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where-is-my-whump · 9 months

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Hudson and Rex whumpy fanfiction

Wrong turn

Summary: A new case is messing with everyone. Charlie tries to take down the killer on his own and ends up missing. Sarah, Joe and Jesse don't know where to start. They need a plan but what if they choose the wrong one?

Two days ago a dead body was found. The victims name was Max Blake. Someone shot him. They couldn't find any bullets nor any prints or a hair that could be linked to the killer. But one important evidence the team has. The killer got away with a blue Nissan. Jesse couldn't run the plates, yet there is one strange detail. The passengers door is in a lighter shade than the other part of the car. A security camera recorded the killer driving away.

It's pretty early...even for a Charlie Hudson. The sky is still dark and the stars reflect in Rex's eyes. Charlie took him on a walk. Back at home the detective gets ready for work. Puts on his new suit, takes his weapon and badge. Shortly after they both leave the house and get into Charlie's car.

After a few minutes on the road he resives a call from Jesse.

Mornin Jesse. What you've got?

Good Morning Charlie. Rex barks.

Good Morning to you too buddy. Says Jesse laughing.

So...What's up?

Oh yeah. Sorry. I found out that the car belongs to our victim and that he had an accident...which leaded to the broken door and that-...

Jesse...take a breath. I know what I need to know.

Oh, yeah, of course. I thought you might-

Jesse!

Yeah. Sending you the address from the car repair right now.

Alright thank you. I'm gonna ca-. Wait...I think I see it! The plates number is HVC 306. But I think you don't need that information anymore...I'm gonna follow the car. Don't send any backup yet. I'll call you when I know more.

But they could be armed, Charlie. You sure you don't want any assistance?

No. If they see a police car they likely get away...Like I said Jesse...Gonna call you back. Bye.

Ok. But be careful. Charlie already hung up.

Of course this isn't the best idea. Chasing after a possible killer all on your own but what choice does he have?

Where. Are. You. Going? Charlie is still behind the car and calls Joe.

Hey Charlie. Any news?

No. Not really. Jesse found out that the car belongs to our victim...Max Blake. Hold on. They are turning left. They are leaving the highway. They are now heading northwest.

Alright.

Is Sarah there?

Yeah. I'm here.

The victim bleed out right?

Looks like it, yes. One shot in the shoulder and one in the lower abdomen. He must have died pretty quickly. He was laying in a pool of blood. Please be careful Charlie. I don't want to see you laying in one either.

Don't worry. I got this. Allright I'll call you back. Bye.

Jesse, Joe and Sarah bye.

The blue Nissan stopped on the side of a small path. Hudson couldn't see any movement so he watchfully steps out of the vehicle.

No Rex. You stay in the car. I know. I know. Next time okey? Rex barks silently.

Charlie takes his gun out of the holster. Slowly he approaches the car and opens the front door. It's empty. The detective is confused. He didn't see anybody leave. His lips form the word How?

Charlie wanted to grab his cellphone but the universe had different plans. Without noticing a man got close to Hudson. He straight of knocked Charlie out with a bat. Immediately he falls to the ground. Blood starts pouring out of the back of his head.

There are two guys. One seems like the big boss and the other one is the short man for the dirty work.

Come on. We gotta move. Get him in the car. Throw away his phone.

I think I got a better idea. His eyes slowly move to Hudsons car.

Whatever. Just. Just don't do anything stupid Alex. You know where to meet.

The undersized man heads over to Charlie's car while the boss drives off with the detective on the back seat. His shirt went from a light blue to a dark brown. His hands tied together with his own cuffs. A grayish tape around his legs.

Meanwhile Alex opens the door and flinches. Rex isn't in the best mood. But it seems like Rex met the first bad person, that isn't afraid of dogs. What? You think one bark an I'm gone? Hell nah. Get out you little pice of shit. Get! Out! He grabs Rex by his fur and throws him out of the car.

Well that was easy. Okeyyy next step.

The suspect turns the car around and drives a few kilometers back in the other direction, where Charlie came from. He found a little parking spot and left the car there, with Charlie's mobile phone in it. He went off with another car.

