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stuckinapatriarchalbullshitland · 4 years

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There is a light at the end of the tunnel

Hello, Stuck. Sorry, I don’t know your real name.

I wrote this long ass post to bring some light into the fandom and between the CSs, and I hope you can post it? I’m new in the Tumblr world, but not in the 5H fandom. I don’t quite know how it works yet and, for the moment, I only know your blog and those of @emisonme, @karlaswine, @sun-to-my-luna, @underthatimpression, and @mentesimploria because, in one way or another, you’re all connected to each other. I just wanted to tell you guys how much I appreciate every single one of you, the passion you have, and the hope you keep alive among those who, like me, love the girls. Also, the patience you guys have, especially against the haters, is admirable. I love the fact that you keep going. Because this is your sacred place, as it should be.

This is the very first time I’ve ever done anything like this. I’m what can be defined as a ‘silent fan’. I never commented on anything in the girls’ posts, not even on the fan accounts I follow. I don’t have Twitter. I have Facebook but it’s like I don’t have it because I don’t use it. I have Wattpad (obviously). I recently registered here on Tumblr, and I have Instagram. That’s what I use. It’s the only app along with YouTube that I use daily to keep up with the rest of the world. Especially the American part of the world. I’m Italian, but I speak American English well, and I apologize in advance if my lazy ass hasn’t noticed possible grammatical errors. I saw that a lot of you are into this stuff, so I thought I’d add it just because. I’m a Capricorn Sun, Cancer Moon, and Virgo rising.

I’m gonna turn 29 on December 22, and this is a BIG fuck off to all the people who have attacked you lately for your age. This is personal information that I give freely to make ignorant and small-minded people understand that, in this context especially, age is irrelevant. As you, little fucker who hides behind a computer to attack people just to feel stronger, have a life, we have it too. Like you, we have a life, a job, friends, etc. We also have passions. Passions that yes, my dear haters, also include shipping people. I don’t know why in your stupid brain we’re too old to ship people we love and to give opinions about it. I didn’t know it was something reserved only for those who still smell like mommy’s milk. But anyway…

I became aware of 5H existence just before summer 2015 thanks to ‘Worth It’. Being Italian, however, I had no idea who they were, and to be honest, I didn’t go searching for them. Randomly one day then, I ran into Camren on YouTube. I can’t remember which video I was watching, but I know for sure it was about ‘Heya/Brittana’ (Heather Morris and Naya Rivera/Brittany and Santana, my very first hard LGBT ship). And among the suggested videos, there they are. As ridiculous as it sounds, and although I liked them as soon as I saw them, I didn’t go searching for them. I did it when ‘Work from Home’ came out though. From there, I connected that they were the same ‘Worth It’ group and the same two girls I liked from those YouTube videos. I had officially become a fan. I was screwed. Screwed because, I’d officially entered one of the most messed up and yet most beautiful fandoms ever.

As I initially said, this is the very first time I’ve ever done anything like this. But after the recent events, seeing how many people gave up, it made me a little angry and gave me the strength to speak for the first time. I thought the first time would’ve been through the fanfiction I’ve been working on for over two years, but no. Lauren and her beautiful mouth had to terrorize, disappoint, panic, and make angry 80% of CS, thus fueling the hatred of all the other fandom towards us. So I decided to speak now. Maybe, just maybe, this very long ass post of mine is gonna help struggling CS. Maybe, just maybe, it’s gonna make them reason and bring them to their senses.

So. This, as I think you’ve understood, is about Lauren and what she said in the podcast. This is a reminder of the Laucy situation. These are things we already know and that I want to remind you of because apparently, my lovely fellows CS, either you have a short-term memory, or Lauren has the power to create amnesia in people’s minds and I knew nothing about it. Surely this power of hers didn’t work on me and a few others.

Oh and, before starting: 1) You may disagree with me. It’s normal to have different opinions. 2) You can search for information such as dates, easily on the internet. 3) I’m gonna use nicknames on PRs for fun. That doesn’t mean I hate them. I have my reasons for dislike each one of them as people, but I can assure you it has nothing to do with the fact that they were or are the Camren beards. An example to make you understand what I mean is Ty. I’m a huge Ari fan and I’ve been listening to ‘safety net’ non-stop for two days straight. I really dislike Ty as a person, but I separate the art from the artist.

Okay, that said, I can start.

Lauren said: “I knew I was queer because I fell in love with my best friend when I was like 15.” – “Her and I started to have a physical connection when I was 15.”

Lauren and Lucid Vivisectionist met when L moved to Carrollton in 7th grade. Lucille moved back to Puerto Rico in February 2012, returning to visit Miami occasionally (this explains the fetus pictures with Lucy and Camren at L’s house). In February 2012, Lauren was 15, Camila 14, and Lucy 16. And who did Lauren meet when she was 15? Oh yeah, Camila. C and L did the first phase of the audition, the ‘cattle call’, on May 1, 2012 in Greensboro, North Carolina. Audition where Camila took courage to speak at the (“Oh my God that girl is) literally so beautiful” girl from which she felt intimidated by starting that adorable brief conversation “Hi, I like your shirt”, “Thanks. I like your jacket” just before it was her turn to get in for her audition. In May 2012, Lauren and Camila were both 15 years old. Lauren and Camila saw each other again for the first time on July 25th, two months later, in Miami on the first day of boot camp, and it was Lauren herself who went to Camila: “You’re the Cuban girl!”. In July 2012, Lauren was 16 and Camila was 15.

Lauren said: “She came back into my life when I was 18. I was on tour and I was in my room in a hotel somewhere, and she called me.” Let me explain to you why I think this is true.

Lauren and Luxy reconnected with each other after Lucy’s car accident that took place on May 15, 2015. Lauren was really 18 in May 2015, and we can rule out The Reflection Tour dates because it started on February 27, 2015, and ended April 6, 2015. We can also rule out these other show dates that 5H did: April 11 in Jackson Township, New Jersey - April 13 at Live! with Kelly and Michael in New York - April 19 Lauren was at Coachella with Keana, Britt, and other friends - April 22 at the Worldwide Radio Summit in Hollywood - April 25 at Radio Disney Music Awards 2015 in Los Angeles - May 8 at Channel 93.3 Summer Kickoff 2015 in Chula Vista, San Diego - May 9 at Wango Tango 2015 in Carson, Los Angeles (May 9, rumors about Camila and Louis Tomlinson just because paparazzi believed they were together when Louis was actually together with Liam outside the Project Club L.A., and C who was at the club next door) - May 15 at KDWB Radio Show in Minneapolis, Minnesota.

The rest of their program and possible date: May 16 at Kiss Concert 2015 in Mansfield, Massachusetts - May 19 at Dancing with the Stars in Los Angeles - May 30 at G-A-Y in London (rumors about Lauren and Louis Tomlinson this time, born because 5H went to Libertine nightclub with Louis and Niall) - May 31 at Britain’s Got More Talent in London - June 2 at Capital FM in Birmingham, England - June 5 at Good Morning Britain in London - June 6 at Capital FM Summertime Ball 2015 in London - June 12 at Aloha Stadium in Honolulu, Hawaii - June 14 at LA Pride 2015 - June 18 at Jimmy Kimmel Live in Los Angeles - June 20 at B96 Pepsi Summer Bash 2015 in Bridgeview, Illinois - June 23 at San Diego County Fair 2015 - 28 June at Show Of The Summer 2015 in Hershey, Pennsylvania - July 10 at Rockefeller Plaza in New York. July 15, 2015, beginning of Reflection: The Summer Tour.

June 27, 2015 Lauren turned 19, and do you guys remember the events of those days? Because I do.

On June 24, 2015, Lauren celebrated her birthday in advance at the famous sushi restaurant ‘Katsuya’. Among the guests were the girls, her mom Clara, some friends, including Jill (the same Jill/Jillian Gutowitz who worked with Zack Sang and who 5H met on April 22, 2015, at the Worldwide Radio Summit, which lasted for three days but they were present for two: 22 and 23. The same Jill who wrote the article for AfterEllen on January 25, 2016, about her experiences with women who denied their sexuality. Remember the story of Lauren Jordan, right?), and Noah Benardout (may he rest in peace). Still no Lucia, not even on the days when Lauren returned to Miami to celebrate with her family before resuming the program from the 28. As I already said, The Reflection Summer Tour began on July 15, 2015, and Lucy’s first public reappearance took place on one of the tour dates, that is, July 27 at Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

From that moment on, we saw Lucille appear on multiple occasions in hops through time. After the July 27th date, we saw her during the trip to Hawaii with Lauren and Keana in September, followed by the concert that the girls had on October 10 in the Bahamas, where they stayed with their families and friends for a few days. After the Bahamas, the mess happened between 5H because they found out about Camila’s departure from the group which initially should’ve been immediate, but for which they fought and gained another year. That, was also the time when Laucy signed their PR contract. As we know from Lauren herself, that was the worst and darkest time for her. That was the beginning of her numbness.

On October 23, they were on their way to Italy and Lauren wrote on her dark diary, the one shown to us in Episode 8 of her Attunements. On October 24, they arrived in Milan for the MTV Europe Music Awards 2015 occurred on October 25, and on October 28, in Madrid instead, there was the interview with Alyson Eckmann, the journalist Camila flirted with while Lauren was sitting right next to her.

Going forward, in November we have:

- Rumors about Lauren and Julius Dein (his friend who is a YouTube magician).

-The release of IKWYDLS including the rumors about Camila and Shawn and Michael Clifford (who was already in the picture) who were ‘vying for her’.

- Beginning of Lauren’s coming out plan which included: 1) The release of The Vamps’ album on November 23rd, that is, a week after the release of IKWYDLS, and which included the track ‘I Found A Girl’. Joe O'Neill, the manager of The Vamps, liked that famous tweet. Despite the efforts to make us believe that Bleahren (sorry for the Italian pun I made here, but ‘bleah’ in Italian is equivalent to the ‘eww’ to indicate something gross, and therefore Bleah-Ren) Brauren was real and that the girl involved was Lucille and not Camila, they’ve miscalculated since Lauren and Brad ‘dated’ in 2014 when Lucy had not yet returned into Lauren’s life. But since the album and consequently the song came out on November 23, 2015, they tried to manipulate people’s minds as usual. 2) Jill’s article that served to connect and more or less ‘confirm’ the story between this Jordan and her childhood friend, Lauren-Lucy.

- December: completion of the 7/27 album + Dina LaPolt’s entry + renegotiation of the contracts (mostly DNA’s contracts) + FIFTH HARMONY MUSIC, INC. created by LAND on December 21 to prepare for the transfer of the 5H trademark, the FIFTH HARMONY PARTNERSHIP, of which they became owners from April 27, 2016 + change of management from Faculty Management: Jared Paul and Janelle Lopez, to Maverick Management: Larry Rudolph, Dan Dymtrow, and Tara Beikae. [All things that were possible ONLY THANKS to the exit of C from the group]

- January 2016, we have Lauren and Lucrezia who came back from Colombia to then taking a road trip for Lucy’s birthday week.

