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phantaloon-books · 3 years

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I was rereading the iconic reunion at baltimore and this came to me and I can't not write it (even though I have a half finished chapter waiting to be written for a fic for a whole different fandom but who cares right)

in which neil regrets realizes that the feds were on to something when they talked about witness protection program. brace yourselves, it's angst time bby. please bear with me, I don't write stuff like this, content and format wise.

so everyone knows what goes down in baltimore. everyone knows that famous college exy striker for the foxes neil josten has been the son of the butcher of baltimore all along, and that smth happened after he was kidnapped and tortured that resulted in the butcher and some associates to be killed. everyone knows that neil walked out alive, injured but alive. so when a few weeks, months later, associates of the butcher start getting raided and taken in custody, everyone knows exactly who opened his little mouth and revealed everything he knows (bc there's literally no one else who could know this stuff and would be willing to share with the fucking feds, no one has a death wish)

It's a slow process. It starts with the feeling of not being safe, which is ridiculous, because he hasn't been quite as safe as he is right now, with the foxes, his family, and most importantly with Andrew. They're on summer break, technically speaking, even if they're at campus for practice because they gotta train the new foxes. They're barely doing anything than hanging out together and training, but still Neil can't shake the feeling that something is wrong, that someone is watching him, but he doesn't say anything, because it doesn't make sense, he's just being paranoid, there's no need to panic.

Neil can swear he's being watched. He feels the dread whenever he's out of the dorm, when he's out running, when they go out to eat something, when they go to the mall, on their way to practice, at Eden's. But when he looks around there's no one looking, it's been weeks and nothing has happened, he hasn't seen anyone.

Neil can tell Andrew is growing suspicious of the way he checks out a place, the way his eyes trace every corner, every exit, because he's starting to fall back in old habits, and he knows Andrew hates it. But Andrew doesn't ask, he knows that Neil will speak when he feels ready, so he lets it go, even if he can't quite let got of the worry clawing at his heart.

But everything keeps going normally, things are fine, everything is fine fine fine. Neil doesn't talk about it, but it's fine really. Until it's not fine at all, but it's also too late to talk now because his head is fuzzy and throbbing, and he feels like he might throw up and he feels pain even if he's not sure where the pain is coming from. But he can't do anything now, he can't tell Andrew how he's been feeling dread for weeks, because a man whose name he doesn't even know but whose face is awfully familiar is standing right in front of him where he lies on the floor, and the situation is also awfully familiar.

Stop being a martyr. Oh Andrew would kill him. If Neil gets out of this alive, Andrew will kill him, because he left again. He didn't want to, he really didn't. He was out on a run while Andrew was in therapy with Bee and Aaron, a couple miles away from fox tower, when a car pulled up right in front of him, two men wearing hoods and sunglasses stepping out and standing in front of him. He came to a halt, trying his best to keep calm because who the hell were these men and what did they want and for fucks sake can this just stop? It would have been smart to turn around and try to get back to the tower but he can't ever keep his mouth shut can he?

"Look I don't know who you are, I don't care what you want, but you're in my way, so move away if you know what's best." He intended to go for more sarcastic, but he was doing his best not to panic, so that had to do.

"You're coming with us, get in the car, or we'll do this the hard way." Their voices said they wouldn't hesitate, but Neil laughed anyway, that smile he knew was the Butcher's resting on his lips. Anything to make the men leave. He opened his mouth and then- "The Minyard twins are at Dr. Dobson's office. Reynolds, Walker, and Wilds are at the mall. Hemmick, Boyd and Day are in the dorms. The newbies are at the dorms as well. Come with us the easy way and we'll let them walk out of their respective places alive, Nathaniel."

And he was fucked. Of course he hadn't been safe, he would never be safe. In fact no one he cared about would ever be safe. He should have known better. But he wasn't going to let the foxes be harmed.

"How do I know you won't kill them anyway?" The snark was gone, the smile vanished. His face was blank and dangerous, because he'd done this before. "I don't even know who you are, you're obviously not the big guys, and I don't remember seeing your faces."

"We don't want to attract unnecessary attention. All we care about is you. If you come, you spare us all the trouble. As for who we are, let's just say someone is pissed at the piece of shit that ruined everything."

"The Butcher's friends then. I can't argue with that, it's a habit of mine to fuck up. Ichirou won't be too happy if something happened." He played his strongest card but fuck it. The Moriyamas owed him protection, Ichirou himself had made a deal with him.

"The moment they turned their backs to the Wesninski and made a deal with Hatford, those Japanese shits mean nothing to us." These were desperate men apparently. If the Moriyamas were nothing, the FBI was even less. "Time is running Nathaniel, decide. You or them?"

Andrew would kill him, but they'd talked about it before. Neil had told Andrew. If it means losing you, then no. He would not put himself first. Hell, he'd told the others before, the Foxes were all he had, he wasn't going to risk them for himself, not for anything. He needed to keep them safe.

So now he's lying on the cold wooden floor of some house or shed or whatever, drowsy from whatever they drugged him with once he got in the car, and in pain after being beaten for the last hour or so. He didn't bother asking the man (who is obviously in charge and sent the two men) for a name, and honestly he still doesn't plan to. What was the point of that anyway? He just looks up at the cold brown eyes of the man standing over him, Neil's face as neutral as he could keep it despite the fear of not making it out alive threatening to pull him under. The man just stares at him, calculative eyes and cruel smile, and Neil can't take it.

"What, so you're just gonna stand there? I have better shit to do." He hears the slur in his voice, wonders if it's just the drugs or something else. A concussion is likely. He's met with silence, so he closes his eyes and lays his head down. Fuck he's tired of these situations. He truly will never be safe, no one will-

"You know, I was expecting so much more from you Nathaniel," the man says with a laugh, "I was told that you'd put up a fight, I thought this would be fun. They said you'd beg for your precious life, but you haven't even made an effort."

Whoever his source was, they definitely do not know Neil, or Nathaniel for that matter. Not only is he not going to risk the men hurting the others, but he isn't going to fight, not against so many of them, not when running would be more likely to get him out alive. He isn't going to let them know that. "First go fuck yourself, and second, this isn't remotely close to entertaining to what I've been through, maybe if it was more interesting."

What does Andrew say? Regret is worthless? It seems right, because he can't find regret in what he said, even if his face is a bloody mess (what's new?) and his body shakes with shivers, after his head is held underwater so many times. No, he doesn't regret it. Instead he finds himself laughing a hollow thing.

"Y'know at least others have had a point, this time it's just for the fun of it, and it's not being much fun." His voice cracks a couple times, hoarse from coughing up water.

"You're right though, it is for fun. You cost me absolutely everything Nathaniel. Did you know the feds and the Moriyamas have been after us for months? Hunting us like we're rabbits, all because you decided to be a dipshit and open your mouth. You should be dead. You should have died ten years ago, back in March, anytime. All your existence caused us is trouble. And ratting us to the feds wasn't enough was it? No you told Ichirou all of the Butcher's men were loose ends, too." The man took a deep breath, composing himself. "So yes Nathaniel, this is for fun. This is payback, you've cost many lives, this is retribution for speaking, and I'm gonna enjoy seeing you have fun for as long as I can."

At some point, after hours, he's left alone in the dark, in the cold. He knows he’s in pain. He’s pretty sure his arm is broken, and so are several ribs. He knows he should be in a lot of pain, but he's just numb. Regret is worthless. Because even if he feels even worse than how he felt last winter at Evermore, he doesn’t regret it. He can’t be sure the guy’s men were truly going to kill the Foxes, but he doesn’t regret coming here to make sure the others don’t suffer more than they already have because of him. He wonders if Andrew will forgive him. He didn’t leave proof that he didn’t want to leave this time. Would Andrew think he left them - him? God, he hopes not. Would Andrew look for Neil or leave it thinking that Neil wanted to leave?

It doesn’t really matter, though. Neil is so tired. This time isn’t like when he was on the run or when he went to Evermore or when Lola took him. While with the Ravens, Kevin knew he was there at least, if anything were to happen, a person would know where to look somehow. At Baltimore, several people knew the most likely place to find him; Uncle Stewart, the Hatfords, Kevin again. He has no idea of where he is, or who took him, and no one knows he’s been taken in the first place. No one will ever find him.

