Who read through the entire series, hundreds and thousands of words, and hated on the author? Peerless Cucumber. “Shit author” my ass.

It’s funny because this was literally a summary of Shen Yuan’s inner dialogue right before he went bleh. He hated on the characters(LBH’s backstory being “cliche”) , the plot (Right in the beginning, bro was like “How did I finish a horrible long-winded story?” CUZ U WERE INTERESTED; “Super illogical storyline.”) and the everything (“Stupid author. Stupid novel.”)

And just like the comments on the original Proud Immortal Demon Way, a majority of people’s reactions were “Didn’t you finish the novel?” - “Reading the novel while bashing it, you’re also an idiot!”

Plus, MXTX can obviously take inspiration from her others characters. She isn’t obligated to make every single character complete opposites, which does NOT make her a shit author. Especially since it’s her own characters, she could build them around her own morales and beliefs. Also, good or bad characters exist everywhere. Just because two characters are compassionate doesn’t mean that the author is brain dead. If you worry too much about some AMBIGUOUS similarities between two characters of the SAME author, then go outside, breathe some fresh air, and touch the fucking grass.

166 of 2023

More secrets from others...[True or False]

Created by joybucket

These are all random people's secrets that I found posted on the Internet. Put an X by the secrets which you share with these random people. Have fun! :)

I value my alone time a lot. I love planning my future/ dream life out on Pinterest boards. I wish I were prettier. I want more friends tbh. I've tried to hold in my cough so people wouldn't think I had COVID. My biggest fear is getting older. My playlists is so good, but I'm embarrassed by it. I feel like I have been living my whole life inside of my imagination. 💭 Every day is the same. I'm bored. 😑 We've been trying so hard for a baby. I like being alone, but I don't like feeling lonely. I'm insane. I judge people by their music taste. I just want to be done with school. I'm so glad I never cried over a boy. I want to learn to play guitar. 🎸 I need to start listening to my own advice. I wish people's looks were based on how they are as a person. I wish I didn't have to look at myself from a certain angle to feel pretty. I wish I had talent. I love being me. I feel like I'm the only girl who hasn't mastered the hot messy bun look. Waking up to snow is like waking up to a new world. ❄️ I am probably the kindest hateful person you'll ever meet. I honestly don't know how I'm still alive. My room is my safe place. My parents don't know I'm gay. If they found out I'd end up homeless. I learned more about how to be a good person from the Harry Potter books than I ever did from a religious text. I want to be a mommy, but the idea of carrying a child scares me to no end. There is so much that could go wrong. 🤰 I truly hate myself. I had an abortion. It's hard to believe God is in control when bad things keep happening. I want to go back to believing in everything and knowing nothing at all. Sometimes I think my fiancé isn't "the one." We are all a part of something bigger, and we are all in it together. People think I've stopped lying....but I've just gotten better at it. I am not a religious person, but I envy people that are. I can't bear to tell my family I relapsed, so instead I quietly suffer alone. Most days, from the moment I wake up to when I go to sleep at night...I am unhappy. I hate my parents for raising me in a religion that taught me to hate myself. I'm a pastor, but sometimes the people I lead believe in God more than I do. I've always felt like I'm the ugly duckling in my friend group. When I tell my parents, "I love you," it feels like a lie. I sometimes resent my friends for being prettier than me. Infertility is making me lose my faith. I'm jealous of religious people, because I wish I could believe like them. I make everyone believe that I like to be different, but really I just don't know how to fit in. I am not a Christian anymore. I believe that without my unanswered prayers, I would never have found the love of my life. I wish people would spend as much time on their marriages as they spend on their wedding. 💒 I am rarely alone, yet I am so very lonely. I wish someone would just ask the question. My answer would be, "Yes, I am gay. Thanks for asking." My therapist committed suicide. I've attempted suicide more times than I can count. I have no one. I need someone. Sometimes I wish I believed in God. Then I could pray for another chance. I'm scared this life is all we get. It makes me angry that she got pregnant by accident, and I can't do it on purpose. I miscarried at her unplanned baby shower. I'm in love with a child I haven't yet met... I smile all the time so nobody knows how lonely and sad I really am. My biggest fear is that if I have a daughter, she will inherit my eating disorder. The fact that I haven't fallen in love yet bothers me more than the fact that I'm a virgin. I'm a Christian who is falling in love with someone who doesn't believe in God. I started believing in God again... I wish I could have realized how beautiful I really used to be. I'm a therapist, and some of my favorite people are my clients. As a bisexual, it is hard for me to accept that some people are COMPLETELY gay and some people are COMPLETELY straight. The reason I don't go to church is because I'm too scared. My church is the only thing keeping me from taking my life. I can't afford the help I need. I'd rather get skin cancer than be pale. I hate my college, but I'm too scared to admit it. 📚 I hate college, but I feel obligated to make this seem like "the best years of my life." My chronic illness has taught me patience. I don't care about recycling, but I pretend to. ♻️ I have a severe donut addiction. 🍩 I wonder if I'm anyone's crush. I've never had a celebrity crush. (well, just one) I had an abortion, because I knew my church family would disown me if they found out I got pregnant outside of marriage. The abortion made me realize that I want to have a kid. I didn't want to be a mother until after I had an abortion. I wish my friends and family understood the pain inside me. I'm trying to figure out exactly what it was that made me lose my voice. Just because I'm skinny doesn't mean I'm happy with my body. I fear that the person who writes my obituary will have nothing to say. I don't believe in God, but I am scared to come out as an atheist. I am proud to say I am well on my way to becoming the adult I prayed for as a kid. I don't know if I want to fix this life, or start a whole new one by myself. I'm a nonbeliever, and I only go to church because of someone I love. Ironically, I feel as if art school has stifled my creativity. I would become a Buddhist if my family wouldn't hate me for it... I'm an atheist, but sometimes it's nice to pray. 🙏 I fear I will spend my life waiting for a love story that doesn't exist. I only put money in the collection basket at church when I want something from God. I leave Bible study early so I don't miss my favorite TV show. I'm afraid my life won't be as exciting as I want it to be. I'm not religious, but I'm afraid of going to hell. I felt more beautiful when I was pregnant than I ever have in my life!

𝔏𝔬𝔳𝔢𝔰𝔦𝔠𝔨

Summary: Jake is a little bit obsessed with you, he needs to know more about you, going beyond what you show on the internet, but his biggest problem now is making you understand that he owns you, and that no one is taking you away from him.

Characters: Jake x reader (a little bit of Darkness too cuz, you know that I love him)

Warnings: Yandere Jake, stalking, possessiveness, lovesick, obsession, not exactly a happy ending, angst, language, use of straw (sorry turtles)

Word count: 2672

A/N: Here it is! I hope you don't hate me for it, I changed the name to fit more with the story, but the context is the same :)

(Most of my pics/gifs come from Pinterest, if I use a photo that belongs to you and you don't like it, please contact me and we'll take care of it)

Fascinating, that's the word Jake would use to describe you if he had to, he could spend hours trying to decipher you, trying to understand how are you able to like him without even seeing his face, without even knowing who he really was? You just know what he allows you to, but you've never been nosy, if you ask something to him and he says that he can't tell you, you just put it aside, not wanting to bother; and that's one of the things he most admires in you, the fact that you're so curious and yet, when he doesn't want to tell you something, you just try to let it go, making a mental note about the things you shouldn't ask, at least not over the phone.

Ever since you helped Jake to find Hannah, he've been more and more interested in you, how did you manage to help him to find his half-sister, and at the same time made him fall in love with you? Something he never thought would happen, suddenly from a time to another, he saw himself in love with someone who he thought be just someone that would help him to find his sister, just a means to an end.

But now, here he is, watching you from the window of the café you're in, he knows that he shouldn't, what would you think if you found out that he've been following you? He is pretty sure that 'happiness' would not be the right feeling, but he had no choice, he wanted- no, he needed to know more about you, and this time the internet wouldn't help him, for some reason you're really reserved, unlikely the most people at your age, you have social medias, of course but you rarely post something about yourself at them, the most interesting thing that the hacker could find about you was your school records and not surprisingly your track record is perfect, you never got bad grades, you never got into trouble, you are simply flawless. It makes him question, it's impossible for someone to be so perfect, you're sweet, kind, innocent and you always want the best for everyone no matter how bad someone has done you; you always forgive them. But you have flaws, everyone has, and that's what he's trying to find out, what are you hiding from everyone? And how are you so good at hiding it?

