#you see i dont own a car
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one thing i really liked about honor among thieves is the attention to detail. like, for example, when they're entering the underdark, xenk, holga, and edgin carry lanterns, while doric and simon don't - because they have darkvision
its the little things, you know
#mechanics my beloved#like game mechanics#guess car mechanics are good too but i dont feel that strongly about them#you see i dont own a car#dnd movie#honor among thieves#or as i prefer;#dadhat
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thinking about 4halo again and dying
they just. they used to be so sweet together. and then the election arc managed to genuinely turn them against each other (and bad is still affected by being caged in the museum) and i would NOT have been surprised if a rebellion had started within the next few weeks after their last fight and. they used to be friends and then they almost destroyed each other
and then the eggs went missing
and there are so many parallels between them, but one of the biggest parallels is how they're both protectors. they both protected the eggs (and, when he became president, forever extended that protection to the other islanders) but the eggs went missing and they had to put all of that aside. Forever was quicker to put it down than Bad was (it felt like only a very temporary truce, from Bad's end), but they put their problems on hold, because their eggs. were gone.
and another parallel. the destruction. both of them with their plans to cause ruin because then, maybe, theyll get their kids back. bad caused most of the grieving arc damage directly, and got aypierre and antoine to help him. he dug holes in the ground. he placed mines everywhere and leapt into them. he started the lavacasting process of the fed building (and was interrupted by admins, so he stopped, but philza and fit were still right to laugh at him lmaoo). he drilled a hole through the side of the federation office from a huge distance away. he has chosen to hurt his friends and himself to get the eggs back. whatever the cost.
forever destroyed the island. or he planned to destroy the island. or he was interrupted just before he destroyed the island or or or. I don't know. but it was big, and it was bad. bad enough that the feds had to step in and forcefully drug him, and kickstart the happy pills arc.
and the happy pills arc..... oughghghgh as fucking awful as it was for their characters to experience i genuinely truly think that it saved them from each other. when he was first told about forever being fucked up bad was still in the "i need to kick his butt" mindset, and was all ready for an excuse to kill forever. and then he saw forever. and the first proposal happened. and bad was angry and he was sad and upset and he was careful. forever tried to kill him. bad decided to save him. forever kept trying to marry him. forever kept taking the pills. forever was so scared of his own anger and all of the damage he could and would have caused to his family that he kept taking drugs that kept him so out of his mind he hallucinated his son was just sleeping safely at his house.
and they both tried to kill each other. and they both failed.
and bad showed phil and cellbit (and tubbo) the item scanner that dapper discovered, which could destroy him, because nothing else was working. because they needed to save forever. because bad was reminded by then that forever was a victim of the federation instead of just a mouthpiece for it. and then when forever woke up he saw bad, suffering, and so excited to see him awake.
and now they're here on opposite sides again with forever projecting his protection urges onto the fed worker in bad's basement and bad frustrated that he isn't being believed and his evil plans of giving ron lemons apology brownies is being interrupted and. look at them. soft "i hate you" and the appreciation room and bad's quiet heartbreak when he learned about forever being missing and the "i miss you" book bad got mad at because it asked him not to torture fed workers. does anyone hear me im so ill about them. do you understand they care about each other so much and the happy pills arc reminded them of that. forever realized bad is colourblind and bad assumed forever was poisoning him and then forever helped bad cheat on another colourblindness test and forever was giving bad flowers and bad was accepting them and accepted that he was colourblind despite his previously constant denial and! i don't know if im being comprehensible and i dont really care i will be honest i just need you to know i am frothing at the mouth like a rabid little beast. they are a TRAGEDY of miscommunication and external pressure but they love so so much. platonic or romantic or qpp they CARE and it tears me to shreds
#qsmp#4halo#i feel like ive talked about this exact thing like three separate times but#its one of those things that really Kills Me#and its CRUCIAL to understanding them and their relationship#they were fighting and now have found peace in hell#and forever using his care for bad as a distraction to not focus on his Own woes#and the way he's so sure bad needs help the way he was helped that at heart bad is a good person who doesnt want to be hurting people#and in a Way he's right. bad doesn't want to hurt his loved ones. everyone else? yeah. in a heartbeat. but his family...#but he's still makign the choice to do it. it's not lashign out in desperation the way forever destroying the island was#bad is hurting people with Purpose. he's putting thought into it. he's testing people and their knowledge and their motivations and he will#use them all as tools that can be bent and broken if it means they get the eggs back. he'll do it to himself too#especially to himself#ghhhgrhrgh the way theyre both self sacrificial and self destructive the Parallels the fucking parallels#i can best examine their relationship from a bbh pov and it agonizes me because i can't get all the nuance of forever's pov#because i dont speak portuguese yet :c#so best i can do is talk crazy about them like a Lure for other analyst shippers#pspspssps dont you see my ship. dont you see how canon 4halo is !!! in 8 acts#dont you want to examine them and their parallels and the way they are both so strange about relationships but they're finding a way to car#in a way that works for them#pspspsps#like me talking about qbbh vacation arc got the fandom acknowledging his sillies and directly got me a friend to talk about him to (hi kia!#maybe it will work here also#come to the dark side we have complex relationship dynamics that are frequently misunderstood and mislabelled#YOU can help change the world
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ah yes! the joys of executive dysfunction and something being Fundamentally Broken In Your Braincase!