Maybe it’s better that way, he thinks. No one will have to deal with the burden of him or his disappearance or his death, because no one will know. The simple thing would be to assume he ran. He hopes they assume he ran. Maybe they’ll be hurt, but haven’t they been expecting him to run? They won’t make it to championships without him considering Jack is an awful striker, but Kevin will manage. Andrew - Andrew is the one who expects him to run the most, maybe he’ll take it nicely. Neil hopes he takes it nicely. Guilt blossoms among the nothingness in his chest, but he can’t take it back, and he doesn’t want to. It’s better this way. No one will find him, but that’s fine. He wonders what the Moriyamas will do. He doesn’t want to think about that. He thinks of Andrew, the kisses, the care, the love, the nights spent together. Thank you, you were amazing. He wishes he could tell him how much he cares one last time. He feels something wet slip down his face. He can’t tell if it’s water, blood or tears. He sighs. He thinks of Andrew, and his eyes slip close.

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myboipotterimagines · 4 years

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Oblivious - Draco Malfoy/Fred Weasley x Reader

Request: Could you write a Draco Malfoy ×plus size reader imagine where the reader is oblivious when someone flirts with her and Draco just gets secretly jealous and finally snogs her and makes her realize that he was jealous when other guys flirted with her?

(A/N: So I got a little carried away and this is about 50% a Fred fic. I hope that’s okay bc I really like how it turned out. Also I think I’ll be making a part two of this fic. I really love it.)

“Are you going to the Quidditch game tonight?” Fred asks, leaning over to you when McGonagall isn’t looking. “Wouldn’t miss it. You better take ‘em down.” “I’ll send a bludger Malfoy’s way just for you,” he smiles. You smile back. “Good.”

When the aforementioned bludger slammed into Malfoy, you cheered. Fred met eyes with you for a moment before being knocked by a bludger himself. “Yikes,” you murmured.

He was fine, of course. After the obvious win, you all returned to the Gryffindor common area, a feeling of victory heavy in the air. The night slowly calmed and you retired to a love seat in the corner, finishing the last bit of your potions homework. When the right side of the couch declined, you look up to see Oliver. “Good game,” you smile. “It was a tough one but I think everyone pulled out the stops tonight,” he laughed. He paused, “do you want something to drink?” “I mean, if you’re offering,” you shrugged with a grin. He returned a moment later with two Butterbeers. “Thank you very much,” you say before taking a swig. “You’re very welcome,” he replied. The two of you talked for a few minutes before he was called in by his other teammates.

The next day was far less exciting. You had potions with the Slytherins which was always more scarring than exciting. Harry sat beside you today, abandoning his usual seat next to Ron. Today’s potion was particularly difficult and when Harry’s exploded you heard laughs behind you. You scowled at Draco and his partner, who were both throwing insults at the boy beside you. “That’s really unnecessary,” you respond before Harry wraps an arm around you, pulling your attention away from the two boys.

The laughing immediately stopped, the room now filled with an awkward silence. You were more than relieved to leave when class was finally over. When you left, you met eyes with Draco whose expression changed only slightly before Harry pulled you away. “If you want to come to practice with me I’ll give you some flying lessons when we’re done,” Harry offered once you had gained some distance from the potions classroom. “Hmm, that is a good offer,” you considered. “Is that a yes?” he asked, gently knocking into you. “Yes,” you said with a laugh and a return shove.

Practice didn’t last long. Apparently both Gryffindor and Slytherin were booked for the field. Instead of alternating, the teams decided to practice together. This, of course, led to a fight between Harry and Draco, and thus both teams. Eventually it became out of control and one of the Slytherins got knocked straight into the bleachers you were sitting on, knocking you off balance and down several rows. “Ow,” you groaned, holding onto your ribs. “Alright, that’s enough!” Oliver yelled, trying to break up the fight. Fred flew to you, extending a hand for you to get on his broom in front of him. “Come on, I’ve got you.” You leaned back against him, your ribs still throbbing in pain. Fred wrapped both arms around your side, holding onto the broom in front of you. You felt safe riding with him.

Fred took you to the infirmary, carrying you once you reached to ground. He stayed by your side as Madam Pompfrey cast enchantment after enchantment, slowly healing your wounds. Every so often you got the strength to look up at him. He would smile and mouth, “you’re doing great.” When she was done, you felt an urge for sleep wash over you. “Thank you,” you murmured before your eyes fluttered shut.

When you woke up, Fred was gone and Draco was in the bed beside of you with a bloodied nose. “What happened?” you asked, slowly pushing yourself into a sitting position. “It’s honestly none of your business,” he says, a tone of annoyance in his voice. “Wow, you’re a jerk even when wounded. It’s nice that you’re consistent.” “I’m sorry, I’m just hurting. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.”

An apology from Draco Malfoy. You were about to comment about how absurd it was when Madam Pompfrey approached Draco, now casting healing spells on him. It only took three before he was ready to go. She then looked you over and released you as well. “I’ll walk you back,” Draco suggested.

You began walking down the corridor, an awkward silence falling between you two. “I’m sorry you got hurt,” he finally said. “It was really foolish of us.” “It’s okay. That’s just how you all are. I knew the risk when Harry invited me I guess,” you laughed. Draco’s mood immediately changed. “Of course it was Potter.” “Sorry, I know you guys hate each other.” Draco sighed, “Will you just come with me?” Instead of turning left to head to your common room, Draco let you right, and before long you were at the entrance of the Slytherin common room. Two doors down is his room. You enter it, immediately drawn to the dark wood and dark green linen. Draco motions for you to sit on a bed as he rummages through a drawer. He finally finds what he was looking for - a dark gray vial. “Here, this should help with any pain in your ribs. I made it in potions class.” “Thank you,” you say, placing the vial in your pocket. You stand. “I better get going, I’m studying with Fred this evening.

Before you reach the door, Draco grabbed you, pulling you flush to his chest. The action was swift, leaving you shocked for only a second before realizing what he had actually done. “How are you so oblivious?” he asks, his breath hot against your cheek. His hands move to the back of your head, his fingers intertwined in your hair. Your eyes meet for only a moment before he moves in. You lips meet fast, both moving as if this is the last time they’ll ever touch. The kiss is messy and all encompassing. You grab onto the back of his robes, pulling the fabric into a fist as Draco pushes you into a wall, his neediness growing by the second. You’re only distracted a second by the knocking at the door before Draco swiftly pulls out his wand and spells it locked, his wand then dropping to the floor.

He uses his now free hand to push you onto the closest free bed, quickly climbing on top of you. He removes his robes, leaving him in only a bloodied white shirt and dress pants. You grab onto him, pulling him down to meet you once more. In one swift motion, he flips the two of you so you’re on top of him. You lean down to kiss him but he pushes you up, undoing your outer robes. He begins on your shirt, but you grab onto his hands. “We’re moving too fast. I don’t want to go any further.” Draco’s hand falls to his lap. “Okay. I’m fine with just this,” he says, pulling you close once more.

Returning to the Gryffindor dorm after spending the night with a Slytherin was by definition - the walk of shame. You tried to avoid everyone but were immediately met by the trio. “Where were you?” Hermione asked, running into your arms. “I’m okay, I promise. I just had a weird night.” “What does weird mean? You didn’t come home. We all thought you were kidnapped,” Harry responded. “Or worse,” Ron added. “I know. I’m sorry, it’s just really unexpected and I don’t want you guys to be mad at me.” “Why would we be mad? We’re just worried, (Y/N),” Hermione said, rubbing your arm. “I know. I was with Draco.”

At that moment, you thought Harry was having a heart attack. He stood still, eyes wide. “You were with Draco all night?” “Why Draco?” Ron asked. “Of all people?” “This is why I didn’t want to tell you guys. I know how much you hate him.” “I hate that you stayed overnight with anyone. But with him? I’ve got to go take a shower or something before I vomit on sight,” Harry said before retreating upstairs. It wasn’t a minute later when you heard a door slam and a familiar voice yell, “Draco?!” “We’re gonna go,” Hermione said, pulling Ron away as Fred quickly stumbled down the stairs.

“Is it true,” he asked. “Yes, it’s true. I’m sorry. I know that the Quidditch team hates him. But it was really unexpected and-”, before you finish your sentence Fred is leading you out of the Gryffindor common room. He swiftly grabs his broom from the Quidditch supply closet. “Get on, please,” he said, his eyes softer than before. You obliged, sitting down in front of him. He used one hand to steer and one hand to wrap around you. Pulling you tighter than he had the day on the field. He didn’t talk the whole time, just gripped onto your stomach and steered, his knuckles white on the stick.