His blue eyes getting darker when he sees you hugging a man, who is he? And why do you look so happy to see him? You two talk a little before sitting down in one of the tables close to the window, the waitress soon come and both of you place your orders. The black-hair boy on the outside quickly grab his phone, sending you a message, just a 'Hi Y/N :)' waiting to see if you're going to answer him, he sees you pick up the phone and look at it for a few seconds before putting it back in your your pocket, did you just ignore his message? Okay, now he has no other choice then go inside.

And there he goes, entering the place and thankfully he could seat somewhere that you couldn't see you, but he could listen to everything, pretending to be doing something important on the phone. He orders a black coffee, nothing more. Soon you and the tall man started to talk while he paid attention to every single word.

"I am glad that we were able to meet, Y/N" he says with a grin on his face

"Wow, you really talk like this even in person, I thought that it was just you way to text" a giggle escaped your lips

"What do you mean?" he tilted his head

"You just, talk like you are in a really important dinner with the queen" you say resting your cheek against your hand while looking at him

"I think I never stopped to notice the way I speak, is this a nuisance for you?" he asked and you quickly shacked your hands

"Oh, no! That's not what I meant, I happen to like it, actually" he looked relieved

"You are really observant aren't you?" you smiled

"You'd be surprised how many times I've heard this" the girl came back with your orders and you thanked her with a gentle smile

"So, I haven't seen you in the forum lately" he took a sip of his latte

"Of course you've noticed" you giggle playing with your milkshake straw "I should have predicted" he let out a light laugh through his nose

"Is there a especial reason for that?"

"Well if I am being honest, lately I have been too tired to even scroll through the forum" you looked down playing with your fingers on the table

"It’s okay, you don't have to talk if you don't want to" he said putting his hand next to yours

"No, it’s just-" a sight left your mouth "Do you ever feel that everything around you is slowly becoming tiresome? How if the slightest effort to follow your routine makes you tired?" he nodded, you are not sure if he really understands you, or if he is just trying to make you feel better, but you continue "But for a few seconds, something makes you step out of your comfort zone, makes you hope again, but then it ends and everything becomes monotonous and boring again" you didn't even realized that your fingers are now entwined with his, you feel your face turn red and quickly let go of his hand "I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bother you" the hand that was holding his is now between your legs pressed against the soft upholstery of the seat you are on, and the other on the straw of your milkshake bringing it to your mouth.

"You don't have to apologize, Y/N, it’s okay you know that you can trust me" he said straightening his posture

"Yeah, I know, Dark, and I thank you for that, but I don't really want to bother you with this, we're here to have a good time" you smiled, and he nodded

"Let's chance the topic then. How about the guy you told me about? Are you two a couple?" you felt your face turn red again

"Jake? Well, not exactly, it's complicated" 'Not exactly? Of course, we are a couple' the hacker thought with himself

"Complicated?" Darkness asked encouraged you to continue

"Hum, none of us really made a official dating request, y'know?" Jake never thought about it that way, he really has to put a ring in your finger for you to know that you are his?

"But you like him, don't you?" he looked straight into your eyes, like he was trying to guess what was happening in your head

"Yeah, we haven't said 'I love you' yet, but, I really like him, and I think that he likes me too, it's just..." you paused lettings out a sigh "He is not really good at showing how he feels, he is not good at talking at all" you giggle

"Then why don't you take the first step?" he asked confused

"I'm afraid of being rejected." the man sitting in front of you looked surprised, so did the one sitting behind you

"Why would he reject you? You are amazing, anyone would be lucky to have you." a shy smile appears on your lips

"I just, don't think he has time for a relationship, he's constantly busy and moving, because of work" you completed

"Well, this is really a misfortune, but you know I'll always be here for you, don't you?" he said picking your hand

"Yes, I know, and I can say the same to you" he gave you a smirk "Why are your hands so big?" he laughed

"You really know how to change the subject very quickly don't you?" you smiled at him.

The man sitting in the table behind you got up putting the money on the table and got out of the café as fast as he entered, what made him bump into someone that he quickly ignored making his way back to the motel he was staying at, he was angry, how dare this random guy even touch you? Say that he's going to be there for you, you don't need anyone else, you have him, you may don't know it, but you are his, he always makes time to talk to you, and now you say that it’s not enough? You even dare to consider that he's going to reject you? What more he needs to do for you to be sure that he wants a relationship with you? When he finally arrived at his room, he slammed the door shut, sitting in front of the computer, trying to calm down, breathing heavy. He knows exactly what he must do for you to know that you belong to him.

You threw yourself on the bed, with a smile on your face, the day with Darkness was better than you expected, he is not all serious personally, or you just have the ability of making him less keyed up, your phone buzzed on your pocket and you grab it quickly not so surprising it was Jessy 'Hey, how was your little date?' you giggled after answering her 'Not a date Jessy, but it was really good to be honest' Jessy was incredibly supportive when you said you were going to meet your forum-friend 'I'll want to hear everything about it tomorrow' ' Don't worry, I'll tell you everything'. Soon you remembered that Jake texted you early and dialed his number wondering whether or not to call him, you bite your bottom lip before working up your courage, clicking the green button and bringing the cell phone to your ear, settling down on the bed, you start to wonder if this is a good idea right away thinking about just hanging up and pretending it was an accident, but as soon as the call is answered you feel your body tense up.

"Hum, hi" you say shyly "Sorry I haven't texted you earlier, I was kinda busy"

"It's okay" his deep voice make your whole-body shiver "How are you?" he asked

"I'm good, how about you?" why do you feel so awkward?

"Good" he says and keeps silent 'god, why is it so hard?' you thought while trying to think something to say

"I-" you are interrupted by his voice

"What were you doing?" he asked, and you frowned your eyebrows

"What?"

"You said you were busy, what with?" you blinked a few time before answering him

"I went out with a friend" you said and heard a 'hum' coming from him on the other side of the phone "Are you mad?" you asked apprehensively

"Why would I be?" his voice makes you feel butterflies in your stomach

"I don't know, we haven't talked the whole day, and you seem, rough" he sighed

"It wasn't my intention, I’m sorry"

"Don't worry" you heard someone knock at the door

“Oh, wait a minute there’s someone at the door” you said getting up, and walking towards the noise opening it, just to see a black hair boy standing there, with his phone on his ear

"okay" he said before giving you a little smile, your eyes widened and you felt your body freeze

"Jake?" you ask and he nods, that's all that he needs to do to see you quickly hug him tight, he looked a little surprised but then he just wrap his arms around you, feeling the good smell of your hair, you two stayed there for a while hugging in the doorway.

When you finally looked up at him your eyes were full of teas, happiness tears, but that didn't stop Jake of push the tears away

"What are you doing here? I thought you were with Lilly" you said pulling him inside and closing the door

"I've come to see you" he said looking at you

"You could have warned me, you know, I would have at least organized this a little bit" you say scratching the back of your neck shyly

"Then it wouldn't be a surprise" he says putting his backpack on the sofa "And it's not that messy at all" you two sat on the bed, your face is so red it looks like you're going to explode

"I have something for you" he says taking a little box of his pocket, opening it and revealing two rings your eyes widen and you quickly look up at him

"Are you serious?" you ask and he nods

"So, what do you say?" he smiles

"Jake, I-I don't know..." his smile disappeared and he looked at you confused

"What?" that's what you wanted a ring, an official request, wasn't it? Then why are you rejecting him?