#quick vent Look Away Nothing To See Here#i just needed to place my emotions somewhere before i really started to spiral#texts from cherished friends should not cause nausea-level anxiety! and yet!#here i am! running away from the ever-present miasma of guilt and stress!#you know a few months ago i was like 'im going to be better about responding im going to do better'#i Immediately started doing Worse!#i think i stressed myself out too much#pretty much every relationship i have ends up completely deteriorating due to my own insecurities and guilt and fucked up brain <3#ah yes and how could i forget the Commitment Issues and Emotional Block#mentally i am banging my head into a wall#but its fine Its Fine#i mean its not. its really not. but sometimes it seems like the harder i try the harder i fail#which is something i should be used to by now!#okay so it looks like i Am Indeed spiraling so#i am going to go... list some good things in this world and uhhh#well i dont have the car this weekend so cant go for a drive and some boba. um.#i need to organize my room table Yes that sounds distracting and falsely productive#not gonna tag this with anything actually.#love treating tumblr like my personal diary#ah yes its just me. my personal feelings. and the couple thousand people that follow me.#perhaps i will also buy something online with one of the gift cards i found the other day#buttons from michaels!!! i need buttons! i will go do that!#with the knowledge that i have unopened messages to respond to looming in the back of my mind like a noose! yippee yahoo!!!#gonna... turn of replies/rbs just this once since its just a Vent#i just needed to get it Out yk? not looking for anything other than relieving pressure on my brain#ok it looks like i cant turn of replies for individual posts#just... pretend you didnt see this for both our sakes <3#look away look away
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lizzie get two wolves 👍
#strato.txt#oil painting#wip#im worried ive unbalanced the composition w the second one on the right tho... its so much closer to the edge#ugh whatever. aunt lizzie is the focus here#i wish i knew what she actually looked like this is just cobbled together from general features of my family#solid build... dark curly hair... bigass ears. she could be one of my cousins. she could be me#ok rq im gonna lay out the story in the tags for anyone who hasnt seen the previous lizzie art#my great-something aunt lizzie was disabled and couldnt walk very well and she died young#she wanted to see the second floor of the farm house real bad but no one ever carried her up there and she died before seeing it#they buried her in a long white dress somewhere down at the creek. we dont know where her graves lost unfortunately#the night she was buried something wearing a white dress walked into the house and up the stairs and disappeared#and sometimes you can hear her down around the creek screaming#somewhere along the line wolves got mixed into the imagery for me#my uncle told me a story about another 'white thing' that was wolfish and would jump on cars#so i just assumed lizzie was a werewolf my whole life#anyways. i think her staying after she died was a manifestation of her desire for autonomy. maybe#maybe if shed had modern accommodations she wouldnt have felt the need to stick around. or maybe she would have idk#either way i think death afforded her control over her own desires in a way she hadnt experienced before#and i think thats why she still hangs around the creek#i hope she would like this. maybe ill take it down there and leave it out for a night when its finished so she can see
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Man this is so random but this theory is stuck in my head and I wanna see how other people feel about it because I don't see people talk about it a lot (I have no clue if the link will go through properly since I've never put a link in a ask box)
https://www.tumblr.com/art-w0rm/667910993425350656/theory-time
Oh god not this theory again. I really truly try not to be mean to people for no good reason on this blog, but this theory is literally one of the stupidest fucking things I've ever seen in my entire life. I don't talk about this theory because to me it's like the walten files theory equivalent of that tubby custard mechanically separated chicken post.
