#you really have no sense of reality
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HAVE YOU SEEN MALLEUS DORM UNIFORM CARD????
I didn't get him. :( ...so I looked up his dorm story and it is incredible, oh my god. if you haven't noticed by now, Malleus doing the absolute stupidest shit with the best intentions is my favorite, and this is pandering directly to that part of me. I can't pick a favorite part.
(wait, actually, yes I can)
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#also containing copious amounts of my second-favorite thing which is malleus vs technology#i can't believe it's literally canon that malleus 1) does not attend meetings because he can't figure out how to open his email#and 2) therefore GUESSES when and where the meeting is and will just. sit in the fucking library for two hours wondering where everyone is.#mal. honey. you can be all '~fae and humans have such different senses of reality~'#but i think you might just be a doofus.#also canon: malleus powerwashes his phone and then is like 'i didn't do anything it just broke'#and don't forget my THIRD-favorite thing which is malleus trying very hard to be a good host and being extremely bad at it#this story really has it all huh#everyone's super mad and screaming at him and he's just like 'feel free to have some cake } :)'#yep. definitely a doofus.
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I finally finished reading the fourth volume of svsss in full, and thing is--the first time through I only read the bingqiu content because I was ravenous for more of their happy ending.
Turns out that was a perilous mistake.
Because I started reading the airplane extras. And I swear to god. MXTX is trying to kill me
What do you MEAN demon lord Binghe was sitting on his big fucking throne. All stoic and forbidding. Surrounded by his demon generals who don't know shit about human courtship. Asking them what he should do, fully demoralized by constant rejections from sqq, only to have airplane tell him to act more pathetic and needy. Which is already hysterically funny and insane, UNTIL LBH'S RESPONSE IS THIS, KILLING ME INSTANTLY:
LUO BINGHE. WHY DOES HE SAY IT LIKE: "I already tried that, didn't work--nothing works :/ not mean, not maidenly, not housewife, not spicy, not capable disciple. Is doubling down on clingy really all it will take? What's a born hater with only one love in his life to do????"
The dichotomy of him sitting there like 'how can I reach the unfathomable depths of shizun's heart?' A HEART HE'S ALREADY WON OVER, MIND and then in the Holy Mausoleum solving the puzzle without blinking and being like 'oh yeah you just have to hit the acupoints, no sweat.' Literally the comedy writes itself I'm so--
How am I supposed to be normal about this. MXTX understands the juicy quintessential queer joy of a person with the world's power at their fingertips wishing only for love. Willing to do anything to earn that love, when unbeknownst to them it's already been freely given. Totally not screaming and yelling and clawing at the walls
And that's not even touching airplane's uproarious account of events. The way he's like 'lol what's next, lbh and sqq are best friends now? smfh' only to see lbh TACKLE SQQ LOVINGLY. FOR SQQ TO BE BASHFUL ABOUT IT BUT SO SO FOND OF THE LITTLE SCAMP. This when we've been experiencing sqq's constant inner monologue of 'I'm so cool and so dignified about my role, truly the epitome of propriety and poser-level fortitude.' Meanwhile, in their universe:
Airplane constantly flaming???? Sqq and lbh in his observations????? His absolute bewilderment and confusion????? Legendary. No notes every single second of this shit was hilarious.
Airplane's comment that sqq + older adolescent lbh traveling together was just watching a couple in their honeymoon phase. OR the fact that lbh is exceedingly petty and refuses to share their food in the wake of airplane's interruption of their time together, until sqq relents sheepishly and insists airplane eat what's left (ONLY AFTER PLACATING LBH WITH MORE FOOD FROM HIS PLATE, SOBBING)
Watching airplane salivate over Mobei-Jun and acting like that's totally normal behavior. Finding out mbj and airplane got together first. Finding out sqq encouraged airplane. LIKE THIS. WHILE HE IS STILL IN DENIAL ABOUT HIS OWN FEELINGS:
Mobei-jun clearly thinking their arrangement is a forever thing, heartbroken his human abandoned him with all the hapless fury of a scorned wife swept away by false promises of fidelity. Airplane writing demons to be the type to beat up their crush lovingly and still unable to connect the dots about mbj's feelings. Mbj letting him go and respecting his wishes, only relenting when there's indication airplane was poorly processing his own feelings and didn't actually want to leave. Mbj caring for him and listening to him as soon as airplane voices what he needs directly and with clarity. None of these gays are functional and it's everything to me
Unrelated, but I physically can't hold this information in anymore:
I'm still reeling from younger lbh having his sexual awakening from the image of sqq wrapped in the immortal binding cables. Condemn me as you like he was so, so real for that.