"It's just- I like you, I really do!" you say as you see his reaction

"Then why don't you want to be with me?" he looks sad

"That's not what I said, I mean, you're wanted Jake, by FBI and by another hackers, I know that there's a lot of things that you don't tell me, I know that you're just trying to protect me but, I can't keep in the dark just trusting that you are doing the right thing" no, he's not sad, he's angry, he closed the box tightly, making you flinch

"Okay, look I don't need a fucking ring to prove that we are together, I just bought it because that's what you wanted, you are mine, and I don't care who the fuck is coming after me, I won't let anyone be on our way, you don't have to worry about it" you blinked a few times trying to process what he just said, he sighed putting his hand on your cheek "I love you, Y/N" he smiled again

"I'm not a pet, Jake, you don't own me" you took his hand off

"I think you should leave now" you said looking away

"I won't leave you" he said firmly

"Are you even listening to yourself?!" you said getting up "This is not love, Jake" he got up standing in front of you, the difference between your highs makes you feel intimidated

"I am lovesick, Y/N, can you blame me?" he says getting closer making you step back "I can't stop thinking about you everything that you say or do makes me love you more, I want you, I need you, why can't you understand that?" you now see yourself trapped between him and the wall behind you

"You're not lovesick, you're just sick, you are fucking obsessed! I would never be with someone who acts the way you're acting right now" instant regret

"If I can't have you, no one can, and I'll make sure of that, my love" he muttered taking his cell phone out of his pocket and showing it to you, your eyes widened

"What the fuck is wrong with you?! Let him go!" Darkness was tied to a chair with a cloth over his mouth, he didn't look hurt

"I'll let him go, when you accept to stay with me, otherwise, I'll kill him." you can feel the tears wetting your face

"You sick motherfucker" he pretended to be hurt

"You better choose your words better Y/N, I can kill him in just a snap" you looked at the picture again

"Fine, just let him go" he grinned as he put his cell phone away, he took the rings again and offered them to you, you looked at him before picking the ring and put it on your finger, he did the same

"You won't regret it, my love" he says pulling you closer and kissing you 'I already did' you thought with yourself.

❝ i would rather die of passion than boredom ❞ 

huh, who’s DARREN BARNET? no, you’re mistaken, that’s actually TEDDY LUPIN. he is a THIRTY ONE year old HALFBLOOD wizard who is a HIT WIZARD. he is known for being ABSENTMINDED, GULLIBLE, IMPATIENT, IMPRUDENT, and IMPETUOUS but also STEADFAST, AFFABLE, NURTURING, UNINHIBITED, and JAUNTY, so that must be why he always reminds me of the song WHAT I GOT BY SUBLIME and ASH TRAY FULL OF DISCARDED CIGARETTE BUDS, COLORFUL HAWAIIAN SHIRTS AND LEATHER JACKETS, MAGICAL TATTOOS THAT SHIFT AND CHANGE, TOUSLED HAIR THAT CHANGES COLOR DAILY, BOISTEROUS LAUGHTER, BRUISED KNUCKLES, MISMATCHED SOCKS, WIDE RECKLESS GRINS, and SCARS WITH UNTOLD STORIES. i hear he is aligned with THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX, so be sure to keep an eye on him.

unless you are part of potterhq pls don’t reblog/interact

GENERAL

FULL NAME: Edward Remus Lupin NICKNAME(S): Teddy, Ted AGE/DATE OF BIRTH: 31, 04/14/1998 OCCUPATION: Hitwizard GENDER: Cis Man PRONOUNS: He/Him/His HOMETOWN: Yorkshire, England CURRENT RESIDENCE: Edinbrugh, Scotland ALMA MATTER: Hogwarts, Hufflepuff House BLOOD STATUS: Halfblood

BIOGRAPHY

i’ll write something formal soon. but have some of my scattered af thoughts so far:  

PARENTAL DEATH TW. first thing’s first - since this is a lil canon divergent there comes the question: are remus and tonks alive? yes and no. nymphadora tonks is still alive and well, even still working as an auror and living their best life (unless someone takes tonks up and changes it, get spicy if you want). remus on the other hand is not. after a life filled with adversity and trials, but very much love, remus john lupin passed away at the age of 43 - shockingly early for a wizard, though werewolf life expectancy was a lot shorter back then. teddy was only 5 years old. he doesn’t remember a lot about his father. he remembers his scratchy old sweaters, his jackets with elbow patches on them, and his scarred up face that didn’t seem so scary whenever he smiled widely at him. everything else that teddy knows about remus is from family and friends and his mother, who like to tell him everything he wants to know. it’s almost like he knew him for more than a handful of years. 

DEATH TW. yes, harry was teddy’s godfather - and considering remus didn’t make it for long, he was kind of like a father figure to him. but teddy wasn’t exactly raised by harry. tonks was still around, so he had a parent, but he also had his grandmother andromeda and grandfather ted (after whom he’s named) to help with raising him. and he was basically adopted into the “wotter” fold, so he has more relatives and parental figures than a boy could ask for. but outside of his immediate family, he was rather close to his godfather harry - and hasn’t really coped with the fact that he’s gone. feeling a brotherly love for the potter children, teddy chose to be brave in the face of loss in order to be a reliable shoulder for them to lean on, someone strong for them. deep down he’s utterly broken up about it, and is probably going to break down eventually. that’s two dads he’s lost in his short life. someone give him juice and a hug.

before this most recent tragedy, teddy was a pretty chipper guy. he’d always been an optimist and a happy go lucky kid. his youth was spent running around the burrow with his extended family/friends and on adventures with his mum. tonks wanted him to be a happy kid, especially after remus was gone, and so the two spent a lot of time just going around and having fun. they’re thick as thieves, and when it had come time to go to hogwarts the only qualms he had was in leaving his mother. he had been attached to her hip, but he found himself comfortable in due time. following in tonks’s footsteps he ended up a hufflepuff, though he could have been a gryffindor. he could be boisterous and rowdy when he wanted to be, but above all else he was a kind and just boy, caring and loyal to a fault. he’s always been a wee bit of a nurturer, though that may have to do with being raised around the large wotter clan, of which he is eldest so he took a lot of pride in watching after the little ones. but that responsibility didn’t keep him from being a fun and mischief loving boy. 

as soon as he left hogwarts, he entered into the auror training program with hopes to work beside his mother. he actually graduated from that and would have continued that path but eventually he found himself more interested in the hit wizard division and took up a post there. he’s been working as a hit wizard since, going on some pretty wild missions to track down dark wizards. he loves the job, even with its risks and hazards, and deep down he hopes that his father would be proud of his line of work. 

per the expectation of many, teddy dated his childhood and family friend victoire weasley. as far as first romances/young love goes, it was pretty great. they’d known each other their whole lives, which meant that there wasn’t as much awkwardness or discomfort in being himself around her, none of that “getting to know you” stage. they already knew each other, what was there to be embarrassed about? the pair had dated a decent amount of time... that was until the decision for victoire’s healing training came up. when talk of training in france came along, teddy was faced with a somewhat difficult decision: support her growth even if it meant going far away for a bit or try and convince her to stay. he’s never been a selfish guy, so the answer had come pretty quickly. and france wasn’t that far - not when apparition and portkeys were a thing. surely they could make it work... except they didn’t. communication was not their speciality it turned out, so when teddy eagerly encouraged her to go train abroad their relationship crumbled. to this day he doesn’t really understand why. outwardly he acts pretty cool and indifferent, almost as if it doesn’t phase him, and enough time has passed where he’s basically accepted it as over, but deep down he questions what the hell happened there and what things would have been like now if he hadn’t been so passive about his desire to make it work out. he tries not to dwell on that, though - things happen and he kinda goes with the flow when they do. 

when it comes to conflict and war, there was really only one side for teddy to take. of course he went with the order - what else was he going to do? his parents were in the order. his family was in the order. when it came down to it, he knew that he had to join their ranks and fight for their cause. it wasn’t even a question, and he doesn’t regret the choice to take up arms. as a hitwizard it’s his job to apprehend dark wizards and stop them from harming the community, so he was pretty much already doing as much. he won’t hesitate to do what’s expected and to fight. this is the kind of thing his father fought for, and that his godfather would stand up and fight for. teddy feels that, per their memory, it’s his duty to do so - especially as more of his friends and family join the fight as well. he feels a deep obligation to be there to protect them and fight beside them. the last thing he wants is to lose anyone else, and he would willingly throw himself in front of them if it meant saving their lives. and if it came down to it, he’s ready to put his life on the line for the entire cause. anything to see a better tomorrow. 

idk my thoughts are so scattered like i’ll be editing the shit outta this over the next few days so tune in. 