Most of the time I genuinely don't even consider it worthy of my time, because it's nonsense, but this is a very nicely worded ask, and I really don't mean to dedicate any of the vitriol I hold towards this theory to You, poor anonymous person, so I will deconstruct it. I will go through the theory point-by-point and deconstruct why I disagree with it.
First up, this:
Showbear is not a character in The Walten Files anymore. Showbear was fully retconned and is never going to appear in the series again. He was effectively just a cameo of ThunderingStatic's (one of Martin's friends) OC, but when The Walten Files blew up and people started assuming Showbear was Martin's character, Static decided to withdraw his character from the series and focus putting him in other projects.
Martin talked about this on Twitter forever ago, but I wouldn't be able to find that tweet now. But here's a bit from the interview he did with KnowYourMeme back in 2021 where he talks about it:
Now this:
This is just stupid to me? Like a complete logical incongruity? I barely even know how describe what is dumb about this because I can't even fathom how anyone draws this conclusion from this information. How is it strange for a man to say 'if my wife isn't home by the time she said she was going to be, let me know, in case something happened.'????? Why would Rosemary be out cheating on her husband with her fucking daughter with her??? If Rosemary was cheating on her husband why would her whole life collapse when he went missing? If Rosemary was cheating on her husband why would she show up at the restaurant every day after he disappeared asking if anyone had seen him and hoping to find him alive??? Why would she make paintings of herself and him together after he disappeared????? What the fuck are you talking about?
Ok now this:
Whatever. This is maybe the most coherent part of the theory, to me. I definitely agree that Sha evokes a 'wolf in sheep's clothing' sort of aesthetic, but I do remember Martin saying something in a Twitter Q&A at one point about how that wasn't actually intentional, and that Bon was the character he actually meant to seem unusually predatory. I looked for a while and couldn't find a screenshot of that, but I did find this one where he says the thing about Bon:
So whatever. take that with a grain of salt.
I don't even know what to say. here. Whatever. sure she was rolling in the hay
yeah Rosemary is asking if she's still beautiful because she cheated on her husband and not because she was chopped up and stuffed inside a big animatronic sheep. I think this is correct and is the True Deep Lore.of the walten files. I'm sure this doesn't have anything to do with the recurring motif of the double-meaning behind the word Beautiful either.
I don't know why it's weird that the lost lingering spirit of a mother would be calling out to her only living child. I Don't know why that needs additional explanation involving this batshit infidelity conspiracy theory.
Sha's chest is also ripped out
So is Banny's, honestly? Just a little less?
ok now this:
I guess I can't disprove this except that I think this is dumb. I think this is a really incredibly stupid logical leap to make. Y'know I really meant to go into this levelheadedly and very calmly go through every point and talk about why I think it's Decisively Disagreeable or whatever but I can't. I really can't. I just cannot keep my patience with this sort of thing.
You'd think if there was an infidelity aspect here it would've been lampshaded in some respect, at all, in the old /sophiewalten findjackwalten page text. Where it's literally Sophie talking to Jenny about what she remembers about her family.
Especially if the idea is that Sophie is meant to have been there. You'd think something like that would have come up here. Not 'she was nice and a good mom until my dad disappeared and her mental health started getting worse'
#ask#this theory always feels like someone's pulling a prank on me. like they're trying to see how much stupid bullshit they can say convincingl#before i notice and get mad#i'm sorry i couldn't keep it together for you anon I really dont mean to make anyone feel like an idiot#i just really don't have the patience for something like this today I think.#we haven't seen a lot of rosemary's characterization in the walten files yet#but everything we HAVE seen externally characterizes her as loving and compassionate but also sharply protective of the people she loves#and also so very deeply incredibly in love with her husband#and there's actually a decent bit of positioning her and jack as equals in their relationship which isn't exactly usual for the time#yknow. she has her own car and she has a job (even if its working for her husband's company.)#she's headstrong and ferociously talented and her husband is very supportive of her and of her artistic endeavors#yknow. the tragedy of jack and rose isn't that their relationship was bad#it's that their relationship was great and it was cut short over factors outside of their control#and now it lingers through the hallways of abandoned buildings as a broken facsimile of itself#there was a wonderful family full of people who loved each other intensely and had their whole lives still ahead of them#and it took one summer for all of it to be gone
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help someone please make me be an adult cus i really just don't want to.