And no I will not be taking any comments about how luo bingge couldn't bear to see luo binghe cherished in ways he never got to have and all the haunting implications of that. I will also not be taking any comments about luo binghe's instinct to look for sqq in that alternate universe, only to be shaken to the very core to be unable to find his shizun anywhere. The unspeakable and latent horror of his relentless mind likely piecing together what happened, but unable to say it; to suspect what is true, and live with the harrowing confusion of his double's actions. To blame himself, to assume that he had let his anger get the better of him in that world and result in unspeakable folly...
I also refuse to talk about how heartrending it is to hear Tianlang-jun weakly say "In the end, I really can't bring myself to hate humans." The implication that the foolishness of that hope and bright-eyed fondness--the very thing that put him through such unspeakable agony--couldn't be beaten out of him entirely. To discover that his faith in Su Xiyan hadn't been misplaced, to the contrary: his beloved hadn't scorned him at all, but rather fought to the miserable end to protect the fruition of their genuine feelings of love when she couldn't protect tlj or herself.
How MXTX has sqq deliberately draw parallels between their situation and that of ygy+sj and tlj+sx; desperately wishing it might not be too late for them. The concept of breaking cycles of abuse and harm pervasive throughout the newly devised story, how it evolves for the better only when love takes the place of power, pride, and domination. How the moment sqq chooses vulnerability instead of saving face, the genre shifts to the so-called "cringe" girly genre where most if not every character is more fulfilled, more true to themselves. How the "male-oriented" former genre was aimlessly sensationalized and sexualized, how it was a sustained performance of aspirational toxic masculinity. How men objectify other men without end. All of the unspoken gendered implications that come with that.
Anyways. Going to go put my head in a sandbox and try to process everything I just witnessed because even a second reading is not enough to find a modicum of closure.
#svsss#bingqiu#moshang#i swear to god this series is just 'gay man who doesn't know shit inflicting his delusional reality on everyone else and inciting chaos'#and literally it's slapstick levels of hilarious every single time; mxtx never change#also i fully agree that we did not get NEARLY enough mobei-jun and sqh/airplane content#the amount of mental illness to mental illness communication going on there was astonishing#mobei-jun being afraid of his uncle and bringing sqh because that's the only person he trusts fully (WAILING NOISES)#sqh having a tantrum but running away because for the first time he was honest about his needs + his dissatisfaction with catering to other#how that reflects his narrative compulsions and how he felt forced to warp more creative story paths for the sake of survival as a writer#how sqq's restoration of much of his original intent--as well as mobei-jun's acceptance of his needs--helps airplane begin to heal#how his happiness begins; how just like sqq he wanders in such confusion and denial before he's forced to realize what truly matters to him#SHREK VOICE: STORIES HAVE. L A Y E R S#it feels like modern day shakespeare and when i say that i don't mean it in a hollow elevating sense i mean it more like#mxtx just hits that perfect balance of poignance but also hilarious concentric circles of botched communication and brainworms#okay but real talk for a minute? .........;-;#the way lbh constantly struggles with such a crushing feeling that he'll be abandoned over any little mishap/thing/problem#really hit me where it hurts??? if only because its so clearly an anxiety that stems from original goods' upbringing#the way it becomes even more heartrending when you think back to all the sect leaders clamoring that he should have been killed as an infan#that he should have been aborted as a fetus--insisting right in front of him that his birth was a mistake and a disgrace#over having demon blood in his veins. like my god that scene is so viscerally upsetting i struggle to read it#the way its so easy to see the demons as a manifestation of otherness in precipitated form#how both sqq and sqh are influenced by human rhetoric without evening meaning to--assuming the worst against their better judgment#how both sqq and sqh both struggle with their own otherness in different ways and only find solace when they begin to accept who they are#how their lovers (lbh and mbj respectively) both are willing to navigate those confusing waters with them#how both demons love them as they are--accept them as they are despite how difficult forgiveness of perceived betrayal is for them#ty mxtx for changing my brain chemistry#as i get older i have such a fondness for the messiness of thematic queer self-discovery and growth into self-acceptance#that and how youth can so easily be defined by perfectionistic self-harm and the violence of repression
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Not sure if this theory makes any sense at all but I'm starting to believe that there's no time skip between Wally's phone calls and what we see/hear in the show's Media/Merchandise. If we see the Toyland call being made before the Homewarming episode then it would make sense that Wally's expecting Barnaby to come over soon. As well as the Homewarming sketch from the prior update. (I don't know, still kind of brainstorming this perspective)
that theory Does make sense and i've been considering it! the "timeline" is such a nebulous thing right now because we still... don't really know! there are too many variables and too many Maybes for any solid answer.