Just a few minutes later Joe calls. Well...he tried to.

He isn't picking up. Sarah's and his eyes met with a worried gaze.

JESSE!?

Joe leaves his office apruptly.

You need to track Charlie's location. RIGHT NOW. Something isn't right.

On it. He said they were heading north west right?

Yeah he did.

But why is his location in the south east?

Let's find out.

Shortly after leaving the Police Station they arrived at Charlie's location. Sarah had a strange feeling since she last spoke with Hudson.

He's gone. Said Joe

And so is Rex. Completes Jesse

Sarah joins the conversation..

That's not good. He even left his mobile phone behind. Something must have happened to him. I'm gonna call my team and look for any hints.

I saw a cctv camera on the way to this place, maybe I can find anything.

Yeah. Good Idea. I'll drive back to the location where Charlie first saw the suspects vehicle. If you two got any news please call me the moment you find out.

Sure.

Of course Joe. Stay safe.

Charlie is still out. His kidnapper drove deep into the woods. Nowhere near civilization. The tall man dragged Charlie a couple meters across the mossy ground. He suddenly stopped on top an old trapdoor and reaches for his phone. He even got service and tiped in a number.

Is it done?

Yes Boss. I bet his friends already found the car. Nick we gotta move.

Yeah I know. I'm already at the Bunker. How far away are you?

Give me 10 minutes.

Make it 5.

Nick grabbed the handle and opend the trapdoor.

Finally. There you are. Come on, grab his arms.

Why don't we just drop him?

We need him alive...for now.

Alex and Nick managed it to get the detective into the Bunker, without dropping him. The Boss already tied Hudson to a chain on the wall.

His arms are hanging a few inches above his head but the other part of his body is lying on the cold floor.

While the detective is out Nick records a video of Charlie.

Well who do we have here...isn't it the poor little detective. The detective who ows us something. We want 1 Million Dollar or your cute detective dies - he points at the gun in his hand - Tomorrow 11am at the old library in St. John's. No backup. If I see a cop...bang.

He moves his gun closer to the camera and stops the video.

Shortly after Nick anonymously sends the video to Joe Donovans private email address.

Joe still can't realize what he just saw.

Oh my God. That's a lot blood. We need to do something!

I think we all know that Sarah. Jesse is there anything you can do? Any background noice? A specific area?

I'm sorry boss. All I could find out is that there must be a second guy. You can hear someone breathing and I'm pretty sure that sound doesn't come from Charlie. Also there are no windows. This could be everywhere...a basement, a container, an old building or something like a Bunker. We need more information.

But how? You nearly can hear Joe thinking.

It's pretty easy...we give them what they want.

And then? Do you really think they will say where they hold Charlie? I don't think so Sarah. It's the exact opposite. We need to wait and hope we well get another video.

But this could take days. Days we -Sarah holds in for a second- Charlie doesn't has.

Sarah did your team find anything in Charlie's car? Nothing abivous. Just a few scratches and furr from Rex.

No prints? No. Nothing.

Jesse? Yeah. Hold on. I just got the footage from the cctv camera. There he is. Jesse points at Charlie's car. They can see how the car is being parked. The door opens. That's not Charlie. Who is this Jesse? Give me a second.

His fingers dance across the keyboard.

Joe reads out loud. Alex Winter. 25 years. He has an older brother...his name is Nick. Both have been arrested multiple times for mayhem, robbery and illegal possession of guns. This could be them? Right? We don't know that for sure. Joe I will say it again and again we NEED to go there. Donovan doesn't look happy with what Sarah just said but there is no other choice. Ok BUT we do it my way.

Slowly Charlie finds his way back to reality. He hasn't even opened his eyes yet and the pain already jumps into him. He silently groans in pain. His eyes flimmer open. There is nothing but darkness around him. Just a small light spot on the ceiling. After a short amount of time Charlie realized what happened. Scenes from the kidnapping are appearing in front of him. He tries his best to shake them away. The wound on the back of his head however won't go away this quickly. He tries to locate it with his hand but the chains are not really a help.