#hghhhhhhhhhh i really need to actually go get a fucking car. but. im scarsd <3#i want to call my dad and see if he'd be willing to talk to me about it cus im. a mess.#and 1. my mom is currently dealing with shit of her own and i dont wanna bother her and#2. she would be hard to talk to about this anyway bc shes still against me doing financing. though at least she explained her reasoning.#but i want to talk to my dad cus hes done shit like this before ;;; at least on SOME level ;;;;;#i don't actually know how many cars he's bought from like. a dealership. but still.#he HAS bought cars before#and he understands jargon and shit better than me and im anxious#and i just want to get this one thing done so i can stop worrying about my car giving up the ghost on me at any point in time#ough#i meant to call my insurance company earlier to see if i could get a ballpark number for full coverage but didnt#bc the Anxiety. you understand. s#shh ac
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EVIILLL (i love that) BUT do they still make out WAYYYY longer then needed even if they're broken up?
oh, Certainly, darling. ;)
here’s the reference post for context.
and actually, that whole music video scene/side plot lives so rent free in my head, that i…started writing it out as a little mini para? i just miss writing stuff and wanted to do something fun and dramatic and spicy with legit crazy amounts of emotional/sexual tension in it.
because…oooough my god, i just know jersey was annoying and extra as FUCK that whole time. which, while diabolical, is also a very bold move bc stan was not speaking to him, like, At All and had no intentions to but kyle, conversely was extremely desperate speak to him so…he saw his opportunity and he took it, baby!
my man was Working! It! every angle, throwing his head back, his jawline could cut glass, his hair was so luxurious i bet it smelled so good, his like billowy tunic thing was falling over his shoulder, which has so many freckles on it…all while he was winking and waving his pretty long ass fingers at stan, smiling evilly.
— and when kyle does the things he did to him as raven back to him, it’s so funny to me because stan had to be blackout drunk and try really hard to exert that level of sex appeal as the biggest boyfailure on planet earth, but jersey quite literally is just That Bitch, does not need to try at all, can do it ten times better and it’s one hundred times more effective on ravenstan —
who is probably in hair in makeup, gripping the table so hard, trying to be unbothered when he’s SO bothered, hot and otherwise, shaking so much the hair and makeup team are like “you need to stay still.”
like stay still???? STAY STILL??? bitch! could you stay still if literally your ex super best boyfriend and the hottest person on planet earth is trying to eye!fuck! you! during the shoot for YOUR MUSIC VIDEO??? which i know that was extra stressful bc it was stan’s music video so it was his concept so he designed his own hell and built it around kyle and wanting to see kyle do it, so he literally played himself, rip bestie.
a mess…a MEEESSS.
and after all that happens which, whEw! a lot was happening, it was Very Ungentlemanly And Depraved, there were a lot of hands…in places that polite young man’s hands should not be…but when they pulled off i Swear kyle was smirking lookin sooo smug and satisfied, absolutely shameless, abt to try and go in for another one like literally tucking stan’s hair behind his ear, like skating his nail down his jaw line slowly and stan was SEETHING. i mean mad mad MAD!!! and stan never gets mad. like he stormed the hell out of there slammed the door And Everything before screaming into his hands.