maybe the reality that the neighbors live in exists outside of time like you say, and like half of me suspects. there's so much reality fuckery already present, but I'm also... unsure of how much merit this holds given what we know / can infer about how time passes in Home. i'm putting this theory on a low shelf to look at but not prioritize
maybe it really has been 50 years, and Barnaby is either still around / Wally is still in contact with him, or Barnaby... isn't there. who knows, maybe Wally was just verbalizing some Wishful Thinking. i mean, Wally is a bit of an unreliable narrator, isn't he? we can't assume that everything he says is entirely accurate or truthful. and i mean, if it's been 50 years it makes sense that Wally would be pushing for connection / to revive WH. who knows how long he's been trying.
hm... i mean. it could be a mix of that and the Outside Of Time theory. who knows, maybe W is receiving calls from different points in the timeline - Wally may have started out just calling, and has just graduated to invading the WH website / getting pushy with the envelopes and media that's been sent to the WHRP. maybe Wally got tired of waiting for W to respond before W was even born. who's to say!
#i mean. idk the emphasis wally puts on Its So Quiet makes my brain tilt its head#it feels like wally breaking composure before he pastes the Facade back on with '-during homewarming'#that and just the way he phrased 'everyones usually so busy so its just me and home for a long while'#Usually so busy. Usually. why not Always? or Is?#usually.#and then the 'its just me and home for a long while'#the phrasing here has Connotations i think!#homebogging#welcome home speculation#wh speculation#OF COURSE. I HAVE TO DEBUNK MYSELF!#what we hear / see from Wally is - ironically - more genuine than the WHRP's or W's recovered media (save the eddie excerpts)#the WH media shows us the ideal homewarming - where everyone is getting into the spirit and spending time together and the like#but then wally could be telling us what homewarming is Really like - lonely. quiet.#WHICH MAKES SENSE THEMATICALLY! and it mirrors how christmas time is. its marketed as this joyful thing that brings people together#when in reality its lonely and stressful. i know i certainly never feel more lonely than i do at that time of year!#so there's just. layers. right now im simultaneously believing in the time discrepancy And them existing outside of time#im leaning on the first one but you know!#BUT!!! IM CONFIDENT THAT THE HOMEWARMING WALLY WAS CALLING FROM WAS NOT THE ONE WE SAW IN THE UPDATE.#wally spoke with enough familiarity about the time of year to make me think 'hes lived through many of these hasnt he'#it could be that time Has passed for the neighbors and its been many homewarmings.#it could be that it Started as what the commercials/update showed us.#but as time passed maybe it became a time where everyone just... Isolates for one reason or another. so now it's just quiet and lonely#im still rolling it all around in my head! many factors and implications to consider w/ this update!#Take All Of This With A Grain Of Salt As Usual!
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thinking about the 'I would never court Penelope Featherington' scene again and how angry our fandom has been at Colin for it for the last two years and wondering. . .what exactly was he meant to say?
Lord Fife and his friends are *slimy*. They are gross. They have 0 respect for women. Fife isn't *Colin's* friend. Fife is *Anthony's* friend. Fife runs in Anthony's circles. Misogynistic circles with misogynistic language. Fife and Co. are out here saying the debutantes are only good for being 'wed, bed, and bred'. Fife is the one out here, well into his 30s and with an established title, fucking an 18 year woman raw on her first year out in the marriage mart with 0 intention to marry her. That is 10000% an act of violence in this society. And you *know* he's bragging about it. Hell, he was probably bragging about it right before he asked Colin about Penelope.
Colin's not in those circles. Colin has female friends. Colin respects his mother. Colin cares for his sisters. The worst thing Colin has EVER said about a woman was to call her 'cruel'.