MISC

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Bisexual ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: Biromantic LANGUAGES: English, Gobbledegook FAMILY: Nymphadora Tonks (mother), Remus John Lupin (father) †, Andromeda Tonks (maternal grandmother), Ted Tonks (maternal grandfather), Lyall Lupin (paternal grandfather) †, Hope Lupin (maternal grandmother) †, Harry Potter (godfather) †, many many others PETS: a toller named Lenox FACE CLAIM: Darren Barnet ASTROLOGICAL SIGN: Aries MBTI: TBD PINTEREST: (x)

WANTED CONNECTIONS

hogwarts gang ok

work friends? where the hitwizards at??

idk come at me with whatever. 

bonus: 

tattoo details: 

"je t’aime” written in handwriting that is mostly certainly not teddy’s. he won’t elaborate on this one. it is slowly fading away as the years go by.

lilies which is a clear representation of lily luna potter, whom he considers to be like a sibling. the lilies wilt and bloom with the seasons. he definitely has tattoos for each of the wotters which he has adopted as siblings/cousins, i’m just too damn lazy to come up with them / idk they’re probably in places not visible in this drawing afheiahpfiea

a lightning bolt which is new, it shimmers and shines and represents the man who was like a father for him. a snitch to represent his quidditch days. the snitch flies along his arm. 

a wolf which roams his arm and howls whenever its the full moon. there is a hand which is always giving a peace sign, but when teddy is angry a neon yellow outline reveals a hand flashing the middle finger. 

marauder’s footprints which sometimes walk along his arm. beneath each set of footprints are initials: JP for James Potter, SB for Sirius Black and RJL for Remus John Lupin. 

the andromeda constellation with stars that shimmer and shine during the night time. a match, possibly the only truly aesthetic one. idk i saw it and liked it ahfeiahfpe

some random teddy sketches

ok hi i’m back with a second character ...

the member of the yale's elite, they're twenty three and a grad student majoring in film & media studies. they are as amicable as they are histrionic.

stats:

full name: gordon minjun teller nicknames: goose. gordon is for business only age: twenty three  birthday: june 13, 1997 chart: gemini sun / cancer moon / leo rising gender: cis male pronouns: he / him sexuality: bisexual & biromantic height: 6′1 hair color: blue (now blonde) tattoos: none piercings: nose stud (right side), earlobes (always have silver hoops in them)

PINTEREST BOARD 

blackmail:

while the public believes that goose’s family retired and moved to another country, this was actually released as a coverup because they went missing. goose withheld information from the court about their last whereabouts which could have prevented it from becoming a cold case.

he was expelled from high school after vandalizing a statue on campus and his uncle paid the school to go back on their decision.

he lost a third of his inheritance money to a cult he briefly followed in his sophomore year of college while looking for guidance.

backstory:

tw: implied death

right at birth, goose was adopted into the teller family who were pretty well known. his father was a young ceo of an oil company in texas. goose’s family eventually became public figures and tabloid favorites after a long riveting love story between his father and mother, who belonged to opposing business families. it really was a quick rise and fall to fame, starting when it was revealed goose’s adoptive mom, grace, couldn’t have kids, he was in her arms not even a month after and right out of them thirteen years later when she disappeared and the family really was never to be heard of again. 

but as the only adopted child into a family who had to keep their public image up, goose’s dreams of being a fun loving kid were crushed. really, it was strictly gordon - gordon on the tabloids, you’d see his baby face like aw thank god grace got to have a kid of her own <3 he was posted up at galas, listening to his dad speak about oil and shit every weekend and going back to his small private school every monday and it was just the same routine conditioning to keep the image of the teller family spotless and to hopefully get gOrDoN to become the next ceo.

that all kind of went to shit though when goose turned 14. his parents miraculously went missing (don’t ask me what happened i don’t even know) one night when he was tucked into bed. seriously, he woke up one morning and they were gone and suddenly there were police storming the house and he was being questioned and things weren’t routine or safe anymore. in order to still save face for the family though, news was quickly put out that the family went on a private vacation while the investigation went on privately. it was taken to court, people signed nda’s, and all little goose knew was that he his parents were going to a party that night and hadn’t told anybody else and he was too scared to tell anyone. at one point goose became the main suspect and he had to put his freshman year of high school on pause, but he was dismissed months after even though he hadn’t shared the detail that they went to a party. if he had shared it, they literally would’ve been found. eventually, there were no new leads, the case was declared cold, and an official statement was put out that the teller parents “retired” and “moved” to a different country that wouldn’t be disclosed and gOrDoN would be under the care of his uncle.

gordon was like mad though haha. even though he’d gotten his family’s entire inheritance as a fifteen year old and should’ve been happy that he was basically a millionaire, he wasn’t used to things not being in the same routine and actually having to make decisions for himself. newsflash, but goose can’t handle emotions really well and he got angry and well i don’t know if you’ve seen donnie darko where donnie literally put an axe through the statue’s head and spray painted “they made me do it” below the statue? but yeah, that. goose wasn’t slick though, got caught by security, and his uncle paid the school to let it slide and then sent goose to a boarding school in maruland.

he spent the last couple years of high school trying to figure out who he actually was outside of the tabloids and the teller name and image, and eventually got the hang of it by the time he enrolled at yale. he started going by goose instead of gordon, went into film instead of business like his family wanted him to and slowly started to blossom into the weirdo he is today <3 his dad was in the elites so he was able to secure a legacy spot and reluctantly said yes to joining. he was kinda quiet the first year, but now he’s all gungho to do charity events and make people happy and shit like that. 

his sophomore year though he kinda doubted the path he was on and his naive ass got roped up into a cult. anyways, he ended up trusting them a lot and donated 1/3 of his family’s inheritance to the cult and kinda blew it. goose was acting hella weird around this time though, i imagine people around him could kinda sense he wasn’t like alright for a few months. anyways someone ended up giving him an intervention about acting kinda whack and he realized and thankfully was able to leave the cult pretty unscathed. but he is deeply, deeply ashamed about his time in the cult though.

personality:

he is one gigantic deranged baby. like he is baby, but he’s also kind of crazy. if goose feels any normal emotion, it instantly bass boosts and he feels it in full. goose genuinely is so sensitive, he’ll physically flinch if you say something merely mean to him because he was used to growing up so perfect that he really can’t take criticism. however, he’ll do his best to patch things up by saying some incomprehensible joke right there and then. the only exception to this is the tabloids. goose has become so immune to them that he will straight up troll them back on twitter because he just doesn’t give two shits.

he’s incredibly kind. so so so kind (not really gentle though). the type to remember your favorite candy bar and hand one to you on a random tuesday. he’ll remember your name even if you’ve only met once and even if you didn’t give him your name, he’ll look it up somehow just so he knows next time. he loves to make jokes all the time. none of them ever make sense, but they’re funny to him and he won’t apologize for it. and he’s LOUD. you probably can hear his cackles and snorts and dramatic screams even when you’re on the other side of campus. he’s just a kid in a candy store excited to finally enjoy life, especially now that things have seemed to settle down. even though he’ll probably have a whole breakdown and a half the first time the blackmailer mentions his name.

yes, he actually believes he’s being haunted by jfk. goose had a string of dreams about him and witnessed some doors opening and closing on their own around the same time, and he quickly jumped to the conclusion and never thought twice about it. another strange belief that goose has? that he’s friends with a ton of a-listers. even though it’s mainly jessica alba, he won’t hesitate to tweet at extremely famous actors and thank them for getting lunch with him even if they’ve never spoke. multiple management companies have his twitter handle blacklisted. while he currently has blue hair, it’s always quick to change. for how much he dyes it, it’s surprising that it doesn’t feel like hay.  if goose feels a mental breakdown coming or simply is bored or needs attention, his hair color will do a straight 180. he hasn’t had a natural hair color since he enrolled at yale.

things that are very goose: beat up yellow high top converse, getting to know every person in existence, having memes plastered over his wall to make him smile after a long day, wearing fancy cologne to the grocery store because one cashier said he smelled good and he thinks it makes them happy to wear that, throwing a shoe across a crowd at a party, going to sulk in the bathroom or leave the party early when a song plays that brings up bad memories, keeping every movie stub, restaurant punch card, and lost button in a little scrapbook just because he wants to remember the good things in life, thinking the karate kid is the best movie to ever exist despite being five years into a film major.

wanted connections

since he doesn’t have any pre-established connections, here are some ones that could kinda be fun

someone who protects his naive ass <3

an ex or old one sided crush who hurt him so bad lmao. they really wouldn’t have to a lot to do that, but it would be juicy if they did

roommate? maybe? he lived in a really shitty apartment his first few years, maybe they convinced him to move out or moved in

or neighbors? like he will knock on their door 3 times a week with half burnt brownies to offer or because he doesn’t know where his tv remote is and needs help

someone who gave him the intervention about like “you’re acting weird are you okay” that indirectly got him to leave the cult and he feels like he’s forever indebted to them

someone who just despises goose and he doesn’t understand why and tries to make things better even though it just makes things worse

family friends? maybe? when he was in ct and his uncle didn’t let him come home with him during the holidays he would go to their house or something like that

gentle romance <3 maybe. Please

he’s their secret admirer and sends them gifts and flowers and writes them bad poems and recommends them shitty romance films

someone who takes advantage of how naive he is

anything <3 come 2 me or i will dm you or venmo you and force u to plot with me

hi everyone ! i’m ali ( she/her ) and i’m super excited to write with everyone!!! [[HERE]] is a little pinterest thingy for this dude, you can also find a other muse posts on [[THIS]] and a stats page [[HERE]]. under the read more you’ll find a bit more of info on this dood. here we go !