- Jill’s article came out and coincidentally, by pure chance, exactly two days later, on January 27, 2016, Camila and Dinah were hacked.

- On March 9, 2016, Lauren, Normani, Andrea, Dinah, and Keana went to pierce their ears, or rather, Laurmainah pierced their ears, mama Dre and Keana just accompanied them. During her turn, Lauren asked Keana to take her phone to make a video. In the meantime, Mani was filming Lauren, and again by pure chance, Keana, who was in the heart of the frame, took Lauren’s phone as she’d asked, and both the lock screen and the home screen portrayed a picture of Lucania during a photoshoot. Same picture Lucy herself posted on Instagram on April 10th to leave no doubt.

- April 24, 2016, Coachella together.

- Luciana went with 5H in London, in May, during the promotion of the 7/27 album. (+ Camren video of May 28, 2016)

- She was present during the start of the tour in South America on June 26th (in the evening during the concert, L danced Big Bad Wolf for her, but that’s not the famous video, that was on September 5) and 27th to celebrate L’s birthday together (picture of the 27th of them in Buenos Aires).

- June 27, 2016, on L’s birthday, Jill posted a picture with L from the birthday dinner of the year before, further confirming the story of ‘Jordan’.

- August 1, the national girlfriend day, L posted a picture of her and Lucy.

- From August 12 to 21, Lucy was with them. The night after the concert on the 13th in Rochester Hills, Michigan, videos in which Lucilla appeared during Lauren Fuller’s birthday celebration at the hotel for dinner. On the 14th in Noblesville, Indiana, during Gonna Get Better and Big Bad Wolf Lauren smiled in Lucy’s direction who was in the audience. On the 18th in Virginia Beach, Virginia, a fan met Laucy in a movie theater restroom, taking a selfie with Lauren (C posted a picture of her in the dark with the words of Bad Things “don’t think that I can explain it” the same night).

- On September 4 and 5 Lucippe returned. On the 5th in Houston, Texas, the famous ‘super HD’ video took place in which Lauren danced Big Bad Wolf for Lucy, even pointing to her during her verse. [On September 6, Midland, Texas, during the Q&A, Lauren wore the same dress that Lucy was wearing to the concert the night before, and at the same time, she sat next to C and got jealous when C complimented a fan by sending her flying kisses. Ahh… The irony]

Now. Let’s move on to the part of the podcast where Lauren explains about the kiss with Lucza at her uncle and aunt’s wedding, how her aunt “super innocently” posted the pictures on Facebook that her “unreal invasive fans” found and posted, how Perez Hilton outed her to the world by posting an article with those pictures, how she did nothing for a week, and that after thinking “Ok, it happened. People know. What am I gonna do?”, she wrote that letter against Trump as her own way of coming out.

On November 4, 2016, Lauren and Lucynda did the ‘famous’ photoshoot in New Orleans called ‘Bare With Me’. Lauren flew to NOLA right after Halloween, got back to Miami to vote, then returned to New Orleans on the 10th along with her family for the wedding. Lucianna was also with her on the 10th for the rehearsal/bowling with all of Lauren’s relatives. Meanwhile Orange Trumpeter was elected on the 8th, and many celebrities were preparing to write a letter through Billboard against him and his supporters. Labels and management saw it as a perfect opportunity to get her to come out also considering how much Lauren has always been vocal on the subject, and THEY contacted Billboard to get her to participate in exchange of the exclusive of her coming out. All that was missing was the evidence to make sure that there had been no connection with Camila, and that was the reason for the kiss at the wedding on the 11th.

On November 13, the wedding photographer posted those pictures on his website, including the one of the kiss. And I’m sorry, Lolo, I love you but, really? Who are you kidding? The pictures didn’t start spreading because her ‘unreal invasive fans’ found them on her aunt’s Facebook page where she’d posted them ‘super innocently’. The pictures started spreading after the photographer posted them! And you know what’s even more funny? That to see those pictures on the website, you needed an access password. So what are you saying here, Lo? That your ‘unreal invasive fans’ were so good, to even have hacked their way into the website for pictures they didn’t even know existed? It wasn’t your team, was it? Oh, okay. My bad.

Sarcasm aside. The pictures started to spread, Perez tweeted about it on the 14th, and in the meantime Lauren had time to write the letter that was approved by the labels and sent to Billboard (on the 14th), who approved it a couple of days after it was sent (on the 16th), and which they then published it in the article two days later (on the 18th). In all of this, on November 15, 2016, the girls all went to Epic’s party. Since we know very well that most of the cases of coming out as bisexual in the industry made by a female celebrity occur in succession with the connection with a guy, that night there was the PR proposal between Typo Dolour Signal and Lauren that he obviously accepted, and in fact, he was there that night at that party too (Picture of C with a tear mark on her cheek).

Now, the icing on the cake of the Laucy’s PR: Nicole Cartolano. Nicole is a friend of Lecy’s with whom she had already worked together and who also posted pictures of Lauren on November 17 and 22, 2016, one on December 31, 2016, together with Marian Hill taken backstage after Lauren’s performance with them on the 30th, the night before, for the Snow Globe Festival in South Lake Tahoe, California, and the one of Laucy (with the piñata) on January 10, taken the same night to celebrate Lucilia’s birthday at midnight and that Lauren also used to post it for wish her a happy birthday. That was the last public interaction between the two. *Slow entry of Tympans Dollhouse Signalized in the picture from January 4, 2017, thanks to that tweet*.

On January 21, 2017, Lauren and Lucy were at the same Women’s March, but separately (single), and we haven’t seen them together anymore. LuBYE. On March 22, 2017, both ‘Bare With Me’ and the interview article Nicole did with MTV News (she confirmed that Laucy had been together by having an on-again, off-again for years and also said a lot of other bullshit like the fact that the girls were nervous because they didn’t know how their parents would’ve responded) came out. On August 13, 2018, Nicole officially apologized to Lucy for being angry with her for posting the pictures and therefore for having outed her and for having taken part in the MTV interview without their permission. There was also the screenplay made by Nicole’s mom to make everything even more true.

Bullshit on bullshit on bullshit. Number 1, Lauren herself confirmed in this podcast that her parents knew about her, and said how much she loved Lucre’s ‘I’m out and proud’ part.

Number 2, Nicole posted a preview of the pictures on March 18, 2017, so if she really wanted to stop her before the publication on the 22nd, she would’ve had time to do so.

Number 3, Lucita came out publicly on her own with that Spanish post on Instagram on November 20, 2016, saying in summary that she was anything but straight because she didn’t want to label herself (she did it years later by saying she was a lesbian).

Number 4, as Lusia also confirmed in that post where Nicole’s mom left that comment, Nicole signed a non-disclosure agreement form. If she had actually violated it without having had a release and written consent form, she would’ve been sued.

Number 5, if Luciferase really wanted to have that conversation in private with Nicole’s mom, she might very well have done so. She could’ve contacted her and answered her IN PRIVATE for real, and not via IG where EVERYONE saw and took the side of poor, poor Luckless.

Number 6, the biggest proof that shows the hypocrisy of all this, Lucasta continued to work with Nicole. Their last work dates back to November 25, 2019.

Okaay, sure… sure, because it was normal for her to continue working with the person who outed her, wasn’t it? People’s lies never cease to amaze me. For that matter, Nicole also posted a picture of their ‘adventure’ as they made their way to the photoshoot location on November 1, 2017, and continued to wish them both a happy birthday with posts every year.

And lastly, on June 6, 2020, we have the Lucerne’s video leaked (+ old pictures and videos of 5H) where she burned pictures of Lauren and of the two of them together in 2017, accompanied by the tweets occurred two days later, in which she explained that she was hacked and that she burned the pictures for a closure. Then, exactly 20 days later, that is on June 26, 2020, the PAPER Magazine article of Lauren’s interview came out. What a coincidence! In that article, Lauren explained, along with other things, that she’d been in love with her best friend for 7 years.

Lauren, honey, the maths, the maths… If according to your words you fell in love with her at 15, got together with her at 18, and broken up at 20, how can these be 7 years? It’s 5 years… And as if it wasn’t enough, still according to your words, after 1 year and 8 months (from mid-May 2015 to mid-January 2017), 2 months of which public because of the wedding pictures, of the relationship you wanted at all costs, “all in” and “now we’re gonna be in this relationship”, you broke up with her because she was really toxic, and after less than a month, you started dating an even more toxic person without the proper time to heal?? How do you expect me to believe you? And I’m putting aside the fact that I know they’re both PR relationships. I’m speaking out of logic. How? How can I believe you? How does this make any sense?

Personally, yes, I believe Lauren and Lucy have a past. Lauren’s first kiss was when she was 13 (8th grade) with her boyfriend at the time, Dominic, but I think Lucy was her first kiss with a girl. And I think it happened when she was 15, but in 2011, so long before Lucy left. Lauren dated Paul Martinez from June 4, 2011, to the end of July (around 23/24). From after Paul, until her very first PR at X-Factor, Keaton Stromberg, she was single. I truly believe that before she met Camila, Lauren and Lucy did everything Lauren said. I really believe Lauren experimented with her in secret, but I don’t believe in anything else she said at all.

This is my opinion. And in my opinion, Lauren always knew she was queer, and Lucy was the first with whom she could experience the attraction and the feelings towards girls she had always felt and concealed deep inside herself. But they were friends. Just friends. Friends who messed around and experimented together in secret given the environment that surrounded them. Lucy then returned to live in Puerto Rico and they simply drifted apart because of the distance and Lauren’s busy schedule with 5H. When she came back into Lauren’s life, they rekindled their friendship. Just that. Also because, Camila, hello? Camila entered Lauren’s heart the same year Lucy left and never get out of it. Not to mention that Lucy had a girlfriend, Sarah Scott Narcise, before getting together with Nicole Marie Rendón in March 2017. I honestly think that Lucy was also giving advice to Lauren about her relationship with Camila, and I also think that now they really aren’t friends anymore for something we don’t know about, even though I have my theories… But anyway. Lauren needed a beard to be able to come out, Lucy needed visibility for her modeling career and, at the time, also for her music which, however, never saw the light of day. The labels approved because they would’ve done anything to keep their chosen one out of the gay light. Camila also approved. Boom, PR.

I don’t believe all the other bullshit she said during the podcast. Because if they’d been true, they would’ve made logical sense. A sense they’ve been trying, and failing, to give for years. If Lauren really didn’t want to come out, she wouldn’t have done a photoshoot with Lucy a week before the wedding with the intention of using that same photoshoot to come out. She would not have kissed Lucy in a public place during the wedding pictures in front of a professional photographer hired for the event, knowing full well that those pictures would eventually have been published by the bride and groom, her aunt and uncle, and the photographer himself. If she wanted so badly a picture of her kissing her girlfriend, drunk or not, she would’ve taken her fucking phone and take selfies. It wasn’t the fans’ or Perez’s fault. It was the management that was following the plan.