So. . .what is Colin meant to say? "No, we're just friends" isn't going to fly for people like Fife. As IF he wouldn't reply with 'Yeah, suuuuuure, wink wink nudge nudge'. Thus ruining Penelope and fucking over her future completely. A lesser man than Colin would have let them think what they wanted, and that would have still ruined Penelope in their eyes. Silence? Incriminating.
And he doesn't want FIFE of all people to know about his close friendship with Penelope. Fife who has never once been seen respecting a woman. Fife who has never once viewed a woman as a person and not a sexual conquest. Penelope is a safe place for Colin. Is precious to him. He KNOWS that conversation could have destroyed her reputation.
People talk about how he 'ruined her prospects', but in actuality, Colin responding the way he did. . .likely SAVED her prospects. There was NOTHING he could have said except for a vehement refusal, completely shutting down the conversation, that would have spared her from their judgement and cruelty. Sure, they laughed, and maybe it was at Pen. Maybe it was at Colin. (frankly, how good of a twist would it be if they WERE laughing at Colin? Colin the 'green' boy back from his travels after being oh so gullible and getting lied to by his ex fiance? Anthony made fun of Colin for being a virgin, we think these men, all 10+ years older than him, wouldn't do the same?) But at least they didn't go 'yeah, I guess she's a ruined woman' about it, because that *would* have destroyed her reputation
We talk about how Colin could have worded it differently, but honestly?
I think he said the exact right thing in those circumstances
#polin#penelope featherington#colin bridgerton#bridgerton#lord fife#lord cho#fife and company are so gross to me i do NOT understand the narrative of fife just wanting pen for himself#she's a little too old for him at this point considering he's looking for his girlfriend on a playground don't you think?#sorry not sorry i will forever be a colin apologist#no but really what should he have said????#'oh yeah we're fucking six ways to sunday?'#'no she's just my friend'? - Fife doesn't believe for a MOMENT that a man can value a woman as a friend#colin is the best man in that entire bunch but somehow he's the one we've demonized?#make it make sense#and sure he should apologize for talking about her behind her back- but Penelope should also then apologize for the same#we talk a lot about him being 'knocked off the pedestal' but in reality we've put him on the highest pedestal possible#colin is a GOOD man#he is arguably the best man in the entire series#at least he's the man with the best intentions and the least harm#and so when he fucks up we feel it ten fold because he was already so good#but when gross dudes fuck up we just expect it of them and give them a pass#we expect colin to not only be better- but to be perfect#and he isn't he can't be#he didn't say it perfectly#but OBVIOUSLY his intentions in that scene aren't malicious#and it's not locker room talk either?#look at the optics: Colin is 22 being asked by these 30+ year old dudes 'sooooo are you boinking the girl'?#one season after his engagement blew up publicly#in the season where no one listens to his travel stories#the season after he was virgin shamed
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doing figure drawing studies because i know thats what i should be doing right now but also ive been in a very insane deranged state for the past 2 months that leaves me like this whenever i look at a man for too long
#talkys#im gonna say some more stuff here which is i dont think its ever going to happen for me which is like#it should be fine right...i dont think im even meant to be in a relationship it sounds exhausting and like another#constant neverending performance...#but its like that one post...''im happy by myself but also where's the love of my life''#ykwim...i wish i could at least make an informed decision#but that would also be tragic as it'd require me to go thru more heartbreak so i could know for certain#is it better to do it or not do it at all...#anyway ive also been having a hard time putting this into words#but. i like my alone time! i can live with myself. + nothing will ever beat the peace and romance in my brain#but. it also feels so weird to think this way. in the sense of like. yeah. you're only thinking this way because you Have To.#because that's your reality. other ppl don't have to think this way because they are capable of finding love.#other people dont have to reaffirm themself of this in the wake of not ever being desired and valued....#does that make sense...? it feels really weird.#like of course u have to like being alone and spending time with yourself. you have no other choice lol. you lost.#and also... idk. idealized romances in my brain better than anything maybe i would like to be held just once by another living human being.#🌺
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-- Poorly Constructed Enchanted Tool --
A small tool carved from a fruit tree seed. Energy to power the enchantment has seemingly run-out long ago, and the method of recharging is unknown - but, based on the appearance, it's very likely that this was once used for detecting magic. Usually, looking through the glass center would highlight areas of higher magical energy concentration present in the viewer's environment, even if they were otherwise obscured to the naked eye. While this form of enchantment itself is highly advanced, the craftsmanship of the item is far less neat or complex than what might be typically seen in similar devices. It may have been made as part of training/practice, or as a hasty replacement for a previous tool that had broken.