With heavy steps he tries to form a word.

R...Rex?

He hears something but definitely not Rex.

Hellou there sleeping beauty...god I wish I could sleep that long. ALEX! We have business to do. No time for you talkin shit. Sorry brother.

Sooo Charlie Hudson. Nick grabs Charlie's head, which is half covered in blood. He winches.

Remember us? You blamed us for something we didn't even do. But now you did. It would have been better if Hudson didn't say that. Nick forms his hand into a fist and punches Charlie in the face. His eyes remain closed.

Motherfucker!

While Hudson was unconscious, Alex installed a camera on the ceiling, pointing directly at the detective. The recordings can be viewed at any time via a link. This link will be send to everyone at the police station St. John's, tomorrow 11am.

Alex you do exactly what we talked about. No changes. If I tell you to shoot...you shoot. Alright?

Yeah and if something happens to you I shoot again.

Good boy.

I'm so nervous Joe. What if-

He's alive. I know it. He has to be. We planned every outcome, we'll find him. There he comes. It's Nick. The older one. Of course would it be him. You think Alex is with Charlie? Could be, yeah. Alright guys. Let's do this. Be carefull. Joe gives Jesse and Sarah a little nod and leaves the vehicle.

Step for step he comes closer to Nick. A few meters infront of Winter he stops.

Give me the money. Not until I know he's still alive.

If your little girl in the car is planning something he isn't. She is a friend and is unharmed. She just wants her boyfriend back.

Joe's cellphone chimes. Go on...you might want to see this. A little bit confused Donovan opens the link. So do Sarah an Jesse. All three of them can see a hurt but living Charlie. He stares at something but it's not possible to say what.

In the meantime Nick called Alex. He's still on the line.

Now...give me the money. Joe can now see Alex standing infront of Charlie. His back is facing the camera. What he can't see is, that Alex already has a gun in his hand.

Nick is getting impatient and also reaches for his gun. Give. Me. The. Money. ALEX SHOOT. You could hear a lout bang. Joe is in shock. He thought he was the one that got shot and so did Sarah. She got out of the car and pointed her gun at Nick. She didn't even hesitate and pulled the trigger. Alex did too but for the second time. Nick smiled while fallingto the ground. His last words where: Have fun finding your boyfriend.

Sarah rushes to Joe. JOE are you ok? Yeah. Yeah I-I think so. Wait. Your not bleeding. Joe, Sarah and Jesse realize...Charlie is the one that got shot. They look at their phonescreens. No no no noooo. Charlie. Is he alive? I can't tell. There is so much blood. Jesse can you track Alex's phone? Or the camera? I need my computer for that. Charlie's time is running. How long are we talking? From the video I can't really tell where exactly he got shot but I think they choose the same spots as with our victims...Max. Maximum 1 hour. We need to move. NOW.

Blood. Everywhere Charlie looks is blood. He coughs but there is pain. He breathes but there is pain. He does nothing there is pain.

Alex speaks to him while walking up and down. You know...now that my brother is dead, I'm free. I can be a different person. You might think...then let me go...yeah I'll...well you will on your own.

Alex takes a key out of his pocket and opens the chains around Hudson hands. They fall to ground like a stone in the water. He crys out. Just like Max Blake he now has two bullets in his body. One in his right shoulder and one in his lower abdomen.

Charlie is shaking. It's so cold. He had no food nor any water since 28 hours and there will be a few more to go...or not. If he dies soon. That's what he's thinking about right now. Am I gonna die here on my own? Will I see Rex again? Can I say Sarah one more I love you? Can I meet my friends again?

The pain wears off with time. There is no feeling in his right arm. With his other hand he tries to stop the bleeding on his torso. The darkness around Charlie comes and goes in waves. His eyes get heavier every minute.

Jesse what's your status?

I couldn't track Alex location. His phone must be switched of.

What about the camera?

No luck either. They use good equipment.

Sarah wanted to say something but she just stares at the door. Jesse and Joe look at her and wanted to ask if she's ok but they already got an answer.

REX!?! How? Come here pal.

