first meme stolen from twitter but i had to add the pic of them because the parallels are unmatched

crazy ass picture

eight weeks on testosterone.

It has been almost two months since I began T, and I have not yet noticed any significant changes. This is no doubt due to the very low dosage I am on- one pump of gel a day, 20.25mg.

My partner observed a couple of days ago that the darker peach fuzz I have always had on my upper lip has grown more prominent and even. I hadn't noticed this for myself until he had said something, but it's true! Very minor, but a change nonetheless.

My skin is a bit worse these days, which may be another small effect of T so far. I have been getting pimples far more often then before, in places on my face that are abnormal for me. I seem to have combination skin, and I have been a bit greasier in the typically greasy areas.

Nothing else to report besides the other minor changes I noted in my last post. I am still very impatient for my voice to begin dropping, however I don't beleive this will happen until I get on a higher dosage after my three month follow up in March.

The slow process of my transition mirrors the feeling of stuckness I have been experiencing overrall in my life since graduating college last year. This has been a time of internal progress above all else, which is very valuable, but I have grown inpatient for these changes to begin manifesting concretely.

In the last month I have begun hitting the gym! I found a trans guy on tiktok who made videos outlining workouts to gain a more masculine physique, and I have been following those. As the testosterone begins to take an affect on me physically, I want to ensure that I am capitalizing on the opportunity it gives me to look more like how I want to look. I want to be ripped, positively shredded lmfao.

Thanks for reading :)

One Month on Testosterone.

The year has been off to a very rocky start, to say the least. While I have come further than i ever expected in many aspects of my personal journey of understanding my identity, I currently find myself set back once again in so many ways. And even though I know I am doing my best every day, it is increasingly difficult to remain grateful in my life.

As of a few days from now, I am one month on T. That is something to celebrate. I never thought I would have been able to muster the decisiveness necessary to be able to accomplish such a milestone.

However, too many things have knocked me down recently to muster many celebratory feelings. I lost my job. The next day, I was physically assaulted by my next door neighbor. As a result of no longer being safe in that building, I find myself suddenly having to move within the span of 3 days. I have been applying to jobs left and right. I woke up this morning to a rejection letter from my dream job. My car is acting up. My imposter syndrome and self doubt is at an all time high. It's a lot to grapple with all at once.

I haven't noticed any changes to speak of yet on T, other than the fact that I smell worse in just about every regard. TMI, but this is anonymous so whatever. My feet and armpits are sweating more and smelling worse than ever. Body oder in general is much stronger. My urine smells much stronger. My sex drive is notably higher as well, which is a new and odd feeling as an asexual, because I don't mentally feel any different towards sex- only physically. These are all things that I was told would occur, so I'm not surprised at all.

My three month follow up is in March. If I don't notice any other changes by then, I may up my dosage (I am a bit impatient for my voice to change, haha!).

I just have to keep my head down and keep on doing my best every day I guess.

Fuck it, we ball.

me: hesitant to tag things "phan" in 2023 in honor of preserving a healthier audience relationship After All We've Been Through ™️

dnp video titles: "WHO IS ON TOP, DAN OR PHIL? 🥵 - PHAN LORE DISCUSSION #69"

i wish ads felt pain when you skipped them

'you wouldn't pirate a-' i would steal anything from any company. anything in the world. i dont even want it i just hate you

One week on testosterone.

Today marks seven days on T. No changes have made themselves known quite yet. Each morning post-shower I have been following the ritual of rubbing the acrid-smelling gel into my upper right arm and shoulder until it dries, dragging the excess across my chest, and finally wiping my sticky hand across my stomach. It has the exact consistency of hand sanitizer, and I have to remind myself that it isn't, and to scrub my hands vigorously after each run-in with the gel. I can't get it on my partner or my cat, because that's bad I've been told. It'll make my cat grow a beard or something.

A few times since starting T, bouts of fear have gripped at my stomach. The same fears I've had since the beginning, kicked into overdrive. What if I regret this. What if I'm wrong. And I breathe. And remind myself. I can stop if I see fit. It's not as if there is no turning back now. And I am on a low dose. I will not be doing any transforming into a lumberjack overnight. It is ok. I am ok. And then I remind myself why I wanted this in the first place. And I am calm.

Christmas has come and gone. I did not mention this newest life change to my family when visiting. I consider it less of a matter of when I WANT to tell them, and more of a matter of when I will HAVE to tell them. Once it is too obvious to be concealed, or once they decide to ask me first, "has your voice changed?". I know they will not have a poor reaction. But I also know better by now then to let them in on things without caution. I also failed in my mission to assert myself when my parents got my pronouns wrong, when they clearly are not trying in that regard.

But my mother did surprise me in a very welcome way. She made me a new stocking, with my new name. This means a lot, and it stays with me.

Today I will record my "one week on t" voice progress video. I look forward to hearing the progress after 2 weeks, 4 weeks, one month, three. I wonder what rancid comments I will get on tiktok.

I concluded sessions with my therapist this week as well, for reasons outside of my control. If I have my way, I will continue sessions with them in the future, as I have made personal progress during my time with them that has been invaluable. It has led me to where I am now. They are the best therapist I have ever had.

Thanks for reading :)

-Geedis

Twelve Animals of the Zodiac - China, 18th century

Malia Jensen: Unmade Bed (2010) hand-carved from a bar of soap

Dark Cottagecore

My first day on testosterone.

Hey guys, I'm Geedis. I mean not actually, but ya know. The date is 12/22/23, and this is my first day on T.

As of this month, I'm now 24 years old, and have been on a very slow journey of gender discovery for the last seven years or so. It's been a journey of hesitation, self doubt, fear, avoidance, and denial. But over the course of this year, I set out to finally dig deeper and come out the other side having learned something about myself, and have an idea of how to proceed in my life. I knew that I was nonbinary for a few years, but I had hit a plateau, a stagnation in my knowledge of how to continue on my journey of self-understanding.

So I worked at it; I finally began going by my chosen name, and slowly but surely taking the required steps to legally change my name. I tried out they/he pronouns. I bought a gender identity workbook. I started going to therapy. And I ultimately arrived at some level of understanding that being perceived as more masculine would make me more comfortable.

My choice to go on T is not without its hesitations. But I knew that I'd never be 100% truly sure it was what I needed. That wasn't something that was going to just magically occur one day after a little bit more waiting. I felt that I had asked all the questions that I could of myself and the world around me, and that no more answers would reveal themselves unless I gave this a shot. Hahah shot, get it?

No but actually I'm doing gel! There's no way I could stick myself with a needle lol. If gel proves to be inconvenient in some way, I'll opt instead to visit the clinic every week for a shot.

I applied the gel to my upper arm this morning, staring at it as it dried. It didn't feel real. This was something I had been thinking about for so long.

I'll be keeping a log of my thoughts, feelings, and changes during my transition here. Thanks for reading if you made it this far :)

Welp, here we go.

hey guys

Art by Justin Gerard

YEAST KEN HEHEHE

YEAST KEN HAHAHA

YEAST KEN HOHOHO

YEAST KEN!!

(I’m obsessed with these little bread boys.)