#written from the perspective of some fantasy traveler who checks all of the local thrift-stores and lost & found places for every#town they visit - looking for interesting items and documenting them or something#In reality - just another one of my goofy little avocado pit carvings lol. Still working on inlaying little stones in them and stuff#I don't really have the tools to make super intricate stuff but doing little plain swirly patterns is still fine enough lol.#WORKING ON NEW POLL ADVENTURE also I know I know it's been months.. I have been Busy and struck by the evils of summer#But like I mentioned in the previous one I do want to at LEAST finish the quest with the egg lol#ANYWAY.#Things like this would plausibly exist in Nanyevimi (my fantasy world) but wouldn't be very common as - like mentioned- this would be an#extremely advanced enchantment. REALLY advanced mages could sense magic around them (to varying degrees of pinpoint accuracy of location#) without even having to use any external device. But for a majority of people there's really no way to know someone is using magic near#you unless you either see visual proof or if it's strong enough to feel effects from it (since magic is kind of like radiation in that the#higher energy/more of it youre exposed to the more it damages you/can make you sick/etc.) and even then most people would just be like#'hmm why do I feel so nauseous and bad out of nowhere?' likely wouldn't directly think to link it to magic. Thus the only really reliable w#way isto just hone your senses over like 500 years as you become an expert mage - OR use enchantments like these. But a 'sense magic' encha#ntment is not as common as a just 'magic is not allowed here' enchantment. If you wanted to prevent magic from being usedin a space#it's easier to just put up a broad barrier enchantment around that space than to have some sort of Magic Sensor to pick out if it's being#done and then handle each individual case of it . etc. etc. These sort of things can have their uses (especially for people investigating#things or trying to be secretive about detecting something etc.) but are less common - especially in this form (where visuals are used. itd#be more likely to jsut have like 'piece of metal that gets warm or cool depending on magic nearby'.) ANWAY so this is why it's a notable#object. Though a majority of the realm is not very magic literate - if you were a researcher or a mage and found this at a pawn shop you'd#definitely be like 'oohhh!! :0 inch resting... ' if not you might just be like 'oh cool necklace!' lol#also love the quick 2min ''costume'' for the image of it being used. literally just 'wrap yourself in scarves from the waist up' and slap o#a wig and ears lol#on this blog I guess since it's worldbuilding related and technically art.. maybe more like crafting? I should have a crafts tag lol.. hmm
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there is only one thing worse than the emperor . . . boom: a Child!
#somehow out of all the characters on that show i felt most compelled to draw this. child god.#all the powers to manipulate space and time and matter and reality itself...and you have no real sense of right and wrong bc you're a Child#the owl house#toh#the collector#my art#artists on tumblr#i mightve gone a little overboard with the. everything#it's a really busy drawing i think but that's alright. he's just goofin#i had halfa mind to flip the canvas and post him upside down
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My mom is going on a cruise w her bestie to a lot of European countries she's not seen yet (hasn't been to/lived in Europe or Africa since shortly before I was born). She asked me what gift I'd like and tbh I just really loooooove spices and flavors I dont have the opportunity to discover/try here, but like 🤔 not sure if customs would bar her from bringing spices home. Maybe a cool rock or smth instead as I seem to be collecting small stone animals when I travel lately
#Creepy chatter#trying to recall all the countries... It's a 16 day cruise and only 2 stops have 2 days spent there#2 days in Stockholm :D#My mom is the one that taught me how to cook so like lol our tastes are very similar. I trust her spice senses unquestionably.#She met my dad when they were living in Germany but she spent a little over 2 years living in Egypt in the late 80s early 90s.#After they came back to the states she never went back to other countries really so this will be very good for her I think :)#Always good to leave USA and get a reality check on what the international world is like. the US is so....lol....not real abt so much#Oh you know what I'd also be down for nice olive oil if spices don't pan out. 🤔 Not used to people going on trips lmao. Girl we were poor
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Guys pls don't make my post Tumblr famous, I don't think the masses are ready to hear my beliefs on thought crime :/
#i actually discussed my activism and posts w my therapist#and she also thinks yall are stupid and really cruel to people who likely have issues other than the percieved issue of a bad attraction#hell she even has to remind me 'thoughts are thoughts' bc i am a person and i do second guess my feelings#unrelated to attraction feelings to specify#just stuff ab life#they really are aren't they? just thoughts.#i imagined a fucking goliath of an albino snake nearly eating me but i wasnt actually nearly eaten by a snake#i thought of hitting someone who yelled at me but i didnt do that#you know?#it's really strange to have a better grip on reality than 'saner' people#i guess it makes sense though with the experience of hallucination and whatnot#you kind of have to reality check yourself a million times more in a month than an average person's lifetime#if you want to stay on top of the real world#idk i guess its just baffling to me that people with a relatively abled grip on reality seem to opt to ignore it on purpose