A police man is standing behind Rex and says. I found him on my tour around the woods.

Where exactly. Can you show us? Maybe he can track Charlie's scent.

Good idea Jesse. Let's go.

Sarah is sitting on the back seat. She didn't even took her eyes off Charlie for a second. He hasn't moved in a long time but Alex is still with him. I think he is talking to him right now. She informs her teammates.

You must know...I don't want to be here either. I already booked a flight.

Alex speaks like Charlie would say something but he just lays there. His body slowly relaxes. This causes his hand covering the wound to slip off. It was nice talking to you but now I gotta go. I even got a little present for ya. He grabs something out of his pocket.

It's an old cellphone. No touchdisplay just numbers you can press down. I hope you remember the number of your little girlfriend.

Alex comes closer to Hudson and places the phone in his hand. Take your time...oh yeah...sorry I forgot...you ain't got no time. Anyways see ya in hell.

With his last sentence he left the bunker.

Joe, Sarah, Jesse and the police officer have been driving through the rain for nearly 1 hour now and still no sign of Charlie. Hey Sarah, what's going on there? It seems like Alex left but he gave Charlie something. I can't really tell what it is but it could be a mobile phone. A mobile phone? Yeah. Let me see. Maybe I can track it. Jesse looks disappointed to the floor. What is it? I'm sorry this is an old cellphone...definitely not Alex's. What if we call every number Nick has called in the last few days. Not a good idea, if Charlie tries to call us he can't reach us.

In the meantime they arrived at the location where Rex was found.

Joe couldn't even finish to open the door. Rex already jumped out. Looks like he picked up Charlie's scent. Hudsons friends all start to follow Rex.

Oh no. What's wrong? I've lost connection to the camera. You need to concentrate right now. This thing will definitely not help you. Put it away and look around. Any little detail could be important. Your right Joe. CHARLIIEEE CAN YOU HEAR US? CHAAARLIE.

After trying four times Hudson finally succeeded in opening the mobilephone. He has no more power. Every little movement let's him feel like he run a marathon. A shaking hand, blood loss and a big concussion aren't the best requirement for making a call. He starts to type in Sarah's number. 128-3003 The number you tried to reach isn't available. Come on Charlie. He thinks. Again. 128-3006. He did it but he can't even hold the phone anymore. He put it on his chest. It didn't take long until he heard something. Charlie? Is this you. Sarah can't hear anything. Just breathing sounds. Charlie can you hear me? We are coming! She turns to Jesse. Please tell me you can track this number with your tablet. I'll try my best. Keep him on the line. Jesse talks like Sarah would hangup anytime. Of course not. Charlie! Come on. Speak to me. Charlie tries hard. S- Sar- I- I- lo- love you. Sarah starts to cry. I love you too. Hudson can bearly breath. He goes in and out of consciousness. Charlie? You there? Please don't leave me.

A tear drives down Charlie's cheek. His battery is empty. He has been strong for such a long time. He needs to rest. His breathing slows down until he takes his last breath. The bunker fills up with memories from his life. Meeting Sarah for the first time, going on long walks with Rex, game nights with Joe and Jesse all these moments end with a bright light, slowly faiding into darkness.

Charlie? CHARLIE? Can you hear me? She realizes. Her legs can't hold her anymore. She breaks down in tears. Joe is trying his best to comfort her but he also has to pull himself together. Jesse. What's taking so long. I GOT HIM.

Sarah gets up, runs to Jesse and grabs the tablet from his hand. Sar-. Joe places his hand on Jesses shoulder and says It's ok. Let her go.

They where so close but will they be there on time? Sarah found the right coordinates but she can't see Charlie. CHARLIEEE? Her voice brakes. Suddenly she can hear a small creak under the wet leaves from the rain. A trapdoor. It's heavy. Her teammates come to help. Let me go in first. She couldn't hear what Joe was saying. Not a second after Jesse and Donovan opened the door she got down into the bunker.

And there he was. Charlie Hudson. Pale. Cold. Covered in blood. But he looks so peaceful.

