modern q!philza centric au.

phil lives in a two bedroom flat with his nephew tommy and the two cats that have made themselves very much at home, chayanne and tallulah. whilst chayanne is his cat and has been for years, tallulah belonged to wilbur before he left for university, where his accomodation doesn't allow pets.

forever is his absolute cunt of an upstairs neighbour, who he can't really decide if he hates or not. it depends from day to day. he has custody of his son, richarlyson, every now and then, and his sister (or friend? phil can never really tell and it feels rude to ask) baghera drops by quite a lot, usually with her daughter, pomme, not too far behind.

missa lives in the flat below and isn't too bad. he happens to love phil's cat, and chayanne has no issue in making himself at home. Phil doesn't know how he got to the point where he has shared custody of his own cat, who he feeds and shelters.

fit supposedly lives in the same building (take this with a grain of salt - nobody has actually seen him enter any of the flats), and is one of his few tolerable neighbours. they get on quite well, and his own cat, ramon, seems to be on friendly terms with chayanne and tallulah.

tommy is having the time of his life playing matchmaker with his uncle and their variety of neighbours, usually with the help of the cats and the owner of the complex, kristin. she and phil have known each other for a while, and she takes no issue in laughing at his misery. of course, nothing will ever come of this. phil doesn't see any of them in that light (though if he had to pick, it'd probably be missa) and never will. regardless, tommy and kristin are having the time of their lives. bonus points if he keeps his friends, such as eryn, freddie, jack, bill, ranboo, aimsey, tubbo and the whole gang updated regularly. extra bonus points if you include other qsmp creators.

mcyum is also somehow involved, this is non negotiable.

Grian: So we'll do that again because everyone failed at breathing--

[hermit laughter and indistinct bits of conversation.]

Grian: --so take a deep breath in... and out... [gently taps gong]

[moment of hermit silence]

Doc: Where's... my... diamonds.

Martyn: [aside] Is that the tone I leave a message after?

Ren: Just breathe, Doc.

Doc: It doesn't go away! I'm about to get TNT! I'm gonna get TNT... [suddenly shouting] I'M GONNA BLOW YOU ALL UP!

[hermit laughter, especially Cleo's]

GIGAcorp™️ sponsored top surgery call them GIGAtits™️

Y/n, crocheting: not gonna lie, I think that toxic waste just cracked my tooth

Wilbur: YOU DO CROCHET TOO??

Schlatt: YOU TAKE THE CROCHET FROM THAT AND NOT THE CRACKED TOOTH?

Ps: I've already committed to doing Phil, since my husband (platonic) has rushed finishing his techno so we can do emerald duo together and won't have to wait until next month, I have to commit to the cosplay grind

I VOTED ZED I DID!!! I would like to see only ur cutest ren pls

rendog when he does his lil dopey giggle. you agree.

tommy: how are you today?

jack: im exhausted, i’ve tired myself out today.

tommy: would you like me to come to your house with a shot of ginger?

jack: …… why would i want that?

Wilbur: *making a speech*

Y/n: *stubs their toe* fuck fuck fuckity fuck

Wilbur: a very eloquent addition, y/n, thank you

tommy: just got cancelled by my own mother for swearing at the dinner table

techno: i dropped out of college to play minecraft, and yes, before you ask, my mother was absolutely thrilled when i told her, thank you for asking-

wilbur: we’re like romeo and juliet!

jack: i don’t feel like that!

wilbur: although we are from different boats-

jack, to camera: i’m not in love with him.

wilbur: wherefore art thou manifold?

jack: here! in the-

wilbur: yours is the east, as mine is the west!

jack: fucketh off!

tommy: no, wilby!

wilbur: what’d you just call me? did you just call me wilby?

tommy: wilby scoot.

wilbur: what is it with you and calling me wilby bro? that’s what my mum calls me

tommy: my mum calls me Sir.

sapnap: i actually failed my first test.

dream: how?

sapnap: what do you mean how, i put the wrong answers that’s how.

jack: it’s a fucked up shirt. so admittedly, maybe it was because of the way that i was dressed

foolish: well were you wearing pants?

jack: …… no, i was bollocks naked. i was out with my friends, just bollocks naked, as i often am-

wilbur: i don’t know where to go, i’m stuck in the water.

wilbur: i’m stuck with the xbox online people

grian: *wheeze*

wilbur: they don’t seem to have the foggiest either.

wilbur: phil, i’ve got a plan.

phil: you’ve got a plan?

wilbur: yeah. i need to answer some emails. so what i’m gonna do is i’m gonna sit here, muted, and just listen to you. and then occasionally chime in with my opinion.

phil: that sounds horrifying-

wilbur: it’s a brilliant idea.

tommy: i’m gonna be one of the sleepy bois and sleep forever.

philza: you’re gonna hibernate?

tommy: i’m gonna die.

philza: okay-