free ravenstan, stop the violence jersey!!! you know my man is a pacifist and can’t fight back. :/
p.s. pls note that ravenstan looks like a slutty punk rock crimson dawn virgin sacrifice version of victor van dort in corpse bride but like more red than blue bc of raven stans angst divorce hair…do we…do we see the vision? there’s a vision and in it stan looks extremely pretty, wide eyed, easily corrupted & biteable. <3
#oh my god literally this entire thing is a mess#like the fact that ravenstan probably had an extremely vivid sexually charged dream about this#was like hm what if i make it a music video and pretend like its beautiful artistry when i really just want to see kyle#dressed like a sexy sexy vampire and do bad things to me#LKHDLKHSHSLSKHS JAIIIILLLLL#but like then takes literally the fattest l on planet earth bc he literally built his own hell like he fucked up so badly#he did not think kyle was gonna show he thought he was gonna cancel like literally stan wanted to call in sick but its HIS MV???#and jimmy and kenny are like are you okay can you do this and hes like duh yeah ofc im a professional i dont even car--#literally walks into jERSEY and who just winks and says Watch Where Ya Flyin’ Angel ;) HDSLKS HE WANTED TO DIEEE#AAAA WATCH WHERE UR FLYING ANGEL IS SOOO SICK OF HIM LIKE I AM IN SHOCK I WOULD FALL TO MY KNEES#LIKE KYLE PLEASE STOP RIZZING HIM HES SO WEAK HE WAS BREATHING SO HEAVILY JIMMY WAS PATTING HIM ON THE BACK#WITH HIS CRUTCH LIKE THERE THERE BUDDY KSHDLKDS#amazing i...am gonna write it i want to laugh and cry#jersey kyle is too good at this like hes so powerful#they looked good i know they looked good anyways do we see the vision are we obsessed i want the copy of the mv#but like the xxx directors cut where stan and kyle makeout for like several minutes and knock everything over#thank you for coming to my ted talk#also i wrote this ask meme bc i was just talking to rp about it and i literally got so unhinged help akshdlksad
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Don't mind me, I'm just fucking depressed
#life feels meaningless again and i don't know how to make it go away#i have friends but i cant find the energy or the mental ability to be around them#i cant even get myself out of my house let alone see people#ive got no car again which means you habe 0 autonomy#the VA has zero empathy for anyone and im left stranded for help#ive got my parents winter depression to deal with on top of my own#I'm basically the primary bread winner in my house because of my disability being more than my dads SSI#everything is breaking and i have no money to replace it#my country hates me in multiple ways#my avenues of enjoyment are being priced out or gotten rid of#there's no third spaces#no places to hang out#my grocery bill is 2x the price now#my body hurts my brain hurts my heart hurts my teeth hurt everything fucking hurts#i cant even use Tumblr anymore because the account ive been using for the last few years wont get un shadowbanned#i dont even get the reprieve of dreams when i sleep
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While I don't know much about it, I would probably bet there are tons of issues with the cruise industry that would make me not actually appreciate it broadly speaking - HOWEVER, I do really love a lot of the interior design of some cruise ships.. How it's almost like a miniature city crammed into one area. Multiple sections with all different aesthetic designs, a variety of shops, restaurants, activity centers, community seating areas, communal use spaces (like gyms, laundry, pools, cafeteria/buffet (which I always love anywhere)), etc. etc. but then also everyone has a little nice clean comfortable looking space of their own to retreat back to if they'd like to be alone. Maybe it's something akin to the idea of 'walkable cities', where everything you could ever want to do is kind of right there just a short walk away? I also especially love how so much stuff is stacked on top of other stuff, a layered cluster of spaces, bright open atriums, and when they're set up with little walkways down the center between a bunch of rooms so it's almost like a mini city street with apartments lining it, etc.. They often seem like they'd be SUCH a cool place to live permanently, IF only something identical was just built on solid land instead lol
#currently watching a channel on youtube where some person is reviews/tours cruise ships or something#and I'm just like wow the whole traveling part would be miserable hell and I would hate trying to get off of the stupid ship everyday#and see seomthing and make it back in time or etc. but OOOOO THE BEDROOMS! love the TINY minifrige!! eeee .. lol#perhaps just an extension of of my obsession with communal spaces. also love hospitals. nursing homes. hotels. AIRPORTS!!!#thats just how humans are meant to live for me. my ideal situation is that sot of thing like big beautiful bright communal places#but i also hate socializing i just like the idea of like. the entire communal world is in front of me but i also have my own little space t#retreat back to. youre not forced to participate. but the world is right outside your window if you WANT to go. ALSO people watching is fun#Plus i think part of what i hate most about Going Places and Doing Things is the commitment of it and traveling#especially in america where its like to get ANYWHERE it's a 3 hour drive or 15 min drive#or 20 min drive or 1 hr bus ride or blah blah. the idea of having plenty of fun little things to do that are all solidified#in ONE single complex that is also where your room is would actually encourage me to do things more because if#my health issues start flaring up or i get overwhelmed or etc. i can literally just... retreat back to my room that is a reasonably short#walk away. instead of like ''UGH now not only do i feel too bad to finish my excursion but ALSO i have a 40 min car ride ahead of me''#etc. Not saying that even in that situation I would become Super Extravert Thing Doer like i still LOOVE a quiet lifestyle mostly alone do#ing the same 5 repetitive tasks over & over again working on specific hobbies. but just that i WOULD go out SLIGHTLY more and do Activities#if the activities were already brought to ME. like a cruise ship layout where you have your little room private space but when you feel#like it