And I’m supposed to, what exactly? Forget all these things, things that have been proofed multiple times in the past, because Lauren, or Camila, or management, or labels, or their contracts, must continue with their stupid narrative? Because Camila must continue to look straight and continue to look in love with Shalt Menstruated because the señorito is about to release his documentary and his album? Because Camila’s movie is about to come out? Because Lauren’s own album is about to be released and because the subject matter of her female-pronounced songs must only and exclusively be related to Lucy? (Although I think her album will be out next year. I think a song with female pronunciation is coming out soon. And no, I’m sorry, I don’t think it’s Burning)

Guys, come on…

Think about it. She used Lucy as a shield to tell part of her story with Camila that happened in 2014. It all fits. Even the story told through songs from Camila’s cocky POV, including ‘Like Friends Do’, ‘Eyes on You’, ‘Cleopatra’, ‘Leave for Good’, and a couple from her last album like ‘Should’ve Said It’ and ‘Feel It Twice’.

I understand why many of you have been hurt by this podcast and by Lauren herself. I understand why a lot of you are angry about the things she said. I see you, I understand, I really do. And everyone is free to feel whatever they want, I’m not saying otherwise. But I really don’t understand why you’re hiding or why you’re abandoning the ship. Authors who don’t wanna write anymore. Accounts closed. Names changed. Hope lost. This, all this, makes me angry and hurt. Because you fell for it. And you know why you fell for it? Because Lauren changed her approach. Leaving aside the part just before when she said: “Even when I talk about it, and I don’t talk about it because I’ve learned to just ignore it because-” and there, I swear I had to pause because I burst out laughing, and I was like: “Bitch, you’re the one who pulled this out of your ass out of nowhere right this second, what are you saying?”. She went on by saying, and she knows us so well because of this: “I just chose to ignore it at a certain point because getting angry to them would it mean that it was real and validate it more for them”.

And it’s true. This non-angry approach of hers, worked like a charm. Lauren’s older, she’s more mature than before. Although she was very nervous, she managed to explain everything calmly. The fact that she was emotional and almost cried in many parts, it really gave an extra boost to what she tried to sell. And I’m not saying she faked almost crying. Hell, no. That was super true and hard for her. I’m saying though, that it’s really easy to manipulate people’s minds, and Lauren used her real pain, the real suffering she has gone through over the years to tell this charade. That’s why it seemed so real. And I’m supposed to fall for that shit just because that’s what they’ve wanted for years, right? Convenient much?

Guys, please. You’re smarter than that, use those beautiful brains. For example, the fact that Lauren said: “I was queer, but she was not”, wrong as you want it to be, and “Camila and I were just really good friends at that time”, yeah, sure, Jan. Doesn’t the very fact that she used the past tense make you realize that it was done to completely detach herself from her IN THE PRESENT? Everything she said was for something. Everything had a purpose. And the goal is always the same. Make us stop shipping ‘em. Putting a label on C only served the Shoestoremila purpose, nothing else. And those were words that came out of the mouth of the one who says she doesn’t like labeling people. The same one who was pissed that someone had outed her before she wanted to. Do you really think she’s that hypocritical?

The fact that she put all the CS in the same box, especially when she talked about the Daddy situation, WAS DONE ON PURPOSE. She couldn’t fail to generalize because their purpose is, and will be for a long time to come, to kill Camren. That means the whole fandom. Not just invasive elements. But really all the CS. The purpose was to make us feel guilty. The purpose is to make us accept that it was never real, and since we care about them, to make us continue to support them individually and not as a couple, even though she knows that the real CS do it regardless. This, is called manipulation, guys.

Think about everything else too. The inconsistency. The holes in her story. The lack of explanations. And the fact that during the story of how it all happened, she jumped from one theme to another and therefore managed to deflect and not completely finish one before moving on to the other, doesn’t it make you understand that she didn’t want to give too many details? And when does that usually happen? She knew we’d analyze her. She knew she couldn’t say too much. When she talked about Lucy, she knew that WE know she was talking about Camila, and with too many details, it would also have been obvious to the others because WE would’ve pointed it out to everyone. I mean, it’s obvious enough in itself, imagine if she’d fed us more information that we would’ve compared in the timeline.

Please, guys. I know that it feels like something’s changed, but it’s not. It’s really not. I’m appealing to all of you. Open your eyes. Reason. I know many of you still have conflicting emotions and feelings, and that’s okay. If you’re still upset, if you still wanna cry, then cry. Do whatever helps you feel better because, especially after the haters have come to bite your asses, you’re entitled to feel the way you do. But please, please, don’t give up. If you give up, you just play their game. You just do them a favor. You guys had invested so much of your time, so much of your passion, so much of yourselves to just, give up. Think of all we’ve been through, especially those who’ve been in the fandom for years. Think about how happy Camren makes you. They were there for you when you needed them. When you were going through hard times. I know they’ve helped a lotta people.

And think about this too. Lauren herself said at the beginning of the podcast: “The news and the media are constantly spinning narratives for your clicks so they can make money”. And what do you think this podcast was for? It’s always the same shit. Have you not noticed how the very same news and media have ALL talked about them? Didn’t you notice how My Oh My magically returned into the charts? How 50ft surpassed the 9 million streams on Spotify? And you still have doubts?

This is instead for the CS who get often angry about their actions. I personally think it’s pointless to blame Lauren and Camila for every single thing they do that has been PLANNED for them. Especially Camila as far as Shonas is concerned. There’s a pattern here too. Lauren had her light PR with Lucia. Lauren then had her heavy PR with Typic Dole Sight while Camila had a light one with Eatchu. And now Camila’s having a heavy one. C’s one is heavier simply because they’re much more famous than PRen (Tyren) were. So, guys, be patient. There’s really no point in getting angry and blaming them. It’s a waste of energy. It’s useless to blame them if they’re gonna continue to do so over the years to come. They’re just still trying to get past their original contracts and survive in the industry at the same time. Sooner or later, I HOPE, they will be free to tell the truth or the truth will come out on its own.

Well, I’m done. Jeez, that was long, wasn’t it? But I hope it was worth it. I hope I’ve cleared your heads a little bit and instilled some hope again. I also hope I made you smile with all those nicknames and my sarcasm. I especially hope that wherever you are, you’re having a good day, and if not, then I hope it has improved at least a little bit with this post. And thank you so much, Stuck. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to use my voice for the first time publicly/virtually. You, above all, keep on being one of the lights and NEVER let them turn you off. I love you guys. Stay safe. Stay strong. Stay patient. With love, F.

I leave you with these two pearls:

Number 1. Lauren said something else too. She said: “Don’t trust me. Go research. Go look this shit up yourself”. I know she said it for a completely different context, but I found it really funny given the situation.

Number 2. This is a small scene that automatically created itself in my head as soon as I finished listening to Wonder. I titled it: The sad and short story of the making of ‘Wonder’.

Enjoy:

*on the phone*

Shawl Mendicant: “Hey, buddy. I know you were a huge Fifth Harmony fan and I know you love my fake girlfriend, so I was thinking… could you help me? You know, I need her to stay relevant, but to do that, I also need to release music and completely take all the credit from other people because, you know, the most I do is change a sentence or two in my style to make people think that I wrote all my songs.”

Sam Smith: “………okay?”

Shawnita Menorrhagia: “So, I was wondering, can I copy your homework? You can totally refuse if you want to, but I’m hoping to appeal to the love you have for 5H and Camila, and maybe help a friend out?”

Sam Smith: “Yeah, sure, you can copy my homework. Anything for my girls. Just, change it up a bit so it doesn’t sound too obvious you just copied it.”

Shonas Mended: “Don’t worry. I’ve got this. Thanks, man.” - *ends the call*

Sam Smith looking at the phone with an incredulous expression and one hand over his heart: “I came out as a non-binary, you insensitive asshole!”

Shoes Mentionable from the other room: “Cameeela! He said yes!” *reaching then Camila and Lauren in the living room where Lauren is lying with her head resting on Camila’s legs who’s running her fingers through her hair with one hand and holding the book that she’s reading with the other one* “You were right, all I had to do was mention you girls.”

Lauren chuckling and continuing to pet Cleo who’s lying at the foot of the couch with one hand: “Told you”, to then adding: “And please, I know you’re excited because of the news but keep your voice down”, continuing to caress Sofi’s head who’s sleeping on top of her with the other one.

Shapeless Mentality: “Oh, sorry.”

Camila without looking away from her book: “Sam’s really nice. I’m sure they would’ve said yes even without the need of mentioning us.”

Lauren: “Hmm, I’m not so sure about that, babe. Yes, they’re very nice, but we’re powerful in their minds, so it was an added incentive for them to say yes.”

Shaved Mentholated: “Who are they? Weren’t we talking about Sam?”

Camila who was giggling at her girlfriend’s words:

Lauren:

Sinu from the kitchen:

Cleo who was nibbling her toy:

Even Thunder, Leo, and Eugene from outside into the yard:

*the end*

Chon Mendable: ‘Wonder’ - Sam Smith: ‘One Last Song’

____

OMG I am speechless. I’m really still digesting this whole story because it’s amazing but I wanted to start by saying hello to you and telling you my name, my name is Marite. It is a pleasure to meet you dear friend. I don’t want to write too much because your words are much more important than mine but I wanted to thank you for trusting me and my blog to tell me your story. That side of the story that, being new and not having been a harmonizer from the beginning, I never learned. I intended to ask for more information about Laucy’s Timeline but what you have told is a gem. A gem that shows that the bastards of the industry cannot fool the fans because we pay attention to everything and it is not easy for us to fall for their shit. I think the power we fans have is so great that if we all came together, we could bring down this whole fucking fake empire that they have created. That said, Laucy’s story is surprising. As planned and how each person involved had to do their part on the chessboard. Incredible. Now that you tell me that story, I think it fits the one I wrote in my once upon a time post. Sure, yours is true and has everything that mine doesn’t. I have tried to keep this blog open for all who wish to come and air their ideas, their thoughts, their tea. And you dear friend, you have been one of the best so far. You’ve given us that support that the fandom so badly needed and I really appreciate it. I also appreciate your humor, the nicknames have been so hilarious and I’m still laughing. Thank you for daring to tell this part of the story and reopen the can of worms of a PR that right now resurfaces with that Lauren interview. With a purpose, it’s true. And something tells me that we will see much more very soon. Thank you for your support, my friend. And you know, you have my blog at your disposal for whatever you need. And if you need to talk or anything else. I greatly appreciate that we can continue to keep this ship afloat among ourselves. Among a group of intelligent people who have been hurt by someone we have always loved very much even though we know the reason for all that. We can’t give up now because if we do it like you say they will win and I personally don’t plan to indulge them in that. Thank you very much for all dear friend and I hope you have a nice day. I send you a hug and I hope you stay safe.

#submission #laucy timeline #amazing #thanks you buddy #camren #f anon

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brookswackermanfeetcam · 3 years

Note

You should do all of them questions and 90 is true

I love you!!!!

1. Favorite instrument?

I work at a music store u can’t just ask me this. When my coworkers play it’s the saxophone or the flute, when the boys in the repair shop are testing repairs and they harmonize with each other or try to outplay one another it’s the bassoon or the trombone or whatever they’re fixing at the moment. When I hear 🎺 give his lesson on Wednesday afternoons it’s the trumpet, and when I think about middle school it’s the clarinet, the flute, the French horn. When I hear the nutcracker pas des deux is the oboe and when I hear edith piaf l’accordeoniste it’s the remarkable human voice. Really my favorite instrument is all of them, it just depends.