Sarah rushes to her boyfriend. Charlie!?! Can you hear me? No no no.

She sniffs. With shaky hands she tried to find a pulse. He has no pulse. Starting chest compressions. 1-2-3-4...28-29-30. Air streams into Charlie's lungs. Sarah checks again. Nothing. COME ON CHARLIE. DON'T LEAVE ME!!!

Again. 1-2-3...30. Still nothing. Sarah. She's not reacting. Joe speaks louder. Sarah! He's gone. She wipes away her tears and starts again with chest compressions. SARAH! STOP. Donovan gets closer to Sarah and tries to pull her away. I said stop. Sarah punches him. THAT'S ENGOUGH! Joe pulls himself to Sarah and holds her very close in his arms. She trys to get away from him, screams and punches him until she just cries...cries in pain. Watching Rex laying beside her dead boyfriend. We did anything we could, Sarah. It's not your fault. He just lost to much blood. He was so strong and I hope you know that. He will be with you anywhere you go. Rex. Rex will be there with you. You are not alone ok? He gets no answer. What did he expect. His bestfriend is dead. Now it hits him and Jesse to. He is really gone.

With Charlie's dead the rain intensifies. A fresh, mossy smell finds his way in the bunker and brings Charlie his peace.

It would stop raining by morning at the latest, the day would be cool and bright. And this will show, it was finally time to go.

The End

Please let me know what you think about this story and turn the heart red and a reblog would be sooo nice too👉👈

#whump #fanfic #hudson & rex #charlie hudson #kidnapping #unconscious #knockout #head injury #shot #waking up #character death?#yes or no #you need to find out #this took so long

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cozylittleartblog · 3 months

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cant tell you how bad it feels to constantly tell other artists to come to tumblr, because its the last good website that isn't fucked up by spoonfeeding algorithms and AI bullshit and isn't based around meaningless likes

just to watch that all fall apart in the last year or so and especially the last two weeks

there's nowhere good to go anymore for artists.

edit - a lot of people are saying the tags are important so actually, you'll look at my tags.

#please dont delete your accounts because of the AI crap. your art deserves more than being lost like that #if you have a good PC please glaze or nightshade it. if you dont or it doesnt work with your style (like mine) please start watermarking #use a plain-ish font. make it your username. if people can't google what your watermark says and find ur account its not a good watermark #it needs to be central in the image - NOT on the canvas edges - and put it in multiple places if you are compelled #please dont stop posting your art because of this shit. we just have to hope regulations will come slamming down on these shitheads#in the next year or two and you want to have accounts to come back to. the world Needs real art #if we all leave that just makes more room for these scam artists to fill in with their soulless recycled garbage #improvise adapt overcome. it sucks but it is what it is for the moment. safeguard yourself as best you can without making #years of art from thousands of artists lost media. the digital world and art is too temporary to hastily click a Delete button out of spite

#not art #but important #please dont delete your accounts because of the AI crap. your art deserves more than being lost like that #if you have a good PC please glaze or nightshade it. if you dont or it doesnt work with your style (like mine) please start watermarking #use a plain-ish font. make it your username. if people can't google what your watermark says and find ur account its not a good watermark #it needs to be central in the image - NOT on the canvas edges - and put it in multiple places if you are compelled #please dont stop posting your art because of this shit. we just have to hope regulations will come slamming down on these shitheads #in the next year or two and you want to have accounts to come back to. the world Needs real art #if we all leave that just makes more room for these scam artists to fill in with their soulless recycled garbage #improvise adapt overcome. it sucks but it is what it is for the moment. safeguard yourself as best you can without making #years of art from thousands of artists lost media. the digital world and art is too temporary to hastily click a Delete button out of spite

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greyias · 10 months

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Oh look, it seems everyone has been opted into the unfortunate "experiment" now. For everyone who has been blissfully using the old UI up until now, welcome to hell :)

Do you not like hell? Do you want to leave and crawl back up into the sunlight of the old UI? Well, have I got a link for you! A beautiful tumblr user (who is not me) has gone and fixed things beautifully for you already: https://github.com/enchanted-sword/dashboard-unfucker

You will need to have Tampermonkey installed on your browser of choice, and once that's done, just go to the github link above, and peruse the readme to install. And voila! You have your old dash back!