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examining a seemingly normal image only to slowly realize the clear signs of AI generated art.... i know what you are... you cannot hide your true nature from me... go back where you came from... out of my sight with haste, wretched and vile husk
#BEGONE!!! *wizard beam blast leaving a black smoking crater in the middle of the tumblr dashboard*#I think another downside to everyone doing everything on phone apps on shitty tiny screens nowadays is the inability to really see details#of an image and thus its easier to share BLATANTLY fake things like.. even 'good' ai art has pretty obvious tells at this point#but especially MOST of it is not even 'good' and will have details that are clearly off or lines that dont make sense/uneven (like the imag#of a house interior and in the corner there's a cabinet and it has handles as if it has doors that open but there#are no actual doors visible. or both handles are slightly different shapes. So much stuff that looks 'normal' at first glance#but then you can clearly tell it's just added details with no intention or thought behind it. a pattern that starts and then just abruptly#doesn't go anywhere. etc. etc. )#the same thing with how YEARS ago when I followed more fashion type blogs on tumblr and 'colored hair' was a cool ''''New Thing''' instead#of being the norm now basically. and people would share photos of like ombre hair designs and stuff that were CLEARLY photoshop like#you could LITERally see the coloring outside of the lines. blurs of color that extend past the hair line to the rest of the image#or etc. But people would just share them regardless and comment like 'omg i wish I could do this to my hair!' or 'hair goallzzzz!! i#wonder what salon they went to !!' which would make me want to scream and correct them everytime ( i did not lol)#hhhhhhggh... literally view the image on anything close to a full sized screen and You Will SEe#I don't know why it's such a pet peeve of mine. I think just as always I'm obsessed with the reality and truth of things. most of the thing#that annoy me most about people are situations in which people are misinterpreting/misunderstanding how something works or having a misconc#eption about somehting thats easily provable as false or etc. etc. Even if it's harmless for some random woman on facebook to believe that#this AI generated image of a cat shaped coffee machine is actually a real product she could buy somewhere ... I still urgently#wish I could be like 'IT IS ALL AN ILLUSION. YOU SEE???? ITS NOT REALL!!!!! AAAAA' hjhjnj#Like those AI shoes that went around for a while with 1000000s of comments like 'omg LOVE these where can i get them!?' and it's like YOU#CANT!!! YOU CANT GET THEM!!! THEY DONT EXIST!!! THE EYELETS DONT EVEN LINE UP THE SHOES DONT EVEN#MATCH THE PATTERNS ARE GIBBERISH!! HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THEY ARE NOT REAL!??!!' *sobbing in the rain like in some drama movie*#Sorry I'm a pedantic hater who loves truth and accuracy of interpretation and collecting information lol#I think moreso the lacking of context? Like for example I find the enneagram interesting but I nearly ALWAYS preface any talking about it#with ''and I know this is not scientifically accurate it's just an interesting system humans invented to classify ourselve and our traits#and I find it sociologically fascinating the same way I find religion fascinating'. If someone presented personality typing information wit#out that sort of context or was purporting that enneagram types are like 100% solid scientific truth and people should be classified by the#unquestionaingly in daily life or something then.. yeah fuck that. If these images had like disclaimers BIG in the image description somewh#re like 'this is not a real thing it's just an AI generated image I made up' then fine. I still largely disagree with the ethics behind AI#art but at least it's informed. It's the fact that people just post images w/o context or beleive a falsehood about it.. then its aAAAAAA
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Haha what if all the overwhelming rage I'm suddenly feeling is actually just 21 years of accumulated injustices that I'm only now starting to feel because my self esteem is improving. But then because it's so overwhelming that it feels genuinely unsafe to both myself and those around me for me to express it, I have to repress it further and the only way I know how to do that is to lower my self esteem again so that I don't feel angry cause I no longer feel like I ever deserved better
#haha what if? jk jk... unless 😳#anyways. how do you express anger like this safely#seriously please help me i need advice im going nuts#i feel like the people i know now have never treated me bad but ive never required them not to (they just do it on their own)#and in some fucked up way i guess this makes me mad at them as if they are treating me badly?#idk. idk how to explain it and when i do it sounds fucking dumb#i dont want to get angry at people who arent doing anything wrong and demand them to do better when its not really about them at all#does any of this make sense#im having feelings that dont reflect my current reality and then feeling ashamed about that 👍 as i tend to do
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Real character growth is thinking weed is the Worst Drug On the Planet as a kid and growing up going "Actually, while weed itself has both negative and positive effects for different people for different reasons, we should talk about how the substance itself is used to demonize and imprison poor people, and you KNOW it's aimed even moreso at people of color, of Black and Latino people ESPECIALLY, all for your local Senator to get the shit shipped to their house and accept the taxes it brings in by the-"
Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk, Mr. Fucking Anslinger.