2. Favorite fic trope? Mutual pining 🥺

3. Sport you played for the longest amount of time? LMAO I wasn’t a sporty kid but I did ballet

4. Shoe size? 10-11

5. Most recent (good) dream? Uhh I had a dream last night about my coworker 🎹 it wasn’t bad though I can’t really remember what it was about

6. Last person in your DMs? smugg

7. Can you do a handstand? Nooo nooo lmaoo nooooo

8. Unpopular food opinion I don’t like oranges or red meat

9. Conspiracy you believe in? There’s some kind of weird weather dome in my hometown around the military base that makes most storms pass around us

10. Is your hair its natural color/style? Most of it is I dyed the bottom layer of my hair tho so it’s blonde rn

11. state a useless fact all that’s coming to mind is outright lies rn hold on. The inventor of pringles is buried in a pringles can that’s so fucking nasty omg

12. most interesting gossip you’ve heard? Idk I don’t really care for gossip uhhhh have u heard tho rin dippindogs is a huge gay hah she uhh she like men AND women lmao gaaay gaaaay

13. Middle name? Carolyn

14. Sexuality? Bisexual

15. Amount of sleep you got last night? Idk actually I think like 9-10 hrs tho I slept in until 11

16. Opinion on ice cream cake? Tasty!!!

17. Opinion on (cup)cake frosting? It’s depends buttercream is usually too sweet for me in large amounts so I prefer whipped cream frosting

18. Last board game you played? Idk??? We played hunt a killer tho last Thursday me n my family I guess that counts kinda

19. Project you want to start? I need ideas first baby

20. Project you’re working on right now? HAHAHAHAHAHA

21. TV show you’re watching? nothing rn I just rewatch bojack a lot if I watch anything

22. Last movie you watched? Lego batman I think

23. Ever left anon hate? Not legit hate

24. Ever left anon love? Yes all the time. Sometimes to strangers it’s my favorite thing to do

25. Best Disney movie? The princess and the frog

26. Best Pixar movie? Soul or Up I can’t decide

27. Best Star Wars? Um. Empire strikes back

28. Last thing you consumed? Fuit gumy

29. NoTP? Idk I don’t really hate ships unless they’re gross like pedophilic gross

30. story behind your (nick)name? When I was a fetus my great grandfather had a dream that my name should be Carolyn Marie but my parents were huge dweebs so they named me Marina after the actress of Deanna Troi in Star Trek. Idk about my nickname ive just always been Rina/Rin as long as I can remember

31. ice cream order? Lately it’s lemon sorbetto I know it’s SO high in sugar but I love it

32. describe your blog in <5 words I love you

33. how many blogs do you follow? 436

34. Describe your voice it depends usually I sound like a sick child but my customer service voice is really pleasant

35. Describe your smile it’s cute :)

36. What is the place you live known for? LMAOOO LMAO we have a military base nearby and like. I could go on abt that one but also like. There’s a lot of gang violence and a lot of the other consequences of poverty. People from the cities around us see us as “””ghetto””” or violent but it’s just. It’s more than that it’s always more than that. And idk what else there’s nothing really particularly special about this town except that we’re all here and not anywhere else

37. What is the place you’re originally from known for? (if they’re different)

38. pronouns? she/any idc

39. Languages you speak? English

40. first friend you made through tumblr? Idk. I probably don’t talk to them anymore :(

41. Person on tumblr you know in real life? my brother

42. First dog breed you think of shih tzu I have 2 next to me rn

43. room wall color? Purble!!!! The paint color is called grape juice that’s why I picked it!!!

44. Song that’s stuck in your head right now? It’s tricky to rock a rhyme to rock a rhyme that’s right on time it’s trickyyyyy

45. Favorite number? 5, 34

46. Color you associate with your name? Red

47. Favorite jolly rancher flavor?watermelon

48. Pets? 2 dogs rocket and groot and 4 cats loki danni who r from the same litter and we raised from kittens, miss kitty who we adopted from a shelter after my boy blue moon passed away and ben (his real name is Kylo Ren thanks to my mom but I refuse to call him that) he is my little baby and he has 7 toes on his front paws

49. Collections? Hot wheels

50. Character outside of your fandom you’d marry? Girl what lmaooo idk

51. Character outside of your fandom you’d kill? That’s mean :(

52. Have you met any celebrities? NO thank god id have to kill on sight

53. Favorite time period in history? Itslian Renaissance & Romantic Era

54. What time is it right now? 2:35 am oops

55. History or future? Future but like . A good one. Or prehistory

56. Space or ocean? Space

57. Fears? Abandonment

58. Command + v and post. It’s this list of questions u don’t want that

59. Favorite season? Spring

60. Describe your aesthetic. Messy just a mess, neon and old buildings and things, antiques, countryside if there weren’t so many trump pence flags still lmaoo give uppp give up, nature just al of nature and space and places humans can’t touch and places they used to touch but can’t anymore

61. MBTI? Infp but I haven’t taken it in a few years

62. What’s your relationship with your family like? Normal.

63. “Biggest fan” in your tumblr activity? I’m in mobile hold on acc to tumblr it’s akky

64. Favorite musical? Sweeney todd

65. Comfort book? Idk how to read 💔💔💔 wuthering heights tho

66. Comfort movie? Whisper of the heart

67. OTP? Girl idk

68. BroTP? Joey and Tristan yugioh

69. AUs or canon compliant? Canon ig idk

70. Opinion on the person who’s sending the ask? It’s an anon!! But I love them

71. FMK + 3 characters anon didnt leave any characters and I was going to say something very bad but I won’t

72. Dream date? I’ve wanted to do this for a while but ideally it would be after we’d been together a while maybe even engaged or whatever, I wanna go to like a Home Depot or a furniture store and pretend to be married and looking for house paints and furniture and plan what our home is going to look like I wanna do that so bad. But idk for a first/early relationship date i really want to go to the zilker botanical garden it’s one of my favorite places, we could also go to the natural gardener which is a plant nursery in Austin I really love it there too and it’s not that far from zilker.

73. Relationship status? Single

74. Ever dyed your hair? Do you plan to? Yes and perhaps. Maybe

75. Dream job/career? Idk anymore I used to have big girl goals and I haven’t had any in a while. But when I was younger I wanted to be a game warden

76. Favorite band/singer? Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky

77. Something that makes you soft/that you find adorable? My cats

78. The first thing you would do if you won the lottery? Buy a house

79. Are you superstitious? Yes

80. Character you project onto? Shizuku tsukishima

81. Fictional character you’ve had a crush on? Vergil devil may cry. Forever husband

82. Celebrity crush? LMAO

83. Person on here you’d date? my mutuals

84. Person on here you’d marry? 🥺 my mutuals

85. Person on here you’d throw into the void? Smugg

86. Other social media you have? I’ve got a photography insta that I barely use and a Twitter that’s just nintendo switch screenies that’s it

87. Finish the sentence: Due to personal reasons, ___________i will be passing away

88. Bad habit? I find it rlly hard to say no or like to say when and why I’m upset I don’t feel like for the latter I don’t feel like I should bring something that’s upsetting me up because I know I’ll get over it on my own and I don’t really trust myself to be upset about rational things. Idk I’m working on it

89. Three things you like about yourself? I’m hot, I’m kind, I’m resilient

90. Ily and you deserve the world I love you!!!!! YOU deserve it too!!!

#askies #anonymous #long post /#thank u!!

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rike-with-love · 5 years

Text

Dad issues

Summary: Sougo is reading the morning paper and enjoying yet another great morning. But then everything changes when he overhears his daughter talking about something dreadful to any father's ear. Sougo 42, Kagura 38, Souichiro 18, Kanna 16.

Pairings: Okikagu

Rating: T for bad language, humour, family fluff, mild sexual references, slightly OOC Sougo on purpose.

Disclaimer: I don’t own Gintama or it’s characters, Sorachi Hideaki does. I only own this story.

Author’s notes: I have a link to my fanfiction masterlist on my profile. Please check it out for more chapters and fics!

Dad issues

It was another great morning at the Okita household. It was Sunday and the sun was shining brightly. Okita Sougo had a day-off from work and he had planned to use it to do absolutely nothing. After his refreshing morning shower, Sougo walked to their dining area where his off-spring was about to eat breakfast.

”Good morning kids!” Sougo said with a rather cheerful voice.

”Morning,” Souichiro said without lifting his eyes from his bowl.

”Good morning dad!” Kanna said with her sweet flavoured voice, eyes sparkling as blue as her gorgeous mother's. Then she continued eating her hot sauce flavoured rice (the spirit of aunt Mitsuba was strong with her).

Sougo smiled at Kanna like a proud father he was. Then he turned his attention to his wife who was preparing more food in the kitchen behind a corner. She was wearing a pink apron over her red cheongsam, her vermillion hair was still undone and running wild all over her back. Out of their kids' sight Sougo wrapped his arms around Kagura's waist.

”Morning China,” he murmured quietly.

”Ah, morning,” Kagura said. She accepted his sweet gesture but even after years of marriage she seemed a little flustered to Sougo's great amusement. ”Stop it, the kids are right there, yes.”

Sougo chuckled against her strawberry scented hair and withdrew his hands willingly. Kagura traced her fingers softly on his arms as he pulled them away which didn't go unnoticed by Sougo.

”Well, what are you planning to do today?” Kagura asked and continued to finish up the breakfast.

Sougo stretched his arms up and exhaled deeply as he relaxed his muscles.

”Uh-huh, so nothing?”

”That's right, maybe I take a nap or five, haven't decided yet.”

Kagura laughed a little, she definitely agreed that it was healthy to just do nothing sometimes.

”How about you?” Sougo asked.

”I told you yesterday. Did you already forget?”

”Uh...no.”

Kagura turned to face Sougo and cocked an eyebrow. ”Oh?” she asked to tease him a little, he clearly didn't remember anything.

Sougo shook his head and gave Kagura a devious smile. He approached her and placed his hands on her shoulders, softly stroking her arms with his fingers. ”I know what you're going to do today.”

Kagura knew right away where this was going, but she couldn't help herself to stop him, so she played along. ”Oh yeah, tell me.”

”You're going to stay at home with me,” Sougo said and pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. Then he leaned closer to her ear to whisper his indecent suggestions. ”And then...”

Kagura's face turned red from his graphic words and she muffled a gasp with her hand. But he continued to whisper everything dirty he could think of into her ear and she began to giggle with a flirty tone. Then loud coughing of their son broke the moment.

No matter how careful parents think they are with their intimate life, kids always know much more than they could ever ask for. Today Kanna was too spaced-out to hear or care about the flirtatious interaction happening in the kitchen, but Souichiro wasn't having any of it.

Kagura pushed Sougo away immediately. ”Stop it,” she hissed like she hadn't enjoyed any of his compelling ideas to the slightest.

Sougo lifted his hands up lazily and agreed with a dragged out: ”Fine.”