*°:⋆ₓₒ [ AVAN JOGIA, CIS MALE, HE/HIM ] hey, look!  [ JOSHIL RAWAL ] aka [ @atmidnight ] is online and ready to write another anonymous post on the broken hearts club. rumor has it they’re here because [ HE FOUND OUT HIS EX WAS MARRIED AND HAD A FAMILY ].  out in the real world he is a [ ILLUSTRATOR ]. the [ TWENTY FIVE ] year old is known for being  [ INSECURE + TIMID  ] but make up for it by being  [ EVEN-TEMPERED + GREGARIOUS ]  if they were to describe themselves they’d say they’re [ DOODLES ON EVERY PAPER, FORGETTING TO CHARGE YOUR PHONE, SMUDGED PAINT ON YOUR FINGERS, BLACK COFFEE ] & their favorite song is [ FALLOUT BY CATFISH AND THE BOTTLEMEN ]

ok so josh (im pretty sure only his parents call him joshil) was born in canada and is an only child from v cool parents. none of them actually were canadian;; his mother is a v white english lady and his father, a gujarati first gen american, but they were living in vancouver because of their job (dad was a uni professor and mom was a high school teacher). he did pick up some french at school but they moved to england when he was twelve and that’s basically where he remembers his childhood from

josh wasn’t raised privileged (quite the opposite to be real), his family had a v simple lifestyle that he still practises til this day, like minimalism and vegetarianism,,, he had a nice time in england but high school was not a nice period. is high school good... like ever?! nope. he got a scholarship at a private conservative school his mom taught at so of course,,. he was the art kid who was p much forced to adjust to the most “normal” ways of expression and who believed because he was shit at maths he wasn’t going to amount to something--- but he still managed to graduate but got his ass out of there the second he could....

off he went to illinois, managing to get a scholarship at university of chicago.... there was something about turning written words and stories into some sort of visual explanation, being also kind of an interpretation, so he specialised in illustration and landed a gig right after graduation thanK SHIVA which meant yo boi wasn’t gonna be homeless and all alone in america like his parents thought. they worried a lot about him yes but he understood it was from a place of love, and who was he kiddin. he wasn’t gonna get rich from his art and thankfully he wasn’t doin it for the money

he sketches mostly but he also paints. there’s something about the smell of the paint and the brushes against a canvas that gets him... josh has a v carefree way of working where he just goes with the flow and however he’s feeling. he wishes he can gather good enough work to maybe organize an exhibition eventually.. that would be sick

so yeah. dude’s always drawing everywhere if he has a pencil or a pen in hand. has paint smudges on his shirts and on his fingers.. if he’s ever late to meeting u he’s most likely sitting down somewhere sketching the sun set before rushing to find you... personality wise he’s kinda timid so he listens way more than he speaks, but if they’re close, he loves chatting about the most random topics like.... cats or dogs? ok but why? why not a chinchilla ???

it takes FOREVER to get him angry and even then he works out his negative emotions v internally so for most people he’s v chill and kinda naive ? he’s got this romantic and positive side to him that sees the good in everyone and everything, being thankful for the lessons or whatever...,,, he’s got screwed over by a ex tho, they dated for a year and he found out the other guy was married and had a family in other state. so now he’s kinda in this spot where he can’t see one single positive of this shit show he’s been through, fucking heartbreak over someone so dishonest and basically not being able to go through with this “everything has a positive side” shit. so now he’s in this sort of dichotomy where he’s doubting a lot of things about himself and his own personality and beliefs......

shit what do a heartbreak do to u

but ok this was too long alread ? he chill he probably had loads of friends bc he talks to literally everyone on the damn dumbway or in the coffee shop about euthanasia being justified or how global warming is some fucked up stuff,... lmao i also have a little [[connection]] page with a few plots here and there but pls im v v open to brainstorming or any other idea that you’d see fitting !!

Survey #65

“i couldn’t take my eyes off her, but that’s not what i took off that night.”

