Dreams:
So I have had dreams in the past, very vivid might I add, of being a wolf. Last night, I dreamt that I was a wolf again, running. I could feel the damp ground underneath my paws, and it was so freeing and blissful. Wolves have always been a spirit animal for me since I was a teenager. Had anyone else had dreams like this? I was just wondering what it could symbolize. These dreams have always felt very spiritual to me, and I always feel connected to nature strongly in these dreams.
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at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"
like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.
"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."
... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.
and i'd still keep writing.
i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.
i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley
"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"
and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.
it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.
you create because you're greedy.
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If I had a nickel for every time Dylan O'Brian ends up in a ship where:
1) the love interest slams him against the walls
2) the love interest chases him when Dylan's character runs into danger
3) he holds up his love interest and helps him escape from danger
4) he ends up with the love interest hurt and with black veins from of a not natural "poison"
5) he and the other actor go along with the idea of the ship
6) the ship is not officially canon but still it's the most famous ship of the show (despite his being in a canon straight relationship)
I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice
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Blade who travels across the universe, goes to your planet, breaks into your home, and wakes you up in the middle of the night because you sent him a 💀 emoji and he thought it was a code you were dying.
"Mm...? Blade...? Wha why are you here??"
And all he does is shove your text on his phone really close to your face.
And then you have to explain to him not everything you do is a code that you're in danger and need him to come save you.
(All the stuff you say goes in one ear and goes out the other, because the next time you do the same thing, he's already at your window with his sword in hand ready to fight.)
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derek, kidnapped by hunters: you guys are so fucked
hunters: oh wolfy, this is a trap for your little betas. your wolves can’t save you
derek: i wasn’t talking about them :)
stiles, slamming the door open, covered in blood and furious: who the FUCK took my boyfriend
hunter: it’s one human, what’s he- *chokes and falls to the ground*
stiles, fully darth-vadering it: oh no, do go on :)
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