Kagura picked up their breakfast and went with Sougo to the dining space. As the whole family ate together, Sougo felt that everything was all right in this world, but little did he know that something was going to shatter everything to pieces later that same day.

After finishing up his breakfast Sougo grabbed a newspaper and glanced at Kagura. She just happened to be looking back at him. Kagura flashed an adoring smile at him and Sougo just couldn't resist her. He leaned to give her a soft kiss on the cheek. ”Thanks for breakfast,” he said.

Kanna and Kagura smiled at Sougo, but Souichiro on the other hand sighed deeply. ”Can you not do that, jeez...disgusting,” the young man huffed and got up from his seat. Both Sougo and Kagura were utterly stunned for a moment about their son's sudden outburst.

Sougo was a gentle father, but he knew how to discipline his kids if he ever needed to. Souichiro rushed out of the dining room without a word and Sougo was about to get up and go after him, but he was stopped by Kanna.

The 16-year-old daughter of Sougo and Kagura got up faster than her father. ”It's okay dad, I'll go check on him,” she said and skipped after her big brother.

Sougo sat back down and looked at Kagura. ”Now what the hell was that?” he asked.

”I have no idea...he hasn't lashed out like that before,” Kagura said.

”Well...he's been a bit moody lately.”

”Yeah, he has. That's why I'm bringing him with me to work today. Maybe Gin-chan and Shinpachi can cheer him up.”

”Right,” Sougo said as he remembered what Kagura had told him earlier. ”You told me about that yesterday.”

Kagura lifted an eyebrow at him. ”So you didn't remember when I asked you, hmm?”

”Ne China, I can't remember everything you tell me.”

Kagura poked his arm a bit with her finger. Then her eyes widened, blue irises staring directly at Sougo.

”What?” Sougo asked with a slightly nervous voice. No answer. ”China, what?” he repeated.

”Do you think...”

”What?”

Kagura's lips curled into a smile. ”What if he has someone he likes?”

Sougo started to shake his finger like he was totally on board. ”Yes! That would explain why he gets so uncomfortable around us.”

”Yeah-aru!”

Sougo chuckled a little. ”My boy is growing up.”

”But we can't be sure, yes.”

”Maybe, maybe not,” Sougo said and stroked Kagura's cheek with his fingers.

”Uh, am I interrupting something?” Kanna asked as she shyly entered the dining room.

Kagura turned to look at her. ”Of crouse not Kanna-chan.”

”Oh, I just thought you were talking about something important.”

”It's okay. So, how was Sou-kun?” Sougo asked.

”He's okay, it's just a little weird sometimes to see you two so...you know,” Kanna explained and seemed to be little shy of her words.

”Uh-huh...” Kagura voiced and took a closer look at the vermillion haired girl with a light blush on her face.

”I'm glad he's okay,” Sougo stated and decided to forget the whole thing even happened. Teenagers were allowed to be moody after all, even the ever polite Okita Souichiro. Sougo grabbed the newspaper from the table and whipped it open to get his lazy day going.

Kagura was still looking at Kanna with her eyes slightly squinted. Something seemed off about her and Kagura's mother senses were extremely sharp.

”Um, mom...can I talk to you...in private?” Kanna asked and fiddled with her fingers.

”Of course Kanna-chan,” Kagura said and got up from the table. Sougo was so focused on his paper that he didn't even hear the two leave.

Life had been good to them. Sougo and Kagura were blessed with two bright children, now in the tender ages of 16 and 18. Sure everything was fine now, but Sougo could remember it like yesterday when Kagura first got pregnant.

Kagura was 20 and Sougo was 24. They had been dating for a couple of years, successfully keeping their relationship hidden from everyone. Then one day, Kagura told him that she was pregnant. It was unexpected, but neither disliked the thought of starting a family.

It was a bitter-sweet experience when they told Gintoki and co. about the baby. Bitter for Gintoki who was shocked beyond belief and sweet for Sougo who watched the perm-headed samurai squirm in misery. They told Kagura how badly she had chosen a parter for herself, but she didn't care. To put it simply, they were in love, sweet icky love.

After a quick visit to the court-house, they got married. It wasn't the most romantic wedding of them all, but it was nice. For them it wasn't about the grand festivities and stuff like that, it was about becoming a family. Sougo called Kagura Mrs. Okita for the first days of their marriage as much as he could. He liked the way it sounded.

Kagura forced him to stop as the word Mrs made her feel old, so he returned to call her China or sometimes by her given name. Sougo smiled to himself in the middle of his trip down memory lane. Then for some reason the quiet conversation happening behind a corner piqued his interest.

”...but that's great Kanna-chan, yes.”

”...I think so too...I'm really excited.”

”...When are you going?”

”...We're meeting at the park in like 30 minutes.”

Kagura clapped her hands together and hugged Kanna. ”I can't believe you have a date Kanna-chan.”

Sougo's eyes widened.

”Yeah! My first date!” Kanna chirped.

The poor newspaper in Sougo's clenched fists began to crumble down.

”You should go and get ready, yes.”

Every fiber in his body began to twitch. His eye began to twitch. His hair began to twitch. He was a twitching blob.

Kanna nodded to her mother and skipped upstairs. Kagura walked back to the dining space and sat down next to the silent Sougo.

Sougo felt like his whole life was flashing before his eyes.

...a date...a date...A DATE...

He couldn't believe his ears. Was it absolutely true that his innocent little girl had a freaking date. Then something clicked in his brain. It was something that could be compared to super Saiyan transformation. His mind was screaming without end, pushing his sanity to its edge.

And then...nothing.

He was floating in space like a fetus. He was one with his mind and body. It was the purest moment of clarity that Sougo had ever experienced.

It was the moment his dad mode finally activated. It is something that every father has the second their daughter is born in to this world. The holy mode that is meant to protect the daughter, the glorious mode that is meant to guide the daughter.

Sougo finally understood Gintoki and Umibouzu and every other father in the universe. They had seen him as the foul beast that touched their daughter. He finally understood it all. As the fetus Sougo stretched out his levitating limbs his eyes popped open.

Every boy was a potential threat. All of them were after one thing and one thing only. It is a father's duty to keep the spineless slugs far away from their daughters. Then a choir of chanting Gintokis and Umibouzus were appearing everywhere.

”Bazooka all the brats!”

”Yes.”

”Taunt every boy untill they cry!”

”Yes.”

”Dad mode! Dad mode!”

”YES!”

Sougo felt a surge of power flow through his veins. He sprang up from his chair and ripped the leftovers of the newspaper into pieces. ”NO!” Sougo shouted and panted heavily.

Kagura looked at her husband who had been completely silent for the past 15 minutes. She frowned her brows and tried to figure out where to begin. ”Uh...what are you talking about chihuahua?”

Sougo glanced at Kagura. ”No! Kanna-chan is not going on a date. I won't allow it.”

”What the hell are you babbling about dummy?”

Sougo breathed roughly for a second and sported a very disturbing look on his face. Then he registered his wife's words. ”Huh?”

”She left the house already. What are you talking about?” Kagura huffed.

”But Kagura! She is too young for boys!” Sougo stated.

”Oh shut up, you don't know what are you talking about.”

”No, you don't understand. Boys her age are-”

”Zip it Sougo!” Kagura shouted over him. Now that she had used his first name, Sougo knew she meant business. ”She is a smart girl, yes.”

”Uh, yes. But-”

”No buts!” For some reason Kagura's wife/mother mode felt stronger than the freshly awakened dad mode. Maybe he just needed to level it up somehow...or learn from someone more experienced.

Sougo sat down quietly on his chair. He needed a different kind of plan to salvage his daughter's purity.

”SOU-KUN! Let's go!” Kagura shouted to their son as she took the empty dished to the kitchen. Her pink apron flew on one of the kitchen counters and her hair ornaments clipped over her quickly done buns. It was time to go to work.

”Where Kanna-chan is having her date?”

”What?” Kagura asked.

”I was just wondering if they were going somewhere nice...and public?”

”She said they were meeting at the park,” Kagura said and looked at Sougo with eyes narrow and full of suspicion. With arms crossed over her chest she sighed without a sound. She knew how stubborn her husband could be. ”Why are you asking?”

”No reason...I was just thinking. Who's the date?”

”Does it matter?” Kagura said nonchalantly. ”Sougo?”

”Yes?” he said and avoided Kagura's piercing blue eyes.

”You aren't planning on doing something stupid...right?”

”No...”

”Sougo?” she asked with the right amount of intimidation in her voice.

”No,” he said and focused to pull out the best performance of his life out of his ass. Sougo got up and walked to Kagura. He placed his hands on her shoulders and forged a solid eye-contact with her. ”I'm not, I was just interested in our daughter's first... d-(the word almost got stuck in his throat)-ate.”

Kagura's suspicions were still there despite his words. ”What about all that dumb yelling about her being too young, huh?”

”I-I just wasn't sure at first, but your wisdom has once again cleared out my brain,” Sougo sweet talked. And Kagura fell for it head first. It's amazing how much one can get away with just one compliment.

”Mmh...I am wise, yes.”

”You are.”

Kagura hummed smugly. Souichiro came down stairs and saw his parents smiling at each other once again. ”Really?”

Sougo pulled his hands back and Kagura turned to their son. ”Let's get going then Sou-kun,” she said and waved her hand towards the entrance of their house.

The mother and her 15cm taller son walked to their front door with purple and green umbrella in their respective owners hands. ”Work hard!” Sougo shouted after them.

When Kagura and Souichiro left the house, Sougo knew he had to act fast. There was no way he would allow any boy near his precious daughter. He personally knew how naive her mother had been in that age and it only made him worry even more.

First thing he realized that he needed help. After two quick phone calls Sougo ran to their front yard. Not a minute later a scooter appeared in front of the house. It was none other than Gintoki, the earth dad. Sougo and him exchanged looks of deep understanding.

Sougo was about to open his mouth, but a loud crashing noise next to their house drew his attention. A big spaceship had made an emergency landing with all sorts of alarm lights and sounds on. From the wreckage a black cloaked baldie appeared. It was Umibouzu, the baldie dad.

The three men stood in a circle and no-one spoke for a moment. They were like the holy trinity, the father, the son and the lazy perm-head. Sougo offered his hands to both of the men close by. Gintoki and Umibouzu each grabbed his hands and waited for the youngest dad to speak. ”I-I'm sorry...”

”For what Soda-kun?”

”Yes, tell us.”

”It's Kanna-chan...she has...a date.”

Gintoki and Umibouzu both felt a clenching pain in their chests. Kanna was their sweet rosy-cheeked granddaughter and she was as pure to them as Kagura herself.

”I'm so sorry...I understand everything now.”

”It's alright son, you made the right call when you summoned us here,” Umibouzu spoke.

”Yes, all you said on the phone that there was something terribly wrong with Kanna and somehow, I already knew,” Gintoki said.

”We're one, we share the heart of a dad. We feel the same pain,” Umibouzu said.

”Where is Kanna-chan now?” Gintoki asked Sougo.

”She's at the park with the boy.”

”Then we have no time to waste,” Gintoki stated.