on your own terms you could venture out and go to a little cafe or a swimming pool or etc. WITHOUT even having to leave#or get in a car and travel. just walk form your room to The thing. amazing.. ground breaking.. BUT especially the layers are important. I#dont mean just 'have the same features but in a way that theyre on land' I mean LITERALLY translate the EXACT layout of the cruise ship but#on ground instead. Like I want a full community cafeteria on the middle floor of my apartment complex. there should be a pool & waterslide#on the roof. A community games room on the 4th floor. a library right under my bedroom. etc. etc. Though maybe ideally I would say#add a little extra space like most people couldn't live their entire lives in a cruise ship room layout. But maybe just have the rooms expa#nded to the average size of like a 3 bedroom apartment. and then still stack them on top of each other.. More spacious decks so people can#have some plants (but also a community garden somewhere too). ANYWAY... Idk I just always love the aesthetics. I would love to tour a cruis#ship but like NOT go on a cruise EVER lol.. but just.. SEE the space. I love interiors so much. Also makes me think of worldbuilding like.#I think cruise ships could also be good inspiration for underground stacked cities in layers. things like that. OR just actually the fant#asy world version of a cruise ship lol. Though Nanyevimi's oceans are all so treacherous that non-inland water travel is avoided as much as#possible (even if it's more tedious to travel on the land) and would rarely be done for leisure. still.. river cruises could exist.. >:3c#In Nanyevimi the oceans are akin to how Outer Space is on earth (seen as a mysterious unexplored dangerous area etc).. a cruise ship of#rich elves setting out on a Groundbreaking First Ever Ocean Cruise & it just goes Wrong like a sci-fi 'trapped in space' type thriller LOL
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Love characterising nishikiyama as a booze hound drug hound meth addict high every day body mass 75% alcohol hands constantly shaking literally spacing out while driving fifty over the speed limit using elderly folk as speedbumps one hand on the wheel and one hand free to do more drugs and coming into work while functionally deaf and blind and he is still leagues more competent at his job than kiryu
#Yakuza loveblog#i dont talk about nishikiyama enough because im kazamapilled and hate him a little bit but im also kiryupilled and love him so much so you#see my problem? like i adore when nishiki is just. better in every way than kiryu and nobody ever sees that because theyre all too busy#sucking kiryus cock like okay nishiki had the rest of his life planned out when he was twenty and he was an extremely successful criminal#and getting himself noticed in many many circles then kiryu steps outside and gets into a street fight immediately and the entire tojo clan#surrounds him to throw cash at him like nishiki was actually doing so well for himself before his life was ruined. nothing is his fault#like i love just accepting that nishiki has one hell of a substance abuse problem and nobody cares enough about him to talk to him about it#and kiryu thinks its normal because hes the only one who can see that nishikis doing some great work out there so he must be doing#everything right. inconceivable that nishiki has any sort of ‘problem’ hes the real screwup and kiryu knows he makes life harder for himself#but he refuses to change because hes convinced that thats the only thing hes good at. like i believe that nishiki has a coke snorting#mechanic in game like harry db and without his coke buff he cant do as much damage like with it his output is on par with kiryus whos just#been blessed since birth by the violence gods. anyway kiryu is the only person in the world who thinks that nishiki is great do you get it#nishiki has lived his entire life in kiryus shadow and he doesnt care that kiryu has a natural charisma that he will never have. he has to#get out there every single day networking and socialising and hustling and nonstop landing interviews with cool magazines to get his name#out in the world while kazama takes kiryu out and drags him by the elbow to meet people like this is my son kiryu who has every disease and#everyone claps and cheers like i cannot stress enough how on top of the game nishiki is compared to kiryu. he has a car. kiryu doesnt even#have his own lighter. they are not on the same playing field and yet nishikis always trailing behind him because opportunity is always#knocking at kiryus doorstep whether he likes it or not and nishiki gets fed scraps and nothing else and hes the one with ambition he wants#the view on top and most importantly he wanted his brother there with him but nobody ... likes him ... nobody likes nishiki nobodys in his#corner he onky had kiryu and when he lost him it was quite literally him against the world. it always made me laugh how at the end of yk1#harukas paying her respects at nishikis grave when the only time he ever cared about her was because he wanted her little pendant and he#(actually fucked how alone nishiki was he didnt even have his own fucking men to rely on he was basically working alone with someone he knew#was using him like ??? he was fucking desperate) anyway i really love to think that kiryu being nishikis only friend and the last person in#the world who thought kindly of him (barring like ... kashiwagi) was grieving terribly over his death and haruka being a sensitive and#sweet little girl took the initiative to ask about nishiki and i think kiryu would tell her stories every night of the kind of stuff he and#nishikiyama would get up to when they were her age. he would tell her how amazing nishiki was and how he always looked out for him how he#took care of his sister and how he would always be the one to remind them of impending birthdays and the like. nishiki cared about the#little things .. and he made kiryu want to care about them too but theres just something different between them because nishikis always#been a better person than him .. and he would tell haruka in a voice that sounded like he was begging her to understand that nishiki wasnt a#bad person.. though he did bad things he was a good man and he still wishes with all his heart that he could have done more to save him ...