have you ever wanted to travel to germany?   i have, yes.  if we happen to be blessed with quite a good income, i'd really like to do that once i have children, go on a big family trip to germany.  i'd need to brush up on my german, though! is marijuana legal for "recreational use" where you live? also what is your opinion on the recent legalization of marijuana in certain states?   i don't think it is... but the whole legalization shit is stupid.  you will never convince me that marijuana isn't dangerous.  don't legalize dangerous shit. do you usually have bad symptoms around "that time of the month"?   i'd say i'm luckier than most, now that i've been on the pill.  i get mild cramps, headaches, and i usually break out a bit. how do you feel about being called sweetie/dear/honey/etc.?   i'd have no problem with it.  jason never called me any of those listed though, just "love," which was my favorite anyway. do you have your national flag hanged up anywhere outside your house?   no, we don't. would you ever go to japan?   omg yes!! have you ever been in a choir?
   i was in the church, yes. have you ever had a speech impediment?   i stutter pretty badly. give out your phone number over the internet?    i have to VERY few people. what do people usually think your ethnicity is?   it's pretty obvious i'm caucasian. how do you feel about people using graphic images as a scare tactic to promote their beliefs? (i.e.: peta, abortion…)   do it.  DO IT.  it may be "too much" for someone, but that's how you initiate action, sometimes.  now i mean if you're going to show something ludicrously morbid or something, sure, censor that, please.  some things truly are too much. do you think gender neutral bathrooms are a good idea?   i'm neutral. how about the transgender bathroom business? you know exactly what i'm talking about.   HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA TUMBLR WOULD FUCKING CLOSE MY ACCOUNT IF I SAID ONE WORD ABOUT THIS MATTER. what are some of your favorite websites for online shopping?   rebel's market makes me moist. do you think it’s fair that people are able to make a reasonable salary and live comfortable lives just by making youtube videos?   not in the slightest.  they're entertainers.  just like singers, comedians, etc... inspired by an event at my school: why do you think there’s so much girl-on-girl hate in our culture?   because the country's homophobic. do you have a nice yard? if so, do you spend a lot of time outside in it? if not, where do you go when you want to relax outdoors on nice days?   there's nothing special about it.  and there's nowhere for me to relax if i wanna go outside.  we have no chairs outside or whatever. is there a group of friends that you used to hang out with but no longer do? why don’t you hang out anymore and how do you feel about them now?   i'll admit i was a loose "member" of the gothic/emo/scene/metalheads/whatever clique in high school.  because i identified most with them.  like we all sat together at lunch and such.  it was hilarious, actually; overlooking the cafeteria, there'd just be this big splotch of black. xD  i didn't "know" everyone in the group, just names, just select people.  i miss a good number of them.  we just had this... weird, underlying connection that said "hey, you're like me." how many siblings does your significant other or crush have?   he has one older brother. what is the movie that you have waited the longest for/which film do you remember anticipating the most/are still anticipating?   WHERE THE FUCK IS "THE INCREDIBLES II" do you have any ideas for a story or movie you’re planning to write or you’d write if you got the time/had the talent? please share a synopsis!   i had plenty of story ideas as a kid, but none i never fully went through, except one.  i don't feel like sharing, mostly because i barely remember it. what is something that an interested guy/girl could comment about you, that would make you instantly open to them (e.g., “that book you’re reading is from my favorite author”)?   i wouldn't just magically say "OKAY I TRUST YOU," but it would in fact entice me to trust you easier.  probably if you mentioned being a gmm fan. do you refer to yourself by any sort of fan nickname (belieber, little monster, etc.)?   mythical beast, motherfucker! \m/ do you ever just get lazy and give up on your friendships?   no.  if you think you're going to "get lazy" with a friendship, omg, just fuck off. if you are single, even if you are normally happily single, are there certain specific things you witness that make you wish you were in a relationship (e.g., people getting engaged)?   honestly, i constantly wish i was.  that sounds very desperate and... easy-to-get-ish, but i'm not lying about myself on my own blog.  single life is very lonely to me personally.  i think almost every human seeks knowing someone is interested in them in that sense and will always be there. out of all your usernames for websites, which one is your favorite? do you use it for more than one site?   my name almost everywhere is "ozzkat," which i really like, as it combines two of my favorite things. are there any cities near you that you’re afraid to go to because of the crime rate or its other bad reputations?   fuck sharpsburg.  where i grew up. do you grandparents ever judge you or stick their heads in your business? if not, is there someone else in your life you dread seeing because of their unwanted input?   my maternal grandmother is... ugh.  she's very closed-minded about important issues; like she only JUST recently opened up her mind to mental illnesses because of some drama in my family transpiring.  so for a long time, my illnesses were invalid to her.  last time i saw her though, we got along quite well. have you ever spent the whole day (or multiple days) just looking up one thing on the internet (e.g., videos of your favorite band, how-to videos, quizzes, etc.)?   ha ha omg just a few days back i spent all day with colleen and chels looking up tats, pinning all those i wanted on pinterest! if you ever think about getting married, what are some aspects of the wedding that you would like to see in a non-traditional manner (e.g., a different color dress or “partners” over “husband” and “wife”)?   well first, i do not want a church wedding, and i'm sliiightly considering a black dress to go with the gothic theme i'm hoping for. do you ask for other people's opinions often? on what subjects do you like to get the opinions or advice of others?   yes, i love asking for other people's opinions, mainly when i'm about to make a controversial decision.  god bless the few friends i have that've always been there to give me advice when i need it. what are you religious views or your thoughts on religion in general? how long did it take you to develop them? are you still confused or trying to figure out your religious views?   i am a creationist christian, meaning i do not believe in evolution, but natural selection, as they go in opposite directions.  this is a VERY fascinating subject and i'd love to give anyone curious a link to the blog post that instilled this belief in me.  i also believe the world was not created in six literal days, but rather the "days" stood for junctures of time.  i'm not sure which christian denomination that is.  i was raised a catholic, so i've literally always believed in god, but i turned to christianity alone in high school i think, as well as creationism when my former best friend mini exposed me to it.  i am not confused in my religion, no.  i'm quite confident in it. are you a rule follower? do you get angry if other people break the rules? can you remember a time that you have broken a rule?   it depends on the rule, really.  ex. i won't kill a person, but i'll download a song illegally.  all depends on what it is, if i support the rule, or if it's legally punishable, honestly. what songwriter do you consider to be one of the best lyricists?   CRADLE OF FILTH AND OTEP OMG SLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY have you ever cried from physical pain?   as an adult?  yeah.  i fucking sobbed when i was getting my cyst emptied. what do you like best about taking surveys? do you use them to discuss current events in your personal life?   i like that they give me a chance to just... vent.  i get to talk about my life, yes, and i at least believe i can do it without being lectured. do you feel comfortable being about people your own age? do you feel like you "fit in" with people your age? in general, do you like spending time with people older or younger than yourself?   i feel... inferior to most people my age, honestly.  i don't think i fit in because i do far more unimpressive things compared to most people of my age group.  i'm not in school, i have no job, i'm not traveling to europe, i'm not married, i'm not raising a kid... i just don't feel like i belong.  simultaneously though, i like hanging out with people older than me because they're usually more mature. have you ever read more than one book at once? do you do this often?   i'm sure i have for school, but i don't do that anymore.  i don't read period. what is your favorite book series, and what is your favorite book out of that series?   ha ha omg i was MAD into the "warriors" (you know, the cat books) series in middle school through some of high school.  maybe even in elementary, i don't remember.  i don't have a favorite book in the series though, i think. who do you think reads these?   *shrugs*  i've seen my surveys taken before by people (easy to tell when everything's lower-cased and long as fuck lmao), so i guess they may read some of my answers while adding in their own.  some random tumblr users find them too, probably. can you change the oil on a car?   i cannot. the first time you discovered power:   ... i don't want to go into much detail on this, because after i thought about this question for a minute or so, i realized i have only ever felt power in a sexual situation.  i'm such a submissive person and just don't experience feeling powerful.  after thinking just now, i think me being such the sexual tease i am has to do with feeling powerful.  this is... really wrong, but i enjoyed the anticipatory knowing that jason wanted me a certain way, and because he's a man with respect, i had the say whether he could have me or not.  please do not confuse this for me saying i was controlling with my ex-boyfriend, i was incredibly submissive to him in general, but i felt in control in some sense.  for once. SCARIEST video game monster?   but... i've played so many horror games!!  uhhhh... well, i HATED the regenerators in "resident evil 4."  that fucking smile was horrifying.  hmmm... i also really hate/love the keeper/boxhead from "the evil within" bECAUSE OF HIS FUCKING WALK/JOG.  THAT thing storming towards you like that?  NO THANKS!  the one monster, however, that i think would frighten me the most in real life would be the clickers from "the last of us."  fuck those things.  they're disgusting and horrid. something someone said or did that you found extremely attractive:   well i mean, tons of things.  the thing that i believe affected me the most though was probably the time jason, in a whisper, called me his wife while we were "doing things."  he started out so afraid of commitment, and to hear him call me that in such a confident-sounding whisper, it meant... a lot.  but well.  he's gone now. something you've done that someone at least seemed to FIND extremely attractive:   lmaaoooo i'm open af on tumblr but the thing i've ever done i think jason found the most attractive, i shall not repeat.  i promise, you'd thank me. the farthest distance you would travel now to be with someone you desire:   for jason?  i'd go to the other end of the planet. what you dislike most about having a committed relationship:   i mean, i guess after you've been with someone so long, you're afraid of leaving the person even when necessary for your health.  