yeah, her flight is an hour before ours, we might see her inside," Changbin added.

"How are you feeling?" Seungmin asked.

"I'm not sure, to be honest. I mean with the wedding, I'm honestly relieved I didn't go through with it, but there's been a lot on my mind."

"Y/N, right?"

"Yep. You were right Seungmin."

"When am I not? So are you gonna do something about it"

"No. That would be stupid. She moved away and we might stay in contact now but we won't see each other."

"You're kidding me, right?" Changbin asked.

"What?" Jeongin asked, rather confused.

"She didn't tell you"

"Tell me what."

"She's moving back to Seoul."

"Seriously?"

"Yes."

"Oh my god, she's moving back."

"You should confess."

"What? No. I can't, she might be moving back to Seoul but so what, that doesn't change anything about our relationship."

"No, you don't understand," Seungmin said. "She's moving back to Seoul for you. She told us it was because she missed you too much. Jeongin, if that isn't a confession of love I don't know what is. You can still catch her up. Go tell her."

Without another word, Jengin took off running. he ran into the airport desperately searching for you. He found you queuing, waiting to go through the gate to the terminals.

"Y/N!" He shouted, a few people turned to see the commotion.

"What are you doing?"

"I need to talk to you before you leave."

You looked at him in disbelief before quickly moving from the queue, apologising to people as you pushed past.

"What is it?"

"You're moving back to Seoul? Why didn't you tell me?"

You looked down at your feet before answering him.

"I'm sorry, I should've told you but I didn't want to tell you before the wedding because I didn't want to take anything off of your moment. And then I wasn't sure how to tell you so I thought I'd surprise you."

"I can't believe you're moving back! God, I love you so much." You froze.

"What?"

"I mean it, Y/N, I really do. When I told you that I'd only ever been in love with one person before, I was talking about you. Being here has made me realise that I was never over you. I've been in love with you since we were teenagers and I never told you, I wish I had."

You smiled brightly before leaning forward. Your lips hovering over his own. When he made no move to pull away, you connected your lips to his. The kiss was everything you had dreamt of. It was these past 5 years of yearning and missing him all in one action. It had all built up to this and if you could relive one moment for the rest of your life you would pick this one. When you pulled away you both smiled.

"I love you too. I have for years. Being here made me realise too that I never got over you."

"We've been so stupid."

"So stupid." You agreed.

You pulled him into another hug. Neither of you wanting to let the other go.

"I've got to go."

"I know."

"Hey, I'm moving to Seoul and once I do we can figure this out. We've waited years for each other and now we will have all the time in the world to do it right this time."

"I just want you to know that, once you get to Seoul, I'm never letting go of you ever again."

"And I'm never gonna let go of you either." You smiled before slowly pulling away from him.

As you slowly left to queue back up, Jeongin smiled at you. He watched you as you neared the front of the queue. He didn't want to see you leave but he knew that soon he would see you again. As you were about to go through the gate, you turned back and smiled at him.

"Wait for me in Seoul," You shouted over.

"Always."

#stray kids #skz #kpop #skz in #skz jeongin #yang jeongin #yang jeongin x reader #yang jeongin fluff #fanfiction #fanfic

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