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THEYVE GOT A FUCKING DEMOGORGON
#I CALL FOUL ON THE FUNGUS THAT'S GOTTA BE A RED CARD SURELY#if henry and sam dont make it im going to hunt you all for sport for letting me watch that#omfg the child in the car with ellie nah absolutely fucking not#WHAT JUST HAPPENED !!#omg they're all going to wyoming okay everything is fine#NOHE GOT FUC KING BIT NOTHING IS FINE#NO NON ONONO NON O#ELLIE TRYING TO FIX HIM SHE'S JUST A CLUELESS KID TOO DESPITE IT ALL IM GOING TO KILL MYSELF#NO AND HENRY WAS THE ONE TO SHOOT HIM#ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME RN#'what did i do' everyone who told me to watch this godforsaken fucking show have a horrible day for a thousand years#OH MY GOD AND THEN HIMSELF#WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL#screen goes black i just see my own jaw-dropped flabbergasted horrified expression looking back at me#you're all awful and i hate you#tlou#tlou spoilers
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screaming in the club
time for another vent in tags
#so i was joking and i thought it came through but im also dumb and autistic and my jokes dont always cross. sO#i was joking about one of my roomates not seeing Nightmare Before Christmas before bc i was showing 2 of them my picture vinyl of it and whe#n one of them said they never saw it i said “but you were a loser on tumblr in the 2010s wdym” and their fiance was just rude to me and i th#ought it was clearly a joke but ig not and they lowley attacked me for it? im just?? i tried to clarify that i was joking and they know im a#utistic. hell the one i was joking to is also autistic but idk so now i feel like utter shit especially after all i did today thst juet drai#ned me. ive been trying to fix our 2nd shower. i had a meeting. i had an extremely hard therapy session. and i showered today. its been hell#like i am trying to get thru relapsing on SH and my ED and ofc they dont know but that shit made it worse and i dont want to say anything bc#then ill feel like im guilt tripping? idk but im also super nervous about a HRT appmt i have coming up and i cant afford it and we have no#food in the house i can eat rn and no one has gone shopping. i cant go shopping either bc i cant drive/dont have a car. and its making it#harder to help get back on track with eating when theres nothing for me to eat? so everything is fucking amazing right now.#the only meals i could POSSIBLY have and all claimed by the one roommate i was joking with. it all takes up half our freezer too so thats#fucking awesome. all this food for one person and none that i can eat or the other vegan in the house can eat. i have been hungry for DAYS.#all there has been for me to eat is cup ramen and grilled cheese. AND SOMEONE WHO WASNT FUCKING VEGAN ATE ALL THE VEGAN CHEESE IM GENUINELY#SO PISSED OFF? like dude yall have your own cheese wtf#the thing is its already really hard for me to tell when i am actually hungry bc of years of ignoring it so when i actually feel it and ther#es nothing it really gets to me. im so tired and idek where my EBT card is to get myself something. its all just so much.#i just want to lay in my bed and sleep for days. but i cant. i have too much shit to do. like even just tomorrow i have to clean the#bathroom. mop the kitchen. do dishes. shovel snow. and just generally take.care of shit because since we have 2 roomates MIA right now and#no one else wanted to do shit i had to step up and i am STRUGGLING. i have been for a while. the thing is everyone that didnt sign up for sh#it didnt have much going on besides probable seasonal depression#i relapsed. have debilitating mental health. i can barely get out of bed before 4 pm. and i have to take care of myself and my cat.#im so close to snapping on them at this point#i need the one roommate i actually like to come back or i swear i will lose my shit. hes only been gone for 6 days but HOLY SHIT#everything has gone to shit#vent over ig im going to sleep soon. still hungry if i cant find something.
