Here's a little shit-show in Seeing Red that seems to be missed because of... every other shit-show in that dog-awful episode.
Below Buffy and Xander having their first conversation after he finds out Spike and Buffy have been having sex:
BUFFY: It just happened, okay?
XANDER: (chuckles bitterly) Oh, like, uh, "Say, you're evil. Get on me"?
BUFFY: You fought side by side with him when I was gone. You let him take care of Dawn.
XANDER: But I never forgot what he really is. (Buffy looking hurt) God, what were you thinking?
BUFFY: (laughs) You're asking me that? Oh, 'cause your decision making skills have really sparkled lately.
XANDER: I'm not saying I didn't make any mistakes. But last time I checked, slaughtering half of Europe wasn't one of them.
Yeah the judgement is gross, the entitlement to dictate Buffy's love life is gross, and Xander ingoring that Buffy's trauma is fueling her less-than-great decision-making is gross. It's all just another example of Xander not aging great, as a character.
But you know what really pisses me off?
Xander was, until very recently, ENGAGED TO A FORMER VENGEANCE DEMON!
Anya had explicitly said, multiple times she's "maimed and mangled" unloyal men for over a thousand years. And she never really shows any sort of real remorse until season seven, which hadn't happened yet when this conversation happens.
I want to be clear, I love Anya more than Xander and I don't want anyone to think I am dumping on her. But c'mon Xander. You really are the pot calling the kettle a slut for the forces of evil.
Honestly, knowing what happens later in the episode, it just feels like an opportunity to foreshadowe and victim-blame at the same time.
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