* *

The three dramaqu- I mean, the three men went to the park as fast as Sougo's car possibly could. After parking the car at a safe distance, the men found the perfect spying spot.

They were in a bush...three grown-ass men hiding in a bush. Umibouzu in the middle, Sougo on left and Gintoki on the right.

”Alright fellas, eyes akimbo,” Gintoki said.

”Don't you mean arms Danna?”

”No, I clearly said eyes,” Gintoki snorted at Sougo like he was the dumbest being to ever exist.

Sougo turned to look at the grassy-haired samurai. Sometimes he understood clearly where Kagura got her weird catch-phrases. She and Gintoki definitely had a deep and unique father-like-daughter relationship.

”Hey! Stop that useless bantering you two!” Umibouzu ordered loudly under his green camouflage hat. Two hands slapped over the Yato's mouth from each side.

”Don't yell, baldie,” Gintoki hissed. ”

”You're going to give us away old man,” Sougo affirmed.

Umibouzu slapped both hands off his mouth and huffed a little. ”I wasn't yelling,” he ”whispered”.

”Don't you know how to whisper?” Gintoki mocked at the Yato.

Umibouzu gritted his teeth at the leaf-haired samurai. ”Of course I know how to whisper,” he hissed behind his teeth.

”Ne, baldie-”

”Both of you, shut up,” Sougo actually whispered without taking his eyes off the people at the park. Umibouzu and Gintoki turned to look at the youngest member of the dad tribe. ”Don't make me regret calling you out here,” Sougo said and quickly side-eyed the men.

Umibouzu placed a hand on Sougo's shoulder. ”You're absolutely right son, we should focus on finding our sweet Kanna-chan.”

Sougo looked at his father-in-law and gave him a firm nod.

”Oiiii,” Gintoki squealed out of nowhere. He had binoculars over his eyes and he was frantically pointing his finger somewhere. ”I can see Kanna-chan.”

”Where?” Sougo asked and tried to follow Gintoki's finger.

”I can see her too,” Umibouzu informed.

Sougo's eyes darted at the mighty Yato, who had whipped out a telescope. ”Where the hell did you pull out those things?” he asked.

”This came with the Congratz-it's-a-girl starter pack, right Umibouzu-san?” Gintoki said nonchalantly.

”You're quite correct Sakata-kun.”

Sougo rolled his eyes at the two. ”Just tell me where did you see Kan-” his words sizzled out as he saw Kanna only few meters away from them.

”You should have brought your own gear Soda-kun,” Gintoki snarled.

”Are you sure those are necessary? She's right there.”

”Of course they are, you can't spy if you can't see,” Umibouzu stated.

”Or maybe you just need glasses...” Sougo mumbled under his breath.

”NONSENSE,” both Gintoki and Umibouzu snapped at Sougo.

Kanna wasn't far away from the bush that held half of her family. She heard familiar bantering and quickly turned to check the direction of the voices. Kanna tried to look, but she didn't see anything suspicious. All three men in the bush had sharp senses and they had managed to dive deep into the leaves.

”Be quiet, do you understand?” Sougo hissed.

Gintoki and Umibouzu both admitted their error and kept their mouths tightly shut.

Sougo could still see Kanna through the leaves. She had chosen to wear one hair ornament on the left side of her head and the rest of her vermillion locks were free. Her taste in clothes was very similar to her mother's. She had chosen a long yellow cheongsam with red piping. Kanna was truly a beautiful girl, especially in her father's eyes.

Sougo snapped out of his thoughts as a boy walked up to Kanna and tapped her shoulder gently. ”Look,” Sougo said hastily to the other two in the bush. All three spread the branches a little to get a better view.

”She is such a beautiful young woman,” Umibouzu said and held back his tears.

”I agree and I don't even need my binoculars to see that,” Gintoki whispered with a proud smile.

”You still need glasses Danna...” Sougo mumbled again.

Gintoki gave Sougo a dirty look, but didn't say anything.

”Who's that?” Umibouzu asked suddenly.

”Huh?” Sougo and Gintoki asked and peeked out from the bush. A dark haired-girl joined Kanna and the boy.

”Ah, that's Kanna's friend Yunie,” Sougo explained as he recognized the familiar face.

Kanna, Yunie and the boy were happily talking about something together.

”I hope they aren't competing over the boy...that's the worst case scenario,” Gintoki said and shook his head.

”You're right, it could ruin their friendship for good,” Sougo said and nodded at Gintoki.

”No Sofa-kun...that's not the issue,” Gintoki grunted at Sougo. ”When girls are competing over something, especially boys, they'll do anything to win.”

Before Sougo could give the older samurai any reaction, Umibouzu claimed their full attention. ”Hey, they are moving,” the Yato said and whipped out his telescope again and it stuck out of the bush.

”Oi, they can see your trumpet”, Gintoki hissed. The samurai snatched the long-ass telescope from Umibouzu and glanced at Sougo. ”He's the one that needs glasses, not me.”

”If saying it makes you feel any better Danna.”

”Stop it now, they are getting away,” Umibouzu worried.

Kanna, Yunie and the strange boy were walking side by side, slowly getting further away from the tridiots (three idiots).

”EXCUSE ME!” A loud voice came from behind the bush.

All three heads popped up from the greenery and turned to look at the source of the voice. It was a middle-aged man, clearly in some sort of duty at the park.

”Now you three better get the hell out of here before I call the police.”

Sougo got up from the bush and walked to the man. ”The police eh?”

”Yes the police. I'm not going to tolerate any peeping toms in our beautiful park.”

If Sougo's mind wasn't so focused on Kanna he probably would have yielded his katana and badge at the self-proclaimed perv-outer man. Luckily for Sougo Gintoki and Umibouzu were by his side.

”We got this Sofa-kun,” Gintoki said and appeared on Sougo's right side.

Umibouzu stood by Sougo's left side and spoke to the strange man. ”We are actually conducting an important mission here.”

”I don't really care what you call your perv things, but-”

”We are not pervs, no sir,” Gintoki said.

”Then what are you-”

Gintoki and Umibouzu pulled out their binoculars and telescope like they were with-holding a heavenly power. All of a sudden the gear began to glow brighter than the stars. Sougo had to block the glowing light with his arms.

With his eyes squeezed shut, Sougo could only hear the man.

”Oh sweet Jesus...you're...”

”That's right. Like I told you, we're here on a mission,” Umibouzu said.

”Oh heavens, I'm so sorry. Please don't mind me,” the strange man said and backed away from the trio.

Sougo felt the glowing light fade away as the apparently heavenly gear was put away. ”What the hell was that?” he asked.

”We told you these were on the starter pack,” Gintoki said.

”Yes, to others these appear as normal objects but to men like us they show their true form,” Umibouzu explained.

”And that's not even their final form,” Gintoki added with a whisper.

Sougo wasn't sure was he being fooled or what, but he knew now wasn't the time to think about that. ”Okay, whatever you say,” he said and put aside his doubts. ”We should hurry and go after Kanna.”

”Yosh!” Gintoki said and Umibouzu nodded deeply. Without further delays the three began to shadow Kanna, her rival and her date.

* *

For a while the trio just walked around the park. It was a sunny day and Kanna had her yellow umbrella with her to give cover. The dad squad couldn't quite hear what the teenagers were talking about but every sweet giggle and smile made Sougo feel more alarmed.

The three men were hiding in a tall tree at the moment, pretending to be branches under the thick bush of leaves. A familiar buzzing sound of Sougo's radio phone caught his attention during their shadowing.

”Vice-commander?” a voice asked from the phone.

”What is it Yamazaki?” Sougo answered. Ah, yes. I forgot to mention. On top of his wonderful family Sougo had managed to claim the position of the vice-commander, the promotion he had been after for many years.

As perfect as everything seemed to be, there was just one problem with Sougo's position of vice-commander.

”I'm afraid I got some bad news,” Yamazaki said with a slight tremble in his voice.

Gintoki and Umibouzu turned to look at Sougo and the radio-phone. The vice-commander sighed. ”Spit it out Yamazaki, I don't got all day.”

”The commander over-ruled your order.”

”What?” Sougo asked and gritted his teeth.

”I'm so sorry...I...” Yamazaki suddenly stopped talking, but a muffled sound could be heard from the radio-phone. ”...yes he's here...you want to talk to him...okay...”

”Yamazaki, are you there?”

After a small silence someone spoke on the other end. ”Sougo, it's me. What the hell are you doing?”

Sougo inhaled as deeply as he possibly could. With a long exhale Sougo cracked his neck a little and tried to keep his cool.

”Well hello to you as well Hijikata-san...”

Ah, yes. I forgot to mention. Kondo had retired from the Shinsengumi and as his last order, he had promoted both Sougo and Hijikata. Which resulted in Sougo wanting to became the commander.

”Listen to me you brat! There is no way in hell you're taking 25 of our snipers in some secret mission at the park!” Hijikata yelled on the radio-phone.

Before Sougo could explode on the commander, Umibouzu snatched the radio phone to himself. ”Hello there commander Hijikata, it's Umibouzu here.”

”What are you doing there Umibouzu-san?”

Gintoki pulled the device closer to his mouth. ”We're on that secret mission Soda-kun needs those snipers.”

As one could guess, Gintoki's addition didn't help at all.

”Look, I don't know what the hell are you three up to, but leave the police-force out of it.”

Sougo took the radio-phone back from Umibouzu. ”You don't understand Hijibaka-san, this is an urgent matter.”

”Stop it Sougo or I'll make you commit seppuku.” Hijikata stated and turned off the connection.

Umibouzu and Gintoki looked at the defeated vice-commander of the Shinsengumi. ”What are you staring at?” Sougo snapped.

”Calm down son, we can manage just fine without the snipers,” Umibouzu said to cool Sougo off.

Sougo shrugged a little, but he felt the same as Umibouzu. Maybe...just maybe it would have been a little overboard anyway.

”Oi, they went into the café over there,” Gintoki said and pointed at a building close by. Without wasting anymore precious time the trio jumped down from the tree and sneaked closer to the café.

* *

The café had a lot of tables outside. Sougo and co. observed as Kanna and Yunie went inside the building together. The boy chose a four person table and sat down on one of the chairs. He appeared to be very relaxed, which obviously translated into arrogance. He seemed like he was on top of the world as two beautiful girls were puddy in his slimy hands.

”I think now it's our change,” Sougo said and glanced at Gintoki and Umibouzu.

”I was thinking the same thing Soda-kun,” Gintoki smirked.

With that the trio made their move. The young man was playing with his phone and didn't notice the approaching aura near him. It was straight out of a movie as Sougo, Gintoki and Umibouzu went to the table. They all simultaenously grabbed chairs for themselves, flipped them around, and sat down with elbows resting on the back of the chairs.

The boy lifted his gaze up from the phone as a deep confusion overtook his brain. None of the men said anything at first, they were just staring at him, Sougo's eyes by far the most intimidating. ”Uh...hello...” the boy asked.

”...”

”Can I help you?”

”Why yes you can,” Gintoki said.

”O-okay...”

