Another fic rec!!

Stalefish by Amiril

Fandom: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)

Additional Tags: Social Media, Team Bonding, Extreme Sports, Getting Together, joe and nicky are very ride-or-die for each other even when it's inconvenient, POV Nile Freeman, Nile Freeman centric, Team as Family

Summary: “Don’t look at it as a curse,” Joe had told her, a month earlier. “Think of it as an opportunity. What did you want to do that you were always too scared to try?”

Wake up babe new Immortal Husbands just dropped early.

This is the hottest thing I've ever made! Thank you to @loflight501 for the fantastic prompt for the 🌻 @sunflower-auction to support the Ukraine. Check out the fic here

there's something inherent in the act of caring for someone;

and in my endless old guard brain rot this takes the form of:

- nile helping booker with therapy/ alcoholism. essentially being the go-between for him and the others during his "banishment" (I don't think it would last the full 100, and I've seen some gorgeous fics on the subject).

-it is customary to cleanse with water or sand before praying salat (I'm basing this off of research and a fic that had extremely good research with footnotes and all); and in Christianity- assume the priest Nicolo canon- washing of feet and in general is a very devotional act. it's something the disciples do, Mary Magdalene washes JC's feet with her tears and dries them with her hair, so it's all in all a very Big Thing.

in my mind, Nicolo would wash Yusef's feet as like.... his little way of saying "you are everything to me, you are holy and divine and a gift and I would do anything for you if you only asked it of me".

because, in my mind at least, joe is the wordsmith. Joe gives the speeches and writes poetry, and Nicky uses acts of service to show his devotion. Nicky cooks food, and finds baklava with varied recipes, and cuts the guards hair (it started as him fixing Andy's horrible chop in the 1670s, and ended as a way for him to show his family he loved them. he spends weeks holed up with the shitty tablet nile insisted on, learning how to do braids and care for her hair, the same way he'd watched Yusef's mother care for his sister's until he knew how to comb out the snarls and sand his beloved got caught up in). I just think Nicky seems the type to show affection in being there for someone, and that with as much religious guilt as this fandom loves to give the man, it would be sweet to see it as a tie in to his love and devotion to Joe. because Nicky absolutely believes it was God or fate that brought them together, and that loving Joe is the ultimate good he will ever do.

.... idk I thought it was cute but I'm drunk

- Andy pushes people. she's brash and ruthless, and loves so fiercely. there's a reason Joe jokes (never to her face) that Andy is the momma bear of the group.

she has Nile train until her muscles are screaming and numbing and screaming again, several times over.

she takes guard duty at night, a vigil she has in the kitchen, around the entire safehouse, and ends outside each bedroom or in the common sleeping area, listening for quiet breaths.

she trusts her team to take care of themselves, of each other.

but they are all so young to her, ageless and once a god.

Andy pushes them because they rise to it, Nile better with the sword every day, her languages coming along well with nightly dinners where conversation only takes place in that week's dialect.

- Booker I feel like will have quite the complex after he's un-banished.

he goes out of his way to make sure their safe houses are Safe. he takes over learning everything he can from medical courses, emt training, textbooks; to learn how to take care of Andy in her new mortal state.

he spends three weeks researching proper nutrition and gets his hand chopped off the one time he tries to insist on a healthy alternative to sweets.

Booker spends months teaching Nile new languages, how to blend into a crowd, how to work in the underbelly of cities and make friends in unlikely places.

deep down, he knows he's trying to train her to take his place. And as much as she lacks the eye for detail and intuition of what changes to make to forged papers, she's learning. (Joe's the one to corner him about it, grappling and fighting and screaming until Booker quiets, in a close headlock, his back to Yusef's chest, and stills. Joe shushes him, and then says, animosity gone for the first time in a while, "you're my brother. I love you, and I'm so sorry we failed you. but we are a family, Book, we are a family.")

it's slow moving, but eventually booker admits his forgeries are better than Nile's. that maybe he should stick around a bit longer, until she has some practise.

“We killed each other.”

“Many times.”

Is one of the greatest moments ever.

Chapters: 1/? Fandom: The Old Guard (Movie 2020), The Old Guard (Comics) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Andy | Andromache of Scythia/Quynh | Noriko, Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, Booker | Sebastien le Livre/Nile Freeman Characters: Andy | Andromache of Scythia, Quynh | Noriko, Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani, Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, Booker | Sebastien le Livre, Lykon (The Old Guard), James Copley, Steven Merrick (The Old Guard), Dr. Meta Kozak Additional Tags: ok bear with me they don’t have british accents, well except copley, andy with glasses bc i said so, and i didnt know what else quynh could comment on besides her gay ass hair, Inspired by a Tumblr Prompt, the killing eve andromaquynh au that wouldnt get out of my brain, literally wtf was season 4 tho that shit was homophobic as hell, Modern Era, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, non-immortal guard, but geographically it makes more sense for them to be england based anyway Summary:

At MI6, Andy finds herself obsessively hunting a killer. Quynh just wants her attention, and she's happy to kill for it.

The Old Guard + text posts (1/?)

okay so i was rewatching the old guard for like the third time and i noticed something about the scene where joe and nicky are tied up in the back of the truck.

right after middle aged white man #2 makes the joke about nicky being joes boyfriend you can see nicky sigh

like he just knows joe is about to go into another of his long shakespearean monologues and even though he loves it he’s pitying the rest of the guys in the van.