#ooooo oopsy#also am i saying weed cant have negative effects on people? no#am i also saying it's impossible for people to become dependent on it heavily leaning on substance addiction?#also no#but that's the reality with any substance that does make people feel better in some way. If it distracts them#whats really strange is how isolating making these substances illegal are#how are you supposed to help someone when they're using it as a medicine because they're in genuine pain everyday#what about when medicine that could otherwise help someone isn't affordable?#what about how massively this goes for disabled people who fit into these other categories!!!#no matter who you look at all the administrative ban has ever done#is make people pay for being in pain. No matter what kind of pain it is.#Maybe if we had more places in society for people (especially lonely adults) could find a build a sense of community#and compassion from the people who are hired to “Represent the people”#then maybe! the negative effects! would be minor!#and people who just want to get high to relax once and awhile to enjoy a night out#wouldn't bring addiction back home with them.
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THOUGHT ABT CHIP JRWI INCIDENT 40 DEAD 32 WOUNDED
#im so fucking far behind so I feel like I can’t rlly say shit#bc either its shit I’ve already said or abt events I haven’t witnessed myself#so I can’t like. give MY take im going off second hand info anyway#idk I just. I LOVE HIM!!!!!!!!#he’s so selfish and selfless and all he really wants is to protect and love#forever some part of him is stuck as that little boy on the black rose#whether it’s in his desire for family and crew or even just his… simple urge to do good for goods sake that children have#before hard reality and Reuben and the streets told him to keep to himself and only care abt him and his#idk I just!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ya#it took gillion beating the shit out of him for that selfish shell to break#for him to realize like. hey. you’re impacting the ppl you interact with and you’re being a *dick*#and after we see him care more not just for his crew (like keeping his promise to gillion to not lie or just trying to know them better)#but like. signing for la alma. giving up grimms magic to revive people. stealing from royalty to give to an orphanage#loffinlot chip just… WOULDNT do that. it wouldn’t help him and just puts him at risk. just ignore it keep your head down and leave.#and even WITH that growth he’s still got that selfish streak— in the most positive sense of the term#him turning down Lizzie’s army offer in joaldo is him prioritizing those close to him over the needs of the many#(versus with Grimm doing what serves the most— self-sacrifice is easier to swallow)#anyway. tumblr mobile stopped showing my last tags like 7 lines ago so im stopping here just.#know that fucker is rotating in here again.
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Can somebody please explain to me what the appeal of vampires is.