Fred landed on a patch of land a good ways away from the school, but still on the grounds. He jumped off the broom first, walking in a tight circle then returning to stand in front of you. “How could you?” he asked, his voice hot with tears. “He kissed me, Fred. I’ve never had anyone kiss me before. And I didn’t care that he was in another house. I didn’t know that you would all care so much.” Fred looked confused for a moment. “You really don’t know?” “Know what?” Fred took a step closer to you, his hand reaching out the hold yours. You look up, trying to meet his eyes but his are focused on his hand. He slowly unclasps your hand and moves up, his hand grazing your arm, then your shoulder, then resting on your face. His eyes meet yours and your heart flutters in your chest. “Can I kiss you?” he whispers, the words barely meeting your ear. You nod.

For the second time in your life, a pair of lips met yours. He’s gentler than Draco, softer. You gasp against your will, aching for closeness to the redhead. You pull closer to him, pulling one hand around his back and using the other to grab onto his fiery hair. He began trailing his kisses down to your collarbone, hitting a sensitive spot you didn’t know you had. You pull tighter to him and his hands move to pick you up. You wrap your legs around him, in bliss as he kisses you. He kneels down, laying you down on the soft grass. He hovers over you slightly before leaning down to kiss you once more.

Regret latches onto you quickly and forcefully. You pull away, gasping for air. “What’s wrong?” Fred asks. “I kissed both of you. Why would I do that?” you ask, panic overwhelming you. “Hey, it’s going to be okay,” Fred said, trying to console you. “He’s going to kill me.” “No he’s not,” Fred said, placing both hands on your face. “It’s going to be okay, whatever you choose to do.” “I don’t know what I want, Fred, or who. I never thought that I’d be in this situation. I’m so confused.” Fred held you tight, pulling you into his chest.

How could I be so oblivious?

#draco malfoy x reader #draco malfoy x plus sized! reader #draco malfoy imagine #x plus sized!reader #x plus sized reader #harry potter x reader #harry potter imagine #hp imagine #fred weasley x reader #fred weasley imagine #fred weasley x plus sized! reader

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randomsmilingpotatoes · 3 years

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alright here i am with my love victor opinions no-one asked for

- i was gonna originally do episode by episode commentaries but i'd seen a few spoilers and was scared i'd say something good about a bad character or something so didn't end up doing it asfgcjhvfkhj

- rahim is great but making him a love interest for victor was NOT it. a love triangle was not needed at all and it would've been really nice to have two gay guys be platonic friends with nothing more. also why did victor need a date to the wedding when felix and lake were broken up anyway??

- to extend from that, i don't hate benji as much as i expected to from people's posts and i think it's mostly bc both he and victor are?? flawed people?? who i actually think should end up together but they either need to work on communication OR take a break and work on themselves without bringing in other love interests into the equation

- furthermore, victor obviously wants to be with benji but i think the best thing for him rn would be to be single while he and his family go through the process of his coming out and their acceptance. he doesn't need to handle a relationship rn but he could do with a friend who understands what he's going through, aka rahim

- benji also clearly is too accustomed to being accepted and they touched on that a little especially in that he has white liberal parents but it wasn't talked about enough. they didn't really have him acknowledge the difference himself but also they didn't acknowledge that he has simply been out longer, and that not everyone wants to re-closet themselves. hence why maybe it's not the right time for either of them to date rn

- i found myself relating to a LOT to what victor was going through, not in terms of culture/ethnicity or religion specifically but the dealing with a homophobic mother and a partner who isn't experiencing it the same way, and just with a variety of things he dealt with throughout this season. however, and i found this in the first season, i just don't connect with his acting the way i do with every other character. idk why

- i really wanted felix x pilar to happen in season 1 and even at the start of s2 but after watching this season i wish it didn't honestly. i get why felix can't be with lake rn of course, and i also like that it emphasises how much of a risk she took in the decision she made. however, they reduced pilar's AWESOME character to be literally just a girl with a crush in this season and while there's nothing wrong with that, i found it really disappointing and also kinda doesn't work with the storyline. had felix been with pilar instead what would she have done?? and would she really have been there the way lake was, or at least different to lake? i don't know. i feel like it would have made more sense for felix and lake to break up properly in the finale and for felix x pilar to happen more as a slowburn in season 3. that being said they clearly just put them together to please fans and i'm worried they'll continue doing this

anyway i'm excited for bi lake with andrew's ex (lucy?)!! i wish we had more scenes of them pre-finale but i can't wait for more!!!!!!

- speaking of, i like how they made andrew this season with everything and i'm glad to see him and mia finally together. but i hope he doesn't just become ~the boyfriend~ with no other character to him. i also am so angry at mia's dad for taking that job and feel so bad for mia bc she's been through a LOT this season like damn:/ that being said i feel like everything about mia is what she's dealing with and not so much who she is?? so would be nice to see more of her as herself in season 3

- they don't show victor playing basketball enough. but i REALLY like how they talked about stereotypical 'gay' hobbies and how sports isn't one of them, and sort of touched on what MAKES a gay person, really. i just wish it wasn't "you're the best player on the team, of course they'll accept you" in every show that does this bc like?? why do you have to be the best player on the team to be accepted lmao

- i loved the PFLAG thing and it was great to see ormando being a supportive father!!! so refreshing and great to see and also to contrast the differences in how parents react. it was also great to see simon's dad running it and being super involved long after his son had moved out

- i did hope bram would at least be in the background of the simon scene but i guess we can't have everything

- the mum walking in on victor x benji fucking THE WAY I LITERALLY SCREAMED and then i couldnt even watch the next episode bc i had to go to work LMAO like THE CLIFFHANGER. benji was 100000% in the wrong there, it is NOT homophobic for a parent to be traumatised walking in on their child having sex lol and especially when adrian was home??? it could've been him that walked in sooo

- did my memory fail or was adrian kinda 'feminine' last season ??like he liked frozen and stuff and the grandparents made a comment about it?? what happened to that he literally wasn't anything like that this season it was kinda sad

- also why on earth were victor and benji kissing at work sorry but no matter what sexuality you are and how comfortable you are with PDA that is just?? weird?? like sorry but as a customer i would feel so uncomfortable like am i intruding lmao. a kiss hello and goodbye when you're starting and finishing is fine and cute but in between serving customers and making coffees and shit is so unnecessary lol

- where was victor and felix's friendship this season?? like he stayed in his house after a traumatic life event and they didn't talk about it?? they only talked when they were going through love triangles like thats it??

i saved this as a draft the other day and forgot what else i was gonna add so i'll end here lol!!

#the way no-one is gonna read this but i felt like i couldn't post it in multiple posts lmao #love victor #love victor season 2 #love victor spoilers

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groves · 4 years

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anyway i have. a variety of thoughts re: The Last of Us Part II, and i wanna get them out, so beware spoilers below the cut

i don’t wanna go the absolutist route of saying this game was incredible or this game was total bullshit - there were things i liked and things i very much did not

druck has been saying from the very beginning that this game was supposed to be about hate and cycles of violence and what trauma can do to a person and like. listen they achieved their goal with that - that being said, personally, i’m very over torture porn

let’s start with the good, shall we

i loved the gameplay! obviously very reminiscent of the first game, but i like the new add-ons of the ability tree, the new items you could craft, the variety of much bigger, more intricate, and interesting maps was hella fun

holy shit the standing/crouch/prone mechanic was smooth as shit and so much fun. i don’t think i’ve ever played a game where you could go prone like that, let alone with that much ease and versatility. it made a lot of the battles really fun and more versatile than they would have been with just boxes to hide behind

abby’s hair?? i don’t think i’ve ever played a character with hair animated past their shoulders/upper back?? she had a long braid that moved seamlessly as she moved - i’ve always assumed long hair on a player character was something that was deceptively difficult to animate (like characters taking off clothing, which ND were the first to achieve in Thief’s End), so idk if any other tech/animation people can confirm or deny that abby’s hair is kind of an animation breakthrough?