if you're in a healthy relationship though, there's nothing i can really think of to complain about... your sexiest feature:   ... can hands be sexy?  because they're the only thing i like lmao the physical feature for which you are most often complimented:   my hair, def. a place where you have always wanted to make love:   ... a church fucking murder me the most perverted situation you have ever been in:   LOLOLOL LET'S NOT the first time you achieved orgasm:   i never have, but i think i got like agonizingly close once and had a panic attack because i didn't understand what was going on.  yes, i am truly that pathetic lmao. a person you regret sleeping with:   no one. a person you regret not sleeping with:   first i don't regret literally sleeping with jason, but i'm assuming in this context, you mean "having sex with."  in that case, jason. a fantastic kisser you have known:   only ever kissed jason, and i am QUITE sure there's no one i'll meet who'll be better.  like ffs he only had one partner before me and certain things he did with me he didn't with his ex, yet he always seemed to know what to do...? the book, song, or movie title that best describes your sexuality:   uhhh.  idk? you have a great amount of guilt regarding:   practically sexting my former best friend's boyfriend when i was like 12.  and i was the one who got them together. a moment in your life when your emotions froze and you felt absolutely nothing:   when jason told me he was talking to dillon about our relationship in a negative context... i knew. you are haunted by the memory of:   everyone knows by now. one of your most peaceful moments:   lying with jason on the trampoline, looking up at the stars... a sickness or disease you fear:   more than anything?  alzheimer's/dementia.  i can't forget.  i can't.  i don't care how tragic my life's been, i don't want to fucking forget. a reason for which you would seriously contemplate suicide:   if jason died.  i'd more than consider it. your greatest fear about marriage:   divorce.  marriage is supposed to be for forever; i don't want to marry the wrong person. what's your mood right this minute?   i'm actually... okay-ish.  for once in my life.  i'm talking to my friend jax about a private subject, and it's opening my mind to some possibilities about certain things.  i feel like a weight's crumbling from my shoulders. ever had an internal worm?   NONONONONONONONONO PLEASE GOD NEVER THEY TERRIFY ME FUCK THAT have you ever been in a lighthouse?   no, but i'd love to. :< do you find that you have a certain meal you eat every time you go to certain restaurants?   i always get the same meal when i go to any restaurant. you have the option to have sex right now. do you do it?   only if it's with jason, yeah. would you ever lie to someone to make them feel good about themselves?   depends on the subject. do any medical problems run in your family?   OHHH GOD HERE GOES.  let's see.  heart disease, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, cancer, depression, anxiety, bipolarity, and i can absolutely guarantee i'm forgetting some... something you really want right now?   i'd rather not say. have you cuddled with someone you weren’t dating?   i have not. how long have you been using tumblr?   not even a year yet. what was the last pill you took?   idk.  i take my morning pills in bulk. where was the last place you got completely wasted?   i've never been completely wasted. describe god:   i'd... rather not with how life is right now. your most spiritual moment:   i still believe i had a dream once sent to me by god.  when i was much younger, i had a dream that i walked outside onto my front porch, and two geese, one white, one black, flew in sync with each other to perch before me.  they morphed into my grandfather, who smiled at me, and my former cat midnight, who meowed.  i really do feel like this was god reminding me my loved ones will always watch over me, because the feeling it gave me, it was holy. how you picture the end of the world:   the biblical definition, i guess.  pretty much everything that can go wrong, goes wrong.  it sounds terrifying. do you feel that most wars started because of religious conflicts?   i am honestly not knowledgeable about aaaall the wars in our history to determine this answer fairly.  i do, however, believe a good majority are related to religion. does life exist on other planets?   no.  speaking of "life on other planets," isn't it funny how a trace of water on mars is called life, but an unborn fetus isn't?? do you believe we are descendants of adam and eve?   yes, i do. the first step toward resolving poverty:   hunny, i wish i could tell you.  there are a LOT of factors to this. the worst crime against humanity:   hm.  i honestly don't know what i consider the worst.  i'll think about that and come back to this question if i think of anything. the minimum punishment for those who molest children should be:   fucking kill them. your most beautiful childhood memory of your parents:   probably something regarding fishing... your most horrifying childhood memory of your parents:   hearing my mom screaming in ashley's room, calling her a slut, a whore, worrying i'd be in ashley's place some day... a friend you would name as a godparent to your child:   if we're even still friends then... colleen. the moment you are most ashamed of:   i've told this story enough times.  it's the same moment i'm most embarrassed of. someone who shared this moment with you:   um.  his name is joel. what do you think of people who have fake relationship statuses (like married to their best friend) on facebook?   i mean it's whatever, but it may be frustrating if you wanna know if that person is really in a relationship without asking. if your employer looked at your facebook page, do you think they'd fire you?   lmao after seeing i'm conservative, i'm sure. do you wish facebook had a "dislike" button or would that cause too many arguments?   i'm neutral.  i see both sides. who's your favorite band? how long have they been your favorite?   ozzy and metallica have been two of favorites since middle school started, and the others, i don't really remember.  my most recent favorite band tho is a day to remember, who i've liked for a bit over a year now. do you get annoyed when people try to get you to like their music, even though you've told them before that it's just not your thing?   that's never really happened to me.  now, i've been told my music is pretty much devil music and is nothing about depression, death, and despair because my best friend's fucking ignorant, but she hasn't tried to control the kind of music i like exactly. last concert you were at? was it good?   alice cooper, and it was EPIC.  it was storming and we were all soaking wet outside.  he did that illusion where his head gets chopped off by a guillotine, which was REALLY cool.  towards the end, huge balls were being passed through the crowd and he sang a rendition of "another brick in the wall" by pink floyd and it was just.  holy shit it was badass. who was your favorite band in elementary school? do you still listen to them?   it was probably green day, and yeah, i love them. looking at your appearance alone, would people be surprised to learn that you listen to the music that you do (ex. do you dress goth but listen to country)?   it's pretty obvious what i listen to. pro-gay rights or anti-gay rights?   i am for rights towards certain parts of the LGBTQ+ community.  i'm sorry to tell you, but i sincerely believe there are... certain sexual/gender-oriented decisions... that are not "real."  i won't go into detail on tumblr because it's a liberal parade and frankly i don't feel like hearing it. separation of church and state or no?   DEPENDS DEPENDS DEPENDS.  it REALLY depends on the very unique situation. prayer in school, yay or nay?   you'd best let a child pray to themselves in school. free healthcare (like in canada), good or bad?   make it free, yes. using the word "slut" against women--okay or not okay?   against a woman who deserves it?  sure.  before every fucking reader gets triggered, a slut is merely defined as a feminine character who has multiple sexual partners without much commitment.  ummm, last time i checked, there are women who do JUST that???  it's just a fact???  i'm white.  you can call me white without fucking offending me.  same thing for a "slut," i'd merely be stating a fact about you.  people have made such a big fucking deal out of this word. if you were pregnant, how long would you wait to write something about it on facebook?   OH BOY IT'D BE QUICK.  probably right after my husband knew, really!  i've already got pregnancy announcements planned!  i want to make a really creative pregnancy announcement photograph with my hubby, those are like... my favorite pictures ever. (: when you're on a first date with someone, do you like it when they ASK if they can kiss you?   i'm not really into the idea of a first date kiss, but yeah, i think i'd appreciate being asked. in your opinion, is omitting some of the truth the same thing is lying?   hm.  i do believe i- well... i don't know.  it depends on what you say, i guess, but in general, you're not lying yet...? what's your favorite kind of lip piercing? (monroe, labret, snakebites, etc.)   vertical labret!!!  i really like these because i feel it enunciates the symmetry of your face. what's the most annoying "type" of drunk person?   well i mean, this is far more repulsive than annoying, but angry drunks. at what time in your life were you happiest? if it was in the past, would you want to go back and relive it, though still knowing all the things you know now? if you had the option, would you choose (if it’s in the present) or have chosen to stay here/there forever and never learn anything new?   the whole time i was dating jason.  the first one or two years were the best.  but would i go back there, knowing what i do now?  no.  i can't.  there's no way i could. when is the right time to start having sex with someone you’ve become romantically interested in?   honestly this is the same thing as a question i answered earlier today about when to consider getting engaged.  time doesn't really determine this, but rather the intensity of the bond created.  in general again though, i'd personally wait about a year, i suppose, to ensure you're both very serious about these feelings. if you honestly heard the voice of god talking to you, would you tell anyone? how would you tell them? (i.e., "Conversations with god" is a result of the author claiming to have heard god’s voice loud and clear, but some people would have gone packing to the mental institution, and others would have told their church… etc.)   i would hate that, honestly.  i don't wanna be hearing voices, regardless of who you are.  but i do believe i'd tell my mom, but probably only her. have your parents ever told you that you couldn’t hang out with a certain someone?   that i couldn't, no, that they didn't recommend it, yes. could you forgive a boyfriend or friend who physically hurt you?   LMAO NOPE BYE FAM do you take care of your friends when they’re sick?   the only person i've ever truly taken care of when sick was jason when he had bronchitis. do you own any real diamonds or other expensive jewelry?   i don't think so. has anyone ever gave you jewelry as a present?   mhmm. do you like diamonds or gemstones better?   other gemstones, def. silver or gold?   gold.  i find it prettier and i can't wear silver anyway, i'm allergic. what kind of soda is your favorite?   mountain dew, shamefully. do you use any acne products?   not anymore. what do you take when you have an upset stomach?   peptobismol do you get angry when people criticize your taste in music, or do you just shrug it off?   when people say they don't like it, not at all, but if you're gonna straight-up criticize it like it's "bad" or "wrong" or something...?  i won't get angry, but definitely annoyed.  i find it aesthetically pleasing.  you find your music aesthetically pleasing.  shut the fuck up. have you ever smoked?   i have not.