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gaming industry blowing up
well i guess its a good thing i never got into gamedev despite wanting to when i was like 14
good thing i went with IT instead
IT industry also blew up and has an extremely competitive entry level market
#i only make good choices. as you can see.#it doesnt help that IT is not a 'money maker' so companies dont want to 'waste' money on it#they want to pay $15 an hour for a degree + multiple certs + experience#man.#and more often than not expect you to drive around in your own car all over the state. man.#ive been searching for a job for like 6 months at this point#willing to take the pay cut#they just dont care#their entry level position only wants people who already are in IT#doesnt matter that ive got my certs and am in the process of getting the degree#doesnt matter that i can answer their technical knowledge quizzes#sigh
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Calling Yamcha soooo has a beach house that’s better than his shitty crumbling house… like seriously Yamcha your a millionaire baseball player why are you living in a crap house… is it even a house isn’t it an apartment?
he lives in an apartment, and to be fair it is on the top floor 🥴
honestly, considering he lived in a cave for at least 16 years i think he's just used to/comfortable with how shoddy and sparse his living space is
#snap chats#he has always wanted to live by a beach tho thats true#ill always be curious bout yamchas baseball carreer i love baseball#cause i couldnt tell you when he stopped playing- he was still playing before the cell saga#but we dont see or hear of it again afterwards#regardless he prob has SOME money from those days stashed away- but again he's a simple guy#the flashiest thing he owns is that car bu/ma lent him
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Don't know exactly how to express this in words but the Fast Car Tracy Chapman youtube comments section is a new emotion on its own
#i was going to take a screenshot of one comment but i just kept scrolling down and almost all of them were just affecting me#like i closed my eyes and listened to the song but scrolling through what people all over the world had to say was something as well#just the mix of appreciation for the music and love for it and how it affects all these people mixed with snippets of stories of#people using this song to get them through or inspire them to get themselves out of terrible situations#its just... things that make you feel human#its like this is a persons story. these are people we are all people and come from different places and have gone through different things#but we can all relate and feel the same. no matter where we come from we can feel the wish to escape the want to be somebody the desire to#change and the hope to do so. but theres also the fear and the responsibility and through all of that just wanting someone to love you and#go with you and not be alone#its just things that are real and true and make you feel how much of a person you are#i 100% recommend listening to fast car on youtube right now and then scrolling through and reading some of those messages by the way#its a whole other emotion of its own#its like the fast car tracy chapman emotion but more and even realer if that is even possible#its like one commenter said the song was a novel in five minutes but listening and then reading is even more than that. its not a book its#not a library its all these stories and lives around you coming together with your own in this one spot this one means of understanding and#through that you see part of all these journeys and these people and all understand each other and yourself and what it means to be a person#a little more#that seems like a lot of stuff but i dont know what to tell you. its true.
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the library is being really inscrutable about Whether Or Not I Can Pick Up My Fucking Books, i CANT walk anywhere in under 45 minutes despite being a 6 minute drive from the library and the nearest place where u can buy food, and my mother went to fuckign COSTCO today and only bought chips that SUCK. im going to start biting.
#ari opinion hour#you know how rat park the rats didnt use the morphine cause they had things to do#well i cant even do that caude i dont have my own shit . my parents have alcohol but im not sposed to be taking it#so im really trying to not go overboard. FUCK#please understand i am posting this from a place of extreme desperation rn#when im at school and i have people to see and places i can WALK IN UNDER 45 MINUTES#i have the ability to NOT be like GOD I NEED TO NO LONGER HAVE A BRAIN.#THERE IS NO REASON WHY WE HAVE TO BE AN INGREDIENTS HOUSEHOLD#my mom was in the car w me n sibling recently and the way she talked abt ppl walking places made it .#ABUNDANTLY. clear#that she had no idea how FUCKING bad it is here when you dont Have. a stupid fucking drivers license!!!!!#ive been trapped here for. YEARS. bc when i was 16 i didnt wanna get my permit bc j hadnt changed my name legally just yet#and th en covid happened like RIGHT after everything wrt name change / birtg cert was done and now here i am still no drivers license!!!
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