the similarities and differences between ellie and abby’s gameplay based on their strengths/weaknesses, materials, and training was a good touch

i know a lot of people didn’t like her, but abby grew on me a lot. do i love her as much as ellie? not by a long shot, but playing as abby for so long was very effective in driving the theme of cycles of violence home. As in, these are two girls who otherwise would have no reason to be enemies, neither of whom are inherently evil, but they keep doing things to hurt each other and brew this hatred in each other, neither of them feeling like they can stop

i loved a lot of our new cast of characters

i would die for dina, who could have seen that coming

i really liked jesse! i wasn’t sure how i was going to feel after the pregnancy reveal but he was just. super solid the whole time and i appreciated him

yara and lev. my children. “i’ve never heard a scar curse before” “that was my first time” an angel

increased diversity! (which is. a double-edged sword, see below) canonically lesbian ellie, bisexual and jewish dina, trans lev, many more characters of color, you love to see it

listen this is just me being a lesbian talking but despite all the bad it’s just nice to play a canon lesbian with a girlfriend in a mainstream, non-rpg game, okay

the genuine portrayal of trauma, PTSD, and triggers. it was, uh, very hard hitting

JJ. the entire domestic scene at the farm. we’re ignoring the rest of the game, that’s where it ends, happy farm gays and their beautiful baby boy

....and the bad

the obvious one - joel’s death. i went into this game fairly sure he was going to die, but it was just so SOON and abrupt and really didn’t do the character justice. i’m extremely grateful we got to see more of him and ellie through flashbacks, but the literal entire purpose of his death was to traumatize ellie and that’s shitty. he was fridged.

i realize this is a very violent and traumatic game/franchise, and the more minority characters you have, the more likely they are to be victims of that violence. HOWEVER, you can’t help but notice when most of the minority characters are killed, mutilated, or repeatedly traumatized.

killed: jesse, yara, manny, nora, isaac (along with owen, mel, and joel)

mutilated: yara, ellie

repeatedly traumatized: ellie, lev, dina

i love to see a young trans character played by a trans actor, but it would also be nice if his story wasn’t like. entirely about being shunned and targeted bc he’s trans y’know

all of this begs the question of bad/subpar representation vs no representation at all and quite honestly i don’t have an answer to that

i said before that i appreciate the narrative and gameplay risk they took with having you play as abby as almost a deuteragonist, but i missed ellie, who this game was supposed to be about.

FIGHTING ELLIE?? i died like 5 times bc i was sitting there screaming “i don’t WANT to hurt her??”

again, i appreciate The Point, that neither of them are inherently evil, but have been caught up in this cycle that has made them enemies of each other. ellie has gone down a dark path and lost her way. it was very effective naughty dog i get it okay pls don’t make me hurt my child again

i’m not entirely sure what the point of the seraphites was besides the aesthetic™ tbh

not that anyone’s complaining about the aesthetic™ tho

the whole santa barbara sequence felt. unnecessary and tacked on. again, i get it, ellie choosing to continue the cycle when she could have let it go, but i feel like that also could have been driven home with a little extra time in seattle

finally, the ending:

liked: that ellie didn’t kill abby. by the time we got to the final fight on the beach i very much didn’t want to kill her. the game proved its point. i just wanted her to get to a firefly base with lev and be safe, and break the cycle.

disliked: the seeming hopelessness of ellie’s story? they gave us a crumb with the fact that she was going to try and reconcile her relationship with joel before he was killed, and honestly, i don’t blame dina for leaving, but even a HINT that ellie was going to go find dina and make it up to her and hopefully settle down and have a loving life with her girlfriend and son and recover would have made it so much better. and i guess it could be open to interpretation, but leaving her guitar and all her artwork of her family doesn’t paint a pretty picture.

overall, i had a fun time playing it for the most part, but it’s left me feeling sad and mournful and hurting. which, again, might be the point. but if it is, i don’t like that point very much.

#JON AND SARA DON'T READ YET #i broke it down to what i liked and didn't like and tried to be fair and nuanced #someone yell with me about it #the last of us #the last of us part 2 #the last of us part two #tlou #tlou2 #tlou 2 #tlou part two #tlou part 2 #ellie williams #joel miller #naughty dog #tlou spoilers #tlou 2 spoilers #tlou2 spoilers #spoilers #gaming

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bluemoon-writer · 3 years

Text

TSI - Chapter 1 Notes

Here are my full notes and commentary for Chapter 1 of my Harry Potter fic 'The Snake Inside'.

Chapter 1 can be found here.

Throughout the chapter there are numbers in parentheses, these numbers correspond to the below notes. To best understand what I’m talking about in the notes I would recommend opening the story in a second tab and following along from there.

(notes begin under the cut)

1. This is, if you hadn’t noticed, lifted directly from the book, I do do this a couple times however, this is the only one that is italicized. I’m going to try and point out the other instances in chapter notes as well.

2. Another line lifted from the book, although here it has slightly different context

3. This was another line from the book, although again it has slightly different context (also I swear these notes aren’t just going to be me citing passages from the book)

4. I was actually really conflicted over this. Dudley is obviously incredibly spoiled so I figured it made sense that if for once Harry had something that he didn’t that he would throw a fit and demand he get the same. What I wasn’t confident about was how Petunia or Vernon would react as they really do love Dudley, shown by how much they spoil him. In this scenario, I decided that Petunia’s hatred of magic plus her fear of losing Dudley to magic (just like she lost her sister) would drive her to hit Dudley.

5. The first signs of Harry’s sneaky Slytherin side! He reads the room and chooses the best manner to approach the situation, something he would be good at considering he grew up in an abusive household. He would likely have gotten very good at reading moods and acting accordingly at a young age to avoid being hit or yelled at.

6. It might seem like Harry is a little quick to believe in Hogwarts and want to go considering he knows nothing about it. But, it’s an escape from the Dursleys and the terrible school they were going to send him to. Plus, it’s obvious that the Dursleys hate magic, so why would they lie to Harry about him being a wizard?

7. I know in canon Hogwarts is free, but that simply doesn’t make sense to me. In my world, Hogwarts is the best and most elite school in Britain, but it’s not the only one. There are also smaller ‘public’ wizarding schools that people who can’t afford Hogwarts go to. Also, if Hogwarts has a tuition then it only makes sense to me that the Potter Parents would set up an education fund for Harry, especially since their lives were at risk, they would want to make sure that Harry would be able to get the best education possible.

8. Some more Slytherin sneakiness, Harry isn’t a master manipulator by any means but he’s lived with the Dursleys for 11 years, he knows how to play them.

9. I don’t write it in bc it seemed unnecessary, but she does explain her reasoning off-screen.

10. Some foreshadowing here, I thought I was rather clever, finding a logical way for Harry and Vernon to learn how to enter the train platform.

11. This whole paragraph is my attempt at showing how Harry is still just a kid who’s curious about the new world he’s found himself in. I know I write Harry (and all the characters his age) as being a little more mature than they probably would be in reality, so here I was trying to show a pure, childlike curiosity and also some trains of thought that aren’t totally logical bc he is a kid.

12. I do think the Dursleys, or Vernon at least, is more clever than he gets credit for, he is high up in Grunnings, so he has to have some sort of head on his shoulders, and he’s certainly self-serving we saw in book 2 how he lathered up those rich people he wanted to impress. So, I think as much as Vernon might hate magic and think goblins are disgusting, that he would very much be able to put that aside if he thought it might benefit him.

13. The goblins ‘revealing the truth’ to Harry, or giving him or helping him out in some way is kinda over done and doesn’t always make sense as the goblins really have no reason so want to go out of their way to help Harry. But, I needed an unbiased 3rd party to teach Harry a little about the wizarding world and I figured a satisfactory motivation for the goblins would be making money in the form of consultation fees.

14. The first hints of Dumbledore’s manipulations. He wants a naïve Savior who will be easy for him to influence and shape into the person he thinks the world needs. Note, I’m not going for an evil Dumbledore, just a morally grey Dumbledore.

15. Paper business refers to the practice of owning a business on paper but not being involved in how it’s currently ran, I’m not trying to say that the Potters own several companies that sell paper. I don’t know if this is a common term, when I googled it nothing came up, but my dad uses it a lot when talking about businesses. Also, we know in canon that the Potters are rich but in a lot of fics it has evolved into them being extremely wealthy and influential. I’m running with this fanon idea because the Potters are a very old family, they’ve been around since the 12thcentury and married into other very influential families in canon. Also, if I ever get to the later years I do want to mess around with some politics and Harry having power from his family name will be a necessary advantage.