#I'm genuinely curious#people seem to go absolutely feral over this concept and I want to KNOW I want to UNDERSTAND#and there are some really excellent vampire aus that I love and I want to love them MORE because I want to GET IT™#because all I see are like...societally conventionally attractive people with fangs. who maybe (depending on The Lore™)#can't go out in the sun. and that just...doesn't resonate with me?#like I understand metaphors for 'othering' and the concept of monstrosity but I feel like that gets a little lost if there isn't anything#actually UNPALATABLE about them. like if they just look like what we culturally have idealized in human appearance then how can#they serve as a metaphor for ostracization or being misunderstood?#is it primarily an aesthetic thing? is it a *danger is sexy* thing?#but ordinary humans can be plenty dangerous too (see: 90% of the female characters I'm obsessed with)#so is it in the sense of you can vicariously experience that danger and heightened emotion in a situation that's removed from reality#so it feels less overwhelming when you're watching/reading the piece of fiction???#like I have seen this used effectively as a metaphor for marginalization (undead murder farce) and an exploration of how society#defines a 'monster' (shiki) but that doesn't seem to be the way most people or works engage with this concept#is it just that people like when characters are covered in blood because I DO understand that one lmao#I just feel like vampires have been branded as a Key Aspect of Bisexual/Gay Culture and I feel like I am on a separate plane of existence#because It Is Not Clicking For Me#(tbh I feel like there are a lot of Quintessential Queer Experiences™ that don't apply to me but. that's a whole separate thing.)#ANYWAY would love to hear people's thoughts!#I am cooking up a Meta Post™ about fandom reaction to the concept of monstrosity and I want to gather as much information as possible
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I... do not understand why people try to argue that you should believe that Christianity(or anything, really) is true without evidence.
I have a moral obligation to believe it? Well, it would only be wrong not to believe it if it was true.
I should believe it because it says it's true? Everyone thinks they're right! That's not a clue at all.
My reasoning is flawed, and I should trust God's instead? That makes sense... if I already do. But that means nothing if I don't already believe God is real. I can't trust someone who doesn't exist.
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It's just circular reasoning, it's true because it's true because it's true.
There's no entry point! It's a totally useless argument to make. If I'm already Christian, then you don't need to convince me, and if I'm not, then I have no reason to believe you!
It just defeats the whole point of apologetics. I've seen people actually debate with evidence and logic, (mainly in the accounts of the resurrection) so there's no reason to forsake it.
I don't... I really don't get it.
#read some article like#''logic is good but you have to base it on the assumption that God is real!''#why should I???#no really why?#Pretend you're talking to an atheist for a moment#what is the entry point?#if I'm not allowed to use any secular reasoning or logic to come to the conclusion that God is real#how am I ever supposed to reach that conclusion????#and then use it to base the rest of my logic and do what you said to??#it makes no sense -_-#and hot take: I don't think the resurrection and whatnot are ''unprovable assumptions''#like assuming reality is real or assuming you are yourself are unprovable assumptions#uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh#logos
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having a moment about my gender rn and i'm just like ugggggh @ my brain do we have to. like can we just not
#i need to go to bed soon bc i have a 10am class tomorrow but shoutout to the identity crisis i've been having since at least feb 6th#idk if identity crisis is even the right word. bc like one thing about me is that i have a very solid sense of self#like i know who i am and what i want and how i move through the world and what it feels like to be me#but in terms of how i label and explain that to others? that's where the identity crisis comes in#but no one else gets to experience me in first person POV so the descriptors i use and they ways i present myself are reality to them#and tbh? as i think about how some of the descriptors i use for myself don't accurately describe me some people are getting mad???#which is so fucking bizarre bc like. what the fuck it's my gender why are YOU being offended???#but it's also making me low key be like ''wait am i a bad person now????''#even tho i don't believe morality works like that. idk it's just been an exhausting month and a half#if anyone wants to hear more in depth thoughts on all this i would love to vent about it#(but not rn bc i will be going to bed as soon as i get this all out)#but like what i will say now is even tho this past month and a half has been ROUGH (for several reasons especially gender)#and people might expect that me spending so much time with scott in february made it more exhausting#which is understandable we love scott but touring in general is tiring and also i am the most opinionated person i've ever met but so is he#and also like. if you've heard scott talk about gender it's very obvious we disagree on a lot of things and he doesn't shy away from that#but the thing is. i'd actually say spending so much time with scott (even when we talk about gender. even when we *argue* about gender)#was actually such a good thing for me throughout all of this bc even when we disagree on semantics of labels#scott actually sees me beyond that rather than reducing my identity to what i call myself#which is how a lot of well-meaning allys tend to treat me. like i'm just one thing.#so when i'm with scott i never really have to think about my gender#bc he doesn't treat me like i'm (insert whatever gender people treat me like). he just treats me like i'm jessamine#and i'm tired of having to explain myself into smaller pieces so people can pretend to get it#but i feel like there's no way not to do that in our society rn especially at my ''progressive'' liberal arts college
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