So I may have made an Old Guard as Vines video, despite the fact I am nether good at technology or have ever made one before. 

I like to think that Joe goes into that monologue when literally anyone asks about his relationship status with Nicky.

Random shop keeper: Oh, is this your boyfriend?

Joe: *breathes*

Nicky: Wait, Joe, you don’t need to--

Joe: He is not my boyfriend. This man is more to me than you can--

Nicky, just wanting to take the groceries and go: Oh my God.

the old guard van scene: alt script

Joe: What the fuck did you just fucking say about me and my partner, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Crusades, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on every government ever, and I have over 30000 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm married to the top sniper in the entire immortal army. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me in the back of a van? Think again, fucker. As we speak I’m waxing poetic about the love of my life and thinking about how I'm going to kill you right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of my husband and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

I could find the whole meaning of life in those sad eyes.

my mom watching the van scene from the old guard

“I didn’t know English could describe love in such a beautiful way” 

(she immigrated from south korea and has a hard time understanding English, but she said she understood every single word of that beautiful scene)

(she also thinks it beats every other film that “claims to be a romantic movie”

my contribution to this fandom

Nicky x Joe (+ the Old Guard) headcanons

Of the Old Guard, they’re the ones who have the most non-combat related skills. I am definitely adopting this fic’s headcanon that Joe can cook really well and Nicky can bake really well

Obviously they make Andy baklava whenever possible

Joe, Nicky, and Booker may not get along all the time (Booker tends to stay away from their eternally sunshine vibes when he’s feeling morose), but they three of them are excellent fisherman and often take bets on who can catch the biggest fish. Booker jokes that it’s the best way to get them to be quiet and stop making eyes at each other. 

Joe knows a ton of plant identification facts – it started as a way to find food in literally any environment, and now he just like, knows about plants. It also helps him cook because he’s very willing to experiment

He’s only poisoned himself once! He and Nicky had a fight about it though cause it took him a long time to come back from that (even Andy was worried), so he’s not allowed to eat something just for the experimentation of it all

They both live/die as Crusaders (as in looking for the Big Cause) to the heart though, so part of them is always waiting for Andy to bring the next mission to them. 

When they learn Andy is to die they have a long talk about what they might do next; whether they should be in charge of the team for a little while or what. Nicky is adamant that Nile will take over, that she’s being passed the torch. Joe believes it but he still wants her to have a choice in the matter and thinks they should consider stepping up for at least a few years so that Nile can find her feet. 

Nicky is the most at peace with the idea of death in the crew, and he’s sat down with Andy and gotten out of her the kind of funeral she wants.

He and Joe have a document detailing theirs that they left instructions for her to find, and now they’ve passed that on to Nile <3

Old Guard Headcanons

Let’s talk about The Old Guard

Ok, I know most of you follow me because of Teen Wolf and The Witcher, but just hear me out, ok? Just LISTEN!!!

I’m not sure about all of you, but I can be very picky when it comes to the shows I watch. That’s how I find myself watching season 1 of Witcher over and over again, but that’s a discussion for another day. 

ANYWAY.

One day I was texted out of the blue by a family member asking if I’d watched this movie yet. Never having heard of it (it is only 2 weeks old), I said no, and put it on my list of 5 billion other things I still needed to watch. I’ll admit I forgot about it for a few days, but one morning when I was tossing and turning at 1AM, I said “Fuck it! Let’s watch some Netflix!”

Reader, best. decision. of. my. life.

For the record, I hadn’t looked up any information on this movie and (weirder yet) I didn’t bother reading the summary of it, either, so I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I just trusted my family members’ suggestion since we have similar taste in many different things. 

(SPOILERS BELOW THIS LINE. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK)

So, there I was, minding my own business in bed when this WONDERFUL movie cut to a scene of Nicky and Joe spooning on a train while they sleep. Reader, I swear my heart stopped for a full minute and my eyes went as wide as saucers. Then, having watched my fair share of “lol, no homo” crap on television, I sort of brushed it off, thinking “Oh, they probably just did that in their sleep. Surely no badass, male heros would be gay on tv.” Not only that, but I hadn’t heard one little peep about there being a gay couple on this show, nor had there seemed to be any build up to it. (However, having re-watched it a few times, I see the subtle glances between the 2 characters which can definitely be seen as two people who love each other making sure the other is ok.) 

WELL, I’VE NEVER BEEN SO HAPPY TO BE WRONG BECAUSE GUESS WHAT? IN A LATER SCENE, NICKY TALKS ABOUT HOW JOE IS THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE AND THEN THEY SPOON MORE IN BED AND THEN THEY’RE KIDNAPPED TOGETHER AND JOE GIVES A SAPPY SPEECH ABOUT HOW NICKY ISN’T HIS BOYFRIEND. OH NO!! HE’S ALL AND HE’S MORE!! AND THEN THEY KISS AND IT’S FUCKING AMAZING AND MY LITTLE GAY HEART JUST ABOUT EXPLODED AT THAT POINT!!!!

Ahem.

So. If you want to watch a movie that has super, kick-ass female leads and a pair of immortal, gay husbands, I HIIIIGHLY recommend you watch The Old Guard! The way they showed Nicky and Joe’s relationship was just so natural and they didn’t make a spectacle about them being the gay ones. No sir, they were not the gay couple. They were the only couple and I fucking love that so much.