16. I’m not going to bore you guys with paragraphs detailing just how exceedingly rich Harry is, if he can’t even do anything with what he owns yet. He’s 11, he’s not going to be making any smart investments.

17. Like I said earlier with the tuition vault, the Potters were soldiers in a war, they knew they might die and I think it’s only logical that they would take precautions to ensure that Harry would have a comfortable life should they die.

18. This might seem like a lot, but again, the Potters are rich and they want their only child to be able to have a comfortable life even if they die, plus it is supposed to last until Harry’s an adult.

19. This is not canon, JKR said that a galleon is approx. 5 British pounds. I think that’s too low, so I changed it. I mean, it’s solid gold and the highest form of currency it’s got to be worth more than that.

20. Trying to give Dumbledore the benefit of the doubt, but of course Vernon is going to be suspicious of anyone who took money that he could have used.

21. This is just something that I thought made sense, Gringotts has been established as being in the business of making money and how can they do that if they’re cut off from part of their clientele?

22. I’m trying to go in a new direction with the Dursleys, I’m not trying to redeem them, but like Dumbledore, they’re in a grey area, especially Vernon. I think a self-serving Vernon would be interested in learning more about the magic world, or more specifically learning what it can do for him. But also because you need to know your enemy, as interested as he might be in profiting off magic, Vernon doesn’t trust wizards. As for Harry, this is a Slytherin AU, of course he’s going to play along with his uncle’s plan as long as it benefits him.

23. This is another line from the book

24. Hints that Dean is actually a halfblood and not muggleborn, this is canon too. I’m looking forward to exploring the future “tracking down who my real dad was arc”

25. Originally, I had Harry meet Hermione and her family, but I decided to change it to Dean because I wanted to go down some different avenues. A lot of Slytherin Harry stories have Harry becoming friends with Hermione early on despite their differences and I didn’t want to just do the same thing as everyone else. Also, I really like Dean Thomas’s character he’s a friendly, good natured, brave and loyal. I also think that Harry would get along better with Dean right off the bat than he would with Hermione.

26. Honestly, I think it’s ridiculous that they still use quills and I will be using the trope where Harry sneaks in ballpoint pens.

27. Harry came to Diagon a few days earlier than he did in canon, so I figure it only makes sense that he would meet someone different at Madam Malkins also this gave me a great opportunity to shoe in one of my other favorite characters, Neville.

28. I headcanon that Harry and Neville have a slight magical bond over both being possible options for the prophecy.

29. I admit this is slightly unrealistic, as I’ve dropped my glasses several times before and they’ve never broken but I wanted an excuse to get Harry some new glasses.

30. Not implausible, but also not likely either. Also, I admit I really have no clue about British healthcare, especially not what it was like in the 80s and 90s. I know it’s free, but that there’s also the option to do private or paid care. So, for this story, assume that the Dursleys use private care bc they want to seem better than everyone else.

31. Again, probably not the most realistic scenario, but it is possible. I got glasses when I was 11 and contacts when I was 15, but I definitely could have gotten the contacts when I was a little younger. Maybe not, 11-years old younger, but I don’t think it’s entirely out of the ballpark.

32. I didn’t see any point in changing Hedwig’s name, so I kept it the same.

33. Giving Harry contacts was something that I debated a lot, there’s no real reason he needs them, I just wanted him to have some because they’re convenient. I personally regret not getting contacts earlier.

34. To be honest, this is actually a bit of a cop out on my end because I haven’t figured out the entire political system yet. BUT even if I had, Harry is still 11 so he probably wouldn’t understand it that well anyways. There will be a brief explanation in chapter 2 though.

35. Dudley’s reaction is anything thing I was really torn up about. Because he’s essentially torn between his two parents, sticking with Petunia ostracizes him from Vernon and sticking with Vernon ostracizes him from Petunia. Ultimately, I decided Dudley would value his father’s attention more because while Petunia wouldn’t like him getting involved with magic, she wouldn’t cut Dudley off completely, she loves him too much. But Vernon, has been completely distracted by magic and without Dudley getting involved in it too then he won’t get any attention from his father.

36. According to the HP wiki, Dean’s family actually lives in London, but I wanted it to be more convenient for them to meet so I moved them closer to the Dursleys. Also, I actually did about an hour’s worth of research on google maps trying to find a real place Dean’s family to live.

37. A whole lot of this section with the Weasleys was lifted from the book with slightly different commentary from Harry. I originally had more, but it didn’t add anything so I cut it out.

38. I don’t know how outgoing Ron was before he met Harry, if I was him though I would be too nervous to intrude on a compartment with two other kids who looked like they were already friends.

39. This is not a Ron bashing fic, Harry has no reason to dislike him, so of course he wouldn’t be opposed to sitting with him. That said, for the premise of the story I couldn’t have them sit together because Ron is heavily biased against Slytherin.

40. Poor Draco, if he had just paid more attention to who he was passing in the hall then he would have met Harry, but again, I couldn’t let that happen because Draco’s so obnoxious that he’d turn Harry off Slytherin.

41. Honestly, I just wanted Harry to interact with more students who can be potential friends.

42. Again, and the sorting is lifted from the book. I’m not going to make note of every line.

43. I wasn’t sure if I wanted Neville to be in Hufflepuff of Gryffindor at first. A lot of people argue that Neville needed to be in Gryffindor to learn how to be brave, but I think that Hufflepuff would provide a strong support system that would help Neville gain confidence in himself. Also, I decided that Harry’s words in the robe shop would influence Neville into not thinking that he was a loser if he went to Hufflepuff. I imagine in canon, much like Harry was chanting “not slytherin” Neville was probably chanting “not Hufflepuff”. So I think it’s fitting they both don’t end up in Gryffindor in this fic. Also, Harry already has a Gryffindor friend in Dean, he can use a Hufflepuff friend.

#the snake inside #chapter notes #tsi

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drewbarymore · 6 years

Text

the ugly emotion

Summary: You feel something that starts with a j and ends with ealousy but don’t want to admit it.

Word Count: 3.2k+

Pairing: Bucky x reader

Warning(s): j-ealousy

a/n: ngl the title’s from b99 lol and honestly i feel like this is uhh off bc ive been off for the past week(s) but hey hello. also this was typed up on my laptop so idk how fucked up it’ll look on mobile but i honestly have no expectations at this point. also i saw something about the keep reading feature not working on mobile so im sorry in advance for the people who would scroll through this whole ass thing i swear i tried

It's unnecessary.

Whatever this is you're feeling right now, you know it only ever brings miscommunication and unwarranted fights in relationships, or at least that's the case from what you've seen.

You hate yourself for feeling this way, even more so as you think of Bucky—how good of a partner he is and how he makes you feel. You almost want to walk over to him and tell him you're sorry, if only the feeling isn't so unapologetic itself, rooting you to the ground and twisting your insides.

You look away, sighing and knowing that it's only a matter of seconds before you're looking in their direction again, torturing yourself even further.

This is dumb, this is stupid, this is unnecessary, it's childish, it's very unhealthy.

"Hey, babydoll." And then he's wrapping his arms around you and kissing your temple, and suddenly the ugly feeling dissipates, and your thoughts quiet down, even the ones you're using to counter the negative ones. It always feels like this in his arms—serene, calm, like everything wrong in your world's suddenly gone.

"Hey," you turn your head to look at him, smiling as you raise your hands and cradle his face with it.

"How you doin'?" he asks, hand automatically coming up to your waist, exactly where the huge bruise is forming from a pretty bad hit you took on your last mission.

"Good," you lie, "what about—"

Before you can finish your sentence, a knock on the clear glass wall separating the room you're in and the office for the other SHIELD agents outside sounds around the room, drawing your attention to the already open door.

"Sorry," she says apologetically, her eyes on you before turning to Bucky. "Buck, it's time to go."

Buck. You almost scoff at the nickname, but you swallow it down, hands falling from his face to your sides. You hate the way it rolls off her tongue, all smooth and beautiful sounding with a voice that could pretty much make the most ridiculous things sound alluring. You don't dare think of what Bucky thinks of it, how he must really like how it sounds. How it may not be just a stupid nickname of an already-nickname anymore, like how it probably does when you say it.

"It's alright," He smiles at her, and your heart plummets to your feet.

You want to yell out no, that it's not okay. She interrupted the first time you've talked in almost a week with all of these missions and planning and—

You plaster a smile on your face just as he turns to you, nodding.

This is dumb, this is stupid, this is unnecessary, it's childish, it's very unhealthy.