Sougo didn't know what mode was on at the moment. It was either dad, sadist or police...he wasn't sure. Most like it was a dreadful combination of everything. His eyes were piercing the boy, successfully making him feel very nervous.

”Listen to me,” Sougo began calmly. ”I'll give you one change to do as I say.”

The boy nodded with eyes wide open.

”You're on date with my daughter and I'm not going to tolerate that.”

The boy lifted and eyebrow. ”W-what?”

”Yeah...not going to happen,” Sougo continued.

”B-but...I don't understand,” the boy said.

”It's quite simple really. And shame on you to even try to juggle with two girls at the same time...”

”Two girls? Wait...are you talking about Kanna-chan and Yunie-chan?” the boy asked.

Sougo was surprised that the boy was still talking and not running away. It was clearly time to switch off the police mode completely and go full-on sadist on him.

”You don't get to ask the questions here brat,” Gintoki said.

”But I think there's been a misunderstanding here...I-” the boy's words were cut off by Sougo leaning across the table.

The boy swallowed as two flaming eyes were digging into his. But the boy mustered up all of his courage and spoke again. ”H-hey! Don't you remember me Okita-san?”

Sougo's expression softened a little from surprise. The boy knew who he was?

”You're Kanna-chan's dad, right? You're the best swordsman of the Shinsengumi!” The boy praised with a little sparkle of admiration in his eyes.

Gintoki and Umibouzu were confused by the boy and they just sat there utterly wordless. Sougo was quite unsure of what to say next.

”Yeah! I've always wanted to become a great samurai like you, oh I'm so jealous of Kanna-chan,” the boy explained.

Sougo felt like backing down and maybe even allowing the boy to date Kanna just this once, but then his mind cleared up. Sougo wasn't that easy to fool, he was the grandmaster of manipulation. He was using compliments to throw Sougo off-guard.

Anyone who even dared to toy with two girls at the same time so vulgarly was surely the biggest manipulator of them all. Sougo chuckled a little at the boy's words. He was going to put an end to this shenanigans.

”Zip it. I know what you're trying to pull off brat.”

The boy looked at Sougo with a little horror in his eyes, unable to say anything else.

”Leave my daughter alone. You don't want to know what happens if you don't do as I say.”

The boy's lips trembled a bit as Sougo leaned a little closer. ”Let's just say that you wouldn't be the first one I made shit their pants.”

And that was enough for the boy. With a terrified scream the young man jumped up tripping once with his chair as he tried to escape the crazy samurai's wrath. When the boy made his escape Sougo sat back down.

Gintoki and Umibouzu both patted Sougo's shoulders as a warm congrats. After successfully scaring off the ”smug” boy, Sougo felt content and even proud of himself. For a moment that was.

”Yare yare, you were great Sofa-kun. His mind games were quite good,” Gintoki said.

”I agree,” Umibouzu said.

Sougo's whole body tensed up as a third hand landed on his shoulder. He knew by the pressure the owner of said hand.

”What...the hell...are you doing?” a chilling voice of Kagura asked behind Sougo.

As he has no choice, Sougo turned to look at his wife. ”What's up China?”

”You promised me that you weren't doing anything stupid, yes.”

That was the moment Sougo understood how crazy he was behaving, but that wasn't the moment he would admit that. ”I just got rid of the manipulative brat that was dating our Kanna-chan.”

”Are you talking about the sweetest boy in whole Edo? One of Kanna's best friend, Mako-kun? Hm?”

”Uuhh...” Sougo voiced.

”Come on Sougo, he and Kanna have been friends for years. For crying out loud you've seen him many times before.”

Sougo had seen all of Kanna's friends before including Mako, but for some reason his dad goggles had blurred his memory. ”That was Mako?” Sougo finally spoke.

”Yeah...and you scared the poor boy for nothing.”

”But...but...I-”

Kagura felt furious. ”But nothing Sougo, first thing tomorrow you're apologizing him.”

Gintoki and Umibouzu knew how Kagura was when she was extremely frustrated, so they both made their escape as the married ones were talking. Well...they tried to escape.

Kagura shifted her attention to Umibouzu and Gintoki. ”And YOU TWO! What sort of nonsense have you been feeding for the sadist?”

Umibouzu was standing on the table, mimicking a parasol for the table. ”Papi...there are no black parasols on other tables...I can see you, yes.”

Gintoki on the other hand was ”smarter”. He laid on the table under Umibouzu, pretending to be a tablecloth. ”And Gin-chan...there are no tablecloths here.”

Kagura closed up her huge purple umbrella and rested it on her shoulder. ”I knew instantly that something was wrong because Gin-chan had left without finishing up his parfait...”

”Don't remind me...” the tablecloth whined.

”I feel so bad for Mako-kun,” Kagura snapped at Sougo.

”But he was making Kanna-chan and her friend compete over him, that devious Mako-kun,” Sougo said but he had a hard time picturing the sweet boy who he now remembered to be doing something so rude.

”Sougo! Where did you get that from?”

”They were walking around the park together and we just assumed that Kagura-chan,” Umibouzu explained.

Kagura shook her head like she was surrounded by three big babies. ”She wasn't on a date with him...” Kagura sighed.

”Huh?” Sougo voiced, but didn't get an answer from Kagura.

She was so disappointed on all three of them. ”Now,” she calmly began and flipped her umbrella from her shoulder. Sougo knew her body language better than anyone, she was preparing for a battle stance. ”I'm gonna teach you idiots a lesson!”

Without any warnings Kagura kicked the table off the ground with Gintoki and Umibouzu flying in the air. Sougo dodged in time as his chair was kicked. The three men had no change against the fully leveled up mom mode, the queen of Kabukicho was going to whoop their ass without mercy.

* *

Shinpachi, Souichiro and Sadaharu were watching Kagura chase the dad trio across the park. ”Dad can be a little hard-headed sometimes,” Souichiro said.

”Heh...yeah,” Shinpachi agreed. ”Still, don't forget that he had two idiots ”helping” him.”

Souichiro chuckled a little and shook his head. Meanwhile Kanna and Yunie came out of the café because of the loud commotion happening in the park. Her eyes quickly spot her big brother.

”Hey Sou-kun!” Kanna chirped and waved at Souichiro. She and Yunie walked to the two straight men of the Yorozuya. ”Ah, hello Shinpachi-kun!”

”Nice to see you too Kanna-chan,” Shinpachi said and focused back on the huge dust cloud at the park.

Kanna glanced at the dust cloud and spotted half of her family out there. ”What's going on?” she asked and turned to Souichiro.

”Well, when me and mom got to the Yorozuya shop she got suspicious of Gin-chan's abandoned parfait.”

”Oh, that is truly suspicious.”

”Yeah, then we got here and...well as you can see mom found dad, Gin-chan and grandpapi scaring off Mako-kun.”

Kanna hid her face with her free hand. ”I'm so embarrassed...I'm sorry Yunie...”

Yunie turned to Kanna and patted her shoulder to ease her a little. ”Don't worry. This isn't the first time I've seen your family.”

Kanna lowered her hands and looked into Yunie's eyes. ”I'm glad you don't mind,” she said. ”But poor Mako-kun...he had been idolizing dad for as long as I can remember.”

Kanna and Yunie laugh a little together, despite everything the whole thing was silly. Yunie looked down at Kanna's free hand. As softly as she always did, Yunie brushed her palm against Kanna's. With sweet smiles they interlaced their fingers together.

Souichiro spotted the sweet affection. He lifted his gaze up and his and Yunie's eyes connect. ”Hey Yunie-chan!”

”Hey Sou-san!” Yunie greeted back.

”Nice to see that you two finally stopped hiding,” he said quite casually.

Kanna turned to look at her brother. They exchanged looks of deep understanding and love. He had known for some time already and had kept everything to himself like a good brother should.

Kagura was finally wrapping up her lesson to Sougo and co. She was lecturing both of her fathers as Sougo sat up from the grass. His eyes wandered towards the café where he saw their children. One second later Sougo's eyes registered Kanna and Yunie holding hands. ”Oh...” he simply said to himself.

* *

Sougo was sitting in his living room, it was still his day-off, it was still the same day his only daughter had gone on her first date, it was still the same day Sougo learned something completely new about his only daughter.

”You're so stupid...I hope you know that,” Kagura still scolded him.

”Yeah I know...” Sougo said without clapping back like he usually did.

Kagura stays quiet for a moment. ”Good,” she said finally.

”China?” Sougo called with a tender voice.

”Yeah?”

”Can you come here for a moment?” Sougo asked and patted his hand on the couch.

Kagura sat down next to her sort of somber husband. ”What is it chihuahua?”

Sougo pressed his fingers together, eyes locked to his lap. ”When Kanna told you about her date...did she...?” Sougo wondered.

”Did she what?” Kagura asked, but she had a pretty good idea of what he was asking.

Sougo glanced at Kagura. ”Did she tell you who she was going with?”

”She did,” Kagura answered calmly.

Before Sougo and Kagura could discuss anything further, their front door opened up. ”I'm home!” Kanna announced from the living-room.

”We're here,” Kagura answered her. Kanna followed Kagura's voice to the living-room. As soon as she appeared around the corner, both Sougo and Kagura turned to look at her from the couch.

”Well, I'll give you some privacy then,” Kagura said and walked to Kanna. She stroked her daughter's arm a little and left the room.

Sougo waited for Kanna to sit next to him on the couch. She hugged her legs tightly and looked at her father from the corner of her eye. There was an awkward silence in the air. Kanna wasn't sure where it came from, but for Sougo the reason was clear.

He hadn't known Kanna was going on a date with a girl, with Yunie. How could he know if no-one told him about it and that was exactly the reason Sougo felt a little weird.

After all the foolish behaviour at the park, Sougo had only one question for Kanna. ”Why didn't you tell me Kanna?”

Kanna turned to look at Sougo. ”Tell you what?” she asked.

”Kanna-chan.”

After a short silence and nervous movements Kanna spoke again. ”I don't know...” she knew it was a vague answer, but that was the best she could do.

Sougo tried to mold his question better. ”You told mom...so why didn't you tell me that you had someone you liked?”

Sougo knew he got carried away with the whole dad thing and it was all because of those gigantic idiots making everything worse. Gintoki and Umibouzu had been wild and free with their dad modes in their time but Sougo had something neither of the had. A voice of reason a.k.a. Kagura to out some sense into him.

Despite first feeling shocked by Kanna's date, he knew eventually he would have accepted it, dad mode or not. But, now that he learned their daughter's situation wasn't the most common one, he shook off all the dumb thoughts.

Kanna behaved really shyly. ”I didn't know how you would react...”

”Kanna,” Sougo called to get her to look into his eyes. ”I didn't know you would be dating girls and of course I was surprised at first...but I only care about your happiness.”

Kanna felt like a huge weight dropped off her heart. After Sougo's honest words Kanna felt a little stupid for ever doubting her father. He wasn't going to treat her any differently because of her sexuality.

”Now to be serious Kanna-chan, I've known Yunie for years already,” Sougo began. ”I still demand that she proofs to us, me and your mother that she is worthy of you.”

Kanna sniffled and let out a small giggle.

”Oh I'm serious,” Sougo said.