The authors of XKit Rewritten said during the experiments that at the time, since this was an "experiment" they weren't going to implement anything to revert to the old UI (although who knows if they'll do it now). And the dashboard unfucker has worked beautifully enough for me to where I genuinely couldn't tell if they had ended the experiment or not.

#EDIT: pinning this for a few days so muts can find it if needed #EDIT: but also because i'm muting notifications because my phone is now dying #i foresee me possibly having to mute the notifications on this post #but whatever #(update: my prediction came true faster than i anticipated before i could even fix link mistakes or typos 🤷‍♀️ SORRY)#(when posts you make for your muts get a little further out than expected)#psa for anyone who the new ui winds up bothering #here's a way to basically revert to ye olden times

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giantkillerjack · 1 year

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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

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beybuniki · 3 months

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in hindsight, i rlly like that some of their inevitable conversations aree left covert i love to fill the gaps myself i love to think about their awkwardness :)

#i am plagued by visions i need them to talk some things out at a playground they shoo some kids off and it gets dark by the time they #break the ice #some things cant be said while its bright outside and you can see the shame!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#they talk about all might and deku's burden and bakugo getting stabbed for him i find it so crazy and funny that they dont ever mention tha #boys rlly dont talk about shit #bnha #deku #midoriya izuku #bakugo katsuki

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cruelsister-moved2 · 2 years

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for real! (from kadji amin)

[Image description: Screenshot of text:

What I've realized is that I believe that the matter of gender is practical and relational. It's not about who you are inside, it's more about how you would feel most comfortable in the world. It's not 'Who are you?' but 'How do you want to live?'

Had that been the discourse when I was coming up, I would have breathed a sigh of relief. I don't have to figure out who I am on the inside, I just have to figure out how I want to live.

end of ID]

#and I kind of felt really sad when they were talking about how like they feel in some ways figuring yourself out is way harder now #bc there is this pressure to like figure out who u Really Are Inside #and instead of being like well maybe my identity goes far beyond gender and like i don't need to find some microlabel #in order to like define who is Me #it's become very fixated on like categorising ur gender rejection in a way that ends up just. making even more genders to constrain u #it's hard to summarise it was like v wordy but I thought this part was so true #for sexuality as well not to tack it on but we have really gotten into the same mindset w sexuality now as well #THANK U @VAKAVANHASAATANA for the ID it wont let me @ you in the text </33

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inkskinned · 1 year

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there are a lot of posts out there that are positive and healthy coping mechanisms for handling the holidays. this is not one of them :)

i think there's like. going to be times in your life you will be stuck in a social situation that you cannot escape from gracefully. i do not know why the internet doesn't believe these times exist. it's not always just that your physical safety is at risk - sometimes it's legit like "i just don't currently have the energy or time to put in the effort of responding to this." sometimes it's a coworker you hate so much. sometimes it's just like, fine, you know? like you know you can handle your aunt when she's cheerily horrible, but if you actually set a boundary around her, it's going to be weeks of fallout with your father.

i don't know why people think the answer is always just "cut them out!" or "don't let them get away with that!" because ... the real world is tricky and complicated. i think kind of a lot of us have an internal "radiation poisoning" meter for certain people. like - i'm talking about the ones who are absolutely giving you gradual ick damage. like, you can handle them, but you'll be exhausted.

and yes. you absolutely should listen to your therapist and the good posts about handling others and set good boundaries and take care of yourself. prioritize peace.