She's smart, beautiful, and a damn good agent. You have no reason to be rude to her. It's not her fault they were partnered up because you couldn't go. Because you took a lot of bad hits from last week's mission and you needed to rest. Because you're not really half as good as her, and if you were, you wouldn't have been injured. Because you—

"'Kay, baby, I need you to be our eye, okay? Need you to be lookin' 'round the area through the cameras while we follow our guy around.”

You hate how he's talking to you, absolutely fuming from it. He doesn't talk to her that way. Or anyone for that matter. He doesn't talk to anyone like they're five-year-olds who needed extremely dumbed down instructions, like he can't use big tactical words because you won't understand.

You want to push him off you, push him to her and tell them to get the fuck on with it while you wait in the surveillance room like a dumb piece of—

You nod, smiling at him tersely, and then turning your gaze to look at her to do the same.

"We'll be quick. This is a stakeout more than anything. Annissa's good at this, right?" He looks over at her and smiles again.

And suddenly you don't know what you hate more, the way he talks to you or the way he talks to her.

You step away from him, looking down as you gather your things. "Okay. I'll be there. You two should get going." you say, trying to even out your voice as much as possible.

You smile at the both of them one more time before walking out of the room, half of it because you don't want to be in the same vicinity as the two of them anymore, and half of it because you don't want Bucky catching on. You can't risk him knowing what you feel. It's stupid and childish and ugly. This is a mission, not a goddamn situation planned out solely to cause you to be...jealous. God, the thought of the word alone makes you want to gag. The world doesn't revolve around you or your relationship.

It's not a personal attack against your insecurities, it's a mission. Or at least that's what you try to remind yourself as you watch them get in a cafe. The very same one you and Bucky frequent in your days off.

"Woah, it's pretty...dark in here," Wanda says as she enters the room, making you turn around in your chair and look at her.

You blink at her. "The lights are on."

"I'm not talking lights, sweetie." She smiles tauntingly, gesturing to you. "It's your...aura."

"First of all, don't sweetie me. Second, no it's not." You roll your eyes, turning back to the screens in front of you.

"Ah," she draws out, taking a seat next to you. You side-eye her, seeing her eyes glued to the screen. "I see."

You cross your arms, setting your blank gaze onto the screen and blatantly ignoring her comment.

"Actually you know what, I take it back," she turns her whole body to you, squinting her eyes, "your aura isn't dark. It's more...green."

"You need to stop pausing right before saying another word." you quip.

"And you need to stop steering the conversation away from you." she counters.

"Alright," you sigh, "it's your day off, right? Go get out and get some sun or something."

Her smile widens. "Don't want to. Planned on having a day in with you, so here I am."

"Where's Nat?"

"Got sent out somewhere, too." She shrugs.

You nod, watching as they get out of the cafe and out of the cameras' scope. You sit up in alarm. Bucky said they would stay where the cameras could see them.

You hear a giggle from beside you, and you realize your mistake. You clear your throat, leaning back down on your chair, eyes still darting around the screen. You suppress the sigh of relief that threatens to come out when you see them on another street. They probably just followed their guy.

"It's okay, Y/N," Wanda says, "you can breathe."

"Stop it." you warn her.

She laughs. "Look, it's completely okay to be jealous—"

"I'm not jealous. It's immature and dumb and there's no need for it. This is a mission, this is not about me or us. He's just doing his job, it's not his fault that he got partnered up with someone else because I was stupid the last time and needed to recover—"

"Okay, hey. Hey," Wanda grabs your arm, stopping you from you rant. "It's okay. I understand."

You sigh, closing your eyes. "It's just...he always does everything he can to make sure I don't feel insecure about our relationship, and I feel like I'm failing to do my part when I get—when I get this ugly feeling. I'm trying, but I don't think I'm...I don't know, mature enough, I guess, for this."

She grows quiet for a minute, absorbing what you just said.

"I know you're trying, and I'm sure he does, too. But sometimes, emotions just are. Sometimes they're so strong, you can't really do much about it. You try to control them, it blows back up in your face." she says, running her hand up and down your arm.

You open your eyes again, looking at the monitor, hoping that now that you've voiced out your feelings, its burden has gotten a little lighter.

It takes you a moment to find which box on the screen they are, but when you do, you see them leaning towards each other and then laughing about something. The twisting in your gut returns, and you don't know whether to laugh or cry in absolute annoyance or curl up in despair.

It's childish and stupid and irrational, but it's there and you can't seem to get rid of it unless you exploded.

"You know what, I'll take over from here," Wanda offers, holding your arm back, as if what she's seeing convinced her that you would go and tear down the monitors in front of you. You don't really know what you look like right now, but knowing what you're feeling, hell, it's very probable that that's what you look like.

Still, you try to fight it. "That's ridiculous, it's your day off—"

"It's not like I'm gonna do much other than just sit here and look around this screen," she interrupts.

"What are you gonna tell him when he comes back and sees you instead of me?" you ask, actually considering her offer the longer you look at the small box in the screen with them in it.

"I'll tell him you're not feeling good," she says.

"Nothing about this?" You turn to her, looking her straight in the eyes.

"What's between us is only between us." She raises a hand in promise, looking straight back at you.

You sigh, standing up and gathering your things once again. She stands up herself, pulling you into an unexpected hug. You're stiff in surprise for a split second before you're melting into it, wrapping your arms around her.

"Talk about it with him, okay?" she says, pulling back.

You heave out a sigh once again. "I don't know. He might think it's dumb. Hell, it is dumb. I'll get over it," you mumble.

She looks at you pointedly. "This is Bucky we're talking about, nothing you say will ever be stupid to him."

You roll your eyes fondly. "I guess."

"Now, go get some rest." She taps your shoulder.

"Thank you so much for this." You smile at her, turning to walk away.

You plop down onto your bed, as soon as you get into your room, groaning when your bruises come in contact with the mattress. You will yourself to get up and change into more comfortable clothes. After the stress of today, you decide you're going to take a nap. Naps never fail to make you feel better. This shouldn't be an exception.

Except that it is.

The longer you lay down under the covers, staring at the ceiling, the more you think about what Bucky's up to right this second. You push the thought of texting him to the farthest corner of your mind. You can't risk distracting him and possibly jeopardizing their mission just because you can't make your own mind shut up.

You turn on your side, extending your arm to where he usually lays, running your fingers through the sheets like an idiot. You feel around for your phone, opening it and typing up, 'I miss you,' before turning it off in defeat.

"That's stupid and clingy." you say out loud, not really caring that you're basically talking to yourself.

"Just go do the laundry and get your shit together." you tell yourself, standing up towards the hamper to sort the clothes out.

You carry basket after basket of it to the laundry room, wincing every time they hit your bruises, but welcoming the distraction it brings anyway. You sit down on the floor as soon as you load the first batch in, leaning your head against the wall and finally, finally feeling exhaustion pull at you.

You jump when you hear the beeping of the washer, looking around in a disoriented haze. You curse when you look outside only to see the setting sun. How long have you been in here? You transfer the first batch into the dryer before deciding to get out and possibly get something to eat.

"Doll!"

You jump for the second time since you woke up, looking to the direction the voice is coming from and seeing Bucky jogging over to you. And just like that, the blissful moment of not remembering anything right after waking up is gone. Your heart still thumps in excitement upon seeing him, but there's also apprehension.

Are the two of you still okay? Did the mission somehow change his mind about you?

"I've been looking everywhere for you. Wanda said you weren't feeling good." He immediately feels your forehead, pulling you close to kiss it after. You smile, wrapping your arms around his neck.

"You okay, baby?" he asks, leaning his forehead against yours.

"Yeah, just accidentally slept in the laundry room," you reply. "How was the mission?"

"Just fine," he says, pulling away to drag you to the elevator. "Annissa did a really great job. Don't think she really needed a partner."

"Oh." was all you could say. You pull your hand away from his, making a show of leaning against the cold metal of the elevator and closing your eyes just as he turns to look at you.

You feel him inch closer, wrapping his arms around you and leaning his head on your shoulder. "I missed you today."

"Missed you too." you whisper, shutting your eyes tighter, not really trusting your voice not to break if you speak louder than that.

You walk out first when the elevator dings, going straight to your room. He follows behind you quietly, and you don't doubt he's already studying you, thinking about what's wrong, and you will yourself to stop acting and feeling this way but you can't. You want to be alone, even if when he wasn't here just yet, all you wanted was for him to come home, and now that he is, you want him to stay as far away from you as possible, and you hate it.