Double S

Alright. 

This is my first rant. It's currently midnight where I live. You ready for this stupidness? I don't think you're ready for this lameness. I mean.. dumb.

This is the original. This is the person who made me decide, "hey.. lets make a frikkin blog to vent all my frustrations with complete strangers on".

I often find things eating at me. When I upset people, I just want to fix it. My fault, or not.. I just want to make things right.

I am a young photographer. I looked up to Double S for the longest time! She inspired me as an artist. While I was in high school, I heard of her for the first time.. and ugh! She was wonderful. She was everything I aspired to be in the fine art portraiture industry, and more..

Now. Lets skip five years forward.

I messaged double S.. ugh. I just wanted to be a local photographers friend! I wanted to collab so hard. I wanted tips.. I wanted knowledge.. I just wanted a new friend who had the same passion and style as me. I was new to the area as far as photography went.

In my head... it worked out great.

Now.. Double S had ignored me numerous time. Hey.. thats okay. I understand! This lady is practically a photography GOD to me at this time. She's just... ugh. Serious goals man.

One day, I see Double S post a status. She posts Pinterest images in the comments of said status.. Its an outdoor boudoir. These images were inspiring! They were beautiful, and I NEEEEEEDED to be apart of this! I comment, going outside of my tiny bubble knowing I could be rejected. I say, "I would LOVE to be apart of this!"

Fast forward a bit.. and Double S and I decided to collaborate on this shoot. We chose two models! We were styling it, talking to the models.. and she took the business side over. Thats fine! I got say in it!  I helped choose outfits, and models, AND props...That was fine by me. She can totally have the contact with our models. I was just excited to meet her! This woman who went viral. This one all my friends had their senior photos done by in high school. I assumed, great. We have the contracts signed with an understanding of everything! All is well. There was miscommunication since the beginning.

Long story short... the day comes. I opened up to this photographer, she opened up to me.. It seemed a little weird however, she didn't have many friends in the industry. I was amazed at all this drama she knew about! I fed into it. I am so guilty. I listened, and was surprised. I could not believe the words she was telling me about these other photographers! Now.. at this point, I got Leary. I fed into it. She ranted, I ranted.. I listened. Dumb, Dummy dummy dumb dumb!  (I won't go into detail, due to privacy reasons).  However, we talked back and forth like friends. Joking about situations, people.. you know. Friend things. She had mentioned how she ignored my messages, and then one day saw my page and said "wow. She's actually pretty good." (This was the first and only nice thing she said about me) She told me she left so many groups, because it upset her seeing these people and how they made her feel bad about her own work. Okay, I totally understand. I wanted to relate with her. We had a convo about a local photographer who steals clients from others  (thats a whole different story... lets call her Nacho) after she told me about a few photographers who copy her ideas and steal her ideas... and this photographer (nacho) , to the T copies me, (we are talking outfits, location, and the exact spot and pose I did!) and others. Double S had talked about certain things this photographer does to copy her too! Wow.. I am so glad she understands me. I just needed to vent a little. It hurt me, being in a small town.. these things made me original.. and they weren't original after these things happened. She understood me! Wow!

Day of the photoshoot comes. It goes great. I pose a model, she fixes it. She poses a model, I fix it. It went pretty good. She made fun of me during the shoot, but eh. I don't take things seriously! I even brought my blanket for warmth, and ended up using it during the shoot. I took it as fun teasing! It was a little negative, but hey.. that could just be her personality, right!? Thats fine. I can deal!

Now, short time goes by. I believe around 3 days. Her and I talked super often, laughing about things, making fun of silly things.. It was like we were super close. I talked to her, explaining "Wow, I cannot wait to learn more. Shooting with you has already taught me more on posing the woman body!" Ugh.. I talked her up. I just continuously told her how amazing she was! I am HUGE on raising others up!

So, I ask double S.. "Will you second shoot for me?" It goes fine. My new light set wouldn't  work, she had a speed light.. ugh, thank heavens! Saved my butt. I am so glad the second photographer I hired (yes, hired. Keep that in mind) had a backup source.

Couple days go by. We edit a couple boudoir images, and Double S messages me. She was freaking out! Her images were out of focus! Her darn lens. I felt so bad. She asks if she can edit one of mine or something to post along with a few other messages, and I just volunteered.. "Girl. I don't care! I can do six or three doesn't matter, I was gonna edit extras because I love them hahahaha Girl don't stress"

So, I do. I deliver them. Okay, awesome.

I edit our second model. I post them. Okay, whatever..

I get a message. This models husband didn't like the ones I posted of her! Crap. He was fine with the ones double S posted. So, our model asked if she could pay me since I couldn't use mine. I did not even know where to begin.. so I agreed. I said, Sure. Just pay half of what the session would cost if you want since I cannot use the images of you for my port like originally planned.

Well. that was the wrong answer. I let double S know about it all.. and she got livid.

Crap. I did something seriously wrong apparently. I told her, hey.. you can have the money! She offered, I just figured it was good business practice. Nope. She was angry. She wouldn't chill out. She wouldn't let it go. I tried so hard, begging her to let me know what I could do to make it right. I just let her be mad at me, continue to make petty remarks until I finally was over it. I. BEGGED. HER. I pleaded. I kissed her butt. I didn't realize I did something bad. I asked advice.. every CLOSE friend of mind (again didn't mention the situation or names), agreed I did what I should have.. Yet.. I was just worried about upsetting her. She told me, she doesn't understand why this model would pay me, not her.. blablabla..

Now.. she kept making remarks saying it was her shoot, she should be paid if anything.. she did it all. She posed. She styled. Her idea.. I was like, WHOA. Absolutely not. That.. that was NOT true, and I told her every single thing I came up with. Now. After being ripped into, I had enough.. She made me feel like crap. She ripped me a new one.. I mean. Harsh.

I messaged a local photographer. He was friends with tons of people in the area! My friend T told me about him, saying he is super nice if I want to collaborate with a chill person.

I message him. I had messaged him in the past about random things! Trying to make new friends in the area I had moved back to.

The message read as following.

"Hey! I have a question. I'm working hard on modeling the female body this new year, I was wondering if there is a resource you prefer? I was working with/learning with another photographer but long story short, it didn't workout or we could steal T and do some fun stuff LOL

He replied:

Oh no, sorry things didn't work out!

so are you talking about posing? Or modeling in general?"

Thats it. It was great! No drama, no names, no obvious conflicts.. Him and I talked on and off for a couple weeks...

and then I start seeing more statuses from double T.

So, I made a blog post.. because I fed into it. I felt like I needed to fight back, since I knew she was talking badly about me. Statuses, etc.

My post basically said I collabed with another photographer after seeing these amazing Pinterest images she found.

Whoops, bad thing to say..

That escalated. Maybe that was bad of me.. I don't know. It was petty, but I felt the need to defend myself.. which, does NOT make it okay.

She made a huge post.. I get on Facebook. Guess what face I see? The second model. She took her out behind my back, doing another boudoir shoot of her. She posted this photo, and ripped into me in the post. I mean.. wow. No names, but obviously about me. She talked badly on my style, bad about my posing, bad about everything.. ugh. It was awful. I was so sad. I blocked her after messaging her, because I was so upset! I couldn't believe she did that. She admitted to it being about me.

Then, she proceeded to tell me how I have no idea who I am messing with, nobody cares about me, and she knows I've been talking bad about her.. WHAT!!?!?!?!?!?!?!? NO WAY! I had not said a single word about her. She tells me nobody cares, and blablabla.

She acted completely innocent. Eventually, I just said one thing. "I don't understand why you have to be such a mean human." I was so done.. I couldn't believe how nasty her words were. Letting me know how irrelevant I was, and how nobody cares and nobody would ever copy me.

She calls me. We hash it out, that was the end of it... or so I thought. Turns out.. this other photographer was the one she said I talked bad about her too. She pretended she heard about it from other people, which I mean.. was obviously not true. It was rough. Turns out, those two were talking about me behind my back. She didn't go into much detail.

Well. I hadn't talked to her. She talked bad about me to this photographer, and hey.. it bothered me. Should it have? No. She bullied me, and scared me into thinking she could Ruin me.. all for what? What did I do? Exist?

We stop talking. The last thing I heard from her, was her asking if I lost a lens cap.

I see her at the store, avoiding eye contact.

I made the decision.. that hey. If she wants to talk bad about me, good on her.. but I won't give her a reason. If somebody believes her.. then they aren't worth convincing.

I get on Facebook yesterday. Turns out, she blocked me. I can only assume it was due to the encounter at the store, or because I posted a status looking for a second shooter when she used to be mine.

Truth is? It hurt me. I still cannot believe something so silly arose. I begged and begged. I didn't want her destroying my name.. I was so nice. I let her rip into me. I did. Multiple times, before finally standing up for myself..

Truth is? I am a people pleaser. I begged her. Literally, begged her. I begged her to let me know what I could do, or what I should have done. In the end.. those people will always find a reason to not like you. Count on that. I did things wrong, but you know what.. those people? Will always find a way and a reason to hate you.

I learned a lesson. You DO NOT need to please everybody. Sometimes, people will hurt you in order to heal themselves. Let them. Learn YOUR lesson, move on.

Is it dumb drama? Absolutely. Is it something that eats at me? Sure is. Is it silly? absolutely.