HOWEVER :) ...... since im often in a situation with a Gradual Sense of Ick person i cannot just "cut out" of my life (without losing someone else precious to me) - i have sort of developed the most. maladaptive form of mischief possible. because like, if i'm going to have to listen to this shit again, i like to have a little bit of private fun with it.

now! again, i am physically safe, just mentally drained by this man. you should only do this with people you are not in danger with. which leads me to my suggestions for when your Unfortunate Acquaintance shows up and says oh everyone pay attention to me.

my favorite word is "maybe!" said as brightly and happily as possible. whenever the Horrible Person starts in on a topic you do not want to go further with, particularly if they make a claim that you know to be inaccurate, do not respond to it. you and i have both tried to actually argue with this person, and it hasn't gone well, because this person just wants the drama of an argument. however, "maybe!" gives them literally nothing to go on. it is incredibly disarming. they are used to people having some response. they know they can't prove what they're saying, and maybe! treats them like the child they are. it dismisses them in the politest way possible.

i like to say maybe! and then, in their stunned silence, immediately change the subject. this is because i have adhd and i will have something unrelated to talk about, but if you can't think of topics fast enough, i recommend just pointing to something and saying, "isn't that lovely?" because fuck you let's bring in some positivity.

by the way. that second trick - of pointing to something and stating an opinion about it? - that just works on its own, like, 70% of the time. i picked it up from teaching preschoolers. it's an intentional "redirect". it stops children crying and it also stops grown adults from finishing their explanation on why women belong in kitchens. dual wielding!

keep it silly for yourself. i absolutely do not care if people think i'm fucking stupid (it's more fun if they do) and as a result i will purposefully misunderstand things just to see how long it takes them to realize i've completely removed them from the subject at hand. when they say "women aren't funny" i get to be like. "which women." "all women." "all women in america?" "no in the world." "like the mole people? the people in the world?" "what? no. like, alive." "oh are we not counting the mole people?" "what the fuck are you talking about." "you don't believe in the mole people?"

similarly, i play a personal game called "one up me." my Evil Acquaintance literally knows this game exists (my family & friends caught onto it and now also play it) and it always fucking gets him. i don't know why. you have to be willing to be a little free-spirited on this one, though. the trick is that when they make one of those horrible little bigoted or annoying comments they are always making, you need to go one unit weirder. not more intense, mind you - just more weird. "you don't look good in that dress." "yeah, actually, my other dress was covered in squid ink due to a mishap at the soup store." "you shouldn't wear such revealing clothes." "wait, what? oh shit. sorry, your son tears off strips when no one is looking and eats them. i swear it was longer before we left the building."

the point of "one up me" is to completely upend this person's narrative. we both know this person likes setting up situations where you cannot "win" and then they really like telling other people how badly you handled it. in a usual situation, if you respond "please don't say something that rude", you're a bitch. but if you let it happen, you're letting yourself be debased. they are not usually expecting door number three: unflappably odd. because what are they going to say when they're telling everyone how badly you behaved? "she said my son eats her dresses" ".... okay?"

if you can, form an allyship with someone whomst you can tagteam with. where they can pick up on your weird "soup store" story and run with it.

the following phrase is amazing and can be deployed for any situation: "oh, be nice :) it's the holidays!" i do not know why this works as often as it does. i'll say it for the most random shit. i think this is bc most of the time these people know they're being impolite, they just like to fight.

godbless. when in doubt, remember that you could always start stealing their pens.

the whole point of this is - if you can't escape. maybe see how long you can just be. like. a horrible little menace.

#this is objectively bad advice #don't listen to it protect yourself and do real work on yourself find one of the good posts i've made about this #but also. u know. if u want to have fun while u do the work of setting boundaries #.... it IS fun #i will say that my fear of him went SO down after i just started. fucking with him.#bc i used to get SO fucking upset #i'd spend WEEKS arguing with him. tearing my hair out. sick with anxiety and dread and anger about all of it #and now i just LITERALLY do not engage #instead i'm like '' haha :) mole people" and get the HELL out of any tense conversation #i kind of think some of these people are literally addicted to drama as a form of connection #they like the rush they get from arguing #but those arguments are incredibly damaging for me #so like..... i am in the process of literally rehabilitating this person to figure out how to find connection thru #NORMAL CONVERSATION #he doesn't get it yet #i also do talk to them like they're preschool kids lmafo . ''are you using a safe and kind voice right now?''#'' do you need a snackie? you sound a little upset. let's have some hummus and come back to playtime when we feel ready''

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