Behind a corner, Kagura listened to their whole conversation and her heart couldn't be more satisfied.

Kanna smiled for her father. ”I'll tell her your message.”

”Good...now casually could you forgive me for accidentally threatening your friend at the park,” Sougo said as casually as possible.

”I think you should tell that straight to Mako-kun,” Kanna giggled and got up from the couch. ”Is it okay if I'll go to bed now?”

”Of course.”

”Good night dad,” Kanna chirped and walked to the staircase. ”Oh, and good night mom!”

”Good night Kanna-chan,” Kagura said behind the corner.

As Kanna went upstairs Kagura came to the living-room. ”Were you eaves dropping China? Oh how rude...”

Kagura huffed and jumped to the couch. She threw herself right into Sougo's welcoming arms. ”Thank you,” she said.

”For what?” Sougo asked and stroked Kagura's hair.

”For being such a good father to our children.”

”Just doing my job,” Sougo joked and got Kagura to pinch his cheek a little.

Souichiro picked the perfect time to feel thirsty. He came down the stairs and walked in on his favourite sight, cuddling parents. ”Can you two seriously get a room?” he huffed and strode to the kitchen as fast as possible, leaving behind two laughing, happy parents.

#okikagu #gintama #okita x kagura #okita sougo #kagura #fluff #fanfiction #comedy #shitty gintama humour

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thetygre · 6 years

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30 Day Monster Challenge 2 - Day #23: Favorite Bad Movie Monster

Alright, so most of these movies aren’t really all that bad; they’re just kind of ‘meh’. But they would have been a lot worse without these cool and/or goofy monsters.

1. Jabberwocky (Alice in Wonderland 2010)

I am prepared to disclose that Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland was not horrible, but 60% of that opinion stems from the Jabberwocky. (The remaining 40%is 30% the other monster designs and 10% lesbian subtext.) The Jabberwocky has always been my favorite part of the Alice mythos (surprise surprise), and not to sound petty, but I have dropped Alice movies just for not including the brilling beast. Burton’s Jabberwocky might not be my favorite, but it has a lot going for it. The way they treat it is basically as Wonderland’s Tarrasque; a living WMD, a legendary kaiju, the ur-monster in a world teeming with dangerous and crazy creatures. The way it wakes up is even a direct nod to Chernabog from Fantasia; they are literally equating this thing to the Devil.

Second off; Christopher Lee.

Finally, when the Jabberwocky meets Alice to fight, he says this thing about meeting his ‘old foe’, ‘the vorpal one’, in battle again. It is made explicitly clear that he is talking about the vorpal blade, not Alice. And that just… I don’t want to say that that changes the entire movie, but yeah, it kind of does. The implications here are that the vorpal blade and the Jabberwocky have fought each other countless time before in the past. The history of Wonderland is just the history of a dragon and a magic sword fighting. Is the vorpal blade sentient? How many times have these two fought? This kind of transforms everything about the setting the movie has established for the last hour and a half. It’s just so filled with so much potential to me.

2. Torgo (Manos: The Hands of Fate)

Y’know, when you’re in a dark place, you have to find your own light. A source of motivation, something you can cling to to pull you through to the other side. Maybe that’s a dream, a goal at the end of the tunnel, or maybe it’s a hero, someone you can look up to. I’m not saying that Torgo is a hero, but he inspires me. There are weeks at work where I just don’t want to get out of bed in the morning. I come home at night to an empty room and fall asleep alone. It gets hard, is what I’m saying. But you know who never stopped trying, even though he hated his job and was lonely too?

Torgo. That’s who.

Everyday Torgo gets up, throws on his blazer and hat, and he goes out there and busses a haunted motel for a boss he hates. But he does it, every day. And if Torgo can do it, you can too. So you’ve got to get out there and be the best damn lackey you can. You’ve got put in the work to make it to tomorrow. And when the good times roll in and come shining down on you, you take a minute to remember the man who helped you get here. Take a minute to remember Torgo, looking down on you from Cloud No. 9, shedding a tear.

3. Radu (Seventh Son)

The Last Apprentice series is actually a pretty cool (and grim) series of dark fantasy/horror young adult novels, kind of like junior’s first Solomon Kane. The Seventh Son movie based on the series has piss-all to do with it, and its only redeeming features are some cool monster designs and Jeff Bridges. Of those cool monster designs, the stand-out for me is Radua aka Muslim Dragon Kratos. He’s one of our villain witches chief thugs, and is unnecessarily cool for a side-character. He’s got this whole Nosferatu Zodd code of honor thing, and wields these two chain blades and probably could have been the villain in his own movie.

Now that alone would have been a neat detail, but then he can turn into what I honestly consider one of the more interesting dragons in recent cinema. I talked before about how one archetype of dragons was of being these unholy, scavenger type wilderness monsters, and that’s kind of the vibe I get from Radu’s dragon form. It’s all lanky and feral looking. It has too many limbs, and it walks around like it doesn’t know how. It’s another unnecessarily cool design for such a generic movie, and it’s definitely worth checking out.

4. Krakensaurus (Jack the Giant Slayer)

I don’t want to be mean and discount Jack the Giant Slayer as ‘discount Ray Harryhausen’, but thems is the breaks, as the saying goes. The movie is kind of charming in how earnestly it plays to being a 1960s fantasy movie, with princesses in pink dresses and warlocks with goatees and a rhyming leprechaun. The movies stop-motion monsters don’t really live up to industry standards, though. But I can’t sit here and lie and say that I don’t have a special fondness for the sea monster at the end. The movie’s penultimate scene sees our heroes trying to escape the warlock’s castle, so the villain summons a two-headed giant (or ettin, if you know your monsters) which looks suspiciously like one of Ray Harryhausen’s cyclopes. Trapped in a sea cave, the rhyming leprechaun trapped in a bottle (roll with it) summons a sea monster to deal with the problem.

Sometimes it’s the little things in life, like watching two weird looking monsters fight to the death. Our sea monster is a blue-green mixture of kraken and allosaurus, and I’m pretty sure its toy had more detailing than the actual moving model. When this guy showed up on the screen, six year old me was hype enough to punch through a wall. I spent the next week drawing pictures of him so I wouldn’t forget him. This movie has 100% more sea monsters and singing leprechauns than The Seventh Voyage of Sinbad, and that almost makes up for its deficit skeleton warriors.

5. Queen of the Lair (She Creature 2001)

Stan Winston was on the helm for this little lady’s monster design, and it shows. A mermaid queen, it’s hard to tell if her monster form is her real shape or just something she can morph into. Even her basic mermaid form is pretty interesting; the split tails remind me of sirens or tritons. Her monster shape, though, is pure Stan Winston gold. There’s more than a little bit of the xenomorph queen in there, between the crest and the fangs. Someone threw it into a blender with a sea serpent and a viper fish and what comes out is the most badass mermaid to ever slink across cinema. She rips people’s heads off, her tail is covered with bone spikes, and she can sing a siren song to summon up her mermaid swarm. Oh, and psychic impregnation powers. That part’s kind of important.

6. She Creature (She Creature 1956)

Aforementioned sea monster queen was part of a series of horror films based on old b-movies, so this is the original She Creature. Even today, this is one of my favorite designs from the 1950s. Paul Blaisdell might just be the king of B-movie monster suits, and belongs up there with Ray Harryhausen in the great monster hall of fame. The she creature looks like the sum product of an orc, a lobster, and a scorpionfish. It’s a shame you only see her in monochrome, because her color scheme is a startling mix of green and pink. What I find most fascinating is the concept that this is supposed to represent some parallel evolutionary stage of humanity. This is supposed to be a different version of Homo sapiens that never left the sea. Stan Winston’s mermaid queen is great, but I would still love to see an updated and more articulate version of this design.

7. Vampire Spawn (Van Helsing)

This raises so many questions. So the crux of Van Helsing is that Dracula needs Frankenstein’s monster to power a force-field that will allow his swarms of vampire spawn to survive past infancy. I bet you thought vampires reproduced by biting people, right? Well, apparently they also have egg-sacs. Just, massive, Aliens style egg-sacs full of bat/human fetus monsters hungry for blood. It’s so stupid that I love it. These things are horrible and adorable; they remind me of chupacabras. I want one as a familiar, or at least statted up for a tabletop roleplaying game. Just really try to avoid thinking about the whole egg-sacs thing and all the implications that brings to vampire mythology.

8. Emperor Tyrannus (Attack of the Super Monsters)

I don’t… I don’t think I have the strength to really get into Attack of the Super Monsters. When I watched it, liquor was involved. Describing it reads like a parody of Japanese media that involves anime, men in monster suits, and giant robots meant to sell collectible toys. But it’s real, and the realest shit ever is Emperor Tyrannus. Emperor Tyrannus is literally a giant tyrannosaurus rex who is the evil mastermind of an underground civilization of dinosaurs. The dinosaurs talk, because shut up, and Emperor Tyrannus in particular talks with a villain voice that I just can’t really convey through text. I think the closest I can get is saying that he sounds like someone doing an imitation of Brian Blessed while having a stroke. Emperor Tyrannus shoots laser beams from his eyes that mind control the other dinosaurs into being evil, and watches them fight a hermaphroditic cyborg superhero in a drill/airplane. Look, you need to see this for yourself. I’m not doing this justice. Get your friends, find the DVD, and strap in for a wild ride.

9. Witch Tree (The Last Witch Hunter)

The Last Witch Hunter is another guilty pleasure move where Vin Diesel brings what I’m pretty sure is one of his D&D characters to a movie and somehow ropes Michael Cain and Elijah Wood into it with him. Our villains are, in a surprising twist, witches that cook up some fairly grotesque magic. One of the creatures meant to act as the witches’ guardians is a magical sentinel, and it just goes so hard and so dark for what amounts to a stick golem. It’s the fine details that make this construct stand out. The extra limbs let it move faster and have extra attacks, the jawbones around the front form a crude mouth, and the branch rib-cage makes it look like something that used to be alive instead of something that was just magically summoned. There’s so much work poured into this one monster, and it’s definitely a treat to see it at the end of the movie. Rethink your golems, kids; treat yourself better.

10. Giant Leeches (Attack of the Giant Leeches)

I used to be pretty intensely leech-phobic when I was younger (and by younger, I mean a couple of years ago), but even then I knew the giant leeches were lame. Incredibly lame. Like, honestly kind of pathetic. I kind of like them out of a bizarre sense of pity. Giant leeches should scare me, but these guys are just goofy. A leech isn’t a hard design; it’s a tube with a sucker on each end. But I am almost convinced that the person who designed these monsters had never actually seen a leech, or possibly even a worm. But the movie still treats them with all the dignity and awe of the Creature of the Black Lagoon. There are prolonged sequences of these guys swimming underwater, floating around like hungry garbage bags. These things are not, nor were they ever, leeches; they are some kind of aquatic octopus or confused anemone. That’s why they need our love, our protection; because they’re too stupid to survive by themselves.

#30 Day Monster Challenge 2 #30 Day Monster Challenge #monsters #movies #fantasy #mst3k #stan winston #paul blaisdell #long post

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