It's irrational and stupid and asking for the impossible, but it's still there.

"Are we okay, babydoll?" he asks, voice a little weaker, a little less sure as he wraps his arms around you from behind, nuzzling his face into your neck.

"Yeah," you reply, absentmindedly rearranging things on your vanity mirror. You feel his eyes on you through the mirror, but you don't meet them, afraid that yours would sell you out more than the rest of you is already doing.

"Are you gonna tell me the truth?" he says, and you can feel his lips moving against your skin, and damn if it doesn't make you weak. But before you could reply to him, his phone's dinging from his pocket.

You try to stop yourself, but as soon as he brings it out and looks over it, your eyes are on it too. You immediately regret it as soon as you read Annissa’s name. The ugly feeling practically cackles from inside you as it rears its head for the nth time that day.

The words are out before you could think them through, "I think she still needs you."

There's an edge to it. It's not casual or normal sounding by any means, and you hate it. He freezes in his spot and you take that as an opportunity to step away from him again, but he stops you, using one arm to scoop you up in his hold once again.

"Baby," he breathes as you struggle to get out of his grip, "are you—are you jealous?"

“No.” you grumble.

“’S my babydoll jealous, hmm?” he asks again, and you can practically feel him smiling against your skin as he swings you from side to side in his arms.

"No I'm not. Stop laughing," you say through gritted teeth. The word coming out of him and the slight laughter in his voice makes you realize even further how stupid this all is. How stupid you are.

“’M not laughing babe, just can’t believe you’d think that. Look at me, please," he says, turning you around in his arms.

"No." You close your eyes, embarrassed by the tears welling up on them.

"Baby—fuck I should've known. I knew something was wrong when you walked out before we went. Fuck, I'm sorry—"

"This is not your fault," you choke out, "I'm-I'm the one being stupid. This is stupid, Buck. I'll get over it."

"No it's not. If it's making you feel this way, it's not stupid." he coaxes, taking your face in between his hands and pressing his forehead to yours.

"It's not healthy, okay? I'm not supposed to feel this way, I— you're doing your best to make sure I don't feel this way, but I still do, and I'm sorry,"

"Hey, hey, shh. Look at me baby," he runs a thumb on your cheek, "open your eyes, angel." he says it in the softest voice, like he usually does with you and only you, and you shut your eyes tighter, hating that you even painted that very same softness earlier as being patronizing when he was just being sweet like he usually is to you. And he's still sweet, so sweet to you even if you're shutting him out because of a stupid feeling.

"Babydoll, please..."

And you finally cave, opening your eyes, his own soft blue ones being the sight that greets you.

"There's my girl." He smiles, kissing your nose.

"Don’t stay it’s stupid, ‘cause it’s not, alright? I get mopey all the time and you’re always so patient with me," he says, “you have nothing to be jealous of, doll. It’s only you for me.”

You sigh, holding his wrists in your hands. "I'm sorry. I don't wanna be clingy...or a crazy girlfriend, I just—I don't know." You turn around, fixing the covers strewn around your bed.

He wraps his arms around you, making sure he's not pressing on any of your bruises before he lifts you up and puts you gently down onto the bed where he presses you to his body and wraps you up in the blankets.

"I don't care if you're clingy, or a crazy girlfriend, or a crazy-clingy girlfriend. Hell, even if you're a controlling and possessive girlfriend, as long as it's a you girlfriend." he says, nuzzling his face into your hair.

"That's toxic, Buck—"

"Shh," he interrupts softly, kissing the nape of your neck, "don't overthink what I said. The gist of it is that I love you," he lifts his head up to press small kisses on your cheek, "I love you," he repeats, drawing his words out.

You giggle from the feeling of his scruff and light kisses, feeling incredibly lighter than you did pretty much the whole day. The two of you grow silent for a minute, admiring the oranges and reds that paint the sky as the sun sets and simply basking in the presence of each other, one you both have missed for the past week.

You turn your head to look at him moments later, pressing a kiss on his chin. "I mean it though, that kinda thinking's toxic, Bucky. I don't want you ending up with that kind of person one day."

"Good thing I'm ending up with you, then." he says it so nonchalantly, like he just didn't tell you he's thinking that far ahead. That he sees you with him that far ahead.

"You think that?" you ask, voice growing smaller and softer, more expectant, and he only smiles at you, pressing the tip of his nose to yours.

"I know that."

@iamafishandigosplish @vaguelyminty @goldenkillmonger @ejspencer14 @seargantbcky @tinyfistwarrior @ruthyalva96 @pcterpvrker @bekah-mikaelsxn

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky fluff #bucky barnes fluff #bucky fic #15 april 2018

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icecreamkink · 7 years

Text

*slides this here bc im still Not Happy With It but i also dont know if i even wanna continue it but i need to put it somewhere also @fangirl383 might or might not shoot me with her pink gun if i dont post Another wip she liked and i promised i would ha h a*

“Listen, I know this isn’t an ideal situation—” Malfoy snorted in contempt. Harry ignored him. “But we’re doing a job and if you could not act like someone’s roping you into.. Into- What the fuck are you doing n- ow” Harry groaned as Malfoy’s elbow somehow collided with Harry’s mouth despite the fact half of his body was half on top of Harry, and, rationally, it had to be an accident. But if there was someone who would contort themselves to make Harry’s life the most difficult possible, it would be Malfoy.

“Shut up, Potter.” The git said, not even bothering to apologize.

“Will you stop moving-”

“I’m trying to get a clear view.”

“Do you need to climb on me to do that?!”

“Well actually, I do since your intelligence landed us in a literal hole,” Malfoy hissed in his ear. Harry opened his mouth to protest that, but well. It was true, his team had been the one to inspect the terrain and find them their hiding spot - a cave so narrow that was indeed more of a hole, nestled at the bottom of a cliff, large enough to fit 1.25 person lying stomach down. Or two aurors, lying practically on top of each other, as it were. The location was ideal because it had a side view of the site they believed to be the smuggling ring HQ, but far enough that the protean spells didn’t reach it, and was naturally conspicuous through dense trees and small rocks (and for being as tiny as a rabbit hole, Malfoy had grumbled moodily) so they didn’t need to use so much magic to disguise themselves. A natural hiding spot, nearly undetectable, but not particularly comfortable, Harry had to admit.

Also it was just… weird to argue with someone when they were hissing against your neck. Harry scratched his nails where Malfoy’s warm breath had tickled it.

“What do you have those dorky glasses for if you need to strain so much.” Harry muttered pettily against his wand, currently pressed between his face, his sweaty hand and a piece of rocky earth. Ugh, it was so hot in here, the air thick and still, made all the worst by the invisibility mantle they had thrown over themselves; all the places he and Malfoy touched felt as if on fire, he had dirt everywhere and Malfoy’s huffed breathing on his ear did absolutely nothing to cool him down, only gave him weird goosebumps in his spine. Harry squirmed miserably, and got a very pointed elbow in the ribs for his trouble.

“My glasses aren’t dorky” Malfoy hissed in supercilious indignation. If Harry didn’t have to risk torticollis to do so, he would have turned his head to watch his eyes flash in all his mad inventor righteous fury. “They are high level magical object research in trial period, designed to help oafs like you not get killed in the line of work. My glasses, dorky, honestly, you of all people saying that with those things you wear around since school-”

“What are you talking about, I’ve been told my glasses are quite fetching. Witch Weekly did a whole article on it.” Harry grinned as Malfoy ground his teeth. He’d take all the amusement he could get, after all, and riling up Malfoy was always so much fun.

“Oh, if the pinacle of journalism in our country, Witch Weekly printed it” Malfoy said snidely. Then, as if physically unable to stop there, he continued. “For your information, these glasses are curse repellent, heat vision, magical signature identifying ones. It won me a research funding from the Research and Extension Division-”

“Yeah alright Doc Brown, what do you see then?” Harry interrupted, stretching his back in an attempt to soothe his aching shoulders.

“Nothing uh, much. Will you keep still?” Malfoy murmured, voice strained.

“I barely even mov-” Harry started to protest in indignation, but was cut off by Malfoy’s sweaty hand suddenly pressing against his mouth.

“Shhhh, someone’s coming.” Harry immediately tensed—well, as much as he could in this current predicament, as he could barely grip his wand. Thank Merlin he’d gotten better at wandless magic.

He could hear a faint rustling sound; Malfoy moved his hand into the curve of his neck and it felt oddly comforting. Harry could feel all of Malfoy’s muscles tensing where they pressed together.

Malfoy fiddled with his wand, and Harry faintly prayed he wouldn’t accidentally stab him in the eye with it, because that was just the type of thing to happen to him.

Somebody jumped on the plateau they were directly under, boots scuffing the ground above them.

“That’s it?” A voice echoed. Harry could see Malfoy pointing his wand at another one of his “assistance magical artifacts ” or as Harry called them, his crazy inventor gadgets. It was a little box, similar to a radio, and it buzzed softly at Draco’s murmured incantation, releasing the faintest golden glow.

“Mmhm, just leave the merch on the front hall.” The person above them said. “Talk to Bre and only Bre, then get the fuck out. There’s a new shipment coming, and everyone’s on edge, don’t hang around more than you have to.” A new shipment. This could be their shot. Harry willed whoever was above them to casually drop a date. Possibly a location. And a list of names. His knees hurt.

“Right, no worries Reg. I’ll be in and out in a peep” A pair of gangly legs dangled in front of them, stumbled over a rock, and then took off briskly towards the house in the woods.

Malfoy shimmied above him, trying to get a closer look. He brought the little box close to his mouth.

“Suspect: Male, red hair, medium stature, grey robes, carrying a medium sized black box.” Malfoy said into it. A recording device, then. Clever. “Entered the house at -” he paused expectantly, and Harry cast a quick tempus “12:47, sunday the 24th. The box doesn’t appear to be the size or type for containing snakes, so it’s possible it’s another type of ‘merchandise’.” Malfoy put the recording contraption back in his pocket, balancing himself with one hand at the small of Harry’s back.

Harry scowled, unamused at being used as a cushion.

“Next time, I’m topping.” He grumbled.

“What?” Malfoy choked out, hand slipping down Harry’s back into his side, knuckles thudding against the bedrock.

“In the- the stakeout” Harry hissed, embarrassed. “I’m not your damn pillow.” He grumbled. Malfoy started to shake above him, his whole body vibrating, and with growing chagrin Harry realized he was laughing. He dropped his head into Harry’s shoulder, trying to stifle his giggles.

“Don’t worry Potter, I’ll be your pillow if you want. I’m very comfortable switching between top and bottom after all." He quipped, amusement laced in every word. Harry could feel his blush spreading like fire from his neck to the tip of his ears, and he dropped his head between his arms with a disconcerted groan.

“Oh my god, shut up.” He mumbled, and Malfoy laughed even harder, gleeful and evil, shaking Harry’s whole body. “Is there movement above us?” He said loudly, mostly to stray from the topic at hand.

“Hm.” Malfoy projected a small map of the terrain from the tip of his wand. “Nope. Reggie dear is...currently at the bottom of the hill, down the other side. You know, I don’t know what you’re complaining about, Auror Potter. You’re practically just lying there, I’m doing all the work here.” He drawled, injecting unnecessary lewdness to his voice, still faintly amused as it was. Harry could swear he seemed to be purposefully pressing even closer, his words just short of murmured against his ear.

The git.

“Lying here- How can I- You’re on top of,” Harry started, and felt Malfoy giggle again, then huffed and promptly shut up. “You’re fired.”

“You’re not my bo-oss” Malfoy sing songed, but moved out of his position anyway, sliding away from Harry and turning on his side.

Harry felt disinclined to face him while his cheeks were still flaming.

“Oh come on Potter, where’s your sense of humor?”

“You didnt seem to be in such a jaunty mood a minute ago.”

“Yes, your mortification greatly lifts my spirits.” A beat. “I’m versatile like that.”

Harry sighed, lifting his head. “I hate you so much.”

“That’s kind of why we’re here, isn’t it?” Malfoy hummed, cheek smushed against the palm of his hand. Harry made a noncommittal sound. They were here in a partly punishment mission to quote unquote ‘learn how to act like the twenty-three year old Auror you are, not a snotty fourteen year old whenever Auror Malfoy is concerned’, after his (and Malfoy’s) respective partners filed complaints against their methods and their fighting and their case-point competition. So while it was true their behavior got them here, saddled together in this weird, uncomfortable stake out, Harry wouldn’t say hate was what brought them; he didn’t argue with Malfoy or looked over his cases or felt the need to prove himself and best him out of hate, it was more of a... compulsion. It was just more - fun, in the often glum and dreary line of work they’d chosen, to have Malfoy pay attention to him, meet him at every curve and breathe down his neck. To watch him rising to his baits when he poked fun at Malfoy’s clothes and hair and (admittedly ingenous) inventions. He admitted to himself that he liked the rivalry, was motivated by it.

But, of course, Harry wouldn’t tell him any of that. And it’s not like he enjoyed Malfoy literally breathing down his neck, so Harry pulled out his wand and checked the map himself instead of answering.

“There's… something moving through the field” Harry said, looking the small dot moving in a hurry. It was too small and moved strangely for a human. Could it be...

Malfoy rolled on top of him again, straining once more to try and see the scope of land.

Harry waited, tense as Malfoy tried to get a clear view.

“Oh.” Malfoy said, muscles unlocking from his coiled stance. “It’s your reptile.”

Harry lifted his head suddenly eager in an attempt to see, banging it painfully against Malfoy’s chin in the process.

“Fuck,” Malfoy hissed, quickly rolling as far away from him as was possible, which in case meant they still touched thigh to shoulder even with Malfoy on his side with his back pressed against the stone. He sent Harry a dark look, clutching his chin; Harry patted his head as condescendingly as he could, turning back to the map, eyes glued to little wiggling dot heading for them.

“Missster Harry, Missster Malfoy” Arnaud hissed in greeting, poking his scaly face into their cave, then quickly sliding into the middle of them both. Arnaud turned his head to Malfoy, flicking his tongue in further acknowledgement since he couldn’t understand him.

“Hey” Harry greeted with a smile even as he inspected him for any sign of injuries. “Is everything alright?”

Arnaud turned to him.

“Yesss, it’s all been really quiet. They’ve mosstly kept us in the cages ssso far, and I snuck out without them ssseeing me. They’ve received five more younglings today, along with eggsss, and theress a boy bringing something else. Sssomething I couldn’t sssee.”

“Did you hear something about another shipment coming tonight?”

“Yess” Arnaud said, lifting his head. “I hear the humans talking. Tonight, at midnight.”

“The smugglers have been quiet, but more snakes and eggs were brought in today, and something else he couldn’t see. He confirms there’ll be a new shipment at midnight.” Harry translated.

“We have to report it back to the team. See if it’s the time for an ambush or to collect more data” Malfoy said. Arnaud nodded in approval.

“I should get back before they miss me.” Harry nodded, even as his stomach tightened.

“Tell him to be careful.” Malfoy said, looking out with furrowed eyebrows. Arnaud flicked both of their fingers and slithered quickly out with a hissed ‘don’t worry’.

“That’s our out then.” Harry sighed turning sideways too. Malfoy was staring at him, pressed as far back as he could against the rock wall; there was maybe an inch between them.

“You’ll write the report.” Malfoy said, trying to sit up slightly.

“What? Why?” Harry spluttered.

“You headbutted me.” Harry narrowed his eyes.

“You elbowed me in the face!” He shot back. Malfoy stared him down. Harry held his gaze. His eyes looked very dark in the shade.

“Rock parchment wand?”

“...Fine”

Malfoy was leaning against the wall of Kingsley’s office. The dark red wood set his hair off rather nicely, Harry noticed. With Arnaud perched on his shoulder like that, he could be a slytherin poster boy.

Robards was still complaining in the back, something about Harry and Malfoy competing for leads and ethics and immaturity or something. Harry wasn’t paying attention. His and Malfoy’s… methods were always questioned, but here they were, another case closed, weren’t they? That’s what should matter.

Behind Robard’s back Malfoy caught Harry’s eye, smirking minutely and winked. Harry bit the inside of his cheek. Prick.

Robards face acquired new shades of red, but Harry wasn’t listening at all. Malfoy outright grinned, bringing one hand to stroke the scales on Arnaud’s head and his stomach felt….weird. Somehow almost...fluttery?

Oh.

Well, that was inconvenient.

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